Two In The Think Tank - 275 - "DUNSTON CHECKS ME IN"

Episode Date: March 3, 2021

Voice in my Head, Quack Hacks, Essence of a Beating, Sunscreen the Animals, Corpse Toss, SteamBoat OF DOOMListen and subscribe to our new show THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastHear to these lads on Book Cheat wherever you rest your ears!And buy tickets to TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2021Get Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objects...and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereGold standard thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings were very discounts not available in all safe and situations. just before Alistair does the quick plug, just to quickly say, this is just gonna be a quick plug from Alistair. All right, Alistair, you go.

All right, you can find our other podcast called The Pop Test, which is a science quiz. You can get it on any place where you get podcasts, including this one. So just type in the pop test, get it, it's funny, and it's doing well. The other thing, we're doing a comedy festival show at Teleport.

I mean, we're doing our show Teleport at the comedy festival and you can get tickets now. People already have. That means, at one point, they could run out and you, the listener, could miss out. And that's who we want to be at the shows. So get tickets now. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh which William Trombley virtual, and where the guys from two in the think tank, we don't have a collective noun. We don't have a, and where the, and where, what are we? What are we, Alistair?

Where's this going? And where the thinkers, yes, we are the, the contents of the tank. And the listeners are the tankers. Now I've always assumed that the tank in think tank is a large sort of vessel, large sort of round thing like that, but it could be a weapon of war. Oh, I had to be. Do you know what I actually think it is? A panza, yeah. It's the head of the listener.

Oh my God. Yeah. Really? And we're in there. Well, where does the sound seeming to be when you listen to things right in between your ears? It actually doesn't seem like it's in your ears. Sounds like it's coming from inside your head.

Mate, all voices are voices in your head. That's how voices work. You know, there's one voice in your head. Mate, all voices are voices in your head. That's how voices work. You know, there's one voice in your head that you make with your own voice. And then there's one when people put their voices into your head. Even if you ignore the fact that it's being processed in your brain and the perception of,

you know, is a concept, is generated by the mind, right? Even if you ignore that, the sound does go in your ear, like there's a hole in your head and the sound goes in. So the voice is in your head. All voices are voices in your head. Yeah, but you're also saying that the, like your own voice is produced in your head. You're also saying that your own voice is produced in your head. That's also something I'm saying, yes.

Because you could say, Doctor, I can hear a voice inside my head. I mean, that's a classic doctor sketch. Does it hurt when I touch here? And he's touching inside your ear. You you go no, no, it's a voice Doesn't hurt Except for when it says mean things What about when I touch here doctor? Then they look into each other's eyes for a long time. Yeah, the doctor has not done something right

He has just broken the Socratic oath. The Socratic oath. Wow. So not even the Hippocratic oath. A totally different one. The Socratic oath is the one where it's just annoyed people by asking questions. Oh, no, he's like, oh, sorry, I thought I took the hypocrite and the hypocriteic oath. Really good ale. Where I see you in our conversation. I'm here to protect people and then here I am taking advantage of them. Doing quite the opposite. Yes but I did take the hypocritic oath. God, it's such an in-depth doctor sketch. So many angles. It's like a bloody dodecahedron. Yeah.

It's really weird. For the last couple of days, I've been thinking about how you could say, say, I wonder if you could go into a hospital and every time you saw a doctor and you talked to a doctor, could say, say, I wonder if you could go into a hospital and every time you saw a doctor and you talked to a doctor, you say, dog turd, you say it really quickly, dog turd, dog turd, right? That's in this sketch. And then I saw somebody do that exact thing as a tweet.

After I've been thinking about it for several days, I saw a tweet to that effect. And I feel like I manifested that. And I just saw it and it was only, it had only been tweeted a couple of days earlier. Not even Alistair, not even. It was it, it had been created. Who was the stall directly from here? Inside your head, from the voice inside your head.

Yeah, well, I'd be more worried about years inside my head, to be honest, listening to the voices. And your own voice. Yeah, what would you consider the voice in your head? Because it kind of doesn't really make a sound, would you consider it a whisper? This is the voice of your own in a voice, your own sort of private

narrator of you, the story that is you. Would I consider it to be a whisper and inner whisper? They must be, otherwise other people would be able to hear it. It's just whispered just below the level where the sound can escape the skull. I tried this. Try it. And if you opened somebody's head and the thoughts just all came out real noisy. If you get...

