Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - Library Brawls & Finding Your Dad-Tribe

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

Matt and Ash have very differing views on how to deal with a stubborn toddler. It's off the back of a run in Matt had with a stubborn toddler in the local library - they wouldn't give up their spot on the interactive screen and Matt's soft touch had zero impact. We share your best Ordinary Parenting stories as well as have a crack at answering your listener questions: How to tell if your kid is ready for school / kindy How to find your fellow dad tribes as a new dad? Follow @twodotingdads on Instagram here. Or slide into our DM's with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh, that's better. I don't know what was in that iced coffee, but I'm off my face. Yeah, I don't really feel the effects of caffeine like you do. I drink it for comfort. I could have a coffee and go to sleep. Who are you? I am an enigma, my friend. Always been like that? What's a Red Bull do to you? Nothing. I do have high blood pressure. Welcome back to T-Doting Dads. I am Matty J.

And I'm Ash. This is a podcast all about parenting. It's the good, the bad. And the relatable. And as always, for legal reasons, we have to say this. If you've come for any kind of advice, stop right now because none will be given whatsoever. None, zilch. At all.

We think. I think if people do listen to us, I wonder if there is anyone out there who's going, oh, I really need a hand with my sleep routine. Two darling dads. That'd be like the worst parent ever. They're like, guys, I keep doing what you're telling me. That's not working. Can I just say though, I know you talk about your kids sometimes.

Like, you know, you're a bit frustrated at times with your kids. It can sometimes, you can take that tone. Can I just say, it was so lovely to see you yesterday with Macy. Like, you're just a big, soft, squishy. Oh, big, softie with Macy. Pretty hard on Oscar. You are just, it was lovely to see. Yeah, she's great. And she just, you know.

She's a cheeky little shit butt. No, I'm trying to be a good dad. She is. I am a good dad. I don't have to justify myself. But she is cheeky. She's at the age where she's so she's like just about to turn two like she's a sweetheart she's got me wrapped around her finger but she's a cheeky little shit because she'll do something look back and smile like she knows

she's done the wrong thing and i'll be like don't do that and she knows that i can't get angry she knows do you think that's the second child or is that? It's the girl thing, I think. I remember with Marley, I used to be able to say, put that down. Ready? One, two. And she'd go, okay, fuck.

But at what age? See, my memory plays tricks on me. I think like Marley's four and a half. Lola's two and a half. I swear when Marley was Lola's age, I could say stop and she would stop what she's doing. I would say, don't pick that up. And she'd listen.

Whereas Lola looks at me and she doesn't say it, but I know she's thinking it going, fuck you. Yeah, she's like, I don't know who the fuck you think you're talking to, bro. I'm in charge here. I think like it might be second kit because I know Oscar at that age was way more vocal. Macy's like a mute. You know, she'll talk to me or when it's just me and her like she's really like she's quiet but she's so quiet and oscar kind of like marley the vocab is really good so good so that i remember a while ago oscar was using april's phone and she was like oh the pin code is this right so it's four numbers yeah and then for

months afterward he was just walking around everywhere saying the pin code and i was like to april oscar knows the pin code to your phone which happens to be the pin code for a lot of other things yeah keep that shit under wraps and he's just walking around and it kind of like rhymes and he's like but there's no way Macy would be able to do that. I'm trying to think what the pin code is. I told you before, remember? And I was like, I'll tell you that there's a story about that. Yeah.

So he, even now, he'll just be like, and like rattle off the pin code just in public. So if someone gets hold of April's phone, just ask Oscar for the pin code. code just in public so if someone gets hold of april's phone you guys are gonna just ask for the hey before we get into this episode i saw something ash on social media that made me think of you no was it me it's like that makes me think of ash it's just a picture of ash tiktok knows it knows that we we know each other it knows yeah and it knows that i will watch your videos from start to finish like the algorithm is designed perfectly to just you gotta watch it start to finish and then the start again yeah and it's like it's like oh it's like you like this better yeah and i want to see the start again ash whenever your video pops up i will always honor a full

view always regardless of what the content i skip straight over yours because you only watch videos that are like seven seconds long that's as long as i've got man yeah whereas i i like to get comfy when i'm in a vortex yeah this video popped up and i thought oh wonder wonder how i would go with ash it was based on how well do you know your boyfriend? And like, obviously, we're not dating. No. Yet. Wow. I see you more than Laura does.

We haven't fucked. No. Not yet. Which, it may happen. Christmas party this year. Christmas party this year. It's going to be a very quiet Christmas party. Just the two of us.

