Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Isabella Rossellini

Episode Date: February 1, 2020

Isabella Rossellini, film maker, joins us along with panelists Maz Jobrani, Faith Salie, and Josh Gondelman.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Billy Elish may have five Grammys, but Billy Curtis is your only Grampy. I am Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you all so much. We indeed have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to the actress and filmmaker Isabella Rossellini. It's so much fun to say. But first, you might have heard that one of our NPR colleagues, Mary Louise Kelly, had a very contentious interview with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo. He ended up yelling at her

for 15 minutes after the interview ended. And this is true, as an insult asked her to point out Ukraine on a blank map, which she did. And then he said, oh, that's where it is. Now, Pompeo apparently was surprised with the aggressiveness of her questions. I don't know why. NPR is famous for our confrontational journalism. It's why the original name of All Things Considered was Consider This, You Filthy Bastard.

We promise not to make you uncomfortable with pressing questions about your flaws, so give us a call and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, this is Becky Halterman Robinson and I'm calling from West Palm Beach, Florida. West Palm Beach! That lovely tropical paradise where you can look up and see the president's plane all the time. And deal with the traffic when he's in town. Everybody does. Oh, but it's the biggest and most beautiful traffic.

It really is. Traffic like you've never seen before. Traffic like you've never seen before. Traffic like you've never seen. A big military man came up to me and said, Mr. President, I've never seen such traffic in my life. I started to cry. Well, Becky, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week.

First up is a man you can see in New York at Caroline's on Broadway on March 27th through the 29th. And you can hear him on his podcast, Back to School with Maz Jobrani. I gave it away. It's Maz Jobrani. Hey, Becky. Hi.

How are you? Next, it's a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning. It's Faith Saley. Hi, Becky. Hey, hi, Faith. And finally, a comedian whose book Nice Try is out now. He's a writer and producer for Desus and Mero on Showtime, which returns Monday. It's Josh Gondelman.

Hi. It's me. Well, welcome to the show, Becky. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. I bet you knew that. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. Your job is just to identify two of them or explain them. And if you do that, you win our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose on your voicemail.

Are you ready to play? So ready. All right. Here is your first quote. It's all about his mustache. The rest is misdirection. That was the Dallas Observer talking about someone with a new book who threatened to upend the impeachment trial this week. Whose book?

Is it Bolton? It is Bolton. John Bolton. Very good. The impeachment of Donald John Trump was rolling along to its inevitable end with first his acquittal and then the president shooting a man in Reno just to watch him die. Because now he can. But then the news came out that John Bolton, his former national security advisor,

had written a book titled The Room Where It Happened because if you don't think being a warmonger was bad enough, he also makes gratuitous Hamilton references. He wants attention so bad. Donald Trump. No, John Bolton. Oh, John Bolton. I thought you were talking about me. Josh Gondelman.

No, I just, he, I think he like brushes his mustache in the morning and he's like, is this the day they subpoena us? He wants them to subpoena him. He wants it, but he doesn't. He wrote it in a book that isn't coming out until after the trial ends, which is like, hold me back.

Oh, you don't want me to fight you, big guy. Guy two feet taller than him. Oh, you're lucky my friends are here. Most of the week's impeachment action, of course, was taken up with senators sending questions to the chief justice, who then read them aloud. This was so good. It was pretty good, except the Republicans were sending questions to the Chief Justice who then read them aloud. This was so good. It was pretty good except the Republicans were sending questions to the President's

lawyers like, in your opinion, how hot is the President? And all the Democrats were asking questions of their House managers that were like, I know, right? It was just a relief. I've never seen a Q&A without one film student coming up and being like,

not really a question, more of a comment. My problem with it was there was a couple problems. First of all, it takes too long. Can't they just text them the questions? It really slowed things down. And you know who I felt really bad for? It was C-SPAN because they've been televising this stuff for years and years. And finally they're like, we got the Super Bowl

and they're like, so does CNN and Fox and MSNBC and everybody else. Oh now everybody likes to watch the CNN. Look who comes crawling back to old C-SPAN. So your next quote is from NPR.

