Two Hot Takes - 99: Intervention Needed..

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin!! Join us as we almost burn the house down in this episode. Not sure who needs an intervention in their lives more.. us or these OPs. This one does contain some heavy topics, so we could really use your takes too! Non Profit of the Week: Two amazing non-profits that help single moms in need <3 https://helpinghandsforsinglemoms.org https://singlemomsplanet.org Patreon for bonus content:  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Amy's and Matt's upcoming podcast: https://www.instagram.com/p/CnTWa82u-Jo/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY= Partners: ZocDoc: Zocdoc.com/tht Honey: joinhoney.com/tht

Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter.

Sarah? When did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Are you ready? Yeah. Justin, the plan's on fire! We are not ready.

Oh, we're gonna set off this smoke alarm. Are we actually? Probably. That was crazy. Where's the thing? I just cut the wick. This is straight chaos. And that is how house fires begin.

I'm like permanently scarred. I'm such a candle girly, but like... Oh, I was so comfy. After that, that was insane. That's how quick it can happen. Well... Walk into the other room. Boom! Someone the other day told me that toasters are the most common cause of house fire,

and you should always unplug your toaster. Plug it in use, and then unplug it. I don't know if that's just a rumor, but... I mean, a toaster is one of the only things, I guess, where you see the coils exposed, right? Hot ass shit exposed. Like light bulbs, non-LEDs, of course. The other kind.

Incandescent. Yeah, something. That's contained. You know, this neon sign, I mean, that's neon, that's different. But like, usually it's not exposed. Whereas a toaster is exposed, a candle is clearly exposed. It's kind of the exposed stuff. You want to know it's also a little sketchy.

Air fryers. Air fryers are actually like pretty hazardous to the average bear. Alejandra, she melted her air fryer bucket or started it on fire. Forget what the exact story is. And then I saw a bunch of TikToks of people who like didn't have their air fryer set on the right surface. And so it started on fire.

We should have a fire hydrant or a fire blanket too. Yeah, I would be down for an extinguisher. I think isn't there one there? In our house? Yeah. In our house. The new house. Yeah, like up above the stove.

There might be. Yeah. But I kind of want a personal one too, that goes in your key chain or something. But then I saw this other thing where you cannot put oil in air fryers because the oil bubbles up and hits the heating element and you cannot put that one out with water. No. Fire is scary.

I cannot believe we just lived to tell the tale. Can you imagine we're 10 minutes into the episode and it just, we go up? I just pretended it was a birthday candle, you know? You reacted very good. I kind of sat in fear. If that didn't work, my next move was to open up the just water. I was literally the dog. You know the dog that sits there in the fire and goes, this is fine.

You're like, no. I didn't move. Okay. I think that's the intro. I think we can just start the next story. Let's just go right in. Let's dive in. So this week's episode is all about interventions.

As I was reading these stories, a lot of them just needed either the OP to be shocked or their victim to be just like coddled and ushered away. Shook. Shaken. Shaked. Shooketh. Yeah, that's good. And then there's some where it's like, oh, both of you are idiots.

Just. So some are serious. Some are a little more lighthearted. And by lighthearted, I just mean not as heavy. Not stress the boy out. You might be stressed during this, but it's fine. It makes you resilient. I just like to get emotionally invested.

You know, it would be a lot different if I sat here and I'm like, ah, it's not my life, whatever. Here's what I think. Bye. Do that. Really? Try it this episode and see. No, it's not me.

Okay. Well, let's see how you do. Let's dive in. Let's go. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. I'm Justin. Good job.

Thank you for the reminder. Yeah. At least it was the beginning, not the end. Okay. So this intervention story is a little heavy trigger warning for addiction. If you, your partner, anyone has gone through that, um, might be a little jarring for you. So this one is actually coming from the Two Hot Takes subreddit. Sweet.

And it is titled, am I the asshole for dating someone while my husband and I were separated? Me, 34 female and my husband, 37 male, have been married for five years. He struggled with his mental health and addiction. I took the brunt of his struggles. He would tell me I was a bad wife and person daily, all while keeping from me that he was high. We separated a few times because of this. And when he finally got the help he needed, we ended up getting back together. He knows I was dating someone else.

It was very public online. I answered all of his questions and he answered all of mine as he went on several dates with a few women. And it felt like we were finally in a good place. Fast forward a few months later and he is now not okay with the fact that I slept with someone else, saying that he never did, which I believe he may not have actually slept with someone else like I did, but I know there had to have been some kind of sexual activity. He says he's trying to get over the fact that I was with someone else while we were apart, saying I cheated on him and betrayed him, but he doesn't know if he can get over it.

I love him more than anything and have done everything I can to show him that I only want to be with him and things will get better for a few weeks. Then we'll end up right back where we started. I don't think I betrayed him as we weren't together and didn't plan to get back together, but life brought us together again and I couldn't be happier about it. There is just an edit from OP here and it says edit. I also forgot to mention that he's brought up bringing another woman into our bedroom. I'd be down with it because I'm very bi-curious and would love to try it.

He's bringing it up for the wrong reasons, like as a way to feel better about me being with someone when we were apart. Classic. The addiction part, not so classic, but just a classic situation here. Yeah. When you're separated, especially in this context, you're separated and it's kind of like your dad says with the gift. If you want to give the gift away, you shouldn't have any control

or care over what's done with it. It's their right to do whatever they want. It applies here in the sense that you separate it. I don't know. It's so straightforward. It's the definition of separate and anything goes at that point. You're just, that is what it is. You're not going to sit around waiting for someone forever thinking like,

okay, we separated, but we might get back together. No, you're going to move on with your life. You're going to keep pushing forward. Why would you wait around? There's maybe some situations where people like take a break and it's not that serious. And then it's like the communications off in the whole context gets messed up. But this is very clear, at least from how it's written.

It's clear that we separated. I was in my thing, they were doing theirs. And the fact that he's upset about it now is not surprising. Very immature, very childish way to react. Again, I don't know what he's going through mentally. Yeah, with the addiction. Right. But I understand kind of just on a very basic level, like this jealousy,

but it's very not, it's just not from the right place. And it's very like disconnected from reality. Yeah, I kind of picked this one as like a, just by bringing awareness. I thought you were going to say it was like a warm up for me, like a little t-ball. No, and I do think your response is very spot on. I don't really feel like I have a lot to add to it because I completely agree with what you said. When you are separated, there's no dictating what your partner does anymore. You're your ex-partner because you're separated.

You're done. You are working your way towards completely separating for a better word. Like you're done. You are coordinating your dissolution of your marriage. You are going your own ways, especially with him. He needed to focus on getting help, healing. Yeah, I know he was struggling with addiction, which is a disease, a very serious disease. I don't wish that upon my worst enemy.

It's a battle day in and day out. And I get that he was struggling, but in that he was also very abusive to her. Telling her that she's a bad wife and person daily to know how like hearing that day in and day out. What that would do to you? Yeah, especially when you're there trying to help. I mean, that's kind of what this whole story started with is kind of the understanding that I stuck by a side is my choice. I wasn't forced to, but I made that choice and I was still dealing with this type of treatment, probably hoping that you can still continue to help him through to get to a true healing.

Yeah. But that was not the case. No. And then you decided to separate, which is very normal and natural. It's not like you were set up on earth to make sure that he was always taken care of and helped. I mean, that it's not on you. And then when you separate, that's your call. All is fair in that time period.

You're done. You're done. My dad would like to say all is fair in love and war until you say I do. In this case, you were about to say divorce, which makes it even more fair to live your own life and move on. Yeah. I mean, that's a little bit mixing of topics a little bit. Everything's fair and goes until I do. Well, all right.

Shit. Well, which I don't necessarily agree with, but it's, I hear it. I hear it at least once a week. So another big reason I wanted to pick this one, because I know it is a heavy and you guys are like, Morgan, why the fuck did you do this to us? The top couple of comments, like really just like made me like, oh, okay. And on the theme of intervention, I know there are a lot of you out there who have been in abusive relationships and may even be in one. I really try to read a lot of the messages you guys send my way. And one of the ones that really just sticks with me is from a listener who said that this podcast,

was the reason they got out of an abusive relationship. Again, I just wanted to like highlight this one a little bit because of that. And because it's a listener, it's a listener writing in on our subreddit, which like really want to address. Yeah, for sure. So the top comment is from OG hippie. Nice. And they go, one, you don't prioritize a relationship for the first year of recovery. Two, he's going to use what he quote, can't get over as an excuse to relapse.

Three, stay separated and for heaven's sakes, don't get pregnant. Chances are not in your favor of this working out. And then they add like a little kind of like a blip to share their credentials. Yeah. And it says ex-wife of a dead addict. And that's fucking sad and heavy. Yeah. Well, and I don't know if we're commenting here on, you know, what you should do going forward as it means like stay together or not.

Because we really don't have enough to decide that and that, you know, or really to comment on it. We're not even close to deciding anything. But just looking at the way that the jealousy is coming out now and the, oh, let's have a threesome thing. You know, there's signs, there's things popping out now that almost, almost can be separated a little bit from the addiction. Just as pure little, like not little, but relationship problems. Yeah. To almost to where he's like trying to go tit for tat to get even. With the addiction as kind of the foundation under this, what, what are we reading into?

