Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Jeremy Allen White

Episode Date: July 30, 2022

Jeremy Allen White, star of Hulu's The Bear plays our game called "Please Look After This Bear" three questions about Paddington Bear. He is joined by guest host Tom Papa and panelists Helen Hong, Bobcat Goldthwait, and Faith Salie.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

So we're all traveling again and people are dreaming, visiting cities like Paris or Tokyo or Rio and all those places are fine, I suppose. But do any of them have Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Live at the Studebaker Theater? Mais non, as they say in one of those places. Come to Chicago, see Wait, Wait Live and then with the rest of your time, well, I'm told the Cubs are rebuilding. That sounds exciting. More information at Nprpresents.org. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Wake up the Bill Hive. It's a new track from Bill Yonce. That's me, Bill Curtis, and here is your host of the Studebaker Theater of the Fine Arts

Building in Chicago, Illinois. Filling in for Peter Sagal, it's Tom Papa. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. It's great to be back here with all of you. Last week at the beginning of the show, I made a joke about how Peter was the only one in his family who didn't have COVID. Then Peter got COVID. Maybe it's my fault. So to make it up to him, I'd like to now make a joke about how he's the only one in his family who doesn't have hair. While we're waiting for the magic to work, give us a call and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you're on Wait Wait. Hello, this is Tyler Jones calling from the farm in Aiken, South Carolina. Hi, Tyler. Thanks for being here. How is Aiken, South Carolina? It's wonderful. Nice and hot. Oh, that's very nice. And do you do something fun down there? How do you make a living in Aiken, South Carolina? I do. I have a horse farm that I'm getting up off the ground.

A horse farm? Yes. Ooh, that's nice. How do you grow them? You start with the hooves and you can name them. Alright, well, Tyler, let's introduce you to our panel. First up, it's a comedian who will be performing at Hyenas in

Dallas, Texas, August 5th and 6th and whose comedy special, Well Hung, is streaming now. It's Helen Hung. Hi, hi Tyler. Hi everybody. Next, his comedy tour documentary and album Joyride, also starring Dana Gould, is available everywhere. It's the hilarious Bobcat Goldthwait.

Well, hello, everybody. Finally, a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning who's off-Broadway solo show Approval Junkie, is now available as an audio play on Audible. It's Faith Sally. Hey, y'all. Hey, Tyler. Well, welcome to the show, Tyler. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time?

The lovable Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show that you choose for your voicemail. Are you ready? I'm ready. All right, good luck. Your first quote is from Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. This is a big effing deal. That was Senator Schumer reportedly talking about how he just reached a surprising deal with whom. Ah, oh man. Can I get a hint? Well, you said, oh man.

You got half the answer. You did. Just add another syllable, Tyler. Oh, okay. Mansion. Yes, that's Tyler. Okay. Mansion. Yes. Wow. You're right.

Joe Mansion and the panel just giving out hints. Joe Mansion. If this bill passes, it secures billions of dollars to fight climate change, but undermines Joe Mansion's campaign promise to ruin everything good. This bill could get the U.S. on track to reduce carbon emissions 40% by 2030, when most Democrat... Yes. And in extra good news, by then, most Democratic senators will be over 100 years old. senators will be over 100 years old. Joe Manchin is to Democrats the way I am to Korean mothers, which is not quite right. I mean, like something's a little off, like she's not married. She's a standup comedian. She's not a doctor. What's going on there? He is such a diva. He lives for this

stuff, right? Do we think he was laying in wait the whole time just so he could appear like a hero? Yes. Absolutely. We were all talking about him. We were all waiting. And in fairness, it is tough for Manchin because keep in mind, he's a senator from West Virginia, the state whose chief

export is climate change. What's most astonishing about this story is that it was all done in secret. The Democrats actually achieved something and did it in secret. Yeah, which is really, really kind of

insane. And they were at a loss because none of them even remember how to celebrate winning anything. You should have seen the celebrations. Elizabeth Warren was seen trying to do donuts in an electric bicycle. Bernie Sanders, this was sad. He broke both hips trying to high-five AOC. All right, Tyler, here's your next quote.

