Two Hot Takes - 150: When is Honesty the Best Policy?

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!!! NEW SHOWS ADDED & TICKETS HERE: https://linktr.ee/twohottakestour Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin! This weeks episode has us analyzing stories where honesty MIGHT have been the best policy.  From baby trapping your new boyfriend to lying about owning your home to your WIFE.. we try to conquer the question should you always come clean.. or sometimes is lying the best solution. Can't wait to hear your thoughts! MERCH IS HERE! https://shop.twohottakes.com I can't wait to see you all in these, especially at our live shows!! Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Bonus Content on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Shopify: Shopify.com/tht Heineken: https://bit.ly/TwoHotTakes00 SeatGeek: Use code THT for $20 off your first SeatGeek order. https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/THT

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Welcome, welcome to this week's episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. Insert spa music. Well, I know a lot of people fall asleep to us, so you gotta start off nice for them and then, hey, are you cleaning yet? Are you cleaning? We have our cleaners Yep, drive safe everyone

Remember road rage is not the answer. So wait when you're cleaning you want to hear rage Get cleaning are those dishes done? You can do it. You got it. Just a little more vacuuming. It's all good. One more load of laundry. But I think the road people might need it the most. So safe driving everyone. Check your air pressure, tire pressure. Especially with all the storms coming. Especially with storms and cold.

Cold weather can change them. So be safe out there. Watch the conditions. You know, if it gets around 32 degrees, 33, you gotta be real careful. Don't get mad at the plows. Yeah, the plows are just out there doing their job, especially in Minnesota, they all have names.

All the plows. And you get your driveway looking perfect and then the plow comes and... You know, it's better safe than sorry out on those roads. Plows gotta do what a plow's gotta do. Don't have that problem out here though. No, but it is chilly today, I don't know those roads. Plough's gotta do what plough's gotta do. Don't have that problem out here though. No, but it is chilly today, I do like it. But welcome, welcome to another week of Two Hot Takes.

I'm Morgan. I'm Justin. And today's theme, whew, I don't know how to explain it. It's complex. It started with an inspiration from our friend Caleb, who we are producing his new show and we recorded the first episode today. It's called So True, it's coming very soon.

You'll see it drop on the Two Hot Takes YouTube channel, but it's so, so funny. And so he said something today, he's like, let's bring line back. Like people just need to lie. Like you don't always need to tell the truth. It's okay to lie sometimes. And then it got me going on these stories of like,

should these people have lied or no, this is not a time to lie. And then I started thinking because I, you know, was finding certain ones. And I was like, damn, the power of truth. Whew, can do a lot. In both ways. I think mostly though, there's situations a lot

where it's just easy, a white lie, right? We got some big ones, we got some small ones. I'm talking about simple, like it's easier for you to just not know, cause it either way, it just, it won't matter. It's not going to affect you greatly, but it might just be easier in the moment. Just like, well, yeah.

Based on that, I know exactly what one we're starting with. Great. Let's dive in. Let's dive in. So this first one, it's 14 hours old, coming from our very own Two Hot Takes subreddit. It's titled My 30 Female Sister 24 Female, told me she purposefully didn't take birth control to trap her best friend, 25 male, into marrying her. Best friend. My 30 female, sister 24 female, has been best friends with Tom, 25 male,

since they were in kindergarten. They have been inseparable, but their relationship was platonic. My sister is very socially awkward, and he was very busy with college, and now pilot training in the military, so neither of them ever had any previous relationships. About two months ago, my sister said one night they were at his apartment when

they spontaneously had sex. She said it was the best experience of her life and they agreed to start dating. Then, about a month ago, she had the idea to pretend to not hear him tell her to get up and had him finish in her so he would have to marry her since he's heavily anti-abortion. It happened and she got pregnant. He doesn't know that it was intentional, that is. He knows she is pregnant and they are planning to get married in March. My parents also don't know that it was intentional. And I feel a sense of obligation to tell them since she has already said she won't tell either of them. Should I stay out of it, tell them, or make it clear

she should admit to trapping her best friend into marriage. Wow, okay. So to your point though. This is not what my example was. This is much more intense. But I think like I'm going to be so off my rails here, right? Like this is not what I personally believe, but I kind of want to be the devil's advocate for a lot of these stories today.

And just like, just kind of like, I might terrorize you guys. Like you might feel like, what the fuck, Morgan? What are you saying? But I kind of want devil's advocate a lot of these. I can handle that. Okay. I'll let you go first and then maybe I'll get back to it because you got it.

Well, clearly the third option is the best option. I don't think it's ever smart unless absolutely necessary to get involved in relationships that are not your own. With the exception of, you know, you see someone who clearly used to be happy, now is very not happy. And you think it has something to do with the relationship because you've known them for so long.

That's when you can step in and say, hey, listen, something's not right here. Which also applies to this in the sense that you told me this, I haven't felt right about it since I've heard it. And I think I'm not gonna go say something. I don't think this is an ultimatum type of situation, but it's more like I would give

strong encouragement to say, hey, it could screw everything up, but are you really going to want to live with this forever? Are you going to be happy with this or do you think it's going to slowly eat you alive because you see people in other situations that'll cheat. And they think, well, oh, like it never happened. There's no effects going forward, never happened. And it slowly eats away at them until eventually they have to come clean. And it's much worse than when you do it later.

I mean, this is straight out of Bridgerton. That's all I can think about. It is giving Daphne a little bit, yeah. Two more things before you say anything. Okay. Spontaneously had sex after being friends for 25 years. They're meant to be, right? Well, I'm just kind of curious.

Like I want more details of that night where it's like, yeah, we were just sitting. You want a sex tape? It's just, but spontaneously having sex is. They probably had a little wine. Yes, but so, but when I hear spontaneously, I picture like us sitting right here. And just all of a sudden going for it.

After never having any sort of romantic connection, we just are like, and just instant, it happens that instant. I mean, think about someone you just see across a bar, like, but they've been friends for 20 years. Like there's been some tension at some point. But just to break that wall, just spontaneously is kind of wild without the, usually it's more common to have feelings.

And then you admit to them, well, I've been feeling this way. And then it's like, oh my God, you come together. But it was great. But then it's like, oh my God, you come together. But it was great. But then it's like- But timing is everything. He was saying, get off or move or something. And then it's just like-

Yeah, he wanted her to hop off so he could pull out. But she didn't hear him, air quotes. She pretended not to hear him, stayed on, and he finished inside. It literally is Bridgerton Daphne. If you really, like as a guy, you know when that's happening, 100%. Most people with penises, I would say.

If you don't- Some people have premature ejaculation and stuff like that. Yes, but that happens before the final number. This is the final number. No, some people just like ejaculate prematurely, not pre-come. Oh, the whole deal? Yeah. Like there's some- Just like, whoops, I didn't know that was gonna happen.

Yeah, it just like all of a sudden shoots off. Well, okay, that doesn't apply in this case because he was like trying to have her move. Yeah, okay, so let- okay, we'll go, yeah. If he really didn't want that to happen. You could have threw her. It's not throwing, that's violent. But you can get someone off of you. What if their size doesn't allow for that?

All I can imagine is you can just tip over, just tip. It's like a tip, it's like a boat. is you can just tip over, just tip. It's like a tip, it's like a boat. You tip over like a boat. You said tip and I envisioned cow because cow tipping is such a common thing. Exactly, yes. But cow tipping is bad, it can kill the cows. Do not cow tip people.

But the same physics apply. Okay, okay. So to get back, you brought up an interesting thing about like if she didn't ever tell someone or come clean, the guilt would eat her alive. If you're a decent person. Well, I think that's why she told her sister. She didn't have it in her to hold that truth in.

And that is like, that is something where I think a lot of times people admit things for themselves or they'll like be like, I just have to tell you, and it's purely for them. It's not for the other person because what does it do telling your sister? You got it off your conscience, but now it's on hers. You shifted this onto her. Well, and now there's a risk, right? Now with like, the most dangerous thing is when you have big secrets, a number of people knowing that.

Yeah, I mean, there's definitely a risk there, but I think she was like, oh, my sister's not gonna tell, like, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. But let's be the devil's advocate on this one. I totally agree with you. I think she should come clean, however. And now is the best time.

Absolutely. But what does coming clean get her? I did think about this. He's anti-abortion. They're not gonna go through with that. They want the baby, I would assume. She tried for it. He's happy to get married and build a life together.

