Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - Pink eye, lost luggage, and a piss stained cot

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

Matt has returned back to Sydney after travelling with Laura and the kids to Canberra and Brisbane for the final two Life Uncut live shows. Three nights with two kids crammed into one bedroom was nothing but joyous and relaxing. Who wouldn't want to spend the night in a piss stained cot (Matt not the kids). Matt also got pink eye, they airline lost one of their bags and Laura got covid. Ash is sounding a little under the weather after his mum house-sat a cat infested apartment over the weekend, which gave Ash's sinus an absolute beating. Fear not, we will continue to record this episode rain, hail, cat allergy. We share your best Ordinary Parenting stories as well as have a crack at answering your listener questions: How do you stop the crocodile death roll on the change mat? How long was it until you were used to wiping asses? Follow @twodotingdads on Instagram here. Or slide into our DM's with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I saw on the drive here, I saw one of those mini four-wheel drives that are for kids. Oh, that you can- they sit in like the top and it's a remote control? Oh, dude, I had to fucking have every strength in my body to not pull over and put it in the back of the car. Was it just sitting there? Someone was just throwing it out. I mean, I'm sure that didn't work. Fix it.

I remember being a kid and going to Toys R Us. I mean, like like i fucking want that that was like if you had one of those you made it there's a shop have you seen there's a it's not a shop there's a garage in southern shire yeah yeah it's iconic because you go past it all the time and it's got like the mercedes yeah i just don't have the room there's like a g wagon and there's a hummer i've got macy out there with the bloody Flintstones car. You the beat. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads.

I'm Matty J. And I'm Ash. This is a podcast where both hosts are always sick. Well played, sir. Yeah, the curse, the podcast curse. I don't know who out there, some witch has put a curse on us because we've never been so sick in the six months that this podcast has started. We're falling to pieces here.'re both struggling and yes people right now must be like surely not you've just come out of like a hectic throat infection the two of us and now we're both a

little bit nasally once again i'm so bad well this podcast is meant to be about parenting, but we're going to talk about my sickness today. This is like health and wellness, flu-based podcast. I love like I rang you up and I was like, I don't know why I'm sick all the time. You're like, it's probably because you drink 60 beers a week. Guilty. We're now in our late 30s. I know. I've aged in the last six months.

But the reason I am the way I am is my mum's been visiting, but she's been house-sitting in a complex just up from us, which is great because she doesn't get to spend long periods of time with the kids, but she was house-sitting up there and they have a cat. And anyway, so when mum moved into that house, we're like, let's go check out their stuff. Get all the kids round up. do you know who this person is no so mum's part of like a it's like an app that you can house sit do you get paid for that or no no it's like a free thing so you get free accommodation so she's there for

like seven days for free that's great that's great what's that it's like this it's like one of these places in let's say a shithole no theirs is actually renovated i shouldn't laugh sorry sorry her mom was like oh it's just like this but they've renovated was like get in the car kids let's go and they have two boys up there that are a little bit older than oscar so they've got like good toys sick toys basketball hoop in the backyard. Did you steal anything? No. We broke a pot. We did break a pot. So, if you're listening, it wasn't the cat. It was Macy. But we went, gathered the family.

We walked out. There she is on the road. And get there and they've got this like, I don't like cats. But it's a beautiful cat. You can tell it's a beautiful cat. I've got no time for cats either. Turns out, I'm allergic to this cat. And I was like, this is fucked.

Was it immediate? It didn't help that I sat next to the cat bed for like five minutes and I was like, oh, fuck. I started to itch up. I'm like, oh, it was so bad. What kind of cat is it? Oh, it's an expensive cat. It's not one off the street. Of course, I'd be allergic to itch up. I'm like, oh, it was so bad. What kind of cat is it? Oh, it's an expensive cat. It's not one off the street.

Of course, I'd be allergic to the expensive cat. Yeah, give me a little mutt any day. And then I was like, I've got to get out of here. And I got the hell out of there. And then because mama had been coming back and forth over the course of a week, I've just slowly gotten worse because she's bringing the cat hair into my house. She sits next to me. I'm like, can you fucking move?

