Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Everyone & Fancy Ham

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

Comedian Hari Kondabolu joins Emma Choi to solve a meat mystery with bestselling author Gillian Flynn, then we talk with baseball legend Sean Doolittle about what he and Emma's mom have in common.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Coming up, a mysterious ham, a hot new bestseller, and what my mom and legendary Nationals pitcher Sean Doolittle have in common. I'm Emma Choi, and this is Everyone and Their Mom. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Everyone and Their Mom, a weekly show from Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, where we take a break from the news to fall down a rabbit hole instead. I'm your host, Emma Choi. This week, we're discussing a ham-based mystery with writer, comedian, and my friend. It's Hari Kondabolu. Hi, Hari. Hi, Emma. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much for coming. Thanks for having me.

Thank you so much for coming. Hari, I'm so excited to talk about this story. So we're obsessed with this mystery that's unfolding in New Zealand. Someone found a super rare, expensive cured ham, literally worth thousands of dollars that came all the way from Spain. And remember, this happened in New Zealand. And this ham was just sitting there in the street. Have you heard about this story? Of course I've heard about it.

You sent me the link. I'm very excited about it. I mean, it's a big news story in New Zealand, apparently, which seems like the kind of place I'd like to live where a big news story is a rogue ham. Hari, you live in New York, right? So have you found anything weird in the streets of your neighborhood?

In my neighborhood in Park Slope, it's pretty incredible because there's like a like an ecosystem here of people leaving their things out for other people to take. And Park Slope can be kind of a wealthy area. Yesterday, I picked up a velvet sports jacket, like a suit jacket. And my partner was like, that looks ridiculous. And I'm like, yeah, it would be ridiculous if I paid for it. But it is a free velvet jacket that if I get tailored and dry cleaned thoroughly, I could wear at some point in time that I don't know quite yet. Velvet's back in, my friend. Well, let's talk ham, Hari. Let's get into this mystery. Well, let's talk ham, Hari. Let's get into this mystery. Rafael Fonesca was walking his dog in his hometown of Hobsonville, New Zealand,

where he came across a fancy black bag with what looked like a dead animal leg sticking out. But when he went to get a closer look, he found that it wasn't any dead leg, but a fancy dead leg. It was jamón ibérico. A barren ham, or jamón ibérico, is one of the most expensive meats in the world. A leg of it can cost as much as $4,500. It's a cured meat that comes from a pig who is totally pampered, probably gets manicures, and is made in a specific region of Spain. I'm not making this up. Here's more from Food Insider. During their life, they feed mostly on acorns, which are very, very present in the Sierra here. And that's what gives this ham such a special flavor. It's basically meat champagne.

Only ham from this region can be called jamón ibérico. Otherwise, it's just sparkling meat. It should be noted that it's a pig that was pampered until the very end. Yeah. The guy who found it, Raphael, recognized the ham as a precious one and he called the police. Hello, 911?

Hi, I found a ham. Please send help. They were also super confused. I don't know. It's a fancy ham. Please, somebody help me. Hari, what would you have done if you found the ham? I would have walked by it because why would I stop? Again, if this happened in New York, in New Zealand, I don't know the kind of person I'd

be. Yeah. They still didn't find out why that ham was there, right? Yeah. Let's talk about that. What do you, do you have a theory about what happened with the ham? Like maybe there was like a pig competition, like, like best pig at like the local fair, like a real Charlotte's Web type scenario. You know what I mean? And there were two competing farms and one farm was like not playing fair. And they're like, pull your pig out or there'll be consequences. And then all of a sudden it becomes like a godfather scenario where you know how in The Godfather they chop off the horse's head. This feels like an okay explanation, but I think we could use some professional help to solve this mystery.