Every four years, Iowans have to basically relearn how it works. That was part of a rundown of what big event that's coming up next week in Iowa. The Democratic caucuses. Yes, the caucuses in Iowa. Yes, they're here again. Happening on Monday. Many people still don't know how caucuses work. It's very simple. Two stout men tie one of their legs together and run down a hallway. At the end, they choose between a floor lamp representing one candidate and a cucumber representing democracy.

If they pick the floor lamp and it turns on, Joe Biden is president. Now, it's very complicated, as you can tell. Most people don't even know what the word caucus means, but we're guessing, looking around Iowa, that it comes from the word Caucasian. Now, as we approach the caucuses, many Democrats were freaking out, we were told, because Bernie was rising in the polls.

But what are they going to do about it? Bernie seems to inspire incredible loyalty. His supporters swarm any critic on social media. And he has strong support among the youth vote. Many three-year-olds are also refusing to comb their hair. And what's amazing is he's making these gains in the polls while being stuck at the Senate trial. The less he shows up, the better he does.

Do you think if Bloomberg rises in the polls, we'll be able to see him? Thanks, Josh. There is one candidate who is actually fourth right now in the national polls. Mike Bloomberg, as you said, he seems to be attempting to just buy the nomination, like pressing the buy it now button on eBay. This week, he tried to humanize himself. He shared a video in which he met a voter and the voter's dog, which he greeted in the traditional manner of greeting dogs by grabbing its snout

and shaking it. It's an unbelievable video. Like, he didn't just kind of do it and then realize he was shaking a dog's mouth. He doubled down and shook the muzzle harder. Yes, he did. He committed to it. It was like it's a service dog and he was going, thank you for your service.

All right, Becky, your last quote is from the New York Post. It's about an event this weekend. By kickoff Sunday, you will be sick of hearing about it. What will we be sick of hearing about come Sunday? The Super Bowl. The Super Bowl. It's Super Bowl 54, and it kicks off on Sunday with all of America hoping it will finally address the unanswered questions of Super Bowl 53. It's an interesting matchup this year.

It's an interesting matchup this year. San Francisco, once the center of the nation's counterculture, now home to the industry that has changed the world, versus Kansas City, home to the Kansas City Chiefs. It's being played at Hard Rock Stadium in Miami with a record 65,000 football fans packed in there to see it. It's going to be a thrill for everyone, but no one's more excited than the coronavirus. Oh my God. Can you even say too soon if it hasn't happened yet? I guess so.

Did you hear about the bar that was giving discounted Coronas for the coronavirus? They were doing it. They were actually doing it. I heard that people were talking about this. I don't know if Corona actually had to put out a statement saying, it has nothing to do with our beer. You can't get it. If you feel sick after drinking a Corona, that's your fault. That's user error. Exactly. Bill, how did Becky do on our quiz?

Becky was perfect. Congratulations, Becky. Great, Becky. Thank you. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Panelists, this week, this is all for all of you, this week, British scientists recreated what of you, this week British scientists recreated what a 3,000-year-old Egyptian mummy's voice would have sounded like when he was alive. Now, before we play it for you, we're going to ask each of you to replicate the voice of a mummy. Whoever gets closest to the real thing gets a point.

We'll start with Maz, your best mummy. Okay. Oh, it's so good to be here in this pyramid. Very good. Very good. That's bad. Faith.

Oh, my ISIS. All right. What? And Josh? I got a thing on my nose because somebody scratched that before me. Can't lift my hands. All right, very good.

Very good. And now, here is the actual sound as recreated of an Egyptian mummy in life. What? Wait a minute. I know. It was a little hard

to take in all at once. Let's hear it again. That's it. So who do you think? Who do you think, Bill? Got it closest. I'm going to go with Maz. Yeah, I think Maz.

Yeah, Maz. Scientists at the University of London created a 3D printed version of a mummified Egyptian priest's mouth and throat. They combined it with an electronic larynx to reconstruct the sound of his voice as it must have heard. Or they just bought a kazoo.

It does kind of change the image of mummies. Imagine you're an archaeologist in the 20s and you break into a cursed tomb and the mummy rises up from his sarcophagus and goes, What was Brendan Fraser so scared of? I don't know. What are your thoughts on the pharaoh?

