Two Hot Takes - 102: Warning.. Family Meltdowns Ahead..

Episode Date: February 16, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Dad Jerry! This episode features stories that contain family meltdowns. Get your oven mitts and hot pads ready for these ones.. Can't wait to hear how you'd handle these! Justin's New Show!!! https://anchor.fm/crackingthecopyright https://www.youtube.com/@crackingthecopyright Patreon for bonus content:  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Athena Club: Go to Athenaclub.com and use promo code THT today and you'll get 25% off your first order! Cerebral: Cerebral.com/THT for 50% or more off your first month of therapy! 

If you've ever had to deal with a plumbing problem, you may have felt the pain of realizing you don't know any plumbers. Whether you're trying to stop a leaky faucet, fix a running toilet, replace your old water softener, or install a tankless water heater, the plumbers at Any Hour Services can help. All you have to do is call Any Hour Services or schedule an appointment at AnyHourServices.com. Help with plumbing maintenance and repairs is closer than you think. Call Any Hour Services or schedule an appointment at AnyHourServices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services.

I'm in my saddle. I'm quiet. This is my position. As you notice, what shirt am I wearing today? The one we got you at Costco. The one that is not showing my public, my belly button. That's good. It's always a little sad when you get done recording and you notice your tummy was out.

Oh, it was nothing I could do at that point in time. Not one of my favorite moments, but I really did. I thought I took it bravely, just said, oh, well. You can't win them all. You can't win them all, which is something that these families in today's stories are finding out the hard way. Can they win any of them or none of them? I don't know.

You're going to have to be the one to tell us what you think. Today's theme is family meltdowns. We started this year off with holiday meltdowns, and a lot of them came from this family meltdown folder, and they're just families that are having such a level of disconnect. You just wonder what the fuck is going on. All exacerbated by the holidays. That was the one we started the year with, but this is just regular, all over the place, family meltdown.

I have a holiday story or two, but I think mostly it's just regular issues. It's not often I get to come on your show and get a whole different theme, the way that we handle the situations and what we may say. I am really looking forward to this. Let's dive in. Okay. Just a reminder that if you're not subscribed, please subscribe. Thank you.

Okay. So this first one, a bit of a jump scare for you guys. It is heavy from the get-go, but let's just get into it. So it's actually from r slash regretful parents, which is a different subreddit where parents kind of just, like, vent about what they're regretful about. So this one is titled, I love my son beyond words. I wish I could send my daughter away. Okay.

I'm conflicted. I'm on a roller coaster of emotions that is largely dependent on the situation I find myself in. If I'm spending time with my son, I couldn't care less about everything and everyone else. We play, we talk, we explore the outside, we stay in, watch a movie, we share meals and snacks, we negotiate, compromise, move as one. We find flow and lose track of the time. It's fucking effortless and just feels so damn good.

He is my favorite person. I happily choose to spend time with him no matter what it is that we actually end up doing. He just gets it. Sometimes I do wonder if I'm insane and I've completely made him up because he does seem too good to be true. I'm with us. I'm listening.

I'm creeped out immediately. Why? If my daughter is involved in the activity, I have one foot out the door before anything even starts. She's just difficult. She argues, won't compromise. Once things her way is unkind, is selfish, is rude, is never happy, always has to insert herself into conversations, always needs to propose arbitrary changes, ends up having

a meltdown, needs to be pulled aside to be spoken to, ends up being asked to sit aside and relax, ends up being sent to her room where she slams the door and screams. She doesn't get it. She's a challenge that I honestly no longer am interested in facing. I've done sticker charts, treasure boxes, promises of all kinds of things. I've tried punishments and heart to hearts even. Her dads talk to her and so have other adults. It feels like she's excruciatingly slow to learn consequences.

She just wants to have fun, even if it's at someone else's expense or if no one else is. I'm tired, it's stressed me out and is likely why my health is not where I want it to be. She's stressed every friendship and my marriage. I resent her very, very much for that. I wish that there was a return program for kids, like, dot, dot, dot, I tried it, I gave it my all for three years, I did everything the experts recommended and got nowhere. So now I'd like to stop trying, I don't want to be her mom anymore.

The work is nowhere near worth it. The best I can ever hope for is an uneventful moment. I want to focus on the child I love and not this pointless struggle. Clearly, you know, it's interesting that this mom does not take any responsibility on how her daughter became who her daughter is. And the dynamic that, and I don't know who's older, the son or the daughter, who came first. But there is some dynamic that has affected this young gal, the daughter, to have the responses and the attitude that she has towards her mom.

And the mom's not taking any part of it. It doesn't mean the mom's totally wrong in things. It just means that something happened where this daughter interprets certain things and it's affected their relationship and they haven't found the way to unlock that problem. And this takes patience, kids. Kids are all works in progress. I had the thing with your brother, Matthew. I came into his life later.

He hated my guts till he was 20. And all of a sudden overnight, something happened either with me or with him. As much as I've always tried to be understanding through the whole process that he had issues with me and I had to be patient and let him figure out where I was coming from and that I was not trying to dominate him or control him and give Matthew the patience and time that we were able to let it develop. Overnight one day, he turned and flipped that he's the most amazing guy in the world. And our relationship has been absolutely bliss ever since and now he's 38.

So it's 18 years, which is half the time that I've almost of his age, but it's fantastic. So there is something that's going on that has to be worked out with this woman and the daughter. And far as the son, I'm glad you have that relationship, but give your daughter a chance because they're great. Yeah. I know this one's really, it's really hard for me because I look at the relationship and I'm not a parent.

So maybe I just don't relate to it in that way where it's understandable. Like I understand the love for a child you feel is so usually, I guess, unconditional and you love them and all of this stuff. But the way she described her son, I was like, are you talking about your husband or your child? Like it just felt, it felt very off for me initially. And I get that this sub is meant to be a place to vent. Like the sub is described as this is a safe place for parents who think they shouldn't

have become parents to rant, confess, get off their chest about their kids, significant others, families, whatever. Parents can also suggest ways to get closer to their children, help, advice and words of wisdom and encouragement, no judgment or bullying allowed. And so the comments on this are supportive, very inquisitive. The top comment is, how is your son as a toddler and how old is he now? And OP responds, he skipped the terrible twos and the shitty threes. It's like black and white day and night.

He started telling me to send her to her room when she flips out so that we can go back to a more peaceful situation, which your three year old child shouldn't be telling you how to parent. That's weird. It's, it just to me, it seems like there's almost this double standard. There's definitely a chemistry that's going on here. Look, she is, she's raising a daughter versus raising the son. There are two different dynamics that goes on.

She puts her place into what her expectations of what her daughter should be. Her parents had a certain expectation on what she was. She may be doing some of the same repeat myths, I'm looking for the word handling or communicating with her child as her parents may have had with her. There's different dynamics that go on here that we just far from know, but the answer is that she's still a mom and she's got to be patient and she's already got, she's carrying around this chip of negativity. And if you don't think that that daughter reads it, that daughter feels very insecure

regarding all of this. And she does, her daughter herself doesn't know how to, what to do to please her mom or to have a relationship with her mom because her mom is not helping. You know, we've had these situations where we've read stories on a confessions episode where a mother was faced with a child that had a syndrome where it was a chromosomal deletion and so their child was disabled. Physically, there was an issue going on. It was physically, it was mentally, I don't want to repeat any of the words that she chose

to use to describe her child, but her child was total care, did not have, you know, was not there cognitively. And so she was writing and inventing and confessing about like, I hate my child. My husband killed himself over this child and I'm finally putting him in a home. And so, you know, it doesn't sound like this girl has a diagnosis. Like other people in the comments ask, does your daughter have autism? And they go as an autistic adult who was only diagnosed as an adult because my parents didn't know the sign, reading your words is painful.

You say the exact things my parents said about me. Everything I struggled with was my fault due to the lack of effort. I was a child who struggled dealing with things the way neurotypical kids my age had no issue with. Had the same school reports. I couldn't control my emotions. They were too big. I don't speak to my parents anymore because I remembered every time they screamed at me

for not trying hard enough. When I was burnt out myself and overwhelmed, they should have tried harder to figure out what support I needed. And so OP just replies, I got her assessed for ASD. She doesn't have it. I got her PCIT. It didn't make any difference. I got the books, listened to the podcast, lurked the forums and implemented all kinds

of strategies. I have the sticker charts and the visual schedules. Have all of this. I got her karate to help with discipline. She's in a private school to help with structure. I got her stepping stones and peanuts. I got her chart of different emotions. I got her tent with sensory toys.

