Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - What Not To Say To Kids In A Park

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

We start this episode with an update regarding Lola's hatred of her dad - the poor, desperate, lonely Matty J. You know which dad has kids that don't hate him - Ash. It might be because he's an all-round great guy or maybe it's the fact that he's saved his kids countless times from the ferocious animals that reside in Warriewood (geckos). Also worth noting that he caught and released a mouse during the week. Doctor Dolittle eat ya heart out. Matt found himself in an awkward situation at the park during the week after some school girls tried to sell him some cake. Only issue is that he didn't have cash and they didn't accept card. The solution? Matt asked for their home address so he could drop some money in their letterbox. As you can imagine - it didn't go down well. We share your best Toddler Meltdown stories as well as have a crack at answering your listener questions: Do you ever show your kids Disney movies? What are your top tips for helping your partner when they're breast feeding? Follow @twodotingdads on Instagram here. Or slide into our DM's with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You got a nice college shirt today. Businessman. I know. Looking respectable. Yeah. We'll circle back. We'll circle back to that. Any other business?

Any other business to attend to? As you can tell by the return on investment from the listeners, we've noticed a high intake of an organic reach. And alcohol. Let's stick to. That's what marketing for 10 years will fucking do to you. Yeah? What have I got? I've got nothing.

I'm qualified in marketing. You're one of those people, you've had such a smorgasbord... My name calls it smorgasbord. You've had a smorgasbord career. I can do it all, man. We'll be in the car and you'll go, did I tell you about the time I was working in a timber yard and then we drive past the car dealership and you're like i remember

the day i sold 24 cars yeah uh that's right yeah and i would use lines like is it the prize or the car or something we haven't discussed yet. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J. And I'm Ash. This is a podcast that is all about parenting. It's the good, the bad. And the relatable. And if you have come wanting any inch, a millimetre of advice. No, no.

Yeah, not even a minute. There's a fucking mozzie. I don't know if it's a fly or a mozzie. Can I just? Oh, yes. Matt's going to go and get the, he's found a mozzie. He's got a new toy. It's a mosquito tennis racket just keep it handy please don't zap me in true spirit of australian open style

you look like a young roger federer you actually do it's near your head it was it was what are you doing because they're tiny little midges they always hover the midges always hover over the sink and yeah and so i'll get this you can't even see them so i'll just go and if it gets one it's like you've been jerking off in the sink again yeah i put my finger in there you put your finger in there. You put your finger in what? Was that it? That's it. That's it. Oh, my God.

The thing like exploded. Did you see that? Okay, I'll leave this here. Very good. Laura hates this thing. I mentioned it last episode that I got the insect zapper. Before we get into that, Matthew, I think it's really important that we mention

our partners at stonewood and today we are drinking something a little bit different i've never had this one this is the green coast lager you speak very highly of it well not everybody likes pale ale and that's a lie you shut your mouth so they've crafted this Green Coast lager. Simple, clean, crisp and unfiltered. Did you know that it won in 2022 the silver medal at the World Beer Cup? This particular drink? This drop right here. Well, there you go. Okay, it's got a little bit of malt.

Okay, great for body, great for mouthfeel, great for your body too. Thank you. It is named Green Coast, of course, because of the region. It is brewed where those Tweed Coast Hills. Oh, that's lovely. Yes, they meet the Pacific Ocean. So you can grab that at any good bottle shop. Go and enjoy it as we are going to do during this record.

All right, meow. It's nice that we get to have this drink whilst we're talking. At 10.30 in the morning. I do wish that we were like in the backyard with like a big fillet of barramundi, just like you and me having a chat, having a delicious meal with this in hand. It's beautiful. Beautiful.

Thank you to our friends at Stone and Wood. Yes, thank you. Twister, yeah. I just want to see you work the shaft a bit more. Very good. Very good, Matthew. How are you? Look, I got in trouble this morning.

Got in trouble. By who? I've just got zero patience at the moment, Ash. I've noticed. And I'm a little bit snappy and it's just- I've noticed. No, I haven't though. The negativity from Lola towards me is relentless.

