Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - To snip, or not to snip? [vasectomy]

Episode Date: May 16, 2023

Fellas, make sure you check your nuts because it's testicular cancer month and we wanna make sure if any of you get struck by this asshole of a disease, you get to your GP quicker than Ash puts away a frothy on a Sunday arvo. Matt's been dealt a double whammy - man flu and he's a single parent because Laura's left him for the latest season of Dancing With The Stars. Ash's mum is in town and he finds out he was almost abducted in Kmart when he was a toddler. If that wasn't traumatising enough, Matt also gets Ash to relive the day he got his vasectomy (step by step). Is it worth taking the venom out of the snake? We also have a crack at answering your parenting questions: Do you miss who you were before you were both dads? Have your kids ever stolen anything before? Follow @twodotingdads on Instagram here. Or slide into our DM's with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You are. My fire, the one desire. Don't sing that because people keep saying you guys look like you're going to try and fuck each other. The storytelling, I think, is what's doing it for you. Do you watch it back and go, we look like we want to fuck each other? We're probably one really, really funny joke away from kissing welcome back to two doting dads i am maddie j sorry what's wrong again welcome back to two Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J.

And I'm Ash. This is a conversation all about parenting, the good, the bad. And the relatable. And we have to also say at this point, if you're coming for any type of advice. Steer clear. Turn away. My child. Right now.

I have to say, right now you may be thinking, that doesn't sound like Matty J. No. If it is me i have overcome it's not been easy man flu i'm coming out the other end i know you've been complaining about it all week i feel so sorry for you i've persevered i've made sure you messaged me the other day and you were like i said i can't record but i feel good i didn't complain undertones undertones of complaint it's been tough it's been tough you sound like darren lockyer brisbane great yes i knew about that i see i sound like i've been kicked in the throat with a pair of football boots yeah yeah you're a chain

smoker now i actually and none of that digital stuff all that analog it's back on the winnie redds i kind of like it. Winnie Red? No, I kind of like the husky voice. You do, rasp, yeah. It makes me sound more rugged. I'll punch you in the throat and you can be like that forever. Oh, mate, a bit of foreplay. Yeah, there would be a lot of women like right now.

I like it. Is it off-putting at all being opposite someone who's got now such a rugged husky voice? Look, you'll get used to it. I've had to earn this voice. It doesn't come naturally. Were you ever a smoker? Did you smoke?

Yeah, I used to smoke when I was a young lad. Why did you stop? I don't know. I just like stopped. I think it's just not cool anymore, right? I think April hated it for so long. And then I just like stopped smoking sober as a lot of people do when they drink, they smoke as well. Maybe not so much these days because of vaping and then yeah just all of a sudden and now a cigarette repulses me like i can't even walk behind someone smoking a ciggy with like i got a friend i got a

friend i was telling this to him the other day who's a he's an ex-smoker now on the vape and i can't even walk behind someone who's smoking i've got to like dodge the smoke because of the smell just everything about i don't know i hold my breath sometimes i feel like such an ass like come on man he's smoked like a pack a day now and he was like i love it just straight up it was like i love it so much anyway speaking of cancer we really something a little bit good segue a. A little bit more important. It's Testicular Awareness Month. It is. Who would have thought we'd be doing such a serious message?

But this is an important one. It is very important. Because I know I'm very guilty of thinking that I'm entirely invincible aside from man flu. Yes, aside from man flu. And as you know, testicular cancer is one of the most common. Yeah, it's like number one. Yeah. It's up there. 100%. I. Yeah, it's like number one. Yeah. It's up there.

100%. I actually always thought it was like an old man's cancer. Old man cancer? Yeah, I thought that was like- Can we just refer to cancer now as old man cancer? Old man, yeah. But it's not. It's a young man's game, Matthew.

It is, but it's very easy to treat, Ash. You just got to like literally spot it early. And the reason to spot it early is by- Checking your nuts. Fondling your nuts. And I fondle every day anyway. So now when April says to me, get your hand out of your pants, I'm like, babe, this could save my life.

My dick fondling could save my life. I wish I knew the reason for this, but they say the best time to fondle your nuts is inside the shower. Steamy. Yeah. They also hang a lot lower. With a bit of heat. with a bit of steam yeah especially in winter mine are within me at the moment if you reach down and try to grab a handful

of my nuts there's nothing there little pellets but i've checked them and they're good yeah they feel good and if you do spot any kind of weird lump straight to your gp gp gp that shit right up are we saving lives right now? Absolutely. I would consider myself a lifesaver after just mentioning it. To the people listening right now, you're welcome. I never thought that I would tell people that I fondle my nuts every day and then consider myself a lifesaver. But I've just done it. One of the reasons why it really sucks that I'm sick right now,

Ash, I've told you this story before, but I've got a race coming up next Sunday, the 21st of this month, this Sunday coming, and I'm racing against my brother-in-law. It's a 10K run. He is someone who is extremely fit. He's like the stereotypical alpha male. He's a builder name's bill oh my god and he wrestles bears does he have a kelpie he had a german short head pointer okay which is kind of like a he's a man's man he would shake my hand squeeze the shit out of it and just squeeze it until i would like do you ever just like sneak a finger in there and rub it in a palm? That'll really bring him back down to earth. But he said to me, he said, I bet you I could beat you in a running race.

