Two In The Think Tank - 457 - "COP E & PASTE"

Episode Date: January 2, 2025

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!Pants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it.

Find your push. Find your power. Peloton has everything you need. Whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Good morrow, good morrow, may I borrow some sorrow. Good morrow, good morrow to you. Hello and welcome to the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George William Trombley Burschow.

Some people when introducing me in English here in the Montreal scene, they French up the Burschow. And so they've been saying Alistair Trombley Burschow. Does that feel good? No. Does that feel good? No, it feels fine, but it's just, you know, it just adds to the breadth of pronunciations that my name can be varied with. Well, it already, I mean, it's already a pretty broad palette. There's, you know, in terms of a slab of marble from which you can hear your Michelangelo's David,

your name offers so many rich possibilities. I mean, you have you even allowed them to glimpse between if you stretch apart your Christian name and your surname, have you allowed them to glimpse the deep dark center of your middle names? To park my names like a goatsie? And for them to have a look, a deep look at my hyphen? Oh no, I was thinking just of your two middle names, I mean surely a Frenchman would have an absolute field day with Georges

and William. Oh yes, no, G. William. But I do think that pulling apart your two surnames to show them your hyphen is a pure... and this is what we're seeing here is just that even this is how diverse your name is, that even within the field of Endeavour of comparing bits of it to goatsie, there are so many choices. If the French culture rather than being one entirely based around pronouncing words wrong and I'm sorry and that's how I feel. Okay, even if it wasn't that, if the French culture was instead entirely based around

comparing things to goatsie, they would still find your name to be a feast for the tongue. Well there's so many middles, there's so many middles in there. I can, you know, uh... There's so many middles! That's what it is! I can... I can pull apart... I can pull the Alistair and the George on one side and the Trombly and the Virgil on the other side and show them my William. Or they can pull apart the Trombly and the Virgil and show them my hyphen. Or I can, the trolley in the virtual show of my hyphen. Or I, you know, I can probably do a similar thing with Alastair in there. But very, very exciting for anybody who enjoys a goatsie

and sort of proper nouns. I mean, it would be good if we had a few more buttock cheeks either side. I mean it's a shame that when you put on weight you gain extra t- uh, chins but you don't gain extra buttocks around the periphery like a series of brackets. They go the wrong way don't they? Mmm. You do. They go longitudinally, but we need them to be the other lateral. Yeah. But I mean, I think we have come up with the lateral butt cheeks before. We have already come up with them.

I think we discovered that as a much worse design. discovered. Oh no, well, well yes that's true. As a much worse design. It does all for self. For things to slide off of. Yes, this is to slide off, yes. I mean, that's true. But this is a completely different idea, Alastair. Perfect for the man who loves to wipe. For the man who loves to wipe.

You know, you could almost picture it sliding off the lip, but down, and then down over the other side with enough cling. I mean, but imagine if you could get out clean, you know, if it just sort of, I guess, rolled and bounced off the bottom shelf like a, let's see, like a toddler falling off a lookout down a cliff you know it'd be great yes is if the if the if the cheeks weren't a chick cheek but they were actually a set of lips and and that that that could be puckered and then could spit. Oh, spit the shit. Spit the shit. Yeah.

Yeah, that is good. I wonder if there are any animals that can do that. Whereas Evolution not had the guts of calling you out, Evolution, you're a coward. I'm calling you out evolution you're a coward you don't have the lips to make a shit spitting critter this critter shit other spitter spit of the shit that's it writing for those who love to wipe? Yeah, well, I mean, imagine that. Imagine that union, you know, the beloved, she's in the house, the guests are around, they've just arrived.

You say, I'm sorry, my husband is in the bathroom. He might be a while because he loves to wipe and you're just in there. I love my curvy wipe. I'm a wipe guy. But you would just need to have everything be so smooth, you know, and hairless for it to be. Oh sure, sure. you know and hairless for it to be oh sure sure for it to not devolve into awful chafing um but then somebody comes and knocks on the door to the toilet and

you go you okay in there he goes sure am just doing what I love mmm you know yeah no you're laughing in there. You're literally chuckling and giggling with glee. Don't you think people are looking at the clock as As the time ticks over, you know all the people who've come over They're sitting around the coffee table on the couch and stuff like that and they're seeing him hit 45 minutes in there You know, you know, it's like they're clapping or is he clapping? They're clapping. They're like, you know, they see it go 44 minutes and 58 seconds, 44 minutes and 59 seconds, 45 minutes and they'll go, yay.

Yeah, I love that. From the bathroom. Thanks, guys. I love that it's a positive thing. Oh yeah. I love that they're proud and they're happy for him. Which is so lovely. I mean, you know, why can't we live in that world where house guests are happy for the male beloved.

That's right. To spend most of their visit in the bathroom whereas today I tried and I'm ostrich sized by my community yes yeah it's frowned upon where does a lot of the pressure come from do you think the pressure to come out of the bathroom. Well I blame society obviously. It's created a precedent you know and do you would you say that it's mostly from the adults or it's mostly from the kids or it's mostly from the animals in your house? I think let's see let's see, uh, it's probably, if I'm honest, uh, mostly comes from me.

