Two In The Think Tank - 458 - "BOT SLOP"

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!Pants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh Hello and welcome to tune the think tank show we can't with five ideas Mm-hmm as you may becoming aware. I am Andy and As I am informing you perhaps for the first time, I am Alistair George William Trombley-Burchill. Welcome to episode, oh, I've written down 158, but I think we're closer to 458. Me and my flawless systems.

Yes. Now why, Alastair, why don't we call this this this this kind of thing, why can't we call it a mind orgy? I mean, or a mind fuck, really it is your mind and my mind. Melding and tweaking each other's minds nipples. Yes, and producing a very small amount of debatable quality output. Yes. Just a little squirt. Which is our sort of baby butter. Yeah, well no, that's our sketch ideas.

Oh yes. But I thought that's what the butter was. I was just trying to find a way of saying semen in a nice way. And you did. And you did. Viscous like butter. Is baby butter... A real expression. Is that a common phrase? No, I've heard baby batter.

Baby batter, which feels more accurate. But that doesn't speak a truth for you and I. No. Who produce a much more paste-like, oily... Ours is more like a seals milk a very high. Yeah You know based on our diet of finishing off other people's plates off of the things that they won't eat like the fat off Of things, you know, I guess that would be like the fat, you know for me It'd be like the fat off of meat and stuff like that for you would be like the fat off of a carrot

And what that does is that produces a very rich, very nutritious food that the sperm are able to survive a long period of isolation like a baby penguin. Yes, it feels like it's only a matter of time. They can survive through the winter. It's only a matter of time before bodybuilders are knocking at our door for the stuff so that they can get those extra gains. Do you think there's ever a bodybuilder looking for losses? Well, it depends on what you mean losses of Alastair. Probably...

Losses of liquid. Losses of liquid, indeed losses of fat. Losses of the anxiety that drives them since childhood when they were made to feel small and inadequate. Okay, how about this? It's brain building. Losses of their ability to walk through a door normally. With them having to turn slightly to the side. Yeah. Losses of their need to inject themselves

with the various things. Do you know how widespread that the hormone and like you know the the you know steroids and stuff are it's basically anybody who has any bigness is basically using it's that crazy yeah it's it's like that being nasty being natural is just one of the most uncommon things in somebody who is has bulk. Oh well. Andy, what about this? Good on them. What about this? Brain builders.

Oh yes, why do we have brain builders? Exactly. Yes. Why do we have... These are not people that are good at remembering things, but they do just, they put in more information, a higher density of information, and they take supplements that make their brain capable of accepting more stuff.

And their brain does develop and get bigger, and it starts to push out through the microcracks in the brain. Yeah. You know? And so you get this. And what. And what about the eyeballs appear more bulging out? Yes, the eyeballs appear more bulgy. Yes, the ears start to not quite cauliflower, but it's very difficult to tell the difference between a cauliflowered ear and an ear that's just got its insides being pushed out. Well, it's turning into an outie. You know, ears like belly buttons, the majority of them are innies, but like how in a pregnant

woman the belly button can invert and become an outie, so it is with a mind pregnant with knowledge and wisdom. Oh, so much wisdom. Scary amount of wisdom. I'm a threatening amount of wisdom. Yeah. Like the kind of wisdom you wouldn't want to meet in an alleyway in the middle of exactly right.

Yes. People have to step out of the way when they see. Give me all your money or else it'll corrupt you and direct and affect where you lay your priorities. Getting mugged by a bunch of brain builders. I mean do people get mugged by bodybuilders? Yes Andy, but the body that they built was the body of a gun that they had in their pocket. The body of a gun. You know like a military guy sliding all the pieces in and out and all that. I'm sure when a criminal is at home cleaning his gun, taking it apart, putting it back together to make sure it functions very well for the

big day, where the big mugging that they're going out for tonight. Now, why has nobody yet invented a fist gun or a punch gun, you know? It's not as violent as a regular gun, but it has six or seven or eight large heavy fists loaded into a rotating chamber that can be fired at a victim at faster than the speed of a regular punch, but not quite as fast as a bullet. Because it's big and not aerodynamic It's a yeah It's a great idea Thanks, and and so then you would carry it Would you carry it like sort of?

Up your sleeve like one of those guns like the guy in taxi driver, you know And so you've got it and inside under the sleeve. There's a full-sized fist under the sleeve there's a full-sized fist. It almost looks like you've got actually a false hand and your real hand is just hidden on the inside. People are like, why is that guy pretending to have hands at the regular height? No, he has a punch gun. I mean this would be a great superhero, right? Each of his forearms, he's called, what's he called? I guess maybe he's called um what's he called i guess maybe he's called punch gun we'll work on this but each of his forearms is replaced by a big spinning um chamber like you would have or what's it barrel what no what's it called the bit that rotates chamber like you would have on a gun. Yeah, maybe the chamber's in.

