Two In The Think Tank - 151 - "EXPERIMENTALLY HANDSOME"

Episode Date: October 2, 2018

Orb Lover Scandal, Police State Of Shock, Oil Based Drinks, Advanced Forts, Strechers on the Elterly, Thumb Cycles, Knife Nose, Skew Whiff Dog Face, Oh, The Humanities!Thanks to everyone who supports the pod by chipping in to our patreon hereTwo in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereOngoing therapy to George Matthews for my terruble editing of this episode.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students including the GI Bill. Now is the time mycomputercareer.edu

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Hello and welcome to Two In The Think Tank to show where we, I'm going to say come up with five sketch ideas. Okay, cool. You're good with this? Yeah, I mean, I'll I'll give it a go I know we always agreed from the beginning. Yeah, we would do 150 episodes where we came up with five sketch ideas And then we do something different, but then I thought maybe let's do something different and do something the same Because that would that would be that's different to what we were planning exactly. Yeah, you're right

It's nice change and you know what is nice to mix it up a little bit? It is yeah And you know like how oh yes Within the you know like in your life you can basically do whatever you want That is one of the privileges that we are afforded Yeah, the miraculous gift of freedom and existence and existence but the miraculous gift of freedom and existence and existence. But we don't we don't really take advantage of that to its fullest. Not not even not even just like that. It's to its fullest. But almost not even 5%.

You're right. The rhythm of what we stick to is probably, you know, is it, you know, if you were graphing what you did. How much stuff do you do in a day that is different? Yeah, you're doing variations on the same thing. You get up out of bed already, that's just you're just treading through the same old groove. Yeah, that's what you went to bed, that's another. Yeah, well exactly, you've already set yourself that's right, you went to bed, that's another. But yeah, well, exactly, you've already set yourself on the path when you went to bed.

That was your first mistake. Yeah, eating, I mean, like, you know, obviously eating is gonna be- When you're a mouth. Yeah, with your mouth, you know, it's gonna be, I mean, somebody posted a photo today on Twitter to us about skin yogurt, and suggested that it was our idea. I looked at that image for a while and I still couldn't work out what it was.

Fast acting? Was it easily absorbed skin yogurt? I didn't know if it was a thing you put on your skin or in your skin or it could well be made out of skin. For me it felt like a good idea. And it accented some other way that it's got nothing to do with you or your skin. It just happens to be made from skin. It was like, you know, like a belt. It was Daniel K. Daniel K. Of course it was Daniel K. Daniel K who suggests that we do something about sex toy ideas.

I think you're stereotyping him. Well, look, and I think he wants to be stereotyped that way. He's only done that four or five times. That's right. On our in our limited history of interaction. He just he enjoys knowing about things that go in and out of other things. And we just like to put that out there as a service because we know that in whatever like life you're living,

or relationships you're involved in business or otherwise. Yeah. It can be hard to find somebody in your life to tell, to talk about sex toys. That's right. And if you need someone to play that role, we can be that. We can absolutely be that. I think that we could do 150 episodes. Yes.

That was unbelievable. Is that my phone? That sounded like it was coming from inside my ears. Well, but I mean it wasn't, I don't think it was my phone. No? There wasn't, there's no notification. There's no notification on my thing. I think that came from our headphones.

Okay, yeah, that's fascinating. Well, I don't know. Wow. Maybe nobody else heard that, Elis there. You think that was just us? Just you and me. We had like, I guess a unique experience that no one else in the world has ever had. And it'll bring us close together.

We can't share that with anyone. Like in the movie Phenomenon when he sees that comment or that flash or whatever, he gets hit to the ground and it's a it's a tumor really what it was I think I don't know ruined phenomenon, but but it gives him amazing powers for a while I think he can spin a spoon without touching it. But can he really though or is he thinking? Yeah, no, no He can no he can he actually can you know It's one of those movies that plays with the idea I don't think they mention it, but I think it plays with that idea

It's like all the unlocked parts parts of the brain that we can't access. Ah, sure. It's spinning, it's spoon spinning part. Sort of like that, like a, it's like inherited savant or whatever, but it's not that one. Anyway. So wait, to finish a couple of loose ends, I want to say, I don't believe there are any. Oh, yes, okay. So finish this first one. Oh, yes, okay, so finish this first one. What just happened to us is we just had the first occurrence of a jewel tumor growth that happens simultaneous spontaneous coupled tumor growth that will give us the inability to speak properly.

Right. It's already kicking in. It's kicking in and it's giving me a pretty good rush. Yeah. Oh, that's really exciting. And I wasn't speaking properly about what that I meant, pain. Pinin and depression. Yeah, and depression.

Okay. So that's that thread. Then there was the thread about, I was talking about the, I thought that we could do 150 episodes of a podcast that is exclusively about sex toy ideas. That was that sentence that I was trying to finish as we were getting that, is that tumor hit our heads? I reckon we don't need to need to do a new podcast. I think we just go back through all the old podcast, we just edit in, and then you put it up your butt at the end of every like the guy like the guy who would run from town to town Because he had he was the one man for all these women and he would you know

It was just a society in which one guy has all the women. Yep, and I'm by has I mean like I don't mean like he owns them in any regard I just mean culturally I mean culturally That's what they want as well. It's okay because they don't want it. That's what yeah. I don't want any different. They don't know. And they have agency. But it's that I choose to use that agency to want to be with him. They just want to be with the best guy. And he's a nice guy. He really makes an effort. I mean, there probably is one guy who's the best. And from that point of view, it makes sense that everyone should be in a relationship with that guy, especially if he's by, that

would be great. If he's by and poly and there's one guy and he, surely everyone in the world would agree that you want to be in a relationship with the best person you can be in a relationship. He would have to be by and poly but also be happy with spending a date with someone and then never seeing them again as he cycles through everyone in the world. But you're in a relationship with him. Probably still a bit of text action though. Of course, he's still got a bit of time for text. Yeah. And you would, every text I think you would have to text him

your photo just to remind him who you are. I'm sure. But he's such a good guy. He'd remember. Oh yeah, absolutely. Or at least he would pretend. I'm sure there's some way that we can do this with social media.

And there must be a way that we can set it all up So that we're all you know, we all stay in touch sufficiently to feel like we're getting what we need out of this relationship. Yeah, but I think in terms of the sex part That's the part where I feel like he may not be able to provide for everybody again I feel like technology can absolutely solve this we'll all have some sort of like So, we'll all have some sort of like nodule in our house, just digitally connected to some sort of control center where him or one of his assistants, because he probably has a few, who can sort of control it. But then, very much on his instructions and according to the sort of the love-making principles that he has laid down. But the problem with him having assistance, but him also being in a relationship with everybody is that now he's sleeping with his employees.

And that's a good guy would do. I don't want to be in a relationship with that kind of guy. Okay. Well, then it's an algorithm. Oh, right. Yeah. So is he sleeping with the algorithm? I mean, if the algorithm is intelligent enough to be that good a love maker on his behalf, maybe it algorithm is intelligent enough to be that good a love maker on this behalf, maybe it's also intelligent enough to want a piece. I guess that if he could do, if he was doing this, say, maintaining a sexual relationship with everyone else in the world, right, he would probably be a nodule, you're right. Yeah.

100% with that, I would say, I would say, I think it might glow. It would glow, probably, would have a sucky cup thing on the underside that you stick to a wall. Which I could, right. But I don't know if it would just be just a penis. I think it would be a penis, I guess it could be a penis, but also kind of an arm one. You know, like it's kind of an arm. It's okay, it's three.