It comes from me. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's inside. So you're, and that's my problem. You're just like a self hating a marathon shitter. That's right. I mean, the thing is that it's the only room in the house where you have a you have a built-in excuse to go there, you know, and to go there alone. What about the shower room, the room with the shower? Is that the same room?

No, no, I mean if the toilet is a separate little thing, why, do you not, are you not on board with this idea, Alastair? Or are you just being an asshole about it? But I mean, like, was it about being alone or just having a reason to go there? No, well, like, not just a reason, that's different. No, no, no, I see the way, the flaw in your logic. I see where you've gone wrong.

I see where you're thinking wrong. Okay. Ah, ah, I see what you've done there. Oh, yes, you see what you've done. Where you've come unstuck. It is not a reason, but an excuse, you know, something that can't be denied. Right. You, you can't say, you can't have guests around and say, excuse me, I just have to go spend some time in the laundry. Right. Yeah.

But to go put on a load of washing. Although I have done that. Yeah. But no, you, uh, I'm, I'm talking about, I just need to go to the bathroom. They're not going to say, why? They're not going to say, oh, do you? Oh, that's a shame. You know, they can say, your beloved can't even say, no, don't, you know, stay.

You don't have to do that now. Stay with our guests. You're like, well, no, this is my body has evolved to give me an urgent excuse to go and spend some time by myself in a little room. In a little room, yeah. I mean imagine back, you know, like all that shame that's around that kind of thing. Back in the day there wouldn't have been a little room. And so then do you think at some point,

it's become such a habit of yours to leave while you've got people over, that you could picture someone accusing you that you've only started going in a little room so that you have an excuse. In nature, we don't have a little room. This is somebody yelling at you. And in nature nature we don't have a little room. This is somebody yelling at you. Andy, in nature you don't have a little room. You would just go amongst us. Yeah. It's against, it's unnatural what you're doing. You're defying nature.

You're saying you can't help it, but you can help it. Andy, you could go right here right now. But you can help it. Andy, you could go right here right now. Yeah, I like this conversation. No, Andy, we can't have you leave again. Not another time. Yeah, for the fourth time in this quarter hour. And then you're like, oh, I need to go. And they're like, it prove it do a shit

right here on the floor yeah and you pull down your pants well well well because you've got to do it here with them around with the people around yeah but also why not because you know you pulled just pull down your undies and do it inside your undies I guess that would be rude to ask somebody to soil their own undies and do it inside your undies I guess that would be rude to ask somebody to soil their own undies. Alastair that's disgusting! But you said on the floor! That's disgusting, yeah! At least you could take it away after. I don't want to see a man stand there and shit his pants, I'd much rather he take down his trousers and his underwear, if he's wearing any, no judgement, and defecate on the floor. That's with some dignity, with some dignity and

especially considering that our argument, your argument Alistair, this remember this is what you want to happen is for us to revert to some sort of primitive state and do it like we would have when we all just lived in open fields. Okay and so what we're living in an open field, but we don't have trousers. We don't have rooms, but we do have rooms just for our legs. I don't think so. Yeah, that's true.

Trousers. Thanks, Al. Do you think the word trousers is somehow linked to the word trow? What word trow? Is that not a word? Trow. Is that not a word? I don't think it is. No.

What about like, you know, let's see, trow. Oh, that's short for trousers, apparently. What about? So do you think? But also there's a trow, is archaic but to think or believe TROW. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Why? This is strange. I trow Trousers well, it's probably easier to think if you do have them on do you think you know? Yeah, like but you know, maybe the idea of a thinking cap.

We only, you know, why not thinking trousers? Thinking trousers. I think that, again. A pair of thinking trousers. Feels like you could sell that. Yeah, oh, absolutely. To high IQ individuals, absolutely. I mean genuinely, genuinely, I'm sure we could do something, we could have some little vents that increase

the airflow around your genitalia, right? And somehow by cooling this area we are increasing blood flow we're somehow increasing blood flow to the brain well and it's probably true if your balls get cold and shrink up into your body yeah there's probably more blood more blood is squeezed towards the brain we could do this yeah do this because you know how like there's some people who like, they just wanna feel like they're doing something properly? Like, you know, they're like, you go, I know, well, actually you could just wear any pants to think.

And they go, look, I'm not, I don't wanna sort of, you know, have to mess with your kind of, your kind of free thinking bullshit. Let's just get some thinking pants if we're gonna do thinking If you told me we were gonna be thinking I would have worn my thinking pants What what so you think so you think it's just an airflow to the crotch what well What what what would you really hypothesis? I know I'm not wearing my thinking trousers right now when I came up with that

So I I'm not in the best state. You know, I mean, I think there would be a heavy material. You're kind of, you're probably trying to tell the person that there's less sensory input coming from the pens. So that, you know, so it's something that you would want to feel less. I got a pair of chinos from the op shop recently. And there was just something about them. I don't know what it was. They were just a tiny bit softer than normal chino material with almost like a little bit of like a little slight fuzz, very, but invisible fuzz all over them. And they just felt so good.

