Two Hot Takes - 53: Love.. And Love Lost

Episode Date: February 10, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-hosts Justin and Aleks! Valentines day can be full of love, but it can also come with sadness and loss. I wanted to make sure there was a little of something for everyone this year. But fair warning.. have the tissues ready when you hear Dog mentioned.  LIVE SHOW: www.MomentHouse.com/THT We would love to have you join us for our very first LIVE digital show!! We kept it virtual so all could join!!! Exclusive merch available on the Moment House site as well! Partners: Obe Fitness:  Obefitness.com Code = THT Manscaped: Manscaped.com Code = THT20  Daily Harvest: DailyHarvest.com/THT Cocofloss: Cocofloss.me/THT Appreciate your support <3  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

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Just want to talk about our live virtual show coming up March 6th. We are so, so excited to have you guys on a stream live hearing the stories as we discuss them all on a live stream. I mean, I'm pretty excited about it. And give your takes. We're going to have some polling options. We're going to be interacting. Live chat so we can actually like respond to you guys in the moment.

Get your takes. Get your opinions. And get your iced wine ready. Get the wine ready. And your straws. You can't forget about the straws. We are also doing meet and greets and we really, really want to meet some of you guys. We are also having an after party playing some of these decks from Best Self.

Kind of like we're not really strangers vibe so you can get to know us more. We'd love to hear some of your answers in the chat. But we're really, really, really looking forward to this digital experience and getting to know you guys more and having you guys participate on these crazy new never heard stories. That's right. You won't want to miss it. So I'll put the link in this description or you can go to momenthouse.com slash tht. But I really hope to see you guys there.

Woo. Woo hoo. Okay. So weird hearing you guys like through this. I'm so excited. I know it's almost like being on the set of a show and then all of a sudden you're in the show. Yeah.

And I'm always the one in the middle. Like, oh, like always no one else will do it. You're so good at it. And we can't make Alex do it on her first show joining us. No, I'm just saying like nobody will. Oh, you did it the other night though. Yeah. I was in the middle.

Yeah. It was pretty good. It is nice to be on one end and like have a focus like you can just kind of chill versus also this is my good side. I'm really happy about it. There you go. There you go. Yeah.

I feel that. That's why I looked this way most of the time. Yeah. That's your good side. That's why you always put me on this side and pictures when we take pictures together. You like that side too though. No, I don't. Yeah.

No, this is my good side. We both have the same good side. Oh. I know. It's a struggle. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan.

I'm Justin. And we have Alex with us. Hello. Alex is my intern assisting me for the next semester and she's been crushing it. She also has her own podcast and so it was a good fit for her to join me here but your podcast is on loss and grief. Yes, grief support, spirituality, everything that comes after losing a loved one pretty much.

Okay. Well, that's why we picked this theme today. Absolutely. Love and love lost. Let's dive in. My favorite. Okay, so we're going to start off a little lighthearted, love dating and just, you know, all the stuff that goes into that.

So the first one's a little lighthearted and then we'll make moves through the episode. So up first, am I the asshole for being pissed off at my girlfriend for licking all the Oreos? This is so stupid. We mostly get along great but this one issue is driving me fucking crazy. Yesterday, I went to get myself a couple of Oreos and I noticed that they looked like they were taken apart and put back together. The cream was smeared slash gone from a couple. My girlfriend confirmed that she licked every single one of them and put them back in the

box. She kept saying, eat your chocolate chips, but that's not the point. It's not hygienic having licked food just laying around the house like that. It's just gross. Today she's doubling down. When the groceries came, she opened the chips in front of me licked one of them all over like just slobbered all over it. Then put it back in the bag and shook it up.

Now I can't eat any of them because I don't know which ones have spit on them. Girlfriend says I'm the asshole for not letting this go, but I can't. It's so gross. That's bizarre. Okay, wait. Every time I've had an Oreo, yes, the inside's amazing, right? We all get that. I think most humans can agree on this.

I also love the cookies. They're the perfect combo. I have to have them both. I cannot. I don't know. I feel like it's too much of a good thing if you only have the inside, but then also that point aside, why are we putting them back because like, oh, maybe someone else wants the rest.

Yeah, that's weird. I don't know. I feel like you take an Oreo, even if you're just going to eat the inside and then just eat it and throw it away. This is bizarre. No, I used to be a middle Oreo napper. I would do this. Like the double stuff?

Yeah, those were the best ones. It was super fun. I would scrape it off with my teeth and pretend like my teeth were a little tractor. I don't know. It was so weird. I have this in my head. I don't know why, but I would scrape it all off and then just throw the cookies away, but I wouldn't have ever thought in my head like, oh, let me put them back.

Maybe my little brother will want these later. Yeah, especially if you're sharing with someone, that's a little icky for me. I would never, never do that, never put it back if I'm sharing it with someone. No, that's a little. Yeah. It's almost like, are you being courteous or you're just being weird because I don't, it's not a huge hygiene thing. It's not grossing me out in that sense.

Like I just keep thinking back to the chicken, right? The cross contamination. The cutting boards and all that. Yeah. Like this isn't striking me that way. It's more just kind of like, what? It's just weird. So there are some edits, edit.

I just want to clarify a few things. They're not her snacks. We pick our own snacks, but we pay for groceries together. So they're technically our snacks. I usually try to eat the ones I picked first, but sometimes I run out or get bored of the same thing. She's welcome to have mine if she wanted. She never finishes her snacks.

She eats like a bird while I work out and need a lot more calories. It makes no sense for her to hoard snacks that she'll never finish before they go bad. Well, Oreos aren't the type of calories to eat after working out. Hey, he's burning enough calories. He can have his cheap meals. Oh, I do it, but I'm just saying, like that's an interesting argument claiming that you need more calories. And so you're eating Oreos where it's like, I get it.

We all, I, I eat dessert all the time. I'm not one of those people. Yeah. But it's just like, I don't know. She also said, she licked a chip and put it in the bag and shook it up. She fucked with his chocolate chips. That was mean. Oh, was it chocolate chip?

Oh, I thought you were talking potato chips and like, this is really, this is really odd. I think it was a, well, either way, chips, a chip, like they're both good, but yeah, she kept saying just eat your chocolate chips. And so the next day she grabbed a chip, like a chocolate chip and licked it. And put it back in the bag. And put it back. And shook it up. That's just, I don't like that very much.

It's pretty cool. Honestly though, speaking of chocolate chips, one thing I have been doing lately is when you crave some sort of dessert after you eat. I don't know if you crave something sweet. Kind of like when you finish a big meal and you're like, oh, if I just had a cookie or some ice cream or whatever, I have been attempting to, where are you going? Keep going. I just have to get my charger, but this is, this is really good.

I've been doing this thing where if I finish a meal or breakfast or whatever and you have that craving, you eat chocolate chips and it takes care of it. Now you're not investing now into a cookie, cupcake, whatever else it might be. And in doing so. You're getting your fix. Right. But I'm not also eating all the cookies. Yeah.

It's the best of both worlds for you. Side note, you know. Yeah. I mean, I'm really weird. I've asked people about this before, but I actually have a cake, which I'm pretty close to having to throw it away, but I have a cake from my birthday last year. You're well beyond that point. No, no, no, no.

Everyone told me you can keep it in the freezer for a year. So I'm fine. So I just have like my sweet Susie's, what is it? Susie's? Susie cakes. Susie cakes is the brand out here in LA. And so I have this cake that I've had for a year and it's just chilling in my freezer. And I'll just go with a fork and just take little bites here and there.

Really? Yeah. Okay. I've heard about the cake saving for weddings. Weddings. Yeah. You can do it for a year. You're supposed to eat it on your first anniversary, apparently.

I don't know. There was something about these cakes in particular that had a thing on it that said, that's not cool. So sure, maybe it applies to the cake that has all the crazy preservatives and stuff you don't want it. But these are good cakes. I know, but so are people's wedding cakes. I don't know.

I haven't touched it, but you also haven't gotten sick, so. I'm still eating it, but March 4th is coming up real fast. I almost purchased about a week before, a few days before, so. So I have like a week. I have a week left, you guys. It's okay. So people took this one very seriously. Top comment.

You're the asshole. OP left out incredibly important information, which is that these are her Oreos, and he constantly eats her snacks. So she's doing this to get him to stop. Also, she'll never finish them before they go bad. Oreos won't go bad for like a year. She'd finish them if your greedy ass gave her a chance to. Yeah.

This is interesting. Why does this person have so much info? Did OP's girlfriend come and comment or something? I'm intrigued now. But if that's the case, first of all, Oreos do kind of get stale, though. They get like soggy. Yeah, they do. They get gross, so.

They say a year? This person said a year. They're just like you. Yeah, yeah, they are. Shit. They started off, though. Not the asshole. This is so effing weird.

What on earth is going on with your girlfriend? So I feel like the girlfriend came in and must have commented somewhere. Yeah. Interesting. I know. Because the original question was, like, am I the asshole for being pissed off at my girlfriend for licking all the Oreos? I mean, it's really not that big of a deal.

But I can understand where if this applies in many aspects, like the Oreos are one thing. If it's a bigger issue, then sure, but it's, I mean, it's snack food. I think that's where I'm at. I'm like, why, like just buy two bags of Oreos at the store? Exactly. Like this doesn't, I don't know. To me, this doesn't feel like I would go to Reddit and ask the community if I'm being the asshole because I'm mad.

I don't know. It's just, I don't know. It's silly. Yeah. It's funny, though. If the biggest problem in your relationship is the fact that your girlfriend's licking the Oreos, like, it can't be too bad. True.

Right. But this could be, it also could be one of those things that's so petty that just drives him nuts. And honestly, it could be a deal breaker. I'm very curious. Yeah. I think I would have gotten another bag or whatever of Oreos and then seen what she does with that if she goes into the other one and starts licking both of them, putting

everything back. True. And I'd say something or I'd ask the people of Reddit. Right. Yeah. I don't know about that. It's a little weird for me. I mean, has Oreo not made, because you know, like how there's edible cookie dough and all

that stuff now. Yeah. Has Oreo not made just a little container of just the stuffing? I think they did for a while. Like Lucky Charms did the thing with just the charms. That whole thing? Yeah. That might have been a thing like a while ago.