Go. Magazine? No, that's not it either. Spin this, you spin the thing. Anyway, he has a big rotating thing with different fists in each hole. And after he's punched, like so the fist comes out of the hole, right? And then it spins around to the next the next one and then the next next fist punches out yeah you lost you lost interest in that no no no I mean yeah no I didn't lose interest

you know I was I was looking forward to hearing what happened when that when it turned again and then with that what that fist was gonna do, you know? Um. Um. Uh. I was just saving my excitement. Yeah. I mean, I don't wanna blow, you know,

blow all my excitement on one fist and then the subsequent descriptions of each one doing the same thing. Um, but I was thinking that maybe it would be great because one of the problems with sort of a lot of these combat sports is that they're never able to use guns on each other. But what if it was a form of boxing where it's,

you know, you do it at high noon and it's in a ring and you've each got two fist guns like that. Yes. On your hip. So good guns like that. Yes. On your hips. So good. Like that. And then you've only got 10 punches each until you run out of bullets and then you punch each other.

Oh. And of course. Then you have unlimited punches. Ten. Well, or at least until you're tired. Plus unlimited punches. Yeah. And so then, and then, but then of you've got you've got to wear the gloves

And so that's why the trigger has to be really big Because you've got those big parts hard Yeah, so but the gun already has to be big because the fists are big and the chamber has that Yeah, I mean are the the fists, do they have gloves on? Or are the gloves that you, I mean, what would be incredible is if we discovered that actually there was a loophole in the rules of boxing. The rules of boxing say that there's no,

you can't use guns, it says that in the thing. And it says that your fists must have gloves on them. But it doesn't, that's your fists. But you can have a gun that shoots fists and those fists don't have to have gloves. And that's why this makes such a big difference to the sport. It really changes things.

Well, yes, of course they're also known, another expression for you know for fighting is throwing hands and it says you're only allowed to throw hands but it doesn't doesn't specify they have to be your hands and so if you other people's hands and as long as they're all there you can come with a sack a Santa's sack on your back and and as you can go in you can jab them with your own face and then as they go to jab you you run backwards and reach back into your Santa sack and you throw a couple of you know maybe the fists of your own you know Sonny

Liston or or Muhammad Ali or maybe even George Foreman, who's obviously chopped up his living fist to give to you. His still living fist. Well, I mean, if you, maybe you could use it. His still beating fist. Oh, very good. Very good, Alastair. But would you, I mean, he might even be able to have his still reattached

after the fight. You know, it might just be a loner. Yes, well it's like when you're sampling songs, you know, and making music and then you've got to give a certain number of the money that you make to the people whose song you sampled often way too much And that'll be the same thing if you manage to Throw one of one of his fists, then you have to give him a big cut of your purse Yes, I Yes. Ah, yes. I mean, do you think, is that one of your genuine opinions that people who sample songs

have to give too much of the money from their song? I think that if you sample a song without first getting permission, then they basically can almost ask for anything they want because they can just they can just cancel You know, they can basically just stop you from releasing the song Yeah, so and so what I do is they re-record a version of that song and They create a kind of a fake sample Which is then you only need to do a kind of like a cover fee, which I think is a couple of grand.

I've been getting a lot of this stuff in my algorithm recently. I mean, that's a, it's a new, it's an exciting new, um, part of social interaction is that, you know, if you actually ever talk to a real person, you can get together and you can compare algorithms I'll show you mine if you show me yours I mean it would be good to good to do a complete maybe just for a complete algorithm swap you know like we don't I don't think I don't want to do a digital detox. I, you know, I'm sick of being in my bubble butt. What I might like is to be in somebody else's bubble.

One of my favorite songs. I'm sick of being in my bubble butt. Trying to perk me up by just mentioning secretly, like using neuro-linguistic programming, to like by using sentences that contain some of my favorite things to perk me up. Yes, I'm secretly having an enjoyable conversation with you. Yes. It doesn't seem like it, and you can't explain why,

but you're enjoying talking to me Yeah, and Al this other thing that this other idea I had I was thinking about going to the shop masturbating into a toilet and then Then buying a new iron buying a new iron. See what you don't know is that Alistair loves buying new irons. They won't, your people you know and love won't be able to explain it, but suddenly they'll enjoy talking to you. They will no longer dread your interactions. You secretly mention the things that they love while you're talking about something

else. Something that interests you, talking about whatever you want to talk about. But by subtly and repeatedly mentioning things that they like, I mean this is genuinely... The other day my child at school, a stranger running there, this nails down your back It was a very good grade and I was very proud of them. I Mean this is what is this is this is this sort of almost what social media is that you you trawl through it? Hoping to see something that you like amongst a lot of shit that other people want to say