Doctors wouldn't tell you because people would do it. Well, you press your ear really hard against the top of somebody's head. You can actually hear their thoughts. And it would be pretty good. Here's the thing I was just trying, right? Yeah. While you were talking, if you try to imagine somebody screaming really loud, head, I reckon it makes my ear ringing go up a bit like it would, like if somebody was well. I wonder if it's possible to have louder thoughts than others.

Like, okay, can you imagine a scream, a really loud scream, and then imagine a quiet whisper, and is the imagination of the whisper actually cool, like, do they have a different volume? Can you? You know? And if you are able to imagine both things at once, do you think you'd be able to hear the whisper? Is this too insane? No, Andy. No, no, let's try it. Okay.

So I'm gonna imagine a really loud scream. No, it's the same volume as the whisper. I Can't I don't think I can imagine I can't actually hear my whisper over the screaming. It could be that I can't think of two things at once. Wait, I'll try and think of the whisper first and then see if I can hear the scream. I see being able to, I see, I see, being able to hear either.

It becomes a scramble and not in a good way like you would do an egg. Is that the only good scramble? What about a lolly scramble? A lolly scramble also a good scramble. Scramble up rocks, but not to get away from something horrible. Yeah, it sounds like you were doing fear. No, no, no. Scramble up rocks in glee. But not to get away from something horrible. Yeah, it sounds like you were doing fear. No, no, no.

I'm scrambling up rocks in glee, enjoy. Gleeful scramble. Mm. Mm. I mean, nothing. Yeah, what about it? Wait, you know what would be gleeful? I imagine somebody going up a sort of like

a 45 degree incline on some rocks, right? Whilst in one hand is a pan and in the other hand is a spatula And they're running up and they're making this crab league up some rocks It's good. It's cooking eggs. I mean if you if you're going rock climbing anyway Whilst making a loud sound whilst making a loud sound, whilst making a loud sound that stops any signals from being interpreted. All right, Alistair, I'm just going to tell you a sketch idea because I just had one.

And we'll just write that down. Then we've got one on the board. Okay, here's the idea. It's a funeral, right? And they have a lily scramble. And what it is, right, is they a, they throw a whole lot of lilies up in the air. The white lady does this. She puts them in her hat and she throws them all up in the air for the kids to scramble around and grab the most beautiful lily to grieve with, to take back to the pew and grieve. you had grave. There should be a like, yeah, I mean, the only reason why I can't write

that down right now, you fuck. No, maybe it's just because it's based off of a pun off of lolly scramble. Hmm. Rather than a concept, but maybe it's fine, maybe it's fine Andy, but what about this? What if it's like and look, I can absolutely write yours down Andy, don't get frustrated here, I can hear you, you're checking out. This is the opposite of me. Screaming really loud in my head. This is the opposite of me breathing really loud in my head. You can't hear that. I'm also breathing quietly in my head. This is the opposite of that movie, Dunston checks in.

This is Andy checks out. Yeah. Yeah, you see. And you know, he was a cheat. I'd run that. I've run that down, Alistair, but it's based on, I don't know what that is. Is that a part? Well, it's based on, I don't know what that is. Is that a poem?

Well, it's the opposite of a title. What about this? Dunston checks me out. And it's me just being ogled by a chimp. Okay, what about this? Andy checks me in. Okay, you've gone insane. All right, Dunston checks me in.

Is it really? Dunston checks me in is a very good film, okay? Because it's a guy who owns a chip and the chip recognizes that the man has lost his mind. It gets an orangutan. It's an orangutan. And it concludes, it comes to the justifiable conclusion that he's lost it. And it's about this orangutans, you know, very often people, people argue that chimps

should have rights. But very rarely, the chimps argue that we should have our rights taken away and be, what's the word, sectioned, right? But not the case said Dunston checks me in. A harrowing tale. Oh, the regga-tang that has been made someone's legal guardian. Exactly. It was the last thing we wanted to have, but the names were written in the wrong place on the form. Oh, no. This is legal. Somebody was buying an orangutan and they accidentally Made in the in the paperwork accidentally made the orangutan their legal guardian

That's right. Oh man. I think that's a that's a good idea And then he then he put some straight into I mean, this is that movie or whatever that's on stand right now I think worth maybe it's a TV show, but it's a lady who basically becomes the legal guardian and then puts you in an old folks home. Yeah. And then sells off all your assets. But this is a, this seems like it would be a much better movie if there was an orangutan that was doing it. All movies could be remade with an orangutan in one of the lead roles. The question just is which of the lead roles do you give to the orangutan? You end up with the truth, as he's saying, it's one of the orangutan. Yeah, I think an orangutan is if anything better at handling most stuff, because they've

got opposable toes. Sure, but not the truth. They know. Ah. A lot of the things they'll go ape shit. I think, I think they've probably confronted a few truths as those palm oil plantations destroy their habitats. I think they probably have to handle a few, a few, a few of the old tea roots.

