Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - Three Doting Dads feat. Nick Cody

Episode Date: December 10, 2023

It's another bonus ep. And we know what you're thinking. Shit, these boys dish out more bonus eps than Ash gets hemorrhoids. You're absolutely right. And for that we say, you're welcome. Today we sit down with radio star, comedian and tv host - Nick Cody. We chat about how he accidentally became the nanny of two kids when he was a teenager, disciplining American kids at summer camp, why he thought he'd never be a dad, the nightmare of juggling a new born and morning radio, why he got off the grog for a year and the best part of road tripping around Victoria with his two boys.  Watch Nick's stand up special, Live at the Corner Hotel, here. Follow @twodotingdads on Instagram here. Or slide into our DM's with any Doting Dads or Mums you'd like us to interview. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today, Matt, we have a very special guest for Three Doting Dads. It is Nick Cody. He is a comedian recognized internationally. He's appeared on the Conan O'Brien show. Yeah, he was, I think it was the fourth ever Australian to appear on the show, which is a huge feat. It was a few years ago and I fucking love Conan O'Brien. I like how his hair moves when he talks.

He is absolutely hilarious and he's a great bloke as well if you're not familiar with his stuff i highly recommend you check out his youtube special it's called live at the corner hotel we'll put the link in the show notes as well and also put that up on stories of two doting dads very funny yes he's also one of the hosts of the morning breakfast show with fifi fev and nick and now he is a dad. If he wasn't, it would be awkward. It would be weird because we just said three Doty Dads. Married to his beautiful wife, Lucia. He has two boys. They are five and two. And I just want to say, I know we mentioned it before, he's a comedian, but he is bloody hilarious. And he's lovely. Lovely to have to have here and we had a great old chat, so enjoy. Welcome back to Three Doting Dads. I am Matty J.

I'm Ash. And I'm Nick Curdy. This is a podcast that's all about parenting. It's the good, the bad. And the relatable. Now, for legal reasons, we do have to say that there is never any advice given on this podcast. However, this episode will be a little bit different because we have the pleasure of being joined by another dad who I would say is a better dad than us. They're all better than us, Matt.

It's not hard. It's subjective though, isn't it? Yeah. Being a good dad. It's a pleasure to have you here. Thanks for having me, James. Before I ask about your parenting, I do want to ask you something else, non-dad related. Okay.

What's Conan O'Brien like? Super friendly and a lot warmer than he had to be. Wow. Yeah. Well, that's good. How did that come about? For anyone who doesn't know, you were the fourth ever Aussie to be on his show. Yeah.

How did that come about? I did the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2015, 2016, 2017. But in 2016 His booker JP Came along to my show How good Edinburgh Fringe Yeah and then Got the call up

That's huge Yeah Because Matt's a really big fan of Conan Oh he's the best I love I love Conan Watching back I should have done

There were like five other bits I should have done My spot was alright Could have been better You know The hometown The small town Yeah

Good gear. Yeah, and I'll still cop shit about that from people from small towns, but it's – I actually love small – it's like – You make fun of the things you love. Yeah, of course. You make fun of the things like – yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like your kids.

Like your kids. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Anyone who's not familiar, you say there's a reason why they're small towns. Yeah, if small towns were good, they would have gotten bigger. That's how towns were. Pretty simple, really. small towns. Yeah, if small towns were good, they would have gotten bigger. That's how towns were. Pretty simple, really. Yeah, exactly right.

Small towns, shut up. Relax. It's so precious. Take a joke. We made fun of rural doctors once. Yeah. Fucking hell, people were just like, it was like they were heroes.

Remember? They were just like. We called them vets, I think. Yeah, that's it. That's right. I'll see what's happened. I called them, they're just like v We called them vets, I think. We called- Yeah, that's it. That's right. I'll see what's happened. I called them, they're just like vets, aren't they? It's like, you're going to see a goat, a child, then a pig afterwards.

Those people are like, I might just give two doting dads one last try. Like, you're going to turn on fucking small towns. Like, ah. I got heaps of flack for that. So, JP was the booker. Yeah. And so, after the gig, did you just say, hey, let's – Well, no, before the gig, you're in the dressing room

and I had my manager there, my mate Max Price, who's a comedian who was living in LA at the time. And they were like, you can bring another person if you like. And I'd been back and forth to the States over sort of three years leading up to that. And I thought there's one bloke I'm going to invite because I see him every time I go and each time I go, the gigs have gotten better and it was a bartender from a dive bar. His name was Matt.

Oh, random, yeah. So he didn't perform. No, he was just in the crowd. Your personal bartender. Yeah, from this shitty bar I used to go to. It's closed down now. Yeah. And every time I'd go to LA, I'd go to this bar.

It was a shithole. And each time I'd turn up, he's like, holy shit, the Australian's back. What are you doing this time? And each time the gigs had gotten better. Oh, how good. So that time I rolled in and went, doing Conan on Tuesday. You want to come? He's like, fucking yes.

So good. Ring the bell, shots for everyone. It was sick. Probably poor preparation for a He's like, fucking yes. So good. Ring the bell, shots for everyone. It was sick. Probably poor preparation for a large gig. Nah, that's all right. I like it. I went to the first LA Rams game when they were back in LA, the NFL game.

It was like 32 degrees, middle of the day. So you did this before the gig? Yeah, so I flew in, left Australia on a Sunday, arrived there Sunday morning, pick up my mate Max Price, go to the football, scorching sun, arrived there Sunday morning, pick up my mate Max Price, go to the football, scorching sun, middle of the day, just drinking beers. Oh, my gosh. Drunk, sunburned.

I don't see any issues with this crap. That sounds exactly like something I would do. Yeah. Good fun. Red hot chili peppers, blade of a sick. Oh, my gosh. Picked up the bartender, told him we're doing Conan on Tuesday. So good.

And then you get there a few hours before they film, sort of 4 o'clock in the afternoon around there, and one of the other guests on that day was Marshall Lynch. I don't know if you're an American football fan. The name, yes. His nickname is Beast Mode. Okay, yeah. He played for Seattle Seahawksks and I want to say the Raiders for a little bit, but gun, gun football player.