Like, what does this lead to? You know, and this is something for them to think through. Yeah. There is one more comment I want to read before we move on from this one. And it's from Chickalcat13. My dad always stirs up drama when he relapses. He's basically trying to distract from what he's doing wrong by making everyone else focus on a non-issue. That's all of a sudden bothering him.

That's interesting. That's an interesting take because they've been through it. I mean, they, they see it. They've lived it firsthand. And I, I do see how that could be a reality because he knew that you were seeing someone before you even agreed to end your separation and get back together. Like it was a very online relationship. He saw it. He asked his questions.

And so I do think like people and their feelings can change. You can develop these feelings after like time and thinking things over. And like, I thought I would be okay with it at first, but like, I really realized I'm not. That's where my mind went first. Yeah. Is I thought like it just like creeped back in after they got back kind of settled into their life. And that can happen. But I don't think that's fair.

It's like you had all the cards presented in front of you and you chose to pursue this and you should have made that decision up front. Like, it just doesn't seem fair to like kind of kind of like a bait and switch again. It's kind of like that. I'm fine. I love you. I want to be together. But then once you have her again, it's like, hmm, actually, I do have a problem with that. And if you love me in order to get even, we should bring someone else into the bedroom.

So it's fair. Yeah. That's what it feels like for me. I agree. And I think it's kind of one of those things that we've discussed quite a bit where whether it's cheating or some kind of big problem in a relationship. If you both come together and decide to move forward, you kind of agree to put the sword back in the, you know, back in the thing. You agree to not carry that knife forward as a constant like, oh, you did this and I'm going to constantly remind you of it forever because that's not what it's about. And that just leads to failure.

Yeah. Well, OP, I really hope you look at the comments and I hope you get the help that you need, whether that's knowing how to support your partner and making sure he's following up with his recovery, getting out. You know, whatever that looks like for you going forward. I hope that you find what you're looking for in this writing and just having a safe, happy, healthy life. Okay. Moving along. Yeah. Am I the asshole for not wanting my daughter to wear heels to a wedding because she will look taller than me?

My 44 male daughter, 16 female, has always been a nice girl that is a little shy and never causes any trouble. She is great at school and very talented in many activities. She has a group of like-minded, trustworthy friends, but has never been involved with boys or goes to parties late at night. My wife's niece is getting married and she asked my daughter to be one of her bridesmaids. I thought she was maybe a little too young for that, but ultimately I didn't protest. The issue is that as a part of her retire for the wedding, she is expected to wear high heel shoes. I'm only five, six tall and I have a deep trauma related to my height because of all the bullying that I suffered for years at the hands of my brothers with the approval of my now deceased father. I only started to get better after finishing college.

It took me years of therapy and going no contact with almost all of my family to be able to mostly leave it all behind. They fully made me believe that no woman would ever like a man as short as me to the point I never had a romantic relationship until I met my wife at 25. But I am not still fully in control of my emotions related to this issue. In particular, I have never been able to stop the phobia I have towards women that are taller than me. My wife is five, four tall and my daughter is currently two inches taller than her mother. That makes her almost exactly the same height as me. I never expected her to be so tall, but I have been able to remain mostly calm about it. I think knowing her since she was a baby and watching her grow myself helped my brain to humanize her and not seeing her now as I see other tall girls.

Since she stopped growing a couple of years ago, I've been silently preventing my daughter to wear heels or any kind of shoes that make her appear taller than me. There has been no real problem with this because she has never had any serious interest in wearing those things until this wedding situation. I know that even just seeing her in front of me with heels being taller than me would be triggering to the point of making me cry, if not worse. All this will be especially terrible in a big family event like a wedding. Everyone will think that she is taller than me and I rationally know most people won't care, but I think I might really have a panic attack from the embarrassment that will be happening in my mind. I tried to convince her not to wear the heels, but this time she really wants to and is not interested in what I have to say. My wife thinks that if it is such a problem for me, I should just not go to the wedding, but I think that is unfair.

I don't like feeling excluded and this would be practically as if they did exclude me because of height, which would feel especially painful for me. I've been talking to both of them about this, but it has proven useless and now they have even started to act tired and angry anytime I bring up the subject. My daughter in particular says, I'm making her feel bad and not allowing her to enjoy being a bridesmaid. Am I the asshole? I think the wife is right. I feel like I understand there's a deep, deep trauma because if it takes distancing from your family and this much therapy to get as far as you have, then I respect that there's been some serious trauma. No one's here to judge how bad someone's trauma is. But really, if I look at just this situation, I don't think there's a world where she doesn't go without heels. The rest of her life, no chance.

Especially for this kind of event where it's pointed out. It's not like she's all of a sudden being like, oh, I'd like to wear heels for this. It's like, no, that's literally a requirement. A lot of brides would require that. You never know what bridezilla you're dealing with. That's right. And so again, for this trauma to still be this present, there may be some more therapy needed because you're also compromising kind of the rest of your life dealing with this forever. I know a lot of people who have had that insecurity, everyone works through it in their own ways.

But I think when it starts to negatively impact the people around you and you need people to greatly compensate just for your insecurities and your trauma. There's an interesting balance here, but I think that it shouldn't restrict others from living their lives. Yeah. Well, and it's so negatively impacting his life. Every day. Every single day. And his daughter is 16. She could continue growing for years to come.

And so if this is something that's going to impact and negatively impact his love for his daughter to the point where he can't even look at her to the point where he's like repulsed that she's taller. I mean, you have to address that. It is definitely it is past a point of like just ignoring and avoiding tall people. Like you really need to address this. Right. Because this event isn't the end all. This isn't the one last thing and you're done. This is just putting it in the spotlight for you.

Yeah. And so it is kind of an asshole thing to say, no, you can't do this. And you're starting to put these restrictions on other people for yourself. Yeah. And it really is a self problem. I'm sure you've made a lot of progress, but there's a lot more progress to be made and it's clear through the way this is written. Yeah. And what OP went through is horrible.

Like your brothers, your own family being your biggest bullies. Well, right. Imagine being a young guy and you're basically from the get go. You're basically thinking, I'm never going to live the normal life. I'm not going to get like the person of my dreams. I'm not going to get all of these normal things because you've been bullied so heavily into just thinking your life is screwed forever. Yeah. I mean, his family essentially pounded into him that he's unlovable because he's short, which is short, tall, whatever you look like.

There's someone out there for you. And it's just like, I think, I think it is really hard. There is, especially with social media, there is like this narrative that gets pushed sometimes that like, oh, 511 is the shortest guy I date. Well, it's still very present. It definitely is. Yeah. There's definitely like stereotypes or messages out there that short guys especially have it harder dating. I think short guys might, if you are one, a shorter dude that's listening, you might be able to respond and say, yeah, it has been harder dating.

But I wouldn't get discouraged from that. I think it's more so about your confidence. Like I've seen so many couples on TikTok that like the girl is 6'1 and the guy's 5'8 or something like that. And there's a big height disparity and it just, it's finding your person. And if someone doesn't like you because you're shorter than them or not their high requirement, they're not the right person and fuck them. And if anyone bullies you like this guy's family, really fuck them. Height isn't something you can control.

Yeah, right. Do you know how long, do you know how long I've wished for just two more inches? Just some of us are not blessed vertically. It just, you know. Well, and his daughter might have that gene that skipped a generation. Up she goes. I don't get it. Both of my brothers are tall.

It just like was me. It's like the girl genes just, whatever. But that is really the problem here. The problem is how the family bullied him and pushed him to be like this. That is really the worst part of this whole thing. It really is. I can't even imagine your family and especially your dad letting your brothers just hound you again and again and again. You're unlovable.

No one's ever going to love you because you're short. I just think when it starts to come to people around you, especially your family and your daughter who's going through, you know, I would say 16 is a very transformative time. It's a very impactful time, like every little thing, right? Especially with appearance. Yeah. I think that's where the line gets drawn. It just can't be a thing and it can be for you, but that's for you to work out. It's just she's got to do what she wants.

Yeah. And you think about it too, like this is just her being a bridesmaid, but what about when it comes to her wedding? Or what about when it comes to wearing heels when she goes to prom her senior year? Father, daughter, dance. You just never know. And it's, I just think it's something that is going to continue to come up in your life. And if it was something that never affected him, like a fear of snakes, that would be irrelevant. He doesn't encounter snakes on a daily basis, but he's likely encountering people and he seems to be extra triggered by women that are taller than him on a daily basis.

And so I think continued therapy would be really, really helpful here. Well, yeah, I would hope to see him progress. It would be amazing to see him get to the point where, you know, he can own it if that's even possible. You know, I mean, I think about one of our friends, Josh Sadowski. He came on our other show and I don't remember what the conversation was, but he was like, yeah, short Kings, short Kings. I love Josh. He's so cute. I know every time he texts me, he goes, Hey, King.

I'm just like, it's so simple, but it's so empowering. And also with this guy, you can surround yourself with people that just make you feel good in your own skin. I mean, it's, they're out there. They are. And just I, I can't imagine the fan, like how the family trauma must cling on to you, you know, and it's hard to get rid of that. But yeah, there's a, there's definitely some, some, you know, sunshine and blue sky ahead. For sure. And Reddit, there's some comments that seem like very just mean towards him.