Exactly like that. And they just felt so good, not only to wear, but also to run my hands up and down. I realize that's not, so don't worry about me. I'm not doing this in public. Yeah. Okay, but in private, in the smallest room in the house, I have occasionally sat there and run my hands up

and down my own thighs. Just the tops, not the inner thigh. Again, don't worry. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Everybody's worried about you, Andy. It seems like things are falling apart. I'm fine.

I'm just enjoying a soft, an extra soft pair of chinos. And I wonder, would that be beneficial in some way? Or would that actually be a distraction? Yes, well, I mean, if they feel so good that you're thinking about them, that could be a problem. You want some slightly thicker hair that doesn't feel so good, but also doesn't feel bad. Yeah. I mean, I'm currently wearing a grey jean that almost feels like it is having no impact on my legs whatsoever Mmm, you know it keeps me great temperature

Yep Yeah, but I mean that's good. Yeah, but but you also what I assume you want thinking trousers to To offer something beyond Me a neutrality. They have to have an additive component. I don't, I think the additive component is neutrality that removes distraction. What a beautiful thought, a beautiful thought

that taking things away can actually be adding something. Yes, Andy. Adding freedom. You know, you don't want to be, you're sick of big trousers in getting involved in your life, controlling you. Maybe wearing a full thinking suit would be the ultimate. I do almost picture it being lycra but with just a little hole for the face. It would be a way of wearing thinking clothes but also being able to have civilian clothes on the outside. They're sort of like a thinking long john.

Yeah, yeah. But I do like a corporation, a company that wants its employees to wear this because they've discovered it increases efficiency. I think that's really good. And if it could be made from that shark suit material that Ian Thorpe's clothes were made from at the Sydney Olympics, or maybe that, oh, that thing, I mean, what you're describing is basically the thing I think that Cathy Freeman wore

when she ran her 200 meters. And that made her run faster. And even just in a corporate environment, those small gains can be quite important. If people, when they walk to the photocopier, if they're walking, you know. Less air resistance. Just less air resistance.

They'll get there faster. And your company overheads will collapse, crushing and killing many of your employees, further reducing your costs. Well if you're like Walmart, have you seen that thing where Walmart was taking out life insurance policies on their employees and then when they died they would be able to collect it? No, but that is I think that's lovely. Can you just take out an insurance policy on anybody? Huh? Can I take out an insurance policy on like somebody who I'm like this guy's probably gonna die this year and so then it's just like gambling. And then you're like, you know what?

I think Mike's on the way out and so I'm gonna take out a big insurance policy. Hopefully only have to pay for this year. And then when he dies, I'll be able to collect. I mean, I think it's a lovely idea. I think it's an exciting new frontier in interpersonal relationships. I mean that it doesn't, I think I take them out on just strangers who you don't even really

know is interesting. But is it more interesting potentially to take them out on friends? Not super close friends but people you see occasionally and I hope you don't mind but I've taken out a life insurance policy on you. Yeah I mean is that strange is that odd like why because like do I have to be involved in at all if somebody takes a life insurance policy out on me? I think it's a compliment because um because I think what they're saying is that, well, in a way they're saying, well, if you were to pass, I would feel a sense of loss. And that's a tribute of how much you mean to me.

Wait, if you were to pass, I need a little money to make me feel better, is that what it was? That's right, yeah, that's what it is. I need to be compensated. That's where I was getting, if you'd let's right, yeah, that's what it is. I need to be compensated. That's where I was getting, if you'd let me finish my sentence, that was more or less exactly what I was going to say. But Alastair, I appreciate your impatience,

and I understand you can't be sitting around waiting for me to- Oh, sorry. If you waited for me to finish every sentence I begin- I know, Andy, it's a bit tedious. Where would we be? Sorry. Sorry, I looked at my phone for a second and I

assumed that you had already said it. I would have started something else. I was like, well let's move this along then. Or can I at least get a recap of, you know, previously on. Yeah, exactly. Just give me a little recap. Was that roughly what you were going for? I could sort of tell from a mile off, but you know, I know you love to go through the journey of discovering it. Yeah, I mean, but genuinely, I'm actually interested because it would be, it could be a new way

to make lots of money. But also to put pressure on your friends where it's like, you know, it's like you see them at New Year's and you're like, how are ya? And they're like, good. And you're like, you know, you're really breaking my balls. Uh, but yeah. Really? Good?