And his touchdown run in a playoff game, Seattle, the crowd got so loud that it registered on the Richter scale. Oh, my gosh. Like this insane run. He was on. I love American football and played American football in Melbourne growing up. And I was chatting to him for a bit and then Conan came out

and like I just remember his shirt was on, no tie, slacks, and I was chatting to him for a bit and then Conan came out and, like, I just remember his shirt was on, no tie, slacks, and he was in socks. He wasn't in shoes yet. He's like, Marshawn, and Marshawn turns around and he, like, pretends to throw a kick at him and then Marshawn's, like, throwing fake punches there in this fake fight and I'm just sitting there like, what the fuck is going on?

Well, these guys made it. Do I jump in and grab him in the head? But it was just one of those, it's just seared in my memory more than anything yeah just surreal like what a weird such a strange moment like the sequence of events like just to be on conan and then you're with like yeah marshall yeah i feel like all the late night show hosts all get a bad rap at the moment everyone's kind of everyone's saying oh they're actually they're all sexual predators apparently yeah the only one who like everyone kind of says for now is there anything you want to i've got another sad story

really sad story yeah we pumped him up bring him right back down but and then marshall one he had like two security guards with him just like he's already a big unit these guys were like six foot just huge staunch just showing nothing and there was like a big catering table and the guys are walking around having a look at the catering table and then there's a giant who's just given no one anything for half an hour turns around and goes this motherfucker's got a cupcake mountain. And was like pumped up. Is this real life?

It's just what is happening out the back here. Hey, we had a chat yesterday and before this record, obviously. And one of the biggest surprises I think about you is maybe because you're like a quintessential Aussie bloke, you don't seem like someone who would have had a career as a nanny. Oh, yeah. We were shocked. Yeah.

Was not expecting it. Career is a stretch. No, no, we'll go with career. Yeah, three, four months in – when would it have been? You would have made it past probation period. So, boom, career. I was 18 and I got a job with a family, the husband and wife were actors for the Australian Shakespeare Company and they were going on tour

and they had two boys who were 10 and 2 at the time. You were 18, right? Yeah, I was 18. My girlfriend at the time, her friends are family friends or something and they said, hey, Nick's having a gap year after high school would he be interested in coming on tour around australia with the australian shakespeare company and looking after the boys working anywhere at that time or were you kind of looking yeah just my mom was a receptionist at a law firm in melbourne for years so i'd work in the room

you were practicing law yeah i was practicing law i, yeah, I'll have it for an interview because I knew they were interviewing a few different people. But the boys, I think they had a female nanny and then they had their auntie or something look after them on the last two trips. So like an 18-year-old dude rolls in and the 10-year-old's like, this guy fucking rules. He just walked in with your testosterone.

That's him. Do you remember what they asked you for the interview? Well, I remember that I asked the 10-year-old, I was like, man, what are you like? And he's like, PlayStation and footy. And I'm like, sick. You're my boy. You don't drink beer, do you?

And then the two-year-old, they gave me like a trial day, or he was about to turn two maybe, and they said he goes for a nap at one, wake up between 2.30 and 3 and so I'm like, yeah, no worries and they leave to go and do rehearsals for the day and it gets to like 12.30, quarter to one. I remember the little kid, I'm like, hey, man, come on, it's time for a nap. He's like, nah, Mick.

He always called me Mick. Nah, Mick, no, no nap nap i need nap i'm like cool brother let's not have a nap i had no idea now that i've got two kids i'm like that fucking lying piece of shit you look back and then you go oh man because it's like six o'clock they've come home at quarter past six and it's six o'clock this kid has just gone just exploded and i'm like what has happened what has happened this kid was such a legend yeah why is he melting and then his parents come in they're like how was it okay it was pretty good till 15 minutes ago i don't know what's happening he had a good nap but they said how was the nap i'm like no he didn't have one he said he didn't need one they're

like no he definitely needs one yeah he needs one naps aside was it pretty easy overall or was it a huge learning curve to be thrust into the world of the 18th well yeah my dad told me to take the job so that it would show me how hard it is to have kids and so i wouldn't scare you off immediately i wouldn't do a big western suburbs of melbourne thing and that is get a chick pregnant when you're 19 it's like he goes that'll blast you through that side yeah you're not gonna want to ever do that it's a pretty good way yeah did it work yeah 100 i didn't have a kid until i was 31 yeah just get the life out of you yeah yeah but it was sick like i got to travel see all these yeah you know cool parts of australia it was sick. Like I got to travel, see all these cool parts of Australia. It was all through the Northern Territory.

Play PlayStation. Play PlayStation with the 10-year-old. Was it like a road trip? Yeah, it was in like a tour bus. So good. Yeah. Do you remember were there any other, I don't want to also like put you in the shit here, but were there any other mistakes that you made

aside from the naps? I remember one day, which I know it's bad at the time, but I now use it for my kids, and that was the little one. We're at a pool in maybe Darwin or Cairns or something at the hotel, and he didn't have floaties on, and it was the kids' pool, but at the very far end of the kids' pool, it gets to normal size. And he was just sitting there in the tiny bit of water, fine. Keep an eye on him, he's fine.

He gets up, comes around, and he said, jump in. I jump in big pool. I go, mate, I wouldn't do it. Don't jump in the big pool. He's like, I'm big. I'm jumping in. I go, go on then. Underneath, count to three, pull him out.

He counted to three. Just scared he's just yeah now with my two boys occasionally they're like i'm gonna do this okay all right have a crack see what happens oh that's actually good yeah my son he's still in float like he can swim but he's still in floaties for reassurance and like he took him off and then he forgot that he'd taken him off and just ran and jumped in. That's the issue with floaties. They give you a sense of confidence. Yeah, we're like, oh, there's a kid at the bottom of the pool. Yeah.

But he won't do it again, that's for sure. Yeah. Idiot. And then after that three-month stint, you've then carried on. You've extended your career of nannying, I guess. Yeah. Your knowledge of parenting. Yeah.

You've gone international. Yeah. I was summoned. You were scouted. Yeah, the top nannies from around the world. I was at uni. I went to uni for six months. That was it.

So I did. Man, this is grim. So I was 18. I thought I was going to be an athlete. I was like, half decent in the NFL. Didn't we all think that? I still do. I still do, honestly. I was like, half decent in the NFL. Didn't we all think that? I still do, honestly. I think I'm six weeks off the cans away from...

