Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Allison Janney

Episode Date: April 25, 2020

Allison Janney, actor, joins us along with panelists Mo Rocca, Faith Salie, and Luke Burbank.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hey, it's Peter. If you've finished listening to the show and you're wondering what the heck just happened, then please join me this weekend for the first ever Instagram Wait Wait Q&A. I'll be live on Instagram Sunday, April 26th at 12 Central, 1 Eastern. The handle is at Wait Wait NPR. Submit questions on Instagram or ask them live in the chat. Looking forward to seeing how you youngsters do this thing. Instagram or ask them live in the chat. Looking forward to seeing how you youngsters do this thing. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Uh-oh, it's a global pandemic. I'm Bill Gerdes. And here is your host, probably wearing pants but no promises, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill, and thanks to our audience of the imagination. Although, honestly, after five weeks of this, I am starting to hallucinate that I can smell them.

That, by the way, was canned applause from the opening night of Hamilton. We have a wonderful show for you today because later on we're going to be talking to Allison Janney, who's famous for many things, but perhaps most for playing Press Secretary C.J. Craig in The West Wing, which has switched genres. Once it was a wonderful drama about an enlightened administration. Now it's science fiction. We want to hear your statements first. So give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Elena from Pasadena, California. Hey, Elena, how are things in Pasadena? They're bright and sunny and pretty nice considering. What do you do there in Pasadena? So I work at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. I'm a scientist on the Curiosity rover. No kidding. I follow that on Twitter. So are you like controlling the rover? Is that one of your jobs when you say you work on it?

Yeah. So I help the scientists plan what we're going to uplink every single day. Have you ever given it the instruction, please come and get me? Maybe we will have to do that soon. It's the one safe place in the solar system can you make the rover roll over that costs eighty thousand dollars i'm pretty sure the engineers would uh would stop us from doing that yeah it's a two and a half billion dollar rover don't do that don't do that well elena it's a pleasure to talk to you let me introduce you to our panel this week first up it's the host of the daily podcast TBTL,

as well as the public radio variety show Livewire. It's Luke Burbank. Hey, Elena. This is lost on you, but I put cologne on for this. Oh, thank you. Which, by the way, means you're in the danger zone. If you can smell someone's cologne, run. You are too close.

Next, a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning who will star Off-Broadway in her own solo show, Approval Junkie, as soon as Off-Broadway is a thing again. It's Faith Saley. Hello, Elena. You are very cool. Oh, thanks. And finally, a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and the author of Mobituaries, Great Lives Worth Reliving. It's Mo Rocca.

Hi, Elena. I would say that I'm wearing a wife beater, but that's politically incorrect. I'm wearing a guinea tea. What? Thank God you dodged that bullet, Mo. So, Elena, you, of course, are going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show that you might choose for your voicemail. You ready to go? I'm ready.

For your first quote, here is the mayor of Las Vegas talking to Anderson Cooper this week. We don't do bad things to people at all, ever. The mayor was insisting that despite her city's reputation as Sin City, only good things will happen to people once Vegas does what? Re-open. Yes, exactly right. Mayor Carolyn Goodman of Las Vegas says she's willing to let all the casinos and restaurants and bars in her city open for business despite the pandemic.

Because as they say, what happens in Vegas spreads to neighboring cities and then eventually across the country. Now, when she was asked about whether she wants Vegas to be part of a such dangerous test, she said they used to test nuclear bombs here and that worked out OK. That's not a joke. She said that. The question isn't how she got elected to three terms. The question is, how is anybody in Las Vegas still alive? Under her just going to Vegas is playing Russian roulette.

I mean, Las Vegas, the place where people notoriously make prudent and wise decisions. I speak as a person who frequents casinos. Like, don't leave it up to Casino Luke to decide how close to the roulette table he should be. And she

told Anderson Cooper in a CNN interview that she doesn't gamble. She used to gamble, but she doesn't gamble. And of course, she is gambling with the lives of millions of people. She became bored with the usual stakes. Why not gamble for the most dangerous game? Is this the same week that the gathering of the Juggalos was canceled? Yes. the gathering of the juggalos was canceled yes the insane clown posse yeah has better public

health awareness than the mayor of a major american city like shaggy too dope should be running vegas at this point that would be a better situation but imagine how proud though mayor goodman will be when the bellagioino and Hotel announces that the coronavirus has been booked for a three month residency. I should say that this is part of this weird movement across the country. People are holding protests against the lockdown, holding signs like, lockdown sucks

and I want a haircut and let me golf. You know what's old, tired thinking, live free or die. You know what's hot, live free and die. I know what's hot? Live free and die. I think that's the tattoo that most people in Georgia are going to get when the tattoo parlor is open. Faith, you have to defend this whole tattoo parlor policy in Georgia, since you are a Georgian. What's going on? I just think, Mo, that people in the South

are itching to bowl, and we can't hold that against them. But of all things to open up first, it's tattoo parlors and bowling alleys? And pool halls. They're trying to reopen Depression-era 1930 Atlanta. Yes. Basically, the most important demographic in Georgia is sailors on shore leaves. All right, Elena, your next quote is from someone on Twitter. What if I just bought a barrel of it?

