Two Hot Takes - 116: Unreasonable Requests?

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Lauren! This episode features stories that will have us questioning if what's being asked of the people in these stories is a reasonable request or not. We're going to need your help judging some of these.. especially the wedding one Lauren found!  Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Watch our Iceland Travel Vlog!!! https://youtu.be/FISXcwnw49E Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Honey: Joinhoney.com/tht Babbel: Babbel.com/tht Vessi: Click the Vessi.com/tht and use code THT for 15% off your entire order! Free shipping to CA, US, AU,JP, TW, Manscaped: 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com Promo code: THT20 

Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter.

Sarah? When did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Hello. This is just your reminder to subscribe. And be sure to check out our clips channel

if you like the breakdown of just the stories, because they're all there. Be sure to check out Patreon, guys. There's some exclusive stories from this episode. Thank you. Oh, cute little thingy-mabobs. Yeah, aren't they fun? Yeah. When people steal my content,

they'll now still know where it's coming from. Ooh, brilliant. I know! I was so proud of myself. I'm like, this is great, worth every penny. That is really smart. I'm just like getting so petty. I keep doing copyright request takedowns.

Because it's like, if you use the audio, right? I don't care, because then it links back to me and people know. But when you steal it, I don't like theft. I don't like theft. Makes sense. It's an unreasonable request, you could say, to take my shit and not give credit. Which is today's theme, if you couldn't tell by the title.

What am I supposed to say? Why do you look so scared? I don't know, I thought I was supposed to build off you, but then I was waiting for you to conti- I don't know. Yeah, that's right. I'm just really excited about these dog treats. So, hello guys.

Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. So, I've been posting these weird little like brain bobble moments on my personal Instagram and I then ask people, I'm like, what's the weirdest thing you've done? So, like for me, I sat at a stop light and I was clicking the stop light with my garage door opener, like my gate opener.

Wait, you didn't tell me that. Yeah, that was the first one. That's hilarious. And then the second one I posted, but I don't remember what it is right now. So then everyone was like responding. They're like, I did this, I did that, like crazy stuff. Like I left my phone in my fridge.

Oh, I ordered $50 worth of DoorDash food to the wrong address. That's what the second one was. A lot of people did that. People just had really crazy, cool responses. I think I'll make like a little tab on my personal Instagram of like all the ones people sent in. Like this one girl was like, I'm about to spend $700 to go see my ex.

Another one was like, I slept with my baby daddy again. He has a girlfriend. I'm like, what the hell are you trying to give him a sibling? Someone was like, I ate cat food. And I responded back to them and I was like, it's okay. Lauren eats dog food. And I was like, I don't eat it. Like I've tried it before.

Like you gotta, I don't understand. I was like solidarity with your pet, but I was proud because people were messaging me. Like so many people were saying, oh my God, like, are you okay? Yeah. But a lot of people thought like took that and thought that I was just eating cans of wet food with rice. Oh my God.

And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's just like a one kibble when I feed the dog because I'm like solidarity. Yeah. So we have a couple of things on the agenda today. Ashley, all the way from Canada sent us some dog treats to try. Lauren's going to try one. Yeah.

Right now. Okay. Give me the little, I'll take either the flower or the paw print. The flower? Or no, no, no, I want to try the Oreo cookies. Okay. But anyway, yeah. So here you can open it.

So then I had to clarify and post, no, I'm not just eating dog food. And then I had a lot of people coming in with support telling me their experiences with eating dog food or dog treats, whether it be a prank or whether it just be out of curiosity or whether like it was good or bad. They like the smell of it. Like it opened up this huge conversation.

So Ashley, she said that she works at a really awesome dog store that has beautiful treats. These are bougie treats. Like these look like gourmet. Like I would not be able to tell those little ones or dog treats. She said that she's tried every single one. Wait. Wow.

Why do I want to eat the whole box? It's really good. It's so good actually. Wow. That's amazing. These are better than the ones at Trader Joe's. So good. The Joe Joe's.

These are literally better. And they're for dogs. This is weird. She told me there's a woman, a regular that comes in with her child. And the child will always just have a dog treat that he's nibbling on as she goes around and shops. Shut up. Oh my gosh.

Okay. Thank you. Ashley. Don't try that part of the taco. Yeah, you go for it. And then next on the agenda, Cassie. That was good too. Wow.

Shocked. Okay. Okay. So hold up the little horse next to you, Lauren. His name is Harry. Cute. And this is also sent to us by Cassie. That's so sweet.

It's so cute. And then we have a message from Yasmin, who is the president of Dulces Colibri. And she sent a bunch of Chamoy gummies. And so it's like this spicy chili thing, seasoning. Oh my God. I'm blanking on the words. And it's like all over this candy. Amazing.

But I just appreciate you guys sending everything. Like, and you don't have to send extravagant gifts like this. This is beyond amazing, but our PO box will be in the description. If you want to send a little postcard or anything like that. It always makes us smile. It makes us smile. I just love getting mail. I walked over there the other day with my assistant and I was like,

Oh my God. It felt like Christmas morning. It was crazy. And then, oh, we had someone send us these amazing footy pajamas that we're going to wear on an upcoming episode. Oh hell yeah. They're like sweatpants with foot, foot things on them. Oh my God.

Yes. They're going to be really good. Yes. Yes. Yes. And that's because you found a bunch of stories for it too. So Morgan asks me sometimes to bring one story. And so whenever I ask you guys, you guys always send me a lot of really good ones.

And then it kind of gets me to go down this whole path of coming across more. So I ended up coming across like six that I really liked. And I really was excited to get Morgan's reaction. Because I mean, that's what we did from the start before the podcast is just like, we're so excited to like tell each other the story and get each other's reaction. That's what it's all about. It's still all about that. But yeah, we're getting back to our roots a little bit.

Right. But I like it. I mean, like more so, it's, you know, I'm always the one blind reacting. So I thought it'd be really fun to be the one to tell you a story. And then. It's going to be good. Yeah. So even though I really, really hate public speaking, but it's worth the attempt to get

Morgan's reaction. You're going to do great, sweetie. Thanks. Oh, you did put the chamoy in your drink. I did. Okay, let's get into these. Let's do it. Let's dive in.

Do you want another dog tree? Is that what you're about to say? Yeah. The dog treats the best thing I've eaten all day. Do you want another one? Yeah, but I got to read. I thought I was going to go first. No, I'm going first.

You're going second. Oh, I'm so excited though. This is a good one though. Okay, fine. Okay. So this one is coming from our very own two hot takes subreddit. It was posted four hours ago and it is titled, my roommate doesn't want to live with me again after I watched Jurassic Park movies while his

girlfriend was at our apartment. Hmm. I 22 male and finishing up my last year of college and live with my best friend, 23 male. He has a girlfriend, 20 female that he's been with for about six months. She is pretty shy and whatever she's at our apartment, they are pretty much always just hanging out in my friend's room. They will rarely hang out in common areas for extended periods of time. So suffice to say that even though I've known her for half a year,

I know very little about her and wouldn't say I know her very well personally. This past weekend, I was scrolling through Netflix to find something to put on in the background while I was studying for finals. I found the land before time, which was one of my favorite movies growing up because my older brother used to always play it for me when he baby sat me. So I turned it on and just kind of had it on. My roommate and his girlfriend came by and my roommate noticed the movie I was watching. He commented that he hadn't seen it in years since he was a kid.

He asked his girlfriend if she's ever seen it and she said no. She said that she wasn't allowed to watch any movies with dinosaurs because her religion... No, I didn't know that this is where that was going. Okay, continue. Because her religion doesn't believe in them and believes that their fossils were put in the ground by God as a test. I know people that believe this. Oh, I dated one. Needless to say, I was caught off guard.

Of course, I had a million questions, but for some reason my brain went towards dinosaur movies instead of her religion. I asked if she had ever seen any of the Jurassic Park movies and she said no. I told her some of them are really good and suggested we have a dinosaur movie marathon. She said she doesn't want to watch any movie that goes against her beliefs. I just said okay and didn't push it and they quickly retreated back to my roommate's room. But it did kind of make me want to watch Jurassic Park movies. I have the first two on Blu-ray, so I found those and started watching them.

Neither my roommate or his girlfriend came out of the room much the rest of the day, except to get something from the kitchen or go to the bathroom. After I finished the second movie, I left to meet up with some friends. I stayed at a friend's place that night after drinking and when I got back to my place, my roommate immediately laid into me. He said that I was very disrespectful to his girlfriend by playing Jurassic Park movies immediately after she told me it goes against her religious beliefs. He said I made her very uncomfortable and that they both agree I did it on purpose to mock her beliefs.

I told him I don't care at all about her beliefs and that all I did was watch a movie in my own house. I told him it's not my problem what her religious beliefs are and if she gets upset about dinosaur movies then I'm honestly kind of surprised she can go through day to day life without having an existential breakdown. Boom. He told me that he doesn't want to live with me again after our lease is up at the end of the month. Goodbye. We had already been looking at renewing our lease or finding a new place,

but I think they are seriously overreacting. Oh yeah, I'd be done. This is weird. Get me out of there. And that's the thing is you've talked about this before too. It's just like it's fine you have your beliefs. That's fine. Cool.

Yeah, absolutely. But it's just like the minute that you make other people small to make room for your beliefs, it's just like why is that better than? And like I understand there's still a lot of people that don't believe in dinosaurs or evolution. Like I mean my boyfriend in college didn't believe in evolution and I was so fascinated by dinosaurs and just like how the world came to be. And so I took as an elective. It wasn't even a part of a minor or a major.

You did have a dinosaur class. I took a dinosaur class and which is actually funny because I almost... It was so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I thought it was just going to be for shits and gigs but like spelling counted. Do you know how hard classes of dinosaur names are to remember? And what you had just... What? Yeah, there was just like...

Oh actually that was my animal biology class regardless. They were hard electives and I really was planning on just being like for fun because I'm interested. And it was like one of my... I just needed more credits to graduate but I already had all of my classes for like my major and my minor. And so it was just funny because I got to a point where I realized I was starting to fail and that I actually mattered because if I didn't then I would be out of... I wouldn't have enough credits to graduate. And I was like, can you imagine if I didn't get to graduate like at year four because I have failed a dinosaur class?

Dude, no one would ever let you live that down. So I went into office hours and like got it back up and it was fine. But regardless, I made... I shouldn't say made but like I suggested that my boyfriend at the time who didn't believe in dinosaurs or evolution come to my dinosaur class to like hear how fascinating all of it is. And he just like sat back with his arms crossed and he goes, he isn't no shit. This is all made up. I'm like, come on!

Like really? So I mean I have a different belief and that's fine. I mean I wanted him to believe what I believe but he didn't. And that's fine. Like cool. Good for you. But I just, I think it's like if he were to tell me that I can't watch dinosaur movies like in my own home especially like if it wasn't my boyfriend but like if like my roommate's boyfriend told me that

I would be like, dude, come on. Like... Yeah. No. Quite strange especially considering they don't really interact in common areas anyways. So it's like to tell someone what they're going to do in their own home when you don't even like go out in that area. It's just like, it's really baffling.