That's why we all wear jerseys to the games, just in case they're like, you, you're on. You're like, I'm ready! I was 18, I got drunk one day, and I watched Jerry Maguire, and I was like, sick, if I can't be an athlete, sick, I'll be a player agent

and signed up to Bachelor of Business, Sports Management. Nice. And then turned up and was like, fucking, this is not fun. I did not like this at all. This is nothing like the movie. Yeah. One of the teachers, she was a camp counsellor at this summer camp in Oregon like 10 years before or something and they were looking for a few Aussies to go to be camp counsellor at this summer camp in Oregon like 10 years before or something,

and they were looking for a few Aussies to go to be camp counsellors there, and I just loved the States, always wanted to go. She said, would anyone be keen? I was like, yeah, I used to be a nanny, and I was working at a bar at the time, and, yeah, I did all the interviews and everything and got the all clear. Got the all clear. Very clear joke, man. Yeah, yeah.

You can earn 86 cents an hour. Yes. It's something insane when they spread it over the amount of time. You make like 1,200. At the time, it was 1,200 US for like eight weeks. Which sounds okay when you're at a time. Yeah. A 19-year-old kid, 1,200 US dollars is like,

well, I'm actually set for life. When you convert that up. If you did it these days, you'd actually would be set for life, wouldn't you? With how shit the dollar is. Yeah, it's not bad. I'm going to sound really naive here, but are the summer camps for naughty kids in America or is it just- No, so what I've learned, it seems to be two types.

There's the summer camps where it's fucking Jack Nicholson's kid is coming in on a helicopter and if you tell a kid no, they're like, well, I'll sue you. You know Jack Nicholson? Yeah. And it's like, you know, why is there no iPhone chargers in this fucking joint? You know, kids are just going off.

Sound like my kids. But then there's the one I worked at, which was like a YMCA camp, and that was more middle class, lower class. Occasionally you get some naughty kids in there. But, like, it was awesome. It was. The worst thing, you get them for a week. So you get them from Sunday midday until Saturday midday.

So six full days. I was in charge of a cabin. So I'd have seven or eight kids in the cabin, and each week you'd get a different age group. And parents would drop their kids off and go, yeah, so my son, Steve, he's on like eight different, Ritalin's for different things. Oh, wow.

Yeah, he's on a lot of meds and we don't think it's great for him. So this week he's just not going to have any meds. Oh, my God. Cool. Cool experiment not to be a part of. Bye. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Cool. Cool experiment not to be a part of. Bye. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

You're like, fuck, Steve gets night terrors. We really want to wean him off. But anyway, we're just going to leave you with none of them and we can go. That actually happened. Yeah. You get the odds. What kind of prep do you get as a 19-year-old? None.

You just game face. Just see how you go. I think that sort of stuff helps you to be a parent one day just that fucking game face yeah if you're freaking out if you're freaking out the kid senses it but if you're like nothing worse i've like sent a dad away from a park before because a kid fell off something and everyone went you're like hey buddy and this dad went oh and then the kid locked onto that and i'm like you gotta go man yeah don't bring that fucking attitude to this yeah you're bringing us all down somewhere i used to work this guy he was on the stairs with his kids and the kid

fell down the stairs and i was like early 20s at this point so i wasn't even and i was like oh and he was like up you get i was like He was like, this is all about reaction. Like that would have fucking hurt. Yeah. And like the kid was like, oh, no one else is reacting. Yeah. Why don't my kids like that? Mine just kick off.

Meanwhile, your femur's sticking through the skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, up you get. Lock it off. Did they give you any advice or tips of like how to discipline when you're working with those kids? I was like, kids i've got were fairly good because i've been that nanny the year before just learned a few you know tricks

no means no yeah don't talk back you know i'm not above bashing a kid all right where i'm from there was a lot of that. Back in Australia. But they taught – We feed you to the crocodiles. They got me to teach kayaking and archery because I was Australian and rugby. I'm like, guys, I'm from fucking Melbourne, man. I've got no idea about any of those things. But, yeah, the kids were generally pretty good.

I do remember one day in archery, teaching the kids archery, and there was a kid. Two kids just wouldn't shut up. You shot one? No. Worse. A deer has come out of the wood and just come into the archery range, and I'm like, I will drop this deer.

If you kids don't be caught, I will shoot a deer. I'm not. My camp name was Beef Jerky. You get special names. My camp name was Beef Jerky. You get special names. My camp name is Beef Jerky, so it's just like 10, 8-year-olds. Like, Beef Jerky, no! These poor deers out there not knowing what's going on. No natural predators, just having a look, and I'm like, I will die.

Did you hit it? No, no, I didn't have to. Everyone was quiet. You know, get it out of there. Yeah, that's smart. And so after that stint. Is that how you parent now? You're like, I will kill this dog.

Let's come around to the neighbor's house. I've got a brick. Walking to the park with a bow and arrow. After that stint, were you thinking this could be an actual career for me now or was it the opposite and you're going, I don't want to fucking see another kid for a long, long time. Yeah, well, it was heaps of fun.

I never thought you'd get the odd overseas camp counsellor who would return each year but it's like quite a, it takes a lot of work and energy just to get the visa and the US don't make it super easy. Oh, yeah. At that point, I'd always wanted to try stand-up and then talking to some of the guys that I'm still mates with now, they were like, dude, you should.

I'm like, man, you got over here to do this silly – surely you can do some gigs. So then when I got back home, I started doing open mics and stuff like that. Straight away? Yeah, pretty much. Wow. Did you consider billing yourself as beef jerky or was it always going to be beef jerky?

Yeah, unfortunately. Coming to the stage is Bee Jerky. He once killed a deer or threatened to. It's a real cool like 80s comedy name, I reckon. Yeah, that is a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Def Jam Presents. Did you meet your now wife, Lucia?

Yeah. Did you meet her working together at all? Yeah, we worked on a TV show called Kinney, a sketch show. Is that Troy Kinney? Yeah. Yeah. I've seen some of it a while. I haven't seen much of him lately.

Kinney's going great. He's on a big live tour at the moment. Oh, okay. Can't stand up all over the place. Because I only really know him through his videos and stuff. Yeah, he's great. He's very funny. I hope you don't find this embarrassing.