I think the point of that whole problem is that they're not handling these truths and that we have to stop doing it and they're going to die. If they were handling these truths, I mean, it feels like there wouldn't be a problem. No, well, I think you're confusing being able to handle the truth with being able to overcome devastating habitat loss. And if that's what Jack Nicholson had said in a few good men, it would have been a very different story. Sure, but what if the truth is devastating habitat loss?

Oh, I'll say no now. I don't know, I don't know if you can handle something mentally, but not physically. I don't know if it can handle something mentally, but not physically. I don't know if it means that you handled it. I can really handle this beating that you're giving. It's just physically in which my body is giving in. Well, no, I think I don't want to get into this Alistair because I feel like it's a dead-end comedically, but I think it's fascinating from a philosophical point of view. And I think that if someone had a better brain, they would absolutely be able to make something

of this. Now, Al, you're currently in hospital, completely debilitated. You didn't handle the truth of the beating that I gave you. No, Andy, I've got to say mentally, I did. Mentally, I'm in a good place. What you're suggesting, though, is that truth has some kind of physical component, whereas truth is conceptual. I think. Well, I mean, there's the truth that you were getting a beating.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I mean, if you were pretending to give me a beating, I reckon I could handle the truth of the lie of you giving me a beating. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, I think I don't think the idea of receiving a beating can be separated from the actual beating if it's the truth. If it's the truth, then it's actually happening. I think, I think, I mean, I think if you could separate the two things, that would be quite remarkable. And if you could then somehow distill the truth of a beating, and then I guess get that in a spray form, that you're able to squirt on people like Mace.

And then basically... And see if they can mentally handle this beating. Well, you know, then you... If you distilled the effect of, you know, the truth of a beating down to it's, it's, you know, it's core reality. And then you had that in a little can that you could keep in your purse,

that if somebody approached you, you could just spray them with beating. And the truth of the beating, which in your telling is inseparable from actually receiving a beating, you might be able to give them a beating without physically giving them a beating and disable them. I think what you're giving them is the lie of a beating. You're giving them the sensation of a beating that claims to be the truth while it is a little missed that they receive in their face. Well, what is a lie,

except a truth, if not a truth that is divorced from reality, that is separated from its physical reality? All lies are just truths. You have basically just taken my point but just said the opposite. You said that. You've said the lie is the truth separated from its physical reality. Well, I think it's what I said, sound it felt interesting when it was a voice in my head, Alistair. I don't know how it felt interesting when it was a voice in my head Alistair.

I don't know how it came across when it was a voice in your hair. It came across really interesting because it sounded like a validation of my point. Oh, great. Yeah. Now, what I think that could happen after the funeral is you telling me, are you telling me that you haven't written down distilling the truth of a beating into a gas that you can spray on people as a form of self-defense? All right. Wait.

The truth. Because, you know, even, even just the idea of a beating in a, in a can, people talk a lot about a can of whoopass. But what if it was an actual can? What if you actually could get whoopass into a can. People talk a lot about a can of whoopass. But what if it was an actual can? What if you actually could get whoopass into a can? Yeah. And you could then put an aerosol propellant in there, maybe a hydrocarbon, and squirt it on people.

Do you think we should go back to having those other things that were propellants and in cans with that? Chloros will grow carbons Yeah, do you think that would fix climate change in some way? I I'm not a hundred percent sure But I feel like it's it's possible that they were slowing the Global warming I think really I It's possible that they were slowing the global warming. I think I could be wrong. This I might be mistaking truth for a component of a joke

that I heard from somebody somewhere, but they're used in refrigerants, right? They're used in refrigerators, chlorofluorocarbons. And I think it's because of their ability to absorb heat. And the ozone layer? Well, they also have the effect of catalyzing the breakdown of ozone in the ozone layer. But other than that, they're harmless. So other than breaking down the ozone layer, they're pretty harmless. So, the base down the ozone layer they're pretty harmless and they absorb

We should put them away. Yeah, and then and then just give everyone sunscreen Yeah, and just wear like 60 plus sunscreen 75 plus sun Just crop dust sunscreen across all of nature Constantly that's a good idea. Yeah,, bees and everything can just get it and everybody will lose. I mean, you know, there, there would be an alternative reality in which we decided, well, look, let's, we've got something's got to go fuck the ozone, right? What we're going to do is we're just going to create a new form of employment and that is rubbing sunscreen on wildlife. And employment and that is rubbing sunscreen on wildlife. And, you know, you could just go and maybe it's like,

instead of doing military service, we end all wars as well. We ended all war, but now everybody has to do two years rubbing sunscreen on wild animals when they leave high school. And I feel like you'd learn a lot about the world. Yeah, especially like, you got a rub sunscreen on every four hours. Yeah. You're in the zinc infantry. You're in the titanium dioxide, ground troops.