And I used to be a good runner in high school. Hang on a second. What are you guys in kindergarten? Does the fastest, whoever's the fastest get the girl? I don't remember how this came up. I think it was. It's a bit like my dad's versus than your dad. Yeah, it was a bit of a dick showing competition.

And it was in front of. I've seen yours. It's handsome. Right? Yeah. I think it was in front of his mates at a Sunday barbecue, like a few beers. And he was just staunching me in front of his mates. Nice.

And I think I said, no, mate, I'm a pretty good runner. I can beat you. So, the competition is whoever loses has to then get a tattoo of a turtle on their body somewhere, which for me is fine because I've got a few tattoos anyway. A couple of tough stickers. But for him, he's clean skin. Got none.

He's got nothing. Oh, nice. But he's- You've got to beat him. You've got to do it. To put into perspective how much of an athletic freak he is, he did an ultra marathon. Oh, you're done for. Like hundreds of kilometers. Irrespective how much of an athletic freak he is, he did an ultra marathon.

Oh, you're done for. Like hundreds of kilometers. And if you finish within 14 hours, it's considered elite. It's elite level. You get like a medallion. What does he do it in? With minimal training and also keeping in mind that only half of the people actually finish the race. He did it in like 13 hours, 40 something.

So he finished within like holy shit what i've been training really hard i've been training i've noticed i've noticed you keep telling me like you're in the prime of your life this is the fittest i've ever been and i said to myself the only thing that would derail me is if i get sick and fucking what happened week out are you fitter now than you were when you're on the bachelor obviously, you would have worked hard so that, like, you're going to be on national TV every second night of the week with your abs out. I mean, granted, you were younger.

I put on a bit of size because I'm pretty skinny. I wasn't going to say it. I jacked up. I seem to be legs on a seagull. I smashed the creatine before Bachelor. Yeah. The water retention. Yeah, yeah, yeahagull. I smashed the creatine before Bachelor. Yeah, the water retention. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas now I'm a bit more leaner.

You are. You've got a runner's body. Yeah, yeah. But it's also what's added, not to complain, Ash, what's added to the situation is the fact that Laura has effectively left me. What do you mean? She's doing Dancing with the Stars. She is.

Australia's worst kept secret. Was obvious oh yeah she's looking fit not that i was looking at it like that well but like yeah and she's married to you so also i've noticed yesterday she was teasing what it is with but i could tell that she's been working hard. So it wasn't a huge surprise to all of us. No, but it's- Obviously happy for her. Yeah, I'm glad you're happy. For me, it fucking sucks.

I'm now getting a taste of what it would be like if we got a divorce and I was on my own parenting. That would be brutal. And she got the weekend visits, not you. Yes. So you're the primary carer. I literally have this thought. I think for anyone out there who's a single parent, fuck me. I don't know how they do it.

I do not know how you do it. It's unbelievable. Look, I do it for an afternoon and I'm like, oh, my God. I need like three days rest. It's hard. But the only plus from this, being the only parent in the mix right now because laura literally like she's out the door at seven o'clock she's got in the podcast radio jewelry business she does a million things and then she trains in the evening so she'll come

home for a little bit then go back out train to like 10 30 but because i'm literally like the only person who's there to look after my children the other night laura came home right as well about to have shower time with the kids and this is the first time it's ever happened and for me it was quite a significant moment where laura came in and she rushed to marley and lola because she hadn't seen them all day and she said she felt bad a little bit of parent guilt for sure oh she did she is like she's and you know so when she comes home she wants to like get straight into it and give them all of her attention yeah and as she rushed in marley put her hand out was like mom stop right there i want dad to give me a shower sweet justice see who'd have thought

that actually parenting your children would pay off because i'm not i'm on the other spectrum where they're just like obsessed, obsessed with mum. If I get a cuddle in, it's like, yes. But like to be the preferred parent at the time, it's... It's fucking beautiful. I mean, I'm a pretty... Better than Lego is what I'm going to say. It's amazing.

Also does kind of suck because you then have to then like... Live up to that standard. Yeah. Laura can take a break. Can't drop the ball now, big boy. Yeah. I'm number one right now. It's a good spot to be in.

Alpha. How long will it last? Don't know. Probably till the weekend and she's back. Yeah. I think she's got like three more weeks left. That quick? Well, it's not live anymore.

It's all pre-recorded. Oh, right. Okay. I don't trust live people anymore. Yeah. So it's all pre-recorded. People get cancelled with anything live. And then as soon as it finishes, I'm out.

