Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - We're going to get the party started right!

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk about the progression of Joey's addiction, karma winning at the softball game, Lee's first time headlining a comedy club, why artists are working their entire career for four years, Madonna's rise and more! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ and get on your way to being your best self. Onnit - for 10% off of Onnit's line of supplements go to Onnit.com and use code CHURCH Fuji Sports - Go to FujiSports.com and use code CHURCH for 10% off their Jiu Jitsu gear and apparel. The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

Let's relax. All right, I'm gonna get the party started right cocksuck. How many edibles did you take? I took one I took one what? It's an abx What do you what do you expect me to do you what do you expect me to do? Okay Next wait till fucking wednesday night Oh, i'm gonna de juice like eight of them. It's gonna be I'm gonna squeeze them in the eyeballs thinking you can't be wake up the next day. You have like red eye. Oh I know this time I'm waiting on this thousand milligram Spray that you spraying him up one time and it's a thousand milligrams a spray grams of spray

What the fuck that's like death. That's like you're walking. Can you imagine? Oh my I was gonna put it up But we probably don't have to do that. I'm gonna put it up. I'm gonna put it up. I'm gonna put it up, but we probably don't have the rights to it I saw this video today of this guy who called the police on himself Because of the animals in the kind of like the paramedics were like just like to sit down with donut like they like If I can't imagine if you hit someone with a thousand milligrams spray, what would happen to them? Fuck them, you know I I like it like it I can't imagine if you hit someone with a thousand milligrams Right, what would happen to them fuck them, you know? Everybody needs to do it one time. Everybody has their own personal Vietnam I'm saying you gotta you gotta go deep once in a fucking while

Yeah, but usually they get to decide that for themselves who? The people yeah, I'm gonna here take this shot of this spray if they say yeah You don't say two words the person who talks loses That would be crazy and if they ask what's in it nothing it's 10 milligrams, that's it 10 milligram to that Fucking guy called him. I called myself. I called the cops on myself a few times when I was snorting coke like three times Jesus How long did it take yourself?

One time I called them twice in one night No three times and they finally told me to put the bag away and go to sleep Did you oh so did they come out the other two times? Oh, yeah, and would you talk to them one time? I was at my friend's house and I was seeing shadows. I Was so fucked up. I was seeing shadows on coke and booze and and I called the cops I was at my business to pay you to let me snort coke in your house because people were looking for me Nobody was looking for me. Here's my paranoia I'd pay like a hundred bucks and I'd bring a case of beer to your house and fucking snort coke in your living room

And fucking stay there all night. Why you slept with the penis. I feel like you started Airbnb Yeah, I was terrible. You did like a drug Airbnb I checked myself out of a hotel room and kept going into I checked myself out like two hotel rooms and finally settled on the third Like I thought there was somebody in the wall at one hotel Kept going into I checked myself out like two hotel rooms and finally settled on the third Like I thought there was somebody in the wall at one hotel I thought there was fuck, you know, you have no idea what drugs do to your mind I think about those times and I'm like that's gonna come back to bite me in the ass somewhere Oh, yeah, like I can't I gotta be honest like people like describe doing coke to me It doesn't I don't maybe maybe they just haven't described the awesome part, but it seems terrible like that

I bet like that seems awful. Like why would you do that to yourself? It's so expensive, but it wasn't I thought you know listen For you to hallucinate on cocaine. You got to be going for 24 12 hours 13 hours Like I'm talking deep I Don't even know the answer. I'm not trying to be funny. How often would you do 12 hours? Whenever I had the chance I

Say you buy a gram of coke you like yeah, I'm gonna do a gram of coke I'm gonna go to my buddy's band do a few bumps pick up a victim and then go back to my room Take an either ass. That's one thing But what was picking up ammunition like I'm picking up over an eight ball. I'm going to war Jack I'm like fucking dude fucking I'm like that dude from fucking What's his name Johnny Oh, what's the name? Fucking the crazy guy Vinnie. Oh, he's you know, he's on fucking punk. Whatever that fucking show is he has a podcast. Come on Lee Oh your father's Tivo

Oh Your father's Tevo Evo Devo Evo definitely as a podcast. Well when Steve when I used to see Steve at the Gardner 7-eleven That motherfucker would buy a case of beer a bottle and three countin just cigarettes and he would be by himself I knew that man was going to walk And he would be by himself. I knew that man was going to walk Want to be bothered? He's just gonna go open his apartment Close the curtains fucking take the windows the peephole shut the phone off and he's going to war He's gonna take an adventure to see where it takes him

And so we got 12 hours. You got to call a hooker or a friend and go bring over beer I got an eight ball of coke and they come over. It's an adventure. It's not fun. If it was still fun, I'd be doing it. You know what I'm saying? But it is fun while you're doing it. It's, listen man, I could become an addiction specialist

because I've thought of everything. Like why would a human being do that? Like, you know, I did things that I'm not proud of. Everything like why would a human being do that? like You know, I did things that i'm not proud of I did them. I had fun doing them You know, but that was the addiction. It wasn't The real me, you know But it was like Was it more fun towards the beginning like I just like that

I think I've thought of that like how people get into it like when when you first start are you having fun more than you're? Having like the paranoid times. It was fun. I didn't start getting paranoid till 1986 that was I was already doing coke seven years. Okay, that means you grow into a look different level of the addiction Now I was getting paranoid. I had to get high a couple days a week, you know But those 12-hour like I still remember starting at like 7 at night and at 3 Being out of your mind and still having a bag full and going How I don't even know if this is fun anymore But you're in it. You're stuck. You're stuck in an apartment

Your self-conscious, you know, anyway, you know you walk into people gonna know you're doing something Say was just weird I was thinking about one thing the other night like I just got out of prison And I was in the halfway house for about at this point about seven months And I had done really well. This about, at this point, about seven months. And I had done really well. This was 89. I had done really well. And I'm about to get married in September. And I started getting furloughs in June.

I didn't have any place to get furloughed to. So I would furlough to my father-in-law's at the time. He had a trailer on the property. And they asked me, if you sleep up here, where do you want to sleep? I go on the trail and they're like what? Why do you want to sleep in the trailer? Because I want to sleep out in wilderness. It's been I just wanted to do coke And not them, you know, I could walk around and jerk off and you know fucking is the real reason Yeah, you don't want to do coke in somebody's house. They're gonna know you're walking around all night

fucking turning on lights turning off lights looking up looking up looking on the couches and shit, so I Went to town and I and I had a fucking really good connection at the time and when I got over there he goes listen This shit's really expensive. I'm still gonna give it to the eight ball for whatever. He was giving it to me for When I looked at it, I go It's gonna be a long fucking night Like I ran up there I eat dinner with them. I had like a fucking case of beer in my truck I had like a fucking bottle of Something vodka with juice. I had I didn't smoke then and I wasn't smoking reefer them because they were pissing me too much And went into my trailer by nine o'clock

About three o'clock and I was doing tons of it and this shit was fucking sensational like three bumps You were good for an hour. I'm doing six bumps an hour seven bumps now And what do you do? It sounds like you drink but like when I'm high I sit down and watch TV or whatever What do you do? I'm just sitting in a room Looking for porn somewhere trying to beat one off with your dead dick And you're trying to have the seas and it's just and there was no cell phones then there was nothing There's nobody you could call but I remember like a four in the morning, I was crawling on the floor and there was still like a ton left. And I'm like, this shit's got to

the sun's going to come up in three hours and I'm going to be fucking fry. And I'll never forget at one point, I was looking and it was. June. You know, July maybe. I'm looking at these trees Lee, and I'm seeing guys jump out of the trees with ropes, with machine guns and what not. And I'm sitting there watching this trailer getting surrounded by these guys.