I was telling my wife, Lechia, about doing this pod. Matty J. Matty J. She didn't do the bachelor skit, did she? Well, no, I haven't seen the bat. I did not know. I know you from this. He cries a lot in it.

Oh, do you? That's how I know. Oh, jeez. So let me just... Starts drumming on that this is unusable. Knocked all the cameras down. It's broken. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I was... I didn't know. Yeah. So apologies. That's very rude yeah I was I didn't know yeah so apologies that's very rude of me I know you for this he takes it very personally when you leave

he'll be like fuck start crying no Rose no Rose I've got a good screenshot of you just like full cry

it's great I didn't I didn't fucking cry that's what mates are for I didn't cry well that's what you think so what was the scene moving along?

Not to focus on The Bachelor anymore. Yeah. Although whilst we're here, Mamma Mia did vote me. No, I'm joking. You're doing a scene with Lucia on the TV show. Yes. She was just helping her friend out in the art department. So she's an actor and an AD.

Yeah. But her mate just needed a hand on this job and she just joined as that. And then after it wrapped, like months later, we went out. There you go. Was it love at first sight? Well, no, because I had a girlfriend at the time. Oh. Yeah.

So she was the other girl. She wasn't the other girl. Didn't happen at the time. Good bloke like that. Just for the record. Yeah. Didn't happen at the time. Good bloke like that. Just for the record. Yeah. Didn't happen or both at the same time. It wasn't like Mattie had 27 different women that he could kiss.

Didn't cheat. Didn't kill a deer. I'm reading between the lines over here. That's for sure. There's so many chicks here and they're recording it all. Shit. That's how they get you. One question.

I think it must be the most common question that we get from listeners is how did you know you were ready to start a family for you and lee cheer how did that conversation take place well she hop on big boy sorry how fucking day i'm sorry i'm'm sorry. She yelled, fill me up. I don't know. This is a beautiful story. I'm ashamed. I'm sorry. No, it was, she's super family oriented. So her and her family are really tight.

She's got two younger sisters, big family events all the time. My family too, but not the same way that her family are. She always wanted kids. I never wanted kids. I didn't want to get married i had so much and so many old we'll cut that bit out stand up copy paste copy paste i used to have heaps of stand-up bits about never wanting to get married or she would love kids yeah why is that do you think i just didn't well at the time i just didn't wasn't just didn't want it. Wasn't on your radar? No. I was the same. I was the same.

Yeah. Yeah. Then you meet someone and you're like, oh, yeah, I could see this happening. This is what the fuss is all about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the unluckiest that we decided, all right, let's have a kid. This is end of 2017. So I used to be on the road like seven, eight, nine months a year.

I'd always be away. And I was like, all right, we're going to try for a care try and be home more you know you've got to be there when you're ovulating yes yes that's an interesting time because we're we're going for a third and i know the tap of like this is a fun full around and i know the tap when it's the day is the day you've got to give it your best go it's business business. Yeah. I've been called up. I take it like I'm a soldier or something. Tag me in. Tag me in, coach. Put me in, coach.

I'm in my jersey. Fuck boys, 69. Let's roll. Ready for war. Let's go. The first pregnancy test she took, no baby. We're a bit flat. And I was like, fuck. I'd never done this before. Never had a pregnancy test she took, no baby. We're a bit flat. And I was like, fuck, Mike, I've never done this before.

Never had a pregnancy test. Never seen the look on someone's face when it's a no-go. Fuck, what should we do? I know. Try again. Let's rescue a dog. All right. We rescued a dog that was a Staffy cross-kelpie named Yumi,

just a lunatic dog. Sweetest pup, but just insane. Did you pick it together or did you just go straight out the door? I picked it together, but I wanted a purebred staffie. I love staffies. Actual staffies, even though they're built, you know, and they look scary, but they're the softest dog. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whereas my wife said, I don't like that look of a dog. She wanted something a bit sleeker, not that fat head. She just thinks I wanted a Staffy because I look like one. Just fucking getting around to our wagon. Give us a pat. She said, let's pick this one instead. We didn't know what the cross was until later, but it ended up being Kelpie.

Fucking crazy. Insane, this dog. Kelpie's a fuller being. the strength of a staffy with the energy of a kelby it's just it's not necessary yeah and then like a week later or something less even another pregnancy test pregnant it's like fuck i went from no responsibility to like just ultimate yeah you got plan b and plan a yeah all in one did you keep the rescue dog or what happened my first son was born towards the end of 2018 and then like a month or two later my manager asked me about breakfast radio and like doing stand-up you go in and just do little bits on radio and promote shows and whatever yeah but this was for like a permanent spot on a breakfast show, but in Brisbane.

I was like, well, I live in Melbourne. I'm not moving. Love Brizzy, but I'm not moving. And they said, just try it out. I went and had a try. It was fun. And they offered me the job and I was like, oh, I don't want to be locked in.

At the time, Charlie was three months old and did not sleep through a night. Yeah. There were nights where he was waking up every hour. On the hour. Fucking insanity. And I was like, I was used to going to bed at 1, 2, 3 in the morning, waking up whenever I want.

Yeah. Do whatever I want. And now it's like. Hits you real hard. Yeah. Now it's like, hey, you know how you're not sleeping? Ever. Well, at 3.50, do you want to get up and go to work?

Technically, you're still doing night radio yeah at that point because you're like i've been up all night anyway yeah and even now like i tell people so that job you'd have to be in there at 4 30 going through stuff have a meeting 5 till 5 30 you're only 5 30 till 9 insane i would say it's one of i mean actually i shouldn't say one of because i'm sure there's a lot of jobs out there that are very, very tough. But it's hard in that it's very, very early and you've got this little window where you're on, you're on air and you've got to be high energy, quick, sharp. I'd be no good.

Bright lights, a lot of coffee. Yeah. I'd be all right actually. You'd be no good. No, you wouldn't. You're not a monster. I don't need that type of negativity. How much sleep do you need a night?

Consistently, I think my limit would be like six hours. Yeah. That's kind of back to back to back. But you can do six? Yeah. Four hours. Anything lower than five as like a one-off, I'm struggling. I'll do four hours, three hours, whatever.