What are those? What are those gases called again? Chlorophyllurocarbons. CFCs, baby. Well, CFCs. CFCs, ABBs, what's that song? Easy as CFC's.

No way B C CFC's rub sunscreen. You don't give little B's. No, don't worry about it. But that was good, Al. That was good riffing. You know what I thought. You know what I thought, Andy. Okay, what's one of the most like,, so have you written down rubbing sunscreen on wildlife?

Yes, of course I have Andy Well, I mean nothing certain anymore nothing is certain that's right only death and Lily scramble Lily scramble well, I haven't written down Lily scramble yet I know my version of that Because you're a fuck oh, how about this? I keep trying to get to two ideas. Okay, wait What about if instead of throwing you know like you know the wedding when they throw the bouquet? Hmm, what if Everybody the kite. No, well, it's that this is at a funeral. Oh, okay, and you just hold

No, well, this is at a funeral. Oh, okay. And you just hold a bunch of people hold the body, or you just kind of as the person, you hold the body under the arm pits, like you know, kind of like you would, you know, dragging the drowning person out of the ocean, right? And a bunch of people stand behind you, and you just grab, you just grab the person's floppy arm, right? And you throw it over your head and it'll flop back and whoever's got their hand out and gets the high five, the low, down low five. They are the person to die.

It's really good. I mean, I was thinking they were going to you were going to literally throw the corpse. And whoever, but I mean, I quite like throwing the corpse out of the stair. Yeah, I mean, throwing the corpse, but then I mean, I guess it's, I mean, that could be, that could be the way it's a self fulfilling prophecy. I mean, if you've got a lot of elderly people lined up there, with a wide corpse, you're, you know, it's amazing. It's been, it hasn't, it hasn't been wrong once. It's amazing. It's been it hasn't it hasn't been wrong once

It's rather corpse back. Oh another one another one come to see you at the next funeral I mean, yeah, that's funny. That's funny. I then Lily's scrambled LSD you got me You know maybe maybe it's not the Maybe it's not the corpse, maybe it's not the high five over the shoulder. Maybe it's your pump the stomach contents, the last meal of the deceased. You freeze it in a vacuum sealed bag and you throw that. Yeah. So, and what do you think we're gonna find in there? The trouble is some people are vomiting a lot while they're dying.

Yeah, that's true. So that's not much. So you just can have bile. It'll mostly be just water and then bile and, you know, or just innards of stomach lining and things like that. Be a real pain in actually, to get that whole big ice block out of the body, you'll have to cut it wide open and, you know,

get that thing in your body. You don't freeze it in the body. You don't drag it out as an ice block. You suck it out. I think I've been here for a while. You suck it out. Who does that? Oh, who's gonna do that, Andy?

Oh, why don't we just get someone to just suck it out something out of their butts and just... Oh, there we go. We'll freeze that, we'll throw that at the famer. I didn't say anything about butts. We were doing great, Alistair. This episode was real clean. Everything's okay. Just to go back to fixing climate change.

You know, one of the problems with extracting carbon dioxide out of the air directly is I think it's very expensive and hard to do, right? And so in order to be able to do it, you would have to find something really, you know, like, you know, I guess it's just not worth doing at the moment because it is too expensive. But what if, what's something else that you need carbon for that is very expensive? Printering. Right? Black printer ink is probably got to be one of the most expensive substances in the universe. Yeah, I think it's been looked into it is one of the most expensive liquids. Now, if you could just extract carbon directly out of

the air and just make... printer ink. Jet black, printer ink. Yeah. You know, if you just had something, you know, if you had a printer that, let's say I told you, you could print anything for near to no cost, but it will just take a day to print something. You just got to print it the day before. You'd probably say, I don't want that printer. That sounds like even more hell than owning a regular printer. But... But, yeah, but... Yeah, I know, but I didn't have anything to go to. Andy, we have five sketches. But that's, I mean, that know, but I didn't have anything to go to. Andy, we have five sketches.

