Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Danica Patrick

Episode Date: October 5, 2019

Danica Patrick, former NASCAR driver, joins us along with panelists Faith Salie, Tom Bodett, and Helen Hong.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. When you want your flower pollinated, I'll be your bum-bill-dy. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Oh, thank you, everybody. Thank you all so much. We have a wonderful show for you today, because later we're going to be talking to Danica Patrick, the legendary race car driver. She is the first woman to ever win an IndyCar race. And now she is hosting a podcast.

That means, according to the laws of fairness, that I am now the Indianapolis 500 champion. We want you to compete in our track, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Minna Stein calling from the infamous Tallahassee Trail in Tallahassee, Florida.

Hello, Minna. How are you? I am going to say that I pride myself on having heard of things, but I've never heard of the infamous Tallahassee Trail. What is that? It's just something that Donald Trump references constantly and doesn't exist. Oh, I see. Well, that must be disorienting then for you to live on it. Well, welcome to the show, Minna. It is a pleasure to have you. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning, it's our friend Faith Saley.

Hey, Minna. Go, Nose. Next, a comedian performing at the E.O. Theatre in Wailuku, Maui, November 8th and 9th, if you need an excuse to go. And at Zany's here in Chicago, November 14th through 17th, it's Helen Hong. Hey, hi, Minna.

And finally, it's the humorist and wood butcher appearing at Comics on a Mission with Wait-Wait's own Maeve Higgins November 16th at the Latches Theater

in Brattleboro, Vermont. It's Tom Beaudet. Hello, Minna. So, Minna, I'm going to guess you anticipated this, but you're going to play Who's Bill this time.

Bill Curtis, of course, is going to recreate three voices from the week's news. Your job, explain or identify two of them. Do that, you win our prize, the voice of anyone you might like on your voicemail. You ready to go? Yeah. All right. Your first quote is from someone who has spent the last week denying that he demanded other countries investigate the Biden family.

China should start an investigation into the Bidens. So who kind of spilled the beans right there? Trump. Yes, Trump. Very good. Ever since the now infamous whistleblower report came out last week, the president and his defenders have been saying, of course, Mr. Trump wasn't really pressuring foreign countries to investigate an opponent. He was just concerned with political corruption. He's always been interested in corruption. You could say it's his hobby. Why? I mean, they've been trying so hard to sort of cover all this up. And he just came out and said it. Did some presidential advisor say we need to go on offense?

And the president said, be offensive. Got it. Right. It's like we haven't even heard from the Democrats, really, because they can't accuse him fast enough. It's like a cop pulls over a car and says, you're under arrest for speeding. Oh, I see you have a beer in your hand.

You're under arrest for drinking and driving. He's like, ow, you hit me. You're also under arrest for assaulting Oh, I see you have a beer in your hand. You're under arrest for drinking and driving. He's like, ow, you hit me. You're also under arrest for assaulting an officer. It's just like, it just keeps going. Also, my tail lights out. Also, there's a body in the trunk. This has been a very active time for upping my emoji game, though.

Because I used to only use the peach emoji exclusively for sexting yes and now you know you put the m and the peach and then the mint leaf next to it yeah and that's hot and then and also now I've been using the whistle and like a hair dryer and I'm like oh yeah so you sort of what you're saying is you're sort of circling back to sexting I can't wait to see what you do with that political eggplant. Yeah. Aren't you afraid you're going to get your signals crossed,

and the next thing you know, somebody's thinking that it was a hookup, and it was really just the resistance? It's all the same nowadays. You just joined Antifa. All right. Mena, here is your next quote. If I had gone to college, my jersey would have been sold all over the place. That was LeBron James reacting to news that college athletes, at least in California, will soon be able to do what?

Oh, have their names printed on their jerseys? Well, not so much. They already have that. It's a question of... Get money for their merchandise? That's exactly right. Make money. Get endorsements.

Sell merchandise. California has now passed a law that will allow student athletes to earn money from endorsements and hire agents without losing their amateur status starting in 2023. You can imagine all of them running out to do endorsements like,

Hi, I'm Austin Burton, quarterback at UCLA, and I don't always do jello shots at Tri Kappa Delta, but when I do, I prefer pop-offs. I think it's a great plan because then those athletes can start paying their parents back for spending $500,000 to get them into the Exactly right. It's a way of making the bribe money back. Like Lori Loughlin's daughter is like, yeah, I'm not really in the swim team, but if I

was, I'd use these bathing suits. Now, the problem, of course, the reason the NCAA is freaking out about this is California, if they're the only people to do this, will have an advantage in recruitment over every other state. Why should an athlete go play at, say, Auburn for free when they can make bank in California? So say hello to the 2023 national football champion, the Bakersfield College of Cosmetology. They have an amazing ice hockey team. Or they will soon.

