Two Hot Takes - 83: Could it Have Been Handled Better?

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Lauren! This episode is full of stories that ask the question of if the writer handled their situation in a good way or not. Can't wait to hear what you guys think about these ones.. it was a wild ride for us! Join us for our New Spotify Live Show: https://spotifylive.link/dtrh to join LIVE !! https://spotify.link/dtrh to listen to already aired episodes !! Patreon for bonus content:  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Manscaped: Manscaped.com Promo Code: THT20 Babbel: Babbel.com/THT Upside: Promo Code: 2hottakes Little Spoon: LittleSpoon.com Promo Code: THT50

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to tell you, we did our second Spotify Live show tonight and to say I'm obsessed with this platform and what the show is going to be is an understatement. Justin and I had an absolute blast tonight chatting with you guys on the Spotify Live app and seeing where the rabbit hole went to give you guys a little bit more of an idea of what Spotify Live is. It's a separate app from your Spotify app that you listen to music and other stuff in and you get to chat with us live, punch it in your comments, and we get to call you to the stage so you can come on, chat with us live, and share your stories.

So tonight, for example, we had Celeste that came on and gave her takes on Current House of the Dragon, Mount House of Dragon, like I've been saying, and then we got in a witchcraft. And let me tell you, Miranda came in with a story about a local woman in her town that had some crazy, unexplainable abilities. It was unreal. So if you want to join us next week, we will be recording live, Justin and I, from Iceland. Iceland, you guys. So our topic for next week is going to be the blue lagoon and a cannibal Icelandic witch.

I don't know, we'll see where it goes, but it will be 7pm Pacific time, 10pm Eastern if you're stateside, and hey, if you cannot wake up for it or stay awake for it, you can listen to them in your actual Spotify app after they've aired live, and you can find it by searching down the rabbit hole with Morgan Apshire. I'll link it in the show description, but I can now wait to see you guys show up and enjoy this episode. Are you hot? I need to like, I need to chill out.

I got the sweatshirt at the Minnesota State Fair, though, and I love it. It's super cute. I'm kind of confused about the colors, though. I don't know, blue and green. Like, I love it, but apparently they're state fair colors, or they're just trying to be. I like those colors a lot more than maroon and yellow. Yes. Yeah, that's what you would expect from the Minnesota State Fair merch, but yeah, no,

it's blue and green. It's got a little gopher on it. It's really cute. So is our new ball setup. If you're watching on YouTube or listening, we have really, really cute pumpkins and fake spiderwebs from all this shit is from like the Target dollar bins. I live there. But I don't know how, like, I went for deodorant and I was like, oh, let me just check the

dollar bins and, like, whatever. I love those. But I found this new amazing, like, natural deodorant I'm obsessed with and it does have aluminum. What's it called? I'll have to get back to you on that. I forgot. But it's like five bucks.

No free promos. And it smells really good. But yeah, it was like one of those Target trips where you go for, like, two things and then my total was like $120. Yeah, I did that actually just today before coming over. I don't understand. I needed to get deodorant and ended up with $120. What is it about the deodorant that, like, triggers intense impulse?

It was actually 116 to be exact. Mine was 119. This is beautiful. Wow. We had, like, the same experience, but at different times. It's just like a multi-universe thing. Wow. And no, we're not drinking brown sludge.

I made espresso martinis. Why would anyone think it's brown sludge? Just out of curiosity. I don't know. I don't know. I want to confirm. It's like being like, no, we're not drinking diarrhea. Honestly, though, like, if someone said drink diarrhea and you'll never have IBS again,

would you do it? No. I'll take my IBS. I might. There's fecal transplants. I think I would do the fecal transplants. Yeah, but drinking it? It's true.

Yeah. No. Oh, no. Why? Why did I go there? Why did I go there? There's definitely, yeah. Okay.

Well, starting off strong. Starting off strong with the puke vibes, making y'all nauseous, making you tune out. But today's theme. Oh, yeah. I don't even know what it is. I started like seeing a couple of stories and I started wondering to myself, like, I really like them and I was like, where could these all fit? And the overall vibe I started to get from a lot of these stories is like posing the

question, like, did they handle this the right way? Was there a better way they could have handled this situation of theirs? And so that's the theme. Let's do this. Woo. Okay. Let's dive in. Okay.

Are you ready? I'm nervous. I'm nervous. It's okay. It's okay. You got this. We got this. Yeah.

You got this. Okay. So this first one is from True Off My Chest. And the user has now deleted their account, but they do preface it. I don't regret it. I don't feel bad. The title is, I told my sons I wish I never gave birth to them. Wow.

I like to hear this one. I'm just like, what could their son, what, what could the sons have done? I don't care how many times you come to my door to apologize. I let them and their father bully me for years, call me all kinds of names, how they reject every present I ever bought them because it wasn't brand new or super expensive, despite me having to go hungry sometimes to even afford what I could get them. I came to their father's house one day to say happy birthday. They ignore me.

I tried to give them a hug. I got pushed away. Their father told me to stop annoying them on their 16th birthday, quote, for God's sake. I got them both Nintendo switches for their birthday and I set my carefully wrapped present on the table and they opened it last. When they saw it, they said, really, that's it? I looked confused and asked what's wrong. Was it the color this time?

Or maybe they expected games too, quote, no one fucking plays Nintendo, you fucking dinosaur. They said dinosaur, quote, you guys never text me. I didn't know what you wanted and I know you broke the one you shared. So I got you both your own. I told them they set the presence I had to starve myself for on the table and everyone went inside for the cake. I finally realized they don't care. They really don't care.

Why took me years to realize? I don't know, but I do now. I took the switches and headed for the door. Their dad stopped me and in front of everyone said, quote, hey, where are you going? You're leaving your kids on their birthday? Let her go. It won't make a difference. One of my boys said, everyone laughed.

Everyone fucking laughed. I started to tear up and my son's aunt told me to, quote, stop being a big baby and hold the phone for pictures. I got angry and I yelled in front of everyone. I hate you. I hate you all. I'm tired of this family abusing me, using my trauma against me, making me feel fucking small because I'm not rich and spoiled.

I've done nothing but love this family. But because I'm, quote, built like a child, I can't sit with the adults. No one came to my birthday. Why should I be here? No one cares about me, but y'all won't bat an eye if I fucking died, would you? Then I looked at my boys, dead in their eyes, and said, I hate you both. I wish I never fucking had you. I then ran out to my car and left.

I blocked them all. The next day I heard a knock on my door and saw my kids' father. He begged me to come to his house and talk to our kids. He says they're so sorry, yet I've never heard this come out of their mouth so I'm not interested. That was three days ago and ever since he's come to my door and asked me to forgive them, but I won't. I don't think I can.

Damn. My heart like broke during that story. I cannot even imagine, like, to be pushed to that point, because obviously that's just one situation, but it sounds like that's been going on her entire years of abuse. And to be pushed to that point to look at your children and feel that way and say that, it's like, I can't even imagine, like I'm trying to put myself in her shoes and to be a mother of like two twin boys, to go through that, to love them, raise them, and to sacrifice so much.

So much. To be a parent, you're sacrificing a lot. And then to where she says, I starved myself so I could buy them these presents. I didn't eat so I could make sure they had something to open on their birthday. I, you kind of hear this on some of the stories where like one parent is like more loved, like, or the favorite parent, like it comes up from time to time and I can't even imagine feeling like that. And it's not just her kids belittling her and making fun of her in front of family.

It's an aunt. Yeah. It's her own ex-husband. The fact that everybody laughed at that. How is that funny? Where's the funny? Also. Let her go.

Like she won't be missed or what did they say? Why is that funny? At least have it be funny. It's not. No. And yeah, they literally said, let her go, it won't make a difference. And then everyone laughed. Everyone fucking laughed.

I started to tear up and my son's aunt told me, stop being a big baby, hold the phone for pictures. Yeah. Can you imagine like you're this, these kids' mother who clearly like loves them. And maybe, maybe there's a history that's gone on here that we don't know. And maybe that's why they act like little shitheads, like whatever. We don't know. Right.

But for then, for someone to be like, hey, like we don't give a fuck that these are your children. Can you take a group photo for us? I think that's like one of the most hurtful things. And like there's been kind of like TikTok jokes about it where like, oh, tell me you're the least favorite friend without telling me you're the least favorite friend. And then someone will respond to it and be like, I'm always the one that gets asked to take the picture when there's a big group of us.

And it sucks. It's such a micro experience, but it's something that can be like so deeply like painful. Yeah. And I look at that and that's, that's her. Like she went through everything, like them rejecting the gift, them opening it last, them telling her it's okay if she leaves, asking to get to take the picture for the family. Like it's again and again and again.

Well, what got me was the fact that she said, no one showed up for my birthday. Yeah. With the situation in itself. And again, we don't know. There could be a lot of other dynamics in play. We only know what we know, but for the story's sake, let's just say that she's exactly how we're perceiving it. Yeah.

