Two Hot Takes - 123: Outstandingly Bad.. Ft. Joe Santagato
Episode Date: July 13, 2023Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Joe Santagato!! This episode features stories that are just so egregious and outstandingly bad.. To give you an idea, at the end of this episode ...we wonder if it should be called incestuous poop sushi.. TW: We do read two broken arms story and it contains SA. Check Mr. Joe Out!: https://www.youtube.com/user/joesantagato Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Watch our Iceland Travel Vlog!!! https://youtu.be/FISXcwnw49E Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Hellofresh: Â Hellofresh.com/THT50 Promo Code: THT50 Masterclass: Masterclass.com/THT Liquid IV: LiquidIV.com Promo Code: THT
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Thank you Spotify for letting me record in your New York studio and be sure to follow and subscribe
Wherever you're listening and head over to patreon because there's already been some free content posted for July
I'm a little nervous. Why I think I'm gonna traumatize you with these stories and oh good luck
I'm just like really scared that you're gonna come after me for damages. I
Should have had you sign a waiver. Yeah, that's what you should have done, honestly.
Oh my god, what an oversight.
No, you're fine.
Oh, okay.
Well, thank you for coming on.
I'm so excited to have you.
Thanks for inviting me.
Welcome back, guys.
Another episode to Hot Takes.
I'm your host Morgan.
Today in the studio, I have Joe Santagato.
It's a high-sale.
Yes, you nailed it.
Yes, I did.
Honestly, if you did know when you got it,
that's amazing because a lot of people just go Santa Tiago. Oh, yeah. I did ask Grayson
and Chelsea last night. That works too. So I was like, how do I say it? Santa, da da da da.
It was like, have you seen? That's the French version, it sounds like that. Yeah. Oh my
God, what show is that though? It's like Joey on Friends and he's like, it's like Jamepelle
Joey. Jamepelle, like he just can't say it.
And that's what I felt like trying to pronounce your name.
I always forget if it's like Margot Roby or Robbie,
Seafred, Sci-Fred, I've wrecked everything.
Wow, well you nailed it so.
Okay, cool.
You're off to a good start here.
Yes, for those of you that don't know,
Joe has his own podcast, huge on TikTok,
comes from a humble
YouTube background.
It does, yes, I do.
Anything else we should know?
That's pretty much it.
What's your favorite color?
These days, I think it's green.
It's kind of changed over the years, I would say.
Are you the only child?
No, I have three older siblings.
Do you have any pets?
I have a dog.
Cool.
Yeah, he's a golden doodle. So I'm just a white dude in green point brokeland with a golden doodle. So, you know,
kind of stereotypical. Yeah, I'm not kind of. I am the stereotype. Here the stereotype. Yeah,
someone argue red flag. I don't know, but I had the dog for was cool. He's seven years old. So,
oh, you were ahead of the doodle trend. Mm-hmm. A lot of people talk shit about doodles. I'm
gonna be honest. Of course they do. I might be one of them. Because.
I just think because of the trend getting so crazy,
yours probably isn't as badly bred,
but some of them are like very rowdy.
Like very rowdy.
Oh, no, my dog is like super chill.
Yeah, you're just like lay around like all day.
Yeah.
It's actually really nice.
He wasn't like that when he was a fucking puppy.
And I'm crazy as a puppy.
Literally the first two weeks,
I was like, I'm gonna have to give this dog away. Like I can't do this. He was that neurotic? He wasn't like that when he was a fucking puppy. And I was crazy as a puppy. Literally the first two weeks, I was like, I'm gonna have to give this dog away.
Like I can't do this.
He was that neurotic?
It wasn't about that.
I was just also like a psycho
because I'd be laying in bed and he'd be in the crate.
And if he was doing the right thing and sleeping,
I'd be like, he's dying.
Like he's choking and dying.
So I would have to like get up and be like,
I'd like wake him up.
Like you're good, you're breathing, okay, good.
And I got a nervous dad.
It was horrible.
It was horrible.
Wow.
My boyfriend had a doodle as well.
And they got theirs from this crazy backyard breeder
that would drown the puppies that didn't sell.
And she ended up being on the news.
And they found out after that they got their dog
from a crazy person.
But why drowned them?
I don't know, she just didn't have anything to do with them.
Like, didn't have places for them, didn't want to feed them. So it drowned them? I don't know. She just didn't have anything to do with them. Like, didn't have places for them.
Didn't want to feed them.
So it was like, they didn't sell.
And they're old.
No one, you know, wants an old dog.
They want puppies.
So she would drown them.
That's so fucked.
There are terrible people in this world.
And we're going to read about some of them today.
Oh, I'm pretty excited for this.
Yeah.
The theme that I have for you is a word
that I asked how to pronounce before.
I'm going to be honest. It's a big word for me. It's a
egregious. Nailed it again. Egregious takes. Egregious stories. It's just
outstandingly bad and shocking. I love this. Okay, it's going to be really good. I'm really excited for this to be honest.
Okay, let's dive in. Yeah. Yeah. How bad do you want to start? Do you want to get the worst upfront or at the end?
I think a nice mix. Let's get second place first. Okay.
And then we'll work up to first place. Okay, cool. Nice.
Okay, so this one is 22 hours old. It is titled, Am I the asshole for telling a vegan
that cheese and mayo contain animal
products?
This is a weird one, at least I think so.
I was spending a few days on a trip in a cabin with a couple of friends.
One of them I am acquainted with, but don't know too well.
I just know that he doesn't eat meat and claims to be vegan.
I don't care if he's vegan.
People can eat how they want.
I think his veganism comes
from him never trying foods. He eats nothing but junk food and doesn't like meat or eggs or drinking
milk because it comes from an animal and the texture is gross to him. Again, not my problem, his life.
He eats Doritos and chips constantly. Lots of ramen noodles and mac and cheese. I don't think
I've seen him eat a vegetable ever.
I've never really seen his eating habits before this trip.
First night, we were deciding what to eat. A friend suggested pizza, and he agreed. I said, keeping him in mind,
I said we should make sure they have options with vegan cheese and meatless sauce.
He was like, what? Cheese is okay to eat. It's not meat. I told him
cheese is made from milk and he looked sick. He went on his phone and searched it up and was very
upset. I thought this was common knowledge. He said that he loves pizza and pretty much lives
off pizza and that he eats tons of mac and cheese. I guess we were just assuming he had the vegan thing handled
and ate vegan mac or that cheap craft's cheese
that isn't even real cheese, so it didn't matter.
The next day we were ordering food
and we were telling our order to one person
and they'd go out and pick it up.
He was asking for a sandwich with just vegan cheese,
onions, and mayo and a side of fries.
Discussing.
Yo, what the fuck?
I said to make sure they have vegan mayo there.
Big mistake.
He was upset and asked, why can't he eat mayo?
I said, mayo is made with eggs,
and he got really pissed at me,
and said, I am ruining all the good foods for him.
At this point, I just stopped keeping him in mind.
He made some other questionable orders of things with animal products,, I just stopped keeping him in mind. He made some other
questionable orders of things with animal products, and I just didn't bring it up. He says I ruined
food for him because he puts cheese and mayo on most things he eats. He called me an asshole.
Am I the asshole? Okay, if you put mayo on most things you eat, you're already off to a hot
start being a fucking asshole. That's a little insane.
I thought mayo was milk.
I don't know his eggs.
I mean, when you were saying the thing about my,
I was like, I don't even know what the fuck mayo is
to be honest with you.
I don't either really.
But I would assume that it's like,
it's creamy and some sort of white looking.
Yeah, exactly.
The cheese thing is insane to me.
Oh my.
What did you think it was?
What did you think it was?
I wanna know.
I really wanna know. Like dude, what did you think? I'd I wanna know. I really wanna know.
Like dude, would you think, I'd be like,
how do you not, this is, also that's like vegan one on one,
I feel like, like that's one of the easy ones.
Cheese, yeah.
Also why doesn't like, personally,
I get people that are vegan for like health reasons,
but if it's an animal product that doesn't cause
the animal pain like eggs, like just taking a chicken's egg. Why not eat those?
I don't know, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
And not to mention the diet that was described,
the it's pizza and mac and cheese.
Yeah.
Dude, you should have diarrhea, like all year around.
Like what are you saying?
That's so much fucking dairy.
Constantly, and the sandwich.
The sandwich is insane.
Can you read the sandwich again?
A sandwich with just vegan cheese, onions and mayo.
What even fucking, that's not a sandwich.
Let's get that out of the way.
Not a sandwich.
That's literally just bread and like onions.
Yeah.
They cooked at least, like sauteed onions,
carpomized onions, raw onions.
It wouldn't fucking matter if it, if any of those things were the case, but it's absolutely
disgusting.
Not a sandwich.
Yeah.
This person clearly has some issues.
If these are the things that you're indulging in.
I would completely agree.
What do you think the overall vote on this one is?
You think they went asshole or not the asshole?
Definitely not the asshole.
Okay.
I think the other person is the asshole for their diet their choice of
Condiments yeah, not knowing that there's
Darian cheese is
Psychotic. Yeah, and that's what the top comment picks up on to with 16,000 upvotes
O.P. Kind of said in his original post. I thought this was common knowledge and the person goes it
Absolutely is common knowledge that this person goes, it absolutely is common knowledge.
That this person doesn't know this is a little sad honestly.
He's misdirected his anger at you because he's realized
he's just kind of dumb.
That's not your fault though.
You know the old saying, no good deed goes unpunished.
He should have thanked you and actually researched
his chosen diet.
Oh well, live and learn, right?
Not the asshole.
Not at all.
Also, I don't even think
it requires research to know that there's Darian cheese. Yeah. But there is a comment down
after this that goes, my friend turned veggie and was pissed at me when I told them some
cheeses aren't veggie because they didn't really like vegetables or legumes, beans, pulses.
So basically just ate what they used to eat using fake meat.
They found out because I specifically didn't use parmesan
and had made a separate lasagna using just cheddar.
It wasn't as nice as I normally make it
and they asked why.
It became a whole thing.
Cheddar lasagna.
That's gross.
I thought I was like a fancy or cheese in that.
Yeah, a ricotta cheese.
Ricotta, god, you're smart.
I'm just Italian.
My mom makes a pizzeria all the time.
So I got my grandma's with a knock it out of the park, though.
But it wouldn't though.
It's pretty.
That's pretty good.
It's pretty good.
It's pretty good.
Chad, cheese lasagna sounds disgusting.
But does anyone eat normally?
What the fuck is going on in this thread?
I don't know.
Now I just like want to keep reading the comments because they're so bad.
What are people fucking eating out there? I don't know. Chad or cheese lasagna. reading the comments because they're so bad. What are people fucking eating out there?
I don't know.
Cheddar cheese lasagna.
You would not be able to pay me to eat that.
I wouldn't.
I wouldn't be able to.
So much cheddar cheese.
No, even if it was on an episode of Survivor as one of the rewards, no chance.
I would not touch it.
I don't know about how I might do it then.
They eat some nasty rice the whole time, don't you?
They get a ration of rice, but I saw this one challenge and it was like, I forget what the title of it was,
but it was like this wheel of fortune,
and they would have to spin the wheel and get two items,
and then Jeff would like blend them together
and they would drink it.
And I mean, these things were crazy.
It was like red sea urchin, plus like,
raw squid, plus,
anchovies, and raw fish, and sea bass. Like, and he would blend it all up, and they'd, plus, and Chovies and raw fish and sea bass.
Like, and he would blend it all up
and they just sit there and slam it.
And I'm like,
I know.
It was a reward, it was a challenge.
This was a challenge.
Okay, so I'm gonna say this is not a reward.
But a lot of them acted like it was.
They literally just slammed it.
Like, it didn't phase them at all.
And they actually, like, some of them were like,
that tastes pretty good.
I mean, if you're out in a fucking desert island
and all you're eating is rice.
Do you think you'd be able to do a survivor?
Fuck no, I'm a pussy.
There's no way.
I would last, like, I like to think that,
oh, I would do good in the challenges and stuff.
But I'm like, but also like, just living on a fucking island.
Yeah.
And then like, people of strategizing and like.
I'd go so paranoid.
I'd be like, but everyone hates me.
I would definitely think that.
I'm a very sensitive person.
Yeah, me too.
I'd be like, why are you guys walking away from me?
And you're having a little pow out without me?
Is everyone conspiring against me?
I feel like you'd be voted off really quickly as a threat.
No, I don't think so.
I think that I'm a very, I make a lot of friends,
but I think it ultimately, I'd be betrayed. Someone would, would. You'd be blindsided for sure. I think that I'm a very, I make a lot of friends, but I think ultimately I'd be betrayed.
Someone would, would,
you'd be blindsided for sure.
I'd be blindsided.
Sure.
Like I'd be showing up being like,
oh, we're all voting for Chelsea.
And then all of a sudden it would be me.
I'd be like, yeah, are you fucking kidding me?
Yeah.
And then I would wait for that reunion show
and just lay into everybody.
Just hopefully you'd be on the jury
so that you can really like not let the person
that messed you over win.
Yeah.
Yeah. And I get to show up all showered and shaved.