It's a spade of spade that's got a hand on the hand. Yeah. It's okay. It's it's three. It's a bit is better. It's got a hand on the I mean it would be less expensive I feel like it sort of opens up. No, but no, but look I mean look that's good. That's good But what if okay, so it's ones appears okay, and it's like that to the wall. Yeah, you cut it to the wall Right, right, but then he's got two of them that are arms that you suck in cup to the wall a suction cup it to the wall. Right. But then he's got two of them that are arms that you suction cup to the wall a little bit higher up, because he would cuddle. He above all else, he would cuddle.

And his nodule, dildo thing would be flaccid most of the time. Of course. And then only at the appropriate time would it grow. And I think, by the way, that wall, that could be one of those LED like a light wall, like a digital screen. And then you can see everything, it's just got absolutely, just stick out. And it's perfect. So wait, like the LED is it just because it'll make nice patterns or...

No, it's like a screen has got his face in some way. Got his face in some way. Yeah, and I think maybe whenever he says, like back in his room where he's felt like being filled with doing this. I'm just, it's just occurring to me all the various sexualities that we are totally invalidating by saying that everybody's in a sexual relationship with this man. Well, we're invalidating it, but we're also invalidating monogamy. I mean, or, or, you know, any of these kind of things because, because everybody is just inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inval- inv- inval- inv- inval- inval- inval- inval- inv-al- inval- inv- inval- inv- inval- inval- inval- inval- inv-al- inval- inv-al- inval- inv- inval- inv- inval- inv-al- inval- inval- inv-al- inval- inv-al- inv- inval- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv-al- inv that it was an orb. I mean I was starting to think that maybe it's an orb.

And maybe it's come down from space. And then the parts that you stick onto the wall, right, with the suction cups, that they're actually, they come out of the Amazon box that you get them out. They come out exactly as the thing that you want that person to the orb to be. Beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. Like big hands, small, rough. And I want you to know that I'm picturing an orb. I'm picturing an orb, right. But the orb has arms and legs. So it doesn't look that dissimilar from like the M&M, one of the M&M guys. What I love about this is that there's no body type that's been put onto that, you know, that the orb that we've all transcended the sort of manipulated perceptions of what is physical beauty.

Yeah. You all be able to love this orb and it feels like it's made us all better people. Absolutely. I mean, it is being enabled being enabled able bodied thing. So maybe that's it's it's but it's not that's not offensive to the people who are in a relationship with them because they're you know, he's with them and they're not necessarily able bodied. Now what I'm interested in is the point at which we realize that the orb is a sex addict. Sure.

And it's crazy because it's still such a great orb and we all love the orb and we still, but we've realized that in a way it is not normal for it to want to be in this many relationship simultaneously. Sure, but it's also not normal for everybody to want to be in a way it is not normal for it to Want to be in this many relationships Sure, but it's also not normal for everybody to want to be in a relationship with But I definitely think that there's a scandal that occurs Yeah, right because look so so and I think maybe it's like an inside look somebody's taken a like taken a dash cam from their house I don't know from the car. I don't know why but they've but they've dropped it into his window So now they or they threw it up in his window while he was airing out the bedroom Right and and it landed perfect. It's like you know

It's kind of a bit hidden, but it gets perfect shot of where he does the second that is where his sex wall is Right and you see the behind the scenes of it. What's really going on? You know, and you see him saying, like, you know, because he has to find ways, sorry, it, I have so sorry, it has to find ways of, you know, of making generic statements, but that get translated or interpreted by the,

the so the algorithm, which is his partner in love um as As so he says oh, I love your name, you know, maybe he might say that And we and I do do do you feel like that's the scandal or do we feel like Everyone's okay with that because that's just the reality of what it takes to have a working relationship with the or I apologize that I made that seem like that's what the scandal was. That was just I was just trying to set up some of the color. I think that there should be some. There should be a bigger scandal. Yeah, but I think I think the fact that you could make it seem like it's a, maybe they are sex addict.

Well, it's also possible that like, you know, the orb is in a relationship with, let's say, eight hundred, eight billion people in the world. Yeah. And then, but then, but not, and we all know about that and we're all fine with it. Yeah. And then we find out that it's also in a relationship with one more person that it didn't that's perfect. I think, I think, and, but, but but but in person yeah who comes into the room. Oh wow

You know, and that's what we get from the dash cam that's in the room. Yeah, it's not a spy cam By the way, it is a dash cam. It was built for dashes Mm-hmm and so and then It's all on the news. I guess we're all so angry. Do we come, and we just tear it apart? The orb? Yeah. Or do we all sort of get together and sort of hold the orb and weep?

I think we want to hang it out to dry in the media. Is it wet? It's a wet orb. It's a big sponge. A lot of people think that the orb is either just light or like kind of like a pearl But it's actually a porous kind of spongy thing right and when you squeeze it its eggs come out I love it. Yeah, it's like a quite human like I was a leak. Yeah, but but it's it's sort of somewhere between like it actually comes from coral

Okay, but I think I'd loved the early stages of when everyone, when not everyone's just a few people in a relationship with the orb, but like, I feel like it's all word of mouth that gets around. Like the orb doesn't do any, it's not sort of unnatural that people wind up in a relationship.

They just hear about how great the orb is and that more people want to be in a relationship with the orb. Yeah, and they're all okay with it because it's just, it's equal. They discuss exactly what it is. You know, they know that everybody, their physical relationship and everything is all just through this wall. Right? And texting, obviously. Yeah. Right. Great texting.

Like night. And they all got went into this agreeing that it was that they were going to do it through communicating properly. Yes. So then when somebody crossed the boundaries and started seeing this orbid in person, it was too much. Yeah. Yeah, and then but then like, I don't know, I guess, I guess the whole world would move on and we'd just talk about it like how weird was it when we were all in a relationship with the orb. With the leg, the, the, the, the armed and belegged orb. Yeah.

And then maybe like, maybe the orb has kind of like a crash, like it's life doesn't go so great after that sort of Charlie Sheen styles where like we see that we start to see about in the orb in like tabloids and stuff and everybody's worried about the orb but also it's just like it keeps pouring alcohol over its spongy porous body like that and then it does a speaking tour. And a speaking tour is kind of just sad. Yeah. Yeah, and then at some point, but also all of society would kind of go through

a morning period themselves where they kind of maybe would drink heavily and. Oh man, that would be the worst if everyone in the world was going through the same breakup. Yeah, but then everybody would be like, oh, I just hooked up with a rebound. Rebound? Like maybe some other kind of ball. Some other kind be like, oh, I just hooked up with a rebound. Rebound. Like a maybe some other kind of ball. Some other kind of ball. Yeah, maybe a cone.

Kind of con-conular person. Connacle. Connacle. Connular. Connular. Who's to say? Well, I feel like you are. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, that's great now. It's a fantastic arc. It's a whole episode. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I think we yeah, we wouldn't have to record any other sketches for that That that episode for that episode. Yeah, that's a really yeah There's also the angle that you could find out that the orb is just a filthy Man hiding inside the Orb. It's the kind of thing. Everybody in the world got catfish.

We all thought we were in a relationship with an Orb. Turns out it was a creepy old man. An ageless, perfectly spherical spongy Orb. No, turns out it was a guy in his 60s. I knew it was too good to be true. And he had an unhealthy relationship with his mother. Yep. And we all send it a lot of money.

Oh no. I mean, but there are some... No, I shouldn't get in this. You know what's good though about Daytona Noor? Yes, tell me. Is that... I mean, obviously everything, but... You know, like even if you're skipping with it or whatever,

because it doesn't have a face, you never know when it's not paying attention. That's great. And I think that's probably one of the ways it was able to keep this all going for so long. So you could never tell when it was looking at its phone. But yeah, text, it's somebody else. You know, it was probably doing,

so it probably had a whole series of screens in there or whatever, I don't know. Maybe the orb itself, the sponginess, it's just a whole network of nerves and fibers and they're all perception nerves. It's so perceptive. Like fiber optics and things like that. It can see through every sphere, through every little endpoint, and feel and different things like that. So that's also why it's so sensitive and why everybody loves it so much.