And I'm starting to break at the moment. And Laura's also starting to break as well because she wants mum and no one else. I know I've been talking about this for weeks and I promise this will be the last time- No, vent. If anyone else wants to ring up Matt or ring up me or leave us a voice message on Instagram of venting about how much their kid hates them, we should get a t-shirt that says, yes, my kid hates me too. Yes. Yes. So, if you would like one of those t-shirts. Please place your order right now, twodatingdads.com.au. I woke up this morning, Ash,

and Marley fell asleep in our bed. Laura was asleep. I was already awake and I heard the rummaging of my toddler, Lola, in her room a few steps down the hallway. And I thought I'll go in there and I'll be as pleasant as I can and maybe Lola and I can have a morning together. Start the day off right. Even for a couple of minutes. And I pop in there and I come over to her bed and I'm like, hey, Baba, good morning. And she looks at me and she kicks me in the face. And I'm like,

sorry, Bubba, do you want to cuddle? And she's like, can you fuck off? Oh my God. So then I'm like, that's all right. And then I went back into bed, just laying there on my phone for a bit. And then I heard her walking down and i went into the door frame to meet her that's where she was standing and i was like hey lola she slammed the door in my face oh my goodness yeah so then i was downstairs and laura comes down as well and goes oh long was in a bit of a mood and i go yeah she's she's been a real sass to back uh yeah i said she's being a little asshole this morning and how did that go down how dare you she's two years old our child an asshole well that's because they're fucking assholes she she just hates me dude oh and oh man

look i haven't really been through that because my kids love me so much uh well i posted a video not too long ago when i would put lola down and i would say i love you and she goes i love you back oh yeah and i say i love you more i love you the mostest those days are long gone and that was like that was 2023 2024 it's not year of the mat that's no it's a year of mom which is fine look she'll grow out of it i assure you she'll probably grow out of it when she needs you and then you can be like nah yeah you're dead to me yeah marley still likes me which is nice marley'sley's lovely. She's like, come here, Dad. I'll give you a bloody cuddle. Yeah, for now.

She's like, it's pathetic, Dad. Just out of pure sympathy for me, she's like, someone's got to love this loser. Stop begging. It's tough. I mean, it's tough. It's tough. It's tough.

Look, at the moment, because there's such a varying in weather, there's a lot of like, it's really it's tough look at the moment because there's such a varying in weather there's a lot of like it's really really hot so like the spiders come out and then it rains and lizards come out they're indoors and shit like that like just a changing climate what the fuck are you talking about look just the changing climate brings bugs and stuff into the house it does do that it's true actually well you know as just seen yes as we was, sorry, I wasn't sure. You like turned into David Attenborough for a second. Then the bugs come inside. Then the plants come inside to mate with the trees. That doesn't work.

Anyway, so at the moment I'm like a hero through the house because I just kill on spiders, kill on bugs. We had a mouse in the fridge. I didn't kill the mouse for those. Actually, April managed to catch the mouse with a mousetrap I bought. It was really funny. It was like a tippy one. The mouse was in the fridge?

No, it was behind. It was behind and it was in the element of the fridge. And I was like, well, kitchen's off limits until that thing comes out. So I went down to the shop, got the mousetrap. What kind of mousetrap did you get? It's like it sits on an angle, right? And what happens is the mouse crawls into the food and it tips up and the lid shuts.

So, it's in there alive. That's very humane. Humane. It's honestly scratched the fuck out of the inside of it though, like to try and get out. But I wasn't the one who caught it. I put cheese in there, right? Didn't want it.

Isn't that right? I was like, isn't that just in cartoons? I was like, I am not stupid, not stupid okay i was like surely they like cheese they'll eat anything we had these old marshmallows in the cupboard from must have been pre-christmas i don't know what they were for they're in there i'm surprised they survived because i love marshmallows and if i'd have known they were there i would have eaten them she was googling she was like says put marshmallow in there. I was like, fuck off.

That's not going to work. Yeah, I'd go cheese of a marshmallow any day. She puts a marshmallow in there within an hour. There's a fucking mouse in there. She's done it. She's gone and done it. Going mental just trying to scratch its way out. Where did you release that mouse?

