Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Maria Konnikova

Episode Date: July 18, 2020

Maria Konnikova, author and professional poker player, joins us along with panelists Demi Adejuyigbe, Amy Dickinson, and Alonzo Bodden.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Getting married? Put me on your registry. A nice set of Bilverware. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, a man who wore his best tailored mask just for this show, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill, and thanks as always to our fake audience, which this week is a group of people on Twitter reacting when Bill slices into me to reveal that I am actually a cake. We've got a great show for you today, because later on we're going to be talking to Maria Konnikova.

She's a Ph.D. psychologist who went from not knowing how to play poker to winning 300 grand as a player in just one year. We have a lot of questions for her, like, what do you do if you hit the ace on the flop with your ace-king unsuited from the small blind, but the button re-raises you as if he has the set? Stuff like that. We're willing to bet you can answer our questions,

so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. It's Sam Brooks from Brunswick, Georgia. Hey, Sam. How are things in Brunswick, Georgia? Fine. Fine. You know, maybe you feel self-conscious, but I don't think anybody in this country can do better than a fine at this point. So you're doing great. What do you do there? I manage a small coffee shop. Oh, really? How's that? I hate to ask this, but we've seen so many videos of people being obnoxious in coffee shops about wearing a mask. Have you had a problem like that, or is everybody polite and nice as they tend to be in the South? People are generally nice. A lot of our customers wear masks, and we're always really grateful.

We're masked up and sanitizing things regularly, so we're doing the best we can. I understand. Well, welcome to the show, Sam. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian and a writer from The Good Place and The Late Late Show with James Corden. It's Demi Adijuibay. Hello. Hi. Next, it's the writer of the syndicated advice column Ask Amy. She's the author of two memoirs.

It's Amy Dickinson. Hey, Sam. Hi. And finally, a comedian you can see doing stand-up on Zoom at the Nowhere Comedy Club on Sunday, July 19th. Tickets are at NowhereComedyClub.com. It's Alonzo Bowden. Hey, Sam. All right, Sam, welcome to the show.

You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis, of course, is going to read for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job, of course, correctly identify or explain just two of them. To do that, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes. All right, Sam, here is your first quote. Science should not stand in the way of this. That was White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany saying that science, you know, science should not prevent kids from doing what this fall?

I would guess going to school. Exactly right, going to school. The president is pushing hard for schools to reopen as usual this fall. This is because he says the nation needs a return to normalcy and because he is just desperate to get Don Jr. out of the house and back to kindergarten. Now, nobody, as far as we know, has asked the kids how they feel about it. Maybe they don't mind staying at home. The homeschooled kids aren't the weirdos anymore,

and nobody has to feel embarrassed when they call the teacher mom. This will all change, of course, when sometime in December, parents say, well, kids, I'm afraid it's time for sex ed. Well, first of all, I think Kaylee plays along with the White House because she's the only one in the administration who joined too late to get a book deal, right? When

she's fired, she's just going to be fired. So she's got to make the best of this. And as far as the schools, I think he knows the parents will play along. After homeschooling their kids for two months, I think a lot of parents were like, I just get this kid out of the house. I don't care. I'll roll the dice. Just send him to school. Teachers want more money? Give them more money.

Just get the kid out the house. I doubt the kids themselves have any takes on it. Because it's like, when I was eight, it's not like, do you want to go back to school? It's like, what's on TV? If I'm bored, I'll go back to school. If not, I will sit right here in this spot for the next 40 hours and watch television. I have nothing to do with it. I like the difference in generations listening to you, Demi.

When I was eight, I wasn't allowed to have an opinion. They dared me to have an opinion. You're eight years old. We'll give you an opinion, and you'll be happy to take it with you. That's fair. There is some good news, everybody who's worried about this. A Florida law firm, this is totally true, is offering free living wills to teachers who will be forced to go back to school this fall. Remember the four R's, kids.

Reading, writing, arithmetic, and do not resuscitate. Oh, God. Trump really wants kids to go back to school. I mean, yes, it's because really wants kids to go back to school. I mean, yes, it's because he wants to reopen the economy and get reelected. But you have to understand his perspective. When he was a kid, he loved everything about school. He doesn't want today's kids to be robbed of the wonderful experience of paying someone else to take your tests.

Exactly. I just think he thinks it's safe because he's never been in one. He has no idea what goes on in there. And he's like, well, it looks like a safe place. All the other kids came home okay. I just want someone to ask him at a press conference or whatever, are you comfortable with your son Baron going back to school? And just to watch him stall while he tries to remember who Baron is.

Exactly. I think if you asked him what school does Barron attend, he would go, he's in college? Yeah. Alright, Sam, your next quote is from Joe Biden. All Bitcoin sent to the address below will be sent back doubled.

