Two Hot Takes - 197: Leaving it in 2024..
Episode Date: December 26, 2024Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-hosts Justin and Michaela! Our very last episode of the year, so it felt fitting to give air time to the things we are leaving behind in the new year.... For example.. A partner that punishes you with domestic labour at home after a fight or a future MIL that thinks her son is babying his fiancé by just being loving.. 2025 aint got time for that! What is one thing you'd like to leave behind in the new year?! Can't wait to see your thoughts on these! MERCH IS ON SALE HERE ! https://shop.twohottakes.com I can't wait to see you all in these, especially at our live shows!! Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Zocdoc: http://zocdoc.com/tht Hinge: Refresh your Hinge profile early OR download Hinge today and set your 2025 dating intentions now! Essie: Shop essie nail polish in-store @ Target, Ulta, CVS, all the stores you’re already shopping at! Or online at your preferred Essie retailer! Gametime: Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code THT for $20 off your first purchase!Â
Transcript
Discussion (0)
No, we're like the three chip the chipmunks the Christmas chipmunks. I'll see it works that I'm in the middle because
We gotta get you in the studio with Justin start making some actual music a chipmunk Christmas album
I could I could sing chipmunk
See with a filter I'd be so down to sing. sing. And I think me with a filter would be good.
Oh my God, what could we like, we could sing like,
Mary did you know?
I heard the like, Pentatonix version of that song recently.
And I was like, okay, this goes hard.
It's not.
This goes hard.
No, it's good.
Are we ready, friends?
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
I'm really nervous for this episode.
Why, Queen?
Well, well, this is the last Too Hot Takes episode of 2024.
Forever.
I know, I kind of paused there a little bit and I'm like,
it's actually the last one.
It's kind of like when One Direction was like,
we're taking an indefinite pause.
Is that how they worded it?
Something like that.
I was never in direction or something.
Yeah, it's always the language of like, it keeps you hoping.
Yeah.
But then you just kind of know.
I know.
It's never going to happen again.
That will be a crazy day when I announce I'm done.
How dare you say that that could ever happen?
You picture her being 80, like, am I an asshole for kicking?
I actually think that that would be such a good podcast.
I would actually love if you started bringing on just like random grandparents.
My grandma's been on my dad's show.
We did an episode with my grandma.
She's 80.
She could be incredible.
I'm trying to get her on my podcast.
I think this trip home, I could really do it.
Is she like against it a little bit or?
No, no.
No, she's chill.
My mom doesn't want to be on my podcast at all.
She just doesn't want to be perceived by the internet.
Parents with podcasts could be such a thing.
We just rotate parents every episode.
But grandparents even better, in my opinion.
Am I humble?
Well, yeah, they're so wise.
The stories, the experience.
They've been through so much shit.
And they get so like, straight up.
They get, they really get to it.
They don't waste no time.
Well, I've become surprised how grandparents are just,
now that we are the age we are,
are just down to talk about things.
And you're like, oh, I thought this was so taboo.
I know.
Like this doesn't exist in grandparents world.
But we don't realize grandparents all-
They're living life as well.
Long time ago, they'd been doing all this.
Long before us.
That's right.
Recently when I heard that like our generation
or Gen Z is having less sex than any generation before,
I was like, so what does that mean about
what kind of life was my, were my grandparents?
I don't think they were actually,
my grandparents got, well the ones that I know
got married at like 18.
Depends if they were boomers.
Yeah.
Because they were booming.
Oh, wait that's such.
They were booming.
It's in the name.
It's really in the name.
It was the parents of the boomers, yeah?
Yeah, which is the silent generation.
So the silent was getting it all.
Silent was going crazy.
Imagine that time.
Yeah, well, I think even now I'm forgetting the stat
because it's been a while since I've heard it,
but like STDs in nursing homes are rampant.
Rampant, they do be banging.
They're going out with a boom.
Good for them.
And what else should they do?
Podcasting.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go.
Mobile rig.
The rig just like rolls in,
has two chairs on it, two mics.
It's got a ramp.
Sit down, grandma.
You can walk up with a walker or a chair.
It's time.
I think that's my goal, 2025.
Oh my God.
I would love like a video episode
of you reading to take stories
to like a panel of grandmothers.
Like five 80 year old women.
I love it.
Say less.
It's beautiful to me.
So my boyfriend shits in the shower.
It will happen.
And he stomps it down the drain.
I think that's what we do.
What do you guys think all, you know, what do you guys think about that?
Let me know if you guys want that in 2025.
I read some of the most iconic stories.
We'll do bracket style Two Hot Takes to decide the winners.
It'll be like March Madness. Oh my God. some of the most iconic stories. We'll do bracket style tuha takes to decide the winners.
It'll be like March Madness.
Oh my God.
And we'll bring on some seniors
and we'll see what they think of these stories.
You be careful. That's perfect.
You don't want to get their blood pressure too high.
I know. God, can you?
Read Coconut Story and then-
Dude, could you imagine?
I wouldn't want that blood on my hands.
I bet there are a lot out there that listen to this podcast, though.
Like, my mom, she's not like a grandmother age.
She's very young, she's middle-aged.
She's only like 60.
But she loves like, Am I the Asshole stories so much.
She loves looking at the...
They make her way to Facebook, I guess, when she sees them.
She also loves this podcast as well.
But I think you probably have a lot of seniors out there. Hey girls. Hey. I'll put together an application
form or you can nominate your grandma or grandpa. The golden two hot takes. Yep. The golden takes.
This is going to be good. But that's next year. Next year, we've got some really big,
Oh, okay. But that's next year.
Next year, we've got some really big,
really crazy things going on.
But this year, this episode, the last of 2024.
Reel us in.
They're all stories that have to do with things
we wanna leave in 2024.
Bad energy, bad boyfriends, bad mom-in-laws, you name it.
They're all things we're leaving in the past.
Obsessed. Are we ready? Lock leaving in the past. Obsessed.
Are we ready?
Locked in.
Let's dive in.
["Sweet Home"]
Okay, up first, this is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit, 21 hours old, titled Emma the asshole for getting upset with my mother-in-law for calling my son by
the wrong name because she likes it?
This diva.
My son is four months old. My husband and I absolutely love his name. However, my mother-in-law recently started calling him a girl's version of his name because she likes the name. Mother-in-law does not live near us, so at least it isn't
to his face. My husband has told her to not call him that because not only is it not his
name but it's typically a girl's name. We just received Christmas gifts in the mail
from mother-in-law with the girl's name and a smiley face written on his gift. Am I the
asshole for being upset about this?
Should we just let it go?
I just think if parents have strong rules about how they want to raise their kids,
all of, all of the other people should respect that.
I would love to know what the names are so that I could be like, all right,
like it's really that crazy.
Like Marty calling a Mart.
I don't know. Like, yeah. Or Marta. like Marty calling him Mart.
I don't know.
Like, yeah.
Or Marta, like.
Mart, hey Mart.
That was just closest top of my head.
But like, I totally agree.
It's like, they're not your kids.
Alex, Alexa.
That's what I'm envisioning.
Or like.
Something close, Justin, Justine.
Or Alex and like Alexi, like, I don't know.
Alexandra.
Yeah. It's't know. Alexandra. Yeah.
It's like Alexander, Alexandra.
Like, it feels like a really passive aggressive, like, and it's like, okay, that's his mom.
Maybe she's always wanted a girl.
And it's like, well, this is your grandson.
Like what are you trying to do?
Like you're trying to give this kid a complex?
Like I don't know, it's just weird.
It's so passive aggressively weird.
Especially once they've asked her to stop.
Yeah.
And she's still doing it?
Yeah, and that's your child's name.
What?
Well, it's like, I don't know how much effect
in the long run it would actually have on your child.
But if you want to set- Probably not.
I'd be fucked up.
I'd be like, grandma doesn't know my name.
Yeah, but you pick up nicknames.
You get nicknames in middle school from...
And you don't choose them.
And it just happens.
And it's like, imagine your parents went and hunted down everyone.
It's like, you need to call them, boba.
And just, I don't know.
I get it because it's within the family.
And it's so direct to where it's being written on a card and on a gift,
where it's kind of like, message not received,
I'm going to keep doing this and I don't care.
Then you got to start setting the boundary.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, my name is Mikayla and some of my friends call me Mitch,
which is like kind of a boy's name, but I also think it's cute.
I don't think it would have given me a complex growing up,
but I think like what's important is if parents say,
we don't want them watching this TV rating
or we don't want them, blah, blah, blah.
I think that the external or whatever family
should respect that, especially if they've said it
and they mean it.
Movies is a big one.
And like food, grandparents will fight.
Like if they're like, we really don't want her having
two whole chocolate cakes and Snickers and Mountain Dew.
Like let's give her an apple, maybe some carrots
and then a cookie.
And grandma's like, you're not gonna tell me
how to babysit when I'm watching my grandkid.
It's like.
Yeah.
Grandparents do that with dogs real bad.
Oh my God.
The dogs are always sick after grandma watches them.
You know what I'm saying?
Always.
Is that a thing?
Yeah.
Always.
Justin might have some personal history with that one.
Always.
Yeah.
Justin's grandma's dog was also like 200 pounds.
No, it was other grandma.
Oh, all the grandmas.
But the other grandma is bad with it too.
Both grandmas.
Oh yeah, I'd have to have a conversation with her
at family gatherings, but it was, you know,
when the dogs would physically stay with grandma.
But I gotta say, I turned out okay.
And maybe I did get an extra couple of cookies,
but I'm good, okay?
I enjoyed them.
So top comment on this one,
start calling mother-in-law by the wrong name,
preferably the male version of her name. This is not in good fun. Start calling mother-in-law by the wrong name, preferably the male version of her name.
This is not in good fun. This is disrespectful.
Get her ass.
Next comment. They need to start calling mother-in-law the name of father-in-law's ex-girlfriends
before he met mother-in-law. That will hit pretty hard.
Oh my God.
That's what I'd do, but I'm petty as fuck. Okay, Kimi Mack.
These women from 40 years ago, why am I in it?
Damn, Kimi Mack is coming with a vengeance. Someone goes, I see you twin. I'd be at the
bottom of the barrel right with you. This is crazy. This comment goes, I had a friend for years that spelled my name wrong all the time.
He has a uniquely spelled name too. Derek. D-E-R-E-K.
That is a normal. That's a normal. That's a really common name.
I'm like, my uncle's Derek. It's D-E-R-I-C. But like, I feel like that one's D-2.
No, I feel like D-E-R-E-K is really a common name, but I love that.
Finally tried correcting him to no avail. One day I texted him,
okay, Derek, and he went on a tirade about how that wasn't how you spell his name.
How long had we been friends, etc. Petty is the only language some people respond to.
Next comment.
Isn't Derek the standard spelling?
D-E-R-E-K.
Like that's the only thing on my mind now, not even the actual, I'm like, Derek is like
going through all the names.
That's always like if you get a souvenir and they've got preset names on them, Derek's
going to be on there.
Most common way to spell Derek. Double Rs.
Derek, D-E-R-E-K is the correct spelling of this common first name.
Yeah.
Derek is the most widely accepted and used.
That's what I was thinking.
This story a little bit is giving Bach from Wicked.
Oh, Bach.
Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach.
No.
Bach. No one saw the remix? I did see. I actually did see that today. Bok. Bok, bok, bok, bok, bok, bok. Me and Bok.
No one saw the remix?
I did see, I actually did see that today.
It's like a dubstep remix.
And the actress kind of like dancing to it.
I didn't see that.
Oh, she posted it. She was like, what the hell's shirt?
Marissa?
Yeah.
Who you met! She's so fucking cool!
Sorry, sorry.
How can we make every episode about Wicked?
Because it's constantly mispronounced the whole show.
Bok?
Yeah.
Is it?
She calls him Bic.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That's just Glinda.
She's doing her best.
So we do have some edits.
Ooh, edits.
Yeah, edit.
Mother-in-law lives across the country, so we see her once or twice a year.
She called my husband a week or so ago
while he was at work.
He can chat at the phone at work,
as long as he's doing his job.
And this topic came up.
Since he was at work,
he was limited to what he can say, obviously.
But he is on the same page as me,
and hates it and will be calling her.
This is a relatively new issue
within the last week or so. Also,
no contact is not an option, as the house we currently rent is theirs.
Edit number two. I've met a few people with his name and it's gained popularity over the
past year or so. It isn't common, but it's not uncommon. Per MyNameStats.com, his name
is used 94% of the time for boys, and the girl name she's his name is used 94% of the time for boys and the girl name she's
calling him is used 99% of the time for girls.
And it is?
I mean, it's bad.
You shouldn't do this either way just because they asked you not to, but I do wonder if
she's doing it for a gendered reason or if she just thinks it's cute.
I don't think that affects it being just stop doing it, but I'm wondering.
Trying to put her stamp.
Yeah.
Right on the forehead.
We do find out the name.
Oh, thank God.
Edit three, okay.
His name is Brooks.
I-
She's calling him Brooke?
She's calling him Brooklyn.
Oh.
I mean, I could see why she would just think
that'd be a cute nickname.
That doesn't change my opinion about like,
just stop doing it when the parents tell you to stop.
Yeah.
But like Brooklyn, that's kind of gender neutral to me.
Well, my first thought is city.
Like I always think Brooklyn, New York,
but like every Brooklyn I've ever met has been a girl.
So I'm like, I would, calling it a, like calling that,
you know, I'd be like,
but didn't we know a cat named Brooklyn?
