Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - What's Your Facebook Marketplace Limit?

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

Ash has reached his Facebook marketplace limit - he now flat out refuses to have any involvement with his wife's transactions. He's even gone as far as locking himself in the toilet when he hears a buyer knock on the door. Good news is April's never made more money flogging off their old furniture. One of Matt's mottos when it comes to parenting is 'always follow the path of least resistance'. Over the weekend, this path led him down to his local cafe with Lola who brought along a slightly inappropriate item with her. Turns out Lola is into BDSM. We share your best Toddler Meltdown stories as well as have a crack at answering your listener questions: What’s the one thing you really miss about pre-kid life? What's the best thing about post-kid? Follow @twodotingdads on Instagram here. Or slide into our DM's with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you know who I despise? So this is what's happened. Just quickly. Yes. The coffee machine over there, it's just a smeg coffee machine. It's a couple of years old. Yep. But the baskets in the portafiller, you know what a portafiller is?

No. It's the thing that goes in that you put the coffee in, portafiller. It's portable, right? Yeah. Portafilter, sorry. For people playing at home. Yeah. What I hate is they're getting a bit old.

So I was like, we need to replace them. They're just not as good. The portafilla. The portafilla basket that goes in it. So it's like the single shot, double shot, whatever it may be. I'm with you. So I went to the kitchen shop. It's like a little kitchen shop down at the shopping centre down here.

I won't name names. But I feel like the two old bags in there, so rude. They're like, oh, can we help you find anything? I was like, yeah, I'm just after a portafilter basket. They're like, what the hell is that? And I was like, it's the thing that goes in the coffee machine, just so I explain to you. Right.

And they're like, what brand? I said, it's a Smeg. It's 51 mil. Did they, oh, Smeg. I'm so sorry. No, I wish. They went, oh, 51 mil. You'll have to go to Harvey Norman.

I have a Smeg at home and I can't even replace it. I was like, okay, easy on. Fuck, just a second. They're like, no. Well, you think they all just fit? I was like, whoa, oh, shit. And I was like, it's 51 mil. Okay.

That's what size I need if you've got one. They're like, we don't have any of them. I'm like, oh, we could have just saved this whole interaction. And she was like, it's 51 mil. Okay. That's what size I need if you've got one. They're like, we don't have any of them. I'm like, oh, we could have just saved this whole interaction. And she was like, you're going to have to go somewhere else. And I was like, what? It's like I offended her. She's like, I have a smig at home and I can even replace mine. I'm like, oh, my God.

I was like, sorry to waste your time and walked out. So when I asked this morning if you're in a bad mood, is that why? That is why. That's been weighing on your shoulders. That happened yesterday, yeah morning if you're in a bad mood, is that why? That is why. That's been weighing on your shoulders. That happened yesterday, yeah. Did you get the portafilter? No. Portafilter?

According to the old bag, I've got to go online or go to Half of Norman or buy a new smeg. Welcome back to Two Dating Dads. I'm Matty J. And I'm Wengie McWinger. This is a podcast all about portafilters. All about portafilters. The good, the bad. And the relatable.

And the 51 mils. the 51 millimeter uh what else do we say for the intro oh yeah if you come if you've come for advice good start if you come for advice stop right now sweating again it is a bit warm today can Can you grab the wipes? You want to wipe yourself down? I did that last time. Give me one second. Hang on. What are you wiping? My forehead, dude.

Thank God I've got a refreshing stone and wood. Yes, to cool you down. Because you weren't, okay, this is your problem. You're going for runs pre-record. Oh, that's delicious. You've gotten rid of your ice bath. Shout out to your ice bath, by the way. Someone out there right now.

Whoever has it. Yeah, do you know? Someone's sniffing it. That's what you need to get. Your core temperature, Ash, is just, it can't come down. It can't come down. You're running too hot. What did you do this morning, 5 or 10K?

Just 5 this morning. Just 5. See, dude, even 5K, that's enough to make Ash Wicks start peaking. Yes. Anyway, let's get back to the subject at hand, which is? Stonewood. Stonewood. Our partners at Stonewood.

Today we are drinking. Cheers. Cheers. A Pacific Ale, the OG, the flagship named after the Pacific Ocean. Do you remember your first Stonerwood? Do you remember when that was? I was just a young pup. Yeah.