see something that you like amongst a lot of shit that other people want to say. I don't know. Yeah. Probably not. I mean it's probably just interactions, probably just what life is. Except with the- Life is trying to- Except the way that you're doing it now. It's almost like, what is this? It's like picture in picture, or it's like ads,

putting entertainment amongst the ads. You gotta give people a reason to keep listening. It just wakes up their brain a little bit and they go, oh, this doesn't interest me. And then they go, wait a second, it's like when a dog hears the word walk. And they're like, what did he say? Hang on, hang on, they are listening so attentively. You have my attention. Have you seen those um now that I'm an ad guy Alastair I'm always on the lookout but you know those those sort of that cliche thing that's like sex now that I'm an ad guy, Alastair, I'm always on the lookout. You know those sort of cliché things that's like, sex, now that I have your attention,

bladie bladie blah. Be a good one for like, dentist sticks, you know, those things you wouldn't know about these, but you can get these things for dogs that are supposedly good for their teeth. They don't taste great, but they chew on them and they're good for their teeth. Don't taste great, but they chew on them and they're good for their teeth. Yeah, don't taste great like other dog food Like you just you know a lot of the dog food you just end up eating it yourself, but this one yuck My teeth my smile is great, but yuck

It's never looking better This is a poster that says walkies exclamation mark now that I've got your attention Dentist XR something something something you know so the joke being alastair That the dogs can read to the poster yeah But they're hardly interested if it mentions walkies It's good yeah, I like dogs have learned to read, but maybe only the word walkies. Yes. Yeah, I think like...

Only read a few words. Are there any animals that can read? Hmm. Uh, horses can count. That's numbers. Hmm. Um, can you, can you get a horse to clop out certain letters? Like on the ground? Like writing them, you mean?

Just clop. The only instrument they have is to clop, Auntie, and they're communicating letters through clop. Occasionally a clip. Clop clip? CLIP CLOP. Well no I think it's I think I don't think you can have all CLOP I think it's I think it's a 50-50 there's a I think there's a sort of a balance between clips and CLOPs it's a one-to-one right? It's a one yeah maybe you're right but but you could get a kind of Morse code maybe Maybe we just using clips and clops Mmm, you heard yeah, it's binary. Maybe you could get them to do some computing. That's right You could you could get him to rot you an app

Clip clip clip clip because you've heard about this horse So it was like an amazing counting horse and it could count up to a number that the crowd Of course and do you know like how apparently how it worked? Well I think we've talked about this on a recent episode. On a recent episode that it was like the yeah that it was somehow the it could feel the the crowd like oh my god you've reached the number. Anticipation or whatever and then it would start that kind of thing but that but with writing apps using binary and it can tell when it is when people are enjoying the user experience of the app it's doesn't it doesn't know what it's

doing all it knows is when the audience is relaxes because they are not struggling with the UX. Of this new app that it just coded out. Yes a beautiful beautiful sketch idea. I'm writing it down now. Horse that clops out a nap. Well, what about this? Bot farm, but it's an actual farm. And it's, there's a, you know, an earthy farmer who goes out into the fields and maybe feeds slop to the bots.

Oh, they're not growing out of the ground, but there are a bunch of bots that live in the dirt in the sort of you know yeah and they just walk around is it yeah okay I like that yeah yeah. A nice bucket of bot slop. Bot slop. Sorry um listeners bot slop is another one of Alistair's key phrases that he loves. Sorry I'm gonna I have to go masturbate into a toilet now. I'm gonna have to go and buy an iron. Um, bot slop is probably the total of this episode isn't it? Yeah probably yeah it's probably gonna be another low listenership episode as a result.

I'm sure they're all becoming low listenership episodes, Andy. I think what they're gonna do is they're gonna be relieved when they discover that the episode is not in fact about diarrhea. Because I think that's what they'll be assuming and actually... Oh yes. Butts. They don't be confusing it with butt slop. A completely different thing. a completely different substance very similar texture and very similar noise when it falls into a container but It philosophically

Couldn't be further and so where do you think that this so this spot is different as a clip and a club be further. And so where do you think that this... So this bot... As different as a clip and a clop. You think these bots, so this bot farm, these bots are kind of, they're sort of creating the new bots themselves but I guess it would take a long time because bot making is probably a long process and so they start off small and the sort of the parent bots are kind of bigger and they use the slop as materials to help build the smaller bots. The liquid is there as lubricant so that they can continue to move. Now I think that the mother bots, they probably, instead of having nipples, they have little mouths up

and down their front and they lie back. And the baby bots come and the mother bots, through their mouth nipples, spout hate and right-wing troll speak into the... Now the mouths are actually ears. The mouth ears of the baby bots. So the bots, where we have our mouths, they have ears. And they go there and they listen to the hate and things like that, to the talking points,

to the Russian talking points and things like that. And then the mother lays there and she's got a bunch of mouths along her belly. And then they go and put their ears up against the go. Yeah, they do say that. That sound comes out through their nipples on their chests. Because they can't quite form the hatred quite yet. Yeah. But it's not that far from the quality of the stuff that the right-wing propagandists are... Very true. Oh, are out putting, is it? Very true.

