Two In The Think Tank - 141 - "WHOLE FLOOR MADE OF MOP"

Episode Date: July 24, 2018

Voicemanship, Mop Floor, JoyCrank, Eggverest, High Res Tweets, Prehistoric FIction, Time Share Baby, Return Service MerkinYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereA bigload of thanks to George Matthews for producing  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This holiday season, give the gift of glow with OSEA's limited edition Super Glow Body Set. This three-piece kit has everything they need to exfoliate, hydrate, and glow all over. For a gift that will impress, give OSEA's Super Glow Body Set. Right now, you can get the Super Glow Body Set valued at $126 for only $79 when you use code GIF that ocamalibu.com. That's code GIF that osbamalibu.com. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, all facing away, they're going, I think I need to look back.

I need to see what this man is doing. Well, that's the way to hack the voice, to game the voice, is to not sound so good, but to say I'm so baffling, that they're forced to turn around, just to put a face to whatever's going on. Yeah, I guess if the guy who had done that song, that bothered him about it, the day to day to the day to the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar, the bar no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's like, it's gamesmanship. Yeah. Where you try and find other ways to win that aren't the traditional path to success. Oh, so is that a regular word? I think gamesmanship is like a thing that was invented by, obviously, the English cricket,

cricket, a WC fields, and he was the first one who tried to make like a sort of a science or like a, something or other, out of, like stuff, slaging or psychological trickery. I have a book that I got from a secondhand book store. Book store. But which is all this stuff where it's like tell them that you're feeling a bit sick so that if they are beating you, that's just, you know, it takes away from their feeling of achievement.

Yeah. There's a things like that. Oh yeah, I mean, I think that's great. I'm gonna get a t-shirt printed that just says, I'm feeling a bit sick. And then that is my sort of default level. Everybody who sees me, they just see that disclaimer and they lower their expectation.

And they don't feel good when they beat you. They don't feel good, even though... Because every interaction is a competition, honestly, you know this. Every interaction is a competition. Every interaction is a competition of some kind, and it's important that even if I don't win, the other, the victor doesn't feel any satisfaction.

Hello, and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the podcast where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George William, Tromley virtual and today we didn't have enough time to do our intro before we were deep into sketch idea territory. Absolutely.

Well, I mean the demon, the sketch idea demon, overrenus. The sketch idea demon. Yes, overrenus before. ranus. The sketch idea demon. Yes, over ranus before. I think we're the idea mons. We are. We are a couple of ideas mons. Rusty idea mons. Rusty idea mons.

That'll be when we take this show to a renaz. Oh yeah. And there's flames shooting out of pipes. And we're standing on the top of dirt mountains. Yeah, and coming up with we do all the sketch ideas while jumping over wrecked cars or correct cars. Or climbing carefully over erect cars. It erects with anticipation for the next sketch idea. Yeah, yeah. An ear-rection.

Eer-rection. Yeah. That's somebody... After we came up with the idea that any part of your body could get an erection when it wanted something, someone tweeted us that their ears were erect with anticipation for the new episode. You know, not long after that, a big tweet went viral about... I saw that teeth. Flustered teeth. Flustered teeth getting erect when you were hungry. But we absolutely predated that. You can check the time stamps.

Absolutely. And it was a similar thing to, you know, if that idea is out in the universe, like the light bulb, you know, I think there was something in the world that we had gotten to a place where all the information, you know, was just perfect so that people could finally put those two Yes. Hard, hardness. And it want. And want. We're finally together, you know, for different things other than just sexual penetration. I mean, that's a positive, that's a positive spin you put around. I'd like to take it down the angle of like where Isaac Newton, he's got freed alive nets. Yeah.

This is the discovery of calculus, probably an equal in importance sort of discovery. We're gonna spend the rest of our lives arguing in the literary papers, in the scientific papers over the origin. I think Newton really, really dismissed Leibniz. And he didn't, he was like, oh, this guy probably doesn't know what he's talking about.

But I think also Leibniz didn't quite get it published for a long time. None of the Newton. Also, in fact, I think Leibniz probably published some of his stuff before Newton actually did. So I think you're exactly wrong. Well, and it will now now we have a new dispute. Yeah.

Oh, this is, this equals the Newton live bits dispute. Remember is correctly. Yeah, so once again, we found the book, the proper booth for the podcast and we're just sitting at fucking in a big cold room looking at each other's bodies with not a desk between us and You know, I think do you think one day we should do the podcast completely nude right? I think it's inevitable the

The microphones these lapel mics. Yes, clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12.

Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12.

Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. Clip 12. I mean, I guess chicken's have a bubble. Yeah, the turkey bubble. It's just a little thing, but you can clip it to that. But then obviously we would have to then have each our heads under each other's penises. But it would still have that kind of radio quality

where the mic is kind of hanging down. But how do we have, how do we both, how it's like an MC Escher? How do we both, above each other? We're 69, aren't we? We definitely have to be over the talking into each other's penises. No, under.

Under each other's penises. Yeah, okay. You're right, you're right, because the look, to get into it, which ever way we can figure this, somebody's penises always going to be dangling down over the microphone. Yeah. Structing it. Which is not what we're trying to achieve.

No, no, no. So, but you know, you could have it sort of pointing out so that the mic kind of is just pointing out near the end of the penis. And so there's just kind of penis hole and then little gap and then mic. And then we could finally find out if any air ever comes out of there. Well, I mean clothing noise is an issue for microphones. You're probably getting some now from our swishy jackets. Swishy jackets. And this is a thing that the audio people are always up against. And so from their point of view, nudity is probably great, but then where do you clip the microphone?

We solved that problem onto the turkey gobble. The turkey? The P-N-L turkey gobble. Now, how do you get the two mouths close to the microphones? Well, you've already got your penile mouth close to it. I think we'd have to be spinning. I think we'd have to be constantly spinning at a high velocity. But then, this is the problem though, Andy.

Yeah. If we're spinning, then what we're dealing with is also win noise. Win noise in a vacuum. So we have to be spinning in a vacuum, okay? No, but then there's gonna be no sound for the microphone to pick up. Yeah, that's true. This is harder than I thought.

Well, my fear is that if there's wind sound, then we have to put sort of like one of those dead cats or one of those fluffy things over the microphone, that will then tickle the penis. Possibly, you know, then we've got. But actually, that's a good solution. If the penises were erect, then they'd move away from the microphones, clearing up.

No, no, they wouldn't move away from the microphone, but the microphone would move further away from the body, allowing us to not be in such close quarters. Yeah, yeah. But closer to up the erect penis. Anyway, I hope this one nobody's playing this this podcast out loud to a group of potters like it happened once The vicar came around for two I decided to put on the two in the think-tack podcast thinking what's more stimulating to our conversation than a bit of intellectual discussion between friends

Couple of wholesome boys. Much to my horror. Do you think we're a couple of wholesome boys? You can imagine my disgust. Wholesome boys? Wholesome. Wholesome. Wholesome.

Wholesome. Which are foods that are full of whole, full of whole, and I would like to know they're full of goodness. Mm-hmm. A couple of whole boys. Mm-hmm. Holman? Holy.