All right, Minette, your last quote is from Bloomberg, commenting on a business that declared bankruptcy this week. It looks like it might not be forever. So what clothing company turned out not to last, in fact, forever? It's right there in the name. There's kind of a hint there. Forever 21. Forever 21, yeah.

Forever 21 has been a staple in the fast fashion world since the early 2000s, but Forever 21, they declared bankruptcy this week. The store was known for selling clothes that, obviously, 21-year-olds might wear, like sparkly tube tops, fun graphic T-shirts, and whatever they wore the night before just covered in barf. Or sparkly barf if it was a good night. Forever 21 was such a rite of passage. Like, you could go there and walk out with, like, 15 things.

First, 60 bucks. And they would last three hours, but at least you looked cute for those three hours. Yeah. Yeah, and it was funny because, of course, people were surprised because it looked like such a thriving business. But the company was forced to file for bankruptcy after being put through the washing machine exactly once. You know what occurs to me? I bet this played a part in their going out of business. You know what vanity sizing is, right?

Vanity sizing. Yeah, like at Old Navy, everybody's a negative seven. Right. I love that. Right. That's why you shop there. And Forever 21 was forever crushing my self-esteem. I don't know what you call the opposite of vanity sizing.

That's true. Reality. You're right. It ran way small. Yeah, reality. Yes. It was reality sizing. Which is awful. Nobody wants to shop for reality. Humiliation sizing.

Yes. I mean, who would go? It would be like me going to Forever 64 No way I should say though In case you're panicking out there Even though they have declared bankruptcy It's just the classic reorganization of their debt The stores will not close

And so it's like it's almost encouraging Finally an American company Being merely bankrupt instead of morally bankrupt. Bill, how did Minna do on our quiz? Minna did fine. She got finally three right. Congratulations. Well done.

Thank you. Bye-bye. We want to remind everyone they can join us most weeks right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Illinois. For tickets and more information, just go over to wbez.org or you can find a link at our website, waitwait.npr.org. Right now, panel, it's time for a game that we like to call... The Trump Dump.

Some weeks... It's that for a game that we like to call the Trump dump. Some weeks. It's that time again. Some weeks, the Trump news moves faster than Mike Pompeo erasing old text messages. We're going to ask you some true false questions about the week in Trump rapid fire style. Get it right. You get a point. You ready to play? Sure.

All right, Tom, you're up first. Tom, true or false, on Tuesday, the New York Times reported that Donald Trump had proposed protecting America with an alligator and snake-filled moat. True. Yes. Faith, true or false, on Wednesday, Donald Trump responded that the idea that he, quote, wanted a moat stuffed with alligators and snakes, unquote, was fake news. True. No, it's false. He said the idea that he wanted a moot was fake news. Helen, true or false, the president's personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, told a reporter via text that he was considering bringing a lawsuit called Trump versus the swamp. True. No, false.

He said it was a jaw suit. Tom, true or false? Nobody has spellcheck. Tom, true or false? Nobody has spellcheck. Tom, true or false? This week, the Library of Congress cafeteria began serving a peach mint crumb cake. Oh, true. Yes. Faith, true

or false? Faith, true or false? On Wednesday, the President of the United States tweeted a Nickelback meme. True. Yes. Helen, true or false, on Thursday, Nickelback had that tweet taken down for copyright violation. True. Yes!

I've never rooted for Nickelback before. Tom, true or false, on Tuesday, The New York Times reported that Hunter Biden played a role in getting Congress to investigate Trump's relationship with Deutsche Bank. Um, true. No, it's false. They reported that Moby played a role in getting Congress to investigate Trump's relationship with Deutsche Bank. True. No, it's false. They reported that Moby played a role in getting Congress to investigate Trump's relationship with

Deutsche Bank. Faith, true or false? Reporters scrambled into action this week when the White House press secretary appeared for the first time in 200 days in the White House briefing room. False. Right. Reporters scrambled when a mouse fell from the ceiling of the White House briefing room. The White House press secretary did not appear at all.

