Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Freddie Johnson

Episode Date: November 19, 2022

This week we come to you from the Palace Theatre in Louisville, Kentucky with panelists Paula Poundstone, Adam Burke, and Alzo Slade. Our guest is Freddie Johnson of Buffalo Trace Distillery.Sign up for Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me+ via Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey there, ponies, come on over to church, Bill Downs. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Louisville Palace Theater in Louisville, Kentucky, my Louisville hugger, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. It is so great to be here in Louisville, especially because we are here in bourbon country in the middle of a golden age. As we all know, the last few years have been a great time for anyone who makes whiskey. Speaking of which, later on we're going to be talking to Freddie Johnson,

a third-generation distillery employee and bourbon ambassador. But right now, it's your turn to pour yourself a beverage of your choice and give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter.

This is Jennifer Kelly. How are you? I'm fine, Jennifer. Where are you calling from? I'm calling from Madison, Alabama. Madison, Alabama. Now, I don't know it. What do you do there?

Well, I am a freelance turf rider and author. I'm sorry. You said you were a freelance what? Turf rider. I write about horse racing. Oh, you're a turf rider and author. I'm sorry, you said you were a freelance what? Turf rider. I write about horse racing. Oh, you're a turf rider. Here we go. Yes.

Great. Now, I just got to ask you, are you a Churchill Downs person or a Neyland person? I have been to Keeneland more than I've been to Churchill, but you can't beat either of them. That's true. All right. Well, welcome to the show, and a very good answer. Thank you.

Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a three-time Emmy award-winning vice correspondent and host of the podcast Cheat, it's Alzo Slade. Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. Next, a comedian whose second album, Weaponized Empathy, will be out soon on A Special Thing Records. It's Adam Burke. Hi, how are you? And a comedian you can see in St. Paul, Minnesota at the Fitzgerald Theater. You may have heard of that place on December 10th.

The host of the podcast, Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. It's Paula Poundstone. podcast. Nobody listens to Paula Poundstone. It's Paula Poundstone. So welcome to the show, Jennifer. Of course, you're going to play Who's Bill this time. That means that Bill Curtis right here is going to recreate for you with his mellifluous voice. Three quotations in the week's news. Your job, of course, explain or identify two of them. Do that, you'll win our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I am absolutely ready. Fire away. Here we go. Your first quote is actually from a therapist talking about his client. He didn't spend much money. You've seen how he dresses. He was talking about Sam Bankman Freed, a man whose company FTX just lost billions of dollars and threatens to bring down what entire industry?

Cryptocurrency. Crypto, yes! One of the world's biggest crypto companies, FTX, is in free fall. Billions of dollars of value have disappeared. Revelations are coming out about massive fraud and also allegations that the young top executives of this company were all in in fact, sleeping with each other. Yes, this story is both NSFW and NFT. I will say, the guy's last name is Bankman.

Doesn't that sound like a name an eight-year-old would come up with if he was trying to convince you that he knew about money? It's true. Yeah, I'm a, that's, also if you, if you change the pronunciation a little bit, it's bank man fried. Did you guys follow this story? Did you, had you heard about him? This guy was on the cover of Forbes. He was this celebrity, this tycoon. He did this event with Bill Clinton and Tony Blair just in April. And his, his trademark was that he only, he never dressed up. He did this event with Bill Clinton and Tony Blair just in April. And his trademark was that he never dressed up. He was a young guy, hadn't turned 30 yet, still hasn't. He used to appear in t-shirt and shorts and uncut hair. He was a billionaire.

Was he a real billionaire? He was, well, at least on paper. Well, I heard the part where, you know, everyone's getting sued. Anyone who appeared in the ads are getting sued. And Larry David is getting sued. know everyone's getting sued anyone who appeared in the ads yes are getting sued and larry david is getting sued and they say everyone's saying that sounds like an episode of curb your enthusiasm right but doesn't it sound more like an episode of seinfeld like something that kramer would have come up with exactly it's called crypto jerry it can't go wrong you know it's a coin made of bits bitcoin Bitcoin. My buddy Bob Sagamano. That's right.

You know, I'm beginning to suspect and you know, you don't have to agree with me, but I'm beginning to suspect that being a billionaire doesn't mean that you're honest

or nice. It's just a feeling. It's a feeling that I'm following. That sounded like a very rudimentary Senate hearing. When Paula said it's a feeling, well, maybe I could just say, I identify as a billionaire and people will treat me as such.