Holman? No, we don't want to go with the holymen. No, we're... All right. We got to come up with some sketch ideas. Okay, we were talking about before the podcast. Once again, we went and had a coffee and we had a bloody good riff in the cafe. Okay. And I liked the idea that you mentioned about the movie Crank. Okay, yeah, but so how do we get to it? We got to it. I think you were saying

something about being... Oh, that's right, I was saying how my boy didn't sleep very well last night and you were saying that your boys slept really well. Yeah. Better than they have in a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And then you were saying, oh, sorry to sort of talk about being really happy when you're, you know, because he'd commented on how downtrodden I seemed when I came out. But it wasn't down-troddenness. It was just tiredness I came home from with gig very late. This is all not important information, but you know.

Maybe it's context. It's the context, you know. Anyway, then I think I somehow misspoke in the way that I normally did where I was trying to make a pun. I don't know why I've gotten so deep into pun making, but. It's a sign of brain damage. Really? Well, that's good. It's a sign of brain damage. Really?

Oh, that's good. It's probably from all the lack of sleep. There you go. And then I think I was trying to make a... I was trying to say that he was... It was his... You've remembered this conversation in such detail, Alistair.

It's amazing you're as brain damaged as you are. Yeah, well, imagine what I could do if I was back at my full capacity, like I was... It's terrifying. Yeah, but then again We've seen me at you know running at full speed and like in full capacity and I don't know if there's that much improvement the damage could be helping Well, I think one of the one of the things about comedy is that it's about Failure. Yeah, and so running at full capacity is probably Less than full capacity for you.

Absolutely. You want to be at least 40% fuck up at all times. You know, I've tried to bring that into my lack of slickness on stage and my stand up. And just accepting that a comedian shouldn't be slick. It shouldn't be. Right. But then I think it's also held me back. Well, I think the problem is that you haven't just taken it

into your standup, you've also taken it into your social preparation, your social media presence, you're like, you're method acting as yourself. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I've, I've, like I'm having to really put, you know, look, we're getting too far away from this. Yeah, yeah've, like I'm having to really put you know look we're getting too far away from this Yeah, sorry, so the idea and so then I kind of tried to say

This is the day of your you're celebrating your joy dependence day, right? That's right. That was some weird bullshit about independence The amount of joy that I had and yeah, so anyway the bottom line is we were talking about somebody who needed to maintain a certain amount of joy in their lives at all times like the movie Speed where if you're less than a certain amount joyful then you explode. But it's also like the movie Crank where Jason Statham has to be a certain amount sighted. No, I haven't seen it. I think in that look in in that one

It's my phone In that one he has to I think it's either a adrenaline or it's heart rate or something like that And he has to keep it at a certain rate. Yes, or else he dies or something like that. Yeah, right? Which is kind of like the human version of exploding. Mm-hmm Really exploding doesn't matter if you're already dead. Ah, well, I mean, it depends on where you are. You know, if you're in a room with a lot of linen, I can imagine that, you know, someone's gonna have to clean that up.

Boy, that'd be convenient though. It's already full of linen. Full of linen. You just bundle that up. Yeah, I mean, you're already's it's it's it's half mopped Because of what you're really wanting is the room is mop It's like that joke about why don't they make the Why don't they make the aeroplane black box?

Why don't they make the aeroplane out of the same stuff as the black box? Why don't we just make the the room and out of mop kitchen floors just made out of mobs. It seems crazy. Is that a secret? Yeah, this is a secret. God, I mean, I'd like to try and do that on stage, but I wonder how much it depends. I wonder if you could do the joke about the black box as a setup to your joke about a room being made out of mobs. And then I guess- And then I'll be answering that door,

and I have to go in the door. All right, let's just pause the podcast. And we're back. It's now several years since we recorded the first part of this podcast. Yeah, at the door was Alistair's long-lost uncle. Yeah, I now have a beard for the first time. Alistair has a beard, he got it from his uncle. Yeah, it's really nice.

It's the family beard. It's very full and rich. I'm like no one in my family. And I, well, nothing's happened to me. I've been, I'm just sitting on the chair for a couple of years without you. They have, that's true. I've missed a lot and God knows how they're doing. But I called Carly and I said I wanted to move on and she's found someone else. Oh, that's so nice And nice of you It's the best it's really the best outcome for her. Do you know whether or not the person's better than you?

I said find someone better than me. Oh great. That's nice at least That'll be comforting for you to know that both there's someone better than you Oh, they're looking after my kids as well. Exactly. In a way, it would have been a crime for you not to do that. Because if there was a way that somebody... There was someone who could be better, who would be raising my children. Me continuing to raise them is really a form of abuse.

Yeah, it's a crime, probably. We all want the best for our children. And me not being there. Is that best? And I want to work every day to make that happen. Mm. Yeah. Is that a sketch?

So we haven't finished writing the one down from a couple of years ago. Why don't they make the whole floor out of mop? Yeah, okay. I mean, look, I think we can go back to that later and see if we can go deeper into it. Sure, if you like. I mean, why don't they make the whole mop out of floor? Well, why don't they make plates out of dish water? Or food? Yeah. Oh, both. Right.

Dish water on the bottom, food on the top. I guess if you froze, if you froze dish water. Yes. I think you know, then you know it's clean. Right? And then you just, Dish water, probably the least clean thing at the universe.

I don't have to be used dish water. Oh, hello. Yeah. So every plate is like, it's like a, like that first hand dip into the... Into that fresh water. Into the sink of... Why don't they make the food out of shit, human feces?

Yeah, I'm into it. I feel like we might have stretched the idea. Anyway, Alistair, why don't they make the whole premise out of conclusion? Out of like hasty conclusions? They make the whole premise out of conclusion. Out of like hasty conclusions. They make the whole premise out of climax. And that feels like what they did with the movie crank. Yeah. Which is what we were talking about.

Even the more recent Mad Max film felt like it was about 90 minutes of climate. Yeah, the real tantrum thing. Which I kind of think. I think pigs orgasm for like over 45 minutes. Yeah, I don't know. Curly tails up. I guess that's how you would know they were interested in. Those tails become erect. Erect when they're interested in being erect. Ducks have a curly dick. They do. Kings have a curly tail. Yes. I don't know if it's being erect. Ducks have a curly dick.

They do. Kings have a curly tail. Yes. I don't know if there's any. Do they ever get tangled? Do they ever get tangled? Do they ever open up a bottle of wine? There's a horny, there's a horny, a duck

have a swoop low over a pig pen and... Like a lady duck. Oh, of course, because I'd also be a, what's the, what's a, no, Drake, you know, it's a manduck. It's a horny manduck. Swooping low over a pig pin. Manduck, yeah, it is.

Sorry, Vicka. All right. Yeah. Oh, I want to go back to the crank idea, which was you have to maintain a certain amount of a joy, but we can do this with any emotions. You can make the whole floor out of anything.

We are making this premise you've got to have a certain amount of, I like personally, I like the idea of comfort. Somebody has to be a certain amount comfortable at all times. I'm picturing. It's really the opposite of the movie crank. I'm picturing Jason Statham, right? Yes. Having to be joyful. Be joyful. A certain amount of joyfulness.

Right. Because I think that's a thing that you don't see him act that. You don't see that emotion on his swoley face. Exactly. And like him having to take cocaine and have sex publicly with a woman and things like that doesn't seem like that's that biggest stretch for him. You know, with in this movie, Crank.

Now, if Crank instead was him having to be joyful. And it's one of those things where you find out you have to be a certain amount of joyful. And then you can't really think about it that much because thinking about out you have to be a certain amount of joyful. And then you can't really think about it that much, because thinking about how you have to maintain joy isn't a joyful thought. No. If anything, it's a real burden. Could be stressful.