Okay. I'm so curious. I don't know if that was recent, but they definitely did something. I know. I'm sure they did. I feel like I've definitely seen it in a store somewhere. Cause that's what she needs. I mean, that'd be great.

Yeah. Damn, look at those. Oh my God. Look at these ones. She would be in heaven. It was a cookie and it was called the most stuff. Look at how thick that is. Oh my gosh.

Wait, just the cream? Yeah. All stuff. Yep. So it's a thing. So maybe he just needs to buy those for her. I've never seen those. I haven't seen them in person either.

Is that what you're thinking of? I was thinking like, kind of like a frosting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I've seen. Damn. Moving along.

Mm-hmm. Boyfriend spotted on Coffee Meets Bagel. Cheater? Question mark? My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We just started a long distance relationship a month ago. Last week, a friend of mine found him on the Discover page on Coffee Meets Bagel. The profile pictures are all old pictures and this could be his old account.

So I wondered, just showing on the Discover page mean he has been actively using the app or can you be on the Discover page even though you haven't used the app in years? Thanks. Well, I've never used that app before. Yeah. It's like a Hinge kind of vibe. It's Bumbly dating app vibes. It actually is?

Yeah. It's a dating app. Oh, God. I thought back in New York, I was on every app there was, but I guess I wasn't on that. Well, this one, what did we find out? It's in San Fran? Yeah. It's San Francisco based dating app.

Hmm. I don't know how I feel about that. I had a college roommate and her boyfriend was always pulling up on Tinder. Always. And so many people would send her his profile and be like, hi. Oh, gosh. We see so and so on here and everyone knew and it was just such a bad setup for her. Like obviously currently using.

Yeah. Yeah. It was active. I thought Tinder used to show active within whatever or recently active or something back in the day. True. It was just as 20, 2013. So.

And most apps, I feel like do that now. I thought so. So like active now or recently something like that. I just, I've never, that app is interesting new to me. I don't really know much about that, but whenever you like get into a relationship or something, do you tend to like forget like, oh, whatever, I'm happy or do you like, like go back to your apps and everything that you're on and be like, oh, I actually have these, these accounts. I should probably get rid of them so people don't think of anything.

Yeah. I don't know if some people like that just goes over their head or I don't really know. But three years, like they have been together three years. Yeah. That's the time. Like you got to look at the apps on your phone. I mean, that's, yeah, that's way too long. Come on.

Yeah. Come on. You've probably gotten a new phone since then. I mean, when we hit. True. Yeah. I don't even know. Were we together a month?

Yeah. We definitely weren't official. Well, we, there was a point where Morgan and I, we both pulled out our hinge and we went to the thing where you actually delete your account and it sends this like, it was a really cool message actually. It was cute. Yeah. And it's like, we're so happy to see you go because it means you found, right?

And so I think there was just, it naturally kind of happened where we happened to do it around the same time. Yeah. I thought you were the screenshot of that message because I thought it was funny, but I think there's a point where you hit that you're like, I'm going to delete this app because A, it's weird to have the app on your phone still, right? Yeah. For sure.

B, sure. Maybe you haven't touched it in a long time and you haven't updated pictures, but it's still kind of there, right? I don't know. Yeah. There's a reason we both had the thought to delete it, but I can also see how some people would just be like, Oh, I found it and I have a million apps on my phone. I haven't opened it, but it's still there.

And I guess technically you'd still show up on the discover. I don't know how this app works, but I'm not sure. So I have one more from this one is actually from a listener and same, like same problem. So she goes, my boyfriend and I, both age 22 have been together for a little over three years. About two weeks ago, I was feeling anxious about our relationship, which I have never felt before. A couple of days ago, I was over at his place and he was napping when I had this gut feeling

to peek at his phone. I've never done that before. So that itself was a bad, sneaky experience. Anyways, as I was scrolling, I saw the dating apps, Bumble and HUD, HUD, I don't know. We both look like you're young in the dating game. Like what is this one? I don't even know about that. What?

We got all the apps? Yeah. You gotta have all the apps. I have some, but I don't know about these. These are all, these are new to me, new to me. I opened them up and saw that he partially created profiles. I didn't see any messages or anything. I immediately just closed out of the phone.

Later that day, I brought it up and he said he hit a low point and thought our relationship was not doing good. So he downloaded the apps, made the profiles, but then realized it was a mistake. He said he never actively used the apps for talking to anyone and never reopened the apps after the first time since downloading them. He says he regrets it and wished he'd talked to me when he had the initial feeling instead of doing what he did. I have not had any doubts in our relationship other than this.

I was very secure, happy and in love. Now I'm just sad, very sad. I'm not sure if this is grounds for breaking up. I really need advice on what to do. Yeah, I, that's tough. I feel like if I was in the position, well, first of all, I'm kind of against the whole like looking through people's phones kind of thing, but also she said she has a gut feeling, always trust your gut and explore that, but it's kind of, it's, it's better

than the other situation because that he actually like owned up and kind of like admitted to it. And like I, like what I was thinking when you were reading that to me is he should have gone to her and been like, Hey, I'm feeling really weird about our relationship. I want to talk to you about it and gone, gone about it that way. And I liked that he owned up to it, but that other situation, just seeing that app, maybe just, I don't know, I feel like asking, but also like, you never know what the truth is. It's kind of like this one, I get it.

I feel like you can move forward and, you know, regain that trust sort of, I don't know if that's like breaking up level. Yeah. If there were messages with girls, that's a different story. Yeah. But there was no contact, no reaching out to any girls, basically. So I feel like you can rebuild the trust and figure that out, but the other situations, I feel like a little bit different.

Especially after three years, like, but this one, they've been dating for over three years to what it? I have two thoughts. Okay. First one being I can understand, I guess, a little bit just from the past of reaching a point in a relationship where you're kind of used to being together, you're used to being in a relationship and maybe you're at an age where a lot of your friends aren't. And so the issue kind of comes about when you're starting to have doubts and feelings

about this relationship that you're not bringing up, like you're not having a conversation about it because you have the other person sitting there just like fully trusting, fully in it and they're doing the thing. Yeah. And now you're kind of falling off this thing where I think that takes a lot of relationships down when you could talk to each other and maybe work through things or maybe decide it doesn't work. But the problem is you go to the apps and now you've definitely drawn a line.

Like you've made an action that now is not thought, but it's actually physically action. And yes, I get, I get the excitement and the feeling of swiping through on apps and how that can feel exciting, even though you, you know, you've been together for three years or whatever. And if you're having those doubts, sure, but it's just the fact that if you're having those doubts, I think that's the time to address it, not to go figure out. That's what's scary about this. Yeah, that's what's scary about a relationship.

You get into such a vulnerable state to where you're not going to know 100% of everything. You can't. If you did, you're having some kind of fucked up, controlling, manipulative, weird relationship. There's always that element of trust of stuff that you're not going to know, you're not going to see. So yes, your partner 100% could be doing whatever. I mean, they could be going to someone's house.

They could be texting someone, deleting it. They could be calling people and deleting it. There's a million different things that could happen. And that's part of the vulnerability of the situation and what's scary. But in this instance, if I ever had those feelings, I don't think I'd jump right to an app. I think I would probably start talking to you. Yeah.

But it's tough. I don't know. I think that's like why I'm like, I appreciate the fact he did come clean. But also he, I mean, he had no choice. Yeah, that's true. Who knows if he would have said things like when you're caught, you're caught. I know, but granted, I'm glad he didn't lie. But he also could have been like, oh, I've had that since, you know, whatever.

I haven't deleted it because the profile wasn't whatever. But I look at it and I'm like, okay, you downloaded it and then you got to the profile making stage and then you realized it was a mistake. But why didn't you then at that point delete it? Why is, why are both of those apps still on your phone? Right. I just swiping here and there. I don't know.

That is like the part for me. And I also like kind of with what you were saying, I, I, I really don't get when people are like, oh, our relationship wasn't doing that well. Oh, I don't understand why a lot of people's first jump is to seek reassurance or seek out another person, like seek out reassurance from another person, like validate themselves. Like, oh, I'm still hot. Like, well, well, I'm desirable.

I was like, you're with this person for three years and you can't just say something, say anything. Hey, I'm not feeling we're connecting lately. Exactly. And I think there's a point to, if you have some space, even if it's a week, you can quickly start to realize, here's what I have and I know what I have and I know what I can lose versus when you're seeing someone every single day and you kind of start getting these thoughts, you won't have that perspective.

Yeah, it's just interesting. Yeah, I agree. Different levels of maturity, honestly, depends on the situation, but if you're together for that long, you should know each other by then and feel comfortable enough to be like, okay, if I'm not really feeling right, I should say something. Yeah, he was caught. That's one thing. Yeah.

Being caught, it's a different story than, you know, sitting her down and being like, Hey, like, I really want to talk to you about something that I did. It was really stupid. I didn't know how to go about this. My weird feelings, I just didn't know how to act with my feelings, but the fact that he was caught, that's a completely different story. And that's exactly why his response is what it is. Right.

His response may be 100% true, but it's exactly what everyone would say in that situation. Oh, I had doubts and I was doing this for a little bit. And then I realized, I realized that I was wrong and that we are perfect together. Hmm. Perfect. We've seen it a million times. Yeah.

So what's actually going on? We may never know. We may never know. As far as advice for this listener, I think you just got to like trust your gut. I've, I've given people second chances and it hasn't worked out. And then there's some people that it has. And I think you just got to really trust your gut. And you guys are a 22.

You're kind of at a formative age in your life. You're still really growing. And for sure, lots of, you know, I missed 22. Take me back. Yeah. Take me back. But it's tough. I, you really just got to trust your gut.