And I, I really hate that. Like you have someone that's opening up and being vulnerable and talking about their trauma. And yet there's a lot of people on this thread that really just kind of tore him down even further. Yeah. It's not the time for that. No. And there's, there's some positive comments too. I'll let you decide which you think they are based on what I read.

Sure. The top one with almost 7,000 upvotes is you're the asshole. I'm taller than my dad. And even though it looks a little off since he is the dad and I'm the daughter, if I want to wear my high heels, he would never stop me. Right. Get some more therapy to work on this issue and don't project it on your daughter. Yeah. Um, and someone else goes after that.

I'm so glad my dad never put this crap on me. I'm at least three inches taller than him and wore five inch heels with my wedding dress. My dad still spun me and dipped even through in a lift for our daddy daughter dance. He never made me embarrassed of my height and never seemed to care about this. After all, dynamite comes in small boxes, which that's cute. See, and that's, that's what I hope for this. That's what like that, if we could follow up somehow years down the line, that would be so amazing to hear. You're not the asshole that much to wear an asshole forever.

It's just an asshole thought, right? Yeah. It's not, I don't think you are an asshole. No. An asshole kind of like idea. In that situation specifically. Exactly. Absolutely.

Um, one of the other comments I'm seeing that kind of leads to a red box award is he needs massive amounts of therapy. You can't control if your daughter wears heels or not. I'm extremely tall and still wear heels to formal events because they make me look and feel good. Right. Your internal issues should not be projected on your loved ones. You're the asshole. Um, and this is the red box awarded one. Agreed.

The comment about only being able to humanize his daughter because he saw her grow up and doesn't see her like other tall girls is concerning. Get some help, OP. Girls and women over five, six are not to get you. We're not some monolith of evil. You're the asshole, but this is a treatable issue. Maybe not in time for the wedding, but doable in the long run. I'd advise you to skip the wedding altogether if it's going to retraumatize you. Well, and another thought too is if his daughter does continue to get taller,

you don't want to start this insecurity in her mind as she now carries forward for the rest of her life thinking she's too tall. And now, yeah, she's at the other end of it, but now you have spread this to the next generation. That is true. That's something to be really cautious with. That's why I was mentioning like at 16, very impressionable. One sentence can change someone's life at that age. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You're very sensitive. Oh my gosh, it was something I was talking to someone about this and I was like, I'm like, it was just another Wednesday to you, but for me, it was like, it was traumatic. Right. Like it sticks with me forever. And you never know what those will be. You never know what moment that is for other people. This is the last comment I'll read.

You're the asshole. Your past trauma about your height should not be heaped upon your daughter. It's not her responsibility to protect your ego. And this is the one that I'm like, it's not, I don't think this is about ego for him. I think there are some people that like might overcompensate for certain things. And hey, if you feel you have to overcompensate for whatever reason, you feel less than like, I'm sorry. You feel you have to do that.

You absolutely don't. You can be yourself, but whatever, like you do you. But I don't think in this case, this is about his ego. It really feels like it is because of past trauma and more. So like he just needs an intervention of like more therapy. Yeah. I heard more about like he's scared to kind of dip back into that trauma and have a breakdown in public that he is to necessarily like be like, oh, I'm going to be the best looking.

Like I don't know. No. Yeah. There is no ego here. I feel like ego in a sense implies confidence and I'm going to Google ego. Kind of does. Doesn't it? Yeah.

Doesn't it feel like ego, a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. And he has the exact opposite here. He doesn't have any confidence. He's insecure about his height. It's not about ego here. Yeah. It's tricky. I mean words, you can make play on words with whatever.

Or maybe the daughter not wearing heels helps his ego and helps him feel more insecure. Sure. So maybe it is about ego. I don't know. I pronounce ruin wrong. So whatever. That was good. I've been practicing.

That was really good. Do you stay in the front of the mirror and repeat it? Sometimes. It's just really hard. I have a hard time with ruining. Ruining. It feels harder to say that than ruining. It's like a bumpy road.

Yeah. I can say like ruin, but like ruining. Just one step at a time. Yeah. One step at a time. There weren't any comments from OP though, just so we all know. No update so far. Two months ago-ish.

So we'll see if anything happens with the wedding. Update in 10 years. That's what I want. Yeah. Yeah, 10. Yeah. I let my daughter wear heels at her wedding. And we had the best father daughter dance.

That would be amazing. Yeah. Can you imagine if the podcast is still going in 10 years? I probably will be. Maybe. I don't know. We'll see. We're coming up on 100.

Episodes. Yeah. Yeah. It's next week. Yep. Amazing. 99 is pretty cool though, gotta say. Glad you're on this one with me.

Yeah. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying. Learn something each time. Do whatever it takes.

No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit www.waytoquit.org developed by CDC. We're going to get away from therapy for a second, but we'll come back to it. Oh, it's always there. Yeah, but honestly, maybe. Everyone needs therapy.

We all do. I need more. I need to start it back up again. Up next. Am I the asshole for stopping my husband from traveling? Throw away. For context, my husband loves to travel and sometimes he even does it solo. We went together in some countries and it was fun being with him doing so, but I got

pregnant over the pandemic. So we sat down to talk about it because it was an accident. I've always wanted a baby anyways, just not this soon. And my husband's reaction was expectedly caught off guard and he had mixed emotions. We both took it as a sign and wanted to keep the baby, but my husband says he still wants to travel and asked if I'm okay with it. My parents said they wanted to have a grandchild anyways and wanted it so bad that they even said they would watch him while we go out and have fun.

Before I was even pregnant, they said this. So I knew my baby would be in good hands if we still travel. So I said yes. We decided to go through with the pregnancy. Fast forward to now. Our baby is eight months and my husband is an incredible father. He hasn't been anywhere since the baby was born, but he did occasionally talk about where to go next to travel.

I honestly thought at this point that he should stay home and be a father because he's a parent now. He shouldn't be gone even for a day away from our baby. I told him this and he got a bit upset. He wanted to think things through about this, so he asked for a little mental space to not talk about the subject right now, which I agreed. But then, literally the next day, his college friend contacted him and invited him to a wedding in Taiwan.

He told me this and said his friend was the one who helped him go through a lot in his college years and at least give him maybe four or five days to visit there. I still said no because things changed. My husband exploded and said that I broke the promise I made while I was pregnant. He kept telling me to give the baby to my parents to watch, but I said we wouldn't be responsible parents if we do that. He kept claiming it's responsible because we know the baby will be safe, but I kept arguing back that it doesn't work that way and I can really take him to court if he wants to abandon

the baby. He broke his game system out of anger and has gotten silent afterwards. He only communicated about baby related things and won't talk to me about anything else. Am I the asshole? Don't break the game system. That's your escape. What do you mean break the game system? That, that is a red flag.

Breaking the game system? That is weird because you're purposely taking something that you take like, well I have a lot of joy in probably. Yeah. I feel like you think it's going to send some message. Send in the wrong message, fella. Yeah, it's a little anger management issues. As soon as someone starts throwing shit around and breaking shit, that's where me, like for

my relationship, I'd be like, no thanks. Okay, back to the story. That just, that was weird to me. That's anger management issues. Given the fact that I've never been a parent and I don't know when an acceptable time to take, you know, to take some time away from the baby is, I don't know. I don't know if it's before a year or if really after the first few months, if it's like cool to like go on a weekend trip and come back and that doesn't really affect too much.

I don't know, but just from like my gut feeling, I feel like it's getting kind of weird where yes, she definitely agreed to it and it was kind of like a hypothetical maybe. It wasn't like, yes, we're going on that trip then and here's where we're going. But it was more like, yeah, I'm down to like still travel and do things because I think we would, you know, we'd want to go somewhere. So it's kind of like, I think it's fine to step away. It might be really healthy to get away for a minute. And I don't think it's really going to adversely affect the child or the relationship with

the child from a time in their life when they really won't even remember a single thing, especially when you have very trustworthy and willing people to help. I mean, it doesn't mean you're going away for a month. No. But like you could take a few days off. I think you could take a week off. I don't see anything wrong with that. You can take a week off.

I see more of a problem in the relationship between you two because there's this weird like not communicating, not doing like, you know, I'm just seeing a huge disconnect in the relationship. Yeah. The child is what brought it up, but there's some, something definitely like that needs to be worked out. Absolutely. That's, I think, I kind of think it's irrelevant of the kid a little bit.

You think it's more just a, it speaks to them disconnecting. Well, it's like, obviously the kid is the focal point of the issue, but it's not hard to work together as a team. If you guys are, you know, truly a team and have each other's back to be like, you know yes, I think a break could be good and here's this. But if she's really adamant, no, I think we need to be here every day. I don't have the like parent knowledge to say, yeah, I can know what that feels like. Yeah.

Well, and I haven't read any of the comments from this one. Yeah. And so when I first read this story to pick it and I feel like in, I've had people ask me like, oh, do episodes where you don't read the stories, like do that every time. And it's a little hard, especially when I curate themes. And there's also just like a lot of posts on Reddit that quite frankly, aren't good. Well, and you could get like two paragraphs in and be like, and we'd be here for four hours.

I've done that before and it's miserable. Yeah. I mean, one idea could be, you know, Well, that's episode 100. You guys are finding the stories for me. See, there we go. Then I don't have to read any because then they're vetted at least. Yeah, exactly.