So you have to continue driving in that direction, but forget about it at the same time. Driving, but don't look at the road. So what are the kinds of things Jason Statham would have to do I think like family get together's he would have to make babies laugh Yeah, right that I mean that would be one way and then Your family get together's but I mean even family get get together's cannot Can be right has to be such a good get together, you know, it has to be real like stress-free kind of fun time with the family like for once everybody's having a good time.

Everybody's laughing together, you know, we're ribbing each other but not in a way that hurts. Yeah, but I think you also have to move from one activity to another quite quickly because activities get loose. They lose, they lose, they lose. from one activity to another quite quickly because activities get loose. They lose for no reason. You know, you don't want that period at the end of the family get together where everybody's fucking saying goodbye for eight hours.

Yeah, no, you definitely don't. Get into the car waving saying goodbye again. He would die during that, but if he stuck around. Yeah, he's dead. Right. Two minutes into that farewell. And if he was trying to leave before that. He would also have to leave even earlier before people start,

he would have to ghost because people would start making him feel guilty for not... For leaving. For not doing a proper goodbye. Yeah, or helping with the washing up. Exactly. Yeah. And then he has to know... It wouldn't be a problem if all the plates were made out of frozen ditch water.

I suppose we'll just let these plates melt here and then that'll be done. And then you could do these regular ceramic bowls in this melted plate. Yeah. I guess that's one of the joyful things he could do. He could introduce them to sort of frozen dish water plates. Is there a higher joy? I do remember the time when you first introduced your family to frozen dish water plates. I mean, but imagine the joy that he would get

from having invented that. Because I mean, the creative act, like, yeah, I sure, but I think you'll find that the process of invention is actually fraught with struggle. Yeah. You've got to think about all the patent issues. You've got to go through the lengthy process to organize a manufacturer, a distributor. I'm not suggesting he's going to get it patented at the time.

I don't think, I think, I think really pure invention of of he has the thought, he makes it straight away and then he gets to try out a prototype. Yes, to introduce people to it immediately, throw some steamed broccoli on there. You know, I see what you're trying to do, but I'm starting to wonder if the Jason Statham, Crank and Joy version of Crank, has room for this frozen dishwater plate idea. He doesn't have time to think. This, he wouldn't, he wouldn't, it's just in some miracle.

I guess we would have to set it up in the film because where does this idea come from? People are complaining. He's, he is just like, okay, so there's two people arguing. because where does this idea come from? People are complaining. Okay, so there's two people arguing. One is, I wanna use these paper plates. One person is saying, that's not for the environment.

We gotta use the crockery. Then the other person goes, well, this is, well, then we have to do all the washing up. Boom, that's where the thought comes from. He's just walking by, that's what he hears. Right, straight away, I get him to fully form. Just so joyfully formed with the viewer. Watching this scene unfold in this Jason's state of crack joy movie,

seeing these people arguing over plates and wondering, how the fuck is this relevant? Right. That Alistair Trombley, virtual, what an alter. Yeah, and then he's just walking by, right? You see him walk past the door to the kitchen, right? Yeah. One of those kitchens has a door out under the street.

Nice. So they keep open what they are. No, it's not. It's not. It's strangers, they're family members, he's walking from one baby room to another baby room to make them laugh, okay? And then he walks past, you just see him go past as you hear, well then all the more things.

He's going past while they said, Ty, how wide is the doorway? Oh, well, there's also, it's like, you know, it's also one of those ones that has one of those windows into the hallway But it's like it's no window. It's just an open and he's walking quite slowly To a music baby. Well because he's chocolate to himself from the from the last Yeah, and then he hears them say that whole the it's just three lines Andy

It's just three lines, Andy. It's just three lines. I wanna use paper plates. Oh, that's bad for the environment. Let's just do this. Oh, but what about the washing up? He's already walked past, but he's- We see a spark in his eye.

Yeah, well, you see him show back up in the door. Yeah, like he goes, maybe he does a back flip so he can still get in some of his action stuff. Fernas, I've got an idea. I've got this solution for this. He gets the tap running, he gets this kind of like- He super cools a plate using liquid nitrogen. Well, no, it's a, maybe yeah, yeah,

I guess a plate would be the Broadway. For some reason I was thinking of a shallow walk. People are like, why has he got this shallow walk out? Right, and then he, or I guess it could just be a regular frying pan because that's kind of what a plate mold would look like. That's exactly what a plate mold would look like, especially if it was one of those pancake frying pans. That's exactly what he gets at. And then he's got a super cool, cool, there own,

a jet of liquid nitrogen that's being blasted out from something or other. He's chucking in a bit of water. He's tossing out these plates like their pancakes. Yeah, yeah, that's right. And they're... It's not just water, he's also putting dish... Bit of detergent in there as well. Squirtin' in both in. Squish, squish, squish, squish.

Some people are catching these plates. They're laughing. He's laughing. Everybody's laughing. The reason why he has the nitrogen, the liquid nitrogen, is because that was another joyful thing where he was freezing strawberries and then smashing them with a hammer. Yeah.

And the babies were laughing. Laughing. Laughing. Ha ha ha ha ha. He's getting their dummies, he's dipping those in the liquid smashing those with a hammer. Yeah. Meanwhile, he's not just entertaining babies.

There's a Nobel scientist there. He's doing some tricks with super-cooled semi-conductors, getting a super-conductor going, and levitating a block of neo-dynam. Whoa, is that way? Is it levitation or is it quantum locking? No, it could be quantum locking. That's probably.

Probably, if you're going to get the laureate laughing. Yeah. Do you think that the laughter of a baby seems a bit cheap? I think the laughter of a laureate is probably worth the laughter of 10,000. I know, but you don't start at the laureate. No. If you're a joy dependent, you ease your way

and by making some babies laugh. No. But with baby voice like that. You know that is saying like when they really get on a baby laugh. Crazy. Like that. Yeah. And so then you start with that and then you work your way out at the end of the day. If you can even get a chuckle out of a laureate, that's true. No, no, no. See, what I reckon is you start out on the laureates on the pure undiluted laughter of laureates. And then, as you can no longer get the good stuff, you sort of slide down to the point where you're just, you're subsisting on the laughter of babies.

Oh, right. And it's worth, it's junk. It's like, you're chunky. You're just, it's, it's, what do they call it? Something, something, hillbilly heroin. Oh, it's the hillbilly heroin of joy. Yeah. So it's kind of like you're tired at the end of the day.

You need, you need laughs that you can get out. You need joy that you can extract for, for smaller amounts of effort. It's the market, you know. You're trying to get some keys. A bite of lunch. You're peekaboo. You, you, you're, you're sort of like, you sneeze or you pretend to sneeze or someone's that. They love it. of effort. It's the market. You're general some keys. You said of your peekaboo. You're sort of like your sneeze or you pretend to sneeze or someone's that. They love it. You blow

your nose. They get terrified. You go back to sneezing. Yeah. And you think this is sort of what happens to us as comedians, you know, like we, why used to do gigs and you know, I would have sometimes have tens of people laughing that might stand up comedy. And now I just have these two babies who laugh at anything. You know, like appearing from behind a thing. They knew I was there. I was there talking. I was making noises.

I was going, they knew I was there. There's not even any use of fries. I think that sound builds anticipation. Right, that's really the setup of the... Yeah. It's like one of those things that even if you know what's gonna happen, the body is satisfied by just the completion that comes after it.