I mean, my understanding is that they were found not just in Hobsonville Point, but in several other locations around New Zealand. So it could be that somehow they're leaving the four legs for us to gather and create a new pig somehow. Like who's to say what comes next? Could you introduce yourself to us? I'm Gillian Flynn, author of Gone Girl and Sharp Objects. Yeah, and not only that, you're an author whose books are bestsellers and have been mades. Yeah, and not only that, you're an author whose books are bestsellers and have been made into wildly successful movies and TV shows, so it's really incredible to be talking to you about this story. Okay, as you know, we came across an unsolved mystery this week. I think it's the mystery of our lifetimes, right? Yes, and it's dark. I mean,

it involves clearly some sort of pig out there is missing his or her leg, which is very disturbing. Someone is dropping us into a trotter-infused nightmare world in which wherever you walk in the street, you may come across a mysterious ham hock. Yeah. Which in itself is very disturbing. So let's just say that you pitched this story to a bunch of publishers and they accepted your pitch. Where do you start with this kind of wild story? I mean, we really could be taking it as, you know, a sort of who is killing the world's fanciest pigs and what do they want? Will they escalate? Who's to say? My other thought was it could be some sort of big ham conspiracy to sell more pork.

And it's sort of saying, you should not try to resist us. Doesn't this look delicious? Can you describe for us what the opening scene of this pig mystery is? Oh, boy. Can you describe for us what the opening scene of this pig mystery is? Oh boy, it'd be like Farmer Alice was wandering the streets of Hobsonville Point on her way to pick up New Zealand-ish things like beautiful grass and hobbits. Farmer Alice was wandering the streets of Hobsonville Point on her way to pick up New Zealand-ish things like beautiful grass and hobbits. When from nowhere. When from nowhere.

She spied. She spied a full-length trotter. A full-length trotter that was not fully re-encased in, as I understand, carefully embroidered guitar-shaped packaging. And she stopped to pick it up. Around the corner she saw a quick flash of snout. Around the corner she saw a quick flash of snout and a devilish rank.

And a devilish... Oh, no, and a devilish... Oh, there it is. Before it disappeared into the shadows again. Before it disappeared into the shadows again. Before it disappeared into the shadows again. What could this be? She was happy she brought her pitchfork. Oh.

Bum, bum, bum. What's a great, like, catchy two-word name for this, for the story? Um, pulled pork? Bum, bum, bum. Coming soon. Pulled pork? Or, we just do Gone Girl again, and everything is the same, but the main character's a pig. Right?

Yes! I like that. I think fundamentally changes your story, but it's an interesting role for Ben Affleck. He can do anything. He is on it. Go ahead and take that idea and run with it. Thanks, Emma. So, Hari, we've been talking about the person who found this ham.

Right. But how does it feel when you're the one who lost something? If it's something of sentimental value, it's like almost worse because there's no replacing it. I know. Like a notebook. Like I've only misplaced a notebook once in my life and it was in Sacramento in a cab. And, you know, I'm a comedian. So like I put that that's valuable to me.

And I ended up calling the cab driver, reaching him. And I'm like, can you send that to me? I'll pay for the postage she's like there's barely anything written in here and i'm like it's not about the quantity sir it's about what's written in here and he never sent it and it irks me to this day because there's i have no idea what thoughts were in there and what that could have led to but it's crazy that that person was like they made a judgment call on behalf of you. That's what annoyed me. It's like, I told you I would pay for the postage and something on top.

It's like, it's not worth my time or your time. It would have been funny if you read the stuff and was like, trust me, you're not losing anything. There's nothing here about you. He's got no legs. You don't want these back. He's got no legs. There's nothing funny about this. All right.

We made a game for you. Sure. Are you up for playing a game? Yes. Let's do it. Okay. It's called We made a game for you. Are you up for playing a game? Yes. Let's do it. Okay. It's called Would You Keep It? Okay. I'm going to lift some stuff you might find on the street and you tell me if you would keep it. Okay. All right. Let's do it. Unopened can of beans. Would you keep it? No, absolutely not. A gently used magazine with an article you wanted to read in it. Would you keep it? Yeah, I would definitely take that magazine.

Okay, good. A perfectly sized Gucci sweater that looks great but has one tiny blood stain on the cuff. Would you keep it? The part of me that is a father responsible human being is like, there's blood on it, man. What are you doing? That could be part of a crime scene. But the part of me that likes a good deal and likes finding stuff,

really wants to bring it home. No, I would not take it. Okay, grown up. Next. An old portrait of someone, but every time you pass by it, the person gets a little older. Would you keep it? No, it's creepy. And I don't want a painting that has a life of its own on my walls.