You and me. They always say people get rowdy. We don't have a HR department either, so. No, I'm HR. Anything goes. It's going to get creepy get rowdy we don't have a hr department either so no i'm hr anything goes it's gonna get creepy so so you know on a hose you have the nozzle boats and hose no yeah there's different settings oh yeah there's a few there's like you know like the misty hang on a minute we're talking 90s hose are we talking like modern day hose 90s hose it was just twisted and it's like it goes real and then it turns off or you got you twist it the other way and it's like yeah yeah yeah this is this is modern day home seven settings this is like a grade brand new top tier dad stuff so i'm gonna show you what

the settings are and we'll put this video on social media so people can try and guess i think i know is what i think i know i know i think i know what setting you'll be okay okay have a watch through i don't know what he's laughing at what are you are we watching the same video i just knew what i was straight away okay okay okay have you seen them all let me see again do you want to go watch the second time don't rush into it okay yeah do you reckon i'll get it yeah i reckon you'll get it easy go i know like i've won you're the soaker are you yeah yeah number three yeah yeah yeah i was like as soon as i saw that i was like yep that's me so you're gonna do you you've already watched it so many times yeah i've got my

favorite you're the fucking jet when i watch i think of how you would ejaculate totally that's me soca thoughts and prayers with april i remember one time you told me that before i guess just one time that you did tell me that one time you were pissing and your jap side was stuck together and the other one yes pissed out so are you that one which one's that one that one the center who the hell is centre? What? For people wondering, centre is number six. No, I'm not a centre. Who?

No one uses centre. Are you the jet? Yeah, you would be. No, I'm the shower. Show me. I'm the shower, number two. Number two. Well, don't know you as well. Although I do know the story about your japs

that are getting stuck together and you weed out the side of it. The jet's too hard. The jet's too hard. The jet's too hard. You're going to hurt someone with the jet. Yeah, the jet. No one wants that. You're not really using jet.

Who's using jet? It's too aggressive. Look, I start with a soaker and then because I'm a squirter, it turns into the old jet. It's like... Yeah. But that's a good game.

I like that. Okay, so... I'm glad you got mine, but I didn't get yours. It doesn't surprise me. Only one of us is truly invested in this relationship. Yeah. I have a question for you as well.

Have you ever been in a situation where you've had to, not reprimand, but like step in and take control of a situation with another toddler? That's not yours? Yeah. So like another kid. Not so much being naughty, but you know what it's like? Sharing is really hard with toddlers.

Yeah, definitely like it's an awkward situation. I mean, I've got stories of reprimanding kids in public, but that's different. Give me an example. So lately... No one wants to know about me reprimanding children in public. Lately, I've been going to the library, the Willara Library. That's great.

Take a bunch of noisy kids to a really quiet place. There's a great section on the back corner where it's for kids. There's a slide. There's a huge slide in the library. Only open until 11. It's like kids going to a slide and there's all those like... I honestly feel sorry for anyone who's gone in there to work and then the kids are just running amok.

That's ridiculous. It's designed to be like a play area. There's a quiet area in there to work and then the kids are just running amok. That's ridiculous. No, it's designed to be like a play area. There's a quiet area of the library, but where the kids are, there's like... The opposite of that. Bean bags. There's an interactive screen where kids can play and draw and colour in.

It's great. Kids love it. Marley and Lola, all for it. So there's the quiet section, the kids section, dad section where there's a pub. There's all these different sections in the library I wish

there's no drinks in the library come on Ash you know the rules buzzkill I know it's a shame but we were there

the kids do you know what would make libraries better go on beers beers in the library just saying just thought I'd add that

in there because you were like there's no beer there should be well Lara Library if you're listening just an idea beer tap

just an esky. It's a donation and all the money goes to books. Imagine taking kids to the library and you're fucking there in the corner. Smashed. Do you guys want a beer? Do you guys want a... How many books you got there? Hold your dad up.

We were waiting patiently to have a crack at the interactive screen there were two toddlers is that like a touch screen touch screen yeah like a big plasma and you can then we don't have them over there in the swamp yeah okay what's your library just like a bunch of books like a mangrove black and white tv black and white books no colored covers over there man have you seen the library on shawshank redemption that's what our library looks like well don't mean to rub it in yeah you will but anyway the hoverboards were broken at the library very good so the kids are waiting patiently for the interactive screen i was kind of you know i was watching them i tried to let the kids figure it out work it out yeah. And then after a while, like after five minutes,

the kids were still there. Parents also know where to be seen. So I go over and I speak to the two kids, the toddlers who, they're not my kids. I say, hey, look, you've had a really long go. Were you like fun time Uncle Matty? Yeah, yeah. You weren't like, listen here, fuckers.