Like, just to have a round? That was somebody thinking about investing in what now that it is incredibly cheap? That would be oil. You're right, Elena, yes. Sweet crude. The price of a barrel of oil sunk below $ dollars. It got so cheap, it's priced negatively. People who have oil seriously have so much of it that they will pay you to take it off

their hands. This has led to swarms of people rushing to Cushing, Oklahoma to pick it up, you know, with just bringing all their extra Tupperware. You get there to claim your hundred barrels of oil, and then you realize you forgot all the lids. I have always been perplexed by one element of the oil trade, which is a certain kind of oil is always described as light, sweet, crude. Yeah, sounds good, doesn't it? Who's the guy who tasted it? Like, where did we get the flavor notes of the oil from that now is part of the description? You've probably heard of this, that with prices so low, it's actually more expensive to buy a

bottle of water than the same amount of crude oil. And that may be the solution. Just make crude oil into a health drink. It looks bad and it tastes terrible. Forget smart water, try thick water. I think that would turn some of us into sommeliers. So anyway, people are desperate to try to find someplace to put all this oil. BP suggested just dumping it into the

Gulf of Mexico, saying, quote, it's worked before. Oh. Tell you where you can deposit a shocking amount of oil. 16-year year old Luke Burbank's forehead I mean, man Was it light and sweet though? It was crude, I'll tell you that Alright, Elena, your last quote is from a psychologist

Talking about one of the burdens of our current moment You're watching TV, but TV is also watching you. People are getting tired of their TVs watching them now that we're all meeting people. How? Over the internet. Yes, on Zoom. A new psychological study published this week

proves what we have all been figuring out for ourselves. Zoom meetings are exhausting. Everybody looks shocked because they're all ignoring each other and staring at their own face and thinking, that must be a software glitch. I cannot look like that. You can't look away from the screen. You can't lose focus because you don't know when all of a sudden somebody is going to ask you something. It ruins you for looking at any other screen. You watch Netflix and you worry BoJack horseman is going to look at you and ask for your take we've all become lighting designers though right yes

absolutely have have any of you assuming you've all been doing this taken care to arrange the background oh completely i mean we're not animals peter so what have you what i want to know what you've added and what you've removed, if anything. I mean, is there anything embarrassing you had to take down? I've removed a lot of my stuffed animals because it starts to get a little bit creepy. Yeah. A little bit? I have been tempted to look into maybe renting some small children to kind of walk behind me.

Oh, it's adorable. Yeah. That's a business opportunity. Everybody loves that. Bill, how did Elena do on our quiz? Well, Elena can tell the Mars rover she's perfect. Three and O. Elena, congratulations.

And thanks for the exciting work that you do. And I hope you find a way for us to follow the rover soon. Thank you very much. Thank you, Elena. Take care. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. All right, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Luke, being in lockdown is hard, but Governor Andrew Cuomo is taking emergency measures to at least make it possible for people in New York to easily do what without leaving their homes? Huh, I'm not sure. Can I get a hint? Well, instead of sickness and in health, now it's just sickness. Oh, so people can get married from home? Yes, exactly. If you can't think of anything more romantic than getting married near the same couch you work, eat, sleep, and attend Zoom high school reunions from. Now, you can dial up an ordained minister on Zoom and do it remotely if you live in New York. It's basically a Vegas wedding, but now the sticky floors and old beer stink, they're all your fault. I think there's something very romantic, actually, about deciding in this moment that the person

that you're with in whatever residence you're in, you actually want to make it more serious with them because that is I don't understand that logic. But I guess if you've been able to survive five weeks living inside with another person, that person is the right person for you. I think we can say, right, you've passed the acid test. Yeah, I don't know. There's that seven week itch that we're all headed towards. You get that if you go to Vegas right now, by the way. I love it.

All sorts of traditions will spring up. You'll select your Zoomsman for your wedding. I wish I could have gotten divorced by Zoom. That would have been a lot easier. Zoom divorce. You just log off, right?

