Two In The Think Tank - 439 - "GUM HAT - NOT ONLY GUM!"

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Lover or Astronaut, Old Mother Hubbard Fortune, Search for Bone In The Cuppoard, GUM HAT, Murder the Imperial Measuring System, Henry the 8th goes back to school, Henry Sweet Sixteenth.There's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Change the system every time I change the system so there is no reason or rhyme to what I do when we're starting the podcast Hello and welcome to do it the thick take the show where we come up with five And you know what there was a great lead-up to this and we are Mandy And I'm also George William Trumbly virtual. There was a great lead-up to this episode And I'm Alistair George William Trumbly-Birtchell. There was a great lead up to this episode. We were coming in hot with really good energy. And then I was so excited. I just, you know, normally we count down three, two, one.

But for some reason I said ready set and then I started counting up for one. Two, three. What I love about counting up, I don't think when they do rocket launches, I don't think they should do a countdown. I think they should do a count up. And I don't think they should tell you what number they're gonna launch the rocket Rocket at as well. I think they should keep counting. They should keep counting until they get to the moon Even if they're not going to the moon Really good, you know like I sometimes...

You know sometimes there's a tradition of just baking. They count up, they don't tell you when they're gonna launch, but also the astronauts don't know which planet they're being sent to. Or which moon. And they don't know each other. And they don't know each other and they don't even know they're astronauts. They think they've just signed up to be on a... a reality television interview or reality television series. A dating reality TV series. Really good. What about they're going on a on a group date and they think they're just getting into some kind of thing and then there's gonna be a hot blonde What about this Alastair? It's It's called wait, it's called It's called Apollo or aphrodisiite, right? It's a working title, right?

People go on the reality TV show, okay, and they are, they think, they, well they don't know if it's a date or if it's, they go into a room, okay, with another person and they don't know whether or not they're going on a date to find the love of their life, or they're meeting their fellow astronaut and the room is actually a spaceship and it's gonna blast into space. Okay?

So they have, say, a date, they have an hour to get to know somebody, okay? They don't know whether or not they should be establishing romantic, a romantic connection or whether or not they are, they should be establishing a professional working relationship that is going to last them for the duration of the trip to Mars. Andy, there's actually something so brilliant about this. Andy, there's actually something so brilliant about this. Where, cause- Yeah, don't say that like it's a surprise.

No, but- It's one of my ideas. I know, but it's like, it's like a code switching thing where it's like, you are a different person in a business setting. Exactly. And so, so it's like, it's like you're, you go into this room and there's gonna be a person there

that could be important for your future, but you don't know. In what way? In what way. Yeah, yeah, the stakes are really high, right? Because if you're gonna be spending six months to a year on this round trip to Mars You don't want to get off on the wrong foot and

There are so many wrong feet in this situation. It's more a there's only one right foot and there are 200 to a thousand wrong feet. So it's a real the odds are stacked against you. That's why they call it the millipede that's what the show is called yes nobody's gonna like that title it does sound like the name of a reality TV show human millipede is an obvious sequel to human centipede. But then I was also thinking, what about this? Human consensu-pede, right? Consensu-pede. Consensual-pede. Human consen-pede.

Consen-pede. Where it is, it is a humane, well no, no, no, this was the working title, humane centipede, right? And it is the same concept in that people eat one another's shit but they're not sowing together it is people shitting into a bowl and then other people choose to eat that shit with a spoon okay it's humane centipede and you've got a bowl and next to you you bowl a big bowl of you know what you said and then yes you there's a really hungry person from a country

That that doesn't have any food and oh starting to feel less humane starting to feel Edging out of the humane zone. Inhumane centipede. Oh, that's a, we're back baby. Who was the other person? Was it the recruiter for a flight to Mars or the crew? Yeah, well they're either a fellow astronaut, they don't know either, right? So it's two

people are put into a room and they don't know what it is, they don't know whether it's a date or... what if we call the TV show Date with Destiny? Yeah. That's pretty good, right? Oh yeah. I mean I feel like there's already probably about 150 shows on IMDB that have that but I also do still like I think this will be the best one of those. Thank you I think we will quickly rise to the to the top of the the pile. Cream often does Andy. And the thing is you rising to the top of the pile the pile of milk the pile of milk But what is great about it is we don't actually have to send them to Mars we can just set up a fake Mars Scenario because the remember the room is sealed off

I mean, well, I'm trying to make it plausible Oh really? No, I mean... Well I'm trying to make it plausible and feasible. Doable. Doable. I know. I think if you're going to make it doable then it doesn't just have to be Mars. There can be other...

