Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - Why You Should Never Give Someone A Soggy Doggy

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

WE'RE BACK BABY ! Matt's transition into Ash has continued as he realised that Christmas is actually the most stressful time of the year and he's happy to see the back of it. The fact that he and Laura decided to remove Lola's dummy during this month might have had something to do with it. For reference, it's going terribly. As you can imagine, Ash had a lovely time with his extended family during Christmas. As he always says - the more family, the better! Nan had nothing but praise in regards to the new calendar she brought to the senior citizens clubs (ps there's still 40 left online). Although Ash did have to reprimand her for a word she called Oscar at a public pool. We share your best Toddler Meltdown stories as well as have a crack at answering your listener questions: As a dad, how do I maintain his sanity with 2 week old and 2 year old? Were your kids always more interested in mum or does my kid just hate me? Follow @twodotingdads on Instagram here. Or slide into our DM's with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My paranoia is now over. Yeah, no, it sounds lovely. Sounds great. Is that charging? Yeah. Good boy. I'm going to leave that in the thing. It's a little travel charger.

You never know. We could be out on the road sucking dick for money and we need to charge a phone. It's very likely. Very likely. My things are going. Anyway, go. What heart rate do you think you get up to sucking dick?

180. 180? Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I can't even remember the opening. That's what she said. Oh, wait. I'm Matty J. And I'm Ash.

This is a podcast that's all about parenting. It's the good, the bad. And the relatable. And if you've come wanting any type of advice, I have to tell you that, unfortunately, we are not the podcast for you. Another year full of zero advice. That's it.

It does feel... I don't know what to do with my hands. It's like I'm running on a treadmill and you're like, what do I do with my hands? Do I put them in my pockets? I was like, before I was like banging away on the desk and I was like, okay, you should hate that. So I better stop doing that.

But here we are. It's just, it's weird to spend just more time with you. We had a nice little break. Well, you did ignore me for two weeks. I knew you were going to because you wanted to switch off and I've had enough of him. No, I didn't. You didn't message me.

I did. I missed it. Mate. I missed it. You put me on mute in the text. It's okay. I get it. We caught up once.

We did. We went to the cricket. Yes. And that was lovely. That was a beautiful moment. That was a good day. That was a really nice day. Although, I'll be honest. I'm going to say it. I'm not afraid to the cricket. Yes. And that was lovely. That was a beautiful moment. That was a good day. That was a really nice day. Although, I'll be honest, I'm going to say it.

I'm not afraid to say it. I missed you. Yes, I missed you too. Thank you. Okay, now that's over. Let's move on. Let's move on to more important news, Matthew, and we do have an announcement.

Yes. Kick this year off with a bang. I don't know if that will make the cut, but kick it off with a bang. To anyone listening right now on the treadmill at the gym, what the fuck, flipping off the treadmill, Ash belting through their earbuds. Sorry about that. I did move out of the way a little bit.

Yeah, we do have an exciting announcement to make. We have a very close friend of the pod who is going to be joining us for a long time i hope this is going to be the start of something very beautiful we are of course talking about a new partner of the podcast and this to me is a dream partnership it's a tasty one it is crispy it is beautiful and i i couldn't be more excited to say that we are now in the company of Stone & Wood. Yes, Stone & Wood. Let's cheers. Cheers to the new partner of the show.

Cheers to us. Cheers to Stone & Wood. Oh, yeah. So we are drinking the Pacifica, which is their flagship in the portfolio. They have a number of other lovely drops, Matthew. I don't know if you got a chance to try their lagers, which is easy drinking, of course. No, I've just been sitting on the Pacific Ale. They've also got a cloudy pale ale, which is delicious, along with a hazy pale ale, which I'm also a big fan of. And they do other collabs. I believe they've got one infused

with mango that's about to come out as well. So they do have something for- Every taste bud, every occasion. Oh, that's a good one. Every occasion and every taste bud. But Ash, the most exciting part about this partnership is what we get to offer you guys, the listeners, because it would be very rude of us, Ash, to sit here, enjoy a beverage and not offer it out to those people who are listening.

I'm listening. I'm listening. I'm all over this. So I thought we would do a competition and it's for a year's worth of beer. Shut up. So how that's going to work is it's a case a month of any beer that you want from the range. From their portfolio. Could be the hazy.