Leave meeting. The ultimate leave meeting. Oh, my God. Coming up, nothing comes between me and my bluffed listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for NPR in the following message comes from Best Fiends. Have more time on your hands? Connect with family and friends and engage your brain with fun puzzles by downloading Best Fiends,

the five-star rated mobile puzzle game with over 100 million downloads. The game is updated monthly, so there are always new levels to play, events to master, and cute characters to collect. And you can play without an internet connection. Download Best Fiends for free on the Apple App Store or Google Play today. That's friends without the R. Best Fiends for free on the Apple App Store or Google Play today. That's friends without the R. Best Fiends. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We are playing this week with Mo Rocca, Faith Saley, and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host from the beautiful Sagal Closet Auditorium and Theater, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff Delicitor Game. Call 1-888- WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Nicole Kraskhahn from Columbus, Ohio. Hey, how are things in Columbus, that capital city? Things are pretty good in Columbus. I'm glad to hear it. What do you do there when you're allowed to go do it?

Well, I'm actually still allowed to go do it. I'm a professor of communication at The Ohio State University, and we've been teaching remotely for the last five weeks. And how did you find teaching remotely as opposed to teaching, I guess, face-to-face? Well, it beat not teaching at all, then we tried to make it worth their while. We brought in really prominent guest speakers that would come in and zoom into our classes. You didn't ask any of us. Yeah, exactly. I had nothing to do.

Well, it's really nice to have you with us, Nicole. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Nicole's topic? Underwear saves the day. Underwear is a hero, according to a survey of a thousand pairs of jeans. This week, we heard a story of undergarments helping out in a new way. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one that's telling the truth, and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice, on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am ready.

All right, Nicole, here we go. First, let's hear from Mo Rocca. The workers were under a tight deadline. Minnesota's Reardon summer camp was about to begin, but the pool's construction wasn't complete. To work around the clock, the laborers needed coffee, but they were out of coffee filters. Foreman Glenn Hershey had an idea. After debriefing his co-workers, he debriefed. That's right, he used his underwear as a coffee filter. Here's how it works. Drop a nice pile of coffee grounds into the seat of the underpants. As the pile begins steaming, watch as the deep brown goodness seeps through into a waiting cup.

the deep brown goodness seeps through into a waiting cup. Now, while this process will stain your underpants a deep brown, you can wear them afterward. That's what Glenn Hershey did proudly. Quote, as the parents began dropping the kids off at the pool, we all high-fived each other, and I felt so warm inside. Me, I'm never buying coffee filters again. And I felt so warm inside. Me, I'm never buying coffee filters again.

Glenn Hershey, foreman on a construction project, tells us in great detail about using his underwear for a coffee filter. Your next story of someone delegating to delegates comes from Faith Saley. There are a lot of benefits to having enough cleavage to fill a large brassiere. I mean, I guess. I would not know. But just ask Betsy Ross. Yes, that's her real name, and

she lives in Visalia, California in 2020 and not Philadelphia in 1776. She and her family recently went to a local park to play pickleball, which is a paddle sport. Betsy discovered some smashed duck nests and one lone, slightly cracked egg. She called the local animal shelter who told her they don't take eggs. But you know who does take eggs? Betsy Ross's bra. Betsy nestled that egg in her bosom. I carried it in my bra for 35 days and slept with it there as well, she says. I'm a plus-size girl,

so it just kind of fit right in between my breasts. She learned the egg needed warmth and humidity, so she decided to just keep the egg where it was. My boobs sweat in heat, she explains. So all she had to do was rotate the egg four to five times a day and hand it to her husband when she showered, who presumably stood there feeling both nervous and left out. Betsy's bra proved to be an excellent substitute for a duck's rear because the duckling hatched. After spending such intimate time together, the wee fowl obviously didn't want to say goodbye to Betsy and her soft, lacy nest. She says, he would follow me, and when I left without him, my husband complained that he would sit and cry.

They finally sent her waddling boob baby to a rescue farm. And I think we all know that if ducks could talk, this one would quack, thanks, thanks for the mammaries. Betsy Ross of Visalia, California, hatching a duck egg in her bra. Your last story of underwear that went there comes from Luke Burbank. Lynn and Fam DeMort, a retired couple from Ypsilanti, Michigan, thought they were setting out for a relaxing day of canoeing on Lake Erie last week when things started to go awry. First, a strong wind blew them further out into the lake than they'd intended, at which point they also realized the canoe, which had been