It's not a competition, mate. Yes, it is. Life is a competition, Matt. I won't sleep. Yeah. I won't sleep is that what it takes you go to bed at 8 p.m and wake up at 11 p.m let's go yeah that's what i mean i'll do like eight till six and then on the weekends i'm like i'm in bed at like 3 a.m and then i'm back up again at like six but yeah it's rough and you know the thing it's like if you have under five hours sleep, I think it's the equivalent of like four or five standard drinks. Yeah.

What if I've only had five hours sleep and four or five standard drinks? Do they cancel each other out? Yeah. Is that eight hours sleep? Yeah, that's what I tell the police and they're like, you're good. Fighting fire with fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it.

When you got this job, did Lucia go, amazing, this is great, you know, full-time work, we've got a family now. Yeah, you don't have to travel as much. You'd think it would be that, but it's more you've just got a kid that doesn't sleep. So everything is just like, what? Brisbane? Yeah, there's a dog going, just jumping in the backyard trying

to kill possum. It's fucking hectic. It's just it was too much. So generally for the Brisbane show, I'd go up a week a month and then three weeks a month I'd be in Melbourne or doing it from on the road or whatever. And 2019, all the touring and everything for the year is locked in in sort of August, September.

So it was before I got the job. So all these dates, all these things are all locked in and I'm getting up at 3.50 and the kid doesn't sleep and there's a fucking mental dog. It was just the shittest time, you know. It's the shittest. I can't imagine that. I just blew out, booze, no sleep, coffee, coffee, so many coffees.

You're just in survival mode, aren't you, really? Yeah, and then at the end of 2019, I thought, you know what, I've got one year left on this contract. What I'm going to do is I'm- Get COVID. The one thing, well do is I'm- Get COVID. The one thing- Well, I didn't know COVID was coming. I thought, what a great year.

What I'll do, I don't quit things, so I just won't drink. I won't drink for a year. Just hard drugs. I'll see what I- Just meth. Just shooting. Just injecting. Meth and archery.

So no booze at all? No booze for 2020, which was the worst year to not drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that was the best year for drinking. Yeah, I know. I was shattered.

Everyone else was having a blind time. At home. Yeah, locked in. Did it help, though? Was it making things more manageable? All it does, I don't know, you give it much more of a vibe of heaps and heaps of beers. I'm a piss head, yeah.

Yeah. The tinny monster is what we've been rumoured. Yeah, tinny monster is Ash's nickname. You're pretty responsible. Yeah, pretty responsible. I've always had your blowout here and there, a couple of beers midweek. He doesn't have a lot of body fat, so two or three beers and he's good.

I know. When he said he was also 36, I was like, fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude. Get out of your own house. Oh, that's how you do it. I've never had like an extended period of the booze. Oh, okay. Like the longest I've done is like three – what did I do last year?

Oh, it was like four days. Not bad. That's more than half a week yeah that's pretty good i take that pros and cons of being off the booze with kids specifically yeah it's so everyone thinks it's like you must feel amazing all the time but it's not it's that you never feel shit oh yeah so you you wake up the best bit your energy it's boring though yeah yeah i remember the whole year that's probably the worst thing which was actually all right you wake up in the morning and your energy is the same as at midday 6 p.m 10 p. You're just on this. That sounds terrible.

Yeah, there's no down. There's no mood swings. There's also no up, yeah. Yeah. And like this morning, so I'm in Sydney for two nights and last night I knew this morning I've got to get up for radio but I'm not sleeping at home with the kids. Are you going to get some sleep?

Got to get to the comedy store. No, absolutely not. I was having Boilermakers, beers and whiskey beer whiskey yeah get up at 4 30 just cold shower walk into the studio fresh it's good but there's no kids punching me in the head or whatever it's fine but the year off it's more that your energy's just level how did you manage the sleep i i don't really with your first yeah because i was similar i was similar to and matt's you had my second your second that would that would suck yeah because you think we've got this worked out yeah there is something nice about having one that doesn't sleep the first time around so when the second one rolls around yeah you go all right and then it sleeps and you're

like oh all right that's like makes you more annoyed at the first one. That was like me too. My first, he slept like 40 minutes at a time around the clock for so long. And then the second one was a dream compared to that. She couldn't be as bad as that. So I think that was sort of like a bit of a save. But when you got it the other way around, you're like, we are so fucking good at this job, parenting.

That whole sense of confidence shoots you down quick. But did you guys try and get help with the sleep or was it something that your bub grew out of? I still remember, and my wife won't like me saying this, but we went to like a sleep, I don't know, like a sleep class or something. But we're cooked, like we haven't slept. Yeah. And the woman running the sleep class at some point has said something

and then there's a break and it's like, you've got 20 minutes, go get a coffee or whatever. And as we're walking, my wife's like, I'm not doing this. I don't like this lady. And it's like, are you sure you're just not really tired? And she said something. Yeah. The lady probably said something very reasonable and my wife's like,

hate her, hate everything she's about. We're out of here. She says I get tangry. She gets hangry. She gets like hungry, angry. But she is generally pretty good on not a lot of sleep, whereas I get tangry. I get tired, angry.

Tired, angry, yeah. Yeah, I just know when I'm tired. My wife sends me to bed now like I'm a two-year-old. Go to bed. Fuck this. It's all gone to shit. I'm quitting this. I've had enough of this.

This is nonsense. And she's like, you go and have a nap now. I don't want to. No. Get your blankie and your dummy and your arm. So we tried to get help for the first one. The lady said something that my wife didn't agree with. We're out of there.

And then just kept going until the second one. How long until? Must have been a year and a bit. He wasn't a great sleeper. Yeah. It feels like forever though. Yeah. I've got a photo of him when we were, he must have been just under one,

maybe just turned one and we're on the Gold Coast, like a little family holiday. And he's had a rough night sleeping and right at cafe the next morning, he's sort of standing up on a chair and he looks 86. Tired old man. Yeah, he looks like he've just shrunk an old man down, the eyes and everything. Just like he's just lived a really hard life. He's seen a lot of things.

You must have been scared shitless then to go number two when number one was just like crazy time in your life with a tricky kid as well. Yeah. So, well, the second one, I always thought I'm not having one. I know there was some article on ABC the other day about- They end up being serial killers. No, it was more like it turns out only children can be awesome and most of them are awesome.

