Two Hot Takes - 49: Comments Took Care of It

Episode Date: January 13, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin. We don't always get it right, but we think the comments on todays stories were right on the money and gave some solid advice. Make sure to follow on Instagram and subscribe on YouTube to tell us what you think! Partners: Cerebral: Cerebral.com/THT Little Spoon: THT30 at checkout for 30% off your order!!  MERCH :)) www.fanjoy.co/collections/twohottakes Appreciate your support <3  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter. Sarah? When did you hop on the call?

Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Before we kick off this episode, I just want to say thank you. Thank you to all of you for tuning in each week, watching on YouTube,

and just being the amazing listeners you are. We are going to be getting a few more ads this year, and I'm so, so excited to partner with some amazing companies, and thank you for listening to them. It makes the show possible, and I appreciate it so, so much, and so do my student loans whenever that kicks back into being active. But thank you, you guys.

I reached out on Instagram this week about what's resonated with you, the podcast, two hot takes, and your responses blow me away. I'm going to start tearing up and crying over this, but seeing how much the show has provided you guys support and escape from reality, feeling less lonely during lockdowns in this pandemic, and it's provided you fun, chill vibes,

like you're laughing along with friends. I mean, I could go on and on and on, and I know some of you get a kick out on how I pronounce words like ruin and vague, bag. I don't even know what it is anymore, but I just want to say thank you for listening, and I love you all. Okay.

On to today's episode. Are you ready to rumble? It reminds me of a monster truck rally. They didn't say that there. Yeah, they did. Well, if they didn't say that at the monster truck rally, what did they say? I don't know. I feel like that was wrestling.

Oh yeah, it could have been wrestling too. Oh yeah, these are quiet. I feel like it's a very universal. We just got done driving for 29 hours straight, pretty much. Something like that. Yeah, we stopped for a day in Colorado, Denver, visited some friends. Thanks, Tanner, for the hospitality and Allison.

Yes. That was great. But we saw some really fun things. New Mexico was beautiful. I was going to say New Mexico is hands down, one of the more underrated places. Yeah, I mean, we didn't get into it that much, but... It was beautiful, though.

No, I know, but... And we had a great meal. The best. Yeah, if you guys are ever around Albuquerque or you live in Albuquerque, we went to Sawmill Market, and it was amazing. It's really, really cool. It was nuts.

And then we kept going, and we went to Arizona, and we went to Oatman and saw some donkeys. So that was great. I actually had some listeners reach out and be like, I live around there. And a lot of people recognized Oatman, so that was really cool.

But we actually tried to record a podcast in the car for you guys, and we had some really great stories, but the car audio just did not work. We tried. We really did try. And I think we'll definitely do some car adventures where we have another channel in the works to do some behind-the-scenes, after-hours activities.

So that is coming. So we're going to keep trying to do stuff, but we're coming at you back in the studio after being in Minnesota for the holidays. Feels good. Feels real nice. We're back. We're back.

So today's episode is going to be called Comments to Care of It. Okay. Yeah, you'll see. Sounds familiar. It does. Let's dive in. Hi, guys.

Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. I'm Justin. Leggo. So as I browse Reddit and find some stories, by the time I read them to scan through them and look at the comments, the top comment has already taken care of it.

It's done. It's flawless. The writer, OP, has their advice. They don't need anything else. And so this theme is kind of like a thank God for Reddit slash the comments took care of it because these people and their replies saved the day. I'll just kick back and enjoy it then.

That's my plan. Just conflict-free, just smooth sailing. So do you want to start off with a doozy or? Always. Always, okay, okay. This one that I'm going to read first then got my blood boiling. Boiling.

Boiling. Yeah. Husband, 24 male, is withholding my 23 female sexual satisfaction until I lose weight. Husband, 24 male, and I, 23 female, have been married for about nine months after dating for two years. We waited until marriage for sex, mostly due to his religious beliefs.

We are both excited for our honeymoon, but unfortunately things took a turn when he ended up unhappy with how I looked naked. We did manage to consummate the marriage, but it was clear he wasn't really into it. Now, keep in mind, I am five-six, and at the time was 135 pounds, a very healthy weight. However, although I was not medically overweight,

he said my stomach and thighs were too chunky and requested I lose 20 pounds before we have intercourse again. I tend to wear very flattering clothes, but I guess my issues weren't noticeable when dressed. In the meantime, he has been requesting oral pretty much every day with, of course, no reciprocity of any kind or even affection.

Since then, I've been working so hard to lose weight, but have only lost 15 to 20 pounds. I'm down two clothing sizes and in the best shape of my life, but my husband still isn't happy enough with my appearance and accuses me of not trying hard enough. I'm hungry and grumpy from losing weight. I didn't need to lose weight from a health perspective. If not for my husband,

I would much rather be at my previous healthy weight and be able to enjoy a burger or a cupcake now and then. I'm afraid I'm falling out of love with him after being treated this way. I know no marriage is perfect, but it's so heartbreaking to be treated like an object that is never quite pretty or shapely enough. And if it's like this, less than a year in,

it's probably not going to get better, right? So embarrassed that my marriage is reduced to this and don't know how to tell my family and friends. But also, I feel like I'm fading away and losing myself to expectations I can never really meet. This is a bad. This is fucking terrible. This is a bad one.

This was a little abusive. This is not a communicate one. No. I don't think there's enough, there's not enough communication in the world to save this. Um, okay. Wow. All right.

Um, I, there's just, there's no solution except to just be done with this thing. I mean, you're not going to win. I mean, it's just like, it'll keep going. I feel like, I feel like you could even get to that point, but it's, you shouldn't even have to. This is dumb. You were happy before.

Well, and she's, it sounds like she's already lost a bunch of weight and he's still not happy. So it's like, Oh, loose 20 pounds. Okay. She lost 20 pounds. And he's like, Oh no, you still don't look good. So there's, there's just so many problems.

It's just, I don't, I don't even know what to start. It's like withholding sexual things except oral. No, but he gets oral. That's what I mean. Yeah. She gets nothing. Right. And it's just like, oh my God. This is, this is really abusive.

So let's read the comments because they did such a good job and then we can add a little bit more of our own two cents after if we need it. Sure. So if you keep allowing him to make these demands of you, they'll never end is what he's offering really worth the stress. And Opie goes, honestly, he isn't offering me much of anything now. When we were dating, he was also my best friend

and the most kind, loving and supportive man. Since seeing that my body wasn't ideal, he's been treating me with disdain. I guess he is just really disappointed in me, but it seems so cruel. I do have a job and can support myself. Our incomes are about equal. So it's not even like he is the breadwinner.

Mr. You're telling me you get married without seeing the person you're marrying, naked, ever? Some people wait. Ever? Some people do not. You're going swimming? No. No hot tubs?

Okay. Well, the swimming thing, yes. Yes. That is very true because swimsuits are very like, I mean, it depends on what you're wearing. Unless you're wearing a 1920s or 1930s bathing suit with the shorts, swimsuits don't leave a lot to the imagination. No.

So even one piece is like you're seeing the shape of a person's body. Well, right. I mean, if you've been with this person long enough to now be married, like you've already... Two years, yeah. Right. So you're telling me you can't tell? And this is a big surprise to you?

Or is it now that you're married, you're more comfortable saying how you really feel and you feel like, oh, they're locked in. So I'm just going to be an asshole now. Well, that's when abuse typically starts. Abuse typically starts when there's a change in the relationship status. And by that, I mean like pregnancy. Pregnancy or like actually tying the knot, getting married. I guess that person is locked in.