So what does telling him really do except maybe tear them apart? And life is exponentially more complicated, potentially co-parenting, not being together. Well, of course. So it's like, well, what's the point in telling him? It's not going to change anything. Because it's doomed to happen. It's going to well, what's the point in telling him? It's not going to change anything. Because it's doomed to happen. It's going to happen at some point

and this is the best time to do it. Let's say, sure, you aren't the greatest person. You can do bad things like this and just push them away like they never happened. Tell yourself a lie. Tell yourself that it didn't go that way so many times and you'll start to believe it was just mutual and you both are on the same page.

It leads me to believe, like think about what happened right after. Cause they're both gonna understand that that just happened. And was there no like, like, yo, what the F? I don't know. We literally just did that and you Like you would have to have some recognition of the fact that she

Didn't or I guess she is pretending to have not have heard no, but we we did talk about this today Because there's we were watching football and there's this one NFL player that he recently got married this past year. I believe it was this past year, but he's been hit with like two paternity suits and admitted to one for sure or something. So essentially he had three children this past year, none of which are with his actual wife. And so we were talking about this concept of like, how would you, like why would you even come in someone that you're not seriously with?

Like why wouldn't you use a condom if you're cheating? And I think that's the thing, like if it's like, if you're not on birth control and you're using the pullout method, you're trying to get pregnant. Or the not pullout method. Like, but like you're just, you're trying to get pregnant. Or the not pullout method. Like, but like you're just, you're trying to get pregnant. Like plan B is not birth control,

it's emergency contraceptive, but it's not a guarantee it's gonna work. Like if that egg gets fertilized, that shit doesn't work. Yeah. So just don't be stupid, but she, you know, she's 24, that prefrontal cortex is not developed and she did a dumb, dumb, dumb move.

But so do you think he fully believes? Yep. She just didn't hear me and... Yeah. So there is a little bit of an edit. Got a tip. Tip it over. To clarify, she said he was exhausted from work and didn't want to have sex, but did it so she would be happy. They typically had protective sex and she told him she would take a plan B. They were apparently in love and planning to get married before. So like they were already planning on getting married.

So she says, Oh, right. But that doesn't mean much coming from her. She's already in a web of lies. Well, and also like the first time they had sex was two months ago. This is happening very fast. But some people, I mean, I've heard of people getting married after knowing their partner for two weeks.

11 years later, they're still happy. Yeah, they've had a whole quote unquote life together, but I think it's a different ball game when you start dating somebody. I feel like you still have to go through the stages. You can't, like sure you know each other, but you don't know what it's like to date. You don't know what it's like to have a love life together.

You don't know what it's like to live together, I'm assuming, fully, you know, and you don't know what, just the same reason you kept saying no to me in the beginning, you didn't want the dynamics to change. You didn't want the expectations to change. And it does drastically from friends to dating. So I still believe that the best route for people

is to really test drive and see what's going on and date for a while, even if you've known each other your whole life because it's so different. Yeah. So I don't, I don't, the quickness is one thing, but it just seems still sketchy. You gotta tell, yeah, you gotta. The power of the truth. Like I think overall, if she doesn't come clean and he finds out 20 years down the line, your whole relationship is built on a lie versus,

hey, I made a mistake. Like I took that control and that consent away from you because you also have to look at this like, yeah, it takes two people to make a kid and he chose not to wear condom and stuff like that. But like she essentially like some might view this as like sexual coercion or like even abuse because she took that consent away from him by staying on even when he said get off. So well, and it's said get off. So- Well, and it's a trust issue.

Yeah. And the most important thing you can have is trust. So, well, the thing I was thinking about is if they really were thinking about, yes, we're gonna do this, we're gonna get married, and that'll happen before this, then this is even more reason to tell him now

and say, here's how I've been feeling, it's killing me. I really want this life with you. I love you XYZ. And it was just a terrible slip of judgment. That's the last hope you have at ever, like moving forward in a way that's positive. Well, and in all honesty too, like did she really try to get pregnant

or was she just like, you know, being stupid in the moment and like whatever. And then like, did she actually take a plan B? Like if she did go through efforts, like, and we're kind of getting, cause we're only getting the one side too. So yeah, I think if there's, you know, some redeeming stuff that happened, like, yeah, you should definitely come clean. There's a comment I want to highlight.

The top comment is really interesting. They go, I'm not being funny, but if he was intentionally having unprotected sex with her using the pullout method, then he is partly at fault. Not hard to use a condom and your sister's actions would have been much worse if she poked a hole or lied about birth control. But at the end of the day, you telling him won't really change anything as he is against abortion and he was stupid enough to use the pullout method in the first place. Plus, the most it will do is ruin your relationship.

I did not read this, you guys. And they go on to say your sister is still a heinous bitch, though. Next comment down is the one I really wanted to read. He would be partially at fault for an accidental pregnancy. Yeah. However, as a woman, if I asked my partner to pull out and they pretended not to hear me and willfully chose not to pull out,

I believe that is a violation of my consent. In my opinion, it's no different when the genders are reversed and Tom deserves to know so he can make a choice on how to proceed with the relationship. Yeah. Exactly. Picture him on top and she tells him to stop and he pretends not to hear.

That's great. So yeah, like this, when you put it that way, like. Well, right, but that's the reality of the situation. I know. And it's a terrible mistake if you can call it a mistake, but it's something you can get through if you do it now and he understands. But you're gonna have to, you gotta hell the climb.

Yeah, so from the sister writing in, our listener, I would say like, you gotta give your sister an ultimatum. Like I will give you a month's time to tell him. And if you don't, I will be telling him. That gets into a territory of like, is it her space to do that? I mean, otherwise he doesn't know. And that's, you just have to choose to butt out

and let the cards fall how they fall then at the end of the day. That becomes very tough because you're at a defining moment for you and your sister's relationship and her relationship. And there's so much that goes into that. She made the bed though.

She made it. And by telling her sister, it didn't help her case, but to be the sister as our OP, man, what a tough situation to be in that you literally did nothing to end up in. Yeah, because the sister had a guilty conscience. I'm going to put this one to you guys. We haven't done a poll on Spotify for a minute. Oh, nice.

So if you are a Spotify listener, be sure to go and vote on whatever question I pose for this story, but it'll be interesting to see what you guys think. Yeah. It is interesting that the first comment did say, like, what's the point in telling him? Cause that was my, like devil's advocate response. I was like, well, what does it really get you?

Nothing, like, except a lot of obsession. If you can do that the rest of your life. Okay, moving along. One of this week's partners is Shopify. When I started doing Merch, I had no idea where to begin. So many of the platforms were difficult to understand. What is sales tax? Do I charge it?

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Okay, so this one is coming from the best of Redditor updates. It is about a year old. It is titled, One Big Lie May Rune My Marriage and I Don't Know How to Stop It. Could it be the future of the last problem? This is a throwaway account because people I know follow my regular account and I'd like to keep the audience of people I know as small as possible. To start off with, in the story, I, 45 male, am the asshole. I am absolutely

100% to blame. My wife, 44 female, is completely innocent of any wrongdoing at all. I am the asshole. There is no question in my mind about this. I'm just wondering how I can save our relationship. Long story ahead, there is no infidelity, no cheating in every single way but one huge one I've tried to be the best husband, lover, friend I can be. Except this one lie is so invasive in our lives that I've probably fucked everything up. When we started dating 10 plus years ago, I had been renting a house for some time. She was also in a long-term rental. Both of us had great relationships with our landlords, but her place was almost as expensive as mine and not nearly as nice

either in size or area. Very early on, I told her I owned and didn't rent. I honestly don't know why and this is a big lie. I've maintained that now through seven years of dating and three years of marriage. She moved in with me and gave up her lease, obviously. I don't know why I told her that, and she's never been interested enough in my finances. I make about 50% again of what she makes to ask a lot about it. Also I have for longer than we've been together managed the house and its repairs with very minimal interaction from the landlord.

Generally, if the cost is less than 1K, I just paid to fix it myself, partly because I didn't mind and partly to keep the landlord out of my life. If the repairs or problems were greater than that, I'd still pay for it, but then I'd invoice the landlord. He was absolutely fine with this state of affairs. We're still in the same house and we talk about how much we love this house all the landlord. He was absolutely fine with this state of affairs. We're still in the same house and we talk about how much we love this house all the time. My landlord wants to retire from landlording and is selling his houses. He has about a dozen, two the

tenants at a greatly reduced rate, like 25k below appraisal slash market prices. I can afford the mortgage and in fact have been approved for it, but I still haven't told my wife that we don't own this house. I have the money in my personal savings, not our joint account, to pay for the down payment. And I can fully absorb the increase in cost from the monthly rent to the monthly mortgage without her having to help at all additionally with bills, et cetera. The problem is that when we close in a few weeks, apparently she needs to be at the closing as well

to sign things. The mortgage is only in my name. She's not on the hook for it at all, except I suppose by virtue that she's my spouse. But apparently the title company wants her to sign some things as well. Obviously, I'm going to have to tell her the truth about all of this, and she will be furious and hurt by my lies and gaslighting. And she will absolutely be in the right to be so. Other than telling her the whole truth and hoping she doesn't hate me forever and

absolutely admitting to her that I've been a liar and a jerk this whole time, what can I do? How do I tell her this and not expect her to just hate me? Should I even expect to be able to tell her this and have her not hate me? Help. Do you know why she'll be furious? Why? Because it's such a stupid thing to lie about.