I got her chewies. She's going to start OT in January. Good. I think it'll help. Apart from loving the disasters that she creates in my home and on outings, what am I not doing? Maybe I would enjoy the peace of just my son calling later in life, question mark. And so the one thing I was going to recommend is there is clearly something going on with this little girl.

Absolutely. It's not the parenting style, which, yeah, two kids can be very different, but maybe she did start out very level and didn't play favoritism. I'm going to say now kids pick up on that. So if she is being more favorable towards the son and treating him differently, yeah, this little girl is going to pick up on that, even though she's only five and a half, which by the way, the daughter is five and a half and the son is four looking at the comments from OP.

But I mean, there's diagnoses for kids and one that comes to mind is it's called Opposition Defiant Disorder and it is a disorder with kids that they just constantly battle against authority and do not, like they don't care what the consequences are, it doesn't bother them. They constantly push boundaries, they're defiant, they go against what anyone says. And so there's other things like that that an OT could help diagnose, but even, you know. Is some of that genetic?

Some of the disorders do have genetic markers. Some of them don't, but there's, I mean, there's mixed stuff on all of that. But even though she was assessed for ASD by one person, I would ask for a reassessment, especially from a different OT. ASD for little girls looks a lot different than boys. There's a lot of people that misdiagnose or just don't know how to look for those signs. We sit and we diagnose these diagnoses for people consistently and we come up with these acronyms for everything under the stars today.

When I was young, we didn't have a lot of that. I mean, you're looking, I'm 65 years old, my generation and your generation is under 30. And a lot of diagnosis things happened over these years. But I will go back when I was, and again, these kids are four and a half and five and we're doing these, you know, put them in these boxes and she's had this relationship with a four-year-old son who's four years old. I thought he was like in his teens and they're traveling together and they're having a great

time. Isn't that creepy? Weird. So, but I'm going to go to a story, a friend of mine that was a woman who at that time, she was a girl of 15, 16, obviously teenage girls or could be challenging for their mothers. And the mother was absolutely horrific with this with my friend. And there was nothing that you could ever do to make this mother happy. Now, everybody else in the family, she got along, you know, great with, but there's this

middle child, this girl, woman, this girl who was one of my best friends really was emotionally abused by her mom. It's just amazing that some of these mothers in their own programming can self-destruct these relationships. So I'm not going to put away the fact that there might be some other issues going on. But I'm certainly not going to look away that this mother isn't part of the issue. And, you know, and I just go on, all I can work on is what history was and the things that I experienced through my 65 years of people of what I've noticed.

And I've seen some horrific behaviors out of mothers and fathers for that. I mean, my father was horrific. Yeah. I don't know. I would like to think that this parent went in very loving, very just kind, compassionate, authoritative. Like I'm all for authoritative parenting, which is the same as gentle parenting, different interchangeable names in my head.

But you know, there are some moms that from the get go treat sons differently and people have, I don't know if it's a lack of self-awareness or no shame, but some of the stuff I see moms sharing on TikTok about their sons, where it's like, I love him. He's my favorite child, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, there's like three daughters and it's like, what about them? Freud is just rolling in his grave, like still winning, still winning, but I don't know. It is interesting. And I, I see everything that they described they did with the peanuts and the, you know,

the stepping stones and the charts and this and that. And it's interesting that she has all that, but hasn't done OT because a lot of those things are OT tools that we use in our interventions. So it's very interesting to me that there's like, you can buy your kid all this shit, but it's not going to work unless you know how to adequately use it and provide a therapeutic intervention, which just shows like the value of OT as a profession and skilled intervention in general, whether that's OT or PT for any kids with disabilities or any diagnoses and stuff like that.

So it is interesting that she's been such a problem and there's been so much resentment and yet there hasn't been an intervention sooner because the, the earlier you can intervene, the better it's going to be, the better results you're going to have for any diagnosis. And has the mother, do we know if the mother's gone for counseling with herself? And wait a minute. One more question. Doesn't sound like that. And one other question.

Is there a father? Do we know how the, how the daughter behaves around the male figure? It sounds like the dad has talked to her and nothing changed. There's no mention that I'm seeing. Someone asks family therapy, does your husband feel the same way? And OP responds, she was assessed for ASD and doesn't have it. I have her signed up to start OT in January as some sort of effort to explore a new avenue, but honestly, I don't know how much it'll help.

We haven't done family therapy. The three of us apart from her function well, she's just a chaos monster who is difficult to contain. My husband is getting pro gray, more frustrated with her behavior. He was more willing to let it slide, but as I've let him take more of the main parent role due to my burnout, he's really noticing the same, same, same, same issues day to day. It's like she retains no knowledge about consequences from day to day. I take his negative reactions as validation.

Her brother is becoming less interested in play with her as she's likely to be physical with him and or make rude comments to him. He asked me to send her to her room. Again, your four year old shouldn't be parenting if they don't want to play together. That's fine, but like, I don't know. He picked that up from the parents saying it. Exactly. That's where the three or the four year old got it.

I knew a family that the parents traveled quite a bit and they had two children and both daughters. One of the daughters went on the trip with the family and the other one was two years old, was too young to travel and they left her home with an aunt and an uncle, a two year old child, which is okay to leave your child with your brother and sister-in-law or vice versa if you feel comfortable and you know what they are, but sometimes we don't always know the other person and what's going on with the spouses. In the case, it turned out that this child went through life horrible, much like this

girl, very angry, every aspect of discipline or authoritarian, anyone trying to say to do something, it was always a fight. She would throw things. She was violent. It literally sounds like opposition-defying disorder. Turned out years later, this now woman goes for hypnosis, hypnotherapy, suicidal, all kinds of stuff going on. She goes through hypnosis and finds out that when she was two in hypnosis, turned out that

something tragic had happened in her life that her brain recorded, couldn't deal with it. It was so awful and we're not going to go into the details of it, but was so awful that it affected this person the rest of her life and she had to go through hypnosis and yes, defunctions and shit, but it changed every aspect of the relationship with the defiance in the family. The family unit suffered horribly with it. Yeah.

I mean, our brains will shut down and block things out to protect us and that creates a ripple effect at two for something to happen. It's really, really challenging. One thing that I think you and I agree on, something's going on with this child. Yeah. And I really, really do think it's ODD, which is actually oppositional defiant disorder. Some people do refer to it as just opposition defiant disorder, but it is more correctly identified as oppositional defiant disorder, which is a disorder in a child marked by defiant

and disobedient behavior to authority figures. Symptoms include uncooperative defiant and hostile towards peers, parents, teachers and authority figures. What causes it? According to this is a disorder, the cause is unknown, but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors. So I mean, it's all of these things are nature versus nurture. So in the case of my story, it was environmental.

Yeah. Yeah. And treatment involves individual and family therapy. And I just think it's crazy that, you know, OP is struggling with so much and yet the options that might seem like common sense to some of us haven't been pursued. I look at family therapy and even the thing where it's like, well, without her, my family functions fine. And it's like, but lady, this is your family for the next 13 and a half years.

This is your child. The rest of your life. I mean, what are you going to do with this child? Put her back on the tow truck and haul her away. Some people put their kids in homes though. Some people send their kids to boarding schools. Some do decide they don't want to be a parent to the child anymore. And I think that's really something to consider before having kids is if you get a child that

is not what you expected or not perfect. So let me ask you. Can you handle it? Because if your answer is no, you probably shouldn't have kids. Let's look at this thing. Let's imagine that she's able to go put back in her head and she figures something may have happened environmentally that was under her control that she may not have witnessed or seen that helped to find what she's going through right now with this child.

What are you going to do about it? What do you do? Because I mean, you own the part of this. I don't know. I think it's a tough part of parenting that I'm not early equipped to answer that. I don't know. I don't know if maybe there's people out there that have gone through something similar and could write in from an anonymous account if they want.

Maybe this is a sub to explore more, but I think it is a really tough decision. But that's the risk you take when you decide to become a parent. No one's fucking perfect. We're all jacked up in our own ways. And usually at circumstances, environmental, that causes a lot of this. A lot of it does. But if you aren't prepared to love your child unconditionally, you really should look into not being a parent.

I agree. Kids deserve happy, healthy homes with, you know, life's not all going to be butterflies and rainbows, but they do deserve parents that can support them in good, healthy, meaningful ways. I agree. I am going to send OP a message though. I'm like, oh, I think your kiddo might have oppositional defiant disorder. Okay.

OP has been messaged. Wish the kiddo luck in therapy. I think it'll be great to get some OT and I really think family needs therapy as well. So something you consider food for thought. Moving along. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking.

Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit www.waytoquit.org developed by CDC. This next one.

Am I the asshole for leaving my babies inside by themselves? Yes. Do you need more? Yes. Do you want me to spoil what the overall vote is on this one? I think we should just read me the whole thing. I just jumped to the conclusion because it was obvious. It might not be so obvious.

You're getting a little confident over there. All right. I'm going to shut up and let you roll. I, 20, am a mother of triplets, whom are only two months old. I never expected ever in my life that I'd be a mother to triplets. So when I first became pregnant, it was definitely the last thing on my mind. I'm home with my babies all day long and had to even transfer my education to online. Sometimes I just need some fresh air, especially when I can't get them to stop crying and

I find myself getting super frustrated to the point of tears. It's honestly so hard and the dad isn't here to help as he's either at work or at school. My fiance's, 24, parents, rented us a main floor apartment. So when I step outside, I'm literally just sitting on the chair right beside the door. Plus, I have a baby monitor set up in their room and it has a camera on it and I can literally see them and hear them. So if anything happened, I'd be able to quickly get to them. Being able to step outside for a few minutes to take a breather is really important to

me because I start to have many panic attacks when I can't get them to stop crying and I get really frustrated because I just feel super overwhelmed. Being able to go outside just gives me a chance to calm down. My fiance came home to me sitting outside while the babies were crying and freaked out on me, calling me a horrible mom and a bunch of other names that I'm not going to list here. He thinks that I was being super neglectful and putting the babies in harm's way and even told his parents and now everyone seems to be really against me. I grew up in the system.

My fiance's family is the only family I've ever known, so it breaks my heart that they are so upset with me, but I really don't think I was doing anything wrong or putting my babies in harm's way, but they seem to think otherwise. So here I am wondering if I should apologize for my actions or if I'm the asshole in this situation. It wasn't when I really first heard you say this, the answer was she walked out and she went for a walk around the block and left her kids in the house by themselves, which would be totally uncalled for.

The babies are crying. Do you ever hear the word sometimes self soothing? I don't know how real that statement is. I know that what came to my mind was when the babies are crying, you need to get outside. I would think get the buggy for three, put them in there and let them walk and they'll probably pass out by the motion. I typically never left and I only had one baby at a time. It was either you or Taylor.

Yeah, this lady's got three. She's got three of them. But no matter when you lost your mind as a child and you were crying, I typically didn't let you sit there and soothe yourself to bed. I would typically walk in and find out why you're crying, why you were upset either you had a wet diaper or you were hungry or you wanted to go hear the vacuum cleaner, which would definitely put you into a trance, or I would put you in the car as we've mentioned many times before and take you looking for a choo-choo train and either by the time we

got to the train or soon after, you were fast asleep. There are certain things that kids respond to to go to bed and I guess, look, she's 20 years old. This is her first gambit going around the circle at it and to answer your question, should you apologize? You can certainly say, I really didn't think I was in control to the part that knew they were safe. I thought that let them go to sleep and I needed to take a few moments for myself with

it going on. I probably will handle it differently going forward. Maybe give me an idea, a better way to handle it or make some suggestions and I'm glad to do it. Inviting for them to be a part of answering this, you're showing the maturity that you're willing to open the door to listen and you're not being an obstacle and that might relieve their issue that they may have initially because remember, they weren't there when this was going on.

You were there. You were the one that was living the circumstance. Yeah, and it sounds like she has absolutely no help. A first-time mom is already challenging enough, let alone a first-time mom with triplets. Absolutely. I mean, I don't think she's the asshole at all. I think this is honestly one of the smartest things she could have done. You look at some parents that become so overwhelmed and their baby won't stop crying no matter

what they do, has no one heard of shaken baby syndrome? This is the best thing she could have done for her kids. She walked away. Well, and it's like they're two months old, they're babies, they're going to cry. All they do is fucking cry, eat shit, cry. If you got to take a step just outside your door, I look at it as if she's right outside the apartment door. It's almost no different than a bedroom door.

She was not abandoning the child by any means. Absolutely not. Her fiance coming in and flipping out and calling her names before he even hears her out. That's an asshole. Buddy, guess who's on baby duty 24 seven for the next couple days? You. Give it a shot.

Give it a shot and tell me how your sanity is. So I agree with you. Overall vote on this one was not the asshole. I agree. The top comment is not the asshole. When I had my baby, one of the things the nurses told me repeatedly while in the hospital and during the home visits is that if she is crying and I know she has been fed, she has a clean nap beyond and she isn't sick and I'm getting stressed out, it's okay to

go outside for a few minutes just to recollect myself. Their exact words were quote, a crying baby is an alive baby. They tell you this because it is better for a baby to be left to cry for a little while and the parents to get a breather than for parents to wig out and hurt their babies in frustration. This advice was so important and allowed me to do what I needed to do without feeling guilty and those few minutes really do help in those times when they just won't settle. And I had one, let alone if I had three.

And so next comment goes, this is the way. Dad came home to three crying, alive babies. You were with them all day and kept them fed and clean and you had a monitor on them while just feet away from them. You are tired, amazing, not the asshole mom of these babies. Carry on mama. Show this to dad. Read this to dad.

Next. Next comment is maybe dad needs to stay home with the babies by himself just to see what it's like. Let's see if there's any comments from OP. We do have some comments. I can't, there's one comment goes, I can't believe you haven't killed him yet. Aren't you tired too? You need to leave him with the babies and make him step up.

And OP replies, I just thought it was normal. So I didn't get mad at him. I just thought I was failing at the whole parenting thing. I was put in the system when I was three, so I don't remember how family dynamics are supposed to be. I think I'd be pretty anxious to leave him alone with all the babies because I don't think he'd be able to handle it. Maybe I should get him to take parenting classes or something.

And someone goes out of curiosity, how long have you been together? OP responds, three years. And someone, someone asked, are you using these breathers to smoke or partake in any substances? OP goes, I don't smoke or even drink. You're doing your best. It's hard, but it'll get easier. Maybe ask if the in-laws can help sometimes because you can't catch a break.

I think dad would maybe feel differently if he had to do all the childcare for a week without a break. Don't give up. And OP responds, they can't help because they live two hours away sadly. Weekend trips. They can come for a weekend. Absolutely. Have a nice little trip.

And I think dad, I really think it's wonderful if dad would actually take a weekend and whatever, whatever time he has and let him, let him digest this a little bit and she can co-parent and stand by and be on the side to make sure that he's okay because guaranteed he's going to have an experience. Yeah. He is. Really? Yeah.

Well, I don't know. Like I said, I only had to do one at a time. I was easy. It was easy. Yeah. And I mean, it's, he's got a lot going on. He's doing a lot to support his family. He's working full-time and in school.

OP does comment that he's working as a security guard at a hospital and he's also in med school. So I'm curious what his age is, but I mean, they have a lot going on in three fucking kids. Jesus Christ. He's chaos. But he definitely has to chill out and let him read this. So he definitely knows that. Well, we have an update on that.

Oh, okay. I decided to show my fiance this thread. At first he was really upset with me for sharing our personal problems with strangers on the internet, even though it's anonymous. But in the end, when he had a chance to calm down and hear me and all of you guys out, he actually apologized and promised me he'd be more involved with parenting and even is willing to take parenting classes, which I'll hold him to that. I just want to say thank you everyone for the support that you all gave me.

It brought tears to my eyes. Happy tears. Seeing how supportive you all were to a stranger on the internet, I don't think I ever received this much support before. Bravo to you. Bravo. I can't believe how much attention this post has gotten, plus the awards, again, thank you so much.

So this one at least has a happier ending. I love this ending. I love it. Positive. He, it's time and I get he's so busy and has so much going on, but... But he also came up with the apology. And that means a lot when a guy can really, it seems to be heartfelt. So I just think it's amazing that he did own up to it and there'll be continued happiness

in that family because that was just, I felt really bad at first. Yeah. I cannot even imagine not having any help and juggling three kids. Oh my God. Well, the worst thing in the world is when you have these, you know, these, you know, quarterbacks that, you know, these third line quarterbacks, everyone's governing what's going on. They're not even in the game.

In fact, they're not even in the stadium. They're calling in. You know, he's not even there to bet. He's agitating the whole thing with them. Can you believe what she did? She left our boys or our kids by themselves and they have no idea really what was going on. They're reacting.