A lot of these really bad toxic abusive behaviors can come out. I feel like we've read stuff about that before. Yeah. I'm here even. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Next one.

Sounds like his religion messed up his head. Let me guess. He loves porn. He's idolized the perfect body, jumped ship girl and have a delicious meal and let him be a shallow douchebag without you. Lose the 200 pounds of husband. Nice. Next one.

No marriage is perfect, but this isn't a simple hiccup. He's toxic and manipulating you. A good partner would motivate you to lose weight healthily. They join you for workouts, help you try healthier foods, diets motivate you. He is an awful partner for withholding an intimate act just because you aren't skinny enough for his six standards. He does not love nor respect you. I would have filed for divorce.

And they go edit five, six and one 35 isn't even fat. What the fuck is wrong with him? He literally would rather you be underweight and starved than to be healthy. He sees you as an object and uses you for oral with no reciprocation. You are not and will never be an actual person to him. Please wake up and leave. Yeah. There it is.

Yeah. That is so well said because, oh, he wants oral, but I get nothing. By her saying there's no affection, I'm envisioning no hugs, no kisses, nothing. And they've got married nine months ago. That means for the past nine months while she's been trying to lose weight, there's been nothing. No, it's sad. That is so sad.

So edit slash update. Something just snapped as I was reading all of these incredibly supportive responses. I really did not expect that was expecting most people to tell me to keep trying to lose weight because attraction is so important. And only then did I realize how far my self-esteem has fallen that I felt unworthy of love over not being underweight. Called my mom crying and told her everything. She's on her way to get me now and I can stay with her as long as needed.

Husband is still at work, won't be home for a couple of hours, and I'm packing my most critical items in the meantime. We're going to order a pizza. Pizza. Yeah. Like all exclamations. And she has a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies waiting for me that she baked earlier today.

I don't want to think too much beyond getting some space for a little bit for the moment, but we'll be looking into a lawyer to see if I can get an annulment or at least a quick divorce. It means everything to know I will have my family behind me and I really appreciate you all as well. Yeah, it feels like she probably feels like she just got out of a nightmare. Feels like when you wake up and you're like, oh. Yeah.

Like all the weight that would be lifted off. I cannot even imagine. Like I feel like for me, my body is something I've always struggled with. And like right now I'm like, I'm literally looking up like Peloton's on offer up today. So I can't even imagine having someone you love and who is your best friend and be like your person. And then like, nope, I'm not touching you. I don't love you until you lose all this weight.

Yeah, you wouldn't stand for that. No, not at all. That'd be a quick, that'd be, you know. I see how it would be, I see how it could happen because I think like they were together two years, you know, before marriage. So it's like, that was her best friend, her person. He treated her totally different before they got married. So it's kind of like, it's kind of like, well, he's just looking out for me.

I see how I, maybe I could fall for it. Like if you started, like, I know you never would, but if you started doing this to me, I'd be like, okay, well, if Justin's like doing this, then I must seriously need to get my shit together. Yeah, it's so hard to see things when you're in them. Yeah. It's so hard. Even when it's, I mean, there's a million different stories where it's like, even friends

have had, they're stuck in a really bad relationship, no matter how many times you like kind of say, hey, are you happy? And they're like, no, and well, what do you think it is? And it's just, it's like never putting the blame in the right place. I don't know. And I've done it too. It's just so hard to see things clearly when you're in them, especially a relationship. Yeah.

And when there's problems, you're quick to justify them or, you know, not blame the other person because of the history and because of like the love that's there. Yeah. But even she said she's starting to fall out of love and that's a big, big sign. Oh, that's everything. That's why you're with that person. And feeling that, that's when it's like, okay. Yeah, it's starting to really, it's not like, oh, maybe it's just kind of, it's fading.

Yeah. Well, something like that these comments didn't touch on either is sexuality. And I wonder, like this is, of course, pure speculation. We have no idea. We're getting one side, whatever. But I look at her five, six and one, 35, like that's pretty skinny. Granted, like one 35 looks so different on different body types and whatever, but I'm five, two and I'm more than that.

So it's, it's, it to me is like, it's so crazy. And like she even recognized herself like healthy. I was healthy. So I wonder if like, you know, religion could be a part of it for waiting till marriage, but I really wonder if he's struggling with his sexuality. And maybe he waited because of that and was just like trying to convince himself like, I'm into girls. Like it'll, it'll be fine once I get married and everything will be good.

The religious factors too. Yeah. And if he is really religious, that makes, you know, dealing with those feelings you have for someone or, you know, another gender that you're in your head, not supposed to be with. So I really, really wonder if he like tried to make it work. And then wedding night came and they had sex finally. And he was like, ooh, no, I really, I really can't do this. Like I'm not into it.

Maybe he's just found an excuse to delay. Yeah. That's interesting. Well, I think on her side, I really think the main point is there's no perfect weight to a perfect height and sure that at the doctor, there's healthy ranges and whatnot. The, the point is she said she was healthy and happy at her previous weight. And if that's the case, then that's it. There's no other like thing to argue here.

It's basically you were happy, you were healthy and you, I mean, I don't know. There's no reason to change that. No. That's where the problem is. Yeah. If you feel good and you're happy and you're healthy in your weight and your body, no one should put pressure on you to do any different. I think too, like her saying, I'm hungry and grumpy.

Like being hungry all the time, that's, that's a little bit of a sign. Like you're starving yourself. When she said she wanted the occasional pizza cupcake here and there, like, of course. I know. So sad. But she's out. It's looking good. Comments came, came to the day of the savior.

That's probably the best pizza she's ever had. What the fuck was I trying to say there? Pizza was probably amazing. But yeah, comments, comments saved the day. So happy for her. We just had, we went to like Whole Foods for the first time in, I probably haven't been there in like 10 years. Have you ever been to Whole Foods before?

I think so. New York days. It's been a while. So we went to Whole Foods and we were just like hungry shopping last night. And we found this amazing like almond milk pudding because we don't do dairy really. And so I just can't imagine having good stuff like that. I would, I would lose my mind. I would fucking lose it.

Okay. Speaking of dairy. Oh boy. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th. Buy all your favorites like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia and more.

Imagine yourself in a new tundra where- You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house. You promised your daughter. Sarah, when did you hop on the call? Hi dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details.

Dealer inventory may vary. Am I the asshole for watching and doing nothing to help my husband when he was extremely ill? My 27 female husband, Tim, 36 male, has a serious dairy allergy. I'm talking about an actual immune system reaction, not intolerance. His allergy is serious enough to cause acute and turocolitis, but he hasn't needed an EpiPen since he was a kid. I work full-time and also have some seasonal work this holiday season because Tim has been without work and money has been very tight. As a result, I barely get to rest.

The holidays are especially hard and I found myself getting just one day off every two weeks for almost two months straight. Damn. As you can imagine, that day off means the universe to me. Now, Tim loves dairy and will sometimes intentionally eat things which trigger his allergy. Lately, it's gotten out of hand with him going from one risky meal every four to six months to every two or so weeks. In fact, it always seemed to coincidentally line up with my time off and I found myself spending my one day taking care of him. Last week, I finally asked him if he was intentionally timing it to line up with my day off. I fully expected him to say no, but he admitted that he was doing it to make sure that he'd have a nurse

and so he'd have someone close by in case he had an especially adverse reaction and needed a hospital. I was livid and told him that he was selfish, robbing me of my rest. I said that if he made himself sick again, I wouldn't take care of him. I'm exhausted and I need to decompress. He didn't say much, so I thought he'd heard me. Fast forward to Friday night. I get home from work and a few minutes in, Tim gets a pizza delivered. I ask him why when I'm making dinner and he shrugs.

