Two In The Think Tank - 286 - “UNDERCOVER GOD”

Episode Date: May 19, 2021

Life Afterlife(life), Clifto Killers, Whale Brain, Heaven Hackers, Jesus Alt Account, Never Been Blessed, Invention Island, Nuclear Stink BombYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereThe first thanks to ever walk on land to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. All this saliva just poured into my mouth. I don't know. I think I was salivating at the prospect of having a good podcast today. Yeah, I've Pavlovian-ly trained myself. Now, you don't know this, Alistair, since we've been recording remotely so much, but I have an enormous bowl of treats. And every time I have a good idea, I give myself one. And now I've come to associate having good ideas with food.

And now I get sustenance just from thought. Oh, that's really nice. thought oh that's really nice you see that's really nice i see what i do is i you don't know this because we've been doing it remotely but i have i have been electrocuting my balls anytime that i'm not coming up with a good idea. Oh, very good. Yeah. And so the body just has to secrete ideas at all times. Mmm. Mmm. Just all through the night.

Alistair, I know this is not de rigueur. It's not the done thing But I did have an idea while I was waiting for you to fix your recording equipment Podcast recording equipment? So technically this would have been on the pod, I feel, this idea Sure If it were not for the enormous delay I mean, you could argue that maybe it would have never existed Unless I messed up my podcast recording setup.

I couldn't argue that, no, Alistair, because that wouldn't serve my purposes of making you feel bad. And I just wouldn't allow that to happen. Well, all right. But I was thinking about the afterlife and how we don't know if there is an afterlife. What do we do? What we could do is we could dedicate, we could create an artificial afterlife and everybody in the world, we dedicate your last five years of your life. We have a little pre-death.

We stage a fake death, right, before your actual death. So somehow we have to know when you're going to die. We stage a fake death before then. We have a little funeral. And then we have a place that we take you to where we've created an artificial heaven and, you know, there's just all this great food and, you know, we make a really fluffy ground to create clouds.

Somebody wanders around pretending to be God. Yeah. That kind of thing. So like Truman Show but heaven. Exactly, yes. And maybe it could be televised. But also I think it would be nice if it was just like this was an alternative to sort of retirement or aged care.

Maybe – because at the moment, aged care is often quite unpleasant. What if we really went out of our way to make it unpleasantly nice? So wait, wait, wait. Is the idea that – because I thought you were getting to something else No, that's the whole idea Alistair, I thought that was good enough So the idea is, so we don't actually find out if there's an afterlife You're just creating a small afterlife in somebody's life Right, so what we do is we just redefine what life is, right?

And we just bring the end date of life in by five years, okay? Yeah. And then we've got this free time that we can use to make anything, and that is technically afterlife. We've just redefined what life constitutes. And then we have now, we've made an afterlife because God never said what life is. Yeah.

Right? In the Bible. So we make our own one, hive off a bit of time. Yeah, but he also said the afterlife was eternal. But he never specified how eternal. Exactly, yes. specified how eternal exactly was it roughly between sort of one and 120 years we might be able to create an illusion of it being eternal by like having a lot of clocks that don't whether we've taken the batteries out and that kind of thing. So that seems like time isn't passing,

you know, little tricks of the mind like that. So, yeah. And so that, that way people will die satisfied knowing that they actually have had an afterlife. Indeed.

Already. Yes. Although that technically won't be death, what you're referring to there, because they have already died. We did that and we had a little funeral. What they'll be doing is sort of, we'll have a new word. We'll call it like plifto.

You know? Clifto? Plifto. Clifto. And that's a very different thing to death. It sounds like a snack bar that you would eat while you climb mountains. Yeah. Yeah, it was, but we redefined it.

Sometimes a company has to rebrand. It actually refers to the moment when you are thrown off a mountain, because that's what we now do with the bodies. Do you think that that was a company that had to rebrand? Clifto. Clifto, that was a company that had to rebrand? Clifto. Clifto, who was making energy bars for people who climb mountains. They were getting a lot of success. And so they had to go into the business of killing people

in the fake afterlife. Yes. And disposing of their bodies and making it seem like they were going to a third place plane like a third kind of um double death this is what this is what they don't explain in that movie soul which is a good movie it's a good movie but what's that great beyond, beyond, you know? What is it beyond? Yeah, what's, you know, like that thing, there's that escalator that they're going up.

Oh, yeah. I mean, that's the forever thing. Does your soul just disintegrate? Or is there like another kind of heaven thing, like where all the baby souls are? I guess that's the sequel. You know, Soul 2 um back in the back in the afterlife can't wait so i'm gonna write down first uh life afterlife yeah i mean i think it's i think it's

i think it's something you know maybe it's a sort of a new kind of superannuation where throughout your life you you give a certain percentage of your income to this company that does this service yeah and part of the deal is that they will um grab you make you think you've died at some point drag you off to this afterlife type scenario dress you all up in robes and you know let you live this afterlife but it's probably a pretty limited time like maybe it's five years maybe it's only a year or something like that right and then at the end of that time they really do just like smash your head with a rock but you know because because they've got to make the money you know they're giving you a pretty good time while you're there,

and it's probably pretty expensive. So they've got to smash you with a rock. That's only fair. They give you a good time, so now they get to have a good time. There's got to be a little something for daddy. You know what I'm saying? People are going to be nice to you. You've got to let them be nice to themselves because self-care is the most important thing.