And it looks like shit.
Oh my God.
Remember when you guys did me dirty?
Yeah, I'm on the season right now.
And I haven't found out who won yet.
So if you know, don't tell me.
But it's this old lady like scout and twyla
and this guy named Chris.
And it was the season where it started as men versus women.
The whole season. Greatest premise ever over the girls kicked their ass right away.
Really?
So good.
But this old lady scout has made it till the end.
And she has like a new replacement, so I feel kind of bad talking so much shit.
But she is like, she would sit down and like quit on the challenges.
Like she could not compete physically at all.
And the fact she's in the final three, I'm like, I've wanted scout out since before the merge.
That's honestly a pretty good strategy in that game
because everyone's gonna be like,
we don't have to vote her out right now
because she's not going to be straight at all.
And then she should pop up and be like,
I'm just kidding, I don't have a bum knee.
And she's just like really athletic.
She crushes it the last few shows.
Yeah, maybe that would be my strategy.
There you go.
I wanna go on the amazing race.
Jesse Tannenbaum, if you're listening.
Amazing race.
I haven't watched that show in probably a decade.
You just travel around and make friends
and do challenges with limited amounts of money.
People are always driving in cars and they're going the wrong way.
Yeah, yeah.
We're supposed to go 10 miles that way,
and it's like you're driving the wrong and fucking way.
Real bad.
I don't really remember the premise too much.
I also haven't watched a full season of Survivor.
One of my friends is obsessed with it.
Like watches it, like rewatches it.
Like it's like the office or friends or something.
Oh, they're big.
Yeah, like huge into a fucking survivor.
Okay.
But I don't remember, I remember like the first few seasons, like when it was like super
popular when I first came out.
And I remember like every night I would sit around the TV and like watch that.
But I don't, I haven't watched any of the recent seasons,
but not really a show that I think I would sign up for.
Okay. What's your go-to show?
My go-to show.
I like what do you, what are you into?
Game of Thrones type of stuff.
Yeah. I mean, pretty much.
I'm changing HBO.
I watched the show.
Yeah. HBO is the best.
I think all the shows they put out is in here.
I'm so mad they changed their name to just Max.
What the fuck?
I mean, it was HBO, then it was HBO Max.
Now it's Max.
Yeah.
What's it gonna be next year?
Well, they had another one.
It was like HBO Go in there too.
Yes, HBO Go.
Yeah.
They have the most iconic brand recognition
and the shh and tree thing.
Yeah.
And it's like, then you just go to Max.
Who is Max?
TJ Max.
That's a dog's name.
Yeah.
Max.
Go on a treaver.
Yeah.
Or it's just like a little white kid in the 90s name.
Max.
Max.
I do know a very white blonde haired Max.
I know a white brown haired black haired Max.
Yeah.
That's the one.
Is he white?
Yeah.
No, he's not.
No.
Technically he's from Argentina, but he's also have Jewish,
so I'm counting that as white.
Why is white anyway?
Yeah, there is a big thing, because I'm Jewish,
and there was a big thing where Jews were not considered white
for a long time.
Yeah, I don't know the rules to, you know, the whiteness.
I just, you know, this is probably not right,
but I think like the eye tests also,
which is kind of like,
what's that?
Just looking at skin tones.
You might be white, I don't know.
Yeah, it's hard to assume.
Until you're not, and then you go,
oh, okay, you're not.
Yeah, ethnicity is this crazy thing.
You really can't tell with people,
punnetsquares, they get wild.
Yeah.
Yeah, haven't you seen those genetic things?
Like, I saw this one family,
and it was like a black mom, and a white dad,
and then they had like a bunch of kids, and they were lined up, and it was like a black mom, and a white dad, and then they had like a bunch of kids,
and they were lined up, and it was like an ombre.
Like they took their family picture.
It was crazy.
I'm like, this is genetics.
This is why it's so wild.
Same combo, different variations.
Isn't it like now, maybe making this completely up?
But I'm pretty sure there is something where it's like sort of like artificial
insemination, but like something where you can try and get a child that is like, you
can build a child.
Yeah.
And if it doesn't exist now, it definitely will exist.
And that to me is crazy.
Yeah.
It's like almost eugenics.
There's a lot of controversy behind that because people are already picking the sex
of their babies with like, I always get it mixed up, but the
one where you'd make the, like, the egg sperm in the peatry dish and then implant.
IVF.
In vitro, for the, yeah, yeah, because then there's artificial insemination where you just
shoot it up there.
Right.
Yeah.
So it's that one.
And like, people are pissed.
They're like, you shouldn't choose, especially in countries that like they only want boys.
And like, they don't want any girls.
And so there's a lot of controversy with that because you can technically create the little
fertilized egg, the zygote in the dish and then run the genetic panel on them.
And like it's like no.
Yeah, it's like blue eyes, blonde hair like blah, blah, blah.
You get like their genome.
And then it's like there's one couple that literally picked their kid that they implanted
based on the genes
in the code for intelligence.
And they named the kid like aviator or something weird.
Why people?
Yeah, they were away.
Yeah.
You know.
I think the next story, the people might be white.
You let me know what you think, okay?
Well, this mayo fucking person is definitely white.
I know that. 100%
Yeah.
100%
Do you like mayo?
I always go to like Jersey, Mike's, and I'll say light mayo.
Light mayo.
I don't go ahead.
Does that mean like low fat mayo or is it like not a lot of mayo?
Both.
Low fat.
Oh it's both.
Yeah, low fat version and not a lot of it.
Got it.
I just like a little moisture on the sandwich.
I don't want dry bread.
I only like, yeah exactly.
I don't like anything dry.
Yeah, no. Like people who just eat like fries, just like raw dog fries, I'm like a little moisture on the sandwich. I don't want dry bread. I only like exactly. I don't like anything dry Yeah, no like people who just eat like fries just like raw dog fries on like dude
You're not gonna like dip this into something. I'm a dipper. I'm a dipper too. I'll tip a whole fucking sandwich
What's the weirdest thing you dip?
so
All right, I'm scared. No, so back in the day
I used to just I haven't done this in a really long time
But this probably the weirdest thing I've ever dipped, is you know, like pizza bagels?
Yeah.
Small ones.
Yeah.
I would dip those in like duck sauce.
Dark sauce?
Duck.
Duck, like,
Ducks sauce.
You don't know what duck sauce is.
No, is it like poison,
poison duck sauce?
You ever had Chinese food?
Yeah.
And you know like the orange packets?
Yeah.
That's duck sauce.
Oh, I don't think I've ever tasted it. Yeah
Giant bottle of it when we were younger. I don't know how this ended up in my house. What's the flavor? Like orangey-zets?
It's sweet and sour kind of okay
It's similar to like if you go to McDonald's again like sweet and sour. It's like that kind of okay
Yeah, but I would I would put pizza. That's a good combo honestly. Yeah, it's not bad
But I would get ridiculed.
Oh, don't even get me started.
I used to dip my Wendy's chicken nuggets in my frosty.
What's wrong with that?
I would dip anything into a frosty.
I know it's so good.
Fries into a frosty.
Fries is a little less weird, but the nuggets,
people would really get scared of where.
What's wrong with people?
I don't know.
It's a flake.
It's just this powerful flavor,
savory salt and sweet all at once.
It's unsan't. It's just this powerful flavor, savory salt and sweet all at once. It's everything.
I also would get ridiculed. One of my friends, this is the craziest thing in the world.
Okay. If I'm eating something that has like pita bread and I've eaten it and there's extra
pita bread and there's like some ketchup on the fucking plate, I'll just be like, yeah.
You might have lost me there. Why is that crazy? You might have lost me there.
When do you eat a hot dog?
Okay.
It's just bread, hot dog, and then if you put ketchup on it, right?
So you would take an empty bun and dip it in the ketchup and eat it too?
No, that's insane.
I'm eating a whole.
That's the same thing with the peanut bread.
No, but if there was residual, like bun left, I would dip that in the ketchup.
How big is the ketchup dip?
Like, is it a sweep of ketchup or is it like a little, you know,
when people fake dip the chips in the salsa
because they don't want the stuff,
they just get the sauce, the salsa sauce.
First of all, fuck those people.
Is that one of those?
You're afraid of the chunks, like, in your break.
Yeah.
They are.
No, yeah, it's not like soak it in ketchup
and eat a piece of bread.
Yeah.
I was just like, you know, I don't wanna eat
it, it's just a dry piece of bread,
so I'd be like, bang.
My, you know, dude. Okay. That's crazy. It's just a dry piece of bread. So I'll be like, being, you know, dude.
Okay.
That's crazy.
It's not, doesn't sound flavorful to me.
It's more flavorful.
I'm adding flavor to a thing.
Get some hummus.
I don't have hummus.
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Okay, this next one.
Sorry in advance, everyone.
I did read this story during a live show once,
and I asked, I said, did I read this on an episode?
Everyone said no, so if you feel like
you're getting Mandela effect, I love you.
So this one is titled,
My 23 Female Boyfriend 24 Male
wants us to start using a human litter box for our bathroom needs
so that we can save water.
Me and my boyfriend have been living together for seven months, and we have a cat who, of
course, uses a litter box.
My boyfriend has been oddly fascinated with the litter box the entire time we've had
the cat.
He was always researching kitty litter and kept extolling the virtues of how efficient
the litter box is. At first, he brought it up as a joke. The idea of using a litter box instead
of a toilet. I laughed at first, but he kept making the joke for like a week. Then he started
after the joke, being like, quote, but seriously, how would that work? A human litter box and then
started theorizing. Can I interject for a second? There is no possible way. Like, there, like,
how is that more efficient than, like, plumbing in a city? I don't know. A button that you just
put, this you have to like dig out. Sorry. A few days later, he presented his idea to me as to how
a human litter box would go.
He wanted to buy a mini inflatable kids pool and fill it with sand.
This would be in our bedroom.
You would squat in it and do your business.
Next to it, he would put a basket with toilet paper and a scooper.
And there'd be a small garbage bag next to it to scoop material into after.
There would be hand sanitizer too.
He was completely serious.
We had an argument and I put my foot down
and said under no circumstance, are we doing this?
He was pretty mad, but stopped bringing it up.
Yesterday, I came home after a few hours of being out
and I heard grunting coming from our bedroom.
No.
I peered in and was horrified at what I saw.
He had done it.
He had put it all together.
In my bedroom was an inflatable kitty pool filled with sand.
And squatting in the sand pool was my boyfriend.
Naked, taking a dump into the sand.
I was so astounded I couldn't speak. He saw me and shrieked in surprise, shouting,
close the door. I slammed it in horror. I couldn't believe it. He really did it. A few minutes later,
my boyfriend came out with a small closed garbage bag in his hand and said, she bishley,
well, it works. Like it was no big deal. I lost my temper and basically was like, what the fuck is
wrong with you? He said it was a worthy experiment. And we my temper and basically was like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
He said it was a worthy experiment
and we kept going back and forth with me saying
how disgusting it was and him saying,
I didn't even try it yet so I couldn't judge.
By the way, the whole time he still has a bag of shit
in his hands.
I left to go stay with my parents
and we have been texting.
I don't know what to do.
Aside from this, our relationship is good.
Should I demand, here, move the litter box?
Should I let him use it, but I still use the toilet?
Should I try the litter box to humor him?
It is just so weird.
I don't know what to do.
Has anyone else had a boyfriend insist
on using a human litter box?
If so, how did you handle it?
I do not think this is a shared experience.
No chance.
No chance.
Anyone else out there in the boyfriend
who wants to shit in a pool in your bedroom?
No chance.
Also, I'm just gonna say this,
before that fucking,
before he put that human litter box in our bedroom,
just did shit in that cat's litter box.
Of course he's shit in it.
No.
Why wouldn't he?
He's gonna try it out.
Little, you know, before you buy all the material,
you have to go to like Home Depot,
you gotta get the sand.
It's a whole thing.
Why doesn't he just share the litter box with the cat?
Small box, maybe he takes big shits.
Cat boxes are pretty big nowadays, aren't they?
Like mine was when we had a cat, it was pretty big.
It was like, at least like a caribou laundry basket
when it was carryable laundry basket.
You definitely shit in it.
Yeah, you could hover for sure.
For sure.
There's toilets in Thailand
where it's just a hole in the floor and you hover and poop.
I've done that in like national parks.
It's like you're just shitting into like a hole.
And it's like just dirt.
Yeah.
And it's like, but it's not in my bedroom.
It's in a fucking national park.
That is also very strange place. Whoa. That would be the last place I'd put bedroom. It's in a fucking national park. That is also a very strange place.
Whoa.
That would be the last place I'd put it.
I think if I had a garage.
I didn't explain that also.
Like when people come over and they go,
what the fuck is that whole thing with sand?
You're like, oh yeah, we shitin' it.
And we pick it up and we throw it out.
Where do you put your bag of shit, by the way,
in the garbage?
Yeah.
Which is so disgusting.
