Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Olivia Nuzzi

Episode Date: January 25, 2020

Olivia Nuzzi, political reporter, joins us along with Paula Poundstone, Mo Rocca, and Negin Farsad.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Is this heaven? No, it's Bill Curtis. And here is your host at the Des Moines Civic Center in Des Moines, Iowa, Peter Sagal. Thanks, Bill. Thanks, everybody. So great to be back here in the absolute epicenter of American politics, the place where it happens, the Parthenon of modern democracy, Des Moines, Iowa, in January of an election year. That is not slush on the sidewalks. That's freedom.

Later on, we're going to be talking to Olivia Nuzzi, a reporter who's famous for, among other things, being Rudy Giuliani's favorite person to butt dial. But we want you to call us on purpose. The number, to be carefully dialed, is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, Peter. This is Jeremy Bridgman calling from Monroe, Connecticut.

Oh, okay. How are things from Monroe, Connecticut. Oh, okay. How are things in Monroe, Connecticut, Jeremy? They're great. We've got a little snow cover, but that should all be melted away this weekend. Yeah, and what do you do there? I am a public relations consultant turned stay-at-home dad. Oh, really? So you did the thing of quitting your job to be home with your kids.

I did. I married an amazing woman with an amazing career, and it made the most sense for me to step away and stay home with the two small kids. And good for you. That's great. Do you find that rewarding, or more so than your job? More so, yes, although I would say the clients are just as difficult. Yes. Well, welcome to the show, Jeremy. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, it's a comedian and host of the podcast Fake the Nation. You can see her at the University of Iowa on February 22nd

because you just can't get enough of Iowa. Nagin Farsad. Hello. Next up, it's the author of the New York Times bestselling Mobituaries, Great Lives Worth Reliving, and host of the Mobituaries podcast. It's Mo Rocca. Hi, Jeremy. And a comedian you can see in Northampton, Massachusetts at the John M. Green Hall at Smith College on March 14th.

You can hear her anytime you want on her podcast. Nobody listens to Paula Poundstone. It's Paula Poundstone. Hey, Jeremy. So, Jeremy, welcome to the show. You're, of course, going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. Your job, of course, identify or explain just two of them. Do that, you'll win our prize. The voice of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Absolutely. All right, let's do it. Here is your first quote. All persons are commanded to keep silence on pain of imprisonment. That's how we began every day of the big trial which started this week. What's the trial?

the big trial which started this week. What's the trial? The impeachment of our current president. That's exactly right. The impeachment of Donald John Trump. The Democrats began presenting their case to the Senate with all the solemnity and seriousness of purpose the occasion demanded, and of course it won't make any difference at all.

It's like the passengers on the Titanic arguing they should stay afloat. But if it's really just going to be a show trial, why not make it a better show? How about some music? Impeaching with the Stars. Adam Schiff doing the bossa nova. Mitch McConnell in a revealing ball gown.

You know what? Let's not make it a show. So it's actually, as I'm sure you've seen, it's just people talking endlessly. The days have lasted as many as 12 hours, and this is in front of an audience whose average age is so high, Senator Bernie Sanders is known as that whippersnapper.

And this is true due to ancient Senate rules. The only refreshments that are allowed on the floor are water and milk. Why milk, you might ask? Well, it's important their bones stay strong for when they fall asleep and slump to the floor.

And is that true that it's only water and milk? Water and milk are the only beverages. They're also allowed to have candy, the only food that's allowed. It's just candy. You have candy in a drawer. Yeah. Imagine the sound of, like, 190-year-olds all unwrapping Jolly Ranchers. Oh, it's so tough to watch.

I figured out that Adam Schiff is like the Greta Thunberg of impeachment trials. Yeah. Because he just keeps telling a bunch of truths and nobody's listening. And I'm pretty sure he has a ponytail in the back. Can I just get back to the milk for a minute? Yes. I hope they're not warming the milk because warm milk puts you to sleep. Yes.