My mate was like, this is years ago, he was like, have you ever had a Stonerwood? I was like, what's that? A Stonerwood Pacific Ale. And I remember as soon as that little nectar hit my lips, I was like, oh, it's like passion fruity, like citrusy. It's like juice. I have it with breakfast.

Anyway, it is their flagship, of course, and you can get it at all good bottle shops, all good pubs, all good bars and we love it here and we'd like to thank Stone & Wood for being such lovely partners of the show. Without them, we wouldn't be here, and this wouldn't be possible. Absolutely. And whilst we can't be on holidays, Ash, it's nice to have a drink that can transport us to somewhere where we'd rather be, i.e. Byron Bay.

Oh, yeah. That's why they call it Byron Bay in a bottle. There you go. Look at that. Full of fun facts we are. Let Bay. Oh, yeah. That's why they call it Byron Bay in a bottle. There you go. Look at that. Full of fun facts we are. Let's kick off, Matthew. So how are you?

Can I just say I went to your toilet just before we started recording and I have to admit it's the cleanest it's ever been. Was that you or was that April? Is it not normally clean? No. I don't even use that one. No, it was like- So really, that's- It smelled-

So what you're trying to say is- Not normally so you say my wife stinks but she'll be listening you know sometimes you go into a bathroom and it just smelled it smelled clean enough that i could have dropped like breakfast on the floor put it back on the plate and kept eating she keeps a tight ship not normally really okay well april if you're listening, she will be. She knew I was coming and she's like, I've got to clean the house for Matt. Oh, that's cute. That's the last time she walked in and you're pissing on the floor. She was like, what's going on here?

I felt guilty when I started dripping all over the toilet seat. I was like, sorry about this, April. Well, she's going to hear about now, isn't she? But I'm okay. I'm okay, mate. You seem stressed. Something's up. What's now, isn't she? But I'm okay. I'm okay, mate. You seem stressed. Something's up. What's wrong?

Nothing is up. Nothing is up. Oh, look, Oscar goes back to school next week. And you're upset about that, aren't you? I am over the moon. I'm going on a bender as soon as that happens. Another one. It's been – it feels like he's just here all the time.

He lives here. here all the time. He lives here. Not all the time. You wake up and you're like, you're still here. The constant entertainment. My God. Drives me crazy. But he's going back. And as you can see, Matthew, there is something new in my house behind you.

It is a new couch. When you get a new anything, a new bed that is of substantial size in my house behind you it is a new couch when you get a new anything yeah new bed that is of substantial size in your house unless you're rich like you has multiple bedrooms you can just leave them in and we're back to usual viewing you've got to get rid of the what's in the way the old couch for example yes yeah and how do you do that marketplace how often are you selling something on Marketplace? Not me, bro. I'm like, I just said to April, I'm like, just fucking throw it out.

Just leave it out front and say free. And then it'll be one of those couches out front that says free and then it rains on it and some freak still takes it. So we had to, yeah, Marketplace. April whacked that bad boy up on Marketplace, zhooshed it up. What was the RRP? Asking price. What were you going for?

I think she asked for 400. Shit. Bit rich for you, is it? You're like, I'll take five of them. How many do you have in stock? Okay. Yeah. How old was it?

It's not that old. Only a couple of years old. It's like a five grand couch. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to react like that. It's not like a fucking, couple years old it's like a five grand couch okay sorry sorry i didn't mean to react like that like a fucking what is it furniture warehouse what do they call it fantastic furniture thing that's fucking some child together it was designer some would say

so yeah 400 how'd you go good she sold it obviously because she got 400 yeah actually that's i was like is she selling drugs she's not negotiable like that lady she doesn't budge she doesn't budge they were like we'll give you 300 not enough they give you 350 not enough i don't know 400 i need to start okay yeah start hustling like she hustles love that we should hire her i'll give her 20 of anything she can sell she's coming to the audience like that sold don't touch that that's sold that's sold to be like, that's sold. Don't touch that. That's sold. That's sold. It's like, where's all the cutlery? Sold it. Piece by piece.

Anyway, so she sold it and they were picking it up when everyone was home. And this happened to be Oscar and Macy, but Macy was too busy eating or something. I don't know. But Oscar is at the age. It was really inquisitive. We spoke about it last week how he's got a million questions.

And it happened to be Oscar's first ever marketplace transaction. You popped his marketplace cherry. Yes, we did. Not me, but we did. And I did, that's right, I'm sick of doing the transaction part because that's what the husband does. The wife does the posting, the chatting, the organizing. Then they come she

hides and i've got to do the awkward bit which is the transaction where i'm like yeah you're picking up my used couch and there's a stain on the back of it how many times did you have sex on the couch i think it's a couple times okay not double figures if they're listening none of the time did that ever happen. And also if my father-in-law is listening, never. We've never had sex. Our kids are adopted. So I get stuck with the transaction, which is always the case.

And this time April said, tell me what time they're coming. And I had planned at that time to go to said bathroom upstairs to spend the rest of my morning in there until the transaction was done. For those who may not have done transactions themselves and may be unfamiliar with the way that marketplace transactions happen, what do you dislike about being the person responsible? It's just the awkward interaction. The awkward interaction, the me trying to explain where a specific stain came from on their couch.

Before they've been like, what is this? Explain this. Yeah, like kids, right? And the couch cushions come off and underneath the couch cushions usually is that the lining of the couch is like usually white or something. They've spilt something down there and it's on the inside. It's not really visible, but they're like looking over it,

like looking to catch me. They're looking around so they could go, ha-ha! 350. You lied. And it's just like this awkward, it's like, oh, yeah, it's like it's been a good couch. It's going to be good to you too. It's just fucking awkward and I hate it.

Everyone hates it. And also sometimes it's like you don't have enough. If April was like, okay, well, they're coming, I'm not going to be here. Just say she wasn't going to be here. I can't be like, I have to have the whole intel of all the conversation they've had just in case they bring something up. It's just awkward.

So I decided they were coming at 8.30 in the morning, which is great because we had a big day. I had to get it out. Hence, there's a mattress there. That was our couch for a few days. Batch pad. So at 8.30, they went here. I was like, perfect.

8.30, snuck upstairs, went into the bathroom, locked the door. Needed to do a shit, some would say, on my phone. Was April like, can you be here? Yeah, I knew she wanted, but I thought I'm going to let her do her own tricks. What about if someone is coming in and like you need to be there to protect her? Too bad. Okay. Sorry, I'm trying to prove a point here.

Yeah. Okay. So I went and I hid and then I get a knock at the door a few minutes later. Like, they're here. They're here. They're here. I'm like, I'm midship. Sorry.

I'm still going. And then I've left it another five or ten minutes. Hear some chatter and some laughter and some hustle and bustle downstairs. And then eventually I emerge emerge walk down the stairs and oscar's standing there really really really like just wanting to ask questions but didn't know who to ask the questions to and then as soon as i come down he's like dad what's going on where are they taking the couch what's happening where are the cushions where's that going what are they doing who are they it must be confusing it's like that's my freaking couch that's what he said.

And then he stood here and he just went, I'm confused with this whole situation. All four of us, because there was two people carrying the couch out and me and April were standing there just like burst out laughing. He was just so, just had no idea what was going on. It must be so weird. Like all of a sudden the door knocks opens up random guy comes in exchange of money yeah and he starts just taking his stuff yeah he was like what else

are they taking and he's like looking looking to hoard his stuff and then i explained it to him i was like look these poor people these derelicts are buying no these people are buying our old couch to take it to their house. And he was like, how are we going to sit on it if it's at their house? I was like. Come on. Come on, bro. Come on.

I'm like, get up to speed. Was he happy with the new couch? Well, that's the thing. It took, there was a few days in between. So for days in between, he was trying to work out why we didn't have a couch and we had to all sit on that and then the day of the couch i thought the couch is coming today i reckon he asked me 500 000 times when is the couch getting here and the website we got it from they have a tracker that's like a live tracker you can track him and he just pretty much all day was like

so he got nothing done that day. But he feels like he did. I will say it's a brave colour choice. I thought it was more grey than that. It's very white. But they come off and you can wash them, the Velcro. But also another thing when you get a couch from brands like this, the cardboard boxes, my fucking God.

Just the sheer amount of cardboard boxes is unbelievable. Have you seen my garage? No, I haven't had a look. Oh, man. Look out there. Oh, God. That's just one of them with others stacked into it. What are you going to do with that?