Antarctica or something like that. Antarctica, the Mars of Earth. Earth's Mars. It's a recruiter from ASIO. Okay. You know, you've wanted to be an intelligence officer. It's either a date with the love of your life or you're meeting a surgeon who's going to perform a crucial bowel operation on you. Yes, that's right. And so you don't know whether or not, should you drink a lot or nothing at all?

You don't know if you should be fasting or feasting. That's right. That's nothing. That's nothing. No, but it's true. I mean, so if you eat anything... The important thing on a date is to eat a lot. You got a shower, you got the capacity, you got the stomach capacity. I mean that's a fun game, they just measure. Like, you know, like there would be a game, you know, there's competitive eating, right? You know about this. Yeah, oh yeah.

But there's no sport where all they do is put you there a balloon in your stomach and measure the volume of your stomach. This is called capacity. This is called capacity sport, right? And then at the beginning of every round you find out like five seconds before which which um cavity in your body they're going to be measuring with a balloon like that. And your training is that I guess you got to train the muscles to sort of expand it to its maximum amount, you know? And so it can be your mouth, you could sort of like blow up your cheeks, you know? It could be your stomach, it could be your any of the other organs your lungs

a little we don't need to say all of their names they'll have to say ear canal no we don't have to say that you can imagine anal the ear anal am I saying that correctly I'm pretty sure that's how how Matt Stuart pronounces it. Whenever, he's a smart guy, but he has some real blind spots. And a lot of them are to do with pronunciation of really quite common words. That's amazing. Well, you know who also has blinds,

who had blind spots? Jesus, he didn't like gay people. And so, you know, Andy, a lot of people, a lot of people who can be great, considered great, still have a few blind spots. You know, really obvious ones. You know? Yes.

I wonder if there's any like other religious figures, you know, from history, who also just don't like one specific group. Like who did Buddha not like? Oh, I'm sure he had them. Yeah. I mean, it feels like he probably wasn't all that crash hot on women. Right? Yeah, right. The Buddha. I just, you know, you know, it's all like monks. It's all male monks. No, she monks. I guess. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that's true. And then I guess if you're considering desire and then you I guess you associate desire with that thing and you consider desire as suffering then I guess you're

putting yourself in a situation where you're just going to you know not be as is I guess open to the idea of hanging out with you know going out dancing and meeting ladies. You never hear about Buddha going out to a nightclub. The funky monk. Buddha too. Is that what they call them? Oh yeah. Would it be cool if Buddha came back, but he was sent back by the Christian God?

Yeah, okay, go on. Tell me more about this. Buddha came back, but he was sent back by the Christian God. Oh, yeah, okay, go on. Tell me more about this. I don't know, I just think that, you know, it'd be great. It's like the Christian God, he doesn't bring back Jesus, but he brings back Buddha. He brings back Elron Hubbard. Wow. He brings back John Smith.

Elron Hubbard, is he related to old mother Hubbard? I think, I mean, he seems like he was riding off of that, off of that, that sort of, that Hubbard money. Yeah, he's the heir to the Hubbard fortune. He didn't have any money at the time. He had nothing in the cupboard. She didn't even have a bone for the dog in the cupboard. It's weird to have nothing in the cupboard

and think but you're like you're like I know I've got she must know she's got almost nothing right but to think then but I'm pretty sure I've got a bone for the dog in the cupboard. Yeah. She goes to the cupboard where she keeps the bones. Bone cupboard. She gets there nothing you're like, oh that's right. I ate that bone I don't know what happened to the bone. Why did she think she had a bone? I Mean it doesn't sound like she had a lack of Things I don't think is what the problem with her was that she lacked things is that she had too many things like for example Thoughts that there should be bones in her cupboards. There you go. In many ways she was rich. Sounds like she wasn't poor at all. Sounds like she was very wealthy of thoughts about

having bones in a cupboard. Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone but when she got there the cupboard was bare so the poor little dog had none. God I mean it's a great story with a happy ending. I love it. No wonder it's echoed down the ages that one. But really if you're thinking about Hubbard's it goes old mother and then Elrond. That's that's true there's no other hubbards what about the the telescope mmm the space telescope the Hubbard space telescope I don't remember what it actually is what is it for real Hubble Hubble arguably an even sillier name for a space telescope.