And I mean, if you give them another chance, then if it happens again, then, you know, you know, like full, full me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I mean, I think after three years, depending on what your gut feeling is, but I think after three years, to me, it sounds like it, see if that expected answer, as I called it, see if that expected answer plays true and just feel it out. I mean, your radar is going to be up now. Yeah. And so I think you can kind of, it is, but to get that trust back.

I know, but yeah, yeah. And if you can't get it back, then there's your answer because according to John Gottman, our relationship is nothing without trust. But that just sucks. Like, I mean, I feel like, at least I know I have, but I feel like we all have had that thing where something happens and how do you come back from that? A lot of work. How do you come back from that seeing something that you're not, that you weren't

supposed to see or something that is like, oh, fuck, I, maybe I don't know this person as well as I thought I did. Mm-hmm. It's annoying how much those little things can really do so much. Cause then it's on the front of your mind, like any sketchy thing then from there on that maybe wasn't even sketchy to begin with. It's like, oh, where were you tonight? Oh, okay.

Well, and everything starts to sound sketchy. Absolutely. Yeah. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more.

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Dealer inventory may vary. Okay. Well, speaking of the dating apps, which if you guys are feeling like disconnected from your partner, stay away from the apps. Yeah. If you're single, try them out. I met Justin on there. It's a good time.

Or join the apps together. There is that one too. If you're looking to spice things up. So, am I the asshole for banning my sister from seeing my daughter after she took her to a Tinder dates house? Me, 25 female and my sister, Lexi, 26 female have a pretty good relationship. Lexi is also pretty close to my daughter, Emily, for female. Lexi has babysat Emily several times over the years and there's never been a

problem. A couple of days ago, my boyfriend and I were going out to celebrate our second anniversary. Lexi offered to babysit for us and everything seemed to be set up. My boyfriend and I were planning to be gone for about eight hours. Unfortunately, about four hours into the outing, my boyfriend started to get a migraine. He tried taking his regular medication, but they weren't kicking in that much.

I decided to just drop him off at home so he could relax. I sent Lexi a text telling her I was on my way home early. After I got home, I noticed that Lexi's car wasn't in my driveway. I went inside and called out for Lexi and Emily. They were nowhere in the house, so I immediately called Lexi. After I called her four times, she finally picked up the phone. I started yelling and demanded to know where the hell she was. She said we would talk after she got back to the house.

About 20 minutes later, Lexi and Emily showed up and I put Emily to bed. After she was sound asleep, I exploded on Lexi and told her to start talking. She told me that she was chatting with a random guy from Tinder and he asked her to come over. She said that she knew Emily would just sleep the whole time, so she agreed to come over. She said that everything was fine. Emily just ate some snacks and went to sleep in the guy's spare bedroom.

I completely lost it. I cussed her out and told her that she was a fucking idiot. I asked her how she could do something so reckless. She got mad and told me it wasn't a big deal. She would never let anything happen to Emily. I told her that she had no right to take my daughter to a random guy's home. She said that she can read people and she knew that this guy wouldn't hurt anybody. I told her that she's nuts and she put my daughter in God knows how much danger.

I told her I can no longer trust her and that I never want to speak to her again. I also told her that she's never allowed to see Emily again. She started crying and saying that I'm overreacting to the whole thing. I told her that I paid her to protect my daughter, not endanger her so she could go have fun. She continued to cry and beg, but I eventually kicked her out. My mom says that even though Lexi messed up big time, I still overreacted. My mom says that I should reconsider separating Lexi and Emily because

they're family. Am I the asshole? There are so many things wrong with that situation. That is just like dangerous, stupid. I can't even wrap my head around the story that you just read. That's insane to me. First of all, when the random Tinder guy calls you, you just have to go hang out. Come on, we've all been tempted.

We've all been tempted, come on. While babysitting a child, you just got to say, I'm babysitting a child. Maybe another time when I'm not babysitting a child. No, TinderD is that good to have child endangerment on your record. In the spare bedroom, just putting the child away to sleep in the spare bedroom. Who knows? I would never put your child in danger. Who knows who's lurking in that house?

Who knows who that guy even is? Truth. Yeah, they met that day. Like dating is hard, but you can wait one day. Like you agreed to babysit. We all got to put ourselves out there in date and whatever, but it's a day. Reschedule tomorrow. You agreed to help your sister out on her anniversary so she could celebrate her love.

Yeah, and you're also the girl. Like the guy's going to be fine with rescheduling. It's going to be fine. Yeah. It's going to be just fine. It's worth seeing each other. He'll be okay with rescheduling. It'll work out, it'll be fine.

Exactly. I just, I can't wrap my head around bringing a child to a Tinder guy's house. No. True. And like, I mean, Tinder guys can turn in a Tinder boyfriend, but like on the first day you meet him, not safe. Right. You can put yourself in that situation.

No. But it's. Why would you? Like even as a girl, like we've, you know, we had a scary episode. I like have talked a lot about how I'm, I'm constantly thinking about getting kidnapped. Like I'm just, I'm a scaredy cat. And so like putting yourself in this situation where you're just going to show up at some guy's house that you've never met.

Don't do that. Like don't put yourself in that situation. Let alone the kid, the kid, the four year old, the little baby. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I'm, I'm pretty blown away by this one. Like, yeah, the mom had every right to freak out as much as she did. Totally.

The reaction is, I can't even imagine. Yeah. The reaction is totally justified. And it's kind of, I think at the, how this will evolve is I get you say you're never going to see her again and whatever. And I don't want to talk to you. Yeah. Eventually you'll talk, eventually they'll be able to see each other.

Maybe she just doesn't babysit her or have the responsibility of her. Yeah. She's clearly like, this is your sister, right? Yeah. It's a dumb mistake. It's an unforgivable mistake. So just don't have her watch her anymore. Yeah.

I think this is like a really good example too about why our reactions to situations are so important because I think if she would have just been like, you know what, I'm so sorry. I will never disrespect you again. If I agree to babysit, I will stay here. If she would have like been apologetic, I think this would have had a totally different thing where like, I blew up at her. I was mad at her.

I said, she's not babysitting her again, but it wasn't like, I never want to see you again. Right. So that's like, this is a good example of like, if you're in the wrong and even if you don't, like, I know we cannot feel like we're in the wrong sometimes, but like, this is someone's kid. What they say at the end of the day is what goes. Right.

So apologize. You like, what were, what was she doing? Why didn't she answer four times? Well, she's literally getting dicked down by the Tinder guy. Like, I don't know. Oh, Lexi. Who knows. But it's just like, it's just when you're on a date, you don't really check your

phone a lot because you're, you don't want to babysit someone's baby. You do that's different. Yes. But in the, in the mind where she was focused, she's not thinking about the kid in the spare room. She brought the kid there in the first place. What if there was like a two-way door and someone literally like a million things could have happened.

There's a million things. So bad. So top comment on this one, not the asshole. That is totally reckless. What if the guy was dangerous and ended up God forbid molesting your kid? She should have asked for permission first at the very least. Yeah. Yeah.

You know the answer. Come on. Yeah, I know. You're not even going to ask for permission. Right. Right. Uh, can I bring your daughter to, uh, this guy? I haven't met him yet, but I can read people.

Yeah, but sure anniversary, by the way, God. Well, and some people like, they really, obviously they really support OP in this and are just like, no, you're not the asshole, but a lot of people point out to like, if the guy had asked the sister if she wanted a drink and slipped her something she wouldn't have known until far too late. And that's like, you just, there's a million things. Yeah. There's like, yeah, a million.

So not the asshole on that one. Yeah, that's an easy one. Not the asshole. What's up, everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with any hour services. And if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, any hour services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what

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Oh, wow. Yeah. No more, no more dramatic love story. Yeah. Okay. That one was. You're getting like your, uh, your baptism by fire today. Oh, I have so many good love stories.

I don't know what one to pick. Oh. Oh. Okay. My favorite. You do like the happy ones. I do. Okay.

I'll let you guys pick. I 23 female slept with my roommate, 21 female. And now I don't know how to handle my life now. Hmm. Like a little sleepover. And they were roommates. And the next choice. I female 21 might be in love with my best friend, female 22, but

I'm already in a relationship. I like the first one. I think you're going with the second one down there. I like the second one. All right. Let's go. Second. Okay.

Let's go. Second. Okay. Yeah. Two people just like falling asleep next to each other is boring anyway. Okay. So this one. So I've known my boyfriend male 22.

Let's call him a since I was a toddler. A and I were best friends before we ever began dating. And I'd been in love with him for years before we entered into a serious relationship. We were like the it couple in our high school years, because we'd been in a more committed and serious relationship than most of our peers. We've been dating for seven years now, soon to be eight. And I could have really seen us marrying and having children together.

Now enters S. She and I met in our teen years when I was 15 and she was 16. We immediately clicked. And she was nice and kind and overall, one of the best people you could ever ask to be friends with. She was also really, really fucking pretty, which I think now also helped confirm that in fact, I was bisexual. She was artistic and driven, which I really appreciated because it helped inspire me too.

And I discovered my love for dancing through her. She also clicked with a, and they were best friends soon enough too. It was a really perfect situation. And I'm still in awe of how lucky I am because I got to meet these two. But lately, I think my feelings for her have developed into something more. She isn't gorgeous in the platonic sense anymore. She's so pretty that I want to kiss her senseless sometimes. And wow, she listens and she communicates so well.

And I don't understand how she's still single after all these years, because if she'd wanted, she could get a partner in a minute. And I've been feeling so guilty over these feelings because it feels like I'm cheating on my partner, which just sounds downright horrifying to me because there's no love lost for him there that much I'm more than certain of. He's still one of the kindest people I've, I'll ever meet. And I love him more than life. And it's not even like he's not attractive to me anymore.