I ask if a large garlic Alfredo pizza is worth the pain and remind him that I won't be giving up my rest day again. He smirks and eats an entire slice while grinning at me. I left it at that and went back to my dinner. Predictably, he got sick, profusely vomiting, retching and groaning from the intense cramping and diarrhea. I slept in the guest room to get away from the sound and smell. He called for me several times and I repeatedly told him no. Hours later, he was still sick and woke me up at the crack of dawn to go get him pedilate and meds because he was so dehydrated and still in pain. I told him to order it in and asked him to get out and let me sleep.

He was still whimpering when I eventually got up to shower and eat. Again, I did nothing to help or comfort him. By evening, he was sulking and by morning when I had to go to work, he was enraged. He yelled and by the end of the day, he told our friends and family that he nearly died and I neglected him. His family accused me of passively trying to kill him. His mom called shouting that he could have had a life-threatening reaction due to my petty actions and that I'm a shit-wife for not minding his health. I'm starting to feel guilty because she's right and he could have been seriously hurt. Am I the asshole?

Okay, I didn't think anything was going to top that last one. Off the bat, what do you think? What rating would you give? Listen, I have definitely some sort of intolerance with dairy. I don't know exactly what it is, but when I started limiting it, it changed my life. That being said, sometimes here and there, I'll have a little bit, but you have not seen me have an actual pizza, actual cheese. No, because you don't want to go through this. Right, and his reaction is a lot more intense than anything I would have. Oh my god, this is bad.

I'm not going to be anywhere near that, but what the fuck? You're going to stare and grin and eat the piece? That right there. I don't know how she controlled herself so well because if this would have been me in this situation and someone was like a shit grin, just basically a fucking you. That's so blatant. Go fuck yourself. The fact that she directly asked him, are you timing this for my day off? She gets a day off every two weeks. What's the point?

This is just weird. He is an asshole. No, this is weird. This is not even like asshole. This is like what the fuck is wrong with you. I don't know how she had so much self-control because I would have smacked that pizza out of his little hand, his grimy greasy little hands. I would have just pfft on the floor. You're going to fucking grin at me after I've confronted you? You're going to grin at me? I just don't get why you put yourself through that regardless. Maybe he gets off on the fucking sickness or he gets off on getting taken care of the next day.

I don't know. It's just pure manipulation. I don't know. If I accidentally have cheese on a little sandwich, I'm like, oh no. Okay, fuck. Yeah, you take lactate for trying to bite of ice cream. But I don't even know. Well, maybe the comments can shed some light for you. Please. Not the asshole. You'd think on your only day off he would want to spend some actual time with you and not puking and crapping all day. I hope it was a wake-up call to him. Next time he eats that pizza, smiling, grab your phone and take a video to send to his mom and let her know he's going to need her assistance tomorrow. This shit is just so weird. I don't even know.

I want to hit him. I just like, I can't, I really can't understand why he'd want to put himself through this. What an asshole. What the fuck? Because I know that pain too. I know that pain. Hey, I got some stomach issues. I got from IBS. Trust me, no matter how mad or whatever I wanted to do to control somebody or whatever. I don't want to fucking go through that. That, yeah. He's putting him.

That's some weird shit. Maybe he just loves dairy that much. Maybe he really loves fucking dairy. No, because he was able to go like six months without a cheat meal. But even me, like, I don't do cheat meals because it's not worth it. No, and there's also, like, it does depend on where you live. Like, we're very fortunate in LA. We have a lot of, like, vegan options or dairy-free options. There's so many alternatives here. You get the fix. You get the fix still.

But then when I have actual dairy, like, if I have a bite of real ice cream or real cheese, it's so rich. Oh, my God. Next comment. Not the asshole. And reading this was honestly disturbing. This man is willing to risk his own life to manipulate you into taking care of him. Is that really someone you want to be married to? Disturbing. That's the right word. Disturbing.

That's what I am right now. Disturbed. Disturbed. Not the asshole. Remind him and his family what his actions are saying. Quote, my desire to have dairy means more to me than my wife's health and rest. And, quote, I'd rather spend the one day off my wife and I share miserable and vomiting than spending time with her or taking care of her for once. He needs to know how horrible this behavior is and how disrespectful it is to you and your marriage.

I mean, do you get the sense that it is really because he wants dairy that bad and he wants to make sure that someone's there to take care of him? Do you really think that's the whole picture? I don't know. I just don't know what is wrong with his delusional little brain. Like, yeah, maybe he loves dairy that much. I mean, there's shows where people eat mothballs and are attracted to cars, like my strange addiction. Sure, but... Maybe he just loves dairy that much.

Wow. But I look at this poor woman who is carrying the team. She's working nonstop. He's out of work. He's not doing anything. And then, like, he does this to her? She's doing it all. She's literally carrying the team. How old is this guy?

36. Oh, I thought you were going to say 14. No, he's 36 and she's 27, which... This is some child shit. I don't know. I just, that right there, just kind of alarm bells. I'm trying to see if there's an update. I'm not trying to offend 14-year-olds, but...

I mean, he's acting immature. We can put it that way. Some people are suggesting self-harm or munchausens. What is that? Munchausens is a disease where you intentionally make yourself sick to get care, medical care or attention. What would possess someone to do this to themselves? I love dairy, but fuck. Same.

Also, if he can cry and whimper for you, then he can call an ambulance for himself if it's that bad. OP goes, Honestly, I can't say anything in his defense because I don't understand it either. She's an ice cream, are amazing, but the price he's willing to pay boggles my mind. Yeah, I don't get it. And someone replies back to that and goes, My husband is playing one dangerous, manipulative game here. One that can get you into serious trouble if he doesn't quit.

OP, one commenter commented a suggestion of video recording your husband when he chooses to eat dairy. And you need to keep that video on file because he's telling everyone he knows that you don't care if he lives or dies. He's telling people a completely different story where you're a potentially murderous villain and his family is believing him. How would that even be murder? That's scary. You know, it wouldn't necessarily be murder. She's not shoving the fucking cheese down his throat, but it could be reckless endangerment or neglect. Who fucking knows? Listen to all the crime podcasts we just listened to on the way out driving home.

Look at how many people get convicted on life row for a confession. But yet they have a speeding ticket in another state proving that they're actually innocent. Who fucking knows? I just couldn't live a life where I feel like my whole purpose is trying to prevent someone from eating dairy so they don't die. No, if he, I would literally have, I would, it would be an ultimatum. I'm so fucking flabbergasted by this, but this would be an ultimatum for me. This is like... Because I can't be on you.

No, and I would record him. I would get a fucking nanny cam in that house. 100%. I would like, oh, I would be just so mad. And the fact that his family got involved and he got their friends involved. No. He needs to get his shit together. That's the manipulative shit. That is the manipulative part. Yeah, there's no update. This was posted only six days ago, so maybe one will be coming.

Let's hope. But Tim deserves to get that pizza punched out of his hand. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes.

No matter how many times it takes. We did it, so can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit www.waytoquit.org, developed by CDC. Okay, up next. Am I the asshole for using a diamond from my girlfriend's family heirloom for her engagement ring? My girlfriend, 22 female and I, 24 male, have been together for about three years, and I decided around five months ago that I wanted to propose. We share a dog and a home, so it seemed the next logical step.