You think, you know, she went to the supermarket and left three infants at home in a hundred degree apartment. Yeah. It's weird. I, it's really interesting. He was quick to do that and maybe he was trying to be like, no, babe, this isn't normal. Like, let's talk to my parents about it. He was, he was a reaction is walking into a, to a house where the kids were screaming.

He didn't know what was going on. He was scared shitless and he, he lost his shit. But also like here, partner out, if she's sitting just outside the door with a baby monitor in her hand, why the reaction? I don't know. Why not just listen. Honey, what's going on? Use your fucking ears.

You got two of them. Some people really struggle with that. Well, we're about an hour in on my clock. We do have some stuff to cut. So don't quote me when you're listening, but we have to take a break because we have our group therapy for Patreon right now. So we are going to pause, do our group therapy and finish this episode another time. And if you're not actually signing up for Patreon, you probably should and that way

you can enjoy some of the one-on-ones that we do when we do group session. I love it. This is one of my favorite things that we do do. Yeah. It's a good time. I love group. So we will be back probably enjoying an ad read right here, y'all. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking.

I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you.

For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytokwit.org developed by CDC. Okay. We are back. We are here. After an amazing group therapy session, we've had quite an interesting beginning episode and I'm here to tell you it's not going to get any better. We had a nice break. I'll mix it up right here with a little bit of a lighthearted problem.

That's not the end of the world. That would be much appreciated. Okay. But still, dude's having a meltdown. Okay. So this one is titled, Am I the Asshole for Borrowing My Husband's Underwear? So I, 28 female, am about seven to eight months pregnant and while I've thankfully not gained a lot of weight, my belly has grown a lot and I find that most of my underwear is too

small and cuts into my sides slash bottom of my belly. After a while, I started getting a rash in the places where it was too tight due to friction, I guess. So one day I was getting dressed and I was getting frustrated about the rash and the underwear being too small. So I figured I'd try on a pair of my husband, 29 males, boxers. How sweet. You would think.

I would think. Apparently I'm the only one here. They're size large and too big for me, but oh my God, it was the most comfortable thing I've ever tried on in my life, breezy and loose and even the places where I had the rash didn't hurt. My husband had already left for work for the day, so I decided to just borrow them. At the end of the day, we both come home and I tell him that I borrowed his underwear and asked if it was okay to continue borrowing some until the baby comes less than two months

left or at least until the rash is better. He seemed a bit weirded out, but said it was okay. Fast forward a few days and we're going to bed and he flips out at me and asked me why I'm wearing his quote, good bamboo underwear. I'm confused, but then he points at the band where it says bamboo. Then he goes on a long rant about how his few pairs of bamboo underwear are the comfiest and best quality, et cetera, et cetera. I swear this is not an ad for bamboo underwear.

I apologized and said I just picked the pair off the top, just like I did the other times, but he was upset and said I wasn't allowed to borrow his underwear anymore. I said I wouldn't borrow the ones that said bamboo on them since it bothered him, but he just drew a hard line saying I should go buy bigger underwear for myself and stop stealing his. Now I'm thinking this is probably more about how he actually doesn't want me to borrow his underwear and he's using me accidentally taking the wrong pair as an excuse, but I'm not sure.

While I can understand not wanting to share your underwear, I also think it's unnecessary to go out and buy a bunch of large pairs of women's underwear that will be used for maybe two months at most. I also think it shouldn't be that big of a deal since I'm the one who washes and folds his underwear anyways, and he has about a hundred pairs, so it's not like he'll run out of them. Well, maybe he should now, maybe she shouldn't be washing them. And I also kind of feel like since I work full time by all groceries, cook and clean

on top of carrying our baby, all caps, with everything that includes such as physical changes to my body, him having to lend me his underwear is a small price to pay to help out with the pregnancy. I also bought him eight more pairs of bamboo underwear as an apology, but he still doesn't seem to want to share his regular pairs with me. Maybe I should have been petty and bought them for myself instead. Yes. He he.

So anyways, Reddit, am I the asshole for thinking my husband should let me borrow his underwear, or am I just entitled? You are not an asshole. Absolutely not. And I think that you should go out and not only buy more bamboo underwear, but I would certainly have your, uh, I'd go to the cleaners and have your initial put on the leg. So they're your bamboo. Oh, I take, I would take those back.

I would absolutely not give those to him. Take them back. But I will also say that I understand bamboo being so comfortable because I just by accident stumbled on bamboo sheets and they're the best things in the world. So I get that feeling of bamboo and how, how, you know, how comfortable it is. It really is. It's great stuff. So bamboo sheets from a sponsor and they were probably the softest sheets I've had.

They're really good. I want to get more actually. Yeah. Bamboo is really nice and it's actually a lot more sustainable than cotton. So is hemp, hemp is really good too. But I, I will tell you that I was blown away by the bamboo sheets that we got, but they're really good. Yeah.

I think it's attitude. If you guys do want to still get some, but I don't know if the code will work anymore. So you are not the asshole in my love and I'm, I really congratulate you on the fact that you discovered that and you just go out and get your own and put your own initials and say, screw you buddy. Take the underwear you just bought back. Those are yours now. He can wash his own underwear too, by the way.

Some couples divide labor differently in their house. I do not want to wash my partner's clothes. I just, on the off chance, there is a skid mark, which I don't think I would have to worry about with Justin because I know he washes his ass actually. We've intensely talked about this because a lot of people don't wash their assholes. Really? They just let the water run down. And so yeah, I just, I would take those back.

I think he's being weird. You're already seven, eight months pregnant. You're his wife for God's sake. I mean, she's got, if she's eight months, she's got about a month left. What's mine is yours, honey. Also she's doing the laundry. It's weird. It's just, it's a weird thing to be upset about.

The times I've worn Justin's underwear, like he doesn't care. He's like, oh here, just grab whatever pair. Like I go up to his place and I forget shorts to sleep in or I forget my boxers that I like to sleep in. So I'll borrow his. And he doesn't even bat an eye. He's like, yeah, grab whatever ones you want. It's not like I'm pooping in them.

They're not like it. It's a diaper. I don't think she's bleeding in them. Like this is, it's, it's the most ridiculous conversation that this guy's behaving that way. It's weird. Top comment, not the asshole. Just keep the new ones you bought for yourself.

And OP response. And put your initials in them. Yeah. Put your initials in those suckers. They're yours. Yeah. I love men's boxers. I sleep in them constantly.

What happens with, what happens with the, the woman that comes home and finds her guy wearing her, her T bars, her T bar underwear. What? Yeah. What's a T bar? You know, the, the, the ones that go to up your ass like a G string, a G string. I've never heard it called T bar. T bar.

I thought this was a new design. Yeah. I mean. I mean, come on. Somewhere into that. Somewhere into that. Moving along. There we go.

To the, the meat of this episode. Here we go. So this next one is from, am I the asshole? It is titled, am I the asshole for telling my son I won't be attending his wedding? I have three kids, 25, 23 and 16. I think I'm okay here and a few relatives who know what's going on agree. My kids, however, are saying we're wrong and my 16 year old introduced me to this forum to post.

My eldest, Jack, is in med school. Jack's always been a great student and graduated top of the class and he's overall very charming and social. In 2021, he met a girl, Beth, through a tutoring program. Me and my wife had only met Beth twice in larger groups of Jack's friends and it wasn't anything serious. A few months ago, Jack dropped the news that he and Beth were going to marry and he would take a leave of absence from medical school at some stage.

I'm sure you can imagine our shock, but he insisted this is what they want to do and he wants to support Beth. My wife tried to explain to him they're both young, especially Beth. She's only 21 and he's considering leaving med school on an emotional impulse. I said this is a mistake. We barely know Beth and he wants to throw away his future like this. Well, Jack's stubborn and he's going through with this. The wedding is in a couple of weeks in a very small ceremony and we won't be attending.

I told Jack we'll send a gift, but that's all. He got very angry and said it's his choice, but I said I'm not restricting him from doing anything. Not attending is also our choice because I don't want to encourage his nonsense. So the thing about this post is the account has now been suspended. Reddit took it off. The person deleted it. Whatever is happening, but it's gone.

So you can't use the Wayback machine. I've tried it on this post. It doesn't show me the original. I'm going off screenshots, but in a part of when you're filling out a post, this Autobot generates a description of why you might be the asshole and the top comment that's on there currently saw it. And I think before we give a judgment, we need all the answers and OP left this information conveniently out of the post and I don't think it's fair for us to give a judgment on this

one unless we really know everything. So the top comment says, you conveniently leave out that Beth is terminally ill in the main post, but not in the judgment bot reply. I'm guessing that the leave of absence from medical school is planned for her late stage illness where she'll be, you know, dying. You're the asshole. Edit to add, I see you made a quick little edit to now include that Beth has terminal cancer after getting called out for not putting it in your original post.