I might just throw it over the fence at the neighbor's house. You're in a complex. You've got like 12. Yeah, but you don't want to be that guy who takes up all the bins because then they're like, you dug it up all the bins. So that's going to live in your backyard for like at least. Yeah, last time I got something from this or like a company similar, we've got a balcony upstairs that you can't really see and I put it all out there.

Oh, is that the one that got like rained on? Yeah, that's what happened last time. But this one's more visible here because I don't want to take it upstairs. You're going to start rationing it, like cutting off little like squares over a period of 12 months. A really nice knife and get stabby on it. Anyway, it was a stressful day putting it together and it was hot, sweaty. I could just imagine.

I could just imagine. If you start having beads of sweat come down your brow purely by sitting here and having a conversation I could only imagine I didn't have to go to the gym that day

putting together a couch solo? yeah with two kids April was out you're a hero and no that's right April had to go to an appointment

and it turned up just as she was leaving oh perfect that's her getting your back that's her idiot drives off yeah i was like you sure you gotta go now you report myself for another six hours gotta go so anyway that's what i'm dealing with ash i have an update on the car ah yes we talk about you know certain responsibilities there are certain tasks

ash that you know sometimes la looks after, sometimes I look after them. The car is one that I have to look after. Yes, we've spoken about this. That's right. Both cars. Yeah, we have spoken about it. Getting them serviced, anything. Mechanical. And it's one of those situations where like... Except for Marley, she cleans them. Marley is in charge of the wax and polish. But I've had an issue with our car going on almost four weeks now. Yeah, yes. Shit time too, I bet, yeah.

Oh, a terrible time. And so there was a smell, like a moldy smell, and I thought maybe it was the girls dropping their water bottles in the back of the car. How dare they? On the floor because there's just so much crap there on the floor. And the floor was all wet. So I got rid of all the crap, got rid of the mats, let it dry out, and this water just wouldn't evaporate.

And I'm talking like you put pressure on the carpet and you could like see the water pull up. Like there's a shit ton of water. Like spongy. Yeah, and then I was like, you know, the car's four years old. So I'm like, what the – what is going on? So I'm reading online trying to figure it out. End up calling a dealership where I got the car from.

It's a ball lake because they're like an hour and 20 minutes away. As a old car salesman. Former used car salesman. Because like there's a dealership in every suburb of the same brand and then you shopper those around. This is them getting you back by saying, this is what happens when you buy something from where you could have got it in your local area but you saved a thousand dollars yeah and they're like oh there's something wrong

with it guess what bitch drive it all the way out of here if i can dare you yeah i think i saved 750 bucks by buying it in the dealership in campbell town and so as soon as the dealership reopened after christmas they're like oh it's available for to be dropped off in like three weeks time so i'm like all this time i've had a moldy car because of all this water so and i'm thinking to myself it's fine though because it's within the five year new car warranty and i was thinking to myself i bet you i bet you they're going to figure out a way to say that it's my fault, that I've caused the problem.

Also, I can hear underneath the car when I stop at every traffic light, I can hear the slushing of the water. I don't know what's going on, but I'm like driving an oil tanker. If I was working there, I would convince you it was your fault. I wouldn't just be like, I think this is your fault. You would walk away there you know what i need to check myself i was ready for that i was ready for that to be like no there's no way i'm walking out of here and it not being under warranty of the car anyway as i dropped the car off there was maybe four other i won't say the name of the car brand because they may sponsor the podcast in the future and i don't want to show myself in the foot. It's a really thin line. But there was like four other people there

who were all clearly in a terrible mood and they're kind of like, I could hear the conversations of a guy being like, what do you mean I need a new like oil filter? And they're like, yeah, it's $4,000, mate. And I was like, everyone's just getting rinsed. Is this the Maserati you're talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So do you want to know what it was that was causing this oh yeah they oh just like that fixed it fixed i was out there is it stink still oh it still stinks i was waiting out there for four hours in the dealership they were like another half an hour another half an hour you can leave but you know you may as well wait here because you're we might sell your car by the time we get back get rid of it, get rid of it. Okay, so air con pump was blocked. Sure, that must fall under the remit of like a new car warranty, right? Doesn't. Absolutely not.

Do you know what's caused it? What? Cockroach. There was a cockroach in there. Apparently. Oh, bullshit. Right? So you had to pay for it?

Yes. Oh, for fuck's sake. I was like, but is it fixed? Like, it's fixed, but, you know, we can't cover this. Oh, mate, you shouldn't have told that cockroach to crawl down there. Sure, they could have come up with something better than a fucking cockroach. Was it still alive? I didn't want to say.

We should question that cockroach. Show me the cockroach. But I was like, there's no way I can say to you guys it's not a cockroach. Anyway, I got home and Laura's like, show me the cockroach but i was like whatever like there's no way i can say to you guys it's not a cockroach anyway i got home and laura's like show me the cockroach and i'm like well i didn't ask for proof of the cockroach why would you why they're just gonna pull a cockroach from anywhere it's a mechanic so like you know laura's like you need to go and tell them that you're like oh i would just if april asked me to do that but like you fucking do it there's no way i'm doing this. Anyway, so the car's fixed. Had to pay for it.

Car still stinks. It's a bloody nightmare. And then you even got the fucking third degree burns getting home and your wife's like, you need more proof. They could tell me. Well, it's easy for you to say that. It was magic pixie dust that caused the blockage. And I'd be like, fine.

Thank you. Anyway, here's the money. I don't remember one time years ago I bought a laptop and I was like, did you get a deal on it? I was like, yes, that was the best I could do. I bet you could have got a better deal. I was like, how dare you question my ability to negotiate, first of all. And second of all.

Do you know how many cars I've sold? Yeah. Do you know what kind of experience I have under my belt? Second of all, why can't you just be like, oh, that's good. Good deal, babe. No, you've got to question me to try and save an extra $50. And I was just like, you ring up and see if you get a better deal then. Did you get a good deal then or did you just pay for it?

I just paid for it. But you will never know that until this comes out. And she'll be like, remember that time like nine years ago you bought a laptop? Sometimes it's just not. See, I tried to get a deal and look how much of an idiot I am now. Sometimes it's not worth it. Hey, random one.

Yeah. We've spoken before about the fact that our kids, being toddlers, like to carry a lot of knickknacks with them as they leave the house. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Lola at the moment is a number one culprit. Does she have like a little bag? She has a little bag. I love it.

There's a couple of different handbags. Depending on the day of the week, she'll take a different handbag and just fill it with like teapot little cups sauces like duplo like who knows what she's bringing where what she's taken where yeah yeah yeah lola left the house recently with something that wasn't really appropriate to leave the house with oh no but i was like if it makes you happy it's not worth the argument it depends also depends on how inappropriate it is. So lay it on me. What was it?

Well, as we were leaving, I wanted to go get a coffee, right? Over the weekend, I normally take one of the girls, sometimes both, for a baby Chino and a coffee, take Buster for a piss, happy days. And Lola had a handbag and she had like all the normal knickknacks and then she had this other item in her hand and Laura was like, you cannot let her leave the house with that. And I tried to take it off her and it was like, no.

It was a 12-inch black dildo. What? I'm right. No. Not quite. Shut up. She did not. Okay.

Well, I have a costume box. It's a strap-on. Over the course of a number of years of making content online, Ash, I have quite a robust costume box. Okay. And she's taken one of the items. I don't know if you can see that and see what she's brought with her. Oh, I see.

It's a Dom Play whip. It's a red whip. Oh, I see. It's a dom play whip. It's a red whip. Oh, my God. It's even got the, like, thing at the end of it. And I was like, it's fine. I can, like, hide it in the pram. You can play it off. I was thinking she's walking around with a vibrator or something.

So when we're in the cafe, this is what Lola's doing. Oh, my goodness, Lola. Press play on that. Oh, it's a video. She's using it as like, I want this. Well, we know what her kink's going to be when she's a bit older

and that's on you. So for people who obviously haven't seen that video it'd be on our socials but she's in front of the glass fridge pointing at what she would like to order with a red whip. What do they call that fetish? I think it's like BDSM.

Yeah, essentially your daughter's walking around Bondi with a BDSM whip. We're waiting for the baby chino and the coffee and she's just out the front going. Whipping people. Yeah. A couple of ladies were like, is that a whip? Also, what I would like to know. Stop king streaming me.

Yeah, is what else people's kids have taken out in public that's inappropriate. So just off the back of that, we'll make a social video about this. What's the most inappropriate thing your child has taken in public from your house, if that makes sense? Yeah, from your house. Where else are you going to have it? In your car?

Whatever. What's the most inappropriate thing? She calls it a magic wand, Ash, and that's what I call it as well. Let's go into our new segment, Matthew. It is tantrums of the Week. It's the final meltdown. The final meltdown. Would you like to go first?

No, Ash, I think I would like to hear your tantrum. I've just got a really quick one here. Why am I always poo and toilet thing? Because that's all we've got. This one's from Kayla. Sorry, through our DMs on Instagram. I will take this opportunity right now to say that if you do have a tantrum, please submit it to either of our personal Instagram accounts or to Doting Dads.

We also have an email address. We don't check any of them. So this one comes from Kayla and says they have a 12-month-old and they had a tantrum because they wouldn't let them eat the toilet cleaner that's hanging from the bowl. Great, great. It's so annoying when you're trying to stop your child from causing like illness to itself.

To be fair, it looks pretty inviting, that blue tablet that's hanging on. April comes home and you're just there with Oscar, having a little feast on the- Honestly, it looks like an upside down lollipop. It smells good. Just going to be honest. It just gonna be honest smells good looks good does not taste good does not taste good at all stop making it smell so good make it make it look unedible as i've got one here this one is for oh lucien lucien lucien lucien How would you say that? Sorry, Lucien. Lucien.

Lucien? Look, I apologize. Sir Lucien. I apologize. If I have said your name incorrectly, I am deeply sorry. I'm not. But she sent me through. Hey, for the record, I'm always sorry for people I offend.

Ash, maybe not. But Lucien, all the Luciens out there. Oh, just move on well i think we are in a cranky mood you are lucian that's how you pronounce it lucian which is spelt l-u-c-i-n-n- Okay, so she has sent me through a video and she said, I'm very happy for you to share this on the podcast. She sent me a video. Okay. I'm going to play you the video and you have to try and guess

what this toddler is having a tantrum about. It has something to do with the room. This has just turned into a game show. And our next tantrum is coming up now for 10 points. From Lucien. Okay, so. He's giving a good nudge. Does he want to get back in bed?

Close. This does have something to do with the cot there I don't know, what is it? She changed the sheets New bed sheets And they're great bed sheets Honestly, they looked crisp Dinosaur bed sheets

Dinosaur Changing the sheets on a cot, just it sucked. Actually, any bed sheets, it's the worst job. It's the bottom of the barrel. Do you know it's the worst when it's like Sunday night and your wife's washed all the sheets and you look at the bed and you're like, oh. Especially when you're ready.

You're like- Just ready to get in there. You're ready to get horizontal and then you're looking at just a bare mattress and you're like, can I just sleep on the mattress? So I understand what that kid's going through. That's great. Thank you for sending that through. If you want to send us videos of your kids screaming

and we guess what it's for, we'll take that too. I do also have another one here. Can I quickly just drop you? Yes, of course. One from Marley who messaged me on Instagram. She said, my daughter got really upset because I weed on top of her wee without flushing hers first, which for any non-parents out there, that's a big no-no.

That's a big one. You don't want to be mixing the wee. Yeah, you really got to waste the water before. Isn't it? The goalposts are always moving. Always, always, always. Sometimes they have a tangent when you flush. Other times it's when you don't flush.

Yeah. It's a slippery slope. Should we do some questions before we let these fine people go? I thought you'd never ask, Ash. Let's do it. Okay, this one comes from Amy. What is the one thing you really miss about pre-kid life? And then also, in addition to that, what's the best thing post-kid life?

It's a double question, that one. Yeah, we normally only let single questions through, but on this occasion we've let a double through, Ash. I miss being able to just like sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing. You still do that quite a lot. I don't. I don't now. Sorry, a little joke.

Oh, is it? Just a jab at me. I've seen you. I'm just going to. You've seen me through the window. I miss being like violently hungover and being able to sit on the couch and every meal is from different fast food restaurants. That's what I miss.

Now, if you wanted any insight to what kind of life Ash lived before kids, that's now. And then what I want, what I like the most, well, I like the wipes. That is all. Don't you? You have a big, soft inner core. Maybe I do, but I will not show it. I'll hide it, bury it deep down.

I know you like the wipes. There's got to be something else. Come on. Let me pry. Let me open you right up. I like the leftovers. No, come on. Come on.

Think deep. Think about anything. I like when I drop them both off to kindy and they don't cry. Just for people who think that Ash may have this like. I'm an ogre. Cold outer shell. Yes, he does at times, but I've seen the way that you have welcomed Macy back into this household. I do like that. I like the welcome when you haven't seen them all day. There he is. That's what I do like. There he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When they make a big deal for about 10 seconds and then you're like, well, that's me done. And then I toddle off and enjoy something else. And you tried to say it was just the wipes. The wipes are definitely good. On par. They're on par. What about you, Matt?

Pre-kid life. Look, I think the beach was something that I really enjoy. And I think you take for granted how nice it is going to the beach without kids and just being able to do nothing, just enjoy. Without the hassle too. Without the hassle. You know, you can go with just like- Minimal.

We could go exactly like this. Like you don't even need a towel like if i said you should we just told her on the beach we could literally just go perfect nothing it'd be like well i got nothing well you know what matthew you don't need anything kids make the beach a lot more difficult just the amount of fucking snacks wipes water bottles yeah buckets like shade oh my god the list is endless shade well like it's so hot at the moment i know i know like i love how you're gonna take your own shade and also then just like at the moment when you're at the beach with the kids and you have to say to your partner like hey i'm gonna jump in the water and like cool you've got three minutes and that's like all you get like you get rationed go go go go go like run into the water paddle

around and then you're like i could stay here for longer and you look to the shoreline and they're going like pointing at the watch going come back in crossed arms like yeah what are you doing come in and you're like i just want another just like another minute to myself when i i've taken the kids down to the beach on my own, that weekend I mentioned what I was really, really hung over with other friends and I would be like sneak away. I'd be like to the other parents, I'd be like back in one sec for a swim. And by the time I get back, both kids realise that I've left them.

Oh, yeah. You left us for ages. I literally went 10 metres into the water and back. If I wanted to leave you, I would. The thing I like about having kids, I think it's just- That's all we've got time for because the list is going to be endless. No, I think there's a lot of parts of parenting that are very hard, Ash. But at the same time, especially at the moment because I'm coming

off the back of like a month of lola just hating you looking at me like i'm a piece of shit when i do get those little moments of affection like we had a little breakthrough with lola we were actually down the beach to keep things on the same theme and it's a thursday i have both girls home from daycare on a thursday and she hasn't done this in a bloody long time. She fell asleep in my arms and just nuzzled in. That's pretty good except I'm really sweaty. Unless it's in winter, it's a no-go.

And it was just nice to have like a moment of peace when they're asleep in your arms, being cute and then nuzzling in. I was like, this is pretty good. That's a win win that's not very often we end an episode on a little soppiness but anyway that's very lovely matthew i think on that note we should probably wrap this up because i need to get to my therapy appointment yes we do uh if you enjoy this episode i'm coming you know it know, it's like those TikToks where it's like, enjoy your therapy.

It's like you too. And it's like, are we both going? Do you talk about me in therapy? No, never. You mention my name? Never. That's a lie. Like you're doing my fucking head.

If you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it if you shared it with any other people out there, parents, non-parents, pet parents, doesn't matter who it is. And if you would leave us a review and a couple of words on every podcast. We never beg. We ask politely, but it makes a huge difference. Ash and I catch up. Throughout the year, we'll start to beg.

We catch up every weekend on a Sunday night and we just read the reviews to each other. That's how we get to sleep. And we are due for some new reviews. Yeah, there was a couple that were just like, Ash is the worst. No, there's like... And I slept like a baby after that. We get a lot of lovely messages.

Every now and then. And it's like, hey, it's great to message us this in the inbox, but do you mind just like copy and pasting that? Let's copy and paste it. Into Apple Podcasts? Yeah. Please? That'd be great.

Make it public. Appreciate it. Yeah. All right. We better get out of here. See you guys. Yeah. Please. That'd be great. Make it public. Appreciate it. Yeah. All right. We better get out of here. There you go. Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast

acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.