But the old mother hubbard space telescope looking for bones, still searching. Still searching, still scanning the skies for that bone. You know, of course it's not seti, but it's Sabi right and go on tell me more about that bone intelligence And really whether she's looking in the cupboard in the car The ice in the cupboard. Yesed it back towards Earth. Oh wow! She had to look at the cupboards.

She's looking at cupboards everywhere. Where are these fucking cupboards? All cupboards. Wow, yes. Oh, subby. The real cupboard in the bone was on Earth. bone in the cupboard was on earth all along. Turns out and then of course turns out the bone was inside of her the whole time. There it is.

So you're writing down Hubbard Space Telescope are you Alistair? Well old mother Hubbard Space Telescope are you? Well, old mother Hubbard Space Telescope. Yes, great. Okay, so the name doesn't even scan quite as well. It'll actually be harder to work out what it's a reference to. In the cupboard. But I think this is probably a stand-up bit. I'm not sure about its extent, but in asking whether or not Elrond Hubbard

was related to old mother Hubbard. Yeah, the descendant of the Hubbard fortune. I mean, I think not, like, you know, I think a fortune is a lot like, you know, anything else. It's like 10 bucks is a fortune. It's just a small fortune. Right. Yes.

It's a fortune to somebody. Yes. And you know what that old mother, but she, you know, it sounds like she was living that, uh, that minimalist lifestyle that so many of our sort of modern tech industry employees are now fetishizing. So you know, Marie Kondo, eat your ass out. That's right, eat everybody's ass out. In a humane centipede. A humane centipede. A humane centipede. That's the same thing, but they just don't sew your mouth to the butt.

They just present the butt and then they allow you to eat it. Not the feces, just the... And that's the real message, isn't it, about human centipede. It's the loss of choice the stripping away of choice that is the real horror and you know not even really making a joke there am I and anything do you do you do you know whether or not the tongue was also strapped like strapped to the like sewn to the buttock I think the tongue is just still free, loose in the mouth.

Cause you could use the tongue to try to block and then maybe push it through the gaps where the, you know, sewing isn't a, isn't welding. Mm-hmm. You know, so maybe you could be pushing some of the stuff trying to come into your mouth out through the gaps between your, your mouth and the butchi.

I think you've, you've found the loophole and the butchie. I think you've found the loophole and indeed the poop hole in the whole human... you're like you're like remember when Mark Wahlberg said that if he'd been one of those 9-11 planes things would have gone down differently? That's right. You're like that for the human centipede. Man if I'd be in the human centipede Let's just say things would have gone down differently Yeah, I would have pulled the first person up onto my shoulders and then I'm the I'm the Mark Wahlberg of eating ass Yeah, I'm being forced to

mmm of eating Warburg of being forcibly eating shit. And then hitting that shit into another person's mouth. And then making them eat that shit that we made them shit out. Yeah. That's a Jay and Silent Bob strike back. Jay and Silent Bob. Amazing. I wouldn't be surprised if the guy who wrote the movie somehow got inspired by that Jay speech there.

Yeah. You know, imagine that. I wonder if I should re-watch that film. I feel like I'd still have a great time. Yeah. I probably would dislike the Mark Hamill cameo as much as I did the first time around. I think maybe you'd like it more now. Really? I think Mark Hamill has now become much more likable

in the last 15 years. I don't know about, I mean I find him just to be just a sort of a bit pathetic, you know. Really? Yeah. I mean I think he's like, you know, he's one of those guys, he's, you know, he seems like a nice guy, right? But like, but too nice, maybe. Yeah, I think that he's, he's had to embrace a weird situation He sure has you're right where the main thing you are now is beloved by Nerds that is his main Identity yeah, and he's you know he's on the right side of history I'm sure but I'm just like I just feel I guess I feel sorry for him I feel weird yeah maybe he's very happy maybe everything's

great it's weird having hordes of people who love you hordes yeah hordes and also losing an anus Khan he had hordes he had hordes I guess they feared him. You know, they kind of they did his bidding. You know, I guess they felt like they had a kinship with him. Maybe because many of them were his family members as well. Yes, there is that.

That helps. Yeah. Are you related to Genghis Khan? Out of us two, just like, you know, as a guesstimate, who do you think is more likely to be the most related to Genghis Khan? Out of the two of us? Yeah. I feel probably you, Alistair.