Because if you go, and then don't do anything afterwards, you get sort of internal blue balls. Blue brain. Blue brain. Blue soul. Blue soul. Wow. And that's how music was invented. Rock music. I guess almost vomiting is kind of close to that. Yeah. And so if you don't vomit, you kind of get bluesturmer. Yep. Blue belly.

Blue belly. How many ideas have we got so far out there? Three ideas. Is that really only three ideas? Yeah. Oh, there was just so much in shouting. Yeah, there's a lot of shouting. I hope that's okay. I think I think it's it's all right. I don't know if it's okay, but I think it's all right. It's acceptable. Yeah, it'll pass. I'll allow it. Is it just to take that idea, again, and see if we can play with that in any other way, the thing about babies and the laughter of babies? I wonder if there is something about somebody being addicted to that or...

It just like stands outside of like daycare centers and things like that. I think I was peeking through the fence or whatever and just kind of like, Hey! I'm into the babies. I mean it's creepy. But if the babies are laughing and he's having a good time, I mean, it's creepy. Yeah. But if the babies are laughing, and he's having a good time, yeah, but I guess he would kind of have like a rundown appearance because he's just going from fix to fix.

Yeah. Or somebody like, and I mean, this isn't any really different to our Jason Statham joy movie But somebody who is Addicted to to bringing joy You know yeah to To making people happy to to generosity You know Yeah, I guess

What was that thing you brought up earlier? Yeah, I mean, somebody's addicted to generosity, so they just keep... Hmm. Do they start stealing their friends belongings so that they can give those away? Give them to someone else to redistribute them amongst their friends. Is that kind of like what an altruist is? Possibly. Yeah, I thought that was a kind of a big bird. A wonder egg altruist.

I guess like that was that Albatross. Yeah, I mean, it's just not much is it? No, I mean, it was okay. I mean, but it was just for some reason, when you say big bird, I think of like an e-mew or like an ostrich or something like that. Those are kind of like a wide, broad-budget. Yeah. You know, it's the span, you know?

I mean, even though every one of your features has its own span, each one of your dimensions has its own span, we really think of span to being associated with width, but you know, height has its own span. We really think of span to being associated with width, but you know, height has its own span. Hides a span? A span of your height. Yeah.

And do you think we call a spanner? A spanner, because it spans the bolt that you're using to, using the spanner to tighten? Could be, something to think about. I mean, it's like, it's maybe bringing it up at Christmas. Oh, yes. Your dad. It's a rotational span.

Who said like the worst topics of conversation? So you call the spanner, a spanner, because it spans the width of the bolt. Oh, that could be it though. This is one of the ones. Remember we were talking about pickup lines for your, for dads? It was like, if you wanted to get closer to your dad.

Remember this? Oh, yeah. It was a premise that may or may not have come up on the pod. Yeah, I think so. I think if you wanted to get closer to your to your dad, you know, you sidel up to your dad in a bar. Yeah. How do you open a conversation?

I reckon this would be one of those, uh, one of those classic dad pickup lines. You know, you, you, you're, you're estranged from your father. You want to take him home. Yeah, I'm trying to think of a wrench one. Yeah, when you go get your wrench out of that toolbox, do you really set up, just pull it out like it's, no, I'm trying to describe wrenching, but I don't know, that doesn't really. No yeah I think I think I think the connection between the word wrench and the word wrenching

is probably more firmly established than the one between spanner and spanner. Yeah you're right. That was another doorbell ring are we gonna go get the door? No but I did hear the door that somebody opened the door and I warned the people upstairs and they're like we're not gonna be answering any more doors. Did you actually say that? Yes. You say I will not be. and I won the people upstairs and I'm like, we're not going to be answering any more doors. Did you actually say that? Yes.

You say, I will not be. I mean, we're downstairs doing a pint. We're already misdisplaced. Yes. We're not going to be... Through no fault of our own, how are we to know that we hadn't checked the calendar? And not booked in the podcast.

And not booked in the podcast. But we're not going to let that stop us from making creved from making from making a low quality sound disrupted podcast. Well, I think there's a lot of talk these days about victims, victimhood, who's playing the victim, right? And very often it seems to me that the people who accuse people of acting like victims are acting like victims. And I think that as white privilege white men. Really we are the victims. Victims of sort of people. I don't fucking know what I'm saying. I'm trying to somehow say that having to check the calendar to see if

we'd book the podcast studio is sort of an infringement on our rights or is political correctness gone mad or look we're just we are the victims here. I look I I agree as just I was writing down at the beginning of what you were saying and so then I was really hoping that you were going to resummarise what you were saying during your talking so that I could understand what you were going. Sure. Yeah that would have made sense if I was anyway, that is exactly what I would have done. I've written down Latter-day Joy-Addict or Generosity Addict,

because I think maybe, you know, obviously, this Jason Statham movie with Crank but Joy, that instead of, you would probably have to set that early on you know like you would have to establish Why he has to do this? Why you know, I think he gets poisoned or whatever yeah, and then he has to he has to get through a day and then get the antidote Does he get cursed by a witch? Is he cursed by a witch in that movie? Cranked. I don't think I think I think maybe some under, you know, some underworld figures or something like that. Which is, I mean, look, which is our underworld figures and, you know, caves are kind of an underworld of sorts.

Mmm. You know, um. And which is sometimes go neocaves? You know what I read today? Yes. That there's a shitload of water in the mantle. Really? Yeah.

So, like, possibly more than there is in the oceans. That's crazy. Because I mean, I guess it's all moving around in there, right? Like, because I mean, if it was all pure rock, even if molten rock, right, you wouldn't imagine there would be just that much movement. Right, but hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. So you're saying that it's the water in the mantle that could be what is causing the continents and the tectonic plates to move around? All right, that is definitely my own flourish. And yeah, because I think that's bullshit.

Yeah, yeah, because I think it takes something like four billion years to like, or like something like that to move from like the center of the earth up until, right, you know, from one edge to another or from the center to an edge or whatever. I think yeah, know, from one edge to another, or from the center to an edge or whatever. I think there's not quick movement, there's not blah, blah.

But if there was water in there, and I don't know what state this water would be in, but I think under pressure, there's a different stress. I would say it's stressed water. Probably even steam. Yeah, could be. Which is the most stressed water.

Yeah. Maybe I think the plasma is probably the most stressed water. But then you're unrecognizably water. So then I don't even know if you can claim it to be water if it's plasma. Yeah. Yeah, correct. But then under high pressure water would boil at a higher temperature, right? And a lower temperature. I don't remember these things, but I think it's a lower temperature.

I think because that is as you climb up Mount Everest, it takes longer to boil your eggs. That's one of the reasons. Oh, well that means higher temperature. It's one of the reasons it's so hard to climb Mount Everest. Because it's because you, at the high you go up, the longer it takes to boil eggs, right? And so, you think you'd be able to make a certain amount of progress up the mountain, like you're factoring, you're like, oh, we'll be able to at least walk.

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That's right. You start the morning, you start boiling the eggs, the eggs aren't boiled by 1030, right? So you you you you you put your your eggs, you pack everything up, you start walking, but before you know It's lunchtime you got a ball your eggs again. You're back your back boiling eggs, yeah You know, and then then it's like 3 p.m. And then the weather's gotten bad. Yeah, you know because really the wind picks up after about 9 a.m Yeah, so so so so 3 p. Yeah. You know, because really the wind picks up after about 9 a.m. Yeah. So, so, so, so, so, 3 p.m. you've had your lunch, your eggs, right? And the weather's gotten bad. What are you going to do?