Okay, a chain-fear pocket watch, even though you sold your watch to buy your partner a comb, but your partner cut off all of their hair to buy you the chain. All right. Yeah, I'm familiar with The Gift of the Magi by O. Henry. Would you keep it? Of course. She can't get her hair back. Okay.

Next. A secret that your friend told you not to tell anyone, but it's super juicy. Would you keep it? I'm a good friend. I would keep it. Yeah, that's... Hell yeah. A $10 bill that says you will die if you pick this up.

Oh, man. Man, that sucks. It's $10. But I'm also superstitious. And to get it, you have to step on a crack, right? It might break your mother's back. No, definitely not. If it was $100, though, that's really the question.

Good, we can buy your life with $100. Oh, see, if I knew that for sure, then no, then I would not pick it up. Okay. Okay. Hari being superstitious made me want to talk to someone else I know who can be pretty superstitious. Hi, Inju. Hi, Oma. Oma, do you want to introduce yourself?

Okay. I am Inju's mom. Okay, so I wanted to talk to you because we're talking about superstitions this week, and you are the most superstitious person I know. I don't think I am, but okay. Yes, you are. Why don't you walk us through some of your superstitions, Oma? You know, the common ones are passed down from being Korean. There's one where on exam days, you don't eat seaweed soup right because it's very slippery you don't want all that knowledge to slip away like that that makes sense that one and then

you know when people move into a new house we always bring soap and candles because we want their happiness to to you know like the flame like the bubbles expand and grow isn't there a broom one or is that for the New Year's? Oh yeah, broom one is New Year's where you don't want to clean the house or do laundry on New Year's Day because you don't want to sweep the good luck away. Wasn't your grandmother really superstitious? Yes, I had a pink eye and she told me only way to get rid of it is I need to pluck out one eyelash from that eye go find an intersection you know like where they meet right go in the middle of that intersection

and put that eyelash in between two rocks and then run home and don't look back. Because if you look at it, then it's not going to work. That's so many steps. But she was so convinced it would work that like, okay, so I tried it. When you had pink eye, I think I suggested that. But I ended up getting double pink eye, remember? See, and you should have done it because you didn't do it. Nathan has a couple.

Nathan's my 16-year-old brother. He won't wash his socks, right? At one point, he didn't wash his baseball pants. But I think in sports in general, they have a lot of superstition, you know? I've seen guys in the middle of a game come back into the clubhouse, get completely undressed, and put on a different uniform. My name is Sean Doolittle and I'm a pitcher for the Washington Nationals. Yep, you're a championship winning pitcher, historically beloved player,

and your team, the Nats, the Nationals, won the World Series in 2019, which was incredible. 3-2. There it is! The Washington Nationals are world champions! So, Sean, we've been talking about superstitions on our show this week, and we know that baseball players can be really superstitious, right? Are you superstitious? Yeah, I'm superstitious. Tell me about that. What are some of your weirdest superstitions?

There was a season where I ate the same exact thing before every game. The chef in the clubhouse would make me a turkey burger every day, like an hour before the game started. All season? It was good luck. Yeah, it was all season. I haven't really had one since. I'm kind of sick of them now, but it worked for that year.

It will even extend to kind of know, kind of, you know, my life away from the field too. Like, or I'll take the same route to the field if things are going good. Like on my commute in, if I'm going home and it was after a bad game, like I'll change the luck by going like a different way and kind of reset stuff. It sounds like a game of chess with like your luck and your fate. And it's silly and and i even had like a year where my superstition was i was trying not to be superstitious so i was like i i was like purposely doing different things um every day because i was like ah like come on like there's no way that like my socks are the reason why I pitched bad last night.

Are you kidding me? That's kind of silly. I'm going to keep wearing these socks, whatever. And that only lasts so long before you're like, all right, it's the socks. It's not me. I got to change my socks. Yeah. My brother is 16.