My pronouns are just dollar signs. Yeah, exactly. All right. Jennifer, here is your next quote. Yes. For a demand, makes announcement, page 26. Page 26. That was how the New York Post front page covered the announcement that who was running for president again.

That man. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. A lot of Trump fans here. That's great. That's great. I've got to say that Trump seems to have lost his magic at his announcement, and this is true. All his hardcore fans who came down

to Mar-a-Lago to watch him make this announcement, many of them actually got up and tried to leave the room before he finished speaking. And the security guards wouldn't let them go. That's all true.

They started shouting, lock us out. Lock us out. I feel like Trump running again is like that homeboy that asked you to borrow money for the first time and you gave it to him. And then he comes around the second time after he didn't pay you back and he's like, no, no, no, no, no. For real this time. For real. I'm like, no, bro, absolutely not. I'm not falling for it a second time.

What's interesting is Donald Trump also does that. Yeah. I don't know. I felt a little bad for the guy because none of his powerful allies, the people who have stood by him all these years, were there. In fact, his family wasn't there. Don Jr. said he had travel problems, and Ivanka says she's like out of politics. He, you know, he was so desperate to have family there that they wheeled in Ivana's bones. Didn't they say a lot of his big donors have already pulled out and said that they're not going to? I really hope that Eric

Trump goes, no, it's okay. I've got this guy Bankman Freed. He's great. Alright, Jennifer, your last quote is from a very upset music fan. Where is Ticketmaster's headquarters? We're about to January 6th, are you all?

That was many fans frustrated they weren't able to buy tickets to see whom in concert next year. I do believe it is the sage that is Taylor Swift. It is Taylor Swift! Blessed be her name. Long may she reign. Peace be upon her.

Did she say sage? Yes, that's yes, exactly. Wait, did she? Long may she reign. Peace be upon her. Did she say Sage? Yes, that's, yes, exactly. Yo, I saw their tickets going for like $30,000. That's exactly right. That's exactly insane. Because, well, Ticketmaster screwed it up. So this is what happened. So it was going to go on pre-sale, the tour, right?

The first batches of tickets. And fans took off days from school or work. They paid hundreds of dollars, some of them, for merch that just got them a better place in line. And then they all sat in front of their computers for hours and hours, only to end up with nothing, which is just 2% more miserable than

a normal day on Ticketmaster. Was she actually selling tickets for $30,000? No, no. Because the Ticketmaster system screwed up, people were selling them in the secondhand market for whatever they thought they could get, including, as you say, as much as $30,000.

The only person that could afford a ticket to Taylor Swift was Taylor Swift. Exactly. But the regular price tickets were $1,500 or so. I'm not sure who I would want to see and pay that much for. Like even if Jesus were to show up, I'd be like, bro, I read about you in the book. You know what I'm saying? I don't need to see you.

You show up and you're like, you see, man, I thought you'd be taller. And you know what? Far be it from me to speak ill of Jesus, but the guy's an opener at best. Yeah. He's Bill's second after his father and in between the Holy Ghost. Bill, how did Jennifer do in our quiz? Perfect. Boy, was she good.

Awesome, Jennifer. Huntsville, Alabama. Congratulations. Yay! Jennifer, thank you so much for playing. Thank you so much for having me on. I appreciate it. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Also, in a recent article, the New York Times profiled those couples who believe that the secret to a happy marriage is to do what over text? Fixed. Not that, no. Dang it. Argue. Argue over text?

Yes, argue over text. Fight. Meet, if you will, Rob and Jen Loeb of Atlanta, who, when a fight starts, actually retreat into different rooms of their house and then do it over text. Fighting over text is called, yes, it is called fexting. That sounds dirtier than sexting.

I know. Right? And the lobes say it keeps them grounded and from getting too emotional. Well, they didn't say it. Their divorce lawyers issued a statement. So they go to separate rooms. They go to separate rooms. They're starting to have a fight. And they leave So they go to separate rooms. They go to separate rooms. They're starting to have a fight.

And they leave. They go to separate rooms. This couple, real-life couple, and they start texting. They're a fight. But I feel like that depends on what data plan you have. That could get expensive. That could. It really could.

Also, do you just send emojis of the things you would throw? Yeah. A lot of angry red faces, right? I mean, people, I mean, like marriage counselors interviewed by the Times were like, this is insane. Nobody should do this. This is terrible.