You're out. You're moving out. I'm out. But like I'm going to sound like such a wanker right now. You are a wanker, so just carry on. Okay. Lola and I have got this thing now where- You besties.

I do. We're thick as thieves like this. Where I give her a little cuddle before she goes down for a sleep at nighttime. And now it's become a thing. It's a habit now. You've created a bad habit. It's the routine. And Laura was putting her to bed.

And she was saying, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle. And I said to Laura, I came in and said, you know, I know you're trying, but we actually- This is how you do it. you're trying but we actually this is how you do it laura's like what the fuck has happened and i give her like a little 30 she's on the out she's on the out she's on the out if this was survivor this week's not looking good for her she better have a hidden immunity somewhere i'm down the park with all the mums yeah and'm like. Why don't you go to the Mother's Day barbecue this afternoon? We've got an afternoon tea at daycare, which is for the mums. We're recording this before Mother's Day if anyone's confused

and Laura can't make it because she's dancing. Dancing with another star. Gutted. So I'm going to rock up and I'll be there. Shoken dad. Hey. Who's to say like dads can be mums too. On that note, we should probably wish all the mothers a

very happy mother's day yeah because of course mothers are parents too absolutely yes not just dads i'm always surprised at how many mums are listening to the podcast i always thought it would just be like just because there's no judgment here i know this is a safe space if you're a parent well even if you're if you hate your kids we get it come in take a seat and get comfy speaking of mothers i've had mine here she was here for a couple of days she's on the gold coast yeah yep yep yep yep so she's been in sydney for like two weeks staying with my sister see who the favorite is there remind me your sister has one child and i have two okay but my sister needs more help i've got more of a support network over here with april's parents and so forth so anyway i was down at the

shopping center just down the road from my house my mom that's been there since the 80s is shopping center of course it's been revamped but there's a kmart there right the kmart's been there the whole time and i was walking into Kmart with my mum and my son, who's nearly four. And mum goes, oh, there's flashbacks. I was like, what do you mean flashbacks? Because Oscar wouldn't hold my hand. He just wanted to run. She's like, just flashbacks of coming to Kmart when you were that age. I said, oh, yeah. She's like, you wouldn't hold my hand. And one day you just ran off. She was just like, I had to save you. I was like, what do you mean save me?

And she was like, you were running off and some guy made the eyes at you. And I was like, what? She was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you ran down like this thing and he kind of went after you. And mum's like, this guy's going to abduct my child. After you? After me. Surely not.

Yeah. He apparently was just like like, lingering around. And at this point, I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I've never known this. And she was like, yeah, yeah, like, it got to the point where I had to, like, snatch you off him. And I was like, how dare you? I could have been one of those children that was abducted. So, essentially, I've just found out in my 30s that i was this close to being abducted wow

did she call the cops no she said i just grabbed her gave him the eyes what do you mean gave him the eyes the 90s he tried to fucking abduct her child and she gave him the eyes i'd be like calling the fucking police and i came home just before and I said to Avril, I'm like, I was nearly abducted. She was like, today? I'm like, no, I'm 32. No one wants me. I'm used up.

You're like a gamer. Just like, anybody want me? I got one of those signs saying, free. And I was just like in shock. But also like that's quite big for your mum just to be like, oh, by the way. Yeah. Do you want this top? It's a size small for Oscar. And you almost got abducted when you were four years old. She was like, right here. You almost the way yeah do you want this top it's a size small for oscar and

you almost got abducted when you were four years old like right here you almost got abducted when you were this age i was like oh you're like back at the scene of the crime yeah and instead you who knows what my life could have been if that guy came out of yeah to be fair people do nasty things i'll probably be dead but walking through came out and i was just like trying to wrap my head around it like that's how close i could have been to being abducted if that had happened we would so happy mother's day to my mother holy shit yeah i honestly can't believe that i wonder if it was like i mean was it just a case of this guy was you know saw this young chap running towards him and he apparently eyed me off for ages and was like, it was the 90s,

so I don't know if people were different. No, I reckon like the fact that it was- It was like 93 or something. You say that like it was like in 93, it was just a dumb thing that people just went to Kmart and abducted kids? It probably was. I reckon if we deep dove into that, there would be people that were like, I nearly got abducted at the exact same Kmart.