Wasn't there a cat named Brooklyn that you knew?
That we knew?
Yeah, Austin's cat, yeah.
Yeah, so I'm like, it gives animal name too.
Brooklyn has a lot of options for what it could be.
I love the name Brooks. I will just say like, I love the name Brooks.
That is a good name. I want to write that down.
I was on chess team with Brooks.
I love Brooks. Like some of those other ones, like someone just named their baby River.
I forget some celebrity. I just, I love like, yeah.
It's hard to think of a good boy name. Boy names are harder.
Oh, I got a list.
Oh, good for you.
I'll show you.
I'd like to see it. It's good. Francis is on there. I love the name Francis. I, I got a list. Oh, good for you. I'll show you. I'd like to see it.
It's good.
Francis is on there.
I love the name Francis.
I think that's a good one.
Franck.
Not Franck.
That's giving a father of the bride.
The wedding planner, Franck.
Which, God, I need a wedding planner.
We're going to do that.
That's another day.
But yeah, no, I don't think asshole.
I think really hubby needs to put his foot down. Yeah.
Yeah, it's really a relatively minor issue.
But like if it bothers you that much, then get it sorted and stick to it.
Just call people the right name in 2025.
Let's just work on that.
Don't dead name people.
Don't make up names for kids that aren't their names.
Like let's embrace being respectful.
I'm going to keep trying to give you a nickname.
No.
I love nicknames.
He tries to call me Mo.
That's cute.
Yes!
You guys, it's the bartender from The Simpsons.
I can't be Mo.
That's not what I think of within that nickname.
No.
It's just Mo.
No, it's kind of cute. But like, if you don't like it, then you know that's...
Thank you. That's that. I think know, that's, that's that.
I think you can do better. Is the point.
All the others are taken, but it's good. We're good.
Okay. Moving to the next one. This is coming from r slash relationship advice, titled,
my 24 female boyfriend, 23 male cheated four months ago and got a girl pregnant.
What the fuck do I do now?
Leave him in 2024.
He just told me today during finals week.
We've been together for six years,
known each other for seven.
He said it happened four months ago
and the girl just texted him saying she's pregnant and doesn't know if she wants to get rid of it or not.
Well, we planned to get a house together and live together forever, but now I honestly
don't know. I thought he was good. He's my best friend. I just feel nothing right now.
Honestly, it hasn't even hit me. We never really fought. We got along. Same values and interests.
I'll let myself
hurt after finals. I feel gross for letting him touch me after he did that, even though
I didn't know. I feel bad about myself for still loving him. He's my best friend. I thought
we were going to be together forever. What am I supposed to do now? I feel so lost and
confused."
I think the reality is, you know, cheating is something people work through or they don't.
Cheating and getting someone pregnant, it's kind of like you're staring up at Mount Everest
and at the top is a potential happy, perfect relationship for you guys in the end.
I don't know if it's worth going to battle for that, but it comes down to you,
but I think you're really thinking,
I mean, it just happens.
So you're thinking out of emotion
and probably not a ton of logic.
So I'd let some time pass, get through finals,
and then really allow yourself the time to process
before making any sort of decision.
Wait, did he get her pregnant or the girl he cheated with?
The girl he cheated with.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
I just, I feel like the way she worded it,
I don't think she will ever see him the same,
like feeling gross by him touching her.
As someone who did take back, someone who cheated on me,
it was awful.
Like I became a crazy person.
I never got over it and then we broke up.
But I mean, they can go different for different people.
I can.
But it doesn't have to.
Like there are so many people out there.
What he provides can be replicated.
And you can find someone better.
You really can.
I think so.
I think so.
I mean, I have a problem with the fact that he cheated four months ago,
and the only reason he's telling her now is because that other girl is pregnant.
It's not like he's coming clean just to be like,
oh, fuck, I cheated last night.
And like, we've been together six years.
Like, what was I thinking?
Like, it's not like that.
It's like, you're coming clean because you have to come clean.
Otherwise you never would have.
Which also makes me think it's probably not the first time.
Yeah, that's so, that's a huge part of it.
Like, if you can't trust that person again,
and then you're always second guessing things,
you're always trying to find the truth,
trying to see if there's actually something else
behind what they're saying to you.
It's just so hard to come back from that.
Like the dishonesty.
And to wait that long.
Like you're thinking about it that whole time.
Every single day, I mean rather,
every single minute is a chance to come clean.
But yeah.
Why do it on finals week?
That, it's like, did you want to sabotage her even more?
Yeah, like, let me get through this week.
Selfish. Selfish.
It's because he, I don't know,
probably is just at a point where it's like, I can't...
He's freaking out about his own sake and his own life.
And so now it's like, I have to release this for my own sake.
I mean, that's what it's really feels like. And I think to release this for my own sake.
I mean, that's what it's really feels like.
And I think a lot of people do do that.
Like a lot of people come clean for their own conscience
rather than like the benefit of the other person.
And that's like one thing I used to have a saying
for it in my head and it's like, it's fallen out,
but it's like, why are you coming clean
for your own selfish reasons?
It's like, just keep it to yourself.
Like, unless the other person, it's case by case basis, right?
There's a lot of nuance there.
But I'm like, sometimes it's just like, you fucked up.
You don't need to bring that other person down.
Just keep it to yourself.
You made that choice.
You live with it, bitch.
Yeah.
Similar with like conversations with someone that you've broken up with and they treated
you badly and now they want to get it off their conscience and
Apologize about it when you're okay now. It's like this isn't actually for me
This is to make you feel like a better person like you're apologizing, but it's to take the load off your your shoulders
I've been good. I got over it myself
Yeah, yeah, the one other thing I was thinking with this one, too
Obviously birth control methods can fail,
but I always find it extra disrespectful.
And like the bar is really low, right?
But I'm like, if someone cheats
and they don't use protection,
I find that so disrespectful
because not only were you violating the boundaries
of your relationship and your love for that person,
your truth, whatever.
Like you were so disrespectful
that you didn't even wrap it up
to prevent the spread of disease.
Yeah, like bodily harm.
That extra detail really pisses me off.
Well, it's unlikely that in between the cheating
and the next time he was with her,
he went and got tested and did everything.
I mean, it's-
It's been four months.
Some stuff like takes a bit to bake.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's unlikely that you only cheated one time
and happened to get someone pregnant
that one time that you cheated.
The chances are low.
Yeah.
Like low.
So annoyed.
We do have quite a few comments from OP.
One is, yeah, I'm coming to terms that this is probably the end of the relationship, especially if she keeps it.
I never want children, even as a stepmom.
There you go.
So it's like, that's an extra nail in the coffin there.
I just scheduled an appointment to see my doctor.
I have awful contamination OCD too.
So this whole situation makes my skin crawl zero out of 10.
And there is, like I looked at Opie's account,
there is a post history talking about like a metaphobia.
Oh my God.
Ooh, wow, yeah.
So like, yeah.
It's time to look forward,
but the blinders on, passes in the past.
2025 is gonna be amazing.
That's right.
2025, leaving this dude behind,
it's gonna be your year, baby.
But I understand the difficulty
in immediately separating from that person.
I think it sounds a lot easier in theory to be like,
oh yeah, so when she don't even got someone else pregnant,
obviously I'm immediately leaving.
I have more self-respect than that.
And like, yeah, in the ideal world,
when you're a little bit separated
from the situation, you will,
and you'll feel better later on that you did that.
But when you're in the moment and that's your best friend,
like that is so hard to emotionally detach
all of those crossing wires.
It's the worst.
It's like the worst feeling.
No, I imagine like,
cause we're, our six year anniversary is December 27th.
Oh my God.
Yeah, so it's like, that would be like,
if I found that out, I would, I'd go nuclear.
But I know I would have a really hard time moving forward
because it's like, we have this life, we have this future.
Like unwinding all of that in my head.
Justin's my left hand.
Like I'm just like, we're just, he's my person. Like I'm just like, he's my person.
So I'm just like, I would, dude, I'd be catatonic.
I mean, yeah, when you have the right partner,
you build your lives around each other.
Like you start to fit like a glove,
not that you're completely dependent on each other,
but just that's how life works.
And then, you know, we always
say a lot that the past is no reason to stay with someone in a bad situation. But yes,
you have to consider and realize that it's going to be extremely difficult to move forward.
But there are much better things ahead. I agree. Top comment on this post.
Hold your finals, hold your tears, but do not hold on to this man.
He didn't just cheat, he created a whole new life while playing house with you.
And he waited four months to tell you?
Only coming clean because pregnancy made it impossible to hide?
That's not a confession, that's damage control.
That was my thought exactly.
I know you're numb right now.
Six years of forever plans just got nuked
by one night of selfishness,
but don't you dare feel gross about yourself.
The only person who should feel disgusted
is the one who betrayed six years of trust
faster than you can say positive pregnancy test.
We never really fought.
Doesn't mean shit when he's out here fighting
for the gold medal in relationship destruction.
Your best friend spent four months looking you in the face,
planning a future while knowing he might have a baby
on the way with someone else.
That's not friendship.
That's fraud with a side of gaslighting.
Focus on your finals right now
because your education is the only thing that won't betray
you.
But after that, time to face reality.
Whatever future you plan with him just got rewritten into someone else's story.
He's about to be someone's father, maybe?
That's not something you can sweep under the rug of forgiveness.
Don't let six years of history trap you in a lifetime of hurt.
Sometimes the hardest part isn't losing someone you love.
It's realizing they weren't who you thought they were in the first place.
Let him deal with his baby mama drama.
You've got a whole life to rebuild without his chaos in it.
Was this written by a poet?
I know they read him.
That was incredible.
I'm like overwhelmed by that.
That was like checked over five times.
That was insane.
That was beautiful, concise, read to filth.
Just-
Oh my God, I'm ready to tag them in.
I'll go sit over there.
Yeah, now he's got some bills to pay.
Like, yeah, you go off and do your thing.
Yeah, and in the prime of life, 24.
Oh my God.
Let's go. Yeah, let Oh my God. Let's go.
Yeah.
Let's get crazy.
Let's get wild.
That's when you find your real person.
Aw, guys.
Isn't this nice?
Well, we met at 24.
That's what I, yeah.
Oh, 25.
That's so cute.
How old am I?
I think I was 25.
I don't know.
Anyways, but the last episode we had, you were like, maybe I do want love.
I'm like, did I say that?
Yeah, you did.
That's so crazy.
It's out there for you.
Or no love.
Yeah, choose love.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe.
2025.
2025, yeah.
Maybe I'll leave my chastity in 2024.
Maybe that's what I'm leaving in 2024.
I love that for you.
Could be. I love that. That's a in 2024. Maybe that's what I'm leaving in 2024. I love that for you.
Could be.
I love that.
That's a great plan.
Go, Michaela.
Okay, moving on to the next one.
One of this week's partners is ZocDoc.
As you all know, adulting is hard.
Sometimes we just want one thing taken off our plate.
And for me, that is scheduling doctor's appointments.
I miss the days my mom
would call my dentist or my doctor and just deal with everything. And fortunately, ZocDoc makes it
a lot easier handling it on my own. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and
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using ZocDoc myself since 2015, long before the podcast and ZocDoc has gotten me out of emergencies. Next day appointment
with my gynecologist, booked on the app, didn't even have to make an awkward phone call, done.
This is where it's easy to find good doctors and it's because of the real reviews from patients
just like us so you know exactly what you're getting before you even walk in the door.
Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash THD to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com
slash THD. Zocdoc.com slash THD. Trigger warning on this next one friends. It does contain talks of
abuse.
It gets a little heavy, so please skip ahead
if you feel you can't handle that today.
This one I have read, it has since come out with an update.
I have no idea what it says though,
but the original post had me furious.
So again, I'm sorry if this doesn't fit the episode theme
once we read the update, but we'll see what you guys think.
So this is coming from r slash relationship advice titled,
last weekend, I, 36 female, drunkenly flashed my husband's
31 male friends and he still can't let it
go. I've apologized and promised not to drink again. What more can I do?
It's nearly 6am here and he has yet again woken me up at 2am to tell me how much he
hates me and how disappointed he is in me. Last Saturday, I went out to lunch with friends.
I've probably only ever been drunk 10 times
in my whole life, and this is one of them.
I wasn't terribly drunk, but I was definitely tipsy.
It was about 4 p.m. when I got home,
and my husband had two friends around
watching football with him.
My phone was dying, so I went to get the charger,
which was plugged in near the TV, and I was blocking it as I struggled to reach for the charger.
They were playfully telling me to get out of the way and booing me when one of them said,
quote, move your arse, we're trying to watch the match.
And I genuinely don't know what came over me, as I've never done anything like this before,
but I turned around and pulled my top and bra down
and said, watch these instead.
This steam off.
I feel so embarrassed just writing that.
They all sat there in shock
and there was an awkward couple of seconds of silence.
And then I just left the room as quickly as I could
without my charger.
After they left, my husband came upstairs and was screaming and shouting at me that
I embarrassed him, cheated on him, he hates me, he insulted my looks and age a few times,
which I won't repeat here. I just kept apologizing and said I'd make it up to him. The next day
I again said sorry, and I would leave if that's what he wanted, or I'd do anything to make it up to him.
He ended up writing me a list of things I had to do to make it up to him.
The list was, one, don't drink.
I can handle that.
As I said, I don't drink anyways.
Two, delete his two friends who were over off social media.
I did that.