But that's, I mean, that's a good idea, Lister. And I like the idea. But, you know, can I point out the floor in your plan? What is it? The floor is, what are we printing on to? Paper. Paper. Where does that come from?

Trees. Trees. Yeah, so in order to make... It's sequestered carbon. It's still sequestered carbon. I guess so. We've got to keep that paper forever then. Yeah.

Barrier. Put it in a library. Everyone has to become a novelist of really long books. And print them all out on yourselves at home. One page a day. And they all go into the national library. Nobody's allowed to touch them. That's how we're going to do it.

That's the only way. Which is now we're going to become eventually going to be called the national carbon sink. Exactly. Nobody's reading those books, man. That was really neat. Nobody's reading any books. Except for the books that will write one day.

Oh, yeah. Candy. Everybody's rating them. Everybody is. Andrew, we have three words from a listener. Yes. Do you know who we have listeners? Sometimes. I'm aware.

I'm aware. I'm a very aware guy. One, I'm an aware wolf. Sorry, isn't it? One who is a supporter on Patreon is a person who is a way a wolf one one who is a supporter on patreon is Zachary now Zachary has a last name Which is great, but when I tried to look up how to pronounce the last name on

on Google it told me that it was pronounced Zachary and G.O.W So they're already near that that's how it was spelled So other other other things have said and gal and then if it's anything like a Vietnamese last name that is just N.G.O Think some places were saying it's like no Okay kind of like a name that is just NGO, some places we're saying it's like, no. Okay. Kind of like a, no. I'm not sure exactly.

But anyway, Zachary, no or in Gao. Hi Zachary, thank you very much for sending in. I apologize for this. And please tell your family to update all these pronunciation websites that are up there because that would help everybody in the world who encounter you. Paul is for all. You're asking him to do all the labor.

It feels like you know I should have to do that. I was doing labor. This is after I've done labor. I'm just suggesting that one bit of labor would stop a thousand bits of labor. It's true. Anyway, sorry, this sounds like it's a battle now. Andy, do you want to turn this? I thought you were going to make me guess his last name. That was what I was like, no, all this guessing. It's really getting out of head. Yeah. Well, don't worry, I wouldn't do that.

I'm going to get Mickey gets the three words though. Yeah, cool. Can I tell you already what the first word is? Yeah. Tangent. No, it doesn't even rhyme. Oh, no. I'm devastated.

You might have only got one letter correct. Oh, all right. Do you want to just have a second guess based off of that? Um... This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive?

Drivers who save by switching saved nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, national average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. God.

Slant. You got the same letter correct though. Nothing else. The first word is royal. Royal. Yeah, royal. Oh my God. Okay, royal.

Yeah, great. Okay. The base stuff of that clue with the gelatin. Royal gelatin. No, Andy. This isn't some kind of bee-based sketch. No, I wish it was. Royal jelly. No. The second word is soil. Royal soil. Yes, I can see there's a rhyme. It's a good rhyme. It's a rhyme where you don't have the same letters. Spellin, yeah.

You know? Or I did. Royal, soil, loyal and Moil, Wilelly, Royal Soil, and loyal. I mean, that's a great guess. And while that's a great guess, it is absolutely incorrect.

He didn't bother with the third different type of spelting. He just went with boil. Royal soil, boil. I mean, I've never boiled soil. I feel like that would be a really interesting thing to experiment with. Like, just get up a bunch of soil, boil it. What does that, what does that create? What would that do to you? Boil it down, boil it down, boil it. What does that, what does that create? What would that do to you?

Boil it down, boil it down, boil it dry. Now what have you got? Just back to soil again. Almost not much point. Putting the water in in the first place. I think a huge part of soil is bacteria. That's true. And even the dry soils probably have a bit of moisture in there as well. But you know what you get all that? By boiling a bunch of soil and then putting all the soil back somewhere. You could, let's say you did a pile, right? You could then see if there's any bacteria or bugs in there that can... You're basically doing an evolutionary process

and breeding for resistance to getting boiled. Deboiling. Yeah. Yeah, great. You know, and then, then you could probably find bacteria that could thrive, say, in a, maybe in a, at one of those like hot jets down at the bottom of the ocean. Or, uh, you know, or maybe, you know, maybe in a volcano.

I mean, when I read Royal Soil Boyle, I basically just pictured a king being lowered into magma. Oh, boiling soil. Yeah, I mean, it is good that you can get liquid rock. I've never seen liquid soil. Yeah, I mean it is it is good that you can get liquid rock. Yeah, I've never seen liquid soil I suppose you know you're probably people are thinking mud, but that's not what I mean I mean liquids, I mean liquid soil. I mean you heat soil up till it becomes a liquid and it flows across the land And then when it when it cools it't become rock, it becomes soil. I'll tell you what this isn't. The answer is interesting. It's not interesting. I fully recognize.