It could be the- The options are endless. Could be the lager. It could be the... The options are endless. Could be the lager, could be the Pacific ale. And the way that this is going to work is that we're going to have a post on two doting dads. All you have to do is be following us, following Stone and Wood, comment

who you would like to share a beer with. And we'll pick someone? And we're going to pick someone. Oh, amazing. So that's 12 months. 12 cases. So all year you're going to get 12 cases of stone and wood. Think of the savings. It's going to get delivered directly to your door. Oh, my God.

Maybe by me and Ash. We're not sure. Depends where you live. Depends where you live. Let's not commit to that. T's and C's apply. There will be T's and C's, of course. And you have to be over 18 to- Enter, of course.

Enter, yes, absolutely. I doubt there's anyone under the age of 18 listening to the podcast. If you are, what are you doing? Sorry about that. But, yeah, once again- Cheers to that. Stone and wood. Beautiful.

Thank you, guys. Thank you, stone and wood. Did you go away? No, I stayed put. Stayed put. I had a lot of family come to me, which I hated. Sorry, Mum. No, no, no.

Yeah, like family came to Sydney. We did spend a lot of time with family. We didn't necessarily go anywhere. But Christmas with family is always- Where were you Christmas Day? Christmas Day, a combination between my grandmother's and my father-in-law's house. So morning at my Nan's.

I gave her a calendar. She was very happy about that. Nan, spoon collection Nan. Oh, spoon collection Nan. That's the tip of the iceberg, my friend. Oh, my God. You should see how many spoons this woman has. Has she always collected spoons?

Yeah, she loves it. And we used to always get her a spoon anywhere we went somewhere. What does she like about- And her house is also a shrine to Elvis. Elvis and spoons. She loves it. What does she like about a spoon? Is it just, is that like a... What's not to like about a spoon, have you? Well said.

I don't know. I've never asked, but there's always an ongoing joke about when she dies, who gets the spoons? Do you know where you're at in the will? Are you, what percentage you're getting? Hopefully zero I don't want those spoons No mate, they're beautiful

I want the ones back I gave her But on my grandmother She's 87 She just turned 87 on the weekend Looks great by the way Stop trying to get with my grandmother 87 on Sunday just gone So happy birthday to Nan

Big fan of the show. Big fan of the calendar. What was her name again? Olive. Olive. Ah, beautiful name. Looks like olive oil. Big fan of the show.

Loves the calendar very much. The seniors club also love that calendar very, very much. Where she put it? She took it down for like a show and tell. Isn't it funny when kindergartens they have show and tell, then when you get old enough you also. Full circle. It's full circle.

Yeah. So she took it down there. Much to think about. But on my lovely grandmother, she obviously born in a very different generation. Does she understand what a podcast? No. There's no idea.

Cool. No idea. Like she just thinks it's radio. And then every now and then I'm on the TV. She's like confused. Anyway, but she's very switched on. But she also is from a different generation. And as we know, generations that have gone past, things have changed.

Things you can say have changed. And we all know that, you know, back then there was different terms for things, all sorts of things. I'm not going to be crass here. But also when you get to, I think once you're over the age of 70, you just don't give a shit anymore. That too. And you just like whatever comes into your mind, you say,

was she offensive to you or was she offensive to me? She wasn't offensive. She was confused. So my parents came down, they stayed at a caravan park near my place and they've got this a big water park in this caravan wood park which is great if any caravan parks want to sponsor the show please get in touch with me so i took oscar down there and my sister took my niece down there nan was staying with them for the day it's cool little family outing to so the kids can have a play and a thing.

What you would usually say to a child when they look cute in something is, oh, you look cute in something. For some reason. What did she say? My nan said, oh, gee, you look sexy in those swimmers. Yeah, Olive, get a girl. Four-year-old. It's a four-year-old.

And we're like, nan, you can't say that. And then she was like, why not? Why can't I say that? Because it's, I don't know, against the law. Also just in, new name added to Epstein Island, Olive, Grandma Olive. How did he respond? What did Oscar say?

He didn't know. We were like, you can't say that. So red hot. I'm like, Nan, you're going to get in trouble. You're going gonna get locked up can't say that sort of stuff did she respond in a like understanding way was she like shut up i can say what i want no she was on she was like oh wasn't sure but let's hope doesn't come out of her mouth again because it was also very awkward she's at the park and little girls that's a sexy kid

that ass looks great. We're about to get in trouble just from saying that. So let's move on from that. To any senior citizens. We love you. Listening in, yeah. Cute, cute, beautiful. Cute, beautiful, handsome if it's a boy.