Yeah. So I think maybe the orb, I've wanted a picture that the orb wears clothes. I know that doesn't make sense with what you just said, but it wears some kind of weird spherical clothing thing. I look at it. So that when we see over the fence with the dash cam, and it is a dash cam, not a sky-spy cam

No, no absolutely. It's yeah, it's I think that dash cam has been thrown into the room thrown into the room It's there in the and it's just like a normal room like like we see in the background It's whoever its lover is physical lover coming out wearing Coming up from the bedroom wearing the orbs Perfectly spherical clothes Coming up from the bedroom wearing the orbs perfectly spherical I think that's good. Yeah, it could just be like you know then the movie That's always the giveaway that they've had sex is that the person is wearing their

Cloth their baggy t-shirt or something like that and you're like oh no, yeah damn you Yeah, no, it's never the wedding singer. Yeah, it's never in my only example Well, that's cool. Wasn't there that French film you're talking about that? Was it like a Foucault or like not a Foucault? I think I made that one up. A Truffaut, what if someone with a long t-shirt? Maybe that exact shirt you were wearing. Shit, I'm wearing right now.

I'm wearing my French Girlfriend shirt. Yeah. It's just my denim shirt. It's just slightly too long. Yeah, so that a French girl in a French movie might wear and then it covers her underpants mostly. Yeah, if she is wearing underpants, we don't know how to cover it enough so that we don't even need to know. The question goes on answered and that's what it makes. I feel like a philosophical thing. It's much more much much much longer tree in the forest. Yeah. It's a sort of a

question that was first asked in Scotland about you know about people wearing kilt's in trees in forests. So like I was saying we don't we don't do you know we don't really take advantage of all the freedom that we have in a day. And I think that part of that is probably just for comfort reasons because it's just so easy to find stuff that you like and quickly power through all the stuff that you don't like, get it all done so that you can go back to doing things that you just like rather than having to try things that are new, which you could either like or not like, and so there's a risk there, you know.

But surely they're like the reason to do things the same way that you've always done them, is for reasons of efficiency, because that allows you to do those things quicker, with less decision making, and maybe if unpleasant things get them out of the way, and then get on to the free time, which is totally new things that you've of the way, right? And then get on to the free time, which is totally new

things that you've never done before, ever, which are a total shock to your system. Well, I mean, that would be a great way if we were adding that exploratory part to our lives, but I don't think we're doing that that much. What's a new thing that you tried this week? You think that I tried this week? No, can't think of anything. You know? Nothing. You're gonna have a new kid soon. That's already something you've already done. To be fair to me, it is Monday.

Yeah, no, but let's say, you know, I'm just thinking about that's a seven day cycle. I'm using it at seven day period. Yeah. Sure, you should have said seven day period. Oh, I have. Did heaps of new stuff over the seven day period. Yeah.

Yeah, calling it a seven day period, that's one. I could go on. But I want it. What I'm trying to say is that I think maybe it's hard whilst we're in this comfort groove, right, to make the most out of life. Yeah, so what do you think we need like a good war or something, or maybe a famine?

Oh, go fingers crossed both. Well, I haven't, look, I've been part of many countries or at least two countries that have been in wars. I haven't been in one myself, but no, but I guess if I was looking to do new things, I don't know, it just feels like, do you think there's a philosophical rationale here to for forcing new things upon people?

Yeah, well, I think they're, I think they're absolutely is. I think it's like Google. Google's really encouraging its employees to take up their own pet projects and take, well, is that something like 20% of their time or 10% or 5% or 1% or none? Yeah.

I don't know, or care. To developing their own new and novel projects which may or may not generate revenue for the company. Now, what I'm saying, Alistair, is that maybe the government could implement a similar thing for all of the citizens. Sure. But then we want to be a truly innovative country. We, our, every individual needs to be pushing themselves to innovate.

Yeah, but I think also there's an aspect in which we can't be completely in charge of it. Because first of all, when we're in charge of our lives, we go towards things that are familiar. Yeah, but you won't be allowed to because I'll shoot you or put you in prison. See, I like this. But also, maybe they should hand in things. Because I think people are going to find workarounds. They're going to find ways of doing the thing that is the minimum amount of different. Sure. So that, you know, like you go, you'll find out that like, oh, actually, the algorithm doesn't shoot me. Like this, you know, I like that it sends off some drone to follow you with a shotgun attached to it. And that drone with the shotgun shoots you unless you do something new.

You notice that the, you know, and maybe there's just like a, there's like a three bars of displeasure on the drone. So if you go and try to do something new, you can see by how displeased it becomes whether or not that it considers it a new thing for you. And so then you go and like, let's say you're like, well, I normally sit down on a chair, but it's a blue chair. So maybe if I sit on an orange chair and you check it out and you look at the drone and it doesn't seem to just please it all and it considers that to be a new thing and you're like, right, well all we got to do is just sit on different colored chairs and they can.

And there's so many different colors. Maybe you're just going to just get a chair that changes color. Exactly. And then that's yeah that's something that Panasonic or Samsung would start releasing is just color changing chairs, you know, or three million colors. And then suddenly you're like, and it's like trick the drone. Yeah. Color changing chairs from Panasonic. Exactly. And then you can just go about your routine on your color changing chair. So for that reason, I think that we, there would probably have to, would probably have to be some government distributed new experiences that you would just be forced to do. Maybe that the drone just comes and picks you up by the scruff of your shirt like that

and then kind of carries you to a waterfall and then it says now sleep. Sleep in the waterfall like that. It's a new experience. That's good. It's kind of a bit like, you know, it's like a lucky dip or something like that, but for everyone and then for mandated or it's like a loot dip or something like that, but for everyone, and then for mandated. Or it's like a loot crate, you know, those people who send out the box full of like pop culture stuff. But in that one, they do it by working out all the things that you like, right? By having you fill out a survey and then send you stuff that is sort of in the area of things that you like, like a figurine of hand solo. you feel out of survey and then sends you stuff that like is sort of in the area of things that you like,

like a figurine of hand solo. Yeah. But this is the opposite. Yeah, great. You fill in all the stuff that you like and all the things that you have favorite stuff that you do and your routines and what makes you happy and then it sends you something that you probably

have never either never seen or if you did would hate it. Yeah, great. So let's say you're a big kayaker. Yeah. It would sort of, it would force you to sort of put freshly made like a fetuccine up through your nose and just see and then do that thing where it goes around the back of your thing and into your mouth and you do that thing where you pull it back and forward through your mouth. Yeah, yeah. Like a like a soaring and it wouldn't be that good Because fresh pasta kind of has that dust on it. It has like that flower does

So you know that's true Probably bleeding as well from because like when you say fresh Do you mean soft or is it just yeah? It's soft like some like some guy has just made it and that was a thing that he was forced to do by the government Because he loves gaming, right? And so then he was made to make that and then you came along. That's the very two-in-thick-take idea, I love it. Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's, but this is to help people live more. Like, sure, I'll show you what leads richer lives. Well, it's a little bit like,

also, to draw another analogy because I'm doing them constantly. There was a bit like that bit in Fight Club where they get that guy and they point the gun at him in the 7-11 or whatever and say, you're gonna go to university and be a vet, it's like that. But not necessarily with things that you wanted to do because he wanted to be a vet. So it's a little bit different to that.

Yeah, but it would be cool, it would be like going to that kind. You might find something that you want to do though Well exactly. Yeah, you might find that you love having past Yeah, and then once you realize that you won't like the government will never allow you to do that again That's the thing you've now got all the time you can do you can fit that in Well, that's true because that's yeah, this is only like this is only like 20% of your time or something Yeah, I don't really be once a week. I don't know. Yeah, maybe once a week, it's a government mandated new experience. And I think it's great once we have let,

like once there are more robots doing jobs, people are less gainfully employed in repetitive manual tasks, so those are the things, those are the things that are being automated, are all those repetitive things. Exactly. Right, what can you never automate?