sitting in their garage for years, actually had a crack in it and was taking on water. To their relief, they limped the boat to Mouse Island, a tiny speck of land 10 miles offshore. Unfortunately, the island had no cell phone reception. Fortunately, it was once inhabited by a family of bootleggers, the Maguires, who were hiding out from the law. Their cabin had mostly collapsed, but in the debris, the DeMortes were able to find over 30 pairs of old-fashioned knickers, which had somehow been preserved, and then tie them together like a kite, which is where old and new technologies collided. Literally. The kite managed to get tangled up in a drone that was flying overhead,

and then the annoyed owner of the drone came by the island to retrieve it, and there they found the very cold, very tired, but unhurt Demorts. Thank God thong underwear hadn't been invented back then, a shivering Lynn Demort told a local paper when they reached shore, or we would have never been found alive. All right, here are your choices, Nicole, from Mo Rocca, a charming, charming lovely and I would say even inspiring story of underwear used as a coffee filter

from Faith a woman who hatched a duck egg by carrying it around in her bra for a month and from Luke how the Demorts of Michigan saved themselves with some antique underwear they found on an island which of these is the real story of underwear saving the day my husband's from, so I'm going to have to pick the

one that says, that has Betsy Ross in it. So I'll go with number two. You're going to go with Betsy Ross. That of course is Faith's story of the woman who nurtured a baby duck in her own bra. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we actually spoke to the person who was saved by underwear. I actually had it in my bra for 33 days. I figured, boob sweat, why not put it in there? That was Betsy Ross, the duck egg savior herself. Congratulations, Nicole. You got it right. You earned a point for faith. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Congratulations, Nicole. Thank you very much.

Thank you so much for calling in and playing our games. She's just my baby, baby, baby, one of a kind. Oh, how I love that sweet baby of mine. And now the game where people are rewarded for all their good work by having to work on something bad. It's called Not My Job. Allison Janney became famous playing a wonderful person, Press Secretary C.J. Craig in The West Wing. But she got her Oscar two years ago for playing a completely terrible person, Tonya Harding's mother in I, Tonya. Is she actually wonderful or is she terrible?

It's time to find out. Alice and Janie, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Ha ha ha ha ha! I suspected that! So she's lovely. She's a goalie. I actually looked up, I hadn't seen it since it happened, but I looked up your

Oscar acceptance speech for playing Tanya's mother, and you began with the greatest line I've ever heard. Could you repeat it for us now? So she gets up. She's in her beautiful gown. She wins an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. And she says.

I did it all by myself. Thank God. Which was great. And if you had had any gumption, you would have turned and walked away. I know. I would have won that jet ski or whatever they were offering for the shortest acceptance speed. Oh, yeah, right. You know? And I could have had it. You would have been a legend.

I chickened out, but it would have been. You're right. It would have been unforgettable. We always, we're checking in with our guests. How are you doing, Alice and Janie, during all this? Listen, it's been an incredibly challenging time. I decided to come back to Ohio to be with my folks,

to ride this through with them and look after them. And so I feel really, really good about that decision. I mean, I was about to ask you if it was weird to walk around a city in Ohio as a nationally, internationally famous actress, but then I realized you're not walking around anywhere, are you? Nope, nope. I mean, I go to the market, but nobody knows who I am because I got my mask on. I got my sunglasses. I got a hat on. I'm incognito everywhere I go.

Do you sometimes just have to ask your parents, do you know who I am? Here, let me take off my mask. So we were talking about I, Tanya. That was an amazing role for which you won an Oscar and it was written specifically for you, right? Yeah. Steven Rogers and I went to the Neighborhood Playhouse in New York City together back in the 80s. And he wrote that part knowing that I would be able to inhabit that kind of lady and make her plausible. I guess that's the right word, real. For those who haven't seen I, Tonya, first of all, what's wrong with you? Secondly,

the character that Alison plays is Tonya's mother, who is truly the worst mother ever committed to film. And was it weird when someone says, oh, I wrote this part, especially for you. I thought of you the whole time I was writing it. Here you go, Alison. And you were like, thanks? I did thank him though, because he knew I'd love, I like to take characters like that and make them human and make them believable. And having been a figure skater myself, I felt like I understood what a commitment it is for parents, because my mother would get up at five in the morning and take me to the ice rink before school. You were actually an ice skater when you were growing up?

I wanted to be an Olympic figure skater. That was my, my dreams. And were you actually going to be a, you were like on that track? Oh God, no, I wasn't that good.

I was too tall. You know what? Okay. It's an acrobatic sport. I'm six feet tall. The most I could do, I could do a double sow cow and a double flip, two double jumps, and that was it. Yeah. I was graceful though. I could have been like Torval and Dean. I could have been... You remember Torval and Dean?