She's hugely into jewelry, so I wanted to get her a really sentimental ring. At the end of September, her grandma suddenly passed away, and as my girlfriend was the only granddaughter, she was passed down her wedding ring. Her and her grandma were extremely close, so I decided to ask her mom, her grandma was her dad's mom, if she thought it'd be a good idea for me to use one of the diamonds in the ring for my girlfriend's engagement ring. She told me that as much as she loved the idea, she didn't know if my girlfriend would, and so told me to think about it. I couldn't find anything else I liked as much.

My girlfriend didn't wear the ring as she was worried about losing it, so kept it in a box and a drawer, making it easy for me to take it without her realizing. It ended up being a beautiful ring, and I thought she'd absolutely love the sentiment of it. Well, I proposed. She said yes immediately and was absolutely elated until she saw the ring. She told me I'd practically vandalized and ruined the only meaningful thing of her grandmothers that she had, and that I should have asked. I went to her mom for support, but she just kept saying she warned me that my girlfriend might not like the idea.

She said yes to my proposal, but refuses to wear the ring, which I just think is disrespectful, considering how much money and thought went into it. Am I the asshole? Probably. Yeah. Probably. I mean, I have all people understand that desire for surprise, even just with Christmas gifts.

Every single year, I try and think of some cool thing I can get you that you'll actually like, but we end up talking about what we want, especially when it comes to a ring, and moreover, a family heirloom. I mean, I know how precious things can be. I've had a ring for my grandpa and stuff like that. And yeah, it just kind of feels a little weird. I would feel the same way she does.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think it could have been really easy to say, hey, I kind of had this idea. And it's just tough. Because you want it to be a surprise, but he really should have asked. And the fact that he asked the mom and the mom said, I don't think she'd like it. No. Right. I mean, right.

Exactly. The mom probably knew. If I was in that position, I really wanted to keep the surprise. I might find, I tried to find any way to kind of maybe have one of her friends go, oh, like, what's this ring? This ring is really cool. Oh, it's your grandma's ring. Would you ever use a diamond like in an engagement?

Like somehow to kind of poke at it? Yeah. That's a good idea. And then you could clearly understand like, nope, she's not down. Go get a different ring. That's a really good idea. And this is her special ring she'll have forever. And then she has her wedding ring.

I understand that because I honestly would want to kind of keep those separate too. Yeah. I think family heirlooms are family heirlooms. They are old pieces that should not be altered unless it's the person who has that ring and they want to change it for themselves. They want to add to it. They want to alter it. They want to restore it.

Yeah. Right. But other than that, family heirlooms shouldn't be touched by anyone else. It's tough. Yeah. So tough. But the thing is that's hard about this one is like, I just so understand that factor of surprise.

It just became, it's just too big of a step to take. Yeah. It's too much of a guessing game and a not know for sure. Yeah. That's where you start to become in the wrong. But I just ... I think it was just being a fucking cheap ass. I really think he was a cheap ass because you can't tell me.

You took one little diamond out of there and put it in a ring and it made it that much, that beautiful. Yeah, that's true. Like him saying, which I just think is disrespectful, considering how much money and thought went into it. What thought? You stole a diamond out of her grandma's beautiful ring and put it into a setting. Do you know how easy it is to go buy a setting?

Yeah, but as a guy, I can see how you would think like, oh, this is a cool idea. And I'm sure in some cases it's happened, but it's probably been an actual conversation. Yeah. He just seems cheap to me. And then to be like, how expensive it was. I was like, you didn't even have to pay for the diamond. All you did is buy a setting. Yeah.

And buying settings are really cheap. I'm like, yeah, okay, the cost of gold is pretty strong, but it's not hard to buy just a setting and then put a diamond you already have in there. This is a cop out. Yeah, I think regardless, it just, you got to check. Somehow find a way to check, if not just have the conversation directly. Yeah. Because if you get to a certain point, I think at least in the experience I've had with a

lot of friends and their stories and their significant others, you can kind of tell the engagements on the horizon. You can kind of just, you kind of know you're there. So if you go the step beyond and say, hey, I want to make sure everything is the perfect way you'd want it, like what type of ring or just somehow to have that conversation so that it is that successful and it doesn't take down a perfect day. Yeah. Just top comment.

Did it great. 39,000 up votes. Seriously, you're the asshole. How dense can you be? You destroyed a family heirloom and you seriously thought she'd love it. You destroyed her one family heirloom because you were too lazy or broke to go buy a diamond yourself. That ring was a final gift from her grandmother.

She doesn't have to wear it daily for it to be sentimental. And her grandmother passed away just a few months ago. Fuck, even her mom said no that she wouldn't like it. She was disrespectful and stole her property and then had it destroyed. But I did it for you, babe, is no excuse. You fucked up. Have her grandmother's ring repaired ASAP, then offer to go ring shopping with her for an engagement ring or buy a different diamond such stone for her ring.

That can be done though, right? You could take it out of the new setting, put it back. As long as he didn't melt the other setting down, like if he took the diamond out and then made a new setting or designed it differently. Yeah, it sounded like it was just the diamond, but still. Yeah, you hope he didn't alter it anymore. But also, that would be an unbelievable amount of just like stupidity. No, that's breakup worthy.

That would be no wedding for me. But I also think about it from the standpoint too, where I'm like, in his head when he thought she has this beautiful heirloom, yeah, she doesn't wear it that much because it's sentimental. She doesn't want to lose it. But so he takes the diamond out of it, puts it in her engagement ring, but now that ring is missing a diamond. How is she ever going to wear it? True.

That is true. Like you just ruined her fucking ring. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, someone responds back to that top comment and goes, I'm fucking shocked, girlfriend still wants to marry him. After he tried to go to her mommy for backup, no less, the bar for men is so low. And someone goes, I understand the sentiment behind what he did. To some people, heirlooms are sacred, a reminder of the people who had them or wore them.

They need to be preserved. And if they need to be restored, it should be to the original state. To others, heirlooms are still sacred, even if it doesn't look exactly the same. For example, some mothers are happy for their children to take and alter their wedding dresses. It's still mom's dress, just modern dyes for today's fashions. And some people would rather gemstones were repurposed and worn rather than living in a jewelry box their whole life. You can still tell your children where the stones came from and the family history behind

them. But which kind of person you are varies greatly between people. OP was warned by her mother that she didn't think the daughter would like it, but OP just ignored her warning. And there are so easy ways he could have broached this topic without giving away that he was about to propose. Casually brings up the ring and says, it's a shame she doesn't wear it more. Ask questions.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Have a friend do it. You had a great idea. He could have had a new ring made with cubic zirconia as a placeholder. If OP is behind the repurposing of the stones, all well and good. If not, then he buys a real diamond or replace the cubic zirconia or moise night and other similar cheaper gemstones. True.

Instead, he chose super dumb option three. It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. I honestly think he did this because he doesn't want to buy a real diamond when there's one just sitting around gathering dust and doing nothing but reminding the fiance of happy memories with her grandmother. Pah. Who needs happy memories? Hey.

OP sure doesn't seem keen to make them. Yeah. That's quite the little burn at the end. I'm kind of being convinced on the cheap thing. I, yeah. Someone goes alternatively. He could have proposed with the grandmother's ring. And I know you don't wear this as an everyday ring, but I know how much this ring means

to you. And we can go pick out a ring that you can wear every day together. That's not that hard. Which is really, that would be cute. Yeah. Not what I would want, but that would be cute. Yeah. Like for, if, I don't know, I just, like he also said she's super into jewelry.

She's hugely into jewelry. She's going to know what the fuck she wants. 100%. 1000%. This girl's got a Pinterest board full of rings. Do other couples not talk about these things? Do other people not go like, oh, see this? This is what I'd want.