A lot of people listening to the podcast probably think, I bet Andy doesn't know when he's being boring. I know when I'm being boring. Okay, I feel it, but sometimes you've got to finish a thought. Yeah, absolutely. Regardless of what that does. You know, it might be bad for the soil to destroy all the nutrients and kill all the bugs in it, right? But you know what, it is good for the soil to aerate it, which was boiling would do.

It's what they often get bugs to do that. you know, by just making holes in there. I'm not convinced that boiling soil air writes at LSD. I'm sorry. Well, Andy, you're taking water, which is a liquid. And then turning it into water vapor, which is a component of air. But not the one that you're looking for when you're airwriting something. How do you know?

How do you know? I think when you're air, because because- When you're airwriting something that you wanted to put in there was water, then you wouldn't be aerating the soil. You'd be watering the soil. If you want to aerate the soil, I think the things that you're looking for are the components of air that aren't water. Basically anything else.

Andy. Are you soil? Are you soil? No, I'm not soil. Yeah, I thought so. Well then how the fuck do you know what soil is? What component of air soil was? Um, you know? Oh, I'm not soil, but I reckon it doesn't want nitrogen.

I reckon it doesn't want... Even the Lorax didn't have the temerity to speak for the soil. He spoke for the trees, Andy. He spoke for the trees. And the brand barbellutes. And the beneficiaries of all that hot steam and the dirt and the soil. Is it a great that the word beneficiary

has the word fishery in it? That's one of the best things about that word. I would, can I tell you something about fish? Yeah. I would hate to meet the tuner that John West rejects. Because given the standard of tuner that he accepts, the tuner that he rejects must be so bad, it's incredible that John West had that campaign

and they're unequivocally the worst tuner. I don't know, I don't know if they're worse than SAF call. I think they're worse than SAF call. I don't know and I think I think at least John John West has some redeeming features whereas I I think Safkel has a really metallic taste. I like that. Yeah, you like that. It could be mercuriant. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I like. I like it in a little bit of mercury.

You know, thirsty, Mirk? I'm thirsty for Mirk. I... That's me. I'm this before Merck. That's me. That's me. I'm sorry. There's been too many weird puns in this. Royal, soil, boil. It feels like something the Queen probably does.

Like when they start Parliament in the UK, they've got all this weird shit where somebody bangs something with a stick and you know, they say, oh you can't come in and then they start parliament in the UK. They got all this weird shit where somebody bangs something with a stick and, you know, they say, oh, you can't come in and then they let them in and all this kind of palava. I wouldn't be at all surprised if they did something with soil in a pot. For some reason, I just keep thinking that that's what,

that's what you call the Queen's fart. A soil, soil, soil. the Queen's fart. A soil boy. A soil boy. The Queen's fart. Yeah, you know, I think so, you know. Do you think you should have a nice earthy fart? I'm not judging the quality, Andy. I'm saying it's like, you know,

the words take it away from it being a dirty thing, you know. Apart from the fact you've added the word soil in there. Well soil sounds very earthy. It sounds like she's doing gardening or something or she's helping the planet. You know, she's getting the boil on. That sounds like you're cleaning something or whatever. Getting the boil on. You let them bubble on.

Yeah, yeah, you're right. What do we know about the Queen's farts almost nothing? Well, we know that they rarely reported on Yeah She wears you know those long dresses and Every time she farts it must be going up and venting through that neck hole. There's no No other way out as far as I can tell. It looks like, you know, it's a lot of the time it's this, you know, it's the full dress and then

it's those big coats. They look really, they've got quite a thick sort of layer, you know, of insulation and lining. It's cold in England a lot. It should be, should be rubbed up. Royal soil. Why are we being broken by this Andy? Why are we being defeated by this Royal soil boil? I think it rhymes too much What's cool about it is that it is kind of a two syllable rhyme oil oil Oil oil oil oil oil. It's a oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil oil two syllables, but I think you can pass it off as one. It feels like a real, that's a syllable hack. That's a way to, you know, I don't think yeah, soil, soil, soil, soil, soil.

I think if you say it faster, but it's like Peter, Peter, no, no, it's not. One syllable or two, Peter. No. No, it's Peter. Once a little bit you, Peter. If you say it fast enough, anything's once a little bit. Cochran. Cochran. Who's paid a Cochran?