Lovely. Or, yeah, I think that's appropriate. Sexy, hot. Not so good. DTF. Spicy. None of that, please. None of that. Not for the, hot. Not so good. DTF. Spicy. None of that, please. None of that.

Not for the kids. Not for the kids. DTF. If that kind of vocabulary enters your mind, just know. It's wrong. How was your Christmas? Well, I know we joked about it last year, the fact that I was morphing into you. You may know now, you'll see this video on socials,

I don't have a moustache anymore. You don't? But pre-Christmas I had the moustache. I had it right up until last week or January. I started wearing hats. Got tattoos all over you. People were saying that my laugh was similar to yours, Ash, that we would both like throw the head back and let out a cackle.

And another thing happened that made me realize that I'm actually really morphing into you. Is this why you shaved it off? You're just like, I've had enough. I can't handle it. I've got to break the cycle. What happened to you? You got a hemorrhoid.

I've had enough, I can't handle it I've got to break the cycle What happened to you? You got a hemorrhoid I found myself hating Christmas Oh, welcome to the club my friend Yeah Sorry Santa Yeah, I was always one to be very positive

You know, I think I recall saying that it was the best time of the year You did It's the happiest and best time of the year. You did. Which it's the happiest and best time of the year. Shut the fuck up. Do you know it's not for those people that are hosting Christmas at their house. That sucks. And then in addition to that, also looking after the food as well.

That double responsibility sucks. So no one had to bring anything. No. People do anyway. The issue is. People don one had to bring anything. No. People do anyway. The issue is. People don't bring things that don't go. I don't want to put this on my brothers. No, do it.

But I will. They don't listen to the show. Your mum listens and she'll tell them. She'll keep that under wraps. They'll say, has anyone listened to Matt's recent episode? And she'll go, yeah, yeah. They didn't say anything bad about you at all. Nothing but praise for you boys.

And I'm like, they fucking suck. Issue is they come down, my brothers, three of them are in Queensland. They come down to Sydney and so, you know, they don't have access to like a car to drive to the shops to pick up ingredients. They don't have a kitchen and, you know, they're staying in a little apartment. So they can't, you i'm i'm just like don't worry just bring you're a halfway house yeah essentially yeah just bring a good attitude

maybe a present for the kids and some alcohol and that's all i need and so laura and i it was don't call my kids sexy it was very stressful ash and also we won that RSL competition. The ham. We won the ham and the pork. We won two, yeah. And the pork was this big hunk of like. Like a pork.

It was a massive hunk. And I didn't need it. Didn't need it. We had the seafood. We had the ham. But then Laura was like, hey, I'll do a roast loin of pork. Beautiful. Which we've never done before.

So like Laura's researching the morning of. We then had the pork in the oven, like basting it and trying to look, you know, actually we had to salt it to get the crackling. It's just very stressful. And then like everyone's here. Having that responsibility, I was like, I just can't wait for everyone to leave. Oh, yeah.

Get the hell out of my house. Yeah. Like, don't overstay your welcome. Don't get in my fucking way. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. So I was- You're meant to be festive, but the thing is the pressure of being festive makes you grouchy.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And then we didn't go anywhere for the Christmas break. We stayed here. And I think the most enjoyable time for me was like after New Year's. When everyone left. The beginning. Literally.

Was the beginning of, yeah, the year when like no presents, you're not having to like cater to all the family. And I was like, oh, my God. I looked in the mirror one morning and I looked at myself and I'm like, I am Ash Wicks. Oh, my God. Not only do I look like him, I'm starting to act like him, feel like him. So, yeah, I was a bit of a Christmas grouch.

So you've gone for a full restart of your life. Yeah. You're not going to morph into me. I'm resetting. You can't stop what's already started though. What about, okay, like back on Christmas really quickly, did your kids get any presents that you thought, why the fuck would someone buy this for my kid?

No, most of the toys were pretty good. Laura put on a pretty good spread for the girls. Toy-wise. Wasn't a last-minute effort like the usual? No, even, you know how it is when we got all the toys sorted. We go into the last few days leading up to Christmas with the pressure taken off our shoulders about worrying about gifts and then Marley would be like, actually, do you know what I want?

I want a Gabby Dollhouse doll. And we're like, oh, shit. And then Laura would run back to Kmart and get that sorted. The gift that they liked the most was the cheapest one, which was a lip gloss. Like of everything we gave the girls, like once they were all opened up, all the presents, it was the lip gloss that they liked the most, which is like a couple of dollars.