This really sweet mother who is trying so hard and just keeps on getting made fun of shit on, not respected, and she's putting her all into it. So that, yeah, that breaks me to hear that. And I, when you first read the title, I was like, what the fuck, like how is that ever okay? But then when you read it, it just, it broke my heart. And it also reminded me too of this time when I was little and I went over to one of my friends' houses and there was this whole neighborhood get together and the parents were there and

the kids were there and I came in a little bit later and I'm literally like in the front door and my best friend's brother was making fun of me and I don't remember what exactly he said, but he was making fun of me in front of everyone and everyone was just kind of like, haha, like laughed along with it. And I will never forget that feeling and I like went directly into the bathroom and just started crying. And then they realized that I went to the bathroom up when they heard it shut and then somebody was like, that was Lauren, whatever.

And I didn't want to leave the bathroom and I didn't know what to do when I felt trapped and I just like, I needed to get out of there, but I wanted to zap myself out of there. And it's just like that type of feeling is so, it doesn't sound like the end of the world, right? But it really hurts. So painful. Ugh, this, I feel for her. I know.

Well, and then it like, it begs the question, like, could she have handled this better? Because hearing your own mom, granted, they were acting like shitheads, but they're also 16. They're fucking teenagers. They're little terrorists. Like they're just terrible humans. Like sometimes like I was, I was a fucking, I was not a good teenager. You battle with your parents, you push boundaries, you talk shit.

Like that's a part of being a normal teenager, typically. And so to have your mom say, I hate you and I regret having you, that's so traumatic. That's also like, fuck, like, okay, thanks mom, like love you too. But that's why I wonder, that's why I'm saying like, are they, were they really just this bad to her over and over again? And did they actually just not give a fuck? Or are they just being teenagers and they're just being little shits and they treat their dad like that too?

And they just, you know, whatever. So because you're right, if my mom said that to me when I was 16, holy shit. And I've definitely had my fair share of fights with my mom, but I guess like, you're right. There's no, there's no, there's no real excuse for saying that. But I do have a heart for how she must have felt. But at the same time, I know. So it's, it's really a toss up for me at, I'm like really on the fence about this one where half of me says like, no, those kids deserve to hear that for treating their mom

that way, especially if it's been years and years of abuse, like they, how they reject every present I ever bought them because it wasn't brand new or super expensive, despite me having to go hungry sometimes to even afford what I could get them. It does sound like there's been a lot of abuse there. And even the dad being like, hey, where are you going? Like, oh, you're leaving your kids on their birthday, like kind of like almost gaslighting her. So half of me is like, okay, I think it was necessary.

Maybe it'll be a reality check. Maybe they'll treat her better. But at the same time, I'm like, did they learn anything because the kids aren't knocking at the door apologizing. Yeah. That's what I was thinking too. Why aren't they knocking? But then again, I mean, I can't imagine hearing that as a 16 year old.

I do think and, and that's, this is the thing with the story, obviously at first I was focusing a lot on the mom and how she's feeling, but I don't think that's an excuse to say that to somebody. I mean, think about it, even if you, you're a worst enemy, if you were to be like, the world would be better off if you were not born. That's a really, really harsh thing to say to somebody. I'd say it, not say it again. Yeah.

But that's, and especially at 16 year old, 16, when you're still figuring your shit out and you're still growing up, like, I mean, I don't think I definitely am not, I don't agree with it, but I will, I do feel for her pain. It would have been better if she said something, maybe a little bit more, still kind of like hit them where it hurts, but wasn't so drastic because how do you take that back? How do you, how are you, you can't, you can't reel that one back in. But, okay, you guys are saying like she could have handled it better. How would you have handled it?

Like just walk out and not say anything at all and like be the bigger person. But then I, I mean, I think you could still say what, what she wants to say. The message is I've been dealing with your abuse years and years and years and all I've tried to do is make you happy. All I've tried to do is give you love and you guys don't give me anything back. So I'm done trying and then leave. Mic drop. Yeah.

Yeah. Like it doesn't have to be like, I wish you didn't exist. Well, and then there's no way that they, you know, abusers oftentimes like to play the victim. Yeah. They probably won't receive that message. Just like my mom's a psycho. Yeah. And so there's like, there's, there's no way they could then take that what she said

and play the victim or interpret it like, poor me, poor me. They probably, I mean, if they're truly abusing her, like the way she describes, they probably still will find a way, but at least, but this is a tough situation to be in. And what did the comments say? Top comment says, what a shit family. Next one. Yep. Well said.

Next one. Some kids just suck. My brother was one of them. I can understand some parents. Next comment, which is a pretty long one. Fucking agreed. I know that kids can be assholes. When I was a kid, the idea that my mom would occasionally work double shifts or go hungry

to save money just to buy me and my sister something nice just did not enter my head until embarrassingly late. Fuck, did I feel embarrassed in my early 20s when it fully sunk in just how much my parents sacrificed for me and my sister? Yeah. So username, if it helps, unless they're a complete psychopath, just remember that they will recall their attitude and cringe when they're older, cringe hard. In my case, I called my mom and told her everything I appreciated about her and apologized for

being an asshole in my teens. That being said, it's a small comfort right now. Just remember that there are people on this very website who would kill to have a mother like you. It's bullshit that this ever even happened without another family member stepping in to teach them how to behave appropriately. Ungrateful little fucks I can forgive, but the husband and other relatives who couldn't say even quote, your mom worked very hard for this.

What did you buy her is something else. At it. Also, if this has been going on for years, as you said, your rant is completely deserved and on point. I cannot believe that their dad watched this for years and ignored it. If we were in that other sub, I'd say everyone sucks here except OP. At it too, I legit thought OP was referring to Nintendo 3DS. And my comment depended on that.

It was two switches. Oh, for fuck's sake. You may want to disregard my optimistic outlook. It will take a miracle to make them realize their asshole niche, 20s or not. Which like Nintendo switches like are pretty fucking popular. I remember I remember when like Animal Farm like was a thing and like people were like selling out Nintendo switches for months forever. Like they were online overnight in the cold, like almost like Black Friday

shopping used to be like just so ungrateful. So ungrateful. Yeah. I agree. Sounds like they suck. Fuck those little kids. Seriously, I feel like stories like this always, I always picture like little Dudley's from Harry Potter.

That's what I see. I don't know who I picture. I mean, there's so many like little evil kids from movies, but I don't know. But we had our group therapy call earlier tonight for Patreon and like, I feel like the whole night have been like, fuck that dude. Fuck that person. Like fuck them. Just people can just be so terrible.

It's quite frustrating, which I don't know if it's going to get better right away. I think some of these stories might be like, yeah, they handled it perfectly. I can't remember what I said. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. Back to the theme. So what's your final consensus? I think I'm 65, maybe even 70% that how it played out is I'm okay with.

I would say, hmm, this is so hard because, because like I said, I'm on her side. Like I'm on her team, but do I think that she could have said something that might be a little bit more impactful? Yeah. Do I think maybe like, maybe, maybe they're fucking idiots and they'll grow up and realize that, you know, that she's amazing. It's a tough one. So yeah, it's kind of hard for me to say.

I just think that, like, the thing is, is that I don't blame her either because if I were to be in that situation, I might fucking say that exact same thing too. If I was at my wit's end. One, two, three. Final answer. I stand with mom. Okay. Okay.

Uh, but I really hope those boys aren't traumatized and it sends them down even farther spiral them the direction they're headed right now. Yeah, seriously. If you've ever had to deal with a plumbing problem, you may have felt the pain of realizing you don't know any plumbers. Whether you're trying to stop a leaky faucet, fix a running toilet, replace your old water softener or install a tankless water heater. The plumbers at any hour services can help.

All you have to do is call any hour services or schedule an appointment at anyourservices.com. Help with plumbing maintenance and repairs is closer than you think. Call any hour services or schedule an appointment at anyourservices.com. No one helps more homeowners than any hour services. Okay, up next. This is one that I saw reposted a lot in the two hot takes subreddit, which I'm going to get a bot to like delete duplicates, but this one has been like

popping off. So it's titled, am I the asshole for picking the same name for my baby as my brother-in-law's unborn baby? My 31 female husband, 33 male and his brother, 36 male, aren't super close, but we all get along well. My brother-in-law is pretty nice overall, but he does seem to be a bit jealous of my husband and just everything we have. But my husband told me it's always been like this.

So it's not really a big deal. I'm currently pregnant with a baby girl, our first baby. And we've been discussing possible names. There's one that we're pretty sure of. It's not super out there, but I think pretty unique nowadays. And I really like it. The issue is this is the name that brother-in-law and his girlfriend had picked out for their baby three years ago.

If it was a girl because they didn't know yet. And the baby unfortunately died. His girlfriend chose the name from her favorite ballet. And I remember she would say that if she ever had a daughter, she'd name her that. We were at a family event over the weekend and I mentioned that we had a name in mind. Brother-in-law looked kind of surprised and said that was the name they'd picked for their daughter. My husband said that we know, but we just thought it was a really nice name.