Are really any propagandists, Andy? What do you think? Do you like what, left-wing propaganda? No, I don't makes me feel sick makes me feel actually even worse Yeah, I don't like any propaganda right wing propaganda. Yeah, I completely agree. Yeah, I mean I'm not even sure what isn't no You know like all that stuff, you know all that stuff now where like, you hear things like, you know, Oh, Epstein was probably working with, you know, some intelligence agency and maybe Diddy,

Diddy was working for the CIA, you know, all these kinds of things. What, people are saying that? Yeah, people are gonna say, Diddy, oh, he must, he was working for the CIA. It's all these things of getting dirt on people so that you got leverage, so that you can destroy people.

But imagine that, imagine that they're like, hey, can you work with these people and then just throw a lot of parties and make people do a lot of messed up stuff. And you can do a lot of messed up stuff too. That'll help. Yeah. Oh, it's fun to think about for sure, doesn't it? You know, that we are in a sort of a, what is it, a propaganda punk universe

where everything is powered by propaganda or by leverage, by blackmail, that is the fundamental operating principle. I mean, we've come up with an entirely scam-based economy in which you still exchange goods and services but only through the medium of scamming people. Yeah, that's good. But I like blackmail as the main form of, you know, you go into the convenience store, you pick up your bottle of milk and your box of cheezels, you pop to the counter, you quickly show the service person at the counter a couple of photos of him with his trousers off in a bush outside a primary school. That's a bit too... he doesn't need that much blackmail for these things so he

quickly shows you a photograph of you pouring waste oil into a protected wetlands and you try off... It's beautiful. It's a black man punk. Yeah. Oh, that's kind of a beautiful world where everybody's just got so much on each other that they just, I guess deep down they just keep quiet. And then you don't need to produce anything more.

You can almost live off of the royalties of the work that you have done. But then I guess every time you wanna do business with somebody new, you either gotta dig up some new dirt on them. Or you gotta buy the dirt. Or entrap them somehow. Yeah, or buy dirt from somebody else. By having dirt on them.

Blackmail some dirt out of somebody. That's good. I think it'd bring everyone closer together. Like it'd be great, you know, so like the families will still work, families will still be the most important unit because you will have known each other for the longest and you'll have the most dirt on each other.

You'll have seen one another at your lowest points and you'll be able to use that. It's almost like a sort of a, like a nuclear packed kind of thing like the the thing of like absolutely sure destruction mutually assured destruction keeps us safer than anything mutually assured character assassination yes until until maybe just like you know like a Russian hacker or something like that gets into our our dirt file and then releases it all on the on the black market. Well I mean there would be a

form of I imagine universal basic blackmail in which everybody has a access to a certain amount of dirt on everyone. Every phone, every toilet has a toilet camera. Yeah, that's right. So everybody can see right into your pee hole at any point, that's the universal basic income of it. And so they can stream that. If you don't want that posted everywhere in town, things like that, you gotta play by the rules, buddy.

But that's also what allows you to, you know, it allows you to imagine that every day. Like you're working in a shop and people just keep showing you photos of your own butthole to pay for brick. And they wanna get you out of brick and mortar and maybe into like an online kind of, an online sort of thing

where where they where you know you can have a bot recognize your butthole and just like do a bot like a butthole recognition device that goes yeah you got it all right here's your bread. But yes you're right a little tap and go sort of system. Delivery driver comes over and you got it like you got to just you got to tip him a little something like it just you just show one of his nipples. Yeah but but also inflation would still work because as people become desensitized so I don't know if it's good for inflation to work. What would happen is that sometimes somebody who's sick of being blackmailed,

they would put out a statement saying, here's my, you know what, I don't care, here's all my, Yeah. Pea hole and butt hole photos. And they put them out, maybe link them on their link tree on their social media or something like that. And so suddenly that currency no longer works on them.

So you have to find something more extreme. Yeah well yeah they're sick of being blackmailed but everybody even people who would say that they would still have something they'd still have secrets that we can use on them and of course you know why oh no I was gonna say the people who have the most the other worst people with the who are most ashamed of their secrets They would be the richest but that's not the case. They would be the most Exploitable yeah, so that's right opposite And so then you would start out you would start a religion create make creating new taboos

So that there was more things they go, you know, like you'll say, oh, this is really to save you, but really it creates more taboos so that you can have, create a more economy to be able to, you know, blackmail them. Of course you're getting them to confess, which is basically that's, and then when they pass around the plate,

the plate, you actually just tell one of your secrets in there. Mmm, whisper a secret into the plate. Yeah, you whisper a secret, which is now starting to sound like a Jack Drew's sketch where he, there's a can that brings you money, but all you gotta do is whisper some of your secrets into the can. That's a Jack Drew's sketch. I haven't seen this sketch.