Well, I mean, people have pointed this out that milk is not known as sort of say a stimulant. Ask any calf. Yeah. The milk thing dates back to the early days of the government when there was always a cow on the Senate floor. That was the refreshment station. You know what I thought was respectful, though, yesterday? Was during, you know, they're supposed to stay seated, but some of the senators, when they went to suckle, they went into the cloakroom.

You could spike the milk, but that would make it a white Russian, which is how we got into this mess in the first place. which is how we got into this mess in the first place. All right, your next quote is from veteran political strategist David Axelrod. If I had to choose just one newspaper, it would be the New York Times and the Washington Post. Mr. Axelrod was apparently a little miffed that in their much-anticipated endorsement of one candidate among the many running for the Democratic nomination,

the New York Times endorsed who? They endorsed Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar. Yes, exactly! They endorsed two different people! Forced to choose between a leftist who promises radical change, Elizabeth Warren, and Amy Klobuchar, a centrist who eats with a comb. The New York Times

went with both. I think it was kind of exciting. It's like when Barbara Streisand and Katharine Hepburn tied for the Oscar. Yeah. It's exactly like that. Or it's like... It's like Gilligan choosing Ginger and Marianne. Exactly right.

Betty and Veronica. You can't. Your job is to choose one. Maybe there's... This is like a bit of recognition in this whole thing. It's just exactly how I recommend restaurants. What do you mean? I just, I'm like, well, if you want a fancy French,

you go to Lafayette. But if you want, like, work-a-day Italian, you go to Frankie's. You know, like I... Right, you know? I just, I'm like, well, if you want a fancy French, you go to Lafayette, but if you want like workaday Italian, you go to Frankie's, you know, like I... Right, you give people options. We expect more of this new wishy-washy journalism from the times, Paul Krugman's devastating column, big banks, good thing or bad thing? I don't know. The crossword, 32 across, whatever works for you, we're good. All right, Jeremy. Here is your very last quote. Does anyone else do this?

Is it just me? That was a man named Alex Christofi, who became this week's most hated man on the Internet after he said he does what to books to make them more portable? Oh, he murders them by cutting them in half. That's exactly right. He's a book murderer. First of all, to Mr. Christofi, who does this and wondered if it was just you, yes, it is just you. His tweet included a picture of these big books like Crime and Punishment and Infinite Jest sliced in half down their spines, which, when you put it that way, sounds bad.

Old-fashioned traditional book readers were appalled, calling this, quote, terrorism, and saying, I hate everything about this. Younger people saw this and all got electric shocks when they started sawing through their Kindles. At first, when you told me that the man sawed through his book in half, I thought you meant he cut off the top half of it so it read like the Mueller Report.

What's he not saying? I would love to know what this guy's solutions are for other parts of life because books are heavy to lug around, so you cut them in half. My baby is getting really heavy. I don't think you want this guy's solution. I mean, when you think about it, a lot of books might even be better chopped in half. Imagine war and peace without the boring peace part.

A Tale of One City. Herman Melville's epic Dick. Bill, how did Jeremy do in our quiz? How did he know the answers to these, all these questions? You did very well, Jeremy. Three-bye. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Nagin, this week we learned the phrases paper clipping, cookie jarring, cloaking, and dog fishing. These, according to the New York Post,

are words you have to know if you're going to do what? Oh, um, interior design? No, though it sounds that way. I'll give you a hint. Tinder will start giving people a vocabulary test before they let them sign up. So just online dating? Yes, dating is something, yes.

All those were vocabulary words that they've come up with to describe modern dating. The New York Post, bless them, have been compiling this glossary of modern dating terms. Paper clipping is when somebody you dumped months ago all of a sudden pops up in your screen, unwanted, like Clippy, the Microsoft

paper, if that's what you remember. You know, he pops up and says, say, it looks like you're increasingly desperate. And there's also dog fishing when you borrow someone else's adorable dog to pose with in your profile pic. Oh, well, that's kind of cute, actually. Yeah, that's all right. It's dishonest, though. Well, well, that's kind of cute, actually. I'm okay with that. It's dishonest, though. Well, I mean...