The robot broke the child's finger. This is, of course, bad. That was the response from the person in charge of an event where a robot broke a seven-year-old's finger when it was supposed to be doing what? It was supposed to be playing chess. Yes, that's right, playing chess. This is bad news for artificial intelligence, or as the robot put it, great news for artificial intelligence,

or as the robot put it, great news for artificial intelligence. A chess match between a robot and a seven-year-old boy surprised everyone by becoming interesting. When the robot grabbed the boy's finger and broke it, the robot's creators claimed the whole thing was an accident, but that doesn't explain why after the robot broke his finger, it whispered, checkmate, bitch. Isn't this the plot of literally every dystopian technology movie?

At this point, I feel like robot makers are like, plot of literally every dystopian technology movie. At this point, I feel like robot makers are like, you know what? This asteroid is taking way too long. We need to help the end times along. And here is your chess robot slash finger breaker. Yeah, it's the first scene in a horror film where technology takes over.

It's like the robot breaks the kid's finger, cut to a Roomba eating a dog. Tournament officials, and this is true, were quick to point out that the robot was a rental. Which means it's not their fault. Just like if you run over a kid with a rental car. Weren't they trying to blame the kid? Oh, yeah. Right?

They said that he didn't wait long enough before making his move. He's supposed to, because seven-year-olds are very good at waiting. And seven-year-old geniuses are really good at waiting. He was supposed to wait 15 seconds or something. He'll wait now. All right, here's your last quote, Tyler. waiting. He was supposed to wait 15 seconds or something. He'll wait now. Alright, here's your last quote, Tyler. You are selling rotten sauce

to people in the summer heat. That was one of many people complaining about a chef selling a sauce over TikTok. The sauce is named after its color. What color is it? It is pink.

That's right, pink sauce. The story combines the two parts of American culture most likely to make you ill, mayonnaise and trends you saw on TikTok. Here's what happened. A private chef named Chef P debuted the sauce on TikTok back in June, and it blew up. Then she started selling it for $20 a bottle. It sold like crazy. But when customers received it, it was in a leaky bottle in a paper envelope. It smelled rotten. It was a different shade of pink.

The label said it had 444 servings. It contained milk, and it wasn't refrigerated. Basically, it looked less like a sauce and more like a human lung from eBay. How bored with food are we? How bored with food? That's a good question. That's exactly what it is. Because even the original video where the chef herself is like slathering a KFC drumstick with this like Pepto-y looking cream. It's just nauseating looking. And I don't, I can't believe like millions of people on TikTok were like, yeah, I'm down

to try that. Yeah. I think they grew up on Nickelodeon. I think it's like they want their food slimed that's what it looks like i said to my daughter who's uh of tiktok age and i'm like have you heard about the pink sauce she was like yeah i was like are you gonna eat it she's like you're gross i was like all right was she talking about the pink sauce or just you? Just me in general. Pink sauce tastes sort of like ranch dressing,

according to one customer who is almost certainly dead. Bill, how did Tyler do? Well, Tyler can buy a new horse because he got them all right. Nice job, Tyler. Thank you. Thank you so much. Bye, Tyler. Bye, Tyler. sauce, yeah.

I got the sauce, got the sauce, yeah. And now it's time for another installment of our game. What's Martha Stewart up to? Bobcat, what is Martha Stewart up to this week? Is it A, posting a moving tribute to her dead peacocks on Instagram, or B, posting a sexy tribute to her dead peacocks on Instagram?

I'm going to go with the sexy peacock post. You're right. It's B. Yeah. Yeah. There's B. Yeah. Yeah. There's still some fire in that mix. Six of Martha Stewart's prized peacocks were killed by coyotes this week.

You think that's funny? She announced the sad news in a post on Instagram showing a slow motion video of her late peacock blue boy in his full peacock glory accompanied by Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On. No. If you're wondering why Let's Get It On, Ms. Stewart says,

and this is true, I do not have any idea how the Marvin Gaye music found its way to this sad post. What? I guess it's better than Marvin Gaye's other hit, Let's Get Those Peacocks. Wait, she lost six and she only posted Bluebell? That's not fair.

Well, the others weren't so hot. Yeah. I've been really trying, baby. Trying to hold back this feeling for so long. And if you feel like I feel, baby, then come on. Oh! And, and! Ooh! Let baby. Come on. Oh! Hey! Hey!