That's it for this week's Trump Dump. Coming up, the truth is an endangered species in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hey Asma, I think it's time for a big change. Alright, what does that mean? I think it's time to make the NPR Politics Podcast a daily podcast. Well, we do have more than ample news.

You and I are on the campaign trail. It seems like nonstop. And now there's an impeachment inquiry into President Trump. So starting this week, the NPR Politics Podcast will be in your feed every weekday to keep you up to date ahead of the 2020 election. So subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. The NPR Politics Podcast, now five days a week. podcast now five days a week. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Helen Hong, Faith Saley, and Tom Beaudet. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

Thank you, everybody. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is David Smith from Belmont, Massachusetts. Belmont, Massachusetts. It just so happens that I spent a good chunk of my youth in Belmont,

because that's where my grandparents lived. It's a lovely town. It's a great town. How long have you lived there? Oh, about five years now. Five years. Well, let me tell you, it used to be even better. Well, welcome to the show, David. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is David's topic? I'm the last of my species.

We all know the classic endangered species, the whooping cranes, the panda bears, the likable New York Times columnists. This week, we heard about someone trying to save another group with dwindling numbers. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize,

the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to do this? Yep. All right, your first story comes from Helen Hong. There's a shocking trend happening in Korean parenting that not everyone is happy about. It seems the Korean tiger mom is dying out. Apparently influenced by Western culture and their own traumatic childhood experiences, there's a new breed of kinder, gentler Korean mom, and it's unsettling.

These new moms are far less biting, cutting, and emotionally abusive than traditional Korean moms. Said one trend-following Korean mom who requested anonymity for this story because she didn't want her own Korean mom to hear about it, a B-plus is just as good as an A, adding shockingly, as long as she tries her best. Some moms have expressed acceptance of careers other than doctor or lawyer.

One Korean daughter even reported that when she brought home a non-Korean boyfriend, her mother did not fall to her knees and start beating her chest. Now a church group in Incheon is fighting against the trend, holding Korean mom workshops. The workshops include how to get your child to finish their plate while also calling them fat, facial expressions, which means an A- is actually an F, and daily drills for comparing your child to other children who are more obedient. Saving the endangered Korean tiger mom,

your next story of a dying breed comes from Faith Saley. If you were a kid in the 60s or 70s, you witnessed the delightful mischief of mimes, whether you wanted to or not. Mimes on the street, the legendary Marcel Marceau on The Tonight Show and Mr. Rogers. Mimes have been unfairly mocked. But these days, mimes are not only underappreciated, they're almost extinct. Millennials and Gen Zs who've grown up with CGI and TikTok and Lizzo really aren't impressed with people who put themselves in invisible boxes. Last week, 47 mimes from around the world wordlessly gathered in Zurich to make themselves or seen. These mime activists,

mimetivists, if you will, tried to call attention to their art. American students Hunter Groton and Lexi Stein saw them. I thought it was some lame flash mob, said Hunter, but they weren't even singing. I don't think it's sensitive to people who really are mute. Lexi agreed. As a woman, she added, the visual imagery of glass boxes triggers some really emotionally claustrophobic feelings. We don't need glass ceilings conjured by smirking men with super white faces right now.

right now. A movement to save the mimes. Your last story of a species in peril comes from Tom Bodette. Remember when Annette Bening and Warren Beatty named their baby Nigel and it became the most popular baby name of 2003? No, you don't. Because

they named their baby Benjamin and everyone else did too, including yours truly. Nobody names their baby Nigel. Literally, nobody. When innkeeper Nigel Smith of Rochester Shire, UK, learned that no babies were named Nigel in the year 2016, he decided to take action. He sent a calling all Nigels emergency plea around the globe and convened a meeting of Nigels in an English pub. With 435 Nigels in attendance, it is thought to be the world's largest gathering of Nigels.

Awards were given for the furthest traveled, Texas. Howdy, Nigel. The youngest, seven months. The oldest, and they even agreed to a collective noun for Nigels. A niggle of Nigels. Careful with that. Mr. Smith said,

in the year I was born, 1963, there were over 5,000 Nigels born. It was peak Nigel. We will resurge. There will be a lot more Nigels next year than this year. I definitely put money on that. And we've just taken away a little bit of that stigma and reaffirmed what a fantastic name Nigel is. Once you've grown into it, it takes a little while. Poindexters, that's your cue. All right. Somebody, somewhere,

is trying to save a group of people who might be dying out. Is it from Helen Hong, Korean Tiger Moms, from Faith Saley, Mimes, or from Tom Bodette, people named Nigel? I think a gathering of Nigels was probably the most British thing I've ever heard of. A gathering of Nigels. Yes, okay, you're choosing then

Tom's story about the gathering of Nigels. Well, to bring you the real story, we spoke to one of these endangered people. Last week on September 28th, a pub in Bedfordton, England, hosted a Nigel night, which gathered 435 Nigels That was Nigel Stevens, otherwise known as Texas Nigel

He traveled from Denver, Colorado To attend Nigel Night By the way, it occurs to me that if in fact Faith's story had been the true one We would have played you the real person We would have heard silence. But that wasn't the case. What really happened was that you were right. Tom was telling the truth.