Yes. Oh, yes. I remember Torval and Dean. They were just so beautiful. That's what I should have been. I could have been an ice dancer. Oh my God. I love this. This is like on the waterfront, but frozen over. Did you ever talk to Tanya about your performance as her mother? And if so, what did she say? Yeah, she was the one who guided me in my performance. I couldn't believe that someone could be this horrible to their daughter, but she, this was straight.

These were her stories. And she basically helped me have the confidence to step into it and believe just, you know, it was, it was, it was hard to do to Margot Robbie though. It was interesting as a,

as an actor trying to figure out how to, you know, be incredibly mean to her and, and just, yeah, we're going to jump into a scene now and you're going to throw a knife at Margot Robbie and go. It's just so bizarre what we do.

I do want to ask you about Bad Education, which is the movie that's coming out on HBO this weekend. Who was more of a prima donna to work with the parrot from I, Tanya or Hugh Jackman? Oh, Hugh Jackman. Biggest. He is the loveliest. Yeah, the parrot wins prima donna, hands down.

Scene-stealing prima donna. Hugh Jackman is a delightful, playful, and accessible, and generous. He's just wonderful. And he's the kind of guy that thinks about everyone and brings everyone scratchies on Friday, the whole crew and buys everyone. Just a really generous guy. A little lotto scratch cards. Is that what you mean by scratchies? Yeah, a lot of scratch cards.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. That's very sweet. Let me ask you a question. Before there's a coronavirus vaccine, would you film a sex scene with Hugh Jackman? Yes. Allison, your parents are downstairs. Keep it down when you're talking about this.

No, they can't. I'm on the third floor. They're on the first floor. I was so disappointed to not get to walk a red carpet with Hugh Jackman. I was finally going to walk down a red carpet with a man taller than me. And it was going to be a lovely moment for me. But we did just speak recently, we had to do a little virtual red carpet like this. And I was dressed exactly what I'm wearing right now. And we just... Who are you wearing? Is that your target? And we just... Who are you wearing?

Is that your target? I'm wearing my mother's cardigan. And I'm wearing... Who are you wearing? My mother. Is my mother's cardigan a hip designer in LA? My mother's cardigan. I'm wearing a t-shirt I've worn for three days.

And I do not smell so good right now. And I fancied it up with this little gold necklace. Oh my goodness. You should have your father just off camera as the security guard for your necklace. I have one last question for you before we go into the game. And it just occurred to me. So you're in your parents' house.

Is this the house where you grew up? No. Okay. Maybe this still happens. Is there anywhere in the house a shrine to Alice and Janie? Because you're an acclaimed award-winning actress. Wouldn't your parents put up pictures of you on the red carpet and copies of your awards and stuff like that? You know, there are a few.

But I have, you know, there are other people in the family that want to give equal time, equal spacing in the house to other siblings. No one cares about Tim's Amway career. I just remember calling my mother and father to tell them I got nominated for my first Emmy and my mother and father were up in Vermont. And she said, well, that's lovely, honey, but your father and I are dealing with a septic system right now.

So we'll call you back. I'm always very grounded here in Ohio. Well, Alice and Janie, it's a delight to talk to you, but we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling... Bad Education Meet Dad Education. You start in bad education. We're going to ask you about dad education, the wonderful things that we've learned from and about dads.

Answer two out of three of these correctly, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they may choose from our show. Bill, who is Allison Janney playing for? Kevin Crawford of Newark, New Jersey. All right, here's your first question. All right. World champion swimmer Santo Condorelli says his dad is the secret to his success. He didn't start winning until his father did what before every race? A, gave him the middle finger. B, shouted win or drown. Or C, swam the lane first to, quote, make a groove. Give him the middle finger. Exactly right. Yes. You were so sure about that. I was. All right. Here's your next question. A local politician in

Arkansas may regret teaching his son the ins and outs of politics after the teenager did what? A, created a fake super PAC that flooded the airwaves with negative ads and drove his father from office. B, bought the local paper and vowed to give his dad no mercy. Or C, hired a well connected lobbyist to pressure his dad for more allowance. That one. No, it was B, 19 year old Hayden Taylor bought the central Delta Argus sun and said he'd give his dad no mercy. All right. You have one last chance. If you get this right, you win.

Okay. Now, some dads have kids who are very quick learners. For example, as a young boy, Stephen Hawking's son was able to do which of these? A. He secretly added swear words to his dad's speech program. B. He programmed his dad's speech program. B. He programmed his dad's wheelchair to do surprise donuts. Or C. He created a unified theoretical framework of physics

that fully explains everything in the universe. Well, I just gotta say I hope it's the first one. And you're right! Yes, he added swear words to his dad's speech program. Bill, how did Alice and Janie do on our quiz? She wins another Oscar because two

out of three at Wait Wait is a win, a big win. Yeah. Congratulations. Alice and your parents are going to be so happy. You've got to tell them. They're going to be just bowled over. They're just not. No, they're going to kick me out of the attic is what they're going to do.