Came in, grabbed her by the shirt. Yeah. You've had enough. Came in. Grabbed her by the shirt. Yeah. You've had enough. Shaken. I said, look, do you think you could have just one more minute and then Marley and Lola can have a quick turn? She looked at me and was like, nah, nah. Just straight up nah.

She's like, I'm coloring in. And I was like, I know you are. You've had a really long turn. And also keeping in mind, she was there for a while before Marley and Lola were waiting in line. She was just like flat out like, no. She was telling me to fuck off pretty much. In a toddler way.

Yeah. And as a four-year-old, effectively, she was giving me the finger and telling me to beat it. Yeah. I could. Fuck off. Yeah, literally. I was like, I get it.

I get it. Okay. So then I was like trying and i also didn't raise my voice but i was trying to say it a bit louder to hope that the mom or dad would listen and be like oh it's okay but i was saying listen come on you've had a big turn share it with the other kids you little shit yeah yeah and uh and nothing nothing and marley and lola were looking at me like dad fucking sort it out dad little, little bitch, sort it out. So what did you do?

What do I do here? What do I do? And I was like, I can't touch this kid. Before you tell me what you did, would you like to know what I would do? Absolutely. Or do you want to know after you tell me what you'd do? Is this Ash who's got the esky with the beers in the library? This is just what Ash would do.

Not necessarily it's the right thing. I'm not saying that. No, tell me, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Where my mind goes, this is where my mind goes. You've got two kids. Parents are nowhere to be seen. Yep.

It's the perfect opportunity for a little bit of he said, she said with the two kids because you could easily go, listen here, you little shit. Yes. Get off. It's someone else's fucking turn. Okay. Let them take off, go into their mums crying

and then the mum comes back. Can we just... You don't have to say F and shit. Do you know what I mean? Just be like, look, you've had enough. It's someone else's turn. Beat it. Very aggressive.

Okay. But it's a perfect opportunity for them to go get their parent and their parents come and go no i just asked them really nicely if it was okay if my daughter's had a turn and they were so good about it they gave it up okay so you're saying gaslight that's what i would have done because like honestly it's not going to be a life teaching or life learning moment it's very much like you've had your turn i've been nice about it you're going to tell me no i'm going to say hey share it or get lost i don't have that in me and if they go oh uncle manny told me to get lost go no i said one more minute and you did the right thing and you shared it with the other kids and be like,

such a good little boy, a good little girl. Just manipulation, Matthew. I can see why you would take that route. I just, I don't know. I don't know. I feel like that would have to be naughty for me to justify. Like they're obviously not being. All right, well, maybe I was a bit aggressive.

Yeah. You can easily sternly be like, share it or go away. I was at the crossroads where i was like where do i take this yeah i've not been faced with this situation before i don't know what to do marley and lola were like my dad's now being piss weak and i was like i so i i just i was snatched it you turn it off I said I think you've had enough time on the screen come on

and thankfully well I didn't know at first the mum came running in and I was like how's the mum gonna take this because sometimes the parents don't like it when their kid

is in the room my kid would never do that well he fucking did mate well that's why I was like am I gonna have an argument with the mum here? Is this all going to kick off? Oh, I'd love that. All over.

You know, it's kicked off before with me in the park with other parents. The last thing I want to do, Ash. Why do I get all the shit like I'm the aggressive one when you're the one kicking off with people in the park? I'm nothing but an angel. Except I don't want to end up having a brawl in the library. That's not why I came there. That'd be newsworthy.

It would. Any news is good news, Matthew. And luckily the mum was like, I am so sorry. He gets it from his dad. But it's so hard. Look, I talk the big talk. Honestly, I do. I'd love to see you in public.

You've heard of stories that I've told you before where I've reprimanded kids before. I'm not proud of it. But I feel like you've done that when a kid has actually been really naughty, like misbehaving. Yeah, yeah. Like not sharing is on the scale of like being really naughty.