Three, do all the cooking and cleaning for a month. Okay.
4. Message the girlfriends of the friends, telling them what I did and apologize. I did
that. Neither really cared.
5. Sleep in the spare room until he wants me back in bed with him. I've done the things
he asked, but every night he's woken me up,
shouting at me and name calling me.
This morning, I told him enough is enough
and to either let me sleep and start to move past it,
or I'll go live with my mom until he decides
whether he wants me or not.
I know it's only been a week and it's my fault,
but I don't know how much more I can take.
Was I harsh to say I'd leave?
And can I do more to make him feel better?
I'm so curious about your take first.
Okay.
Your face just now was horrified though.
Well, I like to, you know, let people go first.
Take it away.
Appreciate, appreciate.
Okay.
So I think you did yourself the biggest favor you've ever done yourself in this relationship,
because you're exposing who your partner really is.
And whatever with this action, whether it's right or wrong, or whether you regret it, who cares?
Because it just saved you so much time.
And, you know, all of this, all of his actions, I feel like would have come out
at some point.
He is very immature.
He's very controlling, somewhat bordering,
what could lead to abuse.
I would peg him as an abuser right now.
This is abusive.
Well, this is, yes.
And I'm saying it can get worse and worse.
I think this exposed something and it is time to leave
and leave all of this behind because this isn't a reaction
from someone I would want as a partner in the long run.
You didn't go out and cheat.
That's ridiculous.
This is not cheating.
Yeah, to say you cheated on me.
This is like a mistake. Yeah, it's probably not the right time or place or whatever for
that.
It's just boobs.
It is, but it's just like, you know, I bet there's a little bit of regret. But regardless,
it's not that big of a deal.
And it just kept getting worse,
like doing dishes and cleaning
and go sleep in the spare room
until a mature person who actually loves you
and is your partner would have not yelled and screamed.
That was the first point I knew were going downhill.
If it were me and I was upset by it, right?
Let's just say I would come upstairs and I'd say,
hey, that was a little interesting.
Like, why did you do that?
Made me very uncomfortable.
It made them uncomfortable.
And now it's just kind of an awkward thing.
But I would never in my life yell and scream
and put all these provisions over this.
It's ridiculous.
And she already like feels embarrassed about it.
She already was like, I don't know why I did that.
I understand that bothering someone and then being upset about it.
So I was like, oh yeah, I would probably be upset about that too.
And then I was like, wait, but not like that.
And also the way that he was yelling at her, things about her age and stuff like that,
saying things that she wouldn't repeat.
And then, yeah, like the ways that he told her
to make it up to him,
a lot of those didn't have anything to do
with actually healing the problem.
No.
Like they weren't things that would repair trust
or like repair, it's just like completely do
these servant things for me and also never drink again and never like that.
I don't know.
It felt like he was waiting for a moment.
Yeah.
To anything for her to misstep for him to just unleash all this.
It feels like he's been stacking all this up in his head.
Yeah, I think that's a great point too.
Like he's definitely using this to his advantage.
And then like to your point, Michaela, like the servant thing, it's like,
do all the cooking and cleaning for a month.
What does that have to do with us and our relationship
and me, you know, flashing someone and making a mistake?
Like, what, you're punishing me.
Like, you're going above and beyond punishing me.
You're punishing me by making me do a bunch of labor.
You're trying to embarrass me.
You want me to be embarrassed further,
which is why you're making me message these people.
You're yelling at me.
You're talking terribly to me.
You're waking me up in the middle of the night,
screaming at me,
which interrupting someone's sleep again and again,
that is a warfare tactic.
Like that is not, that's not okay.
So you break someone down.
And to have that much rage every single night.
Like not even just blowing up once.
It's not that huge.
It's crazy.
Like sitting there just, oh.
Yeah.
And by the sounds of it, this post is coming from, I think it's like a week later.
So it's like, from when it happened. So it's like, he's been doing this for a week. Like,
oh, you're screaming at me every night at 2 a.m. for a week. I'm going to hit you with
a bat. Like, I hate being woken up. So it's like, there's no way around that.
It's not like, hey, can we talk?
Like, I'm trying to fall asleep and I can't sleep.
It's like coming and screaming at her.
Like, this is, honestly, this is scary.
This is not, ugh.
And it's like, if there's an issue in a relationship,
for example, an issue of trust,
then the ways to make it up to someone
is to maybe go to therapy together
or talk about like maybe what caused you to act that way
or whatever.
Like if there's an issue in a relationship,
there are ways to address it that actually fix that issue
instead of just like bombarding someone
and controlling them and like humiliating them
and belittling them.
Like that doesn't fix whatever you're saying
is the problem in your head.
This guy's a child.
Insane. Someone does point out the comment,
like point three, do all the cooking and cleaning for a month.
One of these things is not like the other.
He's just like, sneak that in there.
All the others make sense, but this one?
Sleep in the spare room until he wants me back in bed with him.
This last one is not okay.
It's like putting a dog in its crate,
and you're not even supposed to put dogs in their crates as punishment.
Crates should be a safe space.
So it's like, get out of here. Go sleep in the spare room.
It's like, until I want you.
Like, this is a person, not a yo-yo.
Ugh, insane. want you. Like, this is a person, not a yo-yo. Insane.
People who actually get cheated on aren't even reacting this meanly.
Right.
I'm just, I'm blown away. I'm not seeing any comments from OP, but someone does point out
something interesting. Throughout all of this, OP never mentioned that this kind of behavior was abnormal for
him.
Being upset and betrayed is one thing.
Screaming at her every night and taking advantage of her guilt is totally different.
Sounds like he's lashing out trying to punish her.
They need therapy, says the next comment.
Next comment down.
He's trying to figure out how to work it to his advantage.
He can get out of cooking and cleaning forever.
Well, you have to make it up to me.
So for the rest of our lives,
you have to do all the cooking and cleaning
without complaint because you flashed my friends.
That one threw me for a loop, says the next comment.
Yeah.
That's just so weird.
Okay.
The update better fit in the theme.
I'll tell you right now.
Manifesting.
He apologized.
He came back.
We're so happy.
We're doing couples therapy now.
I'll leave.
Is that what it is?
Update, which is coming 14 days later.
The night after I made this post, he yet again woke me up shouting and shining a torch in
my face. So I'd had enough and shining a torch in my face.
So I'd had enough and I went to my mom's.
Torch is I think British for flashlight.
That makes more sense.
You looked, you looked concerned.
A flamethrower.
While there, he was constantly texting me, abusing and calling me names.
So I blocked him and then he started sending things to my mom.
I went back to the house to discuss things with him
and see if he wants to work on things or end things.
He opened the door and once I was in,
he pushed me in the back to the floor calling me a slag.
As I tried to get back up, he kicked me back down
and again called me a slag.
Oh my God, I just like don't even want to go on this is just
So much worse than I thought
No, but you were right that this was like a pre
indicator of further
I
Got up and said you're being fucking stupid none of this is appropriate for one second of a boob flash
He turned around and punched me in the mouth
There was nothing dramatic after that. I just turned around and punched me in the mouth. There was nothing dramatic after that.
I just turned around and walked back out.
I've saved the pictures of my lip
and the messages from him afterwards calling me
and saying, it's the least I deserve.
I'm at my mom's now and after the new year,
I will ask him for a divorce and tell him
that we either split fairly and quickly
or I'll ring the police.
Some of his friends also found my original post,
and have been messaging me, calling me names
for airing his business in the public.
Hello, friends, if you read this.
All this over one second of boobs.
And for the people asking how I'd like it if he did it,
he's always topless.
And for those comparing my boobs to genitals,
I'd laugh if he willy-coptered around the room
because it's quite big, so it would look funny, LOL.
Eww.
You don't need none of that going on.
Oh my God.
I'm just...
She should chop it off.
Pit it with a hammer.
On the bright side, she is leaving him in 2024.
What a badass.
Yeah.
Absolutely like needed to be left in 2024.
It's difficult to do.
So props to her.
Oh, a lot of people are saying like, props to her. Ugh.
A lot of people are saying, like, go to the police now.
Go to the police immediately and don't ask him for a divorce.
Force the divorce through.
He deserves all the consequences that are coming.
Don't hold the police in reserve.
Go straight to them, then divorce him.
And that is, like, a good point where it's like, he doesn't need protecting.
He chose to become a violent abuser and hit you. If it does help your divorce move forward quicker,
put it on record. Like there's some states that like, and I get this, this sounds like the UK,
given the context, but there's some states that like,
you have to wait and be separated for a year.
And some places it's two years.
Like there's some states that have like
really strict divorce rules.
Like we talked about this on a Patreon
and someone commented on it.
And they were like, in this state,
you have to wait like and be separated two years
or something.
I was like, what?
That's insane.
That's an insane amount of time.
And so I'm like, if this helps you,
and it should be documented, this should go on his record.
So the next person that gets in a relationship with him,
there's a record, they know what they're dealing with
because this is not okay.
Right, cause it's not, that's not,
that's not on you necessarily to do,
but that not only benefits your divorce proceedings,
hopefully, but yeah, then it can be out there
and you can help future potential victims.
Wow. It's crazy.
I know.
I'm like shocked that it would,
because that is often I think in a lot of these stories
are fear of where it'll end up, but we don't always get that update of it actually happening.
And I wonder if any of this was slipping through the cracks before this.
I wonder if there was signs throughout, you know, it's hard to get the context in one
Reddit post.
Yeah. There's signs throughout, you know, it's hard to get the context in one Reddit post, but it just makes you wonder
because there are very scary instances
where all of a sudden relationship perfect,
one thing happens and it's just like, poof.
Yeah, and also like,
I'm also someone who doesn't drink that often
and I've dated people who had controlling aspects
of their personality that didn't come out until later,
because I wasn't doing any of the things
that would have made them upset.
And that kind of sounds like what happened here.
Like, she doesn't drink that often.
And the one time she did, like, he made a big problem about it.
It's like, well, now you can never drink again.
So it's like sometimes there are these dormant,
controlling traits that you just haven't triggered,
because maybe you just don't go out,
and you don't really do those types of things.
You don't even realize that they would cause
such a fuss about it if you did.
Well, I don't think you should ever
have that power over someone.
You should never tell someone,
you can never do this again.
If you're a supportive person, you'd say,
might be smart to have one or two and then be good, you know, and just see how that goes.
But never, you should never drink again.
You should never do this again.
That's not supportive.
That's not a teammate.
Well, it should also be like, you know,
I didn't appreciate what happened.
Like it really, I felt really disrespected.
You know, maybe you should just evaluate
your alcohol intake.
Like it should always like be their choice versus like, you know, your you should just evaluate your alcohol intake. Like, it should always, like, be their choice versus, like, you know,
your ultimatums are more so about you and your boundaries
versus controlling the other person.
Right. And I would feel that way too,
but if I came to my partner and they were already like,
I'm embarrassed that I did that, I'd be like,
oh, then we don't even need to talk about this.
Like, you feel weird about it, I feel weird about it.
That was just like a silly blip that happened.
I mean, everyone has different comfort levels
with that type of thing.
And obviously you hope to be with a partner
that has a similar comfort level to you as those things.
But yeah, if someone's like,
wow, I can't believe I did that.
The moment I did it, I was so embarrassed to be like,
well, then I don't even need to tell you
and like that I'm uncomfortable with it
if you already are.
He was waiting.
He was, he was.
And it's like the moment she stepped out of line
and out of his control, he went crazy.
And I will say too, like if you've ever blacked out
or drinking too much and done something stupid
and you wake up the next day and have to hear what you did,
like that is punishment enough.
Like you are just sick over it.
And so it's like, she's clearly punishing herself.
There doesn't need to be this added layer of like, torture.
And I don't know, and maybe this is just me.
Maybe we need some comments.
But I don't think flashing your boobs is like,
the biggest deal.
But I will say I'm like, very desensitized to it
because I have multiple friends that like,
they're boob flashers.
Like that's their prerogative after like too many drinks
or a couple drinks even.
Like they, they're just flashers.
Like ever since college,
I've always had friends that flash.
I don't know.
I don't think it's a big deal,
but I understand that there are people out there
who would be like,
Hey, why'd you do that?
The other thing, the other rule of his that was crazy to me in regards to that is to unfollow
his friends on social media after that experience.
Like that also feels like an indicator of crazy control.
Because like, what are you implying by that?
Like what are you saying that she was trying to do?
Are you really like, you don that she was trying to do?
Are you really, like, you don't even want her
to know your friends anymore because of this instance?
Like, that one was also kind of crazy to me.
You don't trust your friends.
Yeah.
You...
Yeah, sorry.
No, I was just gonna say, it almost felt like a dog
pissing on a light pole, like, marking his territory.
Like, they saw her and they will never see her again.
Like, you can't be trusted. You're not going to be around my friend. Like it felt very territorial
in a weird way. Anyways. On to better things. Moving along. And people. Moving along. Yeah.
One of this week's partners is Hinge. Did you know Hinge is the dating app designed to be deleted?
And I'll tell you right now, I met Justin on Hinge and here we are six years later,
but I know not everyone has that story. And if you take a moment to pause and reflect
on your dating journey over the past year, what do you see? Is it as crazy as some of
the stories we read today or have you really had a good time connecting with people and
enjoying your journey to finding your person?
And regardless, what do you want in the new year?
So right now is as good as any time
to update and refresh your hinge profile
to better represent who you are,
who you've grown into this past year
and who you're looking for.
So update your photos,
answer prompts that mean the most to you.