Brother-in-law started asking if we could reconsider and that there are other names and this one's really special to him. I said that we decided on the name and he actually didn't even know if his baby was going to be a girl or a boy. He was upset and kept saying that we should reconsider. I got a little mad and told him that he doesn't own the name and they should be hoping for a healthy baby rather than worrying about names. Brother-in-law dropped it after that, but my sister-in-law, my husband's sister told

me and my husband that we don't care and we're intentionally hurting him. That's tough because when you are so set on a name, then it's probably really hard to give it up, but at the same time, I completely think how there's got to be some sensitivity around that to lose an unborn child is a very traumatic. And yes, they didn't know if it was a boy or girl or whatever gender, but they had this name picked out, talked about it, honored this name. That baby was that name to them. So I understand how that would be so unfortunate to hear that from your family.

I'd have a nuclear fucking meltdown. Yeah, I would lose my marbles. I would lose it. I would absolutely fucking lose it. This is so unacceptable. And we talk about baby names have come up a lot lately. I don't know if it's baby season right now or people get pregnant a certain nine months prior, but there's a lot of baby stories popping up.

But I would not be OK with this. No, me neither. I think me and Justin just read a story where this guy chose the same name that his ex-girlfriend wanted for their baby or something, but she miscarried or something like that, similar lines. But like this is again, it's a really dark, sad situation that happened. But it also seems like OP and her husband only know about this name because the brother-in-law and his girlfriend had talked about it.

It was from her favorite ballet. She loved this name, thought it was beautiful. They didn't list the name. No, no, no name. Didn't want other people to. She didn't want people to do what she did. Seriously, we need some ballet fans and we need out this name. But how terrible to be so unsympathetic and like, oh, well, we already confirmed the name.

Well, I know. Is that name like granted? I don't I don't know how far along she was, like probably too early because OP implies they didn't even know what sex the baby was. Yeah, but. Like if that baby would have been born and then died six months later versus like preterm, would they still use that name? Because what's the difference?

Yeah, or if they have another child. I and I'm wondering, I think it's about to get really worse. Really? Yeah. I just like I was peeking at the top comment and I think it's about to get worse. So it's got fifty four thousand upvotes at this time. And they go, you're the asshole. No, they don't own the name. That doesn't mean they're wrong that you should reconsider when you've clearly known for years

that it's special to them, especially when the mere fact you're having this argument shoots a gaping hole in your quote, pretty unique reason for picking it. And you don't seem to have anything, especially meaningful to counter with that. Editing, since people are bugging me to include it. Yes, the fact you didn't feel the need to clarify it wasn't your current sister in law, but your brother's late, significant other who died while pregnant makes this infinitely worse. Wait a minute.

I think she died before, like, I think that's why this all happened. What? What the fuck? I need to go look at O.P.'s comments. Yeah, was that mentioned in the story from the start? No, no, no, no. O.P. intentionally left it out. So original comment was 17 hours ago. O.P. comment about 17 hours ago.

And then that person, the comment I just read, edited it about 13 hours ago. So O.P. responded to their comment, which must have been that initial chunk I read and goes, OK, maybe I should have been clear in my post. Sometimes when me and brother-in-law's girlfriend would chat, we'd just randomly go on the topic of wedding planning, baby names, et cetera. She mentioned that there's this name she likes. And if she ever had a daughter, she'd probably name her that. She had one for a son, too.

In fact, we didn't even know she was pregnant until after she died. Wow. Wow, there is a warm place in hell for people like this. Like the OK, I can I can see how someone gets a name stuck in their head, they can't get out of it. But then the minute that you talk to your family and they say, please reconsider, how can you not like, how can you not have respect for them? There are so many fucking names in the entire world, like why?

And it's almost like you said, it's almost like because that was their name, they like fixated on it and then they wanted to claim it or something. I don't know. It's just weird. I don't like that. I don't like it at all. Also, the comments where O.P. is writing, oh, brother-in-law has always been jealous of brother, like my husband. Yeah. Are you sure you're not projecting because it seems like you're a little jealous of him

literally to steal his dead baby's name, literally. And O.P. goes like someone responded to O.P.'s comment and go, I'm sorry. Are you saying your brother-in-law's girlfriend died while pregnant? And O.P. goes, brother-in-law's girlfriend passed in an accident while she was pregnant. The rest of the family found out about the pregnancy after, except brother-in-law, who obviously knew from before. This is like there's no there's no question. No. Yeah.

And the only reason I was giving it grace in the in the beginning is because I was picturing like a friends episode, you know, and she's like, I want to know, I won't take it. And then she says it and she's like, I love that name. And then she's like, you can have it. Yeah. But so I was thinking that situation at first, which is why I gave it a little bit of grace. This is so far from that situation.

So far. Yeah. Well, someone like someone's kind of calling them out and goes, you're the asshole. I hope this is rage bait because if it isn't massive yikes, it's not hard to pick a different name. If it was a more generic name, it'd be a soft, you're the asshole. But you fully said it's a little more unique. Sure. Yeah. Name your baby this name if you want brother-in-law and brother-in-law's partner

to have to look at that child for the rest of their lives and feel sick and sad. Literally. That's what I don't understand is like, how could you constantly stab me them? And why would you want to have? I just don't understand why you'd want to pick that name, because you'd always know that there is this tension with it. And your poor child has to be in the midst of that. That's so unfair.

Yeah. You're the one who gets to explain to your kid why her aunt and uncle can barely stand and look at her. Good luck. Opie responds and goes like kind of quotes what they said. If it was more generic name, it'd be a soft, you're the asshole. But you fully said it's a little more unique. Again, the name is from a very well known ballet that I also really liked as a child and performed in a school production of. I meant unique as it's not so used these days, at least I don't think so.

But it's not like no one's ever heard of it. And I'm sure a lot of people would get the reference. I do understand how it can be painful for him. But I also have a connection to the name. Can no one else ever use it? And someone goes, is it Odette? Opie responds, yes. That's definitely very unique.

Um, it's not so used nowadays, at least in the states. But I mean, I don't know an Odette. Do you? No, but like I've heard I have heard of it before. It's not like it's a name. Like, well, I figured it would be a herd of names. Yeah, but I think the whole concept is that like, yeah, it's not just like it's Rachel or Emma, which are like names that are like a lot of people have those names.

So it's, it definitely is. Yeah. Well, I just think like the last comment too, from her is like, can no one else use it? And it's like, it's not the fact that like, obviously there's going to be Odettes in the world that exist out there, but it's the fact that your family, this is your brother-in-law and you're using it. Like, if you can't see the difference between the two, that's kind of a problem. Yeah. It's a direct stab.

There was just an Odette on the street. There was just so much tragedy there with people that you were so close with that like I said from the start, I understand like the idea that you think of a name, you latch onto it and then you just can't let it go. But when it's a situation like this, if my brother, my brother-in-law, if they asked me to reconsider after I told them that I really am fond of this name, then I would reconsider. Well, and I looked at, I just Googled names similar to a debt. Odessa, Ophelia, Cosette, Minerva. Don't name your kid Minerva. That's what a frat at the U called their bathroom.

Delphine, Persephone. So it's funny that I vet Adele, you vet Annette. So the situation is very separate, but reminded me of it when you brought it up because my, so my brother just had a baby, which is so amazing. And they changed the name that they were originally going with, didn't they? Kind of. A little bit because I saw the name and I was like, wait, this is the one I heard. Yeah.

It's cute. I liked it. Yeah, but basically, so it was this situation where my, so the mother of the baby, my brother's girlfriend, she's from the Philippines and it was very customary to, so the right word, customary, my center right? Okay. It was customary to name your child after the first letter of the parent name, if it was a female or a male. So, you know, if it was- If it would have been a boy, it would have been named after my brother. An M.

Yeah, yeah. Right. And so there weren't, obviously there's a select amount of options for each letter. And so her family member also had a baby recently and it was a name that was very similar, but well, actually the names are very different, but they have the same nickname. And so, but what was funny is that my brother's girlfriend, like, and her family members, they weren't worried about it at all. It was my brother that was worried about it. He was like on like the edge of a seat and he was just like, oh my god, like, is this going to be like a big deal?

Oh, fun. But nobody cared. Nobody cared. I was like, whatever. They're like, yeah, that's great. But no, it just reminded me of that because it's, it's, I mean, depending on what you feel, what you think, like, these type of things are big deals and sometimes they're not. And sometimes they are.

So- Well, and now that you say like that, this could have gone very different where OP could have been like, hello, brother-in-law, as you know, we're expecting. And I also had this connection to the ballet that you're, you know, your partner that you lost had. And I was wondering if you would be okay if we chose Odette for the name as a way to honor her and your loss and everything else. And like that could have been- Love to have your blessing.

That could have been received so different, but it's now the fact that he's asked you to reconsider and you're still like, no, it's our name. Yeah. Just have some fucking empathy for someone else who suffered a great, great loss. Yeah. I know it's tough. This person, 1,000% could have handled this better. Yeah, I agree.

I agree. I don't like it. Okay. Any Hour Services has a team of technicians that can take care of any plumbing, electrical, or air conditioning needs you might have around your house. Got a drain that's clogged? Call Any Hour Services. Need a ceiling fan installed?