So maybe I was a bit harsh. Okay, those aren't going to come at me about what I said earlier about that's terrible. That's fine as well. But I was probably a bit harsh at first glance. So yeah, look, I think you did the right thing. You just, you didn't escalate. I like your approach. My approach is a little bit more aggressive where I would have been like, what I really

would have said is we want to play with kids who share. Oh, yeah, I like that. Yeah? That's kind of what I was getting at. I like that. My aggressive approach is if that were being more, if she was like, no, it's mine, like being a little shit.

But if she's like, no, I'm having a turn, I'd be like, well, we all want to play with kids who share. Yeah, what do you reckon? I bet your mummy and daddy want you to share too. Manipulate them that way. Yeah, okay. You've got to remember, Matt, you're nearly 40 therefore i'm 36 i know i know but therefore yeah they're weak and pathetic i'm the dominant that's the spirit i'm the dominant one here yeah

we'll show us that's what lola and marley were like anyway i'm banned from the library anyway yeah marley and lola, that little bitch. I was just telling you earlier on in this episode about Oscar and the pin code. Anyway, so I overheard the other day, April, trying to explain to Oscar emergency calls, triple zero, that sort of situation. Yeah, right. So on the iPhone,hone obviously if you hold

two buttons down it gives you the option to call emergency immediately so she was kind of like if there's trouble you know if there's trouble or if mommy and daddy are in trouble or there's a fire or like there's an emergency then this is what you would do like and you know he was getting it just great if there's a fire or an emergency a medical emergency someone's really injured and mommy's like okay so do you understand he's like yeah so if if macy takes one of my toys i got and i was like oh no oh no god oh no and april was like no no no no no no that's a it's a good sign that he's understanding kind of yeah yeah and he was like who would you call and he's like no no no no no no that's a it's a good sign that he's understanding kind of yeah yeah and he was like who would you call and he's like no doctors he was like what he's like doctors not

gonna answer that phone it's like why he just couldn't explain why doctors won't answer the phone but then he was like so if i need a band-aid i was like oh my god this is gonna end so thankfully he can't push the two buttons together at the same time because he's only four and his brain doesn't work that way. He's like... But if he could, he would have called emergency like 10 times, which leads me to ask you the question. Have you ever explained...

And like, maybe what's the appropriate age? I think April jumped the gun a bit. I think it's a little bit early. It's a little bit early. Although, like, I don't know how we spoke about it but the idea of death oh my god like so we haven't really had that conversation i think we try and tell her try and tell the kids like where they live the address the street address they kind of get i don't want an oscar situation where he memorizes that he's just walking around the streets just telling your address uh we have sometimes i've like done a

little test when i've been driving home from daycare to be like i wonder if marley knows the way home and i've told her like you can tell me like let me know if left or right and she we fucking ended up in penrith so marley's she's not very clued on just yet so i think it's too soon it's too soon to try and tell her about like emergencies and like triple zero I thought that I mean even like the other day dude Marley got some dirt in her eye at daycare right she's very articulate we can have a conversation but they had to call me to say hey your kid's got dirt in their eyes she's like give me the phone I'll explain to him so the staff member was hey, Marley wants to have a few words.

And I was like, yeah. Like final words? He was such a good dad. But I was like, hey, Marley. And she was like, hey. And I was like, did you get something in your eye? And she's like, yeah. And I was like, well, come on.

Kids on a phone, they just lose the ability to have any kind of conversation. Because it's like it's doing two things at once. It's holding the phone up and talking. Yeah. Like heaven forbid if there is an emergency at home and we're relying on Marley to call anyone. Triple zero, what's your emergency? Yeah.

Hi. Is there an emergency? I ate an apple. Yeah. Got dirt in my eye. We're all screwed. We're screwed. It is too early? I ate an apple. Yeah. Got dirt in my eye. We're all screwed. We're screwed. It is too early.

I thought that too. And I had a chuckle because I was in the other room and she was explaining it to him. And I'm like, as soon as she started explaining it, I was like, here we go. This will be good. This will be good. I guess it's the foundation of...

If Macy steals one of my toys, do I call the police? Police knocking on your door. I know. So I did the conversation that I had with Marley, which I now in hindsight know was a really stupid one to have, was, and this is off the back of RIP, my brother's dog passed away. Oh, yeah. Very sad.

And we had some photos and some videos of Rex, who is now no longer with us, my brother's dog. And we were a bit upset. And Marley was trying to understand, like, why are you upset? And we're like, well, because that dog has passed away. And I kind of said to Marley, like, everyone gets old and people will die and they're no longer with us. Wow.