But some couples swear by it. They say it keeps their tempers, you know, at bay. And there's nothing better than makeup sexed. I can think of a few things. Coming up, we make a run for it in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Super Bowl champion, top football analyst, good morning America host.

I mean, my life has been a trip. Hell, I went to space, man. I know. Yeah, we had a lot of fun talking to Michael Strahan a while back, but not all of it fit into our show. Were you on the ship with Jeff Bezos? Was he there? No, no, no. I let him go first.

Right. Now you can hear more from Michael Strahan and some of our other celebrity guests by signing up for Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Plus. You'll get bonus episodes and behind-the-scenes content as a thank you for supporting NPR. Sign up on our episode page in Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org. That link is in our episode notes. or at plus.npr.org. That link is in our episode notes. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Alzo Slade, and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the Louisville Palace Theater in Louisville, Kentucky, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff Delicitor Game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY-OUR-GAME-IN-THE-AIR. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Cheryl, and I live in Ridgefield, New Jersey. Ridgefield. I know Ridgefield, being a New Jersey boy myself. What do you do there?

I am an influencer campaign manager. So I run influencer campaigns for large companies. Oh, we have so much to talk about. So much. So much. So you are an influencer campaign manager for large companies. Correct. I work at an agency. Right. The company that I work for gets other brands, like big companies to sign on and small companies to sign on. Anyone who needs an influencer. Wait a minute. Are you telling me that those lovely ladies on Instagram who told me to use that shade of lipstick were being insincere? Well, hopefully they followed disclosure laws and told you that it was a sponsored post.

I'm sorry. I need a moment. Well, welcome to the show, Cheryl. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Cheryl's topic? Run. Running, that amazing, accessible, inexpensive sport millions fell in love with during the pandemic for about a week because it turns out there's a reason we have cars. However, this week we heard about something new in the world of running. Our panelists are

going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you will win the weight weighter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am ready. All right. First, let's hear from Adam Burke. Ah, marathon season. If there's one thing more onerous and grueling than actually training for a marathon, it's listening to your co-workers tell you about their training for a marathon. I mean, to your co-workers tell you about their training for a marathon. I mean, some people are so enamored with the subject of running long distances, they'll write entire books about it. I mean, who would do that, Peter Sagal? That would be insane. I will say this, if you are going to bore us non-competitive bipeds with the particulars

of your plans to screw up traffic in the fall, at least make it interesting. Take, for instance, the 50-year-old runner known as Uncle Chen, who recently completed a marathon in Jiandei, China, in a time of 3 hours and 38 minutes, which might not sound all that impressive until you learn that Chen completed the event while chain-smoking an entire pack of cigarettes.

This is reportedly the third race Chen has completed in under four hours while crushing heaters, which suggests the possibility of endorsement deals and corporate tie-ins. Marlborough, welcome to cross-country. I'd run 28.2 miles for a camel. And of course, Virginia Slims, you've come a long way, baby. A man in China runs a marathon of three hours, 30 minutes while smoking the whole way. Your next story of the latest in jogging comes from Alzo Slade. Nike just announced a product that runners are hoping will be a game changer. Most marathoners agree that it's pretty much a rite of passage to experience thigh and

armpit chafing when running. The skin to skin chafing is bad enough, but the friction from clothes rubbing the skin can cause bleeding of the nipples so bad that by the time you get to the finish line, you've given up a few pints of blood and nobody wants to hug you. Congratulations. Nike Sports Research Lab thinks they have the solution. Lube releasing apparel. The product has sensors that detect heat increases from friction. Once a certain friction causing heat threshold is reached, the lubricant activates from capsules in the clothing. The product was scheduled to hit the market by spring, but they're experiencing some significant delays after testing.

Treadmills in the research lab became too greasy. Now, even though runners are excited for this, it's clear Nike has some work to do before the product is released, including changing the ad slogan. Lubricate to dominate is just not going to work. Nike releases self-lubricating clothing to save runners from that terrible chafing. It is terrible. Your last story from the runner's world comes from Paula Poundstone. Runners and fans cry foul against Berkshire Marathon winner,

25-year-old Theo Baker, who has chased the entire 26.2-mile marathon route by a chihuahua. Moments after the starting gun, I felt a sharp pain. I looked down and there was a dog literally hanging onto my right Achilles, says Baker. I shook it off and it came right back after me. I thought for sure this stupid yappy thing would get tired or something, but it never did.