Who knew they were Jewish? Coming up, we're looking at The Man in the Mirror. It's our bluff, the listener game called 1-triple-8-wait-wait-to-play. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Boz, Joe Brani, Faith, Celie, and Josh Gundelman. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. Right now, you know it.

It's the time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Scott Keeley from Charlestown, Rhode Island. Well, how are things in Charlestown? You didn't say Charleston. You said Charlestown. Charlestown.

What do you do there? I am a patent agent. My wife and I run the best little intellectual property firm in southern Rhode Island. So people, inventors come to you and you help them get patents? Yes. A patent agent does everything a patent attorney does.

I just don't argue in court. Right. You know that Einstein was a patent agent, right? He was. Yeah. You're well on your way. That sounds like something I bet he's yelled angrily at a relative at Thanksgiving dinner. You know, Einstein was a patent agent, so I could do worse.

Well, Scott, welcome to the show. You're going to have to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Scott's topic? Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. It's hard to change and improve yourself. And trust me, that's not because you're perfect just the way you are, no.

This week, we heard a story about somebody trying to help your personal growth. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play? Yep. All right.

First, let's hear from Maz Jobrani. Have you ever set out to learn a foreign language only to be discouraged when you realize how hard it can be? Well, now there is a new app out of Tiburon, California that helps language learners build confidence before starting their journey to bilingual bliss. Mike Saunders, the developer of the new app Gobbley Gook, explains, learning a foreign language is intimidating because you know when you start out you're speaking it wrong. But you can't be wrong in a language you just made up, which our apps help you do. Once you gain confidence by conquering your own language, you will have the willpower to learn one of those tricky real ones. The idea came to Saunders when he tried using his limited

Spanish on a trip to Mexico. My first day there, all I could remember was, ¿Dónde está el baño? Which means, where's the bathroom? It wasn't until later that night when I had drank a bunch of tequila when my Spanish improved and I was saying things like, mas tequila, por favor. So the question was, how do we get that level of confidence without having to drink a bunch of tequila? To show us how gobbledygook works, we were invited to a cafe to listen in on a conversation between two of their staffers, John and Cindy, who happened to be married. First, Cindy spoke, saying, And John handed her the pepper. Cindy, who happened to be married. First, Cindy spoke, a new app that helps you learn a new language by

helping you make up your own. Your next story of self-improvement comes from Faith Saley. If you were a semi-famous boxer named Tommy Fury, best known in your native England for being a contestant on a dating show called Love Island, and you wanted to cut back on your meat consumption, what would you do? If you said slap a scratch and sniff meat patch on your bicep, that's disgusting. And you're absolutely right. On his Instagram page, you can find Fury flexing a bulging muscle covered with a large sticker. On the sticker are two pieces of bacon forming an X with a slash mark through them. When Fury, who's trying to go vegan, craves meat, all he has to do is vigorously scratch himself to produce a bacon scent.

To quote Fury himself, give it a rub when you're feeling in need of a bacon scent. To quote Fury himself, give it a rub when you're feeling in need of a meat hit. This invention, which is actually called the Meat Patch, was created by an experimental psychologist at Oxford University named Charles Spence. According to Professor Spence, studies have shown that scent can reduce food cravings. He says, imagine eating enough bacon and you might find yourself sated. Because we all know that when you're starving for meat, it's the smell of bacon that definitely makes you feel less hungry.

The meat patch, a scratch-a-sniff-knicker you put on your own body to help you go vegan, your last story of personal betterment comes from Josh Gondelman. After the Peloton commercial controversy over the holidays, another cycling startup is finding the public upping the resistance to a new feature. In-home fitness company Body, spelled capital B lowercase o, capital D lowercase y, has added a function to its user preferences that distorts the self-monitoring mirror to accentuate user-chosen problem areas. The option would, for example, increase the width of the user's love handles

or add a little extra jiggle to the wobbly part of one's underarm that makes grandma so pleasant to hug. According to a press release issued by Body, the fastest road to looking your best is feeling your worst. The announcement of the function, called Funhouse Mode, sparked immediate backlash on social media, with Twitter users saying things like, that's the literal definition of body dysmorphia,

and more colorfully calling it, a cinder block shackled to the ankles of our society, dragging us down to a new depth of capitalist hell. Adding to the controversy was the recent celebrity endorsement from singer-songwriter John Mayer, who unveiled the new slogan, Your body isn't a wonderland yet, but you're getting there. All right. One of these is a genuine attempt to help people better themselves.