I know. Wow, wow, wow. I know why she's at my end. You know, like. I mean, look, you're not wrong. But the look on her face, I was like, you know, even daddy's going to die. No, I used to always think when I was a kid, what are they going to do with all my stuff? And I remember I had a PlayStation 1 at the time and I was like, who's going to get my PlayStation?

What are they going to do with it? I don't know. She'll forget in like a week. She won't. Yeah, like Oscar hasn't said anything about the emergency calls since. I've definitely seen him try the two button thing on the iPhone because when you do that for long enough it goes...

It doesn't have the coordination. It's not the triple zero, it's the 112 emergency call, isn't it? Where does that go? Where's 112? That's the emergency call.'s well 33 years old and i'm just learning what 112 is how do you not know april's telling you guys i've got emergency police emergency laundry emergency cleaner april's telling you guys about the emergency and you and oscar are sitting there being like oh wow yeah i was secretly out of the room going, oh. Interesting. I'm learning. Didn't know that. We're just ordinary parents.

Ordinary parents. We don't know what we're doing. We don't know what we're doing. Because we're ordinary parents. Ordinary parents. Matthew, it is time for Budgie Smuggler's Most Ordinary parents. Ordinary parents. Matthew, it is time for Budgie Smuggler's Most Ordinary Parent. It is. I've got a great submission here, Ash,

which I don't think it's going to be the winner. So to Caitlin, who submitted this one, I'm sorry. Condolence. It was good. Not good enough. Just pipped at the post. Well, see, I don't know. We could... I'm going to be persuaded. You pipped at the post. Well, see, I don't know.

I'm going to be persuaded. You haven't told me what yours is, but you've got a very big glint in your eye. I feel like you've got a good one. So no pressure. I haven't heard it. So my one is from Caitlin. Shout out to Caitlin.

My husband has taught our two and a half year old to get him a beer from the garage fridge. That's quality. She does say she isn't quite up to get him a beer from the garage fridge that's quality she she does say she isn't quite up to pouring mama a glass of wine maybe next year that of look honestly not bad how old's macy two imagine if she in six months time do you think she would be good enough to get you a beer from the fridge she did do this okay when we were in bali i had a beer side of pool it was a can yeah she picked it up walked it was a little shallow pool yeah for those of you not watching it's like knee deep knee deep yes tiny yeah grabs it walks it over to me gives it to me i had a sip and i was like being a cheeky bugger gave it back she walked it back ordinary parent

yeah very good that is good so I do like I don't mind that I think that's impressive it's impressive impressive also like my kids impressive parenting if you ask me my kids they like no chance even if it's taking a bowl of cereal that has like a droplet of milk in the wheat bix to the sink like that shit's going everywhere I've caught Macy she'll actually has like a droplet of milk in the Weet-Bix. To the sink. Like that shit's going everywhere. I've caught Macy. She'll actually put like a leftover toast in the bin, like there, right? Because it's one of those.

She can't talk, but she's very domesticated. So yesterday, she had a bowl, an old bowl of cereal, but the cereal had like dried up, you know, it does that. She walked over to the bin and like tipped it out into the bin. I was like, oh, that's good. And then she just took a look at me and just she walked over to the bin and like tipped it out into the bin i was like oh that's good and then she just took a look at me and just got the bowl over the bin and went and dropped the bowl straight in the bottom of the bin get rid of it all right it's one of the good bowls anyway i think i have this week's winner but look hit me you be the judge so this

ordinary parent message comes from someone by the name of Flick. Don't know what their real name is. Might be their nickname like for Felicity or maybe her name's Flick. My three-year-old has a library at kinder. Every Thursday, he always packs his book inside the library bag himself to return. I don't even check because he always does it. Later that day, I received a call from childcare. I was thinking which one has fallen over or has a temperature nope it was the kinder teacher saying that he

had packed a porn magazine in his library bag and presented it to the class and even said this one's mummy who still has porn bags and flicks like for the record it wasn't me damn dad is there going hell's that playboy yeah well i wonder how the kid explained why the pages are stuck together uh so that i believe is our winner this week that's great that's what you get for using magazines still that's what you get for using magazines still that's what you get for trusting your kid

with anything I don't even have to check he's such a good boy he's at school dealing porn out to the other three who wants a photo of my mum

who wants a picture of my mum's tits anyway if you want a chance to win $200 worth of budgie smuggler gear right leading into summer.

Perfect time. Please send us your ordinary parent stories or ordinary family member, ordinary anything really. Ordinary pet. Ordinary pet. Either DM us or you can send us an email to dd at outlook.com.au, which is T-W-O-D-D at outlook.com.au. Also, big thanks to Budgie for sponsoring.

