Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Everyone & Robot Dogs

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

Writer and comedian Alzo Slade joins Emma to explore the ruins of Pompeii and a robot dog finally finds its calling.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Coming up, robot dogs, the ruins of Pompeii, and the best songwriter in the world. Kind of. I'm Emma Choi, and this is Everyone and Their Mom. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Everyone and Their Mom, a weekly show from Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, where we take a break from the news to fall down a little rabbit hole instead. I'm your host, Emma Choi. This week, we're talking about how those weird robot dogs we've been seeing on Twitter finally got their first real job. And here to talk with us is Emmy Award-winning writer, correspondent for Vice News Tonight, and the host of the podcast Cheat, and a man who I think would be amazing in a barbershop

quartet. It's Alzo Slade! Hi, Alzo! I was right! What's up, Emma? Alzo, I'm so glad that you're here to discuss this news, okay? So you know those robot dogs by Boston Dynamics that walk around like actual

dogs but have no actual heads or adorable futures? It's weird, Emma. It's weird. It's too weird for me. Well, they got their first security job guarding the ancient Italian city of Pompeii. Have you heard of this? The dogs are guarding Pompeii?

Yeah, it's weird, right? Are you a dog person? Uh, I don't dislike them. Would you get a dog in the future i don't think so okay people gonna hear this and like dog lovers around the world are gonna cancel me we'll protect you we'll get a lot of hate mail but it's okay okay well let's get into the story so the robot slash dog is called spot and apparently can quote carry and power up to 14 kilograms, that's like 31 pounds, of inspection equipment. Like a terrifying canine inspector gadget. By the way, the robot dog looks nothing like a dog.

It's like bright yellow with a camera where the head should be. Basically, it's like a Roomba on four creepy spider legs. Have you seen a picture of it? Yeah, it is kind of terrifying. It lives in my nightmares. But don't worry also, the ethics section of the website for Bossine Dynamics, the company that makes the dog, basically promises that Spot won't be evil. By stating, quote,

If our products are being used for harm, we will take appropriate measures to mitigate that misuse. Said the folks who created the atomic bomb. Exactly. Also, the fact that their website has an ethics section, it really makes me wonder why that's there. Yeah. Don't worry, but worry. Exactly. So my question is, if I'm a thief and I want to go dig up some, I don't know, some remnants from Pompeii's volcano. What is the dog going to do to me if I cross the line?

I mean, what would you do if you encountered one of these guys? Maybe I would try to pour some water on it. Hopefully the circuits would malfunction. Like an Alexa. Yeah. The funniest part of this story to me is, like, yeah, the robot dog is crazy, but also the fact that it's, like, in Pompeii. Like, what are the dogs protecting, right?

It's, like, a little too late. The question is also, how much does Pompeii ruins get on the open market? I know. Do we really have that many thieves out there trying to steal some coins from Pompeii ruins get on the open market. I know. Do we really have that many thieves out there trying to steal some coins from Pompeii? Usually it's very small, insignificant little things. There's a lot who think that it's brought them bad luck. I have to send it back because I didn't get into the university I wanted to get into. And then this happened and then my boyfriend broke up with me.

And I think this is cursed. So they get the guilt. Will you introduce yourself to us? I am Sophie Hay. And I'm an archaeologist who specializes in the Roman world in Pompeii. So you've studied Pompeii extensively and you've lived in Italy for like two decades, right? Yeah, just under. We've been talking about Pompeii in context of the story

that the ruins are now going to be guarded by robot dogs. Have you heard of this? Yes, this is a crazy thought. But it's quite nice because, you know, there were dogs in the Roman period running around the streets of Pompeii. So in that respect, it's quite kind of Roman. What do people steal from this from the excavation sites? Usually it's very small, insignificant little things. There's a really lovely little exhibition that was put on a couple of years ago by the director of the

excavations who would receive every week, he would receive a little battered envelope in the post and it would contain something that somebody had stolen from the site. And then accompanying it would be a letter of someone saying, I feel so guilty that I took this or one of my relations took this, you know, my distant cousin stole this

or a great, great auntie put this in her handbag. So it's not particularly valuable. Usually, absolutely not, no. From the remains of the people, the ruins, like, can we tell, have you been able to tell a lot about like the way they lived before the eruption? Oh, absolutely. You find things as they sort of left them in their houses. Some people sort of started stashing their silverware in one corner because they thought they'd come back. You know, once the drama had subsided, they'd come back and they'd grab it.