You picked it. He gets a point. You win our prize. Congratulations. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you. Let's get together, we're singing this song. Let's get together, we're singing this song. Let's get together, it makes us strong.

Let's get together, what took so long, took so long, took so long, took so long. And now the game where people who go very fast slow down to smell the roses, find out they don't smell so great, and speed away again. It's called Not My Job. Race car driving has always been a man's job, like playing pro baseball or screwing up the entire world. But nobody told Danica Patrick that. She wanted to be a racer her whole life, going on to be the first woman to win an IndyCar race, and then to compete at the highest level in NASCAR. We are excited to have her with us. Danica Patrick, welcome to Wait, the highest level in NASCAR. We're excited to have her with us. Danica Patrick, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. So we found out, Danica, that you were very, very young when you decided you wanted to be a driver.

Is that right? I was 10. You were 10. And what sort of inspired that? Were you a fan of watching races on tv what was it no and i'm still not to be honest um i you know we were looking for something to do together as a family um i have a younger sister she was eight and i was 10 when we started i started out in go-karts at 10 and then at 16 i moved to england and raced cars there for three years, and then I came back and Within a couple of years I ended up in IndyCar So the first time you've gotten in a go-kart to race it did it like immediately strike you like you that's yes This is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. No, I crashed you crashed You see that I think the difference between you and I among the many ones is that I would have like immediately moved to wow I just don't feel the thrill anymore,

right after that first crash. Just like, boom, entire career, done. In fact, you must have noticed somewhere, you rapidly rose in the ranks of drivers, but you must have noticed at some point that there weren't a lot of other women doing it, right? Yeah, that sort of appeared to be the case. Yeah, and I'm just going to ask,

did that cause you any problems coming up in the ranks? Oh, all the boys gave me tons of attention. Oh, I guess that's true. Was it an advantage or was it a disadvantage? I won by default in the best-looking girl category as driver. There you go. That's true.

You always walked away with that trophy. I'm sure you get this question a lot, but does your race career translate into your everyday driving? Are you out there drag racing up and down the streets of Green Bay yeah you are because my understanding is like I mean I've actually asked this question to other racers before and they're like oh no and I'm off the track and just like everybody else but you're like yeah you do that I drive like an idiot. Do you really? Nice. Are you like taking turns on two wheels?

Are you doing that stuff? Well, I definitely, so you guys, I mean, we're getting more used to roundabouts here in America. I was very used to them in England because that's pretty much all they have. So yeah, either when I'm feeling racy or lazy, I just drive straight over them. Wait a minute. Wait a them. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait, what do you drive? Like through the center? Yeah, so a roundabout is those traffic circles that are getting, as you say, more and more common in America. And you're saying when you get into one, instead of like yielding to the cars already in it and going around it to your exit, you just go careening right through the middle?

Yeah, you can just drive over it, you know? Oh, my God, I'm going to go try this right now. Have you ever been, shall we say, caught? Yeah, actually, not in Green Bay, though, but I did hear one day my boyfriend came home, and he said, so my spies told me you were doing about 89 on the highway. And I was like, oh, yeah, that was probably true. I'll blow that.

Did you? Well, I try and go, I try and keep it within 10 over. Right. That's reasonable. Have you ever been pulled over for speeding or anything else? About 20 times. Right. And when they say, ma'am, I need need your ID and they look at your ID do they

react yeah sometimes they do sometimes they don't sometimes they say they don't and then it's on the news what's the fastest you've ever been busted for oh over 30 over which I was informed could be considered reckless driving so I think the ticket was made for under 30. Oh, okay. Well, that was very nice of them. Do you drive stick shift all the time? No, but I would love to.