I just like, I don't understand the logic at all. Like I believe in a higher being. I don't like God or something. I don't know. I'm really, I'm all over the place with my beliefs. But it just seems interesting and like the most random thing on the planet. Like out of all the fucking creatures we have today. Look at the seals with the horns coming out of them.

Look at like vultures and all these weird birds and jellyfish and clams. Like those are real and you can observe them. Like God would pick a dinosaur. He's going to test you with a dinosaur? Yeah. A dinosaur. Do you know where dragons came from actually? They were probably dinosaurs.

They weren't. So that's people a long time ago when they found the fossils of dinosaurs. They're like, we don't have any animals that exist like this. So they believe that they were dragons. I think dragons were real though. I mean, I think unicorns were real. I mean, maybe. I don't fucking know.

But like my point is that they, that's where like they believe that it all came from. Bigfoot also real. And also it was different. So you know how like the Chinese dragon is different? It's very long. Like a snake. Yeah. It's cause it was a different type of dinosaur.

And I don't remember which one, but like there's. So cool. Yeah. Different type of dinosaur fossil. Cause they were like, these exist somewhere cause there's skeletons of them, but we don't see them. So they're hiding out. And then that's where all of the like magic and myths.

Yeah. I love archeology. Yeah. I just think it's so fascinating and like paleontology, like all these little sub like science niches are so cool. So, so cool. And that's, that's how I feel too. And so I'm like, I don't want to slander people for not believing like,

no, if you don't believe in dinosaurs, I think you're dumb, but you're entitled to believe dinosaurs aren't real. I'm like, I don't want to slander. And you're like, yeah, no, me neither. You're dumb. Sorry. But that's just a tough situation. If I were that guy, I mean, he's young and I would just be like, okay, bye.

It's sad cause they're best, they're best friends though. Like, come on dude. Honestly, it's crazy how much relationships can just change everything. Yeah. And it's like, and it shows a lot. And it's just like, if that's who you are, and I have a story coming up like that, then maybe I'll do after this one, but it's like,

yeah, but it's like, if that's who you are, when you get into a relationship, then like now I know all the sides of you as a friend. And maybe we aren't as good of friends as I thought we were. Yeah. That is very true. So the top comment on our little two hot takes subreddit is not the asshole. I'm sure whatever she and your roommate are doing in his room all the time

also goes against her religious beliefs. Oh, snap. A roommate is just looking for an excuse to not live with you anymore. This is giving, I don't believe in dinosaurs, but it's okay if we soak. Oh yeah. Like, can you come bounce the bed? I think, did I tell you about that girl that in my high school,

whenever we had the vote no, which vote no meant gay, that you believe in gay marriage. It was, it sounds opposite, but it was like, yeah, vote no was a good thing. It meant that you believe in, well, good thing from, you believe in marriage equality. If you voted yes, you wanted to ban gay marriage. Exactly. And so I was very adamant about being vote no,

which means yes to gay marriage. Yeah. And so this girl tweeted, she was like, I voted yes because of my religious beliefs. And I'm like, screw you. I'm like, are you kidding me? I'm like, go live your own little like religious beliefs in your own bubble and don't affect, like, don't make it harder for other people.

If other people want to get married, let them get married. Like it's just, I don't, and the reason why I got upset is because I watched this girl have sex at like, I didn't watch her, but like she had, but she had sex with people at like 14, 15. So I'm like, come on. I'm like, if you're going to follow the Bible, then like follow it all the way and don't make it only just so it works for you and not for other people.

Like that's unfair. I just don't like when anyone's beliefs, like it's the belief in Santa Claus, the belief in the Easter Bunny, believe in God, whatever it is. I just don't like when people's beliefs like start infringing on others and hurting people. Like just don't hurt people. Right. We all just want to be happy.

That's it. Okay. Yeah. This is a very unreasonable request to me. I think if someone told me, hey, you cannot watch Bridgerton because it's culturally inaccurate. You can't watch werewolf movies or vampire movies. Hey, you can't read, you know that werewolf dragon smut you like to read.

You cannot read that in our house. I would be like, no, no. My roommates used to watch like what it was called the American Horror Story and call it. That show was scary. And I was like, I would literally like plug my ears and make my dinner and then go straight to my room. You just go to your room.

It was the worst night of the week for me. Man, that show was scary. I watched a season of it, the one with the pig, pig lady. I didn't watch any of them. I think I watched like half of a scene and I was like, nope. Nope. I can't handle the scaries. Okay.

Moving on. Yeah. This one is coming from sub reddit petty revenge. Oh, I love this one. Yeah. So it is called, ruin my wedding to propose. Question mark. I'll ruin your proposal.

Okay. Okay. I 35 male have a younger brother, Todd, 29 male who had a complicated birth and had to stay a month in the ICU. Because of that, my parents have always doted on him and almost denied him nothing. Even if it was to the detriment of my sister, Abby, 32 female and I, my brother drinks in on the attention and has on more than one occasion made himself the center of attention at either my, my sisters or my cousin's special event.

Because of this, Abby and I have a strained relationship with Todd and our parents. Unfortunately, Todd met and fell in love with Lucy, 24 female who announced her own baby at the baby shower. My mom held for Abby. His sister. What a bitch. Yeah. When I proposed to my wife, Michelle, 30 female, I just wanted to elope,

but she really wanted her family to be there. So I invited my family out of obligation. While out, my best man, Jim, 35 male, noticed a receipt from a jewelry store slipped out of Todd's pocket. Jim confronted Todd about this, which led to an argument. Jim told me everything and I told Todd that he was no longer going to be a groomsman because I knew he was going to propose at my wedding. Todd cried to our parents, which led to a blowout.

Oh my God. What a little baby. In my parents' eyes, since Todd never admitted that he was going to propose to Lucy at my wedding, I was unfairly judging him. I refused and brought up Todd's past behavior. My parents couldn't refute this and got Todd to agree to not try anything at my wedding. This wasn't enough to convince me to let him be groomsman, but I warned him that if, as a guest, he'd try anything, I would make him regret it.

Fast forward to the wedding and surprise, surprise. Shut up. He still did it. Yeah. Todd walked over to Lucy and proposed to her during Michelle's father-daughter dance. Fucking bitch. And done, done, done, done. This is no longer my brother.

This is no longer my brother. And he did it in a way so that everyone would notice. During her father-daughter dance at someone else's wedding, when you were told by not only your brother, but the parents, don't propose Todd. This isn't about you, Todd. Todd has a fucking complex. Yeah. What a fucking bitch.

Yeah. And his girlfriend slash fiance? Fuck you, Lucy. Is clearly on the same page because she decided to announce... Yeah. The sister's baby shower. She's pregnant. What a bitch.

Thank you, my revenge. I love it. Well deserved. Jim and I had hired a woman to pretend to be Todd's side piece who cornered Todd and Lucy and claimed that she was pregnant with his baby. Todd denied this, but when she called his phone, I gave her his number and mess with Todd's phone to incriminate him. It didn't look good.

Lucy threw the ring back at Todd and left in tears. At their wedding? Yes. Oh fuck. When Todd saw the smile on my face, he knew that it was me and I didn't respond to a single call or text from him or my parents until after the honeymoon. Lucy has thrown Todd's stuff out and has been denying access to their kid. Todd is furious and is demanding that I clear his name.

I sent him a text saying that I had no idea what he was talking about, as well as a screenshot of a bill for the wedding and gave a vague message demanding reimbursement for half of the wedding costs. Michelle knew the whole time what I had. I'm stressed. Michelle knew the whole time what I was planning and gave me the green light after Todd ruined her moment with her dad. So I felt pretty good, but now even Abby thinks I went too far.

Um, fuck. This is a really good one. Was it initially an unreasonable request? Like, hey Todd, don't propose. Absolutely not. That is a perfectly reasonable request. Is it now an unreasonable request of Todd to say, hey, you got me, you fucked everything up, but can you clear my name?

I think that's also fair. I think OP got his revenge. Was it good? Yeah. Did he maybe ruin his brother's life and marriage? Also, yeah. So some could say, no, this dude went way too far. Like, if he wanted to do something, he should have announced a pregnancy at, you know, their

wedding, which he kind of did Todd's secret baby. But I think after this, it's like, you, okay, you won, you won, but now you got to kind of fix it. And it's literally, it's as simple as a phone call to say, hey Lucy, you know what? I wanted to get back for Todd proposing at my wedding and ruining our day. So I did hire this woman. He didn't cheat on you. He might in the future, but this one's not real.

So one of the top comments is, I don't see anywhere in your description where he's apologized for his actions. So I wouldn't worry about apologizing for yours either. And then OP responded and said, he hasn't. Yeah. And that just shows he doesn't have any remorse. And maybe that's where you have a conversation and say, you know what? I'm not clearing your name.

When have you ever said that you're sorry for what you did? You haven't apologized. I asked you, mom and dad asked you not to propose at my wedding. And you still ruined the day for us. During the father and daughter dance, which is like the most like one of the most. That is one of the biggest parts of a wedding day for a lot of brides. Right. Which is that, that's what his wife was saying.

Yeah. That's why she was like, go ahead, do it. That's why they didn't want to elope. She wanted her family there. She wanted that intimate special time with her family. Yeah. So, you know, unfortunately either way, your family relationship with your brother is forever changed.

It's ruined. You don't have a good relationship. So, the question is, do you want the hope of any relationship? Because if you don't clear the air, then you guys are really done. Yeah. But you already won. His wedding day was ruined. He didn't go on the honeymoon.

He hasn't been able to see his kids in terms of air quotes winning. You won. You got him back, but it also, here's something to consider too. Why doesn't his wife believe him? Like, now that he knows his brother set him up, why isn't the wife still believing him? Like, hey, my brother set me up. Like this, I swear to God, let's go through our phone history. So the fact, you know, she's still kind of not believing him.

Maybe there's cracks in the relationship that we don't know about. If Justin were to propose to you and if somebody were to come up and say, like, I'm pregnant baby and called him and it came up as like some type of sketchy, like Papa John's or something. You know what I mean? Like in his phone, like phone log, would you have any, would you be fine to just move forward or? Yeah.

I mean, I would have a very, very hard time believing that just with our relationship. We're also always together. We are like very strong. Like he's terrified of cheating. So I would be like, okay, well, thanks. Thanks for telling me. Let's go get a DNA test. There's data right there.

Like it's easy. Yeah. So on your wedding day, like on your wedding day where you're already like so stressed and like overwhelmed with everything. Yeah. You might not be thinking very clearly. So this was not on his wedding day. It was on Todd's.

Right. Yeah. Okay. Just making sure. So the wife, his wife, baby mama, fiance, like obviously she's not going to be thinking clearly that way to be like, oh, well, that's strange. Let's get a DNA test. She flipped out and just thought he was cheating.