I think that's what the Clifto people are doing. Yeah. Because they've, you know, there's been big business. All the people who were originally in funeral services and stuff, they're now in fake funerals. So they don't do real funerals anymore because all the money is in the fake funeral. And so you just need a company, Clifto, that is in just the body disposal instead of maybe hitting people with rocks.

They just make it go away. And it's not pretty, but they do it behind one of the heaven bushes so that the other people in heaven can't see. Yeah, they put up a curtain as well. Yeah, they put up a curtain as well. Yeah, they put up a curtain. Everybody sort of knows, but they try not to draw attention to it. They don't want to think about it too much.

Makes it hard to enjoy that afterlife, doesn't it? A little bit. A little bit takes the gloss off. But I imagine you're also pretty heavily um drugged up so do you think drugs are the key to the afterlife to a good afterlife i think i think for this simulation um yeah yeah probably i mean in my experience of experiencing euphoria and you have experience you have experienced euphoria i have experienced euphoria yeah and how is it it's really good it's really you go you go oh i would like to feel like this

all the time yeah it's a shame like i even remember having the thought like i go i would love my parents to get to experience this oh that's because it's such a nice feeling you know especially if you're doing with people you care about you're just like you know you're you're telling each other how much you like each other you're you're you know you're you're hugging and the hugs feel really nice breathing feels really good and so you said you thought i'd like my parents to experience this kind of euphoria i know what will bring them this level of joy i'll quit my job as an engineer and become a stand-up comedian then they'll feel euphoria every day but yeah and anyway but

also i think that one of the reasons why i'm quite thankful in life for what my parents did and things like that is because of one or two experiences. Anyway, I had an idea earlier. I'm very interested in that. I'd like to talk about it more. But there's no way about it. No, that's okay. It could lead to something. You never know.

You never know. You never know. But while you're talking about life after life, life after life, not life after life, I was thinking about how whales are able to rest part of their brain. Right? And then keep other bits alive, you know, awake and, you know, unconscious while they swim and things like that so they can still go up and breathe and stuff like that. And I was thinking, well,

if you could genetically engineer a human to have those kinds of traits, to have that particular trait. Yes. As a way of studying the afterlife, whether there's an afterlife, you could have that person and kill part of their brains.

Oh, very good. And see, but keeping the other part conscious and alive. Yeah. Then see maybe that would give them access to the afterlife you know, what do they experience they have a hemisphere

in both camps exactly, the dead and the living like that, and that could give us a window, possibly you know, maybe you get new powers I love this idea of hacking our way into heaven, there's to be a way in

a little security there's got to be some sort of little zero day exploit some little security floor you can't keep it keep us out forever well the thing is is that if there's a port if there's a portal of some sort it's either it's either our consciousness is is traveled into our minds from this other place from the maybe the uh that you know the land of the real yep or or maybe consciousness in an in its inability for uh for you know information to be destroyed, maybe through some quantum physical law. Yeah. You know, it goes on somewhere and takes on some other form.

However... And if it's a quantum effect, we might be able to get there through tunneling or entanglement of some kind. Exactly. But it means that there is a way to the other side. And it couldn't possibly be always through death. I mean, obviously, death gets you there. Yeah. But there's got to be another way. the assumption, which means that she ascended, without dying, I believe,

body and soul directly into heaven. Her body went up? Yeah, her body went up. Is that the only time? Christ's body went up as well. So does that mean that there's meat up there? There could be some meat, some actual flesh meat, earthy flesh meat. And if we can, you know, this is like when they accidentally sent out,

you know, they did all this work on the PlayStation 2, I believe it was, to encrypt all of the CDs or the DVDs or whatever it was in such a way that you couldn't use pirated ones on there, right? But then one of the they send out one of the trial like you know trial cds or something like that without the encryption on it and that meant that people could instantly reverse engineer the what the encryption was and it was cracked before they were even released into the market properly. Wow. And I think by letting in a body, a human body in heaven, it's very likely that God has, you know,

if God is infinite in all ways, then he must also be infinitely foolish. Absolutely. Infinitely. Flawed. Flawed, yeah. You know? And he'd be stuffing up all over the place and leaving these little loopholes. Absolutely.

And we'll just squeeze on in. I mean, you know, maybe it's like a virus, right? A virus just needs the right key to access the cells, to get into the cell, to use its factory thing to reproduce itself. Now, maybe if we just get some DNA from someone who's a direct descendant of Mary or Jesus, and we launch their body upward. Into the sky somehow. Into the sky. Yeah. They might activate some portal.

On a rope, tied to a rope. Yes. Yes, if God hasn't shut down this little, you know, whatever thing that he put into the force field, whatever little, you know, bypass set thing. Because very often, it seems unlikely he would have thought of that, right? We might be able to re-engineer. We might, because even if Mary didn't have, oh, this is good,

even if Mary didn't have any other children other than Jesus, we could be able to reverse engineer her exact genome from all her other relatives, right? Like her parents and their distant relatives. We can get that exact thing, get a clone of her, shoot that up into the sky on some sort of rail gun with a rope tied to the end. She's going to pop through a little portal. The portal's going to open up. He won't have shut that down because God won't have thought that far ahead to realize that we were going to have this kind of technology.