That also was a quote from Barack Obama or Bill Gates or Elon Musk or Kanye West, all of whose accounts were hacked on what website? Twitter. Twitter, yes. On Wednesday, some of the most prominent people on Twitter made a very generous offer all at the same time. Just send them $1,000 in Bitcoin and they would send $2,000 back. Or in the case of Elon Musk, $2,000, a doobie,

and some slander. Now, we should have known it was a scam. No way Joe Biden would know what Bitcoin is. Weirdly, Joe Biden was the only person who both had their account hacked and sent in $1,000 to get $2,000 back. I'm surprised Joe Biden knows what Twitter is. Yeah. I'm surprised there's anything crazy enough coming out of Kanye's account to be called a hack. Anything that comes out of Kanye's Twitter, you have to at least partially believe it. So I have a real question here about Joe Biden. Has he left Delaware at all?

He's always doing little events in Delaware. Are they all from his home or is he getting out? He has done a lot of events virtually from his home, but he's also gone out to other places in Delaware. Well, there are sightings all over. It's like Bigfoot. No one gets a really good clear photo of him, but it's like, it looks like Joe Biden.

He's tussling someone's hair. Yeah, there's a strange fuzzy figure massaging a woman's shoulders. Like might've been him. We don't know. All right, Sam, here is your last quote. He's tussling someone's hair. Yeah, there's a strange fuzzy figure massaging a woman's shoulders. It might have been him. We don't know. All right, Sam, here is your last quote. We were desperate for some fun. Desperate.

That was a woman speaking to the New York Times about why she chose to visit what theme park that reopened this week. Disneyland. Not quite. The other one. World? Disney World. Yes, it's important to make the distinction. Disneyland is the one in California,

while Disney World is the one that will kill you. So, Disney World posted this video bragging about all the safety precautions they were taking as they prepared to open up all these smiling employees in masks. At least we think they're smiling. Who the hell knows? They could be mouthing the word, save me. They're cleaning everything. And Disney World is totally serious

about making all visitors wear a mask. For example, this is true. If you're not wearing a mask, you will not be allowed to buy a souvenir photo of yourself on the roller coaster. So that'll get everybody in line. Imagine buying a souvenir photo from Splash Mountain and it's like, I don't know how I was feeling that day.

My mouth is not, you can't see it on Yeah, I was somewhat ambivalent about being splashed on a mountain. I don't know how to feel. I think my favorite news story has been NBA players getting caught sneaking out of Disney World. Yes, this is true. You would never, there's

something you would never expect to hear. NBA players sneaking out at night trying to escape that hell that we call Disney World. As Alonzo mentions, these guys, the NBA is in what's called the bubble. They're all staying at these Disney Resort hotels and are going to be playing their games at Disney facilities. But I read, Alonzo, and you follow this more closely than I do, that they were sneaking out specifically to go have sex. Absolutely. They were like, there are no groupies in this hotel. We must find them.

They're NBA players. And how can they have a lawsuit nine months from now? I mean, this is their normally, this is normally the off season. This is their busy time. Are you kidding? You're so cynical. You guys, you're so cynical. Maybe they're sneaking out to check those signs outside the rides and say, if you're this tall, you know.

Oh, yeah, maybe. They were checking rides, and they were tall enough to ride them. Yes, they were. That's true, yes. Bill, how did Sam do in our quiz? Sam did so well, he may be on the way to Disney World right now. Oh, no. All three right. Congratulations. Thanks for Oh, no. All three right.

Congratulations. Thanks for playing, Sam. I love it. Take care. Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Demi, some chlamydia news. That's not just a phrase you never want to hear your doctor say. The New York Times reports that an outbreak of the STD,

among whom might hold the key to creating a vaccine. Jersey Shore contestants. No, they're beyond our help. An outbreak of chlamydia amongst koalas? Yes! Yes, Demi! What? Koalas. He knew. I hang with koalas. They're freaks. They're freaks. They're nuts.

In an article that contains the sentences, quote, oysters get herpes, rabbits get syphilis, and dolphins get genital warts, and the phrase, quote, chlamydia connects us all, the Times reports that studying chlamydia in koalas could help find a vaccine for humans. Scientists say chlamydia

is common among koalas due to their genetic makeup and slutty personalities. I want to know who the hell's worried about chlamydia right now? Have they heard? We've got a bigger problem going on. Well, but this is in Australia. They're doing the research in Australia where they've more or less handled it. So, of course, they

can move on to happier topics like koala chlamydia, which, by the way, sounds like the beginning of a spell from Harry Potter. Koala chlamydia! By the way, in Australia, researchers rely on the U.S. for chlamydia data because, quote, America is the great center for chlamydia, unquote. We are the greatest. Once more, we are great again. America first in chlamydia. Coming up, our panelists teach Shamu some new tricks in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