I took it out the back of mine where all the water dragons and the snakes are. Yeah. Let nature and the snakes are. Yeah. Let nature and natural selection take its course. For anyone wondering, Ash and I did a little run last week after the episode and Ash was like, just look at the beautiful water dragons. Water dragons everywhere. And you even said there's normally more than this.

I think I counted nine water dragons. They usually jump out at you like. And that little mouse, oh, that fucking flies back. Get it out. Here he is. Oh, yeah. You know how to wield a wand. So you fed the water dragon.

Did the kids want to keep the mouse? No, they didn't really know because they were away. I don't know why they were at school and stuff. I was like, once you say there was a mouse here, then Oscar wants to know everything about the mouse. He wants to know where it came from, why it's there, what its backstory is, what's its origin story, what breed of mouse could it be, what are its parents like.

He wants to know, he's at the age where he wants to know. Very inquisitive. Absolutely everything. April and I at this point, we were like counting questions of how many questions about something. Like there was a spider that I killed one night. It was in the middle of the night. So I just whacked it on the tile floor and thought,

I'll fucking clean it up in the morning. I'm going back to bed. And then Oscar comes down in the morning and he goes, look, there's a spider. There's been a murder. There's been a murder. And he set up all those little things and his cameras and he's like-

He's like- Chalk outline. He's outlined around this dead- I actually don't want to freak you out. There's been a murder. There's been a murder. And he set up all those little things and his cameras and he's like- He's like- Chalk outline. He's outlined around this dead- I actually don't want to freak you out. There's been a murder during the night. He's roped it off. Yeah. Anyway, he was like, where did the spider come from?

I'm like, I don't know, dude. He's like, who let the spider- And where were you at 9pm to 10pm last night? Literally, he should be a detective. He's a four and a half year-half-year-old detective. It's unbelievable. And those who have four-and-a-half-year-olds listening right now, you know exactly what I'm talking about, especially boys.

They're so inquisitive about absolutely everything. So the other night I hear this bellowing coming from his bedroom and I'm like, what is going on? And he was meant to be asleep and he's like, a gecko had gotten to his room. Gecko or water dragon? Gecko, thankfully. Little baby geckos about that big.

But because it wasn't, you know, they scale the walls. Very good climbers. Very good climbers. I like a gecko. They kill the flies. They eat the flies, they eat stuff. Geckos are good luck. Yeah. Except they're in Bali, they're fucking massive.

Yeah, and that's what I mean. We were in Bali looking for geckos with him, so he knows what it is, but he's flipping out like it's going to get him. I'm like, it's this big, dude, and he's flipping out. What's Macy doing? She's asleep. she didn't even move through the whole ordeal and it's like crawling up the wall so he's dad in the middle of trying to fucking catch this thing anyway i was trying to catch it because i was like you know

what you need no i don't want to kill the gecko sure yeah yeah gecko great little friend of the house so i was like trying to trap it in something and whilst he's trapping it, I've chopped its tail off because you know how the tail comes off. And I've got it and I've taken the gecko out to the bush and I've let it go into the bush. And then I hear the bellowing again because I haven't finished the job. And Oscar's being attacked by the tail.

The tail's landed upright, up against the wall, and it's flopping around like this. And he's like, get it, get it, get it. And I'm like, oh, my God. So I walk over and I scoop the tail up and went and reunited the gecko with his tail. The gecko's probably looking at the tail going, how dare you? That was my favourite tail.

Because they grow back, right? I think. Apparently. That's what I've been told. And then he proceeded to ask a million questions about the gecko and its tail. Just go back to sleep. I'm like, go back to sleep.

It's like 11 o'clock at night, bro. Macy's just like snoring. Slept through the near death experience. Yes. Anyway, I'm somewhat of through the near death experience. Yes. Anyway, I'm somewhat of a hero in my house. Okay. Not to make you feel bad. I need to like plant some geckos in the room.

You should put a poisonous spider in her bedroom. Or some snake. Or a snake. That's also what we did. We bought a rubber snake that wraps around. And I specifically bought it with Oscar so that we could scare mum. That's actually a good idea. Gotta.

Open the door. Did you film it? No. Shame. But yeah, I think I read through the lines here. I need to give Lola a taste of a near-death experience. Fright of her life. To then come in and show her that I'm the guy that's going to save her life.