He's still fucking hot. And he's even started working out during quarantine. And even though things have been so stressful lately, he's kept up a smile. And whenever it gets too much for him, he seeks out me or S for comfort, which is another thing I'm starting to suspect. They're really close. Damn. They could spend hours talking to each other and they go and hang out together

without me frequently too. They both have a shared love for video games, which isn't really my thing. But sometimes I'd walk in on them sleeping together. No, not in a sexual sense, but more in the cuddled up against each other. And S was too tired to walk to her place. So why not send? Oh, yeah. Okay, cool.

Sweet. You guys are losing it. S greets him with hugs and sometimes if she's particularly happy with a kiss on the cheek and he's never minded them, even encouraged the physical affection and forehead kisses, but it's never been anything more. I know that much. I know a loves me. He's more than proved it time and time again in all our abundant time together.

And S is an amazing friend, but I can't help a wish for something more. Maybe I'm just kidding myself. But I think she may feel the same too. I've caught some sort of longing looks that she's thrown when A and I get affectionate when she's in the room. And there hasn't been jealousy exactly more like fondness and sadness. She's never treated me coldly unless I've done something to really fuck it up. And even then she's always given me fair chances to explain myself or make it up

to her and has always made the effort to clearly communicate what hurt her or how we can avoid it in the future. I don't know. I have no idea what to do. We don't want to lose either of them. I love them too much. Maybe I should come out with my feelings because I don't want to hurt A at all in the long run.

Any advice? Wow. Those are like a million different emotions, like just circulating just all over the place. Very complex. I'm processing. Yeah. I've never been in such situation before. This is like, instead of just a triangle, this is like an equilateral triangle.

This is a perfect triangle, right? Yeah. This is what is what was what one's that called an isosceles? No, equilateral. Oh, it's all equal. What's isosceles? It's just a relevant fucked up triangle. Um, I, she'd have a better sense of this, but when she said like the look of fondness

and sadness when her and her boyfriend are together, how do we know she doesn't like the dude? How are we confirming that it's her? I guess she would know, right? That is a lot of what people in the comments were kind of like, like, jealousy over the same guy because they are so close. They fall asleep next to each other cuddling. Come on.

Right. But let's go with the post, right? Let's go with what she said. Okay. If that's the scenario, then I don't, I don't know if you love this guy more than life, but then also you're so curious about this. I don't know what you could possibly do. If you're so curious about one, I mean, I guess it's not a bad problem to have, but

also like the worst problem to have. Right. Yeah. Cause also if, I mean, if you're like so, so in love with someone, is someone really going to make you like kind of turn your head and make you really, really wonder and fantasize about a relationship with them and you wanting to kiss them and just touch them and everything. And you think about how amazing they are.

It's a difference between like friendship, love and fondness. Yeah. And then that's just, I don't really know about that. If someone kind of, you know, shifts your feelings a little bit and actually gets you involved with them kind of and attracted to them, then are you really as in love with your, the person that you're with right now? That's true. I know.

It's very true. I think this is hard. I think, I don't know. I mean, this could be the most perfect love triangle there's ever been. I can't. Can you imagine? Imagine the threesome that would occur. Well, we have an update.

Oh my God. Okay. All right. I love the updates. Let's go. So the top comment on this one, someone goes because it feels like I'm cheating on my partner. They like quote what OP said, hate to break it to you, but many would consider having

romantic feelings for someone that isn't your partner, that you're not immediately stopping emotional cheating. Advice, talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling. And so someone was like, yeah, I agree. You should definitely talk to your significant other about this. It probably feels like your whole world might come crumbling down. If you'd open this box, but it's way better than having this fester in your heart and eating you from the inside out, especially since you all are already so

close and OP response, very responsive all throughout the comments. Yeah, it's definitely terrifying, but I imagine he'd feel more hurt and betrayed if I keep it from him any longer. We are close, but I'm willing to accept it. If he no longer wants to carry on the relationship, no matter how much I wish against that, I'm just hoping it goes well for the update. Yes, please. Update one.

So I really didn't think I would be posting an update when I post. That's sorry. My computer is like glitching every time I zoom. So I really didn't think I would be posting an update when I posted the original thing, but one redditor asked if I'd feel, and I'd feel bad if I didn't. I literally only downloaded the app solely for that. So I don't quite know how to link the original here. I'm on mobile.

So anyone knows, let me know. So a, and I did talk and it went really well to cut to the chase. I don't think I could have asked for things to have gone better. Wow. So we came home with those groceries in hand and I went straight for the kill. I told him I needed to talk and he looked concerned and asked me if I was okay. And if everything was all right, we both went to our bedroom and I sat him down. I'd spent the hour, he wasn't here, kind of looking stuff up on Google and

thinking about how I was going to say everything. But honestly, with him looking at me as he was, I just went blank. I did spill it like a second after though. I told him something along the lines of, quote, I think I might be in love with S and he was definitely taken aback. He went quiet for a second and asked something like he was clarifying, you think? And I responded in a loose shrug. Looking back, I'm cringing and I definitely could have done that one better.

He asked me if I wanted to break up and I gave it a thought again and I told him that I didn't want to at all. But I did ask him if he wanted to break up and he kind of just looked at me for five seconds and I was about to assume the worst, but he said no. And my God, the relief. I was still hesitant though. So I asked him if he was sure and he said he was. I know his body language enough to know when he is lying and I don't think he was here,

but still I could be wrong. So I asked him if he was really sure and that it wouldn't be his fault at all. If he decided to break up and he snorted and said, if he didn't know better, he would think I wanted to break up with him the way I was pushing it. Kimmer has been his coping mechanism for quite a while, so I still wasn't sure. But he said something that was more of a surprise than it should have been. He said, and I remember it quite clearly still, it would be pretty hypocritical to be mad at you about it too, because I think I might be feeling the same way

about her too. There we go. Oh my God. And honestly, I genuinely thought for a second I might have heard him wrong and I asked him to repeat that in a pure shell shock. He chuckled a little and said that, yeah, we're both in the same boat there. He leaned on me and I let him because I think we both needed it a lot there. I asked him why he hadn't ever told me and for so long, etc.

He said he just wanted to mull over it thoroughly before he came out with it to anyone and that he was really sorry he hadn't told me before. He'd been feeling that way about her for about 10 months now, but he quickly assured me that absolutely nothing happened between them other than said feelings. But he wasn't quite sure they were returned at all. He said he just loved me too much to try anything about it without asking for my consent first, which I appreciated. We talked a lot more, more honestly than we had in months, and it felt really nice.

He told me a lot about what it was like when he first made the discovery and how terrible he felt about it and how he wanted to be sure about it before he potentially destroyed an eight year relationship for it. He was the kind of person who could hide emotional pain really freaking well for months because of some early trauma in his life. But he is working on it and he's in therapy for it even. But when he does start talking, it's like a damn being opened. So I listened as well as I could.

He told me he still loved me just the same and that it was still romantic love and he was confused by that. He explained that while he was still attracted to me like he was before, he couldn't help but feel the same way about us. He really did try fighting that for quite some time in therapy. And then we hung out, but it really didn't seem to work. I could sympathize with him there. We both apologized to each other for hiding it for so long.

It wasn't the right thing to do. Both of us definitely have some hurt feelings about it all, but the fact that it's mutual, we both want to work on it to be better for each other and to each other. We considered couples therapy, but I'm not entirely comfortable with that. So I've agreed on trying to settle it ourselves, but if that doesn't work, we'll give it a try. I'm just really happy with the fact that everything's out now. We also talked about our next move.

Do we involve S or do we not? Yes. Oh my God. After a lot of debating and a pros and cons list, we've come to the conclusion that we'll tell her and that will offer her a position in our relationship. Question mark. Wow. Become a third person.

Question mark. Yep. Come on. We're just going to offer her to become our girlfriend. That sounds the best. He's apparently done a lot more researching on it. Any things that could work if S wants to. All in all, I'm still happy with whatever our relationship is right now, but I know

that it can be better and I'm more than willing to work on it. I still love him so much, but I think it's high time we stop letting these feelings eat us up silently. Thank you for the advice. You guys, I might have not told him as soon as I did, if y'all didn't push me. So thanks. I'll be sure to post update on the situation when it changes. And there is one more.

Oh, this is unreal. I knew it though. Come on. It's the perfect triangle. It is. Like I, I think as far as like a poly relationship could go, like this is the ideal situation. Can you imagine dating two people? I think it's like, I think it would be definitely really difficult.

Is like all the dates together. How does this work? Right. I'm so curious now. I'm fascinated by this. Let's read the update. Maybe there's some stuff in there. I'm writing a movie script tonight.

Hi. So this is really old. Wait, really old. When was the first one posted? First one was posted nine months ago. This, like the update to the first one was nine months ago. And this came out 20 days ago. Okay.

Oh, hi. So this is really old, but I thought it update. It's been a while since my last post, but I wanted to feel things out before updating again, which to sum things up, things have been going really well. We're all very happy in our relationship. I trust and love them both with my whole heart. But for the long answer, we sat us down to discuss it with her. We tried being as honest and vulnerable as possible.

Wasn't easy, but we did it. And there was a lot of tears and I was so ready to get my heart broken and feel really shitty. But S didn't give that a chance. She agreed to join a and me to be a couple. And it was one of the best days of my life. We just spent a lot of time together, had pizza parties, kissed and hugged and watched a shit ton of movies. It was weird seeing a and S kiss for the first time, but I didn't feel bad per se. It was just new.

What did feel sort of bad though, is that a lot of the commenters from my previous post brought up how S probably just wants a and not me. And I'll admit, I actually gave it some serious thoughts at that moment. But then S broke their kiss and then looked at me with those eyes and she kissed me before I even had time to initiate it myself. And that thought went right out the window. But we did talk about it though, because I've been slightly lurking in r slash polyamory a lot these couple of months and honestly, and honesty and communication is a really big thing there. And I want to do this right. I told her about all those comments, how I was afraid she really only wanted a and well, not me and the longing looks and the cuddling. And there's a lot of things I expected her to do here, but not what she actually did.