So I didn't read the comments for this one, but when I was first reading it, like the first time to pick it, I was just like, oh, she pulled a bait and switch. Like she said whatever she wanted to say to have the baby, keep the baby, have her husband stick along with the plan. Whenever she's... And then once, you know, the baby's here, it's like, no, you can't travel anymore. If you travel at all for even a day, you are a bad father. That makes us irresponsible parents.

And then as I'm reading it just now, I'm like, okay, something bigger might be going on with OP mentally. And sometimes when people experience postpartum depression, they have this like fear that they cannot leave their baby. They cannot leave their baby alone, even with trusted people. If they're not with the baby, something's going to happen to the baby. There's a lot of irrational fears that can come up. And so I'm wondering if, you know, as a new mom, a first time mom, that maybe there's

just some mental health stuff going on here. That could be. I didn't even think about that. Yeah. So I'm like, I didn't think about it the first time I read it, but going back now, I'm like, oh my God. And I'm really scared to read the comments on this one because the overall vote is asshole. See, now I know how I feel every time.

You're putting me out on the slides like, huh, here's a test. Let's see how he does. Yeah. And then I have to fumble my way through it and hope that I'm not like totally off. No, I think you're doing really good this episode. This episode. Well, most, most episodes. Okay.

So the top comment on this one, which this one was posted four days ago. So still pretty new. Fresh. The top comment is you're the asshole. You threatened to take your husband to court over checks notes, wanting to leave the baby with a babysitter to go to a wedding. Yeah. That was weird.

Really weird. Which makes me even think like OP is literally grasping at straws, just doing anything to keep him home, like something seriously going on. Yeah. That's not child abandonment. Also, why can't you stay with the baby and or his parents for three days while he goes to a wedding? Next person down, this, I would have been mad too if my spouse accused me of child abandonment

for going to a wedding for a week, not only accused, but threatened to take to court. I noticed no mention of leaving him though. So what was the point of the threat? So OP should look up the definition of child abandonment. Yeah. See, this is where we have no clue. Like this is where Matt and Amy could have been like, fuck yeah, you got to get out of there.

You can leave right now. What are you doing? Well, and they traveled really early. Like you. Okay. Yeah. I don't think there's a specific time when you can and can't travel after a kid. Like obviously, if you are the one that birthed your child, you're going to be healing, especially

if you had a C-section, which you're going through a lot of layers of stuff, muscle, skin, fat, like it takes a long time for all of that to heal. And so just depending on where you're at, but I don't think there's like a right timeline, especially like if your baby's on formula, it's a little easier to leave formula behind. But if you're breastfeeding, you can pump milk ahead of time, depending on your supply. There's things you can do to prepare yourself and your family for watching your baby or a sitter or whatever route you're doing. So I don't think there's a standard of when you can and can't leave your baby.

No, it's probably, you probably just want to be there like majority of the time, right? To be kind of that parent. Yeah, obviously. Exactly. And your baby is a formative little stage in life, SIDS is a thing. You want to bond with your baby, like all this stuff. But they're going to be okay if you're gone for a weekend and then they have a chance to bond with, you know, your parents.

You can go to a wedding. Yes. You don't need space away from your baby. You need to remember the intimacy between you and your partner and your relationship. And you can't just forget about that and just fall completely into the parent role. You're also still a partner. Yeah. So take a trip, go to a wedding, have fun.

You have the support, which a lot of people don't have. Right. Take advantage of it. Well, and I realize as I usually do, I never answer the actual question that's being asked. I just analyze and I never give an answer with you bringing up kind of maybe the postpartum and the mental health stuff. It's hard to use a word like asshole. You know, you could say, yeah, maybe you're in the wrong, but we don't know your mental

state. Yeah. So without knowing that, I'm not going to be like, she's an asshole. I mean, it comes off as kind of like, yeah, you're an asshole because you were like, yo, I'm going to like bring you to court and shit. Like that's a little asshole vibes, but it's hard to know because of the edits or updates or anything. There's a couple of comments from OP.

Nothing as far as like a formal update and only two responses from what I see. And it's the top one. You're the asshole. You threaten to take your husband over to court over checks notes. And OP responds, he shouldn't be gone over a day. I can understand local ones for a few hours, but days is too much. He wouldn't be a father figure. Oh, she's serious.

And people are like, what? Like wouldn't be a father figure. Deadbeat dads are ones that dip out for like extended periods of time. This is a week for a friend's wedding. Yeah. Well, think about even non-deadbeat dads that just by nature of their job travel and they're still going to be a great dad. They can still be a perfect dad.

Absolutely. Think about people in the services, the armed forces. Yeah. They're gone for months at a time. Some are gone. Unfortunately, while they're partners giving birth. And they can still be great dads. Exactly.

Like that's not OP. Yeah. Something's going on. Yeah. The next comment that they respond to is info. Is it a baby or a hostage situation? Why did you change your mind about occasionally putting your baby in the care of relatives or caring for the child solo for a few days?

And OP responds and goes, I didn't think of it at the time, but after having the baby, us parents should always be with him. Are you confused now? Are you kind of like, is it, is it, is it? No, I think it, I think something's meant, it's meant to health for me. Yeah. Okay. Intervention is needed.

Not just like a change of heart, like actually, like different chemistry, because that's a big switch. I mean, that's like turning it up to a hundred. We can never be apart from the baby. Okay. He's going to turn 18 eventually and he's going to want to leave your ass. That is concerning too, actually. Like what, what do you mean?

You can't be apart from the baby. And it is scary, like as a new mom, I, I can imagine, but that's not healthy. Yeah. That's really interesting. So looking at the comments, Reddit only lets you search what's loaded on the page, but I will say, I am scrolling, scrolling, scrolling way, way down the page. And the first comment that mentions postpartum, at least the way I spelled it, is so far down the page, it has 40 upvotes, like no one was mentioning it up top.

That's interesting. Yeah. I mean, my mind didn't go there, I, you know, between when you read it and I, the second to think. Yeah. My mind didn't go there. So I assume kind of the general public, maybe also the, the vast majority of Reddit users, who knows, maybe haven't gone through this.

I don't know. I can see that. It just, I'm just relating like maybe I didn't know, and maybe a lot of people that wouldn't be their first thought, maybe since you've, you know, you've had all the healthcare stuff. So you would be quicker to kind of catch on to something like that. Yeah. I mean, postpartum depression is like so different for everyone. And I don't even know if it's listed as a common symptom.

So I'm like, okay, let me just like look and see if it's a common to like symptom. And there's like, of course, it's like depressed mood, severe swings, crying too much, difficulty bonding with your baby, with drawing from family and friends, overwhelming tired or loss of energy, less interest and pleasure and activities used to enjoy, fear that you're not a good mother, which kind of translates into that, like this fear of like, no, we'd be irresponsible parents if we left our baby. It's kind of like the gym people, no days off. Yeah.

And like, you need days off, severe anxiety or panic attacks. So like, you never know if that's like playing into it, where the anxiety about leaving the baby. So I don't know, it's, it's interesting, but like something is definitely up here that needs to be addressed. Yeah. Yeah. Um, the comment does end off like, have you been diagnosed with postpartum depression,

mouth illness or psychosis of any kind? And then they just like, they have this whole thing that they write out and then they go, people's lives do not stop for the 18 years it takes to raise a child to adulthood. Normal good, healthy parents have lives outside of their children. Yeah. Please seek counseling. Yeah. So I hope an intervention is provided.

You tried to get away from therapy, but there it was right there, you can never get away from therapy. I guess not. And you shouldn't run from it. If you need it, fucking seek it. Life is so much better with help. It's been chasing me down for a long time, but it hasn't caught me. It's going to.

We're, um, we're going to do a couple of therapy. I think everyone should do it, especially like in a long-term serious relationship. No. Justin, you're Mr. Communicate. You should be preaching therapy. Well, you know, maybe if I have a lapse in my communication. Yeah, you think your communication is that good? No, probably not.

I think, I think therapy is great for everyone. I mean, you don't have to be the expert in something to give advice on something. So, I mean, everyone can mess up. Yeah. Moving along. Okay, so this next one, I don't think I need any trigger warnings. This whole episode might have needed a trigger warning. Like a lot of these are kind of traumatic.

This one does involve an attack. So like a, an assault. Okay. This one's from relationship advice and it is titled, struggling to stay faithful and remain attracted to my 34 male wife, 28 female after we experienced a violent attack together. Not sure what to do. Okay. I can't talk to anyone about this for obvious reasons.

I even tried speaking to a therapist and they made me feel so low I haven't gone back since. My wife and I have been together for six years, married for three. We currently have a bundle of joy on the way and she's about five months along. My wife was always on the fence about kids, but I was adamant about wanting them. And now that it's becoming so real, I'm not sure anymore. I feel like I've just been on autopilot. And after spending this whole week buying baby stuff, I need to figure it out. Last year, my wife and I were at the park relaxing like we do almost every weekend.

And someone yelled at us for speaking in my native language, Korean. My wife is trying to learn to because she's not Korean or Asian at all, but wants to only speak Korean at home to make sure our family is fully bilingual and they don't lose their culture. We were practicing out loud and sharing a snack and this guy just walks up to us out of nowhere with wild racist bullshit. He kicked our food and there was some arguing and while I was calling the police with my back turned, he tried to hit me with a pretty large rock.