OP, you're an absolutely cold-hearted asshole. A lot of women dream of having a wedding their whole lives and he's making sure she gets that before she dies so very young. Instead of understanding that and being compassionate, all you can think about is how this might impact and let's be real, it won't. Your son's lucrative career, gross. His choice, his decision. Yeah.

I think even like without knowing the terminal illness, like I do think we needed to know. It certainly made a paradigm shift in my head. Really? Oh yeah. What were you thinking before? I was trying to really... Shit. I was really trying to balance parent and when do you allow your adult son who's gotten

to medical school and he's making choices and decisions to make his own decision what's going on with himself and have that faith and trust. So I was balancing that while you were talking and trying to just keep listening to what you had to keep offering before I made the decision. But as soon as you hit this one, I said, this is a no brainer, I could see what's going on here and the fact that the father left this out when he was writing it, bad. Yeah, you are the asshole. Yeah, it definitely feels like it was intentional leaving that information out.

It was manipulative. He was manipulating all of us. Yeah. I think it's interesting though because I think 25, it's not like, it's not like... Like what? I've always encouraged your choices and decisions and I may not have applied some of them, but I've given you the respect that you're fine. You're doing just great.

I turned out okay guys. No, but it's not like his child is 16, 17, 18, trying to get married in high school. I thought you were going to hit me with that the 16-year-old was the one that was going to get married. No. I was waiting for that one. No. So, I mean he's 25, he's in a very, very successful position, he's in med school, it's not taking

a little time off, isn't going to deter his career much, he's 25. To be 25 and already in med school, I know it's kind of like a normal age where you graduate college 22 and you go into med school pretty soon after, but he's probably almost done with med school if he's 25. I don't know, it doesn't, regardless, it's one of those things where he's 25, he's a well-established adult, he can make his decisions, but to punish your kid and not go to their wedding because you disagree, I would get that if the person was abusive or had cheated on them 20 fucking times or whatever it is, but this isn't that case.

This guy is an example of what a doctor should be compassionate, and you hear about doctors that have no bedside manner, they're cold or hard, they don't know how to communicate. This guy has got compassion and love in his heart and he's, it's not about self, it's about everyone else and exactly what you want in a doctor is someone who thinks about the other person and their care and how they're doing. I mean, I think that he did, look, the son didn't become who he is because the parents were assholes, the son became part of who he is because of the reason he had, so his parents can't be all bad, I can't imagine that, but their, their head are up their

ass a little bit when it came on this one, they didn't have faith in their son. Have faith in your son, have faith in the upbringing you gave him that he can make decisions and choices and not all, not all his decisions in life are going to be the right decision, you can't be there to control every decision, let him do it, let him, let him function through his life, let him live his life. Well, also like, no matter if you're upset, you don't agree with his decision. When you regret as a parent not going to your kid's wedding, like when you, like, and then still to be like, oh, well, we'll send you a gift, but we're not coming, fuck the gift.

Yeah. Yeah, you did it before me, give him the fucking middle finger. It just like, it seems so like dumb where it's like you're, you'll support enough to send it a nice gift, but not be there for me on my day. It's weird. It certainly contradicts the idea of the values that he has and the values that we think that his parents have because. Sometimes the apple does fall far from the tree.

It's crazy. Crazy. Because it is interesting. They are only prioritizing financial, oh, we'll send you a gift. Oh, he's jeopardizing his career. Well, it may also be the worry about the momentum of getting back into medical school if he's going to go back to it and it might be a life changing where he will get out of medicals. Whatever he chooses to do, he'll choose to do.

Yeah. He'll figure it out. I mean, I think I'm positive you came to me a few times when you were going through occupational therapy, I'm going to do this or I'm going to do that. And my answer was go for it. Do whatever you want to do because it's your life, your decision. Yeah. Yeah.

There is another comment that goes, he even has the gall to say and they quote OP, my wife and I tried to explain to him they're both young, especially Beth. She's only 21. And then they go back and they say, as if they have all the time in the world. Do not you like, wow, she's terminal, let them live, let them love each other for as long as they can. And I hope that they can find a therapy that will work for her that she won't be terminal and she will get extra years in a life.

We can all make our prayers for her. You know, we do know there are miracles every day in medicine that things that happen and change. And I truly pray for that and I wish that for her. Yeah. And this is interesting. A couple of comments down, someone does kind of pick up what you were saying and they go, he thinks it's going to impact his future.

I don't know if it were me as a patient, I'd want the doctor who understands grief and how illness affects an entire family as opposed to one who approached it as a textbook theory, which is. Yeah. Write down my theory, write down my thought process. Yeah. And I saw a video, I don't remember where it was, it might have been at a Vikings game where they honored a fan or something.

But I saw this video of someone who survived cancer and because of their experience, they wanted to contribute and give back in such a big way. And so they became an oncology nurse. And to have a provider that can relate to you in such a big way is so meaningful. And so, yeah, I think that comment and you said it really well. Well, thank you. Okay. Moving along.

The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. I ran away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learn something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it.

So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit www.waytoquit.org developed by CDC. So up next, this one is from True Off My Chest. It's titled, I'm going to divorce my husband of 10 years. Okay. My husband and I met when I was 18. It had always been just me and my best friend, but when my husband came along, we became an inseparable trio.

For me, it was love at first sight. I had the biggest crush on him, but didn't want to ruin the friendship thing we had. So I kept it to myself until he confessed to me when we were 20. Things went fast and we got married when we were 22. My best friend got married too and we have all remained close. We had invited my best friend and her husband around for dinner and we were joking about the things we got up to. And my husband brought up how he had always had a crush on my best friend.

But then she got a boyfriend, so he settled for me instead. Settled. When I tell you, my whole world just came crashing down. I realized my marriage of 10 years was him settling for second best, that I was never his first option. After that, everything he did just started to annoy me. He just stopped being attractive to me anymore. We haven't slept together in six months because I feel so disgusted.

I just want out. I feel like I've wasted my life. I'm disappointed in him and myself for believing I was the one he liked. Edit. Okay, I'll just answer the main questions here because I don't want to keep answering them. No, yes, I don't care. I don't know.

I tried to talk it out for six months. Everyone knows about the divorce. I told my best friend and she told my husband. So I come home to a don't leave him intervention where they all wanted to work it out. I have never been so confused because for the past six months, I've been trying to ask him what he feels and what he meant by his comment and to answer my questions, like literally to see the point. I have screamed in his face to just tell me and he's been saying nothing.

And she has been encouraging me to talk to him, but keeping her distance. I thought it was because she didn't like him. Apparently she just thinks we are perfect together and he doesn't want to lose what we have. What do we have? That's what I was asking. We are basically roommates who have sex at this point. I think I won't update this because I'm a bit miffed and angry.

I'm going to stay at my mom's or something. What would you do? She's definitely not feeling it. She's been truly, truly devastated and everything that she thought was magic is now realized it's settling. It doesn't matter that it's comfortable. He doesn't have that she's not feeling the love and he's not stepping up to the plate to make her feel it.

He's not doing anything and that's the bottom line. I say that I get what she's doing and she'll find someone out there that will give her that intensity of love and passion that she deserves. Yeah, I agree. I would be crushed by this. I would really have a hard time believing that it was genuine, the love was real. It would feel like he settled, especially because he tried to pursue the friend. It didn't work and then he started dating you.

I get some people would be in the boat of, well, it doesn't really discredit the past 10 years. He did fall in love with you and you do have this great life and blah, blah, blah, but I really, I can really relate to feeling like it was a lie and it wasn't what it was. We might find out it's in the separation and he really finds that he doesn't have her. He may really find the value that she did bring to his life and the love that he does really have for her and will be able to articulate it. He's not doing it now.

No. At that point in time, then he'll maybe have an option where she'll open that door wide enough where he can get in to demonstrate that and maybe fix this thing, but right now, he's not doing the right dance. So the story is very interesting. It gets more. Yeah. Oh.

So not only do I have an update, I also have a post from him. Okay. Okay. So for her update, okay, so pretty major update that I said I wouldn't do, but I'm not someone of my word and never said I was. Today I got a message from my best friend's husband asking where she was and I had no idea because I'm at my mother's house. Can we guess where she is?

She's having an affair with the husband. She is at my fucking house with my fucking husband. What weird fucking universe am I living in? Anyways, yeah, so I'm leaving and taking all of my stuff with me. My mom will have to put up with me for a while. Divorce is definitely happening. I'm going to get therapy. This is the husband's post.