This, this right here and like find that in everyday scenarios. Like, oh, in that video or, oh, this magazine. See this shape? This is what I'd want. Hint, hint, wink, wink. Yeah. I think some people are truly okay with letting their partner just take the reins and they are so happy and grateful for whatever they get that.

True. It's like, it's the thought. It's like my husband, my partner picked this out for me. You know, they took the time and the effort, I'll love whatever they get me, but I'm, I'm just super picky with everything I wear and buy. So for me, I'm like, if I have to wear it the rest of my life, I want to make sure it looks good. Yeah.

But if she's that into jewelry, you got to, you got to. Yeah. She, yeah. She 100% knows what she wants. 100p. 100p. 100. 100.

Okay. That's rap on that. What? That, we're done with that. Hey, don't be mean to me. What? No, we're done with that story. Oh yeah.

We're moving on. Oh, okay. Yeah. Did you have anything else you wanted to add? No. I was just getting like overwhelmed. Yeah. That's a lot.

Well, do you want to read one? Sure. What's up everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a tankless would cost. The plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available and right now

you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1200 on a tankless. Call Any Hour Services and schedule a free estimate today. Google Any Hour Services or schedule online at AnyHourServices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. Oh my God, that was quite powerful. Passing off the torch. The torch? Yeah, now you can catch up in the wine game.

Oh, this is an old one. All right. How old is it? Three years. Whoa. But old doesn't mean good or old doesn't mean not good. Yeah, there you go. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Me, 28 male with my wife, 27 female, five years together. I cheated a long time ago and the other woman sent me a letter. What should I do with it? Yeah, I cheated. I regret it probably more than anything because of how bad it hurt my wife. It happened three years ago.

I met another woman. It was during a time when me and my wife were in a bad place. I slept with the other woman two times. I couldn't lie to my wife and just told her what happened. We ended up finding a few weeks later that she was pregnant, so I decided to try hard and to be a better husband. We're in a good place now. She doesn't trust me fully yet, which I know will take years or never happen.

She has access to all my devices so she can look whenever she wants no problem. Here's the thing. When I got the mail today, the other woman sent me a letter. I haven't opened it and don't know what to do. Should I give it to my wife or just throw it away? Should I read it and show my wife or read it together or what? I don't know how to proceed and could use some help here on what to do. Oh, to the comments.

Straight in? Yeah, because I mean, I already know. So you're the one reading, so you just, you keep going. OK. Top one. I think top one. Yeah, top one. If you have been completely honest with your wife about your past indiscretion,

then tell her that you received a letter in the mail and opened it together. Full transparency is critical in your situation. Yeah, 1,000%. Yeah, there's no wiggle room here. No. I think this could be a moment to prove that yes, we're a strong couple. Yes, we're a team. Yes, we're moving on from this still.

Yeah. And it doesn't mean we're past it, but this is a nice little big step you can take to show your commitment and that you're still working to move past all of that. Yeah, I don't think if he brought her the letter already opened, it's almost like he was screening it. And if it would have been something really bad, he wouldn't have given it to her. So going at it unopened is truly this total vulnerability. You're so open.

You're so transparent. It's just like, here you go, babe. I didn't even look at it. I have no idea what it says. Let's open it together. Right. Because initially when she sees it, even unopened, it's going to bring you right back a little bit.

Oh, yeah. It's just going to hurt to see it. It's painful. It's painful to have a reminder come up like that. But better that you found it in the mailbox so don't go throw it away because if another one comes, she finds it, then it starts to look even worse. And it's like, oh, are you guys covertly communicating through mail? Yeah.

I don't know. Out of all the ways to contact someone, mail. Mail. There's something to it. I think it was very purposeful. Handwritten. Yeah. Well, that handwritten, yeah, okay, maybe that has more of a pull.

But I think it's also very purposeful because it's like a text message. Oh, he could easily delete that without his wife seeing. It makes it seem like she wanted the wife to find it by sending a letter. Or just at all costs, he's going to see it and, you know, one way or another, it seems like he's going to read it. Yeah. Someone replied to that comment and said, I would bring it to his wife unopened, but also say that I would burn it or shred it without reading it as I have no interest in

what it says, but you leave that decision up to her. Unopened is important, showing a lack of interest in what it says is important, letting her make the decision is important, screwing up any part of that could be bad. Another comment. Best thing you can do is immediately give it to your wife unopened, very important distinction, and let her decide what to do with it. If she shreds it unopened, so be it. If she microwaves it, then slaps you with it.

So be it. Kidding, but you get the point. Yeah. Good advice. Solid. Update. Update. Well, another comment says, you deal with it.

It's just a letter. An OP replies, I'll talk to her about it then. I'm just nervous. I know this is my doing, but I just don't want to screw up any further. I really wish I could take all of this back. Well, then don't follow that person's advice. Well, and then the next, another person comments, that ship is sailed though. The most important part of this is that you decided to stay in this relationship and dealing

with this letter is part of choosing that path. She stayed with you through that and you stayed with her. And while I'm not saying it's going to be easy to deal with this letter for either of you, it's something you have to confront. Another comment really quick before the update, just from OP for more contacts. She was very upset when I told her that I didn't want to see her again. She argued with me and said really vile stuff about my wife, even wishing a miscarriage on her.

I left and I honestly regret everything I did with her. I was very stupid. So that provides a little more context to this letter. Like this dude wants nothing to do with this person. No, this person by the sounds of that garbage they spewed, isn't very nice. No, and it's just kind of like the bad mistake that you had kind of keeps coming back into your life. Yeah.

It's interesting. I wonder like what the relationship really was because like just sleeping together two times like, yeah, okay, it can be very intimate for a lot of people and you know, I'm one of those. I don't know. But still it's like, what were you expecting? Like, I don't know. It just seems very interesting that she's still so wrapped up on him after just like

kind of a brief fling by the sound of it. Right. So update. I kept waiting until I was finished with work, but it felt like forever and I wanted to get home already. While I was driving, I kept going over everything that happened and everyone's advice about it and I calmed down and just bit the bullet. I came home.

She made dinner for us after we were watching TV and I told her I had to show her something. I showed her the letter and she looked a little hurt, but I knew it would bring up bad past feelings. She opened it and read it and then showed me. It was basically the other woman asking if we could get back together and that she felt something. So I must have felt something as well. My wife did stop reading because it was starting to go into detail of what we did.

She asked me if I had any contact with her, which I haven't and also asked if I felt anything for her, which again, I don't have any feelings for the other woman. So we talked about it more and while it was uncomfortable for me, I imagine it must have been extremely hard for her. I answered all her questions and she did say she appreciated me showing it to her and us reading it together, that it felt like we were a team. It was a very productive conversation and she said she's starting to trust a little bit again.

It was still early, so I ended up getting us some ice cream. In the end, it worked out fine. She felt good and I feel like I'm making progress. It's slow but worth it. Thanks everyone for the advice. Yay! It just goes to show too, like Reddit can help, because can you imagine if you would have gotten advice, like every single comment or something would have been like, don't show

her, just throw it away, it doesn't matter. It's going to make it worse. He got really good advice that helped him and she's trusting him more because of it. Yeah. Well, I mean, from the past, it's going to be a long, slow recovery, like it is. Cheating sucks. Because of that, this is a very hard thing regardless for the past to kind of creep back up again and be there right in front of you, but it also provided that perfect step to

try and move towards full trust, if that ever happens, but at least a little more. To show that you're committed and like she said, that it's more like you're part of a team. Yeah, absolutely. A very happy ending. Yes. Okay. Maybe, maybe, two more.