Woo! Let's get it on. Oh! Hey! Hey! Let's get it on. All right, coming up, there ought to be a law against our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Bobcat, Goltthwaite, Faith Saley, and Helen Hong. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois. Phil again for Peter Sagal, Tom Papa. Thanks, Bill. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT

to play our game on air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Kelly Conkley from Fredericksburg, Virginia. Hi, Kelly. How is Fredericksburg this summer? Hot, sticky, and steamy. Ooh, that

sounds like a sexy peacock. Well, thank you so much for being here. It's nice to have you with us, Kelly. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. What's the topic, William? Check the statutes. Certain things are definitely illegal, like robbing a bank or stealing from your office, while other things aren't so clear, like stealing from your office when you're just the guest host.

Like stealing from your office when you're just the guest host. Our panelists are going to tell you about something that seemed like a crime in the news this week, but no one's sure. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice, on your voicemail. First up, it's Faith Saley. It's faith sailing. Joyriding refers to driving a stolen vehicle with no particular goal other than the pleasure or thrill of doing so. And it's illegal. But what if the joyrider is a blonde Dutch lady who is topless? And what if the vehicle is a dolphin? Is that too joyful to be criminal?

Footage of the incident was posted by a Twitter user named MyCupsOfCoffee, but it's not everyone's cup of tea, with one person calling the whole event Maximum Netherlands. Another Twitter user pleaded, quote, damn it, mom, not again. On the criminal side, it does appear that the poor dolphin was not up for this kind of action, but it's hard to determine verbal consent from a dolphin. One could interpret the dolphin squeaks and pops as saying, flipper, I hardly know her. know her. That's Naked Dolphin Joyride. That's Naked Dolphin Joyride from Faith Saley. Your next story of a legal gray area comes from Bobcat Goldthwait. John Muhlenfeld is suing the O'Brien's funeral home of Rochester, New York for banning him from attending funerals dressed as his clown alter ego, Depresso the Clown.

Depresso had been getting away with attending funerals for years and had been creeping out mourners because funerals are open to the public and have no dress codes, but now O'Brien's Funeral Home has launched a strict dress code of no extra large shoes, no squirting flowers,

and no red noses are allowed. Depresso said, I'm just trying to bring joy to sad people. What's wrong with that? The first three letters in funeral is fun. The O'Briens have crossed the wrong clown. I have a plan. They may have made it impossible for me to attend funerals as a clown, but let's just see what happens when they try to kick out Spider-Man. That's Depresso the Funeral Clown from Bob Pat Goldquake. Your last story of a crime in question comes from Helen Hong.

An Australian shepherd is suing a Las Vegas casino for refusing to pay out the dog's slot machine winnings. Shiloh the Aussie was in the lobby of the Golden Krusty Nugget with her owner who had stopped at a coffee kiosk near some slot machines. While her owner was paying for her half-calf whip mocha frap, Shiloh picked up a stray quarter from the ground, put it into a Who Letlet-the-dogs-out themed slot machine, and pulled the lever. With just one quarter, the very lucky canine hit a jackpot of $50,000 and a new Dodge Charger. She got the ding-ding-dings and the whistles, and people were cheering, and Shiloh was looking very proud of herself.

But the casino is saying they won't pay just because she's got four legs and fur. It's not right. Shiloh won fair and square. She will look fantastic in the Charger. The only problem is she can't drive stick. Okay, Kelly. You've got Naked Dolphin, Depresso the Clown, and the Gambling Dog. Which one is real?

I believe that it is the Topless Dolphin Rider. All right, to find out the correct answer, the audience likes it. To find out the correct answer, we spoke to a reporter who covered the real story. The woman who climbed onto the dolphin has reported herself to the police. An investigation is underway to determine whether a criminal offense was committed. That's right. That was Aaliyah Schwabe, a reporter from Insider, talking about the topless dolphin ride. Congratulations, Kelly, you got it right.

Thanks, Kelly. You earned a point for faith and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you for playing with us today. Bye. And now the part of our show where big names play stupid games. Jeremy Allen White was barely out of high school when he landed a role on Showtime's Shameless, a show that kept him busy for ten years. You'd think he'd want a little break after that, but instead he jumped straight into the lead role on the show of the summer, FX's The Bear, a show about the pressures of running an Italian beef joint right here in Chicago.

