Two Hot Takes - 215: Justifiable Crash Out?!

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Michaela Okland! Ever have a problem in your life where you just want to pop off? Well it seems like some of the people in this week's stories did. Whether it's your sister not attending your wedding over the loss of a pet to your mom sending you inappropriate pictures many of them were justified crash outs.. or were they?! Going to need your thoughts on these too! Partners: https://Colgate.com Promo Code: TwoHotTakes https://talkspace.com/tht Promo Code: Space80 Bonus Content on Patreon including FREE episodes: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes ⁠⁠ MERCH HERE ! ⁠⁠https://shop.twohottakes.com⁠⁠ Send us a letter? Our PO Box!! Two Hot Takes. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA 90036 WRITE IN TO US!!! ⁠⁠https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes ⁠⁠ Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes⁠⁠ Index: 5:55 — Story 1  17:23 — Story 2  34:43 — Story 3  48:00 — Story 4  58:21 — Story 5  1:16:26 — Story 6  1:25:41 — Story 7  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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White products at shop.colgate.com with the code 2HOTTAKES. Always use as directed. Here we go again. See? I told you I'm crashing out. I know. We just recorded the most magical little intro and I look over and I see audio is not recording. Basically you missed if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, then how much did Peter Piper pick? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck? Whoa! Good job, Morgan.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Oh, that was amazing! Yeah, that one. You're a natural. That's it, that's all I got. I don't even think you went into that, like knowing that saying before today. So I think it's incredible what you've done in just a few moments.

Thank you. I really feel like my skills are improving. Maybe I won't slur any words today. Lies. I literally just said to, I've had 40 ounces of coffee and today the energy we will create in the studio, I am scared. The energy we will create in the studio, I am scared. The energy we will create. I mean, it's kind of the theme.

The theme. Crashing out. Crashing out. I've come across a lot of Reddit stories lately and I'm like, oh, justifiable crash out or not justifiable. And someone put this in the comments of last week's episode that we did. And I was like, okay, I love this theme. Immediately adding it to my little sticky note.

And then the more I thought about it, every story I had, I was like, it fits, it fits, it fits or does it? We will have to decide. Justifiable crash out, not justifiable crash out. Chill, my girl. I'm team crash out. I'm team crash out. I'm crashing out right now.

I know. I need to slow down in my talking speed. I'm like out of breath. My brain is like, I can feel. I'm not getting enough oxygen in my brain because I'm talking so fast. I think that makes for the perfect episode. It's going to be really good.

But if this is your first time here, I'm usually not this crazy. I'm Morgan. Welcome to Two Hot Takes. Today, I have Miss Michaela. Hello, I'm usually not this crazy. I'm Morgan. Welcome to Two Hot Takes. Today I have Miss Michaela. Hello, I'm Michaela. Michaela Oakland. She's going to frickin Scotland and she's going to be gone for a while. So

I'm going to Ireland. Ireland. Also, can I tell you, it's so funny. I'm trying to get some free influencer collaborations and I'm sending messages to like iron forges. Let's go. Being like, do you, hey, do you work with? Yeah. You need to find like a lumberjack over there.

There's so many like little thirst trap careers. Okay. You know the little lumberjack guy? Yeah, lumberjack, I honestly feel like lumberjack is too slutty. What? Can I say that? People will be mad at me for saying that.

No, because I get it. Like he knows what he's doing. Like shirt off. Come on. Chopping wood. Oh, not like a specific person. Not a specific person, but just like lumberjack as a career. I'm like, okay, you know what you're doing.

What about a lumberjill? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Hot. 1000%. I don't care. You know what? I was going to try to film a thirst trap for lesbians of me sanding my deck.

So that's kind of similar to a lumberjack because it's working with wood. I want to hear more about this video. What? Just like me like sanding a deck but I think that like... On your hands and knees or with a power tool? With like a sander, with like a power, yeah, with a power tool. Okay. Don't you think that...

What got in your way? What stopped you? Well, my ability to get things done came between me and that dream. But of course, it's still potentially on the horizon. You know what I got to tell you? I've been working with that little cricket machine you gave me. Yes. Crickets making me crash out. I got to tell you, all you cricket girlies and guys out there, no one gives you enough respect. Crickets are not easy. It's like a little vinyl cutter.

It cuts like different shapes into card invitations, if anyone's never heard of cricket. But I think they're doing a really good job. Well, I've had some big learning curves and uphill battles to fight with the little thing, but we are now there. But like, okay, I bought this vinyl and it's metallic, but it says matless and then you put it on a mat and then it cuts everything and it drags the little

letters around after it cuts it. And then I take off the mat and it wastes so much material and I'm like, oh my God. But my wedding invitations are coming along nicely. Now I just need a calligraphy person. So. Right. And how much would it cost to get that done if you didn't have a cricket? Like thousands.

It's a headache, but it does make beautiful cards without having to spend that much money. Actually I did find out it was $6 a little train because I have these little wood trains and I'm writing our rehearsal dinner on them. And if I had someone hand calligraphy them, it would have been $6 a little train. Cricket, I bought the little sheet of vinyl, 12 bucks. That's yeah. I mean, hey, pro tip out there. Let's go. But okay, enough about our crash outs. Let's get into today's stories. Let's dive in. I'm gonna be back Recording, recording. We're safe. Sound good. We're safe.

I know we do sound good today. Headphones, headphones are back, baby. It's nice. It's nice to hear. It gives me assurance that our audio is actually being recorded because I can hear it and I can see it. So I'm good. Okay. Morgan, take a deep breath.

It's fine. In through your nose. Out through the mouth. Okay. It's going to be fine. Yeah, of course. You're safe here. Okay. Our first story. It's coming from Am I the Asshole? It is five days old, titled Am I the Asshole for Snapping When Someone Rubbed My Belly and Implied I Might Be Pregnant? So today my office was throwing a little fiesta-themed event and they offered free lunch in the cafeteria. A bunch of us went down to grab food. While I was standing there, I opened the Nest camera app to check on something

and I saw a little bird that's been showing up outside every day. I laughed and casually said to no one in particular, quote, this bird comes to visit me every day. Right after that, a coworker who has made pregnancy comments towards me before, came up, rubbed my belly without asking, and said something like, quote, maybe it's because you've got a little bird on the way.

I felt this immediate wave of rage. Like, why are we still doing this in 2025? So I said, quote, don't be wishing that kind of bad luck on me. 2025, so I said, quote, don't be wishing that kind of bad luck on me. She looked super taken aback, and my boss, who overheard, also looked at me like I had just said something offensive. It felt like I was the crazy one for being upset. But I didn't ask to be touched. I'm not pregnant, and I really don't like people making those kinds of comments about my body. Now I'm wondering, am I the don't like people making those kinds of comments about my body. Now I'm wondering, am I the asshole for reacting the way I did?

You didn't even crash out! She didn't even crash out. She made like one remark that wasn't favorable. Is it a crash? I mean like she deserved more actually. Honestly, I would have crashed out harder. Yeah. more actually. Honestly I would have crashed out harder. Yeah because one I don't already like the element of touching somebody without permission even if it was like somewhere else on the body.

Uh-uh. You know but then also to then comment on her body while doing it and to talk about pregnancy which like you don't know people's relationships with having children. You don't know if they're having fertility issues. They don't know if they have a history of X, Y, Z. So I think like it's just one of those things that you already shouldn't make comments on body wise and then for all the other issues too. No, this is so justifiable for me. Baby crash out could have crashed out harder. I cannot imagine someone coming up to me, a

co-worker, and rubbing my belly. Yeah. Rubbing. Ma'am, my name is not Buddha. Oh. No. Don't touch me. And then to be like, you have a little bird on the way. Ick. Immediate ick. And she said that this person has made other pregnancy comments to her in the past. What? Like, what is your deal? I would also make it even more justifiable because it's about time you snap on this pregnancy thing and be like, you know what? Like, I don't want that.

That's not what I want. I'm not pregnant, nor do I try to be. Let's give it up. Let's stop it. I also feel like she could go to HR. Yeah. Like, that feels like an HR thing. But her boss thinks that she was the one who was weird. Let's give it up. Let's stop it. I also feel like she could go to HR. Yeah. Like that feels like an HR thing.

But her boss thinks that she was the one who was weird. I know, which the top comment does get into the boss a little bit. So top comment with 9.6k upvotes, not the asshole. Your boss was just giving their initial reaction to one employee verbally snapping at the other. I wouldn't worry about that unless it is followed up with comments confirming they believe you are in the wrong. A lot was happening in the moment. I think you should follow up with an email to your boss, coworker, and HR so your feelings

are clear. Namely, quote, I want to explain why I raised my voice to coworker today. It is usually not my style to snap at others. In the past, coworker has made many comments to me suggesting I might be or will be pregnant. I am not pregnant and I don't appreciate such speculation about my personal life or private reproductive issues at the office. I also found it jarring when coworker rubbed my abdomen today without warning or consent, again indicating I was pregnant. I realize some may think these things are no big deal and assume others feel the same way.

Thus, I want to be perfectly clear that I do not welcome the comments or the touching." Incredible work. No notes. Yeah, thank you for providing that template. That is unreal. That is so concise and just articulate of the situation and how jarring it really is. Well, where do people get the audacity to just rub someone else's belly or just to touch someone like that in general without consent? I can't imagine just being like, oh yeah, everyone's fine with me just rubbing on them.

No. Like fuck off. Your coworkers. Yeah. Ew. Next comment down. Don't mention raising your voice at all. Just complain about the coworker touching you and continually calling you pregnant. Someone would be fired at my work if they started touching a woman's belly and saying they were pregnant. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. You just can't go around touching people. I know. If there are any people who work for HR out there and want to give their insight on how this would go down at your office, I'd love to know. Let us know. I want all the tea. Has this happened in your office?

Yeah. Is this like a common... I feel like pregnancy comments has to be a more common issue. I feel like I get it so much right now. I don't know, like maybe it's the wedding, maybe it's like age I'm at, but the amount of people that ask me like, when do you want to have kids? When are you guys going to start trying? You guys have kids? Oh my God guys going to start trying? You guys have kids?

Oh my God, so excited for when you start trying. And granted, she's like seven. But I'm like, my niece this weekend was like, she said the funniest shit this weekend. First she said, when you have kids, don't let them watch TV because they'll become addicted. What a little genius. I know, when I asked her, are you addicted? And she goes, yeah. Wait, Eloise is a diva. I know, when I asked, I go, Eloise, are you addicted? And she goes, yeah.

Wait, Eloise is a diva. That's amazing. She's so smart. I'm like, Eloise, you gotta get outside more, girl. And then she said something. She's like, well, when you have kids and blah, blah, blah. And she's like, I'm so excited for you to be pregnant. I'm like, don't wish that upon me right now.

Right? Like save it. So let's save that juju for a couple years here. I can show up in a much better way if we save these well wishes. Girl, like don't you want the fun aunt that like pays for college? Come on. Wait, yeah. She's blocking her blessings.

She could be. She could be by wishing that baby dust on me. But I just think it's so interesting. And I do think people have gotten better about asking or implying and not crossing boundaries, but I would never ever touch somebody. Yeah. Especially not a coworker. I wouldn't do that to a friend either.