It's fun. I can't get him in. What do you drive now? What is your car of choice? I drive a lot of Range Rovers. As one does. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

There's Danica Patrick. Peter, she has to go over the rotary. Yeah. You need Danica Patrick. You need ground clearance. Driving over the rotary. You need Danica Patrick driving over the rotary 80 miles an hour in a Range Rover. You mentioned your boyfriend earlier. It turns out that happens to be Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers.

Is that the case? That's correct. That's correct. And I am told, again, that you yourself are a fan of the Chicago Bears. Is that the case? That would be a really poor situation. That would be. What you're saying is if that were to be the case, that would be awkward for your domestic happiness yes um and i the truth is is that i grew up near chicago yes um i have a house in chicago i've had one for about 10 years there

and i was you were there you're willing to concede that at some point in time in the distant past you might have expressed enthusiasm for the chicago, but you will go no further than that. Look, I just painted my fingernails green. I have drawers of Packer clothes. You have a foam wedge of cheese on your head. I think that's the real question. Do you wear the cheese head? You know, I'm going to the Dallas game this weekend, and my girlfriend is going, too, and she had a cheese cowboy hat, and I was like, oh, my gosh. You have to get me one. All right.

Well, Danica Patrick, it is a pleasure to talk to you. We've invited you here to play a game we're calling Slow Your Roll There. So you go very fast, as we have heard. So you still do. So we thought we'd ask you three questions about very slow things. Answer two of them correctly, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose on their answering machine. Bill, who is Danica Patrick playing for?

Ted Schlesman from Des Moines, Iowa. All right. You ready to do this? Okay. All right. Okay. Here's your first question. We think of sloths, you know, sloths as being very slow.

They're kind of goofy creatures who hang around on trees all day. But there is one time in its life when a sloth moves extremely quickly. Is it A, while trying to escape humans who want to take selfies with them, B, during sloth mating, which lasts five seconds, or C, when they fast forward through the first 15 minutes of Marc Maron's podcast? That would be the mating season.

You're right there, Danica. Yes. Quickies. The swaths mate for five seconds, and that includes, by the way, foreplay. That's true. Obviously. Obviously.

All right. That's very good. Sometimes it is good to be slow. Which of these things do we have slowness to thank for? A, penicillin was discovered because Dr. Alexander Fleming was really slow to clean up his lab and his sandwich grew mold on it. B, Ben and Jerry of ice cream fame met when they were the two slowest kids running laps in gym class. Or C, Brad Pitt, who only took his first acting class because he was too slow to sign up for what he wanted,

metal shop. I think it's penicillin. You think it's penicillin? I do. No, actually it's not. I mean, although we fooled you because penicillin was grown do. No, actually, it's not. I mean, although we fooled you because penicillin was grown from mold, but not on his sandwich. It was in a lab. But that's okay. The real answer was Ben and Jerry's. No, it's actually Ben and Jerry's.

Ben and Jerry's, as they say, were the fattest and slowest kids in the class. That's what they say. Well, that makes sense because they made ice cream. Exactly. And they became friends as they were always at the end of the pack.

All right, this is not a problem, Danica, because you have one more chance. Last question. In 1904, Thomas Hicks had the slowest winning time for the marathon in Olympic history. He even had to be carried over the finish line. He was in such bad shape at the end. Why did he run so slowly? Was it because, A, running shoes of the era were made of iron? B, he had secretly bet $10,000 in another runner,

but the other guy had bet on him, so they both ended up running as slow as possible? Or C, poorly informed, he was using performance-enhancing strychnine? Yeah, maybe the strychnine, I guess? It is, in fact, strychnine. It was an early time. They hadn't worked that out.

They thought it would help. They actually gave it to him at like a rest station instead of Gatorade. Like, here, have some strychnine and some raw eggs. And he ended up being

in such miserable shape, this is true, that his trainers had to come out, pick him up by the elbows and carry him in the air over the finish line while his legs him in the air over the finish line while his legs went in the air.

And he still won. What? That's true. He was the winner. Bill, how did Danica Patrick do in our quiz? The checkered flag came down on Danica's two out of three. And first place. Congratulations. Congratulations.

Does this maybe bring you back the thrill of competition? She's too busy rolling over a roundabout right now. Danica Patrick is a former professional race car driver, and she's now host of the new podcast, Pretty Intense. Danica Patrick, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. That was fun.