Like, was I owned this place used as a tactic to get her to leave hers and move in initially is that I'm trying to figure out the reason of why that even was in the equation. I feel like we all have insecurities. We all have like quirks. You know, maybe when they first started dating, he wasn't very secure with himself and felt like he needed to compensate by saying he owned his house. And then lo and behold, they're 10 years down the line and fuck.

Like I have a friend that she would lie about like a lot of stuff, but it was like harmless stuff. Like, well, kind of, I don't know. I have two friends that were, I would say more pathological liars, but the one, it was more harmless. Like it didn't really affect us.

And so it was like, you'd get lies about like, oh, well, like my dad owns like this restaurant. And then you like go to the restaurant and you're like, this is not owned by her. Like what? And then there would be lies like, oh yeah, well we have a yacht, like blah, blah, blah. And then like one time we got really drunk

and I was just like, dude, why do you lie? And she just like broke down and was like, I definitely am insecure. I went to a school where like I was the poorest person. And so like I felt like people only liked me for like blah, blah, blah, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very I remember like what Alejandra wore to her going away party like three years ago or like something innocuous like that. I remember such stupid shit. So that I have a really hard time being friends with people like that because I like catch them and like I essentially long story short I can see insecurity causing him to do that. I agree. I just think it's a risky thing to lie about I just think it's a risky thing to lie about, even though it's not like we're covering up the world's biggest cheating scandal or something. I know he's distanced himself from his landlord,

and we have as well to an extent, but there's still things that will come up, and that I would find so hard to hide. Or it's one quick search on the property records of your county, it would take such minimal things to happen for her to find out. The one positive I see in this is that you will be coming clean to her, not her finding it out through the landlord stopping by for the first time in 10 years, or mail or some kind

of new utility thing and the landlord needs to be there to approve it or something just weird. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, wait, what? Because that you never want that to happen with people. Yeah. It's like, you were what? You're blind.

She's blindsided versus he's the one telling her. It's better to say I need to sit down and this might be a really tough combo. She's probably going to think you gonna think you cheated on me. You know, cause anytime you sit down and say, I need to talk to you about something. Oh, those words. Hey, I think we need to talk. Huh, you just wanna throw up instantly.

But I honestly. Would you be that mad? I would almost be in the same position, like with you, where I'm gonna tell you this big thing and I could see you reacting one way and being like, oh, that's kind of weird and strange, but I love you and we have a great life.

So let's buy this house and let's actually own this thing and have a great life together. But I could also see like the opposite where it's like, you mean you lied about something so small and you kept a lie. Well, yeah, but also just the fact of keeping the lie up for that long. Like you were that gung-ho about keeping this a secret.

That would feel- It is interesting. It gets into areas of trust that aren't so much like, oh, you're cheating and you're doing all these horrible things. But it's just like, I want to have a baseline where I'm connected with someone and there isn't the need to do anything weird like this. Whereas you probably should have taken care of this, you know, a year in, two years in, not, obviously the sooner the better. Because now she's gonna see it.

Oh, the only reason you're telling me is because your hand is forced. Yeah, I really honestly, I don't like being lied to, but at the same time, it's one of those things where it's like, hey, well, you get the opportunity to buy it now versus I'm not finding out by you saying, the landlord is selling, we don't get the house and we have to move.

Like for me, I'm like, well, yeah, it's really kind of sneaky. Are you lying about anything else? Right. No. Okay, cool. Let's buy the fucking house and let's move on. Well, sure, but are you in that moment settled? Like you just look forward

and you never think about it again? Okay, I'm like really weird. Like I know I just said, I don't like being lied to, but certain instances in my life, it's kind of like, okay, we hashed it out. I'm over it. Like, cool. Like I really can like just like drop things like that.

But it really depends on what it is. It totally is dependent. Because it could be one or the other polar opposites. Yeah. And I could be talking out of my ass because obviously I'm not in this situation But I really maybe I got something going on. I really think it could be like Well, whatever no big deal like she honestly she seems like such a good egg because they got married She didn't ask to get instantly put on the title for the house Which we've seen a lot of Reddit stories where people come out of the woodwork

and are like, this is my house now. I'm 50% owner. Yeah. She didn't ask for any of that. She's like, just Zen living in her husband's house. She doesn't give a fuck. So I don't know. I think we could be surprised.

I, yeah, I think go either way. I went to the original account and went to go see if there's any comments about like why he initially lied or things like that. There is no comments about that. The only one OP really responds to is one that says, you have to come clean. It won't be easy, but you have to. And OP says, I absolutely agree with this. I'm just terrified of doing it. Yeah. And I don't know if I mentioned it, but this one is coming from r slash advice, smaller subreddit,

but a place where you can ask for advice on anything. And that was the top comment that I read with 77upvote. So flew a little bit under the radar. They did end up replying OP though, and go rip the bandaid and free your mind. Tell her it was a stupid lie. The only angle I could see being super shitty is not actually having the equity you claimed to have, which is true.

All those rent payments kind of going into the void, but at least- Because you're starting from scratch. Yeah, but at least the landlord is going under market. Well and you have the millions. Does. But does that make it better? I guess, but you know, it's weird. Yeah. So we have an update. Oh, okay.

Oh yeah, obviously. Best of editor update. Update. As soon as my wife got home Friday night, I had her sit down with me and I came clean about everything. Told her I lied about owning the house, told her we'd been renting this entire time, told her about getting the mortgage in place and using money from my personal accounts to pay

for the down payment and everything. And she reacted in a completely opposite way than I expected. Nice. She was of course hurt about the lie, but she was thrilled to learn that we were buying the house and that we were getting a great deal for it. Because they love it. Because they love it.

We talked about boundaries and we talked about keeping secrets, but truly this is the only thing I've ever lied to her about. She knows all my passwords. I gave them to her years ago, unprompted. She has access to all of our shared bank account info, and I'd show her my personal bank accounts if she asked. I had this one big lie and held on to it for a decade

and it ate me up. But now that the air is cleared, we're working on a path moving forward, stronger together. I am truly a lucky guy to have such a wonderful woman in my life. She's the best partner that I could ever hope for. We have a plan to move forward and I think we're going to work together to even knock out this debt faster than most people do. She's also now

planning to do things to the house I wouldn't previously let her do, like ripping up the carpet and refinishing the hardwood floors and everything else. Yeah, because you have the freedom now. I cried with relief, y'all. The whole conversation was a weight off my mind and I was so relieved to have it done. She forgave me. Though I maintain she has the right to decide she's mad at me still.

We're still together and she's not even mad. Fuck yeah. Oh man, you took years off your life for no reason. Literally nothing. Tell, say it a year in. Power of the truth. This is one of those things when it's like, do you lie or do you tell the truth?

Do you keep lying or do you come clean? I mean, I guess, you know, on some level, it got him the girl, on some level, got me the girl. How so? Cause I don't wanna be friends with you, but I had to like say that so that we could become acquaintances. Yeah, yeah, you started our relationship on a lie.

I did. Wow. But I got the girl, so that's all that matters. And you're thankful for it now. I am very thankful for it. A lot of convincing, you know what I'm saying? You know, sometimes it just takes a little bit longer, just takes a little bit for some people to realize what they have.

It is long before all our friends knew you. I know, gosh, the podcast is having its third birthday this February and we just celebrated our fifth. Fifth anniversary, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a while. Which that's all kind of changing. I know, but I feel like honestly.

Do you still recognize like the first, when you started dating, date? Well, I mean, he mentioned it, dating for seven years, married for three. So I feel like, yeah, you kind of do. It's all of your context. I also think like the bigger anniversary to celebrate, like, yeah, your wedding is a huge deal.

Like that's a big commitment. But I feel like you should still celebrate your dating anniversary. Cause that's just like, it's also a big deal. Yeah. You have two anniversaries a year. Can I give a hot take to our friends and see what their opinions are?