Alice and Janney's new film is Bad Education. It's streaming on HBO starting this very weekend. Thank you so much, Allison. What a pleasure to talk to you. Thank you, Allison. It was a pleasure. You're the best. We're a big fan.

We'll see you when we're all allowed outside. me what you know and you can feel my heart with joy cause you're the daddy. Yeah, you're the daddy. You can teach me how to laugh and you can teach me how to cry cause you're the daddy. In just a minute, it's a small world after all in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message comes from Kohler. Attaching directly to your toilet using basic household tools, a Kohler bidet seat offers adjustable features ranging from warm water cleansing and warm air dryer to a heated seat.

You'll also enjoy automatic air freshening and ambient nighttime light. Kohler invites you to visit kohler.com slash bidet. Enter Kohler30 at checkout to save 30% on in-stock bidet seats. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Luke Burbank, Mo Rocca, and Faith Saley. And here again is your host, the man who puts the sweat in pants, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

I could see that through the zoom camera, too. That is a true statement. In just a minute, Bill actually prefers working remotely in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, it's time for that public service segment of our show. Wash your hands with Bill. All it takes is 20 seconds of soap and hot water to clean your hands thoroughly.

All it takes is 20 seconds of soap and hot water to clean your hands thoroughly. To help you out this week, Bill Curtis is going to sing us an ode to what has become his favorite quarantine food. Get out your can opener. I get knocked down, but I get up. I'm so strong from eating beans. I get knocked down, but I get up. I get hungry from eating beans again. It's better time. You know what that means? I'm gonna always eat these beans. I get knocked down, but I get up. It's beans beans beans beans beans. Billy Boy loves his beans. Needs his beans.

It's not that funny, Faith. Thank you, Chumbawamba. Thank you, Goya Brand Beans. And as always, thank you, Bill. We needed that as a nation. We did. Oh, man. now panel it is time for some more questions for you from this week's news faith authorities in tampa florida found someone violating the lockdown orders and exercising in a public park who was it? Oh, um, that guy, Tom Brady.

Exactly, Tom Brady. The mayor of Tampa said park staff found somebody running around a closed park without a care in the world, and it turned out to be the former Patriots superstar who's now playing for, oh, what's their name? It's something to do with the ocean. It'll come to him in a minute.

Mr. Brady wasn't arrested or cited, and it's unclear how many times he just dumbly repeated but i'm tom brady and then later in the week and this is true yeah tom brady just walked into a stranger's house and dropped his bags because he got confused and had wandered into the wrong house well to be fair he is new to tampa and he's used to the wrong house. Well, to be fair, he is new to Tampa, and he's used to the Massachusetts state law that says Tom Brady can do anything he wants. You guys might have talked about this last week, but you saw that Tom Brady's company

is seeking to trademark the name Tompa Bay, right? I saw that. We did not discuss it. Tompa Bay. They want to be able to sell shirts that say Tampa Bay. But he's renting Derek Jeter's house currently. Like, I promise you there's a yard you can do burpees in or whatever drill Tom Brady was running. It does seem strange.

Maybe like one of his patented exercises requires a swing set. We don't know. and did exercises requires a swing set. We don't know. Mo, despite the Boston Marathon being canceled this last week, one runner ran it anyway in a tribute to the city. She used her GPS to run her 26 miles

and a route through Boston to spell out Boston Strong when you looked at it on a map. There was one problem, though. What? She misspelled Boston Strong. You're exactly right. She was trying to run a route that spelled out Boston Strong. If you look at it on a map, the woman instead gave the rallying cry of

Boston Strong. Now, she got a lot of ridicule online for this, but is what the woman did really so wrong? It's hard to do a Boston accent accent maybe she was trying to spell it phonetically or something it's true once she realized her mistake she immediately screamed out funk when did it get figured out that she had she had misspelled her route i think as soon as she uploaded it to a service like strava which maps people's routes and like there it was the runner says that next year, once this is all behind us, she's very excited to run

the official Boston Marathon. Straug sounds like a Patriots player. What's his name? Gronk. I guess he's not a Patriots anymore, right? Straug. He's now heading to Tampa Bay. Or as this woman would put it,

Tump Bay. Right. I would run more marathons if I was allowed to choose how many letters were in them, i.e. distance. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Or click the Contact Us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. And if you want more Wait, Wait in Your Week, just check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions all in the comfort of your home. The Wait, Wait Quiz. It's what passes for entertainment these days. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Lori Siegel from Durham, North Carolina.