The portal is probably still open, and it'll pop open. She'll go through the rope. Then we'll have the rope, right? We just need to climb up the rope, I imagine, shimmy through. I think we could build even entire religion off this, and it'll be one where we accept the reality of God, the Christian God, but we are not willing to worship in any way or change our lifestyles. What we are going to do is we're going to instead focus our energies on hacking

our way into heaven and getting in there via, you know, what do they call that kind of like social hacking kind of thing that you do? There's another word for it. Like, yeah. Which is like, like meet and greets. Yeah, that's what it is. Through meet and greets yeah that's what it is through meet and greets through who you know the thing is is that if you once you have the rope you don't even need to believe in god exactly like even though you like you know that god exists as a thing in at that point because

there is heaven in real life you can actually believe whatever you want and act however you want without fear of repercussion in the afterlife because you've already got access. And we will control access. Well, see, we'll control access to the rope, right, which is now could well become the dominant pathway into heaven. And what we will be able to do then is we'll be able to set the entry criteria, which means we'll be able to issue our own parallel set of commandments and indeed create an entirely new set of rules that people have to live by.

And I think this is good. This is breaking God's monopoly on heaven. Absolutely. And we can carve out a space up there where we have inside heaven. We can set it up real nice. Yeah. Maybe a few earthly comforts as well. Oh, absolutely.

I imagine it's like when people from Australia go to live in the States and they're always getting people to mail them over some Vegemite or some Tim Tams because there's things that you miss. Yeah, that's right. That little taste of home. And we'll probably be able to set up a little kiosk up there, a little concession stand. One of the things

people will miss um you know those who have died for example who are already in god's heaven obviously none of us have to die to get up there because we've got the path for meat to get in yeah right now but there'll be a lot of people on Jesus' God's side of heaven. Right? I assume that the kingdom of heaven is infinite and that we can just carve ourselves that little spot. But a lot of God's followers, what they'll probably miss is bodies. Right? And so when we're going up, we could take some dead bodies with us. Yeah. Right? And so, when we're going up, we could take some dead bodies

with us. Yeah. Right? And we can let souls get back in there. Dance around a bit. Well, to get into our... That's how we lure more people. We can get some... Maybe some big influencers.

You know? Like we could get... We could get Gandhi. Straight upandhi straight up yeah we could get we get john you reckon he's in the christian heaven uh you know i don't know i don't know you know if whether god is a christian all up maybe maybe he just used you know it's like all the religions are an interpretation of a very basically the same thing. Yeah, you're right. I was just assuming that if we used the Mary loophole, we'd probably only be getting into the Christian heaven. But once they're there, there might be like back channels,

there might be service, there might be maintenance hatches that we can crawl through to get into the other heavens as well. I have a feeling that once you're in the other side, that's where all the afterlife stuff is. Yeah. That's where the heavens are. That's probably even where hell is. It's probably just another section of the same spot.

You know, I think they say it's in the sky. They say it's underground. But really, it's just one area that's been subdivided. Do you think that we'll also let people back down the rope? say it's underground, but really it's just one area that's been subdivided. Do you think that we'll also let people back down the rope from heaven in their new zombie bodies that we've taken up for them? I think especially in exchange for influence, we can offer anything, any service. Great. I mean, we can offer people the chance to come back as

user user user the user is always right the user on earth we can sell trophy hunting right you go you go hey you come with me you can kill this you know this beautiful donkey this prize donkey yeah yeah god the thrill of hunting a prize donkey. You know? And then we don't throw anything away. We keep that whole donkey carcass, right? And then we take it up the rope with us, and then we see if there's one of God's children

who wants to enter a donkey, wants to have a go at being a donkey on earth for a bit. Yeah. Gosh, we are making money at both ends here, aren't we? Absolutely. We're doing great. And, I mean, it's going to be interesting seeing the donkey try and climb back down the rope, I think.

Yeah. No, I mean, a lot of animals will die upon falling yeah but i mean maybe eventually we'll get a pulley system like one of those um window washing things that they have outside of buildings or whatever sure sure um hope it's a good rope well i think that because now we're starting trade in between the life and the afterlife, which to them, they just consider life probably in the afterlife. Because even though to us, it's like in the future, to them, it's the present. Anyway, because we're starting this trade, We can consider this the Silk Road But it'll be the Silk Rope

Silk Rope Yep It's good We'll start to normalize relations with heaven Yeah I mean God could come down if he wants As you know

We'll let him come down the rope? And he doesn't have to do it that way where he pretends to be his own son. Yeah. I think that was God kind of just creating an alt account so that he could comment under his own things. Oh, yeah, God is great. comment under his own things. Oh, yeah, God is great.

That's really good. Jesus was the first old account. It's also a little bit of an undercover boss type situation, isn't it? Yeah. Like, you come down, you're like, hey, what do you think of the God they got here? Hey? I don't think much of him well turning he's actually really great

and if you don't i reckon he's probably doing his best he can under some pretty difficult circumstances um is there is there you could here's that's definitely a sketch, you know. Undercover. Yeah. Undercover God. Undercover boss. You know, Jesus edition or whatever. And God comes down among the mortals. Maybe, yes, you know, with a little fake beard on or something like that to try and look younger.

It's also a little bit of a never been kissed scenario. And God may never have been kissed. Never been blessed. That's a great romantic comedy. God comes down to earth realizing he's never been kissed. Really good. God goes back to high school. That is a really good.

goes back to high school. Yeah. That is a really good. I mean, we've had gods come back as, you know, as your Bruce Almighty's. Yeah. But I don't think we've seen what it would be like for God to be back as a teen god, you know, just trying to fit in there are some that's a that's an entirely that's a totally different sketch alice yeah

that's very absolutely i've written it down um and yeah back to high school i mean look andy that's i mean we gotta go straight for funding for that one. Yeah. It's a broad romantic comedy, but with a modern twist. Yeah. I mean, the Greek gods, you know, they used to do that thing where they would, you know, turn themselves into a sw thing where they would, you know, turn themselves into a swan or something like that and try and seduce a woman. Yeah.