Is it from Maz Jobrani, an app that helps you learn language by encouraging you to just make up your own? From Faith Silly, the meat patch, which you can stick on your arm and scratch to get a sniff of meat whenever you are tempted to vary from your plant-based diet. Or from Josh, the Funhouse option on a brand of exercise equipment, which you can set your mirror to make you look worse than you actually are for extra incentive. Which of these is the real story of an ingenious way to help people get better? Gosh, I'm going to go with B. All right. You have chosen Faith's story of the meat patch to bring you the correct answer.

We spoke to someone who had covered the real story. A scratch and sniff patch released the scent of bacon with the aim of helping people cut down on their meat consumption. That was Sabrina Barr, lifestyle reporter for The Independent, talking about the meat patch. Congratulations, Scott. You got it right. Thanks, Scott. Thank you. You earned a point for Faith. You've won our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose on your voicemail, Scott. Thank you. You earned a point for faith.

You've won our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose on your voicemail. Congratulations. Thank you, Peter. Thanks for playing, Scott. Take care. And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things.

Isabella Rossellini was born to what might have been the most famous couple in the entire world, Ingrid Bergman and Roberto Rossellini. She grew up to be an actor and model herself, and then did exactly what you would expect from somebody descended from Hollywood royalty. She got a master's degree in biology and made a series of films about animal sex. She has a new film of her live show about animal behavior called Link Link Circus. Isabella Rossellini, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you so much. Now, I did want to talk to you before we get to your work a little bit about your parents. I don't know how many people know this, but your mother was, Ingrid Bergman, was perhaps the greatest movie star of her age, Casablanca and Gaslight. And your father, Roberto Rossellini, great Italian film director. And how old were you when you realized that your family was not like other people's families? Well, you know, it took me a while. I didn't understand. You know, I think when you're a child, your family is your family.

So I remember that when I went to school, I asked, maybe I was seven or eight years old, I asked my student, is my mother, how famous is she? Like John Crawford, is she as famous as Jared Garbo? I needed a kind of thermometer that other people could give me because for me, I couldn't gauge how famous they were. You decided to become an actor yourself. Was that something that you resisted

because it was your family business or something you embraced? I did resist it for a long time because I thought that I couldn't be as good as my parents or that I was always going to be compared to them. So I first became a model. Then in my 30s, I decided to move into acting, which was something that was always offered to me, but I always declined it. That's all well and good. Modeling, whatever, acting, fine.

Let's talk about animal sex. Okay. Because this is what I'm interested in. You did... Let me rephrase that. That is an academic subject which I find fascinating. It is fascinating.

And it's very funny. I guess it was the mid-2000s. And that's why I started making funny films about how different animals mate and reproduce. But people have never seen these films. They're called A Green Porno, is the name of the series of films. And in it, they're not just lectures.

You actually depict the animal. You have these costumes and these sets in which you'll do a piece about, say, the mating habits of ducks. And you, Isabella Rossellini, are a duck. I have to tell you that ducks are very special.

We always think that courtship is what you need for the female to say yes or no. But ducks have a different method. They evolve a very labyrinthic vagina. A lot of ducks jump on them, and they all try to make love to them. So they have evolved a vagina with several canals they can control.

So if they're penetrated by a duck, they don't want to be the father of their babies. They send them to a dead end. But if they're penetrated by the duck they like, duck, they didn't want to be the father of their babies. They send them to a dead end. But if they're penetrated by the duck they like, then that doesn't mean the right can now deliver to their eggs who have babies. That's why

Daffy Duck didn't have any kids. I know. There are films about bugs and snails in which Ms. Rossellini depicts all of them and they're amazing, but how in the world did you get interested in that stuff? That seemed like such a strange... Well, I was always interested in animal behavior in general.