I don't like the way he treated my dog, Bitsy, says the Chihuahua's owner, Janet Ross. Yes, he received some bites, but non-required stitches. And looking at the glass half full, one could also say that Bitsy, who he calls a yappy little F-word, helped him cut an hour off of his running time. All right. Here are your choices.

What was the big story in running this last week? From Adam Burke, a man ran a marathon in China at a quick pace, 3 hours 30, while smoking the entire way. From Alzo, Nike rolls out their new self-lubricating running gear to keep you from chafing. Or from Paula Poundstone, a man who set a PR and a course record in the marathon because he was being chased by a chihuahua.

Which of these is the real story from the world of running we saw this week? I'm going to have to go with the first story, Adam's story, of the chain smoker. Of the chain smoker, the guy who smoked, you know, for nerves. Marathons are a little tense. You want to relax. Makes perfect sense to me. All right. To bring you the correct

answer, we spoke to a journalist covering the real story. Smoking is known not really to help marathon running, but Uncle Chen seems to be proving different. That's Marlee Dickinson, a journalist from Canadian Running, talking about the chain smoking marathoner known only as Uncle Chen. Congratulations, Cheryl. You got it right. You earned a point for Adam, and you have won our prize. The voice of your choice in your voicemail. Well done. as Uncle Chen. Congratulations, Cheryl. You got it right. You earned a point for Adam, and you have won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Well done. Thank you so much. Thank you, Cheryl.

And now the game where we ask experts about the one thing they are not an expert in. It's called Not My Job. Kentucky knows bourbon, and nobody knows more about bourbon than Freddie Johnson. He was actually born in Bourbon County and is a third-generation employee at Buffalo Trace Distillery, where he serves as the VIP visitor lead. We are delighted to talk to him, though not as delighted as we would be to drink with him. Freddie Johnson, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Peter, thank you. Let's establish some things. So it's true, you were born in Bourbon County. Like Bourbon country, Bourbon, the actual place that Bourbon is named for. Paris, Kentucky. Paris, Kentucky, right? Right. And you were born to a bourbon distillery worker who himself was the son of a bourbon distillery worker.

That is correct. Right. I was conceived in Warehouse C, bottom floor. born to a bourbon distillery worker who himself was the son of a bourbon distillery worker. That is correct. Right. I was conceived in Warehouse C, bottom floor. Oh, I shouldn't say that. Really? That's another story. That's another story.

And that's where they keep the good stuff, too. Under the influence. And what's amazing is, and just to prove his authenticity, before they let him out, they aged him here for 10 years. So you grew up around bourbon. I mean, both the business and the drink, right? Yes. Do you remember when you tasted your first bourbon? That's about five years old.

Five years old. Yes. And what did you think? I thought it was pretty good. Really? Yes. Because we've all, the rest of us, myself speaking, and a lot of other people have the story of like, oh, we see our parents drinking this fun stuff in bottles.

Let's try it as a small child. And you're like, blech, yuck, parents are crazy. No. No, that was not your reaction. No, no, no. Really? So you have to understand how this works. Yeah.

So parents have parties. Yes, they do. And then they go to have dinner. You know, they have that free drink. Yeah. And set the stage. Pre-gaming. Yes.

And they put the glasses down. Yeah. They go in, they have dinner. Yeah. The they have that free drink and set the stage. Pre-gaming. Yes. And they put the glasses down. They go in, they have dinner. Yeah. The kids. There's a glass. Pretty good. Yeah. Yes. That's not Buffalo Trace. Okay. Wait, you're good, sir. That was smooth. That was smooth as an outfit you're good, sir. You're very good. That was smooth. That was smooth as an outfit you're wearing right there. So you grew up in the industry, but that wasn't your first career.

You were an engineer, right? Right. For AT&T for many years. But then you came back. And so your job is the VIP sort of guide. So if like special people come to Buffalo Trace, you show them around, right? Well, I'm not the only one, right? It's a synergy and we share it and we work together to do things. Sure. I feel like, but you could just tell people, like, I always wanted to be a tour guide because when people are listening to you, they're listening with intent and you speak

with confidence and conviction and they'll believe anything that you say. with intent, you speak with confidence and conviction, and they'll believe anything that you say. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold on, let me ask you this, Brady. Like, do you ever get the urge, like, to just be on a tour and you be like, right over there is where Muhammad Ali and Henry Clay signed the Emancipation Proclamation that gave him the right to fight again. We're not that bad. No, we're not that bad.