Get into the fast lane, fast lane. Get into the fast lane, fast lane. In just a minute, Bill walks down the Cinnabon aisle in the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute

with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. There are places in the United States where voting districts are made up mostly of prisoners who can't vote. Forgive me for not having been able to articulate this the way I want to, but it's almost like your body being used. On NPR's Code Switch, the connection between the U.S. Census, politics, and prisons. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tom Beaudet, Faith Saley, and Helen Hong. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sigel.

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill races in the Indy Rhyme 100 with Danica Limerick. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, we have some more questions for you from the week's news. Tom, NASA is charged with watching the skies, but in July of this year, apparently they didn't look carefully

enough to notice what? The death meteor? That's exactly right. What? That's exactly right. What? That's what happened. Internal emails at NASA that were retrieved through a Freedom of Information Act request showed that NASA, in July, saw an incoming asteroid only 24 hours before it flew by quite near the Earth. NASA, whose entire purpose is to look up and say, huh, what's that? whose entire purpose is to look up and say,

huh, what's that? Saw the asteroid just 24 hours before it zipped by the Earth, just 50,000 miles away, which is like nothing. The asteroid was dubbed 2019 OK, which stands for OK, we're all going to die. They say it's the size of a football field and would have smashed about 50 miles of Earth, totally pulverized it. What?

Yeah. We could have almost just died i know at 50 that's like fifth of the way of the moon exactly right it is what you would see that go by it would like blow your hair back if that went by so it did come it did they saw it they saw but we didn't well they saw it and it went it flew by obviously did not crash into earth but i can see the moon and the moon's five times farther but we didn't? Well, they saw it, and it flew by. Obviously, it did not crash into Earth. But I can see the moon, and the moon's five times farther away. Why didn't I get to see it? You sound like you're upset that it was in the neighborhood and it didn't visit. It's like it posted on Instagram,

Oh, I'm here in New York, and you were like, You were here? You didn't come? Faith, according to the Wall Street Journal, fitness junkies everywhere are trying a new workout supplement. What is it? We know it's not strychnine. No, not strychnine. That did not work out.

It must be something unusual. Well, it's something unusual for what people would think of as very energetic activity. Okay. Can you give me a hint? Sure. It helps you get those stoned hard abs. Weed? Yes, weed as you get those stoned hard abs. Weed? Yes, weed as a performance enhancing drug.

What? Bye bye steroids. Marijuana is the new drug helping gym rats work out and be weird at sex. In what way could marijuana help a workout? Well, I can tell you what they say. Because of course I have no first-hand knowledge. One weightlifter who smokes 14 joints a day

told the Wall Street Journal, quote, you definitely feel the blood flow through each specific muscle. If you smoke 14 joints a day, you get through the workout because you can't feel your face. Right.

Helen, Halloween is right around the corner, so you know what that means. Your favorite stores are already full of Christmas crap. This year, Costco is selling a new advent calendar, not full of chocolate, but full of what? Jelly beans. No. Can I have a hint? You can. On the first day of Christmas, my true love game to me, a schlitz.

Liquor? Specifically. Beer. Yes, beer. What? 24 cans of beer, advent calendar. Wow. I love this country.

Jesus would be so proud. Yes. The brewer's advent calendar at Costco has 24 different German beers in honor of the gift of the often overlooked fourth wise man. What up, Virgin Mama? I brought brewskis. Gold, frankincense, and burr.

Exactly. It works like this. Each day of December, you open a little door and you pull out a different beer, and by Christmas, you will have built up enough alcohol tolerance to tolerate your in-laws. Do you say a little prayer and then crush the can on your head?

That's what Jesus would do, so... If you're apprehensive about starting every morning in December with a can of German beer, just remember, hey, it's Advent somewhere. morning in December with a can of German beer, just remember, hey, it's Advent somewhere. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows

here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our 1,000th show on October 24th in Salt Lake City and our 1,001st show October 25th in Salt Lake and our first ever show in Richmond, Virginia on November 14th. And if you want more Wait, Wait in Your Week, check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill. Just say, open the Wait, Wait quiz,

and you could win the voice of your choice for your voicemail. Ooh, what a prize. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Katie Samuel, and I am from Santa Barbara, California. Oh, Santa Barbara, one of the most beautiful places on this earth. Yeah, it is gorgeous all year round.

What do you do there? I am a true millennial. I have three jobs. I work as a nanny at a wedding venue, and then I also, on the weekends, do princess party performing. You do princess party performing. What is that exactly? Um, I go to birthday parties as public domain fairy tale characters. Hilarious. Not copyrighted. So you're not Ariel? You're not Ariel? Yes. I'm the, I do go as Hans Christian Anderson's little mermaid.