The horror of the new? Yeah, exactly. You can't automate that. And then like a robot, you can. I mean, I mean, there will have to be a robot that picks the new thing and then takes you to it and then makes it happen. But that's just some sort of random number generator. But no, you could you could actually make that. That's one of your jobs. As you're getting driven back on your drone You know, it just asks you name a thing Right, and then you name it and that's somebody else's thing because we're the our only value will be in creating new Ideas new word combinations New things like that and if it it zaps you if your thing isn't creative enough

Yeah New things like that and if it it's absolutely if your thing isn't creative enough Yeah, all right Slasanger gravel pit. Thank you go. Oh, all right. Wait is that would like like a sort of a pit made of Slasanger clothing that's been shredded up into gravel. Yeah, it's shredded up and compressed into gravel Yeah, yeah, I can imagine that no it's not actually a bad idea, right? Because you think about it. We walk. We have shoes on our feet. Yeah. Right? But what if we just made the pavement out of ground up shoes?

Why don't they make the whole ground out of shoes? Have you already said this on the show? No, we did. Why don't you make the whole floor out of mop? Yeah, okay, great. And then everybody, but if we did that, then everybody could walk around barefoot. Exactly.

And how cool would you be? Exactly. And there's always cool people who are walking around barefoot, right? But we're scared too, because we like our shoes, because they make us comfy. That's right. And we make your foot by grinding up shoes, we're able to make a footpath out of shoes, that actually, exactly is comfortable as the shoes, supportive to the heel, and you get all the benefits of barefoot, right? But comfortable as the shoes supportive to the heel and you get all the benefits of barefoot

But here's the problem. Why do people not want to walk barefoot most of the time broken glass But if we make glass bottles out of shoes as well or socks people you see people drinking out of shoes all the time I like parties and stuff Why not start, you know, I think it's not that crazy if we were to just start wearing bottles on our feet. Bottle foot, right. You know, because I mean, we fix that by making the bottles shoes first and then they become your footwear. You know? Yes.

And then once you've worn them for a bit, they just go into the ground. Yes. And they make up the roads and the footpaths. Now, I feel sharp. Sharp like in any way. No, no, no, it's just a shoe. It's not a shoe like. They're shoes.

Yeah, it's great. But the only reason why you're drinking out of a shoe is bad is because someone's foot was in there. Right. Right. But if it was. But no one's ever said, oh I'm not going to wear this shoe because it's had someone else's beverage in it. We've just got the whole situation

asked about. Exactly. Just flip that around and you've got a perfectly ordinary sequence of events. And you know what I reckon also, a bit of alcohol in the shoe, probably kill any tinier and that sort of thing. That's really good. And irritate the skin. And irritate the skin. But I mean, you know, in beers and things like that, there's probably a lot of sort of living bacteria in there that we could cultivate with our feet.

Beer? You know beers. Yeah, okay. Well like beer is made from, and that's the... Oh, and that way brewing in the, it's now a shoe brew. Well, you were talking about alcohol. Yeah, sure, but if you're cultivating the... I'm just saying any drags or beer. Yes. That might be left in the, in the, in the sort of the foot drink bottle. Right, show any frothy stuff that's down by the toes. Yeah, that once you get your foot in there, you know, the warmth and the humidity may take those drugs and sort

of help facilitate more bacterial growth. And what's confusing may allister is the concept of helping and who is it helping? Well, it's helping the bacteria. Sure. Is that all? Yeah, it's not helping us. I mean, unless we want back to, I mean- Well, see, that would be good. I think a proper engineer would find a way of integrating the waste products from the

leftover liquid in the shoe and integrating that. If you want to be a proper ecosystem designer, which I do, you've got to figure out what to do with the inside of those little drags. The leftover phanta that makes contact with the water or the oils, all the bottle. Is this a drink with oils in it? No, it could be a bottle of olive oil. There aren't any oily drinks by by the way, aren't they? This is something.

Yeah. This is interesting. Oil-based drinks. I mean, why not? We know that you can have oil, like olive oil. Olive oil. And we know you can drink other liquids. And nobody does that.

Nobody does a savory salad dressing dressing and that sort of thing. Oh, I'd licked up, I'd drank some salad dressing from the bottom of my salad and today. And how was it? I felt really good. Yeah, great. Okay, so now imagine a good cup of that. Yeah, a good point. A French dressing drink.

I think that is a perfectly good idea. It's a tangy. You don't get any drinks with that kind of tang. No, because it's acid, right? It's just like white wine vinegar. It's dejan mustard. Yes, yes. And it's olive oil, a little bit of salt, right?

I think this is the savory drink. Oh, absolutely. The oil-based drinks. Oil-based savory drinks. Yeah, because I find we have hardly any drinks that emulsify. Like that, you know? You got to shake them up together. You got to shake them up to make sure that the oil and the vinegar mix together and create

like what about like a mayonnaise-based drink? The reason we put this on a salad is because that's the flavor we like. Exactly. Well I've got to try and convince, trick myself into eating this salad somehow. I'll cover it in all these great flavors that I like. Listen, you don't have to have that salad. Just drink from the bottle. Drink the dressing.

That's right, the salad, the dressing is the food. Yeah, no, it's like, you know, if you looked at somebody, right? And you saw their cool clothes, right? That's the part that you like. That's what you like, spend time with the clothes. Spend time with the clothes, don't. So the person, the person is the lettuce.

You wanna spend time with the dressing. That's like fashion week. People, guys, they wanna date models. Girls, they wanna date models. No, no, no. Right, no, what you like is, you like that they're modeling, but the modeling isn't them, it's the clothes. You wanna roll around in a pile of clothes.

Exactly. Say, go up to the don't show in Gibbana. Say When you're done mind if I roll around in the pile. I bet they've got one out the back Well, they've got to it and if the bottles are taken off those clothes so quickly to get on some other clothes I bet there's a pile. Yeah, and what is it was the cost? What do I have to pay to roll around? Yeah, and if there wasn't a pile There's so many assistants who could then or reorganize the clothes into a pile. Yeah, surely.

Because one of these shows, it's all assistants. It's an assistants-based industry. You know, these are all interns, people who are trying to climb the ladder. Can I just turn this into some kind of a nest? Can I just squirrel in there? Yeah. I get a little, like a very hot fashion nest. Well, I mean, a lot of these company,

a lot of these companies like Unicle, it's like that. It's a lot of like, it's quick fashion. It's quick fashion. Fast fashion. Yeah. You know? Well, it's not disgraceful if you want them to take

those clothes and turn them into a nest. I think that's a lot of these fast fashion companies and even some of the high-end fashion companies are very uncomfortable about what happens to their leftover product that they're worried about that if they give it donated. It'll wind up being worn by homeless people and that sort of thing and it'll somehow damage their brand, right? But people don't have to wear it. They could just turn it into a nest.

That's right. You know, advanced forts. Mm. You know, these kinds of things, like, you know, so they're left over designer furniture, right? And designer clothing. You stack the furniture, you drape the clothing over it. Over it.

Right. And it's is an alternative to tiny houses, right, because tiny houses, that's popular right now. They're almost saying, you know, it's an alternative to old folks home. Just have a tiny house, put the old folks in there, keep them away from those people who abuse you. Okay, just have a tiny house. Right, so I put them in your backyard or something and make them, they live with you. I guess so. I think it feels like this is probably what society needs to do. I mean, look, we all just need to live with our old people.