I know. I can't find any of the toys that we got. Oh, yeah. They're like, I know, like I got Oscar a remote control car, like a hobby. It's not a hobby grade one, but it's like close. It's like eight-year-olds plus. And I was like, okay, what's the worst that could happen?

Straight away, crashed it, broke it, threw it out. Straight away. That's just Christmas. But also like aunties and uncles and grandparents, they always seem to give like a present and then a little chocolate with it and they're more interested in the little chocolate. Yeah. I found myself just being going, no, look at the big picture here.

Look what you've been giving. They're like, I want that. It's like, oh, my gosh, come on, man. The only gift that was a bit of a fail was, it was from Laura. The gift of love. Oh, hello. Soggy doggy. Soggy doggy. Sounds like a sex position. Have you ever tried the soggy doggy? It looks fun, doesn't it? Look at him. Look at him. Soggy doggy there. Look how happy he looks.

And the kids are having a great time as well. It's in French. I know it's actually nice. It's, yeah, English and French. Apparently the French love a soggy doggy. Don't we all? I thought they'd like it more froggy style than soggy doggy style. Two million units sold around the world.

So that, you know, it's got to be good. Yeah, what? So just keep in mind that's what Soggy Doggy looks like on the front of the box. I think, look, products that put their achievements on the box, we get it. Don't be a wanker. Yeah. Don't be a wanker. This is Soggy Doggy.

Hang on a second. Get that box back up. Look how big that is. What's the deal with the box being so big? Well. Do you fill the doggy up or something? Do you pack it out? This is.

That's soggy doggy oh my god and keeping in mind you know i had to build that doesn't look like much but i thought that that was the the at home bathtub and that's a big soggy doggy that's like so the way it works you're meant to roll the dice and then it's billed as being the like gateway board game for kids. You know, you don't want to go straight into Monopoly. You want to go with Soggy Doggy first and then from there you build into other games. It's really easy.

It's fun. And you're meant to roll the dice and then you push the handles and there's like a tap thing that's missing. But with every roll of the dice, it squirts some water and then you don't know when it's going to happen, but Soggy Doggy starts to shake. And that's it. Yeah.

Well, Soggy Doggy, you're a disappointment to all of us. We played it and the kids were like, is that it? Yeah, that sucks. And I was like, Laura. But then you get to watch the real dog we have. So that was the only one which didn't really hit the mark. That sucks. Do I was like, Laura. But then you get to watch the real dog we have. So that was the only one which didn't really hit the mark. That sucks. Do you want it?

I fucking know. Look at it. The box. I hate everything about that marketing on that box. Hate it. Look at it. Anyway, good one. We got snakes and ladders for Oscar.

Meltdown because he just wanted to be on the snakes all the time because they're cooler. Anyway, but in terms of shit gifts, what I'm going to talk about now is it's not a shit gift. I kind of feel like my mother-in-law hates me. I'm sure she does. I'm sure she does. Can you blame her?

No. What she has gotten My kids is I don't know if you saw on my Instagram It's a double microphone Karaoke machine That's wireless Yeah

That you charge And can take anywhere Why would you get me that? Why would you get my kids that? I was like Yay Why? I've made the mistake of buying that for marley for a birthday because i was like she loves concerts this will be great fun the fun for us lasts for about three

minutes and then you just got a kid with a microphone into it yeah just going yeah yeah yeah i'm pretty sure there was one moment that was really cute and I thought, oh, okay, because you can turn it up and down but when you realise that volume does not affect toddlers screaming into things, it's just the same volume all the time. Oscar was like, I'm still standing. You just hear Macy like in the corner go, ah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, that's pretty cute. But then I think I went out to help clean up Christmas lunch,

walked back inside and all I hear is us going, the top of his lungs and I'm like. What is it about microphones that just removes the ability for kids to make any words? Like they just. Yeah, the vocabulary on the kid is outstanding until you put a microphone in front of you and it's just like. I'm like, oh, my God, what the fuck.

So I've hidden it. You've got to. And I've got a plan. I've got a plan to sneak it into my mother-in-law's house. Yeah, good. So when the kids go, so if she's listening, which she might be, why would she listen to this? I'm going to sneak it in and then before I drop the kids off there

for like a little play, I'm going to be like, do you know, she's got the speaker and it's charged and it's sitting there waiting for you to annoy the fuck out of her with it. And here's a line of cocaine. Lock the door. See you. Your problem's a line of cocaine. Lock the door. See you. Your problem now. Oh, absolutely.