From Miss Anne to Becky to Karen. Our very own Karen. Not that Karen. Karen Grigsby-Bates shares the evolution of the nickname for a certain kind of white woman. I'm looking forward to the next iteration. I want my name back. That's coming up on NPR's Code Switch. on NPR's Code Switch.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Demi Adjouibe, Amy Dickinson, and Alonzo Bowden. And here again is your host, a man who just swallowed one of his puzzle pieces just to keep it interesting, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Anthony Hashef calling from Lake Almanor, California. Where is that? Lake Almanor? Almanor, yes. It's in the Lassen National Forest in Northern California, even more north of the Bay Area. Oh, wow. That's a beautiful place to be. What are you doing there, hiding from the feds? More or less. I'm with my family, so it's about the same. Oh, that's cool. How's your pandemic been going? How's your quarantine?

It's been going well. Been reading a bunch, staying busy, so no complaints. Well, I'm glad to hear it. I'm glad to hear it. Well, welcome to the show, Anthony. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's the topic? This is the dawning of the age of aquariums. Aquariums, a time-honored attraction where you can look at fish you don't have to eventually flush down the toilet. This week, our panelists will tell you about an exciting new update coming to an aquarium near you. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail.

Are you ready to play? Yes, I am. All right, first, let's hear from Demi Adiju-Webe. Well, if you've ever wanted to be part of the Pittsburgh Penguins but didn't have the knack for ice hockey, here's your chance. An aquarium in Pennsylvania is giving patrons the once-in-a-lifetime chance to eat, sleep, and live like a penguin for a week in one of their penguin enclosures. For the tidy sum of $25,000, which is about three buckets of mackerel on the Penguin Exchange, guests will receive lessons on how to maximize their week-long adventure. These lessons include learning their daily schedule, learning how to communicate with the penguins, and learning how to tell them, I'm actually seeing somebody right

now when their mating rituals begin. Customers of the Penguin Encounter Experience will be asked to suit up in custom penguin wetsuits that will allow them to blend in more easily, though guests are welcome to simply bring their own tuxedos from home. From then, the week will start with them watching various films that properly highlight the penguin life, including Mr. Popper's Penguins, Happy Feet, and Batman Returns starring Danny DeVito. Guests won't be leaving empty-handed, though. At the end of the week, every visitor is given a video montage

of their experiences that week, narrated by none other than, you guessed it, Morgan Freeman. A program at a Pennsylvania aquarium where you get to go and be a penguin. They seemed like they'd have a lot of fun. Your next story of a splashy new trend comes from Amy Dickinson. People love dolphin encounters. They love to swim with them, pet them, and play with them in the water. You know who hates it, though? Dolphins. Enter the robot dolphin. A San Francisco developer has made a robot dolphin that can swim underwater exactly like an actual dolphin does, except that this dolphin doesn't eat, poop, or attack again, a robot version of Dolph Lundgren might fool the typical guest at SeaWorld. These robot dolphins can swim up to 10 hours on a single charge and are operated

remotely by a person. The company's representative, Lee Wang, said, we believe that it's time to reimagine this industry and that this approach can be more humane and more profitable at the same time. And all the dolphins currently swimming free responded. Wow. Was that a real dolphin or was it Memorex? That was amazing. Robot dolphins for you to encounter with instead of annoying real ones. Your last story of cutting edge aquatics comes from Alonzo Bowden. Our nation has two problems. People are incredibly stressed and upset, and aquariums are all bleeding money without paying customers.

Dr. William Tavern has solved both problems with his new program, Aquarium Rehab. Based at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, Dr. Taverns says the sea life on display helps patients put their lives in perspective, or it will after 30 days of living at the otherwise empty aquarium. There's no better way to learn calm in a stressful situation than swimming in a shark tank, said patient Tommy G. I worked in the finance industry and the stress drove me crazy. Then I swam with real sharks. Suddenly variations in the NASDAQ weren't scary at all. Another patient, Liz L., found calm in watching schools of fish swim.

I was a party girl, she says. Now I'm married and living in suburbia. I was thinking how boring it always is, stuck at home, so I started drinking again. But then I spent a month just watching a school of fish swimming as a group. Yeah, I watched one of the fish lead the group. Wow, look at me! And then he was eaten. Now I'm the most energized, happiest mom in the PTA.

That could also be because I'm the only one there not on Xanax. Dr. Tavern has had a pretty low relapse rate and is trying to expand to other aquariums. He says, quote, most patients do a pretty good job in the real world, although I do have a problem with Tommy coming back again and again. Not because he's drinking. No, he's now addicted to swimming with sharks. All right. One of these things is something that you might be able to find quite soon at an aquarium. Is it from Demi, an aquarium in Pennsylvania that lets you pretend to be a penguin, including your own little documentary narrated by Morgan Freeman, from Amy Dickinson robot dolphins that you can actually swim with

that allow you to encounter a dolphin without bothering an actual dolphin. Or from Alonzo Bowden, a therapy for rehab in an aquarium based on just spending a lot of time with fish. Which of these is the real story of an aquarium attraction in the news? This is a tough one, but I'm going to have to go with the robotic dolphins. You're going to choose Amy's story of the robotic dolphins? Yes. To bring you the correct answer, we don't have a dolphin, but we do have someone involved in the real story. This animatronic dolphin concept would essentially be big giant swimming puppets. That was Roger Holzberg, who's the lead experience designer at Edge Innovations, the company behind the new robot dolphins. Congratulations. You got it right. You earned

a point. For Amy Dickinson, you won a prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Everything is basically going great. Awesome. Thank you guys so much. Thank you for playing and stay safe. Good for you, Anthony. All right, you guys take care now. Bye-bye. And now the game where people who know an awful lot get quizzed about the one thing they forgot to learn. Maria Konnikova had never played a single hand of poker when she decided

to go win a professional poker championship. Now that in and of itself is not weird. For example, I recently decided I would like to win best in show at Westminster. What is odd is that Maria actually did it. And she wrote all about it in her new book, The Biggest Bluff, Maria Konnikova. Welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much for having me. It's an absolute pleasure. It is such a pleasure to talk to you.

I'm an enthusiastic, if poor, poker player, and I basically could ask you just for tips this entire time, but I will refrain. Where do we find you today? Where are you? I am currently in a studio Airbnb apartment in lovely New Jersey. Thank God for New Jersey. I never thought I would say that,

but I'm so glad it exists because I can play online poker here. It's the World Series of Poker Online right now because the live version is not able to take place. You write about this in your book. When you decided to learn poker, you had to do a number of things, but the one thing you had to do was to get up in your home in New York, take the PATH train to New Jersey, and play in New Jersey because online poker is illegal in New York. This is correct. And this is something that I have had to do multiple times when I've wanted to play online. And it's very bizarre because all I have to do is literally cross a river and something that's illegal becomes legal. You're better off just going to New Jersey. How many times has that been said by so many people over the years? What I said is, having read your book, is my understanding is it's true that you didn't even know what poker was or how to play.

But you just decided, I'm going to go learn to play poker well enough that I can play in the World Championship of Poker, the big event on the poker circuit. So the first thing you did was you approached an extremely successful and well-known professional poker player named Eric Seidel. And you convinced him, this guy who certainly doesn't need any money or attention or anything, to teach you, an utter novice, how to play championship level poker. How did you do that? And would it work for me? Yes, is the answer. It's the short answer. It would absolutely work for you. No, I actually answer. It's the short answer. It would absolutely work for you.

No, I actually, I didn't know what I was getting into. I had done my homework in the sense that I figured out that he's one of the best players in the world, but I didn't know that he'd never taken a student before, for instance. So I didn't know how scared I was supposed to be. I just kind of took a flyer on it because I'm a journalist and that's what I usually do. I approach people who are much smarter than I am or much more accomplished and who know a lot more. And I say, hey, can you help me? I'm writing a story. And that's actually what I did here. I

said, hey, you know, I'm a writer for The New Yorker. I'm working on a new project. I didn't say it was for The New Yorker because it wasn't. And I thought that maybe you'd be interested in it. Obviously, the story of how he taught you to play and what you learned about poker in life is all in your book. But you got pretty good at it. And very unexpected. And at the beginning, actually, Eric told me, we have no idea if you're going to be good or not.

This book would have happened no matter what. Even if I had sucked, I would have written a book. But it would have been a very different book. A very different book. And since I am a frustratingly poor poker player, what is it that you think made you a good one? Other than your obviously intelligence and willingness to study, because I mean, you got to have some edge. What do you think makes you a good poker player? I think it was a combination of factors. One, we've already talked about luck, but I don't think you can underestimate what it means to have access to the best brains in the poker world.

To be able to call the number one player in any given thing and ask them a question is a huge benefit that most people don't have. So I don't understate that. I worked incredibly hard. So I decided I left the New Yorker. I'm going to do this full time because I really want to learn the game. So seven days a week, eight, nine, ten hours a day, I was living and breathing poker. I was playing or studying or reviewing hands or doing this or doing that. So I really took it as a full time job.