We have to do that stuff after the tasting at the end, I guess. All right, I'm going to ask you one last question. How do you, Freddie Johnson, VIP ambassador for Buffalo Trace, how do you enjoy your bourbon? It depends on my mood. Okay. Well, run through your moods. Okay. If I'm in one of my little melancholy moods, I really don't want to be bugged by anybody.

I understand. My buddies know if they come by and they see me sitting out on the back of my house and I've got a cigar. Yeah. And I've got a pour of bourbon. Yeah. And I'm just sitting there. Yeah. They just toot and drive on. Right. It means I don't want to be bothered. I'm, you know, I'm happy. Okay. I like my bourbon. A lot of times I like it on the rocks. If I'm going to have it on the rocks, I put it in the fridge first. Sometimes I put it in the freezer. And all it does is it cools it down.

The ice doesn't melt as fast. And I can sip on it for a longer period of time without being diluted. So usually it's on the rocks. Sometimes I'll have the water on the side. And your feeling about bourbon cocktails, your old fashions or anything like that? I'm fine with those. I tell people just to drink the way they like it. All I ask them to do is if it's one of those top shelf, right?

You just want to look at it bottles. Yeah. Three unspoken rules and I'm going to wind up with this. Oh, go ahead. Three unspoken rules. No, please. This is why you are here. Yes. It's your time, sir. And I bet you within the audience. Yeah. when I speak these three unspoken rules, if you've got good bourbon, you have already done one of these three rules. The first unspoken rule is this. You will never even bring the bottle out with people you don't like. It's not going to happen. I'm not going to waste it on you, right?

All right. So that's the first unspoken rule. The second unspoken rule is if you do like them enough to bring the bottle out, guess what? They are required to listen to what you went through to get it before you pour them a drink. You have to tell the story. All right? And the last unspoken rule is if I do like you enough to bring the bottle out, we are not going to be in a hurry to go anywhere.

You never bring out a good bottle when you're rushed. Rules for living, ladies and gentlemen. And, Freddie, could I, I'm not, this seems like another rule. Like when you drink bourbon, you have to cross your legs at the knees. Like you're sitting right now. That's the pose, isn't it? That's the image. Well, Freddie Johnson, we could talk bourbon all day, but we have asked you here to play a game we're calling...

Try aging in this barrel. As we have discussed, bourbon is aged in barrels, but what do you know about another use for barrels, namely climbing into them and then going over Niagara Falls? Answer two of these three correctly, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is bourbon ambassador Freddie Johnson playing for? Alexandra Quintella of Louisville, Kentucky.

And if she's not a Buffalo Trace drinker now, she's obligated to become one if you win. Are you ready to do this? I'm ready. Here's your first question. The first person to ever go over the falls in a barrel and survive was a woman named Annie Edison Taylor, who did it in 1901.

She hoped to make money by going on tour with her barrel afterwards, but none of that worked out. Why not? Was it A, Ticketmaster crashed from all the people trying to buy tickets to see it, B, her manager ran off with her barrel, or C, the very next day somebody else stole her thunder by going up Niagara Falls in a barrel. Well, that's pretty cool. I think it's the latter.

You think it's the last one? Yes. Somebody, so she goes over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Yeah. Freddy, Freddy. No, wait a minute. We respect this around here. We respect this.

I wish that could have happened. But in fact, what happened was her manager ran off with her barrel. Right. Yeah. First rule of going over, Niagara falls in a barrel. Keep your eyes on the barrel. All right. You have two more chances here.

It's going to work out fine. The next person to go over the falls and survive was a professional daredevil named Bobby Leach, who ironically died some years later of what? A, another person in a barrel hitting him in the head while he was in a boat at the bottom of the falls. B, slipping on an orange peel. Or C, he got his shoelace caught in a down escalator. I think that it was the second one. Slipping on an orange peel.

No, no, no. That's what happened. I'm sorry. You're right. Too late. I said it. Professional daredevil, daredevil stunts, life-defying stunts all the time. It was a, ladies and gentlemen, remember, life-defying stunts all the time. It was a...

Ladies and gentlemen, remember, it's the citrus fruit that'll get you. Last question. That one was crazy. It was. It happened. All true. More recently, a man named John David Munday tried to go over the falls in 1985, but authorities who don't like this stopped him from doing it.