Is there, is there a public domain Frozen? You mean Hans Christian Anderson's Snow Queen? Yes, that's exactly what I meant. Welcome to the show, Katie. Bill Curtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner.

Here is your first limerick. The bumblebee queen has a chat. Hey, guys, population is flat. You drones must commit to being more fit. To mate with me, you are too... Fat? Yes, fat. The rusty patch bumblebee was the first bee to be placed in the U.S. endangered species list.

And scientists now believe their decline is mostly because male bees are getting too fat to mate. And yet somehow they all keep getting cast as sitcom leads alongside beautiful, long-suffering wives. cast as sitcom leads alongside beautiful, long-suffering wives. Well, did you know that when a drone successfully mates with the queen, she then eats, chooses gonads off? That is the case. Yeah. Wow. So, I mean, wouldn't you like, if you're looking forward to that, just like stress eat?

Yeah, probably. Yeah. That's true. I should say, by the way, that it is not due to the bees' diet. It's not like they're eating junk food. It's due to a parasitic fungus and, of course, the unflattering horizontal stripes they all wear. All right, Katie, here is your next limerick. If ring shopping's what you are dreading, check out this display

we are spreading. Some rings for you, too. And then both say, I do. Because our jewelry store's hosting the... Wedding. Yes, chain jewelry store Helzberg Diamonds is now offering not just wedding and engagement rings,

but also on-the-spot marriages to any couple who asks. Ugh. The ceremony is done by sales associates who are ordained by the Universal Life Church, and the reception is catered by the Auntie Annie's Pretzels in the food court. Now, I should say, for everybody who's excited about this, that the service is free of charge. You just need to remember to bring a wedding license and some witnesses.

And if you don't have any witnesses, just look around for Roy Moore. He's usually hanging out at the mall. Right by Forever 21. Exactly. Imagine how frustrated he is. That is just hideous in every way. But they say, Faith, that they are

doing this in response to a change in the wedding demographic. More and more younger people don't want to spend a whole lot of time or money getting married. They want to avoid the whole sort of figuring out how many friends I actually have thing. But remember, diamonds may be forever, but the mall closes at 10. I'm down with it. They're offering a free service. And if you actually went and had a wedding, it would cost like $10,000 at least,

and there's no Panda Express. That's true. At your traditional wedding, they don't have a Panda Express. Yeah, you could just get married, have the Panda Express, have the Cinnabon, and then you're like, that was awesome, I'm stoked. All right, here is your last limerick. With craft shears, my children are wizards.

But now all their noses bleed rivers. The damage was made from sniffing the blades. Their teacher gave out scented... Scissors? Scissors, yes, very good. Finally, someone has fixed the main problem with scissors, which is... Finally, someone has fixed the main problem with scissors, which is you don't have enough reasons to stick them really close to your face.

So I'll change hands thanks to, are you ready for this? Sniffs. The scented scissors. What? Yes. They smell like oranges, grapes, and eventually the most popular fragrance, nose blood. They smell like oranges, grapes, and eventually the most popular fragrance, nose blood. Reviews for Sniff's Scissors have been, understandably, harsh. There are plenty of people saying the product is not safe for kids.

But at least they're safer than the company's previous product, Licks. Bill, how did Katie do in our quiz? Katie roared right through to a win. 3-0. Congratulations. Katie, thank you so much for playing. Thank you guys for having me. Bye-bye. Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank.

Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Helen has three, Faith has four, and Tom has five. Oh, my goodness. Helen and Tom. The gas goes up. All right.

That means, Helen, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Sunday, Joe Biden's campaign asked TV networks to stop booking Trump lawyer blank on their programs. Rudy Giuliani. Right. On Wednesday, the Trump administration announced new blanks on European-made aircraft. Tariffs.

Right. On Tuesday, Johnson & Johnson reached a $20 million settlement for their role in the blank epidemic. Opioid. Right. The Wall Street Journal reported this week that a growing source of clutter in our homes is blank. Paper? Well, I'm going to give it to you. The answer is books about decluttering. On Tuesday, a federal judge ruled that blanks admission practices do not discriminate against Asian American applicants. Harvard.

Yes. On Thursday, Chicago's blank union announced plans to strike if a contract wasn't agreed upon in the coming weeks. Teacher? Yes. A woman in Israel had to be hospitalized after eating a giant scoop of blank that she mistook for guacamole. Wasabi. Yes. Oh, damn.