Oh, shit. By staying alive like this, I did get a very luxurious insurance policy out on you and it's not cheap. What I love about this is that it's introducing a sort of a sweet and sour element too. Because I think friendships historically we've been too focused on the positive but I think you know if you really genuinely had a great friendship with someone but you also excited for them to die because you get a lot of money I mean that's an exciting new

dynamic there's a there's a tension there there's a fresh song there's an interplay and you know maybe that's maybe that that's what would take things to the next level. How would you trick a friend into going for the physical? Let's say there was a physical for this thing. Because, you know... Oh, sure. How would you sort of frame it to be like, hey, should we go to a, there's this great doctor bar where they, where they, they, you know, they act like

it's a doctor. They give you a full check up. It's called, it's called I want to get physicals. Yeah. They've licensed that song, that Olivia Newton-John song. And they, yeah, that's my contribution to your idea. I mean, Andy, I mean, this is also just a good idea in itself, is really a doctor and a nurse are the only people in society who you kind of go and get naked in front of.

Yeah, okay. And it's a new position that obviously isn't a sex worker. Because they stand in as a sort of, you know, the money becomes, they become your lover. And so it's a kind of, it's not really within society, it's within a small form, short form relationship. Yes, I believe that's how they regard it as well. Yeah, but a New or you know as society we're trying to come up with a new job for somebody with whom you get naked in front of in a professional setting

mmm Yep I mean a bar does feel like a good place where it would happen, but it would have to be like a you know kind feel like a good place where it would happen, but it would have to be like a you know kind of like a You know it's not in the main bar room it would have to be in the back room or something like that You go and you disrobe, you know, maybe the brewer maybe the chemist Yeah, a chemist is very much a... They're adjacent and they're already doing a lot of the... You're taking on some of the roles of the GP to relieve pressure from the health system.

And chemists, let's be honest, they currently do jack shit. They really are a convenience store that makes you wait for no reason. And if they could take on some of the doctor's burden, because there must already be people out there who only do go to the doctors because they just want to get naked in front of somebody. And maybe that could be something that chemists could take on. They're not gonna offer you any medical advice

because they're not really qualified for that But if what you want to do is stand naked in front of somebody The chemist the pharmacist is you don't want to what if you don't want it's still another place where you don't you're not really Happy about it. Okay. Okay. Oh god. Sorry. I'd overlooked that Where you just kind of invented the doctor again No, no, no, I didn't you weren't listening. No, I was listening No, you know, they basically just took the job of the doctor Mmm, okay was it sort of a medical setting Andy?

Forget it forget it. Yeah, I beg to Let's agree to disagree. Let's agree to disagree. I wanna agree, Andy. I wanna agree that what you said was, and you created was another medical setting. Don't you wanna agree with that? Yeah. Yeah, there you go. But why would the guy at the, why would the brewer, why would the brewer need you to be naked? I see what you're, you were unhappy that mine made too much sense and it wasn't hard enough

to make it work. No, because I mean- No, that's fine, and that's fine, Alistair. Let's talk about your brewer idea. I think that you just wanted to answer the question, but you didn't want to find a fun reason for them to... I did find it. It was fun. What was fun? My one was fun.

What was fun about it? Tell me about the fun. Well, for a start, I was acknowledging the fact that there was no medical benefit to it. That you were just standing naked in front of somebody, right? And I think that to go along to the chemist and have them just go glumly into the room and stand there while you take off your clothes and then put them back on again, that is funny to me. And I would also introduce, now these are things

you hadn't even, you weren't listening, were you? Because this is gold. I was listening, I was listening. I'd forgotten a lot of this, but then I think it was because the medical setting had, you know, it was still under a medical setting, you know what I mean? And so they were still, you know,

it was still the gu guise of you know oh well I'm just here to be looked at for medical reasons you can understand why specifically I'd specifically said it wasn't for medical reasons I know but that but that's the only floor in your and I want to agree with you I also want to agree to agree with me as well but I. But I can't, I can't bring myself to. But you know that when you tell people you're going to the chemist, they would think that you're there.

I'm getting naked in front of a professional today. They would think it's under a medical setting rather than under some new setting, like dating or like, you know, maybe it's like a matchmaker. You know, know it's a matchmaker but they see you naked they have to see you naked at a pub yeah for speed dating yeah yeah what about this it's a speed dating thing but everybody is naked but you don't want to be showing your body to everybody at the thing so there's just one guy who's allowed to look

at all the people's naked bodies. Oh okay. And it's the poor, right? And he just looks, he looks in your little booth thing where you're naked and he looks and then he looks at the person across who you're speed dating with and he nods or he sort of, or he just shakes his head but that's not based on his own tastes. First each person whispers into their ear the kind of tastes that they have. Well in my ideal version of your idea, he wouldn't know what you want,

but he would have looked at you naked and then he would go in his simple earthy way, because he's not a complicated man. He didn't really ask for this. This is just for some reason one of the roles that society has thrust upon him as a brewer. He then glumly walks down the hall into the room where another of the speed dating people is sitting and he tries to describe your naked body to them. And he's so good at normally like matching flavors and things like that that I think it's a kind of a it's a transferable skill I

think. You know he just gets a general vibe from your new body and then kind of tries to describe it to you you know it's saying you know well there's notes of nipple hair and you know. Does he lick you? Does he, uh, and, uh, you know, push. Does he lick you? Does he have to lick you? I don't know if he has to lick you. I think he can get everything he wants using his eyes and nose. Oh, that's good.

Everything he wants. Everything he wants and needs. I've already got everything I want, thank you very much. Um, and I think the fact that he's. Um, and speaking of your sex work, sorry, I think the fact that he's not that interested in doing it, I think that, you know, that adds to your comfort in, in, uh, getting nude and, you know, in front of this person. I think that you're absolutely right. You know, he's a, he's a, he's a serious man.

You know, he's a tradesman. He's a. He's a, he's a serious man. You know, he's a tradesman. He's a. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe. Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you.

We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need. Whenever you need it, find your push, find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.

Yeah. Yep. He's just doing a job. Yeah, I do appreciate that. Speaking of your mention earlier of sex workers Alastair, what about this no sex worker, right? And there instead of going along and you pretend that you're in the lustful, frisky stage of your relationship and you'd go and you're just instantly getting at it and that makes up 90% of your time together. One where you go to simulate being in the, you know, deep into a relationship

where you're not always in the mood for that kind of thing. And instead you just sort of lie next to each other, fart probably, apologize. I just, I just think this would be quite a beautiful thing to see. Yeah. You can go and feel like you're really, you know, quite deep into a long-term relationship. Like a 10 years in. You're very comfortable with someone. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you would just do the kind of things that those people would do. But you have to be willing to do all the weird things that people might do 10 years into a relationship or whatever. You know, I think that's part of the fear. So it's like stuff like hiking or something like that.

Or like... That's the fear. You know, you got to be willing to do all that kind of stuff. You know, I think that's a very good idea, Andy. Spend time with their uncles. Yeah, help their dad out of his bed. Maybe you can wash him down. Yeah, yeah that's great. A lot of these. And then you pay them. Yeah. And then you leave. You know Or even just helping take their mother to the mall or whatever.

Now I'm gonna ask you something else, I hope I'm not revealing too much here, but when you're picturing these people, are you picturing them as Japanese? No, I wasn't picturing them as Japanese. Oh, okay. I've been picturing them as Japanese this entire time. The ones I've been describing? There's something about this. Yeah. But also the ones I've been picturing them as Japanese this entire time. The ones I've been describing?

There's something about this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but also the ones I've been imagining. I mean, I think it's very diverse of you. But there's also something about... But there's something about this that feels like a Japanese film. Whenever I've watched a Japanese film, there's always been a lot of very old people not really

talking to each other and sort of slowly going about their lives. And also probably craving some kind of connection. And I think this slots right in there. I mean I think it's beautiful Andy. How many Japanese films have you seen would you say? What you've seen like Battle Royale? Yeah that's the main one. I've watched that heaps. And then what else would there have been that you would have seen? Totoro or something like that?

I have seen the very start of Totoro and then the very end. But it was one of the few movies, if not the only movie my children have watched in the last six years. They have been prepared to watch Totoro and that was a real triumph. We did recently succeed in getting them to watch the Walson Gromit shorts. Yeah. That's also a success. Although it was okay. They got a bit scared and overwhelmed. When his sort of lips went out forward. A close shave. Oh he was shaving? Oh that was a nice one. A close shave. No the one a close shave. Okay yeah I haven't seen any of them.

Oh really? Yeah. You should definitely watch the wrong trousers it is so good. It's just like looking just even looking at it and what it looks like, it just like, it makes me unbelievably bored. There's just so much Britishness. Well, yeah, I'll send you a link to just one clip from The Wrong Trousers, which I think is generally one of the best bits of television ever made. Okay cool. Because I haven't been able to watch any of the other, like any of the sort of the Shaun the sheep things and whatever that all look like they're made from the same animation studio.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Even like, was there was Chicken Run made made by them? Chicken Run was them, yeah. Yeah. I just can't, I just don't know why I can't. them yeah yeah I just can't I just don't know why it's just like you know what I've discovered is that I don't like I am I'm fearful of people from old cultures really there's just there's too many baked in rules and and just dullness Yeah, you know and then so when I told this to somebody they said I think it's culture that you don't like I go Yeah, that's it. I think that's exactly Yeah It's just it's not that I don't like people from other cultures. It's that I don't like people from cultures. Yeah

Yeah, I mean I like a place that's like a new country on you know under 100 years old Where nothing is really you are so lucky you must be so thankful for colonialism Andy I'm I'm not saying that it's all good, but I'm saying that it has fixed some issues that, thank God. It can be a nice refresh, you know? Just empty the cache, empty the history.

Andy, I'm obviously sad about the cultures that it has displaced and wiped out. No, you're not, because a lot of them were very old cultures. Listen, but the culture that it has established, right, I love that it's lost the culture that it came from. Right. You know what I mean? Like, it wasn't able to maintain,

people were free of their British culture, and they were like, okay, well, great, we don't have to maintain. People were free of their British culture and they were like, okay, well great, we don't have to recreate that. They just kept some of the basic bits that were a bit simple. And even that, a lot of people have let them go off, which is great. You would absolutely love the era of space.

You know, when we're finally colonizing other planets, that would be, I imagine that would be very exciting. Where we don't have the burden of a dark colonialist history but we do have that blank slate, you know. None of that old stuff. I mean even just the moment you're on one of those like long traveling ships and there's no, you know like all that there is is some guidelines

from the space agency on how our time needs to be spent and I guess the jobs that we need to do in order to keep the- How to use the space toilets. Yeah, space, but then after that, it's just like, it's all, you can just mold it to your will. You know what I mean? That's gonna be, I mean, that's basically a good reason

to just die in space Well what I I don't Don't know if this is necessarily great fodder for the podcast But sometime I think you and I should go to like a sort of a group counseling session Yeah, I don't I don't have any problems So I don't really need anything counseled about me, but I would like to watch you be, I would like to watch you be counseled

about why you feel this way. Because I can see that in you, and I agree that's something you, and you don't like expectations or constraints being placed on you a lot of the time. Yeah. And so you do, you love that? But then you also,

some of them I don't mind, some of them I don't mind. I mean, I would say the way that you live your life is pretty close to this kind of, pretty close to this kind of thing. Even if you don't, you're not able to name that that's what you feel. It feels like you haven't really. Yeah, but I'm able to watch British television.

That's the difference. Yeah. Mine's not debilitating to the point where I can't even think about watching Wallace and Gromit. Yeah. Like that, yours feels like a real sort of a pathology. Sure, sure, sure. I know, but I think it's like one of those things like, you know, like cultures where you know You like you're raised and you put like, you know spikes through your cheeks and things like that

And so when you're older, it's like it doesn't feel like such a big deal to have to put spikes through your cheeks You know what this is. Yeah, this is a result of you changing cultures at a young age and having to adapt to a new culture. This is entirely what is your suffering trauma. You're a traumatized little boy. You're a scared little man. But I still like new things. I just don't like certain new things that feel restrictive and boring. Yeah. Yeah. And, oh, okay, so you like good things and you don't like bad things.

Well, yeah, but... Sure, that's everybody. But interestingly, I have felt more, like there is a dullness to Montreal as well here, where there's like certain- Yeah? Yeah, and maybe it's just cause it's a slightly older culture,

and I think it's been, cause Canada was settled maybe in the 1500s or something like that, so it's got a few more years on it, you know? Yeah, you're so sensitive to it. You're so finely attuned that we could use you to measure the age of cultures by just seeing how uncomfortable you are around them and how unwilling you are to watch their beloved television...

Sometimes there's certain sentence structures that you hear people speaking in in French here and you go oh that's so old and I actually can't handle it. Have you watched any TV Canadian TV over there? Any free to air? Not a lot there's a little a little bit We've at least tuned into one of the channels and I've seen a few things and I've seen a few clips But not a lot Hmm No, maybe you should give it a go. Yeah, it's hard though. It's hard, but it's all good. It's all good

We work we probably do have five sketches. I don't know how many of them are really sketches, but I guess Um Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, we can just go straight to uh, three words from a listener if you're okay with that, okay Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Now these three words and you're gonna come from a listener called Will sanger Will sanger well, I mean the thing is, I mean it's, it could be Sanger but in Australia that would be Sanger like first the short for sandwich. Is it, is it, is it possible there's a space in the wrong place and

this is actually coming from Will's anger. Do you think he has sent this in right in a state of rage? That he's in here. A red mist has come down. He's become almost a different person Mmm, you know sort of like a blacked out Like a hulk yeah, he's great It could be exactly green in could be that It could be exactly that. Green in. It could be that. Now, do you, now Will has sent in three words from a listener through via our Patreon and

I think that the words are from Will. He hasn't said if they've come from anybody else but there's three of them. Okay. And the first one is ripe for the guessing. Okay. And the first one is ripe for the guessing. Okay. Um, the first word is gestalt. Gestalt? Gestalt? I feel like you use that a lot too. Gestalt. Really? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Let's see. No, the first... I was feeling really good that I'd never done it before.

Oh, I don't think so. I think you probably used it at least three to four times. I don't think so. I think you probably used it at least three to four times. I think I think we need to I need to Transcribe all of the all of the episodes and then start getting a chart of Andy's guesses Mmm, see if I'm getting any better at this Yeah, but also just see like how random your guesses really are, you know Yeah, I think that you're probably just really picking from a pool of about 17 words okay so no the first word Andy is bovril bovril we had this before maybe but the system is hard to it would be very different difficult to beat and I think that if you're picking from 17 words

maybe the listeners are as well No, well, I'm suggesting is that you might have chosen see I'm you I cop a lot of flack for not being able to guess The words yeah, but and and for guessing the same words more than once Yeah, but you often present the same words more than once as well as there because your system's so bad So it's not so crazy. It's not not so crazy I understand that it might be wrong in fact I but I stand a better chance of getting it right by guessing the same words again well go ahead and I do by guessing random words guess the words that will Sanger sent in that last time it'scating. Is that what you're doing or is that the guess?

That's my guess. No Andy, the second word is bau-gel. Bo-rel. Bau-gel. I mean these are great words. Um... Boondoggle? Boondoggle?

No Andy, the third word is bungalow. Oh, that's really good. Bovril, boggle, bungalow. Yeah. What I want to know is, and I might have mentioned this on the podcast before, do the teenage mutant ninja turtles ever refer to the place where they live as the Cowabungalow. Because if not, yeah, I mean there could be a whole new Michael Bay film that might be enough for them to get a whole new film off the ground. Did Michael Bay make any of the Ninja Turtles films? Yeah, but that's well that's my contention.

Yeah right. Feels like he did. Pretty sure he made the newest the newest ones was a right they were they were they were bay joints god oh he made oh yeah he made that one wait let me see hmm that's crazy well because there's a been another one since that one since the 2014 one right but it was more a bit more animated, you know Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it. Let me have a look. Michael Bay. Let's see. I don't know. Wait. I don't see his name anywhere. He definitely, he definitely did. Surely. I can't be just confusing the Terminator. Oh Michael Bay. Yeah yeah yeah. Produced the TMT franchise. CGI and a more transformers like action sequences with a heavy doses of cheesiness. There you go. So he did do it.

Yeah, yeah he did. But produced it. But Megan Fox plays April. Yeah of course. Where else is she going to play? Michelangelo? She could. You know what?

She could and I apologize I shouldn't have laughed. She'd make a great Michelangelo. Yeah. And. That's right Andy. I think you're rightfully correcting yourself. Okay Andy. So now we've got Bovril, Boggle and Bungalow. And Bungalow. You know. Bovral, Boggle and Bungalow.

And Bungalow. You know? Bavral, Boggle, Bungalow. I mean there aren't that many board games that involve a paste. That involves some kind of goo or slime. Goo game. And... Yeah, you know, paste game. Goo game. Yeah.

You could imagine a copy and... It's a game called cut and... yeah, well I was gonna say cut and paste. It was a copy and paste. Yeah, well I was about to say copy and paste, but you could involve it involving, you could imagine it involving copying and pasting, but I guess like, what would be the game? So let's say, is it like a guessing game? And you've got some paste, you gotta shape the paste

in a way and then you gotta got to guess what country you're making. I mean, this is awful obviously, Alistair, but you get some sort of goo and every... It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, uh, Boulder Dash. It's like Who Knew It with Matt Stewart, right? But and but you and what the game the game box contains is a whole lot of Sort of molds and pressings of Body parts of famous celebrities. Okay, right or people from history. Yeah, you know Gandhi's ear. Okay Robespierre's knee.

Okay. Somehow we've got these as 3D plaster casts made from goo. But then everybody in the group, they get a bit of goo like this and they get to press it over their equivalent body part. And then they're all put back into a tub and laid out in a line. And everybody has to guess which ones are the body parts of the famous celebrity.

And if you can trick somebody into guessing your part as being Antoine de Saint-Expery, the author of The Little Prince, and get people to think that that's your butthole is his butthole, then you get a point. Andy, as a person who's made quiz questions and you've seen the low bar at which people are capable of answering questions. How many well-known body parts of people do you think there are? Yeah, that's the, I mean... I mean, I guess the famous person's body part. Yeah, no, look, I like it.

I think, yeah, I'm not going to brook any criticism of this idea. No, no, no, of course, Andy. I think yeah, I'm not gonna brook any criticism of this idea. No, of course Andy I was thinking a game that is very similar obviously, but it's instead of Body parts. It's it's just guess the fluid right and what you've got is really good. You've got a liquid in front of you I'd rather have a liquid in front of me. Yeah, it's called a front. It's called a bottle in front of me It's the day it's the game over the game, right? It's a thing and then so you've got you've got like a clear liquid right? That's your base and maybe water right and

You've got a bunch of colors and you've got some thickening and thinning agents Okay, great copy and paste here Here we go. Okay, and then Let's go guess the fluid and then yeah, so it's like it's like pictionary rules Right, so you're given a fluid and then you've got it quickly created making it thicker and things like that. Yeah. Yeah. And then you just keep going, you're adding red, they're like blood, blood!

You're like no. You keep adding, you're making it thicker, they're like lava? You're like no. Yeah. Oh, I made it too thick. Oh, I made it too thick and you started adding the thinning. Oh, my lanta. It's my lanta

Yes Don't think hemoglobin liquid are you got me any you got me I just couldn't think of us of a third red liquid Yeah, I love it all theistair. Should it be called Lick-shu-nary? Liquid-shu-nary? I mean, guess the fluid is the name I had. Okay, all right. A bottle in front of me. Oh yeah, or a bottle in front of me.

That's very good. I think copy and paste would also make a great name for a cop duo. Yeah One of whom it has the ability to take on the form of any Creature or object that's copy. Okay Is he cop II? Well, that's good too Paste copy paste and paste and paste is a paste. That's, that's paste.

Like a tub, like a tub of like sort of like primary school glue? Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, and what is, what is this sort of, you know, you know how every cop show needs its own sub-genre now. Yeah. Oh, does it? What do you mean? Give me an example of that. Well, like, you know, like some of them will be, this is about sexual crimes, or this one is like we're investigating. Oh, sure. Yeah, no, these are sexual crimes. These are sexual crimes again. These are... This is...

One of them... One of them can take any physical form of one of them such as our base. They investigate sexual crimes. So, copy and paste... And what paste? There's just P-A-S-T. T-E. T-A-S-T. Copy and paste and... Not past. P-A-S-T. You had him just as past.

Copy and past. Copy and past. Oh, that one can travel through time. That's a good idea. Or I can take any physical form that can travel through time that's a good idea or I can take physical form but I do I like the purity of the original idea one of them is some paste it's a it's a classic odd couple putty cop thing he can change into anything and he's some paste inside a tin He can be any object you like and he can stick cups of paper. That's why That's the song really good and but and and how would being able to change into anything you like help you solve crimes This is my only question this is your note your executives note I love it. It's a really good idea. But this guy who could change

into anything do we need him? What does he how does he help? He's like, okay, so let's say he turns into an otter or something like that. You know, like the paste guy, I'm like, there's a lot of paperwork in the police force. That's going to be useful. They're going to need to stick things up on the wall or whatever. But again, this shape shifting, God like character, God like character, but who's not a very good cop. This shape-shifting, god-like character. God-like character, but who's not a very good cop. Yeah. I guess it comes- Well, well, well, well.

But he's just good enough to stop himself from being fired. Just because it's- Yeah, that's right. It must be quite difficult for cops to completely get fired, right? He doesn't get results, but he does get result. He has, you know, singular. He will get one. Oh no, he has got one. That was his first case. He got result. I mean, that is the thing, isn't it? It's very, it is very hard for

cops to get fired. You see the absolutely insane and awful shit that bad police officers do and the extent to which they close ranks and defend each other and yeah. I mean it's a government job, you know, it's just You're more likely. Yeah, we're likely to just get to keep it nice and secure This wouldn't want it. Like I think if I got if I was a cop and I got called out to things I'd be like I Don't want to I don't want to go out Yeah, no, and then I just probably wouldn't Don't hide in the toilet figure out how long I could go without having to go to anything.

Pretend you've locked yourself in the cells again. I'd love the paid training. I'd love the paid training. Would you? Yeah. Would you really? I mean I'd love to get trained to be a cop. I don't want to have to do it.

But as soon as they're like, oh, got to go go out in the road and like Guide traffic with our hands or whatever like that Yeah, I'll be like talk to the toilet Horrible things. Yeah, I think going to the toilet could save you, you know And then I wonder how long I would get until I had to So I just got fired because I didn't want to do anything Should we wrap up the we'd rather you were out there using unjustified violence. That's what they'd say. Yeah. You go out into the beat.

I was like, how many tickets did you give out today? They go, none. I was like, I don't know. I almost gave a ticket out but then it looked like the guy was coming And so I put it away Think there's something else there we've done it we've done it bloody done a perfect episode we've had we've had thinly filed disagreements

Well, it won't it won't sound like it once you hear all these sketch ideas Andy listen to this we've got the lateral the lateral cheeks or the spitting butt cheeks the lateral one for those who love to wipe and the spitting butt cheeks are for those who hate it but you still have but still have to do it. Then we've got the I can't let you leave to go to the toilet again dinner party. I've had a dinner party where everybody goes to the toilet. Like over the night?

There's just one person left at the table. No, no, no, no, no. Simultaneously they all just keep leaving. Nobody really wants to be there. I mean, you know,, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And then we have Thinking Pants, the new product that we're gonna advertise. Then we have the taking a life insurance policy out on a friend. Then we've got the new job where you can be naked in a professional setting, the brewer matchmaker. We just thought it was necessary. Then we've got the no sex worker. Then we've got the guest, the famous we've got the guests famous persons body part andy the beautiful. Yes new game

Thank you, and we've got guests the fluid another beautiful game And then we've got copy and paste The news show where they investigate sexual crimes Mm-hmm Perfect episode Andy crimes. A perfect episode, Andy. Perfect. We absolutely did it. We delivered. And meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Thank you meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow Thank you so much for listening to, the Instagram that Alistair and

I are doing with our friend Peter. There's more cartoons coming soon. It's very fun. It's a great joy. Do we have a link to that in the show notes? I don't know. If not, we should. Oh man, we should get one. Yeah, that's a great idea, Andy. Yeah. Alright. Well Andy, it's been such a joy. And we...

Oh, it has been a joy, Alistair. We... Love... You... Bye. Bye.