Go up and just like rub their belly unprovoked. No. Also, then I wouldn't have friends. They'd be like, Micaela is a weirdo. I know. Even my friends that have been pregnant, I've always, this is probably a me thing, I've always been really uncomfortable to just like touch them. Yeah.

Well, that's another element. I wonder if a lot of pregnant people are frustrated by the fact that people take it as an okay to rub their belly. Like it's a go for it type thing just to be pregnant. Now people can rub your belly whenever they want. That pisses me off. I could see that. Yeah.

OP, I'm like trying to see if there's any other comments we should get into before we move along. OP has been commenting in the Too Hot Takes subreddit. Oh, in the Too Hot Takes subreddit. Oh, in the Too Hot Takes subreddit. Hey, girl. Hi. Wow. And we do have a couple other comments about this situation and kind of some more context.

So OP goes, I am starting to think that she in fact is obsessed with me being pregnant. She's always making comments about me getting pregnant, even though I told her I'm not interested in that, nor is my husband. He even got a vasectomy because we don't want kids. She got pregnant old, so she thinks I'm going to change my mind. Most of the time she's a very sweet lady, but this one thing is driving me crazy. Also, even though we are in Texas, she is from Latin America, and I know it's a cultural thing too.

I also feel that sometimes the more you try to say you don't want to do something, people can become fixated on it, especially with something like pregnancy or getting married or dating or whatever. It's like, oh, that's the girl who doesn't want to get pregnant. I'm going to make a comment today about how she should get pregnant and poke at that one thing. Just trying to poke the bear. Or like try to convince her. I could see that.

Because she thinks that this younger girl is wrong. She's like, oh, she doesn't know. She hasn't lived enough life yet. She's going to change her mind. So I'm just going to keep bringing it up to her. Yeah. I could see the wanting to convince thing, especially if there's religious reasons behind it.

Repopulate. Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. There's one other comment from OP here. Just a lot of people are asking about weight or how OP looks, which doesn't matter. And OP goes, I've seen some comments speculating about my weight or how I look which honestly made me laugh None of these people have even seen a picture of me for the record. I'm not overweight

I'm also not obsessed with weight or scared of being fat, but that's not the point at all The real issue is I don't even look pregnant So it's even weirder and more inappropriate that she felt the need to touch my body and comment like that At the end of the day, I think she's just one of those people who believes that because something happened to her a certain way, she had kids later in life, it's bound to happen to everyone else too. But that's not how life works. Yeah, that's probably what it is. The only other, I was like, maybe she's just so, so beautiful and this coworker is like, she has got to have a baby. So crazy.

And it's so wild to touch someone's stomach that you don't know for sure if they're pregnant or not. Yeah. Like you're wishing this upon her, but if they're not pregnant, you're just touching your coworker. I also wouldn't want someone to come up and do that to my back, but the tummy is even weirder. I don't like it. No. People need to understand boundaries a little bit better out

there. I think so. And also, this happens in a lot of your stories of like people thinking they can do things that are inappropriate because it's a joke. Yeah. Or because it's a prank or because it's whatever else. Not funny. Mm-hmm. Not funny. Didn't laugh. No. Ugh. And this next one, I don't know if anyone's going to find it funny either. Mm-hmm. Moving along to story number two. This is coming from Relationship Advice, 14 hours old, titled Boyfriend Tests Have Me Feeling Bad, Her 30 Female, Me 38 Male. My girlfriend keeps giving me boyfriend tests. We've been together almost four months. Not long, I know. About a month ago, my girlfriend started doing boyfriend tests on me. It started

with her telling me she wanted a weekend alone. So, I gave her space while making myself available if she wanted any company. I failed that test because I didn't surprise visit her. We had a long talk together about the boyfriend test, primarily about how communicating directly what she wants and needs is the only way I'll understand what she wants and needs. And I told her I can't handle these boyfriend-type tests, things that she's doing. It feels unfair, and I feel like I'm being punished for believing or trusting what she tells me. It's kind of hit ahead this past weekend when she told me our birth control

failed and she's pregnant. She kept the lie up for the entire day. I think I handled it well. I was calm, accepting, and communicative. We haven't talked yet about her latest boyfriend test though. I'm not sure how to form my thoughts on the matter yet. I'm very upset. And her and I have talked about this a number of times now. I do like her a lot. We have similar goals, similar personalities, or at least I thought we did until all of

this started. Has anyone else ever dealt with something similar and continued the relationship? Is my best option to just end the relationship before we're four years in instead of only four months? I'm kind of on the fence if I'm being honest. I have to say, like when I first heard boyfriend tests, I thought it was going to be, would you still love me if I was a worm type things? Oh my god, yeah. boyfriend test, I thought it was gonna be, would you still love me if I was a worm type things?

Oh my god, yeah. So I was like, oh, this is gonna be kind of funny. But obviously these are like, way crazy. I think I like, I don't know, I can understand some kinds of tests like a little bit, I guess. But in these scenarios, it doesn't make sense because like, you're very early on in the relationship, you haven't learned each other yet Like he doesn't know that that's what you need You should just tell him what you need instead of testing him on it

And then in like the pregnancy thing is crazy to do to somebody like lying to someone about being pregnant is Like it can't be good for people to experience like that much stress, and I don't know. I just think it's not Appropriate it's so inappropriate. Yeah, I don't know. I just think it's not appropriate. That's so inappropriate. Yeah. I think you're four months in. If you're feeling insecure in the relationship, like, okay, come to terms with that on your own, not by psychologically testing someone.

Like, you're only four months in. It is a new relationship. You might not feel perfectly secure. Right. But do you fake a pregnancy? And play along with it for a day and then at the end of the day just say, oh, by the way, this was a test. I'm not pregnant. That's crazy because also now you're living in wonder about if things are real or not, like the boy who called wolf type thing.

Yeah. And you don't know, like, now he's not going to react as well to actual situations because it's gonna feel like a fire drill in the back of his mind. Yeah, totally. Because next time she comes to you and says, oh, I'm pregnant. Yeah.

Good, good one. Right, good one. You got me again. You could say, how would you react if I were to be pregnant right now? You could say that. You could just, how would you react if I were to be pregnant right now? You could say that. You could just ask that question instead of pretending for a full day. I think that's really fair.

I think that's a lot of people's conversation early on in dating too. Like, hey, you know, we're starting to have sex. Obviously we're going to use birth control or I'm on the pill or, you know, you use condoms, whatever. Like you have that conversation, but then followed by that, it's always a, but what if something happened? Like where would you be right now? I think that's like a normal conversation,

but to test someone in this way. No, these can all be questions is the thing. These could have all been questions. I wonder psychologically, what is it on her end? Is she genuinely, is it just like an insecurity thing or is this something worse? You know what I mean? I'd love for a psychologist to chime in. Yeah, I hate to like diagnose people when I have absolutely no idea, but it almost feels

like when I get out of the car, I have to click the lock button 40 times, otherwise I don't fully believe that I've actually locked the car. And it seems like this kind of compulsion to make sure things are okay with all of these things that you don't actually need to do. I don't know if she thinks that... She might think that this is a healthy thing to do, which is obviously very misguided and wrong, but she might be like, oh, it's so smart to early on test somebody. That way you're not getting caught up in a relationship with someone who sucks and then

it blindsides you later on. But it's like, even if that's the case, you could come up with a much less invasive and life altering test than that. You could call them and say, hey, my tire's flat. Can you come pick me up and see?ing test than that. Like you could call them and say, Hey, my tires flat. Can you come pick me up and see? I don't know. And then be like, just kidding. It's not, but like, thank you for doing. I don't know. Even that I'm like, you take a deep breath. Yeah. It's still not great. You can tell if someone likes you or not. Right. If they want to, they will. You'll see the signs.

You don't have to test people. This one, she's a bit goofy for me. And I definitely, I'm curious where you fall, but I feel like he should probably cut his losses. Yeah, I think it needs to be a serious conversation of like, listen, if there is something that has happened between us where now you feel like you need to be testing me, let's have a conversation about that. But I can't continue this relationship if this is going to continue to be an element of it. I'm going to be on edge all the time. I'm not going to fully believe the things you tell me. It's not going to be healthy for like when actual serious issues do happen. If you want to have a conversation about how I'd react in a situation, I promise like I'll just tell you, you don't have to make the situation fake happen. I don't know.

I'm curious how she would respond to that. It sounds like he knew the pregnancy thing was a lie the whole time. I don't know. Cause he wasn't like, I got so stressed and I was like so scared and then it turned out to be a test. I think I handled it well. I was calm, accepting, communicative. Yeah. I mean, he's also 38, so he could be at a point where he's like, hey, whatever happens,

happens. I just saw a video of someone on TikTok and she was like distraught over a pregnancy test. And it was like captioned or titled on the thing where it was like me crashing out even though we weren't using any protection Yeah, I mean I would break up with the person for this But I don't know Like what point in his life what kind of standards he has right now? Like I don't know maybe this is this isn't that bad to him And if he has a conversation with her and goes well like they love each other enough to move on. But I would be like, oh, you're crazy. I can't

do this. He could have had a lot worse in his past where he's like, this is nothing. Which have you ever had anything goofy like this? Not in a crazy person type of way, but just in a bad partner type of way. I think I've told, like I had an ex of four years, we moved states together and he cheated on me, which led to a lot of hijinks and silly behavior of like, I saw Tinder 12% phone battery usage this week and he's like, oh my God, it's a glitch. And I believed him.

I was like, okay, it's a glitch. Like what can he do? It's a glitch. He said it's a glitch. Like, you know, when someone just like won't back down from a lie and you just have to accept it? Because then you just like, they're so convincing that you start to get convinced. And that's the thing. I'm also coming from recording our- Clues episode.

My new podcast Clues. And the case we did today was Kaylee Anthony. And when you go through, you know, Casey Anthony, who just lies and lies and lies, you're like, you're like, Oh my God, like she is definitely a pathological liar. And if you're a true pathological liar, like sometimes you can actually start to believe your lies and rewrite it in your brain. And so I'm just like, people like that can be so scary. And then I'm like, this girl, I'm like, does she just enjoy lying and seeing how people react to it? I don't know.

Yeah. It's also, it's hard to pick up on. It's really hard to pick up on that kind of thing. It takes, I have friends. Because your brain doesn't normally think, oh, people are lying to me. You don't assume the worst in people, especially people you're friends with or family or whatever. You want to believe them. Why would they lie to me? Lying isn't good.

Have you had any past partners try to test you or do any crazy things like that? I've dated a lot of cheaters. I was really... The stuff that they got away with, I'm still like, Mogan, what were you doing? But you're young, you learn. You can't help it. I got crazy. Honestly, I think I was crazier in the relationship because I was doing what I could to prevent

these things from happening. I know. And he was just cheating, so that's less crazy. The last person I dated before moving to LA, like he started talking to a new girl and like ghosted me. Like I had plans to go on his boat the next day and he was like, I'm so excited to go on the boat with you tomorrow. And then next day rolls around and I'm like texting him nothing.