Wear a cape. To be continued. Yes. To then come in and show her that I'm the guy that's going to save her life. Wear a cape. To be continued. Yes. On the weekend, I found myself in an awkward situation with a couple of young girls. I hope Laura's not listening. She was there. Oh.

And. Where was my invite to this party? I accidentally became a bit of a stranger danger creep. You did a nan. You dropped a my nan on the floor. So what happened was, what happened? Can I just put it out there and say that I am not in any way, any form a creep or a predator. According to this guy.

Yeah. At the park, playing with the kids, and obviously it's school holidays right now, so there's lots of kids out and about playing. Do I need to get the lawyers on the phone? Yeah. Let me just quickly have them on. I'll just draft an email really quick.

There were these two young girls. I want to say they're about 10 years old and they were kind of a bit nervous and i thought they had a little plastic container like a big container and in that they both had one each one had some like sponge cake the other one had some brownies and they're like go ask him go ask me you go ask him no i can't i'll go ask you said maddie j from the Bachelor. They came over and they said, hey, would you like to buy some cake? And I was like, this is a great thing. Like, good on you girls. Like on holidays, you know, I was just picturing you going, you've got cake.

Guess what? I've got candy back in the van. Okay, the issue was the cake looked great. It looked like a beautiful sponge cake. I was also very open to some brownie. And I said, how much is it? And they're like, hey, it's like two or three bucks per slice, whatever you can give.

And I thought that was very reasonable. Steep. And I said, do you take card? She was like, as a matter of fact, we do actually. And they said, we can only take cash. So there was this awkward moment where they were like, they were really keen to sell some cake. I was keen to buy some cake, but there was no way

of making the exchange happen without tangible cash. And so I said to them, where do you live? Oh, my God. Jack groomed them. Because I had the intention of like I said I can take some now and I can then drop you some money later on. I'll take some cake on tick, thanks. And I was like, what's your address? And I can put the money in your letterbox.

Oh, my God. You can't ask a 10-year-old girl what her address is. And then they were kind of looking at each other and they were like very unsure. And then I kind of realized and then another parent was walking by in the park and then they kind of say to me we can't give you our address and I'm looking at the girls looking at this mom is looking at me and looking at these girls and I'm like I want the cake I want the cake I don't really want your address but I have no other options. Can I Venmo you? Oh, yeah. So sadly.

So now you're on a list. Yeah. I didn't. I realized what was happening. I said, look, it's fine. It's fine. I won't get any cake. And you got no cake.

So you just stole it. They quickly left the park. Yeah, I bet they did. They're like, daddy, this man asked for our home address. Where is he? You are a predator. And Matthew, I want to show you something. Please.

That I saw. You know those like five-minute hack videos? It's like quick five-minute hack. This is not one of those, but it could be. Okay, it's about trying to keep your baby in one place. Yeah, I love that. So I'll get you to just press play on that. For those of you listening at home,

it's actually a lady who's put Velcro on the back of her child and the other side of the Velcro on the couch in which she has stuck her child to the couch so that they don't move as some sort of life hack. There will be video on our social of this. But your face when the Velcro rips off. It's like the music's meant to make it way happier. So what do you think, Matt?

What do you think about that? What's your initial thought? You can't do that to a kid. That's child abuse. That's in the same category as putting them on a leash. It's in the same category of like burning them with a cigarette. I went straight to the comments and the top one says, I leave mine in the same category of like I love it Burning them with a cigarette I went straight to the comments And the top one says

I leave mine in the basement Very good You can't do that So that's their hack 33 million views that guy Like surely you just get them the pen My daughter would run around with a pillow velcro to her back I mean i just

chain mine to a wall come on i just duct tape mine from head to toe to the wall cps has entered the chat surely no one's doing that honestly it's got to be that's got to be a g up it's got to be a g up like have's got to be a G up. It's got to be a G up. Like, have you not heard of a high chair? Put him in a high chair. The whole premise of the video is to stop your kid from moving while it's eating or whatever. The seatbelt's the same thing. Yeah.

Yeah, I just think. Are we all committing child abuse? Imagine if someone came around and they said, oh, where's little Billy? He's so cute. And you're like, yeah, he's just duct taped to the sofa. Don't worry. He's good for another half an hour.