My wife jumped in between and ended up taking the full force of the hit, which literally busted her forehead open and knocked her out cold for almost a minute. I rushed my wife to the hospital and the guy ran off and was eventually caught by police a few weeks later. My wife needed 14 stitches right across her face and had two black eyes and blood in them both. Her face was swollen beyond recognition for a few days too and when she fell, she messed up an old knee injury too.

So when she got out of the hospital the next day in the half, her face was covered in bandages and she was limping, but she was still cracking jokes in the ER. After the bandages and stitches came out, she was told she would need to wait at least a year before having her scar surgically fixed or whatever treatments. But now that the year has almost passed, I've started hinting at her scheduling appointments and such. This entire time I've been struggling with remaining attracted to her, despite it, but I didn't tell her since I didn't want to be cruel.

She's now saying she doesn't think she wants to get anything done because she wants to save the money for the baby. I've offered to pay for half of it and she still hasn't really looked into having anything done. I've also pushed back her meeting my parents again because of this. They live outside of our country, hence why they haven't met yet, and bringing her around my friends since it happened. Another part of me is also just sort of mad she even did it.

I feel like half of a man now and I've had to delete myself off of dating apps before making a mistake and been channeling it all at the gym, but every time I look at her, I'm reminded of all of those feelings. She hasn't changed a bit besides the scar. She's obviously handled it way better than I did. And somehow it's making me love her less. This plus the pregnancy, I don't even know what to do. I thought about asking for a hall pass, but I know without a doubt she will leave me.

I thought about taking care of my needs on the side so I can be the man she needs me to be, but I know she will eventually find out and she will hate me and make my life hell. Or leave me a single father and I will never hear from her again. I just wish it had never happened, but I really need some other perspective or opinions on this. The fuck? This is a big one. Where do I begin?

This lady's a badass, first of all. Seriously, selfless. Making jokes in the ER? Yeah, probably can cuss out of her mind too. I love it. Wow, okay, this is a roller coaster. I have not read. I didn't expect the hall pass thing.

This is like every twist and turn and it's a lot. I haven't read any comments on this one, so we're both kind of in the same position. Okay, well, let's do this together. Okay, okay, we got this. The first part I'm thinking about is let's talk about the actual event, right? I would be kind of shocked, maybe a little traumatized if, you know, if this happened and you jumped in front of me and I witnessed that, that'd be fucked up. And I don't know if it would make me feel less of a man per se, because it's not like

I went, oh my God, babe. And then you like, I like hid behind you and it happened to you. Like there's nothing you could really control. I mean, this badass, you know, she jumped right in and said, fuck it, I got this. Which is, you know, who knows how you react when crazy shit happens. Fuck whoever this person is. I hope they're still in jail and not fucking doing well, because what the fuck, what was that about?

No, I'm not even going to get to that. That's just... Don't give the racist piece of shit airtime. No, and it just, it'll make me upset. But I'm just, this is manifesting itself in so many interesting ways. I mean, it's really her body, her choice when it comes to, you know, this. This is classic, like guy, oh, you know, my wife put on weight or my girlfriend did X and whatever.

It's just kind of like this whole trying to control your partner thing. Though you are opening up, right? Yeah. I mean, you're at least putting them on here, but we've hit this topic before. When someone becomes, you know, take the, put the crazy attack and event to the side. When someone becomes less attractive to you, then sure, maybe it is tied to an event like this. You're truly losing attraction and then maybe like along the lines, maybe that falls out

of love and whatever, what's the, what's the correct course of action? Because you are, you're being true to yourself, you're being true to your feelings. Me as a person, I'm not one of the people that's so like, you always have to look this certain way. You have to hold up the standard. You need a wear makeup. You need to do this. Like, I mean, I'm kind of the guy who's like, be you.

And I like, I'm with you and I'm down for you. And that's you as a person. And no matter what, like you're always going to be beautiful to me. You're always going to be like, it's not, it's not changing. And so for someone where it actually does change, what's the correct course of action? Cause of course you read this and you're like asshole times a million. Cause you're just, you're, you're having this weird response. But if someone truly feels that way, you don't want to say no, hide it and stick in

it forever cause then you guys are going to blow up eventually and it's like not good for her. No. And I think I look at this thing and I'm like, I think he's just dealing with a lot of trauma from this whole thing. And I don't know if it would be like post traumatic stress. So you think it's not like actually losing attraction. It's that this scar is a reminder of this traumatic event and I can't get out of that nightmare.

Yeah. Because I think in his head, he feels like a failure. He couldn't protect his wife. Well, and that's the story they have to tell, I guess over and over to everyone who asks about it. Yeah. And why he's like, he's not even bringing her around his friends. I think, you know, and he's Korean, it sounds like his parents still live there.

So he probably grew up there. So I'm unsure of the culture. Maybe there's a lot of like those more like traditional norms where the man is the provider, the protector. And him failing in that moment really, it shot him down. He feels like a failure. And so looking at that scars or a reminder of everything, he isn't. I'm not a protector.

I'm not a man. I'm not this. I'm not that. So I think this is all kind of like a therapy thing again. It's kind of like he's got this crazy mental block and this whole thing going on internally where he doesn't feel worthy or whatever this mental block is. It's definitely there though. And the fact that he's going on dating apps and thinking about asking your five months

pregnant wife for a hall pass, that seems like a good, that seems like an easy way to get murdered. That was surprising. Like, dude, what the fuck? And she's such a champ too. Like she's, she's doing it all. Yeah. Well, and I think the most like fucking angry thing about this in my head is he did try

to go to therapy. He tried to put in the work at the very beginning, but he was met with a therapist that as he put it, um, I even tried speaking to a therapist and they made me feel so low. I haven't gone back since and what's up with that? Well, and this is a thing. It keeps coming up in our lives and I personally have had some really shitty therapists. I went to a couple in-person ones twice, one here in LA and one in Minnesota that both were just like so condescending and judgmental that I'm like, mm, how do you get to the point

of being a therapist? I don't know. And I've worked with a couple. I have worked with a couple therapists and LMFTs that just shouldn't be in the field. Whether it was from burnout, being exhausted, being over it, but they shouldn't be in the, they shouldn't have been in the field. They should have taken a break, stepped back, done whatever they needed to do, but like, there's some shitty people out there.

And so I think recently this has come up for us because father knows something had an advertiser and people are like, they're terrible. I had a bad experience and I think, you know, for me, I've tried it and I had a great experience, but I had great providers and I think for anyone out there that's considering therapy or has tried therapy and it hasn't worked, if you get one of these shitty providers and they're out there, there are shitty fucking providers out there in any field, any field. There's shitty people out there, any area of life, any field, any profession, anything. If you find a shitty therapist, go to the next one.

Like you can hop around, do it for you, right? You can doctor shop a shitty one. They don't deserve your money, your time, your energy, your vulnerability. Is it the downfall of everything in your life? Yeah, fuck them. Don't give them another breath. So if you get someone that makes you feel lower than you already feel, first of all, report them to the clinic you're going to, to whatever service you're using, report them.

And find the next one because there are amazing, just like there's shitty ones, there are amazing, amazing therapists out there and providers and whatever you're looking for. So I'm really, I look at this and I think the root problem for him is he needs to go to therapy, he needs to get over this trauma or at least work through it, process it. He's holding on to maybe even guilt. I don't know what it is, but. So now that I've sat with it for a second, I still don't know how we, yes, we're associating maybe the scar with this traumatic event and maybe from the norms from back home

and how you're raised, it is putting this block. Yeah. How does that then turn into? Cheating. I'm on dating apps and I would like a hall pass. Versus just like I want a divorce. Well, versus like you're losing attraction, but you haven't. I mean, when as your attraction's fading, is your love going right with it?

Like, you know, if you become, it's kind of what we're talking about first. Yeah. If they're like falling at the same time because this seems pretty quick to be like, well, let's see, let's see what's out there. And then you're on your app and like you're considering even asking for a hall pass. How does it get that far? Based on a lot of the stories I've read and life and whatever, I think a lot of people correlate love with attraction.

I don't think there's, I think some people cannot be attracted initially and because of their love for that person, they find attraction. Yes. But I think there's some people that like they need to be attracted to someone to even invest time and energy and fall in love. And so then I think when that attraction starts to slip. They're like, out, I'm out, I'm out. Honestly, I think so.

I think there are some people that just can't disassociate the two. Could be. Are we ready for the comments? Yes. I'm a little scared to be honest. I'm not. Let's get it. Okay.

Top comment. Also post has been removed now. No comments from OP that I can see because the account has now been suspended. But the top comment is, LOL, what an asshole you are. Your wife bravely took an incredibly painful hit for you, which has disfigured her now. And your solution is to offer to pay for half of the treatment or to sleep with someone else.

Yeah. Yeah. Ask her for a hall pass. Let her leave you. She deserves someone who loves her more. And someone goes, pain for half? Half? After she saved him, he could at least offer to foot the whole bill,

which I do agree with that, but everyone handles their finances differently. Maybe they're a couple that have separate finances. I'm not, I don't know, whatever. And someone goes, that part is weird. Since they're married, they wouldn't both be paying her medical bills anyways. Someone else goes, what's that quote from crazy rich Asians? It's not my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not.

It's disgusting behavior what you are proposing. You need to talk to someone professional because resentment is building and your relationship will break if you go on. Jesus fucking Christ. What? That's what they put in there. Oh yeah, that's totally, I mean, it's dead on. Yeah.

