Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Jen Psaki

Episode Date: January 30, 2021

Jen Psaki, the White House press secretary, joins us along with panelists Tom Papa, Jessi Klein, and Yassir Lester.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Sorry, Buffalo, I guess only certain Bills are winners. I'm Bill Curtis, and here's your host, my short squeeze, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill, and thanks, as always, to our fake audience, who this week are clapping because my parents spread the word that I could really use a boost. But first, some news. It has only been a week, but White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki has become embroiled in her first scandal.

She has agreed to be on this show. Well, we promised to be nicer to her than Peter Doocy. But now it's your turn to stand at the podium. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Margarita Pryor, and I'm in Providence, Rhode Island.

Beautiful Providence. I love it there. What do you do there? Well, I live here, but I work in Boston for the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. Wait a minute. You work for the EPA. How long have you worked for the EPA? Wait. I've been a faceless bureaucrat for a really long time. I hate to tell you how long. Well, how are all you faceless bureaucrats in the EPA feeling these days? Speaking for myself, of course, I think that we feel really happy. Yes. And were the last four years somewhat difficult for you all? Was it just a matter of keeping your head down?

Yes. And I had the scars on the top of my head for that too so well margarita it is an absolute pleasure to talk to you let me introduce you to our panel this week first up a comedian whose netflix special is you're doing great he's also the host of the breaking bread with tom papa podcast it's tom papa also the voice of jesse on the show Mouth on Netflix. It's Jesse Klein. Margarita. Hi. And making his debut on our panel, the star of Black Monday on Showtime, it's Yasser Lester. Hi, Margarita.

Hi. Hey, Margarita, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I am. All right, let's do it then. Here is your first quote.

I know it seems funny, but you have to remember it's hurting real people who own multiple boats. Remember, it's hurting real people who own multiple boats. There was a man named Kevin Farsad on Twitter talking about how this week people on Reddit took down some hedge fund managers by manipulating what stock? GameStop. GameStop, that's right. It was the week in which everybody all of a sudden was talking about the great GameStop bubble, which is the first time in a long time that people have talked about GameStop and not said, hey, look, the GameStop closed. Here's what happened. Some hedge fund guys bet a lot of money that GameStop's share price would decline because GameStop sells video games on things called discs in places called stores. So a group of people on Reddit said,

hey, let's everybody buy it and we'll drive the price up and we'll cause the hedge fund guys to lose billions. And by doing that, made GameStop one of the most valuable companies in the country for about four days. The stock shot up to over $300, but if you try to sell it back at a GameStop, the best they can do is 17 bucks.

Guys, do you remember what happens to Michael Jackson's eyes in the Thriller video? Oh, yeah. That's what happens to my eyes when someone tries to explain to me what is going on with this story. I don't understand shorting a stock. I don't understand what GameStop is. I don't understand any of it, and I don't care.

My only concept I understand of money is if someone's like, okay, right now you have money. And I'm like, cool. And then 10 minutes later, they're like, okay, you don't have any more money. That's all I understand about anything financial. I'm like, I can't buy this. They're like, no, you can't. Okay. Thank you so much. By the way, I don't know if you guys are interested, but I finally read an explainer of selling short that made sense to me. You ready for this? It's like you, Jessie, go buy a dress for $100, right? Pass.

Okay, no. Just go with me here. So you buy a dress for $100. And I say to you, Jessie, can I borrow that dress? I'll give it back to you in one month. And you say, sure. It'll look good on you. So you give me the dress, and I run down to the store,

and I immediately return it and get the $100 dollars and then what i'm hoping is that a month from now when i need to give you the dress back i'll go down it'll have been put on the clearance rack i'll buy it for 17 say here jesse here is your dress back and keep the difference michael jackson eyes jesse just blacked out. I literally saw her black out while sitting up. Truly just like, if you could picture what's in my mind, it's like a unicorn

just like dozing on a cloud. Wearing a dress. Wearing a beautiful dress. In this $100 dress that Peter's wearing at home that belongs to me. You went through that whole explanation and I'm like,

where would he even get a dress for $17 now? Peter, I'm going to say that was not clear. All right, we'll move on then. Here, Margarita, is your next quote. We'll be toasting to our fellow brands with an ice cold Coke from the sidelines. with an ice cold Coke from the sidelines. That was Coca-Cola announcing that for the first time in memory, they won't be running an expensive ad during what big sporting event next week?

Oh, the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl. That's right. We're going to have a Super Bowl this year. It's going to be the Tampa Bay Buccaneers versus the Kansas City Chiefs. There's a ton of interesting storylines, like can Tom Brady become the oldest quarterback to win a Super Bowl? And will he deflate the tennis balls on the legs of his walker?