But we never got to see the part of the story where they try and fit in with the other swans and they just can't make it work, you know. Yeah, exactly. All the other swans think that they're a bit weird. Because the one thing that he can't do is affect the free will of another creature. Yeah, I believe that's one of the rules of being a god. Yeah, and then this is a slightly separate idea,

but what about Virgin Mary arrives in heaven, all her meat and everything like that. And God is like, actually, you're actually not welcome here technically because technically you're not a virgin because Jesus' penis passed through your vagina when he gave birth to him. Yeah. Is that a thing that's been discussed? I don't know. Or is that your been discussed? I don't know.

Or is that your own idea? That's my own. That in some sort of incestuous way, the penis of Jesus defiled the pussy? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I mean, even though what I said was much worse. I was like, oh, dear me. He said the word pussy. I'm sorry.

It's okay. I think, like, depending on how that word is said, it's either the nicest word, one of the nicest words for vagina or one of the grossest yeah well i i i imagine it's yeah you're right i don't i don't i don't have any any additional i think i think if it's used i think what makes it really gross is if it's used for a quantity, like as a word to mean a quantity. You mean like some, getting a sum of that? Yeah, like if it refers to pussy as like a collective thing of – but also when it's used as a thing to be acquired. Yes.

I think that it probably has a, you know, although, and in the opposite, in the opposite, with a male genitalia, firstly, it doesn't feel so bad when it's, when it's, oh, I've got to, you know, I'm trolling for cock or something like that. It's, you know, it's definitely less yucky, and I guess maybe it's also, there's more stuff loaded in something like that. It's definitely less yucky and I guess maybe there's more

stuff loaded in there than that. But if someone was to say I'm trolling I'm not trolling but trolling for sausage I think I'm back to enjoying it again. Yeah and so what we've learned is that the secret to acceptable sexually predatory behavior is finding a fun euphemism.

Is that what you're saying? Great. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. And Punani's probably the nicest one. Well, there's an innocence to it, isn't there? There's an innocence, yeah. Like, it's so unlikely to be used in a genuinely sexual context

that it has lost any edge that it might have had. And it becomes even I'd say adorable. Yeah. You know, it's cute. It's a cute thing to say. Exactly. And a guy who would think of talking about things in that way, I just want to take him home and look after him.

And maybe that's why... Yeah, protect him from the world because he's almost too pure. He's almost too... Yeah. I mean, then it's also just fine to just use vagina or even vulva. I still need to fully do some research to understand the difference between those two terms because you use them, I would say, confidently, Alistair. Yeah.

But I get confused and disoriented every time a distinction is drawn. I would say, look and people can correct me if I'm wrong and there's a big chance that I am wrong, but I would say that the opening that leads to the birthing canal to the outside, not

the one at the back, the cervix that goes into the one at the opening is, I think that's the vagina, not the one at the back, the cervix that goes into the one in the opening, is I think that's the vagina, right? Right. The whole area there, I think. Well, even birthing canal is probably a part of the vagina. Yeah, it's weird that they call it a canal because that implies it's open to the air to me.

I don't think of a canal as being a sort of a closed pipe. Well, it's all dependent on sitting position. I suppose. And then I would say I think the whole package is the Volvo, maybe? Yeah. I mean, you absolutely could be right, Alastair, and I'm going to abstain. Sure.

I realize that makes me look like a fence sitter, like some sort of wishy-washy. I should just pick a side, shouldn't I? All right, I'm going to pick a side. I'm going to say the vulva is the leg. Okay. Yeah, I like that. And the vagina is is the leg. Okay. Yeah, I like that.

And the vagina is the female body from between the sternum and the wrist. Yeah, nice. Yeah, nice. So on both sides? Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Sorry about taking this. No, no, no, Okay. I don't know. Sorry about taking this.

No, no, no, no. I lost it. You've got nothing to apologize for. I think I made it weird. And then do you think, you know, I've come to you in the last week or so, and I've said to you, Andy, with all this UFO Pentagon stuff, these stories coming out, I think I started to say, I think I'm giving in, and I now believe in UFOs.

Yeah. And I now believe. And you, in a very short space of time time have almost made me believe in UFOs. Well, so the info is like they just had a story about it on 60 Minutes now as of like yesterday or something. I mean, this is a big deal. It's so big. It's like we're entering. It's like we've already entered like the fictionalization of reality. Yeah. Where it's like we're living in this weird thing where it's like pandemic seems crazy.

That already seemed like a movie. And then. We're getting a lot of robots that look like, that are like disconcertingly agile and independent. Yeah. And then people start talking about like, you know, like people are like starting to talk seriously about war with China. I'm like, oh. And then, but then to top it off,

possibly aliens have actually been here for a long time. Yeah. possible possibly aliens have actually been here for a long time yeah i mean when you actually when you put it in those terms alistair it's too weird i think i can handle ufos i'm not sure if i can handle aliens no i could i'll just i mean i think ufos potentially let me ease me into it if they are extraterrestrial then there's a chance that they are just drones right right now now there's a chance okay so at least we know that there's there is in some way right there's still you know obviously nobody has any physical evidence people just have the data from radars from eyewitness accounts on many occasions, right?