Big thanks to Budgie for sponsoring this segment. And we'll be doing three more this month. So there's three more chances just this month to win. Can I ask, Ash? No, you can't. You have... Well, I'm going to ask anyway because I'm not a little bitch

regardless of what Marley and Lola think of me. I know, they text me all the time saying, dad's a little bitch. Can I just ask? No. It's a fucking podcast, man. No more questions. Stop shunning me.

Can I say something? Absolutely not. No more questions. Can you stop fucking coughing? I'm doing it outside. I'm trying my best. Shit. Why couldn't you be this aggressive With a four year old in the library

Because I was scared Okay Yeah She was looking at me It's like in Step Brothers And they can't walk past That particular park And there's all those kids

And they're What are you looking at SA That little girl punch Great Anyway Go You were going to ask me a question What

This is going to be an interesting episode You were going to ask me a question Yeah this is gonna be an interesting episode you were gonna ask me a question yeah no okay you shut it down all right so matthew listener questions oh so so people can ask questions now and i'm not allowed is that is that how it works okay okay i hate when i fight with you this one is from sarah and she says, how can you tell if your kid is ready for school? Oh. Why she's asking us that question? Not sure. I'll tell you why,

because she's probably thinking about sending her kid to school. Yeah, but don't come to us. You're telling kids to fuck off. Yeah, but that's me. Look, both of us have kids the same age. Is Oscar going to school or kindy next year? No, no. He'll go to preschool again next year because he's like-

Because your preschool is like a daycare though, right? Yeah. Yeah. Because June, middle of the year, same as Marley, they're only a week apart. It's a tricky one because like do you want them to be a little fish in a big pond or a big fish in a little pond? You don't want to send them and then not be ready

and get caught behind, and that could be detrimental to their development. That's what I've heard. Listen to me go. Oh, shit. Anyway, Dr. Ash here. So you don't send them too early because... That's my wine-drinking voice

as soon as I get a glass of wine in my hand. I'm like sir Matthew What do you think We should send these kids off to war Well I say That's a young strapping young boy Let's put him in the draft So long story short

Oscar's not going next year Oscar's not going next year Because he's A little bit slow Nah he's only a little bit slow no he's only a little boy man he wouldn't be ready he can't concentrate yet on his own i think i'm the same they're a week apart with marley i think she in some aspects she's advanced like she loves to draw she's an amazing drawer sit her down with some coloring and pencils do you think that's

how she's going to win people over at school they're going to be like because that's the thing it's all about independence right she's going to be like they're going to be like now marley why have you done this well the thing is she's not a great sharer and she she has big emotions still so like if she wants to do something and she can't do it she absolutely flips out like she has a full mentee so uh and i thought i'd rather hold back a year until she can kind of emotionally wise, she's a bit more experienced. A bit more mature as well. But I've got a little checklist here, Ash. So we could, just to make sure we are doing the right thing.

Okay. Am I going to answer them? Well, yeah, we'll ask them about both of our children. Maybe at the end of this little checklist, we'll go, shit, we're going to send Oscar and mine. Call the nearest public school because that's all I can afford. so apparently this is uh from a website it's not from us just some website some website it's yeah what are the credentials on this website it's a daycare website oh well must be accurate yeah it must be accurate number one they can communicate well yeah yeah oscar's pretty good define communicate's a fine communicate. It says here.

What do they need to be able to say or recite? So it's more so about like following instructions. Okay. Oscar's a dimwit, so no. Don't call your son a dimwit. No, no. Look, yeah, he can follow instructions, but he needs to be really, really... He is at the point where he's like,

if I go do this, and it's like very obvious why he should do that he go why so that's good man he's questioning yeah that's the problem keep questioning me okay number two sit still no marley can sit still with the ipad yeah just send them to school with that. YouTube kids. Number three. Uses the bathroom independently. We have Oscar's shit story from two episodes ago. Yes and no. We, fine. Poo, not so much.

Depends if the school wants shit all over it. The wiping is the hard part. Yeah, look. Do kids... Since that story, Oscar is really getting... He's getting better. But like, I wouldn't trust him in the public toilet. No, no. If it's up to Marley, sure.