That's harsh. The old wasabi guacamole. A woman who just wanted to get her guac on ended up having to get her jacket on to go to the hospital after ingesting a, quote, dangerous level of wasabi that she mistook for avocado. It's an understandable mistake to make because who doesn't expect table-side guacamole at their sushi restaurant? Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz? It'll be a close race. She got seven, right?

14 more points. Total of 17. Oh, my goodness. A high-scoring game. Faith, you're up next. Fill in the blank. Following a heart procedure, presidential hopeful blank canceled his campaign events until further notice. Bernie Sanders.

Right. On Monday, one man was shot by police as pro-democracy protests continued in blank. Hong Kong. Right. A report released this week showed U.S. manufacturing had slowed to a 10-year low thanks to the trade war with blank. China. Right. A report released this week showed U.S. manufacturing had slowed to a 10-year low thanks to the trade war with blank. China. Right. On Tuesday, a federal appeals court upheld the FCC's repeal of blank rules. Net neutrality.

Right. After their boat capsized in the Pacific, three drug smugglers were able to survive in shark-infested waters by blanking. Clinging to bunches of cocaine of cocaine yes the floating bales of cocaine amid harassment allegations opera star blank resigned his general director of the LA Opera Placido Domingo right police and states throughout the US said they'd be on hand to monitor screenings of the new blank movie Oh Joker yes after a two-hour search police in California were able to apprehend a stalking suspect who had hid in a blank. He had hid in a cave. No, he had hid in a corn maze.

The stalker attempted to become the stalk when he fled police and ran into a local pumpkin patch's corn maze. Though it took three hours, six officers, and a helicopter. Police did eventually find him. But before they could bring him to justice, they needed six hours, 12 more officers, and two helicopters to get them out of the maze. Bill, how did Faith do? Faith has seven right, 14 more points, 18 total, and that means Faith is in the lead. How many, then, does Tom need to win? Seven to win. Here we go, Tom. This is for the game.

Just hours after announcing it would restart negotiations with the U.S., Blank launched a ballistic missile. North Korea. Right. On Thursday, a man armed with a knife attacked a police station in Blank. Oh, that happened in Paris. Right. This week, the White House announced plans to start collecting DNA from detained Blanks. Immigrants, refugees. Right. Nutritionists and educators say a new study claiming that eating blank is healthy is scientifically inaccurate.

Red meat. Right. A Utah man says he has a, quote, weird feeling bison don't like him after he was blanked. Buffaloed. No, he was gored by a bison. Then he returned to the scene months later with a date who was was gored by a bison, then he returned to the scene months later with a date who was then gored by a bison. That's what buffaloed means. On Monday, some towns in Montana got a record 40 inches of blanks.

No. Right, after taking the team to the first World Series win in over 100 years, the blanks parted ways with manager Joe Madden this week. Oh, um... Not the Cubs. Yes, the Cubs. Oh, the Blanks parted ways with manager Joe Maddon this week. Oh, um... Not the Cubs. Yes, the Cubs! Oh, the Cubs, yes. A nine-year-old

Minnesota boy who got lost running a 5K race accidentally blanked. Um, won. I'm going to say that's close enough. I'm going to give it to you. Who accidentally won, but he won the 10K race. Katie Lovell took a long turn during the 5k race when a spectator cheering him on said keep going keep going and he's a good kid he respects

grown-ups even when they should mind their own business so he kept going and he won the race much to the delight of his mother and to the disappointment of the 40 year old man who took second place to a child who wasn't even trying bill did tom do well enough to win? He won! We're going to give it to him and wins by one point. In just a minute, now that Forever 21 might be leaving our malls, we'll ask our panelists to predict what new store will replace

them. Special thanks to Stock and Ledger Restaurant here in Chicago for feeding us. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is

Gianna Capodonna. Our intern is Dariba Khan. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Our writing residents are Millie Tamarez and Hannah Wolonski. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller.

Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now panel, what new store will replace Forever 21? Tom Beaudet. A vaping store offering a variety of lung embolisms for teenagers called Never 21. Tom Bodette. A vaping store offering a variety of lung embolisms for teenagers called Never 21.

Faith Saley. Goth clothes for toddlers and they'll call it snot topic. And Helen Hong. Forever 77, because that's the average age of people still going to the mall these days. Well, depending on how that happens happens panel, we'll ask you

about it. And wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Tom Budd at Faith Saley and Helen Hong. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.