There is another, there's not like a lot of like key comments I see so far. I think this one, because it got removed probably pretty early, it just doesn't really have a lot going on. It is rather unique from almost any story I feel like we've ever encountered. Well, I don't know if we've had a racist attack like this. Or any attack like this. No, this is pretty gruesome. Like hitting people with rocks.

What a fucking psychopath. So someone like copies basically everything OP says, and they go, you and your wife survived a racist physical attack that included her taking a pretty large rock to the head. And the scar she sustained in doing so turns you off so much you want to dot, dot, dot cheat on her because you feel like half a man and sleeping with someone else will make you feel manly instead of being a good partner to your spouse

who loves you. Right. Why do you think that is? Why do you think that having a strong wife makes you less of a man? What did the therapist say that made you feel low? Did they ask you to work on your conceptions of manliness and maleness and why you have those conceptions? Did they ask you to think about the reasons you might think this way

about the female male relationships and power dynamics? Please go back to therapy. Please don't cheat on your wife. There's a lot to consider with this one. And I don't I don't want to make it seem like I'm giving him too easy of a time because of the trauma and like obviously what he's asking for and what he's writing or read it about is definitely shitty. Well, that's what I think it is.

I think it's so kind of like, wait, what? How did we get here? Yeah. And it's more like, oh, well, maybe it's associating the scar with the trauma that we can't get past. And that's why we're having these irrational reactions. Yeah. That's where it comes into play.

That's not giving him any slack. That's just speculating as to why the fuck do you go from, oh, this happened to us, my wife has a scar and now I want to be with other people. It's illogical and we're trying to actually put a little bit of logic to say, hey, maybe it could relate to this, but it still doesn't make it all right, fine and dandy. It's like there's still some serious shit to figure out. Absolutely.

But that just might be a pathway to say, here's how you go from A to this crazy Z. Yeah. I'm trying to search the post too to see if there's any therapist that have actually responded to this one and been like, hey, I'm a therapist. And based on what you're writing, I think this, but I don't see anything along those lines. If you are a therapist and have like a take on this one, I'd love to see the comment in the YouTube or the Instagram post.

Instagram post, I do see everyone since there's not as many comments on it. But that would be great to have your take and especially if you're like a trauma informed therapist or if you're certified, but very, very interesting. I do, like, yeah, yes, in this sense, like he does suck, but he's also gone through something serious and you have to give him a little bit of grace and hope that they get back to that with proper therapy and like also everyone's commenting like, you're the asshole, blah, blah, blah, like asshole, this and that. Um, what an asshole you are.

But like, he's also not writing on, am I the asshole? He's writing on relationship advice. He's, he's like, not sure what to do. He's asking for help. And so I, I hope he sees all of the therapy comments that are there and yeah, and pursues it. Yes. Moving along.

Right alone. Right along. Upward and forward. I don't know if it's going up, but it's going forward. Okay. The thought of my son's growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters.

I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit

waytoquit.org developed by CDC. We're getting through a lot of stories today. Okay. Am I the asshole for screwing up my brother's adoption on purpose? My brother, 32 male and his wife, 34 female have fertility issues and chose adoption. Our family is very wealthy. So they went the route of finding mothers directly.

The way my brother describes it, they are trading support during the pregnancy for the baby at the end. They found a very sweet woman, Sarah, 19 female, who is very poor. Sister-in-law messaged her from a post Sarah made on a buy nothing group, asking for prenatal vitamins. After several meetups, Sarah agreed that she has very few options. She signed paperwork that allows my brother and sister-in-law to pay for and attend her appointments throughout the pregnancy.

Another form of support they offered her was talking to me. Because I went through routine pregnancy at 17. I'm now 24 and my son is seven. When I first met her, she was amazed that I had managed to keep my son. We've continued to meet up over the last three months and have gotten close. About two weeks ago, I was hanging out with Sarah after one of her appointments. She was quiet and sad. After some prompting, she told me she was devastated that she couldn't raise

her son like I could. She said it was painful to have my brother and sister-in-law in the room, discussing her son's future. Here's where I screwed up. I felt awful that Sarah felt trapped into giving up her baby. I never had to consider giving up my son. My parents literally just gave us all enough money slash real estate, etc. That I could never work again and still raise my son with luxuries.

So I asked her how much money she thought she would need in order to keep her son. She was confused by the question. I told her that her son was her first son and I would help her keep him if she actually wanted to. She seemed shocked and left the restaurant without saying much. Three days ago, she told me she had done the math and she sent me a thorough spreadsheet, including medical care, rent and food during her recovery, which she only allowed herself three weeks for and very limited baby supplies.

The list was very cheap and included a schedule for how she would pay me back. We met up and I told her I would give her everything she asked for, plus significantly more supplies and higher rent for a longer period of time. I also told her I would pay for vocational training and that she didn't have to pay me back. She was floored and accepted everything except for insisting on a schedule for repayment, which I don't plan on enforcing. She backed out of the adoption that night.

Both my brother and sister-in-law are heartbroken and live it with both of us. She had to block them and I moved temporarily because they keep showing up to yell at me. I know I went out of my way to stop their adoption and I feel awful that I hurt them, but I couldn't watch it happen. Knowing all Sarah needed to keep her son was the small amount of money I could easily give her. Am I the asshole?

I don't think so. No, I, this was a, for, for the couple, this was a recipe for disaster from the beginning, right? Cause you're putting someone who's been through this and has come out so successfully from it with such a beautiful relationship with their kid and such love that they were able to have that. You know, I mean, I think when you go through life, you think of a teen pregnancy as, as one of the biggest fears you grew up with.

As soon as you turn, you know, to, to middle teens, you're like, Oh God, like, like that's like the nightmare. I mean, that's why they made a show about it. Cause it's like, it's people are like, Oh, I don't want that to happen to me. But there's so many people that end up getting pregnant and having kids and just like have such beautiful outcomes. Yeah, it's hard. It's just hard.

Like it's not that you can't be a teen parent and it's not that, like your kids are any less happy and loved, but you just struggle harder than you probably needed to. 100%. It's an uphill battle. It's built into you as you start to get to like a sexual age, like not that you physically cannot. It's just that you mentally, at least me mentally, I'm like, I cannot have that

happen. Well, and I also think that depends on what, like where you come from and your culture, because like my mom, my mom was like, you're not getting pregnant. No sex before marriage. Yeah. I'm just saying it was ingrained in me. Yeah. And so I think it just, it just depends on your family.

But there was, there's so many examples then that I saw of just it working out so well, just going in with this girl as kind of the one that's going to help you through it and the advice and everything. This isn't surprising. This is like, actually, I, I kind of enjoyed it. This one almost felt wholesome to me. In a sense it does. And I'm like, this is kind of great because you found someone that's struggling and,

you know, through spending time with her trying to help her, you found out, you know, maybe this isn't the best outcome for her. Yeah. And I don't know the legal ramification or any, I don't know if there are whatever. I don't know if there are. And so I just don't know if like when you sign, however they're doing this, I've never heard of like the direct contact and like this adoption method, right? I don't know if there's a contract or I don't know what that is or if it's like kind

of taking advantage of someone. Yes. It felt a little weird to me. Yes. Okay. I will just like get this out because I, I scrolled and I do see the top comment and it is with 13,000 upvotes, not the asshole. What they did was predatory.

Okay. That's what I thought, especially when I heard 19 and poor and all these things. I'm like, this sounds a little dicey. Well, and the fact that she wasn't posting on a, an adoption website. She wasn't posting to find parents for her baby. She was posting on a Facebook page asking for prenatal vitamins. Yeah. Right.

So I was very confused as you were reading because I'm like, this just doesn't. No, they're preying upon a poor girl that just wants was best for her baby. And they're just twisting the knife with that one. Oh yeah. Okay. This is, this is like very manipulative and very weird. There's some predatory fuckers and they need to be reported. I actually need to be like blacklisted.

I actually kind of got there myself. I just fumbled my words to find out like, Oh, this is really fucked up. You did good. I just had to think through it, but I do really love the outcome and I love that, you know, someone from wealth and prosperity is sticking out to help them and really give them a beautiful start because they know what it's like to go through it and then to be able to go through it and not, you know, necessarily have to worry about staying alive or finances to the point where, you know,

you're worried about losing your home and all that. It's a really awesome outcome. I didn't realize as you're reading it, like little things were sticking out to me. That's kind of like, wait, wait, wait, and then you just keep listening. But God, when you put them all in front of you, you're like, this is, this is fucking weird. Alarm bells were ringing. And I remember when I first read it, I was like, okay, this is the way that they found her is not normal, especially for a family that does have money, that they

could go through the right channels. And I thought for a second as you're reading, I'm like, this, I just kind of went with it because I don't have a lot of experience with this. I don't either. I'm like, okay, okay, like I almost, which is probably a bad thing. I almost kind of assumed that they were doing it in an official way, right? Yeah. But okay.

I know, right? Like not good at all. And I just, oh, it's just weird. And I don't know. Fuck them though. This is like. They're terrible. They're absolutely terrible.