And I heard he like started talking to a new girl like that night. He invited her on the boat instead. Oh, that's like actual ghosting. Yeah, no, it was like diabolical. I'm like, I started worrying, I'm like, are you okay? Like what's going on? boat instead. Oh, that's like actual ghosting. Yeah, no, it was like diabolical. I'm like, I started worrying, I'm like, are you okay? Like what's going on? That's... And I found out like this new girl

like was gonna be over at his apartment. Cause like we had, all of our friends were mutual. Like my friends still went on the boat that day, but I didn't go. What? That's so crazy. Yeah, and then they were like, I think they're going back to his apartment.

So I grabbed like two of my other girlfriends, Whitney and Noel. And we crawled up the hill to the side of the apartment with a carton of eggs and started like throwing eggs at the window. Now that is a deserved crash out. Didn't reach the window, but I got a little goofy. But top comment on this one. She is toxic.

Get off the fence and get out of there before she gets pregnant for real. Next comment down this. Abuse doesn't have to be physical to be abused. What she's doing is keeping OP constantly on edge, afraid that the next word out of her mouth is that he's failed somehow. This isn't about trust. Not really. Her actions are about power and control. OP specifically communicated to her that he doesn't like these tests and that he wants her to communicate. Her response was to do another test. OP consider this. Let's say that she was pregnant. What's to stop her from running dad tests on you. She sounds absolutely capable of calling you during work and claiming that she's having issues with the baby. You arrive, but she

tells you that you failed the dad test because you weren't there in 10 minutes. What if she also tries playing the same test on the kids to test their love for her? Oh God. Imagine being a child and your mother randomly tells you that you don't love mommy enough because you didn't pick up your toys in time. Which does absolutely happen. This woman is toxic and bad news. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. If this isn't a person who's just like, oh, I want to make sure that this is a good guy, then it's probably that mindset of like, I always need people to prove to me that they care about me.

So I'm going to do something that pushes them a little bit. Now I'll have proof that they love me or I'll have proof that they'll fight for me even if things aren't great, which is like, can be very toxic for the person on the other side of that. Yeah. To constantly be faced with like, now this is another issue and she's created a problem and now I have to prove myself again. If someone's, especially your partner, constantly creating stress in your life.

Yeah. What's the point also? Not good. It's supposed to make life better. I know. Yeah. It's supposed to just symbiotic relationship. Happy Kumbaya.

I don't know. That exactly. Yeah. Yes, absolutely Kumbaya. Is that still an appropriate term? It was a Jesus song. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya? Yeah.

I don't know about that one. How do you spell kumbaya? I don't know. Kumbaya. You know, I was invited to do a spelling bee in eighth grade and it all went downhill after that. I can't say anything right. Oh.

Is it bad? Well, it just says Kumbaya has become a term of derision having been associated with what are considered naive and unrealistic attitudes of peace, harmony, and cooperation. But that doesn't sound like it's necessarily problematic. Okay, I like it. I like it. Okay, cool. Someone in the comments, correct us if we need to know more about Kumbaya.

But a lot of people are, you know, OP's comments asking like, where did she get this from? Yeah. And OP goes, I think it's from TikTok. I was wondering that for a second. I was like, this does remind me, I see some tests sometimes on TikTok happening, but it's like, it's a test, but then it's also some kind of trend. So it'll be like called the boyfriend test, but it's a trend. So it's like, you're not actually doing it to prove anything, but it's sort of like the new prank video, basically, which I don't like prank videos in general. No, it's so weird to me, especially when like, the boyfriend will call their girlfriend or

fiance's friend and be like, Hey, is Rose with you? And the friend is like, Yeah, yeah, she's, she's in the bathroom. Oh, yeah. It's like, the one I, the one I do like is when they call and they say, Hey, like I put diesel in the car or something like that. And when they are harmless ones, that one's funny. Yeah, that one's funny. I did the same thing. I did do that to my friend Alejandro's car. Yeah. Like one's funny. Not the same thing. I did do that to my friend Alejandra's car. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, wait, like you actually put diesel in it?

Uh-huh. No, well, I put gas in her diesel car. Oh. She had like a little Jetta, and it was a diesel Jetta, and she would always be like, yeah, and he's stopping a gas, and he's stopping a gas. So she let me take her car once, and I drove it to a gas station and put gas in it, and then I started it back up and it went, puh-puh-puh-puh-puh died. I think that this was a combination of both your faults because she probably should have

been like, by the way, like that's diesel. Yeah, I could have read the gas cap. And you should have read the gas cap yet. We learned. We live and we learn. OP does have a few other comments here. He says, I feel like trust for me is going to be harder going forward with anyone. I hope that the feeling of everything being a test isn't permanent for both of us.

OP did have some health issues arise. So people are like, have you talked to her? Like what's going on? And OP commented, I ended up going to the hospital today and postponing talking to her until Tuesday evening. So it's been a rough couple of days. Came home to see a million comments to read through. Wasn't expecting so many people to be on board. I kind of thought a lot more people would be like, this is normal.

It's definitely not normal. No, and guess what day it is? Tuesday. So maybe we'll get an update. Yeah. We broke up. That's probably what we got to do. And she needs to talk to someone. I think so. I think so. But yeah. No, what? Go ahead. I was just going to say, I wonder if like her friends are encouraging this and being like, yeah, this is such a good idea. You'll figure out who he is now. Probably, maybe, that could be. We had one story a couple episodes ago where this wife pulled a divorce prank on her husband. Yeah. Like, in what world,

in what world would that ever be okay and not traumatizing, traumatizing, psychologically damaging, manipulative to someone. Insane. But moving along. This episode is brought to you by Talkspace. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and Talkspace, the leading provider of online therapy, helps you face whatever is holding you back with a caring licensed therapist.

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and enter promo code SPACE80. That's S-P-A-C-E-8-0. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com slash THT and enter promo code SPACE80. This next one is coming from Relationship Advice, four days old, titled, My 26 Female Husband 33 Male Is Obsessed With Pro Wrestling And It's Ruining Our Marriage. Do I Leave? Throw away as my husband is on Reddit. My husband wasn't a pro wrestler as a kid, fell out of it, but over the last few years

has eased back into it. I've never been a pro wrestling fan. I thought it was something that people watched as kids and grew out of. But he has become obsessed, and it's escalating to a point where I no longer feel comfortable. Apologies, as I may not get all the terms right. I'm exposed to wrestling a lot, but I do try to avoid watching it. It started harmless enough. He'd watch the pay-per-view events like WrestleMania. Then he started watching recaps of the weekly shows. Now he's glued to the couch every night there's a live pro wrestling event. He watches multiple wrestling shows, not just WWE. He started spending money, I mean a lot of money, on merchandise. T-shirts, hats,

action figures, the fake belts, etc. I was okay with this, as it was nice to see his passion reignited for something. He's been in a rough spot with work lately, but now pro wrestling is the only thing he cares about. He yells at the TV like he's a part of the crowd, cheering or booing. When he's watching and when he's not watching, he constantly shouts out their catchphrases randomly. He says things like, Yeet, acknowledge me, you can't see me, et cetera.

He actually gets irritated if I don't play along with him. Like if I don't raise my hand when he says, acknowledge me. This past weekend was the worst of it. Those of you who know, know it was WrestleMania. He asked me to refer to him as the final boss. All weekend. I laughed it off and thought he was joking. But he wasn't. We actually got into an argument about it Saturday evening because he said I wasn't supporting him in the way he needs and that whenever we're watching wrestling, I look bored, disinterested, etc.

I look that way because I am. He's gotta be watching 15 hours of wrestling a week. Easy. When Jey Uso? One at WrestleMania, he literally jumped on top of our couch waving his arms. It was embarrassing. I left the room. I don't want to say too much regarding our intimacy, but he's asked for a lot of role playing lately as well, and it has me very concerned.

The things he's asked me to do and say make me super uncomfortable. It's all wrestling related. Things have taken a toll on me mentally. It's non-stop. He sends me memes of Roman Reigns and a bunch of other wrestlers. He talks like them, acts like them, and demands I participate in his little performances. Sunday night the wrestler he wanted to win didn't win, and it's still affecting him today. His mood's sour and he seems depressed.

I hate to admit it, but it's been kind of nice. He hasn't been as loud and noisy as usual. So Reddit, I need help. I just don't think I can deal with it anymore. He sings the wrestler songs, he does their sayings, he's got all their t-shirts, he's even got tickets for us to the next show coming through in about three weeks. But I just don't think I can take it. Please help. Okay, like I'm an ADHD hyperfixation diva myself, so real recognize real and what's going on here, all of a sudden being obsessed with one thing and making it your whole life.

Yeah, me and the cricket. Yeah, exactly. But now of course, where the problem starts to get really badly is expecting your significant other to have that same kind of care and interest. She wasn't even saying it was a problem with how into he was. She's saying it's a problem that she has to sit there and act just as excited. She has to get involved in like sexual role play that she doesn't want to do. Like that, that's not okay. She shouldn't have to be pressured into doing anything sexually that she's not comfortable with.

And then yeah, just like getting mad at her for her not having the same excitement level about like it's wrestling. Of course she's not going to have the same excitement level as you. It's fake. Yeah. But we're not going to get into that. I don't want to ruin anyone's day today. Sorry.

If I was showing someone Game of Thrones for the first time and they were like, oh, this sucks. You know, I'd probably be like, well, that is disappointing to hear. I'm disappointed to hear that something's wrong with you. And then we'd probably never talk about it again. Yeah. I mean, it's okay for you and your partner to have separate interests. It's also, I mean, I don't know their finances or their finances, but it's just like, you're

also spending us out of pocket with all your wrestling. And he's not working right now, it sounds like. Or he's just having a hard time with work. But he's in a rough spot with work lately. Unsure what that means. But when you're making this your whole identity, you can't expect someone else to just be cool with it. Like I can imagine coming home and you know, me and Justin, we both work, you know, essentially

nine to like 7 PM. We're both like out of the house. Then we come back and we have dinner. If I then the couple hours a night, a week I get with him, if every time he was talking about wrestling and only wrestling and oh, he's in the kitchen, he's like, acknowledge me spatula, ground chicken chop. Like I would lose my mind. Well, and what do you have in common anymore? If that's someone's entire personality, I'd be like, oh, we don't have anything to talk about.

We don't have any shared interests now because you have decided that you have only one interest. Honestly, he should go join the circuit. Like go hop on the wrestling circuit. I'm sure there's a job related to wrestling you could get into, but regardless, I feel like OP being like, and it's ruining our marriage, do I leave? It's gotten to a point. For sure, but unless it just wasn't really included in this post,

it doesn't seem like OP has really talked about it and talked about drawing like strong boundaries between like, you have your wrestling time. It's okay for us to have separate interests. I don't want to be a part of wrestling anymore. It's okay. But I'm wondering, surely that had to come up a bit in the conversation where he's like, you don't get excited when we watch wrestling together? I'm curious. There's no comments from OP in regards to this post.