This is also, I don't know if you follow this, it's historic. This is the first time that a team will be playing the Super Bowl in their own stadium. It was scheduled for Tampa Bay and Tampa Bay made it to the game. So, you know, this year during the pandemic, even the Super Bowl has to stay home. This does seem like it's the first time

where people are considering rooting for Tom Brady. It's like this is his 10th Super Bowl that he's going to. He's just a superstar. And people have just been hating on him for so long. And now they're like, yeah, he's pretty good. I guess we will grant. I feel like he has the same problem that Gwyneth Paltrow has. It's like they're just too perfect and it just bugs people.

But I have to admit, if Tom Brady came out with a candle, I'd buy it. And of course, because we can't get together, there aren't going to be any Super Bowl parties, and we're all going to have to watch it by ourselves. Is there anything sadder than Super Bowl snacks for one? I'm very used to getting fat alone. I'm like this. Welcome to Jesse's life, football fans in America. A tale as old as time. All right, let's move on to your final

quote, Margarita. Here it is. That was part, believe it or not, of an official statement from the White House purportedly from whom? Well, it could be Sarge or Major or maybe both. You know their names. Very good. You're right. The first dog. Yes, that was a statement from the first dogs for people who missed feeling a boiling rage every time the White House was in the news. Let me introduce you to the office of the first dogs, or as they actually call it, the oval pawfus. See what I mean? The Biden's two dogs arrived at the White House on

Wednesday and they put out a statement, which was in woofs, woof, woof, woof. Then there was a translation, which said in part, we have made some changes to the oval pawfus. We have replaced the diet Coke button with a nom-nom button, unquote. And honestly, how do I sign up for the next seditionist mob? I think they're such handsome dogs. I will say I do love a German Shepherd. I think they're very handsome.

They're very good looking. They're tens. And it is nice to have dogs back in the White House. Famously, President Trump did not have any pets. It's very nice. Champ sleeps in the Oval Office on the little dog bed they had there for Don Jr. It's nice to have German Shepherds, too, because it makes Biden's hips look very healthy. That's true.

That is such a German Shepherd in-joke, Tom. I love it. Well, Margarita's with the EPA. She's close enough. We got a COVID pug during the pandemic. Yeah, how'd that go? It's a mistake. Really? Why?

It's not really, like at least the president has real dogs. The pugs are, they're kind of cat-like. They don't have much emotion. And here's a little tip. If they fall in your pool, they go right to the bottom. Really? They're very dense is what you're saying. There's no water in your pool is the first problem. Well, there's that. That's how you found out there was no water in the pool. Oh, my God.

It's all the way down there. Did somebody have to dive in and save the pug? Yeah, there was a cell phone ruined, but Frank survived. Did you have to do this? Did you have to dive in? No. I told the kids, you might want to get that. I wasn't going in after a pug.

Are you crazy? Bill, how did Margarita do? Margarita's an expert. All three, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. That's great. Congratulations, Margarita.

Thank you. Thanks a lot for playing, Margarita. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Yasser, people on dating apps traditionally brag about their jobs or maybe their workout routines. But more and more more these days people are leading with what asset their negative covid results you're very close as they're that they've been vaccinated exactly

right people are mentioning their vaccinations and sort of their opening bid on tinder and ok cupid uh experts say it's resulting in far more matches than the previous trend, mentioning you had a dry cough and a fever. But I don't know. Well, my dating profile is like, been vaccinated, COVID negative. I do have syphilis. COVID vaccinated, riddled with everything else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do not want to come over here unless you are brave. But God bless.

But, you know, even though that people are apparently, you know, because people want to meet somebody who's vaccinated so they're safe. But you know how people are. You meet up and you realize their profile picture is actually from 50 years ago when they got the polio vaccine. Are people bragging on just the first shot or do you need both shots to. First shot gets you dinner. Second shot... Yeah. Coming up,

it's the great British Brexit. Bluff the listener. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hi, I'm Ophira Eisenberg from NPR's Ask Me Another. If you like comedy, trivia, and celebrity interviews, then check out our show. Listen and subscribe to Ask Me Another

from NPR, the answer to life's funnier questions. from NPR and WBEZ Chicago this is wait wait don't tell me the NPR news quiz I'm Bill Curtis we are playing this week with Yasser Lester Tom Papa and Jesse Klein and here again is your host the current host of this show Peter Segal thank you Bill right now it is time for the wait wait don't tell me Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, Peter. This is Alex Palmer from Washington, D.C.