Oh, okay. And what do you do in Durham when you're allowed to do it? I teach elementary school music. Oh my gosh. You teach all grades in elementary school? Kindergarten through fifth grade, yes. Oh, wow gosh. You teach all grades in elementary school? Kindergarten through fifth grade, yes. Oh, wow. And which grade do you like the best?

I'm not supposed to say, am I? It's a secret. I don't care. They're not going to hear this. They're listening to Baby Shark somewhere. That's true. Third grade, I think, is my favorite. Oh, my God.

The fourth graders are going to be so mad. Lori, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play? I am.

All right. Here is your first limerick. He's jumped past the fast track line, whizzing free. He's the king of the theme park now, isn't he? But one thing is tricky. No Donald, no Mickey. He's roaming alone there in... Oh.

Is it about the Tiger King? No, no. Oh, no. Completely different kind of attraction. Let me try one more time. He's jumped past the fast track line, whizzing free. He's the king of the theme park now, isn't he? But one thing is tricky.

No Donald, no Mickey. He's roaming alone there in... Laurie, think of it as the emptiest place on Earth. Disney! Disney, yes. Disney! California police were called after a man scaled the fence into Disneyland. The man enjoyed ten beautiful minutes alone in the park,

which was just enough time for him to regret paying extra for the Fast Pass. And it turns out it was Tom Brady. He just wanders around. He buried the lead on that one, Sagal. All right, here is your next limerick. Crime's contagious. You can't shake it off ya. Even COVID can't make the mob loft ya.

Since Italy's lockdown keeps all of the cops down the quarantine's good for the Mafia. You gave here a rhyme you can't refuse. While the global economy is struggling the Italian Mafia apparently is thriving so good news if you're out of work because of the pandemic there's going to be a lot of new

jobs in the kneecapping industry. According to various reports the Mafia is quote cementing their power during the pandemic, which is a nice change from their usual cementing a dude into cement. Here is your last limerick. As you're out and about catching rays, you could wander in hedges for days.

A new park we're designing that's just like The Shining. Our park will be one giant... maze. Exactly right. Urban planners in Austria have created a new city park concept designed to keep visitors

six feet apart at all times. The park is basically a giant labyrinth made of hedges, which is a great way to avoid strangers and a terrible place to play fetch with your dog the design has already attracted some attention who wouldn't want to go to a park where everybody has to stay away from you and a park focused on keeping away from other people is an improvement over our current parks where you're focused on keeping away from the trash cans full of bees i that sounds very ominous to me because everything I know about hedge mazes is from the end

of The Shining. Yes. And from what I remember, it doesn't end great for Jack Torrance. No. I don't think The Shining made people want to go

either to mountain resorts in the winter or into hedge mazes. Bill, how did Lori do in our quiz? Lori got them all right. 3-0, Lori.

Congratulations and well done. Thank you so much. That was a musical yay, by the way. Thank you. I appreciate it. Bye-bye. Goodbye.

Support for Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and the following message comes from SimpliSafe Home Security. SimpliSafe blankets your whole home in safety, and you can set up the whole system by yourself. With SimpliSafe's award-winning protection, you'll have highly trained security experts ready to notify police at a moment's notice, and there are no contracts. Get free shipping on your order, plus a 60-day money-back guarantee at simplisafe.com slash wait. Hey, now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have

60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Mo has two, Luke has three, and Faith has three. That means that, Mo, you're in third place, so you go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, officials from blank said they'd successfully launched a military satellite into orbit. Iran? Yes. On Tuesday, the Senate Intelligence Committee released a report confirming that blank did indeed interfere in the 2016 election. Russia? Right. On Thursday, President Trump suggested

that coronavirus could be cured by injecting blank. A disinfectant. Right, or bleach. Do not actually do this, America. Too late. On Monday, Israeli Prime Minister Blank announced he had reached a deal to form a unity government with his rival, Benny Gantz.

Netanyahu. Right. During an interview for the Michael Jordan documentary The Last Dance, President Barack Obama was identified only as blank. Former Chicagoan. Yes. Workers at online giant blank held a nationwide sick out to demand more virus protection. Amazon. Right. What may be a first two brothers in Florida were charged with dui for blanking um for um they were they were they were in separate cars and they were drunk no no actually you got it exactly wrong they were both charged with dui for driving the same car at the same time never been done before the brothers were pulled over

for reckless driving and one stumbled out of the car after putting it in park, but before officers could get to the car, the brother in the passenger seat slid over and tried to throw the car into reverse, getting him a DUI charge as well. It's inspiring. You know what they say, the family that drunk drives together is most likely from Florida. Bill, how did Mo do in our quiz? Mo had six right, 12 more points, total of 14, and the lead. All right, I'm going to arbitrarily choose Luke to go next, because who cares? Peter, we're having a little bit of a slow connection. If you can read these slowly, you're going to hear what sounds like me typing things into Google, but that's just the connection. Don't bother yourself with that.