But then also just that footage that they took on those fighter jets, right? Yep. Now, those could be from Earth, but nobody seems to claim or whatever. And none of those things have ever been aggressive. But they do seem to be hanging out near a lot of like advanced technology like they're keeping track but i love that this possibility that they've just been here for a long time and they're not interfering they're just keeping an eye on where we're at in terms of the best stuff we're doing,

you know, technologically. Yeah. You know, up near nuclear blasts, up near, you know, fighter jets and stuff. Yeah. I mean, it could just be, you know, industrial espionage from other planets. They might literally just be here to steal some of our ideas. They're here to take our IP, our intellectual property. Yeah.

I mean, that's a great way of doing it. Because I think China was kind of doing a lot of that. And it's worked for them. If we were smart, what we would be doing is we would be picking a few islands in the middle of the ocean, right? And we'd just be putting a bunch of kids there with, you know, a few rough and ready bits of technology just to get them started. And then we would cut off all contact. We'd just watch, right? And we just see what they develop.

Because I think one of the big constraints that we have, you know, in real blue sky thinking is that we are so burdened by all the assumptions that we just absorb unconsciously. And the things, the decisions that have already been made. unconsciously and the things the decisions that have already been made and really i mean if human society started again now technological development started again who's to say in which direction we would go maybe we would be an entirely you know penis based um industrial revolution as we discussed a few oh that's right yeah you know it would be interesting to see and so we could what we could do is we could just seed these alternative little civilizations, you know, on the Galapagos or whatever, and just see where they go with it. I mean, obviously Galapagos is a great choice because then people will be eating things that are unlike what people eat anywhere else. Yeah, weird food.

Rare turtles. And that's going to somehow influence the way that they think. Yeah. Now, I watched Blue Lagoon, right, which is kind of a movie about this kind of thing. And I think they might have made a boat a raft which is you know not super novel but but this is you know it's it's early on that's a first iteration give them a couple of centuries exactly i mean we might not even need to give them that long. If we start them off with a few choice little things,

and we're not just going back to like stone axes or whatever. But, you know, maybe I'm doing the wrong thing. Maybe I'm already undermining my own idea because... Well, we might need to send them with like a CAD program. They might need a CAD program to do some drawing. Yeah. We'll send them with a 3D printer. And a 3D printer. do some drawing. Yeah. We'll send them with a 3D printer. And a 3D printer.

But nothing else. Yeah. And maybe a textbook. And they can 3D print anything that they want. What if you told them that you gave them an advanced physics textbook and you told them that this was the description of God wow man

yeah I don't know I don't know where wait so what am I writing down islands of people yeah I mean I don't, I don't know.

I don't know to what extent that is a sketch idea, but I'm certainly not one to tell you not to write down something I said, Alistair. Yeah, I'm given into pressure to, you know, just genuine... I'm trying to stop you, you know, eventually protesting and just leaving due to uh dissatisfaction with how the yeah the unfairness even though you give me even though i don't 100% think that you understand the brief of the show

you know he's getting it i think i think you'll get it in the 300th episode yeah great i'll have a moment i'm like oh no that would be a terrible time for me to actually realize what i'm supposed to be doing here yeah because anything that makes it harder to reach 300 is not what we need the listeners you need to know that before we start every episode now there is a good five minutes of alistair and i just mentally calculating how close the 300th episode is and verbally expressing our distress it's getting dreadfully close it's only we're only 14 weeks away and i haven't not it's not okay we haven't even done the maths on exactly what date this will be so um christ yeah hopefully we're not busy around that

time um yeah i think oh yeah i mean well the other thing that we could be thinking about is we should maybe be working straight away on our own drones it It's got to be a drone and phone, right? And just sending it to as many Earth-like exoplanets as we can so that we can steal their IP. Small things that can just observe, right? Because it's going to take, you know, like 32 years, even at the speed of light, to send messages back. But, you know, for something sufficiently advanced, you know, for information on a technology that's sufficiently advanced, that will be a huge saving in time for us.

Yeah. I think that in Star Trek, you know, they have the prime directive. They go to these other planets and they're not allowed to interfere. But I don't think the prime directive doesn't say anywhere that they, that steal any good ideas that they see while they're having a peek down from from above you know and so even if it's just fashion even if it's a just new kind of like a new kind of halter neck top or a new kind of like you know nice asymmetrical hairstyle yeah you know that's got you you'd be crazy not to not to you know feed that back into the Federation, you know. Oh, absolutely. A new way to do your hair? Yeah.

There's probably so many simple ways of doing your hair that we haven't even thought of. Haven't even thought of, you know. What about like a ponytail, right? And then it goes all the way around. You just wrap it around and around the head. Yeah. I mean, I'm just spitballing. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, this is no alien idea, but what about this? It's a mustache that you comb upwards so that it covers your eyes and joins your regular hair. Yeah. Great. Okay, that's a new idea. You sort of peer through it like you're looking through a hedge. Yeah, like through sunglasses, you know?

Yeah. Hair glasses. I mean, it goes up and it twines around your glasses like a vine. Oh, absolutely. I mean, this has got to be something. You could probably use it on the inside as a bit of a pin board for like hooking you know photos of your family up little ones yeah you know and yeah reminders like mini post-it notes little cute little you know miniature post-it notes like

you'd have for like a barbie house or something you know probably a scientist barbie house because she's working on a big um a big discovery so this is a woman with a beard no i'm talking about the size of the post-it notes would be part of a scientist barbie kit that's where you might get them initially before you just find out where the distributor is. Yeah, great. And you can bypass that Barbie market. Markup. The Mattel markup.