Yeah, that was always John. Classic John. He's still alive today. So last week I did speak about my vasectomies. I had the pregnancy scare, which we're over now. We're past it. Can I ask, Ash, have you got the checkup no i don't intend to fucking hell dude actually that brings me to something that people were

commenting and messaging me saying we have the same thing still haven't been tested and it's crazy because of how many people have actually messaged me or put comments on some of the content and been like you know we had a baby six seven years down the track it's like fuck but the fact that it's no one's safe but don't you want that peace of mind i like to live life on the edge my friend obviously like you know i'm assuming that when you and april do the deed get it done you're not wearing i don't wear my hat or my socks you're raw dog i'm raw dogging baby i got the vasectomy for one reason and one reason only and that is raw dogging yeah great

there was a guy i saw he dropped a message on the video that you posted and he said to the doctor he's like do as much damage right now i want you to burn that little tube tie it do everything you can to make it irreversible yeah is that something that you kind of say like but he's like but you don't get you don't get to pick the level of a sex me that you yeah you're like there's only one level it's like level 10 it's like when you go for heart surgery like give me the very best level you've got can i start from the very beginning because i'll be honest a lot of people find it shocking i do as well the fact

that you're 32 and you've taken the venom out of the snake no one has ever said it to me like that look this snake had some serious sorry starting from the very beginning from the very beginning of time like before or after I was abducted. So you had your first child. Yeah, so I had my first child in 2019. Planned, of course. Very exciting. Was the vasectomy in the background? No, no, no, no.

I think originally we always set out to have two, but after the first one I didn't want another one because it was painful you know like i said you're gonna get a sleeper or you don't i didn't get a sleeper barely slept for that whole year yeah so after the first one i was like nuts we're not gonna have another one we obviously discussed it a lot and i think we were originally always gonna have two and then we didn't want to have that single child that was a fucking weirdo. I mean, hey, let's be honest. That single child in primary school, they're strange cats.

They're the sort of kids that would go to the urinal and pull their pants all the way down to their ankles. If you meet someone, and I hope there's not many listeners out there who are single children, but if you meet someone who's relatively normal and you say, oh, do you have and sisters and they go no no i'm the only child and they're normal you go fuck yeah you're like taken back wow like you were then but the thing is we're saying they're normal now oh yeah yeah can always morph into that serial killer yes it's only a matter of time it's a matter of time i don't really understand like i get people want one and want to run with one and that's fine i think people that overpopulate the earth are worse than that person. You're slowing us down, man.

The rotation physics, you're slowing the earth down by procreating that much, especially crackheads. Attacking people who are single children, the crackheads. Who else do we hate? I would love to be cancelled by crackheads. Think of the uproar. Over and above the two to three children window is madness i just don't know how you do it it's not for me like dominic perronet's got what 15 kids he's got 15 yeah he's got a cult he's just they're gonna take over literally they're gonna take over the world literally yeah so you thought to yourself i'm gonna have a second child

and then like at what point chop my dick off was it when april was pregnant that you were like i'm gonna no i think it was always gonna be two and then we were like can't quite remember how it sort of came about i think i think the main conversation happened after having macy was like okay what are we gonna do now did you bring it up or it was just like it was like, okay, what are we going to do now? Did you bring it up? No. It was just you guys kind of both came together and said, let's talk about this. I was kind of both came together. I think there was one time I was putting a condom on

and I thought, this is not for me. And I got up and I left the room. I definitely didn't leave the room. Yeah. I definitely didn't leave the room. And I think that's when it got like put into the back of both of our heads. But like me and like you've spoken to me about and a lot of other men have spoken to me about, it's like we don't want to lose our superpower.

That's what we think. Such an idiotic thing to think. But it's the man's way. We find humour to put things aside a lot. I hide behind it as much as I possibly can. Yeah, I was always like, no, I don't want to lose my superpower. I might be different. I might be this different person.

It's a load of shit, really. And then it's funny that eventually after the talking about it and the lack of sex in the house, I didn't want to bag it up anymore. I was sick of it. And, you know, the option's always on the house i didn't want to bag it up anymore i was sick of it and you know the options always on the table there to do that so it was always like i could just do that so what happened was i got really drunk one night and i thought that's not like you at all not like me i barely drink thank you matthew um anyway i've lost my train of thought you got drunk one night i got drunk one night i thought what might be a romantic thing to do to Thank you, Matthew. Anyway, I've lost my train of thought. Sorry.

You got drunk one night? I got drunk one night and I thought what might be a romantic thing to do to try and get sex that night was to say, hey, I booked a vasectomy. So, I booked the vasectomy and I was like, hey, babe. What, when you were drunk? Yeah. At home or at the pub? I was at a mate's, but I was coming home. Well, your mate's like, Ash, what are you doing over there?

On my phone, just booking a vasectomy. Did you just Google it or did someone say, hey, go see this person? I just Googled it and I wanted the one that you could book online. I didn't want to have to ring anyone and say, hey, I need you to chop my dick off. You hate the phone calls. I hate the phone calls. Fuck me. So, like, did you have a Google rating or what?

Five stars. And actually, we'll get to that. Anyways, I came home. I'm like, guess what? Guess what? I booked a vasectomy and hoping for it to be like, yes, panties fall down. Sprint up the stairs to the bedroom. Wasn't the case.