But honestly, at the end of the day, I also just got so damn lucky. And I just want to both begin and end with that because if I'd come in second, I'd have a very different story. No one cares about the second place finisher. That's not what my mom said. So were you really good at games as a child? Like, did you have any idea that you might be able to become a really hyper-confident player? That is such an excellent question. And the answer is I played no games as a child. I grew up in a no-game household. I did play chess

for about one week because I'm a Russian Jew. And so my parents decided, good idea, we'll sign you up for a chess club because that's a great thing. So I went to my chess club for a week and then I played one game of chess. I was paired up with a kindergartner who was five years old and he beat me within three moves. And that was the last time I ever played chess. And somehow you lost $3,000. I don't know how you managed that. You do tell a great story where you tell your very nice Jewish grandmother how you're going to quit your nice job at the New Yorker and go be a poker player. And she was not thrilled. No, she was not thrilled. However, i will report back that she's read the

book and she didn't realize she was going to be a character in it but she's taken it in stride she's now 95 years old she still does not like that i took up poker but she was very proud to be a character in the book and she i think she enjoyed the book maria Maria, didn't you win some outrageous amount of money? Tell us how much you won. So in about two years, I won a little over $300,000. Okay. That will do a lot for your confidence. Yes. Well, you've also got a successful book now. I hope it's successful. Are you ever going to go back to journalism full-time, or now are you on the poker circuit? No, absolutely. I'm a writer.

That's what I love. That's what I will always be. Have you ever made $300,000 in two years writing? No. But hey, there are always goals and aspirations. But who says that I have to stop playing poker? I mean, I can write and play poker. Those two things are very compatible.

Well, Maria Konnikova, it is an absolute pleasure to talk to you, but we have invited you here to play our game, which we call... You've got to know when to hold them. Know when to fold them. Oh, God, Bill. Bill's been waiting for that He really has So we were wondering, you're a poker player

But what do you know about the gambler? That would be Kenny Rogers Get two out of three questions right about the legendary singer And you'll win our prize for one of our listeners The voice of anyone they might choose in their voicemail Bill, who is Maria Konnikova playing for? Jack Corrigan of Detroit, Michigan Alright, you ready to do this? I am, I know nothing about our gambler Bill, who is Maria Konnikova playing for? Jack Corrigan of Detroit, Michigan. All right.

You ready to do this? I am. I know nothing about our gambler except for the lyrics to his song, so this will be interesting. All right. I like to do this when I'm talking to people who compete and other things. Do you have any rituals you go through before you play poker? I have a day of big tournament ritual where I always do yoga in the morning. I have a meditation session and try to eat a nice breakfast.

That's just like it was in the old west. I remember that gambler in the movie Stagecoach in the scene where he gets up and does yoga and has a healthy breakfast before he climbs over the river. Well, that's where I got it. So well done. It makes sense. Okay. All right.

Well, let's assume you've done that. Here's your first question. Now, the song The Gambler was perhaps, well, definitely the biggest hit for Kenny Rogers became his trademark song. It was so popular, in fact the gambling capital of Macau adopted it as its official national anthem, or C, a hedge fund manager once paid Rogers $4 million to come to his birthday party and sing it as many times as the guy demanded. I'm going to go for C, because hedge fund guys can be crazy.

Yes. Rogers quit and refused to sing it after the 12th time. Oh. And the hedge fund manager later went to jail for after the 12th time. Oh. And the hedge fund manager later went to jail for fraud. Oh, interesting. All right. Second question.

You got one right. Like many of the characters in his songs, Mr. Rogers had a tumultuous life, being married five times. But he always said he eventually found peace and tranquility through what? A, spending time with his pet goat, Smitty. B, contraitty. B. Contra dancing. Or C. He's not exactly sure what it is, but since his pal Willie Nelson gave it to him, it can't be bad for him, right? I, you know, I really want to imagine him with Smitty so even though I don't think that's the right answer, I'm going to go with A. You're just going to commit yourself

to that choice and present it with confidence. Make the big bet. Come on, make the bet. She's all in on Smitty. And she won because it was, in fact, his goat Smitty, which he kept on his farm in Georgia. Man. Seriously? Oh, my God. Seriously.

That innocent winner routine you just pulled must kill them at the table after you've wiped them out of their money. You just look so shocked. Oh, my God. I won. All right. last question. While Kenny Rogers is a legendary musician,

he did not receive equal acclaim for his acting. How did reviews describe his lead performance in the 1982 film Six Pack? A, quote, he acts like a recent graduate of the Smokey the Bear School of Acting. B, quote, his emoting seems limited to inhaling and exhaling. Or C, quote, he tends

to overdo even the simplest gestures, stirring a bowl of chili as if he were rowing a boat. Oh my god, I'm going with C because what a quote. It's a great quote. I want that quote to exist. Yes, that was from the New York Times. The other two, which are also real, are from the Washington Post.

So they were all actual descriptions of his acting. Wow. Bill, how did Maria Konnikova do in our quiz? I think she did rather well. I would call it a royal flush. Three right answers. Maria, you are really impressive. Maria Konnikova is a psychologist and now a professional poker player. Her new book, The Biggest Bluff, is available right now. Maria Konnikova is a psychologist and now a professional poker player.