I thought I'd say that about myself. I wouldn't trust that guy in a public toilet. Number four, connects well with others. Yeah, Oscar's pretty good, but he's so timid sometimes. He would be the sort of kid that'd be like but i think all kids surely will be nervous right going yeah i think like he would probably all right after like a week or so but where i saw marley in an environment where i thought she's not quite ready one of the kids at her daycare had a birthday party you did tell me about and it was so obviously

segregated the kids are running around playing games those who were going on to kindy or school the next year and those who still had one more year and it was like light and day and marley for a little bit was trying to keep up with the older kids and she was always just like one step behind with playing games and even size wise she was just a lot smaller yeah i think yeah oscar would be the same i think it's his age be fine. But if you start to put a couple of other kids, because there's like year one, year two.

And they are bigger kids, man. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Oscar's a little boy. He's tiny. Marley could take him. He's very tanned right now. Very tanned.

Number five, last one. They're good with their motor skills. He can't drive. Well, he probably could drive better than me. He's not going to drive himself to school. Okay, can he throw a ball? Yeah. Can he jump?

Yeah. Can he climb? Yeah. Mate, he's ready. Send him in. Send him off to war. I say these kids are very good off at war. But I'm sure people are listening right now going,

you guys are doing the wrong thing. Maybe we are. Fuck you. They're my kids, man. I'll probably get the people being like, you are severely limiting your child's potential. But I would rather send Marley when she's ready and confident rather than having to be like the one trying to keep up with the other kids.

And also daycare finishes at five o'clock. School finishes at three. I don't want to marry that early. I'm not ready for that. It's like, it's the old thing where it's like every kid's going to be different. Okay. So people are going to come at us. It's like your kid might be there.

Your kid might be exactly the same age and be there with all of those skills and be there with all of that maturity. Mine is not. I love it when you get serious. I know. I can switch it up. Gosh, it's sexy. I can switch it up big time.

Just you wait. There's some really serious stuff coming in my monologue. I get my glass of wine and we talk about my monologue your question oh there's another one matthew i don't know who this is from but very good question for dads fellow dads how do you find your fellow dad tribes as a new dad now matthew before we get onto your answer which i'm sure will be an amazing answer we all know when you become a first dad right and you're a new dad and you're like i don't know what the fuck i'm doing but i would also like to find out from

other dads in the same situation what the fuck they're doing. Like, how do you do that? I'm still trying. You know what I mean. You know what I'm getting at. I don't think I've... Oh, no, I've not really had like a tribe of dads. My friends that had kids moved interstate back to Queensland. Away from here. And so those friends who were still in Sydney didnney didn't have kids and i mysteriously changed

their phone numbers that's really strange isn't it i feel like when you don't have kids you don't want to fucking hang out with people i know with their kids like that me my friend with no kids just sent me the other day and it was like me showing you do you want to see pictures my kids and the glasses totally i remember like even inviting friends those friends who didn't have kids to birthday parties or come over and see my kids yeah no i'm good like i'd rather i'd rather go under the beach have you got a dog i'll come over and see that like you don't want to you don't want to be a part of it so now some of those friends have got kids they've just recently given birth they come and crawl them back to you yeah and you're like no because moved on

but i'm like please please i need more friends i'll take anything because we didn't have we're not like you ashwell we didn't have that likable i'm on today sorry we didn't... The quick wit gets me sometimes, man. Yeah, I thought you were lacking midway through. You've come home strong. You've always been a strong finisher. Yeah. Tell that to April.

Yeah, go. They're coming back. We didn't have that mother's group. Even I remember there's a church down the road here and one of my old neighbors was like hey on wednesday they used to have the kids on a wednesday she's like we go to the church and there's like just all these other parents there all these other god botherers oh i'm not religious at all and i initially was like i don't want to go to church dude like

five bucks you do a quick prayer at the start. Oh, there's always a cost with these people. Then they feed you. Oh. Yeah. So I was like, great. Crackers and wine. Yeah. I mean, it's give and take.

I'll do a prayer and pay five bucks if it means I get food. And then my kids can play. What's on the menu? It was like just sandwiches and like muffins and cookies. It was like a nice nasty goreng. Yeah. Were there any other options? There was no lobster.

Oh, what I'm used to. But it was like the easiest way to chew up two hours. There was not a single dad there. I was like... Heaps of milfs? It's very disrespectful to call mothers milfs. It's a compliment. How dare you?

I think it's a compliment. I'm just going to say it. Yeah, look, I've been really lucky because April had a really good mother's group, which was spoken about on this. What was it? Had. Because it's not a mother's group anymore.

It's a dad's group. It's dude's crew now. So I've got a tribe. So you be fucking careful, young man. I don't care. Can't even tell a four-year-old off. If this relationship ended tomorrow, I'd be fine, mate. No.

I'd be fine. You'd cry yourself to sleep every night. Is there... How do you then spend time with the different groups? Like, you're... So, I've got... So, mother's group is really good because there's going to be dads involved. Not all the time.

There can be two mums. Sorry. I'm just... Are you okay? I'm fucking lost here. Are you okay, mate? It's a good way to meet other dads. But look, it's kind of like a lucky dip in a way where you could be like,

you could all gel. Yeah. Or people could be on different paths, which is fine as well. I'm getting really serious. I'm not quite serious. You can change gears so quickly. Very quickly, I know. It's concerning.

Can you do it in your wine voice? So what I would say is that you couldn't find a very mixed bag of people. Why has he gone Italian? I don't know. Oh, he can find a very mixed bag of people that... Why has he gone Italian? I don't know. Oh, we could find a very big... That's boring. Anyway. So you could get like a group you gel with

or you get a group you don't gel with. But like for me, we got a group we gel with. But then also all of my friends that I would hang out with regularly, bar one or two of them, which are the ones that are just like, I don't want to come over and see your kids. They all had kids at the same time. So I got really lucky that i had a really big tribe on two sides

so like when we just went away then we had the dude's crew and the mother's group but then also one of my mates who was part of the other side came along and got on with them too you blended them together i've've blended. And it worked? I've successfully blended. I'm on one today. Anyway, so I blended the two wines together. I did actually. Can I just say, not to make it sound like I'm a complete fucking loser. I did.

I did find, we found a friend in the park. Yay. Maddie found a friend in the park. Yay! Matty found a friend. Thank you. I know you have been approached in parks before by other parents. I beat it, Cal. Not into that. If any tips for people wanting to be friends with Ash,

do not approach him in a park. He is not willing. I am not approachable. No, if you want to say g'day, that's fine. But if you bloody coax me into a play date, bruh. No, we had, it was like, I think the third, third time on the weekend. Cause we have like a regular parks that we attend and you see the same face. You do the drive by to see who's there. There's not enough people there, Babs, keep going.

Well, we saw the same family and then we had a quick chat. We had some similar friends, you know, separated by. Threw some keys in the bowl. Next thing. Usual stuff. We're all hanging out. No, so we have. We don't see them enough because we've been very busy.

They've moved away too. They did move house. They did move countries. I'm surprised you've lasted this long with me, to be honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm very patient. You're not going anywhere. Yeah, I'm tied to the desk.

So you've got new friends. That's all I'm saying. So what are you saying? You're going to replace me? No, no, no. Go're not going anywhere. Yeah, I'm tied to the desk. So you've got new friends. That's all I'm saying. So what are you saying is you're going to replace me? No, no, no. Go away for two weeks. I'm just saying. You're like, well, me and my 50 mates went to Bali because I've got so many. I'm a likable guy.

I don't know what... I'm not going to apologize for being a likable guy. No, and I would never expect you to. Apologize for being an unlikable guy. Anyway, so you've got new friends What are their names? Are we allowed to shout them out or? Well no I don't want to

And they've got two kids They've got two kids Same age Yeah similar age Are you sure you're not looking in the mirror? He's good looking They are good looking They are very good looking

Yeah I mean Where were they? They're fit They're strong Sorry count me out I am unfit and weak No so I think Long story short

What I'm trying to say is If all else fails Go to the park Lots And repetition Try and spot the same people Try and like You know when you were like a young kid

And you did things around other kids That they might like So they're like I like that too So you do it you just get close and you do an activity that that other person might like like i'll be like throw us another beer babe did you hear me what are you saying that i like beer too the guys are you drinking beers at the park fuck yeah bro i need to be stopped. Anyway, that's enough today.

Would you like to do the wrap up? Yeah, if you've enjoyed this episode, please subscribe on all of the platforms you listen to podcasts on. Please subscribe to all of the platforms. What are you doing with these accents? Okay, sorry. Please subscribe. You do it.

If you've enjoyed this episode, please give us a review, a couple of stars, a few comments. We would love that. If you think there's anyone out there who would benefit from listening to this fucking mental episode, send it their way. I think people just needed to see my versatility. Yeah, you really stretched that muscle. I'm going to be tired later. All right, yeah. good thing you're getting public transport back home because you would not be able to make it there

if you were driving by yourself I think that's it, I think that's everything I think that is, thank you as always goodbye, see you later Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.