And then when they see... An appreciation of a cute dog is fine. Yeah, but then when they see your actual dog and it's really ugly... But then they end up falling in love, but then at the end of the rom-com, they fall in love with the ugly dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because the dog goes through a really great montage of getting really beautiful. He takes off his glasses. It gets curled. But wait, can I brag for like two quick seconds? You can. I was really good at online dating. I don't see what the fuss is about.

It's fun. Nikki and I have one question Can I have my dog back? Coming up Every Batman needs their Robin It's our Bluff the Listener game Call 1-888-WIT-WIT-TO-PLAY We'll be back in a minute

With more of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me From NPR. He don't talk back to you, I say, bro, bro. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Mo Rocca, Paula Poundstone, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host at the Des Moines Civic Center in Des Moines, Iowa, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

Thank you so much. It is now time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Bluff the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, guys. This is Ben Ivey from Flowood, Mississippi. Flowood, Mississippi?

Yeah. Where is Flowood? I don't know Flowood. We are not far down the road from Jackson, Mississippi. Okay, great. and what do you do there to be honest right now my wife and i are equally waiting uh our second daughter any day now wow where'd she go ben it's nice to have you with us you're gonna play the game or if you must try to tell truth from fiction bill what's what's Ben's topic? The dynamic duo.

We all know the classic dynamic duos, Batman and Robin, Shaq and Kobe, Bill Curtis and guest host Tom Hanks. This week we heard about a new terrific twosome out there doing good. Our panelists are going to tell you each about it. Pick the real story, you'll win our prize. The weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail.

Are you ready to play? I'm ready, yes. All right. First, let's hear from Mo Rocca. Peanut butter is killing the planet. You see, for plastics to be recycled, they need to be rinsed clean of foodstuffs. Peanut butter is notoriously difficult to remove completely from plastic, which is why 2.6 billion plastic peanut butter jars make their way from recycling bins

into landfills each year. Luckily, Tanya Squall of Arvada, Colorado, loves the planet and peanut butter. I was raised on it, says Squall. As a child, kids would tease her for her diet and her extremely long tongue. They called me Tanya. It hurt my feelings. I thought every kid could lick her own forehead. As a teen, she planned a trip to Finland to the famed Simmons Institute to have a tongue reduction. Then she read a Greenpeace report on the plastic peanut butter plague, and she had an idea. The hardest part of the jar to clean is the bottom inside edge, but my tongue can reach it easy. And so together with her dog Scott, the two began going door to door in Arvada, licking peanut butter from resident's plastic jars. Says resident Ann Boris,

before Tanya and Scott began licking my plastic, I was skeptical of recycling. I think it's great what they're doing, this whole clean new deal. But watching it makes me want to vomit. So from Morocco, Tanya and Scott, saving the world from non-recycled peanut butter jars. Your next story of a prodigious pair comes from Nagin Farsad. Ladies, beware.

There's a band of pickup artists on the loose in New York City's Washington Square Park, and they want to get up on your lady business. Now, I'm one of those feminists who pretend like I've never enjoyed a cat call, but secretly I do. But let me tell you, these guys are creepy. They've all taken a seminar by a dude named Todd Valentine, which I know his name is so on the nose. His main teaching philosophy is to tell women that you're French. So these men are running around Washington Square Park telling women they're French, despite sounding like they're from Sheboygan. But this is

where the heroes of our story step in. An unlikely duo are trying to stop them. A street poet and a, wait for it, fart machine artist. These lanky, hipster-looking vigilantes, who between them weigh 180 pounds, own two skinny jeans and a bottle of hair balm, are regulars in Washington Square Park. They would see women feeling uncomfortable

and said it was their duty to do something about it. The poet Peter Chinman likes to intervene, not by shouting haikus, but that would really get me to go away, but by going up to guys and saying, hi, I'm doing a documentary about pickup artists, and the dudes immediately disperse because there's nothing more menacing

than a documentary filmmaker. Phil Boucher, who calls himself the fart fairy, walks around the park pranking people with fart noises for two to five hours a day anyway. He figured, why not make his fart art more useful by using it to get the men to stop? Most of the time, the fart noise makes the man laugh and helps the woman out, but by his own metrics, twice a year, he gets decked in the face. The women of Washington Square Park are grateful.