It was met with, I've been telling you to do it for ages. Oh, my fucks so i got nothing there and then there's nothing sexier than when you've had a couple of tins and you're a night anyway so that backfired so now i'm booked in for a vasectomy i had to pay a deposit for so they've got me in what's the deposit worth it was like 200 bucks for the deposit anyway i forgot that i booked it and then all of a sudden i'm getting a vasectomy on saturday afternoon at four o'clock it was like a couple of weeks because i thought it would be like when you go in for plastic surgery or something and you have to have this like psych test to be like are you doing because like they look at you and go ash you're a young

man you're you're a stallion you're a. Get out there and spread your semen. That didn't happen? No, no. The conversation wasn't like that? It's more of an in and out situation. I've had haircuts that have taken longer than that. And I don't have any hair. Holy shit. It's that quick?

Yeah. So, I'll walk you through it. Please. Because I'll be honest, I am in the category of men. And I'm not saying this is the right thought to have, but I think of it as as literally being like i am chopping off my test from this point yeah i look at like you could use a de-sex you know like dogs for example okay here's my thinking and again i know this is not

correct i know it's not the same for humans but you know like a dog gets de-sexed takes the bark out of them yes you know like they're not the same afterwards. And I don't want to get the snip and then like not be the same Matty J that I am right now. You think it will calm you down. Imagine if it calmed you down, how crazy I would have been before having a vasectomy. Yeah.

And this is me calm. You're like fucking bouncing off the walls. I'm bouncing off the walls the best as I am. Just gnawing tables. Oh, yeah. Pissing in the backyard. I bet you used to piss in the backyard i still piss in the backyard i'm not allowed on the inside toilet anyway so what happens is you

get sent the email confirmation blah blah but you also get sent a video which is like a counseling video to prepare you for what's coming so that scares the shit out of you i didn't watch it how long is it it was like three or four minutes A mate of mine watched it and he was like, that's scary. So I'm like, I'm not watching that. And then you go there for your appointment. And the funny thing is when you go to this appointment, there's other dudes in the waiting area. You've got this mutual acknowledgement of why you're all there.

Okay. Like the only thing that, the only procedure. The only thing that bonds you is this procedure like we're all united okay and it's in and out like it's crazy a guy goes in walking normal and comes out walking like he's just been riding a fucking horse i imagine it's like you know like those prisoners who are kept in like a certain part of the jail when they're on death row yeah like it's that it's we're all gonna die in this together yes situation yes was there much spoken amongst the men or it was very eerie it was a very eerie situation because i don't know like the fact is you're awake for the whole

thing okay it's a bit like a production line situation where it's like there's a four o'clock or 4 15 or 4 30 or 4 45 and onwards yeah and they're booked solid this motherfucker's making bank yeah but you gotta think about like how many nuts you need to see in one day too many two is too many yeah so you get called in you go in you sit down he goes did you watch the video and of course i said yes even though i didn't and he was like it's really just to prepare you that this is a considered irreversible procedure, even though it is reversible. Anything is reversible.

At this point, did you have any second thoughts? No. I was just petrified. I think fear took up most of my thought process and I was like, yes, sir, yeah. Anyway, so he was like, okay, well, I need you to pull your pants down and just lay on the operating bed or whatever. Did you say like

or could you buy me a drink first no no i just said add a couple inches and he was like classic classic yeah he was like do you know how many times i've heard that today i'm like too many obviously but seriously add a couple inches the most painful part of it is the local anesthetic it's like when you get local anesthetic at the dentist and it's like, fuck that hurt. Why does that hurt? It's like that wee stink. I can feel it now. Anyway, so that happens because what they do is they cut one side open, snip that particular cord, and then they do is they melt it back together.

So there's no stitches. When you say melt melt is it like burning plastic it's like the smell of your burning hair and skin you can see you can smell it yeah so for the whole time you can fuck that no we're not trying to turn people off here sorry yes anyway so you don't feel it you just feel this weird awkward aggressive tugging i just was sweating the whole time i was like sweating so much he goes okay we're done they had to peel me off the bed and i was just like oh my god anyway so then they move you to another room which is like a recovery room a recovery room you got to sit there for 15 minutes and watch another video oh but the video

i got to watch was a little bit about the procedure and what to expect and also about their google rating they're like make sure you leave us a review on google right we have a five-star google rating make sure you leave us a review i'm like with any is this a fucking restaurant and i'm like what the hell is there any incentive like we'll give you 5% off or? Give your mates 5% off. Yeah, like refer a friend or? Nah, nah. To be honest, I was running a really tight ship.

Can I take a guess here? You didn't leave a review? No. Yeah. If I didn't watch the video, then not watch the second video. Anyway, so after that, your recovery and she goes, the nurse comes in, okay, like you're okay to go. In three months time, you need to go and get checked to see if you're sterile.