I have a big pepive with us as like people
putting dog shit into plastic bags that like take so long to
Break down
What should we be I don't know like biodegradable paper bags. I think maybe I have a wax lining so you don't feel the moisture
That would be nice. Yeah, I can't I want to go pick up my dog shit
Oh, yeah, you already know what's going. No, there was a hole in the bag
I didn't know about oh I just picked up dog shit.
I think that's that experience.
Some poop flipped over the top of the bag as I was flipping it.
And I got it on my hand.
And I think that's the experience that's scarred me.
And now I can't pick up dog poop.
I need the pooper scooper where you can like claw game it.
I used to have that, but it's like, if you're dog shitting on grass, you could sometimes, it's like,
isn't it like breaks it up,
and I'm gonna throw up if I see like,
the charm.
Oh, it's not good.
No.
But this dude shitting in your fucking bedroom
is insane.
Also, sand is expensive,
and like, is it expensive?
Yeah, it's really expensive.
I feel like the litter would be better,
because then it doesn't get all stuck to it.
Like if you poop in sand,
you take up so much sand with the poop.
You do, but also the litter has like odor blocking technology.
I would never the fuck saying it's just sand.
Like I, like, it's just gonna smell like shit in your room.
There's even a litter now that can tell if your cat is sick.
Based on the color it changes.
Pretty litter.
Do you have them for a sponsor?
I used to.
Yeah.
Pretty litter.
You haven't worked with me yet.
Listen guys, that is a lovely technology.
That's so crazy.
I like that.
What about us?
What about us?
I like to pee and be like, do I have a UTI or something?
What's going on?
Why is it red?
I thought I've ever pissed red. That would be easier.
Have you?
No, I have such a happy country.
I've got a few of my years.
I did once.
You're peed red.
Yeah.
What happened?
I get a bad UTI.
No, I got, I was like 12, 9, 8, I don't know.
I was really young.
And I was riding this bike around.
And it was one of those bikes that had the little metal bars
on the back so it's trying to be cool.
OK. You know, the little pegs you stand up. Yeah. And I accidentally like the little metal bars on the back. So it's trying to be cool. Okay.
Like, you know, the little pegs you stand up.
Yeah.
And I accidentally hit the front brake instead of the back brake and flew up into the handlebars.
Oh.
And I went to a movie later that night and I like peed and the water was red.
It looked like a shark attack.
It was so bad.
And I was like, oh my god, did I just get my period?
I was so scared.
And it was not my period.
I had actually hit my kidneys, bruised my kidneys so bad from the bike handles. I was so scared. And it was not my period. I had actually hit my kidneys,
bruised my kidneys so bad from the blood candles.
I was pissing blood.
And you went to the doctor and you're like,
I, what is this?
Yeah, I was like, what's wrong with me?
I like, I was so scared.
I can't.
I was really young.
I think I was like too young to get a period
to the point where I was like, okay,
something's up here.
If I pissed blood,
my blood pressure would be insane. And my heart rate would be even worse.
Have you ever had a kidney stone?
Don't even put that out in the universe.
How old are you?
I'm 31.
We're getting to that age.
Don't.
I know, girl.
Do you know Brianna chicken fry?
Yeah.
She's got four kidney stones right now.
Like right now?
Right now.
She needs...
Why'd you say right now? Like right now? Right now. She needs...
Why'd you say right now?
Like, she's had them?
Yeah.
So she's had them for like...
She's got to get them like pulverized or whatever.
So her doctor didn't offer her that.
I asked her.
She's got four.
She's got four.
They want to do surgery.
Okay.
But she's going on vacation.
So she doesn't want to do surgery yet.
How could...
Hold on.
This girl's got four kidney stones.
She's going to go on vacation.
Yeah.
Just like drink a bunch and like...
Yeah. I think just take some shrooms and forget about it.
That's fair.
Yeah, she said you can get shrooms from the bodega here.
I don't fucking know.
It's just probably.
New York is wild.
It's the wildest.
Yeah, but yeah, you probably can buy them at the register,
but definitely you can get them at a bodega.
Someone will have them.
Yeah, no, I think they, her and Grace,
they said they just roll up to their bodega and say shrooms and it's in a little chocolate bar. I mean, I was just in Colorado, you will have them. Yeah, no, I think they, her and Grace, they said they just roll up to their bodega and
say, shrooms and it's in a little chocolate bar.
I mean, I was just in Colorado, you could do that.
Yeah.
But also, it's like a whole thing.
But that's insane.
If I had four kidney stones that I knew about, I'd be like, listen, I'm not going to
move.
They're so painful.
I'm not going to piss.
Yeah.
I'm not going to drink water anymore.
So.
No, the more water you drink, the less likely you are to get kidney stones.
No, I'm saying like, if I knew I had kidney stones, it's like, I never did.
I never asked this.
Yeah.
Like, I don't want that.
But it probably hurts too.
I used to see a lot of kidney stone people coming to the emergency room I worked at, and
they would describe it as worse than childbirth.
I'm not strong.
I'm not strong.
Well, and as a guy and gal too,
you have to like, if you pass it yourself,
it comes out your re-thra.
Yeah.
A friend of mine passed a kidney stone.
He said it was fucking horrible.
How many millimeters was it?
Did he measure?
I don't know.
We're not that close.
We're talking about the size of his kidney stones.
I'm just so curious.
I want to know every detail.
I actually used to get kidney stones a lot too.
Oh, yeah, I felt horrible.
Apparently it's something to do with diet too. And you can be genetically marked. It is genetically, every detail. I actually used to get kidney stones a lot too. Yeah, I felt horrible. Apparently it's something to do with diet too.
And you can be genetically marked.
It is genetically, because her mother and father,
I think, had passed a bunch of kidney stones as well.
No, I didn't even know that was a thing for a long time.
Like, no one in my family,
I think is ever passed a kidney stone that I know of.
But my immediate family, I know that no one has,
but like, no one, even my extended family, I don't know if anyone doing that, but my immediate family, I know that no one has, but like no one, even my extended
family, I don't know of anyone doing that, but that is fucking terrifying. I would also
just assume that I'm dying, like that's the type of person I am.
Oh, I 100% would.
Yeah. Anything that goes slightly wrong, I'm like, well, this is it.
Are you a contract too?
Big time.
Yeah.
Not that I'm a hyper-conjured, but like once I start actually having symptoms, because
not a con would, but I don't really get sick often.
It doesn't really happen.
You got to get a immune system.
Yeah, so when something is going wrong,
I'm like, this is the big one.
Yeah, you know, like I just like,
I have to stay off Google.
I can't like still do this day.
I don't take my blood pressure anymore.
Really?
Was it that high?
It was stress and you know?
I had a sinus infection.
And like, it was like killing me and it hurt so bad. And this had happened once before
in my life where I had a bad ear infection. And then I went to the doctor. It was like
the worst pain I've ever been in my entire life. I had six in one year. What the fuck is
going on your ears? My U-station tubes aren't slanted enough. I know what that is, but that's
crazy. Yeah. I can't. It's bad. It's six in one year.
It's just pure torture.
But how many years?
What year was it?
2017 and in 2018, but a year time span.
Good Lord.
Yeah.
No, I think I just got like, like shitty water in it or something.
Okay.
But I, it was like hard, but like, it felt like someone had their finger in my ear for
like a week, so I couldn't hear at all.
Oh.
And then it opened up and then it like it was so much pain.
And I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was a little high.
And then we were like, well, you're like in distress.
I was like, this is the worst pain I've ever been in my life.
Oh my God.
So then the next time, anytime I go to the doctor,
it's usually because I think I have something insane.
So I'm just worrying about it.
Do you have white coats syndrome too?
We're just going to the doctor stresses you out.
Well, I didn't, but now I do,
especially when it comes to blood pressure.
Yeah.
So I bought a blood pressure machine
because I was like, yeah, I'm crazy.
Yeah.
And I went, because I had the science infection,
my blood pressure was a little high,
and I was like, oh my God, I have high blood pressure.
And they're like, you're fine,
like just your nervous or whatever the fuck.
Yeah.
And then so I was taking it like every single day.
And then as soon as I got like to a normal reading again, I was like, I'm not taking it. No, I the fuck. Yeah. And then so I was taking it like every single day. And then as soon as I got like to a normal reading again,
I was like, I'm not taking it.
No, I'm good.
Yeah.
Now I just don't take it because I'm like,
I'm gonna freak myself out.
That's not right.
And I'm gonna give myself high blood pressure.
Yeah.
So that's that.
So maybe I have a contract.
That's where all that, it sounds pretty crazy.
Oh.
But no, I'm not.
But this is what I'm talking about.
You talk yourself into it.
Yeah, I think you know what? You know what? yourself into it. I think she fits.
You know what? Actually, I am.
Definitely fits.
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Well, speaking of medical conditions, this next story we're about to read is very, very
bad. And it all started because this man who was a child at the time broke both arms.
There definitely needs to be a trigger warning on this next one, and I don't even know where to
begin to describe it. It does contain talks of sexual assault, and it involves the victim not
really realizing how grave of a situation it is, but feel free to skip
if it's not for you.
So this is coming from our slash I am a.
And it's the subreddit for where mundane becomes fascinating and the outrageous suddenly
seems normal.
And so it's the subreddit where like you post what you are. I am a blank.
And then everyone can ask you questions to kind of learn more about it.
Interesting.
And fall down this rabbit hole of like what the fuck?
Okay, we've talked it out so much.
Like, is it normal?
Is this okay?
And it's very, very old.
It's 11 years old.
Like, I'm gonna be honest, I didn't know reddit existed back then.
Yeah.
So it's pretty cool.
But it is titled, I am a man who had a sexual relationship with his mother.
I just want to go back to what you said before, two broken arms and then fucking your mom.
I don't know how those things are related, but I'm excited to learn about the bridge.
Yeah.
It's pretty bad.
And before anyone wants to talk about this being a troll post or being fake, this post
was actually verified by the moderators of this subreddit.
The man's doctor reached out and like corroborated the story.
So this is a 100% real and verified story.
Oh my God, dude.
When I was in my teens, I had a sexual relationship with my mother.
I think that we would both characterize the experience as positive.
Please feel free to ask anything, but I will not discuss anything that would reveal my identity.
Recently, my mom and I spoke with a researcher that is studying examples of incest that were not traumatic.
He is preparing a paper on the subject.
I am not an advocate for incest. For whatever reason, it worked for us. Don't use my
experience as a template. I am here to relate my experience, not debate incest as a subject. Here are
a few facts that people will probably ask. It started when I was 14. My mom was 37. Bro! Oh, the hot start. Already illegal.
Done.
You're wrong.
This is horrible.
I have an older sister that was unaware and not involved.
My dad knew about it from the beginning and supported my mom's decision.
Bro!
This is disgusting!
Who is this family?
Where are they from?
Do we know where they're from?
Maybe we'll get there.
It ended around college. How sad. What is this family? Where are they from? Do we know where they're from? Maybe we'll get there. Out of that one.
Okay, good.
It ended around college.
How sad.
The end of the romance.
Yeah.
He went through college fucking as much as Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
And in this post, it doesn't really mention why this even started.
But throughout the post, there's so many comments and just people being like, what happened?
How old was your dad?
Did your dad fuck your sister?
Two, people really got into this one.
Yeah, would they like a nudist family or something?
I don't know.
There is a comment and the comment that OP responded to,
but it goes well, without giving away too much info.
I was injured in an accident at 14 and incapacitated.
I went from masturbating two times a day to zero.
After two weeks, I was frustrated
and took it out on my parents.
My mom and dad knew what was up
and talked about my mom helping me masturbate.
They approached me one afternoon and when my mom said, Oh, it was their idea?
Oh.
I know you are frustrated and why you are frustrated.
Would you like some help masturbating?
No.
These people aren't jail now.
They must.
Blood was rushing in my ears and I said yes.
But I didn't really know if she meant what I thought she meant.
I was excited and confused.
She said that she would take care of me when I went to bed.
Oh my God.
This is so disgusting.
It's this is like a porn.
This is like a stepmother porn.
It's, but it's his actual mom.
I know.
Like she created him.
Ew, these people belong in jail.
Yeah.
These are sick.
These are sick criminals.
It's really bad in jail. Yeah, these are sick criminals.
It's really bad.
Oh, yeah.
Also, how do you break both of your arms, dude?
What the fuck happened?
A fush.
What?
A fush, it's a falling on outstretched hands.
It's the most common way to break your wrists
and your lower arms.
Fush.
Damn, now I feel weird that I didn't know that.
You have an acronym and everything. I didn't know any of that. I have a little bit of a medical background. So it's okay. You worked in an emergency room.
Yeah, I was a medical scribe for a while.
And then I went to grad school for a doctorate in occupational therapy.
Interesting.
My sister-in-law does that.
Really?
Yeah.
It's such a weird little niche.
You don't meet a lot of Votes.
Yeah.
My sister's like a speech pathologist also.
Am I causing?
Okay.
She works in a...
She's like a...
She's like a...
She's like a... She's like a... She's like a...? Really? Yeah, it's such a weird little niche. You don't meet a lot of Votes. Yeah, my sister's like a speech pathologist also.
Am I cousin?
Okay.
We're in an emergency room in Jersey too.