And any rational person probably would. Anyone in the moment would be like, what the fuck is going on? What did you do? Like, yeah, you're going to have a reaction. But then like after things cool down a little bit, you can be like, let's get a DNA test. Right. I know that's, that is interesting that she like held to it and like kicked him out. It's kind of strange.

Like your partner is adamantly telling you he didn't do this. Right. The father of your kids and you're not, you're not going to believe him. I guess it also just makes me wonder too how their relationship operated because I can kind of understand how somebody might think that it's a good time to announce like their pregnancy at a baby shower because it maybe it's just kind of like, we're all having a bit like, yay, it's like new life, cool, whatever. You're a tacky bitch.

Let people have their moments to shine. Right. If you are so insecure with yourself where you need to make something for another person, another event about you, you need to go get a fucking therapist and really work on your confidence. Well, I more so mean in a way that is just like not understanding like what the etiquette is. Like let's say it's just like, oh, I just found out I'm pregnant like a week ago and

everyone's going to be gathering together to talk about babies. This is the perfect time. I'm just talking about like saving, not understanding etiquette. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. But I'm saying like something like where it goes to this point where this guy is not only just proposing during father daughter dance, it's like he literally was bawling and kicked out of being a groomsman because he said, do not do this.

And he said, I'm not going to do that. He's a liar. Yeah. He's a liar too. So it makes you wonder what is going up with that couple where both of them want to steal the spotlight from the family. You know what I mean? Because it's like that is true.

One moment like that, like a baby shower moment is just kind of like, oh, like maybe you just did not understand etiquette. Move on. Just let me once. Blah, blah, blah. Let me twice. Yeah. It's the fact that the couple is like both.

Both of them. Yeah. It's like, what is going on? That's so strange. So strange. They're both. They're both just insecure self-centered people that need every moment about themselves. So, so.

Are there any comments or updates? Oh, there's so many. Yeah. I'm like OP though. The only one that OP that I saw was OP saying that he never apologized, that his brother never apologized to him. But I mean, there's a ton of comments like one of the top ones is during the father daughter dance.

That's insane. I love what you did. Maybe time to go no contact instead of low contact. You have your new family now. Yeah. I agree with that. And the parents still enabling him. Right.

Like I, that's one thing I don't get. And the NICU is a very scary place, but obviously Todd is fine. Well, yeah. I mean, Todd is 29 now. Todd's good. And so to treat one child so superior over your other two and always let him be the golden child, do better parents. Yeah.

Do better. So interesting. You're setting your kids up for such unhealthy relationships between them as siblings. And when you're gone, they're not going to talk. Yeah. They're going to resent each other. I'm just so sad. It's so sad.

Oh man. Well, unless you want to read more of the comments, let's hear what you got from me. I'm just going to click on all the accounts been suspended. I wanted to see if there was an update. Okay. Moving along. Today's episode is sponsored by PayPal Honey. The easy way to save when shopping on your iPhone or computer.

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If you don't already have honey, you could be straight up missing out. And by getting it, you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting the show. Get PayPal Honey for free at joinhoney.com slash tht. That's joinhoney.com slash tht. Wee. Wee, wee, wee. Okay. So this next one coming from Am I the Asshole?

Seven days ago, it is titled, Am I the Asshole for making my husband my only way of communication with my mother-in-law? My mother-in-law is an attention whore. She was incredibly sweet to me ever since I got with my husband. She and I had built a very close relationship until I got pregnant. Obviously, now it all fell apart. I'm five months along and in the past five months, she has misconstrued several private conversations between me and her and made it into family-wide drama. She has accused me of the following.

Telling her she would never be allowed around the baby alone because I'll never trust her. Parentheses, she concluded this from me telling her I didn't feel safe going back to work right away because I didn't want to leave my baby alone with someone else. Next point, trash talking her to my family. Parentheses concluded from my mom asking her if I really said I'd never leave anyone alone with the baby. Next, making her cry by calling her a bad mother. Parentheses, me confronting her about the other family members saying I'm mean and not letting her see the baby. Calling her baby gift stupid.

Parentheses, I didn't want to use pacifiers and she had bought a ton of them already. I'm tired of this cycle of her creating drama from things I told her when we were alone and me being mad followed by her crying saying she misunderstood. She's always normal and her quote, old self when other people are around. The worst part was convincing my husband each time that I did not say those things. It has created a lot of fights between me and him. So I decided he has to be present whenever I'm around her. I only text her through a group chat that also includes him.

If she calls and he's not in the room with me, I go where he is or I decline her calls. I only call her if he's next to me. Perfect solution. He hates it, she hates it and they're both annoyed at me. Why? Honestly, my first reflex would have been to cut her off but she lures me back in whenever we're not alone. Yeah. And I feel blindsided.

I thought we were friends. I think we can keep a semblance of a relationship this way. Am I doing too much? Should I only do this with calls since I have written proof when we text? No. No. No. And also they're annoyed.

Why? Why? Shouldn't they just be happy that they get more like daughter, father, oh my god. That they get more mother, son time? Yeah. Family group chat. Yeah. It's like, I don't understand why they're annoyed about it and I think that that's a really healthy way to go about it

because it's just like, no, she doesn't deserve to be going through this stupid petty drama stress, especially when she's pregnant. Leave her alone. Shut the fuck up. This is such a reasonable request to it to me. And it's like, oh, they're both annoyed. Well, she's annoyed because she can't manipulate what you say anymore. Yeah.

And your husband's annoyed because he kind of sucks. Clearly. Like when she says here, the worst part was convincing my husband each time that I did not say those things. Right. He doesn't believe you. And that's, and that's tough because what she said is that she's never acted this way in front of a group of people. So it's like, if he is never in his entire life seen his mom act that way, then it's like, she's Jekyll and Hyde. Yeah.

That part's tough because if someone were to tell me that my mom said some like phrasey ass shit, like to them, like I'd be like, what? No, I don't care like who you are, boy. Like my mom would not say that because I like, I know my mom so well that I would just be shut. You know what I'm saying? You wouldn't believe your boyfriend though? Like, you know your boyfriend really well too. And like, I look at Justin, I'm choosing to build a life with him. He's my partner.

We're going to have a family someday. If Justin came to me and said like, dude, your mom, like your mom said this to me like, what was she doing? Well, I would ask my mom. I, for me personally, and I just, I have a lot of trust and like your, your relationship is new. It's fresh. It's not four years. We're kind of comparing apples to oranges here a little bit. I'm talking about anybody.

Like cause it's just, But I think, I think the context of the person kind of depends. Like obviously if it's someone you've known for 30 days and they came and said that you'd be like, fuck, no, I know my mom. But if it's a long-term partner, you'd be like, was she drunk? I, yeah. Like what's wrong with her? I would question that. Like I'd be like, whoa, like was she drunk?

Like I wouldn't think they're immediately lying to me. I'd believe my partner. But I would, if Justin said my mom said something and like twisted words, I'd be like, that's really strange. Like why would she do that? I would 100% believe my partner. Yeah. I just, my mom's never lied to me. And like my mom is like so straight up and like the only thing she lies about is her farts.

Like I'm serious. Like the only thing that she ever, like she'll fart and we'll be like, mom, did you fart? She's like, nope. No, I didn't. And we're like, yes you did. She's just like me. But no, I'm just like, I wouldn't immediately be like, shut my partner down and be like, fuck you. Peace out.

I would investigate for sure. I'd be like, mom, what's going on? Like did this happen? Like were you drunk? Could you have been so drunk that you don't remember saying this? So I guess like, well, and let's imagine this situation then and put yourself in these same shoes. Yeah. He has no reason not to believe his mom.

He's known his mom forever. And so what do you do when like your mom flipped a switch, Lauren, and your partner is like coming to you. Like you guys are having a baby together. Like you're locked and loaded. Yeah. Like who do you give the benefit of the doubt? Like your mom did say this.

She's twisting words. Like what do you, how do you navigate this? So maybe, maybe he doesn't suck. Maybe he's, maybe I'm being too harsh on him. Yeah. I mean, I guess it just depends on how he actually did approach saying that he doesn't like, that it's hard for him to believe. Cause if he was just like, that's so hard for me to imagine her saying that, or if you

were to be like, you're, you're wrong, you're lying. You know what I mean? There's like, yeah, like two differences. It's just kind of like, okay, well, was there a miscommunication on both parts? Maybe because it's really hard for me to imagine like those direct, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. So cause like for me, it's just like, I, there's like no one in this world that I trust more than my mom.

So it's hard for me to imagine like a guy coming to the picture and telling me that my mom said these like awful things. And then just automatically believing him, you know, like, I would be like, okay, let me look into this. Yeah. But I wouldn't leave them like hanging like high and dry and just be like, go fuck off, like you're fine. Like I wouldn't do that either.

Like I would have a conversation absolutely. So it depends on how you dealt with it. Yeah. I would be curious more about his reaction. I'm looking at comments from OP. One goes, the three of you need to sit down and OP goes, this is what my husband wants, but I'm not sure any good will come out of it. Sit down.

You need to sit down. This woman, as long as you're married, this woman's in your life. Yeah. Absolutely. Sit down. Have a conversation. I mean, I think it's like the healthiest thing you can do and continue these methods of like, I would not, I would make sure there's other people around witnessing.

I would keep texting her with your husband involved. And to be honest, like that's kind of always what I would like to have with whoever I end up with, their mother or father. Like I would actually like to always be in a group chat speaking with them or being in a public setting. Like I want to be able to be close with my future mother-in-law, but I don't, I don't want to have it be separate from my partner. Like I would want it to still be in that.

Because your relationship is through your partner and a lot of people, a lot of people have amazing relationships with their mother-in-laws, future mother-in-laws and become really close friends. Yeah. I think it just, it really depends on the person. Yeah. But I do see that. Like me, Justin and his mom have had a group chat since like we first started dating basically.

So do you usually talk, speak with her in that group chat or do you speak with her directly more often? I would say the group chat because usually it's stuff that has to do with both of us. And so that's why I'm like, that's kind of where I'm at where like, obviously it depends on the, like the person. For sure. It could be different, but like, and that's maybe me just be more cautious, but like as a safety net feature, kind of like what she's saying, like that's what I'd want from the

start so that things don't get twisted, you know, or that I don't get like wasted in like drunk texts as mom. And I'm like, hi, I just took my underwear off and threw them on my head. Like, I don't know. Oh my God. I was just talking about this on those little stories I've been posting on my Instagram, like that we talked about at the beginning, but I always accidentally text Justin's dad. Yeah.

And then my Instagram starts with a J. And as you're like quick looking, you see like J. Thunström and like, no, you're like, want a hand job? Oh, I'm so horny. No, I haven't. I luckily knock on wood, like knock on wood. I haven't sent anything yet. It's always like, Hey, did you order those microphones yet? Or just like, just stuff like that, but like, God, one of these fucking times, oh, I don't

know. It's going to happen. It's going to be bad. Like, but can you imagine like accidentally sending like a tit-pick or like a nude to your father-in-law? Oh, my God. There's some other comments from OP, basically not the asshole. I don't understand why your husband and mother-in-law hate it.