Here's a pathology slip and here's a cup. And me, stupidly, was like, oh, I'm going to need two cups. She was like, get out. You fucking creep. She was like, get out. Anyway, walked out past the other victims big thumbs up to the boys did you straight out the door off to the pub and like you went straight to the pub i went to a mate's and had a couple beers there we're home but i actually went out the next

night i went to surrey hills for like a dad's lads things with a bunch of the dads in our mother's group is that do they say like yeah you need to yeah they're like walk like friction's gonna i had looked at my phone the next day i did like 15 000 steps and i was wondering why my nuts were so black so bruised man i was bruised all the way up like my torso it was the worst recovery of anything i reckon i was like oh my nuts were so sore for how long it was like two weeks but after i got it another friend was like, oh, my nuts were so sore. For how long? It was like two weeks. But after I got it, another friend was like, oh, go and get it. His recovery was sweet. He probably did all the right things.

Didn't go on a booze. I went surfing like two days later too. Ash, what are you doing, dude? I'm bulletproof, baby. Have you got no respect for your ball sack? Absolutely not. I don't need them anymore. Putting them through absolute torture.

Yeah, it was a tough couple of weeks. But I still don't know if I'm sterile. Okay, the reason why I'm a bit nervous about it, and I did some research, minimal research, it was actually illegal up until 1971 in this country, illegal to give or receive a vasectomy. Give and receive. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know what the punishment was. I don't know why it was illegal, but I just, on a website, it was illegal until 1971. That's wild, hey, like. And so you think. They're mind nuts. So, yeah, but you think like, well, if it was illegal back then, maybe at some point they may go, actually,

let's put it back onto the list of being illegal. Because zero science has happened since then. Yeah. I think it's now, I think we're one of the top countries i think there's like one in 40 blokes uh it's definitely like a benefit like it's a pretty safe form of not having like if i went and did everything right and went and got checked and like you're yeah you're sterile you're good but whatever like you can't have any more kids that's great but then also if i get divorced i'm out in the market now and i am essentially sterile in the market but don't you think that then makes you less appealing no no no no because i wouldn't get married again yeah and obviously you and april

are never gonna split up absolutely not love you april okay the reason why i'm on the fence is not because of the like i joke when i say like i think it's going to be taking away you know a level of you my manly hood and i'm going to be different afterwards i think it's the fact that i'm pretty indecisive you know i i'll sit there and i'll look at a menu for like half an hour before i decide what to actually get to eat you are so slow i know even setting up this oh my god podcast equipment today in your house i could just see you getting so eggy at the fact that i don't like i don't like to rush into things okay i know i know i should respect that and right now we're very much 50 50 if you ask me right now do i want a third child i would say no because i'm coming off the back end of

laura working like four different jobs and me being the sole parent to the kids right now do I want a third child? I would say no because I'm coming off the back end of Laura working like four different jobs and me being the sole parent to the kids right now. And I think to myself, if I have a third kid, I'm going to be outnumbered. There's no way that I could sustain that by myself if Laura was working and vice versa as well if I went away for work. And then I think like three. If I had a third, I know there'd be no way i'm gonna have i'm gonna oh fuck it maybe i would have a four i don't know oh my what is wrong with you i don't know i just

think like who knows what don't you want we get a lot of questions like what's the you know is it hard between one and two duh the answer to that question is yes. Having two is harder. It's a different type of hardness, okay? It's a logistical nightmare mainly. Yes, you get one each, but then you're going to have those times where they're going to outnumber you. And I feel like if you live in a household where at all times you're outnumbered by the children, nothing good can come from that. If you want to have three, go for it.

But the logistical nightmare of that would be too much for me personally so that's where i'm at in saying that ash i actually did get a question from a listener on this exact topic far away he said this is liam by the way he's expecting baby number two it's coming very shortly he said boys what are the quantifiable levels that's very very big word. Yeah. Can we Google what that means? He said-

I'm not that educated, my friend. What are the quantifiable levels of difference between being a parent of one versus being a parent of two? Is it two times as hard or is it 10 times as hard because you also have to manage a toddler whilst having a newborn yeah it's definitely a different type of hardness to it it's not like twice as hard you can't just sit there and say that because you're at different stages of their life depends on what the toddler's like too toddlers can be really like they're really loving when they have a baby like i noticed oscar was always like oh you know and like you try and get him to help out so he'd feel like part of the situation i think the hardest part about it is the logistics of it all in terms of going anywhere you know because then you've also got sleep

schedules for two different kids the two kids itself it's not not hard but you can manage that i think it's the things around it don't you though, obviously the fact that you've got two now, it's an increased workload, but you know what you're doing. Like I remember coming home from the hospital and we had Marley, this newborn child in the back of the car. Driving 30Ks an hour. Yeah, like literally crawling on the road back home. And you think, oh, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

And then we lolly like 110 in a 60. Woo! It's kind of like playing sport you know when you first start playing a new sport it's a bit harder like you know but when you surf right now ash i'm sure it's just like it's second nature you're just like kids are crying it's crazy how much you subconsciously pick up from the first one and then dealing with the second one like just you got a different level of patience because you're like, okay, well, I know what to expect a little bit more than, obviously, the first time when it's very, very new.