Okay. Very active Reddit account, a part of the two-year club verified email commenting in things like poverty finance and side hustle subreddits. Are they married or dating? Married. Okay, wow. I mean, if she is considering a divorce because of his obsession with wrestling, it has clearly been like at a level that, I mean, it's hard to think that someone might be just considering divorce after like a couple of months and they haven't even tried talking

about it. No, she's clearly at her wit's end, but no mention of a conversation. I don't know. If you had like an incredible marriage before this though, I do feel that in the back of my head, I'd be like, this will not last. I will say though, she's only 26. He's 33. So we do have a bit of an age gap. No mention of like how long they've been together, whatever. Seems like a decent amount of time. I don't know if at 26, there's things I might not

have addressed with my partner. I might have just been like, it's fine, it's not that big of a deal. Like, I feel like 26 is, again, it's very mature. She's clearly married, adult, whatever. But I don't know. I feel like even now at 31, I'm like, ah, I don't love that thing that Justin did, but it's not that big of a deal. Like it's just water cups on the side of the bed, not even going to address it, whatever. But granted, this is wrestling, it's taken over his whole life now. But I can just see being in a point where like you haven't gotten comfortable enough having these big confrontations and what you anticipate to be a fight. Like some people in relationships

like just don't want to fight. They view any open communication as confrontation and therefore fighting. And so I could see her just being like, it's fine, it's fine. And then no, she's crashing out. I mean, I definitely think if that conversation hasn't been had, then I absolutely have it before divorcing somebody. But I will say, if I was sexually intimate with somebody and they were pressuring me to do something that I'd repeatedly said, like, I am not interested in this, even if they could just tell that I wasn't interested in it, I would want them to not want to do that too.

So, there are elements to this story where I'm like, I just, I also really don't like that, you know? No, it's really odd. But I'm like, I hope you've said like you're uncomfortable and like he starts getting the message. Yeah. I don't know. Yes, just bringing it into way too many areas of his life. In the dream world, like, this is just a fleeting hyperfixation and he gets over it and he can still watch wrestling.

Like, you can still watch and enjoy wrestling. The issue is just like forcing her to have the same enthusiasm about something that she's just not enthusiastic about. And also maybe you're giving her the ick a little bit if you're doing all of this like role playing thing and taking it so seriously. I'd be like, oh. It's a huge ick. Like I met you when I was 22.

I didn't realize it was going to be like this. Yeah. However old she was, I don't know. False advertising. Top comment on this one. As a wrestling fan, my advice would be this. Your husband desperately needs some friends he can watch wrestling with. He's clearly become a huge fan, and if he's dumping all of this excitement and enthusiasm

for it onto you, then that suggests he has no one else he can talk about it with. My friends and I have PPV watch parties where we all get together and talk about wrestling while watching it Plus I'm on a few online spaces that talk about wrestling too Tell him to start looking for groups and friends that he can enjoy wrestling with Yeah, cuz it's fine to be really into something You're allowed to have something that you're very excited about and you watch it on TV And then you go and talk about it online too, and you talk about it with your friends like that is a part of life. But everything has to be in balance.

Yeah. I mean, my friend Grayson loves wrestling. He actually just went to WrestleMania in Las Vegas. He's a nut. But do I talk to him about wrestling? Probably not. No, I didn't even know he was passionate about it. So we're just we're not on that level of wrestling friend level. Yeah. There's another comment right after the top one that says tell him this. And I

mean exactly. You need to tone it down or you've got a 141-2-3. This must be wrestling terminology. I think it is wrestling terminology. Okay, you guys, I'm going to spell these numbers out. 141-2 slash 3% chance of getting divorced. The numbers don't lie and they spell disaster for you if you don't change your behavior. I don't know. Yeah, a little bit of wrestling jargon that we don't know. I don't know. Yeah. A little bit of wrestling jargon that we don't know. I don't know.

I'm already bad at math. And then you add in this weird wrestling dash and slash percent. Seems like there's too many symbols in there. Yeah. I mean, yeah, find some friends, like chill out a little bit. Get to a middle point where you know you can be doing other stuff it's just like having work all the time and also having all the free time in the world both aren't good for you like doing one thing too much is never

good for you doing something a little bit yeah what the hell I know do it I don't know moving along this next one it's kind of a little too much of a good thing maybe and having a little bit too much of something for you. Oh, okay. You'll see very shortly. So this next one, this is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. It is six hours old, titled, am I the asshole for cutting off my partner's daily supply of titty lattes?

This is my first time posting, so hopefully I've done it right. I'm a long time listener and love the pod. Anyways, so this is kinda weird, but here we go. I, 31 female, had a baby 10 weeks ago. One morning, just for laughs, I squirted a bit of breast milk into my partner, 38 males, coffee. We both cracked up. And then he drank it, looked me dead in the eyes, and said it was the best coffee he's ever had. And so, the era of the titty latte was born. Since then, every single morning without fail, he's asked

for his daily Titty Latte, like he's ordering from some boutique hipster cafe. It was funny at first, but now it's getting a little…out of hand. I'm exclusively breastfeeding our baby and every drop of milk really counts. I just don't have the supply to keep making boutique boob coffees and feed our actual child." I told him I can't keep giving him titty lattes, and while he's not angry, he's genuinely devastated. Now every morning he drinks his boring regular coffee with big sad puppy eyes dramatically sighing about how it, quote, tastes like dishwater and broken dreams.

I feel a bit bad because it did become a weird little bonding ritual for us. Parenthood makes you weird, I swear. But at the same time, our baby needs it way more than his taste buds do. So, am I the asshole for cutting off his titty latte supply to prioritize feeding our baby? Also, I cannot believe this is my real life send help. Yes, I know this sounds weird. No, he's not weird otherwise. Just very, very enthusiastic about his coffee. I mean like he loves that woman. Let's start there.

He loves her. He's crashing out. This has to be one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. Don't take his titty lattes. Like for, to the woman who wrote this, the way that you used words, your linguistic abilities, the different ways that you referred to the titty latte as like it all was incredible. And thank you for sending that in. Five stars.

A plus plus. Yeah, like you're in the right, of course. You are both the supplier and the provider and the creator of that milk. Like that's your milk. You can do with your milk what you will. And I think babies got dibs. I would say so. And milk supply can be very, very anxiety provoking for a lot of new moms. Sounds like first baby. And I know my sister-in-law like really struggled with her milk supply with their firstborn. And it was a big part of like,

contributing to her postpartum depression, like that pressure and like not being able to supply for your baby. So when you're, you know, maybe low supply, every drop does count for you. So yeah. And like, there was always going to be a cutoff date. This was never gonna last forever. I know. I think they're being a little, they're being funny with it. He's like, oh, it tastes like sewage water and broken dreams. Like he's pouting, but he's not like mad mad. He's devastated I guess, but you know. Is it a justified crash out for him? Maybe.

Wait, yeah, he's the one crashing out. He's having a tough go. I mean, like, fine crash out, but do it in the privacy of your own bedroom. Close the door and do it yourself. She doesn't need the guilt from you two. No. Also, my good sir, cinnamon oat milk. It's real good. Literally, Trader Joe's brown sugar oat milk, so good. Oh. It's real good. Literally, Trader Joe's brown sugar oat milk, so good. So good.

They had a pumpkin oat milk too. It's always kind of around fall. It's hard to comment on, of course, the taste factor due to the never tasting breast milk element that I'm working with over here. I don't know about you. Yeah, I've tried some. You have? Yeah. When? After a live show.

Morgan, I wasn't going to get into it. A listener brought their breast milk to a live show and we took shots of it. Was it better than? Tasted great. It did? Tasted like cinnamon toast, crunch milk. What? Yeah. I don't know if she was having a lot of cinnamon. I don't know. I wasn't going to get into it.

Don't yell at me. Don't yell at me. I didn't bring it up. Michaela did. I can't believe this. It tasted great. Okay. So then you're saying from the flavor perspective, like he's not making that up.

Like it actually is. Yeah. A really good milk. Also maybe it's like kind of hot for him. Like his wife has given amazing the miracle of life and she's breastfeeding and feeding their child and like maybe it's hot for him too. Sure. Yeah, I mean.

There's a lot going on there. There's a lot going on there. There are parts of this that I just, they're too much for me. Yeah. But no, obviously not the asshole. Yeah. It's her titties, her ta-tas. Oh yeah.

Her bazoongas. Okay. Coconuts. Oh. Breasts. Why not? Boobs. Melons.

What else? I don't know. What else do we have? Mangos? Oh, mangoes. Was it, what did I say? Bazoombas? Bazoongas? I don't know. There's one of those. You might have said mangoes and then I said it again.

She can do what she wants. She can do what she wants. Top comment on this one. I can't believe I'm the first one here. What a post. Not the asshole. Your titties, your rules. Since you had some fun too, maybe you hit him with one as a random surprise once a month

to keep the magic of Titty Latte alive. But he can't demand it like you're literally a cow to be milked. What's his plan when the kid grows up? He doesn't get to complain here about anything. Next comment down, your titties, your rules. Someone goes, I wish I wasn't here, but here I am. There's some people that comment, maybe like on Mondays or something is like his special treat, like only one day a week.

And next comment down goes, Titty Tuesday. I'm glad people are having fun with it. All caps, confetti cannon emojis. Absolutely. Someone goes, this is the answer. But he owes you a back rub later for payment. Maybe give him something in exchange. OP responds, yes. With the clapping hands.

I mean, like, I'm glad everyone's having fun at the end of the day. I'm just glad we're all having a good time. Uh-huh. Someone goes in response to the Titty Tuesday, followed by Hump Day. OP responds, I bet he'd love that. Yeah, no, that's he's living the dream. He's really like, yeah. He's getting to have his cake and drink his titty milk. Wow. That's you should coin that. Yeah.

Throw it on a shirt. OP does have a little edit for us. After reading some of the comments, I want to clarify a couple things. I added quotation marks around genuinely because it's meant to be lighthearted. He's not spiraling over this, but being dramatically funny. Bullet point number two, I actually have a good supply and baby is growing really well, but once my little guzzle guts has her feed, there's just not a whole latte left for the pump. Breastfeeding and pumping don't trigger the same response, so I'm not magically filling

a coffee cup afterwards. Bullet point number three, and when I said it's getting out of hand, I'm a one woman show over here. Wow, that's so true. I love the man, but I'm juggling a newborn, boobs, and a coffee enthusiast. OP goes on to add, he loves the idea of Titty Tuesdays. And I will update you all on the condensed milk alternatives. Oh, people were suggesting alternative milks in the comments. They sure were.

That makes sense. I just, I think at the end of the day, it's really not about the actual taste for him. I think it's that it's his wife's milk. And that's about all I got to say on that. I know. Love is beautiful. Love is love. Hey, love is love. I know. Love is love love you got a lot of not the assholes in the comments

Just because he has a milk fetish doesn't mean your baby should potentially go hungry so that you parent coffee better for them I wonder if he does have a milk fetish. I think he does Yeah If the coffee tastes like dish water they can buy better coffee new coffee maker and bottled water to make it taste better this person was very Upset about the baby not getting enough milk. But hey, oh he said good milk supply. So we're a okay there. Mm-hmm. Okay there I'm crashing out poor guy Just kidding moving along. He is okay. He will be okay.