How did they do it? A, they grabbed his barrel with a big magnet hanging from a helicopter. B, they used a dam to drop the water level of the river so low that his barrel just sat there. Or C, they installed a giant tennis net all the way across the top of the falls. They're yelling C, don't trust them, they're all drunk. Well, that eliminates C, doesn't it them, they're all drunk Well that eliminates C A magnet? The idea would be like a helicopter

lowers one of those big enormous magnets like you see in the cartoon That kind of doesn't make sense either I agree with you, Freddie I think we're kind of slipping into B, aren't we? Is that your choice then, B? I think I'll go with B. That's what happened.

They were able to dam the Niagara River, and so the water level went down, and he just sat there. Bill, how did Freddie Johnson do in our quiz? Freddie got two out of three. You're a winner. There you go. Good. Freddie Johnson is the VIP visitor lead at Buffalo Trace Distillery.

You can find him there most days, but if he's sitting there with a glass of bourbon and a cigar, do not bother him. Freddie Johnson, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you very, very much. Eddie Johnson, everybody. In just a minute, find out who's cuddlier than you thought in our Listener Limerick Challenge.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WPEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Alzo Slade, Paula Poundstone, and Adam Birkin. Here again is your host at the Louisville Palace Theater in Louisville, Kentucky, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill is my rhyme or die in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Right now, though, panel, it is time for you to answer some more questions from the week's news. Paul, Jeff Bezos, who until recently was the richest man in the world, has never been known for philanthropy, but he just gave away $100 million to what needy person?

Dolly Parton. Yes, Paul! He gave $100 million to Dolly Parton. She was starving. She was actually starving. She was starving, yeah. I mean, now she'll be able to quit her nine to five job. So let's say you're a terrible rich person.

What can you do to make yourself look better? Give away a lot of money to a much better rich person, right? Ms. Parton, of course, she does a lot of charitable works. She'll use the money well. But couldn't he think of something on his own to do with it? Or was he just like, here, Dolly, you know a lot of poor people. Buy them some snacks or something. But we've seen what he does with his money.

So I'm not even mad at him because he's just probably trying to go to Pluto thinking that it's a planet still. He doesn't have that gear, that charitable thing. He doesn't think, like, do you know there are people living on the streets of Los Angeles who have never been to the moon? No, but they bought for three homeless people three Taylor Swift tickets. So beautiful. They weren't homeless people. They were just in line for Taylor Swift tickets.

Adam, the Japanese convenience store Lawson has become the exclusive distributor of a new candy that tastes like what? Robots. No, it does not taste like robots. What would a robot taste like robots robot taste future Can you give me a clue I can well it's a little like say a Reese's Cup except without the chocolate or peanut butter

It tastes like abstraction, what do you mean? That's deep man Peanut butter cup yeah take a Reese's peanut butter cup candy, and you take away the chocolate, and you take away the peanut butter, what are you left with? Nothing. Nothing, yes. You're left with nothing.

It tastes like nothing. I think I got it in there somewhere. It's called tasteless candy, with a question mark after the word tasteless, as if even the manufacturers aren't sure this is a good idea. It's great for making sure you don't binge on your candy and for tricking friends into thinking they have COVID. You know, I eat just packages of sugar sometimes. Is that why you're no longer allowed in that Starbucks? No, something else happened.

Paula, Paula, a worldwide nutrition advocacy group, started a campaign this week with the goal of helping people think of beans as what? A main course?

Beyond that. Currency? It's my new crypto. It's called BeanCoin. Do you want to give me a hint? Yeah, it's like they want people to ask their garbanzo to put its hair down and take its glasses off.

Sexy? Yes. They want to make beans sexy. Yeah, they're not. That ain't gonna happen. Yeah, just eat them. Bean people,

if you're listening, and do listen, bean people. They're good. They taste good. They're easy to prepare just by themselves, and yet they can be a part of many dishes, bean people. Leave the sex out of it, bean people. Yeah, but...

By even bringing up sex, you're making people go, Ew, beans. Do you see what I'm saying? Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's a game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924 or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org.

You can catch us most weeks at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago and in New York at Carnegie Hall on December 8th and 9th. Also, the Wait, Wait stand-up tour is coming to a city near you in December. Tickets and information about all of it is at nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, this is Susanna, and I'm calling from Los Angeles. Hey, how are things in L.A.? Fantastic. The weather's beautiful. Everything is great here. Wow, you really drunk that Kool-Aid, haven't you? What do you do there? I'm originally from Chicago, Illinois.