Do you think I just give off a slightly more Mongolian vibe? I think you give off a slightly more Mongolian vibe. I think you give up a slightly more exotic vibe and you know I've always thought Genghis is very exotic. You know what I love is exoticism. I would love to find out that I was like 30% Mongolian. Mmm. I think that would actually change a lot of how I see myself. Would you start referring to yourself as a Mongolian comedian? I don't think so. I don't think so, much in the same way that I didn't push the Canadian thing when I lived in Australia.

Sure, it would be unlikely. But, you know, you can never fully predict how these things are going to affect you, Alastair. That's true. I think I would change how I dress a dramatic amount. Oh so we go in traditional Mongolian dress. Big hairy hats. Very hairy hats. You know not not as hairy as those like Russian ones that are full hair. Okay. But I would definitely go hair all around the brim. Sheepskin? Yes, yes that is.

I think, Andy, I think if I'm, if I'm 30% Mongolian, I'm going yak. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, Andy, let's say this. You find out you're 30% Mongolian tonight. Okay. Yep. What? And you just, immediately you're convinced you're gonna wear more of a fur which fur you wearing Well my and this is a terrible answer but my first thought is sheep is that Is that is that okay like and I'm not talking wool I'm not not trying to find some loophole or I'm just wearing a lot of woolen jumpers

I'm I'm on board with this fur thing and I'm picturing like a you know, a sort of a sheepskin hat where Yes, a lot of the wool is on the inside, but then you fold up that so like you say You're just wearing it. You're sort of just like wearing like an inside out That's right on my head. Yeah. Yeah I think this is is this a sketch? Somebody going into the Ugg boot factory. Yeah. Right and they really want to wear an Ugg boot on their head. Uh by the way I want you to know I don't think this is a good idea. Okay that's okay. I appreciate you being honest. I don't think this is a good idea. Okay. That's okay. I appreciate you being honest. I don't want you to think that I think that this is in any way good.

Or even enjoyable. I've not given us an idea since... The Ugg Boot Factory has a real like no hats policy. Right? But this person goes in there and they're trying to ask them to make this custom boot. but it's clear they just want to wear it on their head right they're asking for various changes to the dimensions

and there's this dawning suspicion amongst the the custom Ugg boot workers there that this person is actually trying to get a hat made. The custom Ugg boot warden. The alarm bells start to go off when they say, oh no, I only need the one, right? The one boot. Yeah, this is like when people were like, oh, you'd think that those flight that those flight instructors would have been like alarm bells would have you know gone off when they said no I don't need to learn how to land you know it's a bit like that

9-eleven yeah yeah I mean any of those just thinking of any I think of all plane crashes as equally being bad let me tell you if Mark Wahlberg had been one of the custom gumboot gatekeepers. Gumboot? I wanna wear a gumboot as a hat. I've never heard of such a thing as a rubber hat. Like a gumboot. Other than that, other than that guy, obviously there's that guy who wears a gumboot on his head. Obviously. During the during the British elections. Yes, but he is the exception that proves the rule. Yes.

I reckon he must have a small head because I don't think I could fit a gumboot on my head. I think it's a big gumboot. I think he had to put a large gumboot. That is the other side of the equation that I didn't consider. I was thinking only on the head side the demand side But this could indeed this could be a supply so I'm thinking of demand side

demand Yeah, you're thinking the demand side not the demand side who demand No, but like okay, but like a full Like imagine like like a rubber hand essentially, but yeah, okay, but like a full rubber hat. Essentially, but yeah, any hat or helmet, but think of it full rubber, like gum boot material. How would that change the world? Do you think that that would be good or bad?

Or? I think everyone's heads would be really hot and sweaty. And that can't be good for the general vibe. What about you get a little bit of a sheep skin inside? Whenever my head is too hot, I get really sort of quite stressed and unpleasant to be around. for the general vibe. What about you get a little bit of a sheep skin inside? Whenever my head is too hot, I get really quite stressed and unpleasant to be around. And then it takes me a while to realize

that it's just because my head is so hot. Yeah, I mean, I get that. Then you're putting holes in it, but then I think you're, oh, right. But then I think you're losing some of the unique selling point of the rubber hat by putting a lot of holes in it. Surely the advantage has come from its impermeability. Could it be the little holes are one-way valves?