I would think they would like having greater contact, which is exactly what you said. OP goes exactly what I said. Look at us. Um, well, my mother-in-law hates it because she can't lie, but she says it's because it makes ours, mine and hers relationship, feel formal and distant. My husband hates it because it proves him wrong, but he says it's because he doesn't want to be a part of the conversation that doesn't concern him and that he can't contribute to.

Then don't read it. Mute the notifications bud. Yeah. Ping, ping. He, oh, brutal. Like what? Because it's more work for him. I hate it.

Like, yeah. Mute the notifications. Shut the fuck up. Mute. Don't look at him. First word, word, first world problem. Um, not the asshole, but I would be very concerned. She wants you to return to work as soon as possible.

Is she expecting to be your childcare? You know damn well she will be giving your children pacifiers when you're not around. When your child is here, her behavior is going to get worse. Yeah. And OP goes, she doesn't. I was just venting about my work already being difficult about maternity leave and she just ran with it and made it about her. So annoying.

Last comment I'll read. If you and your mother-in-law had a good relationship prior to your pregnancy, I think it might be worth the effort to find out what is going on with her now. Is she feeling insecure about her role as the paternal grandmother? Society, at least in the US, does kind of downplay the role of the husband side of the family. And she may have fears that she is being shut out in favor of your mom. I'm not sure.

Is this her first grandchild? She obviously is not handling things well and that is in no way your fault. But a good relationship with all grandparents will hugely benefit your child in the future. It might be worth a conversation. Definitely including your husband. How important she will be in this child's life but also what you and your husband's healthy boundaries are moving forward. Not the asshole.

That's a great comment. OP replies. I wonder too, it's not her first grandchild. My husband's siblings both have children. I thought maybe it's because she wants to be involved and doesn't know how to proceed. But I spoke with my sister-in-law, husband's brother's wife, and she wasn't this way with her. Weird.

Maybe it's because they have a closer relationship. Or if he's the baby of the family, birth order and relationship with that child might change. If she's not as close with her other son, maybe she doesn't feel the need to be as involved with those grandkids. You never know with family relationships and dynamics. Did they say the name or the age of the mom? No ages were mentioned of anyone involved.

I'm like maybe she's just going through a time in her life. I guess it doesn't matter about age. Maybe she's going through a time in her life where it's just like she's just kind of having like a midlife crisis. Yeah. Because maybe before when the other children were having babies, it was like, oh, I'm this young, fun grandma, and maybe she's having this hard time where she's like, is this my last grandchild?

Am I now a real grandma? I don't know. Who knows? It is strange. She didn't do it with the other daughter-in-law, but I don't know. I think it more so has to do with this husband. I think that is where the issue may lie, like baby of the family or something else. She was more involved with him.

Right. I don't know. Stop comment on the overall post. Not the asshole. This is the best way to deal with crappy in-laws. His family, his problem, your family, your problem. This is not an unreasonable request. Not at all.

I really love this. I think this is actually such a healthy way, especially for anyone out there who, if you're kind of going through the process of like trying to determine, hey, do we need to start going low contact with your family? I mean, just no mother-in-law is a sub that exists for a reason. A lot of people out there have these issues. I think a group chat is honestly the healthiest way. Nothing can be misconstrued.

No lies can be told. No words can be twisted. Agreed. I think it's very healthy. It happens. This shit happens over the stupidest, like lighthearted comments. There's been stuff in my life recently and I'm like, are you kidding? All I said was the sky was blue.

I never said the sky was fucked up because it's blue. What? And I'm just like, okay. Oh, I know. It should happen. I'm getting to the point too where I am just like telling myself, okay, there are people that I find to be very irrational. There's always going to be people who are irrational.

There's always going to be people who do not understand me. There's always going to be people, and I just have to accept that and not try to convince anybody to see how I see or to believe that this is what I mean. I just have to be real with who I am, what I mean. I can clarify if they ask, but otherwise I cannot give more energy to try to be like, why don't you understand? Like, no, people are just going to be people and that's fine. I have fully embraced the mentality of there are some people out there who are just determined

to misunderstand you. 100%. No matter what you say, no matter how well you try to articulate it or explain, over-explain, like accommodate. There are some people that will take anything you say as a negative and it's just like, it's hard. It's hard not to take it personally, but all you can do is like realize those people just aren't meant to be in your circle and move forward.

So I was just telling my mom that I get so overwhelmed about people that I love and care for and want the best for them and how I can help. And I was up late and my mom texted me when I was telling her about this and she goes, sweetie, it's not your battle. Don't take it on as your own responsibility. Everybody has their own journey. Everybody is on their own. And all we can do is give unconditional love to the people that you care about.

You do not need to put anxiety in your body over this. It's a beautiful thing that you care and I love that for you. So let's keep our minds clear. Let's give unconditional love, visualize the best outcome and do not put anxiety in our bodies as we move forward. That's the best thing that we can do. And I'm like, yeah, you're right. Like we have a really short amount of time on this earth and that's like not hold all

of this weight. Well, and that's like, if you're a very empathetic person, which I think we both are, it's hard to not be so involved and so like take on other people's issues as our own. Like you almost, you feel their pain with them and it's hard because we can only carry so much on our plate. And of course we want to help our loved ones, but I think that is such a good thing to consider. It's like give them the unconditional love, but you don't have to take on everything as your own problem.

Like we can only carry so much. Definitely. It's tough. On to the next one. You sounded like the little boy in Coco. I did. You're making car sounds earlier today. I was literally just going to tell everyone.

Lauren got to my house today. I don't know what I was laughing at, but I literally went to laugh and I don't know how it even came out of my vocal cords. It was like, no, I can't repeat it. I felt like it was when you clicked the car and it goes beep, beep. It was like hot, hot. He sounded like a car horn. It was so brutal.

And in my garage, it's like a condo building. So the garage kind of like echoes and it was just like a perfect horn. It was like, meh, meh. I'm like, what the fuck? Where did that come from? I think I hit the lock and I think it did that. No, I'm saying that I think right after when you were laughing, you mimicked the horn on accident subconsciously.

I was laughing at your purse because it was overflowing of stuff. And I'm like, you need a bigger purse. Like, I'm so bad. I never want to laugh like that again. Please continue to forever. I can't even duplicate it right now. Another one of this week's partners is Babel. If you have any summer travel coming up, Babel is my go-to travel hack.

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What do we got next, Lord? Okay. So this is coming from the subreddit. Best of redditor. Redditor. Updates. Redditor. Yeah.

Redditooey. Redditor. Oh, my God. It's called, it's titled, Am I the asshole for pulling out of my sister's wedding due to her in-laws? Okay. Okay. All right.

All right. Oh, I'm just seeing that it was originally posted by twin underscore bridesmaid in, Am I the asshole? Okay. Got it. Okay. Trigger warning, toxic religious views, mental health, alcoholism, still birth, infidelity. Okay.

Am I the asshole for pulling out of my sister's wedding due to her in-laws? For background, Stella and I are identical twins, 29 female, and we both will be 30 when her wedding comes around this fall. I had her as my maid of honor eight years ago and she promised me that I could be hers when her wedding came around. I have two kids, six female and three female. They're the flower girls. My marriage fell apart just over two years ago due to a still birth and my husband's

infidelity. My parents and sister were the only reason I didn't drown from the stress, loneliness and total abandonment of my spouse. I was a total mess. I went to therapy, got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression, quit drinking, and I owe a lot of it to my amazing sister. She's the reason why I kept chasing down my ex for child support when he stopped suddenly pain.

He suddenly switched from world's best dad to deadbeat dumbass so quickly that my ex mother-in-law is disgusted with him. Wow, that sounds a lot. Yeah. Stella and John, 35 male, got engaged last year. His parents are paying about 60% of the wedding. Our parents are paying 30%. Stella and John are paying the rest themselves.

The biggest caveat is that they must be married in John's family church, full mass with communion. The family is on board because this is going to be a very big wedding. Tonight, Stella had invited me over to dinner as they had finally reserved a date for the church and reception. Assuming it was to formally ask me to be her maid of honor, I was excited since I haven't been in a wedding party aside from my own wedding. John was with her, weird because Stella didn't mention him coming at all in any of our texts about the dinner.

We hugged like usual, but John didn't, weirder. After we got our drinks, they got into it. In a nutshell, John expressed the following, despite my best efforts to keep it secret, my parents found out that you're divorced when they asked me why your husband wasn't coming. They are no longer comfortable with you as maid of honor because it won't look good in the family church. Shut the fuck up.

You can be a bridesmaid but can't mention the divorce or your conditions at all during the wedding events. Your conditions? I was stunned. I felt tears in my eyes. Stella started crying too and she tried to spin it in a good way. This is way less stressful for you, so it's a good thing. Mother-in-law has already approved my BFF as maid of honor, so please do not make this

any harder. I knew that I couldn't possibly stay there through an entire meal. I had to process this new info alone. I didn't speak, I just paid for my wickedly expensive cocktail and left to order an Uber home. A few hours ago, I texted Stella that I would not be in her wedding party at all. That was my decision. I wouldn't pull out my daughters, but I would.

I know, right? That's what I thought too. Fuck you. The flower girls? Their parents are divorced. You don't get the flower girls anymore. But I would only attend as a guest. She would not take this as an answer, so I had to temporarily block her due to excessive

texts and calls. I sent my parents a summary of what happened and promised to call them when I was in better shape tomorrow. Stella thinks that this is a total overreaction. I don't even know what John thinks at this point. Please help me. Am I the asshole? Absolutely not.

This is such an unreasonable request of someone. It's not just that they're sisters and have had an amazing relationship. Look at how much her sister was there for her during her time of need. That is an amazing sibling and they're twins. I fully believe that twins, even if you're fraternal twins, there's just a bond there that a lot of people can't understand. Even people that are siblings, the bond is just different for a lot of twins. It's just crazy to me that she would even be okay going along with this plan.

Which is like, why? If you're marrying into this family, that is going to treat your sister this way. Is this a family you want to be a part of and your fiance? He's not willing to stand up for you and your family and what you want? He went harder in on it. He doubled down. Yeah, he doubled down. And it's also, I'm sorry, but this post only came out a few months ago.

It's 2023. Are you seriously going to ostracize people for being divorced because they were cheated on? What's wrong with you? Infernality is against the Bible too. Yeah, you motherfuckers. Jesus, sorry. I had to get that one. I don't understand this.

What if they get divorced down the road? What if they get divorced? 50-50 or whatever the stats are these days, I know they have changed because there's talks about how our generation is more selective with who they marry. I do believe divorce has gone down. People are waiting too now. People used to just be like, we have to get married at 22. And now people are like, oh, let me just figure myself out and then figure out who's a good match for me.

Or people get pregnant. They still don't feel the pressure to get married as they would. So there's not as many marriages out of societal expectations, demands, convenience. Besides the point, it is a little archaic and it's like, who is this wedding about? These two. Why does it matter if anyone is divorced, not divorced, has a mental health issue? You'd be like, don't talk about your circumstance. See, that's why I would want just like a really low budget wedding that I can afford yourself.