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Call Any Hour Services or schedule online at anyourservices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. Okay, I'm moving along. Let's do it. Am I the asshole for wanting my daughter to make my wedding cake? Although my future husband is refusing. I, female 36, have a daughter, female 16, who loves baking and she's incredibly good at it. It's her passion since she was three and I encourage her to follow it and discover

more ways to become better at it. I even enrolled her in a few classes in Academy to learn more. I met my fiance, male 41, two and a half years ago. We're getting married soon. And for the wedding cake, I had an idea which is to have my daughter bake the cake and decorate it for us. My daughter agreed and was so excited to do it. My fiance glanced at me when he heard about it.

Then when we were alone, he snapped and said, quote, I can't believe you're being serious about this. I told him, why not? It's not like we're having a huge formal wedding with many guests. Just a small party with our family and loved ones. He said this was a quote, fucking joke, and that he will not let a child bake our wedding cake while there are tons of professional bakers out there who can make a much more decadent,

decent looking and tasting one. I said I didn't understand the problem because I thought he loved her baking. He responded, I do love what she bakes, but let's just stick to muffins and brownies. I told him he was being unreasonable and that his words were hurtful to me and my daughter and her abilities. He told me to be more realistic and think about what the guests will say. Again, I said all the guests are family and friends, so I doubt they'd make any negative comments about the cake knowing my daughter made it.

Matter of fact, they might even think it's sweet. He got mad and said that there was nothing sweet about getting embarrassed on his wedding day. We argued for over two hours just going back and forth on the issue. Later, I got a call from his mother telling me that I should start being rational and look at things from her son's perspective. She suggested we get a professional cake for the wedding, then have my daughter maybe bake some cupcakes for the buffet or something. But I wasn't convinced and felt like they're deciding my wedding's plans for me and forcing

what they want on me. I don't care how the cake will look, but it's the sentiment I care about. So I think he's being very aggressive about this and worrying so much about being embarrassed is kind of pathetic, just my own personal opinion. However, I do think that before offering that to your daughter, you should talk to your partner beforehand because then otherwise, I don't know, I just feel like those are type of things you should have a conversation with before bringing your daughter into it because now her feelings hurt and now she is going to think he doesn't believe in me.

That probably isn't the case. He just has his own agenda. But like I said, he's being so dramatic, which makes me feel like it reminds me of the other thing that we just talked about with the vegan wedding. Yeah, it's just like chill out. I don't know. What do you think? What are your thoughts?

I'm getting bad vibes. I think him yelling and like kind of snapping. Like I can't believe you're being serious. I don't want to, it's a fucking joke. I'm not going to let a child bake. It's very, very toxic of a reaction versus just like calmly saying like, hey, you know what? Like I'd prefer a professional cake. Like I just want it to look really nice for our wedding and I'm not,

I'm not really sure what she's capable of, but like I, you know, I just wanted a nice cake. Yeah. That could have been an easy conversation versus like snapping, flipping out, saying like crazy shit. Yeah, if he could just say something like honestly, I've always had a specific vision for what I want for my wedding and this is really important to me. And I do believe in her and I love her baking, but for this specifically, like I would really, really prefer to have X type of cake. And I would love for her to participate in, you know, in another way as an addition,

but this is my wishes. Like can we please, you know, meet halfway on this? I also really, really, really don't like that the mom got involved. Same, I know. It's like, oh, damn it. I hate that. Did you think that was going to make things better? Come on, use your fucking brain.

Did you? Then again, the mom, he might have just vented to the mom and she was like, I'm picking up my phone and calling. You never know. But this is the same as the vegan thing where the mom was like, listen to my son, respect my son. You're not letting him get his point across. You're not listening to him. It's like, why are you involved?

This isn't your wedding. I really, really don't like that the mom got involved. I just is giving me some weird vibes. You're 41. You should be able to communicate with your partner and not get your mom involved in your personal conflicts. Top comment is like quoting what OP said. He snapped. He said this was a fucking joke.

His words were hurtful to me and my daughter. He got mad and said there was nothing sweet about getting embarrassed on his wedding day. Yeah. I don't like that. That's the phrase that really. Why are you embarrassed? Yeah. And if it's going to be a small wedding, again, people are going to be like, oh my God, your daughter made your wedding cake.

That's beautiful. What a beautiful way to incorporate your daughter from a past relationship on your special day. And one day when she's famous, she'll be like, the first wedding cake I ever baked was this. Wow. And it will be the opposite of embarrassment, you dick. And so they quote all of that that OP said and go, you really want to marry this guy?

Not the asshole. And so someone goes, and don't forget crying to mommy when he didn't get his way. Someone goes, this is a red flag for me. Calling his mom when he had a disagreement with his fiance. Calling his mom and he's almost 42. I mean, it's whatever. He calls his mom.

It's calling your mom to vent and just be like, ah, I don't know what to do. I really don't want this cake. What's some advice you would give me? Right. But it's the fact that mom inserted herself and got involved. I would make it clear to my mom, do not keep this between us, please. And maybe he did, but if he knows that his mom is like that,

you know what I mean? He's had 42 years to know the way that she reacts to things. So yeah. This is one of the most awarded comments. And they write, some people are single because they haven't found the right partner for them. And some people are single because they're not the right partner for anyone.

The later category most certainly includes 40 year old dudes who run to mama to tattle on their partner's lol. So yeah, I'm going to say this guy definitely could have handled this one better. Yeah. He not the asshole. Yeah. Agreed. Fucking weirdo.

Definitely agreed. What a little weirdo. What else we got? Moving along. Okay. This one. I like your bracelet. Thank you.

You got it for me. I know. It's so pretty. I know. I love it. Am I the asshole for bringing my sister-in-law's wallet to the restaurant when she conveniently always forgets it? My.

I know. My, female 28, sister-in-law Amy, female 26, always comes to visit from out of town. She stays with us instead of a hotel and always wants to go to expensive restaurants. She always conveniently forgets her wallet or comes up with some excuses as to why she can't pay her share. She has implied that since I make much more money than her, I should be the one to pay.

No, not my husband should pay, but me specifically. I do make a fair amount of money, but not so much that I can treat someone every time they come into town. Nonetheless, in the past, I have just paid the bill and asked her to pay me back. She never has. She had made a reservation at an extremely expensive restaurant last night, and before we left, I made it clear that I wouldn't be paying her bill.

This is where I might be the asshole, and I'll admit, I got this move straight from an episode of Two and a Half Men. As we were leaving, her and my husband went to the car. I pretended I forgot something and went back inside. I found her wallet sitting right on top of her suitcase. I put it in my purse and we went to the restaurant. When we were done eating, I asked for separate bills. She said, no, we need one bill because she, quote, forgot her wallet again.

I reached in my purse and said, this wallet? This is gold. She was extremely furious. She said that I should have not touched or grabbed her wallet. So am I the asshole for taking her wallet and bringing it to the restaurant? No, no, no, not at all. I don't know where people get off with like this self. Dude, what's happening here?

I mean, it doesn't matter how rich people are. Yes, of course. If I go out with somebody who makes 20 times more than me, whose net worth is 100 times more than me, like a billionaire, okay, maybe you can like, no, even then, I hope they pay for me, but I'm never going to expect that. I'm never going to be like, you have to. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable when people pay. I'm just like, yeah, I don't want to feel indebted, right?

And I guess, I don't know, I dated someone once who was very much like, he thought that way, where it was like, well, whatever you make versus what I make, then that's what we will pay. So like basically, like when we go to McDonald's, I'll cover it. If we go to Nobu, he'll cover it. That's a good rule. Yeah, right. But I don't know.

And so I get that people kind of like, we'll get in the mindset of that. It's your family that you're just visiting, and to pick out the restaurant that's expensive and then expect for them to pay, I just don't know how they feel entitled. Blows my mind. It's not that it's just like one time two, because accidents do happen, but she keeps doing it intentionally. It's like, girl, and the fact they've had conversations about it, I would be so embarrassed. I would be like, okay, well, I understand that, I don't expect you to pay for me,

but I do need to let you know that I can't afford going to this restaurant. I can afford going to that restaurant, however. So would you be willing to do that instead? And then they might be like, you know what? I'll treat you because I really want to go to the nice restaurant. Yeah, I don't know. But to just be like, I'm going to pick out this really nice restaurant and you're paying for me. What?

The delusion. I also wonder why the husband doesn't say anything and isn't like, dude, like you're my sister, I love you, but like seriously. No. Good point. Good point. Where's your fucking money? Like we're not doing this, Teresa.

Good point. We ain't going down this road again. And I also wonder like, at this point, you know her shtick, like you know this little bait and switch routine she's got going, she wants a free meal. Honestly, stop going out to eat with her. Like I love this. I love how this was handled. I know, I think it's hilarious.

1000% handled it the right way. But like now I wouldn't, you wouldn't catch me going out to eat with this bitch. Yeah. And just to give a perspective check too, like my niece came and visited me in Los Angeles. She's 16 and she did not expect me to pay for stuff for her. I did because she's 16 and she doesn't have a job or money, but like, but she didn't expect me to at all. Like she would rather like not eat than like expect me to.