Just get back in that, just time to just retire to the tent and start boiling dinner. Or, some egg, yeah. Yeah. Is that a sketch? I feel like it definitely is. It look at the time. If I can answer my own question. Okay, I'm gonna write it down. I think a it's good to just want to have one that's not a

joy addiction base. Yeah, yeah. I think that this like I would put you know we're talking about having a science fiction science sketch TV comedy sketch show. Yeah. I had an idea and this is the place to pitch it. I'd like each episode to have a theme. Yeah. Right? And I thought one of the themes could like, could be fresher.

Or water. Right? If there was an episode themed around water, I'd like a sketch to this effect of people trying to climb Everest and the fact that there, for some reason all they were eating is boil eggs. And they didn't prepack, they prepack fresh eggs. Yeah, of course.

They just brought a dozen like they're, they got all their bags, they just in their hand, just carrying a dozen. This should be good for about four days or like. I love it. This heart, this insanely difficult mountaineering feet is not only made more difficult by the length of time It takes to boil the eggs, but also the fact that they're carrying fucking eggs. Fresh eggs. Yeah, look, I do love the idea of, look, it's definitely, at first it was just a silly, it was silly.

Yeah. But now, now you're picturing guys carrying cartons of eggs, and I think that there's really some depth to it. Thank you. And some height to it as well. Altitude release. Yeah, sure, altitude. I mean, I guess, what is the difference between altitude and height?

Is altitude just sort of big height? Is it pretentious height? Yeah, I think so. It's it's it's it's it's height been for the elite. Yeah, you know what you and male the regal float float float float like you and me Queer is float. Yeah We we're any What a reference to a TV show no one has talked about for 12 years. Thanks, yeah, to pull that out of you.

Floek music would be the thing that would be right on, right on Bradford. Bradford for me, no. I always assumed that Quiris' folk was about folk music. Am I wrong? People who are just swissing mandolines, just silly for folk music. I mean I'm just absolutely... Wacky to do! Wacky to do for a little bit of from little things big things grow. There you go. This land is more land. Yeah. I can't remember what we were saying. It doesn't matter. Float.

Yeah. Anyway, I love that. One, two, three, four, five. Five ideas, and we have three words from a listener. We have three words. Sorry, a hero of the podcast. The hero of the podcast. Yeah.

Dearest hero, Kevin Prad, or Pakrad. Oh, Pakrad. Or Pakrad. Or Pakrad. Or Pakrad. Or Kevin. Or maybe he's one of those guys who writes his name backwards, you know, as an online so that he can't be traced.

So that would be. Dark pack. Dark pack. No, that'll cap. Dark cap. Dark caps. That's pretty cool. Yeah, dark app. Hmm. Sounds like's pretty cool. Yeah, dark app.

Sounds like something you could find on a silk road or something like that. Silk road? Not the real silk road. If you're on a camel walking this, the original silk road trade. Trade route. Yes. Right. And I am selling electronic software for smartphones, something's fucked up. Right.

What about this? It's a bloke down at the market. Right. He's got a whole lot of boxes in the back of his van. They covered with black sheets. Right. You go down there. You give him ten bucks. He'll give you a DVD black sheets. Right, you go down there, you give him 10 bucks,

he'll give you a DVD of tweets. Right, he's just, he's just burned a whole lot of tweets. Like all of Stephen Fry's tweets or something onto a DVD and you can take that home, you can watch those on your computer. So is it just like him scrolling through Stephen Fry? I think they're in some kind of a text file or something like that.

So you can't even play it on your regular DVD player. You just got to go onto your computer. Or maybe you can play it on a DVD player, Alistair. If that's the fucking detail that you could have talked about. If you think that's the interesting angle for this to go down, then yes. You play it on a DVD player. I mean, I think they could have a discussion. This is how I can just play this on a DVD player.

You go on. Oh, no. Well, I mean, if you save them maybe as like, like a sort of a text to voice kind of thing, the MP3 I could play it in the car, because that's one of the only places I really have a sort of CD player type thing. No, I haven't done that. Oh, even like a lot of computers these days

don't even have like DVD players on the... Yeah, well, I mean a thumb drive would have made sense. I'll take this all into account for next time. Yeah, to be honest, you could have just emailed them to me. How big a file, how many tweets have you got on here? Seven. It's a really bad compression algorithm. Yeah.

It makes two or four gigabytes. Yeah. It makes 24 gigabots. Yeah, it makes them much bigger. Is that a thing? The opposite of a compression algorithm. It's an expansion algorithm. Yeah. Yeah, like these are high quality images, really high quality screen caps of... Tweets. I mean, why would you want that?

What is the value to an expansion algorithm? I mean, but you could do that through taking a photo of the screen, like a... So, if you were in front of your computer, and you were scrolling through Stephen Fry's Twitter, and then you had like a 24 megapixel Canon A file. This is all really good. You said, what you said exactly,

what you know what you're talking about. You got a 36 gigabyte memory card in there. And you take a photo of just the screen like that. You've just, that's an expansion algorithm. Yeah. But then what you could do is you could, instead of doing that, you could make a bit of software that emulates doing that same thing.

Yeah. And then you could just sell that, maybe for a dollar. People love emulators. Yeah, if people love an emulator. I mean, it worked well with sort of pedals, electronic pedals for music. Instead of using that actual analog, wild, and shit like that, you just get something,

you know, on the bit of software that emulates that. Emulates. Emulates that. And then we could do that, you know, the bit of software that emulates that. Emulates. Emulates that. And then we could do that, you know, so it's like, we don't even need to buy a cannon now, because you're saving people $3,000. It's just an expansion out. Oh, we sorted that out. Is that, is that, is that some of the sketch?

I think an expansion algorithm, there could be something in there, but I think the, the sort of the process required to make it does, unless there's a reason for it. Who would this be for? I don't think Ants would like this. No, Ants would hate this. Well, I mean, there is a joke to be made about the kind of people who are obsessed with quality, right?

Who want their music in such and such format. Yeah. Flack format or like, or Neil Young with his Pono audio player that's like, you know, studio quality audio. Yeah. Um, in a thing that doesn't fit comfortably in your pocket, how did that, how did that not go well anyway? Real, but is it still going?

I don't, I don't know if Pino's still around. Why be? I mean, I want good things for Neil Young. It's definitely hitting your pocket better than his, that thing where he would just have two barns. He had two barns of speakers. Really? Wasn't that like he had a barn in a house or whatever

and he would just, he, he took somebody, the thing was that story that he took some music reviewer out onto his lake, like that, to listen to maybe what's harvest or something like that. And he had turned one of his barns and his house into a full spooker itself. And so then they row out into the middle of this lake. And then they start playing it, and he's like, more barn!

That's what he's yelling at to whoever was controlling it on the list. I feel a little bit like you've told me that story, but it's great and it bears repeating. Yeah. Yeah. It certainly, you're right, the Pono fits better into your pocket than Neil Young's entire ranch barn system. Yeah.