So, look, it's not easy, 100%. I'm not going to sit here and say it's easy, and no one should be telling you it's easy, but it's not 10 times harder. Definitely not. No, no. And you've also got all the equipment you know yeah you're reusing yeah you're like you're set up you're in a place where you you know what you're doing you've got everything

at your disposal in terms of like bottles and nappies and you know change tables and you're good to go there is nothing that will be more of a shock to the system than the change in you and your lifestyle for that first baby. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because your life will never be the same before. Never. In any aspect. You could have 15 dogs and your life could never be the same.

So, yeah, I think the second one, it is hard. Logistically, it's hard. I mean, the good times are good too. So, you got to think like when I've got two now and Macy's just like, you know, giving back, you're like, yeah, there's no way I wouldn't have the second now. Do you ever have the conversation with parents who have three and they say to you the change from two to three is like non-existent? A lot of parents say to me like- They live in denial, my friend. Don't you reckon?

I've had so many conversations where they say, hey, like having a third, it's like you don't ever notice it. That's got to be dribble. You've got another mouth to feed. You've got another- Essentially, the first year of a baby's life, all you're doing is trying to keep that thing alive. Yes.

You know what I mean? You're like, you're not- That's fucking stressful. Yeah. You're just trying to keep it alive. And when you get past that first year and they start to be like, oh, I'm more than just a blob now. And it's like, oh, there's a whole different set of problems. And look, look i've only got two very young kids i don't know what it's like with people who

have got you know older kids and having a third might not be as hard because you can essentially boss the other ones around but at this point like a toddler will go you go come on help daddy with this and then they'll either do it or they'll be like no fuck off fuck off upstairs. And I'll have to go up and be like, what did I have you for? If you're not going to help me parent. So to wrap it up, Liam, I think the fact that Ash and I are both doing okay. I think you'll be fine. And you're using words like quantifiable in your questions, you're going to fucking excel.

You've got at least one degree. Ash, do we have time for two more questions? I know. I feel like I've been rushing you, mate. You somewhere to be some like what have you got on this afternoon you know what we're stressed about what i think it's the fact that we've been recording this episode with macy upstairs who's asleep she didn't go down at a normal that time is she working up vaccinations she yeah she look she only had a quick sleep april's upstairs she's just we've heard i don't know if you can hear this in the audio, but she's woken up.

She screamed. I'm chilling. You're fine. Your kids aren't here, man. Do we have time for two? Yes. Okay. Make it three.

No, don't. Make it two. Let's do 10 questions. Oh, fuck. They get real bored, these people listening. Question number one. Was that number one we just did? Well, I kind of think it was like-

That was just not- That was question number one. Okay. All right. All right. Question number two. You make up the rules. You can do whatever you like ash yes do you miss who you were before you became a dad i've had this question asked me before and like i tell my therapist uh i

don't remember that person at all not really strange to believe that i yeah look i feel like so much crying has happened between now and then that i don't really recall there's definitely times where it's like you see or you've got a single mate and he's like oh i'm just gonna go home and sit on the couch for the rest of the day and you're like fuck you that would be so nice knobhead don't tell me that and then rub it into your face so yeah look is it do i miss or do i remember is that a question i think the word miss i think there's like you're still yeah you're still the same person it's not like i look at photos of myself you know and i'm different in any kind of way i think there's a level of confidence a when you become married and b when you become a dad you're kind of like you don't

fucking care like life achievements you know yeah so you're sort of taken on board as a confidence builder 100%. But you've got more important shit to worry about now. Yeah, like I see mates squabbling over garbage and I'm like, mate, I've got my own fucking problems. Don't come at me with what STD you've got. I'm not fucking interested. This is not good for my throwback. Hopefully i didn't dob any mates in then but yeah look i definitely miss you miss the free time right fucking oh yeah oh my god the ability to just do anything at any

point is great and like now the free time i have it's either spent picking up fucking toys or cleaning up shit whether it's on the fucking walls or smeared into the carpet. So, yeah, it goes without saying you definitely miss that task. But, you know, there's so much more to look forward to as well. I have to say that because... Yeah. All right. Next question.

So, this actually comes from a friend of mine who's a very big fan of the show. He's trying to get on the show, I think. It's never going to happen, champ. No, no, I'm just joking. Don't you ever dare put your finger up to me that close ever again. That's such a dog act. Excuse me.

I just didn't want to cough over you talking. Cough in my face. And then have you have to repeat the sentence. So, shut the fuck up, little young man. All right. So, this... Oh, my God. Sorry.