Oh, I see. If you compare the 10-day forecast. Yeah, I can see that. Well, welcome to the show, Susanna. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner.

You ready to play? Ready. Here's your first limerick. My dog has a name that's time bami. I want her to soothe me and calm me. With her sweet snippy bark, she's my fur matriarch. I love our new puppy named... Bami?

Not bami. Matriarch is a clue. You have, so it rhymes with commie, balmy. Nothing? Nothing? I don't know. It's mommy. Well, that's because that's a ridiculous name for a dog.

I know. Well, that's the problem. You probably said to yourself, well, it can't be mommy. Who would name their dog mommy? And the answer is an increasing number of people. In a report, a survey of dog names finds that one of the names growing in popularity for dogs is Mommy. It's just the latest sign that Americans are not well. Yes.

Honestly. You call your dog Mommy? Some people just need to be able to say, Mommy gives me unconditional love. She's always by my side. Mommy pooped on the rug today. You're just inviting confusion. You really are. You don't know they have a dog.

It's like, oh, that crate is where Mommy sleeps. Yeah, there's a lot of problems with that. We're not recommending it. We're just telling you about it. All right. You still have two more chances you about it. All right. You still have two more chances. You'll get this next one. Here we go. My head and my heart are a muddle. I am joining the gobbling bird huddle. I'm feeling quite quirky, so I'm picking a turkey. I hug it

and give it a cuddle. Yes. Ellie. Cuddle! Cuddle, yay! Yes! There is an animal sanctuary in California that is giving people the chance, as we come up to Thanksgiving next week, giving people the chance to hug a turkey.

It's all part of the Come Snuggle the Ugliest Bird There Is initiative. Ellie Lacks is the owner of the sanctuary. She says she got the idea of offering people the chance to snuggle turkeys when one of her turkeys followed her around all day. So she sat on the ground and spent 25 minutes, oh, cuddling the turkey and singing songs to the turkey, proving that running an animal sanctuary

really doesn't demand a lot of your time. I went to an animal sanctuary in California, and I did spend a lot of time with a turkey, and it was delightful. You know, under... They're very sweet. Is this like the bargain basement version of swimming with dolphins?

I suppose. This is for people who don't know how to swim. I wonder if there's one dolphin ever That for it's birthday said You know I'd love to swim with some people Well this is what I'm saying about the turkey Like if I was a turkey I wouldn't want to hug some humans

Especially if you're going to eat me Like a couple days later Maybe the turkey's being hugged And it's like for God's sake Could you just cook me already Stop torturing me Alright here's your last limerick. If you get this one, you win.

Here we go. Our impact protection's top notch. My lap is quite safe here. Just watch. When the car's in a crash, the seat puffs in a flash. And an airbag's protecting my... Crap? Crap! Yes! Yes! And an airbag's protecting my... Crotch? Crotch, yes!

Yes! Hyundai has just filed a patent for an airbag designed to protect the driver's crotch. You can start with Hyundai. Right. It's great news if it works well, bad news if it works really well. In the event of a crash, the crotch bag inflates between your legs. Unfortunately, in testing, they've taken too long to inflate because the bag insists on buying you dinner first. By the way, if you're excited about this, but you can't wait to buy one of these

new Hyundais, you can still get a crotch airbag by lifting up your legs and putting your feet at 10 and 2. Bill, how did Susanna do on our quiz? Very well. Two out of three. That's a win. Congratulations. Thank you so much for playing. Take care.

Thank you so much. Bye-bye. Bye. Now on to our final game. Lightning fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points.

Bill, can you give me the scores? Paula has two, Alzo has two, and Adam has three. Oh, my gosh. No, you confused me and Adam. I have three. All right. So Paula and Alzo are, in fact, tied for second. Alzo, I'm going to choose you arbitrarily to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question.

Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the AP projected that Republicans had won enough seats to control the blank. House. Yes. After a judge temporarily blocked the program, the White House has stopped taking applications for blank forgiveness. Loan forgiveness. Student loan, yes. This week, NATO said that the missile that landed in blank likely was not fired by Russia.

Poland. Yes. This week, a woman walking her dog on a beach in California barely escaped after being attacked by a pack of blanks. Wolves. No, standard poodles. Ahead of the first game on Sunday caused a boycott. The 2022 blank and Qatar grew. World Cup.