And she goes, I'm sorry. I'm like, it's not good enough. And my sister was over too on the Friday and she has really bad allergies and she was like, I keep having to fucking move away from mum. I was like a crazy cat cat lady and then yesterday i was in the car when i spoke to you on the phone and i had dropped her at the airport an hour in the car next to her with the cat hair and the only reason you put her in an uber i was gonna and then i was severely hung over and the kids were really loud and it was pissing down with rain i thought it's

the only time i'm gonna get some peace and quiet. So, while you're weighing up, do I want to spend my afternoon at home with the kids hung over or with the cat lady in the car? And get violently sick. My mum's really insistent on public transport. She's like, I'll get a bus because she loves, it's like an adventure. She loves that. But it was pissing down with rain. I'm like, I can't, I'll have son guilt unless i drive you good son yeah here we are here i am like honestly

i feel like my head's gonna explode but well thank you i'm committed we i thought for a second that we may have to cancel this episode because imagine a no episode on all this the people that'd be an uproar would they i'd It'd be cancelled. I don't think anyone would even- Wouldn't even notice. Blink an eyelid. We'd have to put out a formal apology. Yeah, who would be like, sorry, guys, we didn't put an episode out. They'd be like, what?

What? Sorry? Didn't we? What's the podcast called again? To the 20 listeners that we've got. All 20. Hey, I'm surprised you haven't mentioned anything about my appearance today. Go on.

Go on. You mustach. Thank you. Thank you. Thank thank you you need some work on it like why in terms of like just how to trim your mustache what's wrong with it just needs a little just needs a little work quite a few people had to go at me because i i think there is a rule they said somewhere along the line that for november on the first you have to clean shave your whole face and then like who cares oh i've got four weeks who gives a fuck it's all for a good cause yeah right it's not about the you growing it it's about that it's on your face so that we can get the word out there thank you i needed that i mean i've been defending myself all week to the people online i can't

grow a full mustache in a month. I'd need three months if I was going to get anywhere near what you've got. You've got, can I just ask quickly, yours is the up top, the top line of the mustache. Do you shave that in? I spit it out. Well, I'm trying to describe what part. So, yeah, the top part of the mustache, is that? In line with the nose yours

is just very straight do you i got it straight razor the other night did you okay that's what i'm doing wrong so yeah so growing the mustache obviously this month ash it is november yeah we're doing it for a good cause i like there was i was telling you about this but you didn't believe me it was like fanuary where chicks just let their fanny grow out. For what? For what cause? I don't think there's any cause. They just do it. They just take a breath.

Actually, most of the women that I know these days all have it lasered. Yeah. So even if they wanted to let it grow. That comes back. I don't. Not what I've heard. Nothing wrong with it. Huge fuzz.

Anyway, sorry. Why don't we turn this podcast into some sort of what we like sexually. April has warned you that you are getting quite crass. I know. You're on your last warning. Yeah, she's asleep upstairs. She's listening in. That was her like, I'm just going to go have a little nap.

And I'm like, April, I can see your feet hiding behind the dining table. No, but I have. I've been growing the mustache. So far, it's looking pretty good if I may say. Got a nasty little pimple in there. Oh, yeah, in there. Oh, it's the worst. That and in an eyebrow.

Dude, look. See there. Oh, it hurts so much. I've got the doublé. Someone did say to me that I put a story up and they mentioned that, and I don't know if this is a compliment or an insult, they said, you look like ash massive massive compliment i was like thank you very much you do your mustache is iconic exquisite it is going to be people may start to get us mixed up now on

the social videos you'll gain all these new followers yeah you got a new account or ash we have we've wrapped up the Life Uncut live tour. Oh, thank God. It is done and dusted. My God, it was a tough home straight. Yeah, look, I was going to come onto the Canberra one, but very glad I didn't. A few people.

Where is he? They did because we do this meet and greet before the show starts, and I kind of have forgotten that we spoke about it on the podcast that you were going to jump in the bus. And a lot of people, they're like, when's he coming out? They're all waiting for me. They're like, we're here for him. That's why you sold out at the very last minute, all the tickets.