He is okay. Even if he never had another titty latte in his life. He'll be fine. He'll be fine. He'll be okay. He'll be like 80 years old and be like, I remember. My wife used to make me. Those titty lattes. They were so tasty. His grandkids will like throw up in their mouths. Just like everyone else will when they find out I drink breast milk. I'm sorry for exposing you. I like just didn't expect the answer to be yes. It's fine.

It's fine. Whatever. And then I didn't expect it to be out of show. I know. I know. Which I don't reckon. Don't drink people's breast milk that you don't know. Wow.

Yeah. It was, I was crashing out. Giving that advice away for free. I was crashing out, clearly. This next one. This is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is three days old. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for telling my sister I won't be her maid

of honor because she didn't come to my wedding due to her dog dying? This is a throwaway, as friends know my mane. So I, 28 female, got married last year. It was a small but beautiful ceremony with our closest friends and family. My older sister, 32 female, and I have always had a complicated relationship. We're close, but she's also extremely emotional and kind of dramatic. She was supposed to be my maid of honor. Two days before my wedding, her 14-year-old dog passed away unexpectedly. I was obviously sympathetic, but she called me sobbing, saying she couldn't emotionally handle coming to

the wedding because she was too devastated. I tried to talk her down, even offered to have someone bring her home early if it was too much, but she refused and didn't show up. It hurt. A lot. She missed one of the biggest days of my life, and I had no maid of honor. We didn't talk much after that.

A few months ago, she got engaged, though, and just last week asked me to be her maid of honor. I told her I couldn't. I said I still felt hurt that she missed my wedding, and while I love her, I just couldn't pretend like everything was fine. She got extremely upset, said I was being cold and petty, and that her dog was like her child. Our parents are pressuring me to just be the bigger person. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Am I the asshole for saying no? Oh, this is a tough one, Morgan.

This one really encapsulates the question because it's like, is this justified or not? Like, does this reaction match what was done to her? Because, I mean, terrible things happen. Sometimes people have to go to a funeral and then immediately after do something else. That happens in life all the time. Even if there'll be contestants on American Idol who are like, my father just died, but I'm here performing today. You know, so to be missing out on your sister's wedding, the most important day of her entire life,

you were her maid of honor, that's going to be a whole stress level for her. It's just like, yeah, that sucks to do. And she's not saying that that wasn't a terrible day for you, or that wasn't a terrible time for you, and she's so sorry that that happened for you. But it's like you've got to show up for people to the best of your ability, in my opinion. Yeah, I agree. This was a big moment for her to show up. And it is like really sad. Like losing your pet, it's really sad. And a lot of people do look at their pets as their children. But don't think I'm insensitive because I'm not.

Like it's, I get it, it's so hard losing animals. It's just like, I can't even, it's so shitty. But dog died two days later, sister's wedding. Even if she would have just gone for a little bit, perform your duty as maid of honor, and then leave after the ceremony. But to just not go at all, it just feels...

It just doesn't feel right. And I don't know, like, everyone grieves differently. But I do think the sister kind of fucked up in that. And so I think right now, like if she's saying like, am I the asshole for telling her I won't be her maid of honor, because she didn't come to my wedding, did her dog dine? Like if you're doing it out of spite, maybe you're the asshole. But if you're, you know, as you're saying here, like, I told

her I still felt hurt, she missed my wedding. And while I love her, I can't pretend everything's fine. If you, those are your feelings. I don't think you're the asshole for having your feelings. I wouldn't want to stand up to someone I'm fighting with and fake a smile and be happy for them when they couldn't do the same for me on my day. Yeah. Yeah.

You're asking me to show up for you in the biggest way when you didn't do that for me. Yeah. And maybe that's a little tit for tat. It is. It is. That's why this one's such a hard question because it's like, what happens sucks and this reaction now like is also going to suck for the sister. Yeah. But there's an element of you made your bed and now you kind of have to lay in it like this is the dynamic you created between us.

And now that's the dynamic I exist in because you did that and this is all I can offer you. Like she's not saying she's not going to be there. She's not saying she's not going to celebrate her. I think she's just saying like you left me high and dry when you had that role, and now you're asking me to do it all for you. And like, I just, I don't have it in me to do that. No, she's not like, I won't come to your wedding, you know, I won't be there at all. It's just, I'm not going to be your maid of honor and like plan all this and like do all these things that you kind of screwed up for my wedding. And I think that's so fair.

I don't know, I at least do, especially given like looking back at what OP said, we didn't talk much after that, the wedding. I would like to know like how the sister responded after, like, was there an apology? Was there like her really trying to make amends and make up for it? But at the same time, I'm like, I can't rationalize skipping my sibling's wedding. I don't know. I have a hard time with it. And like, my mom just put her dog down last week, like a childhood dog that I got her

for Mother's Day 13 years ago and little Ted, just the cutest little guy. But I'm like, if my mom had to put Ted down and I had... Your wedding the next day. My wedding the next day, like she would still be there. What do you think the overall vote on this one is? I feel like they're going to maybe say... I feel like it's mixed kind of in the middle. Like some people saying she, maybe more people saying she isn't the asshole, but then also there being people that are saying she's the asshole.

So overall vote on this one. Yeah. Asshole. Oh, wow. Top comment. If you're doing this out of spite, then you're the asshole. If you are sincerely declining because you don't want to uphold all the duties and obligations of being the maid of honor, then not the asshole. Yeah, it's hard. If she were being like, I'm not going to go to your wedding, I think it'd be more clear cut, like you're an asshole for that.

But I don't think she feels up for the job. And the next person down says that. It doesn't matter the reason, spite or not, anyone is allowed to decline being someone's maid of honor without being judged an asshole for saying no, not the asshole. But the people are fighting. Yeah, this is a tough one. Because next comment down, doing things out of spite, which is to say doing things with the intent of hurting another person, absolutely deserves to be judged.

Next comment down, not doing things because you've been hurt before is completely different than doing something to hurt someone. So like, I mean, people go back and forth on this like crazy. Well I'm not getting the vibe from her that she just wants to hurt the sister. She's not saying I want her to feel how I felt or she put me in a bad position so I'm going to put her in a bad position. She's giving her ample time. She's telling her right off the bat, I don't think I can do that.

They haven't been as close lately. Yes, again, if everybody in the world could be a perfect person and not have any pettiness or any spite or any grudges about situations, then obviously the perfect way to react would just be to be gracious and accept and do the job even though it wasn't done for you. But I think that kind of ignores some human nature and like just how people are and how we feel about things and like how being hurt can affect us. And not a lot of time has passed. Like maybe if five years had passed, it'd be like, okay, like that sucked, but it's forever ago. She's made up for it over the years. We're good again. No, call me petty, call me bitter, call me spiteful.

I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. And I think like, be supportive, but I don't think her saying no because she's hurt. Like I get the overall impression she's hurt and not doing this out of spite. And people kind of in like go in on that. And someone goes, I could be wrong, but this doesn't sound spiteful to me. Spiteful would be her agreeing to do it and then dropping out two days beforehand. At least OP is being upfront and giving sister time to find someone else to fill in. Yeah, this isn't like an eye for an eye behavior. It's not putting her in any kind of dire situation.

No. And this is something I find interesting in the comments. Someone goes, I'm so tired of this quote, no one owes anyone anything mentality. And this is like a big debate right now. I agree with that. But I don't know in specifically how it relates to this story, if I will. They go on to say, yes, she's allowed to decline.

But if her reason is out of sheer pettiness, that's childish, selfish, and absolutely makes her an asshole. Their sisters, and by OP's own admission, are close. To maintain a relationship with her, OP owes her sister things like this, being her maid of honor, or having a very valid reason to say no. Saying no out of spite is not a valid reason. Did we read the same post? Yeah, I mean, I understand what they're coming from, like the heart of what they're coming

from. If we do owe people things, I agree with. I don't think that that's what's going on here though. I think she's saying like, I'm not up to it. And I think that that's okay. Yeah. And I feel like people are kind of going back and forth like arguing like, well, she bailed like she's not entitled. And then someone's like, bailed her dog died. She gave her sister notice. Should she have just ignored her own grief? Two day notice for a wedding is, I'm sorry, that throws so many things into confusion

and stress and anxiety. Two days notice is like not notice. And also she was still trying to convince her to come like to the day of or to the day before. Yeah. And she was like trying to find her to come like to the day of or to the day before. Yeah. And she was like trying to find her remedies or solutions to make her comfortable. Like, hey, if you get sad and you want to leave, like we'll make sure someone can bring you home.

I don't know. I'm not trying to be insensitive and maybe I'm off base here, but... We could be. We could both be. But I think it's one of those stories where it is in the middle. And I think that that can be harder. And I understand if people fall on the other side of it. We do have a couple of comments from OP. So someone goes, no assholes here. It was very bad timing, but no one's fault. She would have been a terrible maid of honor while dealing

with that initial grief. So it's probably for the best. She wasn't there sobbing next to you. It sounds like she never acknowledged how much her absence hurt you though. If you can't be there for her in good conscience, then declining is appropriate. However, the bitterness you hold against her won't be satisfied." And I really, I do appreciate that comment. Like, would I personally have skipped a big day like that? No. But I, I can empathize with her that like, if this pet was her child, clearly a lot of grief. And hopefully she's not the person to just like skip her sister's wedding for, I don't, you know what I mean? I'm like, clearly it was a big deal for her. So someone responds to that and goes, the sister has, from what I can tell, not apologized

either. Yeah, that's what I've been like, curious about. Yeah. So Opie responds to that and says, yeah, that's a big part of why I'm still struggling with it. I completely understand that she was grieving and I never wanted her to force herself to come if she wasn't able to. But after the fact, there wasn't really any apology, acknowledgement, or attempt to reconnect. We are more distant than ever.

It just felt like I was expected to quietly move on, and now that it's her turn, I'm supposed to step up without hesitation? I'm not trying to punish her, but it's hard to ignore that there's still a lot of unresolved between us." Yeah, I'm on her side. I'm just trying to punish her, but it's hard to ignore that there's still a lot of unresolved between us. Yeah, I'm on her side. I'm just on her side. Yes, it's not the perfect way to react, but especially with that information of which is what it seemed like because in her initial post she wasn't saying, she's apologized repeatedly,

but I haven't been able to move past it. It's okay to say that they're not at that place right now where it makes sense to be in that kind of role. I don't know. If there had been serious apologies from the sister, I think this would be a very different situation and I think she would have stepped up. And I think it's just all of these little things about how it happened and even just the importance of her day kind of feeling diminished and unacknowledged and even in the midst, the aftermath of the main parts of the grief still not coming back and acknowledging

how important that day was and how not just sorry she couldn't be there, but sad she is that she couldn't be there and how like sad she is that she couldn't be there. And like how much she felt like she missed out in not being there. Like I would want to hear, I would have loved to be a part of that day with you and I'm so sad I wasn't there. Yeah, the fact that there was nothing

is kind of strange for me. Because it's- And then they're distant. Yeah, and it's clear like she was grieving her pet, but then you have OP who's also grieving not having her sister, her maid of honor with her on a special day. Like that is a loss for someone. Like weddings can be a big deal for a lot of people. The day will always not be remembered the same in her mind because of that.