She laughed and called me blind, not in a like mean way. And went on to explain that I've just been goddamn blind to her advances towards me, because she wasn't just looking at one person with longing and she wasn't just cuddling with one of us there. And as she explained it, it made a whole lot of sense. In the end, I ended up laughing too. We talked about, we talked to a about it later on as well and had more conversations on how to deal with more probably inevitable insecurity. We did some relationship counseling too. So just a lot of talking going around here, but all in all, dates have been magical and they've been perfect. And I really love them.

So thanks for commenting. If you did, and I hope you guys have a nice day. I mean, can you imagine just imagine being in this situation, right? It would take a lot, I'm so happy for them, because I cannot even imagine the trust that you have in these two people and just the willingness to take the chance. This could have gone so wrong in so many ways, and just that willingness to take the chance. One what's interesting is how, S, well, so first of all, to have an eight year relationship, you're damn close. Eight years? Like you two fit like, you know, you're right.

Exactly. And then I guess it's not that farfetched to find someone that you, if you are so alike and fit together so well, I guess it's not weird to have the same feelings for someone that might also fit into that dynamic, that same, like they might fit like that as well. So I guess that's not the most crazy thing. Right. But it's just like, I don't know, I'm just fascinated. It's kind of cool. It's amazing, I mean, to have that relationship, that comfort, that love for one person, let alone two. Like I think that a relationship like this would take a lot of work.

Like you have to put a lot more effort to make sure both people are feeling secure, like they talked about and and valued and everyone's getting like equal time. But I think, you know, extra work aside, I think it could be very rewarding. It's, it's an interesting concept. Like Polly is something that hasn't really been talked a lot until I feel like recently. Yeah. That's just a crazy, I'm just, I'm totally speechless and blown away. Like I, I really am. I've never, I've never like heard a story like that.

I mean, I'm happy for them. And I mean, they express their feelings and they're very self-aware and I really respect that and I admire them for speaking up and being able to communicate with each other. And clearly they are, you know, on the same wavelength of, you know, trust because they're able to talk about these things and no one, you know, blew up and called something off and it didn't, it didn't go south. But I'm just, there's a million thoughts just racing through my head right now about this, even about, you know, the future, what's to come. I really know if it comes to, if someone wants to get married, if someone doesn't want to get married, like what happens in the future or one person is feeling different about another person. I don't know. I wish them just the best, all three of them. Yeah.

I mean, the thing that is scary about three is now it's not 50-50. Right. Now it's 33-33-33 or it could be 66-33. Right. If you get two people that kind of get together and say, all right, we're going to, we're going to ace out the third. There's always that risk. I mean, can you do a three-person marriage? Is that a thing or no?

I'm just curious. I mean, there's the guy that has his show on TLC and he's got a couple of wives. Well, there we go. So it could be happily ever after. I mean, this is cool. Like, I don't know. I know. And I think like, I know obviously that that show is probably, it's a bad representation of polyamory.

But there are like a lot of, like there's other things I've seen, whether that's on TikTok or whatever, where like, if there are two women, one didn't want a child and the other one did want children. So that one was whatever. And then it was like, the one didn't have to go through childbirth and labor, but they were still like, oh, that's mom. And that's mom. And that's dad. So I think it just, yeah, I think it really just depends on each couple and what they want out of life. But I was, it was a good one. This is like, oh my gosh, I know, just have the same feelings.

And then she comes out and then he's like, wait, yeah, me too. Yeah. Like, God, the risk. Oh, I would have been shitting my pants like during that. Like, because the last thing you want is like, what? When you might lose both. Yeah. That is really scary.

I know. I just can't imagine being in a relationship with someone and just both agreeing on feeling what you're feeling for the same person and both just having, you know, that connection. I, that's, yeah, mind blowing, but I am, I'm happy for them. Yeah, I am. I know. That's like, I think, like, I just look at like life and it's like, I just think everyone deserves to like find their person, people be happy. Like, love is love. Find, find your people.

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Okay. Switching gears. We're moving towards the love lost. And this is like just, you know, we know a lot of people are going like it is Valentine's Day coming up or, you know, depending on when you listen to this, we're all going through stuff and losing people we love is really challenging. So we wanted to make sure this episode had a little bit of something for everyone. And so this first one and the rest of this, you know, second half of this episode could be very triggering if you have lost people in your life that you love. So just FYI. So up first, me 24 female with my dead boyfriend's mother, 50 female, she wants his dog.

Sorry, this is longer than I wanted, but I'm still processing this as it happened last night. To get you up to speed, my boyfriend was killed in a car accident last month. This post is not about that. I'm going to grief counseling and coping as well as I think I can at the moment. We were together for three years. We started living together a little over a year ago. Prior to meeting my boyfriend, he got a ridiculously cute puppy. At the time, he was still living at home as his parents lived close to our university.

However, this puppy was his puppy. She slept in his room. He took care of her and he trained her. However, his mom loves dog and doted on her like a grandmother. Boyfriend and I met in a local park because he had a puppy and I had an old grouchy dog of a similar breed. Adorable, right? We quickly started spending a good chunk of the time with each other. I'd say we spent a good 60% of the week together.

And by together, I mean me, boyfriend, my grouchy dog and his young pup. Dog spent a lot of time in my place and I helped with training, general care and dog activities. After we moved in with each other, I took on a lot more of dog responsibilities. Boyfriend ended up getting a job with a long commute and a lot of overtime. I was okay with this as I ended up putting my old dog down a couple months ago and I enjoyed having a dog to take care of again. I even started therapy dog training with her because she has such an awesome temperament. All in all, we were a happy, loving family and dog and I were great friends. After his death, his family came over to help sort through all of his things.

His family took the majority of his material things, cars, computer, etc, which I was okay with. I kept the sentimental things and joint purchases. I thought that was that. During the whole time, dog has been my constant companion. I feel like we have been helping each other a lot through this time of loneliness and sadness. Last night, his mom popped by after work for a surprise visit. I thought she was just checking in with me or looking for support. After a few minutes of chit chat, she simply said, well, now that it seems like everything is settled, I've come to take dog home.

I was confused and asked her what she meant. She explained that since dog belonged to boyfriend, it makes sense that dog be returned to his family. At this point, I became visibly upset and mom backed off. She said, I can say my goodbyes, but she will be by this weekend to pick up dog. I am terrified, guys. I don't want to lose dog. She is a, oh my God, it's going to make me cry. She's a wonderful pet, but she is wonderful because boyfriend spent so much time loving her, training her and spending time with her.

I recognize his mom is also in pain. I recognize that his mom always has loved this dog. I recognize his mom has also lived with and spent a lot of time with this dog. I understand why she wants the dog. But I don't want her to have my dog. Legally, I realize I don't have much of a leg to stand on. Boyfriend and I weren't married. We'd only been living together for a year and there is no will.

And technically dog was my boyfriend's property and property is transferred to the deceased family, right? If his family chose to take this to court, they'd have the resources to fight this. I don't. Is there anything I can, is there anything I can do? Appeal to mom's goodwill. Lay on the emotions thick and hope she relents out of pity. I'm open to any ideas right now. Dog is my best friend now that my boyfriend has gone.

I don't know if I can handle her being taken away from me to right now. After note, I just want to say his mom is not a bad person. She has always been polite, sweet caring. His whole family is a bit rigid and can be stubborn, but overall, I don't think they are malicious. I recognize she wants the dog. It's the same reasons why I want the dog, which I guess. Makes us even more difficult. Wow.

That's such a tough situation because obviously when it comes to, you know, legally, like in just in any situation, like family always has first pick on, on their, you know, family members, belongings, stuff, anything, family always has first pick. But it really depends on who the family is and how they treat her and how that relationship goes. Because, you know, if I was in the position where, like, you know, God forbid, but if I had, if, if, if it was my son and, you know, there was a girlfriend and she was the one taking care of the dog. And I had this, I have my family and there's like this one dog that like, obviously I love and care for and the family does. But if it's like, that's the one thing that she, like really shared with him and, you know, had and I personally would let her keep the dog just because I would take a step back and be like, I have my entire family, we can all support each other. We have everything else of his. She kept the sentimental things. Obviously the mom's not going to take things that were between like their relationship.

But I just hope that, um, she could maybe just ask the mom, like, Hey, could we have a conversation about this? I know that you guys have every right to take anything of his, but this is how I feel. I feel lonely. This is the one thing that's kind of getting me through this. And obviously they have each other and she can respect whatever decision the mom makes. But definitely give it a shot in the most respectful way possible and acknowledge that you're aware of all of the legal things. But, um, I just hope, you know, the mom can maybe, maybe see that she has a huge supporting family and this girlfriend just wants the dog, like a living piece of him that they shared. It's really tough.

It's really tough when it comes to that because the family has a right to, to the dog and so does the girlfriend. Both are entitled. It really just depends on how she approaches the situation with the family, specifically the mom. And I guess just how the mom wants to go about it. It really, it's, that's just a really hard situation. Yeah. This would absolutely crush me. I obviously, I put my dog down last week and I can't imagine this situation.

Like you lost your person, you know, three years, like living together a year. And then the next thing, you know, you're, you know, your, your dog, cause it is, it's, it's her dog too at this point. They've, they've been together. She met the dog when it was still puppy and helped train it. And so yeah, it's the boyfriend's dog, but it's also her dog too. And so to just like go through this traumatic loss and then have the dog kind of ripped out from her too. It's like, ah, like you just wish the mom, which the mom is grieving too. Like that's her baby.

Absolutely. So it's just like, there's a no win situation here, but it's just really unfortunate. The mom kind of approached it and been like, you know, what are your thoughts about sharing the dog? What if we split custody of the dog? That was my thought. Yeah. Like the dog probably loves them both, like grew up with them both. And so, I mean, we share custody with our other little terror dog here.