Alex Palmer in Washington. What do you do there? Well, I actually specialize in international election integrity. Do you really? How do you have the time? Have you actually considered like someone's going to hire you to oversee elections in the United States? You know, I really hope no one does that. I guess once we have to call you, it's already too late.

Well, Alex, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Alex's topic? Too late to exit Brexit? At first, it seems like Brexit was going great. The UK even won the race to invent a new coronavirus variant. But now we're seeing signs that it wasn't maybe such a good idea. Our panelists are going to tell you about that. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize, the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to go? Yes.

All right. First, let's hear from Tom Papa. Many Britons wanted to Brexit because it would keep those suspicious foreigners out of their business. But it also, of course, makes it a lot harder to import all kinds of delicious food, leaving them only with jellied eel, spotted dick and canned haggis. So to deal with the looming shortage of prepared foods and also to cut down on wasting the food they have, British authorities have instructed citizens, hey, that use-by date, ignore it. Many foods which have exceeded their best-before date are still safe to consume weeks and even months later. Some helpful techniques? Look at your potatoes.

Are those vines growing out of them? Or useful handles? Bread. Is it stale? Or has it just turned into a giant crouton? And milk. What's wrong with a drink you can chew? As opponents of Brexit have been saying for years, as they look up from their tea and clotted cream,

something just don't smell right. Britain's being told to just ignore those expiration dates in their food. We're sure it's fine. Yes, enjoy it. It just smells a little funny. Your next story of a Brexit problem comes from Jesse Klein. The 52% of British citizens who voted for Brexit presumably were hoping for a long-term economic boost. What they didn't bank on, however, was some very unexpected and sobering news out of 10 Downing this week. After months of negotiating, Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced that sadly, one of the trade-offs in leaving the EU would be the loss of their distinctively charming British accents,

which as it turns out were imported and are no longer affordable. The country let out a collective gasp as they were informed in a national address charming British accents, which as it turns out were imported and are no longer affordable. The country let out a collective gasp as they were informed in a national address that effective immediately, the entire nation will have to speak with the cheapest accent available, which unfortunately is Midwestern American. Adding insult to injury, many of their most cherished British expressions such as knackered, bloody hell, pip pip, and chuffed will all have to be swapped for Americanisms like, where's my food? And how much is that gun?

Millions of Brits are despondent over the loss of their accent, which many counted on for an aura of sophisticated intelligence, even when they were doing stupid things like voting for Brexit. The accent was our thing, lamented Thomas Wells, an accountant from Yorkshire. Now we sound completely daft. Unfortunately for Thomas, due to Brexit, daft is now considered an import word and he had to fill out 50 pages of tariff paperwork to use it. Britain's having to give up their, as it turns

out, imported posh accents. Your last story of a Brexit citizen comes from Yasser Lester. Like a lot of countries, the UK is facing huge vaccine shortages. But unlike a lot of countries, they have a plan. They're using what supply they do have to vaccinate dogs, both those living at home and wild dogs roaming the streets and the countryside. Not because dogs are objectively better than humans, but to save humans. Dogs by nature are one of the highest aerosol producing animals on the planet. Thank you. it. Dogs are basically being used as vaccine spreaders thanks to their heavy breathing, which, while disgusting, does hurt less than a shot. The new protocol, of course, has animal activists, COVID deniers, and vaccine chasers equally in an uproar. The deniers being potentially

forced to inhale a medication for an illness they do not believe exists, the animal activists upset that the dogs didn't consent to vaccinations, and the vaccine chasers furious that they have been denied while quote unquote, some guy's pet gets the shot before they do. All right, then here are your choices from Tom Papa, a new policy to just, you know, ignore those expiration dates in your cans and boxes of food. I'm sure they're fine because there may not be a new supply. From Jesse Klein, Britain's having to return their accents from the foreign countries from which they were borrowed. Or from Yasser Lester, vaccinating dogs instead of people so as to spread the vaccine to everybody the dogs slobber on. Which of these is the real story of coping with