Is this too complicated? Is this becoming a very expensive hat? You could maybe build a little eve over each of the holes, right? Each little hole has a little awning. This is starting to sound quite stylish. Maybe a little, some solar panels on there on the awning. Some solar panels. To make it generate income. It mines Bitcoin. This hat mines Bitcoin. This hat is so on

the on each awning there's a solar panel which runs a little processor and together all these microprocessors all these nanoprocessors come together to be one big microprocessor. Now are we calling it a gum hat? We've got a gum boot, is this a gum hat? Or do you think that calling it a gum hat now under sells the other key thing about this hat which is that it mines Bitcoin. I think it takes me back to that classic restaurant that I would always see in Melbourne. Rice bar. Not only rice. Yeah. You know, it's a gum hat. Not just a gum hat.

I mean, it would have been great to be in the rice bar naming think tank meeting room when and see that just that one person who just couldn't let go of the fact that they were worried people think they only did rice and I mean I was willing to only did rice I genuinely would drive past and and I would think they do white rice, they do that weird purple rice, maybe brown rice. I guess it would be crazy for them to not do brown rice. Not only rice, and not even rice. Not even brown rice. A lot of rices we don't do. Not only rice, but also not all rice. Not all rice. Not really that much rice. Do you think they

should have called it the not only rice bar? I mean that's quite good isn't it? It would have been more efficient. And I think it's more intriguing in a way or rice and more rice and more Rice price and toppings toppings plus rice mmm like or relatively

normal Chinese takeaway place Hang on a second. I've got to go give Carly a key. Wait a moment. You got to do that. I'll take it from here. Now reverse helicopter. Let's see. What would that be? A reverse helicopter. I suppose. A helicopter pilot is somebody who's very confident and so a reverse helicopter pilot would be a guy who has no confidence at all a very anxious helicopter pilot did I tell you I went in a helicopter the other day I probably told you didn't tell me you went in a helicopter the other day yeah you told

me you were gonna think you told me you were gonna. I'm gonna go in a helicopter. How was it? Yeah, and then I did. You know what? It was kind of an anti-climax. I mean, it was really cool, right? I took off and landed in the helicopter, I think, three times. I wasn't flying it, by the way. I was a passenger, but this was a very, like, high-end. I wasn't flying it by the way, I was a passenger, but this was a very high end. You weren't flying it? I wasn't a pilot. It was a good helicopter, it wasn't one of those shit like Bush ones where they like chase cattle.

Yeah, no this was like, you know, apparently like, we're talking like a six, seven million dollar helicopter. And so it's quite a sort of a limousine type one owned by some rich guy and I and so it was super smooth to fly around I didn't feel anxious at all I was actually way more concerned when I was on the ground near the helicopter because all I could think about was the blades coming off and just chopping my head off you know coming flying off But I asked the guy about that about the health and that happened

He said he said that never happens. They build them so they don't come off and I thought Good, of course, they would have thought of this To raise this is an issue That would have been good if I'd asked him and then just all the color drains from his face. How do you know that nobody's thought of that nobody thought of that until now and then he feels like there's a sketch in there somewhere isn't it? Mmm. You know? Gosh. I opened up the door while we were flying. What about-

That was part of my role. Oh. Wow. Was to open the door while we were over the ocean. Yeah. That was good too. Which ocean? Um, oh not the ocean, sorry.

The bay. The uh- The bay. So this was freshwater? The Port- Port Phillip? What's the bay called? Port Phillip?

I think so. Something like that. Melbourne Bay? It's not fresh water you fuck. Why would you say that? So then it is part of the ocean. Why would you say that? You think it just stops being ocean? It's connected to the ocean but I don't think it's part of the ocean. You're talking about man's delineations. Oh, you think God doesn't see any distinction? Yeah, God doesn't see any distinction and certainly Buddha with his, if he's been brought back by God, he wouldn't see any, not delineations anyway, I don't know what a delineation did I use that word collect correctly I

Think you used the word delineation very correctly. Thank you and supremely well Alistair How many sketch ideas have we written down? We only have four you're gonna hate that But before we say very hard to believe you were throwing something out of the airplane, is that right? Out of the flying. Yeah, yeah, a briefcase. A briefcase. Did you yell, Kobe?