Yeah. I reckon we've probably got five sketch ideas Alistair. You're actually right. It might even be time for some words from a listener. You're absolutely correct andrew matthews um yeah our three words today andy they come from one of our listeners that's good yeah and today's listener is a young gent by the name of brayden douglas gent by the name of Brayden Douglas.

Brayden Douglas? Brayden Douglas. Well, I never. You wouldn't believe this, but we got to meet Brayden Douglas in person during the comedy festival when he came down from Brisbane or Queensland of some sort

and came and saw Teleport. So, hi. Hi, Brayden. And what a delight. Thank you so much, Brayden. Brayden, one of our few intergenerational family supporters. That's right, because his parents came to Magma, and they loved it a lot.

Yeah, it's amazing. And it was very nice. They were so complimentary. It suggests that there could be a genetic component to our comedy. That's true. Whatever it is that makes people like our show could be passed down.

The hope is that Brayden is going to start breeding soon and a lot. Yeah. Yes, we're already working on making that happen I mean it would be great to try to get more Douglas's

actually some of my family members are Douglas's you know I don't even call them Douglas I call them Doug Moore because that's what I dream of yeah I just call them Doug yeah great anyway that's what I dream of. Yeah. I just call them Doug.

Yeah, great. Anyway. So thank you, Braden. And here's Braden's three words, Andy. Do you want to try and guess? You know that I do. Yeah. Lance. Lance?

Yeah, Lance. No. The first word is nuclear. Or nuclear. Ah, yes. Okay, then the second word is, what do you call that little bit of skin that's around the bottom of your fingernail? Clavicle?

It begins with a, not clavicle,icle no i think that's a type of um musical instrument um uh but i'm gonna i'm gonna use clavicle no i'm sorry andy the answer is thrifty nuclear thrifty. Okay. Nuclear thrifty. Mutton bird. Oh, very close. Mutton bird. Very close, Andy. He decided to go instead with the common name that the mutton bird is known by.

Sniffers. Nippers? Sniffers Nippers? Sniffers Like a Like a Like a A word for a young child Or maybe something that a crab has?

No, no, no Sniffers Oh, sniffers Yeah I don't know why the audio quality has just dropped Nuclear thrifty sniffers. Wow. I mean, this is another one that I'm happy to classify

as some genuinely random words. You're happy to... You don't... There's no pattern there that I'm missing, is there, Alistair? No. I mean, let me see. There's a lot. I mean, there's eyes pretty early on in the last two words.

You know? Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. The pieces are falling into place now. I've got some real beautiful mind stuff happening. Yeah. All three words have an R.

All three words have an R. Actually, each word increases the amount of Fs in it by one each time as we go down. Wow. Okay. Well, then this is, I mean, yeah, there is almost too many patterns now. It seems a bit predictable in a way. Yeah. And I'm embarrassed I didn't guess them.

I'm embarrassed. Nuclear thrifty sniffers. You know something that I think about a lot? What's that? Is the scene in the movie Richie Rich with Macaulay Culkin. He has a device. He and his parents are in the jet and they have a machine because they're very rich. They have some new invention that is able to sniff things.

And tell you what it is. And tell you what it is. But it has a nose on the end of it, right? It has a nose and that's how they're able to detect the TNT that is about to blow up the plane. Because he's just trying to find out what's in some of his gifts, I think. I think that's right. They're looking for something in particular in one of the gifts.

And this is how I know the chemical name of TNT, I believe it's trinitrotoluene. And the line is trinitrotoluene um and the line is trinitrotoluene trinitrotoluene that's tnt and then they realize that there's a bomb in there and um they just throw it out the door i think so but then it does blow up um but at least they're not killed they just crash on yeah i think a desert island or maybe just in they're not killed. They just crash on, I think, a desert island or maybe just they're in the life raft of the airplane. Isn't that crazy? Even, you know, he's rich.

He's already got everything and then suddenly he's got a desert island to himself, something that he would have bought anyway. And he could have afforded. This is just how the rich get richer, you know. A lot of the time people try to blow them up and they just land on um unclaimed uh lands and and they get richer still and and it's another way in which the um the working man is kept down it's crazy that they put a human nose at the end of the uh of that machine because that would actually be way less good at smelling than almost any other

animal's nose well i don't i i don't remember exactly what nose it was but if you say it was a human nose um i'll believe you and i will will also probably assume that it was taken off, I guess a prisoner or an enemy of the of the riches richy riches yeah

so now we have to actually come up with a sketch that is linked to this yeah nuclear thrifty sniffers, Now I know a lot of bombs, like a nuclear bomb for example, is built to explode

and destroy things. Yes. But could you have... I mean, firstly, there's the possibility of a bomb that size, but that's a stink bomb. It's actually a really good idea, Alistair, and a nuclear stink bomb.