They just can't share. They just can't share. Cannot share. Any adult I know that's's a single kid you figure it out pretty quickly you know and they're like it's actually fine and i get if you're unable to have a second kid 100% of course i i get it get a rescue dog that's the same yeah but the people that can't have it of course that's brutal not talking about that the people that just have one and then you go, actually, you know what's great about one? You can focus on them more.

That'll be good for them in the long run. Yeah. Just say you're weaker than the real kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not as strong as the rest of us. Here we go. When that kid grows up, it's just like it's going to think everything's about them.

Look, I i honestly after the trauma of the first one i was like genuinely didn't want another one i will just say to anyone listening who is a parent of one child hey we love you and we love you as much as we love rural doctors there's a rural doctor with one kid yeah yeah yeah it's like yeah they're also a vet it was always going to be on the cards to go in for the second one it's like, yeah. Fuck this podcast. They're also a vet. It was always going to be on the cards to have. But going in for the second one, it's like, well, I'm already in. Yeah. The night of.

I don't want to know anything about the night of. I don't know. I'm already in. Oh, those people. I don't know how far apart. Oh, no, you've put kids a couple of years apart. Yeah, I think we're all pretty similar. We're 18 months. Yeah, like two and a bit years apart. But those people are like, yeah, I've put kids a couple of years apart. Yeah, I think we're all pretty similar. We're 18 months.

Yeah, like two and a bit years apart. But those people are like, yeah, I've got a one-year-old and a two-month-old. How many – your mum had five under seven? She had three under three, I think. Whoa. Irish. Irish triplets.

Yeah, she was a maniac. I couldn't think of anything else. Oh, my God. When she told me that, I nearly fell over. I was like, fuck. But that was from a time where you could hit him, which does, you know. You could hit him. Yeah, that's cheat codes.

That's God mode. There was no social media back then, mate. You could hit your kids or whatever. Let them do whatever. I'm assuming, though, it was a much easier run into having two kids given that number one was so tricky work and life was chaotic that number two was yeah a lot more pleasant well it was covered in 2020 we got an exemption in august or something to go up to queensland because i was on triple m in brisbane and just that like to get out it was

like four months of lockdown in Melbourne and then get to Queensland. We had to do the two weeks of hotel quarantine with the two-year-old in the room, almost two-year-old. And my wife for the first kid was like, no screens until they're two. No screens until they're two. I don't agree. And we're doing two weeks hotel quarantine, like stuck in a hotel room for two weeks.

No screens. No screens. Oh, my God. No screens. That would have been it for me. You did it? Yeah. Holy shit.

What did you do? Just lock it in the cupboard? The second kid, like six months in, I think, could use a remote both hands. My kid's swiping away DMs at six months. He's on my phone. He's like, I'm trying to get important text messages. Yeah. But got to go to Brisbane.

Everything's open. Everything's good to go. And then, yeah, fell pregnant in Brisbane. So I came home with a little Queenslander in there. Beautiful. Don't say that. He's a Queenslander. You're welcome.

Yeah, right. Okay. So is your second a girl? No, another boy. So two boys. Oh, it's'm gonna be crazy yeah and you're on a third it's a bit of fun and the the two-year-old he turned to a couple months ago but when he turned to he was 18 kilos like he's a he's a unit you wanted your staffy the five yeah

yeah i got the human staffy and it's like my five-year-old is the sweetest, so smart, very artistic. He just loves drawing and painting and does gymnastics. And the two-year-old is a fucking leaguey. Like just come across, dick punch. That's a Queenslander, mate. That's a Queenslander. He was made there. Wow.

This might be a dumb question. Yeah. But I'll ask it anyway. I've got two girls. Yeah. So we've actually, other than a fringe haircut, which was a home job, we've never gotten haircuts. How's that process for two boys?

The two-year-old's got big curly hair, like blonde curly hair, like I used to have when I was little. Mine was like white, this white curly thing. He's got very similar hair to me. And then a five-year-old's got this straight, almost looks a bit like grub, you know, just this straight, but it's got colour through it. Like chicks would pay hundreds of dollars to get the – Like all of my wife's friends are like –

Yeah, all my wife's friends are like, look at the cut. Look at the beautiful hair on him. My wife's actually taking him down to the salon secretly on like a Thursday morning they don't have to get their hair cut that often because they've got long obviously Macy hasn't had a haircut

because she's so young but Oscar couldn't stand it the feel of the hair on him after cutting him so just like I just had to pin him down and shave his head

because he was just oh did you looked like someone owned him it was like like shearing a sheep yeah you know when you used to have to give them a COVID test

and you'd be like. Oh, yeah. He's like that. He's like trying to like, and I would just be like, shaving his head, but yeah, nightmare. Yeah, mine I sort of sell anything I know, if I know they're not going to enjoy it. So my eldest, when he was younger and he had to get needles

for the first time, my wife would make me take him in so it's like he's equating these needles with dad yeah dad did it right yeah but when he got old enough i said man when the needle goes in i said it's gonna hurt unless you say go and get to the nurse you If you say that, they'll laugh. It won't hurt. He's like, all right, daddy. That's clever. He's like two and a bit. He's got the sleeve rolled up and he's looking.

I'm like, yeah, man, you've got to do it. Time to shine. Go on, get to the nurse. She loses it. And I'm like, did it hurt? He's like, nah. So now every time, but I'd forgotten. So the next time I'm taking him along to get you,

I had just completely forgotten and sit down and the needle comes out and he's like, don't get to that. I was like, oh, sorry. Yeah, I told him to. Now that's his thing. Just coping mechanism. So I just try and give him a thing. Like with a haircut, I was like, dude, you get to go to a barber, right? Dad has to sit in the chair, I'll be honest, like a loser. I've got to sit in a chair like a loser.

When you go to the barber, because you're so young and your hair's so cool, they're going to put a skateboard deck out over the chair. Oh, right. So you get to like almost skateboard while getting your hair cut, which is, I think, the coolest thing anyone's ever got to do. So it was one of the things I learned when nannying. It's like if something's going to be shit, just sell it. You've just got to sell it.