Like that's just, you know what I mean? Like just out of like, just to compare and contrast the situation. So that is like a really good comparison because this girl's 26. Yeah. There's a 10 year age gap between your 16 year old cousin and this lady. Nice. Not the asshole, but you totally should have flipped the switch, left your wallet at home, only brought your license.

So she had to cover the whole bill, then never taken her to a restaurant again. Hope he goes, wish I thought of that. Personally, I liked the way you did it better. I wish I could have seen her face when she saw the wallet. I think it's hilarious. Someone goes, hit him with the two one punch. I forgot my wallet because I accidentally grabbed this other one I found lying about. Is it yours?

Oh my God, I love it. I absolutely love it. There is an edit from OP and they go, wow, thanks for all the awards. Geez, LOL, so many comments that I can't keep up. But thank you to everyone who had something to say. Edit two, Amy just called me. She saw this post and she yelled at me for bad mouthing her on the internet. Honestly, I don't care.

Amy, hopefully you're reading all these comments and it's a wake up call for you. There you go. Yeah. Is that her real name? She's just really exposing it. Just fucking name drops the bitch. There is a comment from someone that OP responds to and they go, not the asshole, awesome power move.

But when is your husband going to step up and make her pay her share? Which is something like I really was annoyed with. Yeah. And OP goes, they've bullied and manipulated him like this his whole life. He's gotten so used to it that he doesn't see the bigger issue. Old habits die hard. Trying to help him stand up for himself, but it's an uphill battle. Sometimes in stories, I just completely forget about one of the characters.

He was a side character. He wasn't the main one. But there was one where it was really important and everyone was commenting and were like, what about the sister? And I was like, shit. Like after the fact, I was like, I forgot about the sister. Totally forgot about that bitch. You guys are right.

Someone comments back to OP's thing about like trying to help him realize and they go, fish don't realize they're wet until you get them on to land. You need to pluck your hubby from that toxic pond. Oh, wow. That might be one of my new favorite phrases ever. I really like that. I really like that. I'm going to go be a fish and flop myself out of situations now.

Flop flop. Just call me flipper, bitch. Just call me a dry fish from now on. No, flipper was a dolphin. Oh, what's that fish from the Little Mermaid? Flounder. Flounder. Just call me flounder, motherfucker.

Yeah. No, I like, I like this one solid, solid. Fuck you, Amy. Buy your own food. I'm saying fuck you to a lot of people today. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters.

I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying. Learn something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you.

For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org. Developed by CDC. Okay, moving on. Moving on. Let's do it. Am I the asshole for wanting my parents in town, but not at my house while I'm adjusting to life with a newborn? I, 24 female, am currently pregnant due in December.

I live with my fiance, Dan, in the town where I grew up. I have a great relationship with my parents, but they had me quite late in life and they're both retired now, living in a beach town in the south. When they moved out, they sold me the house I grew up in well below market value in exchange for me hosting them when they needed slash wanted to come into town. It's been like that for two years.

They've been here a bunch of times for three to four days at a time and it's been a good arrangement, I think. Now, yesterday, I was talking to my mom about the birth and I brought up that I would like her to be in town when I gave birth and to stay for a few weeks after. Dan has no relationship with his family and I'm an only child with only a couple of very elderly aunts and a few cousins I don't have much of a relationship with,

so we don't really have much in terms of a support system. Therefore, I'd love for my parents to come here and help around the house with the baby offer me the emotional support I know I'm going to need, etc. My mom was excited that I was asking her to do this and said that she'd be okay with staying with us for a few weeks while we adjusted to the baby. I then told her that I didn't mean her staying with us, just in town, as I believe Dan and I are going to need and want a alone time

to adjust to the baby. My mom was a little offended, saying that she wasn't going to bother us and she was going to help out. But I told her it was nothing personal. I just preferred if she got a hotel or an Airbnb or something. My father then intervened, having been somewhere within earshot and said that accommodation was going to be really expensive around that time of year.

Our town has a very famous, very big Christmas market and he wasn't about to spend thousands of dollars when I was asking them to come and it had been our arrangement when they sold me the house that they could stay whenever they wanted, which like fair. But I don't think that having a newborn at home is just a regular time in someone's life and it's not like I ever complained about them coming over before.

I just don't want them in the house, but I do want them in town and I feel a little sad that they are putting money above me and their grandson. My mother hung up the call trying to appease the situation, but then sent me a text saying that her and my dad were a little upset over the whole thing and that they thought I wasn't being reasonable. When Dan got home, I told him all this

and he kind of sided with them, saying that they should be allowed to stay with us, but I still don't think it makes sense as we are going to be needing our alone time. Was I the asshole here? I think it's a very have your cake eat it too type of... Oh yeah. Yeah, and also I'm confused why she's so stuck

on this alone time type of thing. It's like if anything you would think that it would be her partner that would be like, you know what, I want to have time with just you and the baby and not have my in-laws in town. Yeah. But he's like, no, they're totally welcome and honestly, the whole situation,

if it was for the fact that if they had their own space and la la la and then she was saying, I'd love for you to be here. However, we do want our own space during this time, but if you can make it, I would love for you guys to be in town, but the fact that it was very much like, yep, I want you to help out, but figure out your own stay.

And this was our agreement, but I'm just going to say, fuck it. You know, it's like you getting Airbnb. Yeah. And it's like she has a right to feel that way, but then it's like, like I said, have your cake eat a tube mentality. You're not, it's kind of like,

you're not in the right situation in order to demand that. Yeah. Well, I also wonder, and granted, I have not popped a watermelon out of my pussy. Like I haven't had a kid. What? I don't know, I'm getting a little unhinged, but I haven't had a baby.

We'll put it that way. But I have been around many people who have. Yeah. My sister-in-law and brother, for example, I was there when they had their first little one. I don't know what alone time she thinks she's going to be getting. Like the first couple of weeks with a newborn,

yeah, from what I've seen with people, you're typically lucky if you get to sleep. You're typically lucky if you get a regular shower. Yeah. Like there's not a lot of alone time as you're adjusting. So it would almost make me think like, if your parents were there 24 seven to help out, that might ensure you actually get alone time.

Yeah. Because what are you going to do if your baby starts crying? You can't leave it crying in a crib all night. Like they wake up all throughout the night. Like don't you want them to be there? Yeah. You can like say, mom, like I'm really tired. Would you watch the baby for a couple of hours

while I go take a nap? This is like. I think it maybe it's just because she doesn't know yet. She doesn't know how she's going to feel. And so she just doesn't want to. Well, I do get that where you're like, you want your own space. You don't want to be, you know, catering to guests,

but they're not guests. Yeah. And I bet you that she, once the baby does come, she's going to be like, please just stay here. I want to just go for a walk with my husband and not think about it. Like stay, stay over. Yeah.

This is why these deals with family are so tough because like they already sold her the house. Right. And it's like, you can't like, what do you do now? Like what do you do? Cause like technically she could never let them stay there again. And it's like, well, like it's not like there's, there's not a contract.

Maybe, but. But like would it actually be able to be enforced? Right. I don't know. So sometimes it doesn't pay to do family favors as shitty as that sounds. But yeah. And I think that it sounds like,

it sounds like her parents are pretty reasonable. Like they, they didn't scream at her. No. Like they're just saying, you know, it doesn't, it's kind of hurts our feelings and it doesn't make sense. Yeah. I think they expressed their like angst and like. Yeah.

I think not like, not even like frustration, but more so like disappointment. Like we, we made you this deal and like we helped you by, by selling you a house for well below market value. Like, right. Do you know how many people would like appreciate that from their family so much? Like as a millennial.

Yeah. And like how hard it is. Or you know what I would say if I was her parents, I'd be like, okay, then you can pay for our stay. You already saved thousands and thousands of dollars. So you can cover our stay and we're totally down. That's what I'd say. Yeah.

There are some comments from OP. Maybe that'll highlight some stuff for us. Someone commented and go, you're the asshole. Holy fuck. You want them to spend several weeks in a hotel and Airbnb, but only when she's not helping you with your baby and helping around your house, giving you emotional support.

Are you kidding me? Yeah. Of course they're putting money first because they're the ones who would be spending thousands of dollars for a goddamn hotel, just to help you out with the baby. Yeah. That's some, sorry, go on.

Putting blame on them is unfair and unnecessary. You're the one reneging on the deal that you agreed to, which was for you to house them when they come to town. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not like they live next door and they're trying to come over every day. No, they were tired in a beach town.

Yeah. You're asking them to stay for an extended period of time to help you. It truly is. Like you want your cake, you want, what is it? You want to have your cake and eat it too. Yeah, fuck. And honestly.

Why are they so hard for me? Not to like, not that all only children are like this, but like she's giving off some only children energy right now. Like just expecting them to just vary in title. Yeah. Do things for her and just not give back, you know? Yeah. Dustin doesn't have this only child energy or I wouldn't.