Okay. I'm really curious actually. I personally feel like the date that you started dating. Because it was so big for me, that like I'll never forget that night, probably enhanced by you saying no at first and then it like all came together and I felt like my, you know,

my whole world was complete in that moment. I think I will always cherish the day we started dating that date over whatever day we get married. I could see that. My anniversary that I will love the most is that one. January 1st, right? No, December 27th. Fuck.

I just think it's cool. I wish I would just would have told you on the first. I wish I would have just held on to it for a couple more minutes. That's so lame. That's so lame. That's so lame. It's 27th. It's just so close to Christmas. But at least it's not Christmas or New Year's.

And it was just a product of our situation at the time. It had nothing to do with any surrounding date or holiday. Whereas people would be like, oh, you started dating on New Year's? Well, it is true. Yeah, okay. But I'm curious what people think. Do you like the, you started dating at New Year's. Well, it is true. Yeah, okay. But I'm tears of people think, do you like the date you started dating more

or are you still gonna take your wedding date as your anniversary like most people? Okay, yeah. Next story. Another one of this week's partners is Heineken00. I myself have questioned my relationship with alcohol for quite some time. Maybe it's a generational thing, but it's something I've really considered, which

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please enjoy Heineken responsibly. Okay, let's get new a little bit of some mother-in-law drama. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, trick, yeah. I'm working on another mother-in-law crazy moms theme, but I feel like this one is a good one for our lying agenda. Okay.

So it's 13 hours old. It is coming from Am I the Asshole and titled, Am I the Asshole for telling my daughter-in-law she needs to relax her rules if she wants me to keep babysitting? I'm looking for a second opinion. I've always been close with my son and daughter-in-law and think we have a really good relationship.

They live just a mile down the road, so we good relationship. They live just a mile down the road, so we are together. They live just a mile down the road, so we are together quite a bit. Babysitting has started to cause some friction, though, and I want to make sure that I'm being reasonable. My son and daughter-in-law have a three-year-old little boy that is as sweet as can be. My son works Monday through Friday, and my daughter-in-law is a stay-at-home mom. I babysit my grandson two days during the week so my daughter-in-law can have a break

and typically one evening slash nights on weekends for them to have a date night. My daughter-in-law has this rule that she wants to be there for any firsts that my grandson does. I get that though her definition of first is very broad, not just like the first trip to the zoo, but first time at a new park, first time seeing a new TV show, first time playing with a toy, etc. I personally think the restrictions are a tad

over the top, but her kid, her rules, and I have no problem respecting that. The issue happens is that she doesn't do any of these firsts. I'm really not sure what they do all day when they are home, but everything I ask to take my grandson to do, she says is a first that she wants to be there for, but then she doesn't do it. It's made it so babysitting is a lot of just sitting at my house with nothing to do and my grandson is bored.

So the other day I told her that I think it would be a great idea for her to relax the first rule a little bit so that I can take my grandson to do some things while I am babysitting. She did not like that and said that I was trying to take memories and special moments away from her. I'm not trying to overstep, but a bored three-year-old with no way to burn off energy is a lot to handle. And so I told her I don't know if I could babysit as frequently with the rules how they are.

She then accused me of blackmailing her. Am I the asshole here? No. Holy shit dude. Poor little baby, just staring at white walls basically watching paint dry. I'm just picturing like he went out and touched that tree. I've only seen him touch all the other trees in the yard. You let him go and touch that tree.

Like that's literally how ridiculous this is. What is this called? I'm sure there's a term for it. Well, I'm wondering like for me, I was like if this baby was still like one or even one and a half, like starting to hit a lot of those bigger milestones like walking and first words and things like that.

I could see why she wouldn't want to miss first, but maybe he's now three. This is a very active toddler. He's walking, he's talking. He's maybe even pooping in a toilet on his own. Like, you know what I mean? Like a first at this stage isn't as big as a first at one. There's five million firsts. The first time he goes to the goddamn grocery store. The first time, like, you can think of any thing in life. I know.

And the mom wants to be the furrow of it. That's a red flag. That's weird. Oh, his first time having sex, I have to be there. Like, where does this stop? Oh, where does it stop? Because, oh, his first date, I'm gonna go sit in the back row of the movie theater, like... You definitely know she would if this continues, 100%.

This is, well, right. I would say this definitely is so... What age does that, you know, start getting to be like a yo, chill out? Yeah. But yeah, I would not babysit anymore because this is ridiculous. What are you supposed to do? And what- You're very handcuffed.

And you're gonna be the boring grandparent that just sat and never did anything with this grandchild and not build any good memories except for sitting at home and being bored. Well, this is where I would lie. This is the power of the truth does nothing for you. This is where I would tactfully lie or play really fucking dumb. I don't know because if you get caught in that though,

then she's going to restrict you from seeing your grandkid and you don't want that. You guys live a mile down the road from each other. Take him to the nearest park and just be like, hey, we went to the park today. Oh, shit, thought you had already gone to that park. Or here's even better. Hey, would you like to go on Thursday? Let's go to the zoo. Me, you, little Tommy, let's go to the zoo together.

And start knocking out some of these things that are first and that she's refusing to do or hasn't done yet. So then you have opportunities to keep going back to them because taking a kid to the zoo man, that is so, so fun. And you can go again and again and again. So if you knock things like that out of the way, you're not gonna be bored.

I mean, that is a good strategy, even though it's hard to just deal with how ridiculous it is. The fact that you have to do that, and be like, mom, come on, we're going to blah, blah, blah. I would say this grandma, mother-in-law, is being like very, very respectful. One million percent. I just feel like I would,

I would be like, you're not grateful to have me as a babysitter. You don't recognize how much I step up and help out and give you the time to what most parents of young children don't get these luxuries of a day off, of a date night guaranteed every week. You don't know what you have here. Yeah, gold mine. And let her go take your kid to make memories and have experiences. Yeah. Cause grandma, grandma needs some like special moments for herself too.

Your kid does too. Because you're not doing it. I definitely think like for me, if I was the mom, the grandma writing in on this one, I would honestly sit down and have a conversation with the two of them, because yes, this is your daughter-in-law and you wanna respect her, but I think there's maybe more going on here.

Like my head kind of went down the rabbit hole of like, despite now, baby's three, is she still experiencing some like long-term postpartum anxiety, or just maybe has really bad anxiety disorder, I don't know. So- Cause it sounds like she wants to keep them contained. It seems like there's something going on with mental health

because I think a lot of us can recognize this isn't normal, this isn't the most healthy. And like, if she has had three years to do a lot of these things as first, like go to the zoo, why haven't you done that yet? And I know we've obviously, we've had a pandemic, we've still got COVID going on. We have RSV season right now,

which feels like it's crazy this year. I don't know why everyone I know has gotten RSV. Don't let people fucking kiss your babies. Just don't do it ever. I get like being cautious, but there are some activities like a park and you go in the grass and you bring a ball and you're away from other people.

Like she still should be doing those with her kids. There's a shit ton of stuff you can do. Well, and if you think about her own child's development, like she's maybe doing it for a good reason, trying to keep her kids safe, but by not providing your child enriching opportunities and activities, you're hurting their brain.

Like if you look at brain scans from children that get enrichment and get a lot of human contact, connection, activities, their brains are different. Your brain at that age is going through rapid pruning. So if you don't start forming those neural connections, our brain is trimming them. We don't need it, it's gone, goodbye. So you need to expose babies and kids

to as much as you can, it's crucial. She's shooting this little kid in the foot. 100%. One as much as it could create an unhealthy dynamic for her and the kid later on as the kid grows up. It could also lead to the kid being ultra dependent on her to do anything and not have the confidence to go out and try new things.

And there's a lot that plays in, like you think about school and you think about all these different things and making friends and joining sports and all this. And it might, hopefully it's not like, oh, I need my mom to come. Otherwise I'm too scared to do it. You just don't wanna see in these very formative, like important years,

you don't wanna see something develop where it's just on, you can't go back. Yeah, and there's a lot out there on helicopter parents like this. I would say she might fall into that box right now, but you also have kids that like grow up being super sheltered, helicopter parents, and then they just go the fucking opposite

off the rails deep end. And that's not what you want either. So. No, it just seems like it'd be good for the kid to have a little more balance. And I think the mother-in-law is a great resource for that. And use her while she's there. I mean, you have such a good situation.

Yeah. So top comment on this one with 2.4K upvotes, still pretty new, not the asshole. At this point, Play Koi. If it is a big first, obviously leave it for her, but take him to library story time, to all the free events in town and surrounding towns, to little gym or a church playground or the new park.