Oh, go check it out. I appear very briefly on it if you go to Jack Jack Drew's on I'm sure if you just google Jack Drew's can secrets Into maybe YouTube you google it into YouTube Okay, and you'll find it Google it in YouTube now and let's see with body bit bodybuilders as they become more and more muscly Yeah, they also become less and less mobile, right? Like they, and which I imagine somehow makes it harder to gain muscle at a certain point

because you're becoming... What the freaking hell? Sorry, my phone just woke up. Sorry, okay. It was the AI on my phone woke up and then started saying yes, yes. Yes, yes, whatever. It's because I would have said Google, that's probably what it was.

But yeah, so as you become more muscular, you become less mobile. Yeah, there would be a little bit there where you are getting more mobile and you know Like it'll be easier to get around and you'll have less, you know, you'll have less fat You'll be leaner and things like that. And then eventually it'll just start becoming an encumbrance But I think the ideal body I imagine for a for a bodybuilder is just an enormous rectangular slab of muscle that has to be

wheeled on to the stage of the bodybuilding competition in a Hannibal Lecter style bulges and then is wheeled off again. I wonder if maybe the the ultimate would be that your hands are out like in a star shape and so are your legs. And all the gaps in between are filled and you're basically a circle. You're basically a disc. And they can just, from off stage, from behind the curtain, they can just roll you onto stage and just essentially kind of cartwheel across the stage. And then hopefully land on your, you know, maybe a guy, the guy who's judging or the

guy who's holding the mic and he's doing all the talking he catches you And then yeah, how props you up there? And then the disc gets a little bit bigger and it sort of swells and he spins you around and he lets you See the back of the back of the disc heads and tails. Yeah Yeah, and and then there were there would be a great thing where I guess you could have a secondary activity that isn't exactly bodybuilding but the other bodybuilders could grab you and then sort of discus you across maybe into a pool or something like that yeah and

hopefully you land on your back rather than on your front where you will sort of drown. Unable to. Sure, you'd be very difficult to flip over I imagine. Very difficult, you probably suction onto the water, you know the water tension or whatever the water surface tension. Yeah.

I mean you'd need a bunch of groupies or your fellow bodybuilders to sort of jump on one side of you and hope that they can sort of heave you over like a like a capsized yacht. Well yes of course they I mean they could also stack all the bodybuilders up on into a pile like that into sort of a tower and then one of the bigger bodybuilds could jump and you could sort of play pogs with them. Oh Right, maybe he would wear a sort of a sort of a hardened suit that would give him a tiny bit more weight and he would jump off of like a some kind of land diving board onto the You know, you don't see the land body of diving board onto the... you know you don't see the land body of the diving board that much you know you don't and you don't you don't see the human POG you don't see POG POG based technology making it into many other sports the human pog you know because the idea of getting hit so hard

that you flip over onto your back you know I think there's something kind of exciting by that I'm sure they would be yeah you never see the pogs you know get all that hurt so imagine that there's probably a way in which, you know, to do it so that it's, it's essentially like a fake, like a WWE wrestling, you know? I mean, there's still some pain obviously, but it's the athleticism and the, maybe it could just be a part of WWE, you know, in that ring. And those are the guys that probably seem like they're the best, they're already on steroids and they're the best trained for those kinds of stunts. Are they still basically a circular human being with all the gaps filled with muscle or are they now just men throwing one another onto each other, themselves onto each other

and hoping to flip the other one over. Yeah, I mean, obviously the round shape would make it more pog like, you know, I think it may be, maybe they don't have to be full muscle, but maybe there can be a suit, a pog suit of some sort. And you know, instead of the battle royale or the sort of the cage match or whatever like that, they all just wear a big round sort of frisbee like suit. Oh, that's nice, I like that a lot.

You know, and then they try to pog each other out of the ring. Yes. So it's still battle royale rules, but just more pog like. In pog form. The ultimate form. Yeah. No, I adore that. I also can imagine a new form of fighting in which your back has to be on the ground at all times.

Right? So you're sort of, you're both lying on the ground and sort of sliding and scuttling around and towards each other and just trying to flip the other one over, sort of like a rhinoceros beetle does when they fight. It's kind of the opposite of wrestling. I think you want to pin somebody's shoulders down on his back, I think. It's like the opposite of wrestling, reverse wrestling.