I think, I think it's good, probably. But there is a point that which somebody takes your full attention and then you need to almost have a proper care as wage so that because you can't work your job because somebody is. Yes, but then it's a complicated thing of mathematically how does that work as well? Because you don't want to be just you as the only grandchild with the four

grandparents or something living in your house. Well depends see It depends whether or not you have the facilities right you need something that when people fall over they won't get hurt and But it's also a small enough place, a small enough place that you know, can fit in your backyard. And that's why we're talking about advanced sports here. It's, you know, that way you don't have the wrong kind of people wearing your clothing if you're a fashion designer.

Yeah. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career and a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Yes.

You know, you don't have the wrong people sitting on your... All of them. Alistair, let's call them what they are. Undesirables. The undesirables. That's right. It's the technical term. It's the PC term. You don't want your design. You don't want your designables on undesirables. What's great about undesirable? The term undesirable is that all the insulting happens in the mind of the observer. I can

say undesirable and then you picture whatever you picture, Alistair. And then you're the one who's prejudiced. Yeah, I'm a real animal Yeah, you should have seen who I pictured I don't want to know you don't want to be a complicit you know you're doing absolutely Now is don't know if that's anything you don't think Don't know if that's anything you don't think I mean, I don't see a the thing is that the structure that that fits into Well, it's the okay, this is the comic structure, right?

Designers fast fast fashion doesn't look like you know even if it's a high fashion and high furniture. High and fast. High and fast furniture and fashion. Yep. They have lots of leftover stuff that has to get thrown away. They don't want undesirables using it. Whoever you're picturing.

People need places to put their old folks. Right, right. They use, they don't use, I mean, they use the stuff from the fashion and from the furniture industry, not for wearing or sitting on. Right. That is the basically the contract you've made with these people. Is that you're not allowed to use this as fur its intended purpose? Yes. Right. And so then you get some builder to come in and sort of stack it all up. Yeah. Stack it all up, drape the clothing over this. I'm glad this has been done by a professional. Yeah. I mean you get it all signed off. Andy we're putting some more the societies that most vulnerable

people inside, inside these advanced forts. Right, they make a sort of... And the word advanced is very crucial as well. And I mean, it's very advanced. Okay, and we, I don't know, I think they make maybe a sort of eglue out of it. I think that's the easiest way to sort of stack furniture into sort of a 3D arc like that.

So it just kind of piles up and holds down. You know, it's held together with like a lot of- You stuffed the holes with some, you know, some sarones with that- Yeah, some chiffon. chiffon, ah, some chiffon and then- And then it was so wrong. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Andy, there are fashion shows all over the world. Some are take part in the Pacific and some take part instead of in the continent. And when they're in the Pacific, what are they wearing?

So wrong. So wrongs. You know, and because every bit of fashion, you know, borrows stuff from the past. And some cultures are more sarong heavy than others. And so it's hard to borrow outside of the sarong. What else is there? Sarong's a back. Another year, another sarong.

Look at him, let's do everything together. And then you get, okay, so the only thing is that with the old people, it's how do you get them into that tiny door? To the fort. Of the fort, because it's an igloo fort. Yeah, what do you say? You tell them that you saw a dog running and crawl in there or something? Well, that's great.

You play the sounds of a crying child and they respond to that almost instinctively. Maybe. I was thinking, you know, those things that you slide on their cars, on your wheel of trying child and they respond to that almost instinctively. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Jun. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Jun. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Jun. Jun. Maybe. Maybe. Jun. Maybe. Jun. Jun. Jun. on their back, they'll already be ready to just, you go all grab us time for bed and you just slide them in the eaglet. I like that.

I think the idea of once you get to a certain age, you just have to have a skateboard strap to your back at all times, makes a hell of a lot of sense. Here's just a few of the reasons that that's great. Okay, number one, you fall over, you are home alone, you can sort of scuttle like a little cockroach or something or whatever, water beetles over to the telephone

and call for help. Yeah. Somebody to get you up. Or someone else, you're there with just someone else. Right. One person can't drag that person into into into bed or into the car into the hospital or into the shower to have a to the hospital or into the shower, to have a shower, but you could just sort of wheel them and then hose them down under the shower and then slide them under the bed even and then you've got more space, right? But also then we could be constructing whole, we could be putting them into like a sort of a honeycomb

arrangement. That's true. Right, like at a morgue, really. And then when they do die, they know how in the morgue, they've got that thing that they've been saying. You just seal up the door. You just seal up the hole.

And then they just kind of like, we just have chemicals in there that allow it to just take it, you know, take, like to, you know, just decomposition and stuff happens. And then, you know, two years later, we'll open it up. Three years later, you open it up and it'll just be compost in there.

And then you just take that and then you put it in a bag and then you sell it at a hardware store. Right. It's called Morganics. Morganics, Annie, that's a really great idea. Thanks. And I guess in order to roll them into the honeycomb thing, you need a floor that goes up and down, you know,

because, you know. Some sort of ramp thing like they used to load, shape into the back of a truck. No, well, I think that's good. But what if it's just, I think, yeah, but it's like, it's just the whole floor. The whole floor goes up. Well, it's done to get a bit complicated to get out of this. Well, no, no, because it's just like people, so you're just making a thin building, right?

It's like, it's like the length of two old people, right? I had to tell, but the, so that, you know, when people come in, you just bring the, you bring the floor all the way down, whatever. And then you, I guess you wheel them into, you drag them into their coms. Into this slot. And then they go in there and then, like, you know, they have a TV in there and stuff like that. And I guess just like on the roof of the comb of their, of their like pod.

But within that, that TV is made out of chemicals that when you seal it up, it just turns into chemicals that falls on them and starts decomposing them and things like that. I think that's great. I think we can definitely invent something as well that maybe even like like like when you start to tip over backwards, you're falling. Right. Maybe this thing doesn't you doesn't even let you fall all the way down to the ground. It has these legs that kind of unfold.

Yeah. Somehow with gravity, they unfold, like somehow with gravity. They flick out like that, right? And the wheels are on the bottom of those, and you fall onto your back and it goes, like that, and you're already on a stretcher. You got it, yeah, that's really good. And then the ambulance, the paramedics come along, and then they just wheel you straight into the back

of the ambulance or whatever. That's perfect. I would love that now, but like when you say slicker, you mean that they kind of, so the, as you fall, the legs kind of tip downwards. Yeah, and then, and they kind of like, it's almost like they've got like a, maybe, would you say pneumatics in there? They kind of like soften. Could be pneumatics could be hydraulics, I'm not sure.

I mean, hydraulics would mean carrying around a fair bit of liquid weight around with you at all times. Well, yeah, but I think they don't have to be big. We're not talking big pistons here. We're talking small. Look, let's call it pneumatics with a hydraulic backup. Okay, great. It's really good. And the hydraulics can be in the shoes, which, you know, at least if you fall, I mean, like

if you're, it's the, you know, it's the safest place to keep it. Now we got nothing for when people fall forwards. What about those legs, go forward as well? Worst case scenario, they fall forwards. They just trapped on their... Hope stretch it. Hopefully they use their hands, their arms to stop them to break their fall. And push themselves back.

That's right. Right. Yeah, or if they start to fall forward, they go into a summer salt. Yes. They've got to be, you know, they got to be on a train. These are gymnasts. Well, I think we'll have to rebuild society in such a way that we teach tumbling from a very young age. You know, like some countries have military service, we'll have acrobatics. I feel like that. They also pretty much have that rusher and that sort of thing.

You get them in. You get them in. Really? You've got to do your time on the tramps. Yeah. On the parallel bars. You see the time on the tramps, that's exactly what the designer fashion industry are trying to avoid with their clothes.

Yeah, the time on the tramps. We've got, we don't know, but we had five ideas. We didn't have five ideas. Well, I mean, unless you count, I could write down the one with the following backwards thing, but I feel that's kind of part of the, oh, I guess the honeycomb, honeycomb, elderly home.