Yeah, because I don't want anyone else because that's the reason they can dictate it is because there's a pain. We're paying 60%. I don't want your money. I don't want your money. I'll downsize it on your half of the family. What I was going to say is, how many times do people have parents that pay for their wedding and then say, here's my guest list? And so they say, oh, it's this big extravagant wedding or whatever OP said. But it's like, well, how many are the parents' friends?

I had a friend, her wedding was beautiful, beautiful wedding. And she had the best time. But I do remember a conversation where it was like, yeah, my dad invited some business people. Like I don't even know. And it's like a lot of times that happens at people's wedding and my friend didn't care. Obviously, like if she would have cared, they wouldn't have been there. But it's just like a lot of families do that. Yeah.

And you don't need to have the wedding you want. And if you have to pay for it, yeah, weddings are fucking expensive, but then just make it more intimate. Well, I would be willing to accept help if it was help for just making my day happier. But if it's about you, no, I'd rather have a very low budget wedding and pay for it myself. That's just like my, that's my feelings about it, you know, because like I hate the feeling of being controlled with money. Well, and that's the thing I think a lot of us need to ask family if they're willing to help in any regard. Like, oh, here, let me buy you a house. Yeah.

Oh, let me help you pay for your wedding. Hey, that should be a conversation up front when somebody offers. Before you accept that money, be like, I love you. This is so generous. Thank you so much. I just want to make sure like this is a gift. Like, do you want anything in return? I mean, you know, gifts are not supposed to come with strings attached.

Yeah. No, they don't get to be the puppeteer. You're not a little marionette. So there isn't a few edits. Oh God. Yeah. I'm so mad about this one. I think I wasn't as mad for the dinosaurs.

You got good ones today. I'm so mad. I'm so mad. Are you ready for it? No. Okay. Edit. Thank you for all the responses.

I have expected to be told just to put up with it and be a plain bridesmaid, which while difficult, I kind of would have just forced myself just to make Stella happy. I was just so blindsided and I feel like I've been gut punched. And I do need to be told if I'm overreacting in a big way sometimes. I'm going to fall asleep now while binging friends and wonder if my twin has suddenly become Ursula instead of Phoebe. You remember? Yeah. Edit number two.

Wow, I did not expect this to blow up. I can't thank everyone enough for all of their input. I have a call scheduled with my parents this afternoon. From what I gathered, they are extremely upset with Stella and John at the moment. Depending on how that goes, I will talk to my girls about doing something big and fun instead. The more I think about it, sitting through a mass sounds less and less appealing. I'm not even religious. And I saw this query in the comments.

Yes, I had a cocktail with no alcohol. I used the word mocktail. But I guess it's meaning is still lost to some people. When I asked for a list of mocktails last night, the server was a little condescending about it and said they're still called cocktails if they're not alcoholic. That's not true at all and that server can get fucked. Yeah, right? I know. That's annoying.

That's one thing. This is such a side tangent. But if people want to be sober, let them be sober. Don't pressure people. You can offer people, hey, do you want to drink? But if they don't want to drink, don't ask them why. Don't pressure them. Here's the mocktail list. This one's great. Fuck off.

So mad. Okay, there's more though. I keep seeing that everyone thinks I should pull out my daughters. Yeah, I disagree. As I currently stand, I would be fine attending as a mere guest slash child minder to keep my daughters on track. It would actually make it easier to not have to bring a friend with me just as a part-time babysitter for the occasion. I will not let anyone in John's family talk down to my children. If I have any sort of inkling that such a thing would happen, only then would I pull them out as flower girls.

This is simply too important to my daughters for me to pull them out altogether. How old are they? It was like, I think seven and three, I think. Yeah, the seven-year-old probably is very excited about it. Six and three. And so, yeah, she basically says this is simply way too important. They would be crushed if they were told that they could not go to the wedding anymore. So, really good mom.

Very good mom. I would be like a petty bitch. My petty bitch. No way. When she puts it that way, it's like, yeah, that's really sweet. And I mean, the three-year-old, they probably both know what's going on. Three-year-olds are very intuitive as well. But the six-year-old definitely knows the drill and is so excited, like to be a flower girl, to wear a pretty dress.

Totally. It's so exciting. That's exciting. It's amazing. So, we also have an update from two days after this post. Wow. Are you ready for it? No.

Okay, yeah. This is going to be a brief update. John found the post as he lurks on Reddit and shared it with Stella. I wish I used the fake name Ursula since she joked about that detail herself. Stella Ursula. She deserves it. She deserved it. Stella Ursula has officially called off the wedding.

Yeah! I know. I know. When John was ranting about the post and how bad the comments were painting him, he said that your sister must be off her goddamn meds and going manic. You better get her ass under control. I'm speechless. John deserves a swift kick to the balls. Yeah.

But then Stella actually came undone on him and began calling out everything that John and his family has put her through. Then she took off her ring and chucked it across the living room. Wow. John went into a rage and while he didn't do anything but yell at her, he threatened her in regards to her mobility issues. Stella uses a cane to walk. This is what triggered her to text our parents and myself. Holy shit. By the time our parents made it to the house, John was gone and she packed up her bags and left with them.

Her cane was not in the house. He took her cane? Yep. So she couldn't get away? I don't know. Just being a beast. What a fucker. Stella wanted to thank all of you for the comments calling her out.

It shattered the mosaic. Mosaic or mosaic? Mosaic. That John built around them and while we're both still raw and processing the last couple days, I'm glad to have my sister again. She was someone else I hardly recognized a few days ago. As kids, I was outgoing and she was more reserved. So I felt obliged to go along with her the other night despite how conflicted I felt. But again, Stella says thank you for the wake-up call.

And John, if you see this, fuck you with a smiley face. John, eat a bag of dicks. Edit? You know what? Fuck you too, Keith. Who's Keith? I don't know. Maybe her ex-husband.

That's what I'm assuming. That's what I'm assuming. Oh my God. That's what I was saying though. To have your sister go from 100, the most supportive person that has been there with you through the hardest point in your life. And then to just be like, I don't want you in my wedding because his parents are going to judge you. That's insane. That was insane.

For that guy to have that influence on her? But that's a lot of relationships. And that's what's so heartbreaking when they become toxic is because it can literally change somebody. It can make them not see clearly when they're in a toxic relationship. And it sucks because it's such a strong addiction to a person that you love and you want to be with and you want to make it work. And that's kind of where I go back to saying it's just like, okay, well, if they're your husband and you're building a life with them and they tell you that your mother is saying one thing, then it's like, okay, well, you want to believe them. But at the same time, it's like sometimes you got to take yourself out and be like, I can't look through these like rose colored glasses because we can't always see straight sometimes when humans are in relationships. Absolutely.

And so now like it took her to have him do something big by being like your sister's off her fucking goddamn like meds. For her to be like, exactly. And that's what finally like straw. Yeah. That was the straw of the camel. Yeah. Crippled it. Snap the camel in half.

Yeah. That's messed up. The fact that he would take her cane to whether she has mobility issues or disability or whatever. It's a top comment. It happened. Like that goes to show how big of a, I don't even, I don't even know the appropriate word for him. Like degenerate. Is that appropriate?

Yeah. Asshole. Yeah. Psychopath. Will the top comment. Why would he take her cane? So one of the top comments. He wanted to hurt her.

Yeah. Abusers will often target and take advantage of disabilities to enforce their control. OP sister really dodged a bullet. And then somebody says this, unfortunately, domestic abuse is more common when the victim is disabled. Someone responded and said, this, my ex used to throw away my migraine medication. Keep them down when you can. It's fucked. Kick them when it hurts.

What a nut job. Yeah. There's this whole thread though is like a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of support. So if anyone wants to read through it. Yeah. What is the top comment on the update post if you click the link for it? Team work makes the dream work. Also, has there been any updates since?

Cause this was March 31st. Oh, it's been like a month. Oh, the top comment on the update. Once again, fuck off Keith. Who is Keith? I'm really assuming that she probably wanted to update and say that it was her like ex has been. No, because if you go to the actual update. Update removed from my am I the asshole comment.

So I think she posted the update as a comment on the post. And then of course the moderators removed it. Okay. And so someone goes once again, fuck off Keith. And then, you know what? Fuck you, Keith. Top comment is fuck you, Keith, and you're holier than thou family. I wonder if Keith is the dad.

His dad. I wonder if that's his real name instead of John. Oh, maybe. I'm so glad you were able to fix things with your sister. She's better off without him. How petty and horrible a person must be to steal a cane from someone with mobility issues. That's a red flags galore right there. Your sister dodged a bullet.

Also again, fuck you, Keith. Just wanted to make sure he knows he's the villain in this story. Okay. So it's his real name. His real name must be Keith. Okay. Fuck you, Keith. Sorry for the ones that are named Keith.

Yeah. We're not speaking to you. Oh my God. Yeah. No other updates since. So I think it ended happy guys. Yay. I think it ended happy.

I know, right? Yeah. This was good. This was really good. Okay. Onto the next one. Yay. Another one of this week's partners is Vessie.

Summer is here or coming up for a lot of us. And I'm sure we all have some fun adventures planned. But do you have the right shoes? Because the last thing you want to do on a trip is get blisters, be miserable and not fully enjoy the new place you're exploring, which is where Vessie can come in because their shoes are a game changer. Vessie has shoes for whatever you're up to. My favorite are the storm bursts.

They're 100% waterproof, not just water resistant. So for my next trip to Iceland, these are going to be perfect for hiking, hitting the trails, exploring the glacier beach. They're going to be able to bend and move like a sneaker while offering me all the protection of a boot. And they're lightweight. My feet aren't going to be heavy or tired from lugging around big boots. And you're like 100% waterproof.

Sure, Morgan. But they're made from Dymotex. It's a super soft, knit material that keeps your feet warm in the cold, but also cool in the summer months. So no more sweaty, gross feet after all your hiking. And comfort is my biggest thing, especially if you're walking miles and miles on a trip. You want to be comfortable. And all of Vessie's shoes are.

Whatever shoe you're looking for, you're going to find it with Vessie. Vessie's are my go-to shoes by my door. Check them out in the link, Vessie.com slash THT for a pair of your Vessie shoes. Or just click the link in the description and use code THT for 15% off your entire order. Are you ready to get a little bit more lighthearted? No. Okay. Well, this one is, um, it's a little wild and I don't really understand it, but we'll

see what you think. If it's an unreasonable request or not. Okay. So it's from Tiff you today. I fucked up. And it is titled, today I fucked up agreeing to watch my friend have sex. Wow, I'm into it. A few nights ago, I, 22 male, showed up at my friend's 25 males flat to watch him have

sex with his girlfriend, 22. It was an unforgettable experience for all the wrong reasons. Oh no. Sleeping together in front of someone else was a fantasy my friend and his girlfriend wanted to explore. My name was apparently the only name that managed to get two unanimous yes votes from my friend and his girlfriend during their selection process. I leaned towards say no when my friend offered me the uncomfortable position of being the

other person, but I accepted the role because my friend played his you owe me card and made it sound like it would be over in less than 10 minutes. I'm just wondering how like the fantasy makes sense. But like if it's not somebody that's down to watch, then it doesn't make sense to me. Like if I were to be in their shoes, like I would want to be in front of somebody that's like excited, like loving it, like jacking off at the same time. Maybe that too. Yeah.