And obviously that didn't happen. My image of Pompeii is just that the volcano exploded and then everyone died instantly. But that seems like that's not how it happened. No, no. It went on. It went on for a minimum of 24 hours so yeah there was a lot of warning that things weren't going great but it was kind of hard to know whether it would stop in 10 minutes or or not so yeah there's uh there's a sort of you know people would say oh you know when you're excavating there don't don't ever assume a silly pose in case you know the eruption happens and you're caught picking your nose or something I think we'd we'd have time to unpick our nose I think it's not quite instantaneous we've been

talking about that a lot this week we've been calling it Pompeii behavior like you know Pompeii behavior is when you're on your best behavior so if you're frozen in that pose you won't be embarrassed as studying like Pompeii and Pompeii's culture inspired you to be more on Pompeii behavior? You do think, yeah, I don't want to be caught doing that. So, yes. We're on Pompeii behavior right now. I love it.

Well, Dr. Hay, thank you so much for coming on our show. Oh, no, that was really nice. Thank you so much for coming on our show. Oh, no, that was really nice. Thank you. When are you on Pompeii behavior? Emma, I'm always on Pompeii behavior. My life is pretty boring. As a matter of fact, I probably need to jazz it up a little bit to the extent that if I ever was in a volcano situation like Pompeii, that they would see me and think that this guy was a leader, a hero.

A leader of men. Yeah. I'm just going to start walking around with my fist in the air. Just to be preserved like this forever yeah yeah yeah no it's like it's like i'll put my arm down to rest and like if there's good weather but if i hear like thunder or or especially out here in la the the earth starts to shake yeah as soon as i feel an earthquake I'm putting my fist in the air. Boom. He went out fighting like a hero. Yeah, went out fighting. I'm carrying a microphone. I'm carrying a lectern with me everywhere I go.

Yeah. If a Pompeii moment happened during a flash mob, that would be embarrassing for our generation. Yeah. They just stop in the middle of the nay-nay. Oh, God. Who are these people waving at? Well, they're all really friendly people. That's great.

I can dig it. So we're talking about this creepy dog's very first job. So, also, we have a game for you. It's only a matter of time before that dog starts getting other jobs, too, right? So we want to get a glimpse into the future with a game we're calling hired or fired we're gonna read you a job and you tell us if that dog is getting hired or fired sound good yeah okay piano tuner hired or fired a robot dog would seem to be tone deaf to me fired fired okay the self-checkout machine at CVS. Hired or fired?

Oh, they hired. For sure. Hired. Dog walker. Hired or fired? No, we firing him. Yeah, you know why we firing the dog for dog walking is because it feels, it feels too Twilight Zone-ish. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Fired. Okay. A model for the month of August in a calendar of all dog photos. Hired or fired? Fired. Why? Absolutely.

What? Shake it up, Aldo. No. All right. Fired. A songwriter. Hired or fired? Mm-mm.

We fired. Ain't no mm-mm. No. I don't want to listen to no music, no song made by a dog. Okay, fired. Yeah, that shit, I'll write that. Hey, what's going on in here? Nothing, Papa.

I thought I told you to do some flips. Oh, Papa, I don't want to do flips anymore. Oh, Papa, I don't want to do flips anymore. What do you mean you don't want to do flips anymore? You're a robot dog, aren't you? I want to be a songwriter, Papa. I want to be a big star. Ha ha, big star. Look at yourself. You're a robot dog. You've got no head and four ridiculous spindly little legs. The only thing you're good for is doing flips, you hear me? So do a flip. No, Papa. I'm going to be a songwriter, you hear me?

I'm going to hear my songs get sung by the biggest stars in the world. Like Beyonce, Papa, and William Eilish. Ah, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I've got a song in my heart. Don't you see? Yes, I'm a robotic dog. Bitch, it's me. Somebody teach me to love.

Do a flip. Do a flip. Do a dance. I'm so much more than that. Yes, I'm a dog. But I'm an artist, Papa. My God. That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Such a rich voice. Such a beautiful tone, such stunning vibrato. And you managed to do it all without a mouth. Oh, Papa, thank you. Now do a flip. Thanks, Alzo. I had so much fun talking to you. Emma, this was a complete blast and a joy. Thanks for having me on. And great job.

Thank you, Alzo. Great job to you. I'll see you next time. Here's the spookiest part of the podcast, the credits. This show is brought to you by Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. This episode was produced by

Hayley Fager, Zola Ray, Lillian King, and Nancy Seichow with help from Ian Chilog and no help from my mother-in-law. Our supervising producer is Jennifer Mills and Mike Danforth is insert joke here. Oh, shoot. Once again, thanks to Lorna White for magic-ing our sound.

We love Lorna. Thanks to Vinnie Thomas for proving that dogs really can be songwriters. Somebody teach me to love. You can find Vinnie on all the social medias at Vinay. That's at V-I-N-N underscore A-Y-Y. Thanks to Dr. Sophie Hay for teaching us about Pompeii and for having a real British accent.

It's fitting. Thank you to my co-host, Emmy award-winning writer, correspondent for Vice News Tonight, host of the podcast Cheat, and someone we're all going to call Slalzo now, right? Alzo Slade but i don't even know what it means to domesticate a robot i'm emma choy and you can find me at witwit npr and right behind you boo okay i'm done this is npr