I think I did. I think I made some... I think I made that joke or that reference to some of the people on the ground. Whether or not I said it when I... or that reference to some of the people on the ground. Whether or not I said it when I, no, I definitely didn't say it when I opened up the door. But I am-

You enjoy a tasteful joke, right? There's a time and a place for everything, Alastair. And when it comes to Kobe Bryant helicopter catastrophe references I think they're okay on the ground near a helicopter but once you're in the air no no no inappropriate unacceptable what's it called when you have sex in a helicopter? What's that club? It's not a mile high is it? Unlikely yes kilometer high club That the mile high that's one of the few things for which we still use the imperial system There should be a metric version of the mile high club.

Oh the 1.24 kilometer club. Whatever it is, 1.58. Is it that much? I think it's a fair bit more than a kilometer. I didn't know it was like, yeah, fuck. It's so much. It's just so much to have to think about. I wish they could, like, you know,

I know it's bad to say that you should assassinate a person, but I wish that they could assassinate the imperial system. I wish that it was just ceased to exist. I wish that we didn't have to deal with it ever again. How would we do that? How would you kill... you can't kill a thought, Alastair. I know, but this is what would have happened. You would just drive the mile, the Imperial system, underground and people would gather in secret to measure things inefficiently and in a unhelpful way.

I think you would do it like the way that any dictator would do it. You would start by burning the books and then you would probably torch all of the Google and Amazon data places. Where they keep that stuff. Well they well I mean anything where any data is kept you would torch that. It's actually probably easier to get rid of large amounts of information these days. Do you think, and I have two questions. Firstly, do you think that doing this would destroy almost civilization as we know it in the name of the metric system? And if so, do you think it's still worth it? To go on with life after without the imperial system? Well, no, you're torching...

I'm assuming that Amazon doesn't keep all the information about the imperial system on a separate set of servers, isolated from all their other servers. Andy, I think it's just one step. It's just one step. I understand, we all know that it's not easy to do, but you would have to rip down all the signs in all the countries where the imperial system is used, and you would have to put up metric signs. Yeah, right, I'm still hung up on the data center thing.

The data center is- I feel like you're glossing over this. Yeah, yeah, it's just a classic book burning, data data center thing. The data center is glossing over this. Yeah yeah it's just a classic book burning data center burning thing. It's just the modernization of the classic book burn. Yes Alastair but all the it's not like all the books are kept or like you don't burn the whole library when you're doing a book burning right? Yeah. You select the books you burn but you don't burn the whole library when you're doing a book burning, right? Yeah, you select the books you burn, but I don't think that's possible with data centers. No, I know that's why you burn down the data centers I'm not gonna go through and try to pick off the wires Okay, sure, but in doing so you are burning all the other data you're burning

That's just an added benefit. Oh other data you're burning all that stuff that's just an added benefit oh okay so there you go that's all that's all i was i think i think and is whether you were happy to do that andy if you're thinking of the internet right which are you thinking ah yes there's a lot of good valuable data up there like in terms of what we're burning we we're not thinking, oh no, the internet. We're thinking, I'd be good to start again. You know? Absolutely. Absolutely Alistair. But remember, the guys and the re- your headline for why you're doing this is to get rid of the imperial system.

Sidebar, all other digital data will be destroyed. Sidebar, there's other stuff I hate and it'll be... luckily some of that will get wiped out as well. But remember to download your emails. Onto a USB. Onto a USB or something like that it But not any emails that include references to the imperial system Honestly, we're gonna bomb it sounds like a good plan and like, you know sort of like any Any political campaign? Yes, there might be other aspects to your agenda But the way that you're getting elected you're getting voted in on this platform is with this this key key

selling point of getting rid of the imperial system. I'm sick of having to think about it. Americans who are voting in guys who they're like I'll I'll block the border right? Yeah. And then sidebar I will also strip away all your protections and your forms of well basically I'll utterly tear apart society. Yeah and every baby you start to have you'll have to finish having. you'll have to finish having. Mm-hmm. You go, come on, man. Nobody wants that.

What are you talking about? Nothing's worth what you believe in. Mm. Correct. Let us get on with it. Correct. Um, Andy,

we have five sketch ideas, I think. One, two, three, four, five. Do you want to go to three words from a listener? Here we go. Yes. Do you know about this? Do you know about this? Three words from a listener?