And then with Sundance, they have a television channel, and they have several other institutions. I mean, the most known is the Film Festival, where they like to work on experimental filmmaking. And they contacted me saying they wanted to create a series of short films on the environmental subject because they knew I was a filmmaker and actress and I knew about biology and I had a master's degree. And at first I said, well, I don't know, nothing comes to mind.

And then, like a flash in my head, they had a lot of programs called green transportation, green housing and green whatever and i said oh green porno and i made a series of 40 short films you know and they all shot with me saying oh if i were a fly and then i transformed myself into a fly of course having been a model for many years i know how how to do costumes. Right, of course. It's amazing the way that you can reproduce. How do snakes do it? Oh, snakes, you know, they have a double

penis. Well, I'm so glad you asked, Maz. They are flying. Do the penises compete, or do they work as a team? No, you know, surprisingly, they only use one at a time.

Yeah. Is it penises or peni? Caucasus. Caucasus. Well, Isabella Rossellini, we could talk to you

about that all day. But we do have some... Sex is a fascinating subject. Yes. And I just want to say,

and Isabella, this is for our audience here in Chicago, there is a little boy sitting right there. Right where I can see him, which has made this whole conversation so comfortable for me. It's nature. We haven't said anything dirty. Nature is nature. That's true. You either made things really difficult for him and his parents

when they leave, or you saved them a conversation. So, either way. Now, look, it's time to have the talk about the snake and the snake. When two snakes

love each other very much. Am I helping? You are. You are. You are. Well, Isabella Rossellini, we are so delighted to talk to you. But we've asked you here to play a game we're calling... Make a Run for the Border. Your name is Isabella, so we're going to ask you three questions about Taco Bella.

Answer three questions about the popular fast food franchise Taco Bell. Get two right, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Isabella Rossellini playing for? Charlie Elvey of Evansville, Indiana. So here's your first question. People who love Taco Bell truly love Taco Bell. As proved by which of these real-life cases? A, in 2016, a Florida man woke up from a seven-week coma, and the first words he

said were, quote, I want Taco Bell. B, a woman turned herself permanently orange trying to create the bright orange powder from Doritos Tacos Locos. Or C, a woman in Florida named her three children Crunchwrap, Crunchwrap Supreme, and an extra Crunchwrap Supreme. Well, now you know who the favorite is. The coma. The coma. I like this. You're right.

Yeah. Guy was in a coma. It's a lucky. Guy was in a coma for seven weeks, completely insensate. One day, his brother's sitting there. He opens his eyes and says, I want Taco Bell. And let me tell you something, ladies and gentlemen, he got it. In Florida, that is a medical treatment.

Yeah, it is. All right, here's your next question. As you may know, Taco Bell has a reputation for being the food of choice for drunk or stoned people. That was a reputation that was confirmed when which of these happened? A. In 2011, a man in Florida was so drunk he showed police a Taco Bell taco thinking it was his driver's license. B. Taco Bell reports that one in four customers take out their money to pay and say, isn't it weird? This is just paper and you give me food for it?

Isn't it weird? This is just paper and you give me food for it? Or C, Taco Bell Incorporated has created its own special branded cannabis line called Live Mas Baked. No, the one that is surprised about the paper. That money is paper and you just give paper and you get food. I can understand that is a surreal moment. It doesn't make any rational sense. No, and I love that you chose it. The answer, of course, was A, the man in Florida who was so drunk he showed.

He actually was asleep in his truck in the Taco Bell line. All right, you still can win it all. Isabella, here we go, your last question. It seems like Taco Bell can win it all, Isabella. Here we go. Your last question. It seems like Taco Bell can do no wrong, but in 2017, they tested one product

that never caught on with their customers. What was it? A, the caviar chalupa, B, the nacho suppositorio, or C, the Kit Kat quesadilla? What about the Kit Kat? What about the Kit Kat quesadilla? What about the Kit Kat? What about the Kit Kat? That's the answer.