Brexit? Well, as much as I would like Jesse's story to be true and hear some Brits giving up their accent to speak Midwestern, I think I'd probably have to go with the first story about ignoring expiration dates. Right. So you're going to choose Tom Papa's story about people being encouraged to ignore those pesky and meaningless expiration dates. Well, to bring you the real story, we spoke to someone pretty familiar with it. Don't be afraid to taste it and smell it. You know, if it tastes and smells fine, then it's fine. That was Dr. Emily Broad-Lieb. She's the director of the Harvard Food Law and Policy Clinic,

talking about the UK plan for old food and assuring you, yeah, it's fine. Really? So, yes, Tom had the real story, as you so astutely figured out. You've won our game, the voice of anyone you might choose in your voicemail, and also a point for Tom just for calmly telling you the truth. Awesome. Thanks so much, Peter. Thanks so much for playing. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. And now the game where we put odd questions to people who just aren't used to that. But not this time. Jen Psaki has served in the trenches of government for years, but now she is the most prominent face of the Biden administration. She's the White House press secretary. She has already redefined the role by answering questions calmly and factually without insulting the questioner. We didn't know that was possible. We hope she sticks to it now. Jen Psaki, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you. This is when I'm going to get really nasty. Finally, finally, I actually wanted to ask you that because a number of people have noted that you've been very generous, professional. We're not used to that. Have you been tempted yet? And I know this is not your first gig as a communications professional, but have you been tempted yet to just snap at somebody since like all bets are off?

You know, in Dana Perino's book, she talks about having her finger, the middle finger up in the podium underneath when she's just like really just they're getting under her skin. So I'm holding that out as an option. But it's only been a week. I have a little secret thing I do. Maybe not secret because I'm telling all of you. But when reporters are getting really loud or they're starting to ask crazy questions,

I just slow down my pace and I talk very quietly. And I treat them like I'm an orderly sometimes in an insane asylum. Not that they're people in an insane asylum, but sometimes that's all you have to do to cool yourself down inside. Were you, because this is what I would have done, and this is why I don't, I'm not trusted with jobs like yours. Were you tempted at all to come out on your very first day at the very first Biden administration press conference and announce that Biden's inauguration had the largest audience ever, despite what everybody was saying? Just just just to do it. I mean, I was tempted.

I did get a lot of people, some of my predecessors, not naming names, who uh sent me jokes you know jokes uh yeah crowd size none of them were great i was a little worried people would look at me with blank stares like what's happening right now so i didn't do any of them but um i was a little tempted not gonna lie jen is it your goal i mean you're very good at what you do and it's very calming and nice to see but is it your your set goal is just to try not to get on Dancing with the Stars? Whatever you do, that's like, not that, not that. Don't end up there. Whenever I'm having a low day, I have from time to time pulled up that picture of Sean Spicer,

the video of him shimmying in that shirt. I'm telling you from time to time. It's nothing personal. Don't wish him ill, but that shirt was pretty amazing. My goal is not to get on Dancing with the Stars. I can promise you that. It's true.

It wasn't the dancing. It wasn't the stars. It was the puffy sleeves that really made that as hard. The sleeves. I mean, I was thinking, did your wife see that shirt? Did you wear that shirt knowing what the shirt looked like? But I just wanted to give him advice.

Now there's been a lot of turmoil with what I'm about to mention, but- Oh, we're ready. We're ready. Which instructor does Biden ride with the most for Peloton? Oh, that is a great question. I'm a fellow Peloton head. This is such a good question. So if you tell me, you're also going to have to give me his screen name. I'm just letting you know.

I mean, I am not afraid to ask him all sorts of random questions. I have not asked him this. I really want it to be Ally Love. Sundays with Love, come on. Sundays with Love. It's just this really, you feel you get a workout, you get a little spiritual moment. It's everything. Oh my gosh. I had pictured President Biden as more of like, I don't know, like an Alex Toussaint guy. I don't know. I definitely

need to know the answer to this. I've wondered the same. You may need to follow up with all of your lists. We should get to ride with him. So we noticed you've been doing this for a while and you're pretty good at dodging questions you don't want to answer. Yes, that is true. So we wanted to see how you did it. So I'll ask you this. Hey, Jen, we're having this great time.

We're having this great time Saturday night. We're all going to hang out. We're going to be playing some foosball in my basement, drinking some, you know, White Claw. Why don't you come over? Can you come over and join us for that on Saturday night? You know, that's a great offer. I really appreciate it. I'm just going to have to get back to you after the briefing on it. I promise I'll do that. I do say it's funny. Twitter's had a little fun with me because I say I'm going to circle back. I'm going to circle back. Now, I will say in's funny. Really? That's it? Twitter's had a little fun with me because I say I'm going to circle back. I'm going to circle back.

Now, I will say, and my very hardworking team can confirm I'm obsessed with circling back with reporters. I'm not just saying it, but after the briefing, getting back to them. That is sort of a tick I have that I've got to work on. But often what I'll say, and everybody does their different things, is I will say, I just don't have anything more for you on it. I just don't have anything more for you, which is true. And sometimes that's the truth. That's what you got to say. That's like a great way to get out of a relationship too. Just like, I don't have anything more for you. I don't have anything more for you.