You want a wine? The smart thing to do is to put the Velcro on the bottom of their hands and knees and then they get stuck to the floor. That's very clever. Yeah. Yeah, it's just there. I've seen the – it's a onesie, which is a mop. Yeah, that's child labor.

That's different. which is a mop. Yeah, that's child labour. That's different. Anyway, I saw that and I was like, this has gone too far for my liking. Also, kind of rate it. Before we go into meltdowns, I do have a video that I want to show you as well. Look at us.

And I know how you feel about pet parents. Can't stand yes. Yes. Can't stand yes. Yes. Can't stand yes. Yes. Ash, for reference, very hot weekend. We were down. Sunday was a scorch.

It was a belter of a day. And we were down the beach at Bondi. In the north end, it's a little kiddies pool. Next to that is a little rock pool. And the girls love that because it's not too cold in the water. That's where the plastic baby drowned that's where we've been previously with yeah like a life-size plastic doll you drown it very similar to a newborn child is that going to end up on bondi rescue yeah also video idea we should go to bondi rescue i mean i've you know them i would love to you know

them i've tried to get on Bondi Rescue. They don't want to bother me. They're like, fuck off. I'm going to show you a video. So we were down there with the girls and normally in that section, because the water is in those rock pools, it's normally like half toddler piss, half seawater. No one who doesn't have kids really wants to hang around there that much. Why would you want to?

So it's normally just toddlers and parents. Yeah, I just drop wackies there and go to the other end as well. There was another parent there that much. Why would you want to? So it's normally just toddlers and parents. Yeah, I just drop my kids there and go to the other end as well. There was another parent there, Ash. Oh, my God. And they had their pet in the water. Hang on. So do they have other kids? No kids.

So you're calling them a parent? Well, a pet parent. Now, people in Bondi are a little bit different to Worrywood. Rich? Yeah. I know that. Not sure if you ever see this down at, like, what's your local? Narrabeen.

In the swamp? Yeah. You ever see any- Oh, there's a body of water at the back of my house that's been there from the rain six months ago. I thought you were going to say there's a body out there. There's probably a dead body in there that's a fucking cat that's a cat she's kissing the cat as well like it's a child she's like oh good it's like a swimming lesson for the cat first of all a couple of icks here for me.

First of all, she's got the cat in the water. Cat's in the water. Swimming, like a swimming lesson. And for anyone who's like, don't have a go at this lady for her bringing a cat in the water because the cat does look a little bit unhappy. The cat doesn't look like it's enjoying its time in the water at all. You've forced that cat into the water. Yeah.

Cats and water. Don't mix. They're not known for mixing. No. So she's got the cat in the water. Yeah. Cats and water. Don't mix. They're not known for mixing. No. So she's got the cat in the water swimming, first of all. Cat, water, no mix. Cat, water. In public, massive ick.

Also on a lead, which looks like some sort of harness life vest. We know how you feel about leads. Yes, and the cat also hates it. Cat looks like it's having a terrible time. This person needs to somehow re-grasp reality, okay? Re-grasp it. Take it back. Come back to reality because this is disgusting.

You might as well- Get a dog. Get a dog. Get a dog. Do you reckon she'd be the sort of person to love that cat so much that when it does die, she'll cook it up and eat it? That's probably who she is. There was a lot of people kind of going, what the?

Is that? Also, get it out of the kid's pool. Yeah. Like get it out of there. You should be locked up and throw the key away with the cat. I love how when I spotted it, I was kind of like doing like a subtle side eye to like understand what's going on and Laura just goes phone out. Good on her.

And as she should, Laura, look, props to Laura, straight into filming that because that is unacceptable behaviour. Although it was quite early. The first time we went down to the beach At like quarter to eight So maybe she was thinking I'll take little like puddles Down to the water I didn't know if his name was puddles

Would be And to any pet parents out there We apologise No I'm not apologising We love you guys This is what you become Stop the slippery slope

Stop the slippery She needs to be stopped Ever seen a cat in the water at Worrywood? Does that happen out your way? Only dead ones. That is unacceptable. Hey, let's do Meltdowns. Speaking of unacceptable, let's go into Meltdowns or tantrums as we call it.

call it every time i listen to that song it gets worse. I love it. It does bring a smile to my face. The worse, the better. I hope people listen to that and, like, enjoy that we're trying. You go first. We are trying. Quick, get that bug. Oh, there it is. Yeah!