He never washes his pants all season when he plays baseball. Is that a common one? He stinks. He smells real bad. I've never not washed my stuff. I'll certainly wear the same thing. If I'm going good, I'll try to wear the same stuff under my uniform, my undershirt, my socks, whatever. But we're going to keep those things clean for sure.

Yeah. I should tell Nathan that. We're going to keep those things clean for sure. Yeah. I should tell Nathan that. Sean, it seems like you have a pretty good sense of what's good luck and what's not so great to do before a game. So we want to test your superstition radar with a game we're calling Good Vibes, Bad Vibes. Okay. We're going to say something you might or might not do before a game, and you tell us if your gut says it has good vibes or bad vibes. Okay.

Alright, let's try it. You wear unmatched socks. Good vibes or bad vibes? Awful vibes. Bad vibes. Bad vibes. Watch the Hunger Games series, start to finish. Good vibes, bad vibes. I've never seen it. My friend! You gotta live a little bit between those games.

Next. Okay, before the game, you go to a cemetery, but it's also your birthday. Good vibes, bad vibes? I think it's good vibes. I have low-key goth energy, so, like, I'm okay with that. What? Talk to me once you're in eight-inch platform boots and black eyeliner. That's a new good luck charm.

Okay. Next one. Let's move on. You walk under a ladder, but there's a four leaf clover underneath it. Okay. Good vibes or bad vibes. Oh my gosh. I'm going to say good vibes.

I'm going to say the good vibes of the four leaf clover cancel out the bad vibes of the walking under a ladder. Love it. Good vibes. Cool. Okay. You wear a brand new shirt, cancel out the bad vibes of walking under a ladder. Love it. Good vibes. Cool. Okay. You wear a brand new shirt. Good vibes or bad vibes?

Good vibes. Good vibes. Good vibes. Okay. Yeah. You drink three glasses of whole milk in a row. Good vibes, bad vibes? Bad vibes for sure.

That's too many glasses of milk. Oh, my gosh. Final question. You find a fancy ham in your neighborhood called Jimon Iberico from Spain and you have no idea how it got there. Good vibes or bad vibes? Fancy ham? That's good vibes, right? Yeah, but you have no idea where it came from. I don't think you question it. I think if you find a fancy ham, it's like, let's go. Yeah. Thanks, Sean. So fun talking to you.

Thank you very much for having me. Here's the fanciest part of the podcast, the credits. This show was brought to you by Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. This episode was produced by Hayley Fager, Zolo Ray, Lillian King, and Nancy Seichow, with help this week from Miles Dornbos and Tony Ravioli again? Guys, seriously, who is this? Our supervising producer is Jennifer Mills, and our token Mike Danforth is Mike Danforth. Please help!

Once again, thank you to Lorna White for finagling our sound so freaking good. Thank you to Food Insider for that clip you heard about the fanciest pigs you'll ever meet. Thanks to the MLB for that clip of the Nats winning the World Series. And thank you to Gillian Flynn for helping us solve this mystery, and teaching

us that sometimes, fiction is the closest thing we have to truth. Thank you to our very own Bill Curtis for lending his voice to us as a ball of light on a necklace. Here we go. One, four, three, two, one. Sean Doolittle. There's a fancy ham.

I'm gonna take the fancy ham. Thanks for teaching us the ins and outs of baseball superstitions. Go Nats! And thanks to my mom, Julie. You're welcome, Julie. I love you, and can you also check in my room to see if I left my Birkenstocks at home? My co-host this week was comedian, wait-wait panelist, and my favorite Brooklynite, Hari Kondabolu. What a maniac.

You can see him in person in Washington, D.C. at the Comedy Loft April 7th through 9th, and Richmond, Virginia at Sandman Comedy Club May 19th to 21st. Visit Hari Kondabolu for more info. That's H-A-R-I-K-O-N-T-A-B-O-L-U dot com. I'm Emma Choi, and you can find me at Wit Wit NPR and skittering around on my kitchen floor, pretending to be a spider. Okay, I'm done. This is NPR.