I had one job, enjoy the show, but without touching my friend or his girlfriend, my presence was my only purpose. When I entered my friend's bedroom and approached my designated chair, I was prepared for an awkward night. My friend and his girlfriend are attractive people, but I've never been keen to see them naked, let alone sexually active. As soon as the kissing and touching turned into stripping and sucking, I was struggling to contain my laughter.

It was a nervous reaction that was out of my control due to an unusual situation that was also unintentionally funny. Exhibit A, my friend was quiet, too quiet. Mimes have made more noise than him. Exhibit B, my friend's girlfriend must have been under the impression that I was a talent scout because literally any random touch from my vocally challenged friend, like his knuckles brushing against her knee or whatever, would prompt her to bite her bottom lip and moan like she was tasting a delicious dish for a television commercial.

Oh, I love, is this a writer? This is really great writing right here. Great A, great A writing. This guy's not on strike, which support the writers on strike. Exhibit C, my friend was unable to get a pivotal part of his anatomy to rise to the occasion because he focused too much of his attention on me when he noticed that I was fighting the urge to laugh. I did my best to avoid eye contact since I was supposed to be watching something purposefully

hot, not accidentally hilarious. Mid-blow job, my friend asked me what was so funny. I apologized and said my reaction was nothing more than nervous laughter, which was 90% true. The other 10% was me trying not to laugh at my friend being dead quiet while his girlfriend was gunning for best over the top performance at the Academy Awards. When my friend's girlfriend realized that I was indirectly distracting my friend, she unexpectedly wiggled my friend's flaccid penis and said, erectopotronum. Oh, that broke me.

I laughed uncontrollably. That was supposed to get a laugh. Was it not? If it wasn't, then are you okay? I don't know. Some people get hard from Harry Potter. But I'm saying if she didn't expect a laugh, I'd be like, are you okay? At least, come on.

My friend got annoyed and said, quote, look what you've done. I thought he was talking to his girlfriend, but it quickly became clear that he was actually talking to me. Based on his feedback, my, quote, childish reaction motivated his girlfriend to incorporate inappropriate Harry Potter humor when he was feeling vulnerable. He blamed me for everything that didn't go according to plan, including the fact that he was struggling to get it up. By the time he was done branding me the bad guy, he was dressed and no longer interested

in continuing. I apologized again and explained that it was never my intention to laugh or become a distraction. It was involuntary. My friend suggested that we continue the conversation the next day. That was three days ago. My friend is still not responding to my messages or answering my calls. I get that I should have done a better job being serious, but I don't understand how all of this is on me.

No, it's not. Anyways, never watching friends have sex again. Yeah. That's not on you. He's probably just embarrassed and that's why he's not responding. And a lot of times embarrassment turns into resentment or anger towards the other person. You know what I mean? In reality, once that guy comes back down to earth, it's like, I'm sorry, but you asked

your friend for something that he doesn't ever do. That's not something that you guys discussed, planned on, you guys were excited about. He was hesitant to do it and you were like, you owe me. You pressured him. That's weird. Conversive. Yeah. If he doesn't react in a way that you expect him to, that's not shocking and you shouldn't

be shocked and you should back off. And just be like, maybe what he should have done is just been like, sorry, maybe this wasn't a good idea. I saw this going differently. Let's end this. Yeah. And then they'd be like, yeah, dude, I'm sorry. I've never been in this situation.

I couldn't help but nervous laugh and then when she made the joke, I'm sorry. I don't know how to be in this situation. Cool. Let's fist bump and get the fuck out of here and move on. You know what I mean? It's not that serious. It's not that deep. No.

It's so interesting to me who people will ask to participate in their relationship, like threesomes or watch us have sex, don't ask your friends, like how many times has this panned out bad where you guys are getting married and you're still thinking about the threesome and your guy, your best friend fucking your fiance after you passed out or I, we know a story of a girl stealing the guy when her friend invited her to a threesome. This isn't working. Don't shit where you eat. And if you're that comfortable with your friendships and you can make it work kudos,

but like the average bear can't. Yeah. So unless you're like 1010%, don't try it. Yeah. Find a random that has recently gotten tested. Totally. I would never. I had a friend who like asked me to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend.

And besides the fact that I didn't want to and, but I also didn't want to like be mean about it, you know, like it's kind of like a flatter request. So I didn't want to be like, no, fuck you. You don't even, you know, I was like, oh, like, thanks. I appreciate it. But, but like one of the things I said, I was like, if me and your boyfriend are ever alone together right now, it probably wouldn't phase you. But after that, if we were to be alone together, how would you feel?

And she was like, oh, you're right. I wouldn't like that very much. And I was like, exactly. So I don't want to put myself in a situation where all of a sudden I become this like dynamic where it makes it weird or like, or there's something, you know what I mean? I don't want to put myself in that situation. You kind of become like this odd scapegoat where it's like, you weren't, you weren't insecure before, right?

But like you're creating an insecurity when you don't need to. Exactly. And I think a lot of people like don't think that through because when they are like that confident or like, for example, I've said this to one of my friends, there was a guy that I like dated a little bit so briefly, not a big deal. Like we like made out whatever a few times. And she asked me for my permission to like flirt with him. And I said, I have zero problem with that, like zero.

Yeah. But my only concern is that if you guys were to get into a very serious relationship, would you look at me differently and now look at me as like being like a little bit more like of a threat? Yeah. Or like, or just feel a little bit weirder about me. And she goes, oh, shit. I didn't think about it that way.

She's like, I'm a very jealous person and I probably would. And she's like, when I think about it that way, I don't even want to entertain it. You ask all the right questions. You are so preemptive. This is great. Well, cause it's like, I don't ever want to hold anyone back from like true love if that's what it is. Yeah.

But it's like, I also want like people to think like, oh, if it's just like a fling and you're not really that interested. It's not worth it. I don't want it to like. Yeah. No, you're, you're asking all the right questions. Everyone needs to do that. Like I unfortunately, I don't know if these guys are going to be friends again.

Yeah. Especially if he stays with the girl. Right. I don't know if you can. Different dynamic. Yeah. Cause they're both going to look at it like, oh, he's shamed us. He was so rude.

He shamed us. And the concern of him going back and talking shit about them to their other friends. Like even if he doesn't. He went on Reddit. Right. He went on Reddit, but even if he doesn't, it's like now they're in a room with like the rest of their friends thinking like, are they all laughing at us too? Yeah.

Absolutely. Top comment. Why didn't they give you a mask to wear? Like a masquerade mask? Give it some flair, mystery, diffuse your awkwardness and allow them to think inviting a friend to watch them fuck was an actual good idea. That's smart. Oh my God.

Someone goes, what did you owe your friend? That was right. That this was reasonable payback. I was thinking about that too. Dude, remember that one time that when I gave you that last piece of gum? Yeah. You owe me. Someone literally comments, stick of gum for a dick of cum.

Wait, what? Literally. I can't believe that. That's my thought process. It's literally like right here in front of me. That's hilarious. I promised I didn't read it. Dude, the last stick of gum is like, that's like.

I always split it. I never, I never truly give. I'm like, I'll share with you. That way you never owe anyone too much. No, it's usually just in the one with the gum. And he's just, he's so kind. He's just so kind. You never owe anyone a sex watch.

Fuck no. I don't know what I would say if you asked me this. When I say I watch porn, I'm very interesting in that. I don't watch the full video. I will literally go on the hub and like search the category I want. And you know how if you like tap the video as you're scrolling, it'll load like a clip of like 30 seconds of like the hottest clips or whatever they want for the promo to be.

I just like browse that. And that's all I need or like watch. I don't, you don't even look at the video at all. No, I don't go into the full video. Whoa. Cause it's just like, I find that like, it's too long. Yeah. And a lot of it's kind of like, I've never, I can probably say

I've never in my life watched like a full like porn video. Yeah. It's interesting. Cause I've like seen them out of curiosity. Like the whole like skits are just so like laughable. It's just like, it's cringey. Like watching other people have sex. But some people have that fantasy of like watching their partner

get fucked from someone else. Like there's so many people that I think are into that. So I don't know. It, it's sex is so interesting the way our brains work, but I would not be able to watch you have sex. No, no, no, no. Yeah. It's just like, no, I don't know.

I don't want to know what you do the thought of it. I'm like, wow. Okay. Moving on. Also, I realized I said the stick of gum thing backwards, the flip flop. What'd you say? Well, I said, you don't ever give anyone a full stick of gum because you don't want to have to owe them something.

But I realized it'd be the other way around. So I should be giving people sticks of gum. Yeah. Yeah. Stop splitting those. Another one of this week's partners is manscaped. I know Father's Day is coming up. And if you're a procrastinator like me, don't worry

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or just that raw rash feeling. And it has 20 hair cutting lengths all in one piece. And if you want to tack on something for yourself, the performance boxer briefs are my go-to for sleep. I don't spend a night without them. They're the comfiest briefs and I just love them. If you want to try it for yourself, get 20% off and free shipping with code THT20 at manscape.com.

That's 20% off with free shipping at manscape.com and use code THT20. Make this Father's Day one he won't forget with manscaped. I've got one more to read and then Lauren will be capping us off. Okay. So this is also coming from the Two Hot Takes subreddit. It is titled, Am I the asshole for not paying for a bachelorette trip?

I did not attend. That's so dependent. A few weeks ago was my sister's bachelorette weekend trip. Her and I weren't on good terms at the time, so I ended up not going. I let my sister know the week that I would not be attending. I assumed since I did not go, I did not have to pay. But a week after the trip,

I got a Venmo request for bachelorette trip from the maid of honor. I declined it. Then shortly after, I got a nasty text asking me to explain why I don't feel like I should pay. I made it clear and simple. I did not go on the trip, so I am not going to pay. Now, recently, I got a text from another bridesmaid also asking for payment for the trip. It's worded in a much nicer way,

but I still don't think I should pay for something I did not go to. Am I wrong? Yes. We have more info and background. Do you initially think yes? Yeah, I do. Because it's short notice. No, it's short notice and that's fucked up.

Like you can't know unless it's like, it's different. It's not like, oh, shots for all of us like split between, but if it's like rooms, like if you got a big room with like two different like doors because she was going to attend and you factor that in, then I think she should pay like her commitment. But not if there was, you know what I mean, but if it was just like if it's dinner, no, of course not. Okay. So more info.

Yes, I'm a bridesmaid. Yes, it was planned in advance. Money was not asked for until the week of the trip. Also, money was a factor in this. I was let go from my job very unexpectedly. I found something in the meantime, but it's barely making ends meet. And I'm embarrassed and don't want my poor financial situation to be known to everyone. I briefly mentioned that to my sister, but didn't want it to be the main point.