Like, like she goes back and forth between my dad, our house and his ex-girlfriend who like is very attached to her. And it works. Like it's a really comfortable situation. The dog doesn't seem to mind going back and forth. Yeah, it works totally. So I think that is the most logical thing if cause you're going to have a heart to heart. You're already connected in the fact that you both lost this person. Right.

Yeah. Sure. Yes, you're his mom. But yes, I'm also his girlfriend who, I mean, it sounds like they live together. This sounds like this was really serious. So I'm not comparing the level of loss. Right. I'm just saying the dog is now important to both of you and can be a tool to help grieve.

And, you know, I don't think recovers the right answer, but just to help have that support system there. You both can utilize for sure. And you're not utilizing the dog, but the dog is such a big, I think a big help for that for both parties. And I think in the same way. So if you have a heart to heart, then it starts to just feel a little weird if the mom's like, nope, mine 100% forever and doesn't have any compassion to say, yeah, I mean, that's reasonable. Because in my mind, though, obviously I'm not in this situation, it is reasonable to say we could both benefit and have the care for each other to allow each other to benefit from this.

Yeah. Just communicating and just being honest. And I love, absolutely. I love the idea of sharing the dog. That's like the absolute best way to go about it. If, you know, the mom is really doesn't want the dog to only be hers because of the attachment and pain of her son. Absolutely. It's understandable.

But I just hope that, you know, she would be able to see in her heart, like, okay, like this was her dog too. Like they had this relationship. This could have been the love of her son's life, you know, it's just, it's challenging. But I really hope that, is there any updates? There is an update. Okay. I'm so glad to hear that. I'm, I would like to hear that.

Yes. I, you know, what makes me sad about stuff like this too is granted, like they weren't even engaged, but I've heard like other stories about people like we had been together six years and he died and I lost everything. It's like, just like a piece of paper, but yet like it was clear that like this was his person. And so it sucks that like if they would have been married, there would have been no question. Like she would have kept the dog. Right. And I think like there's just like little things like that or like you hear about people ending up in the hospital and because

they're not married, they can't see their partner and their family who doesn't really know them is still making all their medical decisions. It's like, just makes you want to just. I just think with this situation, legal stuff. Yes. If you were married, then yes, you'd have the rights to the dog. But I think it goes beyond that just to have the compassion for each other and the sympathy that we both lost someone very important to us and to share the benefit of having that dog.

Like, yeah, even if you're married, even if you weren't, there's no will. Like just be there for each other. You're both going through this, you're both going through it. Very true. Absolutely. So she does do a little update on the bottom of the original post. Thank you all for the kind words and condolences. It's a bit overwhelming.

This is very confusing time for me and it is reassuring to see that it isn't a black and white situation. Sure, it would help if there was an easy answer, but at least I know my confusion and internal conflict isn't too crazy. It's obviously a complicated matter. I'm still not certain what I'm going to do with dog. There are many good arguments for both sides. Fight to keep dog versus give dog to mom. Trust me, I'm trying to read through all of your replies diligently. Right now, I need to figure out how to balance what is morally right, what I can deal with, and what is best for dog.

But for tonight, I think dog and I will just watch a few bad movies and have a bit of popcorn. Update. Okay, good. I thought that was it. I'm about to be like, do we need to write? Do we need to like write in right now? First off, thank you for everyone who replied to my first post. I tried to respond to everyone's stories, advice and suggestions, but once it got to over 100 comments, it got a bit too overwhelming.

So I just want to thank everyone now. I read every comment and every private message and I appreciated all the discussion that happened. The update summarized. I no longer have dog. That's not the update that I wanted. No, she went to her new home on Thursday. I took me a couple of days to process the next. Oh, so awesome.

New change in my life. I'm trying to talk myself through it and I'm trying to feel all noble and shit. I figure, uh, I figure an inflated martyr like ego is better than being sad, jaded and bitter bitch face. Okay, I admit it. I'm feeling more bitter than noble right now. The details for those interested. Last Friday, I ended up calling my boyfriend's dad. We always got along pretty fabulously and he is the one really holding the family together right now.

He gave me a good update on the family and the gist I got was mom was in pretty bad place. We decided to hold a family meeting about dog on Saturday. Mom, dad, boyfriend, sister, and me got together and discussed what dog meant to us. Naturally, mom and I had very similar outlooks, though I emphasized how dog was a part of my family, my adventure buddy, and now my best friend. Now that boyfriend was gone. Mom said she never realized I was that involved with dog and apologized for surprising me on Thursday. Both mom and I got pretty weepy and she excused herself to think things over. So I and dad talked for a bit more.

I just went over the basics of dog care and border colleagues in general. His family has always been cat people. So I wanted to make sure that they knew what they were getting themselves into and also maybe scare them with their responsibility because I am not a saint. I was also concerned about the well-being of dog and wanted to make sure she can stay happy. I gave him a list of all of the activities I do with her to prevent her from becoming bored and thus neurotic and destructive. It's actually a pretty long list. I also gave him a list of doggy daycares, training centers, agility centers, running paths, hiking places, and vets in his area. I also gave him a copy of her therapy dog certification progress and what the steps are to complete that if they are interested.

I then left him a book on border colleagues and a few website links so he can become familiar with the breed. This is the only thing that has given me a bit of solace right now. Dad laughed after I gave him the rung down. He said it made so much sense why dog was so mellow and that was because boyfriend and I ran her ragged. He loved seeing all the work that went in the dog was asking a lot of questions and was astonished. Boyfriend dedicated that much time and energy into his furry pal. It was actually very heartwarming seeing dad pretty much light up with pride. Boyfriend had a bad habit of downplaying a lot of what he does.

So dad was able to learn something new about his son. I told him that I would be a static if I could keep dog as she is my world now. But I understood if dog had a bigger purpose right now next to mom's side. OK, that was a big fat lie. I don't understand. I don't understand because I am selfish and believe that dog belongs to me. But I am trying to be fucking noble here. OK, dad thanked me and we hugged.

He told me that he and mom will do some research over the next couple days and think it over. Dad called me on Tuesday. He told me mom was insistent on having dog, no matter what. He didn't sound too happy and was very apologetic. He told me that he didn't know if this was the right decision. And he honestly felt that dog belonged to me, but mom wasn't moving on the subject. He timidly asked what I wanted to do. I pretty much started panicking at this point and was hugging dog pretty hard to try to keep my shit together.

But I was able to calmly say, OK, I understand. He hammered out a few details and all I could say was OK, over and over. He kept asking if I was going to be all right and my only response was, I understand. After we hung up, I just sat on the floor crying as dog crawled in my lap. Trying to figure out what was wrong. My panicking got worse, so I took dog on a 10 mile run to calm both of us down. Holy shit, that's far. I took the rest of the week off work and on Wednesday, I took dog to boyfriends and mine's favorite camping place.

We spent the day hiking and exploring, sort of playing in the, it's the wrong time of year to play in a lake and the night snuggling under blankets and roasting marshmallows. I might have slipped our marshmallow or two, she freaking loves them. On Thursday, I gathered up all of dog's things and created a list of how to care for her. They dropped by in the evening. Dad seemed pretty concerned probably because I was a very smiley robot. Mom was ecstatic and was crying as she hugged and loved on dog. I tried to pretend everything was okay because I didn't want to stress out dog and mainly because I honestly felt really bad for dad.

He's a really good guy and I could tell he was very worried about me and his wife. I feel guilty that he was dragged in the middle of all this while also having to deal with his own grief. Dad gave me a hug, told me not to be a stranger and that I could visit anytime. Mom hugged me and thanked me and reassured me that they're going to make dog happy and then they left with dog. On Friday morning, I woke up and sat in my empty bed for about an hour. The emptiness started freaking me out. So I sort of threw some clothes in a bag and left. Right now, I am poking at some burger at a fast food joint in the middle of nowhere, typing this out and trying to figure out how my life came to this.

Wow. There's more. But I feel like, I feel like this mom is like, this has got to be like the most terrible situation. But she's probably looking at this dog as like the last piece of her son, like a living thing, like a living piece of her son. This is lady, her son now. Like this is all she has of him. Yeah. I feel like just now, well, no parent should ever have to bury a child.

And I learned that from watching my grandparents as when my dad passed away. And it's, obviously, no one's really thinking straight right now. You think I need to get every single thing that belonged to my son, loved one, whoever, whatever family member. You want every single piece of them. You want to get it all. And, you know, I'm loving the dad right now. Like he seems like a really wonderful and understanding person, especially having his son passed away. So recently, he is like really thinking about other people, especially her.

And I just think the mom is in such a horrible situation. And mind is so scrambled. You don't really know what to do with your emotions. You don't even know how you're really feeling at that point with time. I think that she's going to be able to see the dog and they're going to be able to make something work out with sharing or visiting or seeing the family more. I love the idea of her and the family staying connected. That's a great, great thing to do in a loss like this. But I just think I'm just, I feel terrible for this girl.

But when it comes to like the parents, clearly the mom is in, is in such a horrible, horrible position right now. As painful as it is, give it a little bit of time. Like take care of yourself as much as you can. It's going to suck. It sucks for everyone, no matter what's going on. Like the person you loved has passed away unexpectedly also, but it's just with time comes healing. And I think that eventually it's going to be able to work out. And this is just going to be a really shitty, rough patch.

And it's really going to suck because for her, it feels like it's two losses. It's like two, it's two losses. It is, it really is. And I just, I just hope she stays in touch with the dad and with the family and checks in on the mom. And then eventually as time passes, healing comes, I think she's going to be able to see this dog a little bit more. And things are going to get a little bit better. It just right now, if it flat out, it's not good and it sucks. As hard as that would be.

I mean, you just, because it'd be tough not to feel bitter about it. Oh my God. Right. Absolutely. It's, oh my God, impossible. Of course, you're going to have those feelings like that belongs to me. I want that. But she's doing the right thing as hard as it is.

She is doing the right thing. It's not easy. And I don't blame her. Her feelings are absolutely a thousand percent valid. Yeah. Cause things would, things would blow up pretty quick. I would be so mad at the world. I would, I would lose it, but there's a part two.