Everybody's talking about it. Everybody's talking about it. Everybody's talking about it. We've got three. We've got three listeners. And each one of them have got a word. A word from three listeners. That's a good idea It's a shame you can't pitch this to any other networks because it's only on this network that it would work

And Andy I want you to guess who this listener is and you got it you got to throw your mind back Who this listener is and you got it you got to throw your mind back Okay, how about this a long way a long way is it Tyler? No, it's not Tyler. What's that? What's Tyler's last name? Can't remember I've been trying to but I've been trying to remember Tyler's last name recently He pops into my head occasionally. I have no idea who he is. No, but I do her sort of sort of remember anyway But this one he's like the other, this is offensive to Stu, but he's like,

in my mind, because of his name, it's a little bit like Stu. Wow, no, you're gonna have to tell me. It's Kieran McFadgen. Kieran McFadgen, Kieran. It's great to hear your voice, your name. It's great to hear Al's voice saying your name. That's right. But you know what? But it's going to be great to hear your words coming out of Andy's mouth as he correctly guesses them right now. Okay, here we go. First word, limerick.

It's actually close, I think, Andy. You got the E, you got the R. First word is Henry. Henry? Second word, Lawson. Henry Lawson. Oh, great guess, Andy, but it's the. Henry the... Okay, so what have we got? We've got Henry the eighth, okay. Henry the ninth. Is this a sketch idea, Henry the ninth? Andy, you're close.

But it's Henry the sixteenth. Oh! Okay. Yeah. Andy, how about this? Henry. Is that Henry? I mean, Andy. Oh my God. I keep doing this. I keep calling my brother and you my kid's name. Henry the sweet 16th.

Never been kissed. Never been kissed. That's a really good idea. Okay, so what is it? It's a... It's a dance, a school dance. A school dance and Henry's going along. Is it never been kissed or never been killed? No, never been kissed.

Never chopped off a woman's head, a wife's head. Never chopped off a woman's head. Never decapitated a wife. He has a chance to go back to school and... He's 45. And decapitate the girl of his dreams. To marry the girl of his dreams. To marry the woman of his dreams and then lop off her head. Lop sounds so much nicer. Isn't it a lovely word? Lop? Satisfying to say. You really know when that word ends. Lop.

I never realised this. So decapitate. Decapitate, right? And per capita. Those are the same capita. Yes, the same cap yep and so and that just means head mm-hmm so it's like a head like oh we got 13 head of children or whatever like 13 well that's head of lettuce I'm thinking of head of cattle. Yeah, yeah. And so it's just training us. Per capita. Per head. It is nice that when we count people we say per capita. We are just counting heads. You know, we don't care how many of the other body parts you have. Because the head is the key thing. If you've got a head,

then in our eyes, you're're a human that's what we say and that's nice and so apologies to anyone out there who doesn't have a head if you're if you have a head and you're alive I guess hmm because they don't can't count the heads of the dead right head of the dead I think a a I think this is a lovely idea. It's a teen movie about Henry VIII. Maybe he's going undercover, he's going back to school, right? Because he never finished year 12, right? So he's a... and we're talking the classic Henry the 8th here He's a bloated 50 if we have 40 year old Right. Mm-hmm, but he dresses back up in his school uniform and he goes back to school. Okay, and

He's trying to marry the girl of his dreams from high school the girl of his dreams from high school. Which I guess he did he... The one that got away. No yeah, he had already got the girl of his dreams, but he was getting the one of his dreams that he didn't get. Yes, the other girl. The one of his other dreams, the girl of his other dreams.

The other girl from his other dreams. Yeah. Really good. The other girl from these other dreams. Yeah Really good and it's it's it's it's it's a such an exciting twist on me On the genre. What's the Adam Sandler movie where that he goes back to school? Billy Madison Yeah Yeah, it's also yes, the never been, never been kissed thing. So, I mean, do we want to play it safe here? Play it safe. Play it by the rules of society and have it that he falls in love with a teacher, like in Never Been Kissed.

Oh, and like with, in Billy Madison. Is that what happens in Billy Madison? Yeah. Oh, there you go. Much better than him falling in love with a student I suppose. No but he's the king he's gonna do that he's gonna go the whole hog. Wow. I didn't hear it that way either I just was like this is all pretty horrible. But then I guess he gets her pretty early on, right? Yeah, that's nice. And it's actually great. For a while. And then... But we're all, it's all the will they won't they kind of thing and by will they won't they I mean will he won't he choose to decapitate her and

then they do at the end and it's really nice actually. It's actually because she really wanted to go at that point. Because he was quite unpleasant. Great. Well, I think we're all pretty happy with this. Sketch idea, Henry the Sweet 16th. It's a horrible movie. But it's also an exciting twist. I mean maybe it's a feminist retelling where she decapitates him at the end. Wouldn't that be nice? Oh, I'd love that Andy. You know, she lays him down. You know, she gets him down the trunk.