Yeah. It's to me, it almost feels similar to someone not having a parent be able to walk them down the aisle or not be able to have a first dance with someone or their grandma isn't there. It's a big deal to have someone you love not be there for a day that you find so special and meaningful. We do have a little bit of an edit from OP. I didn't expect this to blow up the way it did. Thank you to everyone who took the time to share your thoughts, whether you thought I was an asshole or not. I've appreciated the different perspectives.

A few things became clear to me after reading through the comments. Yes, my sister was genuinely grieving and I probably minimized that at the time because I felt abandoned. I can admit now that her loss was very personal and not something you can just power through, even for a wedding. That said, what's hurt the most is that we never talked about it. She never acknowledged how painful it was for me that she didn't show up, and I never told her directly either.

I just held on to it quietly. And now it's spilling out in a way that probably doesn't feel fair to her. My lack of communication caused a buildup, but she also could have reached out. I've decided to reach out and talk to her. Not to change my answer, but to explain why I said no and to give her a chance to tell her side too. I don't want this silence and resentment to keep growing between us. I'll update if anything major happens, but for now thank you for the wake up call and for helping me think through this." Yeah, personally, I still would not miss even a friend's wedding if a pet died. I'm with you. I personally-

I know that people are different and- Everyone's different. Their emotions are different. I think that that's also making it harder for me though, that I'm just like, I know that I would be there no matter what. I know. And I just don't like thinking about anything happening to my little old grandpa pony that's in my backyard. But like he's 29. I've had him since I was like in third grade, second or third grade. And if he passed, it would be awful. It would be terrible.

He almost took himself out a couple of weeks ago with colicking, he ate a bunch of dirt. But if something happened to him and my friend, my sister was getting married, I would still go. But maybe this is when we put to the people, we put to a poll. Because we have a lot of animal lovers out there, and not to say we aren't, but we just have a different take on this. If you want to yell at me, that's okay. Like I need that sometimes.

No, no, no, it's just a difference of opinions. But I'm curious where people fall on this one. Like, if you lost a pet, would you not go to a family member's big event, like a wedding? Like I'm curious where people fall, but it will say this is an incredibly mature, big response from OP to just be like, hey, I realized she was grieving. She never reached out to me, but I didn't reach out to her. And maybe it is kind of like that person said, no assholes here. Or both assholes. I don't know. I don't know. Because like, did either one of you handle it right? No, maybe. I just

find it odd that her sister would be like, I can't come to the wedding. And then at least the couple days following or after their honeymoon, wouldn't follow up and be like, I'm so sorry I missed it. Tell me about everything. That to me is crazy. Yeah, absolutely. And I agree. I'm so honestly a little nervous to hear your thoughts on this one, but look for the poll because I'm very curious where you guys fall on this. But moving along. Okay, we're going to get into a little more sister drama, a little more pet drama before mixing it up a little bit. So this one is coming from AITAH, it is 17 days old, titled, Am I the asshole for refusing

to babysit my sister's miracle baby after what she did to my dog? Oh, this kind of sounds similar. It's giving similar energy. Yeah. But also worse. W-w-w-w-worse. Way worse. Oh, god. So my sister, 32 female, had a baby last year after years of struggling with infertility. We were all happy for her. She called him her miracle baby,

and honestly, I didn't mind the attention he got until things got weird. struggling with infertility. We were all happy for her. She called him her miracle baby, and honestly, I didn't mind the attention he got until things got weird. I, 28 female, have a golden retriever named Benny. He's five and the sweetest boy alive. Everyone in the family loves him, even my sister used to, until the baby came along. One time I brought Benny over when I visited. He stayed on his mat, didn't bark, or even move. The baby started crying and my sister went, I think he's making the baby nervous, and asked me to put him outside in the middle of winter. I said no and left early. That was strike one. Next time I saw her, she told me straight up

she didn't want Benny around her son because he's a dog. I said, okay, whatever, and stopped bringing him. But I could tell something shifted. Strike two. Then one day I was out of town for a weekend and she begged me to let her stay at my place because hers was getting fumigated. I agreed, thinking it was

chill. I came home Sunday night. Benny is hiding under the bed, trembling, looking all scared. I find out she locked him in the laundry room for two days straight because he was staring too much, and that made the baby fussy. No food, no water bowl, just locked him in there. I lost it. Told her she was never setting foot in my house again and that she was lucky I didn't call animal services. Fast forward a month and she's going back to work, and suddenly I'm her first choice for free child care. She wants me to watch the baby two days a week. I said no. She flipped and called me bitter and selfish, and said I clearly don't understand what it means to love family unconditionally. My mom got involved and said I'm being

cruel when I could be helping. But this isn't just about a dog. It's about how she treated something I love without remorse and now expects me to drop everything and help her like nothing happened. Am I the asshole for saying no to babysitting my nephew because of what she did to my dog? I also feel like this story isn't as much about the tit for tat of it all as it is like, you almost killed my dog, I'm still very mad at you

and wouldn't do anything for you right now type vibe. Insane behavior. Two days locked in a closet, what was it, laundry room? Laundry room. Laundry room. No food, no water. No food, no water. Like what, why does she have so much resentment toward this dog? Like at the very least, like you should be letting him out and feeding him and like whatever, just having him in a different part of the house. Why did you even want to stay at her house? And it's not

an aggressive dog. No, but here's something that I have seen come up a little bit in other stories or just maybe documentaries. I'm not sure where exactly I'm pulling this from, but it can be a common thing after people have babies for their attitudes to change towards animals. Like I remember on TikTok, I don't know, probably like a year ago or maybe it was Reddit again. It's in there, but I don't know like where exactly. There were people sharing stories about how after they had their kids, they started hating their own dogs. Yeah, I've seen that actually in real life.

Yeah. And so I'm like, maybe that's a little bit of this, like maybe because she struggled with infertility and this is her miracle baby, maybe she's just like so anxious and dealing with some postpartum anxiety disorder and just doesn't want anything to happen and she sees the dog, even though it's the sweetest, most lovable dog, as a threat. Does it justify what she did? Trying to kill it? No. Yeah.

If you feel that way and you're going to hurt an innocent animal and disrespect someone's pet in their home when they're gracious enough to let you stay, that's not okay. And you need to go to therapy because this isn't, this isn't sustainable. You're going to see dogs on the street. One of the comments, her being like, well, the dog was looking at the baby. Oh, okay. So it deserves to die? It's, it's a problem. And she really, really needs to get a handle on it. That's just like you when you locked that dog in that room, you were saying, it's okay if I'm killing

it right now. Like that is a choice you made. And luckily that didn't happen, but the dog is traumatized. Like that's just, it is animal abuse. That's really bad. Very plainly animal abuse. Like not even a question of if it is or if it isn't. So yeah, it makes sense that this woman wouldn't wanna do anything for her sister for the next however many months

it is, let alone watch the baby and now there's going to be some kind of weird thing about her dog again. Also to not put any food or water in there is so insane. Also no mention of letting the dog out. Yeah, no, because she didn't. Your sister just comes home and has to clean up all that shit and pee? That actually happened to me once. Oh my God.

One of the ex I was talking about earlier was supposed to watch our dog while we were on a trip. And he was like, I'll come twice a day to like play with them and like let them out and feed them again. And like, when we got home, the room was covered in shit because he didn't actually come and do it. And he said that he was. Oh my God. That's like people that find like pet sitters on the apps and stuff like that and then have cameras.

Yeah. And then my parents check the camera and they were like, he didn't even come. I think he came like a couple times, like enough for them to be alive. But like, yeah. But like not as much as he should have. Evil man. That's insane. Why, why? I don't know. Insane. Insane.

Top comment, not the asshole. What she did to Benny is horrible. You trusted her with him and she locked him and didn't even give him food or water. Also she has no right to claim your time anyways. Yeah. And two days a week is a lot. Also what's OP going to do with the dog? Right.

Which is the next comment. It also likely conditions the dog to be afraid and or agitated around little kids now. But like, what are you supposed to do with your dog? Now she doesn't care about your dog in your house? Yeah. Just because she wants the babysitter? Right. Like... So the dog isn't a threat?

Yeah. Insane. I hate when people get manipulative like this too. I clearly don't understand what it means to love family unconditionally. You're not guaranteed my love if you treat me like shit. You almost killed my dog. You locked my dog up and abused them. No.

Let alone my service to you. In, and childcare two days a week. That's a lot of work. Like that's a huge effort. It is. Really is. And the baby was never at risk. No, no. And the baby was never at risk.

No, no. But I'm looking at the clock and I think I've got to start group T with my family on Patreon. Whoa. Is that patreon.com slash two hot takes? Patreon.com slash two hot takes or download the app and search two hot takes. There's like a full free bonus episode on there. So come on over, so much free stuff. But Michaela, you're off to Ireland.

Off to the highlands. How do you even like talking? I don't know. I'll figure it out. You got it. Yeah. Watch you like go meet someone over there and just fall in love and never come back. Maybe who knows?

Don't know. No, we can't. We can't let. Maybe who knows? Don't know. Luck of the Irish. No, we can't. We can't let her. We can't let her. No. But thank you so much for coming on and being here. It's really, really this theme.

I'm like shaking in my boots. Yeah. If anyone's mad at me, my cell phone number is 7... If you liked this episode, my name is Mikayla. If you didn't like this episode, it's Julie. It's kind of one of those things, like when you get a server or like customer service and they joke. It's a good one.

That's a good joke. But I can't let you have a short episode. So like I said, I can't let you guys have a short episode, an hour and 24 minutes is what that would have been without Justin coming in. I'm crashing in to the episode. Crashing in to the crash out. To crash out.

Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. I'm really excited for this story. I think you're going to be just blown away by it. So without further ado, our very last story for Crash Out, part one, dun dun dun, because I just recorded part two tonight. So here we go. Okay.

Trigger warning on this next one. It does contain some pretty intense conversations around covert incest and covert sexual abuse. So if you can't handle that today, please end the episode now. We loved having you and we'll see you next week. Thank you. This is coming from r slash true off my chest. It is titled, my mother-in-law askeded My Husband to Subscribe to Her Only Fans to Support Her. My mother-in-law, 40 female, has always been very open about sex.

When I first met my husband, she managed a sex toy store. About a year ago, she started working towards a degree on sexual health and wellness. She nude models for a local artist, and around a month ago, she started an OnlyFans account. Sex and an openness about it has always been an extraordinarily normal thing for her. I have absolutely nothing against her working in the sex industry. That's her forte, and I'm happy that she's doing well and enjoying what she does. However, I've had some slight concerns about it before. Not specifically her working in the sex industry or her openness in general. More so how open she is,

especially with her own kids. For example, my husband and I started dating in high school when she was managing the sex store. When she would come home from work, she would stop into my husband's, boyfriend at the time, room and hand us sample sizes of different lubes and sensation creams saying, quote, I thought you guys might want to try some of these. It always made us both pretty uncomfortable, and it was extremely awkward to have my boyfriend's mom hand me things to try sexually with her son. But nonetheless, the most conversation that my husband and I ever had about it back then

was about how awkward it was. Awkward and uncomfortable enough that we never actually used these things. They just piled up on a shelf by his bed. Another time while we were dating, fresh out of high school, we were hanging out with his sisters. His mom was still working at the sex toy shop. Once in a while she would come home with silly toys, and on this night, she walked in with a one foot long glittery dildo.