But I mean, that would have been probably what he was aiming for initially. Yeah, that's what they, will let down someone in R&D Talks him sense into him. Yeah Anyway, yeah, no, so so there could be a sketch taking a piss out of people who want things in high quality Sure, if people want their tweets in high Quality there's like a format that you can get it in tweet conno connoisseurs. Content doesn't even really matter because it's all about, it's all about just seeing it at the best possible res. I mean, write it down, you may as well, right?

Yeah. Look, I think this is still a germ of an idea, but I think you definitely turned it more into something. Thank you, Alistair. I mean, is there also the idea of like a tweet coming out at iMacs or something like that? Like the new Kanye West tweet. I mean, this is only a newable at iMacs. Yeah. You know, it's a sort of, it's an elite tweet experience. So it's like a, because at the moment, now that we've got rid of net neutrality, maybe people are able to like release tweets that are more harder to view, more expensive to view.

It's a, it's a tweet experience where if you want to read it, you've got to go and spend 80 bucks to go and see it on the big screen at iMacs, possibly in 3D. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's great. And he has a viewing party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it would be cool if you could have a tweet that has

like an album cover, like a tweet cover. Mm. You know, like a... Sure. Because that's the thing is that there's no, you know, other formats of art have their own kind of culture around it that, you know, you get an artist in to do the front cover. You know, you might, you got the notes on the inside that can say things about, you know, how you came about.

Put it in some cultural context. Get all the people, you know, you're crediting all the people that were involved. With the tweet, you're just kind of, here's the, here's the tweet. It's like handing somebody a piece of paper. It's just whatever. Where's the artistry? Where's the ritual?

Where's the, you know, like, like, with one exactly. Exactly. I think that's great. Somebody who's got like a vinyl collection has a collection of tweets and they've all been printed out on some kind of a perspex. They're all in a little individual cover. And you get them out and you put them onto like some kind of light board on the wall, you know.

And you read them like that. And you read them like that. And then you take the doubt again, you go get the next one out. It's a sort of a, I don't know, it's a more personal way to get it. It's a richer, it's more sort of immersive. It's got a more... Yeah, it's got a more more feel to it. It takes you away from the sort of the mind-altering, you know,

like all the buttons and all the ads and things like that, you know, in... In the distracture app and stuff like that. Yeah, and it used to be, you know, with vinyl, people would listen to a whole album. Now with, you know, tweets, people just read a tweet. They don't read the entirety of somebody's tweets in sequence.

That's right. In the proper sequence that they chose to release those tweets in. Yeah. I've gone with chronological is the sequence that I'm releasing my tweets in, but other people might have a different sort of philosophy. Some people might release their tweets alphabetically. I don't know if it'd be great.

I've recently been considering doing a series of stand-up shows that are all themed on every letter of the alphabet. I'll stay out. I think that's great and I think you'll do it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and if it takes 26 years, right, there's a chance that by the end of the 26 years there might be a new letter. What would it take to get one in? I mean, I think there's a chance that they could bring in some of the older letters. Mm, that funny S.

Ever saying used to be part of the alphabet. It was a 27th letter. Really? And it was pronounced amposan? No, the thing is, is that it was called, I think, and. No, it was like, I can't know. There's something in there where it's like, it was x, y, z, and per ssand. Like, there's something in there where it's like, it was XYZ and Perse San.

Like there's like, there's a weird history to that where how we were ending the alphabet. So it was on the very end of the alphabet. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. Right. And is it true that it got kicked out of the alphabet for behavioral issues?

Like, the drug abuse? Like, drug abuse? I think it was because it looked too much like an eight and so they were like Yeah, what are you man a letter or a fucking number Prejudice is it prejudice yeah, I'm alright. I'll stay what are our three words from our Kevin pack rad Kevin pack rad dark dark cap His three words are Jess His three words are Jess. Oh, okay, see where this is going.

And Matt. Jess, David, Matt, obviously the hosts of the Doo Go On podcast on the Planet Broadcasting Network. I think he's a, I think maybe Kevin Packrad might be an agent of Doo Go On. Who's trying to influence our podcast? We're supposed to be doing, We're supposed to be doing that thing where we're promoting other people's podcasts from the planet broadcasting network.

We're doing it through these people who have infiltrated our listenership, our here worship. Yeah, you think he might be like a sleeper agent or like a... I mean, he's not sleeping, he's active. He's an active, he's... He's been activated by whatever the keyword was that they slipped into the plant.

He's been radicalized by do-go-on. Yeah. And he's actively... He's been pack radicalized. Yeah. And he's actively putting attacks, but also what you would call... He's a Kevin Surgent who's been pack radicalized.

The clues are in the name. That's right. He's basically... We're not fucking idiot. He's basically spelling it out for us. Yeah. So, we got Jess Davenman. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you know, the do-go on podcast. I do know it. Yeah, so they come up with five sketch ideas. Five sketch ideas. No, wait. They do a report on a story, you know, on an old story. Usually from the past. That's what I've noticed.

I haven't seen them do any futuristic. Well, I imagine they will when they're used up all the stories from the past. That's what I've noticed. I haven't seen them do any futuristic. Well, I mentioned they will when they used up all the stories from the past. Yeah, once they've done that, but you know, there's at least, they've still got at least a year in them. So, yeah, you have to start contemplating that. Yeah. Now, but I think the idea of a future historian,

a historian of the future, not a futurist, not somebody who's predicting what's gonna happen. Once, I guess this would happen once there's time machines. You can have people who go and study the future and write books about it in the present and tell us about what it's going to be like. Because we're never as individuals going to be able to all go experience what the future is going to be like and all the periods of future. So I suppose somebody would go into the far far future and then just get one of their historical books. Yeah, that they've written about a

pre-apast like that and then then they can come back and they could just release that here. I don't know if they'll still have books. Yeah, I mean, they'll be interesting like rights issues, because are they plagiarizing? Or did they come up with it first because of the passage of time? That's true. Yeah.

It can then sue the people in the future for plagiarism. But then also bringing that book back could change what the future will be. So they'll have to do a release a new and updated issue. Well, that's right. So essentially, they're releasing a book, which is a historical document of a place that can no longer exist due to this document. Well, then it'll become fiction. Then it becomes fiction.

So I think initially... Which is a really great cheap way to get fiction, right? That's true, yeah. And what do that mean? Like if we're able to just get fiction for nothing, speculative fiction for nothing, will that just like totally destroy the fiction market? Well, I think it can't be speculative fiction because it's actually, it's like reflective fiction, you know, it's like reflective fiction,

you know, that, because the speculative fiction could also, because we've seen things in speculative fiction, which is just sci-fi, and fantasy and things like that, but that have influenced the future, right? So things like minority report that have changed the way people design Tom Cruise, these outfits, you know, gloves. Why would he need, you know? Anyway, but like that if that you know that have changed the way people I think Microsoft was trying to design a you know like a window tablet of some sort that would move the way that you would have in

Minority reports that affects the future have in minority reports, so that affects the future. But then, I guess so does the reflective thing, it still affects the future, but in a negative way. So, in a negative way in that, it changes it from what it was going to be. Yes, yes. So, but my thought was then, like, if you can then just go get history

from the future, bring it back here, it changes the future, you've got some free fiction, right? Fiction is now worthless, right? Like because anyone can get it. Yeah. Like it's, it's, it's, it's, it feels like, you know, like manufacturing diamonds, right? That the, now that we can make diamonds artificially, yeah. If they weren't already worthless, they are now. Yeah. And now that we can make diamonds artificially, if they weren't already worthless, they are now. And now that we can just take future facts, bring them back here, turn them into process them into fiction.