I don't. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Yeah. And I won't be circling back. Can I circle back? Yes. Sometimes you just don't have the answer. And, you know, in there, you're just not going to know the answer to a million and one different questions they may have. And sometimes you just have to follow up with them. And that's okay, too.

So I actually do do that. But when I am not going to tell them anymore, I say, I don't have anything more for you on that. So that's my tip. Use it with boyfriends whatever it's fine do you ever walk off the from the podium after a press conference is done and like five minutes later think of the thing you should have said every day yeah I mean every day every day you walk off and I say, didn't start a war. Hey, that's good. But, you know, every day I meet with my team. They're awesome. And I say, OK, what problems did I cause today?

What can I clean up today? And what should I say better tomorrow? And that's kind of what I go through to President Biden's credit. I mean, he kind of he says, if you mess up, fess up. And if you, you know, don't have the answer, don't make it up. And I follow that. I have one last question before we get to the game. You have young children, right? I do. Yeah. How old exactly?

Two and a half and five and a half. Two and a half and five and a half. And I guess the two and a half is the two and a half, the five and a half year old know what you do for a living and understands why you have to be at work so much? Yeah. Well, when my husband has worked on the Hill for a long time and we had this book and it had the capital and this is maybe two years ago. And she would say, Daddy works there. And then she'd say, what do you do again, Mom? I was working in a think tank.

It was less less exciting to her. But when I when I took this job, I, you know, I took her out to ice cream. I said, you know, I'm Joe Biden, that that very nice man is going to help heal the country asked me if I could help him for a while, you know, try to make it five year old terms. And I said, I and I'm I'm going to do this. But it's also a sacrifice for you, because we're not going to get to spend as much time together. And, you know, in that way, you're helping Joe Biden too and you're helping heal the country. And I was like, really proud of myself. And I was like,

does that make sense? And she said, not really, mommy. Did she just say, I don't have anything for her, anything more for you? We'll circle back. I don't have anything more for you on that. Well, Jen Psaki, it is a joy to talk to you, and we feel lucky to do so. But we have, in fact, invited you here to play a game that this time we're calling... Take a dip in this pool. You deal all day with the press pool, so we thought we'd ask you about actual pools, swimming pools.

Okay. Answer three questions about swimming pools in politics, and you will win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they choose on their voicemail. Bill, who is White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki playing for? Samantha Stewart of Portland, Oregon. First question. Pools have played an important role in international diplomacy, including which of these?

A, to gain the upper hand, Mao Zedong scheduled a meeting with Khrushchev in a swimming pool, knowing that Khrushchev could not swim. B. The division of the Ottoman Empire after the First World War was settled by a four-lap swimming race between the British and French prime ministers.

Or C. The Paris peace talks to end the Vietnam War took so long because the Vietnamese kept taking long breaks to use the hotel jacuzzi. I'm going to go A. You're going to go A. You're exactly right. That's what happened.

There are photographs from that summit between Mao Zedong and Khrushchev in the swimming pool in which Khrushchev is wearing floaties. All right, you got one right. Moving on. Now, as I'm sure you also know, there is a pool in the White House right now, an outdoor swimming pool built by Gerald Ford, who liked to swim laps.

Which of these really happened at the White House pool? A. Jimmy Carter converted it into a cistern for rainwater to water the Rose Garden in an ecologically sensitive way. Or B. Barbara Bush was attacked by a swimming rat in the pool, which was killed by her husband, President George H.W. Bush. Or C. Bill Clinton won a cannonball contest by throwing in actual cannonballs he requisitioned from the secretary of the army. I want it to be B, so I'm going to go with B. You're right. That's what happened. All right. Mrs. Bush said it was the worst thing that happened to her at the White House. Okay, last question.

Pools also played a role in the Cold War. How? A. The CIA came up with a plan to drop chemicals into all Soviet swimming pools to turn them instantly into jello. B. The Soviets proved their superiority by building a nuclear submarine with a swimming pool on board. Or C. The Soviets bugged the swimming pool at the U.S. Embassy in Moscow and became convinced a top spy went by the codenamed Marco Polo. I'm going to go with C. You're going to go with C, that the Soviets actually believed there was a Marco Polo because they kept shouting his name. I'm just going to go with it. I think you're right. I

think you're confident. But no, it was actually B, the Soviets built a nuclear missile submarine big enough to have a swimming pool on board. I just couldn't believe that one. But all right, all right, all right. Two for three. I feel okay about that. Bill, how did Jen Psaki do on our quiz? She had already won two, so you have won, Jen.