When he protest, which, when she protest, which she will, play the, oh my goodness, you said you had taken him. Well, what has done is done. The library is now in our weekly rotation. So there's that. Next comment, I think it's better to just say, I want to be able to take the kid outside. So let's knock out some of these firsts

so we're not trapped inside anymore. I will be happy to babysit again. Once you give me three places, I can put on my rotation. If she pushes back on this conversation, talk to your son and ask him to help you get some of these firsts out of the way. Because seriously, all she has to do is go to the freaking park once so you don't have to be trapped at home.

There is like a really easy solution here. But it, oh god, it's just I, she needs help with something because to be upset because you weren't there for your kids first time at a local park. Unless it was like the first time at a park ever. And if that's the case, yeah, like I might want to see my baby go down a slide. If a three year old hasn't been to a park, then there's bigger issues at play. Do you want to know something crazy

about parks and playgrounds? Sure. Do you know what a really, really common reason kids break their legs is? Going down slides with adults. I could see that. Their little legs get caught and break. And the force.

Yup. The momentum. Don't go down slides with your kids. No, but you know the big circle curvy slides? I don't like those ones. They're great for shooting bottle rockets up because they, and then they shoot way up in the sky and it sounds really cool when they go through it.

That's nuts. Late at night when no one's around, you know, of course not when anyone's there. Yeah, especially not kids. I really hated the metal slides because they'd get so hot in the sun. Did you ever get shocked? All the time.

I get shocked daily. Fuck and I wear all these fleecy shit fucking sweatshirts. I Just felt the need to swear. I haven't really sworn yet this episode. Wow. Oh, yeah, so it's her interest Even the tiktok of the cop coming out the slide Haven't seen that I showed it to you. Oh, I forgot. Oh my god I don't remember it goes down this metal slide and he comes flying out like on his face Oh, and the lady recording him is like what dude He goes down this metal slide and he comes flying out like on his face. Oh, and the lady recording him is like, what?

Dude, I just saw a picture of a baby on a slide. So I just scary. This baby also do age appropriate activities. Speaking of kids, this baby was like maybe, maybe seven months old. Maybe eight months at the oldest. Babies, like you start to get trunk control. Like usually you can sit babies like propped up at around six months,

but like they don't get really good trunk control. They need the lower back and the abs. There's a lot more that goes into it. And this fucking mom sent her baby down a slide, literally seven months old. Of course it flops back, hits it head as it flops back. And then as it goes down the slide, it's wiggling back and forth on the slide,

just head banging onto the wall. And I'm like, what? Where did you see this? Fucking TikTok. I'm like, what were you fucking TikTok? I'm like, what were you fucking thinking? And of course everyone's stitching it and being like, CPS, like I could see like kids too have such limited momentum.

They could catch something and flip over, like flop down too with that force, just the forward momentum. It's so dangerous. When you don't have control over your body yet, it's just slides or not. It's not even part of the equation. Yeah, this baby was, it was a young baby.

And like, they really, they really like, from what I've seen with Peds and OT, like six months, a lot of times they're still needing a little support or like you can set them up and they'll sit, but it's like then they go back to tummy time. Like they don't have that trunk control. You don't see them sitting. Right, especially for a slide. Yeah, like they don't really sit, sit well unsupported and can use limbs until like, I'm like really going back to my board exam. It's like nine months, somewhere,

I'm like nine, 10 months. It's just like, what the fuck? But I would say it's time to have a combo. Take her to the zoo, say let's go to the zoo, let's go do some of these activities today, blah, blah, blah, knock them out. You got me to help. Let's go, we'll go to the zoo, See a little shit, then you can go to Target,

I'll take over. Hopefully it just gets better too. Hopefully she lightens up. Fingers crossed, moving along. Okay, this is coming from Relationship Advice. Four days old, titled My 22 Female Boyfriend, 24 Male, is a passport bro and I had no idea. I've been with my boyfriend for eight months.

Things have been going really well between us up until a few days ago. A little backstory. I'm from a central European country and he's American. He said he settled in my country because of work opportunities. We met in a coffee house where I work as a barista. We clicked instantly and started going out a few weeks later. Everything was so good and we had so much fun. Fast forward to last week.

He asked me to help him with some documentation. I was happy too as I know my language is hard to understand and even translate sometimes. When I was searching online on his laptop, I stumbled upon some weird websites. They were all about passport bros. I didn't even know what the hell that was at first. And it basically had tips on how to settle in foreign countries, where to find a traditional bride, which country has the most beautiful women, etc. I was shocked and so confused. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I wanted to gain some clarity and checked his profile on one of these websites. He had full-on conversations about Eastern European countries, European women, how easy

or hard it is to take them out on dates, if it would be better to settle down in Asia instead, and so on. He decided to settle down in my country. I feel dehumanized and like he fetishized me and the women from my country. Also our whole relationship has been built on a lie because he told me he settled down here because he got a job offer. After I found out all of this stuff, I quickly took a few pictures of proof and then made an excuse to come home. He tried

to reach out a few times, but I told him I don't feel well, so I can't meet up right now. I can't even look at him. I feel so disgusted. Am I overreacting? How can I confront him about all of this? Yeah, that's crazy. I've never heard of that. It's basically like he's he's almost looking for like a male order bride. Yeah. But doing it by going to their country instead.

That's what it feels like. And so maybe is it all an act that the relationship is so perfect and happy? It feels like that. Yeah. Because that's where my mind would first go. My mind would get scared. It is kind of crazy. Oh, we have an update.

I don't know if we're ready yet though. Okay, okay. I think if I were to find that, the easiest thing for me would be to step back and walk away almost in the lightest way reminds me of that one really scary thing. You read the two episodes, the drag game. And how manipulative and how much of a game that was.

And it didn't even feel like, you know, it felt so far from just natural, nice, human, like interaction and relationships. That just kind of, that was scary. This is also scary, but it just makes it feel fake. And like you're a means to an end. Well, and so in my head, I'm sitting here thinking and I'm like, if genders were flipped, would we find this as weird?

I feel like that's not as weird. Like I feel like, you know, we have so many shows, 90 day fiance and married up first site. Like there's so many. I just think it comes down to what the foundation of it was, right? Am I just simply going to fulfill some need of yours or do you actually love me? And maybe that was like the reason you picked this country

and you landed here, but when you met me, was it not all about that? Because I feel like this is gonna be his excuse when he starts talking about it. Is yeah, you know what? I just had these weird feelings and thoughts. I stumbled upon this, I kind of got lost in it, but then I met you.

I feel like that's what he would go into, but is that reality? Because that is possible. Someone comes, you know, the flip, a girl comes to the US looking for a husband, find someone is like, wait, I actually am obsessed with this person and I want a life with this person,

though it weirdly coincides with this plan you had. Well, and I feel like it would not have been bad because I don't think there's anything wrong with going to a country to find someone you love or are interested in. I think if he was doing it for the right reasons, love, you know, a better life for himself, if he would have said that from the jump, like,

hey, I'm new here, you know, I came to really start my life, better job opportunities, meeting, you know, my wife. I'm really seriously looking for someone. If you would have said that from the jump, no one would bat an eye on that. But it's because she had to find out through this lie, this sneaky passport bro type stuff. And I will say like the term that she uses here,

where to find a traditional bride, that does kind of like ring some alarm bells. Like- Well, how long has it been? This is only four days old. No, like the, how long have they been together? Eight months. That's a decent amount of time.

For me, I would cut my losses at eight months. How will you ever know if it's real? No. And from what I brought up before of how we'll just be like, and then I met you and it all changed. He could keep playing that card and you just never know. How do you believe him? I would know.

Yeah, it's like the, what is it? What's the Truman Show? Yes, feels fake. The other one that freaked me out. Oh my god, Jane Austenland. Yeah, Austenland Austenland. Yeah that it's like that where I just Or it's like when people come back from survivor and they have all these issues because they're like can I trust you? Are you my friend? Are you my real fiance? Are you like just pretending to be in this for some some other ulterior motive?

Yeah, you start to question everything. So top comment on this post Visit the passport bros subreddit. It's an eye-opener and the relationship. Yeah Today I learned that passport bros is a thing Someone goes I opened this thread just so I could understand its title. I checked out the subreddit, MindblownMeToo, and I'm filled with regret. Well, that's a subreddit, I won't be visiting again.

Damn. I'm on it, just I went and pulled it up. It's got about, it's got 1.1K members. It's titled, grab your passport, let's escape the matrix, post your experiences and what you find, TikTok, YouTube, et cetera. People asking about Cupid sites. There's a YouTube video link to some guy

who it's kind of giving Andrew Tate vibes. There's a post called Strategies. How do you guys go about doing this? I don't want to pay for an expensive matching service. I like meeting girls organically and just spending my time talking to them and getting to know them. What are some services, companies, websites, strategies? So far, my only experience is talking to foreign girls on OKCupid.