Okay. That's a long one. Sorry. Updates, updates. Yeah. So first, the embarrassing confession. I became a little bitch for a while. In all defense, it was really easy to do.

I woke up with my alarm at five in the morning, stared at the ceiling for a bit and just thought, Oh, I don't need to take dog for a run. I guess I don't have to get up. Then it was, hmm, I don't really need to go on my evening walk, hike, lake trip, camping trip, et cetera. Cause there really isn't any point. No boyfriend, no dog because it's cold and I'm a little bitch. So I sat in my apartment going to work, eating, take out, watching

shitty shows and sleeping. I lost my, I lost most of my motivation to do anything. I just wallowed in bed a lot. And trying to sleep as much as I could because sleeping was the only way I didn't feel so alone. Luckily I have one or two good friends who give a shit. So I woke up one morning to a banging on my door. Friends walked in all business-like and simply said, you're moving.

I stood there in my sweatpants because I gained about 15 pounds in one month. My hair and knots, all confused and bed ragged and honestly pretty stinky. She told me one of our acquaintances needed a new roommate for January and she thought we would get along well. I protested and was terrified of losing the one place that was home to me, boyfriend and dog. It took almost a month to convince me to leave my apartment. It was one of the worst moments of my life when I began packing

things up, throwing other things away, almost worse than when boyfriend died or when I lost dog. I can't really explain why I felt so horrible and angry at this particular moment. I am sure a therapist could tell me, oh yeah, I stopped going to grief counseling too. So I guess not long story short, let's just say I wasn't very happy, but I packed up my things and moved over to my roommate's apartment.

On New Year's Eve, I bought a bottle of wine, sat in our old strip bear apartment and all dramatically said goodbye to my old life or something. It was a movie moment, really. Oh, and I got copiously drunk and cried for hours with snot running down my face, but mainly I think it was a touching scene. But I think things are starting to look up. Roommate and I get along great. She owns a lab mix and the big goofy guy loves cuddling.

And it is nice to come to a home that isn't just filled with old t-shirts and abandoned dog toys. I'm still a sad panda, but at least I graduated from little bitch. I take showers now. Now for the good news. Last week, I ended up visiting dog. She was a static and so excited. She might have peed herself a little bit.

She looks healthy and happy. And that is what really counts. But the best thing is what dog did for my boyfriend's father. Dad lost a good 30 pounds since I last saw him when they came to take dog away from me. He was so excited to tell me all the things he had been doing with dog. He took up bisoning and then running to try to keep dog well exercised. He and mom take walks with her in the evening and began hiking on weekends. Dad sheepishly mentioned that mom lost some weight as well.

And they are both aiming to be healthier this year. You could tell dad just doted on dog. He said that since she was a herding dog, he began taking her to a local farm that trains sheep dogs, but then it turned out she was scared of sheep. So that was that. So now they are trying out agility because he read that border collies are good at that. I realized he must have read all the resources I gave him on border collies and trying his best to keep dog happy.

He excitedly showed me dog's therapy dog certification and talked about how they go to a local hospital once a week now. It was honestly a weird moment for me. It was great to see that dog was doing well and is happy. I was also touched by dad's devotion to dog and also how much he had changed since a boyfriend's accident. He is healthier, happier and enthusiastic. Even though mom was the one who wanted dog, I could tell that dog was really

dad's pup now dog adored dad back. I don't know if it is because dad and boyfriend were so similar in looks and personality, but dog truly loved dad. And that made me well mad. I'm only human really. I know dog still loves me. She proved that with her overly enthusiastic greeting. But it was like another check on the list of things that aren't mine anymore.

I told dad that I'm ecstatic that everyone is doing well and how great dog looked. He beamed with pride, telling me it was the least he could do for the dog. His son loved so much. We finished lunch, hugged and then cried. And then I cried the entire way I drove home. So that is where I am now. I'm starting a new life and still truck and still struggling to take regularly scheduled showers.

Dog is doing well with her new home and she really has brought new hope in a dad and mom's lives. I think no, I know I made a great decision for sending dog to live with mom and dad. You guys were right. I'm strong and young enough and it helps that I have wonderful friends that I think I won't sleep or stink away to death and dog has gone off to do amazing things and bring back happiness to parents who lost a son. These stories really fucked me up.

Dog is truly an awesome animal and I will continue to miss her every day, but at least I know she is happy. So I think everything is going to be all right. I'm tearing up with you. Don't worry. It's just so sad, but yeah, like. This person's an amazing writer. I know, amazing writer, amazing person. And although I know that every single person in that

family, her, everyone would do anything to, you know, take back what happened. Yeah. But sometimes these losses, good things can come from them and everything happens for a reason. I believe that if you're not, life would have definitely been beautiful if that son continued on living. Yeah. But when your cycle completes and when you're, it's your time to go, you go and

whatever's supposed to happen happens and people have their own paths and they're, you know, protected it on their way. And it just, I'm just so blown away how everything just happened. You know, the, the dad and mom are now healthier and they're taking care of themselves. And although for her, you know, the dog isn't exactly hers anymore, but in all she's, all these changes, she's, you know, had to move and everything. And it just, it sucks in that moment, but slowly just a lot of these things are

going to turn into blessings and she's going to be okay with her new normal. And a lot of good things are going to come from it. And I'm just glad that, you know, healing is, is coming for everyone involved in this story and it's really, it's wild, as dark as it seemed when the dog was taken from her. It's things are falling into place and things are starting to make sense. And I just think with time, um, everyone is going to be, is going to be okay. Yeah.

You got to feel good at least that the parents took it so seriously all the time and all the materials she provided. Like that at least would be inspiring to see. Absolutely. Like every detail, oh, we've done this. We, they changed, they completely changed her lifestyle. Yes. In the essence of what happened, but also to accommodate the dog and really take

seriously what their son and what she wanted. Absolutely. There's so much respect between all of them. It's so amazing. It is. It's, it's also like, you just commend her for, I, I would be wallowing in a pit of self misery. I would, I, the, and like, thank God for her friends, like everything she went

through, but thank God for the people that like got her up, got her roommate. You're moving. You're moving. No questions asked. Like you're moving. And just like her and herself awareness and like just hearing how she described this, like where she liked the dog, like clearly loved the dad. And she's like, you know what, I was mad.

And it's like, she's going through it. Like she's not only going through the stages of grief for the boyfriend, the partner she lost, but for the dog. And like, yes, the dog is happy, but you know, it's still, it's not hers. And so to have that ability to be the bigger person and realize like, I know I made the right choice as much as it fucking sucks. So amazing, amazing, amazing person. And yeah, wish her the best.

Absolutely. I mean, to be that in touch with yourself and your emotions. And I mean, it's pretty, I don't think that's super common. No, that's not, I, especially after a big loss like this. Right. Exactly. Wow. I think you have, you have one that plays right into this story, actually.

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Oh my God. I'm like, I'm really, I'm, I'm feeling for them right now. I really, really am. These ones are tough. I, I think it's, it's easy to like, we all love love, but you forget like, we all lose love too. And it's like, oh, just fuck it. I know I wish I had, I wish I had more here, but.

Right. So I have two. Okay. How long until it doesn't feel like you're cheating on a dead person? It's been four months since I 20 female lost her 23 female and almost every night is tear filled. We were semester out from graduating together and I'm not even excited about it anymore.

I met her family at her funeral. I'm so tired of well-meaning people saying you have to move on. You can't avoid relationships forever. And especially she'd want you to be happy because she did not say that to anyone, she's dead. How about we don't speak for dead people? I want partnership, but only hers. I'm fine with no one else ever liking me.

I have an absurd amount of guilt at even entertaining Tinder or whatever else it is. I'd rather not put myself out there to have another person die on me, but even more is that we never broke up to begin with. So I shouldn't be on it anyway. And then there is an edit after my shifts are at night and I struggled greatly with the downtime of grief on a nightly basis as she passed. I was actually on shift. It's getting harder to answer everyone individually to thank them as I get

more tired and in closer to getting off work. But I appreciate the helpfulness and all the comments. I can't even imagine because like she said, like their relationship never ended. There was no, we broke up, we're not working out. Like it was just like same with the last story. Like that person was just ripped from you. Yeah, taken from her. And so I don't even know, there's not a timeline.

People telling her you need to move on. Go fuck yourselves. There's not a timeline. I can't even imagine. Yeah. People's opinions in that situation, it just doesn't matter. Like what people think you can't tell. Like it's easy to say because you want that person.

I'm sure the friends and peers, everyone like wants her to be happy and find someone and have an amazing love story and think, Oh my God. She's like so happy looking down on her, finding someone. But it's really when you're actually in that position, it is far from easy. And it's okay to not get back at who cares if it's been four months, four years. Like whenever you feel comfortable to get back out there, you can do that. If you don't feel ready, you don't have to do a single thing as long as you're taking care of yourself and you're happy.

Yeah. Yeah. I've never actually heard it put that way, but I think that represents it very well that you would feel like you're cheating on someone that's no longer here. Totally. Like that's, that puts the motions, I think in the right context. But yeah, it sort of reminds me of the guy who continued to wear his wedding ring and after he lost his wife and people had a problem with that.

And it's just like, I, there's a time, like you said, I think, you know, there's a time to grieve and then there's a time to consider being ready for other things. And it really has nothing to do with anybody else. It's, it's your choice. It's your feeling. And if it never happens, it never happens, but it's no one else's decision to tell you, like it's ready to, you're ready to move on. You should do this.

You should do that because it, that's not going to solve anything. You're going to go into something not truthfully and not even for yourself. And we're not ready and emotionally unstable as well. Like you're just going to, I can just picture myself just getting frustrated that you just, you don't want to force anything, especially after a loss like that, you've got to take time for yourself. And if it comes to the point where you really, you want to try and get out there, you absolutely do that because it's very okay.