Jeremy Allen White, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Anana, how are you doing? Hey, Jeremy. So, Jeremy, thank you for being here. Congratulations on this hit show for the summer. It's going to go much longer than the summer. People really love it. For our listeners,

tell us what The Bear is about. Yeah, so The Bear follows this young chef, Carmi. He comes home because his brother has passed away, and he inherits his brother and family's sort of sandwich shop, like a very sort of like blue collar beloved kind of like a greasy spoon spot. And it's about him and his relationship with the other people that work there. Right, right. You really have served the people in this community, in the restaurant business very well. They really have, feel like you nailed it and you really showed the struggle, the hard work. My wife was actually in New York this morning and there was a report on New York One that said that line cooks, since your show came out and became so popular, line cooks are having more sex than ever before. Happy to help.

They're posting on their Instagram, them like cooking and stuff, and they're getting so many more responses on social media. I've seen this. I've seen this. Yeah, it was in the New York Post. Yeah. Why do you think this is happening? I don't know, man. It's weird. We made a show that I think was about family and grief and food. that I think was about family and grief and food.

But no, no, Carmi does not have sex. Nobody has sex. The most kind of sexually charged moment on the show is between a character called Marcus and some donuts. There's no sex on the show at all. I've had lots of moments like that with donuts. I relate. Okay, so lots of moments like that. I relate. Okay, so I want to admit something. I've never had an Italian beef sandwich before.

Tom, what are you doing? Hey, I'm not in the bear. You're here, though. I think we need to define it, right? Italian beef. So it's beef, thinly sliced, on a roll. You can do hot or sweet peppers. And then you can really get them wet in jus or leave them dry. And that's the story.

That sounds fancy, the jus part. The jus sounds fancy, but it's not a fancy sandwich, trust me. How many Italian beefs a day should you eat? I don't know about one a day, for your heart. But you could have one a week for your heart, but you could have one a week and do just fine. What's fascinating about the show,

and I would not describe myself a foodie or anything, but how intense it is. I mean, it's like some episodes, it's like watching Goodfellas, and I'm at the edge of my seat, and I'm like, someone might not get their sandwich in time? I mean, that's...

There was one episode where I was like, I gotta go outside. I gotta start smoking. I'm like so freaked out. And it's, yeah, it's pretty... But that's kind of the way it is in the restaurant world. It's definitely the way it is in the restaurant world. It's definitely the way it is in the restaurant world. Yeah, there's an urgency and there's a pressure

and there's an aspect of performance every night. So, yeah, it's serious. I mean, it's people's livelihood, you know. So, yeah, the pressure is real, for sure. But, again, yeah, it is... We are making sandwiches. Hats off to you and the showrunner and filmmakers it's a great show

and something that maybe a lot of people can't relate to but you and I can probably women are going crazy for you they are going nuts they want your Italian beef if you know what i mean yeah it uh it is it's a burden it's a burden jeremy and uh you know i carried in my life i'm how are you how are you handling it um i don't know i feel like i fooled everybody i find uh i think people are attracted to car me um i find his determination attractive i find his like skill like how how good he is uh at this thing

attractive and i also like i'll say it i think chefs are chefs are hot they're taking care of you right they're like they're really supporting you i think um i don't know, it makes sense. All that shoe. A lot of shoe. Easy, you two. Jeremy, The Bear is the show that we're all watching this summer. What are you watching this summer? Oh, man, what am I?

I have a three-year-old and a one-year-old at home. When my wife and I put them to bed. We don't want to think about anything. So we're into The Housewives. We're into Below Deck. That's our speed right now. I thought you were going to say you're watching Cocomelon. That's what you're watching. Well, certainly during the day. But once the girls are in bed,

we want to turn our brains off. I love the idea of your character watching The Housewives. Yeah. I know, but watching it really frantically. Yeah, like you're crazy. Like sweating. Why is she doing this? He needs to turn his brain off, too.

I mean, he watches Pasta Grannies, which maybe I should get into as well. And speaking of turning your brain off, you're not on social media. Not entirely, I guess. I'm on Instagram, but nothing else. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah. All right So yeah, so you're seeing the response on on Instagram a little bit. I'm seeing yeah I'm seeing like some articles and some nice nice stuff. Yeah. Well, congratulations. Thank you really it's so great I mean everything an actor wants. You're really doing such a great job. Thank you, Todd.