I'm too busy threatening my kids and you're just like sell it. Sell me this pen. When they don't listen to the sell, there's threats. Oh, yeah. I'm too busy threatening my kids and you're just like selling it. Sell me this pen. When they don't listen to the sell, there's threats. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm selling or threatening. You would have been a great agent, a sports agent. You would have, yeah, yeah. Really selling it.

Those busted ACLs have come back stronger. Broken bones are stronger bones. Yeah, absolutely. You've got to get this guy. He's 38. Prime. He's wearing his jersey to all the games. One of the biggest pain points, I think, with young kids is holidays. Now, you've done something which I think is on like borderline like lunacy.

You've taken a week road trip with both your boys. What was the thinking behind it? So, my wife went with her mum and sisters to Greece in the middle of last year for a couple weeks there was like a terrible thing happened in the family so they wanted to get away and I was like you should all go and do that that's brilliant go and do that and she said that well the two weeks is the two weeks you're off radio so it's going to be your whole holidays with the boy I'm 100% that's fine whatever and then she asked me what are you going to do well I'm gone and I. I'm like, 100%, that's fine, whatever. And then she asked me, what are you going to do? Well, I'm gone.

And I said, I'm going to take them on a road trip around Victoria. Screen time. I reckon. Get the screens out. Yeah. She doesn't know that it was screen time. I put on Lonely Planet and go to Victoria. She comes back, they're like, 12 apostles, great ocean ride.

Saw it all, mum. Boys, heaps of icy poles if you remember five places. And I said, yeah, I'm going to take them on a road trip. And she said, why would you do that? And I said, well, I want to see if I can. Worst comes to worst, you come home. Yeah. They don't know the itinerary.

Yeah. They don't know what I've got planned. Trip's over. Yeah. At the driveway. Yeah. So we went to Phillip Island for two nights, then Healesville, and we went to the zoo for a day.

Then we went to Mansfield, which is at the bottom of Mount Buller, for a night. And then we went up Mount Buller and stayed up on Mount Buller for a night because it was snow season and then came back home. So it was like five days or something away. I'll be honest, one of the reasons why I did it, I knew if I could pull it off, the like dad credit. Oh, it's high.

Like in circles, I'm fucking up her friend's husbands. Yeah, totally. If I pull this off. If Matt did that, April would be like, why can't you fucking do that? Yeah. It's like to a group of mountaineers going, I've just summoned at Everest. Yeah. What the fuck are you guys doing?

Yeah. You're in the Yu Yangs like a pack of dickheads. Get up there, you know. Get up. Have a go. So I knew it was going to be fun. A road trip. I don't have to fly with them.

I don't have to deal with that. We're all in the car. We're still within a few hours of home. They're strapped in. At any point. They're strapped in. Do a bunch of activities in the car. We're still within a few hours of home. They're strapped in. At any point. They're strapped in. Do a bunch of activities in the morning. Drive over nap time or whatever to get to the next place and then set up.

And it was genuinely like one of the funnest weeks. I still remember in Phillip Island, heaps of stuff was booked out because it was holidays. I booked this motel. So normally when we go away, we'll stay in like a mantra or something, you know, like a two-bedroom apartment, you know. But we hadn't stayed in a motel before and we walk in and my five-year-old, four at the time, almost five, he's like, what?

Dad, have a look at this. There's a TV on top of a fridge and the kettle's next to it. This room, this is crazy. Mind-blowing. I was like, man, this room rules. And he's like, can I draw it? And I'm like, man, sit there, just draw it. next to it. This room, this is crazy. Mind-blowing. I was like, man, this room rules. And he's like, can I draw it? And I'm like, man, sit there, just draw it. Go for it.

It's like, I can watch Bluey in bed and you can make a cup of tea. Beautiful. Let's redesign the house when we get back. Yeah. Chuck us a beer out of the TV cabinet, would you? He loved it. My youngest, who turned two a week or so later, he was fairly good. Occasionally we'd just get, like at Phillip Island,

there's a huge maze and we wanted to get to all the checkpoints, but, you know, we're three of five flags in and the eldest wants to quit. I was like, man. Got to finish. Two more, you feel like a champion. We could go home now and you'll remember being a bit of a loser we gave up are we going to give up i don't want to give up all i wanted to do was just go get a beer and you know but i was like let's get the last two yeah but i had to carry the 18

kilo bricks for the last two years not having any so come boys let's go carry you for a bit yeah just cooked everything Everything's cooked. But the tough one was the snow. Taking two kids to the snow. We'd never been to the snow. I'd never driven up to the snow by myself. It's a recipe for disaster. Yeah, the room was 200 metres from the car but in a blizzard going

down a hill with an 18-kilo kid and a thing and a suitcase and a – that was – The snow adds a layer of complexity that yeah is not needed yeah i literally went to the shop yesterday and it was drizzling and got macy out of the car and walked from the car park to the open and she was just like yeah can't imagine her in the snow we went tobogganing so you just sit on a toboggan the oldest could go by himself so he'd go down and then i'd go down with the youngest. And the problem is, though, you go down together,

but you've got to use your feet as brakes. And when you slam your feet into the snow, snow kicks up, but it gets you at chest level, but it was just fucking covering you. And he was just like throwing punches at snow. Trying to get through it. Go get it. Go get it. And then when the five-year-old wanted to do one more run on the Toboggan,

he'd done about ten of them. He'd had a blind. He was loving it. And it's like one more dad. And I'd heard so many dads tell me that if there's ever going to be a mistake, it's always one more dad. It's always one more. Fangs down this mountain, then just decides to go 90 degrees to the left through this mesh sort

of fence that hit him there. So it looked like his head's come off, smashed into the snow, but I'm up top watching. I can hear him. And you've got to go, bud, you're all right, bud. You're all right, mate. Get up. You're all right, bud.

And I'm like, he's not all right. He's got whiplash. I've got to do a bud. You're all right, bud. You're all right, mate. Get up. You're all right, bud. And I'm like, he's not all right. He's not all right. He's got whiplash. I've got to do a head injury assessment on him. He's no good, mate. At least he's in the ice. Just lay down. Don't move.

Elevate it. But he had to carry his toboggan back up after axing himself because I couldn't get down with the – because I go, mate, let's toboggan down. Get Charlie. We've got to help him out. And as soon as I'd sit the young bloke on there, he with the – because I go, mate, let's toboggan down, get Charlie. We've got to help him out. And as soon as I'd sit the young bloke on there, he's like, no, no, no, no, I know what happens. I'll get covered in snow.