And no one up there is looking down mad at you, feeling cheated on, you know, that's definitely not, but I completely understand, you know, it happening, you know, just someone you are with passing away like that. I just, I, I, I can't even just imagine like you'd still be with them. That's, I'm sure what she's thinking, you know, I'd still be with her. Why would I go just because, you know, she did pass away, but why would I go? And instantly, oh, I have to find somebody else right away. I have to, because I was dating someone, I have to find somebody else to date

because they died. It's not, it's not really how it works. It's easy for people to say, I know that they mean well, but you've got to just consider if that was you, you, you don't want people pointing fingers saying, Hey, you, you should go get back out there and then start dating. Definitely not a good feeling. No, this is another one of those things we need to add to the list because like I'm sitting here and this was like, she lost her partner

four months ago, right? It was four months. Four months. Four months is nothing. Four months, it feels like four days for some people. Four months is absolutely nothing. So the fact that people are already coming at her being like, you need to move on, you need to move on, like what, what, what do you mean?

It's been four months, not four years, not 40 years, like four months. Well, no, I don't think there is ever a good time to bring that up to someone in this position. I will say, I do think there is an aspect to when the time is right. I think there is a lot of positive aspects to getting back out there and meeting new people and reintegrating back into that. I think there is positive parts of that that will help with grieving and everything else, but you do it on your own timeline.

Yeah, a keyword, your timeline. Yeah, let's add this to the list. Don't ask people when they're getting pregnant or when are you having kids? Don't tell them to move on after the loss of a partner. Period. Like we need to, we need to get a poster. It should be a shirt. It should be something.

Let's get a blackboard because I say this every episode. I'm like, here's another one out of the list. Like don't ask people about stuff like this. And it's like, that'd be cool. I know, let's get a little chalkboard back here, but it's like, it's just like it blows my mind that someone after four months, and grief, from my experience with it, it's not something that ever really goes away. It's just something that you learn to live with.

It's just like, you grow around your grief and with your grief. You don't grow from it and never leaves you. It's always with you. Which is how you grow with it and learning how to adapt to that. Yeah. Well, I wish her the best. And I hope she doesn't feel pressured and just focuses on her healing. Yeah, you gotta, yeah.

I, I don't, and, and to that point, I don't know if it keeps happening. You got to just tell people to back off. I think. Absolutely. Because. Yeah, I think, right. Yeah. I said a boundary, like, please do not talk to me about this anymore.

Yeah. I know you are trying to look out for me and you're trying to make me feel better, but you're doing the exact opposite. Absolutely. Please do not approach this anymore. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a boundary.

It's, oh God, I can't even imagine. It's hard for people. They mean so well. They want her to be happy and in love and with someone that treats her right, but just, just, you got to, you just got to give it time and respect that. Just, it's, it's hard for people that have never been in the position before. I've never been in the position where, you know, this is, this has happened to me, but I just know that you, you got to give them time.

And I hope that one day, if she feels like she wants to get back out there, I hope that she finds the most wonderful person. Yeah. I've heard. Well, she can still respect the fact that these people, they're not doing this in a negative way. Oh, absolutely not. They're just, they don't get it and they're just trying to support.

So she, she can respect that and then still just nicely ask, Hey, I'm not there yet. Can you just not go down this road right now? Absolutely. Yeah. Definitely. Okay. Last one. Let's, let's do it.

All right. Dating after the death of a parent. My mom passed away a year and a half ago and it has been hard for me to form connections with other people because I feel like one day they'll leave me. And on top of that, my depression, I feel like dating apps might be hopeless for me. However, I do really crave a connection. I also fear I may become too reliant on another person. My mom hasn't been here for almost two years and I miss her dearly and every

once in a while I'll have a really bad day. I'm 22 and I'll be 23 soon. And I feel like I wasted a lot of time focusing on myself. And now I don't know how to date. I basically want to see what it's like for other people and want to get some advice on the dating world. Yeah, that'd be really tough. I feel like, you know, we kind of talked about it a little bit earlier, but dating

and trying to connect with people who really have no idea what you're going through, I can imagine would be very, very difficult and just alienating. Like you just, you feel like no one would really understand you and your loss and. I don't think any time was wasted spent on yourself, by the way. No. I think that's very important. And I don't know if there's a way you could have approached it differently to be super ready for this.

Absolutely. Um, there's just no easy way about it, but I think there, there is hope. Like there is more positivity. There, there's more people out there that won't just like take advantage of this situation or take advantage of you being, you know, in an emotionally tough place. And also to, yeah, maybe you might find that initially you are too reliant on them. You are too eager for a connection that you almost go overboard with it. And that's fine.

You're going to have to figure that out, but at least, at least figure that out to be able to get to a place where that's not the case. But I, you can't, I just think you can't shield yourself from it forever. If you're, if you're craving, if you desire this connection and, and a relationship or just more than being alone, then you should go find it. And don't worry about messing it up, but try and push through it. And it's not, I mean, nothing's ever perfect. The movies are crazy.

Absolutely. And it's never like the TV shows or any of that. So you got to, I think if you want it, get out there, go for it. If you screw it up, you screw it up, but, you know, you'll build to something more positive and something that you love and are looking for. I completely, completely agree with you. The first thing I thought was like, first of all, wasting time on yourself. Not a thing, especially in any situation, grieving or not taking time for yourself

and, you know, learning to love yourself and grow strength and, you know, self-awareness, everything, that is not wasting time whatsoever. That's an amazing, amazing thing that you're doing, especially in this situation. Grieving such a painful loss, like you have to do that. If you don't take the time for yourself and you just try and jump into the world of dating, it's really not going to feel good. You're going to be really mad at everyone. Every situation, like I've been there where I was like, I don't even know when I'm

going to look at a guy again after experiencing my loss. I was like, I don't know. I was like, don't even look at me. Don't even be, I don't even know what's going on. But then once I was like, okay, like I kind of want to start getting back out there. I needed to take the time for myself to heal yourself because you need to love yourself first and feel comfortable in yourself before you can love somebody else.

You can't just dive in without doing that. So she did not waste, that's not wasting time. She did an amazing thing. And I'm so glad that she was able to do that for herself. And eventually it's going to feel really awkward at first. I'm not going to lie. It's no matter what, it's going to feel very awkward and uncomfortable, but trial and error, like just give it a shot.

If it doesn't work, it's okay. If the first person you try and go out with and meet, if it doesn't work out, like that's okay, you know, don't pick on yourself that it's about you and your grief, like people are totally fine. They go on dates every day and it doesn't work out and that's okay. It's normal. It's just the world of dating. It's not easy and the slightest bit can confirm.

It is not easy and the slightest bit, but it's hard in these situations not to be extremely hard on yourself because like you know, like you're not feeling good and kind of grievous. It's a reminder like, oh, hey, I'm not really, I don't feel good. I'm not supposed to feel good right now. But yeah, just for her, I would just say, just try not to be so hard on yourself and you'll eventually get there. Just give it a shot.

If it doesn't work out, that's okay. It's very okay. Definitely. I think too, like I can imagine when you started dating again too, running into these awkward situations where people ask you questions too, like, Oh, tell me about your family. Oh, how's, how's your dad? How's your mom?

Tell me about them. And it's like, I can imagine those situations are so like triggering. Absolutely they are. And so it's like for this person, like, or anyone going through something like this, like give yourself some grace. Like you are going to have these questions come up and be triggered. Like, right. You'll know how to answer them and you'll eventually learn how to be comfortable

and know what to say. Like it's just, you have to have these experiences at first. You're going to have to fail a few times. You need to try and figure out, you know, what do you want to say? How do you want to represent yourself to people? How do you want people to know your story and know what happened to you? Like, how do you want to create these relationships? And yeah, you, you, you got to fail a few times, figure it out.

And it's going to be okay with time. And she, and also advice, advice to her, you're not the only one that's in this awkward position. There's so many people out there and you might even end up running into someone who is in the same boat and you could create a relationship and, and bond off of that and then help each other out forever. Yeah. It can, it's, it's, it's wild.

The possibilities, you know, things like this can, it can absolutely permanently damage people, but it can really also end up creating some beautiful connections that people can share with each other. And so definitely I, I'm guilty for it as well, but just, you can't be so hard on yourself. Just give it a shot. And if it, if it doesn't work out, it's okay. It's okay.

Dating is hard either way. Obviously this adds another layer of complexity, heartbreak, heartbreak. I mean, there's, there's a lot of, a lot of layers to that onion, but give it a shot. Oh yeah. Trial and error. Hinge is great. Don't take your knees, your four-year-old niece to a Tinder man's house.

Honestly, oh my God, I didn't even remember that. This is, oh wow. This has been a roller coaster you guys, but this is love and love lost. And we had to make sure everyone felt represented on this Valentine's day holiday. Absolutely. So that's that episode. Thank you for joining. Thank you for having me.

Oh my God. I'm so excited. Yeah. Now my heart rate's slowing. Down, okay. Come Zen. Yeah. This has been an absolute pleasure.

You guys don't forget about the live show we have coming up March six. I'll put the ticket link in this description, but we're super, super excited. Yes. You're sounding like a little wolf. Oh, yeah. It was good. I like it. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Well, that's all I got for this week's episode. I don't think there's any other updates. I don't think there could possibly be more. No, this was, this was, I'm going to go cry about dog a little bit more. Yeah. And if you want more grief support, my podcast, the second life is on all platforms.

Let's go. Until next time. Until next time. Until next time. Bye guys. Special thanks to this week's amazing partners, OB fitness, daily harvest, manscaped and cocoa floss. I will be sure to put all of the links and codes in the description of this

episode, be sure to check them out. Thank you. The thought of my son's growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learn something each time.

Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential. Call 1-800-QUIT-NAW or visit www.waytoquit.org, developed by CDC. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota.

Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where you stop by the home improvement store and finally build that tree house you promised your daughter. Sarah, when did you hop on the call? Hi, dad. I'm sorry.

When did you hop on the call? Hi, dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone.