Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Nathan Lane
Episode Date: July 23, 2022Nathan Lane, star of stage and screen, plays our game about Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. He is joined by guest host Tom Papa and panelists Cristela Alonzo, Josh Gondelman and Matt Rogers.Le...arn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy
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So, we're all traveling again, and people are dreaming, visiting cities like Paris or Tokyo or Rio, and all those places are fine, I suppose. But do any of them have Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Live at the Studebaker Theater? Mais non, as they say in one of those places. Come to Chicago, see Wait, Wait Live, and then with the rest of your time, well, I'm told the Cubs are rebuilding. That sounds exciting. More information at nprpresents.org.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.
Watch out, Squirtle. Here comes Bill Besore. Bill Curtis.
Here comes Bill Besore.
Bill Curtis.
And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois.
Filling in for Peter Sagal, it's Tom Papa.
Thanks, Bill.
Thanks, everybody.
We want to wish a hearty get well soon to President Biden, who is home isolating with COVID. He says he plans to work through it. He's 79 years old. Incredible. And in stark contrast to Peter, who's the only one in his family who doesn't have COVID,
and he still took two weeks off.
If you'd like
to be tested in a way that doesn't involve sticking
something up your nose,
call in to play our games. The number is
1-888-WAIT-WAIT.
That's 1-888-924-8924.
Now let's welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi, you're on Wait Wait
Don't Tell Me. Hello!
This is Dawn Morin.
I'm from Woodstock, Connecticut, but I'm currently in Stanwood, Michigan at my best friend's house.
Oh, that's nice.
And what do you have planned?
Anything fun?
Well, we went out on the lake today on her boat and we're going to go hiking and kayaking
and just hang out and chill.
Wow, that sounds like a lot of activities.
That's how we roll at the Lakehouse.
Yeah. I think next time you should go to Woodstock and just sit on the couch for a while.
Well, thank you for being here, Dawn. This is very exciting. Let me introduce you to our panel. First up, a comedian whose new hour special People Pleaser is streaming right now. It's the very funny Josh Gondelman.
Hey, thank you so much.
Thank you.
Next, her new stand-up special, Middle Classy,
is now streaming on Netflix.
It's Cristela Alonso.
Hello.
And host of the Las Culturistas podcast
and star of the Showtime comedy series.
I love that for you.
It's the very talented Matt Rogers.
Hiya, Don!
How are you?
Well, welcome to the show, Don.
You're going to play Who's Bill This Time.
The lovable Bill Curtis is going to read you
three quotes from this week's news.
If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail.
Are you ready? I am ready. I'm going to do my best. That's all we can ask for, Dawn. That's all we can
ask for. Here's your first quote. I don't understand how they ever conquered all those hot places.
That was someone on Twitter talking about what country's total inability to handle record-breaking heat.
Well, I guess that person thinks it's not so Great Britain.
Oh, Dawn!
That's right, Great Britain. Oh, Dawn! That's right, Great Britain.
All over the UK,
people are asking, is that spotted
dick or just heat rash?
Temperatures hit 40 degrees
Celsius in the UK this week.
In Fahrenheit, that's like 6,000
degrees.
All previous records have been shattered.
Great Britain is shut down.
Public transportation has been suspended.
And wow, if you thought your hair went crazy in the humidity,
wait till you see Boris Johnson.
You've got to say it in Fahrenheit.
I'm just not impressed as an American with 40 degrees.
A record temperature is 40 degrees.
That's December.
The British are not ready for this.
Very few of their homes are air conditioned.
Their infrastructure is literally melting.
And this is true.
Air conditioned movie theaters are letting redheads in for free
because they're so frail.
What?
They're trying to get Harry back.
That's all this is.
In contrast to other countries,
which rightfully ban redheads from all public spaces.
You've got to buckle up for record temperatures.
This is going to be like the steroid era of Major League Baseball, right?
It's like a new home run record every year,
and that's like global warming with temperatures.
I know.
It's really true. How do you handle the heat? Do you do well in the heat? One record every year? And that's like global warming with temperatures.
It's really true.
How do you handle the heat?
Do you do well in the heat?
Oh, I do very... I have a pug, and we handle the heat the same.
It's just like lying against the cold floor on our bellies.
Just spread out.
Unmoving and dense.
How you doing, buddy?
And then my wife is like, Josh, you have to stop grunting.
All right, Don.
Here is your next quote from a surfer in New York.
I hit it.
I hit it.
I smacked it.
That surfer was recounting how he escaped one of many attacks by what off the coast of New York this week?
I'm going to get the shark.
That's right.
Beaches all over New York have been closed after a series of shark attacks and sightings just offshore.
There are great whites off Far Rockaway, sand tiger sharks off Long Island,
and on the Upper West Side,
sightings of sharks and jets.
Truly the diversity we've come to know
and love about New York City.
That's going to end badly, I think.
I'm actually from Long Island originally,
and I went to high school with some people
that I'm actually going to say on NPR right now
should go swimming.
Marine biologists say the sharks attacking humans
aren't coming after us.
They're mistaking our feet for fish.
I think if you're mistaking human feet for fish,
you don't get to be called the ocean's deadliest predator anymore.
Is there anything to maybe the fact that they're eating our feet
and like, ew, they're disgusting.
Look, don't kink shame.
Sharks are into what they're into.
Man.
That's true.
It's kind of upsetting to know that sharks and perverts on the internet
are into the same thing.
If king shaming is going to keep me
from being eaten by a shark, I'll be problematic.
We're not sure why the number of attacks have gone up.
Some people blame global warming, and
some blame Coppertone's new
SPF 30 chum-scented
sunscreen.
I think, look, we've had so little to cling to in the last few years,
so little good news.
I think what we need to do is just realize and feel good
that Americans are getting more delicious than ever.
All right, Don, here is your last quote.
I started shaking a little bit, you know?
I was like, oh, my God, this is Jennifer Lopez.
That was an employee at a wedding chapel in Las Vegas last weekend
when Jennifer Lopez showed up to marry whom?
Oh, Ben Affleck.
Oh, yes, you're right.
Ben Affleck.
That's what she said that night.
She said, oh, Ben Affleck.
You're right. Ben Affleck. You're right.
Ben Affleck.
Romance is back.
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez got married this weekend, two decades after they broke up.
They aren't the young stars they were when they first got together.
Their relationship is a mix of hot celebrity romance and thinking about your parents having sex.
It's that old classic love story of
boy meets girl, boy and
girl make one of the worst movies of all time,
boy postpones
engagement to girl, boy and girl both
marry other people then divorce them, girl
judges American Idol, boy
becomes Batman, boy weirds
everyone out by dating Ana de Armas,
boy and girl
get back together and get married.
A true Hollywood love story.
That is true.
That's how my parents met.
That's how my parents met.
Like, absolutely.
It's everybody's story.
It's the story of my favorite John Mellencamp song.
Bill, how did Dawn do?
Dawn did great.
Michigan loves you, Dawn Thank you
Great job, Dawn
Thank you so much for playing
Enjoy the rest of your vacation
I will, thank you so much for having me
Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.
Josh, Mattel is hoping to make a big splash at Comic-Con this week
by re-releasing three classic action figures.
For 100 points, name one of them.
100 points. So many points. Okay, of them. 100 points.
So many points.
Okay, so they did Barbie?
They're still doing it.
They're still doing Barbie.
They have a retired Barbie.
She's huge for them.
100 points.
Is one of them a classic Barbie?
No. May I have a hint then?
No.
There's no hints on this one.
Okay. Let me give one more guess. It's so
difficult. It's not Barbie.
Is it Orson Welles?
Is it their famous Orson Welles
action figure? I'm sorry.
I'm just having a moment.
I'm just remembering as a young child
Bill and I would play Orson Welles
dolls together.
The answer
Major Matt Mason
Pulsar and
Big Jim.
Yes. Mattel is bringing
back the 1970s action
figure Big Jim.
A hero with a name
that is only appropriate if your
lumberjack camp has two
gyms.
This is all
true. He came with a dumbbell,
a weight belt, and a karate board.
He was dressed only in a pair
of orange shorts,
and his defining feature was that
if you bent his arm, his bicep muscle
bulged up.
He was the centerpiece of Mattel's little-known line of homoerotic heroes.
It is.
I remember this because this was the first action figure to be openly divorced.
He was definitely Ken's quote-unquote roommate.
he was definitely Ken's quote unquote roommate.
Apparently these toys were a hit because there is,
there was a whole line of big Jim action figures. This is all true.
Including characters named torpedo fist,
pulsar,
who was transparent and you can see blood moving around his organs.
And this is my favorite, I think.
Boris, the devious chauffeur.
What makes a devious chauffeur?
He's like, ooh, we're going to stop and buy and run an errand for me on the way.
The starbursts back there are expired. I need a hero.
I need a hero right now.
Coming up, we're tickled pink in our Bluff the Listener game.
Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play.
We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me
from NPR.
From NPR and WBEZ
Chicago, this is
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.
I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing
this week with Matt Rogers,
Josh Gondelman, and Cristela Alonso.
And here again is your host
at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois,
in for Peter Sagal, Tom Papa.
Thank you, Bill.
Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me
Bluff the Listener Game.
Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air.
Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Hi, this is Cynthia Fisher in Terre Haute, Indiana.
Hi, Cynthia Fisher. How's your summer going there in Indiana?
It's wonderful.
What are you doing? Jumping in a lot of lakes?
Sadly, no lakes, but we made it to a county fair last week.
Ooh, a county fair last week.
Ooh, a county fair.
What did you eat?
We're a family of vegetarians.
It's tough going to the county fair.
Oh, wow.
So you just brought the kids along to prove that you're right?
Well, it's so nice to have you with us, Cynthia.
You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell the truth from fiction.
What's the topic, William?
Like a flamingo.
Like a flamingo.
It's not just the first draft of one of Madonna's greatest songs.
It's a phrase that popped up in the news this week our panelists are going to tell you just what was flamingo like pick the one who's telling the truth and you will win our prize the weight
waiter of your choice on your voicemail cynthia are you ready to play i am all right first up
it's josh gondelman todd ba Bailey of Rockland, Maine, was feeling blue.
His mood had grown bleak because, without explanation, his skin had taken on the color of a cloudless sky.
It's a little awkward, Bailey confessed. Teenagers in my neighborhood called me Papa Smurf as I walked down the street.
A trip to his doctor revealed that, like a flamingo, Bailey's diet had altered his pigmentation.
I recently heard that blueberries were a superfood, Bailey's diet had altered his pigmentation.
I recently heard that blueberries were a superfood, and I started eating those little suckas by the fistful. I try to maintain an antioxidant-rich diet because, frankly,
I hate oxidants. Never been a fan. Bailey cut back on blueberries, but the color did not fade.
In a last-ditch effort to remedy the situation, Bailey consumed several pounds of raspberries,
hoping their bright red color
would neutralize the blue.
Sadly, rather than offsetting his
azure hue, the raspberries have
caused his skin to take on an unexpected
but striking plaid pattern.
Bailey remains unnerved,
although in a heartwarming twist, one of the
local youth did tell him that his tartan
plaid complexion, quote, kilt it.
That is, he looked like the
pattern on a kilt. All right, that's You're the Color of What You Eat by Josh Gondelman.
Your next story of a faux mingo comes from Cristela Alonso. If you find yourself exhausted
from working long hours at the office, Japanese companies Itoki Corporation and Koyogu Gohan KK want to help you.
No, not by working less hours.
That would be ridiculous.
They want to help you sleep on the job with their new product, the nap box.
A vertical box that supports your head, butt, and knees
to help make power naps easy and accessible.
The nap box user will sleep in the pod like a flamingo, standing upright.
Workers are known to sometimes lock themselves up in bathrooms to get some sleep time in,
and the company aims to help with that by giving workers a more sanitary way of sleeping.
No price has been announced for the nap box,
but I'm sure everyone that uses it will sleep like a million bucks.
Or flamingos.
All right.
That's the nap box from Cristela Alonso.
And your last story of a flamingo-adjacent thing comes from Matt Rogers.
When Parker Wooden of Swinney Elementary fractured a bone in his foot during a kickball game in May, his physician
informed his parents that recovery time would last eight weeks and require the use of a boot
for much of that time. Parker, regarded by many as the most popular student in all his grade,
was tributed by his close friends upon his return to school with several students wearing boots of
their own, standing on one leg like a a flamingo, as a show of solidarity with
their wounded pal. The look caught on like wildfire, with dozens upon dozens of students
strapping boots to one foot by year's end, many forgetting why this all even started.
Despite several students toppling over and physical education grades plummeting on report cards,
the trend continues, and some frustrated
parents report their children seem to be looking for ways to injure their own foot well into the
summer. Any excuse to keep up with, or at least slowly walk alongside their popular friend Parker.
When asked for comment, the eight-year-old had just two words to say, my impact.
just two words to say, my impact.
Okay, Cynthia, you have got the, you're the color of what you eat, you've got the nap box, and now you have the booted flamingo children.
Which one is real?
I think I'll go with Chris S Stella's story about the nap box.
All right.
To find out the correct answer, we spoke to a reporter following the real story.
You go in this tiny little closet.
It's just for you.
And take a power nap there while at work.
That was Melissa Miller, a science and technology staff writer at Nerdist,
talking about the upright nap boxes.
Congratulations, Cynthia.
You got it right.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
You earned a point for Christella, and you've won our prize,
the voice of your choice on your voicemail.
Don't be so excited.
I'm still.
I'm checking it all in.
You thought it was going to be a cash prize,
didn't you?
I've been listening to this show for 15 years.
I am on cloud nine.
Oh, that's amazing.
Thank you so much.
Go out and get your family some vegan ice cream
and celebrate.
Sounds like a party.
All right.
Thank you for playing with us today.
Bye-bye, Cynthia.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
Yeah.
And now the game where stars prove they're not actually just like us.
And now the game where stars prove they're not actually just like us.
If award shows had all stars, Nathan Lane would be the first pick every year.
The legendary actor has been nominated for six Tonys, seven Emmys, two Golden Globes, and probably an Espy at some point.
He's now nominated for yet another Emmy for his role in Only Murders in the Building.
The second season is out now.
Nathan Lane, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Well, Nathan, you are the most nominated guest actor in Emmy history.
Are you excited for the seventh ceremony, and will you get to attend?
Well, you know what they do?
They give out the guest actor category at the Creative Arts Summit,
which is held in a warehouse somewhere.
The shmemies.
So they usually tell you not to go
to the Creative Arts Summit,
and just sort of wait and see
if you win.
And then if you win, they allow
you to go to the Big Boy Nighttime
Emmys
and present there.
And have you gone before?
Well, I went the very first time.
Right.
And then
I learned
not to go to them anymore.
So when you went, did you...
And I was right because I haven't won.
Even though I made
f***ing history.
You're so iconic now.
I can imagine if people are just like,
how are we going to make this better?
Just get Nathan Lane.
But you worked really hard for a lot of years.
And I saw in your history, which I did not know,
you worked a number of odd jobs when you started looking for acting work in the early 80s.
Is it true you were a singing telegram?
Yes.
Yes, when I...
I moved to New York in the late 70s.
And, yes, I delivered singing telegrams.
And you would put on a tuxedo
and a little belt top hat, and
you would go to
offices or people's homes, and
usually to a
public domain. I don't know why
it had to be a public domain
thought. Like, who was checking
about what was going on?
I don't know, but
you would, like, to the tune of the
William Tell Overture, you would sing,'t know, but you would like to the tune of the William Tell Overture.
You would sing, you know, it's your day, it's your day, you sing it here, so we're sending you a musical here.
Nowadays, it's such a lost art.
Nowadays, people just go door to door doing singing text messages to the William Teller, where you're just,
LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL.
Nathan,
was it ever poorly received
when you got there and
finished your song and tipped
your top hat? People, if you
go to someone's office
and you have to sing to them,
they hate that.
They really hate that.
Yeah, no, it's always a little embarrassing for them
and embarrassing for me.
And then they rarely would kick me.
And you just stand there with the top hat in front of them?
Like sad and desperate like you're at the shmemmies during the day.
Like, what's 20% of a song?
And then you really, I mean, you're nominated for this guest role
and you're so good in Only Murders in the Building.
Oh, thanks.
And it's very intriguing because it's whodunit
and it pulls you in
do they make you sign anything?
are you not allowed to give away secrets?
when it's this kind of thing?
no, what do you want to know?
he's just a guest
I know who killed Bunny no it's
yeah it's really
a tribute to those writers
it's a very
delicate ballad and
they really pull it off
it really is I have to say I mean
you're amazing the whole cast is amazing
but the thing that really strikes
me as a New Yorker is the
size of everyone's apartments.
I just drool
when we watch it, and I'm trying to figure
out who's murdering who, and my wife is like,
seriously, how much a month?
They should call it
any openings in the building.
Alright, Nathan Lane we've asked you here To play a game that we're calling
Famous Nathan meet Nathan's
Famous
You are a famous Nathan
So we thought we'd ask you about
Nathan's famous hot dog eating contest
The annual Tradition and the grossest part of the Fourth of July.
Wow.
You know, I was hoping.
Answer two out of three questions right,
and you'll win a prize for one of our listeners.
Bill, who is Nathan Lane playing for?
Ian Walsh of Boston, Massachusetts.
Alright, Nathan, here is your first
question. Joey Chestnut
has won the Nathan's Hot Dog
Eating Contest 15 times.
This year's win was
extra impressive as he not only
ate 63 hot dogs in 10 minutes, but also did what?
A, a backflip after every 10 hot dogs.
B, ate his hot dogs with spicy mustard as an extra handicap. C, put a protester who stormed the event in a chokehold and shoved him off the stage
in between hot dogs
17 and 18.
Well,
is
Joey Kessnott still with us?
Is he living?
He is.
He is.
I believe he stopped a protester with a coke holder.
Yes.
There we go.
That's right.
See, he did double duty as a bouncer,
and he still beat the runner-up by 15 hot dogs.
Yes.
He is truly a freak of nature
joey chestnut joey on the sopranos
all right here's your next question joey chestnut may be the winningest champion
but he's not the only notable one there's's also Joe Baldini and Paul Seiderman,
who were co-winners in 1980, despite doing what? A, co-winning a potato salad eating contest an
hour earlier. B, both getting stung by bees during the competition,
or C, only eating nine hot dogs each?
I believe they were stung by bees and kept eating.
No, the answer is C.
In the 80s... Oh, get the f*** out.
You only ate nine hot dogs.
It was a different time.
In the 80s, a hot dog a minute was good enough to win. If you're asking what changed, we're not sure,
but it might have something to do with the fact
that the prize these guys got for winning was
quote, two trophies and two
yellow plastic bags.
To puke into, I imagine.
Alright, here's
your last question.
Before the hot dog eating contest started,
Nathan's needed other
ways to drum up publicity.
So in the 50s, they paid to have what placed next to their restaurant?
A, the first ever Wienermobile.
B, a 70-ton whale carcass.
C, a fake McDonald's, which they intentionally kept filthy.
What was the first one again?
I wouldn't pay attention to that one.
Tom, why are you hosting Jeopardy?
I think because that show
gives away money.
Alright, I'm going with
the whale carcass. You're right.
Wow!
Wow!
That's insane.
The answer is B.
It may have worked too, but the weather
was so hot that the carcass started to rot in the
sun, driving away
customers. What did
they think was gonna happen?
Bill, how did Nathan Lane
do on our quiz? Nathan, this may surprise
you, but two out of three in this
game win. You are a
winner.
Wonderful. Nathan Lane
is nominated for an Emmy for his role
in Only Murders in the Building. The second
season is out now. Nathan Lane,
thank you so much for joining us
on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Thank you, Nathan.
Thank you so much. A great pleasure.
In just a minute, we reveal a brand new way to get pumped up in our listener limerick challenge.
Call 1-88-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air.
We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Cristela Alonso, Josh Gondelman, and Matt Rogers. And
here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois,
in for Peter Sagal, Tom Papa.
Thanks, Billy.
In just a minute, Bill stars opposite Kathleen Turner in the hit film,
Rimancing the Stone, in our listener limerick challenge.
If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-88-wait
wait that's 1-888-924-8924 but right now panel some more questions for you from the week's news
here we go christella a new study recommends that the drinking age be raised to what? A hint. Hint.
That was a quick go to the hint.
This is when Steve Carell lost his virginity.
40. Yes, 40.
The authors
of the study say no one should
drink until they're 40.
This is 19 years later
than when people currently begin drinking.
23 years later if you were cool.
You know what?
I love this because I didn't, I was not cool when I was underage.
And now I'm 37.
I get three years of underage drinking back.
This is amazing for me.
Wait, but like I'm 43 and those hangovers are different in your 40s.
Why would you want to drink at 40?
Why that age?
Maybe so you feel so bad that you never drank.
As someone currently hungover, I kind of am agreeing with that.
Matt, there's a hot new trend in high fashion for men.
Clothing that reveals what?
Nipples.
Yes, men's nipples.
New styles from top designers have nipple-revealing cutouts and peepholes,
so we no longer have to wonder, does that man have nipples?
Every day I put on a shirt and i'm like i'm depriving the public
sure they see most of the skin on my head every time you put on a shirt sorry world
yeah it's like it's like going into the louvre and throwing a sack over the mona lisa
no this is high fashion identical If they were two identical or nearly identical
Mona Lisas.
Nearly identical.
One's eye just drips off.
Okay, Josh.
Yes.
With the track and field world championships
happening this week, the Wall Street Journal
reports that the competitors
are facing a growing problem from spectators outside the stadium.
What?
Just, this sounds like it also has to do with nipples, frankly.
Can I have a hint, please?
Yes, you can.
Thank you.
This is very much like I could take Tyson.
Oh, people outside the stadium like trying to race them?
Yes.
Rub them.
Yes.
Rando's challenging the athletes to a race.
It's so funny.
Just like, nah, I'm faster than you, dude.
Professional sprinters constantly have to turn down requests from random strangers to race them.
Because there's something about seeing the reigning 100-meter champion in the airport
that makes a certain kind of person think, I must embarrass myself in public.
Hey, Usain Bolt, I would have won gold if I hadn't hurt my leg in high school.
Sometimes the runners will go for it, but always win.
Because they're professional athletes,
and because they haven't faced me,
Tom Hotton.
Coming up, it's the lightning fill-in-the-blank, but first, it's the lightning fill in the blank.
But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.
If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-88-WAIT-WAIT.
That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link in our website, waitwait.npr.org.
us link in our website, waitwait.npr.org. Or you can catch us most weeks live right here at our new Chicago home, the Studebaker Theater. Or at Wolf Trap outside Washington, D.C., August 25th
and the 26th. Tickets and more info at nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait,
Don't Tell Me. Hello. Who are you? My name is Joshua Harris. I'm calling from Denton, Texas.
Joshua Harris from Denton, Texas. Thank you for being here. How long have you lived in Texas?
Too long.
lived in Texas? Too long. Well, thank you so much for being here, Joshua. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can
fill in the last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you are a winner. Here is your first limerick. For my exercise, I need clean floors.
So this run only happens indoors.
I will go for a jog like a bear or a dog.
I am running around on all fours.
Yes, fours. That's right.
We finally know the best workout to get your perfect summer bod.
Running around on all fours like a dog.
A man named Nathaniel Nolan has done this for the past year and claims the practice has made him, quote, super ripped.
It's a great way to get people to say, look, there's a hot, insane man over there.
So if we're going by a dog's workout regimen, my workout regimen would be sleeping on the couch 20 hours a day, which it already is.
All right. Here is your next limerick.
My place of last rest, I will mask it.
Add some shelves, and then I'll multitask it.
Like my books, I'll be bound six feet underground.
My new bookcase turns into a...
Casket.
Yes, that's right.
Wow.
Caskets.
That's right.
Wow.
A new trend has people assembling a unique custom bookshelf for their homes.
It's unique because it's also a coffin.
When you're ready, just take out the shelves and prop up your corpse inside.
Like a flamingo.
And someone will find you eventually. Oh, interesting is this any good oh that's my aunt
cheryl who does that why would you do that i mean like people do go to great lengths to
space in new york city but this seems excessive All right, here's your last limerick, Joshua.
Purple dinosaur works as a carny.
That plot point sure wouldn't alarm me.
He taught us to share.
Now he's back with a scare.
It's a grittier reboot of...
Barney.
Barney, that's right.
This week, the Hollywood Reporter confirmed
that a gritty, more realistic reboot of Barney,
the beloved purple dinosaur, is in the works.
But wait, isn't a more realistic version of Barney
just Jurassic Park?
The reboot will be produced by actor Daniel Kaluuya,
who promised a more grounded take on
the show saying quote barney taught us i love you you love me what happens when that isn't true
yeah we all know what happens when it's not true you drink a bottle of wine and go to work the next
day do you think the world needs this no I was a nanny when Barney was
like, I was going to say hot, but
you know, popular.
All the kids are like,
hey Barney, how are
you? And I just can't imagine Barney
smoking a cigarette like, get
the hell out of my face, kid.
It's a mixed bag every day.
I feel like I'm waking up every day and it's
very tedious.
You know what I mean?
The kids are like,
are we going to learn to spell?
I'll teach you a lesson.
She's never coming back.
I'm back for a lesson.
Bill, how did Joshua do?
Joshua, you were perfect.
Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
Love you, Chicago.
Great job.
Thank you, Joshua.
Thanks for playing.
Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.
Each correct answer is worth two points.
Bill, can you give us the scores?
Josh has one.
Matt, good job for your first time.
You have two.
Christella has three.
All right.
She's running away with this thing.
Okay, Josh, that means you're up first.
Fill in the blank.
This week, the January 6th committee showed video outtakes from the speech blank gave the day after the riot.
Donald Trump?
Right.
After he declined to testify, the defense rested in the contempt case against former Trump advisor blank.
Steve Bannon.
Right.
On Thursday, the House passed
legislation to ensure access to blank. Birth control, contraception. Right. This week,
Russia restarted its flow of blank into the EU. Gas. Right. This week, Boris Johnson closed out
his final speech to Parliament by saying blank. Hasta la vista, baby.
Yes.
Never disappoints.
Following complaints,
a venue in Minneapolis canceled a stand-up show featuring blank.
Dave Chappelle. Right.
On Tuesday, streaming giant blank
revealed they'd lost almost
a million subscribers.
Netflix? That's right.
This week, a woman in Australia won a
wrongful termination case against
a catering company after she was
fired for failing to blank.
She was fired for failing
to, uh,
she didn't put the
pigs in the blankets.
She's just giving people nude pigs.
For not using emojis
in a work text.
Oh.
Wow.
According to the lawsuit, the manager of the catering company was furious
when the woman sent a text message to the staff that didn't include any emojis,
and he fired her the next day.