Yeah, yeah. But you can't try to, you can't go onto your front to try to lift them up. You got to do it from your back as well. Mm, exactly right, yeah. And you basically, I guess you're becoming, it's sort of like a spatula battle. Maybe you're both dressed up as eggs,

and maybe you have sort of gloves on your hands. But your arms and legs are dressed up like spatulas. Like spatulas. Yeah. You know what I was like, man, some days you're the spatula, some days you're the egg. Yeah. But, and you want, you're trying to make the other person over easy.

That's right. Yeah. And so you've got, you're wearing the thing, you've got the yoke on your belly. On your belly, yoke on your belly. Yeah, you got the white, you got the egg white going over your head and all the way down to your sort of, over your sort of, your crotch and stuff like that. But then each leg is like, and an arm is either like black or red or blue or whatever. It's like one of these silicone spatulas. One of these classic spatula colors. Yeah, well I got a red spatula at the moment. Black, red or blue.

I got a red spatula at the moment, so I'm trying to, you know. It's just so funny to me that you tried to, I don't know, the color of spatula. Do you know what it is? It's because, it's because, this is actually from the silicone people who are there. They've developed this sport as a way of promoting how silicone is really the only form of cooking wear at the moment that we don't have enough evidence to say that it's bad.

You know? Yes, we haven't yet. The chips haven't landed or whatever. The what is it? There's some expression about that. Well, we, we, we don't yet. Yes. We don't yet have the information.

We do know that it will come and the information will be that it does cause cancer, but it hasn't arrived yet. And we're in a Goldilocks period with the beautiful golden age. The bears haven't come home yet. Basically. Yeah. The bears haven't come home yet. Basically. Yeah. The bears haven't come home to roost. So we're still able to Goldilocks.

We're in the beautiful Goldilocks zone of, of, of, of silicone egg flipping. And that's what this reverse wrestling sport celebrates. Celebrates, yes celebrates. We simultaneously celebrated there Alastair. Now dare I suggest it's possible we have five sketch ideas. Let me look Andy, one, two, three, four, five, six, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. Yep, we have five. Oh, that bodes well for the quality of these ideas coming into the podcast. It's actually a surprisingly good quality to the epic.

For what we do. For this podcast that was a pretty good episode but we can still fuck it up here Andy with the three words from a listener Andy now you might not know this but we have listeners and some of them donate on patreon and are good enough kind, generous enough to give us $3 that allows us to allow them to give us suggestions for three words from a listener and this listener Andy is Keith Barnes. Keith Barnes. Keith Barnes. What a reliable name. Yeah that's right. You know and and there's actually been recently a little bit of discussion in the discord about the name Keith. To the point where we had

a whole side tank episode about Keith's. Yeah about the town of Keith and the Keith Institute. But Keith Barnes could very well be another of the businesses in in the town of Keith. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a Keith Barnes could very well be another of the businesses in in the town of Keith I wouldn't be surprised if there was a okay could Barnes could be a place where you would store all your Keith's That's of course the Keith's What I love about Keith's is it's such an inclusive name it's it's so gender neutral Beautiful name for both a boy or a girl or a non-binary person Or an institute or an institute. Yeah or a town or an object even if a chair was called Keith

You would it's almost Keith There's an eye in the right place almost There's an H in there. There's an E-I combo which is similar to the A-I combo, functionally basically the same thing. You know? Yeah. You know?

Yeah, no, you're absolutely right You know, so if anyway Keith has sent in three words from a listener and I believe in the in the message They confirmed that that that that that listener was Keith Barnes Sure, you know, they're already implied they're already up with you know, this kind of Two in the think tank parlance. I'm so honored really that listener they said Well, I think this is a great new thing and and and maybe this would save a lot of time on the podcast if when you Do send in your word and clarify if your word comes from you which listener it comes from Yeah, yeah. The listener, you could just say, use this,

if you need a sort of a bit of a form, a form guide, say the listener that I am submitting words from is me, and then write your name down in case, in case you haven't sent it through sort of a kind of thing where your name gets transferred automatically. Or so I don't have to look up sort of three to four centimeters so that I know who that's from. But even in this email that's opened up from Keith Barnes, which is a message from Patreon, I can see Keith Barnes name at least three times with barely without moving my eyes. But a fourth time would really seal the deal.

When you die, if you do get shown that sort of pie chart style breakdown of what the various things that you spent your lifetime doing. Things like waiting in elevators or you know hugging your loved ones, whatever, how many years that all added up to. I think there's going to be a few two in the think tank listeners wincing when they get to the slice of pie that is how many years of their life they spent listening to this bit of the podcast between when we go to Three Words for a Listener and when we actually reveal the words for a listener. That is going to really fucking...