I think stretches, stretches on the backs of the elderly are, is a totally separate idea to your advanced for idea Alistair I think we could say that those two things are one and the same but yeah I think that's real exciting I had something else in there that peaked my curiosity Was it Morganics? Was it a society with Morganics? Was it the morgue? No, I can't remember. Anyway, I feel really embarrassed that you forgot.

That's fine. Would you feel comfortable eating an orange that had grown in compost made from dead relative. You bet. Yeah. Yeah. I think a tree is a perfect filtering system for getting any gross bits out. I mean, it'd be suck if you found a thumb in there or something. In your orange? Yeah. Like, somehow, like, imagine that happening. The thumb is like in the dirt. Yeah. Right?

It's going all the way out. It's not even a good looking thumb. Like this is everything else is composted somehow. The thumb is restricted, but it's not in great shape. Yeah. Right. It somehow through like some freak occurrence encounters is it gets pressed up against some mega sap vein, tree vein thing that somehow sucks it up full thumb.

Yeah, full thumb. Real fat vein there. Real fat vein like that. And then all the way up through the stem of the like peach or whatever. Yeah. And then just gets embedded in the peach. Like that next to the nut.

And so you're not, you're not to be in thumbed, thumbed. You get someone's touched it with their dirty thumb. Could you, could you try and argue that, say somebody finds a thumb in some food that you've prepared at your restaurant. Could you try and argue that maybe it was in there, it was already in the carrot, when the carrot grew in the carrot, it didn't come from and one of the people in the kitchen. I think it would definitely help if you had some good photographic evidence showing that the...

That that was possible. Or, I mean, yeah, first of all, that it was possible, but also if like, if you could find a way of showing that the thumb was inside some carrot rather than just next to the carrots, that had been all all diced up because how did you avoid dicing up? Like, are you serving full carrots? Yes, I got much of a restaurant. There's very few restaurants where you can serve a full carrot. Full carrot, full or like half a raw carrot, was such a common side to dinners when I was

growing up and I love me a carrotnets when I was growing up. And I love me a carrot. Yeah, I love a carrot. But like there would just be a bit of carrot on the plate. But like half a carrot. Yeah, half a carrot. Oh, you just stand in the middle because it's classy that way.

Yeah, but you can't serve that at a restaurant. You can't do that in a restaurant. No, it crosses some kind of a line. Be great if there was, because the way all the systems work in the environment, where everything gets recycled, the water cycle, the carbon cycle, all that kind of stuff. Cycle. Everything's just like little molecules.

Be great if thumbs got recycled in some way. If there was some homeostatic system in the environment that allowed thumbs to fall to the earth off people and then sort of evaporate or whatever the thumb version of evaporating is. And then you know go back into the cycle, back into the slide. They sort of just thumbed their way up a lamp post. Yeah. And they just kind of, you know, like one of those ones with the big glass bulb around the thing and they all just sit us, they all just stick to the outside of the glass bulb until they crisp up or something like that from heat.

And then that outer crisp skin falls, and then you get a fresh, maybe some of the inside that comes out. But then what would happen, the thumbs would have to wait until somebody who just cut their thumb off at a building site was running past with their outstretched hand screaming on their trying to get to someone's attention.

And then one of those thumbs would fall from the lamp post back onto the stump. Yeah, well, imagine if that person was running around trying to get, and then in the back of their minds, they knew that... It's thumb season. Yeah, well, the thumbs are now like aware of it. So now thumbs are starting, like they've picked up the scent of his blooded, bloody thumb stump. And they're all trying to get on there.

And now they're all chasing. Is that kind of hungry for it? Yeah, because they want to. They want to get to that next part of the cycle. Oh, is it? So they're all coming out of the vents and everything like that. I'll be awful. I know, just thumbs.

Just like crawling like, like, sort of those caterpillars that bend in her. This is I know, just thumps. Just crawling like, like sort of those caterpillars that bend in her. This is a really, really great idea, I'll say. You're out of love with it. The idea that sort of thumbs never die. Yeah. Right. And because thumbs never die,

there are more thumbs than there will ever be people, because of all the people who are dead. Yeah, all the people. But their thumbs live on. There's more thumbs than, well, there'll ever be people to have thumbs. And the thumbs are so hungry to get back in, you know, and as soon as somebody loses a thumb, well, I mean, the thumbs could be here, the drumming of the thumbs as they start crawling through the air conditioning and moving to a new place.

And you're like, oh my god god I just found out this place has thumbs oh no and and but the thing is that the the thumbs could also I mean you know depending on what species of thumb there could be some thumbs that actually work towards helping people lose their thumbs oh it's in a malicious way well I, I mean, they need free thumb spots and the only place where they are is on people's hands. It's like, but you know, when you can get ahead in this business, in the thumb,

one, two, three, four, I declare a thumb wall. Yeah, you know, and there's a, like the thing is, is that if a thumb does cut off your thumb, yes, like that, and then it attaches itself to your thumb, there's a part where you're angry with that thumb for cutting off your thumb, but you're also thankful because you really needed a thumb. What about this? Okay, it's a seat.

You wake up in the morning and you've got two thumbs. Okay. Right? Just next to each other on your hand. Oh no. And you don't know which one's the real thumb and it's like are those scenes in the movies? Well, you like the theme or something. You got to shoot what's that off. Ha ha ha.

And it's just, it just, just to your eye, you can't make a, you can't figure it out. It's like, oh, they both look exactly like my thumb and they both seem perfectly attached. Yeah, I guess like what would you do? Would you would you start to ask a question? Like you can't ask a thumb a question. No, no, but you need to you might have to be an IP detectives or something like that or you know that you go see or like an answer. But for some kind of test. Yeah, obviously the thumbprint, but I think they'd probably

find a way to replicate. The nature of life finds a way. Yeah. The alternative version of this Alistair is where the relationship, there's almost a courtship between you and a new thumb. And I'm thinking here of like those tiny spiders, the peacock spiders, where the male spider

flicks up his little colorful tail plume engine. He dances around on a log to try and woo a female spider. But it's you there with a recently seven thumb in an industrial accident. And then a thumb sort of pops up on a log and does a little dance and try to get it. Flicks are going up in the air. Does all that tricks. Lights a zip-o later. Trying to get... It like flicks a coin up in the air. It does all its tricks.

Lights a zippo later. Trying to get your attention, right? And you're not so sure about the thumb. Hales are like a ride on the freeway. Yeah. Do you ever do that? Have you ever done that? You don't do that for taxis?

No, I've never done the thumbs up for taxis. I just hand up for taxis. Yeah, but I have hitchhiked and with a thumb. Really? Yeah. Were you murdered horribly and dumped in a ditch? No, but I did get picked up by a trucker once who told me about how he was just getting into doing sort of an escort service stuff and And how you just put it in a newspaper and then you know, you're saying that you're just there for a date

But then he said all I said so have you ever like had a sexual encounter with one of these ladies and he said all one girl Did asked to go down on me. I said did you let her and he goes? Yeah, I should have charged them all Jesus cross yeah, goes, yeah I should have charged him more. Jesus Christ. Wow. Yeah. What a conversation to have with a truck driver. Well yeah I was going from here.

Oh I'm a truck driver but I'm also, you know, you may have less go out of the solid. You work your way up to it. But he wasn't like a traditionally handsome man. Yeah right. Yeah, but you know, when you're going from, experimentally handsome man. When you're going from Canberra to Sydney, in a truck, at some point, you get around to talking about whether or not

you're an escort. Anyway, we've got three words for me, listener. I just want to say, an experimentally handsome, experimental handsomeness is an interesting idea. Give me to just write that down or do you think we should go into it? All right, if I can get that written down off the back of just saying it's an interesting idea,

I'll just say, but like, I think it's very possible to imagine experimental forms of handsomeness. Because very often people who have quite a striking face are handsome in some way. But I'm picturing a nose that's just like flat like a knife blade, right? And real wide, like a big nostril at each end, like a jet engine. I like that. Like, you know, I'm talking like it's wider than your face. Like a hammerhead shot.