And I'm like, I'm just gonna fucking kill myself. I remember I got on my hands and knees and started snorting all that that coke and the rest I threw away and then I just lay in the bed and They didn't knock on the door till like 10 in the morning. I was still fucking out of my mind sweating Join fucking looking around for little rocks that were on the floor. It was fucking horrible, I Don't wish that on anybody mad

That's terrible. Like do you just feel like you couldn't like Would you ever snort half of what you got like a review bar coke? You were doing all that coke. You're doing it all You tell people yeah, I do two lines and I put in the refrigerator. What the fuck? Yeah, I do the whole thing before I go home There's no bringing them home for the cat none of that shit. Whenever I start a fucking podcast I always got one fucking idiot that texts me at seven o'clock at night not even business hours Like it's not even fucking business hours fucking unbelievable Fucking what do they want? What do they even want anything important like to show me a picture of a fucking restaurant somewhere?

I Guarantee, that's what it is. It doesn't take a fucking genius You know, who doesn't take a genius to know what the it's nobody with a hundred dollar bill You know, nobody's gonna text you a hundred dollar bill at seven o'clock at night It's somebody to tell you something fucking stupid I'm gonna find out who this motherfucker is now and send 9-1-1 to his house and I'm Fucking everything dump box All day, they got time to text me. They want to text me at 10 o'clock at night like fucking the jimokes that they are The fucking

I'm gonna send this motherfucker to his house and I'm gonna send him to his house and I'm gonna send him to his house And I'm gonna send him to his house and I'm gonna send him to his house All day they got time to text me they want to text me at 10 o'clock at night like fucking the jimokes that they are But besides that had a great father's day, you know That's awesome. Yeah, I'm money do you guys do? Well, the whole weekend was fucking great. I was supposed to do that thing. I Was supposed to do that thing at a Go to the Sopranos on Thursday night, right? I'm not going to the city. You know When she called me that day and I asked who was going There was nobody from the movie. It was just going to be me and the Italian girl who never said hello to me or anything

So I was like I'm gonna go there with my nose wide open what I want to walk the red carpet I don't walk the fucking red carpet. I'm not nothing and anything to do here. So I was like, I'm not gonna go over So I just stayed home Smoked some dope and then Thursday Friday morning. I got up early went to her graduation, which is fucking phenomenal that's awesome, I finally got to see a Diaz graduate and Which is fucking phenomenal. That's awesome. I finally got to see a Diaz graduate and Yeah, you did just fucking little school yeah, and then We hung out the rest of the day Friday night. I went to a party for a little while and

Then Saturday we had three fucking softball games and they canceled them at six in the morning But then we got a call at seven that they were back on our scrimmage in Marlboro where I live And my had to be there at 10 we didn't get home till 730 At night that night And then you did three games three games like people say to me, you know, can you come to my party on Saturday? I'm like listen Ain't nothing happened on Saturdays Because after I leave there, what do I want to do? I've been in the Sun for three fucking games My asshole smells from the heat. I got suntan lotion. I got bit by mosquitoes

Where am I gonna go? Like I don't plan anything people like yeah, I'm having this party. You know, it's not but I'll try my best But once I get home and take my shoes off and think about the shower when smoking joint I'm not gonna want to go to your fucking reunion or anything you're doing No, and those are I can't imagine doing three games because those are Like you're sitting in those chairs. What do you do? Do you watch the intently? Because those are like you're sitting in those chairs. What do you do? Do you watch the intently? Let me tell you how I do it. All right, I got there at 10. They said the first game was 1130. I Held out for about 15 minutes and I got in my car. I smoked and I went to the gym to 1130

Okay, I shot back over to 1130 nice and worked out and I sat there and drank some water out of protein shake And watch the game for a little while then the game was gonna start at 230 But the ref wasn't ump didn't show up to 445 But so we scrimmaged them for like four innings and then we played them for seven The ump got there and it was let me tell you something. I Was pretty tired Saturday night and I was pretty well. I didn't do much on Father's Day I wish I could lie to you and Ted I didn't do shit And you should I went for a walk. I smoked some dog went to the weed store in the morning nice and I

I was just tired and I went to sleep that night with a headache my blood pressure got up because Sadly was like a fucking we were gonna play the team that the coach didn't want to play on and Then the 12 you rec coach didn't want to because I went off on him and the other idiot because they're fucking idiots And I thought the parents would have my back and they didn't so they got stuck with the two coaches again Plus the coach that my daughter's playing for now was the red coach. He won the championship with him They threw him out and they put this other stah mean cat Who's as dumpy as fucking could be? He's just a lump of debt You know, if you see the guy you're like, what the fuck fuck he's just a lump of a man, you know like worthless

the guy didn't even play checkers in fucking high school, so The games the two-four now I went off on the coach I had every right the parents were rallying me up and then when I Went off and the parents fucking walked away from me. So I put my daughter on a different team Nobody stuck up for my daughter. Nobody said nothing. They all looked after the best fucking interest I'm playing you know, they played the four innings and I'm like both of these teams are pretty strong. This is gonna be interesting But I but mercy already had a triple in that scrimmage Yeah, I know who the fuck she was playing with and then the game started and mercy went three for four And I'm like, I'm gonna go for the first one. I'm gonna go for the second one. I'm gonna go for the third one I'm gonna go for the fourth one. I'm gonna go for the fifth one. I'm gonna go for the sixth one

I'm gonna go for the sixth one. I'm gonna go for the sixth one. I'm gonna go for the sixth one But I but mercy already had a triple in that scrimmage Yeah, that's awesome No, who the fuck she was playing with and then the game started and mercy went three for fucking three had like three RBI score three times Stole two bases, you know, she just randed up their fucking asses and in the fifth inning the other coach started like They got if you think fucking California was fake come down here for a couple weeks Because really this is attracted the whole country like it's everywhere So we get there and he's being humble like real nice and talk to me my wife or my daughter He's being real fucking nice with the other people and being like but I knew this is all an act