It does sound like an idea from a high school movie. Maybe something that God would encounter when he goes back to school to to be kissed for his first time i mean you know we could we could absolutely write a uh an alternative history of the world right in which um uh albert einstein doesn't um come up with a theory of you know know of the of time and space he comes up with a theory of smell and space and that the theory in that e equals mz squared feeds into the discovery of you know the the relation between smell and mass and we are able to find that particles, when they decay in a nuclear reaction,

actually emit a small amount of smell rather than energy. A huge amount of smell? Well, I guess so, a huge amount of smell, yeah, because of the conversion between... It's because it's the strong atomic smell. Strong atomic smell, yes. That he discovers. And then the Manhattan Project,

instead of being one to develop a nuclear bomb, is, I guess, the Man-Shatten Project? Oh, my God. is I guess the man Shatten project. Oh my God. I mean, that seems to make sense to me. Yeah. And it's almost not that difficult to imagine any of these things where it's just it's just a slight tweak in maybe in the in the early seconds of the big bang that yeah that would have some fundamental you know altered the fundamental laws of the

universe um and to make it instead of – what was stink replacing there? I think it was replacing a couple of things. To begin with, it was replacing time, and then later it was replacing energy. But, you know. Well, that's right. They're probably the same thing. Yeah, that atomic energy is replaced with atomic stink, and somehow stink probably also does a lot of the work of energy. But the thing is that energy, a lot of the time, in our current universe, is invisible.

You don't see forces. You see their effects, but what if forces... And it's the same with smell well what if energy had a smell yeah okay you know and so suddenly you know i mean a lot of things that you know you use energy do have a smell like a car or something like that but if all energy had a smell, you know, a smell like ham or, you know, or asphalt. I mean, in a way, Alistair, I wonder if energy having a smell is less interesting.

No, you're right. You're right. You're right, it is. Because the energy would still be doing the damage regardless of whether or not it has a smell. You're right. No, you're right. This isn't doing damage.

This is just releasing a smell. And, you know, dropping that on Hiroshima, I suppose. What were they called? Big Boy and Little Boy? Was that the name of the I'm not sure, yeah I don't know about that stuff All I know is the bits of the vagina

I think I think, maybe And then you know bombs Bombs that have killed not many people Yeah Nothing about things that bring people Into the world world that's the essential difference between between you and me alistair you know you create life and i only know

how to take it away um now the only other thing here uh, while I'm talking about this nuclear stink bomb, is that something else happened in this universe with Einstein. Because in our universe, our current reality, Einstein didn't want there to be a bomb. Yes. Right? That's true. I think he might have proposed initially that this was possible, and I think he probably was worried that the Germans were going to do something. Yeah.

Get to it first. But something changes in this world where he is actually actively, not only in this version, this reality one that we're creating, the nuclear stink bomb, he's actually developing it. So he is part of the Manhattan Project, the man-shattened project. He might replace somebody who wasn't on this one

or maybe he's doing it all by himself maybe Eisenhower I mean he might be the man shitting or Oppenheimer he might be the man shouting yeah you never know

because I guess if it's a rod instead of a rod of refined uranium but it was like somehow he Instead of a rod of refined uranium. But it was like somehow he refined a rod of shit to its pure stink. Yeah. Took out anything that wasn't stink.

Yeah, that's really good because you know obviously within a poo and i'm sorry to get really technical but obviously within a poo there are bits of any given poo that don't actually smell right we all know this there are so many bits that don't smell. Well, I think we don't talk about them because, you know, I think it would probably, probably, if you were to analyze it, by mass or something like that, the smell by mass of a poo, probably there's not that many bits that actually smell. I would be surprised if it was less than 10 if it was more than 10 of a poo is actually smelling but it's just that the 10 that is

smelling is so smelly yeah that it overpowers the sort of you know the neutral or even maybe the pleasant smell of some of the other bits that are in the poo and so yeah i think that imagine if you were able to refine it down and get rid of the bits that are in the poo and so yeah i think that imagine if you were able to refine it down and get rid of the bits that don't smell bad just have the bad smelling bits yeah and then you're getting close to that pure puranium or plutonium jeez is this something we can be proud of this work? This work that we're doing now. Well, I mean, I think at some point if you go deep enough into something that, you know, and, you know, you're getting to talk about bomb manufacturing and things like that. Yeah.

I think it's still something. It is. You know, and, you know, I mean, we're, if anybody who's listening doesn't know anything about how you make a nuclear bomb, then at least there'll be a little bit in line. They could be learning something. Because then, but there's got to be something in there where I guess you get it so refined that I guess when a poo particle, a stink particle, sort of, I guess, you know, like stinks. A farticle. It's called a farticle.

A farticle stinks or breaks down or whatever and kind of shoots out towards a nose or whatever. It hits another one, another poo particle, a farticle. And there's a cascade. It causes that one to have a little, you know, pop off or whatever it does. And then it creates a chain reaction. And so that's what happens when you get it dense enough to that critical mass or flatch. Critical flatch. Or just ass.

Ass. Critical ass, of course. Oh, that's way better. You get it to critical ass. And so you just got to pull it back one little bit of density. And then you put into where the bomb is, you add a conventional explosive. Yeah, great. Or you put in a conventional stink bomb.

Oh, of course. To just add that tiny little bit more stink that it shoots into the rod, the enriched poo rod. And then it tips it over into that chain reaction. And then it tips it over into that chain reaction and there is a release of unbelievable amounts of stink as each molecule, each atom releases its strong atomic scent. From that point on, the effects of the bomb are more or less identical with that of a nuclear bomb because the stench is so powerful that it can knock down buildings or indeed vaporise entire people. Or at least make them stink. Yeah.