Ever since this dynamic duo have taken action, the unwanted advances have dwindled, turning them into mere farts in the wind. From Nagin Farsab, the poet and the fart fairy, defending the honor of women in Washington Square Park in New York, your last story of two people joined by an alliterative adjective comes from Paula Poundstone. A series of behavioral incidents during recess periods has plagued Ashland, North Carolina's Forrest Weiderman Elementary School until

Principal Wendy Wax launched a unique idea. When the fifth grade students charged onto the school yard after lunch last Tuesday, they found Abraham Lincoln and a comma pulling yard duty. The idea, says Principal Wax, is to bring the lessons from the textbooks out of the classroom and into the students' lives. It was surprisingly effective. The comma is just a lady with a styrofoam comma on her head, claims Emma, a fifth grader. When I was writing, Michael, you suck and you are not my boyfriend anymore, thank God, with a marker on the back of the handball wall, she ran over and put a comma after Michael, suck, anymore, in any way.

Then she wrote a capital G over the small g in God. She's weird. And when the boys got in a big fight like they do and Brooks was punching Xander on the ground yelling, I'm going to punch y'all in your stupid, ugly, stupid faces, Abraham Lincoln walked over and said, I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends. The boys don't fight anymore. Now every day they go up to Abraham Lincoln and ask him to say another weird thing. Abraham Lincoln was the funniest president. I would vote for him.

All right. Somewhere, somewhere, this pair of heroes is doing good work. Is it from Mo Rocca, Tanya, and her dog Scott, who clean out peanut butter jars with their tongues? From Nagin Farsad, the poet and the fart fairy, help fending off pickup artists from women in Washington Square Park.

Or from Paula Poundstone, Abe Lincoln and the comma, bringing order and lessons to an elementary school in North Carolina. Oh, wow. I'm going to have to go with the poet and the fart machine. You're going to have to go with the poet and the fart machine. All right. Well, you have selected, of course, Nagin's story of the poet and the fart fairy.

Well, we actually were able to speak to a member of this de facto deluxe doublet. My poet friends and I decided to disrupt my pickup artist using my fart machine. That was Phil Boucher, the serial fart fairy, talking about the campaign to stop the pickup artist in Washington Square Park. Congratulations, Ben. You got it right. Nice Square Park. Congratulations, Ben. You got it right.

Thanks for it. Thank you, Ben. You earned a point for Nagin just for telling the truth. You've won our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose, on your voicemail. Congratulations, Ben. Well, thank you so much. Thank you for playing.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. And now the game where we ask very smart people about very dumb things. It's called Not My Job. Olivia Nuzzi is a beloved political reporter for New York Magazine. Specifically, she is beloved by the White House, who once invited her for a private visit with the president in about half his cabinet, and Rudy Giuliani, who not only likes to gossip with her over lunch, but is constantly butt-dialing her. Or so he says.

Because of that, we are delighted she picked up the phone when we called to invite her. Olivia Nuzzi, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thanks for having me. So, you are a preeminent political reporter at a fairly young age. Thanks. Well, you've written so many interesting stories that it's hard to pick one to ask you about. So you got a call of some kind,

and the president would like to speak to you. Yeah, I had been at the White House all morning doing some reporting on something, frankly, really stupid. It was like, why hadn't Trump fired someone yet that we all thought he would fire? I think we only have really stupid stories. Yeah. I was going to leave

the White House, and I actually stopped outside to have a cigarette, and if I hadn't stopped, smoking saved my life in this instance. If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have still been there when I got the call from Sarah Huckabee Sanders asking me to come to her office. And she didn't say why. And I just assumed they were going to yell at me. And yeah, and then she looked, I went back to the press office and she looked really, in retrospect, the look on her face was fear. But she looked like

gray and concerned. And then she said to put my stuff in her office. And she didn't even say it. She wasn't like, the president would like to see you. I think she said something like, he would like to see you. And, yeah, and then I went in there. And, you know, it was kind of like a sitcom reunion episode. Just, like, famous members of the cabinet started just coming out every few minutes. Yeah, well, that's what I remember.