I thought she needed to know that her actions have consequences and treating me poorly will not be accepted. Background info. I, 22 female, do not want to attend my sister's 24 female bachelorette party this weekend. Her and I have always had our differences and usually don't talk at all unless it's at family events. Even then, I try to strike up some conversation to see how she's doing and what's new in her life. More often than not, she answers with a negative tone.

Why have I been saying things Canadian today? I like to keep it going. As if she is annoyed. I'm talking her. She's giving me a dirty look, talks down to me, etc. So my effort over the years to engage with her has declined. Rewind to fall of 2022. Plans for her bachelorette start to come about.

And even then, I knew I didn't want to go. I thought and fought a lot over what to do. So I called my sister and told her I was on the fence about joining her and her friends. She did not take it well. I told her that she's never pleasant to be around and doesn't treat me nicely. So I did not want to participate. I said some harsh truths that she did not like, so she hung up on me. The same day, she called back and said she would be better.

Months and months go by. And no effort was made to mend our relationship from her. I'd called a few times, but she treated me the same. Short responses like she didn't want to talk. So I stopped and left the ball in her court. Because it works both ways. Here we are coming up on the trip and I've decided I don't want to go because of her still mistreating me.

I told her that and she blew up on me. She won't let me get my point across as to why. She won't accept the way she makes me feel and just says my feelings are wrong. Gas led me that it's all my fault. After a long fight, I said I could no longer discuss this. And we talked later, but I'm still not interested in going. She called me back a few days later asking if I was going on the trip. I said no, and she was still upset.

I do feel bad because of my people pleaser. So I asked what I could do to help this relationship. She had no answer and I told her to think about it and give back to me. It's been a few days and I still haven't heard anything. I've made mistakes when trying to handle the situation with her and I know I could have reacted better. I apologize to her for that. Honestly, I kind of wish she would apologize too.

So am I the asshole? No, never mind. I didn't take it back. I do agree. I do feel that way specifically because it was so frustrating to me this past weekend. I was so excited to get a bunch of friends together on the Duffy boat. Oh yeah. You said from the start.

I couldn't go. You couldn't do it. But I went back and forth because one of my friends wanted to bring some guys that she was into or one that she was into, one that her friend was into. And I was like, well, it's already filled because all of our friends have committed. It's just going to be more of a friend thing. It's only two hours. And everyone was like, I'm 100% down.

And you know what happened? Two hours before the Duffy boat? No. Every single fucking person canceled. Yeah. What? Every single person besides like two. Okay.

Three. At that point though, that's when you say, I get things happen, but you need to bend mommy. Committed. Yeah. Because my card was down. And so basically I was like. That's so. Either.

So rude. Yeah. And so either, but I think that every single person was like, it's just one person. It's just me. Like, you know what I mean? And everyone had like a different excuse that was just all like, it's like, oh, like, dog is acting up. Like, oh, I got to move furniture around for my parent.

Like, oh, like, you know, whatever. And those could all be completely like genuine. Justifiable. Justifiable excuses. But the fact that they all happened at like once, I was so sad. Because I was so excited to get everyone together. And I like, like was actually like really crunching like numbers and trying to figure it out with like having my friend be able to bring the guys that she liked.

And I was like, no. And so I don't know. So anyway, how did it, how did it work out? Well, so basically if you don't cancel within 24 hours, they charge you at least 50% of the fee. Damn. So I just, I just asked everyone, I was like, can you, and it's literally like with, at that point, it was only like $12 a person.

So I was like, can you all just like Venmo? Because otherwise it would have been like 150 for me. So I was like, yeah. That's a lot. I was like, can you guys just Venmo me like $12.50? And like, it's, we, like, we have to cancel it. Yeah. So like that's what we did.

And like, like, That's so rude though. Yeah. And like finally, like everyone like Venmo me and it's like, but then that's the thing is like, I get it. Like I get things come up. Life happens. It happens.

But it just sucked that it was every single person. So I was like, wow. That's so strange. Yeah. That's just so rude on them. And it's like, take people into consideration. This, this story is kind of weird and weird in the sense that it was kind of confusing where it seemed like it was a last minute cancellation.

Right. And then she kind of went back and explained it. That's why I was just like heated because I'm like, yeah, like everyone canceled on me like an hour before. I'm like, you guys could have given me like one day notice and it would have been like no problem. Yeah. And it's, it seems like the sister was like telling her bridesmaid and everyone like,

Oh, she's coming. She's coming to make it cheaper. It definitely seems like the sister probably didn't even want her there. It was just like an ad to like, Hey, let's make it cheaper. Like, you know what I mean? Like their relationship isn't good. So it's weird. I would keep declining.

I had to cancel on a friend's bachelorette party last minute because Justin's roommate got COVID and like I was there and it was COVID is still very serious, but like it was at like the height of it. And so I was like, I'm not flying to Florida. Like I've been in this house with him all week. Like no, this isn't happening. Luckily they were staying at a friend's condo. So like hotel rooms weren't a consideration, but I had already paid for like some thunder

from Down Under show. Didn't get that money back. It was 200 bucks. Yeah. I had already paid for those. Those things I had agreed to. Yep. And while it's not fair that I didn't go, I had already said, yep, I'm in.

Yeah. And so they were counting on me and made the decision to buy those tickets because of the split. Right. And so it does suck when people are like, Oh, well, you're not coming now. Yeah. It's no different than us like planning for your birthday and like getting a boat. And it's like, well, if it goes from nine people to six people, does everyone want to

pay $200 to snorkel on a boat? Right. Cool. But double. Right. I still would. I want to fucking go. But it's, it's a conversation you have with people like, Hey, last minute cancellations

might happen. Are you cool if the price goes up? If not, don't do things that you get locked into. Right. There's a lot of free activities or activities you can just like walk up and rent kayaks. Well, and that's, and that's the thing too. And like, I, I absolutely like love every single person that I invited to go on that Duffy boat.

Love them so much and shit happens. I get it. It's like, if it was just one person that like bailed, I'd be like, Oh, that's fine. But it's just like, it just so happened that everyone had something going on. And so it just like made me sad, but it's not like, I don't like blame them for it. If that makes sense. It just was like such a, I was just sad, but, but no, it's like, I, for example, I had a, I was in between jobs and I didn't go to like one of my closest friends bachelor at parties

because I was like, this is going to be so expensive. And I don't know like my next job and I'm just too stressed about it. And there was a lot of things that were planned with a group activity. So I offered to pay like whatever, like if they couldn't get out of it, like if it was just like, nope, this is the set fee, then like I'll pay it. And I knew that I was just like throwing money away technically, but it was like, it doesn't, I would have to like pay so much more that I wasn't comfortable at the time paying for. And so I knew that that was like what I just had to like do, you know, this is why you

would just have conversations and communicate because things can work out. You can always ask. I think like this whole unreasonable request thing where it's like, there are some requests you might think in your head to ask people where it is an unreasonable request. But you can always ask, like I'm kind of in my year of like rejection therapy. Like today I just showed up at this like woodworking shop to look at their cabinets and the guy was like, do you have an appointment? I'm like, no, no, but I was just, I was coming to the area.

I'm just driving by and he goes, okay, well, we don't usually do that. And I'm like, well, if you got time, I just want to look at some stuff. And he goes, well, let me see if I can have someone help you. Ooh, the sun's flirty. No, no, no. It's old guy. He was like with another client and I like, he was clearly helping someone and I like interrupted and popped in.

I'm like, hi. And he's like, Morgan doesn't know how charismatic she is when she's like out in public, like trying to like maneuver her way to like make something happen that she wants to happen. She doesn't understand how charismatic she is. Oh my God. She'll make it happen. He was so flustered though. And he's just like, well, let me get, let me, I'm like, no problem.

I'll just sit on the bench like blah, blah, blah. And this is like a family run like cabinetry, woodworking shop here in LA and Gardena. And I'm obsessed. Like I hope the quote I get back like works with my budget because I'm so obsessed and I'll share with you guys because it's an amazing business. And so he like, he got his son to help me and like showed me around, showed me all the products and it was just amazing. But he's like, I'm so sorry.

I made you wait. And I'm like, it was five minutes, but like just go go to these places, go ask the questions like rejection therapy is a real, real thing. Lauren's turn to end the episode. Yay. Okay. This is coming from Am I the Asshole and it's titled Am I the Asshole for asking my sister to babysit?

So this is going to be a little lighthearted, but it's a good discussion. Okay. Okay. I like where it's headed. Yeah. So I 30 female raised my youngest sister Jen, 20 female since she was 13 because she had to be removed from our mother's care. Currently at 20, she still lives at home because she decided she wanted to drop out of college

and work full time for a while to figure out her major after getting an associates. She currently works roughly 50 hours a week as a nanny and she got this job recently. My husband and I had a baby boy two months ago. And before he was born, Jen said she'd be up to watching him a few days a week since she lives with us rent free, although she does her own shopping. Since getting her job, Jen has no longer wanted to watch my son. She has one to two days off a week. And so we try not to burden her.

But even on days where she doesn't work at all or is off early, she claims she'd like to be child free. To her credit, she helps around the house after work or she'll watch him him in there so my husband and I can go for nightly walks or use the bathroom. However, the issue occurred earlier today. I asked Jen if she could babysit my son on one of her off days. And she said that she had plans with a friend on one day and intended to use the other to handle daily errands such as her chores like laundry, cleaning her room, etc.

I told her that on errand day, she could just take her nephew with her and watch him while she cleans up. But she declined and said she would not be able to get anything done since he never wants to be put down and her body is tired from all the rough housing that she does with the kids at her job. I told her that this isn't what she agreed to before and she noted that she had a different job then and she doesn't want to work on her days off too now. It's unfair, honestly.

And she suggested paying another sitter, but why would I pay for a sitter when there's a literal professional in the same home that just refuses to do the work? She thinks I'm being over demanding of her and that I agreed to having a third person indefinitely added to my life when I decided to conceive. Her comment was entirely unnecessary, but am I in the asshole? Edit to add, we've discussed charging rent before, but her only response is to give her a heads up so she can just move somewhere else. She claims that she only lives with us because it's free and she can repay her student loans

faster with the extra money because she is an associate, remember? Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to hinder her from getting ahead of her debts nor do I want to lose the extra help I do manage to get from her around the house. Okay. Can we back it up to the comment where OP says she'll watch him while we go the bathroom? Yeah.

So, saying you're getting all this extra help, what extra help are you getting? Someone watching your baby for the 30 seconds, it takes you to pee, that's extra help? This is ridiculous. And if she says, I only live with you because it's free, let her move out then. Let her move out. That is not cheap. It's hard because I go back and forth in my head on this one where I'm like, respect her boundary.

She's saying, no, you're not defining your boundary by asking for rent or asking for help you with utilities. So that's kind of on you. So it's like, you can't force someone to babysit for you. And I get it. She's an Annie. By the time she gets home, she's kitted out. She's kitted out.