It was a dessert item, of course, and it did not succeed. Bill, how did Isabella Rossellini do on our quiz? Isabella, you won because two out of three right is a win. Congratulations! Wonderful! Isabella Rossellini's stage show Link Link Circus is touring the West Coast this

February. More information can be found on her Instagram page. That's at Isabella Rossellini. Isabella, what an absolute pleasure to talk to you. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you so much. What a you. Thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much. What a joy. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much.

Good day, everybody. In just a minute, it's still looking a lot like Christmas in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Josh Gondelman, Maz Jobrani, and Faith Saley. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

In just a minute, Bill gets away with high rhymes and misdemeanors in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news. Josh, the online magazine Romper undertook a deep investigation this week into why men take so long to do what? Define our relationship?

Can I have a hint? It's the number two reason people build a second bathroom. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. I was trying not to... To go there. Go there. Okay.

Poop? Yes, exactly. The average man... Why are you applauding it? It takes too long. The people who researched this say that the average man vanishes into the john for two hours and 45 minutes each time. What? No, wait a minute.

We made that up just to make you guys feel better about what you actually do. It's actually more on average like 20 minutes. Isn't that a lot more reasonable? According to Dr. Niket Sonpal of Brookdale University, quote, no one in theory should take that long. So this is so true. Like, first of all, my husband has a whole lexicon around it. Like, I'm going off campus.

Oh, please, share more. Wait a minute. Hold on. I am on stage with all these men. Yes, you are So can someone explain to me, is this physiological or is this technological? Well, here's the thing, this is why it's a subject of interest Or does my husband just not want to be around me?

Well, funny you should ask that The study was of your husband So there's no physiological reason why it should take men any longer than women. So most people speculate that for them it's just private time away from the stresses of family. Asked for comment, the mothers said nothing but simply spit blood from their eyes. I got a question. Did it say how long women spend? I'm just curious, how much longer are men spending than women?

Well, apparently up to 15 minutes more. 15 minutes more? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Whoa. Yeah. You should try 20. It's really...

Yeah. This study should really be like, why aren't women stretching this out? No, I don't. No, I honestly... You're right. First of all, my kids will still come in and be like, Daddy. I'm like, hey, this is me. Get out.

So it is. It's a moment to get away from them. And secondly, I just get mesmerized. I'm looking at the news, answering emails. But even I, sometimes, you ever done it where you're getting up, you're like, oh, my leg's asleep. I've been here too long. Oh, my gosh. Might as well just stay the night, you know.

Oh, my gosh. I've had that. Maz, the New York Times last week reported on three-year-old Haris Nadzeen, who lives in the UK. The toddler loves Legos, nursery rhymes, and he is also what? A royal? No, he's not a royal. Give me a hint. Can I get a hint?

Well, he refers to his age as the square root of nine. Oh, he's a genius. Yes, he is the youngest person in Mensa. At the age of three, he's a genius. His mother proudly refers to Hariz as, quote, my little brain box, which sounds like a monthly subscription service for zombies. He can read fluently at the age of three.

He's good at math, and he's constantly finding ways to work into the conversation how he went to a preschool near Boston. He's just been made the youngest member of Mensa, though it really, in his case, should be Boy-sa, am I right? My favorite genius R&B group is Boy-sa to Mensa. Yeah. Now I know my ABCs

Won't you come Sit with me Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the Contact Us link

on our website, waitwait.npr.org, or you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at the Fox Theater in Atlanta, Georgia on March 12th. And if you want more Wait, Wait in Your Week, check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions

all in the comfort of your home or wherever you might have your smart speaker. It's just like this radio show, only now we admit we can hear you. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello. Hello. Who's this? This is Jana, and I'm calling from Petty Jean Mountain, Arkansas. Petty Jean Mountain, Arkansas.

I pride myself in knowing where everything is. I have never heard of Petty Jean Mountain. Where is that? What is it? It's in the central part of the state in the River Valley. Oh, I see. Wait a minute. You live in Petty Jean Mountain, which is in a valley. No, I live at top Petty Jean Mountain that overlooks the valley. Aha. Well, welcome to our show, Jana. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.

If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will win our prize. You ready to play? Sure. All right. Let's do it. Here is your first limerick. My tannin bomb's not been set free,

so a valentine spruce is for me. I think that the gist is I'm not done with Christmas. I'll simply repurpose my... Tree. Yes, tree. If you still haven't taken your Christmas tree down, don't worry. You are not sad and lazy.

You're romantic. A new trend has people redecorating their old crusty trees for Valentine's Day. You know, red and white hearts, ornaments, roses, little naked Santas holding bows and arrows. The idea is it's an economical and eco-friendly way to repurpose your Christmas tree. And it's a great way to increase the chances of starting a fire in your own home. Plus, nothing says I love you like not doing the one thing I asked you to do before January was over.

So it's Happy Valentine's Day, honey. Here's something dead. Don't you, when you put it in the recycle, don't they take it somewhere and they get disposed of it in an environmentally friendly way regardless?

I think that's what's happening now. I think they just tell you that. I think, right. Oh, your tree goes to a farm upstate. It's really nice. All right, very good. Here is your next limerick. At the beach,

we are in for a shock. I saw fin prints right here by this rock. Some cousin of Jaws just broke natural laws. I think sharks have been learning to walk. Yes, walk. Very good.

Biologists in Australia have discovered some species of sharks have developed the ability to use their fins to walk on land. And we all know what that means. We're dead. Shark bunions. The behavior has been observed in such places as Australia, New Guinea,

and right behind you. I thought when it was because you said walk, I thought it was talk, and they were going to be like, eh. Sound like mummies. Shark, how was that surfer you just had? And they can add to that song now. Walking sharks.

Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do. All right, here is your last limerick. I feel like my mouth has been stung. The loss of space there goes unsung. To get better sleep like my mouth has been stung. The loss of space there goes unsung. To get better sleep, my mouth needs a clean sweep.

I need to lose weight in my... Tongue. Yes. Tongue it is. Tongue it is, Jenna. A new study says sleep apnea can be treated simply by losing your unsightly tongue fat. simply by losing your unsightly tongue fat. So hit the tongue gym and give your tongue that hourglass figure that ear, nose, and throat doctors go wild for. But how do you lose that pesky tongue fat?

It's hard. Like the old saying goes, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the thing that licks. Finally, something new to be self-conscious about. Bill, how did Janet do in our quiz? Jenna's that Arkansas strong. She got them all right. Congratulations, Jenna.

Yay. Thank you so much for calling, and congratulations. Thank you. Bye-bye. Hey, now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Josh has two. Faith and Maz each have three.

Okay, so that means, Josh, you are in second place, so you get to go first. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. At a ceremony on Wednesday, President Trump signed the USMCA, a new trade pact meant to replace blank. NAFTA. Right. Just a week ahead of the Iowa caucuses, the Des Moines Register endorsed blank for president.

Elizabeth Warren. Right. This week, the L.A. Lakers and Dallas Mavericks announced they'd be retiring number 24 in honor of blank. Kobe Bryant. Right. After a surge in sign-ups over the holidays, online giant blank announced it has more than 150 million Prime members. Amazon. Right.

U.S. officials reported that a section of the president's impenetrable wall on the Mexican border was destroyed by blank. Wind. Right. This week, GMC announced their new all-electric, environmentally conscious version of the blank. Uh, truck? Well, close. The Hummer. For the first time in four years, blank expectancy in the U.S. rose.

Life. Right. This week, a sheriff's office in Colorado reported that a section of Highway 145 has been closed due to blank. Uh, everybody too high? Snow. No. The Sheriff's Office in Colorado reported that the highway had been closed due to quote, a large boulder

the size of a small boulder. According to the dispatch from the Sheriff's Office, the large boulder that was approximately the size of a small boulder blocked traffic in the eastbound lane of 145 for over an hour. It took that long for other officers to show up and move it. Onlookers say it was amazing. It somehow seemed like the 12 officers had the strength of a dozen men.

Bill, how did Josh do in our quiz? Josh did very well. He's got six right, 12 more points. Total of 14 puts him in first place. All right. Now, we have flipped a coin, and Faith has elected to go second. So, Faith, fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump unveiled his new peace plan for blank.

Israel and Palestine. Right. According to prosecutors, Prince Andrew has provided zero cooperation in their investigation of blank. Jeffrey Epstein. Right. This week, several international sporting events in China were canceled over fears of blank. Coronavirus. Right. A man in Tennessee on trial for marijuana possession surprised his lawyer by blanking during sentencing. Lighting up a joint. Yes, indeed. This week, New York City passed a resolution banning restaurants and stores that don't accept blank. Uh, cash?

Right. On Sunday, Billie Eilish swept all the major categories of the blank awards. Grammys. Right. This week,

a man in Louisiana was arrested for walking up to people in a gym parking lot and asking to borrow blank. Their guns. Right. So he could do a robbery.

According to police, the man approached two people outside of Planet Fitness and asked if he could borrow their robbery. According to police, the man approached two people outside of Planet Fitness and asked if he could borrow their guns to go rob someone. They said, no. And the man followed them inside, worked out next to them, right?

Hey, it's you, huh? And then kept asking about the guns. Police arrived eventually with their guns drawn, and the man said, oh, thank goodness, can I borrow those real quick? Bill, how did Faith do on our quiz?

Seven right, 14 more points, total of 17, which puts her in the lead. All right, then. So how many guns does Maz need to win? Seven to tie, eight to win. I fold. Here we go, Maz. This is for the game. Fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, EU lawmakers approved blank's exit from the union's trading block. England. Right. This week, the Pentagon said that 50 American service members suffered brain injuries during blank's missile attack on the airbase in Iraq. You know, I'm from Iran, so thank you for bringing that up. You're welcome.

On Wednesday, the Federal Reserve announced it was holding blank rates steady. Interest. Right. This week, the Wisconsin Highway Patrol pulled over blank for a traffic violation. Wisconsin Highway Patrol pulled over blank Aaron Rodgers. No, the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. Despite warnings from the Trump administration, the UK announced it would allow Chinese tech

firm Blank to supply some wireless carriers with 5G network equipment. Who-way. Right. On Monday, popular fast casual Mexican chain Blank was fined $1.3 million for violating child labor laws. Taco Bell? No, Chipotle. A man who went to the emergency room after discovering giant blue bruises on his legs was told by a doctor that he was Blank. Dead. No, they doctor that he was blank. Dead.

No, they told him he was fine. It was just blue dye from his tight, new, skinny jeans. The man, who looked up his symptoms on WebMD before rushing to the emergency room, was convinced he had deep vein thrombosis. Turns out his legs were just stained blue from his new unwashed jeans. Although it didn't help when he arrived at the emergency room

and the doctor pointed at his blue legs and said, Die! So I was right! Bill, did Maz do well enough to win? Not quite. He got four right, eight more points, totaled of 11, which means Faith is our winner. Oh, really?

I am so surprised. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict after John Bolton's What Will Be the Next Tell-All book to make a big splash, but first let me tell you. Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions.

Doug, where did you go? Berman, benevolent overlord. Philip Godeker writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Emma Day. Our web guru is Beth Novy.

And this week, sadly, we lost one of our friends here in Chicago. For over a decade, Kate Kinzer welcomed guests to our Chicago shows, encouraging and helping our volunteers and making sure everybody at least can have a good time before we started bringing down the mood with our show. We're very grateful to Kate for her enthusiasm and kindness over the years.

And to Kate's family, we are so sorry for your loss. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dernbos, and Lillian King. Our contributing writers this month are Fumi Abe and Mike Nguyen. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Shillog.

And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next big tell-all? Maz Jobrani. Mary Louise Kelly will write a book about her encounter with Mike Pompeo when he cussed her out. The book will be called Mike Pompeo. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it easy. It's just a question.

Why do you have an unmarked map in your office? What are you, a pirate? Faith Saley. In fact, Bolton's mustache wants to tell its story, and it's called The Hairy Truth, right under his nose. And Josh Gondelman. I want to see the next tell-all memoir

from the bad guy from the Billie Eilish song Bad Guy, and it will be called Not Such a Bad Guy, My Side of the Story. Well, if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Maz Jobrani, Faith Saley, and Josh

Gondelman. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. I'll be back with you next week This is NPR