I hope one day there's a poop knife round two, 2.0. I have had so many people send me the image of a product. They're actually making poop knives now. They make them. You can buy them. I'll find the link. I'll put it in this episode description, but the poop knife is actually, it's ... Does it float or something in case you drop it?

I don't know. Why does anyone need to go buy something for this? All right. It's a funny gag gift also, but like a lot of people do use it, I guess. Wow. Let's see. I got a couple of good ones left. That's something that should be on my thing on your little computer sticky note thing.

What? What was in the box? That could be on one. This one is really bad. Bad bad. Yeah. Are we ending on the bad? No, we're going to end on a positive note.

Okay, I hope so. Am I the asshole for telling my new coworker it was misleading of him to be wearing his wedding band when he's a widower? Hi. A couple of weeks ago, we had a new employee heard at the company. He's a good guy and a widower named James, 36, and to my knowledge, his late wife passed away eight months ago. Me, female 32, and the other coworkers get along well with him.

However, I noticed that he is still wearing his wedding band on his finger. It kind of confused me a bit, and I couldn't help but bring it up with him while on lunch break. We talked and I pointed out that he was being misleading by still wearing his wedding band when he's a widower. He looked quite bothered by what I said, but I tried to explain that I think that he was giving people the wrong idea or impression about his relationship status since he's technically single and on his own right now.

Don't want to sound cruel, but I'm speaking from a technical angle. James said that he didn't give it much thought, meaning he didn't care what people think, and that even if he wasn't wearing his wedding band and some woman approached him, he'd still turn them down since he's obviously not interested. For some reason, things got awkward and everyone stopped eating and stared at James and me. I told him I don't know, but that was really, really generally misleading of him, as in making people think he is in a relationship, married, when he is not, regardless of how he felt about being in a relationship.

He got upset, called me rude, and said that I repeatedly disrespected his marriage and his late wife's memory with what I said, then took his stuff and walked away. My co-worker said regardless of who is right or wrong, though some said he overreacted, there was no reason for me to bring this up in the first place and cause a scene and make James upset with us like that. And make James upset with us like that. Now he's not speaking to me or others who sided with me. Am I the asshole?

Did I overstep? Or did he overreact? This was just a conversation we were casually having with the other co-workers, and I didn't use any insensitive tones or... Any Hour Services has a team of technicians that can take care of any plumbing, electrical, or air conditioning needs you might have around your house. Got a drain that's clogged? Call Any Hour Services.

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Mention this ad and take 50 bucks off your next visit. Call Any Hour Services or schedule online at AnyHourServices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. Anything. But we had a discussion and it suddenly turned into an argument. I tried to let things calm down, but the situation got out of hand unexpectedly. Okay, yeah, unexpectedly. This isn't a casual conversation.

No. He's fucking grieving A and B, she's either completely clueless or she's completely clueless and wants him. Because why else in the world would you have a fucking problem with someone wearing their wedding ring when they just lost their wife? What do you expect? Yeah. Oh.

Like... Instantly take it off. Bye. No, it doesn't work like that. He doesn't want to meet anybody. It's the perfect little symbol to say, hey, I'm taken. Don't fucking talk to me. Yeah.

Because he's... No, I can't even imagine. Yeah. Well, you are right on the money because a lot of people in the comments do agree with like the writer OP being into him and just being like mad he's still wearing the ring because then he's like showing he's unavailable. But here's the top comment or one of them, I should say, you're the asshole. A wedding ring isn't assigned to others.

You aren't available. It's a commitment to a person you love. His wife might be dead, but if he's not ready to move on, then he's still committed to her. Your confusion about his status isn't his concern. Right here. OP, if you're reading this, you are one callous asshole. It is not up to you to determine how long it's acceptable for someone else to grieve or to police what they wear.

Jewelry, clothing or otherwise. True. How dare you? Seriously, humongous, cold-hearted, unfeeling, socially inept asshole. Yeah. And then making all the dumb ass little excuses too. Like it was just a casual convo and, you know, other people thought he overreacted too. Like, oh.

Sure. They did. Everyone stopped eating their lunch to stare at you and your dumb ass. Like in what world, OP is such a cold-hearted asshole. A wedding band isn't legal papers. It's not supposed to represent his technical, legal relationship status. It's a token of love and dedication to the person he married. He's not wearing it to let others know he's available.

He's wearing it for her memory and to show he's still committed to her. To his wife, who died recently and who he's still grieving. OP massively overstepped James' boundaries. He can wear his wedding band anytime, anywhere and for whatever reason. It still wouldn't be OP's business. Whatever telling him is super rude and inappropriate. It seems like she's interested in the coworker. Back down OP, he's not interested in you.

And even if he was, any attraction he had would be wiped out by your overstepping his boundaries. 100%. 100%. Yeah. And then like the next couple of replies to that are just like, oh my God, I thought this too. That was my first thought.

Like OP's problem with the ring is that she can't hit on him and she's super salty. He is not interested in her. So other people picked up on that too. Yeah. I don't know. This dude is like still showing up for work. And I just can't imagine. Like it's probably even at this point still probably like work can be like a little mental

break. Just have something to focus on. I can't imagine what it'd be like to go home after work and not have her there. And then have someone at work doing this shit. Oh, I would, he needs to go to HR. He immediately should go to HR. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200 HR.

Yeah. Well, are you ready to end on a good note? I have two. I actually have two good notes to end on. First one's long. Second one's short. Are you okay? Yeah.

You're just a little torn up over that one. Do you need more wine? Not if these are good ones. No. No. Here we go. I keep meeting my birth mom, but she doesn't know it's me. This little bug flyer is killing me.

It's really killing me. I know. I was wondering how you were not swatting when it was literally going over the phone as you were reading. It's been everywhere this whole episode. Maybe we'll do some zooms if we can find it. Just try. Follow the bug.

Fuck. Okay. So I keep meeting my birth mom, but she doesn't know it's me. She had me when she was 14, and I, 24 male, was given up for adoption. My parents told me about her growing up. I still have the letter she wrote me that she asked if they could give to me if they wanted. It's crazy reading it sometimes and knowing it was a literal child who wrote it, saying

she's sorry she couldn't be my mommy, but she hopes I'm happy. She was open to having contact, but we moved her my dad's job when I was 11, and then it seemed impossible to find her, but luckily I did. She's working at this small restaurant and I keep going, but she doesn't know it's me. We talk sometimes and she seems like a nice lady. Sometimes when she says something like, quote, do you want to refill honey or uses another term like that, I want to tell her. I don't know why it makes me nervous.

We talk sometimes and she seems really genuine. If it's not super busy, she's more open to talking about random stuff. I literally drive two hours to come eat at this place just to see her. It's like she knows me already because I'm there once or two times a week for the past three months. She always says hi with a big smile, but man, if she only knew. This was originally posted in off my chest, which is just a place to go in many confessions. So their comments are what made this all amazing.

Okay. What? I don't know. I just, I'm just, it's just a really cool story. It's just like, and just driving that long and you'd be in a place where you just so badly want to say something, but then now you've been in it for a minute and it makes it almost even harder. Yeah.

Like the longer you wait. I know. So one of the top comments on this, I used to long for my daughter that was adopted. I would visit a neighborhood park watching all the children to see if I might recognize something in a child that would tell me she was mine. Years later when my daughter was older, I sought her out. We have had a wonderful relationship for the last 15 years. She was at that park, found out she grew up five miles from me.