It worked out for both parties, though.
The woman was awarded $5,000,
and the company hired a new employee who will definitely
use emojis in every single
text. My mom.
Bill, how did Josh do?
Josh knows you win on the curves.
He got seven right. Wow.
14 more points.
Okay, Matt, this will be fun.
You're up next.
Fill in the blank. On Wednesday,
the Secret Service said they couldn't recover deleted
texts relating to blank.
The insurrection. Right. The January
6th insurrection. On Wednesday,
the Trump family gathered in New York to
attend blank's funeral. Ivana Trump.
Right. A man in Florida
failed when he tried to escape
pursuing cops on a blank.
Moped. Riding lawnmower.
In a bid to break into
the healthcare market, online retail
giant Blank announced
plans to buy one medical for
almost $4 billion. Oh, oh,
oh, this is, um, Amazon.
Yes! After being
barred from entering his hotel room, a drunk man in the UK protested by laying on the ground outside until police finally blanked.
Laid down with him.
Until police politely told him his reservation was at the hotel across the street.
reservation was at the hotel across the street. In a protest that will rival the Million Man March,
the drunk tourist took to the streets for the single man lay down. The front desk quickly called police who informed the man that he was actually booked at the hotel across the street
and kindly directed him there by spraying him with a fire hose. Okay.
Bill, how did Matt do?
He did well.
Three to right.
Six more points.
Total of eight.
But that means Josh is still in the lead.
And Bill, how many does Christella need to win?
Six to tie.
She needs seven to win.
Okay.
Christella, this is for the game Fill in the blank
On Tuesday
The House passed a bill
Seeking to protect blank marriage
Gay!
Right, same-sex marriage
On Monday, Chief COVID Advisor Blank
Said he'd retire at the end of Biden's term
Fauci
Right, this week a judge in New York
ordered former Trump lawyer blank to testify in election interference. Giuliani. Yes. On Thursday,
Senator Chuck Schumer introduced a bill to end the federal ban on blank. A federal ban on abortion.
Marijuana. Got it. On Wednesday, on Wednesday, NASA set a tentative launch date for the Artemis mission to the blank.
To the Star Trek Enterprise.
The moon.
An American tourist had to be rescued after he tried to retrieve the cell phone that he dropped into blank.
His nipples.
Mount Vesuvius.
That was going to be my second guess.
Park guides say that the man wandered off the authorized path
in order to take a selfie closer to the volcano's crater,
and then he dropped his phone in and fell inside when he tried to get it.
Officials say the man was rescued quickly from inside the volcano and is doing well.
Oh, no, sorry. They say he's well done. Bill, did Christella do well enough to win? No, not quite.
No. But she did well. She got nine total points.
Single digits.
Josh is winning.
Josh, you win.
Thank you.
I'm proud of you, Joshua.
In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict,
now that J-Lo and Ben Affleck are back,
what will be the next thing from the early 2000s to return?
But first, let me tell you that...
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.
Philip Godica writes our limericks.
Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.
Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater.
B.J. Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills,
Miles Dornbus, Lillian King, and Nancy Seychow. Our production assistant is Sophia Hernandez
Simeonides. Our shark whisperer is Peter Gwynn. Technical
direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our
senior producer is Ian Chilog. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike
Danforth. Now, panel, what'll be the next big thing from the early 2000s to come back? Josh.
I think we're going to bring back Y2K and just shut
the whole internet down.
Christella Alonzo. I think
CDs will make a comeback to brag that you've got
20 bucks to spend on one song.
Matt Rogers. Metrosexuals,
frost those tips and
belt that song, gentlemen.
Straight men are back!
Well, if any of that happens, panel,
we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Thank you, Bill Curtis.
Thanks also to Josh Gondelman, Cristela Alonzo, and Matt Rogers.
And thanks to all of you for listening.
I'm Tom Hoppa, in for Peter Sagal, and we'll see you next week.
This is NPR.