Congratulations. Jen Psaki is the White House press secretary. Jen Psaki, thank you so much for joining us on Wet Weight. Don't tell me. Thank you so much. It was so great talking with all of you. Take care. Thanks again. And good luck. We'll see you on the TV. Thank you.

In just a minute, Bill takes you on a culinary journey you'll never forget. And you'll probably regret. In the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for NPR and the following message come from BetterHelp, offering online counseling. BetterHelp therapist Hesu Jo knows that lockdown has been hard on us as humans. We as people are hardwired to connect with others, which is why this whole time is so difficult. The connection that happens between people can be very powerful, and how healing it can be to have a healthy relationship with someone. To get matched with a counselor within 48 hours and save 10%, go to betterhelp.com slash wait.

If you're never quite sure how to answer the question, Where are you from? NPR's rough translation might be the podcast for you. Yes, finally, someone else. Give us your accents and your origin stories, your cross-cultural misfits yearning to just be, and listen to Rough Translation on NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Jesse Klein, Yasser Lester, and Tom Papa.

And here again is your host. He's not Tom, but he's old Papa. Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill sings Santeria, his favorite sub-rhyme song in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news.

Tom, police in Italy recovered a museum's stolen 500-year-old painting, and the museum responded by telling the police what? Uh, don't bother looking for it? No, they had already found it. Oh. Keep it. No, they took it back.

I don't know. Can you give me a clue? Yeah, well, they said, oh, that explains the blank spot on the wall. Oh, we had no idea where it was missing exactly right this portrait of christ believed to have been painted by a student of leonardo da vinci was discovered in an apartment in rome after police got a tip it was there they recovered it they brought it back to the museum and the museum responded like oh yeah thanks we were totally looking for that. Another Jesus. Yeah, exactly.

It's a Renaissance painting. They all were of Jesus, you know. What's one more Jesus? It is, in fact, a valuable painting. It is a copy of Leonardo's Salvatore Mundi, which at $450 million is the most expensive painting ever sold. But this isn't that painting. This is a copy made at the same time it was created.

So it's not so much a Mona Lisa as kind of a Mona Stephanie. So why is that valuable? It's his student. Yes. Who copies the original work. Well, it's still a painting from the studio of Leonardo da Vinci. It was painted by somebody. I guess it's valuable even if you know, it's a painting from the studio of Leonardo da Vinci. It was painted by somebody. I guess it's valuable, even if Leonardo didn't like actually paint it, it's valuable that Leonardo on point looked over his shoulder and said, are you really going to do it that way?

Yeah, I just cut a new album from Drake's parking garage. Yeah. Yeah. And? Jessie, great news. A new study shows that the way to unlimited happiness is simply to acquire as much what as possible? Money. Yes, exactly. That's right. And the reason that this is a little interesting. Wait, was I really right? You were absolutely right. It's money. Yes, that's the answer. Sorry, everybody who were thinking, you know, family, love, children, well-being, sense of self-worth. Nope, it's money.

Everybody had thought because of prior studies that after a certain point, say when you no longer have to worry about housing or food or having to remember which streaming services you signed up for, more money doesn't make you any happier. But a Wharton School of Business study finds that no no matter what more money makes you happier here's how it works say you bought game stop stock at a high point on thursday and felt great now you're depressed get it now the gains just in just in case you're like oh my god now you know because you listen to our show that all these years you should have been going out and getting money instead of loved ones and important connections to other people. The gains diminish as you get richer. Keep that in mind. So if you're utterly broke and someone gives you a $50 bill, you say, oh, thank you so much.

My God, you've saved me. But if you have a million dollars in the bank and somebody gives you a $50 bill, you say, thank you. I had a cold coming on and I'm out of Kleenex. Game stop, baby. Game stopStop I made it all I'm a GameStop millionaire is what I am it occurs to me is that gonna be cool somebody says man wow what a nice house where'd you get the money and you say GameStop is that like gonna be a cool thing to say yeah this is the game stop built this house yeah that sounds pretty dope all of all every everything sounds at a certain point how you made your money and got a big house it kind of sounds ridiculous to me you know what i mean like and there's there's never anyone who

has like a super impressive house where they told me and i go like wow that seems cool like it's never like oh i actually you know i i'm the world's most famous oncologist. It's always like someone who's like, oh, I invented a skateboard that goes backwards. And you're like, okay. A skateboard that goes backwards deserves everything it gets. Wow. Cool. You have 12 bathrooms? Wow. Wow. Cool. You have 12 bathrooms?

Wow. Tom, if you're feeling a bit of pandemic stress, the Washington Post's wellness column says crying can help you feel better, but it only benefits you if you do it how? Into a pillow? No. Out loud? In front of other people?