Yes. He finally met his match, you know. He was always, before he was, always the decapitator, never the decapitatee. But finally he met a woman with whom he was willing to be vulnerable. Vulnerable to decapitation. Yes, he left his neck open for a moment. I don't know why this is a thing that's bothered me, but something that's come up in my reels recently is some people that are talking about how much faster it is to cut the grass with a saw than it is with a mower. Really? Yeah.

And they're just like, but they, you know, and the thing is that they convince me immediately. So you're mostly angry at yourself. Yeah. But then, but then what stops me from being into it. And then I've already thought I should get a sigh. Right. But then what stops me is that then they're like, yeah, sure. You got to sharpen it every, you know, pretty often. And I go, well, fuck that. Yeah. Forget it. I just don't think I can.

You know what? Just hearing you say this has convinced me I want a scythe. I mean, is it worth having a... It's probably not worth having a mower for a full... for a small backyard. We're bringing back scythes. The urban scythe, man. Andy, is it worth having a giant knife when you have a stick when you have four kids though you want to get a motorized knife that spins like an

upside-down helicopter yeah oh my gosh Andy we solved it Andy should I take us through this I hope hope that was okay, Kieran McFadgen. It's been such a while. It's been such a while. Andy, all right, get ready. Okay, we got reality show. Go into a room and you don't know if the person in the room that you're meeting is a potential lover or another astronaut

for a flight to Mars. It's called Date with destiny. It's a We got L Ron Hubbard was a descendant of the old mother Hubbard fortune You know a bad fortune is still a fortune miss fortune That's right. Then we got the old mother Hubbard space telescope As part of the SPBI the search for both the covered we got gum hat not only gum it also mines Bitcoin we got murder the Imperial measuring system, you know

Right and make that happen and we got Henry the eighth goes back to school to go out with the girl of his other dream Henry the sweet 16th, you know Gorgeous, but I mean, he's probably more he's probably like this for Henry the sweet 60th But I mean, he's probably more, he's probably like the poor Henry the Sweet 60th. Oh, that'd be awful. Imagine a 60 year old man going back to high school. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he died when he was like 40, because he was just so unhealthy. But yeah. I mean, I think they were all unhealthy back then, I think.

Yeah, yeah. Syphilis. Is he one of those ones where he had like eight or nine kids and only one survived? Yeah, pretty sure. Yep. And I think that was Elizabeth the first. Oh, well, good on her. Yes.

What was what was Elizabeth the second's mom's name? Yeah, she was the queen mother. I think her name was also Elizabeth. Oh but she wasn't a queen. No she was a queen mother. Yeah. And so that just means she's the mother of a queen? I think so. Yeah. And so that was three Elizabeths. Yeah. Did the guy marry an Elizabeth and his mom was probably Elizabeth. Yeah, I think that's it. Something like that. Wild Andy, wild. Anyway, guess we better wrap it up.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Should we do the song? Did you read through all of them? You did, didn't you? Here we go. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, Here we go. Thank you so much for listening to Doing the Think Tank. Thank you, Kieran.

And thank you to all our listeners and our supporters on Patreon. You know what? Leave us a review on iTunes. It helps people to find the podcast. It really does. And by people I mean us as well. I mean I don't know where the podcast is until there's a review there, a new review. Thanks for being listeners. Thanks for being listeners. I mean gosh we've now been doing this. Andy I think we've hit 11 years. Whoa. You know, it's hard. Crazy.

There's another part of it in which it also feels like I've been doing this my whole life. Oh yeah, I don't think I, I don't think my life began until the think tank began. Life begins at think tank. That's what I've always said. Everybody get yourself a think tank. We are happy for there to be a think tank universe and if you can just have You know a variation of something in the think tank. We are happy with that Yeah, we're also happy to offer franchises So we can oh yeah, it's just that we are happy to offer franchises

But you the a number of people in the franchise in the think tank have to be different. So you can have one in the think tank, you can have three in the think tank, you can have two and a half in the think tank. Sure, two and a half men. Two and a half men in the think tank. You can have two men and one woman in the think tank. And I need to go because I got to get to work But you know if you can imagine a number you can have it in the think tank as long as it's not two well, we're willing to franchise and we will just take a small percentage of all the abundant abundant profits And we love love you. Goodbye