That's one thing I loved when I saw Justin's profile
is his prompts were funny.
I connected with them,
but we're leaving a lot of bad things in 24
and embracing a lot of good things in 2025.
And one of those should be love and dating
and finding your person,
which could be on Hinge.
Mine was.
So refresh your Hinge profile early
or download Hinge today
and set your 2025 dating intentions now.
Thanks, Hinge.
Do we want to lighten it up
or save the lighter for the end?
Maybe lighten it up now.
I was like, please give me a reprieve.
Either is fine actually. I'm fine either way. No, but that depends's like, please give me a reprieve.
Either is fine actually, I'm fine either way.
No, but that depends.
Like, do we lighten up now and then it just goes
really downhill for the, forever?
How downhill does it go?
Yeah.
Cause I'm, I can stay in the mud if we need to.
No.
Okay, I won't go as hard.
We'll, I'll give you a slight reprieve,
but we'll still save, still save the good one for the end.
Okay.
So this is coming from Emma the Asshole,
would I be TA public?
It is titled, Emma the Asshole for telling my son
to stop treating his fiance like a child.
My son, 26 male, recently got engaged to his fiance,
23 female, and my husband and I flew to where they live for an engagement celebration that his fiance's parents were
hosting.
We were there for a week and stayed at my son's apartment in his guest room.
Throughout the week, I noticed that he practically babies his fiance and treats her like a child.
He brushes her hair every night, which is simply excessive to me.
One night, I got up late at night and went to grab something from the kitchen,
and I knocked on their bedroom door to ask, and when I went in, she was sitting on his lap
and eating ice cream while they were watching a movie. On our last night there, my son was
cooking dinner for everyone, and his fiance just sat
on the countertop chatting with him the entire time.
It comes off as something you would expect a father slash young daughter relationship
to look like.
Before we left, I spoke to my son about this and I told him to stop babying his fiance
and he didn't respond and change the topic of conversation. And he has been
distant since then and I don't know what I should do. Am I the asshole?
Am I crazy? Cause wait, those didn't sound like that much of like she was sitting on
his lap. That sounds like a normal relationship thing and sitting on the counter talking to
him all night. Why is that babying? Am I crazy?
I'm like, this is love.
This is love.
Am I wrong?
I think her husband just hates her.
Well, you know, where's this coming from?
Like, what's the point?
Why is this bothering you?
She didn't really give a good example of the babying.
I was like kind of ready to be on her side.
And then I was like, wait, what was the...
Spoon feeding the meal the whole time.
She was cutting up his steak for him and feeding him
and rubbed his back to burp him after.
That kind of just sounds like sweet.
["BURPING"]
["BURPING"]
I would actually like to be burped like a baby.
I just, I don't get it. I'm confused. This be burped like a baby.
I just, I don't get it.
I'm confused.
This is just giving like, not great mom son dynamics.
I think there's a little bit of like
a lack of boundaries here.
I mean, that to me was kind of a given with the,
one night I got up late to grab a snack.
I knocked on their bedroom door to ask, and I went in.
Yeah. You went into their bedroom
late at night. She was sitting on his lap and eating ice cream while they were watching a movie.
Yeah, like that example doesn't sound like anything. Also, they're newly engaged. Like, what?
They're celebrating their love. Like, that sounds just like engagement bliss, happy, like a couple
winding down after a day, eating ice cream.
Would you rather them be like five feet apart in bed,
just both watching the movie like this?
I don't know. Apparently.
Do you want your son's fiance to hate him?
Like what?
I don't know.
And then the other example was she was like
sitting on the counter talking to him.
That's the most normal.
That's what, that's like an engaged partner like you're cooking. I'm sure if he needed help she would pop off the counter and grab the milk like yeah you
know me and like at least she's not just in her room on her phone like she's engaging
with him still she's she might not be cooking but she's present.
Right.
And I feel like if she had any better examples
of this, she would have given them.
Oh, for sure.
So that's why I just don't think this is an issue.
This is weird.
This is weird.
2024, what's getting left behind is budding
into people's relationships and being weird with your sons.
Yeah, that's what, and I was like,
it's either gonna go one of two ways,
either yes, they're being really obnoxious,
or this is one of those mothers of sons
who unfortunately just don't like to see their son
with a girl in that way, and they get like weird about it.
No, you've brushed my hair.
I literally said to Justin the other day,
I was like, I would love to teach you
how to use that Revlon blow dry brush,
because my arms get a little tired sometimes. Yeah, absolutely. You're up there like...
I gotta work up to that though. That's... We'll start small. We'll let you do one layer.
Well, the bottom layer is easy. Yeah, yeah, no, we'll get back to the regular brush first.
Yeah. And then... You know how to braid though. He's been practicing braiding by braiding the
horses. So, you know, he's getting there. He's ready to be a girl dad.
I'm being trained.
Yeah.
Top comment on this one.
You're the asshole.
I expected a description of him treating her like a baby.
Not basic romantic gestures.
Thank God I'm not crazy.
I thought it was crazy.
If you continue your behavior, expect even less contact
with your son.
And can we just, there's one line here I do want to point out too.
It comes off as something you would expect a father, young daughter relationship to look
like.
I don't think so.
I don't think, I don't think so.
I mean the brushing the hair, but like.
This like sitting on the lap and I mean, I guess like, yeah, if they're really young, but like...
That was, I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking that one,
but I didn't really...
No, it's just not where my head would go.
No, and the statement means nothing.
It's like, that's what you'd expect
living, breathing humans to do.
Well, like, it's just weird.
I know.
Next comment down.
I thought maybe he was talking down to her or ordering her around, not just being in love.
Next comment.
The absolute horror of sitting in your fiance's lap in your own bed while spending time in your own bedroom. I'm just like what went through her mind
when she went into their bedroom
and like saw her sitting on his lap
that she thought that that was a gross, like, incestuous moment.
I don't understand.
Also, who does that?
Like just walks in.
I mean, who...
At late at night?
We know those people though.
Knock knock, door opens.
It's like-
Give me a second.
Hey.
Could have been way worse.
My dad, so my dad did once.
Oh.
Yeah, he has since learned, do not enter.
He'll knock, let me know he's out there.
But the other day we also had to tell him
to like not use our bathroom
and like use the bathroom in the, that's meant for guests.
And he's like, why, what am I gonna see in there?
And I'm like, you never know.
You never know.
It's our bathroom and we just sometimes have stuff.
There was stuff in there too.
There was stuff in there and I'm just like.
So people do start getting a little interesting
with their comments. Okay.
Let me see what you guys think on this.
Someone goes, if you're jealous, just say that.
And it's gross that you even think you have a say in the romantic life.
You're the asshole.
Sounds like mommy is jealous that her little boy has a girlfriend.
Next comment.
One which OP responds to,
info, are you jealous?
Why were you knocking on their bedroom door late at night
and surprised to see intimacy?
How is your relationship with your husband?
OP responds, jealous of her?
From what I see, she doesn't bring much to the table
and is leeching off my son financially
and otherwise.
There's nothing to be jealous of.
Okay.
Well, of course you'd say that.
Well, and provide an example, please.
Yeah, provide your incredible examples.
She's going to be like, he makes more money than her.
So huh.
Okay.
My son.
Well, you kind of caught it a little bit in the post. My son's apartment.
Okay.
But sounds like she lives there.
Right.
And they're getting married.
So it's their home.
Someone responds to OP.
There it is.
That jealousy.
Next comment.
And yet you provide no examples of her leeching off him financially.
Seems like jealousy to me.
We have a couple more comments from OP.
The least she could do is actually help him rather than just sitting there and watching in regards to the cooking.
So what?
There's so much you don't see.
Are you there every day?
And maybe he just loves to cook and he wants to do that.
Is that forbidden for a man to do?
If he is happy and he's doing what he wants to be doing,
he's fine, he's okay.
I'm sure she does stuff.
I'm sure whatever they worked out is working for them.
They clearly are happy with each other.
He's an adult.
Making his own choices. There it is, yep. working for them. They clearly are happy with each other. Yeah. He's an adult. Yeah.
Making his own choices.
There it is, yep.
Let your, let him fly out of the nest.
Not this helicopter buzzing around all the time.
No, it's quite strange.
So OP does respond to that comment,
and yet you provide no examples of her leeching off
of him financially.
Seems like jealousy to me.
And OP goes, he makes over 200K a year and is also studying at a top 10 business school
in the country.
She doesn't come close to that objectively.
She's living in his apartment and he's covering all of their expenses.
That is leeching.
Next thing you know, she's pregnant and he's tied to her for 18 years.
He's marrying her.
So this runs deeper.
This is, she just doesn't like her.
No one's gonna be good enough for her baby boy though.
Yeah.
Like by the sounds of this, no one.
Exactly.
Like this is toxic boy mom to a T
and there's so much of this energy out there.
It's insanity to me.
I just saw a video of some mom who already had a daughter.
Her daughter was her first born.
And then she had a little boy after.
And she made this whole like long video being like,
I didn't know love until I had my little boy.
And like, I loved my daughter,
but like having a son is so different and so big.
God damn.
Well, they think they're like,
I raised him to be so great and so wonderful
and so successful,
and now you get to reap the benefits of that.
Is that what it is?
Like, I, yeah, yeah.
Like, what should you be reaping the benefits of that?
That it's all like, I feel like for this story especially,
that's what it is.
She's raised the successful man
and yet she gets nothing from it.
All this hard work. Yeah, this other girl does.
Gross.
Yeah, I mean, why can't the happiness of him
being successful, having a happy relationship, living
his life be enough?
Yeah, like job well done.
You know, like a lot of people are just getting your kids to the age of 18 and not having
them, you know, whatever, like having them get there successfully.
That's a feat in itself.
I know.
Absolutely. That's a feat in itself. Yeah, absolutely.
That's scary.
And I think like too, not everything is like,
not every relationship has to be 50-50, a financial split.
Like she could provide so much emotional support
and emotional labor and lighten his load
in so many other ways.
And you also just saw a blip of their life.
And maybe he wanted to cook dinner
because you guys were in town
and he wanted to make that special meal for his parents.
But 99% of the time, she's the one cooking.
Like you saw a blip and based on you and your attitude,
I doubt you're that close with your son
and he shares the intimate details of his life.
He probably doesn't want to because of how he'll be judged by you.
Yeah, like him going silent when she said that,
that feels like a response to where he knows he just can't engage with her
when she gets like this, and she's done it before.
It's easier to just move on.
And yeah, I could absolutely see being like,
oh, it's my parents coming into town, I'll handle dinner tonight.
Like, it's my family, I'll make them...
Like, that's a normal... It's like one dinner that it's my parents coming into town, I'll handle dinner tonight. Like, it's my family, I'll make them eat. Like, that's a normal...
It's like one dinner that she's mentioning.
She's literally giving the example of one dinner.
I mean, regardless, even if we could prove right now that she never cooks
and doesn't help, it's still his choice.
He's making this choice to be with this person to the point where he's proposed.
Let them live.
Yeah, if he were writing in and saying, hey, I'm doing all the cooking and I'm making all
the money and she doesn't do anything, I'm very dissatisfied.
We'd be like, okay, set some boundaries.
That's not what happens.
That's not what's happening here.
No, that's far from what's happening here. No, it's far from what's happening here.
No, leave this toxic boy mom energy in 2024.
Let your kids be happy and love who they want to love.
Yeah, love is love.
I think this is the time in the show where we have a coin flip. Ooh. We're going to take the pressure off the people.
I think I've made it unfair on a lot of you.
Where I have had, I've put you in precarious positions, making very tough choices.
Specifically me.
And then the people get mad at the one that you picked.
So our new segment here is leave it to the coin.
I give the coin two choices and we take it from there.
However, however, especially if there's two guests on the sofa, you can put your opinions
together and if you agree to veto and go against the coin,
you can.
So you do have veto power.
That's frightening.
We'd have to feel very strongly, I imagine.
And you both, it has to be, what's that big word?
Unanimous.
I've lost all my confidence after the last episode.
The coin flip did save Justin on the last one.
That's why I pulled it out. That's the reason it exists.
Get the coin ready.
Oh, you tossed your phone behind the couch.
It's time for Silly Songs with Larry.
Is that a VeggieTales thing?
You are my cheeseburger, my tasty cheeseburger.
I'll wait for you.
Yeah, I'll wait for you. You don't know that's fine. You're going to get us a copyright strike.
So good.
Thank you so much.
Wow, that's really nice.
Tap to flip.
Okay.
The Swilby heads.
Am I the asshole for not having dinner ready when my fiance gets home from work?
Or, tails.
Am I the asshole for yelling at me?
Am I the asshole for not having dinner ready when my fiance gets home from work?
Or, tails, am I the asshole for yelling at my fiance
to stop talking so much?
Give it to the coin.
Okay, which would you have picked?
The second one.
Let's see what the coin-
This is why I love the coin. We're not coming to a decision, I'll tell you right now. Oh wow, you like the first one? You would have picked the first one. Let's see what the coin is. This is why I love the coin. We're not coming to a decision. I'll tell you.
Oh, you like the first one?
You would have picked the first one. Have dinner ready.
I'm just too scared to pick now.
You guys, don't give Justin some. He picks good most of the time.
I've gotten yelled at too. So maybe not the coin.
Give it to the coin. That's what it's here for.
The best part is when you do this on stage. So maybe not the coin. Give it to the coin. That's what it's here for. Give us the coin. Hey.