This is like fucking you know half the people I know just give them five minutes Colors that's why I love when people meet movie stars. Oh my god. We spoke for ten minutes. They were so nice. Give me that one Right get the fuck away from me. You're stupid fucking questions. Yeah So what we talking about? Oh the game questions, you know so What we talking about? the game So I don't say nothing at all. I don't say nothing the whole fucking game and My daughter's team is losing five to three and also may come back and score four runs and they held these fucking

wenches for two fucking paintings and The coach started getting hotter and hotter also this true color started coming out He's getting hotter and hotter and hotter and fucking parents are seeing it Everybody's seeing it would just he just fell into the fucking web You know I'm saying and I'm just watching him and then he started yelling at the girls the girls gave up on the field They started playing in the dirt. That means they don't want to play for you He doesn't know how to lift the stakes with with people, you know, he's just a mental fucking retard. So All of a sudden

Fucking that's it. We won. I didn't say two words He was hot. They were so this game meant so much to them That the assistant coach was the sweetest guy in the world never says a word almost got thrown out This is how frustrating it was for them and one of the moms was cracked You can see the smoke coming out of his I kept hearing the crack coming from her It was tremendous and at the end of the game I got up I turned around I looked at all those steps and I go hey In the words of Tony Montana's mother He was a bum then and he's a bum fucking now and they just look

Walked into the sunset like fucking Zorro You really said that to them fuck yeah And I told one of the coaches that said he was a bum then he's a bum now and one of the dads It was my goomba and then he stopped talking to me. I went up to him game a hug and I hey He was a bum then and he's a ball And that was the end of that let's get this fucking show started cocksuckers greetings It's Tuesday the 18th of June with two days away from summer get ready It's gonna be a hot one Jack anyway, the check-in is brought to you by Fuji sports comm

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it's the home of The brain stuff alpha brain, let me tell you something whether you take the pill the drinkable powder Or the new heavy-duty alpha brain in the black case Forget about what happens to your mind. You'll be thinking about things even the Martians can't catch you You know I'm saying you'll be figuring out stuff like Terrence Howard You'll be talking about mathematical tables and whatnot Anyway, go to honor that right now that I can't do anything for you on the kettlebells

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world that's what what you gotta be thinking It's Monday motherfuckers Tuesday, whatever the fuck it is So yeah, buddy again, how was your weekend Tarzan? I don't honestly Fantastic weekend. Yeah, I Had I had a great week of comedy I did I technically Headlined three shows in a row. I did 45 twice, but the like the most exciting part is Sunday morning. I got a call and like I got like oh Oh Saturday morning, sorry Saturday morning. I got a call and on like seven hours notice to headline my first actual like comedy club

It was awesome very proud of you and so we discussed that You know you would you want to be? Very proud of you and so we discussed that You know you would you want to be? Bingo long and the traveling all-stars all these clubs and challenge these owners and shit and It's like it ain't gonna work. And if you do get it, you're gonna have the worst time of your life. So Stay in your area and become the king

Might take a year might take two years and might take three years or might take four years But you're gonna be so much better and you're gonna have a home When people go go to Boston, I'll go see Lisa at you're going to Boston near feature called Lisa at I know a great comic Lisa at that don't happen if you keep going to these clubs that You just break me even it there's no future that you're breaking even You know, you get the same mileage at home Yeah, I do because I did it you get the same mileage at home Become the king of your fucking domain and then you could venture out But if you're gonna be in the egg oh one week Kansas City one week And then you can venture out

And then you can venture out And then you could venture out But if you're gonna be in diego one week Kansas city one week It's great to a point It's great to a point There's an opportunity when you stay home you develop You meet the local guys you get involved in all the contests

You meet the local guys you get involved in all the contests If the newspaper reaches out to you to host a fucking, you know, this is it and it's fun and people Start calling the club. Hey, we're doing a movie in town. We want three your top comics That's how it happens. But if you're not a part of that community, they're never gonna know Okay Right, and that's how I got it because of the person who put on the show on Friday night That's it was she was the one who recommended me. It's a small world, but it's a big world comedy Comedy is a fucking world. But at the same time, it's a pretty fucking small world Everybody knows each other and I'll get called and say, you know, anybody cover on Tuesday night? Boom, you know,

this is what it is being part of something, but I'm not going to call you from Las Vegas. If I got a lot three hours before, so it's, you know, you dip down in New York, you try your wits every 90 days to see if you're getting anywhere, try to move up the ladder and then go back and go back to the drawing board and you say the aggravation you know it's a thousand's aggravation you don't have to talk to these people just call in hopefully they'll give you a spot or somebody will give you a spot

somewhere and it's it was just very cool to like get asked like I like I was thinking about it and like it to be honest with you I like get asked like I like I was thinking about it and like to be honest with you I was kind of like I had tears on the way to the club like I was just so and it wasn't like sad And I don't i've never really done that before but it was just like sort of like i've never had happy tears But like it was Kind of because like you know, you put me on some pretty awesome shows But it's because i'm your friend and like it's not this was something that I just earned as a comedian That feels good. Yeah, it teaches you how to get your own work

So when a headliner does call you one dang early, I want to take you on a 20s 50 tour After that you could always have your career you're gonna gain four or five clubs, but you came into it with something You're not sitting home waiting with your nose wide open Mmm, open my place a week with a guy playing a piano and eating catfish, you know, whatever the fuck the winter fish up on stage I've seen that guy at the show Was I've seen that guy at the open mic? Yeah that you know, it's it's so That's the good thing about it. Everybody thinks they want to do this and they want to do that Listen, man, I learned a big lesson in LA when I joined you jujitsu

I was going here there and I never improved because everybody had the secret weapon. I Stayed in the program and dedicated myself to that program I'm a lot better now, I'm thinner. It's the same thing. I was talking about on the Patreon podcast today, that all you need in your life is four years. You ever think about that? No, what do you mean by that?

Okay, so you go to college, you struggle, right? You eat ramen, you struggle, right? You eat ramen, you gotta get Pell grants, your parents help you, you know. Then you graduate and you try to get a job in your major and you do that for four or five years and you realize you don't wanna do that. And then you bum around maybe you want a fishing boat maybe you join the Peace Corps for a year you know

whatever then somebody come life starts to get real somebody comes to you and go listen I got an opportunity you can make 80 grand a year to start it's a lot of work we're gonna be delivering fruit or whatever and All of a sudden you're delivering fruit and you meet a girl, you know You're not out getting DUIs you you You just try to be you. Yeah, you have flaws, you know You might snort coke once in a while or you might like the New England Patriots and play to gamble on the Patriots But you're human. But at the same time, you're going to the gym, you're doing all these things. And guess what?

One day, one day some guy comes and says, he wants a partner with you and your partner, he's going to give you each $300,000. And now the bigger fruit company, and now you're working 80 hours a week, 70 hours a week, but you can't fill the register and your kids are eaten and your wife is happy and you got the two cars and your kid can play the piano. And in those years, let's say you make 400,000 a year for four or five years, right?