Like, you walk in, and there's the president. He's very happy to see you. And then, like, oh, look, it's Vice President Pence. And he walks in, oh, it's Secretary Mnuchin. Hello, Steve. I made a joke that it was like an intervention. And I also made a joke,

oh, what is it, my mother going to come out here next? Like, who else do you have back there? And he just kind of looked at me. Yeah, yeah. And I also made a joke. Oh, what is it? My mother going to come out here next? Like, who else do you have back there? And he just kind of looked at me. Yeah. Yeah. Cocked his head like a confused dog. Olivia, why did he want to speak to you? He wanted to get me not to write the story that I was going to write.

And he did succeed in the end because I ended up writing about him trying to get me to not write the story. Instead of writing the story. I was hoping it was that they were concerned about your smoking really sweet your other big story at least that I particularly enjoyed was your interview or lunch with Rudy Giuliani he just called and asked you to lunch not quite he had we had been going back and forth for a few months um and he then uh was to stop talking to me, he told me, because I'm biased. Because I wrote that Joe Biden seems like a nice guy, which he just does. He just does. And he then, I just continued to pester him to talk to me. And he did.

And then I said, do you want to have coffee? And he said, where are you? I'll pick you up. And he drove with his driver to pick me up at my hotel so I guess if anyone texts him or calls him he answers he's very accessible it's something you could say that's positive about him yeah he never really says anything's off the record um he is consistent about you know he says the same thing on Fox News as he'd probably say over Bloody Mary. So that's like when you watch him going on his bizarre rants on, say, Fox.

That's him. That's the real Rudy. That's what you get. There's no disparity. It's worse up close. Oh, really? Yeah, I mean, it just, you know, he is, like, decaying. And I didn't want to be mean to him. You were going to get a text at like 2.30

on Sunday morning. But I didn't want to be mean to him. But he showed up and his fly was down. Olivia, I am so worried that you are not reading the sign. And then he was

drooling. He was drooling. I think Paula's right. His fly was down and he was drooling. And then he fell into a wall. And you wanted to ask him. He fell into a well? No.

He fell into a wall. This is before he started drinking. Can I ask about the fly, though? How long No. I'm sorry. He fell into a wall. He fell into a wall. And this is before he started drinking. Oh, well. Can I ask about the fly, though? Did he, did you, I mean, did any, how long was his fly? I didn't want to stare too much. I believe he fixed it when he finally used the restroom at the end of our time together. Okay, okay. Wow.

Wow. Did you start feeling like a home health aide? One last question before we go to the game. The caucus in iowa is like the olympics that happens every four years everybody descends on the town and then it's over and they go away for four years when that happens at the end of the caucuses will you be sad to leave this lovely place i will i love iowa i'm not just saying that because i'm afraid of all of you um i love iowa um and what's not to love? They're polite. They zip up their flies.

They rarely drool. Thank you. There you go, Iowa. You're the highlight. Well, it has been a delight to talk politics with you, but, Olivia Newtsey, we have invited you here to play a game that we're calling Olivia Newt Zealand. You can't get a lot farther from Iowa than New Zealand, the adorable country most people think of as Eastern Australia. So we're going to ask you three questions about that

country, get just two right, and you'll be a cover, which is Australian slang again. It's not actually part of New Zealand. All right. Ready to play? All right. All right. Here we go. Who, Bill, is Olivia Newtsey playing for? Laura Schaffer of Des Moines, Iowa. Here we go. New Zealand has many natural marvels, including which of these? A, the man-eating giant shrew, B, the giant weta, the world's heaviest insect, or C, the so-called impatient vulture, the only vulture in the world that actually kills things? The second thing? The second thing was the giant weta, the world's heaviest insect.