The best part is when you do this on stage.
I do.
Cause you get the crowds reaction and they pick so well.
That happened at the LA show.
I picked the wrong one.
And then I was like, oh, then the other one.
Nevermind.
I'll just leave.
I know.
It's so good.
Okay.
We ready?
The coin is flipping. Oh wow. I love that you're showing it. So we ready? The coin is flipping.
Oh wow, I love that you're showing it
so we can't be accused of cheating.
It is tails.
Option number two.
Hell yeah.
Can't be mad at us.
Can't be mad.
The other one will be going to Patreon though, don't worry.
So again, titled,
Am I the asshole for yelling at my fiance
to stop talking so much?
I'm male 24 and my fiance is female 25.
We've been together since we were 16 and 17
and everything was perfect.
Recently, however, she's taken the habit
of literally nonstop talking, 24 seven,
just talking and talking and talking.
And I never said anything in the beginning.
At first, I used
to actually listen and talk about whatever she was talking about with her, but after
a few months, I just started ignoring her. But she never took the hint. I'm an introvert
and sometimes I just want to sit in silence and peace and not have to listen to a literal radio every single hour I'm with her.
So today I snapped.
I didn't even realize what I had done until it was already done.
I yelled at her to please stop talking so much and close her mouth for just a minute
so I can have some peace.
She looked shocked and just stared back at me
and called me a jerk and a terrible person.
She made me leave the house
and won't answer any of my calls or texts.
I know I was a bit harsh, but I think she overreacted.
She must've known on some level she was being super annoying.
Am I the asshole?
Folks, it's a tough day for yappers.
100% you're the asshole, are you kidding me?
Did you ever make an attempt to say,
hey, I'm working on this or I'm doing this?
Right.
There's gotta be a way to approach it that's not,
hey, shut your mouth just for one second
so I can have a break.
I mean, did it not occur to you
that that would make you an asshole?
I'm wondering if she like recently got on ADHD medication
or something, this happened to me.
Yeah.
I can't.
You would yap 24 seven?
Yeah, when I was like taking Vyvanse, I was yapping.
Just random things too. Yeah, but when I was like taking vivance, I was yapping. Just random things too?
Yeah, but then I would delegate. I would find different friends to yap too at different
intervals of the day.
At least you were, okay, you were a little self-aware.
I was respectful with my yapping.
You were strategic.
And as well as strategic, which you sometimes have to be.
But yeah, no, like you're saying, I mean, this is poor communication if it has to get to a point where you're exploding on someone instead of, you know, having a moment
of first like, hey, you've been a little more chatty lately. What's going on? Is there something
going on? Or like, hey, I'm working right now. Sorry. We can talk about this later.
My beloved, let's chat later. Yeah.
XX.
I mean, you can say chat later or like, I guess like I'm just kind of confused how they've
gotten this far.
Like she loves to yap.
So much so that he describes her as a 24 seven talk radio.
It is funny.
Like the way he described her, I'm like, do you even like your fiance?
Yeah, but they've known each other since they were 17 and 16
and now all of a sudden, she's yapping too much?
Yeah, I mean, that's eight years.
To say, I used to actually listen and talk about
whatever she was talking about,
but after a few months,
how many years have you been tuning her out?
Right. Do you even like her?
Yeah.
Why are you getting engaged to someone you have so much disdain for?
Maybe because they've been together for so long.
Sunk and cost fallacy.
Leave it in 2024.
The two methods he described are ignoring her, not good, and blowing up at her, not
good.
Surely there's another way.
Like yapping with her, maybe.
Like, yap to her about it.
Yap to her about the problem.
Or just like, I mean, have you communicated,
hey, like, I would, you know, I want some quiet time.
Like, Justin's very good when he needs like a little break.
He'll be like, I would love to play some VR later.
And it's like, yeah, you should.
Go, get in the game. Go.
Like, all he had to do is like,
babe, I love you, but I'm a little more introverted.
I just need, you know, I need to recharge my social battery.
Right, I'm like that. I need alone time real bad.
I'm like, ooh.
The socialization has really taken its toll on me.
I need some moments alone.
But if I'm with friends on like a trip
or dating someone or whatever,
like they all know that about me.
And if I go to my room for a couple hours,
it's like, no one takes that personally.
I talk to them about it.
I'm like, not about you, not about anybody.
I'm just gonna take some time.
I'm just chilling.
Just roll on my phone, I'll be back.
Yeah.
I'm just chilling.
And that's normal communication.
Even with someone you haven't been dating
for a mystery amount of time.
Yeah, mystery.
I'm curious if there's any comments from OP, but first and foremost, the top comment.
Top comment, you're the asshole.
If something is bothering you, it's your responsibility to communicate that in a healthy manner to
your partner.
She isn't a mind reader and has no way of knowing
what's bothering you if you don't say anything about it.
Yelling as a first form of expressing discomfort
is not the answer.
And that's what I would like to know.
Has there been conversations
and she continues to yap 24 seven?
It doesn't seem like it.
No.
And that would really hurt my feelings too,
like to be told, and it would affect sort of the way
I communicate with them in the future.
I'd be like, oh, they don't like when I talk.
Like that sucks.
Am I talking too much?
Like, am I crossing that line or?
I don't know, cause I'll just find out
when he blows up at me next time.
How weird.
I really like this comment from someone.
Exactly.
My husband and I both get in chatterbox modes,
and if one or the other isn't feeling it,
we just go,
hey, I love you, I appreciate you,
but can we have a little quiet time?
We can talk about this later.
And it's literally never been a problem.
Just, yep, do you want quiet time alone,
or is it okay if we just veg on the couch together? Yeah. later and it's literally never been a problem. Just, yep, do you want quiet time alone or
is it okay if we just veg on the couch together?
Yeah.
Someone replies, it really is that simple.
It is, yeah.
Or it could even be funny if you're like, baby, you've been talking for quite some time
now. It's just like not that...
Take a rest. Are you in vocal cords? You know, babe, take a rest.
Baby, we're going to get nodes. I'm worried about you. Not the nodes.
So someone goes, you're the asshole.
Is this how you plan to treat her for the rest of your life?
Call it off for her sake.
OP responds.
No, I know what I did was wrong.
I should have told her sooner without yelling or making her feel that way.
I guess it's a good lesson for me to learn this early on.
Misty, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm wrong. I should have told her sooner without yelling or making her feel that way. I guess it's a good lesson for me to learn this early on.
Mysteriously early on, I guess.
I know, someone does go this early on.
You've been together for like eight years.
What the fuck do you mean?
I mean, I will say it's not like he did
the worst thing in the world.
I think it's like poor communication and rude.
I think that like, it's not, they need to break up. I think they's like poor communication and rude. I think that like it's not they need to
break up. I think they could probably get past it. If it becomes a pattern. Yeah. Then yes. I mean,
if this were to happen again, then come on, grow up. Well, I did misread. But they have been together
since they were 16 or 17. So now my question is,
how did you go eight years without saying something?
No, but didn't you say that she never yapped
the way she's only just recently become a yapper?
God, see, this is why you've almost read
a hundred books this year.
Thank you so much.
It's in there.
94, guys.
Recently, however, she's taken the habit
of literally nonstop talking.
Recently. So then I would like be like, what's taken the habit of literally nonstop talking. Recently.
So then I would like be like, what's changed?
Yeah.
Like recently.
Like the Adderall medication potentially.
Or like, honestly, is this more about him?
Like, is he just disengaged now?
And then she feels the need to like compensate for it.
I do remember like, and this is maybe now like because of the story and like hindsight, I remember like, I had an ex in Canada, and I would have to fly to
like the nearest airport, which was like Edmonton or Calgary, depending on like flights and
cost. And then he would pick me up and we'd have like, a really long drive, like, I'm
just Googling like the drive time. So it was, it's about
like three hours. So every time, like, I would be in the car and like we hadn't seen each
other in person, because we were doing long distance, and I'd be in the car and like,
I remember thinking, is this like, is this what the relationship is? Like, do people,
do you, is it normal to run out of things
to talk about with your partner that you haven't even seen?
And I felt like I was always the one
like engaging the conversation.
Like there was no conversation
unless I was the one prompting or asking questions.
And I remember in the car, distinctly thinking that,
and I'm like, is this normal?
Are we, is this like comfortability in silence?
Or do we just genuinely like not have anything
to talk about?
Yeah.
I think, sorry, I think the fact that you were thinking that
I know means there's not the comfortability in silence.
I know.
Cause otherwise you would know it's like,
oh, it's so nice that we can just be in silence right now.
I know.
But I am a little bit of an over thinker.
And being not as, I was 21, 22, 22, I think, at the oldest.
So I'm like, I was in a different maturity and I was a lot more inexperienced.
And so it was like, huh.
And so maybe she's there.
Maybe she feels this need to compensate
and like continuously engage him because he's not engaged.
He's not participating like he was or, you know,
like what's changed.
I also feel like if you're chatting more,
that usually means you're like happier
or like it's kind of a nice thing.
It's nice that she's so chatty.
It's nice that you've known her since she was 16
and she still has so much to say to you.
Like, I don't, like, I think those are nice.
I understand getting annoyed by it,
but I don't, I just feel like his reaction is so negative
when like there are positives to this.
One other thing is what if she's always been the same way
and he's just tuning out and getting annoyed by anything.
So it's like, nothing's changed,
but you are just not interested in her anymore.
I wonder if it's that or this hypothesis.
The comment we read from OP is the only response we have.
However, based on their ages, male 24, female 25, and the word fiance, I wonder if this
is a recent engagement. And the thing that she is talking about 24-7 and trying to engage him about
is wedding planning. Your genius mind, Morgan. I'm like, I'm wondering. He's like, no, because you brought, I didn't realize like this is a recent thing. I'm like I'm wondering he's like no because
you brought I didn't realize like this is a recent thing I thought this was a
whole eight-year thing and I'm a little you know don't yell at me but I'm like
okay recently what's changed recently? Yeah. Fiance is the engagement new? Yeah.
No shit she's gonna talk about an engagement she's excited and there's a
lot that goes into wedding planning like is that what this is? Yeah. And I wonder if she would say she's talking more.
Like that would be so interesting to hear what she thinks.
Like if she were to be like,
no, actually this is how I've always been.
Or if she were to be like, yeah,
we just got exciting things are coming up.
I wanna talk to him more.
I wanna connect before this big moment.
I don't know.
I wonder.
I always want the other person's side so bad.
I really want the other side on this one.
I feel like there's a lot of context missing, but like, don't get married to people you
don't even like.
Like, I wonder if it is a recent discovery and I'm rewatching How I Met Your Mother Right
Now and the episode I just saw is one where they're pointing out each other's, like, icks, and they don't describe them as icks,
but like, Lily is a really loud chewer, and Ted noticed, and then he broke that facade for Marshall,
and so Marshall starts noticing. And then Ted's is like, Ted is always, like, correcting people
and pointing out facts about what they're saying, and, you know, there's all of these things that the glass shatters
and they start realizing all of these icks about each other.
And that could be something too, where he's just now realizing,
damn, she talks a lot.
Right.
It's like, fuck.
I like your theory though, about it being about the wedding,
because he knows he would sound like an asshole if he said,
she's been talking so much about our wedding
or like so much about,
she's been trying to talk to me
about wedding planning so much.
Like I could so feasibly see someone leave that part out.
For sure, because so many Reddit stories
are written self-serving.
They're obviously going to.
People asking if they're the asshole
are gonna try to portray themselves as not the asshole.
They know what they're doing.
They fully know.
Except some doubt.
I don't think the mom knew.
She had no clue.
What mom?
The mom with the girl sitting on the lap
and on the counter.
Come on.
She was just completely.
No, she called that girl a leech.
No, she's just delusional.
Like she called her a leech. She's just delusional. She called her a leech.
Oh my God.
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Okay, this next one.
I am enraged over this one.
Oh, good.
It is seven hours old, coming from relationship advice,
titled, This Weekend, I, 29 Female,
Got Very Drunk and Told My Boyfriend's, 35 Male,
Friend's Wife That He Is Cheating on Her.
I regret this a lot, and I created a big mess for everyone
involved and I'm looking for any advice on how to potentially try to salvage these relationships.
Long title, right?
Yes.
Our OP, our writer, is dating a guy who's 35 male. He has some friends, friends cheating on his wife.
OP told the wife, hey, your husband's cheating on you.
Okay.
Yeah.
And I would too.
Sorry, let's get the context.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half and he recently bought
a ring but hasn't proposed.
I think that might be now out of the window
because this weekend I got very drunk
and stupidly and carelessly,
and I cannot believe I did this,
said to the friend's wife
that the friend isn't faithful to her.
Ugh.
This man does cheat on his wife constantly,
as does his other friend who was there with us that night
with his pregnant wife.
I have a lot of issues surrounding all of this.
I've talked to my boyfriend
about how much it bothers me a ton.
And he has basically said that these are his long-term friends
and that their actions aren't his responsibility
or his fault.
I do really trust my boyfriend and I love him so much,
but I have serious trauma about married men being unfaithful
because my boyfriend prior to this was secretly married
and it really messed me up.
I've projected that resentment and anxiety onto his friends
and I felt it inside, but I've kept it in.
Up until Saturday when I made the comment to his wife while wasted. felt it inside, but I've kept it in, up until Saturday when I
made the comment to his wife while wasted.
It caused a fight between them, my boyfriend and I went home, and I texted the wife the
next day to apologize, and I also said that I was projecting things when I told her about
the cheating.