Her new book, The Biggest Bluff, is available right now. Maria Konnikova, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. What a pleasure to talk to you. Thank you so much for having me. It's been a joy. Bye-bye. In just a minute, Bill gets wrecked in Reykjavik. It's our listener limerick challenge.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. What do you do when you have too many pickles in Alaska and not enough pancake syrup in New Jersey? On the next episode of Planet Money Summer School, we send supply and demand to the rescue. It's the economics education you always wanted but never got around to. Every Wednesday, listen now to Planet Money from NPR. now to Planet Money from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Amy Dickinson, Alonzo Bowden, and Demi Adiju-Webay. And here again is your host, a man who just managed to water his office plants through Zoom, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill goes for a joyride in his Ryan Burghini. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Amy, according to the Washington Post, in addition to everything else the pandemic has taken from us, we are probably going to permanently lose America's beloved what? The Star Spangled Banner? No. No? I'll give you a hint. You know, it's one of the few places you can get roast beef or chicken wings or butterscotch pudding and melon balls all together. Oh, like not a salad bar, but a buffet.

A buffet, yes. A buffet! We are losing our buffets. Not a salad bar, but a buffet. A buffet, yes. A buffet! We are losing our buffets. Someday you'll be telling your grandkids what it was like to compose the perfect lunch.

One heap of lo mein, another of croutons, all topped with Russian dressing. But buffets, of course, are pretty much a petri dish. Here, have a heaping plate of food a thousand other people just breathed on. Sure, some kid put his finger into the mac and cheese half an hour ago, but what you don't know won't kill you. Oh wait, yes it will. Is that a rule like Hometown Buffet and Golden Corral? Are they going to have to close?

Because if you think Oklahoma and Alabama were mad about the mask thing, you start shutting down the buffets, there's going to be trouble. I think it's going to be like the Prohibition era again. They're going to be underground Ponderosas popping up. They'll be like speakeasies.

You knock on the door and they let you in. Exactly. You do the secret knock and they're like, all right, steak's in the back. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Alonzo, across the country, young people are being criticized for not wearing masks. But the New York Post reports that some teenagers in various places

are enthusiastically putting on masks just so they can do what? Rob banks? No, not in the traditional, using the traditional sense, I guess. Give me a hint. Yeah, they're also wearing gloves, gray wigs, and cardigans in case it's chilly in the beer aisle. So they can pretend to be old people and get drinks or whatever? That's right.

So they can dress up as old people and buy liquor. Some kids have realized with their faces already covered, it's easy to just go on to disguise themselves as an older person to buy booze without getting carded. It's amazing. Masks can prevent you from getting coronavirus, but can get you corona light. Yeah.

I love that level of ingenuity and not taking a chance of, I'm pretending to be a 23 year Lite. Yeah, I love that level of ingenuity. And not taking a chance of, I'm pretending to be a 23-year-old. No, I'm going to go for senior citizen because who's going to question grandma? Absolutely. We know about this in the same way we know about anything that teenagers are up to. The only way we know is they put it on TikTok.

One person, one girl put on her mask and then like this Halloween mask and glasses and a headscarf to look old enough to successfully buy Mike's Hard Lemonade at a 7-Eleven. Here's a tip, though, for the cashiers of America. If there's an 80-year-old woman buying cans of Mike's Hard Lemonade, it's totally a teenager in disguise. Or maybe she was just really cool. teenager in disguise. Or maybe she was just really cool. I think for one of those teenagers to be really convincing, you do have to have butterscotch candies in your pocketbook. Absolutely. But that's what would give them away. They'd have like Apple Pay or something like that. You have to write a check. They need to write a check. They need to start writing a check. Demi, a scientist in North Carolina has just completed a study

based on 39 years of data and we finally know that 83 is the maximum number of what? Clowns in a clown car. No, although you're kind of close. It's that kind of human achievement. I'll give you a hint. Before this

secret was only known to eating champion joey chestnut uh hot dogs that can be eaten in an hour exactly that is the maximum number of hot dogs a human can eat in 10 minutes it's 83 they used give me a shot give me a shot they used 39 years of data from the nathan's Dog Eating Contest, including some wins by Joey Chestnut, and Dr. James Smoliga has determined that the absolute max number of hot dogs you can eat in 10 minutes is 83. So don't put more than 83 on your plate. You can always get seconds if you eat them. I simply don't believe that. I think that that gauntlet has now been thrown, and that one of these hot dog eaters is living to eat 84. There's somebody right now training during the quarantine.

When Coney Island reopens, he's going to be there with 84 hot dogs and a 10-minute timer. It's the same thing that got us to the moon. Right. In the eventual movie about this guy, the training montage is going to be absolutely disgusting. I think we just figured out the next thing for Maria to do. That should be her next achievement. There you are, competitive eating, absolutely. Yeah. Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank,

but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924 or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And if you want more Wait, Wait in Your Week, well, you can find us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. On Instagram, we're at waitwaitnpr. And check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions. It's just like this radio show, only needier. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Oh, hi. I'm Alice Carley, and I'm calling from Rochester, New York.

Beautiful Rochester, where we have been with the show, though not for a few years. What do you do there? I am the conservator at Sibley Music Library at the Eastman School of Music. Oh, so you physically conserve the scores, the actual paper. Yep. And has this, has music not moved

to iPads and such like everything else has? People aren't putting iPads in their piano stands and flicking the pages that way? Well, yeah. I think basically there's nothing like

having a score that you know isn't going to suddenly wink out because the battery failed or something. No, it's much better to have a score that might at any time just float softly and gently to the floor. Yes, I've seen that too. Well, welcome to the show, Alice. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick. The TV soap I'm on just began again. But with COVID, close contact lets panic in.

Our solution is punny. With Kiss Me, Dummy on set I make out with a Oh lord, a mannequin. A mannequin! Very good! The soap opera The Bold and the Beautiful has resumed filming and in order to keep everybody safe and healthy, actors are making out with mannequins.

Love scenes are filmed from a distance or at angles to disguise the fact that one character is enamored and the other is inanimate. They're also helping the illusion by dubbing in dialogue for the mannequin like, oh, Wyatt, I love it when you pick up my arm and make me stroke your hair. Wait a minute. So you have one actor on set and this poor schlub has to make out with a mannequin? Yeah, presumably the way they do it is they'll have two characters who are about to make out and they're talking, and then the director calls cut

and they take out one of the actors and they put in the mannequin in kind of like a stunt kisser. You know, I've had worse dates, I have to say. If I'm not mistaken, I set you up on one once. I'm just thinking the day that the prop guy had to go out. I need 28 love mannequins, but, you know, they're not for me. No.

They're not for me. I'm not. I would never. I'm getting them for a friend. He was too embarrassed. All right, Alice, here is your next limerick. I feel trapped in a really bad dream. Like my head's fit to burst at the seams,

I will shout my frustrations to Nordic locations. In Iceland, they'll broadcast my... Screams. Yes, screams. Very good. Iceland understands that you might be feeling a little tense right now,

so they've set up a website where you can record yourself screaming. The scream will then be released out into the wild over a speaker set up in a beautiful and unpopulated area of Iceland before being then incorporated into Bjork's next album. You'll receive a video of your pent-up frustration at never being able to leave your house

being broadcast on a gorgeous black sand beach or at the beautiful Skogafoss waterfall or my personal favorite atop the breathtaking Sneffelskogel Glacier. Seriously, if you've never seen the Sneffelskogel Glacier, get yourself over to Sneffelskogel as soon as you can. It's explained

by the Promote Iceland Tourism Director Sigurd Dag Gudmundsdottir, quote, I love the Sneffelskogel Glacier. Almost made it. Alright, here is your last limerick. Our Burger King beef just I love the nephroskull. Almost made it. All right. Here is your last limerick. Our Burger King beef just got classy. Our cow's diet is quite lemon grassy.

They don't gulp and slurp, so they won't fart or burp. Our cows are now one the third less... Gassy. Yes, very good, Alice. Hoping to do their part to help combat climate change. Remember that? Burger King announced a new Whopper made from cows who burp and fart less, meaning they emit less methane. That's a gas that contributes to global warming and global smelling.

They achieved this feat by introducing lemongrass into the cows' diets and sending them to Miss Porter's finishing school for cows. This has to be the worst intern job ever. Yes, you must measure the cow farts to prove they are farting less than the old cows did. It's great news for Burger King. It's great news for the environment. It's even better news for cows

as it leads to a dramatic reduction of Grandpa's pull-my-hoof jokes at Christmas. Bill, how did Alice do in our quiz? She did very, very well. Three down. Congratulations, Alice. Congratulations, Alice, and thanks for conserving all that music. Thanks.

We'll see you the next time we come through Rochester. All right. Take care, and thanks a lot, Alice. Yep, thanks. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Thanks. Bye-bye. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank.

Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Sure can. Amy has two, Debbie has three, and Alonzo has three. Okay, Amy, that means you're up first. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, blank cases in the U.S. surpassed 3.5 million. COVID.

Right. On Monday, former Attorney General Blank lost his GOP Senate runoff in Alabama. Oh, oh, Jeff Sessions. Right. This week, the governor of Georgia banned local governments from requiring residents to wear blanks. Math. Yes, because that makes sense. On Wednesday, the family of Blank filed a civil suit against the city of Minneapolis.

George Floyd. Right. San Francisco has introduced a new ordinance to ban racist 911 calls called the Blank Act. Karen. Yes, the Karen Act. On Thursday, rapper Blank denied reports that he had suspended his presidential campaign. Kanye. Rapper Blank denied reports that he had suspended his presidential campaign. Kanye. Yes, on Monday, Washington, D.C.'s Blank team announced their decision to retire their name and logo.

Their football team. Yes. This week, a family in England was surprised when they uncovered a secret hole in their house and discovered it was filled with blank. Unexploded World War II munitions. That's what you might expect, but in a big surprise, the secret hole was filled with all the toiletries

they'd lost over the last 40 years. The family was excited to find a hole in the back of their medicine cabinet in their bathroom, and they were thrilled to find that it was filled with gold Bond medicated powder from 1986.

It was basically a time capsule filled with all the lotion and salves they had lost over the years, like if Lucy went to the wardrobe, but instead of Nernia, she ended up in the eczema aisle at Walgreens. Bill, how did Amy do? Amy had seven right for

14 more points. She now has 16, and that's the lead. All right. I'm going to arbitrarily choose Demi to go next. Here we go, Demi. You're up next, fill in the blank. On right. I'm going to arbitrarily choose Demi to go next. Here we go, Demi. You're up next, fill in the blank. On Tuesday, ICE rescinded their plans to strip international students of their blanks. Visas.

Right. According to health officials, Miami, Florida has now become a blank epicenter. COVID. Right. On Wednesday, the City Council of Asheville, North Carolina, approved a resolution to offer black residents blank. Reparations. Watch Scooby-Doo?

Wear masks. Right. According to a new report, 1.3 million people filed blank claims last week. Unemployment. Right. Following a week in isolation after testing positive for COVID, Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro went for a walk outside and was promptly blanked. Attacked? No, he was bitten by an emu. Jair Bolsonaro, the man who really puts the dick in dictator, emerged from isolation for a walk around his estate while

trying to feed a pack of emus. I guess he has a pack of emus. One of the giant birds took a bite out of his hand. Bolsonaro said he's fine, while the emu will never, ever stop brushing its teeth. Those damn Antifa emus. I know. Bill, how did Demi do on our quiz?

Demi had six right for 12 more points. He now has 15 points, but Emi still has the lead with 16. Alright, so how many then does Alonzo need to win? Alonzo needs 7 to win. Oh my gosh, that's a lot. Congratulations, Amy! Alright, here we go, Alonzo. This is for the game.

On Tuesday, Joe Biden unveiled a $2 trillion plan to combat blank. Coronavirus? No, climate change. On Wednesday, the president's lawyers resumed efforts to block access to combat blank. Coronavirus? No, climate change. On Wednesday, the president's lawyers resumed efforts to block access to his blank. Tax returns. Right, financial records. This week, Governor Kevin Stitt of blank became the nation's first

governor to test positive for coronavirus. Oklahoma? Right. This week, police raided a giant quarantine-breaking party in Melbourne after being tipped off that someone had blanked. Got sick? No, placed a delivery order for 20 people at a local KFC.

On Tuesday, Ghislaine Maxwell, a very close associate of Blank, was denied bail for her upcoming trial. Oh, Epstein. Right. An Ontario man says he'll do a better job cleaning up the kitchen after security cameras caught Blank eating his leftovers. Mice? No, a giant bear eating his old pizza. The man's security footage showed the bear opening his unlocked. Mice? No, a giant bear eating his old pizza.

The man's security footage showed the bear opening his unlocked front door, strolling into the house, knocking three pizza boxes off the counter, and then just enjoying himself. When the bear is done, he turns around and calmly walks out the front door. The man says that he'll be locking the door from now on, and this is the last time he orders fresh salmon and honey pizza.

Bill, did Alonzo do well enough to win? Well, he had three right for six more points. He now has nine. That means Amy with 16 points is this week's champion. Do I get a point for predicting Amy was going to win? Half a point. In just a minute,

we're going to ask our panelists to predict after the big Twitter hack this week, what's the next thing scammers will force someone to tweet? But first,

let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, benevolent overlord.

Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Cappadona. Our intern is Emma Day. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Liederman composed our theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Peter Gwynn is our surprise. He's actually a cake too. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog.

The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Margaret Danforth. Now, panel, what will scammers force someone to tweet? Amy Dickinson. I, Ivanka Trump, have never consumed a can of beans in my life. Demi Adedjouibe. Scammers will be forcing millionaires to tweet earnest, unreserved apologies for their mistakes, where they take accountability and suggest steps for improvement. I'm kidding. They're going to tweet Elon Musk's nudes.

And Alonzo Bowden. They're going to tweet, subscribe to Quibi because no one is doing it. Well, if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Alonzo Bowden, Demi Adiju-Ibe, and Amy Dickinson. Thanks for all of you for meeting us here every week. We're glad to know you're still with us and we'll still be with you. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week.

This is NPR.