Al developed this passion for finding a way to talk about which listener had sent him the pie chart. And they have to explain this to the to the Archangel that's showing them the pie chart. And this is the time that you could have spent with your children or you know, holding the hand of a loved one. Anyway, so Keith Barnes sent in the words from Keith Barnes and there's three of them. Would you like to guess what the first one is? Um, okay. The first word is zipper. Zipper? No, the first word is zipper. Zipper? No, the first word is billion. Okay. Second word is dollar.

Andy, the second word is motherfucking dollar. Oh, billion dollar. Now, what's the third word? Baby, billion dollar baby. We had million dollar baby. I'm going to word baby billion dollar baby we had million dollar baby i'm gonna go with billion dollar baby is that your face oh andy oh the closeness that you are are at it's billion dollar maybe billion dollar maybe okay billion dollar maybe okay I mean that would be great if if you when you make deals like when you're a parent if you could make deals with businesses let's

say you're a government maybe or you're a business and you say well we're gonna give you this contract and we agree to the things you know to the to the to the requirements of this contract and if you provide it to us we will maybe build that highway. Oh I do like that. The maybe clause. Introducing a bit of gambling into gambling for governments. We have placed some pretty big good news people of Australia we have recently placed some pretty big, good news people of Australia, we have recently placed some pretty big bets on the possibility of highways being constructed.

How about this, what they do is, they go, the government does this as a way of saving money right so they they say if you built this thing we will maybe give you this money and it's really big and the government is mandated that they have to honor a certain percentage of these deals oh so you flipped it around now I flipped it around do you prefer that or do you prefer the other one no I definitely prefer the first one. Okay Because it's just it's just fucking it's just silly. Yeah. Yeah But I think you could get you could get Australians in on this because we love a punt as a People and what could be more representative in our representative government than the government starts taking a chance, feeling alive, you know, and wouldn't it be great when we all show up to the opening

of the highway, right? There's just a big large sheet that's laid down over sort of 126 kilometers. And we're standing, all standing there, holding our little tickets saying, come on highway, come on highway. Sorry, come on highway is another of Alistair's key phrases. Oh, I love a road wank. Oh, I love a I love a road wank

You're a member of the two foot high club The one foot high club cuz I know I'll now drive a mini No, the one foot high club would be I guess if you're sort of having sex on a Lamborghini? Yeah maybe, yeah a mini or a mini moke. It'd be very hard to get down into this the footwell. To the floor there, but that's where I'll do it. I just lay my back on the ground there in that gap and I'll just let somebody bang my butt. Bang my butt. Somebody ah ah. Just to be allowed in a club. Bang my butt.

It's so uncomfortable. Both bits. Okay. Um, yeah. Well I think that's a great sketch idea. I think in many ways we did it. Yeah, I think also you could do a sort of a boxing match where it's sort of like a lucky dip. It's sort of like the candidate in a box where both contestants, in the red corner, we have no idea, and in the blue corner, also not clear.

They're just both in fridges. All you know is that there's somebody that can fit in a fridge. Yeah, and then they emerge from the fridge and the fight starts. But you place your bets basically before the fridges are opened. Yeah and then it's like. It's what makes this real gambling. And then it's like one of the Klitschko's you know like maybe like the guy who's like

the the mayor of Kiev now in Ukraine, former heavyweight boxer, books boxing champion, maybe Vladimir Klitschko and then they open up other one, and it's like a chimpanzee. And this is, and then they're like, holy shit, this is gonna be good. The might be claws. But I just wanna go back to the side of the road as we're all standing here holding drinks. The Australians from the state have all come together for this.

And then people, all the, my mom's in the other room really laughing hard at something. Yeah, she's got a great laugh. I wonder if she's listening to the podcast. Can you hear it? Hello, Lynn. Well, you can't you know, she can't hear you but And then there's on the other side there's all the bureaucrats and they're ready to pull off the the blanket Sheet over the thing and they pull it off No road. It's just a field. It's just a field. There's a couple of cows under there. Oh No, right It's just a field. There's a couple of cows under there. Oh no road! And then Aussies love it. They think it's so funny.

Yeah! Good on ya! Good on ya developer! And then the developer's like, double or nothing? At least we stand a chance to get a double lane highway. This time. Oh, so they also double the size of the highway. It was just never building. Stand a chance to get a double-lane highway This time. Also they also double the size of the highway Isn't that what double or nothing is? I guess that's probably what it means. Yeah. I just assumed it was Also, I mean it was also just the government doubling the amount of money they're gonna put in right? Mm-hmm and and and and From what I can figure out, there's no reason for the developer to ever build the thing. I mean, I guess if they're being good to their shareholders and stuff

like that, they would never ever do it. Sure. I'm sure we could find a way for there to be a chance that it would happen. I think you need something. But also, giving huge amounts of money to private companies for shit that either doesn't work or is never in fact delivered would not be outside of the realms of standard government policy here in the country anyway. Exactly. Yes. realms of standard government policy here in the country anyway. So, yes. Andy, shall I take us through the sketch ideas? Thank you so much Keith Barnes.

Keith Barnes. Let's rip through these. All right, Andy, we got we got brain builders and these brain builders are making their brains real big and the brains are oozing out through the gaps in the skull. And then they're mugging people in the street with wisdom. Then we've got, I wanted to go more into this, so I just wrote it down, but it was like, it was somebody talking about their preparation for going out to mug people.

And actually it's not just, a lot of people think it's just off the top of your head, but actually a lot of preparation goes into, making sure your shoes are in good condition and they're brushing their shoes and they're getting them all done and you know, cause you don't want to run and accidentally have your shoe come off

and things like that or anyway, have a rock stuck in it that makes your shoe extra slippery. Oh no. Anyway, then you got punch gun, of course, and the first, and with that there's punch gun boxing, and of course the fist throwing boxing is sort of a bit a part of that. Then we got the fist throwing algorithm.

What was that? Don't know. Oh, forgot. Don't remember that. Maybe I just wrote a word down. Algorithm. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Oh, I forgot. Don't remember that. Maybe I just wrote a word down. Algorithm. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Secretly throwing a friend's favorite terms into a conversation about something you want. You know, also you want to talk about, sorry, you want to talk about. Yes. Then, the way I'm saying about. Then we have a horse that clops out an app. Then we got the bot actual farm. Then we have a blackmail based economy. Then we have the bodybuilder disc, the final form.

Then we have the WWE Pog form battle royal. Then we have the reverse wrestling spatula limbs and egg torso. Of course we didn't we didn't write down land diving board but that's you know that's just a given and then yeah well that's a bonus. Look I'll just write it down land diving board. It's a good idea. They're going egg to egg and they're in the in and it's in a fry pan by the way I didn't we didn't make this clear but of course the egg to egg, spatch to spatch

mmm and then we've got the maybe claws government contract. Egg wrestling of course can also be done on different surfaces. So, you know, whether it's done on Teflon or stainless steel, it's like tennis. Hmm. Oh no. Oh no, he's sticking to the stainless steel. He's not going to get him over at all. And of course, you can't tear the yoke.

No, but should also, should the ground be pretty hot? Yeah, yeah, obviously. Maybe sometimes it's the bonnet of a car in the sun that they are. Or a public barbecue. Egg wrestling, oh yes. That's nice, that's the sort of the underground circuit, I think. The sort of the bare knuckle version. Yeah, doing it up on that high platform like that. Or you could do it on a slide in a child's playground.

Ooh, the angled flip. You know when those ones that get so hot? Yeah, if you get a metal slide. The kid's gotta be moving pretty quick to not catch fire. Yeah, yeah, you go, sorry kids, we're gonna put on our long johns and pants today to go out into the 40 degree heat so that we can go down the slide. Long johns. My short johns? Are those short johns or long short johns? Forget it, you know what I'm saying. Alastair, we did it, we fucking did it.

A grandfather would say. Are those long short johns or are they short long johns? I prefer johns. Johns. Alright, let's go into the song. Thank you so much for listening to In the Think Tank. Andy, I came up with an idea actually just the other day. You keep being cool by doing that.

I just came up with an idea the other day, which I loved. It's I'm going to I would love to make, like a sort of kind of a rap album, but it's all using news intro music style music, right? Yeah, okay. And the rapping is all in news style voice. News reader style voice. Okay, do you have an example you could give us quickly now or was that something we can look forward to? I have an example of the music but I don't know if it'll play let's see if I have an example of the music you know how I can play it how about look I'll just

add it to the end I'll add the music to the end. This is, I feel ashamed that it's like, it's music that I got done. I had to, I played with one of those AI ones, Music Makers, but, cause I was thinking for an intro of a film, it would be funny to have a very over the top long intro music, you know, while the credits are playing to a news broadcast that just keeps going and going and getting bigger and bigger.

But so I just experimented with one of those AI things, but I'll put it at the end so that people can hear it. There's not gonna be any rapping in it, but you can imagine me doing a really poor job. Thank you so much for listening everybody. And follow Pants Illustrated on Instagram. Yeah, follow Two in Tank. By several copies of Gustav and Henry from our thing.

Follow Two in Tank. Follow Two in Tank. Yeah, are we on Blue Sky? I don't think we are on Blue Sky yet for this one. So let's get us on Blue Sky. I have been occasionally post clips on tiktok and on on instagram over the this podcast if you like listening to this podcast that's good stuff yeah i appreciate you doing that i posted an old clip of uh from teleport as well a little a little

cut down clip of uh some silly uh anti-dyson gear james Dyson. Guys, thanks so much for listening and we love you. Bye bye.