She could be craving reconnection as much as I did. I wish you a fulfilled journey and much love. Yeah. That's cool. Amazing. Tell her, please, I know it's difficult, but you say you want to, my mom gave up her first son through a closed adoption and searched for him for 30 years. It was heartbreaking when he finally found her and turned out to not be a great person.

You've already met her and you know that the two of you get along. I don't know either of you, but knowing what my mom went through, I doubt that a day goes by that she doesn't wonder where you are. That is true. That is true. You don't have to like, you kind of, I mean, you don't know her necessarily from these interactions, but you at least know that you can tell like. Yeah.

Personality. Oh, for sure. All throughout the comments, there's amazing stories of people just being like, I wish that like I could find my birth mom or I'm trying to connect with someone. This comment goes, baby, why can't you tell her? This makes me tear up. It's hard. I don't know why.

Every time I'm on my way, I'm thinking, okay, this time I'm going to tell her. It feels easier talking to her without the heavy emotional stuff, but at the same time, I want her to know I'm her son. Yeah. That's true. And so people are like, have you thought about leaving her a note? Leave your phone number, explain you're nervous, but I'd love to talk to her if she wants to. And so they just gave him like a bunch of ideas to reach out.

Oh, I think it'd just be so cool just right there. As someone who has adopted and found my biologicals, as well as being a server slash bartender, if you do leave her that note, that would be the most valuable tip she has ever received. Oh. Yeah. Oh, there's so many good comments. So this is definitely going to be one. So basically saying, do it.

Yeah. Everyone was like, do it, do it, do it, do it. And for the update. Okay. All right. Give it to me. Well, I did it. I told her.

And yeah, it was pretty heavy. My heart was even beating fast. I kept trying to think of how to tell her. Many of the comments on my last post here mentioned writing her letter, just how she wrote a letter for me. Originally, that was the plan, but for me, it felt like I needed to say it. Oh, really quick. I want to say thanks to everyone for their love and support, mostly to all the birth

parents out there who shared their stories with me. Amazing. That's what really pushed me to have the courage to confront her. It meant so much. So thanks. Everything happened the day before yesterday, by the way, I did wait for her to be done with her shift. And that was when they were closing the restaurant already.

And waited in the parking lot. We said hi when she saw me first, but then I told her there was something serious that she needed to know. First, told her sorry for keeping it from her this long. She didn't react until I actually pulled out her letter. And she started bawling from there, like screaming, crying at the same time and didn't even have to finish the whole, I'm your son, speech. She just saw it and knew it was crazy.

Next thing I know, she's hugging me instantly, but then she pulled back and asked if it's okay to hug me. Of course it is. And we're just there hugging and crying in the parking lot. It hit her hard though. Her legs gave up for a second. So I had to actually hold her up while she's still hugging me for a minute. What really got me was her saying to me, look how big you got.

Also hearing her cry made me cry too. She went back to open the restaurant up. She wouldn't take no for an answer. We had coffee, ate a slice of their pie inside and talk. Nice. Much stuff we talked about. She told me the second time I came to the restaurant, she got a feeling. But for her, it was hard to believe it was me.

So that feeling she had was pushed way down. Because she told me for years after I was adopted, she saw kids that would be my age and used to think they were me. Then she would be crying in public. It fucked with her mind a lot and made her depressed. So she didn't want to do the same when she saw me getting her hopes up like that. She says I look so much like my biological dad when he was younger though. We talked about him too.

They stayed in contact with each other in case I ever reached out to one of them. So it would be easier to contact the other. I didn't have hope about finding my biological dad since he was never mentioned. So I'm glad they both planned for this future scenario. She told me about how they wanted to keep me, especially my bio dad. He didn't want me to be adopted, but he knew they had to because they were just kids. It took him a long time to get past it. After I was born, she told me.

That's why he didn't leave anything because he didn't want to believe he might not see me again. We talked for hours to almost two in the morning. They closed at 11. She just wanted to know everything about me, but her main thing was, am I happy? Were my parents good to me? Did I have a happy childhood? And I did.

I told her thank you for helping to give me this life. We both cried again. She cried the most. Everything was very emotional for her. Sometimes she would look really happy, but then get sad again. After my 18th birthday, she was hoping I would find her. That's why she stayed in the same city. But since I didn't, she always thought maybe I resented her, wasn't told I'm adopted, or

maybe had decided it was better not to have her around. It made me feel bad for not telling her sooner. She told me it's not my fault and I did right going at my own pace. Honestly, she's so sweet. The way she kept looking at me with the biggest smile, it made me emotional sometimes. Makes you think how can someone who's been a total stranger your whole life look at you with so much love? It's wild.

We learned so much about each other. She asked me if we could have dinner soon to keep talking. And if at some point in the future, if I'm interested, come over to her house so I can meet her husband. That all sounded really great. They exchanged numbers. After I left, she sent a text telling me thank you for giving her this gift that she didn't know if it would ever come.

My girlfriend came over and she hugged me while I cried. I wasn't sad by the way, these were happy tears. Everything went better than I expected. There was still emotionally heavy stuff, but I'm still glad that we got to open up to each other. That's amazing. I can't even imagine the rush of emotion. I know.

And just the way of going about it and why are you standing in the parking lot waiting for me after work? I know. And then you get to the point where you just pull out the letter and it's like, I mean, I can't even imagine. It'd be the most crazy moment. It's amazing. When I first read it, I was like, oh my God, she was probably so scared at first because

we listened to, I don't even know how many hours of true crime podcasts driving across the country. So if this was me, my first thought, some stranger approaching me in the parking lot, I'd be like, what's going on? No, I know. At least say it had some interaction. Months of yeah. Just pulling out the letter and oh my God, the craziest part is just from her perspective

is just not knowing. I mean, you stay and you hold out this hope, but then you may never meet. She said that he may never even have known if he was adopted. I know. Because some parents, I mean, you hear about it that some people don't find out they're adopted until an ancestry DNA test or 23 and me. And then it's like, wait. That'd be so crazy.

But just from her perspective of that wonder and that just holding out hope, it'd just be probably the most amazing moment of your entire life. I mean, it'd be crazy. Totally. But I'm looking through their responses and someone goes, I love this update. This made my day. Sorry to be a pill, but if when you meet your bio dad, can you update again? And so OP responds, yeah, sure thing.

She messaged me this morning and my bio dad knows. Nice. He really wants us to meet, but we'll see when that happens. She said he was doing a work project in another state, but he's flying back home soon. Cool. Oh, so amazing. I know. Just, I haven't thought about all these emotions, but just the, like, are you happy?

Did I make a good choice for you in your life today? Because that probably ate her up every single day. Wow. Every day. Wow. Yeah. Adoption is, I mean, that's such a sacrifice. It's, it's the most selfless thing you can do.

You know, whatever choice you make when you're, when you're pregnant, it's, it's got to be the best one for you. And so it's like, it's just, it takes a strong person to raise a kid. It takes a strong person to give one up. It just takes a strong person to be pregnant. Like, but then to just wonder, like, did I make the right choice? Like, you know, you were saying it's, and then just reconnect and have that fulfillment would be.

I know. I mean, you just feel complete at that point. I'm sure you feel incomplete and then, you know, having that would be, and then the continued relationship going forward would just be amazing. Really, really amazing. I, I still can't believe, like, like Reddit pushed him to tell her, who knows how long he would have gone. I know.