I don't know. Lady. Lady. Lady. It was Lady One or two lady lady Lady lady This is so bad. I mean I'm having a great time that my god a royal soil boil the queen's boiling boiling of the soil Feel like she would I feel like she would boil her soil

All the all the soil in the garden I feel like she would, I feel like she would boil her soil. All the soil in the garden, it's something that's been boiled. It sounds like something they would do to the poor, at some point, where they would just go, you go, you didn't pay your rent. Which is the boil your soil. It's just gonna come, they just kinda like,

they just get, they start putting fires underneath, you know, they dig holes, they put fires in your land until your land, your soil boils. And then maybe they stand you in it, they put your feet in it so that you lose your leg up until your ankle. The jokes on them, you know, you had your potatoes in, you were just about to get them out anyway.

Now they're all beautifully cooked. It's jacket potatoes. You're pulling cooked potatoes from the earth. That's right. And then, and they got that beautiful, dirt flavor cooking right through them. People will be coming for miles. And they think that they've ruined you,

that they've actually just started the, one of the best local, you know, fast food places. I can't believe it. People like beetroot and that is already infused with the intense flavor of dirt. You never wonder what dirt tastes like. I'll tell you, it tastes exactly like beetroot. Beetroot is the one plant that was like, I'm not going to come up with my own flavor. I'm just going to import the flavor of whatever's around me. Beetroot doesn't have a flavor, it just has somehow all the dirt flavors have infused into the beetroot. And the only reason beetroot is as succeeded as a vegetable is because it has such a cool color

That you can't get anywhere else and if you want if you want that bright red Ish purple you got to go to beetroot Even though it tastes like dirt It's true. It's true. If you want to like if you want to roast some vegetables, but you want them to all be fucked up by being stained purple You can only do that. They got that game sowing up It's right so Is royal soil boil

We had finished this we had finished this episode so early We were on like 33 minutes when we started this. Yeah, I know. It was gonna be so good. Royal soil boil. You know, could you... Wouldn't it... We gotta get away from...

We gotta get away from like the direct translation. Yeah, okay. All right. All right. You get away from the direct translation. I'm okay. All right. All right. You get away from the direct translation. Well, I'm just, I'm just trying. I'm trying. I look okay. I just, Andy, it's a wooden boat.

It's a wooden boat, but you don't, you don't take it on land. Yeah. You know, you take it through someone's veins. I like say I got nothing. No, there's, I mean, but what about this, right? It's a, it's a, it's a vote that, you know, we invented steam power. Say we invented, we invented transport with steam power.

But what we did was instead of using steam to generate, you know, pressure to turn a piston or something like that. We just made a boat that just blasts steam out of holes in the hole. Sort of like a jet ski. Sort of like a jet ski, sort of like a hovercraft, sort of like an inverted air hockey table, but with pressurized super hot steam. Now, you can travel.

You know, this is the only form of transport we've got. You can travel anywhere you want. Okay? But what it will do is it will steam to the point of boiling anything that you pass over. Right? So it'll kill anywhere, anywhere that you travel. Now, it becomes only something that the queen is going to use. Or like that, you know, that royals are going to use that they, you know, they, they

travel on this sort of death, you know, it's powered by death, right? Steaming across the land, killing everything in its path. And what I'll tell you what this is, it's a metaphor for vehicles, for cars, for fossil fuels. It's just that we've shortened the gap between the thing, and this is what art is, Alistair. You just make it much more explicit, the bad thing that something does. Well, what about this? What about if it's a car, but it's got little arms with hammers on them. And they kill any animal that's nearby. Yeah, great.

Really good. And does it power the car in some way? No. Or do it that way. No, it actually does it. It just a fair bit more power to do that. Yeah, wow. Okay.

I wonder. But is it that the person who invented the car, you know, was it Carl Benz, whoever that guy was? No, that's not him. He's not involved. Well, whoever it was, some other guy who invented the car, he put a clause in the patent and you're allowed to do this. Is that you were only going to be allowed to, he was going to give it away for free, but

you're only allowed to use it if you include the bit of the car that kills animals with hammers. And then Henry Ford was like, you can have it in any color as long as all the arms kill all the animals anyway You want all the whole why all the time. God that was some good talking anyway Zachary I Hope that you're happy with the best sketch that's ever been come up with because I hope that satisfies you Because I'm gonna take you through the sketch ideas for today. Yes

I'm going to take you through the sketch ideas for today. Yes! We've got Dr., there's a voice in my head and it's a very elaborate doctor sketch that has both prodding and the hypocritic oath. It has the next bit that Andy mentioned that was very funny as well and I can't remember. Thanks, I can't remember it all of it, but it sounds good. Now then we've got doctors realize they make a discovery and they can't tell people that you can, they realize they make a discovery that you can hear

the thoughts of people when you open their skulls, but they realize they can't tell the general public or else they're going to try it out and open each other's skulls to hear what these thoughts. I don't even remember us talking about that, but that's very good. You know, that there's no such thing as an MRI machine, right? There's no such thing as a CAT scan. They can just hear your thoughts, but they pretend that they just print out pretty colors of the brain, pictures of the brain, and say that's what it is. But actually, the brain is always...