Well, Jeremy Allen White, we've asked you here to play a game we're calling Chef. Please look after this bear. You're the star of the bear, so we thought we'd ask you about Paddington Bear, kids' favorite talking bear who isn't Winnie the Pooh. Answer two out of three questions right, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners.

Bill, who is Jeremy playing for? Loose Ashby of Chicago, Illinois. All right, here's your first question. Paddington famously came to England from darkest Peru, but author Michael Bond originally had different plans for the bear's origin. What? A, Paddington was going to come from Africa until Bond's agent informed him that there were no bears there. B, he was going to be a stuffed animal that came to life when a train hit it. Or C, he was going to be looking for a shadow with his fairy friend Tinkerbell until Peter Pan stole his idea. That's all of them? That's it. You have three to choose from.

Are we going to go with C? No, we're not going to go with C. So, certainly it's B? Oh, wow. Oh my god. Maybe I don't understand this game. A, final answer. That's my final answer.

It's like when a chef, you know, sharpens the knives. I'm just getting started, everybody. It was B. No, I'm only kidding. What kind of children's book would have a stuffed animal being hit by a train? A. There's one kind of bear in Peru, and that was good enough. Here's your next question.

Eddington Bear has fans of all ages, like Jason Chow, who has expressed his admiration how A. He made a life-size Paddington stuffed animal by ripping up and sewing together all of his other stuffed animals. B. He has photoshopped Paddington into a different movie every day for over 500 days or c a concept album pad which is michael jackson's bad but all the lyrics are about paddington if you don't get this one this is this is real life we're talking about right real life these are real people we're discussing yeah paddingdington's the film. Real people. B. B!

He's at Jay the Chow and he's on day 508 and counting. I hope he puts Paddington in Forrest Gump. He's 75 years old. Here's your last question. Nicole Kidman played the villain in 2014's Paddington movie

and took the part so seriously that she learned knife throwing and other blade tricks. One problem, though. What? A, she insisted on doing them in every single scene she was in. B, production shut down for a month after she got cocky and said, watch me catch this knife in my teeth. Or C, she got too good and the knife throwing was so scary

that it got cut from the movie. I love her. I'm going to have to go with C. You're right. Whoa. See, I was getting warmed up. Bill, how did Jeremy do?

Jeremy, you got a rare trifecta. All three right. Very good. Jeremy Allen White is the star of The Bear on FX, Jeremy Allen White thank you so much for joining us on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me thank you for having me in just a minute Bill celebrates the life

of a desert icon I'm sorry, in just a minute, Bill celebrates the life of a desert icon. I'm sorry. In just a minute, Bill celebrates the life of a desert icon in the Listener's Limerick Challenge. Call 1-88-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Helen Hong, Faith Saley, and Bobcat Goldthwait.

And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, in for Peter Sagal, Tom Papa. For Peter Sagal, Tom Papa. Thanks, Billy. In just a minute, Bill covers Elton John's Rhyme Still Standing in our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. Faith, in news that could change the dining out experience forever, new research has found the way to make food taste

its best is to do what? We're supposed to chew with our mouths open. That's right. Eat with your mouth open. What? Yeah. After years of being insufferable, this week, foodies said, wait, we have a new annoying idea. A study says eating with your mouth open can help aromatic compounds reach the back of your nose, improving taste. For even better results, don't do this. No, this is a thing in Korean culture. Really? Yeah, like if you really are enjoying something, you're just

like smacking your lips and your mouth open when you're chewing. I know this sounds disgusting. It sure does. It really does. I don't like this attitude that I'm getting from you, Tom. I'm just trying to learn. I'm finding it a little culturally insensitive. Look, I come from an Italian culture,

and we are definitely known for slurping. Well, I'm white trash. And we never close our mouth when we eat. That's just... You would be ridiculed. Look at him. What is he, going to Paris? With your mouth

shut while you eat? You so fancy. Look at this guy. Didn't even finish the muskrat. There was dead muskrat in my basement as a kid for real? what do you mean? you didn't eat it though did you?