Die! Is that two or one? I don't know if you listen to this. This is how hectic it is. Is it really hard? It's pretty hectic. It like made my finger numb for a while. No, I'm not.

No. Tantrums of the week. I'll go quickly first with one of mine. We went to Sunday you were talking about, very hot day, very hot day. So as men do in very hot days, we go to an air-conditioned pub with kids. So I just took one of the kids. I left one at home and I took a kid with me. So we went down to the pub.

I had a mate pick us up in his car with his kid, who's Oscar's friend, similar age. They're both in the back. They're doing their thing. We pull up to park. Like I said, very hot day. So Mike, my mate, goes, I'm just going to leave the windows down a little bit some air circulation through the car for when we get out lock the car

go come back it's not completely gonna combust that's brave mate leaving the windows down in warrywood it was monovale so it's all clear okay fine it's all clear his four-year-old didn't like that full meltdown in the car. We're trying to get out of the car to go to the pub because he wanted the windows up. At one point he was like, I want the windows up. Just full meltdown over something absolutely ridiculous. You know what's annoying with my kids? Full meltdown over something absolutely ridiculous.

You know what's annoying with my kids? They've got windows up and windows down confused because, you know, my car's got that real mouldy smell to it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So whenever we're driving, I try and get the windows down to air it out and the windows are down and the kids are like, get the windows down. And I'm like, they are down. They are down, idiot. And then I open the windows up and they're like, no, we wanted i'm like what do you want tell me what you want what do you want

from me anyway that's one of one you if you've got one this one is submissions we do get a lot of submissions okay people have a lot to vent we've got a lot to go through there's so many unfortunately not all can make it under the podcast we have to pick only select few so if you're listening and you want us to read out your tantrum we're doing we should do a gag book with all the tantrums we should 100% just full of ideas aren't we coffee table book so this tantrum this one's from lisa and she has a little meltdown here she says i wouldn't allow my toddler to drink the entire bottle of Panadol before she went to bed. And she had a massive meltdown. Idiot.

It's funny because, like, we convinced our kids to get to have the Panadol. We called it lolly water. It's a treat. We called it lolly water. And now they're like, give me some. I'm sick. And if you don't give it to them. Sometimes you've got to get the syringe out and give them a fake little tape.

Yeah, dip the end in. And you're like, all right, who wants some? That's great. I have one for you in my book of tricks here, book of tantrums from Clary. She commented actually on a video we did last week. She says, my three-year-old had a tantrum because I flushed his poo down the toilet. He wanted to keep it to show his friends at preschool mate i feel his pain actually sometimes when i do a massive poo you just want to take a photo of it and send to your friends yeah i'm like

it's a shame to let such a beautiful creation flush away into the abyss let them rate it i actually i sympathize with the toddler on this one i got one more do we have time for one more ash yes thank you this one is from sam who also submitted on instagram she says my toddler had a massive meltdown because i wouldn't let him eat the sheep shit after he watched the dog eat it first i would just let him do it let him do it. Yeah, let him learn. It's building the immune system. Let him learn. Sometimes you're like, hey.

Unless he gets a taste for it and then your kids are freak. Yeah. He just like loves eating weird animal shit. Then he'd be on TV, be on news around the world. He'd be on that TCL. What's that American show? Yeah. People who marry like train tracks or something.

Oh, yeah. Like my weird obsession or something. It's like, I like to eat sheep shit. And on Sundays we eat goat shit. It's a bit different. Sam, you've done the right thing by saying no to him because he'd be a lifetime animal shit eater. It's a slippery slope.

Yeah, sheep shit's actually the gateway shit to that. Might love me some dog shit. Questions, Matt. Let's go. Let's finish this off today. Finish strong with a question or two. Okay. This one is a quick one, Ash.

And I think I know the answer, but they want to know, do you let your kids watch Disney movies? Oh, yeah. Why? What's the problem? Favorite one? Oh, they come and go. Come and go.