Yes. On Wednesday, both houses of Congress passed a bill allowing research of medical blank. Marijuana. Yes. This week, police in Arizona had to send out a warning reminding people to please not blank. Eat beans. No, please do not buy owls from strangers while high on drugs.

A police department near Phoenix posted the statement on their Facebook page after a man was caught buying an owl from a stranger at a gas station for a hundred bucks. That's a hell of a side hustle. Selling owls? Yeah, man. Once won.

owls. Yeah, man. Who wants one? Bill, how did Alzo do in our quiz? Alzo got five right, ten more points, total of twelve, goes into the game in the lead. Alright. Paula. Paula, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, Nancy Pelosi announced she would

not seek the role of blank in the next Congress. Speaker of the House. Right. On Wednesday, NASA successfully launched the unmanned Artemis 1 mission to the blank. To the moon. Yes. This week, the world's population officially grew to blank billion people. Eight?

Yes, eight billion. On Monday, Google agreed to a $391 million settlement over blank violations. Privacy? Yes. This week, Disney filed a patent for the first1 million settlement over blank violations. Privacy? Yes. This week, Disney filed a patent for the first ever roller coaster that blanks. That you can't get off. No, that jumps off the track and flies through the air. This week, CNN said it would no longer allow anchors to drink during the live blank coverage.

Election. No, they need that. New Year's Eve. On Sunday, a cruise ship was forced to dock early after 800 passengers tested positive for blank. COVID. Yes, this week an astronomer regained access to a Twitter account after she was banned

for posting a video of blank that was deemed inappropriately intimate. Elon Musk? No, a video of a meteor. Mary McIntyre's account was locked for three months after an automated moderator deemed her video of a meteor to be too intimate. The astronomer was thrilled to have her account back, though she was immediately banned again when she posted a celebratory picture of Uranus.

Bill, how did Paula do in our quiz? She did very well. Five right, ten more points, total of 12. That means she's tied. All right. With Elzo. Five right, ten more points, total of 12. That means she's tied. All right. With Elzo. All right. How many then does Adam need to win?

Five to win. Here you go, Adam, well within your capability. This is for the game. On Monday, President Biden had his first in-person meeting with the president of blank. China. Yes. On Wednesday, the Senate advanced a bill aimed at protecting same-sex blank. Marriage.

Yes. Tuesday, Ukrainian President Zelensky visited the newly liberated city of blank. Kershom. Yes. Good enough. This week, one lucky bidder set an auction house record when he paid over $200,000 for Steve Jobs' blank. Used Birkenstocks. That's exactly right. Well-used Birkenstocks. This week, Karen Bass became the first woman to be elected mayor of blank.

Los Angeles. Yes. On Sunday, Beyonce led the pack with nine total nominations for the 2022 Blank Awards. Grammys. Yes. This week, a man accused of stabbing a bar patron in Louisiana said it was all a misunderstanding, and he was just blanking. Trying to make his shirt into a

crop top. No. He said he was just showing off his knife when the man went in for a hug. You know what it is? You're so excited, you want to show all your buddies your brand new knife, so you pull it out, you start making stabby motions, right? But then your friend goes in for a hug,

and whoops, now he's in the hospital. He'd look like a turkey. It's nice, though, to finally see people who say, I'm a hugger, get what they deserve. Bill, did Adam do well enough to win? Well, let's count him out. Six, right, 12 more points. 15 means he's the winner.

Hey, Adam Burke. Oh, congratulations. Adam Burke. Oh, congratulations. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict what everybody will be thankful for at next year's Thanksgiving. But first, let me tell you that... Wait, wait, don't tell me.

It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Kodica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre back home. BJ Lederman

composed our theme. Our program was produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Drobos, and Lillian King. Our production assistant is Sophie Hernandez-Semuniz. A special thanks to Blythe Robertson. Peter Gwynn has been put out to stud. Our intern is Vaish Navi Naidoo, technical rationalist from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller.

Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will we all be thankful for at next year's Thanksgiving? Alzo Slade. That the Magrib is finally on its farewell tour, and hopefully it doesn't come back. Paula Poundstone. Passports.

And Adam Burke. My brand new financial platform, Currency, where you just take all your money and put it in a mattress. Well, if any of that happens, panel, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis.

Thanks also to Alzo Slade, Adam Burke, Paula Poundstone. Thanks to the staff and crew at the beautiful Louisville Palace Theater and everyone at Louisville Public Media. Thanks to our fabulous audience here in Louisville. And thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. Thank you. This is NPR.