Okay. It is titled, I destroyed my marriage with a stupid comment and a one night stand. So I found my wife's post, quote, I'm going to divorce my husband of 10 years. Someone made a video about it and that video got back to me. I would like to tell my side. When I met my wife, I didn't really think much of her. She was funny, kind and a good friend, but I had no other interest.

Her friend, Sarah was gorgeous. She had long red hair and these soft freckles and long eyelashes. She was my dream girl, but she was not interested in me. I noticed my wife, Amber, was hanging out with me more, laughing at my jokes, listening to me and it made me consider having more of a relationship with her. Sarah got a boyfriend about a year into us being friends and her interest in our friendship group dwindled. She hung out with us less and spent more time with her boyfriend, which left me and Amber

alone a lot. I ended up giving up on Sarah and focusing on Amber. We started dating and got married. We kept our friendship with Sarah, but we focused on each other. In the back of my mind though, it always felt like I had missed out on something. My marriage was boring. Amber and I were basically friends and I was working hard to save for a house and she was working hard to save her future kids.

So we were existing alongside each other, not actually together. So one day when we were at dinner, I got jealous of Sarah and her husband, who seemed happy and made the comment about settling for Amber. Amber shut down after that. She kept repeating the same questions over and over and it would make me so angry that I didn't want to answer. So I didn't. I guess that was my first bad move.

Sarah messaged me after the dinner to check if I was okay and we kept messaging. She was just reassuring me that I did nothing wrong and it would work out. Then I got a text saying Amber was planning to divorce me. So Sarah came over and we tried to stop her from leaving me but it seemed to only make things worse. Sarah saw how distraught I was and stayed to comfort me and we drank and in a drunk stupid mistake we ended up sleeping together. Sarah confessed to her husband that we slept together and her husband told Amber, now both

our marriages are ruined. I regret it so much and I just wish I could take it all back. The one thing that doesn't change is the life that he was existing with Amber and that's existing. That's not living. So was he married to the wrong person? Maybe they were because they weren't really experiencing what it is to really be a couple and really be in love with one another.

For that maybe this is working out the way it is and maybe they might find something different in their separation that they both can come back and revive this thing. It doesn't mean it's really over. I think this is pretty case shut done. Well Morgan, you just don't know what's going to happen in the months ahead as they get through this pain and really realize that they really did love one another. They just didn't understand it. It happens.

I know what it looks like on the surface and I accept it and I get it, but in times where we all think all bets are off and it's over, we find out we're surprised. Like I said, I'm not saying it's going to happen, but it does happen. Yeah. I mean, never say never, I suppose, but I think the woman, the wife in this, Amber, as she's calling her, I think she realizes her worth. If Amber did find this post, the top comment here says it best, was your side of the story supposed to make you look better?

I'm confused. Even the way he describes her friend, Sarah, Sarah was gorgeous. She had long hair and these soft freckles and long eyelashes. He's fantasizing as you say it. That's what it seems. You're post, you still don't, this post isn't, it doesn't really talk about the depth of the love that you have for your wife. There's none.

I mean, he says it himself, we were, I was saving for a house and she was saving for kids and we were living our lives side by side, but not really together. I don't think he ever really did love her. I don't know why he chose to propose and get married and stick it out like this because it doesn't sound like there was any real love there. It sounds like it was convenient and it just happened. It was the perfect storm and I just blah, blah, blah, blah, but I don't know. I think our original OP or the wife in this, Amber, I think she realizes her worth and

I think she has done and it would have been different if this husband, hey, he was drunk, dinner amongst friends, Sarah, you remember when I had a crush on you in college, but then I got with Amber, like, ha, ha, whatever the comment he said, he said it in a worse way, but it would have been one thing if he just stuck with that comment, but he didn't. Oh, he said this thing drooling the whole way through it. And then slept with her. And so it's like, you went past the point of redemption for me, comment, sure, we could maybe work it out, but you slept with her after you told me, your wife, that you settled

for me. Done, done, done, done, done, done. I'm with you. I'm with you. I don't get it. They should move on and go forward and find the loves of their lives. I would agree with that one. I think they are mismatched.

I agree. What else do you got in your bag of tricks? I have so many. It's honestly quite stressful looking at my folder. Okay. So this next one is from Emma the asshole. It is titled, am I the asshole for getting my daughter a hotel room entirely for herself after her stepsisters made her sleep on the floor?

Oh, Cinderella story. My dad passed away two weeks ago. Me, my wife, Candice, and my daughter, 16, Shiloh, and her stepsisters, 19 and 17 flew to my hometown to attend the funeral. After that, we got two hotel rooms, one for me and Candice, one for the girls. While I was in the room, I got a call from Shiloh at 11pm crying and sounding like she was arguing with her stepsisters. I asked what the matter was and she told me that her stepsisters insisted that she sleep

on the floor. I asked why and she said she didn't know. There was one large bed in the room and there was enough space for all three girls to sleep on. I wanted to see what the issue was and talked with my stepdaughters about it. They kept talking but didn't really explain why they told her to sleep on the floor. They just shrugged and said, it's better this way, we're more comfortable this way. I told Shiloh to grab her things and when one of my stepdaughters asked where we were

going, I told her I was booking Shiloh a hotel room. Both looked upset but didn't say anything. But they must have called their mom because she was awake when I got back and started arguing with me about giving Shiloh an entire hotel room to herself. I explained why I did it but she said I wasted money and that Shiloh could have sucked it up for one night on the floor. I called her unreasonable for saying this but she told me I showed the girls that I'm quote plain favorites and made my stepdaughters share a room while I gave my daughter an entire

room for herself. We went home and Candice is still bringing it up saying I mishandled this. She even pointed out how my stepdaughters are upset since they're not speaking to me. Edit to add it was Candice who got a room for the three girls as to not stir any drama and save money. She was in charge of hotel reservations since I was emotionally distressed. Also Candice did not expect Shiloh to sleep on the floor. She wanted all three girls to share the bed.

Am I pissed with her for doing that? Not at all. No. Not the least. If one of the stepsisters and Shiloh was forcing the other one out and they were being mean to one of the other girls, I would have protected that case. I think that the mistake that the stepgirl's mother made is that she didn't make a reservation in a room that was big enough to accommodate everybody comfortably.

Completely agree. I also know like obviously they're a blended family and so the two daughters might not be as comfortable as sharing a bed with their stepsister so at least get a room with two queen beds. Right. It wasn't difficult. It's not hard or ask the hotel, hey, do you have a cot available? Do you have a room with a bed and a pillow couch?

Why are you forcing three basically adult girls in the same bed? What's the disconnect here? Dumb. She was setting the stepmom who booked this was kind of setting them up for a disaster. It just doesn't seem right. It wasn't set up for success. No. Not at all.

There you go. So no, you are not an asshole. No. Is there more? You always have more. You always hold out and come back later. I got this. I got that.

Sometimes not every time. How about this time? I just have another edit to add for those that are calling me an asshole for giving my daughter her name, her mom did that and she's deceased. So let's not focus on that. Also I've known my stepdaughters since they were little. We're pretty much family and Candice is a stay at home mom, but I give her full access to my money since this stuff was already discussed beforehand.

Pretty much everything was dot, dot, dot. The top comment on this one. What I'm getting from this is that your stepdaughters were trying to live up to the Disney depiction of stepsisters and were shocked when they couldn't just bully her into getting what they want. What's extra gross is that they did it when coming back from Shiloh's grandparents funeral. Talk about cruel. You're definitely not the asshole, but also what the fuck is wrong with Candice if she

sees this as plain favorites? Her daughters tried to make yours sleep on the floor for fun. Girls like that will don't fall far from the tree. Have you pointed out your daughter is also upset because of the situation and she is plain favorites? Which is true. You have to remember this whole context of OP's dad died two weeks ago. This isn't a joyous vacation.

This is a very sad time, a very emotional time. This was bad. And for the wife to say, oh, well, I didn't expect Shiloh, your daughter, to sleep on the floor. Okay. Well, your daughters ganged up on her, bullied her, told her to sleep on the floor. So I solved it. I gave an easy solution.

Let's get her her own hotel room. Done. They can't get along in one room. Done. We're not monitoring them. Done. This is easy. And so the wife should be like, okay, cool.

But this is Cinderella. This is an alternate universe. Cinderella. I don't like it. The next comment is worse. The stepsisters got what they wanted, but were upset that the person who they took advantage of was accommodated. Next comment.