Yeah, the brain's always actually repeating what's wrong with it. It's going, oh my left ventricle is actually severely inflamed. That's right. You know, the brain's got ventricles. Then we got Dustin checks me in. That's when a person buys an orangutan. They get the document wrong and somehow the ape becomes the legal guardian of the person and the ape decides that the person is genuinely insane. Then we've got distilling the truth of a beating into a spray and then...

I think this is a really good idea. Making it a lie. But, you know, I think there's something in that idea. We're going to have to do a lot of listening to get that one back to figure out what the fuck we're doing. It's a very, I know exactly what that was. And it's a very, I think if you can get separate the truth of something from that thing, that's really exciting. And then, you know, we can, yes, it does make it a lie, but a very convincing one.

The convincing law of a beating in my face, anyway, the important thing is that you just trick the mind, I guess. Let me go. We release CFCs into the atmosphere to stop climate change and then just sunscreen wild animals and us mostly just at the sunscreen the animals that have bare skin which is mostly us but maybe seals. Well they don't bare skin. I think you still got to do the noses. Like you know see some dogs, with sunscreen on their dogs nose. That's like, you know, you go to a lion, you don't have to do the whole lion, but you do have to do its nose. The good news is you don't have to do the whole lion.

The bad news is you're going to do the bottom of its feet where its claws are and the tip of its little nose where its teeth are close to. Then we've got, throw the corpse back at the funeral and the next, the person to catch it is the next one to die. It's really good. And then we've got, maybe not throw the corpse. I guess you could get all the poor bearers to sort of swing the corpse. Yeah. You know, grab an arm and leg each. So like swing it into the crab. Swing it like a the corpse. Yeah. You know, grab an arm and a leg each. So like swing them like that. Swing them like that. Swing them like a hammock. Yeah.

And then we've got the steam death hovercraft, which... This would be, sorry, but like that pullbearer that throw the corpse thing, would be in a universe in which dying people are just as excited for people to die as they are for people to get married. And everybody's talking about, so when you're going to die and who's going to be the next person to die and that sort of thing. And it's just a, we could make this, we could make this as a film, Alistair. And it would be art because we're just changing a thing.

Do I have to make art? So easy to make art. So easy to make art. Oh, that would be so easy. And here today, you know what I was doing, I was fantasizing about us doing sci-fi try guys as a weekly thing as a real podcast. It's a good thing to fantasize that because we're not even pulling it off as a monthly thing at the moment, but that is a good idea, Earl. I think the direction of our lives should go. Just as a regular weekly podcast, even though we've released, we currently have at least two podcasts on the go,

but well, one thought being, pop test isn't currently being made for more seasons yet. But anyway, and then that's all our podcast, that's all our sketches. Bo-da-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di Boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo, daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo, boo daddy, boo, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo, daddy, boo daddy, boo, daddy, boo, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo, boo daddy, boo, daddy, boo daddy, boo daddy, boo, daddy, boo daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, boo, daddy, boo daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo, daddy, boo daddy, boo, daddy, boo daddy, boo, daddy, boo, boo, daddy, boo, boo You can find us on all the places you like to find people. You can follow us on Twitter. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. I'm at Alice Ooty, be in Word 2 in Tank. You can find us on Instagram at 2 in Tank or I'm at A Trumbly Virtual. You can support us on Patreon. You can find the pop test. You can watch both me and Alice stay on GAMEY GAMEY.

Yeah. Evan Monroe Smith's GAMEY, oh, I just hit my bell, hit my lamp, it made a good bell sound about gaming and we both went on recently, both had fun. We were on the weekly planet a little while ago, we were also on book cheat. Yes. You could also listen to Do Go on. They're a good podcast. Oh, never not we're not we're not on there though, but Maybe one day maybe one day. Well, we have done episodes in the past Which is based on to do they just do they just do great things anyway. Thanks so much for listening Sorry if sometimes our stuff is a very very in quality

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