well my brother did my brother was a poacher I guess he should have been a hunter but he didn't really care about the seasons or even going outside. He used to shoot deer from inside the house. Oh my gosh. Yeah. What, you think I came from normal kin? Okay, Helen, a new study finds that in comic books, what has increased in size by 300% over the last 70 years? What has

increased in size? Must be a body part. Would you like a hint? Yes, please. Wonder Woman needs a bigger wonder bra. Yeah, boobies. That's what I was going to say. That's right. Boob size. 70%? Yes. The study conducted by your little brother

with the door closed finds that comics show 50% more cleavage than there was in the 1970s, and that breasts take up 300% more of the cover. What? So when we said we wanted more female representation in comic books, the publishers decided to just give us more of one part. I love the specific percentage, like three, like someone actually had to measure the size of the cover and then measure the boobage and go. Do you think they had to measure it or they just call the artist and say how much bigger are these things 300 dude the artist was like oh i know exactly no exactly helen this week a lawmaker in the philippines

wants to make it illegal for someone to do what can i have a hint please you can you never called me well in jail you'll only get one phone call um you never called me you never called me. Well, in jail, you'll only get one phone call. You never called me? You never called me. Like, ghosting? Yes. What? Very good.

Ghosting someone they're dating. No. Yes. Philippines representative Arnaval Tevez Jr. is trying to make ghosting illegal, saying it leads to lasting trauma and hurting my feelings. Ooh, he was burned bad. I also think, like, in prison, you know,

what are you in for? Well, like, assault. What about you? I didn't call someone back. That person would command the cell block. I hurt someone's feelings.

And I'll hurt your feelings too. Alright, coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Also, come see us live most weeks at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, or August 25th and 26th outside of Wolf Trap near Washington, D.C. Tickets and information at NPRPresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Tom. This is Brad from St. Paul, Minnesota. Hi, Brad. I love St.

Paul. How are you doing up there? Beautiful day today. 79, low humidity, light breeze. St. Paul, Minnesota. So how long is it going to be nice weather there in St. Paul? Another week or so? No, no. We're going to be good right until after Thanksgiving. Oh, really? Wow. You really love it up there because the rest of us aren't going near that place after September. Well, Chicago's got such

great weather. Alright, well, welcome to the show, Brad. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in the last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you are a winner. Here's your first limerick. Once, moving through poses, I groaned. But this bud makes me feel rubber-boned. One billow of weed. I'm a willowy reed.

I'm relaxing because I am... Stone? Yes, good job. Stone. Bend and Blaze is a new weed-themed yoga studio in Brooklyn. Perfect for anyone wanting a yoga studio with a different kind of bad smell. It looks amazing. Almost as much fun

as smoking weed and not doing anything else. Do they do at the end you do the dead man's pose or whatever? It's just that the whole class? Corpse pose. Yeah, corpse pose. People are just like...

Deep breath in. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Nice. Alright, here's your next limerick. When the leaves start to waft in the breeze,

I trounce woodland nymph wannabes. Arboreal ardor makes me compete harder. I win because I hug the most trees. Yes, that's right, trees. Good to you. Good job. The inaugural Scottish tree-hugging championships kicked off last weekend, bringing together the nation's tree lovers and tree perverts. The events at the festival included timed races to hug as many trees as possible in one minute, followed by a round of guess which one's the cactus. All right, Brad, here's your last limerick. Dark swirls pack the punch.

Rocco's sacco. But Klondike has no stock. Oh, shocco. No waffle, tortilla, with swirls in vanilla. Their freezers have no... Choco Taco. Yes, you got it. That's very good.

Choco Taco. The Choco Taco was discontinued this week, shocking everyone who loved eating one 15 years ago. The delicious treat combined the taste of dessert with the shape of a taco and gave you the amazing experience of having ice cream drip out of both sides.

Bill, how did they do? I'm impressed. Brad got all three right. Nice job. Nice job, Brad. Thank you very much. Thanks, Brad. Thank you very much. Thanks, Brad. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.

Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score? Helen and Bob each have two. Faith has four. Audible gas from the audience. So who goes first? Either Helen or Bob. Mike, dealer's choice?

Your choice. Oh. Helen, you're in third place. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. Okay. Following two negative COVID tests, Blank announced he was ending his self-isolation. President Biden?

Right. This week, the U.S. proposed a prisoner swap with Russia to free WNBA star Blank. Brittany Griner. Right. Andrew Yang and Christine Todd Whitman were among the politicians who announced the formation of a new Blank on Tuesday. Political Party? That's right. This week, police in the U.K. were awarded a day of special training to learn how to handle Blank on Tuesday. Political party? That's right. This week, police in the UK were awarded a day of special training to learn how to handle blank.

Pink sauce theft. Angry swans. Really? Following a surge of new cases, the World Health Organization declared blankypox a global health emergency. Monkeypox. That's right. After seizing a $300,000 Ferrari from a group of criminals, police in the Czech Republic blanked. Stole the car themselves?

Went on a joyride. Close enough. Started using it as a patrol car. Oh. Close enough. Started using it as a patrol car. The Ferrari 458 has top speeds of over 200 miles per hour, which makes it the perfect car for when police do that thing where they turn on their siren, run a red light, and then immediately turn it off.

Bill, how did Helen do? Pretty good. Five right, ten more points, total of 12, and the lead. Okay, Bobcat, you're up next. Fill in the blank. This week, the Federal Reserve announced another interest rate hike to help fight blank. Inflation. Right. On Tuesday, record rainfall led to blank in St. Louis. Flooding. Right, flash flooding.

On Thursday, Donald Trump hosted a Saudi-based blank tournament in New Jersey. Golf. Right. On Wednesday, streaming service Blank said it would start airing political ads. Hulu. Right. This week, China launched a 10-story tall rocket into space. One problem, though. Experts say there's a chance it'll blank.

Blow up. Experts say there's a chance it will hit somebody upon re-entry. According to experts, the giant 23-ton rocket has a greater than 1 in 10,000 chance of hitting somebody upon re-entry, which is 30,000 times more likely than winning the Mega Millions lottery, which is something I'm feeling pretty good about this week. Bill, how did Bobcat do? Four right, eight more points, total of ten, but Helen still in the lead. Aha.

So, Bill, how many does Faith need to win? About four to tie, so she needs five to win. Okay, five to win. Faith, are you ready? I am. Okay, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the EU called on member nations to cut their consumption of blank.

Gas. Right. On Thursday, JetBlue announced a deal to purchase of blank? Gas. Right. On Thursday, JetBlue announced a deal to purchase blank airlines. Spirit. Right. This week, Donald Trump and blank held dueling rallies in D.C. Mike Pence. Right. On Wednesday, doctors reported that two more people appear to have been completely cured of blank. HIV. Right. Just days after opposing a bill to protect gay marriage, Representative Glenn Thompson, blank. Attended the same-sex wedding of his son.

Right. Instead of sending another rover, NASA said it would use helicopters to retrieve rock and dirt samples from blank. Mars. Right. On Wednesday, the Coca-Cola company announced it would no longer sell blank in green bottles. Sprite. Right. This week, a man in the U.K. is suing a food stall On Wednesday, the Coca-Cola company announced it would no longer sell blank and green bottles.

Sprite. Right. This week, a man in the UK is suing a food stall for $350,000, claiming that a ham roll he ate in 2017 led to blank. Incessant farting. Yes, five years of constant farting. What? That sounds like a country song.

The man says that even though it's been five years, he's still suffering from, quote, life-changing flatulence. We shouldn't laugh. And boy, there's a phrase that's always negative. There are no fairy tales about a ham roll that changes your life for the better. It's always five years of farts. Bill, did Faith do well enough to win? Let me read it out.

She got eight right for 16 more points, and her total of 20 is a perfect score. Wow. Wow. Thanks. Congratulations. I took my Invisalign out for this. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, after Pink Sauce, what will be the next thing people buy

online that they shouldn't? Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeke writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater.

BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, Lillian It's My Birthday Week King, and Nancy Seychell. Our production assistant is Sophie Hernandez-Simonides. Special thanks to Blythe Robinson. Live on the Bud Light Seltzer stage, it's Peter Gwynn. Technical direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller.

Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next thing people buy from the internet? Faith Salley. Hey, STEM-obsessed parents. When you want to encourage your kids to grow up to be doctors, buy them the internet. Faith Sally. Hey, STEM-obsessed parents.

When you want to encourage your kids to grow up to be doctors, buy them the Defibrillator Junior. Kids' defibrillator paddles for heart-starting fun. Bobcat Goldquake. Yummy monkey pops. Helen Hong. Robot chest tutors for kids Well, if any of that happens

we'll be sure to ask you about it on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me Thank you Bill Curtis, thanks also to Faith Sally Bobcat Goldthwait, Helen Hong and thanks to all of you for listening I'm Tom Papa in for Peter Sagal and we'll see you next week. Applause Music Music

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