But I, I don't know. I've ended up on like a really interesting side of TikTok lately where there's this like influencer, Brittany Dawn or something like that. And she was fostering a little baby. And I say fostering like very air quotes loosely. She's a very problematic person based on like a lot of the TikToks I've been seeing and like basically gave personal information about the birth mother that she wasn't supposed to basically saying she's a minor.

The baby got taken away for drug use. Like exploiting this baby for social media content, all this shit. And kind of implying like, I'm going to adopt this baby, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so I learned a lot through this conversation on TikTok where like fostering isn't always meant to lead to adoption. Fostering in the goal is more like reunification and getting the baby back to the family, the birth mom. Whoever, um, on, you know, the baby's family side.

And so I've just kind of come across this a lot. But then there's been a couple of videos I saw, um, from this little boy that was adopted and essentially he was like sold. And so his adoptive mom in the States, the United States, is trying to now help him find his birth mom and his family. And it happens from all over. And it's just, I think there are good ways and actual, like proper channels to go through adoption because there are birth parents that want to find happy,

loving homes for their kids. But I think if you're going to adopt, go through like actual vetted ethical agencies, like these are little humans. These are little babies. Like just this whole thing, it's really just weird. I mean, like with anything, you know, adoption is a. Is a beautiful thing. Yeah.

But there's always a dark side to things. And there's things that people will always exploit and find ways to make not such a beautiful thing, but at its core, it is a beautiful thing. Just when done in the right way and for the right reasons. Yeah. No, like white savior complex stuff too. It's just, it's a whole thing. That's a whole nother rabbit hole.

Just it's hard. I'm like sitting here fumbling my words through because I'm like, I'm not that educated on adoption and like have a friend that was adopted who is really thankful she was, but she also went through a lot of trauma because of it. So it's a fine line. And you just want to make sure that everyone comes out of that situation whole and is provided the appropriate resources and therapy and can heal and be whole, just a whole, yeah.

Anyways, there are a shit ton of comments from OP. Oh, I just, yeah. Oh, on the post too. Okay. Like there's, there's comments, comments galore. Of course, post has been removed from moderators, but I still see OP's comments, which is really helpful. Okay.

Um, so the top one was the fact that they, it was super predatory and they go on to say good on you. Next comment down for real. I can't get over how straight up dastardly their actions were. You can't tell me sister-in-law found that girl's post by accident. And OP, definitely not. Nope. And OP says, nope, it was not an accident.

And they, so OP says, definitely not an accident. Adoption is very common in high wealth circles like my families and seeking out Facebook posts or even responses to job listings is very common for people who don't want the long wait of going through an agency. Okay. That is literally praying on a vulnerable community. Yeah. Um, someone goes, you did the right thing.

They can always go through an agency. And if they cry about expenses, which I'm sure they may be ready, unless it was written contract, this could have ended at any time by Sarah. Sounds like they went, quote, let's find a poor pregnant woman and take her baby. Yep. Kind of fucked up in my opinion. Feels like human trafficking in a way, which, which is what the video that I saw with the mom helping her, her son find his birth mom, she literally called it.

She was like, it was really hard coming to their realization that I participated in human trafficking. Like wrap your head around that. Just so there's a lot of other comments on the post. I'll be sure to post the links, but let's get into some responses from OP, uh, someone goes info, were they not able to adopt an already born baby? Is the process of seeing a pregnancy through really that important to them? OP goes, I didn't ask their reasoning for the pregnancy versus born baby thing.

I know that they were very excited to go to all the appointments and sister-in-law asked me a lot of questions about my ultrasound appointments and what they were like. Someone basically goes, not the asshole. Sarah didn't want to give up her son, but felt she had no other option. You, out of the kindness of your heart, gave her another option. Your brother and sister-in-law should go through an adoption agency. If they want to adopt a child from what you have described, what they did sounds super sketchy and OP goes, I have to admit, it bothered me from the start.

But I wouldn't have offered if Sarah hadn't told me she was upset. Which like, thank God she did. Right. And you could see someone in that situation not speaking up, not speaking their feelings. No. I guess a little props to the, props to the OP too, for giving her a comfortable space to open up like that. That's a dicey position to be in.

I just like, I'm so, so happy she had this person to confide in because otherwise she would be giving up a baby that she doesn't want to give up. Yeah, craziness. And 19, my mom, my mom had my older brother, Matt, at 19. It is very doable. Yeah. Like this baby was almost stolen from her. Literally, she almost had her baby stolen.

And this is just what pisses me off. How there's not enough resources for people who, oh, this just leads a slippery fucking slope every time, but with like a adoption and abortion and people say, oh, we'll just put it up, put it up for adoption, which that one is not easy. And two, like the foster system is really messed up. And three, we should provide people the support if they want to keep their baby. Like, it's very frustrating to me. All of this stuff, very, just like, it's just so, so challenging.

But I already know because of this story, what nonprofit we're going to be headed towards this week. I will say, like someone asked last week, they're like, you didn't highlight the nonprofit again. And I might not do it every week. Like there might be a week where the previous week was so well received that we might plug it again. I have a lot of my plate, but I don't want to let anyone down.

So I'm going to try to figure out the best way to maintain the year of change while also finding good causes that speak to us, all of us here, the community and actually our good organizations. So this one will be geared towards low income mothers. So it'll be in the description if I forget to mention that at the end. But yeah, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of comments from OP. Someone deleted this one, but I do like OP's response. And they're saying that's a big reason why I offered the vocational training.

She does have a large family and plenty of friends. But I'm the only friend capable of this level of financial support. Hopefully we'll continue being friends. But if not, I still want her to have the training so she'll have career options. So not only is OP an amazing little person and helping Sarah out, like to keep her baby, support her initially, but she's also setting Sarah up for her future, which is just such a selfless, incredible thing. I think she sees a little bit of herself in her too.

I mean, it's just, they're bonding over this experience. And she just has a good heart to say, I want you to have the experience. I did. Yeah. Uh, someone else comments, not the asshole. And as, as an adopted child myself, I applaud your efforts. And OP goes, wow, thank you. That is the perspective that I care the most about, at least when it

comes to internet strangers. My mother has been repeatedly telling me I stole a wealthy future from the child. On top of stealing the child from my brother. The only one that guilt trip fucking one on one and the only one stealing a baby from a vulnerable person was your brother and sister-in-law. Yeah. But the moms just messed up too. We just found out.

What the fuck? Wow. Yeah. I, I hope a wealthy future. Yeah. Like, I don't even know if I like want these people to adopt, but God, I hope they don't, I don't think they're going to stop at this is what I'll say.

I don't think this will be like, Oh, well, this one messed up. And so we're done. We're not going to pursue adoption anymore. You know, that's not the case. So I just hope that this time they choose to go through the appropriate channels. Well, you know, OP has the choice to kind of say her thoughts and not be involved. If that's what it comes to. I agree.

The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes, we did it.

So can you for free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC. OK, this is the last, last one for this episode. OK. We do have a couple others from this theme, though, that will be going over to Patreon. So be sure to head over there. So this one is titled, Am I the asshole for yelling at my brother and kicking him out of my house? My 28 female brother, 33 male, and I have a difficult relationship.

All because I started dating his best friend, 34 male, eight years ago. And for him, that was an unforgivable betrayal. And I know that to this day, he still thinks the same. That's why our relationship is almost non-existent even now. I apologized thousands of times for falling in love with his best friend and for not having been able to fall in love with someone else. But he never forgave me. We only see each other at family parties and that's it.

He didn't attend our wedding and didn't want to meet our children. Six female, four female, two female when they were born either. So you can imagine how much he hates me. A few days ago, we celebrated our mom's 62 females birthday at my house because hers was being renovated. Well, my mom begged him to come because she is sick and she doesn't know if she will be able to celebrate her birthday with us next year. And he accepted her invitation and went to my house.

Of course, since he arrived, he made it clear that he was only there for our mom and that he was not interested in playing happy family with me or my kids. I kept quiet because I wanted my mom to have a good day and ignored him. After cutting the cake, my mom opened her gifts. And one of those gifts was an album of the most important moments of all of her children and grandchildren, something that for some reason she asked for a few months ago. And she was so happy with the album that she started looking at all the photos

and showing them to the guests while remembering when she took each photo of us, her children. In that album, there were photos of my brother with my husband at their high school graduation. My husband was included because he and my brother have been friends since they were babies. So he is like another son to her. And when my brother saw them, he said something like, quote, What a nice picture. No one would suspect that you would fuck my little sister a few years later. My sister, 31 female, told him to shut up, that he was being rude,

but he didn't stop and kept looking at the photos to say things that nobody wanted to hear. So I got tired and asked him to leave my house. I told him that he was being rude and inconsiderate with our mother and that I didn't want him there. And of course, he stormed off and now he thinks that the villain of the movie is me. Chalk. And the worst thing is that one of our sisters, 36 female, thinks the same thing because she thinks that I should have kept quiet since it's my fault that he's like that.

Am I the asshole? No, your brother is a selfish little asshole. Couldn't keep it together for one day. Mom's birthday just couldn't keep it together. What I find very interesting is the term best friend. Hmm. Because the brother might be throwing around this term like, oh, my best friend, my best friend. You're clearly not this guy's best friend.

If you were a best friend, you would want your best friend to be happy. And as a sibling, I think you'd want your sibling to be happy. Even if it means you have to compromise a little bit of the fact of having family and your best friend separate. Yeah. But what's really the big deal here? You have two people that met in an organic way. You might have been caught in the middle of it.