All right, Luke, you're up next, fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Senate passed a new $484 billion blank relief package. Small business. Yeah, good enough for the coronavirus. According to a report released on Thursday, U.S. blank claims have now hit 26 million. Jobless. Right. This week, the entire U.S. box office draw came from blank. Online sales?

A single drive-in theater in Florida. the entire U.S. box office draw came from blank. Online sales? A single drive-in theater in Florida. On Thursday, late-night sketch comedy institution Blank announced it would air another remote show this weekend. Saturday Night Live. Yes, indeed. Due to the pandemic, German authorities announced they were canceling this year's Blanktoberfest. Ock?

Yes, Oktoberfest. A construction crew working in Colorado hit an underground cable on Tuesday, knocking out service to blank. The one drive-in movie theater still operating. No, they knocked out service to the call-before-you-dig hotline. Which of course exists to mark essential utility lines before construction begins, but someone must have ignored that step, which led to a crew slicing into a fiber optic cable and shutting the hotline down throughout Denver. The city says utility crews are working to repair the damage, but without the hotline, have only so far succeeded

in shutting down everyone's water and electricity. Bill, how did Luke do in our quiz? Peter, Luke got four right for eight more points, total of 11. He's in second place behind Mo. So how many then does Faith need to win? Faith needs six to win. All right, Faith, this is for the game.

Here we go. On Wednesday, Nancy Pelosi delayed a planned rule change that would allow the House to blank remotely. Vote. Right. New polls out this week showed blank leading Trump in three battleground states. Joe Biden. Right. In an escalation of tensions with Beijing, U.S. warships entered the disputed waters of the blank this week. Of the China Seas. Yes, the South China Sea.

Health officials in Milwaukee say at least seven people were infected with COVID-19 after Wisconsin held in-person blanking in early April. Voting. Yes. A man in Indiana who was arrested for leading police in a high-speed chase in his Mustang explained he didn't stop because blank. He didn't want to get infected by the police. No, because he thought the troopers just wanted to race. On Monday, popular burger chain blank announced they would return the $10 million loan they

received from the Small Business Rescue Fund. Shake Shack. Right. This week, entertainment conglomerate blank announced they were furloughing 100,000 workers. Disney. Yes. Tired of residents breaking quarantine, lawmakers in Indonesia have started punishing people by blanking. Auk!

No, by forcing them to stay in a haunted house. Ghosts, specters, and hauntings play a big part in Indonesian folklore, which is why officials have started to punish anyone caught breaking a lockdown by forcing them to spend the rest of their quarantine in a haunted house. Of course, after weeks of this, a lot of people said, yeah, the undead are scary, but how's the Wi-Fi in there? Bill, did Faith do well enough to win?

Peter, Faith did win. And six right, 12 more points. 15 is the total that wins this week. Congratulations, Faith. Thank you. I spent all day schooling my children and not myself, so that is quite a surprise. In just a minute, we are going to ask our panelists to predict, now that we're all tired of Zoom, what will be the next big advance in communication.

Wait, wait, don't tell me. Now that we're all tired of Zoom, what will be the next big advance in communication? Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Emma Day.

Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Our oil baron is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager, that's Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog,

and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. And we want to wish a very happy birthday to our number one fan, Lynn Pham, the keeper of the Wait Wait Stats page. He turns 40 this week. Happy birthday, Lynn. We love you, Lynn. Love you.

Bravo. Now, panel, what will be our next new form of communication? Luke Burbank. Standing in our yards holding up those signs everyone's moms like to put up. Live, laugh, love. Ha ha ha. You had me at Merlot. Faith Saley. Thanks, Darren. I've been reading a lot of Harry Potter with my kids, and I think that the best way to capture how we feel these days is to communicate by howlers.

And Mo Rocca. Introducing Peachy Keene Career Service. Governor Brian Kemp of Georgia will volunteer the senior citizens of his state to run messages and errands for all those wusses in other states who are sheltering in place. Patriots. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Luke Burbank, Faith Saley, and Mo Rocca. Thanks to all of you for listening from whatever shelter you're placed in.

I'm Peter Sagal, and we'll be back with you next week. This is NPR.