My boyfriend asked me to cover it up and I did.
Because I wanted to try to somehow preserve the relationship between my boyfriend and I
and not jeopardize the friend's marriage.
Even though it gutted me to do so on a lot of levels.
I know my feelings of anger
about the cheating friends are valid,
but it absolutely wasn't my place to say anything.
I'm looking into
therapy to handle my anger on infidelity, and I'm considering seeking treatment for
alcohol too, because I think I've been using that to cope with the painful things I still
have that are left over from my last relationship. But I'm freaking out, because now I have
created this giant mess, both for my boyfriend, his friend, wife, and for the relationship between my
boyfriend and I. I damaged his trust a ton, and I now look like a liar and manipulator.
I am reeling and incredibly embarrassed and sad and really looking for any advice people
might have about how I should approach things with my boyfriend, and if there's anything
else that people could think I could try to do to make up for my mistake. Thank you in advance for any
thoughts you might have. I'm really struggling and feel awful."
I'm sorry, what? Why does she, she's internalized this as her problem so much
when it's every other person's problem. What? Like, I can't believe I caused this.
He caused it.
All of them caused it.
Also, what?
Now, like, his closest friends are gonna think you're an,
like, all the wives are gonna think you're an evil liar
and this is supposed to be your circle
for the next how many?
This is in no way her fault.
And in fact, like, I understand feeling like it's not your place to tell someone
that their husband is cheating on them. I understand feeling like bad about the way
that it was said and like the fact that you're the one saying it, but like she deserves to
know.
Absolutely.
Again, with this one, I will say that I think you did yourself a favor.
Yes. This one, I will say that I think you did yourself a favor. Yes, yes. Because as great as a relationship can be,
the context of that relationship is very important.
And a lot of that context is who someone
surrounds themselves with,
and the environment that you guys are in.
It's all, it's just as important as timing.
And we always say relationships are timing.
But in this sense, yeah, you're drunk,
whatever. But I think you made the decision to do this because that's who you are. And you would not
survive long term in this environment that surrounds your relationship. Because it's already
eating you alive.
It hits close to home because it's hitting trauma
that you've already been through.
And so I think you made a great decision, drunk or not,
to tell them and fix all this bullshit.
Let these two women actually know what's happening
in their lives so they can make a decision for themselves.
Oh, my pregnant wife, ugh.
And yeah, for these guys, you're the biggest enemy,
whatever, because you exposed the secret,
but you did. Blow it up.
Technically what is just and what is right.
And I think you moving on from this whole situation
is gonna be very freeing for you.
So yeah, it's gonna suck.
Like we talked about earlier,
moving on from something that you viewed as, this is my forever,
this is perfect.
And I think the more you distance from it and the further you get away from it, you'll
realize how imperfect it was.
Because as great as this can be, if everything around it is just a shit firestorm, it's not
as great as it appears.
No, and I feel like even if your relationship was great,
it's perfect, your boyfriend still is friends
with multiple people besties that are cheaters
and he's okay covering up for them.
And getting you to cover up for them.
And getting you to cover up for them, And getting you to cover up for them,
to make you look like a liar,
to make you look like a manipulator.
He's okay with that.
He's gonna be okay with cheating.
It's just a matter of time.
This is a boys, toxic little boys club
that are covering up for each other.
And he's probably got that same energy.
That's why he's so comfortable just,
like how does she know about it?
Because he told her, because he's comfortable telling her,
because he doesn't see it as like this huge thing.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Like what? You are who you're friends with to a certain degree.
He's proving he's okay with this behavior.
And then making her text the wife to cover it up, hell no.
Be a girl's girl.
Was this the ideal setting to tell her,
no, probably not, being drunk and then like, especially if she was like really drunk and the
wife is sober to like hear that it's like, okay. But they do need to know.
There's not really an ideal. There's not really an ideal setting. And she's been in something similar.
So she's acting off of like,
I wanted to, I wish someone had told me
in that situation that that was happening.
And also like, you're not gonna ever trust this guy
going off on a guy's trip with his friends.
Imagine sending this guy off to his bachelor party
with these two fuckheads.
Nope, no.
Absolutely not.
No, this is, he...
I would bet so much that he's a cheater too.
Oh yeah.
And if he's not, an excuse like a bachelor trip, or someone else's bachelor trip, or
yeah, I mean the guys, we went to Cancun, and like, it's when, not if.
And they do it, and they're probably enablers, they're all enablers to each other.
That is like, oh, that's such a fear.
Dating someone whose friends are enablers of like poor behavior.
That's a, that's because sometimes people already like have a weak will.
It's like all they need is a little bit of a push and then they're doing it.
Peer pressure gets the best of us, but this is not what that is.
Like this is like, this is an orchestrated group of dudes
who are just not good people.
Yeah, he's like, oh babe, I know they're awful.
I hate that they're doing that.
It's so bad, but like we should cover this up though.
Right.
Did she, that's yeah.
And it's like, is your relationship even worth saving
if this is the energy you get?
Like you said, like it's just not.
Yeah.
Well, and regardless if he's actually cheated or not,
you know, when he's with his friends,
they're talking about it.
Not him cheating, but they're talking about their cheating.
Oh, my girlfriend.
Oh, this and that.
You know, he's like playing the game with them.
Yeah.
So...
Me and my mistress were going to a hotel this weekend.
I told the wife, I got a work trip.
And he should be disgusted by that.
He should lose respect for that.
Right, right.
So it gets to a place where, think of, like all of us,
think of your closest friends.
Yeah.
If someone did something like this,
you know, it's not like if they cheat once
and it's a big mistake, it's like,
you're there for your friend, you don't condone it,
you're not there being like,
you were so great, you did everything perfectly. It's no. It's like, you're there for your friend. You don't condone it. You're not there being like, you were so great.
You did everything perfectly.
It's no, it's like, you fucked up,
but I'll be here for you.
We've been friends forever.
It's the pattern, right?
And it's the continued pattern of supporting this
and hiding it.
And then she's sitting there looking at these other women
across the table and they're probably smiling,
having great time and excited about their lives.
And she's like, dude, I've, I just went through this shit.
So it was a matter of time before you would have had to
either just leave, which I hope if you were going
to just leave, you would have told them, right?
Cause screw it. But it was a matter of time before this happened.
So it's not like you made this big mistake.
It was inevitable.
No, and I get these guys are probably, you know,
more of the exception and not the rule.
Not every guy group is doing this,
but I think carrying like good energy forward
and like being a girl's girl, like,
does it suck to get that message on Instagram?
Hey girl, yes.
The pit that goes to your stomach,
especially when it's some random person.
Like I've gotten those and just like,
ugh, and it's crazy.
Cause it's like, he was out of my sight for an hour.
How did he find the time?
How did he find the time?
It's just, it's nuts, but like people will go to lengths.
And so I think going forward, like never feel shame
in like being a girl's girl or, you know, telling the truth.
Like, I think there's something to be said
about having good integrity and like carrying that forward.
Like if you become a liar,
you already know how bad you look. Do you
want to feel that way going forward? Do you want to have that on your conscience?
I just fear that they'll be able to lie their way out of it so easily now that they've already
gotten her to like look crazy and be like, I made it up.
You just gotta go then.
You do. But I think you still, you tell them and you say, hey, this is what I know. These are the details I know.
I'm not lying to you.
You know, are these guys now going to cover their tracks better?
Yeah.
Unfortunately, yes.
But facades slip and cracks will form and they will find out the truth eventually,
especially, God, the wife that's pregnant. What if she catches something? And then like the baby, like that's...
Oh my God, yeah.
Well, and something that shows you that your relationship
is not perfect and great is the fact that you got pushed down
into a corner so hard that you literally asked in this,
how can I start making this up to him?
You have nothing to make up for.
The fact that she feels so crazy in this, how can I start making this up to him? You have nothing to make up for.
The fact that she feels so crazy and that she's like so in her head now, clearly that is his ability
at gaslighting her and making her feel insane that this is again an indicator of things not being
good moving forward. And yeah, you probably do feel a little bit more sensitive about this than
other people, but you're not projecting onto these people in an unhealthy way that's not fair to them.
You're reacting how a person would and saying, hey, this isn't cool.
This isn't a right way to treat people.
Yeah.
No.
And it bothers me as a normal human being.
It needs to be, it needed to be said.
I do not hold that against her at all.
Top comment on this one. Your boyfriend has two close friends cheating on their wives and he actively
helps them conceal infidelity. This is not the mark of a trustworthy person. Sure, he
may not be lying to you right now about this, but you know he is in principle okay with lying
to you."
The next comment down, thank you.
A man that was possibly going to propose, which leads to marriage, surrounding himself
with unfaithful married men?
That alone would scare me and make me rethink being with him.
Who knows what their guys' nights look like.
Exactly.
Makes me gag thinking about the conversations they're having.
That's what I'm saying.
Sad thing is, I think we all know what their guys' nights are like.
Gross.
Next comment down.
Yep.
But let him tell it.
He was the only one who behaved and was a good boy.
Sure.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-mm-mm.
Reminds me of a conversation I had with the girlfriend
of someone I know.
She said she didn't like her boyfriend's friends
because they both cheated
and had encouraged her boyfriend to cheat on her too.
I don't know if he cheats to the extent the friends do,
but I know he talks to his ex behind her back.
Friends of a feather.
Yeah.
And that was like,
I think that was one of the lamest excuses I got
from an ex that cheated on me.
Well, you know, all my friends were pressuring me
and they didn't like that I had a girlfriend
because you took time away from hanging out with them.
And so they, you know, they really encouraged me to cheat.
It was their fault.
They made me do it.
Okay.
Literally.
So you're weak as fuck.
You're weak.
You're weak-willed.
Literally.
And then, oh my God. Embarrassing.
This is probably the worst one.
And I didn't say anything
because they broke up shortly after.
And she went on, like she played D1 hockey
and just like, she crushed it, absolutely
crushed it. But there was this one girl who her best friend had a thing for her boyfriend
and ended up having a threesome with her best friend's boyfriend and another, like one of the
guys. She should go to jail.
She should be arrested.
Like, that's your best friend.
Oh my God, I can't imagine.
But that's like a jealousy thing too.
That's an insecurity jealousy thing.
Like you, you clearly are jealous of your friends.
That's why you're doing this.
It's just wild to me.
Okay, let's see if there's any comments from OP.
Please still be there.
Ooh, we do have some comments.
Okay, okay, we have a lot of comments.
Oh good, did anyone get through to her?
I will post the link for you all
to do a little creeping yourself.
But let me see if we have any progress.
So one of the first comments, that's the thing.
He is friends with them,
but not to the same level, I guess, as with the guys.
I feel the same way about my friends.
None of them would do this as far as I know.
And it would be hard for me to continue
to be friends with them.
It gives me a ton of anxiety because I do believe
birds of a feather and all that.
But I love my boyfriend so much and truly don't believe he would do the same.
It just makes me feel nauseous and literally sick when I'm around them because I know what
they're doing.
Sorry, no one thinks their boyfriend would do the same.
No one's like, I think that this guy that I'm starting to see is really a cheater.
I don't like cheating, but he probably is.
No one's thinking that.
But yeah, if my friend did this one time,
like you said, I'd be like, oh, you fucked up.
I feel bad.
But if they were serially doing this,
that's just not the kind of person I would be friends with.
No.
But none of my friends would do that.
So no, that's why I'm friends with them.
Exactly.
So good people.
Good people, you should write yourself good people,
as everyone should.
Just a lot of comments here,
like trying to really rationalize this.
I feel like my boyfriend is going to side with them,
to be honest, but I'm not sure.
It's really painful.
I'm scared of losing him,
but maybe that is the right thing.
The wives are really nice people
and it is just so upsetting to me and
clearly I can't handle it. It's been hard for me to not share, but I felt like it's
not my place. But I don't think I can really live with myself keeping a secret which enables
it. I feel like the scapegoat now because you are. That's what that means. We are getting
through. We are getting through. We are getting through.
Oh, good.
OP says, you're right. I feel like I handled it in a weak
and pretty cowardly way because I was scared of hurting
my boyfriend and his relationship,
but it didn't feel ethically right.
I still feel like garbage about it.
I'm reconsidering if I should move forward at all
with the relationship.
And thank you to everyone who has helped me feel
a little better because his friends are all saying how I'm crazy and at all with the relationship. And thank you to everyone who has helped me feel a little better
because his friends are all saying how I'm crazy
and that we should break up.
And I feel like he's not seeing it from the ethical point of view.
So I'm isolated and this helps me get a different perspective.
Good. You're not losing much.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you, Reddit.
Ugh.
We need a word for when, like,
you think you've self-sabotaged, but actually you're better
off because of it.
What is that word?
I have a word with my friend for it, but it's because of it.
We call it getting spectrumed, but it's because I got scammed.
But then the deal I got ended up being better with.
With the internet?
With spectrum?
I was curious if that's what you meant.
That's spectrum, man.
They can rob you.
The amount of servage, outage, service, servage? What does that mean? you meant. That's... Spectrum, man, they fucking rob you.
The amount of servage, outage, service,
servage, what is that?
I know, they're bad, but...
Your service has been interrupted?
Service outage?
There you go.
Oh my God, my brain's just short-circuited.
That's like, you should not pay us,
the fucking upload speed sucks.
Yeah.
Ugh.
That's why you go AT&T. AT&T fiber. If you have that in your area, get it.
It's a whole thing, yeah.
But there needs to be another word that...
Yeah, what is that?
Like, it's not self...
It's the opposite of self-sabotage because it's like yourself...
But accidentally.
Right.
Friends.
I know you're crafty.
Come up with... or tell us.
Come up with a word.
I don't think there is one.
There's, we're going to create one.
We are going to create one.
Like it's, it's leveling up.
It's like you did the right thing.
It felt sabotaging at first, but it's self.
And we're going to use it so much.
It's going to get added to the dictionary in 2025.
Whoa.
Let's do that.
Officially.
That would be a good goal for us all here.
Add a word to the dictionary.
Let's all come up with a word for the dictionary.
You made a mistake, but now your life is so much better.
Thank God I made that mistake.
What is that?
Failing upwards.
Basically.
Basically.
I'm sure that definition is in the urban dictionary for something.
We have to find it.
It's getting spectrumed as well.
There is a comment here that does really concern me.
The wife has allegedly told her husband that she doesn't want him hanging out with me.
Oh my God, I knew this would happen.
So it's like I'm either isolating and holding the bag or I tell the truth.
Tell the truth.
Tell the truth.
Tell the truth.
Yeah, blow it up as you walk out.
Come on, say everything.
Do like a little voice note,
get a like voice recording of your next fight
with your boyfriend about it,
and then get your proof and then send it.
Just reveal all as you exit.
A little tell all book that she sends off to everybody.
She should.
And I think she will because one of the most recent comments, I'm having a
really hard time and appreciate that people are telling me to go back to the wife and
tell her the truth. I'm having trouble living with myself and feel like it's not fair to
me to have to take the blame and be thrown under the bus. Even though I really should
have handled it differently. I can't handle carrying the weight of continuing to hurt
someone, especially by lying.
I think it's going to come out.
Loving that.
I think it's going to come out.
I'm going up.
There's so many comments.
So you guys will have a good time if you like checking out the posts.
There'll probably be a lot more even by the time this comes out.
True.
I know there probably will because OP is so active in this post.
I mean, this is so fresh, but lots of comments.
I'm trying to see if we leave off on a like,
yeah, we're breaking up.
I don't know how they could stay together
if like his friend group now hates her
and thinks she's crazy and they're fighting over this
and now she doesn't trust him and the internet's telling.
Like, I just feel like there are so many elements
from actually like his side and her side
of potentially breaking up now.
Which him breaking up with her would also be getting spectrumed. Yeah, it absolutely would. And a lot of people are kind of questioning like,
well, how did you hurt your boyfriend? And OP does elaborate that like, he told her this info
because she said, I'll never say anything. But like, you don't have client privilege. Like this is, you're not a lawyer, you're not a doctor.
Like you don't have to abide by like that confidentiality
if it's something serious and like goes against your morals
and is objectively wrong.
So yeah, you might've broke his trust,
but again, like you might be leveling up
by this whole thing happening, but...
You're breaking his trust.
That's a funny statement.
That's what like OP is saying here.
By revealing all of the lying going on.
Yeah.
I broke his confidence.
Yeah, she's the villain out of all of these people.
Yeah.
I know it's killing me.
I feel like I can't live with myself without coming clean.
No, he told me not to tell anyone and I said it anyways,
which I feel really bad about.
I think you're right, Justin, though, like,
this is something she wanted to do and like, yeah, she was drunk,
but like, she was probably going to at some point either way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It would have eaten at her.
Knowing her, her history, the type of person.
She's read so many comments, we know her so well.
We know her inside thoughts.
I mean, there's a lot here to unpack and like, yeah.
I think it will come out, but as of right now,
they are not broken up.
Feeling bad about breaking his trust wasn't my place.
Inhibitions were down because of alcohol.
It was impulsive.
Even though I know my feelings were real,
I feel bad about how I handled it.
You're overthinking that.
Just come on now.
No.
I think before 2025 we'll get an update
that they've broken up and I will be checking.
I will be looking into it, looking into this.
Fingers crossed.
Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed.
Okay, on to the next one.
Onward.
Onward.
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What time is it?
Game Time.
I have two really good, well, one I haven't checked,
but I find personally attacked by this one.
So we're gonna rapid fire these last two
because I'm like, I feel like I can't leave them behind.
I can't leave them behind in 2024.
In 2024.
I can't.
So the first one coming from our very own
Two Hot Takes subreddit, six days old,
titled, Boyfriend Says I'm taking his joy away
after I told him to stop peeing in the shower.
Joy.
Okay, King, okay.
A couple of months ago, I, 34 female,
started noticing a foul urine scent in the washroom.
Over time, I noticed it smelled the strongest
after my partner, 33 male, showered.
I asked him if he has been peeing in the shower,
to which he slyly admitted.
I told him I can smell it and asked him to stop.
The toilet is right beside the shower.
However, time goes by and I've had to continuously tell him
to stop peeing in the shower
because I can smell it every time he does.
And I think it's so gross.
He eventually confesses that he has always peed in the shower,
that he gets so relaxed and just lets it go.
And questions why only now I've started to smell it.
We speculate it's because I got a new shower curtain
of a different material than we previously had
and it retains the urine smell.
Why is it on the curtain?
The curtain now-
Yeah, can't you just aim for the drain?
You would think.
The curtain now gets washed every time I smell urine.
Anyways, he says I'm taking his joy away of relaxing and peeing in the shower and suggested
we go back to the old shower curtain.
I told him to pee before he showers or hold it until he's done and use the toilet.
Am I the asshole?
Okay, sometimes growing up isn't fun.
Sometimes when you grow up, things have to change that maybe you wish you could still
eat Sundays at 2 a.m. every night.
And that would be lovely.
But you get headaches when you're an adult when you do that.
And there comes a point in our lives when we have to change.
I think a good word, more would be compromise,
because this feels more like a compromise
to make your partner happy on something
that's really not that big of a deal.
Because I would say probably in the upper 90 percentile
of adults pee in the shower.
And I think if you, you know,
I have some tips I would give.
Tips.
I think you need to pee at least in the first 25 to 30%
of your shower.
Yes, it can't be at the end.
Because then it subsequently gets, you know,
it goes right down the drain with everything else.
And anything left, unless his joy, the joy part is weird.
Like you're peeing.
Get over it.
A hot shower.
I love a hot shower.
Okay.
The joy from the hot shower is not me peeing in the shower.
I don't know.
Maybe that's just his thing.
But I just think, are you the curtain?
And come on.
I don't think he has to never again pee in the shower.
I think, you know what, every once in a while,
but if you're not, if you're doing it in such a way,
like clearly he's not cleaning up after himself ever.
There's no like, you know, spraying some cleaning stuff
around the shower.
Maybe he needs to be in charge of cleaning the shower
and do it really frequently, but it can't go on like this.
There can't be a constant piss smell in your lovely shower.
So I'm wondering if they have a fabric shower curtain.
Like, you know, there's usually for most people two sides.
There's the plastic liner and then the fabric side
that's more decorative.
I have been to some places, a hotel, oddly,
which that doesn't seem right, where it was only fabric
and they put it on the inside.
And I'm like, it gets wet.
It is weird.
You're gonna get mold and mildew.
Like, I'm confused about the shower curtain
and why it's retaining so much scent,
but also, why isn't he just aiming for the drain?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't think it's normal for the pee smell to last.
No.
No, my guy seems dehydrated.
Okay, if it's that smelly, you're dehydrated.
Come on now, drink some water.
Everyone listening, drink some water right now.
I guarantee you, most of us need it.
I know.
Especially that guy. I that guy. It's coming
out straight yellow.
I will say, and I'm trying to fact check myself right now, this is something I heard recently
and I will talk about it more on one of our early episodes next year, but we met someone
at a live show who we essentially like saved her baby because of talking about
peeing on the podcast.
Oh my God.
Absolutely incredible story.
And those that were at our Clearwater live show heard it in person.
But we'll get there.
But I also heard at one of those shows that peeing in the shower is bad for your pelvic floor.
It can actually hurt your pelvic floor to pee, which we talked about that like on the podcast,
like you shouldn't push your pee, you should like relax and just let it come.
So I googled and one of the responses from the conservation, and it talks about, similar to hearing the
effects of running water, the authors of the study suggest being in warm water is calming
for the body and activates the parasitic nervous system.
The activation can result in the relaxation of the bladder and possibly the pelvic floor
muscles, bringing the urge to pee.
However, so that one says nothing about damaging. However,
there is one coming from the Orchard Clinic that says, while it may feel efficient, this habit can
trigger your brain to associate the sound of running water with the urge to urinate, leading
to awkward moments of urgency at the wrong time. On top of that, standing in the shower
prevents your pelvic floor muscles from fully relaxing,
which could weaken them over time.
I-
So mixed info here.
I personally would not love
for someone to be peeing in my shower.
Are you a shower peer?
I have a handful of times in my life.
Only a handful?
It's not something I regularly participate in.
But I have like, I have a lot of like bacteria, like dirt type things like that I get really
freaked out about.
So it could be just coming from that place.
Okay.
Like I will wash my hands so many times in the day before doing anything else.
Like I just, it would bother me.
But I also understand like that it's sort of, it's an easy area to clean.
You just have to be cleaning it.
And maybe that's the thing.
Maybe he needs to take, if they have a handheld shower head and like do a courtesy.
Or one of those after shower, like cleaning sprays.
Yeah. Those are good.
Yeah.
Yep.
There's one, what's the brand we really like from,
we get it at Target.
It's like a healthy brand.
It's whatever their main house brand is.
Is it Method?
No, it's like non-toxic.
It's two words.
It's the brand Everspring.
And they actually have like a daily shower cleaner spray. You just like spray it on. It's the brand Everspring. And they actually have like a daily shower cleaner spray.
You just like spray it on.
It's great.
It helps prevent grime and build up.
It's really good.
And they have an amazing all purpose cleaner.
It smells incredible.
They have all sorts.
Yeah.
And they're like non-toxic, cruelty-free.
Like really, I'm vibing with the brand.
Yeah. Vibing.
That's amazing.
That's lovely. I mean, I close the lid with the brand. Yeah. Vibing. That's amazing. That's lovely.
I mean, I close the lid to the toilet before I flush every time.
Like, I'm... I don't like...
You're tidy.
Yeah, I just don't...
Is your toothbrush exposed?
No, I keep, like, a sanitizer pod on it.
You're really good. You're really good.
We do need to be better about our toothbrushes.
They just chill out and I know
there's poo particles floating around.
I just get freaked out in my head about that kind of thing.
No, I talk about it just how it's mine.
She reminds me of it every day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can link Kha to stop talking
about the poo particles, Morgan, let me know.
I'm like, I'm still alive.
I don't get cavities and something's working, so.
I know, maybe a slightly cola E. coli on your toothbrush.
Keep it rolling.
So top comment on this,
there's no way simply peeing in a running shower
is making the bathroom stink.
His piss is somewhere else.
Get a black light.
Oh.
Genius.
Genius, they're like,
there's a third, secret third answer here.
His joy is just sideways, straight at the curtain.
His joy is actually playing a game with it
where he goes all over the place.
Oh, can you imagine if they got a black light
and it's like, I don't know, some crazy word spelled out
or his name just on the curtain?
Just like his dude's silly little face.
Oh my god, little screechy owl.
If I could give you a little award right now.
Oh, that's their name.
I get it.
I would.
I would.
Do I have any?
I don't have any free awards.
I'm so sorry.
I'd give you one.
No, so smart.
Oh wow.
It's so good.
Next comment down.
Sounds like he actively aims for the shower curtain.
Tell him there's a difference between peeing in the shower and peeing on the shower.
Uh, right?
If I, as a woman, can aim and hit the drain, so can he with his saber.
I am curious how they aim.
Okay, saber mention.
I'm curious. Oh, go girl, Sabre mention. I'm curious.
Oh, go girl.
I do want to try one of those.
I have one.
Did you get it for campaign?
I did because, well also doomsday prepping
because every few months I'm like,
oh my God, I need to buy everything
that you could possibly need
if I had to survive in the wild.
Do you have those meal kits that Emmy?
I do in fact.
Have you tried them?
Nope, I just keep them in the garage.
Okay, listen.
We should try them before,
because they expire, don't they?
Yeah, and my water is gonna expire soon,
my five-year water supply.
Okay, hey, can we-
Sorry, sorry.
No, can us three band together
and say if anything goes down?
Oh yeah.
I for sure wanna do the same thing.
We have the location.
Okay, perfect.
We will send you the location,
you bring your supplies,
we'll provide the location, some other stuff. We have a clean water source. Oh my God. We will send you the location, you bring your supplies, we'll provide the location. We have a current water source.
Oh my God.
We will...
We're doing it.
Okay.
And I know how to farm.
Oh my God, that's perfect.
Yeah.
Yeah, I have so much gear.
I have so much gear.
Okay, you got the gear.
Good.
My thing is the gas.
How do we get from here to our location?
So one thing we would have to start storing is a gas tank.
I also have an electric scooter.
Oh, is it solar powered?
So we get 30 miles.
I have like a big power thing that can solar power.
So then like I could plug it into that.
All three of us on a scooter, we make it 10 miles a day.
I mean, we have horses.
Like the horse would probably go farther than the scooter.
Oh my God, I just need to get to you.
Just gotta get to us.
You have a scooter, which I can do.
You're not too far.
No, you'll, that's why you need a scooter.
There we go.
To get to you guys.
There we go.
Last but not least for us here, the last story of 2024.
Wow.
It is titled, do I tell My Wife the Truth After 11 Years?
Probably.
When we first started dating, my girlfriend asked me what my favorite meal was so she
could cook it for our one-month anniversary.
We were 16, and I told her my favorite meal
was chicken Parmesan.
She cooked it for me from scratch and it was delicious.
However, I realized that what I meant to say
was chicken Alfredo.
I felt bad that she went out of her way to cook
what she thought was my favorite meal,
so I didn't correct her or myself.
Fast forward to now.
We've been together for 11 years, we've been married for two, and once a month or so, she
still makes chicken parm for me because she thinks it's my favorite.
It's good, but it's really just not my favorite. At
this point, it's way too late to tell her the truth, right?
This is so wholesome. Thank you for bringing in something low
stakes like this. I mean, I think it's fine to tell her the
truth, but I also think it's fine to be like 10 years have
passed, I have a new favorite thing.
There we go.
People's favorite things change. Like my dad always had my mom make
him a chocolate, not had her make him, but like his favorite thing for his birthday was
like this chocolate pie. And this year for the first time in like 30 years, he asked
for something else. What'd he go with? Um, actually was something that I made. So I kind
of killed that. It's like a short bread with like a chocolate ganache on top. Oh, it's so good.
But I think it's like an easy way to do that is like,
actually, babe, my favorite thing that you made this year,
and like this recipe really, really stood out to me now.
I think this is my new favorite,
is your chicken Alfredo, if that's still his favorite.
I like that play.
Yeah.
I like that play.
This isn't something big enough to bring in any sort of,
you know, trust issues or anything like that.
It's not worth the risk of coming clean about an 11-year lie.
It's just not worth it to say,
hey, I've been lying to you for 11 years.
I like that idea a lot more
because it doesn't change anything.
If then your conscience just can't handle it,
then go for it.
But I just...
Why?
Because 11 years is a long time.
Yeah.
Because then you're saying,
That's a lot of chicken parm.
Oh, well, I've been making this for you forever.
And you could have just so easily told me,
but then you... True. The snowball went lot of chicken parm. Oh, well, I've been making this for you forever and you could have just so easily told me,
but then you,
True.
The snowball went down the hill
and turned into this giant thing.
Is it, will it become a problem?
So you're in the boat of just don't even,
don't go there, just leave it.
No, I like the change.
Okay.
You know, every seven years,
your whole, every cell in your body technically changes.
So it's like, so do your taste.
Yeah, because I don't think it would be the worst thing
in the world to tell her, but she also might be like,
shoot, I thought I was doing such a great thing for you
all these years.
She probably wouldn't be like mad at you,
but she might just feel like,
ah, this thing that I thought I was doing for you.
Like it's almost just like preserve that.
Yeah.
Cause you'd be taking that away from her
to make yourself feel better.
I agree.
Yeah, I'm with you.
I'm with you.
Top comment.
I don't know if my husband said quote,
my love, I love your chicken parm,
but I have a terrible secret.
I said the wrong meal that day.
And for years I've held onto that
because I was touched you did it. I meant chicken Alfredo. I couldn't wrong meal that day and for years I've held on to that because I was touched
you did it. I meant chicken alfredo. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I would love to try it from you.
Yes, he talks like that. I would probably laugh my ass off for 20 minutes that he's been stressed
by his mistake this long. Funny stories are the best part of a long life together.
It depends.
Yeah, it depends.
I think that this person probably knows best
how it would go in their relationship.
Yeah.
So we do have a comment following that one.
This was basically the exact conversation
my girlfriend and I just had regarding this post.
It's wild that this has 17 up votes
while inventing an entire scenario
where you trick her
into making Alfredo and then act like it's your new favorite has 2,600.
Laughing my ass off. So I had this one sorted by best comments. So that is the
one that's coming in now and being the best. However, the top comment with 11k upvotes is ask her to make chicken alfredo
and hype it up so much and say, I might be reaching, but this might be my new favorite.
Yeah, exactly.
How did you manage that? And just talk about it so much that when she asks what you want
for a special dinner, pretend to be stuck between the two, scratch your head and sigh and say,
you know, I really think I want chicken Alfredo.
Last time you made it, it was so good.
I've been craving it ever since.
I mean, surely after 10 years married to someone,
like you have a dinner together that really blows you away
and is now your new favorite.
That sounds more normal to me
than having the same favorite from,
how old were you?
Like 17, he said.
16.
16? Yeah.
I feel like something new's gotta come in.
So OP responds, this is amazing advice.
Thank you.
Exactly.
Next comment down.
If you think you can pull that maneuver off,
then go for it.
If not, you'll take it to the grave, and chicken parm is your favorite.
Proceed with caution.
Yeah.
Y'all are silly.
I'm kind of on the boat of, well...
You don't know.
What would you do with me? Would you try, would you have a new favorite?
Or would you just come out and be like,
hey, I actually hate pink pepper Thai food.
I know it's your favorite Thai in LA,
but I don't really even like it.
I like grandma's Thai kitchen.
Both good options.
I could, I think I could go either way
and I think we'd be totally fine,
but I just don't see a reason to invite any sort of potential for issue because
there's 100%. There's a reason that's the top comment with that many upvotes.
There are 100% people out there that would be offended and think like,
why didn't you tell me?
I'm hurt, you couldn't just told me.
You couldn't just trust and so you've been keeping this.
Even, and I feel like it makes it worse
that it's not even worth lying about,
but you kept this stupid lie for this many years.
And I feel like people could read into that
and be like, ooh, this is weird.
And our dynamics off.
But to that point, I mean, there is a comment here
because I'm trying to find OP's response to something.
Someone goes, yeah, what the fuck?
The most voted answer is a straight up lie.
So it's like, yeah, he lied.
But then you're covering it up with another lie,
which then it's like you double lied to me.
I think white lies are OK.
I think I'm just like, it depends on the situation.
If she was like just so proud
about making you your favorite thing
and like it meant a lot to her
that she was able to do that for you
and thought it meant a lot to you too.
And it's like, oh, this whole time
you haven't been enjoying this.
Right.
Like that would hurt.
Yeah.
I don't know. it depends on the relationship,
it depends on how much it meant to her.
It depends.
Well, and the double lie doesn't matter
because you're not committing some crime,
you're not cheating, you're not hurting somebody.
And they'll never know.
And how much of a lie is I have a new favorite food?
I think I would say like that.
I don't think I'd necessarily follow the top comment
and like put up this whole ruse.
I'd be like, hey, you know, I've been thinking
and I think I really am leaning towards chicken Alfredo
as a new favorite.
You wanna give that one a go?
Don't make up this whole elaborate ruse with it.
So OP in that thread of people being like
the top comments just lying,
people start asking like are you is he scared of his wife? Like why lie? Like
what's the deal here? And OP goes I'm not afraid of my wife just trying to
find a polite solution to a mistake I made as a teenager. Yeah and I'm also
like picturing my mom in this scenario and like the things that she makes me
for my birthday each year.
And if I were to tell her like,
actually for the last 10 years,
I haven't liked that food you made me,
I do really think it would hurt her feelings.
And like, that's kind of the only example I can go off of.
And I just think it's not worth it.
I don't know.
Well, you know what you guys?
What?
He's going with the lie.
I almost forgot about it.
We have an update.
Hell yeah, hell yeah. I'm glad about it. But we have an update.
I'm glad my travesty, which also let me just give one little like, you're killing me.
The moderators on r slash advice removed the post and removed his update.
Why?
So like I'm literally in his account.
I'm, I totally forgot that there's an update on Baru and I I'm like, oh, fuck this, we don't have anything,
but no, we do have an update.
Moderators, man, quit deleting the good ones.
Leaving them in 2024.
Yeah.
So this is coming from December 11th, 2024,
just a few short days ago.
Wow, I remember where I was.
I'm glad my travesty brought so many of you joy.
I apologize for taking so long to update you all,
but I was vexed with a life altering decision
and I need to weigh the responses I received.
Okay, King.
I ultimately decided to tell my wife the truth.
How'd it go?
Boo.
That should be clipped as like just I had decided to tell my wife the truth. Boo. I'm not sure I made the right decision after all because I am far more embarrassed now
than I ever was over this. I've never seen my wife laugh the way she did that night. Just when I
thought she was done laughing,
she would start up all over again.
We now have this incredible inside joke
for the rest of our lives together.
Aw.
Huge thank you to everyone who commented their advice.
Next time at our restaurant,
so are you gonna get the chicken parm?
Exactly.
That's sweet.
I'm so happy for them. Love is love.
Tell the truth, baby. Love is love. Not all people would react that way. I'm not saying that's sweet. I'm so happy for them. Love is love. Tell the truth, baby.
Love is love.
Not all people would react that way.
I'm not saying that's you.
I'm just saying out there in general,
I don't think everyone would laugh it off.
No, I think he did what was right for his relationship
because he knows the nuances and intricacies
better than any of us ever could.
Absolutely.
And love wins at the end of the day.
Happy ending. Happy ending. Thank you so much for bringing us ever could. And love wins at the end of the day. Happy ending.
Happy ending.
Thank you so much for bringing us joy there.
At the end?
Yeah.
We needed it.
Yeah, we needed to experience the same joy
as the shower pier.
She's taking my joy away.
I do, yeah, I'm a shower pier.
And sometimes I'm like, I know I'm dehydrated from that,
but I make sure it all gets down.
I think that's legal.
Yeah.
I think you're valid.
But now I'm like, I definitely have Pavlov'd myself.
I know I have, because every time I brush my teeth,
I have to pee.
So that's gonna be my goal for 2025.
One of them, I have a few,
but I'm gonna not pee so close after brushing my teeth.
Better than some of the Pavlovs on this show.
You know.
But I would love to hear what everyone is leaving in 2024.
Like if you guys out there or on this sofa next to me
have anything you want to leave in 2024,
I read just about all the comments on YouTube.
So put them on there.
Let me see what you're leaving,
whether it's a bad friendship, bad relationship, bad habit.
I don't know.
It is your world.
So tell us what you're leaving behind.
But this has really been an amazing year.
It really has.
I love that Michaela's become more of a regular.
I know, the fact that I got to do the Thanksgiving episode and the last one of the year.
Are you kidding?
Michaela is not being left behind in 2024.
So exciting.
I'm honored.
Thank you so much.
But yeah, anything?
I'm trying to leave cracking-
Was that a question?
Yeah.
I'm trying to leave cracking my knuckles behind.
That's something that I really really wanna kick the curb on.
I can't do that.
That would be taking my joy away.
I know what I want it.
Like I think I need to like hypnotize myself
to like, like stop cracking.
I've never done it.
But I'm gonna try to leave like door dashing
in 2024 a little bit.
I'm a little bad with it.
And try to save money a bit more often.
Oh, a budget queen.
Yeah, instead of spending $30 on that,
maybe I put that away.
You're not avoiding the company,
you're just avoiding that aspect of your life.
Yeah.
Like, a little bit is okay.
I love DoorDash, but like...
But it can't keep happening the way
that it's been happening.
I'm very bad about it.
Like, it's literally a restaurant
that's right down the street.
And I'm just like, well, but...
That's like, get your steps in, bitch. Hot Girl Walk, get it. Like, yeah. And I do think that'm just like, well, that's like, get your steps in bitch, hot girl walk,
get it, like, yeah.
And I do think that's just like a habit.
That's just like a habit that you can develop
or you can undevelop in a bad way.
So I'm yeah.
Okay, I'm adding that one to my list.
I love that.
What do you got?
Well, I'm kind of a person that the end of the year
like rolling into the next year, nothing changes for me.
It's just life keeps moving.
So I enact New Year's resolutions just
at any random point in the year.
And the thing that I've started recently is just asking.
Whether that's on chat with a representative
for whatever company you're trying to get something done with,
just ask, oh, upgrade fee,
any chance you can remove that, waive that,
oh, let me check, upgrade fee removed.
Interest charge?
Oh, me with a parking ticket recently.
It's anything.
Also just ask for things that aren't necessarily like that.
That's a good one.
I'm having trouble coming up with examples.
No, that's excellent. But just ask because you never know the answer. necessarily like that. That's a good one. I'm having trouble coming up with examples.
That's really good.
Ask because you never know the answer.
Walk up to someone you're interested in working for.
Just ask.
Okay.
Just go for it.
So maybe you're leaving behind the fear of rejection.
Oh yeah.
Because that is a big one.
Rejection therapy and just asking is like, that's something I've really wanted to like,
I do it sometimes,
but like, I need to do it all the time because you never know what you'll get if you just
ask.
Yeah.
There was a really good quote I saw recently that was like, what would you be doing if
you weren't scared of failure? And would it be different than what you're currently doing?
Isn't that a powerful line?
I was like, Whoa, I didn't even realize that I was so scared.
So scared.
So now it's your turn guys.
Let us hear what you're leaving behind or enacting in 2025.
We can make a positive too.
We can be optimistic versus the negative.
Let us know what you're going to do in 2025.
But thank you so, so, so much for being here, supporting the show, continuing
to listen. I am blown away. I mean, we're coming up on our four-year anniversary and
it is very surreal. I am every day, I'm like, this is my life. Pinch me. Like I am very,
very grateful and forever indebted to you all. So thank you, happy holidays, and until next year.
Until next year.
Bye, guys.
Eee!
Woo!
High five, y'all!
So good! Thanks for watching guys!