Boohoo. That's life. And now you're pissed for life. You're this mad for life. I could see someone being like, ah, shit. My sister and my best friend met and they love each other. And like, I can see how you could be like, fuck, like, you know, those were two separate areas and now they're one, whatever.

Yeah. But that selfish, you know, after a while, that becomes very selfish. And now you, they're clearly happy together. They have kids, children together. Three kids. They're thriving together as far as we know. And you're still pouting over this thing. Eight years later, you have some serious problems.

Therapy time. You have some big problems. Like this is, this is weird. This is weird to still hold this big of a grudge to where you're going to come. Like the comments didn't surprise me. Of course, you're going to point out the picture of like your old pride and joy moment that you've lost forever, which you could still be having. You could still be having this great friendship and you ruined it.

And you could have had this beautiful family dynamic with your mom, sister, everybody. So I don't think- Which begs the question. What's the issue? Him. No, but why? Why does he care so much? I get early on.

He's in love with them. I have no fucking idea. That could be, I guess. But that just like hit my, hit me out of nowhere. I'm like, wait. But like really what's the issue then? Because I get early on where you're like, don't shit where I eat, dude. Like this is my best friend.

If you guys break up, it's going to be awkward. I'm, I can't, I'm going to keep hanging out with my best friend. Even if it goes south. So I get early on- Early on, yeah. Like, oh yeah, I'd be annoyed. I'd be pissed off about it. Like, dude, this is my best friend.

Like you couldn't have found someone else. But now that they've been together for eight years and have three kids- Time to get over it. They're tied together for life. Like even if they got divorced, they're co-parenting together forever. So you don't need to lose your friend. So I'm sitting here, my wheels are turning and I'm like, what's the issue then? At his core, what's his problem?

Why does he resent her so bad? To like literally not even want to be involved with your nieces and nephews. To walk in and be like, I'm not going to play house with you and your kids. Not even like- It's almost like he like disassociates the fact that those are also his best friend's kids. 100%. Best friend. Yeah.

There's no mention of their relationship in this either. Like, did you guys start dating and he cut the best friend off too? Like, I have so many questions. I know. Me too. We do have some edits. Okay. I'll read the top comment first.

Not the asshole. Is your brother in love with his former best friend? Red box, blue light bulb. So next comment down. I was wondering the same thing. Seemed awful weird that he had such an issue that his best friend fell in love with his sister. Just scrolling. I haven't read these, so.

Yeah, because you'd wonder like, how did he feel when his best friend fell in love with other people? Because it's, you know, it's probably not his first relationship. Who knows? Yeah, someone goes, yeah, it's off the charts bizarre. Remember, it's his mom's birthday and she's sick to the point she might not make it to her next birthday, which is why they made an album of her precious life moments. I actually teared up reading that.

And he can't keep his mouth shut during that moment. What the fuck, man? The most magical moments we have in life is the time we spend with family and friends. It's slightly a bit like heaven when time is spent together. Don't let those relations slip away. Too late. So someone kind of quotes that. Like the most magical moments we have in life is spending time with family and friends.

I'm blubbering here. And someone quotes it and goes, he missed out on the chance to do both at the same time. I'd be thrilled if my brother-in-law was my best friend. It gets hard to make time for friends as people get married and have kids. But if your best friend marries into the family, then you can see them way more than you probably would have otherwise. Jealousy is such a tragic thing.

So there are some comments from OP. This was only posted two days ago. So it seems like it's still like really developing. Yeah. One of the earlier comments, like the first ones that OP responded to was not the asshole. Was he in love with your husband? OP goes, I don't know.

Why do you say that? This comment was removed by the moderator. But OP does respond and goes, two years later, we are already married and in a stable relationship. That's why we decided to have our first child. And sorry, I didn't know there was a perfect time to start having children. It must have been someone that was just like questioning them on like a timeline. But- Irrelevant.

Yeah. And a lot of people just kind of like poke around, like we're trying to figure out why your brother despises you, your husband, and why he's disowned you. Your story doesn't really make sense. When did you start a sexual relationship with your much older husband? So they're kind of like picking at that age gap. Much older?

OP responds. He's just five and a half years older than me. What are you talking about? And the first time I slept with him was when we got married. And my brother found out because we told him directly, are you happy now? Weirdo. What?

I don't know. But okay, let's get to OP's edits and wrap this bad boy up. Yeah, yeah. I'm scared. Oh my god, I lost the post when I was scrolling around. No. Lost it. Gone.

Okay, edit one. I don't know if my brother is gay, but the truth is that I suspected it many times when I saw how affectionate he was with my husband. Like my husband had a few girlfriends before me and my brother hated all of them. But I thought it was just jealousy because he didn't spend as much time with him.

But if I think about it, it does look weird. He's in his 30s and he only had a girlfriend when he was 12 or 13, but was always possessive of my husband and overly affectionate, which my husband always hated. So maybe it's true. Maybe that's why he hates me and my kids. And maybe that's why I unconsciously apologized to him

because deep down I knew he was in love with him too. I don't know. Edit two. I spoke to my husband and he says that nothing ever happened between them and that they were just friends, that he is straight and that my brother always knew it, that he never did or said anything to make him think otherwise.

So I don't know what's wrong with him. I just know that I feel enormous guilt. If he's in love with him, I'll never be able to feel at peace again. Which I don't have your peace. Like you're married, your husband loves you. You're well into it. Your brother had every opportunity

to tell his friend how he felt. And I get he's not out yet. He's, his sexuality is very much in question. Yes. Which is a little relevant, a little irrelevant because I think the bigger problem here is like the brother for whatever reason hates her, whatever. But the bigger problem here is that he couldn't keep it together

for one fucking day to celebrate his mom who is not going to be around much longer. That shows how deep this is. Yeah. And just how selfish and inconsiderate he is. Like it's not just you and the sister you hate. You have other siblings that are there trying to celebrate with their mom.

You have other nieces and nephews that are there trying to celebrate with their grandma. Fuck you for stealing what precious little time they have left. Keep it together. Whatever your fucking feelings are for whatever reason you have them, keep it together for one day. And if you can't, don't come.

Don't come because she really didn't do anything wrong. If someone wronged you and did something wrong, I get it. But imagine living with that spite forever too. It's so unhealthy. From a situation that you can never control. So unhealthy. Even if he's in love with him, at some point for yourself, not even the people around you, just for yourself,

you got to get that figured out in terms of move on and really get some help to figure that out because you're going to live with this forever. You're going to be spiteful, sad, jealous. You're going to live a life of sadness forever. Yeah. And he shouldn't have to. He should be able to find his person and be happy.

And it's kind of this thing where it's like you're in your 30s and this wasn't your person. If this was your person, he would have had reciprocated the feelings. He wouldn't have been with your sister. He wouldn't have three kids. Like if this was your person, it wouldn't have worked out. It wouldn't be this hard life. And I know there are people that get married, have kids,

and then later come out. My uncle's partner that passed away was one of those people. It happens. But as of right now, this isn't your person. So don't put your life on hold waiting for something that may or may not happen. Like find your person. You deserve love. You deserve to be happy.

We all do. So intervention needed and whether it's coming from family saying, hey, it's time to let this go. Like you being mad at our other sister isn't healthy, which I'm going to be honest. I'm kind of surprised family hasn't really intervened. And if they have, maybe they have it wasn't mentioned. Maybe it's just a no trespassing zone.

It could be. Yeah. Where it's like, if it gets brought up, it's instantly like he just leaves or it's shut down like to where you really can't. Yeah. But who knows? I know. Well, that is all I have for you guys on intervention needed.

Episode 99, it's insane. Episode 100 is coming up and it's going to be amazing. I'm not finding any of the stories. I'm tasking all of my favorite people, my lovely co-hosts. The minions. No, my side kids. The elves. No, my compadres, my people, my family.

I'm tasking them with finding the stories. So it'll be a totally different episode. I have no idea what I'm in store for. It'll be really good. So I'm trying to record this episode and then stay off Reddit. Yeah, true. I'm just on there so much. That is true.

I like, Alejandra was like, she's like, can I run my stories by you? And I was like, don't. And then I recorded an episode with her and I went to go read one of them. And she's like, that's- How do we vet that we don't double dip? You're going to come prepared with a couple. So we're going to-

I have to go last and all of mine have been read. You start a group chat with them. Can you imagine? No, you start a group chat with them and you guys can compare. Oh, I'd be so sad. I can't know. I can't know. I can't be part of it.

I'm going to practice reading for the next week. You read all the time on Father Knows. I'm just going to read them over and over and make sure they're perfect. Okay. Okay. The charity for the nonprofit for this week will be in the bio. I will say, if you missed where I mentioned it during the episode, I'm going to change that a little bit.

I don't know if it's going to be bi-weekly or monthly, but still the year change. Still want to do big things and help people. And thank you all for being here. We're almost approaching the THT one, oh my God, two year anniversary. So 100 episodes and almost two years in. It's been a magical, magical ride and I'm so grateful for all of you. But that's all I got.

Check out the Patreon. There's going to be a story from this episode. And until next time. Until next time. Bye guys. Bye. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes,

ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you.

For free and confidential help. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help. Call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytokwit.org. Developed by CDC. See your Rocky Mountain Chevy dealers. Click to learn more.

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