I feel like he was tempted because he was thinking on the way there and it's kind of like, it's kind of like that feeling, I guess, you know, equate it to when you're like a teenager and your friends are like, ask that girl out, ask that girl out. But when you get to that moment, how hard it is, this is on a whole new level. Oh, yeah. Like, can you imagine just saying, I'm your son? No. I love it though.

I'm so, so happy. This is making up for all the others. So, so good. There's one more really good one I'm going to find to end on. Last one. Okay. This is from the subreddit confessions. I can finally acknowledge that I was completely unaware that I was in an abusive relationship

until Reddit users told me it has been two years and six months since I made a Reddit account and under the cover of being anonymous started to randomly share things about my life. I was mad at the users saying my husband was a textbook narcissist because I was posting in search of answers to the mental health struggles that I felt he was victim to. I deleted my accounts multiple times, switched up my wording to change whatever triggered the abuse comments, and I'd post again to continue my search for answers. Never got by y'all even once.

Oh well. So I want to apologize to the users that I argued with when they told me I was in an abusive relationship and I needed to protect my children. It was those specific users that opened my eyes to the control I was under. They never accused me of doing wrong by my children, but did beg me to take action for the sake of my children. No one ever attacked me in these posts, but they were direct and honest even when I got incredibly defensive.

I obviously see how ridiculous I was being and I just want to thank you all for your kindness and apologize for getting upset with some of you. Reddit actually did change my life and the lives of my children. With my divorce hearing in nine days, I just want to say I did listen to you Reddit. I did take action to protect my children. And myself, I'm set up to obtain sole legal custody of our son. We had together. I have a daughter, not with him, and she is safe as well.

Thank you. That's the whole post? That's the whole post. Oh wow. I know. Gosh, I almost want to go see the whole progression of everything. I know. I mean, it does show.

If you have a community that can come together and read between the lines, like again, it's so hard to see things when you're in them. Sometimes it's impossible to have any sort of outside perspective and not want to fight everyone that comes in and says there's problems because you're in it and you've been in it. Why would you believe someone coming in? Of course you're going to be defensive and you're going to want to prove the people wrong that are not giving you the answer that you want. And I just think that it's really cool to have a community like that that has the power

just so simply through posting and commenting on stories and it can lead to such amazing outcomes. They can really help people through things. It's like therapy. It is. I mean, Reddit is a really safe space for a lot of people, a lot of different issues. I think looking at the mental health ones we've talked about and I think it was on our Patreon.

I don't think it ever made it to YouTube. But it was the one about a man who, I think it was a guy, don't be mad at me if I'm misremembering this, but it was about a person who had schizophrenia and his friends were playing a massive trick on him for months. Yeah, that was fucked. I was on that. Yeah. And so he talked about how there's so many great mental health resources on Reddit and

he shared a bunch. He was like r slash schizophrenia and this and that and it's like for people that are struggling, especially if you live in a rural area where you don't have a lot of support or mental health services or you even can't afford mental health services, I mean this is just incredible. It's an incredible safe space and yeah, you're gonna have some trolls and shit posters, that's the internet. But that's the beauty of the out voting too because when there's a comment and it really

speaks then everyone will put it up there. Yeah. I mean this is amazing for her. It is amazing. And it sounds like, it sounds just looking at her other posts like QFam knowingly exposed my two year old to COVID. I drew the line up my toddlers health and safety. The post we read, I can finally acknowledge that I was completely unaware and then the

most recent. Y'all, I'm about three hours away from freedom from QSPOS. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I think I wasn't, I honestly didn't really know much about Reddit before all of this. But it is just not only a very entertaining space but also such a helpful and amazing

community. Yeah. I know, I just want to read one of the top comments on this one because in case anyone does need it, there are some really good resources they share. So the top comment goes, you have no need to apologize. You were suffering and when you're in an abusive relationship, that shit fucks with you. You just needed time to let it sink in. Congrats on empowering yourself.

Unfortunately, it does not end here. Getting away from the abuse is definitely a huge accomplishment and will stop the abuse but the trauma can affect you for years and years. So please do not neglect your mental health and look into trauma healing resources. Here's some general ones. Check out my and then they link emotional resources. I wrote this, but I don't want to put a wall of text here. So I hope, I hope they help you.

Some subreddits that can help r slash raised by narcissists r slash and relationships r slash heal heal from your past r slash CPTSD. And then someone replies back and they go, I'd like to add r slash life after narcissism. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. Uh, someone goes, the confusion is the trap.

I've not known a single person who could see it without the help of a third party. That's why it works. You're trapped in the cycle of desperately trying to understand what the fuck is happening. Only once you stop trying to understand, can you be freed. Congratulations OP. I wish you many happy years and full custody. Well said. Wow.

I know OP goes, you described this perfectly. Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. I just had a lot of other resources in the comments and just more supportive things. And just, it looks like some people share their stories, but someone goes, this made

me cry. As someone who spent too much time and not enough support, I wish I had read it. I wasted five years of my life in abuse. I'm so happy for you and your children and thanks Reddit. I love it. Yeah. Thanks Reddit. But like, thank you to all the commenters.

Thank you for all these people that give good advice and really try to help people. Well, I think that's what thanks Reddit encompasses. I mean, Reddit is the community. It's all the people commenting and posting and just putting yourself out there or taking time to help people. Or even on some of the other ones,

just coming up with amazing ways to solve the weird experiences in life and just all the stuff you have to go through. Or just sharing funny, I don't know, everything. Everything. I actually saved another one too. I won't read, but I saved another one just to speak to what you're saying too.

And it was titled, first time baker seeking advice to surprise partner for Christmas. And they were like, I've never baked anything significant like a pie or cake from scratch. But they were trying to bake their partner a pie that their grandmother used to make them. And Reddit came together to give this person

all these baking tips and just help them on their baking journey. I know, it's crazy. I know, and it came up when I was home for the holidays baking with my grandma and Justin actually got to help this here too, which was really cool. But my holiday tradition is baking Christmas cookie trays

with my grandma. Last year we did like 500 cookies. This year we did a little less, but like- Seemed just about the same. Over 350 for sure, so. Well, and Reddit helped with this? Reddit helped with your coin.

Yeah, I actually, I did, I reached out to Reddit when I was trying to find Justin an ancient coin last year for a holiday present. So, Reddit's- I'm getting myself on Reddit some more. I have to, it's too cold and hot. There's so many good stories. So many good stories.

I just love it so much, but that's it for this episode. It's been a roller coaster. It's been a roller coaster, but we ended good. I didn't full out ball this time. Like I haven't passed ones, I didn't get really choked up, but- Yeah, it's hard to not give you a hug. I know.

But they were good stories, really good stories. And we have some really exciting episodes coming up. Wednesday, I'm not even gonna share. I'm gonna let people be surprised. Wednesday. Well, Wednesday, I'm recording with her. Oh, I know. But it'll be when this comes out Thursday.

It'll be the day before Wednesday. Like the path, you know what I'm saying. So, exciting guests coming up. If you guys have any sex-related questions that you would like to ask two male guests, email them to me or DM me on Instagram. I'll try to find them. But we have some very exciting episodes coming up.

I'm really excited for what we got going on. That's all good. All gonna be good things. I'm so excited. Okay, I'm gonna stop blabbering. That's all I got. I'm gonna go decompress, drink some more wine. Yes, let's go.

Okay guys, well thanks for joining us on another episode of Two Hot Takes. Until next time. Until next time. Bye guys. Bye. Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode, you guys. Just a reminder to check out Little Spoon and Cerebral.

I'll be sure to put links and codes in the description on both YouTube and the podcast. tracks The thought of my son's my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking.

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