No. And that's why I'm saying it's definitely not like a, it's, it's like the, it's not the rule. Yeah. Maybe it's the exception. Exactly. Yeah. It's like, wait, yeah.

Yeah. No, and I'm, I know a lot of incredible only children. So I'm not at all saying there's some shitty ones though. And I don't even think this girl sounds like shitty at all. I just think she's not thinking. Yeah. I don't think she, I don't think she sucks. I just think that like, she's just out of touch.

Exactly. Yeah. Definitely did not handle this a good way. Like I think she could have handled this a better way. Even if she would have been like, hey, you know, maybe for the first week while we're home, just let us adjust to the baby in the house. And like, like it is like big adjustment.

And then for the, the other three weeks that you're in town, like you can stay at the house, just give us, give us one week. Or maybe they just don't have them come for the first week. Even, yeah, there you go. So opresponse.com and I just read and they go, I have upheld the agreement at any other time. I just don't think that this exact moment with a baby on the way would be the perfect time to have them over,

but would like to have them here. But I understand where you are coming from. Yes, she seems reasonable. Someone goes, info, did you offer to pay for their stay? Lauren, you're on to something. And OP goes, I wish I could, but I can't really afford putting them in a hotel or Airbnb. I know they can afford it.

Hence why I asked. I wouldn't have if it wasn't financially possible for them. Yeah, I think it's just principle for them. But also like, I would be so, so frustrated if I, if I gave my child like a $200,000 discount, I'm imagining like a huge discount on this house. And millennials like us buying a house these days is impossible. You really can't do it unless you have generational wealth

or your parents helping you, like most cases. It is very hard for a lot of us to buy houses. If I was her parents, I'd be like, yeah, no problem, I'll just deduct this from your will. Talk it up, we'll talk it up, but call it even sweetie, call it even. That portion goes to fundraiser. Give them a rest to charity, you give her a house. Yeah, right.

But so someone replies to that comment that OP said, like I wouldn't ask them if it wasn't financially possible. And they go, you're the asshole. I get that you might not have been aware of how entitled your behavior is before you posted this, but if you posted here in good faith, open your eyes. You have generous parents who are willing to give up their time to support you, have already made a financial contribution to your living status,

discounted price on the house, and yet want to claim they aren't supporting you, take a step back, realize that you aren't owed your quote ideal scenario, and decide whether you want your parents to come and stay with you or to not have them around. Yeah, I think that's a good comment. Because this whole story, it's not something that's like infuriating to me. It's just kind of like, I feel like she's just a little clueless on it. Yeah, I think well, and there's one more comment I'll read from OP.

And so someone just like goes like, again, you're the asshole, baby isn't born yet, you have time, but like just a fucking clusterfuck of shit. And so OP goes, my fiance will be home for the first few weeks, as he will be on paternity leave. That's why I think it might be a little overwhelming to have them always here, not just when they're actively helping with the house or the baby. But I understand that maybe I will have to rethink this. See, she's reasonable.

Hopefully, yeah, I hope that ends up being the case. It would kind of suck to just post on Reddit thinking that you're going to get validated and everyone calls you an asshole. Well, so this is like something I didn't really, like we didn't really touch on, but someone comments and it was like one of the most awarded at the time. And they go, she also wants them there to help with housework. She's asking them to come over and clean the house, they're not allowed to stay in, then leave to go back to the hotel she expects them to pay for.

The audacity, which is true. You're just like, you're kind of using and abusing your parents in that sense. Again, maybe a little clueless. Yeah, that's what I'm sensing. But they deleted their account, so I think they definitely got a lot of advice. So hopefully she takes it to heart. But I'd be very frustrated if I was this girl's parents. Yeah, and they sound like saints because they weren't like, fuck you.

They were just like, we're disappointed. Yeah. Well, and I think it's hard too, because like the suggestion we had where it's like, okay, well, maybe they don't come right away, but a lot of... But they want to be there for when the baby's first born. Well, typically, yeah, like a lot of people, like I know I'd probably want my mom in the room for a little bit of it. I don't know.

I don't fucking know. Ah, it's scary to think about. But a lot of people do want their mom or their parent in the room, parents, some people. You know, everyone's got a different birth plan, but it's not like you can have them fly in for the birth and then fly out and then fly back when you want them to be your maid slash babysitter slash help you. It's a lot of flights, a lot of money. Yeah, a lot of entitlement here.

I don't know. I definitely think she could have handled this better. I agree with the majority vote of asshole. What's up, everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services, and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a tankless would cost, the plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available.

And right now, you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1,200 on a tankless. Call Any Hour Services and schedule a free estimate today. Google Any Hour Services or schedule online at anyourservices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. What else we got? What else we got? What else we got? Okay.

Am I the asshole for mentioning my best friend's former crush on me in a speech at his wedding? Okay, I'm currently in a predicament, and frankly, I could use some opinions. For backstory, I, female 27, met one of my best friends, Christian, male 26, back in 2010, during our freshman year of high school. We became friends and remained close over the years since, making a lot of great memories and sharing mutual close friends. From 2013 to 2016, Christian had pretty serious, unrequited feelings for me. However, he eventually got over me, and I had never even let his feelings harm our friendship.

If anything, our friendship honestly got closer after he got over me. In early 2018, Christian met Victoria, female 29, at a bar, and they hit it off. They started dating after two weeks, got engaged in late 2021, and the wedding happened yesterday night. It was honestly a great time, as I watched with my parents and mutual friends as this kid I've known for 12 years was getting married to the love of his life. Plus, Victoria and I honestly had a pretty decent relationship, and according to Christian, she didn't really seem to care about his past feelings

as time went on. Anyways, as the night kept going, with a lot of music and dancing, I got up to eventually give a speech for Christian. I talked about how we first met, how much our lives changed since then, and just how great of a person Christian was. The attendees were clearly touched, and Christian and Victoria both looked happy. As I talked more about our history, I jokingly mentioned how Christian had the hots for me, but that didn't matter because he found his soulmate,

and that our friendship was stronger than some unrequited feelings. Most of the crowd laughed, and I could even see Christian smiling for a second before seeing Victoria's confused face. After the speech was over, I went over to the bar with a few friends. Christian came up and hugged me, thanking me for the speech. However, at our hotel, one of my other best friends, Devin, female 27, told me she had heard gossip from the bridesmaids, that Victoria was really upset for me for bringing up Christian's previous

feelings for me at their wedding. Apparently, Victoria genuinely had no issue with Christian's feelings, but felt it was inappropriate to mention them at the wedding. I sincerely intended no harm with my actions. Maybe I didn't read the room? Everyone I've told is honestly split on whether I'm the bad guy or not, so it's definitely been polarizing. Christian hasn't mentioned any of this to me, and I'm not sure I should ask him,

so am I the asshole? Yeah! Okay, but the thing that it's like, I can totally see myself doing this, thinking that it's so innocent, and showing how... Because what she followed it with saying, he met his soulmate. She was trying to emphasize on their whole history, and this timeline of everything they went through, and then her being so happy for him finding the most incredible woman ever for him.

I could see myself drunkenly doing this, thinking that I'm being so kind, but if I was the bride, I would be furious. I'd be like, you know what? We didn't need that at my wedding. We really didn't. We didn't need to think that like... We need everyone to think that you might be a potential threat, right? Like, we didn't need that. Yeah, you just put that idea in my head. It's my day, okay?

So that's why I'm laughing, because I'm like, I could see myself being a fucking idiot and accidentally doing that, and then I could also see myself being furious if someone did that at my wedding. Oh, I'd be really pissed. I'd be pissed. Because it almost... It's not even... The way that OP put it is like, yeah, Christian had the hots for me, but it was unrequited love.

Or what the fuck is that word? Is that how you say it? Unrequited, unrequited? I don't know. It means it wasn't reciprocated, essentially is what it means. It was only one-sided. So it's almost like this is more about you and pumping up your tires. Yeah, literally. Who are you trying to look hot in front of? You know all these people, bitch.

I could have had them, but... I didn't want them. It was one-way, one-way street. That's such a good point. I would be pissed if I was the bride. Yeah, I would kind of be pissed if I was him, too. I just... But the way that she's explaining it, I feel like she was just going through this timeline in her head,

and she was just... I could be wrong. She could have been trying to pump her own tires, put the attention on her. She's hot shit, whatever. But I'm just picturing her innocent self trying to show how much... She has love for them, and just doing it with this whole timeline. Because I'm a storyteller, and sometimes I give too much detail. And exclude that part. I know, I know.

Dude, I have to pre-read your speech for my wedding? What do you mean, what do I say? No, there's nothing I would... What would I say? I don't know, but I'm scared now. What do you think is crucial to our timeline? Chris Palm. Yeah, we don't need to tire what X is out of wedding. I know, I know.

But I mean, Justin, I think that's a little more lighthearted, because it's not like you being like, yeah, well, before Morgan and Justin met, Justin had the hots for me, but I didn't reciprocate those feelings. Okay, you're right. You're right now that I'm thinking about it. But if I would have, would we be here today? Or would it be me and Justin here, and not Morgan?