Everyone was like, I hear Jan Pikelets is going to be in attendance. Nice. You're such a bloody tease. But my involvement in the show it like i wanted to have a bit more to be honest i wanted to be you know a bit more of like a bigger piece of the puzzle if you will but essentially all i had to do there was a gag where mitch who he's one of the hosts of the radio show he does this big intro and he's like all right put your hands together here they are everyone make some noise and then it's meant to be laura and brit but

i run out ash i run out i get get a little cheer and i take my shirt off you love taking your shirt off any opportunity you can they treat me like i'm just a piece of meat and i'm so much more than that yeah Yeah, right. And halfway through the show, instead of taking my shirt off, I dacked myself. I pulled my pants down. He'll do anything. Well, I wanted to mix it up.

I was getting bored of taking the shirt off. And then I thought, it's a bit – I watched back some footage and it looks a bit crass, just me on stage. Creepily. Like dacking myself. It looks a bit – I didn't like what creepily like dacking myself it looks a bit i didn't like what i was who you'll be coming yeah so then i actually i went to kmart bought a pair of pants and i went to a seamstress who inserted some velcro so i got stripper pants the stripper

pants just one second you got them they're here you've just turned all of your pants into stripper pants now i can't live any other way i just need to go to the bathroom here they are give us a look at those i thought if if you like ash i'm not sure if you're oh i'm gonna have a go yeah i'm definitely gonna have a go oh my goodness you paid someone to do that i could have 50 bucks mate what yeah do all the pants i thought that was do all the clothes you have now shirts shorts pants i thought the 50 bucks was a good price yeah that's all right that's good i'm definitely gonna have a go i'll give it a go now. Yeah. Ready? Go. Set, go.

The dog just flipped out. You are a natural, mate. Poor dog's petrified. That's what I did. It's all around the country. And then I would then just walk off stage. And that was pretty much- That's an investment.

Well, yeah. I don't know what I'll do now with them. Sky's the limits hens parties hey you and me two dating dads and hens parties i don't know what you charge for a stripper but we'd be pretty discounted i reckon just an idea but it was half ash because that's the first locations the last two were canberra and brisbane we hadn't taken marley and lola to any of them oh okay we like had arranged babysitters but we got a bit of a pickle didn't have anyone to look after the girls so we thought you know stuff it we'll just we'll bring them with us so we're on

the bus we drove from sydney to canberra brought the girls along with us and it was nice for i'd say five minutes that's's chaos, man. I saw some footage of you just on the bus. Yeah, the bus ride. They were like, this is fun. And then they kind of were like, also because of the bus, everyone's chatting and the girls, it was over the nap time and you don't have to be the one.

Guys, everybody shut the fuck up. My kids can sleep. But it was nice for them to see mom on the show. And dad pulling his pants. Yeah, yeah. When I left the hotel room in Canberra, we had a babysitter. I was like, bye, guys. I did the kind of handover before I went to the show.

And they're like, daddy, where are you going? And I'm like, now daddy's going to go to work. I'm going to go to the stage. I'm a stripper. They were like, Molly looks at me and goes, are you going to be on stage? And I go, yeah, yeah, I'll be on stage just for a stripper they were like molly looks at me and goes are you going to be on stage and i go yeah yeah he'll be on stage just for a little bit and she goes are you going to take your pants off and the babysitter's also like what and i'm like no no daddy no i don't take my pants off what are you talking about and she goes no i've the video. You take your pants off on stage. And I was like, yeah, I do.

Daddy's got to make that money somehow. Don't career shame me, Marley. I made my choices. But the hardest thing was having myself, Laura, Marley was in the bed with us and then the cot was also in the room. And it was just like when one wakes up everyone wakes up i know we have done it before as well and like thankfully it's there's like the odd bad night but like it sucks when it's like you're just like on rotation of who's waking up

oh dude we got back maybe midnight and then we're up at like 5.30. And then we had to the next day go straight to Brisbane and- Do it all again. Do it all again and similar scenario. This was the setup in Brisbane. Oh, this is a video. Didn't make the bed, I see. So that's our bed there. Yeah.