She playfully whipped it around towards us like a sword. His sister scream and ran from her. And for a while, we all laughed and had fun about it. Snatching it from one another and chasing each other around with the glitter shlong. Eventually, my husband's sister, 17 at the time, said something like, quote, mom, you better not have brought that home to use. That's crazy. My husband chimed off and ew, saying he didn't need to think about that.

And his mom laughed and replied, Oh no, that's silicone. You know the toys I use are glass. Again, my husband made a weird face but didn't say anything. When we got to his room, I said that it was weird that his mom talked to her children about what she uses to get her rocks off. And he told me that she's always been way too open about things that none of them wanted to know. But that she's always been this way. So he's just gotten used to tuning it out.

As time went on, I got used to the openness. And it was just that, being too open about personal stuff within conversation. However, yesterday, the openness went too far. My husband and I were sitting in our living room watching TV. My husband got a text from his mom and opened it and had a visceral reaction. He tossed his phone down, stood up, walked away from it with his hands over his face while saying things like, oh my god, and holy shit under his breath. Naturally, I thought someone had died, so I started frantically asking what was wrong. All he said was he didn't want to open his phone again.

I asked what was wrong, and he told me that his mom just sent him pictures. I was confused, but my concern started to grow. I asked what he meant by pictures, and he hesitated before saying, quote, I don't want to ask you to look, but I can't open it back up to delete it myself, so I need you to. My stomach dropped. I opened his phone to see what was there, and I immediately felt nauseous. There was a text that read, quote, Hey, I know you've always supported me, and I wanted to see if you'd be willing to subscribe to my OnlyFans so that I can get my numbers up while I'm still getting started.

Of course, I don't expect or want you looking through it, but the more subscriber numbers I have, the more engagement I can get. I was also wondering if you'd be willing to share my link to some of your friends at work. Husband is in a male-dominated field, blue collar job. The pics I included are to send to them with the link, but don't tell them I'm your mom. And under it was the pictures. There were three nude photos of his mother. And not just naked

in a mirror or pick-of-the-boobs kind of photos, they were full-on pornographic photos. One of her tied up in BDSM gear, one of her face down ass up on her bed, and one of her with legs spread and a dildo halfway in her mouth. My blood was boiling. I deleted what she'd sent, and my husband and I were both silent for a moment. I didn't know what else to say or do, so I broke the silence by asking, what now? My husband told me to block his mom on his phone, so I did. I asked if this was something his mom has done before, and he said no. He told me that in the past,

she asked if he wanted to see pictures of the drawings she posed for. He always felt a bit guilty saying no, so he simply didn't respond when she asked, and she never sent it. Then my husband went pale and started walking to the bathroom saying he felt sick. While he was in the bathroom, I blocked his mom on my phone as well, including her social medias. When my husband came back out of the bathroom, he called his sister. He asked her if she was with their mom, and when she said no, he explained to her what all had just gone down. His sister was also speechless. Then he asked her not to say anything to other family members right now, and explained that

neither him or I would be in contact with their mom for a while. He also told her that any time we were home for a visit, he would let his sisters know so that we could plan to see them, but that his mom would not be included in those plans from here on out. My mother-in-law quickly realized she was blocked on everything by both of us, and by that night, she had the whole family blowing up our phones asking why. The constant messages haven't stopped. And so far, we've just muted our phones as we don't even know what to say. How do you explain that your mother sent you homemade porn? That's the end? That's the post. Just, okay. All right.

Uh, well, she's, she's obviously gone a bit crazy. She, she took it to another level. I'm going to remain thinking that it literally, she is so, I don't know. I don't even know what you call it. She's so in that world that, cause I don't think she's obviously, I hope, not making advances on her kid. I think she literally is that lost in it

where she is thinking, oh, I know how I could get some numbers. I'll just have Johnny send it to all his friends. I think she's, is she literally that lost in it? Yeah. And that desensitized. That's the word I was looking for. To where it's like, oh, this is cool.

But I, oh God, there's so much to go through. She totally is. She's completely desensitized to it. And it's honestly so disgusting. Like there's nothing wrong with the human body. And you know, I know a lot of people end up taking care of their parents later in life and you see things, but to be sent-

This isn't a sexual nature though, you know? Exactly, to be sent explicit images, pornographic images, poses with sex toys in her mouth and her tied up and that is insane. Asking him to share with his work colleagues? Oh yeah, it's not even just his friends. Not even his friend, his work colleagues. Oh, hey, Mr. Boss, check this out.

What do you put that in your work Slack? It's not my mom, by the way. It's not my mom, by the way. Who's this older woman that you're sharing that looks kind of like you, dude? This is weird. It's just so unprofessional and like not something he would ever entertain.

No. An insane of her to ask. I fully- How do you become that blinded to it though? I don't know. And I fully support people having OnlyFans and doing that and sex work becoming more legalized and whatever, people should be able to do what they want with their bodies.

But they're not involving their family. But don't involve your children. And I think there's something, I think there's a difference between openly talking about sex and healthy relationships and not healthy relationships and just a general conversation about different types of sex and whatever when your kids are 17, 18, 19, you know, when they're age appropriate, whatever, whatever. But to bring home dildos and expose them to these things

and openly talk about what you're using when they're in high school still feels really inappropriate. It's reminded me of a Reddit story I read where someone was writing in and they were like, my parents had sex with me and my sister in the room constantly growing up, like even into our teenage years. And me and my sister are both asexual. Like we are just so put off by what we went through. Because of that. Yeah. And so I just think like, it's just not appropriate. And so I'm like trying to like, oh, I'm like, if she would have just sent him the link, like... No! Share it with your friends! Fucked up!

Absolutely fucked up! Well, yes, that is less bad. But for her to be like, will you subscribe? Will you share these pictures? The pictures are the worst part of the whole thing. Does she not know how a phone works? Those aren't going to be blurred. I don't think she intends them to be blurred.

I think she would walk around every single day, naked if she could, in every circumstance, grocery store, post office, all of it. She's there nude if she could be. She should go live in one of those nude communities, like a nude resort, but like a whole town. Does that exist? Is there a nude town?

Like you go buy your eggs in the morning. There's gotta be. And you're just nudist? Can you imagine your mom doing this to you? No, I'm not even thinking that. I'm trying to not think about that. I'm trying to not mentally even get close to that. Or my mom, like my mom doing this to you.

Like that is insane, insane unhinged, terrible repugnant behavior. Listen, the headline for this story could be a lot more clickbaity and it's not even clickbaity. If you said, my husband's mom sent him nude photos and asked us, like you could make this title. It was very mild. I didn't, I had not read this story until just now. Yeah, it's very mild.

I saved it because of the title. I thought what was happening was mother-in-law to OP, the wife, mother-in-law was sending her a link saying Hey, can you subscribe so I can get my subscribers up which in itself? Yes would be still weird But it's not as bad as sending your son The link the images and just going that far. What do you do? Like what do you do? How do you navigate this? What the hell? She brought it to the family.

So now I'm going to, I'm going to give my reasons why, because I'm not going to have the family be turned on me. That's crazy. You're not talking to your mom. What did she do? Absolutely not. We're telling them. We're going to, because we didn't take it to the family.

She did. Yeah. She could have kept it between us. I get she's blocked, but there's other avenues than having the whole family become this army. But no, yeah, I'm going to fully say, I'm, we are not communicating with her and not interacting with her at this time because of this. And I think everyone will get it real quickly unless it's a whole family of sex toy nudists, all right? So weird. But I think they'll get it real quick.

And yeah, she'll be like upset that you told her, or maybe she won't. Honestly, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. She crossed an insane boundary. Top comment on this one is deleted, but the next one down is, it's pretty long, but they have a line here that says, I'm sorry that she is sex obsessed, not just sex positive. Her kink seems to be crossing boundaries with children and in no universe is that okay?

And then someone goes to add, OP, if you can recover just the text from his deleted folder, I would send all the people coming at you with a screenshot with the added note that you're sparing them the disgusting photos that were included. OP responds, later today I'll be doing just that. My husband has already brought it up to me and I plan to recover the messages and photos Screenshotting them and marking over her should be private areas that way should be needed. We have the evidence That's true. That is true. I mean if it really truly is Like she gets off on this super taboo behavior Then that takes it into a whole different thing.

I mean, the first- I mean, that's- It's bad without that. But when you add that, then it's just, we're, yeah. No, and this is all of these reactions from OP and the husband, AKA like this woman's son, justifiable. This is insane behavior. I would be crashing out harder.

I would have immediately put myself on a flight to the North Pole or Antarctica, as far away from her as I could possibly get. And I might've filed an emancipation order to become illegally separated from her because I just like the fact that your mom would send you that shit is fucking insane. This would probably push me to do the one way Mars trip. Doesn't exist yet, but okay.

I'm on Mars. Sorry. Next comment. That's pretty upvoted. How do you explain that your mom sent you homemade porn? Like quoting OP. Well, exactly like that, actually. Quote, dear extended family, my mother crossed the line

for me by sending me pornographic images slash homemade porn featuring herself without any warning. I'm disturbed slash shaken up by her oversharing. And me and my wife are taking some space for now. Please respect that. I wish you all well. Perfect. Done. Perfect. Done. Exactly that. So there is a comment here that talks about covert incest and they say covert incest is a form of non-physical sexual abuse. Examples of this could be the parents sharing intimate graphic details

of their own sex life to the child, practicing voyeurism, exhibitionism, inappropriate sharing of images, and similar behaviors that, while still being sexual abuse, are described as covert for their intangible nature. That fucking fits everything she's done. OP sees it and responds, thank you for this comment. I've never heard of covert incest, but now I know exactly what is going on. And my husband and I both have some reading up to do. You know what's so scary about it is how could you ever really truly know if that was the intention?

Because you know how the whole story is written and everything's kind of excused off like, oh, she's just super overly open about all that and just I don't know the term nudist keeps coming to mind. But if that is the underlying of all of it, then that's, it's just so fucked. But you would never, you would never know cause she'll deny. But you have the proof luckily. Yes, you know, you have the proof.

I'm just saying, like, you know how I kind of initially said, oh, like I really hope it's not as an intention to like make moves on her kid. And it's just her being so lost in that world that she's just sending it really truly hoping for other followers. But if that is, you'll never know which it is. And so now it sucks because you kind of have to take, you have to assume that that is what it is.

And I do think it is what it is. Well, regardless if you're assuming or if that is truly what it is, I don't think you'll ever know that from her. So you have to assume and it takes you to, where you have to take this drastic measure of really not having a relationship with your mom anymore on any level. So it just like, this is, this just kind of changes your whole world.

Yeah. It's crazy. It's absolutely crazy. I know. I do definitely think based on her history and everything OP shared, it definitely is seeming like that. And I think because of everything, like you can't trust her. You can't trust her to not send you things. You definitely can't trust her with your children if you have any, like you cannot trust her. That's true, yeah.