So that was really the shittest thing we got other than the remote control car, which was Oscar just destroyed it immediately. Question for you. What happened with your daycare? Are they back open now? Because Oscar goes to two. His one, because it's a preschool, closed. Great.

But he goes to the other one. They were open the whole time. When did you send him back in a daycare? I think the week. They both went one day in the middle of. Like the Christmas. Yeah, that's because we just had enough of them. Parenting is painful, dude.

You need a break as well. Also, after Christmas, that is such a stressful. It was really good to get the house in order, a.k.a. sit on the couch. Spoken like a man. Do absolutely fuck all. In his middle age. I know.

It was just nice. We got some Tupperware. It was nice to get the house back in working order like a finely tuned machine until they walk back in and tornado the fuck out of it. I did feel a bit guilty on the 27th where Marley and Lola, who've just had like an amazing couple of days, nothing but presents. Also in the lead up to Christmas, we had some friends drop in

and say, oh, here's a gift for Marley and Lola. And the friends were like, let them open it now because they want to see the reaction of the gift. They're just getting weeks worth of presents the whole week. So they come off the back of that and they wake up on the 27th and they come down the stairs. And you've burnt the Christmas tree down. Yeah, literally.

And you're like, ha, ha, ha, take that. And they're like, what presents have we got today? And I'm like, you're going to daycare. Yeah, reality check. They were so confused. It was like a half day, like a 10.30 to 3 o'clock. It's just like a 6am to 6pm situation. And there was-

And there's like four kids there. There was- I didn't feel bad at all. I should have. I should have felt horrible. And Oscar was like, none of my friends are here. I'm like- See ya.

I'm like, but you're here and you're your own friend. Bye. Out the door. I felt really guilty. Felt really good, I know. But it was so nice. It was the first time in forever where Laura and I went to the beach by ourselves and we're like.

You need a break too. And like a message to the parents out there, give yourself a break. I always say that. And then get right back to it. Well, then after that, after that ordeal, we then had another ordeal to deal with. Ordeal to deal with, yes. Lay it on me.

Very tongue twister-y sentence. We had decided, more so Laura. I don't want to throw Laura under the bus. It's good. She's very proactive with these types of decisions, which is a great thing. So she just makes them without you. Well, she did.

That's what that is. And then she tells you afterwards. To be fair, she had flagged it with me and I was kind of like, yeah, whatever. We decided to remove the dummies. We've talked about it in the last episode where we said leading up to Christmas we're going to give the dummies to Santa. I do recall.

It was hell. It was hell then and that was weeks ago. She came good for a couple of days when all the presents were getting dished out yeah that was distracting funny that and then at the same time laura said i'd like to have marley and lola in the same room and all the time or yeah like permanently oh so that share room so upstairs we're going to have a room free and now Marley and Lola- It's going to be the free room. Are going to be, well, just in case like, you know,

Laura's mum comes from Wollongong and she's got somewhere to stay. Yeah. Well, that's what I said. Yeah, it was very comfortable. Under this table. Yeah. There's so many options. The soggy doggy.

Soggy doggy. Pillow, that could be a pillow. So we decided we put the cot in with a single bed with Marley. They're now sharing a room and up until this point our kids are sleeping pretty well but from this point on once the dummies have been removed it is brutal it has been the nightly routine is like we'll have dinner at six o'clock she's just not said like what's what will you explain to me what brew is just what does that look like so just for so long her whole entire life to soothe dummy dummy that's been taken away she now has no idea like she's just what to do with herself yeah she's like running on the treadmill all over again

yeah just what do i do with my hand she lays in her cot she's like what what what do these things do so the nighttime routine is we'll have dinner at six o'clock, hop in the bar at 6.30, 7 o'clock we'll read a book, we'll go to bed and then Lola will scream for probably like an hour and a half. In the same room as Marley? Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, just we'll like flip out and she then will say just everything

possible to delay going to bed. So she's like, I need to go to the toilet again, I want another book, I want a different blanket. I want a different toy. And we tried to give her like a comfort toy. That hasn't worked. She's now keeping Marley awake. So Marley's like, hey, go on.

Have you thought to move her out of the room? Well, I think we're now, I think we're going to put Lola back into the room, which kind of sucks because I have to take the cot apart and build it again. It doesn't fit through the door. It doesn't fit through the door, bro. Sucked in. Thank you. No support from me, bro.