Yes, in front of other people. That's right, Tom. A recent column in the Washington Post explains there are many benefits believed to be associated with a good sob. You experience a release of tension, you release toxins, you get more screen time on The Bachelor. But the article says you only get these benefits if you do it in front of someone. Thank you, Washington Post. What a great time to give advice that I can only follow if I happen to be a person with a friend. This depends on who you live with, though. I mean, you know, I've got two daughters and my wife and the pug.

They depend on me to kind of keep it together. They don't need me walking into the kitchen just sobbing because I can't go to outdoor dining anymore oh come on tom you know that every girl loves to see her father cry every little girl yearns for a weeping dad your daughter should be like oh dad's really sad we better throw the pug in the pool again hey hey little papa daughter how'd you grow up to be such a strong woman oh my dad cried in front of me every day just walking through the house with a duvet cover on his body like a robe literally never seen my dad with a dry eye no do you know what i have this can i just advocate for what i think is the best cry? Because at this moment with this audience, I'd like to make a recommendation. In these tough times, if you can make your way to a drive-thru car wash, there is no sob for me that I look forward to more than just once the water hits that windshield and I can just turn on a song and really picture myself in some kind of indie movie. I mean, do you do that? I mean, does the water splashing in the car from the car wash inspire you to cry? Or is it more like, oh my God, I'm about to break out into sobs. Quick,

I have to drive to the car wash. I just like feeling like I'm in a very sad little submarine being attacked by an octopus with long, long legs. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always just click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. This is Catherine. I'm calling from Stanford, California. Now, where is Stanford, California? Is that near Stanford University, which is in Palo Alto? Yeah. Oh, wow. So you're actually at Stanford. Are you in the school there? Yeah. So I graduated with a PhD in chemistry two years ago, but my husband is still in his PhD program. Oh, really? Do you lord it over him? Not too much. I do remember when I made my donation to NPR, I made sure it said doctor on it.

But apart from that, we try to keep it on the down low. I appreciate it. Well, welcome to the show, Catherine. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play? Yes. All right. Here is your first limerick. costly. So I'm really quite keen that they're mixed in ground beans because they sell cans of Coke laced with coffee. Yes, coffee. Coca-Cola has unveiled a new product, Coke with Coffee. Just like the name says, it's Coca-Cola infused with coffee for that refreshing taste of Coke

you accidentally poured into that mug with yesterday's coffee the new product is a great way to destroy your teeth in two ways at once and contains twice as much caffeine as a regular can of coke it's sure to bring you out of your afternoon slump and give you the energy you need to bend a crowbar in half and then spend the next nine hours twitching have you ever been interested in taking one thing you like and mixing it with another thing you like to make something you don't like. That would have been the Super Bowl ad, too, if they had only gone through with it this year. I mean, I'm available to just hand these out. Here is your next limerick.

Extra carbs I don't want to finagle. With this pint, I'll just eat what I'm able. This garlic and sesame's getting the best of me. Part ice cream, part everything. Bagel? Yes, bagel! Jenny's Ice Cream New Flavor,

Everything Bagel, is the gross new way to make your breath stink and get an ice cream headache at the same time. It's a cream cheese flavored ice cream seasoned with classic Everything Bagel spices. Sesame seeds, poppy seeds, garlic, onion, some kind of salt that hurts your mouth. It seems gross, but it really comes together once you top it with hot fudge lox. I read about this, I will say, I had to lie down for an hour. I was so upset.

It is so upsetting. Nothing like milk coated around your lips and seeds in all of your teeth. That sounds like a great date night. That actually sounds delightful. Okay. Here is your last limerick. Of earthiness, there's no more trace in the bottles we packed in this case. The nose has unfurled.

It is out of this world since we've taken our wine out to... Oh, out to space. Yes, space, or as I am legally obligated to say it, space! Two years ago, researchers sent 12 bottles of wine to the space station, and the astronauts were so rude they sent it back. They wanted to see what space does to the wine aging process, and connoisseurs are excited to pretend they can now taste the difference. It's going to suck when you're out to eat and your rich friend sees space wines on the menu

and is like, oh, let's try it. And it turns out when you split the bill, it costs $60 million. Bill, how did Catherine do in our quiz? The PhD scored big. All three right. Congratulations, Catherine. Thank you. Thanks so much for playing.

Take care. Bye. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Well, Jesse has one. Yasser has two. Tom has three. All right, Jesse, you're up first.

Fill-in-the-blank, on Monday, Dominion Voting Systems filed a $1.3 billion lawsuit against Trump lawyer blank. Giuliani. Yes. This week, the Federal Reserve vowed to keep blanks low through the coronavirus recovery. Interest rates. Right. On Tuesday, the White House told the Justice Department to stop using privately owned blanks. Prisons? Yes.