I mean, what's the point of your novel? Well, I think it's easy to paint and dismiss it, but I think it'll still be difficult to come across some good fiction. Right, because the future histories are all necessarily going to be interesting. Because one of the reasons that you would read a boring historical book is because you know things these things have happened. Yes. And so you'll plow through and you'll go, these things have happened. Right, yes. And so you'll plow through and you'll go, oh, stranger than fiction, but it's not really because it's all very based in reality. And that's just, you just need to change what you think of as strange. Well, I like to read historical books, like things about, like the

the thinking of the Titanic. I like to read them and just feel smarter than all the sinking of the Titanic. I like to read them and just feel smarter than all the people on the Titanic. Because I know that I wouldn't have got on the Titanic and I know how it's gonna end and all these fucking idiots have got no idea. So I am just laughing the whole time at the end of each page, I'm like,

you should. I wouldn't have done that. I felt about, I do the same thing with World War II books. Yeah, yeah, great. But there's also an element of these books. You could also be laughing at these people in how their lives will may no longer exist. So it's like, because these, as you read

this historical future text, you're changing the course of history through the act of reading and learning about it, changing potentially your own decisions. You might be mentioned in the book. That's the thing is that you could be mentioned in the book saying that you're going to do a certain thing. No, I'm not. Not anymore. And then all these people who are in the book may not be born because you change your breeding patterns. Mmm. Breeding patterns. Yeah.

I have breeding patterns. Do you have breeding patterns? I do have some... I do it. Currently, I do it once every 32 years. Yeah, okay, sure. But, you know, who's to say what happens in the next 5 to 10 years? My pattern is so far two babies, then one baby, two, one, and then,

I wonder what's gonna happen next. Yeah. Sort of a, could be minus one, could be zero, yeah, yeah, yeah. At the moment, you're every, you're minusing one, but you're also dividing it by two. Dividing by two, half a baby. Half a baby next time.

Which is okay these days. Half a baby. I think so. Yeah, sure, I mean it's probably all that we can afford. So is the future, look, I think the future, the future history books become, current fiction is sort of an idea. It's sort of an idea.

I think within that, we could definitely write a sketch. Sure. I think in that framework. Oh, yeah. We haven't precluded. What we've come up with here is certainly a space in which a sketch could exist. Yeah. The comedy isn't necessarily built directly in.

But who said, we never said that was the case. No. No, we never promised this any of these would be funny. No, yeah. Is this anything, Alistair? Yeah. As it gets more and more expensive to have children, right? And they come up with technology now

where you can have three parents, three genetic parents of the one child, they'll mix the DNA together and you'll get one baby out of three parents. Finally, that's what we're all crying out for, right? But do you think that in the future, as resources to plead, people have less money,

population gets higher, that like it'll now be like a sort of a time share arrangement, right? Where Alistair, you guys and us, we won't be able to afford to have our own children, but we can each sort of half contribute to one child, and then we'll sort of share a baby that's like four people's DNA. Yeah, I mean, four people would still, it's not that much of a timeshare. Like, that's true. And it's actually, you know,

in terms of four people parenting one child, not really all that unheard of. But let's, you know, we get out there, you know. But let's say it was 16. Yeah. 16, then you're getting some time off. That's true, you know? Like, you know, I don't think you all have to live

in the same household. Yep. You know, maybe you could just live in different suburbs, things like that. You know, you have, I don't know if it's a week on, week off, you know, a week on, 15 weeks off, kind of scenario. I mean, that's starting to sound doable.

I think maybe in the book, an alien no it's a fuck what's that? With the word you know if you ever read a it's a sci-fi book with the where the guys talks about Grunk. I Grunk that oh yeah Man from another planet is it a a Neuromance or something? Neuromancer? Neuromancer, no, no, that's Gibson. That's William, anyway. This guy, I think he comes from Mars and he,

there's a big swing. He grongs things. I think it means understand. Yeah. But anyway, and then I think in that he does stuff, maybe in their culture, they do just go to everybody. It's like a village raising a family. But look, the time share thing,

look, I think it's definitely an idea. It would be, I think you could have like an ad for that. That could be funny. Yeah, great. Once again, we haven't ruled out comedy in this. Siddhartha, yeah. Time share baby. I mean, because it's like the opposite of a time share condo

in that, you know, with a condo, you kind of take turns on having holidays. Whereas this, you take turns in having sort of draining, you know, waiting while a kid plays with cars. If we got every human being on Earth's DNA, mixed all of that together and made it baby, right? We all had one baby. Do you think that we'd all get along?

Because, you know, parents. Parents always get along. Always get along. Yeah, historically accurate. Well, my wonder is if we got all the DNA and put it into, you know, just one woman to carry it, or maybe, you know, I don't know if at this point we had,

we had like an artificial way of doing it. Sure, yeah. My hope would be that we would get this beautiful human, this perfect, beautiful human. I don't know if the perfect human has to be beautiful. Interesting question. I'm gonna say yes. You're gonna say yes and I'm gonna say it's western standards of beauty as well. And I'm referring exclusively to the male guys. Yeah great. Yeah perfect. I then, what I would hope from this kind of scenario, is that then there was an accidental second baby that they didn't expect

Made up of all the junk Wow, the junk left over DNA, which would be a lot, there'd be a lot of leftover DNA if you had everybody's DNA Yeah, right? And then we could finally get a sequel to the movie Twins. But you know, but a worldwide one. Yeah. That, you know, this baby that was supposed to be made in an attempt to reunite, possibly this is done through an ancestry.com style thing where they get the rights to everybody's DNA

Because everybody just wanted to find out what percentage Bolivian they are or whatever, you know, and and then they've get the rights to everybody's DNA They also have a copy potentially. Yeah, everybody's DNA and then they just make a baby Because also they should be re-reunite the world. I think it would be really interesting to then like how would we parent this child? Well, we'd probably have to come up with some sort of one-world parenting council, kind of like the United Nations, where every country elects a representative and they go there and then we have like powers of veto and then we have various different councils within that group. How is the veto and Danny DeVita? Danny DeVita.

Thank you very much for listening. Yeah, I think that's... You know who wouldn't like this is Info Wars. Yeah. Yeah, they would think New World Order kind of thing. Yeah, and you know who else wouldn't like this? Ants, because it's the opposite of the way they organize their society. And the ants, it's one parent of all the children.

This is all the parents of one children. So sorry ants, but we're not just here to, you know, make you guys happy. No, that's right. There's things in this for you. You know, high quality, tweetet, boiling eggs on Everest. I mean, you know, a big part of eggs is the parts that you throw away. Right? And when you throw away the, when you try to peel a boiled egg, right?

A lot of the time, some of the egg comes off on the shell. Do you ever can ants give a fuck about that? Do you think ants are interested in eating albumin? I don't know that they are. No, it's albumin, the stuff. The white stuff. They would they they don't I don't think they have a choice to fuss. They would just be like y'all are just good carbs and stuff. They don't yeah but they don't they don't like protein. You're telling me an animal that's out there exercising every day

isn't hooked on protein. Yeah doesn't time in weight. Doesn't love protein. Yeah, I'm sorry, but I doubt your conclusion, Andrew. Wow, I mean, we've been doing this podcast now for, I don't know, like four years. That's the first time you've doubted my conclusions. Yeah, well, it was bound to happen eventually. All right, now, take us through what we've come up with. We've got Gainesmanship of the Voice. It was bound to happen eventually. All right, now take us through what we've come up with. We got Gainesmanship of the voice.

People who are figuring out ways of gaming the voice, get people to turn around. Getting people to turn around. So with without being a good singer. Just through entry. Or like projecting something disgusting on the far wall. If you made the sound of lots of liquid falling. Yeah, or money falling out of somebody's pocket.

Mm-hmm, yeah. That always gets my attention. Absolutely, yeah. It's a coin-steady thing. A dog barking? If there was a dog barking, and you were waiting for somebody to sing. You would turn around thinking,

a dog's got in here? Yeah. And- Somebody get that dog out and then bam, they're through to the next round. That's right. And you have to in here. Yeah. Somebody get that dog out and then bam, they're through to the next round. That's right. And you have to coach them. Yeah.

Look. Woo, woo, woo, woo. You know, if you did one of those versions of that, you know, that Christmas song, you know, that they do. Anyway, second, I mean, second sketch idea, why don't they make the whole floor out of mop? I mean, this is absolutely high quality comedy thing right here.

Why don't they make the whole premise out of false conclusions? Yeah, yeah. There you go. Then we got the crank, but with joy. This is Jason Statham, he has to sustain maximum absolute ecstatic joy for a day so that he can get the antidote to this witch's curse. So what's he doing? He's reuniting long lost identical twins. He's at the airport and he's bringing the pets of servicemen. Oh my god, yes.

He's watching them re-night, but he's also petting both of them at the same time. Rub on that servicemen on. He's being furry belly. Oh, I'm being furry back. That's right, they don on his big furry belly big furry back That's right. They don't have a furry belly. They're servicemen. What has it? They've been dragging themselves through them through the earth. They had a furry belly It's all been worn away. It's all been worn away like a like a the side of a leg on pants He's giving the serviceman a freshly woven belly wig. Exactly. A belly mercen...

...a part of the return service mercen... I'm running it down. Oh fuck. Yeah, look, I'll tell you what, that's probably more solid sketch than some of the other shit we've written down to. That's great. And then we got the latter day joy addict or generosity addict. So it could be somebody who's addicted to making babies laugh or whatever and he has to find ways of getting that fix all the time. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that that's a different enough or an interesting enough thing.

But then there's also the generosity out of it. A guy who has to just loves giving things away, you know? And what you would have to do. Yeah, I mean, what do you get to the point where you're just in the gutter? Because giving. In the gutter, giving. The greatest joy is giving, Andy.

But at some point, you don't have anything left. Yeah, what do you do? You in the gutter, scraping skin cells off for the ants. Ants had loved it. The skin, they have skin off their ants. No, for you, you doing? They got us scraping skin cells off for the ants answered a lot of it. The skin they have skin off their ants No, for you off you, you know you're giving it flakes you're giving it to the ants It's now generous you are at some point you're giving away all your time you're giving away You know you're giving away all your money you're giving away all your great ideas all your great ideas

Speaking great ideas. What's the next sketch? The boiling eggs on an ever. It's a lower pressure, it takes longer to boil. Yeah, that's why it's so hard. That's so hard. You're carrying a dozen eggs in your hand. You can't even use your... You got to pickaxe in one hand, you got a dozen eggs in the other. You know, Sir Edmund Hillary was a beekeeper, right, in New Zealand, an apiurist, right? When he was asked why he climbed Everest, he said, because it was there. But I reckon the answer was really to get away from the fucking bees. Yeah, that's a perfect example of,

there's also no food, there's no beautiful flowers, there's no vegetation up there. And this is a window into the future that we could see if we let these bees die out. Yeah, it'll be the top of Everest everywhere. That's right. High quality quality tweet appreciation Appreciators, you know, these are these people these are real like they're basically audio files, but for tweet. Yeah, tweet

Eofiles, it's it's a it's a I feel like this is a real classic to it. I think this is a classic Wow, this is so us, you know, Then we got the future historical current fiction books, which are, you know, people who go into the future to just get their history books, bring them back, sell them as history books initially, because that's what they are, future history. As soon as they come out, as soon as you get it in your hands, it's fiction. Then, like driving a car off the lot, it loses a lot of its value. I think after it's first week, you just have to shift it to the fiction section. To the fiction section.

Yeah, fiction section. Then we got the time share baby, it's a worldwide time share baby. Let's attribute this one to the Jess Daven mat clues. Based on those clues we came up with a worldwide time share baby. Yeah, we also came up with future historical current fiction and then we got the Return service mercen for the guys who have been dragging their bellies in the dirt for you know months and months and then they come home and their Bellies are and these old women have been knitting them

all the men have been gone and And you know they're they cry and this is actually the first time they're able to actually let out the emotion and let out their emotions and actually first they start talking about the war and that actually reduces the incidence of PTSD. I think a return service mercant has holes for the nipples. Of course. So you sort of pink nips can sort of hang through there. Yeah, you're sort of light, light red areolas.

Some nipples are very strange colors. Nipples are all sorts of interesting colors. I think pink is probably very wrong if me to say that. I mean, look, but you know, even in the white range of, you know, white nipples, I mean, not white nipples, but you know, sort but fair skinned nipple men or women. Fair skinned nipple men. You get a huge range of shades. Huge range.

Huge range of shades. I think it would be nice to just do some paintings. Like being an artist who does paintings only in the nipple color range. Never, never veering outside of that, but always staying with, I don't know, I think do you think people would pick it up? That your palette is really limited to nipple colors? Yeah, I think they would be.

There would be no blues. You see, there would be a blue-less artistry. I just realized he only paints and the colors of nipples. He only draws from the nipple palette. Can I'm going to let you start wrapping the podcast up? Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, while I go answer the door because nobody's there. Watch your foot, watch your foot.

Now, Lister, you're tripping over the fucking... Oh, good God. I mean, that was... What a way to end the podcast. Without leaping away with a microphone cable wrapped around his leg. Um, alright. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to in tank. Thank you to everyone who's been supporting us on Patreon and getting in touch on Patreon. A lot of people really enjoyed the latest bonus episode, which you get at the $8 tier. If you sign up for the overflow tank, $8 a month, you get two extra episodes a month of two in the tank. And the latest one was from a suggestion from Daniel on Twitter and he asked us to come up with five sketch toy ideas.

No, sex toy. Sex toy. I can't tell the difference anymore between the sketch and stuff. You wanted us to come up with five sex toy ideas. But not too many wishy washy ones where you get emotional satisfaction. Yeah, no, no, no, he's like just stuff that you shove inside of yourself or whatever. And I think, you know. I think we, we, I think we definitely had some, definitely some stuff like that.

Yeah, and people who have listened seem to really enjoy it. It was a lot of fun. One, one here said that he thought that it maybe it was better than the regular podcast. So that's just, so you know, we're keeping the good stuff. Behind the paywall. Yeah. This is what this whole venture has been about. So you know we're keeping the good stuff behind the paywall. Yeah This is what this whole venture has been about and just to go back to parenting. That's what I'm doing with my kids Right, I'm keeping all the good stuff behind a paywall if those kids really want to be raised right?

It's a user pays model. Yeah, it's freemium. You know, you get the basic you get the basic Like sustenance for free. And then if you want a strong bond, that's gonna cost you. This is app dad. Add dad app. Dad app dad. And also you should know that we love you.

You. You. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments.

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