Still watching Sea Beast? Moana is a bloody classic. It's a cracker. The rock is very good in it. He's very good, that scene. I also really like the crab. And the song, absolute belters. Yeah.

That's me. I'm going to go with that. Like that. Yep. I don't think this one is Disney. I think it's like Pixar maybe. Same thing, isn't it? Is it?

Disney Pixar? Is that right? I remember as a kid, Monsters, Inc. Do you remember Monsters, Inc.? I know where this is going. That is a great movie. Yes. Right?

When I was 12 years old and that movie was out, I went to Bali with my parents and that was the only DVD I wanted to get from Bali. It's like, I want to get the, you know, the ripoff version. Did you get it? Yeah, and there's like someone walks across. So I was watching it. We're kind of like midway through the movie and the girls,

Marlene and Lola, they loved it. They were engrossed in the film and it's so nice because sometimes they'll get five minutes into a film and you can just see they're not into it. But Monsters, Inc., they loved it. And I thought to myself oh god is this gonna be is this gonna be yeah because the premise of it is getting kids screams because monsters do exist in the movie so you really fuck so we got to the end of the film and it's a beautiful ending

and then it was great the kids loved it just. They were just like, dude, going to bed that night. No wonder Lola hates you. They were so petrified and I was like, the monsters are fine. They were like, in there, going to the wardrobe. And then the next day I was like, what movie are we going to watch today, daddy? We were going to watch Saw 1 through 5. Have you ever heard of The Hills Have Eyes? It's a lovely family movie.

We've probably just, after weeks now watching the film, kind of gotten over the fact that there's monsters hiding in the wardrobe. Okay, Matthew. This one comes from Chloe. Can we hear your tips for when mum is breastfeeding? How do you contribute? Oh, you're asking the wrong people here. I do absolutely nothing. I wrong people here. I do absolutely

nothing. I just lay there. I ask for a bit after. I ask for a sip. I have one bit of advice and it was given to me by my mum, Ash. When she was breastfeeding. And she was breastfeeding. You. She looked down at you and said, don't suck so hard.

Don't like it. Stop biting. Stimulate the nibble more. She said, the best thing you can do is get a glass of water. Very true. Get a glass of water, get a bottle of water and shut the fuck up because it's way more exhausting than you think. Like it takes it out of them, man. It's like they're literally draining liquid from-

Sucking the life out of them. Yeah. It makes you they're literally draining liquid from- Sucking the life out of them. Yeah. It makes you think, I feel sorry for cows, dairy cows. Just getting worked over every two days. Let me just, before we go, I do just want to check in with Laura and see if she has anything to add to this because we may be missing something. Let's just quickly see what Laura has to say. The main thing a partner can do, clean.

Just clean the fucking house. Clean everything. Wash floors. Also bring a glass of water. Like make sure there's always water there because when you're like baby trapped and you're breastfeeding, you get really thirsty. But above all, clean. Well, okay.

Very good. Good to know. There you've had it. Straight from the cow's mouth. Laura, sorry. Not at night time though. Obviously night time. Night time is in the middle of the night.

You're just like. You said. You said clean the house. This is what Laura wanted. Daytime breastfeeding. Okay. Do the dishes, do the washing. Obviously we're both past that now.

Not us. Not cleaning the house. I am. I don't do that washing. Obviously, we're both past that now. Not us. Not cleaning the house. I am. I don't do that anymore. Look, I think we should end it there. That's what we have time for. I'm starving.

If you have enjoyed this episode, one of our best, is it? Probably not. We would love it if you said it to a friend. To any pet parents out there, we apologize for any offense caused. We love you all equally. No, I don't apologize. And if you would leave us a review, a few stars. I got canceled because of pet parents out there, we apologize for any offense caused. We love you all equally. No, I don't apologize. And if you would leave us a review, a few stars. If I get canceled because of pet parents?

I know. What was a downfall of Ash and Matt? Offending pet parents. Some fucking ginger cat went for a swim in North Bondi pool. A couple of stars and a few words on Apple Podcasts would make Ash and I extremely happy. And again, as always, not begging,

just asking politely. Sure. See you guys. Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.