Yeah, yeah. And the nostrils come out horizontally poking out sideways. Right. And I'm picturing, like if that was, you know, well formed, you know, and, and, well proportioned. Well proportioned, exactly, quite sleek and striking. I can imagine people finding that handsome. Yeah.

You know, like, because, because say the shape of a car is a thing that we can find handsome. Yeah. You know, like, because, say, the shape of a car is a thing that we can find beautiful. Yeah. But it's not something that we've evolved to appreciate. It's a thing that culturally, we've sort of, that, you know, that we have been turned on to. Yeah, absolutely. The man who like through advertising.

I think it's like a, this could be presented through like a dating agency for the experimentally handsome. That's right. And obviously experimentally handsome does not necessarily mean it's just men. Not at all. You know, but I think, you know, somebody,

I mean, again, we're focusing a lot on noses. Yeah. But somebody who had sort of a nose that went from, you know, roughly where the eyebrows are down to where the nose normally ends. But it was like a more like a kind of like a knife blade. I think mine was like a knife blade as well. Yeah, but mine was like, you know, in another direction.

Right. And- Go on way creative. Yeah, and it cuts. Oh, I can't believe it. Yeah, but it's still just cartilage. Mm-hmm. You know, it's just found a way.

Nature finds a way to turn your nose into a knife. Like that, and you could do, you know, imagine that you're on a David Liga, and more cheese, like, you plunge your face down onto the board, and then you scrape it up on the side of your nose, and then you wipe it onto a cracker for them. For the listener, Alistair is demonstrating all of this

with quite central motions of his face. And I can really see this working. Yeah, absolutely. I think a mouth that like, you know, like that opens up at the chin area. Okay. You know, like a real low mouth. Well, it kind of feels like that's probably where the mouth should be.

It feels like we've kind of got a muzzle, but but instead we've got like our mouth in the middle of the muzzle and we've pointed our head down. Yeah, like, like, but, yeah, from the point of view of most eating tasks, having a mouth on sort of just like in the middle of a pretty flat section of face, is not useful at all. You want the mouth on the end of something, on the end of the chin, like a dog has. Do you think that maybe we just have a dog head, but it is just pointed down? And the mouth is in the wrong place. Yeah, the mouth is in the wrong place. It's probable. I think that's what it is. We just have a we have a misplaced dog mouth. And the nose and nose is also in the wrong place. Yeah, well everything's been is a bit skew if.

Yeah, it's a skew if dog face. Yeah. Yeah, it's like you're tricking science could prove that. Well, the amazing I could prove that we have a skew with dog face. Yeah, I think like I mean the eyes are roughly in the right place. They're pointed out. I think that's the big clue. That's the big clue that turns the scientists onto this in the most place.

We noticed that the eyes were roughly in the same place as the dog. And so, but then it's just a... And that's not a thinking. And then they do some models and some, look at some DNA and graphing. And so then what we would look like if we were sort of back to how we should normally look.

I suppose to look, I think it's probably just our diet and that sort of thing that's driven us you know down down this angle but yeah to to to be the the base of the deformed freaks that we are that skew with dog face I think I might have to call the episode that. I love the phrase Skew with. Yeah. You brought that back up to me again recently, Alistair. Skew with me. Skew with me.

It's a necessary one. We've got three words from a Patreon supporter who's donated three dollars to get the Kings ear, where you can suggest three words for... You've tipped those words like poisoned droplets into our ear as we slept. That's right. And those droplets have mixed with our ear wax and dissolved it and cleaned out our ears like that. And now we can hear better thanks to your question. Here better the words you're gonna whisper to us now like sweet

nothings. Well, these sketch ideas are from Brian and Laura. Oh, wow. Yeah, we got a couple. A two-fah. A two-fah. Yeah. Oh, this is highly unorthodox.

I don't know if I can accept it. Well. Now I'm out of kin. Oh, thank God. Hello to Brian and Laura. Hi Brian, my Laura. Thanks for your pledge. Thanks for the pledge.

Your pledgens. They're. That's great. It's legendary. Thanks for the pledge. You're a pledgins. They're... It's great. Pledge and dairy. Yeah, a Pledge and dairy. And you two can be Pledge and dairy at patreon.com slash two in tank. You could be Pledge Lords. Pledge Lords.

Oh, we should do that. We should do it then. There should be a price point. Pledge Lords? Yeah. That'll be the next one. What'll it be? $13? Oh, and this is the one where we'll tell you where we live. We'll send you our actual address. $13

will send you our actual address. I hope it's worth it. Yeah, and pictures of my kids. There you go. Pledge Lords. I'll dress my kids up as whatever you want and send you a photo. Wow, but that's $13. that's suddenly you're gonna need like costume money. I didn't say it'd be good. Okay, all right. We just saw with paper or cardboard. Yeah. Okay.

All right, here's the three words. Derigible? Derigible, great word. Yeah, I knew that you'd love that. That's why I paused for so long. I was like, this is a word that Andy was going to find it great. I already got something for that. All right.

The Reggie Dig. The first Australian as... Flying Indigeneous Australian musical instrument. Yeah. University, this is where they could design the Darygidage and Constable and that's the guy who arrests you for flying an illegal flying Derejable university Constable. Yeah, is that right? I mean it makes me think of these

These universities that aren't real universities, right? That you know our online and you can sign up and you get degrees or whatever from them. And I think that you know there's this scope to have a to try and get around the crackdown on those things. The fake degree, the degree mills I think they call it the plumber mill, the Ploma Mill, where you start a university in a dirigible, in a hot air, what are the other word for them? Sodiac? Blimp.

Blimp. Is it, is it, is it, no, it's a, it's a, Zeppelin. Zeppelin. In a Zeppelin, right? And if you can fly that into university airspace, you fly that over Melbourne Union, right? You technically have the same address as Melbourne Union, right? Yeah, right. And you can use that as a loophole to allow you to print fake degrees from within the grounds

of Melbourne University. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah. Or if not the grounds, then the airs. And the person who runs it is a constable. Oh, could be. Look, and then you go, wait, I don't think that this is legal. And then he goes, it's OK, I'm a cop. It's OK, I'm a constable.

I'm a constable. You know how like cops can like go through red lights and things like that. We can also run fake universities, operating degrees, as long as we fly them above university grounds. I mean, technically we can say it's Melbourne University if we fly it over the Melbourne University campus. You want to, you want to degree from Harvard?

It's going to take an extra like 40, 30 weeks for me to get across the Atlantic. And you. And this baby is not safe. I think your Constable Langu angle is great, Alistair. My constable angle is only slightly different in that it is somebody who is then in charge of trying to stop this. So they have some, like an aeroplane, a helicopter, or maybe a dirigible of their own, that they sort of fly into battling.

It's these fake university diragibles. Maybe a hydro light. A hydro light. Great. And then they might have to like board them. Yeah. Swinging across. I think there's plenty enough people at that school getting bored.

That's great. Yeah. Yeah. Get on board and get bored. Yeah, I like this idea. Bring down. I don't know what to bored. Yeah, I like this idea. Bring down. Yeah, sure. I like it too.

Dyrigable. Yeah. There's a great shot when he's successfully, the constable, successfully blows up one of these blimps and all the degree papers float down through the air and land on the on the quad and all the students are grabbing them, they're so excited. So many degrees, they've got armfuls of degrees. I'm gonna go back to my home town with my 17 PhDs in aquaculture. I'm gonna call it dirigible tech.