Okay, you got a lot of big brains in your family.
Yeah, there's some smart people in there.
Yeah, that's great.
I love that.
Yeah, there's a lot of comments on this.
There are some edits from OP.
Oh my God.
Basically, edit one.
I'm probably missing questions, but I will go back and answer anything that I missed.
And so he goes through the comments, all the comments, so many comments.
Edit two.
Verification took about a month of going back and forth with a researcher that verified
both my mom and my identity for his research.
He reached out to the mods and verified with them.
It was also verified that he is who he says he is
and that his field of practice
is child psychology and sexual research.
He works.
No, the researcher that's pretty nice together.
I was gonna say what?
That would be terrible.
Yeah.
Because he still kind of looks at this as normal.
Like.
Yeah, also, why would you go out of your way to verify
who you are and this is real?
And like, why would you even get to participate?
Yeah, like, why would you get this up?
I wonder if they like the attention.
If it's like some sick, like gratification.
We know that there's sick.
Like, we know that.
Clearly.
Yeah, but like, dude, have the wear of hollip to know
that like, this is not cool. Yeah
It's really weird
There's just a lot of other edits that are like I'll be back
Like later to answer questions edit for I'll continue to answer questions in the AMA
But you can private message me as well
December 28th. I'm happy to continue answering questions if they are posted
I'm going through all the questions now to clear up one thing that people have been commenting about. My father and sister did not have a sexual
relationship. Like I said, my sister was not...
They're like bragging, like let's just be clear, they didn't. It's like, all right,
you're not supposed to. Oh my God. People. Like I said, my sister was not
wired that way. Plus, I did bring this up to my sister was not wired that way.
Plus, I did bring this up to my mom
as our sexual relationship progressed.
She said that my dad wasn't mistreated
and that my sister certainly wouldn't want to be involved.
She said that my dad was jealous of the relationship
that my mom and I had,
but that he harbored no lustful thoughts towards my sister.
There was no reason for my mom to lie to me about that back then.
It certainly would have made the sneaking around a lot easier when my sister was at the
house.
Oh my god, that is disgusting.
It's bad.
Oh my god, what does the sister fucking think?
She probably doesn't even know.
Oh my god.
I also am like this started at 14 and ended around college.
So I don't know if that's freshman year, sophomore year, whatever,
but that's like at least four years.
Like what was the reason to stop because he moved out
to go to college?
Why did this even continue after his risks were healed?
Like it only takes six to eight weeks for a bone to heal.
So what was the excuse to continue this relationship and pleasureing him after his wrist was healed?
Well, clearly this had nothing to do with the wrist.
I mean, this is not a fucking normal thing that you suggest to people.
So I did a little research, though.
I know what on Google, as I was trying to find this story,
don't tell me this is a thing.
Don't tell me.
There was another post from a mom who was trying to figure out how to tell her husband
that she's been helping her paralyzed son masturbate.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Is that a thing?
I think.
Why don't you hire somebody if you really care about someone.
Someone comments that.
Someone actually comments that.
Why didn't your parents hire you like an escort?
Just literally.
Like, you know
I mean like you're gonna go jerk off your son. Yeah, people are insane. It's terrifying isn't it? How do you jump to I'll just do it
100 bucks
Yeah, not even it's a hand job. I don't really know the market. I imagine it's less than 50 bucks
I don't really know the market. I imagine it's less than 50 bucks. 100 bucks for a hand job seems about right?
Really? Yeah.
I don't know. I would imagine that like you could find, you know, a back alley hand job for less than that.
Are you googling how much is a...
Yeah.
That job on the street?
Yeah. How much is a hand job in your neighborhood? There's an actual article on it.
If you're in the Bronx, it's just 75 bucks.
Less than a hundred bucks.
In Manhattan, it's 125.
Well, that makes sense.
How much money is a hand job?
$10 for a one hour oil massage plus $15 for a happy ending
hand job, or $30 for a happy ending blow job.
That must be in a foreign country.
30 bucks to get sucked.
I know someone that did it in Taiwan.
And?
He said it was great. How much was it?
I don't remember the price. Yeah. That's been a while. It was the next boyfriend of mine. But he,
uh, you hold on. You're ex-boyfriends that he went to Taiwan and got sucked. Yeah. Well, we,
we had broken up like years before that, but like we remained friends after. Uh-huh. And, um, yeah,
he lived in Taiwan teaching English to young school children. And
he's off there getting sucked in between classes, isn't he? Yeah. I picked winners.
Yeah, not the first time he's done that. I don't know if he went back, but I also know a guy.
Hmm. I think you can safely assume that he went back. He thinks so? He seemed like it was not one and done. But the guy I was gonna say, he played hockey abroad in Germany
and his girlfriend was in the States.
And he couldn't wait.
Like, he couldn't go such long periods without having sex
or getting off by another person.
And so he would actually go to a massage place in Germany
and get happy endings.
Mm-hmm. And his girlfriend knew. Never found out. They're married now. actually go to a massage place in Germany and get happy on names.
And his girlfriend, no, never found out they're married now.
Wait, how do you know?
I'm best friends with his best friend.
What would you, how do you feel about that? You think that that's like, I would be done.
Yeah.
Like if you found out your girlfriend or partner was like giving head to people
at a job, what would you do?
That would be tough. That'd be a toughy for sure. I'd be like, well, this is over with.
That's a tough one. I heard a really disgusting thing the other day, to be honest. So, there's another podcast I work with called Straight Candid. And they take like a lot of
listener writings from their listeners and they call it like candid moments.
And this nurse fucked one of her dying patients.
Um, whoa.
Okay.
It seemed like kind of violating though.
It didn't seem like the guy was like kind of with it.
Ew.
I don't know.
I didn't listen to the full story.
I got too grossed out.
I just was like, the dude was like, had a dying wish to fuck the nurse.
I did read a story like that where a woman was dying from cancer and never had sex and
she paid a prostitute.
And that kind of felt, that felt wholesome at the end.
That's a nice, you know, make movies about that.
Pretty women basically.
Well, that was a whole career.
Well Richard Geard didn't die.
Yeah, he was just a rich dude.
Was the difference between a hooker and a prostitute?
Well, nothing, I guess.
But I'm saying like, no one was dying.
True, yeah.
That was my point.
Not yet, at least.
Yeah, we all die.
Yeah, scary thought.
Technically, we all die.
So, yeah, that's your excuse when you get caught.
It was like, well, I was dying.
That's why I did this.
I haven't dying much.
It's like, you're perfectly healthy.
But I am on my way to dying.
So that's why I'm doing this.
Oh my God.
I think about it a lot.
You think about what?
Dying a lot.
Jesus Christ.
I literally last night.
I was having a panic attack and I was like,
laying in bed.
Literally looked at my boyfriend.
I go, if I don't wake up tomorrow,
I just know I love you.
And he's like, what?
He's like, what's wrong with you?
I go, I don't know.
Did he roll over and go, would you shut up?
Just shut the fuck up with this shit.
I think I scared him a little.
That's a crazy one.
That's a crazy one.
If I don't wake up tomorrow, I think what's wrong.
Nothing, I'm just thinking about it.
I'd be like, I think about it a lot. I don't know what's wrong with me you're crying right now I'm kind of a laugh
cryer man that's a heavy issue oh my god yeah so I don't know I don't know how to get past that
it's just like even when I'm in the car driving I have really bad car anxiety and I'm like what if someone hit me
Drive safe. I don't know my drive slow
It's hard to drive slow now lay people go so fast there really oh my god this belam is 55 and these bitches are going like 90 to 110 damn
It's a dangerous place on those highways. I've been to LA in a very long time. Oh my god come visit
So fun I don't enjoy fast.
Drive your car fast. I don't enjoy it.
But not really. What's your least favorite thing about it?
Um, I just had bad experiences there with the people. I mean, I'm sure there's like great people out there
But the people that yeah, and you're great. Yeah, I just cry a lot exactly
Panic attacks. My friend actually texts me yesterday and he's like,
I was in the sauna and gave myself a panic attack
because I started to think about being locked in here
as a form of torture and dying.
You absolutely would die.
I was, yeah, but like, why the fuck are you thinking that?
Out of nowhere, it's just so shit.
And you give yourself a panic attack,
but it's wrong with you.
Well, it's just kind of one of those intrusive thoughts.
It's like, I have a friend that every time she drives
over a bridge in a car, she always
imagines hitting another car off the bridge.
Okay.
Like, some people just have these intrusive thoughts.
But I have that too.
Like, at a high point, like, if I'm, you know, on someone's roof or something.
Yeah.
And I can like, look over.
I always just have this thing.
And I had like, what if my body just takes over
and I jump off this thing?
Okay, I thought about that the other day,
I was at the Empire State Building recording with Chris
and the window actually opened.
It fully opened.
And I like,
What?
The window opened,
and there was no bars, no screen.
Wait.
You could slip out the window.
No.
Yes.
Swearing on on my life.
Like the observation that are like,
the Empire State Building
It was like at one of the offices there the fucking window opened. How big was it open? I could fit through it
Easily how big how what are we talking it opens like that? Yeah, and there's no screen no bars or anything you could just fly out
What floor 38th floor get the fuck out. It was high. I'll show you the view.
I'll show you the view.
I took a pic.
Not the window.
Not the window.
I took a pic before.
I didn't want to embarrass myself by like taking a picture and, you know, being a tourist.
I just thought that would be a little terrifying.
That's fucking terrifying.
In my building right now, the door was like, it's high.
Yeah, that's high.
You'd splat for sure.
Oh, yeah, you're dead.
But I literally thought about that.
Like, I was like, I could climb through this window right now, easily.
Ew, I don't like that.
What's your most intrusive thought you have?
Like, do you have a regular one?
Are you just normal?
A regular intrusive thought?
Like a regular occurring one.
Like, it happened at least more than twice.
Like I said, at any time I met like a high point, I always think about like, for some reason,
I'm going to jump over this thing. Like, I don't trust myself for some reason high point, I always think about like, for some reason, I'm gonna jump over this thing.
Like I don't trust myself for some reason.
Like I'm gonna jump.
Yeah.
For some reason, I don't know.
I have to.
I get so see that though.
But I also, what if you tripped?
Yeah, I mean, tripping and falling over a whole railing.
What would that happen, you know?
Like it's like okay to think that,
but like it's not really realistic.
But I could get over this thing and jump.
Yeah.
And that's insane.
You definitely shouldn't record with Chris ever.
Why?
Because you might follow the window.
Yeah, I'm not fucking going there.
But I also have this thing.
I don't know what, I think it's like an actual thing,
but when I'm driving on the highway sometimes,
I get hypnotized by the lines.
And then I have to snap myself out because I feel like I'm falling into some weird hypnosis.
Oh my God.
And it's very scary.
And I remember one time I was driving to my friend's house in Connecticut at night and
I just like, you know, when you are sleeping
and then you wake up and you're like, you like jolt.
Oh, I hate that feeling.
But I did that while driving.
And like, then I couldn't, I was like, was I just sleeping?
But I was with someone.
So I just pulled over, I was like, I can't drive.
And I made them drive because I was like, I can't,
like that was so scary.
And I don't think I was sleeping.
I'm just like, I don't think it was scary. And I don't think I was sleeping. I'm really had a little seizure.
I don't think it was a seizure.
It's just like I like,
but this happens regularly that I'll be driving.
And it's not like long distances
or and it doesn't happen on side streets.
It's just the highway.
That's the line.
And it's not every time.
But sometimes I'll be like,
I'll just like give myself a weird panic attack.
I have to focus right now.
Or am I gonna faint or, like, gonna put a fine.
That's kind of a bad one.
Yeah, that's weird.
Yeah, well, where do you look when you drive the car?
Because I do get stuck looking at the line sometimes,
but apparently you're not supposed to watch the line.
You're supposed to look up on the horizon,
like way far out.
Which I do.
I think I look everywhere.
So I try to be very conscious about cars behind me also
because it's hard in front of me I'm stopping.
I have to slam on my brakes,
but I also look immediately behind me.
Because if someone's coming,
then I have to get out of the way.
Which actually happened.
I was driving to my friends,
his parents have like a summer house in Pennsylvania and we
were driving up there and I was in the left lane and it came to like a screeching halt.
So I and I saw it happening because I usually look like a head to see what's going on and
I saw that happening.
So I started slamming on my brakes and I saw the car behind me was still driving fast.
So I swerved onto the shoulder, just missed the car in front of me,
and the other car went into the other lane,
like the middle lane, and he was breaking,
and he ended up breaking and passing like two cars.
So I'm like, I would have been just smashed
like in the back of my car if I didn't get out of the way.
Like it was terrifying.
Oh my God.
Cars are like honestly really scary.
It's terrifying. It's, I don are like honestly really scary. It's terrifying.
It's, I don't like them very much to be honest.
No, and like people who speed and shit, like I hate it.
Have you ever been in like an Uber or something?
And you're like, dude, you're really scared of me.
Yeah.
I was in Chicago.
It's so bad.
And then they don't care.
They literally like laugh at you.
I like flipped out on a dude, a cab driver in Chicago
because it was snowing.
Oh, come on. And like the morning I was supposed to leave, it was like a blizzard.
So we went to the airport and that was, there was a time, this was two years ago maybe.
Yeah.
No, this was 29, I don't even know what the fuck it was, we don't have to do.
But anyway, went to Chicago and that morning a plane slid off of the fucking runway because
it was snowing so much.
Oh my. And then that's the day I'm fucking flying. And I go, hair, with the worst planes ever. Of course. a plane slid off of the fucking runway because it was snowing so much.
And then that's the day I'm fucking flying.
And I go, here, with the worst planes ever.
Of course, and the worst airport in the entire world.
The worst.
So I was like, okay, I'm already freaking out about it,
but I had a horrible time on the show
so I was really fucking getting home anyway.
I was like, whatever.
Nose-dived the thing, I could get f-fucked.
So I get there and then the plane starts getting delayed
and delayed and delayed and then they cancel it at the last second.
So it's like, we have to stay to hotel.
Yeah.
The cab on the way to the hotel, this dude was driving
like literally like 90 to 100 miles an hour
on the highway and I was like flipping out
of him because it was like snowing earlier too.
My roads are icy like we're fucking dead.
So I started being like bro slow down.
Like you're driving, if I said go,
sorry, sorry, then he would slow down
and then he would start going fast again. And then I started, I was like yelling at the student. I'm like fuck, I was being like, bro, slow down. Like you're driving, if I said, oh, sorry, sorry, then he would slow down and then he would start going fast again.
And then I started, I was like yelling at the student.
I'm like, fuck, I was like, dude,
I'm not gonna say to get like, slow the fuck down.
And I'm sitting in the passenger seat
because we had a bunch of people with us.
And I'm like, dude, I was like, my wife's back there.
She's pregnant, I was just making shit up.
Like I was just like, slow the fuck down.
We get to the hotel, dude, ran to the bathroom.
I had to shit so bad.
I don't care, poop your pants.
Shit your pants, dude. Poop your pants. Shit to the bathroom, had to shit so bad. I don't care, poopy pants. Shit your pants, dude.
Poopy pants.
Shit in my hands, I just wanna be alive.
Like don't do this.
Yeah.
Like I hate that.
Okay, so I have like a similar story.
I was in Dallas and I was like visiting this friend,
ex-friend, we're not friends anymore.
And we took Molly and I was like having a really bad
Molly trip that night. Like the first night I took it, it was great.
Second time I took it, worse trip in my life.
It feels like you're having the flu and then you get the cold sweats and then you get the hot
sweats and then you're sweaty and then you're nauseous and it just like it didn't go away.
Sometimes it goes away and then it's fun.
Don't do drugs kids.
And so I was like a whole night having a bad trip.
I sat outside the club for like three hours by myself, just trying to like cool down, get not sick.
And then we went to like this hockey player in Dallas,
like his house party after.
And it was six girls.
And one of the guys that was at the table was like,
oh, do you guys want to ride there?
And we're like, yeah, sure.
Like, it'd be great.
Not tough to pay for a cab or a new bird,
whatever it was at the time.
And so we get in the car and we're in this like big,
Ford pickup truck. All six of us in the car and we're in this big Ford pickup truck,
all six of us in the back seat,
none of us have seatbelts on.
How do you wear seatbelts?
How do you share seatbelts with six girls in the back?
And all of a sudden this guy starts driving,
like 60 miles per hour down the sidewalk
in between trees and a metal fence.
And then there's like, you see,
you know, those big power boxes that sit on like the corner.
Sometimes like big, big power box.
He like fakes out like he's gonna drive straight into it.
And then he gets on the highway after all that.
120 down the freeway.
We're all screaming crying in the back seat.
We're like, please stop, let us out, let us out.
He's like, we're on the highway, we're fine. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and almost kill us. That, I mean, I honestly would not, like if someone's gonna do that to me, we're fighting.
As soon as I get out of this car, we're gonna fist fight.
I literally ended up leaving and going back to her house
because I was just like,
after having a bad trip all night
and then having that car ride,
I don't wanna be around any of you people.
Yeah, no, yeah, oh my God,
I didn't even think about that.
You're having a bad trip and then that?
Yeah, I'm in that outfit.
I'm like, I'm never doing drugs again.
I haven't done Molly. I did it one time since, but that was that. Yeah, I'm not up in. I'm like, I'm never doing drugs again. I haven't done Molly.
I did it one time since, but that was it.
Yeah.
Just to redeem it.
And then I've, I don't do drugs like that anymore.
You're a shell of it.
Yeah.
Yeah, and honestly, the next day after doing Molly,
your brain feels melted and it's not worth it.
It causes brain damage.
It's just bad.
Yeah, it doesn't really put like holes in your brain
or something.
It's not good.
Just raw drugs are just so bad. I imagine. So bad. So yeah, I don't really put like holes in your brain or something. It's not good. Yeah. Just brought drugs are just so bad.
I imagine.
So bad.
So yeah, I don't really like cars.
They're not fun.
I'm glad we're both here to tell our tales and we didn't die.
Yeah.
In a fiery blazing car crash.
It would be nice to not do that.
Yeah.
I've only been in like two car accidents.
Oh, I've been in three.
Yeah.
Well, one, like when I was in high school,
my friend was driving me to school and then like,
we had a slam on the brakes and someone to hit us
Oh, and I was sitting in the back seat and like my reaction was to laugh and I don't know
But I was just like laughing. I was like that was fucking crazy like we just got to a car accident
Definitely milk death for a couple days in high school definitely milked it
I have to go to the nurse my back hurts. I was in a car accident
Actually, I went to school right after mine too. I was picking glass out of my hair in class.
Good lord.
Yeah, my science teacher gave me extra credit
for coming to school.
The window shattered.
I went up into the windshield.
I wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
You went into the windshield?
Yeah, my head was bad.
But I don't know.
Did you get concussion?
I don't think so, because I honestly, I think I hit the airbag
and the airbag hit the windshield and then I went up into it so it was kind of already broken.
Holy shit.
So, but I had a lot of glass in my hair.
Wait, you were in the passenger seat.
Up front, yeah.
Okay.
And I'd like just turned around and grab an iPod
and then turn back and he rear-ended someone.
Yeah.
That is scary.
I hit a guy, not me, but like, I used to work as a pizza delivery boy. Yeah.
And I was using my dad's van and I was parking it in the back of the pizza
area.
OK.
And the back of my car was like already in the spot.
So I just had to turn the front in.
OK.
And this guy on a motorcycle went around a car and hit the back of my car,
which was lined up at the rest of whatever.
But he was like drunk.
Oh, yeah.
He messed the back of my car. It sounded like fucking. Oh yeah. He messed it back in my car.
It sounded like fucking lightning hit the truck
and I looked to my right
and I just see a body flying in the air
like through the passenger window
and he did like a front flip,
landed on his back and like skid.
And then I was so, I was literally shaking
and I threw the car into park, got out
and this couple runs out and they say me they go,
don't worry dude, we saw everything, like you're good.
And I was just like freaking out.
I was like, I was like 19 years old or something.
Oh my God.
And I was, and the guy was like sitting on the ground and he had a cigarette in his hand.
And I swear to God, he's laying on his back after doing a front flip, hitting a fucking the back of the van and
Skating probably would have broken spine and he's just
Smoking the cigarette. I'm like this guy's insane like he's crazy. He's asking me to help him up
I'm like bro, you're back and I'm fucked. I'm gonna pick you up
You're gonna collapse into a puddle like I'm not picking you up
That's more like I was like you don't want to pick me up because you know you did something wrong
I was like you hit me. I was like the fuck I was a part. Oh my god. I was even moving
But it's insane. Yeah, then I got fired
Peter is like we don't want to deal with this so they just like fired me
That's like the most Italian thing I've ever heard though like I was like I'm kid. We're gonna be to Rio
I'm Italian for cottage cheese.
Yeah, exactly. Then you know what I did after that? I worked at a different pizza.
I was gonna work at a different pizza. Of course you did.
That's what I was doing. I have a lot of funny stories from being a pizza, like a delivery.
Like there was this one guy who used to deliver to. I would show up at his house without
fail every single time. he would answer the door
Entity-wides sweating
Sweating what whole body sweating. What was he doing? I don't even know what kind of activity would
Warrant that type of sweat. It was that much. Yeah
And he looked like he was just freshly shawared and didn't drive with the towel
Swetting absolutely not like it was obvious like he was out of breath huffing, and he would answer the door. And it's like, why are you ordering pizza?
Like, like, he timed it so perfectly too.
Yeah, nailed it.
Absolutely nailed it.
And there was another guy that I delivered to one time,
and he had a shirt that said, he was like a fat dude,
and it kind of came up a little bit.
Okay.
And it was like, it said, I, heart,
and then in bedazzled script writing,
it said, Guidos.
And at the time, I had like a, like a buzz cut. Oh, were you Jim Tan Laundry bro? No, I'd say, Guitars, and at the time, I had like a buzz cut.
Oh, were you Jim Tan Laundry, bro?
No, I wasn't, but I had a buzz cut, like that.
So I was delivering the pizza and he went to go hand
with the money, he dropped it, and I was like,
This is not a bar soap, babe.
Yeah, but I picked it up,
because I'm like, what are I gonna do, guys, show?
I'm like, yeah.
He is paying, yeah.
I was like, here you go, thank you for the tip, and that was it, it are I gonna do, guys, show? I'm like, yeah. He is paying, yeah. I was like, here you go.
Thank you for the tip.
And that was it.
It kind of went on my way.
But I've also dropped pies and like, like in the snow.
Like I've been walking around like, oh shit.
And I drop it.
I'm like, fuck.
And I got to like, fuck up the work.
And I literally go here, here, here.
And I'm fucking run out of there.
Yeah, I would have done that too.
So if someone complains, I'm like, I didn't deliver that.
Yeah, that was wild.
Yeah.
God. Do you have any more questions about the deliver that. Yeah, that was wild. Yeah.
God, do you have any more questions about the guy
that was hooking up with his mom?
And then we got a little off topic there.
I mean, the guy hooking up with his mom,
I think the biggest thing is like,
what's your relationship like now?
Mm.
You know, like I really want to know.
I know.
Also, I do a podcast where we interview people
about these types of things.
You should message him.
I want to reach out and be like, listen, we're going to interview you and we definitely
want to find out more about your relationship with your mom and what that's like.
And is she heartbroken because you will not let her jerk you off anymore?
Like, is that a thing?
I wonder.
Has the dad killed himself yet?
Is what I want to know too.
That's really bad.
Yeah.
That's bad.
The dad got jealous.
My wife's fucking my The dad got jealous.
My wife's fucking my son and not me,
or fucking me and my son.
That's insane.
What does that do to a person's mental health?
I don't know, but I,
What is Christmas like?
Awkward.
Yes.
Also considering he had a girlfriend
when he was also doing his mom, sorry,
I know we like, we had a big tangent
there in the middle, but like someone commented and goes, were you in a sexual relationship
with your girlfriend while you were doing your mom? And Opie goes, yes, I wore a condom
with the girlfriend. Oh, you bastard. He didn't wear one with his mom. What if your mom,
what if you got your mom pregnant? What if he got his mom pregnant?
He didn't wear a condom with his mom.
He wore one with a girlfriend.
What if he would have got his mom pregnant?
I don't know what that baby's gonna look like
to be honest with you.
I heard it's not good.
There's a girl that did this in real life.
Have you seen the TikTok?
No, what?
Oh my God, there's a TikTok of this girl that was adopted
and ended up going and finding her birth father
and they got married and had kids.
And I think he killed her.
I think at the end he killed her.
That's so bad.
It's so bad.
But like it's the most crazy fucking story.
Like all you can do is like just like it's really bad.
You seek out your biological father so you could marry him.
What is happening out there?
Woman who married her birth father is laid to rest along with their baby after shocking murders. This is the guy
Yeah, and that's the I think that's the daughter. Oh, and he any got himself too. Yeah, it was one of those triples
Mm-hmm. Wasn't it? Yeah. Well
It's just another romantic love story, you know, it's bad. It's how they all go
So it also makes me believe this Reddit story, even more knowing that real shit like
this happens.
Yeah, I mean, there's like crazy shit that happens out there.
And like, I mean, from the, like I said, the show that I do is called other people's
lives.
Okay.
And we have, like, we just like feel a bunch of emails and we kind of like look for these
things.
And I've been doing that show for a couple of years. And from that show, it's very easy to like, no, and I know, I'm sure for you, like reading
these breath threads, it's like, there is something out there for everybody. And people are
into legit everything. And it's completely normal. And there's communities based around these things.
That's living around it. Yeah. And there's like forums. And it's communities based around these things. And there's like forums and it's like, it's wild.
It's crazy.
Everything you could possibly think of has been done before,
using the most wild and true set thought,
like people are out there indulging in it.
And it's just, yeah, people are fucking
their moms for God's sake.
I know.
And then condoming their girlfriends,
where is the priorities there?
That is wild.
Do you think it would have been the other way around?
Yeah, I mean, yeah, you would hope.
Did you ever hear the story about the guy?
I don't know if this is real,
because I've read it so many times.
Okay.
So I start to think that it's like this story
that was made up, but it was a guy who was getting married
and his wife walked into one of the rooms,
like before they were getting married, I don't know, separate rooms or whatever, walked
into the room and he was sucking his mom's head and the dad was there.
And she was like, what the fuck is going on?
And then apparently the story is that he would like get nervous and like that
would calm him down. And he's been doing it like his whole life. So I can just most
tits. And then she called off the wedding. Because he was like, I'm not married. And this
dude's sucking his mom tits. So you can't even. And the dad's standing right there. Your
son sucking your daughter's. You're you're you're fucking wife's tits on his wedding day.
What's that big word? It's like cuckold. he liked to be cuckolded. Why his son?
Cuckolded, yeah, cuckold.
Yeah, but that's like, I mean, there's more adjectives there.
There's like an incest cuckold,
fucking some disgusting.
There's a Reddit story I read a little bit ago.
I think it was on our Patreon.
So if you're like, this doesn't sound familiar
with the updates, I think it is Patreon.
And it was this lady who was married to her husband
for over 10 years. They had a bunch of kids together.
They'd started dating when she was 15 and he was 14
or she was 16 and he was 50, whatever it is.
She comes home early from a girls trip,
walks in and her mom is fucking her husband.
It had been going on. They'd been intimate since he was young,
just made out before 18. But then after 18, they'd been intimate since he was young, just made out before 18, but
then after 18, they started having sex. So her mom had kids continuously, like, as this
was going on, it turns out a bunch of her brothers were actually her husband's kids.
Yeah.
That's so fucking yeah. People just the incest, I don't know what it is with the incest.
Yeah, also we interviewed a guy one time,
his wife had sex with his father
and had a kid with his father,
any forgiver and other still together.
No.
Yeah.
No, what your dad, I mean,
parent, your ex-wife's kid.
Your kid is your brother.
Yeah. Yeah, no, done, done. Your kid is your brother. Yeah.
Yeah, no, done, done.
Oh, you killed me.
There was another incess story I was going to read for you, actually.
Okay.
It's titled,
Amma the Ascle for refusing to shoot nude for my brother anymore.
I think it's strange that you have to ask.
Yeah, she goes on to tell this story that he's like a cinematography kid,
and he asked her like, I have this scene,
I really want to shoot.
It's in the early morning, I wake up, make coffee,
sit on my balcony and smoke.
The weather was beautiful,
and I understood the ambience he was trying to create,
but he wanted me to do it naked.
And so she let her brother film her completely naked,
and then asked him after to delete it,
and he wouldn't delete it.
Yeah, weird.
It's big big.
He wanted to jerk off.
100%.
Oh, dude.
100%.
I think we gotta move away from the incest.
Yeah, it's getting like, it's a lot.
Yeah.
It's a lot, like 40 minutes,
about getting incest.
I think my sister on Saturday, we're gonna do.
We're gonna do. Also, like, I don't know, not that all photographers,
but there are the ones that are like,
oh, I've heard so many weird photographer stories.
Really?
Yeah, I've just been like, oh, we should work together
and it's like cool, and it's like, yeah,
we should shoot nude.
And it's like, hey, why?
Or lingerie and like, oh.
Okay, this feels like like, oh. Yeah. And it's like, okay, this feels like an altering road.
Yeah.
What are we doing?
I would only be able to do one of those Budwa shoots
with like another gal.
Yeah.
And I'm sure there's good guy photographers out there,
but like, when it's like, when it's like,
push your tits up and it's like, I'm not doing that for,
like, I feel like it's one of those jobs
that is interesting.
Like, can you truly separate it?
Or like, are you getting hard right now? I think for the people that are in it for the right reasons, yeah.
They can separate it.
But like, how can you separate who's good at who's bad here?
Like, that's impossible.
It's a lot of trust.
Yeah.
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Okay, moving along, this one is coming
from R-slash confessions.
It's about a month old.
I, 36 female have a super uncommon kink
that even my husband is unaware of.
This is not safe for work.
Stop reading if you're too sensitive for this kind of thing.
I am too shy to tell my husband.
I'm anonymous here and sitting behind a screen and I still struggle saying this.
I enjoy sniffing cocks.
I love a man's strong natural scent.
It drives me wild instantly.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not saying I want men with poor hygiene
going unwashed for two to three days.
That's not it.
It just lets the natural scent come out
if they're a little unkempt.
I don't want to smell the soap.
When my husband is not there
and I need to keep myself happy,
I use his boxers.
He's totally unaware of it.
I had my kinkiness very well in real life.
Some time ago, some guy said, quote,
you're very beautiful, but you look like the kind of women
who'd make me wait six months,
wait to poised and standoffish.
I was thinking me, making a man wait for six months,
six minutes maybe, throwerough away account.
I mean, when you say this after someone's fucking their mom,
it's like, yeah, whatever, sniff the boxers,
who gives a shit.
What is it with underwear sniffing?
Some people really like it.
I don't know.
Like in movies, when dudes are like,
oh, this is their underwear, like,
I'm like, what are you looking for?
Like, we're not foxes.
You know what I mean?
And I get that like, pheromones are probably a real thing, but like I've never been like,
oh, this smells like pussy.
Like what the fuck?
That is interesting, but they do say if you like the smell
of your like significant others body odor,
like their armpits, like you sniff their armpit
and you're like, that smells good.
You know you've got a good match.
Sure.
I do it.
Yeah, I think that everyone does that.
I mean, there is something like, I definitely get that
where it's like, oh, this is a little nasty.
Yeah. That's cool.
That's fine.
Uh huh.
I love the sniffing cocks though.
That's just like a funny way to word it.
Didn't I see a clip?
And it might be on one of your other podcasts
with your friend.
But didn't you say he like smells his balls?
And it smelled like his dad.
Yeah, he did say that.
He said that he checks his balls sometimes.
He'd be like, oh my God, do I smell like shit?
And then he smelled it and he's like,
and it reminded me of my dad.
And I was like, wow, your balls smell like your father.
What does that mean?
Like, did he smell his balls?
Dad's balls are.
I think that it just brought him back.
It's over time.
I don't know.
Oh, for all dad's musk.
Yeah, maybe his dad smelled like balls growing up
and when he smelled his own balls, he was like,
Papa, you know, maybe that's it.
It could be it.
I don't know.
I was afraid to dive too deep into that because.
You should have evaluated that more.
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure I had some questions.
I don't really remember.
He could be one of the stories on your other podcast.
Probably, yeah.
Like, call in anonymously and we'll just have a conversation.
We'll alter your voice.
Yeah.
But yeah, he smelled his dad when he sniffs his balls.
He's know that happens sometimes.
Like, when I smell saw dust, I think of like,
when my dad used to do these little construction things
in the backyard, oh my god, reminds me of fucking 2002
or something.
It makes sense though, because the smell is like,
smelling is tied to the longest memories.
Like that's the one sense that like,
remembers the longest or something.
That makes sense.
It makes sense, for sure.
Sense.
Sense, funny.
It makes sense.
Yeah.
You're good, you're cheeky.
There you go.
Are you, like what's the weirdest kinky you've come come across because this one doesn't even seem that weird in comparison?
There there's a lot. I mean, I don't know what the weirdest is. I mean off the top of my head
We've talked to someone that had a very big interest in being like swallthole. So oh my god. Yeah, like so like when they see pictures or videos
I don't know like you ever see like a cartoon
where they're like, they're like chewing something and you're inside the mouth looking out.
Oh my God, it's like a magic school bus bus.
Exactly.
And it's actually the example I was going to bring out, but like it's like you can see the inside
like they enjoy being inside the mouth or like fucking Pinocchio when it gets swallowed
by a whale.
Oh my God.
So they have like a sexual attraction
to being swallowed whole.
And there's other people.
There was a woman who we talked to,
who did scat porn.
Poop porn? Yep.
Trigger warning, this conversation
does lead into talks of poop.
So she would, and this was a wild conversation, honestly.
And we're blessed with the guests that we talk to.
They're not shy.
So they will just like go in for it.
Just get porn.
Yeah, so she and she was married and her husband
had no idea, but she would like go and essentially
she and her husband and be at a hotel with some dude
and they'd be like shit and all over each other
and she'd be eating it.
And yeah, she would eat it.
And she would eat it.
And then she, what she said was this, right?
Because she was like, my co-host was asking her
if she made like any sort of like specific foods
and not just like eating shit,
which I'm sure she has.
But then she's like, yeah, we mean like shit,
sushi one time.
And I was like, yeah, and you would wash it down
with a glass of piss and she was like yeah
so she had a glass of piss and
shit sushi and
Her husband has no idea. Can you imagine finding out that your wife's cheating on you?
Distraught would ruin my life and then you find out
She's eating shit too
No, she's eating shit. No
It's crazy It's why we're done. We're done. That's heavy. We're packing it up. That's eating shit. No. It's crazy.
It's why.
We're done.
We're done.
That's heavy.
We're packing it up.
That's too much, right?
That's worse.
That might be, well, is it worse than the mind's eye?
She was so sad at the end of the conversation.
She's like, I have shit in my freezer and I'm going to use it to like,
Dildo myself later.
I said cool.
In an ice cube tray, what'd she put it in?
In like a plastic bag and just like, has it-
Up in an appeal to give it a proper shape? Probably. I don't know. I said cool. In an ice cube tray, what she put it in? In like a plastic bag and just like, has it.
But an appeal to give it a proper shape?
Probably.
I don't know.
Maybe she had like a perfect log and she's like,
you know I'm gonna freeze this one and I'm gonna
do it on myself with the later.
But she put it in her freezer.
Did she poop on the ground and then put it in the freezer?
Did she scoop it out of the toilet?
I have so many more questions.
Valid questions, honestly.
I'm so distraught over this one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But she told us that like right before we were hanging up
like, all right, have a good one,
she's like, by the way, I got a shit and I was like,
all right, have a good day.
Bang. I'm like, that was good. I want to kept that girl on the phone as long as a lot
There's a lot so she shit sushi. Yeah, not good
It's one thing if you mixed it into like chili where you couldn't really tell if you're eating shit
It's almost like the movie the help where the woman bakes it into the pie and it's a shit pie, right, but like
Sushi it's it's right there in front of you, eating shit.
And she's recording it.
Yeah, she might be better than mine.
I'm pretty sure it's like only fans too
that she was posting on or something.
How has the husband not found out?
How has like no one found her
and then like sent him an anonymous email or something?
I don't know.
A lot of people have very interesting second lives.
I knew like the poop on the chest was a thing that people liked.
In Dubai, that's what I've heard.
Is that what it is?
I've heard in showers.
Yeah, get pissed on.
But like that is a whole nother level.
Yeah, get pissed on is one thing.
Getting shit on whole other thing.
Have you been peed on?
No, I've never been pissed on.
But I'm saying like in general, like I'll,
it's just like watery.
Yeah, it's like, okay, if you're into the whole degrading thing,
I get it.
It's piss and we're not in on the bed for God's sakes.
We've got mattresses.
Yeah, but like, fight, but like, dude,
shitting, come on, shitting, or like throwing up on someone.
Well, and you know, they, they eat certain foods
to make that more intense too.
Like they probably like stack up on corn
before those days that they're meat and up.
Like there's probably certain things that they're meetin' up.
Like there's probably certain things
that they also do because you get to a certain point
where like just pooping isn't enough.
I know.
It has to be taken to that next level to get off.
I know and that's what I'm saying.
Like I think this is why I think in Dubai, this happens.
This is what I've read.
Yeah.
Because they would fly out these like Instagram models
to do like-
I saw her, that video that she did.
She, the one girl was like, yeah, you paid me six figures
or something crazy.
To shit on them?
Yeah.
There used to be a website, I forgot what it was called,
but it used to be a website of like screenshots of stuff like this.
Yeah.
And a woman was talking to a guy and he wanted her to like jerk off
his camel too.
I was like, what is happening out there?
So it's like, yeah, a camel.
It's an animal with a humpback,
and they got dicks apparently,
and they wanted this woman to jerk it off.
But that's like people's fucking horses.
Yeah, well someone died like that, you know.
This is a wild car, is it?
What?
It's completely off the rails now.
God, shish kabobbed.
Yeah.
I can't horse.
Yeah, I mean, if you've seen a horse fully erect.
I have horses.
You have horses?
Yeah.
Well, then you're familiar with there.
People would bully me in high school
and be like, go home and fuck your horse.
And I'm like, you're disgusting pervert.
Yeah, no, you'll die.
We gotta move a lot.
I think so.
I think so.
I think so.
I had a couple more poop stories, but I think people will
will kill me.
I mean, this one's just crazy.
It's so short, too.
I think this will be the last of the poop.
And then like, we're done with the poop.
I'm going to have to find like some light-hearted ones to like palette cleanse us a little bit.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ, Lily palette cleanse after poop sushi.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
So this one is 10 months old from Off My Chest.
It's titled, was followed to my apartment by a guy with evil intentions.
So I unleashed the wettest and fardiest shit I could into my pants.
Fire.
I've never felt such cold, raw fear push through my veins like I had a couple of hours ago.
I wasn't even able to get to my door
and unlock it before he attacked me,
and I shit myself on purpose
as he tried to unlock my door with my keys
while they were still in my hand.
I shit myself with the force of a thousand pistons
and let it run down my legs.
A thousand pistons.
No sane man would attack another person,
but I think it takes an even crazier man
to rape someone covered in shit.
Lucky for me, he wasn't that sort of crazy.
I never thought it'd be so rewarding
to shit myself as an adult,
but here I am four hours later,
showered and safe.
Honestly, it's good that you're using your platform in this way.
This is a legitimate, this is great.
Defense like technique.
Yeah.
Shitting your pants.
I never thought about it until now,
but I will for sure try to push.
I'm just shit, my baby.
Anything, if I'm ever in a situation like this, ever.
Right.
Yeah.
I will do it.
I'm picturing you like if you're a paranoid person like.
I can't do it.
It's just like a food delivery guy that you forgot delivered food. You're like oh my god
Just hitting your pants. I don't like no, we have to play
I'm like okay, never mind
Back it up. It's all right. Never mind. I'm just being safe. I'd rather be safe. It's all right. Oh god
Yeah, that would be bad. I do have an irrational fear of getting kidnapped too
Do you think about it all the time?
Like even walking outside in the day
with a bunch of people around.
I get that for women because it's like,
thank you.
A lot of guys can't, they like can't even conceptualize.
I don't know how you can't concept,
like for me it like makes a lot of sense
like why that would be the case because
you can just walk around especially in this city
and you can see it.
Yeah.
Like if you walk past, like I've walked through
construction sites where the dudes are like sitting
on the poles or sitting in the wall. And it's like I'm walking through as sites where the dudes are like sitting on the poles or sitting
and it's like I'm walking through as just a dude.
I know they're not looking at me,
but I still feel like, what is going on?
Like why is everyone looking at me?
Okay, thank you.
That's weird.
I have never been cat-called so much in my life
than New York City.
Of course.
I don't know what is wrong with people here.
Yeah, no, it's crazy.
And I get people are like, oh Morgan, like, okay,
pretty privileged, whatever, shut up. You like, no, I swear to God, if you put any
dude in a wig, they would get harassed. Yeah. I don't know what it is. It's weird. I have
this one guy yell and like follow me down the street a little bit. He's like, I'll be your
sugar daddy. I love you. You'd be my sugar mom. And he can follow me. I'm like, bitch,
I'm just trying to go. Let me on. What the hell? Not terrifying, you know?
And that's just why I think I'm gonna get kidnapped.
Yeah, and also like, I mean, I never really think about that.
Like I fall asleep in ubers all the time.
But if I was, yeah, because if I'm like drunk or something,
I just like fall asleep in the Uber.
Oh my God.
Yeah, I do that constantly, but like,
there's been times where the Uber driver's like, bro,
I'm like, all right.
Wow.
I'm out. Like I gotta get out, I'm like, all right. Wow.
I got to get out here.
At least he tells you.
Yeah.
But for like a pretty girl who's like 5, 3, 5, 4 and like, you know, like easy to take
down, you know, like that's terrifying.
Like you have to have your guard up.
Even when you're in a car, you can't really feel fully safe because this is a stranger at the end of the day.
It's so bad.
Even I feel like, you know, I'm in a car with an Uber
and it's like, I don't really fucking know this person
if they're having a bad day or they're a psychopath.
Like, no, I'm fucking in their car.
Like, what are you gonna do?
You're so vulnerable.
And there's actually a class action lawsuit
of people getting attacked in Ubers.
Yeah, like, I imagine that's like terrifying. Yeah. Yeah, that's why like you know
I always think about that like it must suck being
Also another one of my I like to do this sometimes in like either clubs or bars or something is
You know, you can walk into a club or a bar and you see a very pretty girl
And you go, okay, this is like an objectively
attractive person.
Yeah.
And then I just like to watch,
like not them, but like the dudes around them,
and just kind of see what's going on,
and just like how annoying that must be.
Dude's are so weird with that,
because it's almost better to like walk up
and like shoot your shot and it's like no,
and then it's like you're just you're done. Yeah.
But like dudes who just like make their way over and like their back is to them and they're
just like being weird and like yeah, like you know, like that's just strange to do.
And I'm just like, like, but it is funny because it's like I can see what this guy is doing.
It's clear.
I mean, it's unfortunate because this girl is probably like, just fucking sucks.
But like it is, it's, it's's it's not good. It's not good. And like, I don't
know, I find a lot of dudes to be strange when approaching women. It's very awkward.
I love people watching though and watching like girls up bars like reject people. Yeah,
I know it's great. There should be a channel on it
There is kind of this thing. I just discovered like
YouTubers recently the sounds really weird but like I didn't watch YouTube a lot
I feel like that's kind of I don't indulge in anything that I do like I don't listen to
I don't listen to other podcasts either. Yeah, it's kind of weird
But there's this one channel and it's like his his name's one. He's a YouTuber, one.
And he does like this, like bit where he's like, can I get your number? And all the girls
being like, oh, I have a boyfriend. Oh, that's how he starts it. He goes, I bet you have
a boyfriend. And then like, we'll just approach all these random girls and be like, I bet
you have a boyfriend. And watching people like this one girl literally said she was married, but then still entertain
talking to him. And at the end, she was like, yeah, here's my number. We should hang out
sometime. And he was like, but are you married? I was like, what? It's just like, it's a really
interesting concept of like watching people get hit on and how they react to certain advances.
Yeah. I also have a hard time believing anything I see on YouTube to be honest, because it's
like this is a whole game here.
Like, we're all fun.
Did you do that prank style stuff?
No, never.
What did you start with?
I just talking just everything.
Oh, it's always just like doing the same thing.
But like the whole pranks and this and that, like social experiments.
I'm like, this is obviously bullshit.
And it like drove me crazy that people are fooled by it and be like,
oh, like every single, you know what drives me insane?
Couples, like couples on YouTube.
I hate the couple.
Like prank each other in the house.
And it's like, dude, this is obviously made up.
There's a fucking camera in the corner
with a ring light on it.
Mine died again.
We're just, we're just gonna leave it.
But I hate it.
But it's like, there's a ring light in the corner.
It's like, who is believing this?
In the comments, like, oh my god, this is so silly.
It's like guys, are we watching the same thing?
No, I would, I also would not be able to be in that relationship because how on edge
are you all the time if it is real?
You know what I mean?
Like, always like every corner, every corner.
I find that to be a very strange dynamic too.
Like, I imagine that's very damaging
to the actual relationship to have a,
the pressure of looking like a perfect couple all the time too.
Like once you start one of those couple channels,
it's like people are expecting you
and they love your relationship
for what they know it to be.
Yeah.
And it's like you're just projecting a thing.
Like you guys are acting,
your real life is not like that,
but you have to snap back into this thing.
Like that's so tough to do for an extended period of time.
It's like, I think that's like a recipe for disaster.
And then you gotta fucking make the video
where you're sitting next to each other
and you're both crying and we broke up video.
That's crazy to me.
I can't watch those, they're so cringey.
I can't. I mean,'re so cringey. I can't.
I mean, I legit, cringing for me is not the word that it's become now.
I legitimately physically cannot watch things.
Like, if it's cringey or whatever, I can't.
I like have to leave the room.
I gotta like walk around.
Like, I can't watch people sitting next to each other being like, you know, we thought we owed it to you guys to say this thing. And it's like,
you guys are people like, are you crazy? Like why would you owe that? It's the parasocial
stuff where like it just feels so, everyone is so connected. Everyone. Yeah. And that's
just not something I'm ever interested in doing like that. I would like, I love people
who support me and whatever. But like, I'm doing a thing and you're ingesting the thing
and that's how we know each other,
but you don't, I don't know you a part of my life.
What are you crazy?
You don't know you a part of my life.
I know, that's a very healthy boundary.
That took forever to get to, obviously.
I don't think I'm there yet.
I'm gonna be honest, every week I'm like,
like my episode that I posted today at like 3am,
I stayed up, I went out to dinner with Grace and Chelsea
our agents and I literally got back and like stayed up
until 3 editing this and then like I'm just like,
I'm just like, that's what also part of my panic attack
that I was like, if I don't wake up all.
But I was just like, I don't ever want
to disappoint people and I'm like, it's just,
I gotta get to that healthy mindset where you're doing it
for you and you put it out and
then it's like whatever happens happens.
Yeah, I mean, I've had the, I've been doing this since 2011.
So I was making YouTube video, or 2012.
I was making YouTube videos since then, yeah.
So that's when I first started making videos and then I was podcasting in like 2016.
Oh my god.
So I've been doing this for a while.
And I got to a point where I found success
and I was living in a nice apartment
and I'm sitting on my couch and I'm like,
it's like my back is against my couch
and I'm looking at my whole apartment
and I'm just like, this does nothing for me.
Like I feel nothing.
Like I why, like why do I feel this way?
And I was making videos on YouTube
and at that time, the videos were doing extremely well.
Like in a week did we get like a million views?
And it was like, and I, but I then I just stopped.
I was like, I can't do it anymore.
And I just didn't say anything really.
I just stopped making them because it felt like I was not,
like I wasn't in control.
Like I was doing it for other people or something.
Okay.
And I was like, I don't feel like a fucking person.
Like this isn't, so I just stopped doing it.
You're like more of like a dance monkey dance.
Exactly.
And I also just didn't find it funny anymore.
Like there was, there was content that I was making
that people really enjoyed and they just wanted
that over and over again.
And if you go and look on the channel,
there's like videos like called Idiots of the Internet
or People of Walmart that people loved.
And I would just do that video multiple times.
There's like part 12 of some series.
And I was like, this is just a lazy way
to kind of go about this.
Like I know that it works and it spits out money
but it makes me feel nothing.
So I can't do it anymore.
So I just walked away from it completely
and I enjoyed podcasting because it was like more longer form
and I can just kind of be myself
and have more in-depth conversations with people.
So I was like, I enjoy this more
so I'm just gonna do that.
So I did that for a number of years.
And it wasn't until the pandemic, I started making YouTube videos again,
but I made like five of them, and then I stopped doing it again.
Okay.
And then it wasn't until recently, maybe like four months ago
that I started posting again.
But I didn't, I like walked away from like the peak of like my YouTube,
YouTuber career, and didn't post for like four years or something like that and people are like what the fuck?
Yeah, well, I think everyone looks at it
It's like I mean you asked some kids what they want to do when they grow up nowadays
And it's like I want to be a youtuber. Yeah, and so for people hearing that they're probably like what the hell dude
Like what like what I actually made a whole video on that. And that's crazy.
I made a whole video on like,
the part that people don't talk about,
like people want to be YouTubers, especially kids.
But it is, you know, it's kind of like,
the parasocial thing is very like damaging,
especially if you're young.
Like these kids who are a finding fame
and like all this money when they're 18 years old.
Like you know, when you're 28 years old,
like 10 years from now,
you're going to realize that you have
no idea who you are because you've been trying to cater to an audience for 10 years of these
very like important years of your life.
And if you're constantly like putting on a show because you're, I mean, yeah, like
because I have to be this person that people think I am, but it's not actually me.
No one is actually who they are on social media.
It's all a little bit exaggerated.
We're all like performing a little bit, even now, having a conversation like this.
There is a tiny bit of like a person.
Yeah, exactly.
You're on.
Yeah, but it's not who you are all the time.
No.
And if you feel like you have to do that for 10 years, you're going to get to the end of
that and be like, oh, like, what do I, you know, like,
what am I getting out of this?
Almost when I've done any crisis.
Oh yeah, definitely.
You know, it's scary for younger kids too,
especially now, like, probably people are 14 doing this.
I didn't have a fucking phone at 14, really.
Like, oh my God, it's crazy to think about.
Yeah, it could be like, I am pretty confident that one day
there will be some sort of either a very strict warning
or some sort of restrictive access with social media
because I do think that it's very bad.
And in that video that I'm talking about,
there is this thing that I found this like research
where the suicide rate in teenagers like doubled or tripled or something.
With the release of the iPhone, the iPhone came out in 2006 and then social media was like
pretty popular a couple years after that. And that's when it just started going insane.
And it's like maybe it wasn't this, but these are the things that are kind of lining up.
Like it could be that. And it makes it makes sense. Why wouldn't it be?
It's like, yeah, I know it's like all those things
like correlation doesn't necessarily mean causation,
but like that's some pretty damning statistics.
And like there has been a huge increase
in teenagers getting anxiety orders and depression
with social media.
And it's like the younger you're on social media,
the more likely you are, it's like, it's're on social media the more likely you are it's like it's not healthy and why wouldn't you have that like your career like you're only important if
Your page reflects that and also you're fucking 11 years old and you're you're thinking about
How you're presenting yourself you're 11 like what are you talking about and like you're not all entertainers
You're not all performers,
but if you have a social media account,
you're thinking about it as like,
I'm making a brand right now.
It's like you don't have to do that.
You're not a brand.
Not everyone's a brand,
not everyone's like has to be an entertainer,
but you feel the pressure because these are the people
that are popular or these are the people
that are getting attention.
And you don't want to feel left out or left behind.
You want to be attention. Like we don't want to feel left out or left behind. You want the attention.
Like we don't want attention.
We all want to feel like we're someone.
And it's like social media has literally changed our brains.
Yeah.
Like the dopamine pathway.
And like how much dopamine you get from getting social likes,
it's like, this is craziness.
You have to create healthy boundaries, I think.
And that's something that like took me a while,
but I was able to do where I don't,
especially now I don't really share,
a lot of parts of my life.
It's like, this is just the,
like I'm just this dude, like entertaining,
like you don't really know much about me
if you stare at my social media,
like for the last year or two.
It's just like the podcast and stuff.
And it's very obvious that we're trying
to entertain people there,
but you don't know me as a person. Like there was in the past. You're more private. Yeah. I have a vlog
channel. I would have I would tweet all the time. I would post everything on my fucking
story. It's like, I can't do that anymore because it makes me feel strange when people feel
like they know who I am. But they're in on the jokes or something. It makes total sense.
Yeah. So just creating those healthy boundaries, I think, is the most important part of like,
and those healthy boundaries may result in less success,
but you can still be successful,
but you just have to like be willing to not trade
more success with like, you know,
sacrifice and be more.
I think that anyone who's like a Logan Paul sized person
has to be a little insane
because you're giving up so much of your life
For more success. I'm not interested in that like I'm not interested in that. I'm so happy. We're Matt
I like don't want to be famous not at all people asked me that the other day
And like do you want to be famous? I'm like no because I look at my friends that are way bigger than me and like
Like she gets assaulted. It's brutal. It's like, it's, I'm so chill.
I'm so chill.
I love it.
Yeah, I feel like I mean a really good spot where like,
if I go out, people recognize me and they're usually just like,
it's super cool and it's like whatever,
but it's never like, what the, you know, like,
and that would make me feel very strange.
I know.
That happened at first because back then no,
like no one really did this shit.
So I would be like, recognize them. I was like, what the fuck, why do I know you?
Oh my God.
And I wouldn't go out because they would make me feel strange.
I had wild social issues.
Which I'm the most outgoing person.
And I get drunk and I'm chatting up random people at barzones.
That's me.
Oh my God.
But back then I was like, I don't want to go out because it makes me feel weird.
Well, and you don't know, I think the hardest part is, like, I always tell people, I'm like, say hi.
Like, I've gotten a couple of messages,
and they're like, I saw you walking down parkab,
but like, I didn't want to say that.
I'm like, no, no, no, like, say hi.
Like, I love when people are like, I love the podcast.
Hi, but I think it, like, it makes you feel almost on edge
when you're like, they're kind of looking at me,
like, they know me, and then you're like,
do they know me?
Okay, I should maybe act a little more presentable now and not my usual unhinged self
Right, but they're not saying anything and it does make you feel unedged to the and that's why I'm like just always say hi
Like I it's fine say hi like yeah, like I think there's certain times where it's like you have them sitting at a table with my family out at a restaurant
In the mid-bite maybe now's not the time, but, you know, it's like it's just better than that.
The way I've described it to people is like, when you're playing hide and seek and you're
hiding in a spot and someone looks at you, but you're like, can they see me?
Like, are they looking at me?
I don't know if they see me or not.
Yeah.
And it's like, oh, now I'm like, so aware of that or whatever.
Yes, it's so awareness.
And also, what, if I walk into a place and someone recognizes me, I know.
Like, I know everyone.
Yeah, like, no, but I know for sure.
Oh my God.
And that's what I try to tell my family and friends too,
when they see people like actually famous people,
I'm like, if you walk in and you have even the slightest reaction,
or you do a double take, they know.
Yeah.
Like, they're not, like they can tell.
It's so wild.
It's just, you're just aware, you're just so aware of that.
It's crazy.
I'm just like a normal person.
I was just a little OT.
It's just a little OT.
Just a little OT, just a longitudinal therapy.
That's it.
Then, you know, podcasts went boom and here we are.
I love you doing this podcast.
February of 2021, I started it.
Oh wow, very soon.
It's very fresh.
Yeah, very fresh.
Hang your crush on it.
Congratulations.
I don't have good boundaries though.
You need to take some time to get there.
Okay, one last one for you.
Let's do it.
I'm giving you a choice, okay?
Okay.
We have a story that talks about boundaries.
It is titled, Today I Fucked Up by Telling My Dad,
I 20 Male Have Never Had Sex.
So that's more about boundaries, healthy boundaries.
Okay.
Then the other option is just a casual, awkward situation that could lighten the mood.
It is, Today I Fucked Up by Buying Condoms at Walmart, which you sound very familiar with
Walmart.
A little bit.
Yeah, so your choice.
How do you fuck up by buying columns at Walmart?
That is just like, you're curious, huh?
I am very curious about that.
Here we go.
Matched with a woman on a dating app and we hit it off.
So I wanted to grab some protection before I went over there.
She lived by a Walmart, so I decided to go there.
Took a while to find, but I eventually find the condoms in an aisle behind lock and key.
No big deal.
I walked to the pharmacy and ask for some help in health.
She discreetly radios for someone to go to
Family planning and tells me to head over there. I get there and who walks up
But this 400 year old man named Bernard who asked which one I need I point he nods in approval
Unlocks the case and gets it out. I go to grab it,
and he notes me and says, quote, sorry, but I have to walk it to the front. Do you have
anything else today? I say nope, and we go to the self-checkout counter. Bernard fails
to mention that it has to get employee approval after being scanned as well. Something he doesn't
have because he's not on self-checkout.
So he hands it to this teenage girl who turns bright red and says it's her first day on
the job and she doesn't have access.
She then paves over the whole store asking for help ringing up condoms in self-checkout.
It had to wait about three minutes while people stared at me and this poor teenage girl
that is forced to hold onto these condoms
so I don't steal them.
Moral of the story, go get your condoms
in a gross, truck stop bathroom like the old days,
much less embarrassing.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
I always feel very embarrassed buying condoms too.
You know, it's worse.
What?
Buying a pregnancy test.
That's pretty bad too.
Especially when you're in high school.
Hmm. Or just younger looking.
Are you making this up or is it something that happened to you?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Couple times.
Couple of times. Recently too. God.
But it just feel better at 29 versus 19 or 16 or 15.
Yeah. Did you like, was it just a pregnancy test?
Or you're like, oh, I'll get like twigs
and punch you all this stuff too.
You try to hide it.
Yeah, right?
You do buy a bunch of shit.
You just want to the things.
Like, oh, beep, beep, beep.
Yep, and self check out, like back when I was in high school,
we didn't have self check out.
Not at all.
That didn't exist.
Yeah.
So it was very awkward when you have like a middle aged woman
at Walmart or Target and you get judged
so hard.
The town I grew up and had 5,800 people.
It's small.
It's so small.
And so this lady's just like, who is this dirty whore?
It was who are you?
You tramp.
You're making mistakes.
You tramp.
It was so bad.
I remember buying condoms in a Walgreens and I grew up in Queens and it's like the. It was so bad. I remember buying condoms in like a Walgreens,
and I grew up in Queens, and it's like,
the line is just so long.
And I'm like, now I'm up here, and I'm like,
I remember I was like 16 years old
trying to buy condoms, and I remember there just being
like, old women behind me, and I'm just like,
ah, God, what is this?
And I should be like, oh yeah, this, this, and that,
and that, this, this, and that,
and that, this, too.
Like just trying to hide it, which is gonna make some shit.
And it's like I'm buying like fucking a baby bottle pop
and fucking God.
Yes.
You were that age.
Yeah, probably.
16 baby bottle pops, that would have been around the time.
Yeah.
I miss push pops.
Push them up from the bottom.
Push them up from the finger.
Oh, that was a ring pop.
No, no, no. Yeah. Push pops. You put them on your finger, no., that was a ring pop. No, no, no, push pops.
You put them on your finger, no.
It was like a two ice cream thing.
This like also like if you're what, you push it.
You're buying condoms and push pops.
What are you doing?
You're gonna fucking fuck yourself with this push pop.
Okay, there is a website though where people sell dumb, dumb, pussy pops.
What? Dumb, dumb dumb pussy pops. What?
Dumb, dumb, pussy pops.
Yeah, yeah.
And so it's like pantydeals.com, you can sell your underwear and then if you want to
make a little extra money, you can sell dumb, dumb suckers that get shoved up your vagina.
Don't do it.
It probably causes like BV and pH imbalance, but people do it.
They so they just take a lot of pop and they shove it, and then they wrap it back up and they mail it out.
Yeah, it's like an addon on pantydails.com.
I had a bunch of girls in my grad school program
that sold underwear to make extra money.
Really?
Apparently that's a popular thing
that it's like people selling panties.
My mom considered it.
I told her about it, my mom was...
Your mom?
Yeah, she was like, damn,
because my little brother had a girlfriend that did it, and she made like, the fuck, how you, she told you guys that? Yeah, she was like, damn, because my little brother had a girlfriend that did it,
and she made like,
What the fuck are you,
she told you guys that?
Yeah, wow,
I mean, it fucking sounds like it.
I mean, my mom has literally,
She considered selling her pants as a person.
Yeah, no, she was so down and like,
it's really fun with my brothers around,
because me and my mom will just,
we just wanna make them uncomfortable.
How do they?
38 and 26, so old. And my mom will just, we just wanna make them uncomfortable. How do they? 38 and 26.
Okay.
So old.
And my mom was talking,
she's like, yeah, the best position
and she like got on the ottoman
and like spread her legs
and she's like, this is the best.
And then you scissor and thrust,
she goes,
scissor.
Scissor.
Scissor.
Thank you, scissor and thrust.
I don't know, I don't know.
She's like, Matt, you should try this with Amy.
My brother and his wife.
And then like, she's like, Matt, do you
and Amy is a vibrator?
Like, we just love making them uncomfortable.
We have the worst conversations.
Really?
Yeah, but you considered selling underwear.
She thought it would be a fun hobby.
We, we also, you know, that's,
but that's a slippery slope because I've heard that
eventually guys start asking for crazy share.
It's like, yo, get a yeast infection.
Like, yeah.
And then have a yeast infection
and wear those paintings for like four days.
Yeah, I have seen them work out in them.
That's a thing.
There's this one person.
I don't know where I saw it.
Maybe it was Reddit or maybe it was just like browsing
panty deals or like hearing stories about it
on like Teen Vogue or whatever the website did an article.
And it was a guy who was like, this girl wrote in
and she was like,
yeah, this guy asked me to do like Pilates in the same underwear for a week in a row and then at
the end, he wanted me to piss him. Yeah. That sounds like you're begging for a UTI here.
Sweaty panties for a week in a row. Come on now. That's no. That's so bad. But honestly,
it sounds better than poop sushi. Yeah, 10 times better. Like I'll wear the same underwear for like a month
before I eat a piece of shit sushi.
Not doing that.
No.
Where can people find you?
Where you wanna be found?
And listen to your like poop sushi
and all this crazy stuff you guys talk about.
My podcast that you can let's do is called The Basement Yard.
It's the handle of The Basement Yard
on all social media
And my name is Joe Santa Gatto good luck spelling that
But yeah, you can use those two to find everything
Your name is not that hard to spell it's Santa like clause plus gato Spanish cat
There you go. Yeah, people say that all the time to me and then they send me memes of
Cats and Santa Claus hats and I like this is you and I like you're the first person I ever say that all the time to me. And then they send me memes of cats and Santa Claus hats.
And I'm like, this is you.
And I'm like, you're the first person I ever say that.
I'm so unoriginal.
It was funny.
Recently, I was in Colorado and some,
I don't even know where we were, but the dude was like,
you just San Diego.
I was like, yep.
My friends live every time.
Cause I'm not gonna sit here and correct you.
You know what I mean?
It's like, you're close and I'm just cool. You know I am. You see any San Diego? I'm not going to sit here and correct you. You know what I am?
You shanty Santiago? Yep, that's me. No, you're not. Okay. Bye. I would go on. Okay, I'm not.
Yeah. Exactly. All right, bro. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me.
Had a lot of fun. I'm sorry if I'm going to give you nightmares or make a question death.
I mean, maybe you're going to have some nightmares about like, you know. Poup Soushi, I'm gonna talk.
Waking up tomorrow even is just like a pretty taunting.
Questionable.
Yeah.
But this is amazing.
Be sure to go follow Joe and listen to his podcast.
It's hilarious.
I mean, the one I was just, I was ticked off binging today.
And I've been cry laughing all day.
Like I don't have makeup on under my eyes anymore
from all the tears I've shed.
Like it has been an egregious day.
Wow, the thrown it back.
I'm throwing it back.
Close up.
I got to a point halfway through this episode.
And I'm like, I don't know if we can call this egregious
or if we need to change it to like incestuous stories.
Incest poop sushi.
New title guys.
Bang, bang right there.
Okay.
Thank you again. Until next time guys. Bye! you