Well, I think the long-term effects are interesting because they can make people stink for generations. Children are born who smell yeah it's amazing that it penetrates into the yeah into the uh into the womb yeah oh imagine that yeah the dna that that is in your egg and in your sperm. Yeah. Gets these, I guess it's like a stink that is like a subatomic particle. It's like the Higgs boson that gives it a smell. But it gives it a smell. This is exactly, the Higgs noson is exactly what I want to be talking about, Alistair.

That is, we got there. We got to pure joy for me. I mean, the Higgs noson, it shouldn't be the peak, but it is the peak. Yeah, it's going to destroy. And then creatures from another planet will come here. And then they're going to take that IP that Einstein created and they'll destroy generations of other planets. So, Brayden, I hope you're okay with that nuclear thrifty sniffers.

I guess we didn't use thrifty that much, but, you know, I guess it's cheaper than a nuclear bomb. Yeah, there you go. Or we could carry over thrifty to next week and add it to the other one. Do you have to cough as close to the microphone as you are? I wonder. I guess we'll find out one day. Yeah.

I'll try and do it more so that we can see if there's any change over time. Thanks, Al. No worries. That would be the best outcome for me. Can you take us through the sketch ideas that we've come up with so far today? And I'm not looking forward to hearing some of them again. Great. We've got life after life.

That's where there's a new afterlife. But we just do it about five years before you die so that people can actually get to experience an afterlife in case there isn't a real one. You know, and if there is one, then that's great. You'll just come into it. But it's no longer the afterlife. It's an after afterlife.

After afterlife, yeah. And this is, you know, sort of a kind of related sketch. It's the idea of a Clifto, which was once an energy bar company that made bars for, let's say, you go climbing mountains and stuff like that. But there wasn't a lot of business for them for some reason. I guess it was probably just a poor product. But then they went into the disposing, killing and disposing of the people after their life after life, which,

you know, nobody wants to deal with and really accept that it actually is happening because they, you know, afterlife should be eternal. Then we got a whale brain human, a person who's been given the, genetically engineered to have the traits in their brain where they can, like a whale, rest parts of their brain whilst keeping others awake. But then we kill those parts of their brain and see if it gives them access to the afterlife, if they can see what the afterlife is like, maybe they get connected to that other side. which from one of their descendants gives us access to heaven by launching one of those people or many of those people into the air and finding where that portal is that Virgin Mary's meat and Jesus' meat went through and unlocked wherever the portal is so that we can get a rope into heaven and then we can sort of start our own new heaven and start trading with heaven, you know, getting sort of some…

Pulling things up and down the rope, donkeys. Donkeys, you know, a lot of dead bodies and things like that to give some souls up there, you know, a chance. Imagine if we get into heaven and we start using it to dump garbage. Be right. Going up there and using it for landfill. And even if, like, it's not landfill, you just, if it's infinite, you know, or if it's at least very big, you could just put it there, put all this toxic stuff to keep it away from the environment for a bit until we know how to treat it.

But also, it's not like it's going to hurt anybody up there, right? They're already dead. And most of them don't have bodies except for the ones that we... Presumably, it's not toxic to them. Yeah, exactly. Presumably it's not toxic to them Yeah Exactly Then we've got

It's a God romantic comedy Where it's God never been kissed He goes back to high school To In a way he's kind of jealous He feels like he's missed out But he doesn't know He doesn't know how to do it

He doesn't know how to meet girls or boys. Never been blessed. I don't know what that is. That's a different show, Never Been Blessed, I think. Yeah. Someone who goes back to Bible school. Sure, yeah. Someone who's too old and feels like they couldn't they're too old to go back to church

back to sunday school back to sunday sure and then we've got islands of people that we leave on islands of people to see what they invent you know see we leave them there alone isolate them. Sometimes you say, I don't know what the point of this show is. And then sometimes I come up with something that is such a clear cut, hilarious sketch idea, Alistair, that I, apology accepted, Alistair. Apology accepted. And then we have the alternate universe where Einstein created a nuclear stink bomb. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what you get for your $3. That's what you get. So you're welcome. Thank you, everybody, for listening to Two in the Think Tank. We really do appreciate that you do that to us. It's genuinely very nice. Yes, it is. Genuinely.

It's the best. It makes me happy. Hey, check out the Two two in the think tank discord it's always nice when somebody new drops in um chip in say something stupid we all do everybody does yeah and um and you can follow me on twitter i'm at stupid old andy you can follow me i'm at allister tv we're at two in tank you can follow us on instagram you can support us on Instagram. You can support us on Patreon if you like. It helps us a tremendous amount. I don't know if you realize how much Andy asks for that money when the beginning of the month comes around.

And here's something. It's just a random plug. A friend of the show and friend of us, Matt Stewart, is taking his comedy show from the Comedy Festival up to Sydney and Brisbane. And you should look him up on Twitter at MattStew underscore art and find some tickets to those shows. Yeah, and Jack Druce, a former guest, is here in Melbourne. He's going to be recording one of his specials at his comedy festival show at Stupid Old Studios.

And I think he's also selling tickets for that. If you find him at Jack Drew's or, you know, you'll find him somehow. And, yeah, he'll be doing it. I think it's in the next week or so, maybe even. So get on it quick. Also, I think, I i mean we probably did mention this but we were on lisa dibbs podcast oh reanimate reanimates which about the about all the films that jeffrey combs appears in and we really graced it with our large amount of knowledge about Jeffrey Combs.

I didn't know. I watched the whole movie and I had no idea who Jeffrey Combs was. I thought he was a different man the whole time. So it's a very interesting listen. So we like a love you. You. Bye.