In the fruit business. And then some calamity happens, COVID, blah, blah, blah. You know what? That momentum from those four years will carry you I'm not talking about the money you put away the business contacts you put away Now your business is gonna be a lot different and you're gonna be dealing with bigger accounts, you know, it's it's it's really weird What happens, but if you really look at it, look at a career of a football player Look at a career of a good UFC fighter about four years four years

You go in there for four or five years you rape and pillage you work every single hour every single day You sacrifice for your family and one day here you got it and now you don't have to bust your hump for 20 years And one day here you got it and now you don't have to bust your hump for 20 years You paid off your house. You did this you did that you've got your kids tuition, you know Now you're just you don't have to bust your hump and at this time your life becomes easier Like I said to you now, you're not dealing the bottom half anymore People are coming to you with bigger deals. So you work less you it's all the same And that's why I try to tell people that all the work you put in is to rock and roll for five five

Four years six years and after that you look back and go that was a time in my life Got it, so I thought you were saying like every four years you you improve or you move along But you're saying you're working for like a four-year period of like the top of your of your work Yeah, you know guns and ropes. Hey, they busted their humps for like two or three years, right? And they put now I'm together they borrowed money or whatever and 87 88 the album comes out. It's a fucking hit and they go on a double or triple world tour guys They didn't stay home they disappeared and every time they looked the tour got extended by 12 dates Or 14 dates and then the first year becomes remember when duff was on And he was telling us a story that one year became three years

on tour And they put out two more albums three more albums. They did all this body of work and they disappeared They each did solo projects axle tried to put an album together took them 22 fucking years And then They came back Tried to put it down together took him 22 fucking years and then They came back and now they're making a million dollars each a fucking show Wow Duff Slash and the other guy guaranteed million dollars per show everybody else is I've got

Well, if you because you were talking about like most people have like that for your window if you have a decades-long window Like if you turned it into that you must be top of the top Now let's say it took listen. It took me 21 years to get to my window A lot of fucking I hit the window I was prepared Yeah I Hit the window I was prepared Yeah, and then I was in it full steam ahead working out to podcast this guy's podcast this guy's podcast auditions Movies in between a fucking touring it was you saw it you were there There's also like because it is kind of like you do grow because I thought you're saying like it your zeros are

Increasingly more like yeah, it took you 20 years to hit like your top window But like, you know, you got movies you got commercials like you you were growing the entire time. Yes always I was always preparing for that spot I I was always preparing for that spot. I guess it doesn't. Yeah. And I was well prepared and you know, and I'm very happy it worked out this way. Some people watching this going,

20 years, you're a loser. Okay, that's fine. Most people wouldn't have lasted 20 years, 21 years. They wouldn't have done it. I had nowhere else to go. I was like fucking office in the gentleman. I had nowhere else to go. I was like fucking office in the gentleman. I had nowhere else to go. Now I'm 45. What am I going to do now? What do you want me to do? Start a career at McDonald's? What do you want me to do? Start a career as a bicycle mechanic, go back

to ITT Tech and learn how to fucking wire a sunroof for some shit and come to your house once a month with a Led zeppelin shirt on high i'm here to install your alarm you know give me a fucking break you know so i was in highland and then i just decided on what kind of career i was gonna have and then out of nowhere it went sideways and we started podcasting and videos and fucking when we went to the movies with everybody for the Stallone movie, you know, it was a process. But those four years I didn't stop. You know, I had a kid in the process.

I was doing my own tour and then they put me on that live nation tour. Right? You know, dog, it didn't end and I'm very fucking grateful very grateful best times of my life, you know, but I Always know it was a little window and Then you do two things you could take that window and play it out. So you can never show your face again Or you could take your toys go home and live for another day

What do you mean by that I Could stay in your face for ten years and really be effective for five of those years and the other five years I'm just spinning my wheels Got it and then or you could do one Or I could take a breather See who the fuck I am where my mat if this materials even working for me. Why am I saying this shit? This isn't who I am anymore and then you come out and you you're a new person I wish I could do it, but I can't do it

No, but you mean it's not what you want to do right now No, but you mean it's not what you want to do right now No, no, I'm having a good time doing what I'm doing shot a video today smoke some dope went to boxing class You know you said you're starting boxing again. You did boxing when we first met but you haven't done in a while Yeah, because I came back during the pandemic and there was one gym who did it and it was creepy It looked like COVID grew in there It was creepy. It looked like COVID grew in there When you walk up the stairs the stairs were rickety the stairs had COVID the water fountain had COVID The guy was creepy. I was like, I'm not doing this. I went like three times As you paid a guy, you know, you got it you can't stop just quit I work hard fucking money

I'm not just gonna fucking not go I bought like a like a five package or something I went to the intro. I went to three other classes and I was like This is too creepy for me Wow, it was weird. There was nobody was out yet Right. I got here in 219. I was trying to push the envelope He was out yet, right? I got here in 219. I was trying to push the envelope and Covid was still fucking going strong. A lot of these places were open. I walked in there. They were like

What are you doing here? We haven't had a custom in three weeks Why are you the only ones walking around? Yeah going anywhere. I went to another place. That was a joke He had like a fuck his wife asked me what affiliation I was with when I first went there And I looked at it. I'm a felon. I'm with the felony fucking foundation and she just shit her pants Are you Republican? What what's it got to do with me joining a fucking jam? Yeah, that's a crazy question get asked by did someone who worked to ask you that question Yeah, the owner the owner's wife and I was like no the same for me Trust me. I'd love to know what the like if you had said like a Democrat like what would she have done? I had a more like I had so much anxiety at the time

I was trying to do anything to get out to save me from the anxiety But at the same time I was getting anxiety walking into these covid fucking places And i'd go what am I doing? I'm gonna get boxing with a mascot What the fuck? I even went into a hospital and fucking got my knee cut Because of the fucking anxiety. I didn't know what you know So it's it's it was crazy that covid shit I'd put me over the top when I got here now. I got a chance to see look around

the only thing I really did right was walk into gracy and then stick it out and go there and So it is what it is. You you do well at one areas and some areas you eat shit and you learn but yeah, that's That's pretty basic. What I was thinking about this like You do a good four or five year run You're covered you got into a rotation You made it simpler. You found a hard system and you made it simple And you figured out how to make some geaters doing it and having fun at the same time

and doing drugs When smoking dope and you you know just being free. Oh, it's so fun. I guess I that's all I was thinking because I'm not a headliner by any means but when I got to do it, I just was like a little glimpse of Like what what could happen and hey, I was seven hours notice but like it was just you know, dog It's like when Valvano used to first practice of the year. He used to have him cut the nets off To see how it felt to be a champion to cut the nets off. Oh So that's sometimes it's a great thing that you did that I'm not mad, you know

I'm happy for you and listen if you were to call me back and said you bombed I would go big deal. You're never gonna see those motherfuckers again anyway, but You got to do it. You kind of got it in bomb. I do well and you got a chance You know last week you said something to me And I spoke about it today also that it was a question that you always know how to ask me questions That I answer on the how to ask me questions that I answer on the spot, but that question is that they're deeper. Like last week you asked me where I got the faith to hang in there for 21 years or, and

it's like, guys, if you know you're doing the work, something will tell you to keep going. And unless you're just not into being honest with yourself, it's like I had to talk to myself in December. If I'm going to keep doing this, I got to do it right. I got to go on these days. And what's the big deal? Why am I missing these days?

And you got to stick to it. And a lot of people, at one point, it starts off great, but then they meet a girl They get a job. They get discouraged somebody told me they couldn't be on Comedy Central And that's when you get fueled When people told me no That made me fucking want to go off Really? I like I did you have like a day or two where you were like depressed or what? Do you just immediately get? I'm a human like everybody else bro, and I got feelings and when you're putting down into somebody I

Don't like listen. I would love to help comics. I Really would I help you because I know you and I could speak to you But there's some comics you're not going to talk to and on top of that it's very hard for me to judge a comic Why why is it hard for you Because I know there's always growth I Know I can make little adjustments in you But as a human being and a comic and what I've seen I know there's always growth And all I would ever tell a comic is man, I like that joke that was pretty funny

Keep doing what you're doing and they'll tell me I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Listen You're not doing nothing wrong You think because you're not on TV or because Bert's not calling you for a tour that you're doing something wrong That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong That means that you're gonna work yourself up to that level. I Didn't get good at anything by people telling me you know yes lee i got good at shit by people telling you fucking no that was horrible that was god-awful You know, and that that's.

And that's why comics hang with each other at night and we talk to each other, you know, because that's kind of like the fucking that's where you put little things out there. I wait for Lee to go. Did I tell you? I showcase for the fucking guy in Providence they told me I wasn't good enough And then one of your comments my uncle crack a joke and then I'll feel bad and I'll go, you know

Did I ever tell you that I fucking got booed at the fucking you're like no, we never heard that story and that's that's That's the whole acceptance. You know know you know is bombing by yourself I love comics bombing stories you love them because you like when I tell a story people go out to lie dog when I tell somebody a bombing story they are like that's a lie Joey and I'm like why would somebody be proud of bombing? There was when you're doing comedy 20 years. You're gonna call me one night and go I know you can't hear me on the phone Uncle Joey You're old but I wrote down my 20 biggest bombs and you'll write them by date

comic who is there and Then the longer you get in comedy you'll go back and go. Oh, I know I have bombed that night I don't advise if you've ever seen a comic who is there and Then the longer you get in comedy, you'll go back and go. Oh, I know I have bombed that night I don't advise that for any comics. That's good But that's you don't remember when you killed at Madison Square Garden You're gonna remember when you died in Grand Rapids, Michigan Yeah, it's like nightmares of bombs. Oh my god. I take a shit every fucking day and on my wall It says June 7 2019 Joey D is the fucking palace in New Orleans. I look I just fucking close my eyes

They gave me a plaque the bomb who gives you a plaque the bomb I feel like it's the 90s that you came in my place and they told you did great. Yeah Because I had nothing to put up on that wall I Just put my shitty moments up on the wall. It's a pictures It's that thing and a picture of a forest that somebody made for me I think I need all 20 and it looks like it looks like the ocean The forest that looks like the ocean. Yeah, I just look at that look at the black and I just look down the mornings. God damn it Believe I bombed in New Orleans and there's many more that one just reminds me every day

But I everyone's around driving. I just fucking wake up from a coma It's like oh my god, you know, it's like if you got raped in the third grade You didn't tell a counselor you say Anyway speaking of counselors, I want to talk about Better help I'll be right back. This episode is brought to you by better help Listen stop acting like you can handle everything because at the end of the day you can't even savages like me Need therapy and better help is the absolute best They'll help you work through whatever's on your mind and whenever wherever you want it. It's all online all over the phone

It's easy. All you do is fill out a quick questionnaire They'll match you up with a licensed therapist and you can even switch therapists at any time at no additional charge. Listen to me. I Was having a lot of problems, you know I couldn't sleep at night because I would go to bed angry and about the dumbest things in the world She gave me some exercises now when I can't sleep. I'm agitated about something. I'm too excited. I come down. I slow it down. I write out some questions I write out some answers and here I am four years later. I feel a lot better. I Feel secure And I'm ready to you know be a savage full-time if you're struggling with you know, anything listen Give it a try get in touch with better help. They're gonna help you they got a great

Be a savage full-time if you're struggling with you know anything listen give it a try Get in touch with better help. They're gonna help you they got a great therapy staff a therapeutic staff and They will rock your world They'll give you exercises to go and again you can see them at any time any place in the comfort of your own home So do yourself a favor you got something that's eating on you It's time to get it off your chest with better help. Do me a favor visit better help comm Slash Diaz diaz and I'm gonna get you 10% off your first month Listen, that's a deal in the half if you know what's going on out there right now. So please Contact better help. We're going into the summer into the holidays So please contact better help. We're going into the summer into the holidays

Maybe you had a recent death in the family. Maybe a dog got hit by a bat something. You know I'm saying something Whatever is on your mind contact better help and they'll help you through it again Go to better help comm slash Diaz Diaz to get 10% off your first month. That's better help Help.com Slash Diaz. I want to thank better help for supporting the show and for helping people like you. We're back bitches Don't forget if you're feeling ho-hum Contact better help they work for me and I got deep psychological scars. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie

You know The triple runs I don't remember bombing But I remember bombing a certain club and I'm in my bomb them Baltimore one time Even the crabs wouldn't come up for like a week dog Was like the whole show like bom'm in Jacksonville for five shows straight. I Will even land in Jacksonville today? Was it the one person only time you did that that said listen I bombed in Nashville one time I'm surprised I went back there and became friends with the guy the guy remembered my bombing and he goes it happens

You're an East Coast. I mean he talked me through and then he's the one that told me come back. I'm surprised I went back there and became friends with the guy the guy remembered my bombing and he goes it happens You're an East Coast. I mean he talked me through and then he's the one that told me come back. I'm like no I Fucking died their death there I'm not going back Atlanta. I bombed Really? Yeah at the club. No Charlotte at the club in Charlotte. I bombed I stayed all weekend like a jam oak. I Could have left Saturday But I stayed till Sunday night to do a showcase I had I didn't know it was ethnic night With drums and they shoot arrows at you and I went up there and died a slow minute

Seven minutes and then I had a fucking spend the night at the airport You know, this is why I advise people against that shit. You don't know what you want That's crazy. You remember imagine you bombing like that in bombings and then this comedy store That one those were crying those those were Long tears and and in my apartment in 93, I would cry when I bombed Do you remember the first time he bombed at the store? That first weekend What room was it in the main room? Oh, no

Was it full? Man and all you heard was crickets and some guy burping at the end How to follow Dom Irera and they're not like an idiot that I am I want to say something to Mitchie sure I Told I never want to do in the main room no more. I don't care what you pay And she put me in there again And then she would put me in there again. I was making money But I was on a bombing fest I bombed in that room for fucking years late Didn't get any easier or did it hurt every time and it was like 5050

I would do fat Tuesday in there and I would do benefits in there and I would do okay And then when I left the seven years once I came back, I started killing in that Yeah, you got used to it. Yeah, I got used to it. I was away from it. I learned how to attack it better You know, it was 450 seats. I was doing 200 so you don't That that's an excuse. I used I don't even know if it's an excuse So I should even put it out there for young comics. I just had to work myself up to it Well, you were pretty early early, but what were you that when you moved to LA seven years in? for nine six six and a half

so I mean four years of from 93 to 97 I worked fucking hard and put myself in bad positions To get myself out of them and I always thought I was retarded for doing that and then I met Joe Rogan and he told me he liked to go up in a certain spot at the store because he being deep and he wanted to for people that don't know the story Joe Rogan was an unpaid regular

and she would make him follow Carloslos mincia and paul mooney and richard prier And he was an unpaid regular So he wouldn't get the 15 bucks or whatever. No No And I still remember fucking Having to drive to the main room on a sat night knowing I'm gonna pick up $225, the most money I've ever seen in years, and still didn't wanna get on stage.

I would pray for the building to burn. I barely make the original room. I just learned and I hung in there, but there was a lot of nights where I I came from the store. I did my coke I had the coke spoon in one hand and a tissue in the other from crying and Thinking what I was gonna do next. I wasn't working But then I come out of my drug coma and I go, you know what? I got a right better material. I Gotta take an acting class. I gotta talk to these people and I gotta write better material. I gotta take an acting class.

I gotta talk to these people and learn what they're doing. I gotta watch more tapes of the comics. I gotta go watch more live comedy. Go watch this guy or this guy and see the differences in contrast. And that's, it was a lot of fucking work, man. It was a lot of looking back man. I was a lot of Looking back at it now, you know people say why don't you do stand-up dog? It's a lot of fucking work

It's a lot of fucking work to do it my way And I don't think people see that and then Like all the jobs you've had was stand up your favorite Like if you ever would have no money was I like whatever about it like I've all the jobs you ever had as a person Yes, you're question me yeah if you're born into a 250 billion dollar fortune Yeah, you do Does that start now or does that from my whole life no no no when you're born when you

You got a butler you got a maid that fucking wipes your asshole. I probably do whatever the fuck I want. Okay But can you imagine the freedom you had if I gave you 200 million million when you graduated college and said, Lee, I'm gonna come back in 10 years. And I want 50 million cash back from you. But I want you to tell me, I'm gonna give you 100 million, but I want you to tell me what you did in those 10 years. If you told me you gambled it, and I come back and you got like a twitch, you know, but if you told me that you did what you always wanted to do, but you did it for

free. Right. If I was financially correct, listen, my love was always to be an attorney. I love that shit. That's why I watch stupid criminal shows. That's my that peeve But there's no better job than stand-up comedy Right It's almost not but you were saying it's a lot of work that you said like you said But it is it's a lot of work to get the way you're going and Then it's a lot more work to get the way you're going and then it's a lot more work to stay where you are. You just can't write an hour and live your life off that hour.

After three years, people are going to go, I like Lisa. I have, but he's got to give that fucking story a break. Right. Oh, so it takes hard work to get where you're going. And then when you're there shit Now you got to become a karate man See, I thought that you just sat back and collected checks and people at cigars for you No, now you got to watch yourself more than ever Now and you know in the 70s was different in the 80s. It was different now. You're a comic you're being watched at all levels

Ladies it was different now. You're a comic you've been watched at all levels for stupid reasons for stupid reasons because at the end of the day we don't matter but and Some people's lives today, you know, they follow us like they follow a met game Like they follow the Yankees and I'm very honored and I'm proud of that You know, it's a fucking great thing to see where we've come from Well, I just think they just know so much we I every podcast I listen to I know it's it's an interesting experience I mean, it's different I think for you maybe because they were your friends first Or someone who like is coming into it that I've seen them on things before I met them Like it's all it's almost like TV

To me it like that. It's a that's like a someone The same way you feel like a sports person or a movie star So it's you know so much about you know so much between Their podcast being guest on other podcasts and then go see their stand-up it's a It's a real fun thing to be like a fan. I like being a comedy. I love going to comedy show I'd be an accounting fan. It's so much fun. I Don't think I could do what regular comedy fans do like to go to all those shows

You know, that's disappointing Go to all those shows You know that's disappointing Yeah Wait, what do you feel comfortable? I know they're like call somebody. Hey, I don't want to go up I'm not trying to do anything, but I just want to sit backstage and watch your hour from the side. It's two people There's one guy that I always watch when he comes But there's another guy that I would go and that's why I don't like to ask Because I just want to sit there I'll pay for a ticket for them not to know right

Right, but I also figured you probably don't want to sit in the audience. Well, now they don't want to but you were it would disrupt the show You know with it would embarrass the shit out of me if somebody said Joey Diaz and You know that comic Knows I'm there and I'm there in the back like now. It's like what the fuck's he doing? Is he taping my set? I know Joey. Why didn't he just call me and sit in the back? But there's comics that I don't know that I go see today, right? Become somebody and the best way to fake yourself to work yourself out of a slump comedy wise or In our businesses to get entertained

You're gonna go one week you're gonna call me in a year God I was going on man I Can't write a new joke. I bombed the last four fucking times. I bombed that a fucking, you know, you're gonna laugh at it, right? I don't know Joey and I'm gonna go Open your fucking computer see where there's a jazz club tonight Go watch a jazz club tonight. Call me tomorrow You're calling me tomorrow and I'm gonna tell you go see a circus Go see something buck wild the punk rock band Go to something you wouldn't pay to go fucking see not nothing for $300

I'm talking about downtown Boston. There's got to be a bar where people jumping up and down lighting their hair on fire And it might not be what you like, but you're gonna learn something What do you what are you thinking? They'll learn like what are they looking to learn? How he got all those people in there how he got those 34 people to dress like him You know, what is he doing as a singer? What is the bass player doing and then you're just enjoying their music You're not criticizing their music You're looking to see what the attraction is what they're doing different You know, yeah, it was actually pretty I because I haven'm I went to Nashville twice this year and I'm not really a huge music person

But I went to a couple of bars and it reminded me of like the shows that I do But like it was just like bars and they were doing covers and but they were awesome And it was but it was like they were had shows and that idea I went to a jazz club And it was it was like cool to like they were they did sets and it was fucking really cool You know when I was younger I Would go to those fucking peep shows and shit You know and they're just to discuss fast Then just to discuss fast. It's just people exchanging diseases

You know you young you stupid But I remember years ago. I mean I was maybe 21 22 I would just come back from Colorado was a mess But somebody took me into the city one night to see like a sex show Okay, I I into the city one night to see like a sex show okay i i didn't know how to bring this up and it was like 50 bucks they had food and drinks and these people fucked in front of you i thought it was disgusting he brought me that like he's like you gotta see this shit you know but when i left there it wasn't what i thought it wasn't a peep show They they've had a lot for the imagination like they had sheets on it wasn't a point over

To have like silk sheets on him. Yeah when she was giving him a hand he pulled his leg out And when he was eating around but besides that it wasn't discussed The guy was attractive the chick was really attractive and they were artists like they dad their heart The last two weeks I've been stuck on something okay, I thought and turn this thing off again, it's entertainment This is why I'm stuck on it Apple had us a recommendation to listen to Madonna's There's a essentials Okay. Hey, what was the last time I listened to Madonna, you know, what do I care about Madonna?

She's touring the planet looking like fucking Eddie Munster with a wig on and a gold toot All right, so She's got diapers on you know She comes out with a knee pad. She's an hour late every night Come on Madonna, you know, I know idea Graphic shit up on the fucking thing, you know Madonna's a mess but Dog in 1983 Madonna hit the scene and by 85 she was running things Okay, she she was right up there with Madonna with Michael Jackson Bruce Springsteen and all the motherfuckers animals that came on

By 87 she had a Pepsi commercial And she put deposed as she made Jesus a black dude and she kissed him and shit and Pepsi lost their fucking mind and America lost their fucking mind, but they had to give it $10 million. Why? Because that's what she charged him or something. I don't know. Look it up tonight and read it.

And then in 91 she released an album called I don't know if it was vogue or something fucking dirty But she released a song called justify my love And right off the back the video got banned on MTV and the whole fucking thing So that song is Give it to me Huh? Is it give it to me? No, it's called justify my love. I don't know That came Bo maybe 91 92 Because vo came out and then 93 she came out with that song deeper and deeper

And I listened, you know, I was always on Madonna in the 80s Right, but her fucking in the 90s I was always on Madonna in the 80s, right? But Herman fuckin' in the 90s, Madonna was fucking brilliant. I mean, listen, from my perspective, it was so brilliant listening to that album, I came home and actually put, the Justify My Love album, the video on.

And if you watched the video, it's people fuckin' and suckin'. It's gay guys runnin running around with makeup on but it's so artistic Did she have like a breakout song? I'll go ahead made her blow up back then 83 fucking her first town Just destroyed. She was the queen of New York By 85 she had a movie desperately seeking Susan she had a second album but here's the fucking really weird thing I come

back in February and by mid-February I got an offer to be a bartender I got to go to bartender school so they give me a shift of two five to one in the morning but they sent me to bartender school so I could do banquets oh nice so there was a lot of nights I would come in do two banquets make four hours and they would go Joey you don't have to work the front bar if you don't want You go home It's fucking eight o'clock. It's ten o'clock. Whatever Deal and I would check with uh, but on those nights I would have no cash because I didn't steal behind the bar

Because they put the tip in the fucking check It was a bad So I would always be light on cash, but there was one night. I went into the city And they asked me if I come in at 12 to work a banquet And then I was going to stay from five to one at the bar. It's going to be a long day But I was going to walk out of there with two cash Three at the bar and 400 for the bank,

which that was a lot of money back then for me. A lot of money now. So I go in there on a Friday, I work the fucking banquet shift. I go to the front bar and I go, Joey, we're dead. You know, it was like one of those weekends in New York. People were walking around, it was the fall.

It was like the beginning of the fall right so I'm walking outside it's about 630 maybe I ate there you know I might as well get a free dinner and then stop and home get a nickel bag and go back to Jersey okay as I'm walking outside this guy come to the dude who what do we call the the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go to the radio. I'm gonna go ask he goes. I got tickets for the MTV Music Awards at Radio City Well, I was like 615 the Sun was out. I still remember him talking to me on the steps I'm right across the street from the stage deli The famous Jewish Mm-hmm. I'm standing there. He goes. I got two tickets for you take him because if you don't want them sell them

You know, whatever I go. Okay, and I see a payphone And it was only one person I could call And I call this guy and I go hey man, I got tickets for the MTV Music Awards tonight At Radio City you want to come I took this motherfucker was gonna tell me no because you know what I ain't doing nothing Where are you right now? I go on 56 and 7 I'm gonna take the a train up to Harlem. I got time I'm pick up a couple of nickel bags see if I can pick up some pills up there, whatever Back in the coke and I'll shoot back down here. Where do you want me to meet you? He goes why don't we just meet at Radio City? I Go perfect. We fucking met outside We rolled the number we fucking walked in they put us in our seats

We got a couple of beers and we got a couple of beers and we got a couple of beers Why don't we just meet at Radio City? I? Go perfect. We fucking met outside We rolled the number we fucking walked in they put us in our seats. I don't know we were like in 30th row It didn't matter. I Remember nothing about that night You know no one point they said coming to the stage is Madonna And you look straight right? Yeah. Just came out of the back in a wedding dress on. You went up there and put on a show.

She stripped down to her fucking, you know, and sang like a virgin on stage. It's on MTV. It's on YouTube. Oh, I'm sure. Listen, guys, I was in that room She took the oxygen out of the room What about a portfolio just the way she was singing her performance Suck the oxygen out of the fucking room. They were expecting anything else, but what they saw Anything else but what they saw.

Anything else than what they saw, including myself. I was blown away. I wish I could see that performance live again today to feel what I felt. Because I know I would have gone on the stage and just lit that motherfucker on fire. She had the freedom of nobody. She just made her own rules, man How long did it take you to have that feeling like how long entered her set? I? Had it the rest of the night when she walked off the stage

But was it was it soon like was it like the first song or was it like no She only sang one song that was it was an MTV Music Award Okay, just one song and I felt that was watching Doug Stano in 96 in Seattle that June I felt the same way Like that talent is off the charts like that something I'll never attain Or you could attain that you just got a fucking get down and dirty, you know the interesting shit It is especially like when he was

I remember just the level of laughter like i'll never like I was hosting for someone And I thought I was doing fine and this guy's not a famous headliner But he he destroyed the room the same crowd Just like the level of laughs that like different comics yet and like how long they'll be laughing for Like it's just there's so it's so crazy. See what people can do Listen, there's a difference between laughter and there's a difference between unleashing energy in a row Okay, it's two different fucking things brother I know 20,000 guys that could go up there and crack you up for 45 minutes I know 13 guys that could go up there and captivate you

Captivate you and you're like that's a stand-up comic. Yeah, but he's also been doing it for 30 years That's such a heavy word Captivate motive no, no, I like it. I'm just saying like that. It's cuz you do that. I think I'm not like I don't know you're not looking for like a compliment, but like that's like that's a people would Be on their like sides with you like and there's other comics to do it Like I saw Roger saw Rogan at the mothership. He did it like it just Have so much control and I got the same

feeling when you go to Boston and Somebody on your team hits a home run With three on base in the eighth inning when they had no fucking hope. You know, it's the same thing when somebody goes to see the dolphins and they're losing 21 seven in the beginning of the fourth quarter and you see this quarterback just take it into his own hands and start running and getting concussions. And you know what I'm saying that about Josh Allen,

I can be talking about anybody. So don't, you know, I can be that about Josh Allen I can be talking about anybody so don't you know? I can be talking about Kansas City You know, there's something about going to watching a basketball game and you know one player like just His energy same thing with Conor McGregor You know regardless of what's going on, you know, there's a certain energy when they fight, it captivates you. And you're like, what the fuck did I just see? Whether he gets beat up or he wins, the energy he lets out. But that's later on in the chapter.

You know what I'm saying? That's a complete, you know, it was like seeing Zeppelin in the seventies. I can't imagine. When I listened to the live albums, the energy they were letting out into the room It just wasn't a four dirty guys playing music and doing guitar solos they were unleashing an energy that was it takes a long time to

It takes a long time to nurture that and bring it up to the stage That that always blows my mind about music and I know they like they probably do shows on their way up But they like every time they put out an album They play it for I'm sure they don't play it for crowds. They don't do it every night to practice Like when they when they release an album, they've never played it live, right? Most people Yes, no, you know who knows maybe they try it out somewhere you never heard about You know But I know I understand what you're saying, but even that energy in the studio

Yeah, I'm like very impressed with musicians for that because we get I practice my joke so many times. Yeah when you listen to a When you listen to a studio album And you know that they got lightning in a bottle that night at the studio and then years later you read Something they did an interview and they'll talk about it that that night was magical Everything just fell into place and it doesn't fall like that. It takes years with the fall fell into place and it doesn't fall like that. It takes years for it to fall into place like that. You know, High and Dry by Def Leppard's a masterpiece. The Beatles have a couple of fucking masterpieces,

just fucking masterpieces. You know, so it really inspires you when you listen to a song or a guitar solo and it hits your soul. You're like, that's fucking amazing To see what they can do. No, no, it's because I I felt the same way watching it and it's I um

I uh went and listened you were talking about ari on bert's podcast and ari Talking about like your main goal is to be funny like listen and the only Here's my only like the question I was thinking about not that I'm arguing with them But for like the comics who do like political stuff if their crowd likes it Is it as long as they're funny, I guess that's the whole point as they can do political comedy But just make it funny Nalaga a speech is that like because I'm trying to think like this comedy for certain people some people looking

for certain things Again Whether you're gonna be a political comic a Hamas comic a fucking You know a Puerto Rican comic whatever the goal is to be the funniest you can be If you're gonna do a political comedy and stick to it and commit to it You gotta make it funny. They hear politics all day Right. They want to hear your take on it

What makes it funny to you? How does it fucking crash with your fucking world? God fucker? There's an interesting podcast and it's cuz Ari also like he just started up a podcast again, yeah Like he like he took a break and I was just um, it's the men Not to not to repash last week, but It's very interesting to see the beginning path and where they are now And the differences and look at their stand up before the podcast that goes for me And look at their stand up before the podcast that goes for me That goes in some situations

Because my stand-up did improve after the podcast. I was performing so much that I had nowhere else to go when I was really into it I was writing I was writing stories for re, you know, I was always in motion And that's how to get great material also So as my case went I had the positive was I did get a little funnier but the negative was I relied too much on podcast material Really

Yeah, I didn't know that it was taking 20 minutes To discuss podcast material, which is lee Whether it's a story we did whether it's a guest we had and That was I was starting to hurt my feelings because I couldn't sure not the material fast enough to do the tours And I always wanted you to see me at least do something different You know Do something different?

You know Was it harder for you to like not right But I mean you spend time working on the podcast when you had to add the podcast did that kind of hurt your comedy? a little bit At that time no, okay, but if I would have been doing comedy for six years Yes that podcast would hurt me why what would happen? We would have made money Right Well, listen, it's

Then you got the guys from Philadelphia They're pretty new at comedy Their podcast is phenomenal. Oh Are you garbage? Are you garbage? You know podcast is phenomenal. Yeah, yeah, I get when I do that podcast I don't have to think about anything. They just throw me fastballs Right. I think you 30 years. These guys don't know me and they throw fastballs You know, they're amazing. I Don't know, you know, they probably did some comedy in Philly before they moved up and stuff

but you know, I Just feel that if you're a six-year comic a three-year comic right now You're putting a lot of effort into social media to take you over the journey I just feel that if you're a six year comic, a three year comic right now, you're putting a lot of effort into social media to take you over the journey. And I think I just wanna just clarify that you could take pictures with The Rock, you could take pictures with Dave Chappelle,

you could take pictures with the Queen of fucking England. You could take a picture of you in front of the Improv with a microphone and All that's gonna matter that's gonna get you on that stage there But if you're weak, they're not gonna bring you back and that's gonna be the story of it You know how many comics I knew That had marketing potential in the beginning like that's what they live for and they were great marketers They would pack place. There was a kid no pass. Oh, he had to be four foot eight He looked like a little fucking Eddie Munster Mexican Eddie Martin. It was a part-time janitor

So that dude had eight minutes of material But he sold out a show every month really He just knew people he knew how to Promote that but he had to spend a lot of time to sell 300 tickets So it took away from the stand-up God yeah Is he working too much on maybe he doesn't go out at night

There's got to be a balance and would stand up it's got to be stand up first with a little bit of Stand up, it's gotta be stand up first with a little bit of social media and then once you start picking up heat as a stand up, then you incorporate the social media, the full steam ahead. But I don't ever want you to be right here with comedy. You're at an open mic. You're number 38 and there's 42 people. And you want to start an open mic because you're going to sell out shows. And you, no, no, you start a fucking page and you know,

you get custom fucking suits and all this shit. But if you're not funny, you're not going to keep those people back. Give yourself a chance to grow. Yeah. And incorporate the social media as you grow. And by that time you'll have 15, 20, 30 minutes. And business and then you got to cooperate it. You got to be become a full time You know, you're not a full time You know, you're not a full time you're not a full time you're not a full time You're not a full time you're not a full time you're not a full time

You're not a full time you're not a full time you're not a full time you're not a full time You're not a full time you're not a full time you're not a full time You're not a full time you're not a full time you're not a full time You're not a full time you're not a full time You're not a full time you're not a full time you're not a full time You think it's gonna you think they just giving away fucking tickets, you know It's it's a tough business and then you got incorporated You got to be become funny and then learn how to bring them in Absolutely, I meant like When I've been trying to record

It's been hard to get something that I want to put that I'm Kind of putting out right now. You just wait to you with Josh wolf The places you go, you're not gonna record there's people talking as people moving around the back Just wait to you with Josh. You got a clean tape of a nice place and you do three four shows And your tape on all right, I'm gonna take two steps to the rear and get out of here The piss is about to come out of me. I'll see you cocksuckers next week. Stay Black. Love you man. Love you. The check-in is brought to you by Fuji Sports.com which basically Fuji geese if you're a big guy you need a nice a4 or an a5

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