Question number three. So, this question comes from a friend of mine. He has asked, have you ever busted your kids stealing from the supermarket? I think... Oh, I'm trying to go into the supermarket like going to a Coles or Woolies it's just absolute hell chaos like there's been so many times there's a Woolies down the road from me and I'm like I'm at a nappy so I add a milk and I've got the kids from daycare and I go I forgot to go before the kids yeah I'll strap Lola in and

so her arms are still free and she's just grabbing anything like grabbing apples whatever they can get hold of like you know a bottle of oil she's like grabbing that anything she can get her hands on and sometimes you're so focused on just getting what you need and i think i know actually like it's not really stealing is it like fruit fruit plants that's fine it's free man yeah right who the hell pays for So she like, you know, sometimes there's a little basket of free food and normally it's like a lonesome apple or a banana. And sometimes Marley's like, give us a plum. And I'm like, well, you know.

Give us one of those rich people's fruit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm not like getting a mango and like cutting up a mango and giving it out to her. And I think like the odd toy at like a $2 store, you know, like near the checkout. But I haven't, I don't think she's stolen anything.

Lollipops are a good one on the way out because they've got that stupid basket. Man, you're just asking to be stolen. Totally. I've just taken one before. But it's not like she's stolen anything that's like over. Substantial. Yeah, it's not like she's gone to like a Michael Hill jeweler and fucking rinsed the place.

Somehow got it past the glass cabinet. As Macy Oscar? No, I haven't. Actually, that's probably a good question to ask the listeners maybe. I think maybe we could pick back up on that next week. Write in, send us a DM, send Maddie or myself or the Two Doting Dads Instagram a DM if you've got any spicy or juicy stories

about your children stealing things of any age. If you are a criminal, we want like the accidental stealings. We don't want people who are like- If we can do some good and dob some criminals in, why not? Yeah. Look, that's fine. I don't think stealing is a crime. If it's accidental.

Even so. Okay. I think play on. That's a bold statement my grandmother used to steal toys for me when i was a child is said grandmother still around or is she she is okay is she in fucking prison or where nope i won't disclose her location but she was great at it she used to take him out of the plastic thing and put the plastic thing back on the ship there you go i'd love to hear a story of like a parent being at jp hi-fi and getting like a pair of headphones and then getting home and going holy shit the headphones are at the

bottom of the pram and they got like a set of like beats by dre so good something like that would be great i would yeah stuff like that so definitely and we'll pick back up on it next week for sure because i think there's got to be some crackers out there and if you're sitting there thinking should I say am I a bad parent it's anonymous first of all yes you are a bad parent aren't we all bad parents in our own way and don't withhold that story from us I have to say a couple of people we obviously take this podcast very seriously we made a little mistake he said Annabelle Carmen Carmel Carmel Carmel my wife even said that too i said that too she was like damadol i'm drugging my children no yeah i was like fuck i don't know carmen's makes more sense so maybe they should change their name idiots idiots but thank you for everyone who

said we said it incorrectly apologies that's just a frozen meal, so get over yourself. At this point, we are going to wrap up the episode, but I do want to say, Ash, I do want to say I have been absolutely blown away at how many people have been listening. We hoped it would be successful, and Ash and I, we're like addicts on the pokies, and instead of pulling that handle, we're just refreshing this page to see how many downloads we get. We have nothing better to do. We literally, I watch it like a hawk and every like 10 or 50 listens

and downloads. It's become this unhealthy obsession of mine. I absolutely love it. I love it. We've had some really beautiful messages come from people. For sure, totally. I'm surprised actually. I had one lady said she listened to it at the gym.

So, Vex does what she's doing. I don't know, dude. I couldn't imagine anything worse than trying to do squats to us in your- Talk shit. Yeah, like if you're going for a walk, but like- It's a pleasant walking podcast. I'm not judging any gym goers right now if you are listening to us. Some people get off on different things, man.

Some people get pumped up by the sound of Matty J's husky voice. Yeah. Has anyone come up to you, Ash, at this point? Because I think this is the point where you know you've really made it. Has anyone come up to you and said, Ash, this is a stranger. I really like the podcast. No. Not yet.

No, no. Please do that. Please do that. But that's like once that happens, you're like, fuck. Someone yells out the window driving past, and your podcast is shit. Thank you. Thank you.

That's a win. I'll take that so yeah wrap this episode up and review leave a star rating subscribe tell your friends on apple podcast you have to do a follow follow us please we would love it we would love that spread the word and uh yeah give us a review and oh oh how's this for a tease i'm not gonna say who it is but we have locked in our first dad to be interviewed for a bonus episode. We have done. He's a notable name in the Australian television scene.

Let's leave it at that. I'm very excited, actually. And we're going to his house to record. I think it'll be in the next seven days. Yeah. At least. Let's not commit to anything just yet. But let's say I think it'll be in the next seven days. Yeah. At least. Let's not commit to anything just yet

but let's say I think within seven days we'll tell you within like a couple of days who it's going to be. 100%. But it's a great one. It's a good one.

It's going to be really fun so tune in to that. Until then thank you very much. We'll see you next time. See you guys. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges

the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.