Exactly. If they just wanted the bed to themselves, it's a win-win. They are only upset because stepsister was not miserable with the outcome. She got her own room. But she still left and she was sad because of the treatment. Yeah. I mean... That was really what it was.

So... Blended families are hard and it's interesting that they have such contention despite like it sounds like their families were kind of friends growing up and I don't know. But just because your family's friends doesn't mean you're going to be friends with kids your similar age. So... Very sad. And it's sad too.

I mean, I think divorce is sad, but I think the death of a parent is more sad. Well, it's interesting because in divorce, I don't think anything is easy. No. And you know, the thing... I know that most kids see so much divorce that they kind of... Because of their friends, I kind of know maybe what to expect or not what to... I mean, again, I don't think there's any surety in how anybody behaves in this thing. But when you lose a grandparent is so out of control, it's so permanent in a way that

you love... I mean, they... Your grandparent typically was always... You know... No, no, no, the girl that was getting bullied, her mom is deceased. It was her mom that was deceased. Both, both, both. Shiloh was going to the grandpa's funeral, her dad's dad, but her mom is also deceased.

So it's not like she can even go back after this whole experience and escape this household and the stepsisters and go to the mom. It's kind of... She's in that house with these kids and... It really was the true Cinderella syndrome and it's sad that these girls were mean girls. And it's not like the dad could have walked in there and said, you know, you guys are all sisters now, you know, knock this shit off. Because...

Kids are going to be kids. And then, you know, there's some animosity. The fact that he just said, you're sweaty, you're out of here, let's go get you a room. These girls want to be by themselves, they can be by themselves. And because if he left them there, even if he fixed the problem by saying, hey, knock this shit off, which typically a father of three children would do, he would say, knock this shit off. But in this case, he was going to leave and these girls would be there to torture, you

know, Shiloh again. And so he really did the smart play, at least on this one, where he just said, they want to be by themselves or you're going to, I'm going to easily get you a room and you're fine. It just goes back to what was the wife thinking when she booked this room and she didn't get them, you know, the multiple beds and make sure that this was done in a way that it would not ever have backfired. Yeah.

Set your kids up for success, especially if you're in a blended family. I mean, there's hotel rooms too that have adjoining rooms. You could have left the door open to not... They have a couch. But also at the same time, they're 19, 17 and 16. Like the 19 year olds and adults, why are you bullying your stepsisters? And why is this mother putting three adult women in one bed? They still got two kiddos, but yeah, I think something's up here, but I'm happy with the

way dad handled it. I think this is a wake up call, seeing how his daughter's getting treated and hopefully moves forward in a good, healthy direction. And blends this family together. Yeah. I can't see any comments from OP anymore, but it does look like he kind of said, like, this isn't unusual. Like no one fights like this usually.

So hopefully he'll keep more of an eye. And at least this situation was handled properly, especially, you know, we've seen a lot of familial meltdowns today. And this one at least was, you know, he advocated for his kid when he needed to. Got another one for me? One last one. Okay. One last one.

Hear that? That's the sound of the 2023 Chevy Silverado's turbo high output engine delivering impressive power with no compromised durability. Whether you're helping friends move or just moving some friends, this is the sound of a family with plenty of rear seat room to enjoy the ride. And this is the sound of you heading to your local Chevy dealer today. Find your Silverado and find new roads, Chevrolet, click now to find new experiences. I have been waiting to share this story for quite some time.

It was posted two months ago and it's been a tab on my computer since then. And this feels, this feels like the right story. Okay. For a family meltdown. So it's titled, am I the asshole for taking my niece to court over a coat? I, 28 female, have a niece, 16 female. She is my only sister's only child. Two years ago, I married a very wealthy man, 34 male.

And because of the pandemic, last Christmas was my first with my in-laws. My mother-in-law gifted me a coat that is worth more than 20K. I saw her wearing it, asked her where she bought it, and she said that it will be my Christmas gift from her. I didn't know how much it was. I knew it was expensive, but I thought maybe 3K at most. I was visiting my sister last January when my niece saw it. She Googled the brand and showed me how much it really was.

I won't lie, I didn't wear it after that because I was afraid of ruining it. Last week, I wore it while visiting my sister. While I was putting it back on the leave, I felt something go splat on my back. Then my niece started cackling and the smell of paint hit me. I was so pissed off while she was not apologetic at all. Her mom screamed at her and said she was grounded. Then she said she will be paying for the dry cleaning. While I was in my car, still in shock by the way, I got an alert that my niece posted a

reel. It was of her doing a prank on me. And she said, quote, I'm going to hit my aunt's 20K coat with a paint-filled balloon to see how she reacts. I saved it on my phone, sent it to her mom, and told her that a week's grounding is not enough. She did not reply, but I saw that my niece took it down. It got less than five views by then.

The next day, I found out my coat cannot be saved. So I called my sister and told her that her daughter has to pay it back. Well, we got into an argument and she said that they will not be paying it. And if I wanted a new one, I should get my husband to buy it for me. I think that they should pay for it. They can afford to, in my opinion, they should sell my niece's car and pay me back my money. We will not reach an agreement, so I told her that I will be suing and reminded her that I have video evidence that her daughter, A, did it on purpose for online clout, and B,

knew exactly how expensive it was. People in my life are not objective at all. I have some calling me an asshole, some saying they are assholes for not buying me a new one, and some so obsessed with the price of the coat that they are calling me an asshole for simply owning it and wanting a new one. So am I the asshole? You are not the asshole that niece is, and your sister actually is, because she is not. I mean, I would basically look to say, I used to really, this coat was a wonderful gift

and I'm so glad that I'm going to have another one. And you want to be amazed that this family has two, because this coat now belongs to your daughter, because she is going to have to buy me a new coat. I would certainly look into the sister's homeowner's policy or renter's policy or the possibility of just your own homeowner policy to see what these insurance policies cover in cases like this in damage. That's a good point. This kid did it with absolute malice.

I mean, she pre-planned this thing. It's intent to destroy property. And I don't care if she's a juvenile, the parent is responsible for the juvenile. The sister and her husband, they can do whatever they want with their daughter. And I guarantee you, when the award for the replacement of this coat happens, that daughter will never make that mistake again. No, it's definitely, there needs to be some sort of accountability. I think that's the best way to put it.

Like, yeah, she's 16. She's a minor, but she's going to be an adult soon and she's going to be on her own. Absolutely. There needs to be some accountability and at least learning in some way. Like maybe she doesn't pay the 20K all herself because as a high schooler, that's going to take years of a job to get that money. But there needs to be some accountability here. And a week grounding for destroying a $20,000 coat doesn't add up.

I do believe that there is some kind of insurance that will be able to cover this somewhere down the line. It might take the lawsuit to impose the penalty that they have to pay it. And maybe their insurance at that point in time will protect them and pay for it. But even with that, those parents have really got to sit some lessons for their daughter. There's no doubt that this daughter has no concept of value and respect. Well, and I can see like the initial reaction, just like the shock of like 20K is a lot of money, a lot of money.

And so this initial shock where the mom is like, we're not going to pay for that. I can get, I get the defensiveness at first, but then you need to come to earth and like, your daughter does have a car and it probably makes your life easier. Not having to pick her up and drive her places, but a car at 16 is a privilege. It's not a right. The parents bought that car, that money was hard earned. And so you destroyed a $20,000 coat, your car might get sold to pay for it. Those parents understand how much $20,000 are because if it was that easy,

they would say, it's okay, we'll pay for it. Yeah, no problem. But they're not saying that. Yeah. They're saying, are you kidding me? I don't have $20,000. Well, somebody does. It ain't, I'm not buying my own coat.

It was a gift. I'm not the one that decided to go take paint and blow it on my back. And by the way, laugh her ass off as she was doing it. A water balloon? Sure. Water comes off. Again, I hate pranks, hate them, but paint, you knew what you were doing with the paint. Absolutely.

Where did you get the idea? Probably from watching Pita's videos about people throwing paint on fur coats, which I will say, I saw a comment from OP, it is not a fur coat. But again, it doesn't matter. It was a gift. It's her coat. You don't destroy other people's property. The top comment on this one is not the asshole.

She ruined a 22K coat. She wasn't even apologetic. Someone goes for a prank video for a 16. She's acting a lot like a six-year-old. I mean, this thing could have been a Chanel. Could have been something very special. That somebody could have been an heirloom. That's irreplaceable.

You must have respect for people's property. And this girl does not in the parents' responsibility is to teach their children about how to have respect for other people's property. Yeah. Well, someone here makes an interesting point. It's pretty far down the page, so it only has 507 upvotes. But they go, sounds like it's not getting taken as seriously because it's a luxury item. But 20K is still 20K.