I just like sucked in. I wouldn't want to do that. Also, once we finally get her to sleep, she'll wake up at about 12.30, screaming nonstop. Looking for comfort. Doesn't have anything to comfort her. So she's just like screaming until she kind of gets herself tired and goes back to sleep.

And then in addition to that, she's waking up at 5 a.m. screaming again. Oh, my God. And then can't get back to sleep. She's just regressed hard out. That word, that word regress. It's the worst. Puts fear into me. Oh, yeah. And any parent listening that's got little kids, the word regress puts fear into me.

Oh, yeah. And any parent listening that's got little kids, the word regress, they're just like spine tingling. They're like. Fucking hell. When you think you've grown out of regression, it's like they're regressing. It's great. Well, Oscar and Macy, they share a room.

But your kids don't fucking like the dummy. They never did, no. No, but they do have their comfort things that they need and have to have. Like what? Like Oscar's got this, you've not seen depleted Elmo. Oh, yeah. Mate, the guy looks like he's got an eating disorder. What's Macy have?

Rhypnol? Yeah, just the rhip. Like sometimes you've just got to have a certain book in the bed or whatever and that's fine. But they honestly like hasn't been an issue for us. That room they're in is quite big. But they also like. There's a bit of space, isn't there?

When they go to bed at the same time together, which is every night now, you can hear them chatting like in their own little way, which is really cute. Yeah. And then every night you hear like one of them chatting like in their own little way, which is really cute. Yeah. And then every now and then you hear like one of them laugh or something like that. You're like, yeah, okay, for a certain amount of time it's fine. And then they just conk out.

I don't know what the deal is. But every now and then we'll have a night where it's like someone's got to come in with us, mainly Oscar because it may seem to be a pain in the ass because she doesn't listen to anybody. She just does her own thing. But she's still in a cot. So that kind of still works. She can't get out.

But look, I've got no advice for you because they didn't have the issue with the dummy. Well, someone said, because I posted that video on Instagram, people were like, oh, no, you need to put vinegar on the dummy. So they hate it. So they hate it. Or you need to snip the dummy so it doesn't suck anymore. So they don't get the suction, yeah.

Which if we did that. She'd just be like, what the fuck is this you're giving me? Yeah, you give me a broken dummy, get me another one because I know there's 24 in the house somewhere. Yeah. So then. She's got a list of which to have hidden them. I said to someone, I'm like, I'm never going to surrender.

We're going to persevere. That's good. You got to. That's the right way. It is the right way. It's short-term pain, long-term gain. It's easy for you to fucking say that because I have surrendered, Ash. Oh, you've given up.

I gave it back to the dummy. You did not. When? Last night. Last night. And she slept right through? Oh. Yeah.

This is what she was doing, right? She was like, oh, and I went, do you want this? And she went, what's that? Yes, please. Thank you. Literally. Love you. Dude, stopped in her tracks and she went, cheers, in the mouth,

fell asleep within two minutes. She was gone. She slept into 6.30 this morning. And I'm like, and then daycare as well, like, how is she going without the dummy? You know, you've done the right thing here. And I'm like, oh, yeahcare as well were like, how is she going without the dummy? You know, you've done the right thing here. And I'm like, oh, yeah, she's going great. Really good.

Let her scream there at the midday nap. It's been tough, but we've persevered. Does she do the same at the midday nap? Well, they've kind of, she's now out of the midday nap. She's kind of like lost that. Oh, she's not midday napping at all. Yeah. But which may be because she didn't have the dummy.

So now the fear is that she's going to start asking daycare for the dummy who thinks that I've taken it away from her. That's their problem though, isn't it? I hope she screams herself asleep there, gets here, falls straight asleep. Some people have said to me they'll give it up when they're ready. Well, that's also a good way to look at it. I mean, it's kind of like you would hate it if someone took something that you relied on.

Vagina. Very different. If that was taken away from me, actually. I didn't know you had one. Anyway, anyway. Great news, Matthew. What's that? We have a new segment.

Oh, yeah, we do, yeah. We do have a new segment. We're just trialing it see how it goes no no no no no no no no i love it how you play it you play it like it's no big deal but we've you've got an intro song for this segment which means it's here for at least two months okay once there's a song it's locked in yes we're. We're calling it Tantrums of the Week. Yes. We ran it last year.

Yeah, we did it last week or last year. So you send, if you do have a ridiculous tantrum that your kid has thrown. We want to hear about it. The more ridiculous, the better. Like we had last year, I think someone, their kid went mental because they couldn't put the hood of their jumper on, but they actually didn't have a hood on the jumper. And the parent had to take a photo and go, but they actually didn't have a hood on the jumper. And the parent had to take a photo and go,

look, you don't have a hood on this jumper. That was really, really funny. So the more ridiculous, you can DM us or you can send us. Look, there's no prizes this time unless someone picks this segment up, which if you're listening. Who can we get? I don't know. We'll see.

But anyway, let's go into the new intro song. Let's go. It's the final meltdown. The final meltdown Right, man, I've got one for you really quick. Please. Actually, before you do that, can I just tell you about a little tantrum that we had this morning?

Also off the back of Lola just hating life, of no dummy. This morning I put her in the car. Laura was taking her to daycare and she was like i want mom to close the car door laura's already in the driver's seat engines on ready to go oh my god and i'm like well i'm gonna close the door and she's like i want mom to do it and i know i'm closing the door and she was like i said i want her mom to do it and i said shut the door and laura said she called me after she did drop off and said, Lola screamed for 15 minutes over the whole drive.

Over the fact that I shut the car door, not Laura. That's painful. That's the sort of stuff I want to hear. That's what we want to hear. Yeah. That's great. So your tantrum. I'm going to go into one that was sent to us already.

This one says, my son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't give him the cheese from someone else's trolley. That's what I want. Quick, easy, an idiotic reason why. The audacity. I've got one here, Ash, and it says, I changed my toddler's nappy and he replied, I changed my toddler's nappy and he replied, no, poo gone.

Poo gone. He then proceeded to have a meltdown for 20 minutes. Because the poo was gone. Poo was gone. Well, I think I know the answer to that one. Leave him in a shitty nappy. Sit in that, big boy. Oh, great.

So, 20 minutes. 20 minutes, yeah. Meltdown. Meltdown. Solid effort. If you have one, please send us a DM. At 2.ingdads on the gram. On the gram, yep.

Or you can do one at 2dd at outlook.com.au. Hey, let's finish up with a couple of questions. Yes. Ash. Yep. Ash, would you like me to go first? Sure. Lay it on me, big man. Ash, this one is from Jordan.

Hey, Jordan. He has messaged in and he's got two kids. Lucky Jordan. But he's struggling a little bit. Oh, that's sad. He wants to know, do you have any advice for maintaining your sanity for someone who has two kids, kids are two weeks old, and also a two-year-old.

Fresh. Whilst also trying to manage the household as well? No. No. No. The answer is no. I don't know. Look, it's a tough time.

Two weeks is young. So you are essentially, you've got to wrangle the kids. You've got to manage, keep the house clean, keep your wife happy because she'd be fucking tired. You're also probably tired. I would say if you can somehow try and in between giving your wife, you know, the rest that she needs, find some rest yourself. Do you know what i find the most

helpful thing maybe wank jordan if you're not wanking right now wank more get some hand lotion go straight to the bathroom and i guarantee it'll make you feel just a little bit better yeah you come out with a smile on your face but that is the hardest time and also depends on how your kids are going like if you've got a two-year-old that's struggling with a new sibling, in addition to a two-week-old that might not be an easy newborn. It's a shit show. It is. Just, oh, my God.

The thought of having a third and going back to a newborn that's tricky. Like I have flashbacks to Lola who was a tricky baby. And I'm like, I just couldn't do it. You've just got to dig deep and know that it will get better. Yeah, I think that's pretty solid. But also. Jerk off more. Communicate with your partner.

Yes. I always say this, right? A lot of times you're grumpy is because you're tired, right? And I've said it before on this podcast. Two half-rested people. Yep. Okay. Doesn't make one full-rested people. Yep. Okay. Doesn't make one full-rested person.

Doesn't. There he is. There he is. So, like I said, let your wife rest and then try and find some rest yourself so that you can get back on that level. Get rid of the grumpies. Ash Wisdom Wicks. That's what I call you. Theicks. That's what I call you.

The wizard. That's what they call me. This year the wizard. Alright Matt, I've got a question for you. This one is from Elliot. He says, afternoon boys. Hope you're both well. Not bad. Not bad. I'm a little bit tired now. Absolutely love the pod. Started listening from the beginning as my partner was four to five months pregnant.