But don't worry, Victoria, I turned him down. Oh my god, you're right. I would not say that. I would not say that. I would not say what she's saying. You're right. This is why. This is why PSA, Pro Tip, FYI, do your speeches

before people get fucking flushed. I know, I just, I think that's why I feel bad for her is because I'm picturing her trying to just like be so loving and then just being drunk and it cut not, you know? No, just... Yeah. But you're right. When I think about myself actually being in that situation,

I'm like, no, I would not say that. Would you steal the mic? If I would say something sweet, like, what do you mean steal the mic? Oh, like if someone gave a speech like that at your wedding, would you go and steal the mic and be like, okay, you're done. You're done. And pull it away? No.

You just let him carry on, look like an idiot? Yeah. I mean, she did kind of play herself in that sense where, yeah, maybe she thought it was like hard and funny, but like you did kind of stick your foot in your mouth. Yeah. I think like because she ended it, if she like ended it there, then I would literally be like go to hell.

But because she finished it off with he found his fucking soulmate, then I'd be like, all right, fuck you, but like you finish it well. You recognize true is true, bitch. Real recognizes real. Yeah, there we go. That's what it is. So there's an edit. To those of you asking about whether the speech was planned or impromptu,

I had asked Christian's parents beforehand if I could give a speech and they were more than happy with it. People have to stop with the assumptions that this has anything to do with me having feelings though. Yeah, saying that in my speech was probably an idiot move, but my sincere intention was to tell everyone about our 12 years of friendship and some of its history. Yeah.

And like I said, people were touched up until my fateful joke. Yeah. Edit number two. Update. I've accepted I'm the asshole, everyone. Yeah, because that was the overall vote. Yeah. It was solid.

I mean, if you think about it, like I said, if I was the bride, I'd be fucking pissed. Yeah. She goes on to say, I genuinely didn't mean any ill will bringing the crush up. It really was a way to reminisce on me and Christian's history of friendship and how far we had come. But I've realized now the wedding was the worst possible time to bring that up.

Yeah. Even if Victoria didn't care about the feelings in the past, I talked with Christian for a bit and having known me for 12 years, he wasn't too mad. As he said, he understood I didn't have intentionally ill motives. Yeah. He did tell me I needed to apologize to Victoria. So I told him I wanted to do it anyways,

and I called and apologized to Victoria on the phone. We talked for around two hours about the whole thing, and she understood I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt either of them. I said it was unacceptable of me to ruin their wedding day, but Victoria assured me it was still a wonderful day for them, and she was happy I realized my fault. Good. So yes, we're all pretty much good again,

and I will watch it more with this stuff in the future. To those of you who gave me feedback in a civil manner, laughing my ass off, thanks for opening my eyes. I love that Victoria was cool about it. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's like fucking true soulmate. Yeah.

Real recognizes. Right. Fooled me in the first half. But, or no, what's that other saying? It's like a meme where it's like had me in the first half, but blah, blah, blah. Essentially, I'm trying to say beginning of the story handled very poorly. Second half handled very well. Yeah.

She handled it good. I agree. I agree. Totally agree. That was a happy story in the end. And exactly like that's how I understood the story is exactly what her response is to all the comments were, is that I, I would be pissed.

So yes, I think she was in the wrong, but I also just have sympathy for her because I feel like her intentions were so like not to be an asshole. Like, you know, just trying to give the timeline of their friendship, drinking, thinking it's okay because it's never been a deal. You know, yeah. If it was like a hot topic, like don't ever bring this up around Victoria. But the fact that it was so like, like hearted friends, family, everyone knew.

Yeah. I know. I'm trying to like think of a situation like roles were reversed in some sense where one of the brides, guy friends would have gave the same speech. Would this be just as bad? Or like I was trying to like think of other scenarios in my head and like, is it just bad because she did it? Or like, if this played out differently, would it be just as bad?

And I think no matter who you put in this situation, it still would be bad and inappropriate. Yeah. Agreed. So. Totally agree. Yeah. I don't know.

Like, I guess that's gender roles, but I'm like, it might be worse if it was a guy giving that speech. But that's maybe. Yeah, honestly. But like that seems like it would like that people would like, you could argue like, oh, that's just gender roles, Morgan. Like don't trip yourself up. Like it's, it's really bad either way.

But I think regardless, let's just not ever do that. Yeah. Let's just right now, PSA, do not talk about somebody else having to crush on anyone else, whether it's you or anyone in the world on their wedding day. Yeah. Let's just do that. Absolutely. All right, guys.

It's agreed to that one. Good talk. Good talk. Top comment on that one. Oh, you pulled the quote, he was into me first card. He was in love with me, but I turned him down. And so now he's with you. Didn't she have anyone review it, by the way?

Like. Well, and like, so that was like the question, like was this impromptu or scripted? Yeah. Because it was never really answered. But yeah, you're the asshole. How tasteless and someone comments under it. I agree.

This screams, I should always be the center of attention. Intended or not. Next one. Also, quote, your crush was such an ego boost that I still reveal it in six years after it ended. Oh, they're shitting on her. No, I, I did get that vibe like from the start. I was like, this just feels a little self motivated, but it's okay.

She, she cleaned it up in the second half. Yeah. It's fine. It's all good. Everyone's loving each other again. So we Gucci, we good. We good. Okay.

Last, but not least, this is from relationships subreddit. And it's a little bit older. My husband is reluctant to be intimate with me after I was in a major accident. I, 30 female have been married to my husband, 45 male, for five years and together for eight. Obviously we have an age gap in our relationship. And whether we've discussed possible health issues

or medical care, it was regarding him. About four months ago, I was in a car accident. I was talking on Bluetooth to my husband because I was nervous driving on the icy roads, going to our house when another car rounded a corner too fast and lost control. It was one of those exact wrong moment things. And my car went off the road and into a tree.

My husband heard the whole thing. And my last memory before I lost consciousness was him screaming my name. I don't want to get into the bloody details, but I ended up being in the hospital for over a month. I needed multiple surgeries and have been in physical therapy ever since. I am finally getting to the point

where I feel like myself again and I'm no longer in pain. I've gained back some weight and look good if I do say so myself. My husband literally worked out of my hospital room for the entire time I was there. He went home to shower, sleep and look after the dogs, then came right back. He attended all my therapy appointments

so he would know how to better help me recover at home. He was amazing and everything I could ask him to be in that kind of horrible situation. I love him so much. And so yesterday while shopping, I saw this gorgeous black lingerie set and decided to surprise him. Don't cry.

Sorry. You're gonna make me cry. We haven't had sex since before the accident and every time I try, it feels like he makes an excuse or expresses some concern about some random body part of mine that is no longer injured.

He was on his laptop in bed when I came in wearing my new purchase and I could tell he was taken by surprise. I basically crawled into his lap and started kissing his neck and grinding on him. He was definitely hard, but then he lost it and pushed me away, saying that we shouldn't rush this

and he doesn't want to jeopardize my recovery with sex. I was crying by the time he ended the sentence and said, I'm fine. The doctors say sex is fine, but he was already walking into the bathroom and turning on the shower. I don't know what to think. Is it the scars?

Is the memory of me in a hospital bed unable to even sit up by myself repelling him? I finally am starting to feel good about myself and my body again. And the fact that he won't touch me is really hurting my mental health. It's probably a long shot, but has anyone else experienced this?

I'm just so glad that I'm picking up that he's just more worried about her well-being because when you first said this story, I was literally about to lose it thinking that she went through this traumatic experience and then her husband was just not interested in her anymore. But it sounds very much like he's a great husband and that he's just so afraid of hurting her.

I mean, I hope to God that it doesn't have anything to do with her scars. That would be awful. But I mean, they just need to have an open conversation about it. Like if that's what he's feeling, they need to discuss that. Yeah. And I don't know.

What are your thoughts? No, you keep going. You're on a roll. You're doing good. No, Mike is yours. My first thought is he was on the phone during this whole accident. He heard, sorry, there's a bug flying around and it's driving me bonkers,

but he was on the phone during this whole accident. I can't imagine. On Bluetooth. He heard everything. I cry, just picturing that situation, feeling so helpless to hear that and not knowing if you just lost your partner. Is she dead?

Is she alive? She lost consciousness. It's not like she could be like, I'm okay. I'm okay. Like this was a major accident. Oh, I can't even imagine. Okay, go ahead. So my first thought, I'm like,

he is clearly struggling with some maybe even post-traumatic stress disorder. And just like you said, so concerned for her and doesn't want to hurt her. Like he just watched her in this super vulnerable situation and now it's just like, it's like China glass. It's like, I just want to break it. And also if she was in a hospital for a month,

like she was probably like really, really banged up. Like really, really banged up. Like to be hospitalized for a month. Like that's, you're pretty bad off. And him being there 24, like as much as he could. Yeah. It's like seeing her like that. It's probably, like you said,

hard for him to just let go of that image. Yeah, absolutely. Which the top comment like does kind of touch on. They say, your husband literally worked out of your hospital room and only went home to shower and keep the dogs alive. Your husband loves you and this is crystal clear. Like someone else has said,

I don't think it's him feeling unattracted to you or scars, et cetera. I think he has seen your body now as a very fragile thing that he almost lost. He could very well possibly be traumatized from the car accident and seen you in the hospital bed for weeks. I don't often suggest couples therapy,

but I think it would behove him to help work this out with you in a setting like that. Yeah. You're very precious to him. And while it isn't rational thinking, he could be terrified of damaging you in some way. On a lighter note, this reminds me of Twilight. Can't imagine what he was feeling.