If the girl had destroyed a car or deliberately did 20K worth of damage to a house, it would be addressed totally differently. But just because the coat was a luxury doesn't take away the destroyed value. Absolutely. Which is so true because I know there are going to be a lot of people out there where it's like, this is such a first world problem, which it is. Having a $20,000 coat is a first world problem. It's gaudy.

It's whatever you want to call it. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. The fact is, take away what the item was. If this girl did destroy a $20,000 car or did $20,000 in a house, like it would be not brushed off as like, we're not paying for that. What happens if she decided to be funny, go get a paint balloon and go to the Mona Lisa and go throw a paint on the Mona Lisa because she wanted to have a,

to show simply that she has a recording where, see how people react. Didn't you see the people that threw a can of tomato sauce on like a Picasso? No. Yeah, they're trying to bring awareness to climate change or something, but pretty look interesting way to do that. You have to have parents have to teach their kids or get them to get the fact that we have to protect people's property. We don't destroy it.

You respect your neighbor. I'm trying to look through OP's comments to see any info. I was born and raised middle class, might not be currently in the tax bracket, but doesn't mean that I suddenly transformed into a wealthy heiress. I'm like reading through the comments and I get that OP is like very, still touching a lot of grass, still very down earth a little. So some people it's- She got a gift from her mother-in-law who loved her.

I know. I'm sorry, it's simple. I know. I want my mother-in-law to give me a $20,000 coat. You know, it's nice that a mother-in-law loves her daughter-in-law to say, I want to give you something. Yeah. Think of some of the writings that we've seen and had over the last year

that the mother-in-laws and the daughter-in-laws just, it's vinegar. It just doesn't work. And here this woman says, I love you as you're part of my family. I want you to have this. And that is a gift that that is to be treasured and to have that daughter literally, that niece, destroy that and that have her mother literally saying, sorry, there's some privileges that you've lost till you get it. And that's not the position she-

And I'm mad. I'm very angry. I hope that that sister, the mother of that child, gets this. Yeah. Somehow let's get it on her soon as a link. We'll send that as a link to them. Yeah. Sounds like OP's relationship with her mother-in-law is amazing.

Mother-in-law actually bought the wedding dress as a gift for her. And someone just comments, now I'm dying to know what your engagement ring looks like. OP goes, I hate big rocks. I got a rock off his grandma's ring, one carrot, and made me a solitaire in a simple white gold band. And someone else comments, they have a $13,000 llama sweater. I mean, it's cute, but I wouldn't pay more than 30 for it. And OP responds, look, I might have married wealthy,

but I'm still a target girl at heart. Like down earth, touch and grasp relatable. She married a guy who she loves and loves her back. End of story. Yeah, it really seems like that. And a family that they can share love. I think it's beautiful. I really do.

I just, her sister has to get her head out of her ass and really show some feeling here and accountability. And because I wasn't feeling the remorse that the sister should be really sharing with her. It's just, I can see why the daughter is, or the niece is behaving the way she is, because the sister is certainly not showing any kind of remorse to this thing.

Well, we have an update. I mean, there's so many comments from OP. Someone does, it looks like recommend the check your homeowner's insurance. It may cover it. That will cover some stuff you wouldn't think of at times. And so OP goes, thank you, I will do that. And American Express.

Someone must have commented something about wearing the coat and it was removed by a moderator. But OP responded, I like wearing it. And I thought a trip to my sister's house was safe enough, the irony. Someone made a comment about what class the sister is. And OP responds, they are upper middle class. Selling her car will net them more than 20K.

So sounds like the daughter's very privileged. I know my first car was not more than 20K. I think it cost three grand. I think so. I think I bought your first car. I think it was a team effort from some people. Not the asshole, this is a really good way for your niece to learn that actions have consequences

and hopefully will serve her well in the future when she's older. And your sister seems to need that lesson too. Sounds like, quote, just have your husband buy you a new one is not an appropriate reaction to your kid destroying a 20K item. Thank you. Thank you. Which that's a little snot. That sounds a little petty or like resentful.

And OP responds, exactly. He is my husband. And even I don't feel comfortable asking him to drop that kind of money on something frivolous while she is comfortable doing that. I, that woman, that writer just immediately matched what I was thinking regarding the sister. Yeah.

The sister is the problem. Yeah. I'll be sure to post the link for this one. A lot of comments from OP, but let's get to the update. So here's a quick update. Since the situation has been resolved. Good. How?

Let's hear it. When my husband got home, I told him what happened and showed him the video. He asked if I spoke with my brother-in-law and I said no. All of my conversations were with my sister. He said that he will take care of it. Now a disclaimer. I understand nothing when it comes to insurance claims

and this is what my husband told me slash I understood happened. My husband talked with my brother-in-law, told him exactly what happened and showed him the prank video. Then he told him that the coat was insured. We will be filing a claim and submitting the video. And we might have to file charges for the claim. He assured him that we would be dropping the charges we do not want to send niece to jail.

Then he told him that one of two things might happen. After our insurance pays us, they will come after them. If their insurance pays, their premium will skyrocket. If it doesn't, they might sue them and might get a lien on their house. My brother-in-law asked if there was a way he could pay us without involving insurance. My husband told him that that was what we'd wanted at first

but that my sister insisted they will not be paying us back. Apparently my brother-in-law was not in the know and he is very pissed off at what my niece did and my sister's response. So they came to this solution. My niece's car will be sold. And if it doesn't fetch the whole compensation money, she will have to get a job and pay me the whole check until it is paid off. Also, she's grounded for the rest of the school year.

I'm thankful for the people who encouraged me to talk to my husband. Perfect. Wow. So it's a win-win far as we're concerned for us. And it's a win for the actually for the niece because the niece is really going to get a valuable lesson out of this one. Well, and she doesn't- She may not like it but she's going to get a good lesson.

Yeah. And I mean doing $20,000 worth of damage and the legal consequences of that would be pretty severe. And it is what the top comment says. On the update, it goes, that's a fair outcome that avoids lifetime level consequences for the niece and still stings hard enough to make the point. Communication is always a good place to start and very glad your brother-in-law stepped up

to handle the situation appropriately. Good answer. It was perfect. A little bit of a karma story, which is an upcoming theme we have. Should be good. We got it all. Got it all for sure. The camera's still on.

Camera's rolling. So- Audio's rolling. We're in good shape. We're in good shape. Thank you guys for joining us on this episode. It was a wild, wild ride for sure. I just want to ask that if you are not subscribed or following,

please make sure you're subscribed and following. I really want to see the numbers grow this year. And if you love the show, which I assume you do if you're listening still, please leave a five-star review on whatever app you're listening to. And if you don't love the show and you're listening this far, just ignore me. Now, also, thank you for allowing me on your show. And I have to plug it. You want to plug it?

No, you're not going to plug it. You got it. I got it. Morgan, let me on her show, but I also let Morgan come on my show. It's our show. We have one called Father Knows Something. Little different than Am I the Asshole. But we certainly would love to have you come visit us.

And hopefully, you'll like us enough that you'll subscribe. And we look for you there. And again, thank you for letting me on your show. You're welcome. Thanks for coming and giving your takes. Until next time, guys. We'll talk to you later. Bye.

Thanks for letting us in your home. Your car. Your house. Your boat. Your plane. Your train. Your walks. Your boxing matches.

Your feet hitting the street. Anything that you have your pods in your ear. Thanks. Thanks for letting us chime your brain. Bye. Oh, and there will be a Patreon from this episode. So be sure to head over to Patreon. OK, bye for real.

The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying. Learned something each time. Do whatever it takes.

No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC. Finding your perfect home was hard. But thanks to Burrow, furnishing it has never been easier. Burrow is a new kind of furniture company,

one that believes furniture and the furniture shopping process should fit seamlessly into your life. Their in-house design studio has thought of everything. From premium durable hardwood frames to stain and scratch resistant fabrics, their modular sofas and sectionals don't just look good and feel comfortable, they're built to last. They're also easy to assemble, add to, and reassemble whenever you need. No tools necessary.

Beyond seating, Burrow offers coffee tables, credenzas, easy to mount shelves, and practically anything else you might need for your space, all designed to fit together perfectly. And every single Burrow order, no matter how small or large, includes free shipping to your door. Right now, get 15% off your first order when you go to burrow.com slash podcast. That's burrow.com slash podcast for 15% off your first order. Burrow.com slash podcast.