It's just not worth having a relationship with her unless it's, hey, I'll meet you for lunch at Denny's one Saturday a month, but that's it. It's like that TikTok from a while ago where the kid was holding like the dildo toy in the store. Do you remember this? With the influencer, they were like having their three-year-old suck on like a penis popsicle.

Yes. It's so disgusting. The image I had in my mind is this, like she babysits the kids and the kids are just playing with the glitter foot long dildo. Obviously the kids don't know what it is, but it's like- It feels like grooming. It's fucked up. You see what I'm saying, right?

Yeah. The kids just think it's a toy, but that's kind of what the future looks like with this. Yeah. We do have some other context from OP, like about how bad it was too, for the mom to be like, hey, share this with your coworkers. And someone just says kind of commenting, like, tell your husband he needs to email his mom and like tell her he's taking a break. This request that she sent those personal pictures of herself to coworkers is highly inappropriate. Whether or not he told them she was a relative, that is his job. And OP does say, husband is in the military.

It isn't just a firing. It's a sharp case with a dishonorable discharge. Dishonorable discharge, no job, no pension, no benefits. That is career ending life altering. That fucking, that follows you. Yeah. I mean, holy shit. I know. Like we, there's no way you'd even ever get that far. We have an update.

Oh, geez. Many asked for an update. So here's a small one. My husband got home from work today. He did have me recover the messages for evidence, should it be needed. I screenshotted the messages with timestamps and each of the photos. In the photos, I scribbled over her, not so private areas as well. After that, I sent the images to my phone and once again deleted the messages from his

phone, both in his mother's text and mine, per husband's request. This was something that several people suggested in the comments of my previous post. And believe me, we were on the same page before I even read them. My husband and I are also regulars in therapy, both individual and couples counseling. When we got married, we agreed that doing counseling from the get-go was a good idea. Not because we have problems in our marriage, but it gives us the tools to confront issues in the future and keeps us on the same page. That being said, I asked my husband if he'd ever mentioned his mother's sexualness in his own therapy,

and he said no. Since it is how he's always been raised, he saw it as mostly normal. I suggested that this should most definitely be brought up at his next session, and he agreed. I also asked if there was anything that has happened that was a bit overboard in the past. Outside of conversation, he said that his mother would often come home from work with new lingerie, and she would put it on and wear it around the house for the rest of the night, as if they were regular clothes. When she would do this he would either stay in his room or go to a friend's house because it

made him uncomfortable. Several people asked why there hasn't been a conversation about her talking about uncomfortable topics. There has been. When my husband and I were dating, both of us minors, she would talk to my husband about our sex life explicitly. Some of the questions she asked him are if he likes girls who are clean shaven, if him and I were using lube, if I preferred rib condoms, if we had tried certain positions, even if I preferred stimulation via clitoris or G-spot. When she would ask these things, my husband simply wouldn't answer with more than, I don't know.

But eventually, he did tell her to stop. He told her that he didn't want to talk about these things with her, and that her asking these things made him extremely uncomfortable. Her response was to get defensive and act as if she'd been disrespected. She would say that sex was normal and that she should be able to have these conversations with her son. She even accused him of shaming her sexually. So he went back to ignoring the questions altogether. Some suggested that we have an in-person conversation with her about this

happening. Not only do we live far away, but we aren't ready for a conversation about it, and we especially aren't ready to discuss it in person. This happened yesterday afternoon, and it will honestly be a very long time before any sort of communication happens with her at all. I did find out what she had been telling family. She's telling them that she asked if her son supported her, not if he would subscribe and share her content. That is why family has been reaching out and asking why we've blocked her for asking that. We will be telling family exactly what happened,

but we aren't quite ready to do so yet. That will come in the next few days. We're still processing all of what's going on. My husband has a therapy session tomorrow, and we have one together the next day. We will likely wait to talk about this with his family until after our sessions. That way we can get our ducks in a row a bit more, and we are even considering legal action. Again, this is something we will bring up with our therapist before continuing. That is the main reason we took screenshot evidence.

For those curious, yes, mother-in-law is young. She had my husband at 16, 17, and we got married young as well. Very common among my family and in the field of work he is in. And that field of work is the military. So him sharing his mother's content would heavily affect him. That's all I have for an update for now, but trust there will be another. Thanks so much for all of the advice and support I received on my last post. I seriously gained such good info from the comments and it's been really helpful.

Honestly, I think the legal action makes a lot of sense because having the conversation isn't, isn't going to do anything. There's no conversation with her that can be had that will be have any sort of effect, especially when in the past he tried to explain how it's wrong and makes them uncomfortable. And she then flips it and is like, oh, you're shaming me, all this shit. Like people that do that cannot be reasoned with. And there's no conversation you guys can have that will make anything change.

So honestly- Cut her off. She's done. Of course. But I think the legal action is the only thing that could possibly have any sort of effect on the relationship you guys have with her. Yeah. Ever possible in the future. I know. If that's ever even wanted, I think that's the only thing that'll ever get through. But just simply having even the most intense conversation with her possible, I don't think will be effective. It's too far gone. With all this background info, I literally don't see, I don't even know what words you'd say. No. Speaking of background info, there's a comment here that someone asks and they go,

does husband look a lot like his bio father? And OP goes, actually crazy that you mention it. My husband looks exactly like his bio dad. I mean down to the hair color, same eyes, and when my husband has facial hair, it is uncanny. He even has a similar tattoo in a similar spot that his bio dad had. Of course, we had no idea at the time because my husband's dad walked out when he was very young. But after he'd gotten that tattoo, his mother mentioned that it was in the same spot. And with the exception of a few details, it was practically the same tattoo. How? Weirder things have happened, but that makes this even more incestuous. Final update, which is coming from May 1st. so just a few short days ago.

It's always so weird to me that this stuff is happening in real time. I know. Like they are having the, this happened right now. It's literally right now. My husband and I have spoken with therapists about the entire situation and we've drawn a conclusion to how we will handle things. As advised by our therapist and based on what we've planned ourselves, my mother-in-law will be cut off until she does the self-work and is no longer overly sexual towards family.

That being said, my husband and I are prepared for her to be cut off permanently. She will likely not attend therapy herself as she sees it as unimportant. I'm not sure if her opinion comes from her visiting a therapist previously, but she does believe that therapists just tell you everything wrong with yourself and why you need to change. They don't actually try to help your mental health, they just make it worse. I'm sure everyone can imagine what has caused her to draw those conclusions. As of now, husband and I will not be pushing legal action. We've decided that for us at the time, we would prefer to lay down the law in what we

feel comfortable with. If that is respected, that is great and nothing more will come of it on our end. If that isn't respected, and there are more attempts to reach us, such creating accounts, etc., we will most likely seek out a restraining order. As I mentioned in a previous update, I have saved the screenshots from the original issue so we will have that to present if needed. On to family. As a reminder, husband's side of the family was blowing up our phones asking why we would block mother-in-law. We told them everything that happened, didn't send the photos of course, but did describe them. Things were understood quickly and nothing more was

said. I don't know if family has taken it upon themselves to confront mother-in-law about this. If they have, great, she needs it. If they haven't, oh well. Now from my own perspective, I was raised in a family where everything was very taboo. Sex, sexuality, our bodies, even our periods were difficult to talk about. So much so that when my mom found out I had a crush on a boy when I was 13, I cried and profusely apologized because I thought I would be in a lot of trouble. Asking questions wasn't okay either, so when I did have questions, I couldn't simply ask. For example, I overheard my mom say the word porn and I didn't know what it meant. When I asked my parents what

that word porn was I got sent to my room. So at seven years old I grabbed the family tablet and googled porn, saw a bunch of naked people, got scared, put the iPad back in the living room. When my parents checked the search history that night I was screamed at and not allowed to touch saw a bunch of naked people, got scared, put the iPad back in the living room. When my parents checked the search history that night, I was screamed at and not allowed to touch electronics for the rest of the year. With all of that in mind, a sex positive family was so incredibly foreign to me. The idea of being able to go to your mom, ask about sex for your body, and have a conversation instead of getting in trouble was completely new.

When my husband and I were dating, I never knew that his mom was going too far. I thought that was simply sex positivity. Of course, I had intuition that things went too far at times, like when I questioned the toy conversation. But when the response to my questions were, she's just really open, I chalked it up to that and didn't really question it anymore. To answer some common questions, my mother-in-law is not this much when it comes to my sister-in-laws. I always assumed it was because they were younger, but the pictures being sent to only my husband really hammered the nail into the covert incest coffin. Come to find out, mother-in-law also isn't quite as open with sister-in-laws.

She is open about her own doings, but doesn't meddle in their own like she did with my husband. I mentioned before that she would question my husband on our sex life when we were dating. Another phone call with my middle sister-in-law revealed that she's absolutely never done that to the girls. In fact, there have been times where she's overheard my sister-in-law's saying something about their boyfriends and she would say, eh, lower your voice. I don't want to know. Whereas she would straight up ask my husband about sex.

Another common question, where's father-in-law? He's never been in the picture. My husband's dad left when mother-in-law was pregnant with her youngest daughter. Mother-in-law also doesn't have a father herself because he left when she was a baby. And there aren't a lot of men in the family. Two distant uncles, a few cousins. But as far as close family, my husband was the only male grown up. And yes, some people got it right.

My husband looks exactly like his bio dad. This fact makes this even more gross altogether. And finally, no we don't have children. However, I have always had concerns about leaving children alone with her because of her openness. I will know when my future children are ready to know about certain topics. Those conversations will come from my husband and I and only us. I have always been concerned that mother-in-law would discard our opinions on that and give our future children the birds and the bees talk whenever she felt like it. Unless she cannot fix whatever is wrong in her brain, she will not ever be alone with our kids, and even possibly know them.

But overall, this is my final in this whole situation. The original post was removed in this sub, so it's been reposted on my personal page for those interested. I'll remain active on this account to answer questions. Thank you so much everyone for all the advice. I didn't even know the term covert incest before posting, and I'm grateful I do now. It's given my husband and I something to do a little research about, and it's changed our perspective on the past quite a bit. My husband and I will be taking all this into therapy more and discussing it on

our sessions. Again, thank you everyone. Unreal. I don't think we should refer to it as her openness anymore. It's obviously much much more complex than openness. That was a crazy fucking note to end on. Honestly, as bad of a situation as it is, they're handling it so well. And I know they're going to be okay. It sucks to lose like a parent. Like when you have to cut off a parent that's still alive, that fucking sucks. That sucks.

It's such a loss. But it's not from your own doing. No, and she needs help. And hopefully she gets it, or at least realizes the bridges she burned with her son, with her kids. And it is so weird. I mean, there's something, something off.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Well, guys, thank you so much for being here another episode. I am so sorry if you're shaking up. I am, I don't have many words to say. I'm like, still processing this one. But there's a bunch of free content on Patreon.

Go over there, get yourself a palette cleanser. But thank you. Back next week with part two of Justifiable Crash Out. Very justified. Yeah, no, this is, I honestly want her to like go harder. But until next time. Until next time. Bye guys.

Thanks for watching!