But at the same time, this is also your sister, family, you did her a big favor, you took her on when you were, what, 20? She lives with you rent free. I don't think it's an unreasonable request to ask, hey, can you watch the baby one day a week while I get some stuff done? If she says no, that's when you say, okay, well, we need to start charging rent so I can afford a sitter or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like you need to pay your fair share of utilities at least.

I'm so torn. I'm really, this is a really tough one. The reason why is because I'm like, well, they both were dealt like an, like a really difficult situation because it's like, okay, so her sister was only, she must have been, yeah, like 23. She was 13 or something when the mom, she had to get removed from the mom. Yeah. She was 13.

So now she's 20 and then her sister's 30. So she was probably, what, was that 23, 23 when she took on her sister at 13 years old? Something like that. Yeah. She must have been because they're 10 years apart. Duh. Sorry. So anyway, she was only like 23 when she raised a 13 year old her entire life.

That's hard. So like that's super hard. But then it's like, you're only 13 years old when you have to be like, your mom can't even like support you. So you have to get shuffled around to like your sister. So it's like, it's both like they're dealing with something where, to be honest, it sounds like they're actually in a really healthy situation with all things considered. Oh, they sound like they're great.

Yeah. So it's, They sound great. And some, and in the comments, like, one of them is you're the asshole. She already works 50 hours a week and you want her to work more for free. And then someone said, But she's not working 50 hours a week if she gets, she gets, because she's nanny's. Yeah.

But she gets a couple of days off. She gets two days off a week. It's probably like a like 12 hour day. She still works Saturday, Sunday, I guess. Yeah. I'm like 50. I guess. Or it's like one to two, one to two days.

It's not always two days off. Okay. I was envisioning a Monday through Friday and then she gets like one day off a week during the week. Like I, I think I'm envisioning something else. I'm not envisioning seven days a week and she only gets one day off seven days a week. No wonder she's kitted out. If that's the case, like, yeah.

And that's when it's like, if she's saying no, that's her boundary. Yeah. Like you can't, with all of these stories we read and one that's coming to mind right now is a story I had with Griffin and it was a sister writing in about making her trans brother a groomsman. And the bottom line with all of these stories, no matter what the thing is, if you ask someone to do something, if it's even a reasonable request, if they're telling you no or they're uncomfortable, you can't force them.

You can't force them to be uncomfortable. You can't force them to be miserable. Right. That's the bottom line. We can't force people, no matter who's right or wrong in this situation of life. You can't force people to do anything. So that's the bottom line. Was it a reasonable request?

Absolutely. But the sister's saying no. Yeah. Well, and the thing is, is that it would be different if she was like, I don't want her living with me, but she's, she has said, I want her to live here. She's like, I, I do, I don't, she literally said, I do not want to lose the extra help that I do manage to get from her around the house. So it's like.

She is helping. So she, in some regard. Exactly. So if she was like, I don't want her to live with me, then it's like, kind of like, yeah, tough love. You're 20 now. You can support yourself. Go pay for rent.

Like pay for your student loans slowly, whatever that's, but it's like, she enjoys having her there. So if, if she does enjoy having her there, if it's helping her out, then it kind of has to be this like question where it's like, okay, if you want her to be more than like, you kind of have to be like, Hey, if you live here, I want you to be full-time nanny. I'll pay you the same amount that you're making. Otherwise, if you can't do both by living here, then I want you to leave because I would rather just like have the house to myself.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it kind of has to be one of those things. So. Well, and I think it's just, it's a conversation they need to have to like set better boundaries because the sister being like, well, I'll move out. If you started charging me rent, coming from someone who lives this personally, you're never going to pay less living somewhere else than family.

Like you know what I mean? Like she's probably going to get a better deal, even still paying her sister rent than she would getting a house somewhere else. Like rent is astronomical these days. And so then that brings us to the person. So that was a top comment. You're the asshole. But yeah.

Wow. Okay. And it was like also got a lot of upvotes and someone goes, nah, you guys seem to be letting the sister off pretty scot-free when she's living in a whole house without contributing anything to the rent. I think she needs a wake up to the current economy, OP, charge her minimal rent and use that to pay for childcare. Absolutely.

That's the best solution for everyone. And then the, it goes edit. A lot of comments are telling me to look at OP's edit and I have yet it doesn't change my verdict. If anything, I think the sister is being pretty arrogant in her position. She is claiming to only stay as it is rent-free, dismissing any of the help OP has offered her over the years and is being entirely selfish and saying that she will only pay rent if it's her own place and isn't willing in any capacity to try to help OP when OP is giving

her a sweet deal and she knows it. I agree. Completely. OP should let her afford her own place and realize exactly how sweet the deal was at OP's house. And OP can use the extra money from their grocery bills and utility bills that they'll be saving on her to pay for, that she does her own shopping. I think she did.

She does her own shopping. She does her own shopping. Yes. I think that one's incorrect. They're a little goofy. But saving to pay for childcare, a house cleaner to come in once a week and replace the sister's duties. I think, oh, and then next top comment responded, you seem to forget that the sister does chores

around the house and watches the children after work for her sister and brother-in-law. It sounds reasonable to me. And then, yeah, now everyone's just kind of fighting. I think the bottom line is this. If the sister wants to move out, she's going to move out eventually. She's going to have her own life and her own place. I understand student loans are a big burden. Let her get ahead.

They've both been dealt with crappy cards. She didn't have a mom at 13 or whatever the age is. So what an amazing family they have. They're very supportive of each other. I think you could say, hey, I'd love if you could contribute $100 a month for rent, and I can use that for babysitting for some date nights. I get you. You don't want to do it, but you're not going to find rent cheaper elsewhere.

Yeah. No, that would be a really great solution. And if she tries to fight, you want to say, okay, I get that. I don't want you to move out, but I would appreciate it if you would just do some research. See what you could get that's similar on your own. I think that we'd still be more affordable and you'd still be able to pay more on your student loans. Take a peek.

I don't want you to leave, but take a peek so we can maybe get on the same page and come to a thing. And with the sister, it's like, how much is she asking for? Is she asking for babysitting three nights a week? Or is it, hey, we want a date night. You're staying home tonight watching Bridgerton. Right. Like it's on my list like clean, clean, no, no, no, I'm getting Netflix if you want.

You fucking suck though. You're getting too expensive. So I don't want to work with Netflix. Eat your words, Morgan. Like Queen Charlotte. That one came out and I'm just like, I'm about to go watch. Bridgerton. Yeah.

I didn't know that just came out like yesterday, so I'm like, after you leave, I'm immediately putting on. Oh shit. So you're not coming to the, the party with no, but it's just like talk to her like, Hey, you're staying in doing laundry tonight. Would tonight be a good night to watch the kid or Hey, laundry is Thursday night for you because you go out on the weekends, have fun. You gotta, you gotta live your 20.

Could you watch the baby Thursday as you're doing laundry? You know, we just need a date night to communicate with each other. I'm sure there's a happy medium, but I do think the sister, I don't see responses from my, I don't want to call her entitled because I don't know. I think they're, I think working 50 hours a week, I'm like, that's a lot. And like, to be honest, I mean, like when you're, I do think 20 is getting to the point where like you are like an adult and like have to start absolutely, you know, whatever. But at the same time, it's not like she's just like taking advantage in the way where

she's just like, you're my sister. I'm just like, I'm not going to work because I just want to play video games all day. Like no, she's like working 50 hours a week. Which is a lot. Yeah. But also, and maybe, maybe some people would look at this as a non-factor because the sister chose to like become her guardian, but the sister as a 20 year old in the same position she is in, took her on, raised her, and did the, did that sibling pay for everything?

All of her clothes, her meals, like did that sister pay for everything when she didn't have to? Yeah. Because if the sister wouldn't have taken her on, she likely would have gone to foster care. Right. And that sister as a 20 year old, that was probably money that she really needed or wasn't. I know, I wonder how that dynamic was.

There's a lot here, and I'm not saying she shouldn't have helped. She absolutely was amazing to do so, but it's, it's interesting, you know what I mean? Yeah. There's not really like neither, I think are bad to be honest. I just think that, I think they both sound like great. Yeah. I think it's just a situation where it's like, oh, they have a lot on their plate, both of them.

Yeah. That's just the cards they were dealt. They're miscommunicating right now. For sure. And I, does the sister need a little bit of a wake up call? Yeah. I just remember when I worked 50 hour weeks when I was serving, and I can't even imagine entertaining anything after that.

I was so fucking dead tired. I'd imagine people that do that with kids at home. Kids, kids, kids are so exhausting. Even babysitting, I'm like, can we just watch a movie once in a while? No! My nanny kids were great. When I was younger, well, when I was younger, I had, so I had a lot of fun babysitting, but then once I got to like, I don't know, like 14, I just got more tired.

You burnt 15. I'd be like, let's just like chill a little bit. And they're like, no, we're going to run around the entire neighborhood and you are going to impersonate a knight, and I'm going to be a horse. And I'm like, no, we're not going to play this game. Little goofballs. Well, those are some reasonable and unreasonable requests. There's no way to hear what you all think about them.

There will be for sure one story on Patreon from this theme and another to follow shortly whenever Lauren and I record next. Yeah, it's a good one. It'll be good. But other than that, I don't know, should we do a poll for this one? What story do you think could have people questioning like, is it too far or not? The one I think of is your petty revenge one. Yeah.

I think that could be a poll. Yeah, for sure. That one was insane. I know. And that mad during a story in quite some time. Yeah, that one was a lot. It was good. It was so good.

Great stories this theme, I think. This was fun. This was really fun. This was fun. And we haven't recorded during the day. We started at like two, so it's kind of a weird vibe. But it was so fun. Yay.

I love you. I love you. Sad I'm not going to the party, but I'm actually going to the studio. I'm going to watch one episode of Bridgerton and then go to the studio to work. But it's coming together, guys. I cannot wait. I'm going to record an episode there with Leo Skeppy soon. So if you have any stories that you want Leo to react to, let me know.

But that'll be one I record with him at the new studio. So you'll see it very soon. Yay. But other than that, thank you, Ashley, for the dog treats. Delicious. And fuck you, Keith. Fuck you, Keith. Thank you, Yasmin and Cassie.

And everyone else that sends postcards and goodies, we'll be sure to feature them. And love you guys. Love you guys. Until next time. Until next time. Bye. Bye. The

thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes.

We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC. Terribly sorry to interrupt, but there is something rather important that's dropped. The Duchess of York, along with her close friend Sarah Thompson, has launched a podcast called Tea Talks with the Duchess and Sarah. This is going to be a fabulously sexy, saucy, sassy and rather wonderful podcast. Two inspirational and sophisticated women.

Sorry. Excuse me. We always end on a high. Bring you a weekly podcast to brighten up your day's no end. Spill the tea. What's the tea? Subscribe to Tea Talks with the Duchess and Sarah at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening to this.

I can't believe you asked me that on the first podcast.