How do I navigate dating in Columbia as a tourist? I'm not like, is it great? You're not seeing the dark side? as a tourist. I'm not like, is it great? You're not seeing the dark side? I'm not getting it yet, but there's another one called Passport Bro's Headquarters. That's only got 393 members though. Top post on it right now is quit calling yourself

a Passport Bro, start calling yourself a NATO Dater. And what pray tell is NATO dating? Not attached to an outcome or NATO dating is an approach where individuals focus on enjoying the present moment and the process of getting to know a potential partner without placing excessive pressure on the future trajectory of a relationship.

That I like. I mean, that's more normal. Which is what a lot of decent passport bros are looking for. Okay. Well, NATO dating I can get behind. But we have an update on this post. Yes. I went to go look and see if there were any comments

from OP, there's not, but there is an update. I ended it. It is a long one guys. Long one. Uh-oh. Wanted to come on here and reply to a few things and give a little update. I had no idea the last post was going to blow up so quickly. One, when I read his comments on those websites, it felt dehumanizing.

They were making stereotypes about us that are either untrue or outdated. We have all kinds of women here just like in other countries. Some like to party, some don't. Some are looking for flings, some want long-term relationships. Some want to stay single and childless forever. It's not true that most of us are submissive women who obey their husbands. Try telling that to a central European woman face-to-face and see her reaction. 2.

He told me he only came for work and it's funny we met because he wasn't planning on getting into a relationship. Judging by his comments online, it was a lie and he came here to look for a traditional wife. Yeah. Surprisingly, he never actually told me that he wanted a traditional relationship. He doesn't do anything that's considered traditional

in my culture either. I work hard for my money and go to university. So I don't want to be a housewife or stay at home mom in the near future. We've talked about this. So he knows what worries me is that someone online told him to start a relationship and then try to make it more traditional over time. I don't know if that's what he's trying to do or if he's changed his mind. I have no way of knowing and don't want to take the risk of wasting my time.

Yup. Four, he works at an IT company. Allegedly. he's changed his mind. I have no way of knowing and don't wanna take the risk of wasting my time. Yup. Four, he works at an IT company, allegedly. I've never been to his workplace and I have no proof of it. Five, traditional woman and traditional relationship can mean many different things in different countries depending on culture and social norms. He wants a traditional woman by American standards.

But that's not the same as what we consider a traditional woman here. It's pretty clear from his online comments that he has no clue of what the difference. It's offensive because it shows he knows nothing about our culture and history, and it's just relying on stereotypes and outdated assumptions.

Six, some people in the comments tried to justify his desire for a traditional wife, stating that European women should be happy and understanding about this. But what does he bring to the table? Why should a traditional Central European woman choose him instead of a man from our country who speaks our language, knows our customs and traditions? Seven, some people commented on my post that it was rage bait. This just proves the ignorance that people have.

And the person who said that Central European countries are basically the same as England or France, sounds like someone that failed their history class. Please don't be ignorant and educate yourself. Eight, I told my boyfriend, X now that I'd like to break up with him. We had a small conversation on the phone and I told him I wasn't in a position to continue the relationship for personal reasons. At first he was confused

and tried to convince me not to break up, but then he accepted it. Nine, to the comments that suggested it, and thank you for the idea by the way. I posted my story in local groups so other women can be aware of this whole passport bro thing and hopefully not fall victim to men like this. As expected, they found the whole thing disgusting

and were grateful for the heads up. We are not here for others enjoyment and to fulfill some submissive wife fantasy of someone who looks at us as stereotypes rather than individuals with varying personalities and preferences. If you go to a country go because you're interested in it and want to learn about a new culture or have some great opportunities not because you want to desperately lie to women just so you can get into a relationship or get some sex. Yeah.

I think she did the right thing. Yeah. This is where like he just shouldn't have lied at all. There's no shoulda, coulda, woulda at all. It's just like that was weird, dodged a bullet, and I'm moving on with my life. There's no really like, there's not much to analyze. It's just like, this is not what I want in my life. So, you know, it's heartbreaking.

Yeah. But I'm moving forward. Okay, next story. Another one of this week's partners is SeatGeek. I've been looking for the best deal on King's Tickets. I'm a hockey girl and I haven't gone to a game in LA in years. So I turned to Seat Geek tonight

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And if you wanna know the ticket is good, SeatGeek actually rates them on a scale of 1 to 10. So look for the green dots, green means good, red means bad. And you know I came through for you guys, use my code THT for $20 off tickets at SeatGeek. That's $20 off your first purchase with promo code THT. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app. Okay, this next one is coming from AITAH. It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Kicking Out My Sister-in-Law for Spreading True Rumors About My Marriage. True is in parentheses. My male 32 sister-in-law, female 18, is living with my wife,

female 27 and I, while she attends university. She has a partial scholarship and we let her live here so her family can save money. My wife was injured severely in a fall while hiking two years ago. Unfortunately, she has lost the use of her limbs. I love my wife very much and I will never divorce her. We have two very young kids that need us both. Also, my work provides us with medical

insurance, which obviously is very important to us. The crux of the matter comes down to sex. My wife cannot have sex, not any kind. There are medical reasons. No, I won't go into it. About one year after her accident, my wife was feeling very down. She was in a very dark place. She thought I was going to leave her and go be with someone else. I did not have anyone else on the side. I also had no time. I was working, taking care of two kids and assisting in her care.

I literally had no time for anything like that. Anyways, it led to a fight that led to me admitting that I still had physical needs that weren't being met by a quick wink in the shower. Before you ask, yes, we are both in therapy. This has been a situation that neither of us imagined when we met. Long story short, my wife finds me women that I sleep with and have zero emotional attachment to. I do not go looking for women. I don't tell my wife what to do. When she decides that I need it, she makes the arrangements. It's not perfect. It's not what I want. I want my wife to be healthy again. I want to hold her. I want to be with her. It's never going to happen."

It was a private decision that we made together. And as far as I'm concerned, it should have stayed private. My sister-in-law moved in with us in September to start university. She helps out around the house and with the kids. In return, she lives in our basement suite and I give her some spending money. She doesn't work hours a day or anything

She might watch the kids while I make dinner or she will work in my wife's garden One of the nights that I was going out as arranged my sister-in-law was supposed to watch the kids Instead she got one of her friends to watch them and then she followed me She saw me go meet a woman and go up to a hotel room. She took pictures. Rather than talk to her sister about it, she decided to wait until Christmas when we had the family over

to confront me with the evidence in front of everyone. I was pissed. My wife was furious and embarrassed. My in-laws were getting ready to kick my ass until my wife spoke up and explained everything. Nobody is really okay with it, but it wasn't what they thought.

But now everyone knows something very private about us that we didn't want publicized. I talked to my wife about it and her sister is no longer welcome to live with us. She is having to commute from her parents' home almost two hours each way. Good. Tough shit.

She could have talked to us. She could have confronted me. She could have talked to her sister. Instead, she chose to be a hero and tell everyone something that was never meant to be public. She is begging us to come back because she now has no social life

because she is traveling three and a half to four hours a day. Her parents are offering to rent the basement, but we do not want her here. Am I the asshole? Hell no. She is for sure. Oh, what an idiot. You know, because that's also plausible that you catch on to him leaving at certain times. You're like, hmm, this is interesting. And you follow, because there's probably some kind of story going on in her head. And she's like, oh, he's out doing this to her.

This is horrible. But that's where, I mean, as soon as you said Christmas family gathering, it was like okay This is what the fuck was she hoping for a viral tick-tock? POV you can front your sister's cheating husband. Maybe something dumb like that But what the fuck was she expecting? I see why this is a theme here this whole show Because this would have been a moment where I think naturally I think you probably talked to him and it's one of those things like you got to tell her

or I will. That's like you were saying in the first story with the ultimatum. Yeah. Like she approaches him and says, listen, I saw this, I have evidence, I have proof, thinking she is the hero. You know, in a lot of situations she could have been the hero in this, I have evidence, I have proof thinking she is the hero. Yeah. You know, in a lot of situations, she could have been the hero in this, right? But I think you go to him and then at a minimum,

you go to your sister where you cross the line and where the real wrongdoing is, maybe not innately is in the following. You know, if you really had a hunch and you're looking out for your sister and you're trying to, if it was all in good intentions, that's, it's- Go talk to your sister then.