I hate this shit. The snow was just like 24 hours. He's got great memories of playing in the snow, throwing snowballs, tobogganing. But that's 20 minutes of that 24 hours. It was just fucking chaos. Yeah, it goes so slow. Definitely needed another pair of hands.

Is there another trip on the cards after this one? Will you step it up a notch? Well, yeah, I think I'll have to do it again. We might come up to Sydney actually. Did you get the dad credit first of all? Oh, so much. My wife's like- I'm giving it to you.

She kept saying, just admit it was hard. Just admit it was hard. No, it was really easy. Oh, like, I'm giving it to you. Just admit, she kept saying, just admit it was hard. Just admit it was hard. No, it was really easy. Oh, no, I was easy. We spoke yesterday, Matt and I were like, why is Max in a wheelchair? We spoke yesterday after you said,

I took the kids away on my own and we both went, fuck that. So you've got one up on us, that's for sure. Yeah, if you think it's going to be a normal holiday, now with kids, you're not, they're not the It's never normal.

They're not the trips you used to have. I'm so frustrated at the airport and all sorts of things like now. I used to be like, oh, we'll grab the bag. Now I'm like, get the bag. Get to the hire car. One of the best bits, I don't know how your wives pack. Three months before. Yeah, and everything.

Everything. The kitchen sinks in there. Yeah, their first drawing, a fucking- Old passport. What's going on? And we have to bring a suitcase full of nappies. It's like, we go to the Gold Coast, they sell them there. What the fuck are we doing?

We went to Bali and my wife's like, I go, why do you have so many suitcases? And she's like, well, I've got to have all the nappies. I was like, first of all, they sell nappies there. She's like, they're not going to be the same. And I was like, they, I've got to have all the nappies. I was like, first of all, they sell nappies there. She's like, they're not going to be the same. And I was like, they are going to be the same. Like, you understand that tourists go there all the time, right? Yeah.

And I was like, oh, do you know what we should do? We should put them in my board bag just to protect the surfboards. Smart. That's a dad brain. Yeah. And I was like, sweet, let's do that. Save us a whole other suitcase. Anyway, the surfboards didn't turn up.

Oh. And she was like, i told you this would happen and i was like look we'll go to the shop lo and behold guess what they've got there fucking nappies and they got a whole wall of them and she was like oh i was like oh my god so that was the one of the best bits was because i the most frustrated i've ever been i reckon is my wife saying hey don't worry i've got myself and the boys covered you just pack whatever you need so she'll pack it all and then go hey you go put it in the car and i'm like this is like tetris that's fucking my spine and it doesn't fit dude

the concept of space is not yeah i don't know what you expected me to try and figure out here it find a way it gets, but I'm always frustrated. So the fact that I got to pack. Yeah, you were like, minimal. Take one pair of shorts. Yeah. One shirt. Dad, I want to jump in the mud.

Well, you've got no other clothes, man, so I wouldn't. I thought you were going to say, like, we're going to try and, like, walk across the Nullarbor or something. Boys are like, Dad, can't we just? My feet hurt. Shut up and keep walking. I need the credit. It was fun.

Yeah, it was just great. I don't know. It was like little weird bits of it were fun. Like we were driving through like the Dandenongs down in Victoria and my son said, I want – can we get some fruit? I was like, yeah, for sure. I reckon there's places around here that sell – there'd be little farms and stuff. Mum would have packed it, but we'll find some.

We're hunter-gatherers, boys. We're not these pre-prepared types, right? Let's go get it ourselves. But, you know, like we're driving through and he's like, Dad, look at this sign. It was just a massive painted apple. I'm like, yeah, man, let's go in there. And it happened to be an orchard that they had heaps,

you know, just those things they remember, like two massive bags of apples. Yeah. Kids are like, this is- This is crazy. See that big apple? Yeah. Holy shit. They forget the snow.

Yeah, yeah. They'll remember a big bag of apples. Yeah, absolutely. But in like three years' time, they'll be like, remember that big bag of apples? You're like, no. What are you talking about? Friends of my wife took their kids on like an eight-month caravanning trip

or something, like so long. And then when they got back, I asked the kids, what was your favourite part? And they were like, Dad, remember that caravan park when the poo truck came and pumped all the poo out of it? It's like a year of pieces of shit. I was like, we could have just gone to the local caravan park. Before we go, I do want to ask, maybe there's no answer to this question,

but I'll try my luck anyway. Is there any advice, like one particular saying that you would say could help any potential mums or dads out there who are expecting their first child you go on as many dates as possible now okay i'm not this isn't even a tip for when the kid comes because you know you don't know what you're going to get no that's the you know you had a great sleeper shit sleeper you don't know what's coming but you can control what you do up until the baby comes very true hopefully and that would be just heaps of date nights fuck a lot we would that's what he's getting at i reckon we saw so many movies like we were seeing the shittest movie. Like, we just got through every movie. We were just watching shit because we're like,

soon we won't be able to do that. And now people are like, have you seen? I'm like, no, no. I don't know. I've seen the insides of my eyelids and that's about it. Yeah. I haven't seen anything in years. There you go.

You heard it here first. I have sex a lot. I do think you were going to say, go on, get. Go on, get. Go on, get now. I do think you're going to say go on get. Go on get. Go on get. Go on get now. Get that kid now. Yeah.

Hey mums to be when you're pushing it out it's not going to hurt if you yell go on get. I'm the obstetrician. Nick Cody

it's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you very much for having me. Really appreciate it. Love your bloke's work. If you've enjoyed this episode

we would love it if you would share it with a friend. Anyone out there who may benefit from having three dads, one of whom knows what they're doing,

the rest don't. Also, if you would give us a review, subscribe, we would also love that more than anything. I don't want to beg. Again.

That comment of like, sits there. Someone left us a review saying, just because you begged, I'm going to leave you a review. But they gave us five stars. So that's nice.

Yeah. We'll be big for it. We'll see you guys next Wednesday. Nick, thanks again. Thanks again. Thanks very much. Appreciate it.

Cheers. Cheers. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.