When he was just so strong and she was a human. So when they had sex for the first time, he like broke the bed. Pillows were everywhere. You don't remember that scene? I do. I do remember that scene. And then she had bruises all over

and he was literally disgusted with himself. Yeah. I'm sure that's what this guy feels like. He probably feels like a hulk now. My little wife. Ain't my little angel. This is kind of sad. Like I'm so sorry she went through this,

but this is almost like, it is wholesome in the sense of to have a partner like that be so supportive, be so loving, be so caring. And it's sad that they both are going now through this traumatic experience and everything, but it's really tough. So we do have an update.

Let's hear it. Thank you again for everyone's kind and thoughtful comments. I read all of them, even if I didn't respond. Last night when we got in bed, I curled up next to my husband and held him while I said basically, quote, We've been through a lot. Would you be willing to get therapy with me

to make sure everything is all right for both of us? I love you so much. And I don't want any underlying trauma to affect our relationship. He was silent for about 10 seconds. And then the floodgates opened. I've only seen him cry once or twice in our entire relationship at our wedding.

And the first time I told him, I loved him. But I held him while he sobbed for what was probably an hour. He kept apologizing for it. And I had to keep saying, don't be sorry, I'm here. Cry if you need to cry. Cry hard, cry hard. Oh my God, okay.

And I shed some of my own tears. It was an exhausting, but ultimately extremely cathartic experience. When it was all over, and he was able to say more than a few words, he told me that there was about 15 minutes when he was sure he had just heard the love of his life die. Then we got to the hospital and the doctors made it clear

they would do everything they could, but the extent of my injuries were extreme and severe. Then he spent hours calling family members, waiting, pacing, and trying to grapple with the fact that I might die and he might be alone. Then I spent five days in the ICU, mostly unconscious. He said he's never known fear like that in his life. In the end, we agreed to go to individual and couples therapy

and even touched on the sex thing, wherein he admitted that he knows objectively nothing bad will happen to me if we have sex. But for some reason, it is sparking this protective instinct that makes him want to treat me like glass. So we're working on it. And our marriage is amazing. He's the love of my life and we can get through this.

They're so cute and sick sad. I, that I, why don't I keep ending with these ones? I don't know if I've cried that much in any one of the episodes. Really? Oh my God, you have, you have tears like all down your neck. Oh my God. That like, wow. There's so many emotions that I had throughout that entire story. Yeah.

It's like beautiful and sad. I kept it together so well until. It is, it's like, like exactly. It's beautiful, but like sad, but like, oh fuck. I was like wondering when I read the first part, I was like, she was probably on a ventilator. And so like there's like, or even like if the extent of her injuries were this bad, like a medically induced coma to like preserve like brain

and swelling and like all this shit. And like after hearing that, and then you like look at this person, like with a tube down their throat, that's like what's keeping them breathing. I, God, I can't imagine, I can't imagine. This is probably why I get so annoyed when Justin wants to do stupid shit. Yeah, I understand. I'm like, don't put me through this. I just, and being on the phone too, like, oh my God.

There's like, I've been in three car accidents now and there is nothing like that sound. Like I will never get that sound out of my head. The sound of metal, like metal crunching like an accordion and the glass. My brother picked me up one time when I was young, I was working at Coldstone and he picked me up and backed up into a dumpster and like the feeling, and we were just backing up and the feeling is just so, like you said, I won't remember, or I won't, I won't remember.

I won't forget that, that feeling, that crunch, the glass shattering, the rock that I felt through my body, like it just jolts you. And to hear that on the phone too, of someone that, the love of your life, like, oh, and there, yeah, there was just so many emotions there. That was, that was a lot. But I'm really happy it ended that way. It's not over. Oh God, okay.

So I wanted to see what comments OP had said and there's another update. Okay. So the original post, by the way, was posted four months ago and this additional update, which let me make sure this is, there wasn't another one before this or anything. Someone commented on the original one. No, I'm not crying at 7am, you are. And OP responded, when this man said for better or worse, he really, really meant it.

Okay. So yeah, this is the only update. Three months ago, here we go. Hi everyone. First of all, I want to say I was absolutely blown away by the outpouring of love and support I received on my first post. I never could have imagined it would blow up like that and I received so many thoughtful and kind comments and messages from strangers.

That being said, when I wrote that, I was in a weird place. Physically, I had mostly healed, but I was determined to shove down any emotional trauma because I was so exhausted from the previous months of work trying to heal my body. I wanted to be all right and I wanted my marriage to be the same as it was before the accident. My husband and I just attended our third marriage counseling appointment and I'm very happy to report the exercises and worksheets we've been given are helping rebuild the husband and wife relationship instead of the caregiver slash patient relationship,

which has been present for the last five months. My husband just had his first individual therapy appointment a few days ago and I have mine next week. In short, we're putting in the work. We're also having sex again. Like a lot of sex. I feel silly bragging about that to the internet at large, but it makes me so happy that we've figured out that part of all of this.

Prior to the accident and really throughout our whole relationship, we've been so ridiculously into each other. It was rare we even skipped a day. I missed having that connection to him and he was clearly hurting too. Anyways, I just thought everyone deserved an update. Cuties. Wow, that's- She sounds like an amazing person.

Amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing. I- I'm just a fighter. I love therapy. I love, love, love that this helped them. I think after any major trauma, accident, things like that, everyone could benefit from therapy. Everyone can benefit from therapy on a daily basis,

but this makes me really, really happy. As an OT, that is something that I ran into a lot, is the caregiver role versus the partner role. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense to me. Yeah, and it was something because for my doctoral capstone, I really, really, really wanted to focus on addressing sexuality and intimacy, because it's not really addressed as a part of people's healthcare journeys, whether that's with accidents, cancer,

cancer especially, oncology is a very neglected area in terms of occupational therapy needs. That's something I really wanted to address during my OT work. This is really making me miss it right now. But I gave a talk during a sex, not a talk, but I gave a talk during a stroke survivor group, and I addressed sexuality and how you can use different adaptive equipment or just reconnect with your partner on an intimate level again, because you've been in a caregiver role and things like that.

And some of the people I had in that talk were seven years post-stroke, and were like, you're the first person that has ever addressed that with us. Seven years after a stroke. This is not something that is addressed, and so I'm so happy for them that they took such an initiative and had the communication skills to address this in their relationship, because so many people don't. And it should be talked about.

As an OT, we have our ADLs, you have your activities of daily living that are essential to living, eating, sleeping, bathing, things like that, but sex is one of those essential activities, and the fact that it's not addressed during a lot of people's health care, like, you know what I mean? It's crazy how much it is. So hush hush. Like, why?

Yeah. Why? A lot of people enjoy sex. Obviously, there's some out there that don't, and that's okay, but like, for a lot of people, it's a big part of- Of a relationship. Of a relationship. Intimacy. Completely okay.

But yet, for some reason, it's very hush hush, you're right. We don't really talk about it. No. So, I'm very, very happy for that. Me too. That was a great story. And this is two episodes in a row that we both lost it at the end. So, oh god, this is better than the hiking one though,

like, in terms of my composure, because if you guys saw the bloopers for that, holy, look, it was IMS. I don't know. I think I lost it, like- More in this one. There was a part that you were reading that I literally had to cover my face from the camera, because I just lost it.

Oh, Lauren. Yeah. I ended on a really, really happy note, and I'm going to follow their account so hopefully there's more updates in the future even. But this was a good episode. I like this theme. Me too.

It was actually a really good theme. I know. You picked some really good stories too. Thank you. Some of your best, actually. Thank you. Something that has kind of stressed me out as the show has progressed is the pressure to pick good stories.

I could imagine that. And so hearing that from you makes me feel good. Good. But let us know what you guys think. I cannot wait to hear how you think these writers should have handled their problems. Other than that, keep sending me your wholesome stories, because I'm really trying to play an amazing wholesome episode

on location somewhere. Oh, God. You're already, your voice is already quivering just the thought of a wholesome episode. I know, because I have some really good stories already. I don't know if we could make it through an entire wholesome episode. Dude, just wait.

Just wait. There's some really, really good stories. But be sure if you see some on Reddit yourselves, post it on the Two Hot Takes subreddit, or send me the link through the Google forums. But other than that, until next time. Mother Morgan and Auntie Lauren out. Bye, guys.

Bye. Just a reminder to check out our new show, Down the Rabbit Hole, on Spotify Live. I'm posting all of the links you need in the show notes description. And I cannot wait to see some of you guys there. And bring you on stage and hear what you have to say about all the crazy topics we cover.

See you soon. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key.

I kept on trying. Learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org.

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