Exactly. Literally, that would be my first point of attack. Yes, but then- Like my first reaction, holy shit, he just went in a hotel room with a woman. I gotta talk to her. Right, it crosses the line when it happens with the whole family,

because that just, even if someone is cheating, it's not your story to tell, especially in front of the whole family. In this case, it's just really bad miscalculation on her part. Again, this is one of those things though, like in what world is telling the family an appropriate response? And she's 18, she's, you know, fresh, graduating, first semester college.

She's probably saw it on the TV show. She's a young, you know, young woman, just not thinking very clearly, but like, come on, your sister, you have to recognize like your sister survived a tragic accident. Her life has forever changed. It sounds like now she's a quadriplegic, tetriplegic, depending on what term you want to use. And can you imagine how devastating that must be? Like, this guy's even saying, I wanna be with my wife. They're happy, they're in fucking love.

And she has her life ripped out from underneath her. And so you're just trying to enjoy a holiday with your family, enjoy togetherness and your sister out, your husband having an affair in front of everyone. I don't know how she thought she would ever be a hero when it's not like I'm gonna embarrass, I'm gonna publicly embarrass my sister that she is no longer enough.

She can't satisfy her husband, so he has to go turn to other women and he's cheating on her. In what fucking world would this ever make you the hero? I think with an 18 year old mindset. There's a lapse in judgment. The fact of your sister's, you know, the results of her injuries

and everything she's been through, I feel like the little sister is, feels like in an ultra defend mode. Like I'm protecting my sister, I'm looking out for her no matter what. And that's where I think that that logic could possibly come from, where it's like, she was probably expecting to say it in front of everyone

for her sister to look over at him and be like, you did what? And then everyone looks at him and is like, what's wrong with you? And it's all united front. Not that the sister, if it was cheating, I don't think she thinks, oh, like she doesn't have the emotional maturity

to think that the sister might sit there and be like embarrassed and hurt by it. I think she expected everyone, including the sister, to instantly look at him and be like, will you what your piece of trash? You get out of here, whatever they're gonna say. And because that's what you see in TV shows. That's what you see in movies is the whole family turns,

but you just, yeah, she didn't consider whether he was cheating or not. She didn't consider the sister's feelings at all. Yeah, I feel like when it comes to cheating, and if you are like that person that finds out, because I think about say this was my, you know, my brother and Amy. If Amy, if I ran in her at a restaurant, saw her with a guy, like I would want- You wouldn't reveal it at Christmas. I would definitely not reveal it at my family Christmas. We're gonna get to that in a story.

But I feel like I would go to Amy and be like, hey, I saw you out, what was up? Like I think you should tell Matt. And then if she didn't- 100%. And then if she didn't, I would tell Matt. 100%. But maybe being 18, she didn't feel she was, you know, comfortable enough to do that. I also am looking at the age gap, you know, she's 18, her older sister's 27. That is a huge age gap

for a sibling. Me and my brother are eight years apart. Yeah. And it put us just on different wavelengths. Like he was already graduating high school, living his life and I was 10 like it was yeah Yeah, it was so different. So, you know for her she probably looked up to her so much and Did want to come in and be the hero for her. So like I get There were probably really good intentions here, but holy shit. Just way to botch it. Yeah Whoo because now going forward, it just, you know, they made a decision as a couple

to help them be happy. Yeah. And they both came up with something they're okay with. And though it's not the most conventional thing for everyone's taste, it solves their problem. Yeah. They're living their lives,, it solves their problem. Yeah. They're living their lives, they're doing their thing, this is what they wanted.

So it just, it turned really sour. Wow. Yeah. So one of the top comments is, you won't ever be able to trust her with your privacy. So I do not blame you at all. I'm sure your wife is even less inclined to allow her back. As her injuries probably mean she's unable to adequately safeguard her privacy and is more dependent on the discretion

of others. Someone does comment, there's also leaving the kids with her friend while she went to go do her little PI work and OP responds, no, sorry if I didn't communicate that part well. The girl she left with the kids is a student at the university with her. She has baby sat for us in the past. Not the asshole. I'm so sorry, OP. She can't move her arms. Is there any chance of improvement?

Your sister-in-law is a piece of shit. She doesn't think. And again, like I'm starting to have a little more empathy now that I'm not so mad. And she is 18, like we've all... You can see how she got there, but just didn't play the cards, right? Yeah, and OP does respond.

Injury included three of the vertebrae in her neck, so no. Someone goes, not the asshole. Your arrangement, while not traditional, is nobody's business, but you and your wife's. If sister-in-law really cared, she would have talked to you, or more importantly, her sister,

the one allegedly being hurt. She didn't care about her sister. She wanted some grand performance exposing you in front of everybody, embarrassing not only you, but her sister, the person she should be caring about as well. Tough shit for her, she did this to herself. There is a really fun comment from someone,

but luckily it got downvoted. You're a piece of shit for sleeping around on your disabled wife regardless of if she condones it. And OP responds, better if I divorce her and leave. The same person responds, honestly, yes. And OP responds to them, hard no. It's okay, random commenter, it's not your decision to make.

Fuck these people. There's another comment from someone that goes, "'Your marriage won't last.'" And OP responds, "'I hope you are wrong. I will love her for the rest of my life. She's still there and I won't walk away. Fuck. Like knowing what I know,

and we've talked about this before, when women are in partnerships, you know, speaking of traditional heterosexual relationships, when a woman becomes injured, they're more likely to get left than if a man becomes injured. Women are more likely to stay with a man

and take care of them. Men are more likely to leave. My partner's disabled, I can't deal with this. So yeah, this isn't traditional, but if she truly cannot have sex, medical needs do not allow for it. What is he supposed to do for the rest of his life? I mean, she's 27, he's 32.

He's got, they both, like it's just so tragic, but like, yeah, this isn't traditional, but it works for them. But it works for them, yeah. It's no one else's life, but theirs. Everyone else needs to go fuck off. 100%. Can you imagine commenting this on someone's post? If he left her, divorced her,

do you think she ends up in a care facility? What the fuck is wrong with you assholes? There is a shortage of health care workers. Long-term care facilities are absolutely necessary for a lot of people, but they, most of them, most, are understaffed. You're not getting the care you'd get at home with your family? No, never. This is a time the power of the truth shot her in the fucking foot

and blew up this whole thing. Yeah. This is a time you fucking lie. You lie. You don't even lie. Mind your fucking business. There's no lying or truth telling. I mean, there's just nothing. There's no lying or truth-telling. I mean there's just there's no mission

It's just a mission and it's not anyone's business. You just know It's not your lie your truth to tell yeah Okay, moving along this one was a little bit heavy Changing a light bulb should be simple. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh-oh. That's not supposed to happen. Quickly submitting and tracking a claim on the Bel Air Direct app actually is simple. Bel Air Direct, insurance simplified.

Okay, so this next one, I'm picking because I want to vent a little bit. Okay. And you'll get why eventually once we read this. So this is coming from Am I the Asshole, posted 14 days ago. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Opening a Fake Gift During a Family Christmas Party. Every year, my family does Christmas at my mom's

and she insists that we open all presents together, even gifts between spouses, etc. It's normally an okay tradition, but sometimes it can spark jealousy or comparison between families. This year my husband saved up and bought me my dream designer bag for Christmas. I know some people aren't into that designer handbags, but it's something that I truly love. We're not well off, but we're not doing poorly either. But I knew that the handbag would cause a lot of discussion amongst my siblings and parents.

I just didn't want their opinions and criticisms to ruin a special gift my husband worked hard to get for me. So this year, my husband got me an extra gift that wasn't the real gift. It was a moderately priced skincare set. Christmas came and went without drama, but I recently posted a picture of my husband and our kids at dinner and my handbag could be seen

hanging off the back of my chair. One of my friends commented underneath about how gorgeous my Christmas gift was. Long story short, word got back to my family and they totally blew up. Some were annoyed that I opened a private gift separately from family, others were criticizing the price of the gift. My siblings are now calling me disingenuous for harboring a secret gift, and they said that I did it because I think that I'm better than them. I didn't open it with them because I didn't want their opinions, but now I'm starting to feel like an asshole for keeping

it a secret. I knew either way they'd all criticize me though, since it was so much more expensive than all the other gifts, so I don't know whether or not I'm wrong. That's so stupid. That's so dumb. The tradition of opening every gift in front of everyone is dumb. You should be able to have private, intimate moments with your partners and kids. What if you're getting someone like a dildo? lingerie.

Yeah, sex toys. I wouldn't want my grandma to see that. Oh my god, this is such a weird family. Oh my god. Does it remind you of anyone's family a little bit though? Unfortunately. Yeah. I think this is bullshit. I'm just gonna like I think this is bullshit. I'm just gonna like, actually talk about this one and then I'll share what happened at my family holidays. But I think it's really,

I don't know if the mom is like trying to make things more fair or she's a control freak. I think it's just weird. I just think like you should be able to have private moments with your family. And it sounds like this family doesn't violate the rules. I also think it's funny everyone shaming her.

It's like, really? You've never opened a one little gift at home? Never. It's just so stupid. I have no comments. I just don't think it's fair based on this post. It sounds like our writer has a really hard time with setting boundaries with her family.

The whole family has trouble with boundaries all over the place. Maybe a little people pleasing to now feel bad about this gift and I mean, calling her disingenuous for harboring a secret gift, but also you're criticizing her at the same time that you think you're better than us. Your gift is so expensive.

It's so unnecessary. You must think you're better than us. She's damned if she does. Damned if she doesn't. I don't know, it's a catch 22. If she would have opened the purse there, they would have been pissed. They would have said, fuck you, you're trying to show off.

You're trying to one up us. How do you get anyone something nice? Dude, I don't fucking know. So I really, really, really relate to this story. I have had like a lot of issues with a certain side of my family for a a while now, it happened four years ago, five years ago at one family Christmas with like,

I don't even know how to, I'm not trying to throw anyone under the bus, but I just feel like, I guess I could write this in as my own, am I the asshole? And let's do it right now, okay? Am I the asshole for going in on buying my grandma a car for her 80th birthday slash Christmas gift?

Me, my mom, and my little brother, noticed that my grandma's 20 plus year old car was falling apart, barely starting, and only had front wheel drive, which is not conducive for northern Minnesota. We get a lot of snow. It is unsafe for an eight-year-old woman to have a car that only has front wheel drive. Okay?

So, my mom reaches out to all the family, everyone, her brother, her sister, you name it, her kids, everyone. Do you guys want to participate in buying mom, grandma, a car? No, I can't do it. I'm unable to at this time. We have other things, blah, blah, blah, blah. Totally fine, you guys.

No hard feelings, no shame, no guilt. Just thought I'd ask, I want to include everyone. So we still proceed with it, me, my mom, my brother. I'm in Minneapolis, I go and get my grandma a car. It is used, but it is new. Like it came from a dealer, so it's a new car, but it's a used. It literally, someone drove it.

It's, you know, thousands and thousands of miles on it. It's not crazy. It's not like this fucking Lamborghini or a Ferrari or something I rolled up with. Like it's a Volkswagen used, like a beautiful car for my grandma, but okay, I'm trying to set the tone. So we get the car, it's the last gift she opens on Christmas.

I give it to her in this little box. I do not say, hi, grandma, me, my mom, and Taylor got you a car. I go, grandma, there's one last thing for you to open. She opens it, she notices it's a car key. I say something like, we, we, we got you a car. We walk outside, she's crying, she sees the car. No one really comes outside.

And you can tell like- It was silent. It wasn't a happy- It was so awkward. It wasn't a happy like, oh my God, grandma needed this. She's got bad hips, her car is unsafe. It was fucking pathetic. No one gave a fuck about my grandma.

They were pissed that we did it. And they thought it was just me. They thought it was just me showing out and trying to make them all look small. And they thought it was just me. They thought it was just me showing out and trying to make them all look small. And could I have done it a different day like this person? I could have. I could have driven over

and given it to her after Christmas without anyone there. But I know they still would have been mad. So we walk in from seeing the car. She's crying. She's so thankful, so just beyond. Over beyond overwhelmed, just doesn't know what to do with herself. I'm just like really gonna start crying, just even thinking about how fuck this is.

And so we walk in and as we're walking in, my aunt, her whole side of the family leaves. My uncle's pissed, he is so, so mad. And you can just tell. And so he leaves, my cousins leave, their partners leave. Half of the party is gone. They just walked out with six people. And my grandma hadn't even gotten fully in the house yet.

Yeah. They didn't say congratulations. How's your car? Nothing. They just left. Probably didn't even look. They didn't fucking care. They were so pissed. And so she's sitting there and she's like, did something happen? What's wrong?

Instantly took away. Instantly took away like all this like, wow, this is so exciting. And I don't want to say it ruined it, like, fuck their behavior in that moment. Yeah, she knows. My grandma, my grandma did not in that moment. Yeah, she knows. My grandma did not deserve that. You are pathetic. And if you literally look at what you're mad about, let's boil it down.

You're upset that grandma got a new car. Did Morgan, Danette and Taylor buy it? Yeah. But you don't know how much it cost. You don't know if it had a salvage title and I got it for 10 grand on a bargain. You don't know what the fuck I did. And I never said, me, my mom and Taylor, I said, we. My grandma up until they all walked out thought everyone had done it.

My brother was still in the kitchen and heard what someone said. Oh, well, that's how you do it guys. You get a big gift that says, fuck everyone else. Yeah, I mean, it's all insecurity. And that's these people. Like I get being in a position where you don't have money and if you do get a little jealous

and envious of other people. Be grateful for that you have someone around that can help your grandma out, keep your grandma safe, make your grandma's life easier or your mom. I mean, just fuck. I just, I never thought that would have came from my family. And like- That's all self-interest. Well, and so afterwards, they didn't talk to my mom.

Like my mom got ignored for days. My grandma really got kind of ignored to the point where my grandma did write me a check to like help, you know, take some of the burden off of all of us. But like, I didn't want that. Like she did that because everyone made her feel so bad about it, but it was all worth it. We did get a snowstorm in Duluth before the day before we left. And you know, it didn't, it didn't, this didn't feel good.

Like I, I did it for my grandma because she is literally my favorite fucking person. And like to have your family, like this OP even, call you disingenuous or you're showing off, you're rubbing money in our face. No, it was simply about giving grandma a new car that is safe and reliable. Doesn't have rust on the bottom, starts every time, has all wheel drive.

Like it's just really, really sad. But okay, it all became worth it when we got that snowstorm and she was getting really nervous about driving home. And she was like sad she waited too long. And I amped it up a little. Justin kind of scared her like he walked in, he's like Margaret, you gotta get going,

you gotta start driving now. You gotta hit the road. And she calls us once she gets home and she goes, wow, wow. That all wheel drive makes all the difference. It's almost like she didn't even know what driving a car like that was. Or that even existed. All wheel drive in snow, you guys. It's like wearing skates on ice where you can actually

steer and do stuff versus walking on ice in really slippery flip flops. I don't know. That's a bad analogy. But you get it. It's a world of difference. And she was like, I just feel so much more confident driving this in the snow.

It went through everything. She was so excited. And hearing that, it just made me, I was like, truly, fuck you guys. And I'm sure it's gonna come back, bite me in the ass. I'm sure I have family that listen or whatever, but you deserve to feel embarrassed. It goes along with the whole narrative.

Unless, unless I'm the asshole and you guys will let me know, because you definitely, you let me know. I could be the asshole. I could have waited. I could have given it to her a different day without anyone there. When it made a difference. I don't think it would have made a difference. I think I would have waited. I could have given it to her a different day without anyone there. When they made a difference.

I don't think it would have made a difference. I think I would have had this reaction. I think it's a catch 22. We would have all loved to have been there and seen it and celebrate Grandma together. And then she could have felt like we all participated. It's crazy. It would have, it, either way, it's gonna flip.

I know. Either way. I know. Well, I just wanna say thank you all. Thank you all for listening, supporting this podcast. You guys, you guys helped buy my grandma, my 80 year old saint of a grandma, a car. It would not have been possible without each and every one of you.

So thank you. I have no words for what this podcast has done for my life and my family's life. I was doing so well. I'm really holding it together. So thank you guys. And we're off to Patreon. but also thank you to Heineken for taking part and being a partner on this week's episode. We are still doing dry January, January 14th. Two weeks down. I'm doing pretty good.

Yeah, you're crushing. I love it. I feel really great. I've had some tough peer pressure moments and I'm still holding strong. Not for me. Not for me. No, never for me. But we had a friend's birthday where it's hard when everyone's ripping shots after shot and you're like, fuck FOMO, but I stuck strong. You didn't feel FOMO the next morning when you woke up though. No, I felt great. But yeah, dry January, Henneken, thank you. We are on tour, you guys, going on tour.

So get your tickets. We added second shows for a lot of them and those are close to selling out too. So after that, they won't get added anymore. So get your tickets. We really want to meet you guys. I would like to say thank you for helping buy my grandma a car in person. But I love you all so much. And until next time.

Until next time. Bye guys. Thanks for watching!