And then that's- In the cupboard. We had to like put Lola there. And after the Brisbane show, Ash, midnight finish, right? We get home. Laura and I are both exhausted. Lola wakes up. I'm going to say about four o'clock.

And she still has warm water in a bottle. She doesn't have an actual milk bottle, but that's just her comforter. She had wet herself, like gone through the nappy. So she's crying. I get up, change the nappy. She's crying i get up change the nappy she then kind of knows that laura and i and marley are in the bed so she wants to go into bed with all of us so put a clean nappy on her and then there's like two the bed's quite small yeah i saw that yeah not enough rooms i'm like fuck it you're in the cot

because she'd wet the nappy yeah the cot was wet so i'm laying there in the cot because she'd wet the nappy yeah the cot was wet oh so i'm laying there in the cot like in the fetal position which has got a bit of you know wetness from the wee oh yuck and i'm just full i fall asleep and then i'm like oh you actually got in the car i fell asleep in the cot as that's where i slept for like one more hour in a piss in a piss-stained cot. In a piss-stained cot. Yeah. And I was like- That's just pro-dadding. One minute I'm on the stage getting cheers from a thousand people. Pulling your pants off.

Next minute I'm in a piss-stained cot. Anyway, then we wrapped up the Brisbane show, got back to Sydney, lost our luggage, one of our bags, MIA, airline had no idea where it was. They were like- It sucks, doesn't it? They were like, we just don. Airline had no idea where it was. They were like- It sucks, doesn't it? They were like, we just don't, we don't know where it is. It's like when I got to Bali, I was like, where are my surfboards? They're like, um-

Your what? Your what? They're like, they didn't leave Sydney. I was like- Why? Why? They're like, well, actually, we're not sure if they did or they didn't. I'm like, what do you know?

They're like, I'll tell you what we do know is when they do show up, we'll send them to you. I was like, I don't understand how it happens. Anyway, so we've been trying to – still now, we don't know where the bag is. You still don't have it? Yeah. How many days are we in now? What are we, Monday? It was Thursday last week, yeah.

They don't know the whereabouts. And then when we also – initially, they're like, what was in it? And I'm like, oh, just some clothes. Except now when I call up, I'm like, there was was fifty thousand dollars worth of equipment for podcasting in the bag well i record show you just mentioned it was clothes though the clothes were protecting it and then and then to top it all off laura on the friday was like i don't feel too good. Oh, no. Spicy cough. Oh. She got the vid. So, she was then isolating for the whole weekend.

Oh, of course. I would love to isolate for my family. A whole weekend. It's like, you can't come and see daddy. Don't go to the door. I know. I was like. I get some serious wanking done did you guys last week did you guys do anything for Halloween um what day was Halloween oh yeah

I had the I did the Movember Shavedown thing so nah not as a family more so with the kids nah look we just pretended like it didn't happen. Ah. When I was growing up, my mum fucking hated it. Same with mine. They're like, this isn't America. If a kid came to the door, my mum was like, she was like a dog. She'd be like, it's so, like, the ears would perk up. She'd be like, no, my friend's mum.

Well, yeah, as a kid, we never did anything for it. Nah. It's kind of got this starting to build second year yeah maybe it's just just in sydney though i feel like brisbane it's so red hot mate the line between it being fun for the kids and then something sexual happens to a child and it will ruin it the line is so thin like i don't want to have to go over that subject but like it is a little bit red hot because it could be like this is all well and fun and it's a resurgence of halloween and we're all getting into it and then a kid gets taken off the street well yeah it does how is it not like how does it not happen more we're like

drilling into kids do not speak to strangers do not take any type of item especially not food now we're just we're just proactively walking around a stranger's houses. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. Go knock on the door, Timmy. Go and do it. Timmy's like, what the hell is happening? I know, yeah.