Our little girl was born two weeks ago another fresh one oh god we got all the freshies just wondering did either of you find in the first few weeks they were more interested in mum rather than you or does my kid just hate me he hates you dude get ready for a life of hate you're a blob man i always say for the you could be any old blob and they you're like unless you're going to start breastfeeding bro you are not important to that child yeah does not care about you at all i will say though but they don't have the brain capacity to hate at that age no no they just want the essentials i.e the boobs just like we all want. Yeah. Sorry, Elliot.

If I had a choice between you and my wife's boobs. Sorry. It's hard because I think when you have, like when Marley was born, it was just like, you know, we were both just like gushing over this newborn. And then Lola came about. And whilst Lola didn't want a piece of me, it's nice to have those like a bit of bro time with your firstborn child. Like I think that's such a crucial time to really like establish a relationship.

But even now, I don't know if it's off the back of the whole dummy sleep. You're taking her prized possession. Well, I didn't even take the dummies off Lola. It was Laura. You're getting blamed, bro. She's put the blame. I bet Laura's in her ear being like, I tried to take the dummies off Lola. It was Laura. You're getting blamed, bro. She's put the blame. I bet Laura's in her ear being like, I tried to give the dummies back, but Dad said, no, he's in charge, not me.

That's why she hates me. But for whatever reason, Lola cannot stand this side of me once we're in the house. Like hates it when I try and put her in the bath, hates it when I try and brush her teeth. Just, hates it when I try and brush her teeth. Just hates everything about you. I can't even read her a book. If I try and give her a kiss goodnight, she will palm me in the face

and be like, what are you doing? Only mum can do that. Oh, my God. Well, there you have it, Elliot. Your kid hates you. It happens to everyone. It comes and goes though because there was times where, you know, like Oscar and I butt heads like the best of them.

Like for God's sake, drives me crazy. But then like we go through spells where we're like, you know, we love each other so much and it's obvious. But like, yeah, you go through phases and, you know, that's really early on. Don't stand over that kid and go, why do you hate me? Because that's what you feel like doing. Well, so like, dude, this morning I was trying to get Lola ready

and she's like, I want mum to do it. And I was like, well, yeah, like, you know, fine. Fuck it. Yeah. That kind of attitude. I understand that. That's what I had. And I'm like, I don't know if I like, I don't know what approach.

I don't know what my place is in this house anymore. It sucks. Sometimes it's nice except like in the middle of the night, I mentioned that Lola's waking up at, you know, three in the morning screaming. And if I step foot in that room, she's like, not you. And you're like, all right, I'm back to bed. Yeah, Laura, you're up.

Except now that's starting to wear pretty thin. Yeah. On Laura. At the start, I was like, this is great. I get to sleep through the whole night. No, no. Now I'm like, I wish I could do anything for her. Yeah, yeah.

But she hates you. Dude. For now. Wait till they're teenagers, bro. They're going to hate you as well. Hate you then, hate you now, hate you two weeks. Marley still loves me. Yeah, for now.

Nice. So, Elliot, just go easy on yourself, mate. Maybe come back to us at the end of this year and just let us know how it's going. But also congrats to Jordan and Elliot. Yes. A couple of newbies for the year or back into last year, Christmas babies. Their birthday is going to get mixed up with Christmas every year.

That'll be fun for you. Oh, yeah, that's sucked in. Yeah, sucked in. And on that note. That's all we have time for. We should get out of here. We should. If you have enjoyed this episode, hey, why don't you just maybe send it to a friend,

to someone out there. Or a colleague. A colleague, yeah, like anyone who comes to your house as a visitor, be like, thanks for coming. By the way, listen to Ep 44, Season 2 of Two Dirty Dads. Episode 1 of Season 2. Not to confuse people, Matthew, but also... Hey, what are we going to do for Ep 50 to celebrate?

Orgy? I thought you'd never ask. All right, well. And on that note, also, also, if you would be so kind to give us a review. Yes. A few words, a couple of stars. All we ask for makes Ash and I very happy.

A couple of us started to beg already week one. That's not begging, that's asking. You're on your knees, Matt. If people drive through Bondi and I have a sign saying, please give me stars and I'm on my knees, that's begging. And until then, I'm just asking politely. Okay, sure. It gets more desperate throughout the year.

Give it to me. I need this. Is that Matty J? Anyway, let's get out of here. All right. See you guys. Bye. Bye.

two doting dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout australia and their connections to land sea and community we pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all aboriginal and torres strait islander peoples today this episode was recorded on gadigal land