Yeah, great. You know, like MIT. Oh yeahigible tech. Yeah, great. You know, like MIT. Oh, yeah. Tech. That's great. Massachusetts. Institution of tech. Institution of tech.

Yeah. Institute? All the humanities. That's what all the degrees degrees falling down over the hearts. Oh, so heavy. Well, let's wrap it up. We can't, you know, we cannot possibly continue. I think we've probably been going for about two hours.

Oh, I know, are in eight minutes. That's not too bad. Oh, yeah. Let's just have. Take us through what we've come up with today, Elastair. The orb that's everyone's lover, and it's the scandal that it's involved, that it gets involved in, that it's seeing one person in person. Pearl, part of an orb G.

Orb G. Yeah, that's right. Well, that's what it would have to be because when they're playing that sex wall and having sex with everybody trying to have like a sex moves that have such broad appeal to everyone. Do you think they'd be a bit dumbed down? Do you think they'd be like the big bang theory of sex? Yeah, but everyone can do it. But it'd be enough that most people could have a really good time. I think that really your lover is only responsible for bringing you probably 30% of the sexual

experience. Right, a lot of it. That's up to some sort of a base level. And then the rest is on you. Yeah. You want to have a good time. You know, you got to be in it. Yeah.

And you got to bring yourself to it, especially when you're sort of suction cupbing your partner into the wall. And I just want to absolutely assure you that I am more than bring my 30% to any relationship. Then we have the government mandated new experiences. government mandated new experiences. Then we have the oil-based drinks. This is going to be revolution, you know, which includes our first. I think you get them in a can, like an oil can. Yeah, great. Great, because they're oil-based. Exactly, yeah. Sort of like one of those ones used to fill up your car. Yeah. A small one of those. used to fill up your car. Yeah. Yeah. A small one of those.

Yeah, like a small one. It's like a little, a little, little tiny little, I might be cute, a little version. You're very cute and you pull out the little, like a two-striped, little stem that comes out and you pour the oil down the stem. You can plug it all down. Mm-hmm.

A big rafedick would make like a crude oil, flavor drink. And it's called Glog. Yeah, oh, that's good. Grab a Mug glug. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Grab a mug of glug today. Hey, glug of

lugs. Glug of lugs? Maybe one is just whale oil? Chug of glug. Oh,

whale oil. I wonder what that's like. What does it look like? Doesn't feel like you should be able to get oil out of it. Whale. That's all fat. It's mostly fat, right? This is what I know. able to get oil out of it. Whale. That's all fat. Mostly fat, right?

This is what I know. You just get it a bit warmer. How does fat work? Does fat have like blood vessels and stuff inside it? Because don't they suck fat out of you in places and like squirt it into other places? And then how does the fat survive? I think there's fat cells?

Sure, but they must be connected to some kind of like system to get them. Otherwise the cells would just die, right? Yeah, I don't know. But then they can't just, they can't be compilaries. There must just be stuff just floating around in the body. Mm. That isn't in any blood or compilaries or whatever,

but it is enough to sort of get some of your basic stuff keeping on going like you fat cells. I think it might be a good time to, you know, tonight. Maybe everybody pinch your blubber and have a good think about what you feel, you know. And we got the advanced forts for the elderly. Yeah, that's, you know, that's, I mean, that's helping a lot of waste product things,

including the elderly. And yeah, live under a pile of garbage. Yeah but it's not a car. It's high end. It's high end and unwanted belongings. Yeah it's not garbage. It's high end. High end. It's worth thousand. We're trying to keep it up. You should be stanking me, Graff. If it was garbage then undesirables would be wearing it. Yeah, you're so lucky. Then we got stretchers on the backs of the elderly, then with them also potentially living in a honeycomb elderly home. We could definitely put some on the front as well. You're right. Yeah. Could be on the front and the back. I mean, if they were the way they fall. If they

were side, if they were on the side of your body're on the side. Well, you could maybe have one on your side that is ready. That same leg that swings forward or back, if you fall back, could also swing outwards. That's true. We just get some sort of... If you had a little one for your neck, like that, stick out like that, you know, they could protect your neck.

Your head from hitting the ground. That's all you can need. What about all old people have got a stick, stick two sticks that point out at all times to the side. That way if they fall sideways, the stick will hit the ground and then they'll tip forwards or backwards. Right. And then, front and back, they've got the legs that flick out with the wheels on the end to make the trolleys. Well, what about, you know, like those balloon, those, you know, so if somebody does like animal balloons things, like that.

Perfect. You know, but you know, they make those round ones that go around your head that you wear like that. That feels like all the people could wear the hoots, you know, wear a poodle on their head or a swan or whatever like that. And that's just, that's just back up in case the sticks don't work.

And also, stop them taking themselves so seriously. Yeah, exactly. Just wear your rooster hat. Listen up. Stop voting and wear your rooster hat. Stop voting and wear your rooster hat. And we got thumb cycles and thumbs never die. I mean, that's probably one of the best sketch ideas

we've ever come up with. I really do it. And we got the dating agency for the experimentally handsome. Yes, you know, I think I think it's yeah You sign up if you're looking for something a bit different. Yeah, and I mean you could sign up if you want to look Experimentally handsome and they could reshape you. Hello. Yeah, because because and and this is it's done so well There's no flaws in this. No, no, if they if they were a flaw, then they wouldn't accept you as a client. Exactly. So you've already, I imagine, got to be pretty good looking going in. Well, you don't necessarily have to.

But then you've got to get yourself a cut above. You've got to, you're going to want to stand out for the back. Is there so many good looking people? Like, you know, what about like instead of like, you know, let's say you did have like a lot of extra skin or something like that on your face And so what they do is they just, they pull that all back and they, and they sit a, sit, stick out like a big prong off the back of your head They turn your whole back into a sail like that, you know, and- With all that extra skin. Yeah, but you kind of look like a Marlin Mmmmm And that's a beautiful fish.

That's a very beautiful fish. I mean, if you were going to start a relationship, a loving relationship with a kind of fish, Marlin almost hands down. Yeah. Okay. That's a, uh, uh, uh, axolotl hands down. I got little hands.

Cause they got, and they put them on the ground. Yeah, that's good Oh boy, I need to go to the toilet and we got skew-if dog face It's Skew-if dog face. Yeah, that's when scientists realized that the human face is just a skew-if dog face It's just a skew-if dog face. We have to explain these stitches to you. That's your problem We're you should know what it means. Yeah, human human faces are just a mistake of evolution. Where it was by our different diet. Yeah, like by a dog face gone wrong.

Yeah. Because we started to stand on our hind legs, and they are hind legs, we, it caused us to have to look down at things and that changed the shape of our faces. If you raised a person in the conditions that they used to live in before civilization, they'd look exactly like a dog face. That explains the Egyptians. Exactly, we were trying to, trying to, then we got a dirigible tech and all the humanities. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, Oh no, it was it was it was a mini-core pixel ostrich. Yeah Thank you supported it told us that we we had the wrong link on our Twitter We're a bunch of last year and a half. We're a bunch of idiots now it goes to our patreon. Thank you

Thank you so much. Sorry. Yeah And oh people who had said that the hundredth episode wasn't working I worked it out with the people from the yeah Head office had office there. It's been working again so if you want to listen to the 100th episode for the year that goes for 11 hours. Yep, thanks for sorting that out, Alistair. No problem, and you can support us on Patreon. Then you're looking up for those t-shirts.

I still got to convert that file. From Tiff format to t-shirt format. Yeah. Well, I think there's something in t-shirt format. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely well. I think there's something in t-shirt format. Yeah. Yeah. No, absolutely. And we love you.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's not optional. You have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah. Yeah. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession resistant career and a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including

the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu you