Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Alison Roman

Episode Date: January 18, 2020

Alison Roman, NY Times food writer, joins us along with panelists Maeve Higgins, Tom Bodett, and Helen Hong.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Grab a spoon. You're about to have a big old bowl of billiard bays. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you. We have got a fabulous show today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Alison Roman. She's a cookbook author and home cooking guru. She is known for viral recipes known as the stew, the cookie, and the dip.

Now, if you're not into viral food and you prefer bacterial, may we suggest Chipotle? We're pretty sure that we can't catch anything from you because you will be on the phone. So give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Tyler Smith calling from Wappingers Falls, New York. Wappingers Falls. That's

one of those places like, you know, Kankakee that I've always heard of because of the fun name. Where is it? It's in the scenic Hudson Valley, about 90 minutes north of New York City. I see. And do you have sort of hijinks there in Wappingers Falls? The hijinks usually end up being maybe at the falls, maybe finding some Wappingers. You never

know. Either, both. Well, Tyler, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a comedian who'll be performing at Hyena's in Dallas, Texas, January 30th through February 1st. It's Helen Hong. Hi. Hi, Tyler. Next, a humorist will be appearing with Maeve Higgins, Jordan Carlos, and Aaron Jackson at Comics on a Mission April 4th at the Latches Theater in Brattleboro, Vermont, Tom Bodette. Hello, Tyler.

And a contributing writer for the New York Times and author of the book Maeve in America, it's Maeve Higgins. Hi. So, we are all met. Tyler, you are going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. You knew this. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize.

The voice of anyone you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am. All right, here we go. Here is your first quote. My biggest regret is trusting so much. That was summoned. Who told the world this week

he regrets trusting Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump, and apparently a whole bunch of Russian and Ukrainian mobsters. Who spilled the beans this week? I think it's Lev Parnas. Very good. You got it. Lev Parnas. Wow. Pulled it out of the blue there. Good. Parnas is, of course, a, quote, associate of Rudy Giuliani,

sort of a henchman number one to Rudy's penguin. Parnas was arrested by the feds last year, but this week he decided to tell everybody everything he knows. He says this was because once everybody knows what he knows, it would be pointless to stop him from talking. It's the first publicity tour ever done in order to not get murdered. So the first thing we saw was this whole stack of documents that had come from Parnas released by the House Intelligence Committee. It included a bunch of handwritten notes on hotel stationery saying things like, tell Zelensky he has to open investigations into Bidens, quote unquote. open investigations into Biden's.

Quote, unquote. That will go down in the annals of evidence along with OJ's note to himself, buy a glove to replace the one I dropped at the crime scene. Did you guys follow Parnas' confession tour? Yeah, I was so surprised about his hotel note-keeping. And I was thinking, it reminded me of when I had a nutritionist and she wanted me to keep a food diary. And I'd be like, absolutely, I'll remember to do that.

And then I would just get different pieces of paper and write in different pens. Yeah. You know, and I would always just obviously just write down like leaves or whatever. You know, it wasn't true. Yeah. My nutritionist told me I even had to write down when I was sleep eating what I ate. Really? Yeah.

How are you supposed to do that? How do you write down if you're sleep eating? I mean, you just find an empty jar of peanut butter next to your bed. And you go, hmm, well, I live alone. Oh, and then you deduce what happened. I see. A little bit of detective work. What's under my fingernail?

Back to the impeachable offenses. Parnas says that everybody was involved in the scheme. The president, the vice president, William Barr. They even invited Tiffany to blackmail a little country of her own so she wouldn't feel left out. I had to think, who's Tiffany? I know. You and the president. Wait a minute. First of all, you know I'm right. All right, here, Tyler.

All right, Tyler, here is your next quote. It's from presidential candidate Tom Steyer. I don't want to get in the middle. I just want to say hi to Bernie. Steyer was explaining why he interrupted Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders having a disagreement after what big event this week? That would be the Democratic debate. Yes, indeed, Tyler, the Democratic debate. Very good. It was the last one before the Iowa caucuses, so there was tension in the air as the cast of Cocoon took to the debate stage in Iowa on Tuesday.

Right before the debate, we found out that Bernie Sanders had allegedly told Elizabeth Warren that he did not believe a woman could win the presidency during a private dinner in 2018. She says he did that. He says he didn't. Maybe she just didn't hear him right. If you're having a private dinner with Bernie Sanders, you sit as far away as you can to keep him from yelling food onto you. But during the debate, Sanders said he didn't say any such thing. That's why afterwards,

Warren refused to shake Sanders' hand and accused him of, quote, calling me a liar on national television. They started having some words right there, and that's when Tom Steyer walked up and could be seen awkwardly trying and failing to get involved. And in a statement, his campaign said, that is not a metaphor.

Tom Steyer already looks like a furniture salesman right like he already has that look like hey come on down to Tom's Tush Cushions we're having an 80% off sale so and then it was like he was getting it like they're like having this super tense moment he's like hey

did I give you guys coupons the biggest reaction to the debate among Democrats was a kind of stunned dismay. One of these people is going to try to save the world? So Democratic voters, just before voting begins, are now at that moment like at a restaurant where you

just turn over the menu to see if there's anything else you can eat. That's why the number one choice in polls in Iowa is, do you have any specials? And Mike Bloomberg is like, I've got Lascar Gold. Weird. All right, Tyler, your last quote is from former Yankees pitcher CeCe Sabathia.

We should have won the bleeping World Series. Sabathia was reacting to the news that their Yankees opponent, the Houston Astros, that year, did what in 2017? They were stealing signs. They were cheating, my friend. That's what they were doing. That's right. Baseball, many people think, baseball, many people think, is boring. But you know what everyone can get into? Cheating. So if you were watching the 2017 World Series,

between the Astros and the Dodgers, actually, you might have noticed some people banging garbage cans in the Houston Astros' dugout, and you probably thought, weird time for garbage day. Two bangs meant a breaking ball was coming. No bangs meant a fastball. But the problem wasn't the garbage can. It's how they were stealing the catcher's signals.

Baseball allows you to steal signs, but with your eyes, not with any technology. You're expected to cheat by the rules. No cheating at cheating. I know so little about baseball that I read the headline, Sign Stealing Scandal. I know so little about baseball that I read the headline, sign-stealing scandal. And I literally thought it meant the team went out and were stealing street signs. Like they were going out and being like, oh, there's Old Town Road. Or, oh, there's Route 666.

And doing what? Putting them in their dorms? Yeah. Well, you know, during the troubles in Northern Ireland, since it's a comedy show, the women would bang dustbin lids on the ground to warn the IRA that the British soldiers were coming.

So when I heard all those dustbin lids, I was like, do not tell me the British are invading America. Of all things to happen. Really? Didn't they? Are you telling me they stole this idea of stealing signals from the Irish? The best at baseball, if you've noticed.

I don't know if you've been watching the World Series, but Ireland always comes in top. That's true. I'm the world. I'm the world. Bill, how did Tyler do in our quiz? He did great. Tyler got 3-0. You the world. Bill, how did Tyler do on our quiz? He did great. Tyler got 3-0. You did well.

Congratulations. Well done, Tyler. Thank you. Panelists, this is going to be a very rare wait, wait, don't tell me, jump ball question. We're just going to throw it out there. Whoever gets it will win 100 points. What? I know.

Bill, give me the signal. Here we go. So here's the question. Boris Johnson had an idea. He wanted to have the chimes of Big Ben sound out at the moment the UK leaves the EU at the end of this month. But because Big Ben needs repairs, it's expensive, so he announced a plan to crowdfund it.

A plan he called what? Big Ben Exit. You know, rock around the clock or something corny, or like, can I have some money? No, all right. I will tell you. We figured on and off. What about like,

ding dong, we're gone. It's not bad. But Boris Johnson's plan to crowdfund ringing the chimes on Big Ben is called Bunga Bob for Big Ben Brexit bombs.

Holy smokes. That's what he called it. That's what I was about to say. That's better than Tom's tush twitch. But it does get better. After the campaign failed almost immediately, the headline of the Daily Mirror tabloid was Boris's Bonkers Bunga Bob for Big Ben Brexit bongs bid bombs. Good on you.

I think that was the final straw for Megan and Harry. They were like, we have to go. Yes. Megan and Harry, they were like, we have to go. Yes. Coming up, we cash in our 401ks in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Maeve Higgins, Tom Bodan, and Helen Hong. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you all so much. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you all so much. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, Peter. This is Jeff Mitchell calling in from Boston, Massachusetts.

Hey. Now, I've spent a lot of time in Boston, and I know a lot of people who say they're from Boston are actually from someplace lame, like Needham. So are you from Boston, Boston? Just outside, Wakefield. Ah, you see?

I know. Well, welcome to the show, Jeff. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Jeff's topic? I retire. Ah, retirement. When decades of work is rewarded with decades of boredom.

This week we heard about somebody retiring from a really remarkable career. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Ready to play? I'm ready. First, let's hear from Helen Hong. A Canadian school district is grappling with what to do about a recently retired, long-time school cafeteria cook.

Elsa Bennett, the beloved cook, was praised for decades for her friendly rapport with her middle schoolers, as well as her super cheesy mac and cheese. friendly rapport with her middle schoolers, as well as her super cheesy mac and cheese. The school itself was widely known to have the most well-behaved, easygoing, and unusually calm student body. Well, it turns out Miss Bennett's secret ingredient was weed. You know how wild kids are that age, said Miss Bennett while taking a long pull off of a giant blunt. kids are that age, said Miss Bennett while taking a long pull off of a giant blunt.

So one day I put a little hash and CBD mix in my super cheesy mac and cheese and what do you know, the kids calmed down. So I did it again the next day and again the next. Apparently, Miss Bennett had been getting her middle schoolers blazed for years. When asked how she could afford to keep 200 kids high as a kite on a weekly basis for decades, she revealed that this had been an open secret amongst many parents who donated to her so-called chill charity. Although recreational marijuana is legal in Canada, getting children faded is not. Since most of the parents in the district have refused to press charges,

Ms. Bennett may avoid punishment. When asked why she was admitting to any of this after the fact, Ms. Bennett responded, I'm sorry, were you talking? The cafeteria lady retires after decades. The cafeteria lady retires after decades. Dosing the kids with ganja. Your next story of a retirement comes from Tom Beaudet. While the Duke and Duchess of Sussex's Megxit drama is getting all the attention,

little notice is being given the exit of another lesser-known but crucial member of the royal family. The U.S. government has its tradition of designated survivor, a lone acting cabinet member who is randomly chosen to rule the country in the event the entire government is rubbed out or quit. England has an older equivalent in their royal repository of the blood of sovereignty. Established after the English Civil Wars in the mid-17th century, the monarchy ruled in secret that in the event the entire royal lineage is destroyed, looking at you, Ireland, the, quote, third male cousin of the nephew of the Viscount of Shropshire, so far as can be known to be not a scoundrel nor a Frenchman, shall hold the title of Royal Repository of the Blood of Sovereignty close quote.

Next to the lock screen code for Prince Andrew's iPhone, the identity of the royal rep of the BS is the most closely guarded secret in the kingdom. No one but the Queen knew about it. No one but the Queen knew about it. So QE2's very bad week got worse when shoe seller Gary Thomas of Pickle Scott on the Bog in Shropshire, England, revealed this week he was the royal last resort and he was retiring. My undoing, Thomas said in an appalling British accent, was I fell in love with Laura Patty, an Irish girl. As I was about to propose marriage,

I shared my secret with her. I can still hear what she said in reply. Royal suppository, I ain't shagging no bloomin' prince. Like Harry and Meghan, Gary Thomas gave up status for love. He's selling his successful bog shoe franchise and moving to County Cork in the Republic of Ireland where he and Miss Patty intend to set up a T-shirt printing business.

It is not yet clear who the next royal vassal might be, but there is buzz around a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy in Devonshire. Last repository of the royal blood of monarchs retires from that job. The last story of somebody finally getting their gold watch comes from Maeve Higgins. The famous Diego is about to retire. We're talking here about

Diego the giant tortoise from the Galapagos, one of 15 tortoises in a captive breeding program meant to revive the species on the island of Santa Cruz. There's a lot of confusion about the differences between turtles and tortoises, so here's an easy way to tell them apart. Turtles live in New York City sewers,

and they speak English, and they also do karate quite well. Tortoises, on the other hand, live above the the ground and they're extremely sensual diego diego is over 100 years old and the job he's retiring from is having sex so much sex that he's credited with helping save his species from extinction when the program began 55 years ago there were only 14 tortoises left, 12 females and two males. Imagine if they had been lesbians. Then Diego joined the conservation program from his home in San Diego and got busy.

Paternity tests indicate that Diego is responsible for about 40% of the tortoise babies born. But that wasn't even the record. James P. Gibbs, a Syracuse professor of environmental and forest biology said, another more reserved, less charismatic male, E5, has generated the other 60%. The phrase, it's always the quiet ones, is now being changed to, it's the quiet ones around 60% of the time. change to, it's the quiet ones around 60% of the time. You could say E5

came out of his shell, but that's not physiologically accurate. So, before I ask Jeff which one he wants, tortoise? It's the English. Is that how the Irish say the word tortoise?

Oh. It's really the British. Hold on. Now, because I'm curious. I could absolutely be wrong. It's possible then that you just read the word. I've run into it in narrations and was corrected many times. Really?

Okay. Oh, so they do say tortoise? Yeah, we say tortoises. Now that I think of it, I don't think I've ever heard it loud. Like I just saw them. They're such quiet creatures. They would never correct you. That's true.

All right. Now that we've got that settled. Jeff, here are your choices. From Helen, a cafeteria lady in Canada retires after decades of dosing the kids to keep them happy. From Tom Beaudet, the very secret royal, the royal repository of the blood of the monarchy, retires from the job that nobody knew he had.

Or from Maeve diego the fecund tortoise a galapagos tortoise that retired after a long life of having lots of babies which of these is the real story of a retirement we found in the news? I think the tortoise have it. Really? Yeah. Thank you, sir. So you've chosen the story of Diego the tortoise. To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with the real retiree. Diego's ability to procreate produced over 800 patchlings

for the recuperation of the species. That was Arturo Izurrieta, executive director for the Charles Darwin Foundation for the Galapagos Islands, talking, of course, about Diego the tortoise. So congratulations, Jeff.

You got it right. You've earned a point for Maeve for telling the truth. Thank you. And you've also won our prize, the voice of anyone you may choose. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much.

And now the game where people with valuable skills have absolutely no chance to use them. It's called Not My Job. Alison Roman worked in restaurants on both coasts but didn't like it. It wasn't until she quit that job and started writing recipes for Bon Appetit in the New York Times that she discovered she had an amazing talent coming up with food that people didn't just love to eat, they loved to cook it. She was responsible for what social media has called the stew, the cookie, and the dip, Alison Roman, the chef.

Welcome to the radio show. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. So is what I said true, that you did start off working in restaurants in the food biz? I did, yeah. And I actually loved it at first. And I think it was around year six or seven that I realized that I was hoping to find another way. And how long have you been interested in food?

Were you one of those kids who always wanted to cook dinner? No, not until I was in high school. And I sort of joked that like I used cooking as a way to not do homework. I felt like the question I would get asked when my parents would come home, they'd say, did you do your homework? And I'd say, no, but I made dinner. And that bought me a little bit of time. But I eventually had to do both. But I understand it was a procrastination tool. I've never been able to understand how you cookbook authors keep coming up with new recipes. Because haven't we thought of them all already?

I think about that all the time. It's actually all I think about. So thank you for needling at that anxiety. Yes. But yeah, I do worry that it's all been said, that it's all been done. But I think that food is interesting enough to where you are able to sort of come up with one

thing every now and then where you're like huh I never thought of that before and I've never seen it and it's kind of like songs right like there's only so many bars or notes and you hope that the one combination that you're coming up with is has a unique place in the world so you're you're pretty well known uh you're you made a chickpea stew that everybody was making and posting about it on instagram you got to go in the today Show and make it called The Stew. Did that surprise you? It definitely surprised me because I had been writing recipes for so long. And I had my first cookbook come out.

And I had a recipe called salted butter chocolate chunk shortbread cookies, which is a real mouthful. And that actually was the first one to get so popular. And I always say that I don't think there could have been a stew without the cookies. Right. So you've had the cookie. You've had the stew. Now you have the dip.

That's in your new book. Yeah. Yeah. When people come over to your house, do they have very high expectations of what you're going to be able to provide for them? And do you hate that? Not anymore, because they're my friends. They know me.

They know I'm an absolute mess. They're like, people wait in line to talk to you? And I'm like, I don't know. I guess. We're going over to Allison's house. I expect we're going to try the leftovers. Exactly. They're like, oh, what, like, sloths do you have left over from your photo shoots that we can feed from?

You're in the New York Times cooking website, which I personally love and use all the time. And as I'm sure you know, you get to choose recipes, search recipes, find recipes, including your recipes, and there are comments on them. Do you ever read the comments? You know, I try not to. I think that it can be helpful, especially if there are concerns about a recipe working or a problem with something. But for the most part, I try to stay away because it gets me too riled up. I'm too emotionally invested in these things. But yeah, I mean, I think the cooking community is great because people are constantly making dishes their own and putting their own spin on things, which I fully, fully support. But I think when you criticize something after you don't follow instructions or you don't follow the recipe,

then don't come at me for that. You know, I told you what to do, but you can't follow instructions and remembers. Have you ever, have you ever like, wait a minute, I didn't realize I was hitting a nerve here. Have you ever, have you ever like, wait a minute. I didn't realize I was hitting a nerve here. Have you ever, have you ever like gone, have you ever, because I'm sure you can, gone on to the website and like posted a comment, like, you know, shut your mouth, you Philistine. No, no, no. That would be bad for my, for me and for everyone who does what I do.

I think I try to be gracious. This is why you need a secret account. Yes. Like Mitt Romney's peer I do. I think I try to be gracious. This is why you need a secret account. Yes. Like a secret. Like Mitt Romney's peer to lecture. Like a stealth account so that you can go on and be catty, not as yourself. Yes. Right.

Exactly. Well, Alison Roman, it is a pleasure to talk to you. We have invited you here to play a game that this time we're calling... Cooking the Books. Ooh, okay. You know a lot about cooking food, but what about book cooking? That is financial fraud. Oh, my God.

We're going to ask you three questions about various frauds through history. Get two right, you'll win our prize. One of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Alison Roman playing for? Kerry Martin of Washington, D.C. Are you ready to play? Oh, excellent. Here we go.

Yes, absolutely ready. Now, one of the very first recorded financial frauds happened in the second century A.D. when members of the Roman Praetorian Guard ran a scheme in which they sold what to investors? A, the Colosseum, B, the Roman alphabet, or C, the entire empire?

Oh, gosh. I'm going to go with the entire empire. I'm going to go with C. You're right, Allison. You went for the whole enchilada. What a relief. They killed the emperor, the Praetorian Guard did, and then they announced whoever paid them the most

would get to be the next emperor, and they actually got someone to pay them about the equivalent of a billion dollars, but it turns out the empire not theirs to sell, which they found out when they were executed by the real next emperor. Yikes. Bad idea. All right. Here's your next question. One of the greatest fraudsters to ever live was a man named Count Victor Lustig. He actually wrote a how-to book about being a con man. He once earned hundreds of thousands of dollars by selling what to his unsuspecting marks? Was it A, the Eiffel Tower, B, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln, or C, William Shakespeare's brain? I mean, I don't want to go with two Cs in a row, but that's my instinct is to do C.

You're going to say that he sold William Shakespeare's brain to these unsuspecting people. Yeah. No, it was actually the Eiffel Tower. Not only did he sell the Eiffel Tower, he sold it twice. Wow. Okay. He posed as a government official and said the Eiffel Tower was about to be torn down and sold it for $100,000 to two different scrap dealers.

Wow. All right, if you get this last one right, you will win it all. In 2017, an Arkansas government employee defrauded the state out of hundreds of thousands of dollars, notably using government funds to purchase what? A, a BMW with a license plate, I do fraud. B, some people like that. B, a large piece of granite so she could have, quote,

the biggest rock in Little Rock. Nobody likes that. One guy likes it, but he sounds drunk. Or C, a tuxedo for her dog. Ooh, a lot of people like that one. A tuxedo for her dog? Ooh, a lot of people like that one. I'm going to say a tuxedo for her dog. That's exactly right. She used some of the embezzled funds

to buy a tuxedo for her dog. The dog is a pug and looked adorable. Oh, I love it. Bill, how did Alison Roman do on our quiz? Two out of three are right, and that means, Alison, you win our game. Congratulations. Thank you.

Alison Roman is a cookbook author and a columnist for the New York Times. Her newest cookbook, Nothing Fancy, is available right now. Alison Roman, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much, Alison. Thank you. Bye. In just a minute, the Olympic Village is a-rockin' in our listener limerick challenge game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and we're playing this week with Helen Hong, Maeve Higgins, and Tom Beaudet. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. In just a minute, in just a minute, Elon Musk may be having a baby with Grimes,

but Bill's having a baby with Rhymes in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.

Maeve, a Japanese billionaire has paid for a seat on Elon Musk's proposed rocket ship to the moon. He says he needs one thing before he can go and has announced a worldwide search to get it. What is it? A companion? Exactly right. Specifically, a girlfriend. What?

Yes. What's his number? Well, hang on. Yes. What's his number? Well, hang on. Billionaire Yusaku Maezawa wants to bring his new girlfriend to the moon on Elon Musk's rocket, and if that fever dream appeals to you, apply online. Maezawa says he's looking for a woman over 20 who believes in world peace and has a positive attitude.

Sure, sounds easy enough. You could do that, but you try to remain positive when your new boyfriend only bought one seat for you both to cram into and your road trip is 238,000 miles long. I love that she has to be over 20. Right. Well, over 20,

positive attitude, believes in world peace. That's like every Miss America pageant. I know. That's where I got the idea. But it's like, it's also so kind of hard to spend time with a new person.

Yeah. Don't you think? Oh, absolutely. Because you're just like trying to hold in farts and everything. That's not the first thing I thought of. No, like I'm happy with my personality. It's just the wind. But yeah, and if you're in a space capsule for like so rude don't you think to be like hey

thank you so much for the billion dollars and for bringing me to the like it's just so mortifying and you could you couldn't be like i didn't i don't know who did that wait and you can't it's not like you're alone in the capsule. You're there with a driver. It's actually, it's like... Yeah, you'd assume they're taking a driver, right? What are you two doing back there? Space capsule confessions. But you know the really popular show 90 Day Fiance? When people come to America and they have 90 days to convince the American to marry them.

I'm worried that this woman will be left on the moon if she doesn't. Wait a minute. Is that a real show? Yes. Peter, this is one of the biggest shows in America.

Peter, you don't know about 90 Day Fiancé? I don't. Oh my God, let's go right now. They made a television show out of green card fraud? No, not fraud. They're very much in love.

laughter Think it in And hold on tight It's time to take off Into the night Shake off your blues, baby Take off your shoes We're gonna kick back

Fly over the moon Coming up, it's lightning fill-in-the-blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Illinois.

And if you want more Wait, Wait in Your Week, check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions all in the comfort of your home or wherever you have your smart speaker. It's just like this radio show, only now we can hear you. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, this is Evelyn Smith from Conyers, Georgia. Conyers, Georgia? I have no idea where that is. Where is that? Most people don't, but it's 35 miles southeast of Atlanta.

35 miles southeast of Atlanta. So you're just outside the traffic jam. Yeah. Eve, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis, of course, is going to perform for you three limericks based in the news with the last word or phrase missing. Your job, of course, provide that. Do that two times out of three. You'll win our prize.

Ready to go? Yes, I am. All right. Here's your first limerick. Both museums and concerts play parts for our real and our spiritual hearts. To make our blood flow, we'll go out and see shows. For our health, we're involved in the... Parts?

Parts, did you say? Yes. No, not quite. Rhymes with parts, rhymes with hearts. It's like cultural stuff. Like paintings. It begins with A. Parts!

Parts! Parts! Parts! Yes! Yay! A new study shows that visiting art museums can extend your life. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Not to mention visiting the museum gift shop, which provides you with all the chunky jewelry and arty reading glasses you need to look great while aging. The research showed that seniors who engaged with art frequently experienced fewer physical ailments as they aged. Researchers think this could be explained by the health benefits of having regular strong emotional responses. That's why people who constantly fight with their partners live forever. Oh no, wait. It just feels that way. Here's your next limit. Whether playing in games where the guards scored, or fencing with fine blades, or hard swords,

we athletes can't sleep because the frames are real cheap. They have settled on beds made of... Cardboard! Cardboard! Cardboard! Cardboard. Now, you know the Olympics are notoriously amorous, with the IOC regularly handing out thousands of condoms as the games begin, though most of those goes to divers who have forgotten their swim caps.

So, of course, Olympic athletes were a little concerned when they heard that the Tokyo Games this summer would feature in the dorms for athletes bed frames made out of sustainable cardboard. This sounds bad. It's still better than the first idea. Beds made out of gingerbread. They were sure the bed frames, though ecologically friendly, were also freakologically friendly. Wait, what?

They were afraid people were just going to do it on the cardboard? Oh, they're going to do it on the cardboard. It's just a question of whether the cardboard can take it. Oh, yeah. You don't want to do it on cardboard. But also in dorms? Well, yeah. The athletes stay in dorms.

In the athletic village. So you'd be like, he wouldn't be doing it in there anyway. What are you suggesting, Meg? Did you ever go to university? I didn't, actually. There's so much doing it in dorms. Everybody knows the rules. If you come back to your dorm room in the Olympic Village

and there's a gold medal hanging on the doorknob. Here, Eve, is your last limerick. This non-cohabitation is smart. We're immune to all snoring and farts. A relationship strong, so you can't say we're wrong. Though together, we're living... In... Carts?

In cartsarts In carts In carts No You know what I'm gonna do I'm just gonna give it to you Yay I'll take it Yay

You've already won It doesn't matter It is Apart The answer is we're living apart. Apart. Apart. More and more celebrity couples are choosing not to live together,

claiming it relieves relationship tensions and lessens clogged drains by 50%. Some relationship counselors even back up the idea, saying living in separate homes is a great way to show you're rich. It's all the rage among Hollywood couples. It's called L.A.T. that stands for Living Apart Together. It gives couples the space they need from each other and eases the burden of their inevitable divorce.

It's also changing wedding vows to have and to hold till around 9.30 each night to us part. Bill, how did Eve do in our quiz? We love Eve, and we're going to call her a winner on this.

Yes, you are. Thank you. Congratulations. Thank you. Take care. Bye-bye. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.

Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Maeve has three. Tom and Helen each have two. All right. You flip the coin, and Tom has elected to go first. So Tom, fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, President Trump signed phase one of his trade deal with blank. China. Right. On Thursday,

Nancy Pelosi called social media site blank a shameful company that had intentionally misled users. Facebook. Right. This week,

Virginia became the 38th state to pass the blank amendment. Equal rights. Yes. On Tuesday, former National Security Advisor the 38th state to pass the blank amendment. Equal rights. Yes. On Tuesday, former National Security Advisor Blank filed a motion to withdraw his guilty plea. Flynn. Yes, Michael Flynn.

A massive snowstorm in Vancouver led local schools to cancel the scheduled blank. Snow party. Close enough. Snowball fight. Yeah. With 11 total nominations, Joker led the pack for the 92nd Annual Blank Awards. Oscars. Yes.

On Tuesday, Jeopardy's greatest of all time tournament was won by Blank. Oh, what was his name? It wasn't the Ken Jennings guy. It was the... No, it was Ken Jennings. Oh, he was. Oh, damn it. Border Patrol officers in South Texas say they're struggling to deal with an influx of Blank.

Tortoises. No. Good guess, though. Here they come. They're still coming. This Border Patrol station in South Texas is dealing with being occupied by

300 vomiting, pooping vultures. I'll take the tortoises. This Border Patrol station has a radio tower in South Texas, and it's become a haven for vultures. Hundreds of them have started to perch on it, poop on it, and vomit on it. The border agents call it a nuisance, but the vultures say it's a gesture of professional respect.

Bill, how did Tom do on our quiz? Tom has six right, 12 more points, total of 14. He moves into the lead. All right. All right, Helen, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Chuck Schumer said he had enough votes to pass a resolution that would limit the president's war powers against blank.

Iran. Right. On Monday, Cory Booker became the latest Democrat to drop his bid for blank. President. Right. On Thursday, the Senate approved the USMCA, a new trade deal meant to replace blank. NAFTA. Right.

On Tuesday, the Supreme Court heard arguments relating to New Jersey's so-called blank gate. New Jersey's so-called Jersey gate? No, bridge gate. To help out a coastal town affected by wildfires, the Australian Navy launched a ship to deliver blank. Carrots? No, 800 gallons of beer. On Wednesday, NASA confirmed that the 2010s were the blankest decade on record. Hottest.

Right. Whitney Houston and the Notorious B.I.G. were among the nominees for the 2020 blank. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Right. After Carlos Ghosn's daring escape from Japan last week, a company there is warning citizens not to blank. Let in strangers into their house? No, not to hide themselves inside musical instrument cases. What?

Well, Yamaha says that trying to fit your whole body into one of their instrument cases could be dangerous. That's a warning they had to give after the disgraced head of Nissan allegedly fled Japan for Lebanon by hiding in one and then having it put on a plane. It seems uncomfortable to be in a box for that long, but his other option was a Nissan. Bill, how did Helen do on our quiz? Well, Helen, you had five right.

She has ten more points. With a total of twelve, she isn't quite there. Tom's still in the lead. How many, then, does Maeve need to step up and take it from him? Six to win, Maeve. Here we go, Maeve. No problem. This is for the game.

I'm ready. You're always ready. Fill in the blank, Maeve. No problem. No problem. Here you go. On Wednesday, the Prime Minister of Russia announced he was resigning, allowing Blank to further consolidate power.

Can I just say, I don't know this one. Vladimir Putin. What? Yeah. On Sunday, the White House revealed they'd reached out to Blank to resume nuclear talks. Barack Obama. No. North Korea.

This week, Queen Elizabeth and the royal family were entirely supportive of Blank's plans to leave the UK. Oh, Prince Philip. Or Prince, um, Harry. I'm gonna give it to you. Prince Harry. It's Harry and me. On Monday, LSU completed a perfect season by defeating Clemson to win their first Blank since 2007.

Basketball. No, the answer is football championship. A city in North Carolina has rejected plans for a new solar farm after too many residents complained that it would blank. Shine, it would shine too bright. No, it would suck up all the sunlight. Despite lukewarm reviews, the ninth movie in the Blank Saga

passed the $1 billion mark on Tuesday. Bond? No. Star Wars. On Sunday, tennis star Blank won her first title in three years. Oh, I actually do know this one. Serena Williams. Yes, Maeve. It was Serena Williams. Yes, Maeve.

It was Serena Williams. Police in Texas were able to identify a vandal this week after pulling a perfect set of fingerprints from blank. His hands. You can't argue with that. They didn't do that, but the key to cracking the case, Maeve, was getting the fingerprints from a slice of cheese. What?

The officers at the Carrollton, Texas, police department were tasked with finding out who covered a local resident's car with slices of cheese. They had to call in the CSI team to dust the cheddar for fingerprints. The result they got was not just Gouda, it was Grada. They were able to run it through the system hoping for a match. Meanwhile, the Vandal could have gotten away with it. If only they'd used Swiss, their whole case would have been full of holes.

Bill, how did Maeve... Maeve got two right! Yes, Maeve! Maeve, Maeve, Maeve... Maeve got two right! Yes, Maeve! Maeve, Maeve, Maeve, Maeve, Maeve! Four more points. Seven total. That means our winner today is Tom Bodette. There you are, Tom.

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists, well, now that Tom Steyer interrupted Bernie and Elizabeth squabbling, what will he walk into the middle of next? Special thanks to Stock and Ledger Restaurant here in Chicago for feeding us. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godega writes our limericks,

our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our house manager is Gianna Cappadona. Our intern is Emma Day. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Technical direction is from Lorna White.

Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Shillog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, that's Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will Tom Steyer just stumble into next? Helen Hong. Tor Toys mating.

I'm sorry, I just wanted to say hello. Tom Bodette. He's going to buy the last seat on the SpaceX shuttle to the moon and be the third wheel on the billionaire's date. And Maeve Higgins. He's going to get in the middle of Mitch McConnell's wife cuddling Diego, the 100-year-old tortoise.

I forgot my glasses! Well, if Tom Steyer does any of that, we'll ask you about it here on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Helen Hong, Tom Bodette, and Maeve Hagan. And thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagan. We'll see you in Des Moines, Iowa next week. This is NPR.