This week, police charged a man for using his blank to quickly take his family to the grocery store. His car? No, his ambulance with the emergency lights on. After two weeks trapped underground, 11 minors were rescued in blank. China. Right. At his funeral this week, television host Blank's family all wore his trademark suspenders. Larry King.

Right. This week, a man in Australia was granted workers' comp after he strained his back blanking. Catching a kangaroo. Bending over to pick up the keys to his company car. The electrician was just about to leave his house to repair a downed power line when he dropped his keys in the driveway. Instead of calling in a professional for the job, the man just bent down to grab them himself and strained his back. That's why OSHA always recommends lifting your set of keys with your toes and not your back. Bill, how did

Jessie do in our quiz? She had five right for five more points. She now has 11 in the lead. All right. Well done. Yasser, you are up next. Please fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Senate narrowly defeated a GOP bid to dismiss Blank's impeachment trial. Trump?

Yes. This week, one of the men accused of planning to kidnap the governor of Blank pled guilty. Michigan? Yes. When their car got stuck in the snow in Oregon, public health workers delivering covet vaccines that were about to expire blanked uh did a drive through walk up i don't know actually you're right they just gave out the vaccines to the other stranded drivers on monday hbo reported they were in early talks to produce a show based on jk rowling's Blank series.

Harry Potter? Yes. On Sunday, officials in Japan denied reports that it was planning to cancel the Blanks in Tokyo. Olympics? Yes. This week, police in Britain responded to reports of an illegal rave violating lockdown rules, arrived at the scene, and found Blank. Children? Babies? No, instead of a rave, they found a bunch of elderly people waiting in line for the vaccine. babies. No, instead of a rave, they found a bunch of elderly people waiting in line for the vaccine. The police received a call about an illegal rave at the local Freemasons Hall

and rushed to the scene, hoping to get there before Skrillex started his set. Unfortunately, when they arrived, they discovered it wasn't a rave, it was just a bunch of senior citizens lined up to get the vaccine. They didn't find anyone rolling on Molly, but they did find a sweet old lady named Molly rolling in a wheelchair, close enough.

Bill, how did Yasser do in our quiz? Very well. He had five right for ten more points. He now has 12 and the lead. Very well done. All right. How many, then, does Tom need to win this all? Tom needs five to win.

All right, Tom. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Monday, the Senate began working on a power-sharing deal after Mitch McConnell dropped demands to preserve the blank. Filibuster. Right. According to a report, the leader of white supremacist group Blank

was a prolific informer for the FBI and local police. Proud Boys. Right. On Tuesday, the CDC said it was safe for kids to return to Blank so long as precautions were followed. School. Yes. For the first time in almost a decade, no player was voted into the blank Hall of Fame.

Baseball. Right. On Thursday, GM announced it would stop producing blank-powered cars by 2035. Gas-powered. Right. While attending school remotely, a student in England attended class, but successfully avoided answering questions for weeks by blanking. By putting a puppet up. No, by changing his Zoom screen name

to Reconnecting dot dot dot. Ah, brilliant. Isn't it good? The kid got out of participating in class by changing his screen name to make it look like his Wi-Fi was out. It was an absolutely genius move, except for the part where you had to hold

absolutely still for the duration of the class to make it seem like his screen was frozen. The teacher eventually figured it out. She called to speak to the student's parents, but weirdly they were, quote, going through a tunnel right now. Oh no, we might lose you. Bill, did Tom do well enough to win? Well, he broke the tension. He has five right for 10 more points. He now has 13. That is this week's champion Congratulations Yay Tom I've never won before Well there you are

I'm the Tom Brady of this In just a minute we're going to ask our panelists To predict what will be the big surprise ad At next weekend's Super Bowl Wait Wait Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks.

Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our host manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Emma Choi. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dernbos, and Lillian King. Our GameStop advisor is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White.

Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Her business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the big ad that we do get to see at next weekend's big game? Tom Papa. Filling the Budweiser gap, Taco Bell announces the new Dalmatian chimichanga. Jesse Klein

Well I am hoping that it's an ad for the store Where Jen Psaki buys all her very cool chunky necklaces So that I know where to buy them And Yasir Leskar It's Tom Cruise as the new spokesman for the Calm app Well if any of that happens We'll ask you about it on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me Thank you Bill Curtis

Thanks also to Tom Papa, Jesse Klein and Yas Yasir Al-Lusky. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. Thanks for getting through another week with us. We will do it again next week. This is NPR.