But in Brisbane, no one's really – oh, they are a little bit. I saw a few people with decorations on the doors, but no one's into it as much as Sydney. The girls were so pumped to go trick-or-treating. Yeah. And Halloween is a double-edged sword because on the doors but no one's into it as much as sydney and the girls were so pumped to go trick or treating yeah and halloween is a double-edged sword because on the one hand it is quite fun to get dressed up marley was a mermaid lola was a witch and then really matches their personalities i was like how do i do this because i was so pumped i was like we'll do I do this? Because I was so pumped. I was like, we'll do Halloween hunt in the backyard. That's way more appropriate.

Right? Because like, you know, now that you've got to register your house to be part of Trick or Treat. So, all these pedophiles are probably just registering their houses, waiting for the perfect opportunity. I shouldn't laugh. And if they haven't and they're not doing that, after listening to this, they're going to be like

hang on damn it Ash is on to something well I was like I explained to Marley the hunt's a good idea the hunt's a good idea

and they were like they were kind of a bit confused like what's with the hunt and I was like well it's because a ghost what'd you call me I was like

a ghost has come and he's left some treats and then but she was like well who's the ghost and I was like well he's just a young ghost your imagination she was like, a ghost has come and he's left some treats. But she was like, well, who's the ghost? And I was like, well, he's just a young ghost. Your imagination is unbelievable. I was like, I hadn't gone any further. And she was like, what was his name?

And I was like, Rupert, I don't know. And she's like, is he still here? And I'm like, no, he's gone. And she's like, well, bring him back. What was all the fucking questions? And then I had to like deviate her off that course. This is why they take them around to strangers' houses. Just like, take this one.

One with all the questions. But you know when you plan something and then you kind of realise that you haven't thought it quite through. So, we found all the chocolates. For the rest of my life, yeah. We found all the chocolates and it was right before dinner time, like four o'clock, the hunt happens. So, now it's 4.30, all the chocolates and it was right before dinner time like four o'clock the hunt happens so now it's 4 30 all the chocolate's been found and marley's like so we'll eat it

now and i'm like well no because you've got to have dinner now so we're going to eat it after dinner and she's like fuck off oh my days and just like oh it was meltdown it was such a level nine meltdown. Really brings you back down to earth, doesn't it? Like this, you're like, you know what, Matt? Maybe you are a good parent. And then you're like, you can't actually eat the thing that I've just voluntarily given you. Yeah, she did not understand.

In hindsight, sure. It's almost worth just being like, it eat it all so they get sick totally and then they're like i don't want to ever eat that ever again but then to make matters worse i had to go to the live show so the babysitter rocked up as i was like here are my kids just wired up yeah off their face yeah i'm not a huge fan of halloween either i think it's fucking stupid also look i know the kids love that sort of shit, but it's a bit like a fucking money grab if you ask me. Oh, for sure, for sure.

The mermaid outfit was like $60. Oh, my God. Yeah. Anyway, speaking of shit parenting, let's go into Budgie Smuggler's Most Ordinary Parent. We're just ordinary parents. Ordinary parents. We don't know what we're doing.

We don't know what we're doing. Because we're ordinary parents. Ordinary parents. So, Matthew, this segment, as we all know, people sending their stories of them being ordinary and we just had the ordinary rig competition over the weekend i i couldn't make it to the boat party yes you missed out mate because i that's all right i partied enough for both of us so it's so good who'd you take again took a friend of mine now the name of of Zach. Zach, who? Zach Beer, his name is. You were like, he's six foot four, captain of like the North Sydney Bears.

He's the coach, actually. He is better than me in every way possible. Yes, absolutely. Did he wear budgie smugglers? Yeah, he wore my Jan Parker ones. He's got a pair as well. Did you wear budgie smugglers the whole time or did you? Not the whole time.

I saw some footage of you, Ash, dancing in the back of the boat oh fuck you were fully dressed how did you get the scratch on your nipple by the way um so someone who works at budgie smuggler her and i went for a race down the slide and she shoulder charged me into the rope on it and it's just about ripped half my nipple off i smell a lawsuit as do i and while we do with the segment called budgie's like let's go and repair it can i ask who won the competition he's from fiji he was great he was really funny yeah also great rig oh very ordinary very ordinary all right so matt said what have you got So, Matthew, what have you got? What have you got? What have you got? Okay.

Okay. Ash, this one is from Natasha. And she says, just a little bit of ordinary parent here for you boys. Her daughter is a big fan of the snacks, doesn't like her dinner. And at around about four- Classic toddler move. Yeah. It's a nightmare.

Lola is obsessed with Newsy bars. But she says, around four o'clock, her daughter will keep an eye on the pantry. And if that door opens, she can spot the treats or the biscuits. And she'll always ask for one of those right before dinner. And her mom says, oh, so sorry. They're dog treats. It's the only way that she can respond with a toddler not questioning it. You've got to do whatever means necessary. That nearly falls into lie category though doesn't it but still like it's it's pretty ordinary they probably don't even have a dog

uh okay i honestly think i have the winner it's actually from someone by the name of josh so josh says so this week my partner has been working late and I've been capitalizing on this warmer weather and instead of dealing with the bath time saga, I've just been jumping in the pool with my one-year-old. Now, he says he loves it and it's close enough to a bath, so whatever. But I nearly got busted the other night. My partner asked if I had bathed him because he still smelled a little chlorine.

So, the next day, I took it if I had bathed him because he still smelled a little chlorine-y. So the next day, I took it one step further and brought out the soap and even some bath toys to really sell it. And I sent a photo of the mean budgie smugglers in the pool. So good. So that's my winner this week. Thank you, Josh, for sending that in. And that's fucking ordinary. Yeah.

Hey, Ash, I put a little call out on the weekend for some parent questions. I saw that. Asking if there's anyone out there who may be struggling with parent-related questions. You need some serious answers. Yeah, I did have to say, look, because some people sent through some really fucking serious questions. Like what?

Please send through like the sleep plan of your two-year-old and how you handle sleep regressions. And I was like, whoa. It's like they're trying to get me to complete a school assignment. And then somebody was like. You'll be marked from. Yeah. Make sure marked from- Yeah. Make sure you reference.

Yeah. And then someone also said about like the child had certain allergies for food, like what diet would I recommend? And I was like, ah, shit. I'm not a doctor. I was like, I have to preface this. I always tell people that I'm not a physician. I know. But still, the questions, for a second, I was like, maybe I should- I googled for a bit and I was like, what am I doing? I'm not a physician. I know. But, like, still, the questions, like, for a second, I was like,

maybe I should – I Googled for a bit and I was like, what am I doing? I'm not offering any type of advice. Lawsuit incoming. Take whatever we say with a grain of salt. Oh, seriously. The questions are to see if we've got a humorous answer. Yeah, purely. Sometimes you get a couple of good little things out of this,

but, like, anything that you need to be qualified for, see someone who's actually qualified. Please speak to a GP. I always say that. Goes without saying. Go to a real doctor. Yeah, and also like Ash and I are like two of the sickest people in Australia right now.

Oh, man. Yeah. Okay. All right, what have you got? Question number one. How would you stop your toddler from doing the death crocodile role on the change map? How would you stop your toddler from doing the death crocodile role on the change map?

I've got to say, treat it in the same way that you would treat a crocodile. You jump on it, pin it down. It's a real fine line between being like, come on, to like manhandling a small child. Like, get the fuck out of there. You got to like, with Lola, Marley was fine like as soon as she was on her back she would relax and you know let you do your thing lola was like fuck this flip out she would be kicking she would be squirming oscar was like that oscar was fine and that but macy now as soon as i get

a nappy out or something she's taking off oh yeah dude and then she's crawling up like wherever it is and flipping about and she's flipping back and i'm just like she's crawling up like wherever it is and flipping about and she's flipping back and i'm just like oh for fuck's sake and if they've taken a shit or something oh it's just like oh ends up and then they kick their feet their foot goes in it you know the pain that you would feel as well when you go to change the nappy it's a really big poo and it's you know it's my lola or your macy where you know you've got like every second counts and you're looking there's no nappy there or you're looking like you've already used the last wipe and you got nothing left and then you're like what do i do do i do i leave this

child even for a split second on the change mat or do i go like how do i do this they know they know they know as soon as you release any kind of pressure from the shoulder. I know. They flip and roll. And then if it's a shit, man, then all of a sudden there's shit on their foot. Then they've kicked you with that foot. And it's just a knock-on effect of where the shit ends up. And then you just find yourself just cleaning shit off everything because they've just, you've let them go.

off everything because they've just you've let them go but also with with marley we could say to her lay down don't kick and she would listen she would go this is the wrong thing to do parenting's easy lola she finds it hilarious oh they think it's so funny anytime that we've tried to discipline her with a stern voice she just literally laughs in our face. So I'm like- Fuck, it's so infuriating. We're like at the point now where, you know, you see footage of like a Formula One pit team where it's like- Zip, zip, zip, zip, zip. Out, done.

That is me. I'm like, if I do this and rip off a leg at the same time, it's just- So be it. It's better that than not having shit throughout the house. Holy. It's fucked, but they love it. Matt, how long does it take before you got used to wiping arses?

Very good question. Very good question. Assuming this may be from someone who's soon to be a parent, maybe. They're just a random person. I'm not interested in having kids or anything. I just want to know. I'm going to say I still have the odd moment where I'm like, oh, God. What did you eat?

Because at the start it's quite weird. But then you get used to it because like the poo is not too aggressive. Like it's quite, when they're on breast milk, it's not a hectic poo to clean up. But it's when they then transition to solids that the poo becomes like adult smelling poo. And that takes a while to adjust to. Yeah.

Then you adjust to it and they'll throw you a curveball or something real fucking stank. Yeah. And you're like. to yeah then you adjust to it and i throw you a curveball or something real fucking stank yeah and you're like it's i always say i can't wait till i'm at an age where you have to wipe my ass because i'll tell you right now i'm gonna be eating like a fucking pig the amount you have spitty bum oh yeah i sent you that meme the other day no it wasn't a meme it was like it was a video of someone explaining the different types of stool samples and i was like like little pebbles to like proper shit to liquid and i was like i'm all of this poor kid i don't know you

never get used to it though you never not fully there's there's times where you're like it becomes like a bit like automated right you just i've got to do it yeah you get it done like a bit like automated, right? You just, I've got to do it. Yeah. Get it done, right? But then like sometimes you'd be like doing that and you'd be like, oh. If the girls have had like, say like sausages two nights in a row or like bolognese, there's something like real rich. Real bolognese-y. Yeah. And then the poos after that have like a, you you know particular smell to it that's a bit more punchy toddlers they're used to eating random things so if they get into the dog biscuits you're in for a real treat even now like i'll be watching tv or i'm on my phone and it's that

muscle memory i hear in the background hey someone wipe my ass it's so funny yeah and you're just like oh here we go and then this is my life now yeah and you're like bend over touch your toes and you're like i know and then you're looking into the toilet bowl and you see the turd at the bottom and you're like yeah it's just maisie's at the moment she's she's embarrassed about pooping so she'll be like she'll just go quiet in the corner and i'll be like you're pooping and she'll be like no no no and i'm just like i don't know what's going on yeah like you finish it's like you never get used to it to answer that question long story short hey um ash you've done very well thank you can i just say to persevere to get through this entire record you're not feeling 100 i haven't felt 100 in months i'm testing i'm blaming you i'm testing negative for covid

oh good let me just put that out there not anymore but yeah i just like i just want to feel better again hey if i could hug you right now and we wouldn't exchange some type of virus i'd do that sweet that's good to know but if you're listening right now let's say you have enjoyed this episode i'm not begging because someone said someone said in the comments they're like could you guys beg so much at the end of each episode he's five stars i don't beg i ask politely but we would love a review don't have to give a comment although i do enjoy a comment a few stars and if you think anyone out there would benefit from having two sick individuals breathe heavily into a microphone for their enjoyment send it on

uh yes thank you we'll see you guys next week two doting dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.