Yeah. Yes, yes, that's what it is. It's the giant weta. Apparently, it was a big bug of some kind that weighs more than a bird. All right. Oh, gross. New Zealand has many firsts to its credit, including which of these?

A, they were the first nation to teach dogs to drive. B, they were the first nation to make access to decent beer a constitutional right. Or C, they were the first nation to list SoulCycle as a, quote, dangerous cult? Ooh. Three.

You're going to go for C, they were the first nation to list SoulCycle? That's what I'm saying. No, it was actually A. Oh, man. They were the first nation to teach dogs to drive. They did this back in 2012. I'm not quite sure why, but they did teach three dogs to drive cars. Only three? Only three of them. You made it sound like all dogs. drive. They did this back in 2012. I'm not quite sure why, but they did teach three dogs to drive cars. Only three? Only three of them. You made it sound like all

dogs. Right. All right, you still have one more chance, Olivia. Here we go. When you're in New Zealand, you can visit a number of beautiful natural landmarks, including a hill A, Hill Curtis. B, Maundy Patinkin. Or C, Tomatafaka Tanagihadagakauo'aatamitiriripuka kapikimonokakranukupauka fenuakitanatahu. That's a nice one. C. You're right. It's C.

What a holler. That incredibly long name, which, by the way, is the longest place name in the world. It's actually on a sign that's about 30 feet long. The name translates to the summit where Tamatea, the man with the big knees, the slider, climber of mountains, the land swallower who traveled about played his flute to his loved one. Bill, how did Olivia Nuzzi do in our quiz? Two out of three, and that is a win.

Congratulations! Olivia Nuzzi is the Washington correspondent for New York Magazine and is writing a book about the 2020 campaign with Politico's Ryan Lizza. Olivia Newtsey, thank you so much for joining us. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. In just a minute, Bill's cat is hungry.

For Bill, it's the Listener Lumerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Mo Rocca, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host at the Des Moines Civic Center in Des Moines, Iowa, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, guys. Get ready, Iowa. Bill Curtis is cooking up some made rye sandwiches.

It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, though, some more questions for you from the week's news. Mo, this week, The Atlantic published an investigative piece which reveals the United States far outbases all other countries in the number of what we have? Snack foods?

In the number of what that we have? Snack foods? The number of what that we have? Candidates? I need a clue. Well, this news makes us flush with pride. Oh, we have more toilets. That's exactly right. Yes. The number of bathrooms per person in America has doubled in the last 50 years. Wow. That's according to the Atlantic Magazine. The Atlantic Ocean says that's great. Maybe you'll stop treating me like one. If the trend continues, soon every single American can have their own toilet. Heck, they can have a number one and a number two.

If there are toilets everywhere, why am I always fighting for, like, the one Starbucks on the streets of manhattan that might let me in to pee illegally i can use a starbucks bathroom without ever touching anything i can do that i can do it with my feet the entire process and never actually touch anything. I've done this and I really want to do a video to show you all how it is possible to use your foot to open the door

and then to lock it. You do like a karate kid kind of kick because the lock sort of flips over and then you... It's called the Atta-Crescent Kick. I would just say that if I could, I would bring out a roll of toilet paper on a little stand and put it right next to you

and I'd say, demonstrate. Wait. You have to limber up before you do it. You unzip your fly with your foot? No, no, no, no, no, no. I can't. I'm sure I could do that. I don't do that.

You're sure you could do that? I'm saying that I don't touch any of the hardware in the bathroom at all. By the way, this is like the sequel to My Left Foot is this story. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show March 12th at the beautiful Fox Theater in Atlanta, Georgia. And if you want more Wait, Wait in Your Week, check out

the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions all in the comfort of your home or wherever you have your smart speaker. It's just like this radio show, only now we can hear you. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Monica from Des Moines. Oh my gosh, Monica in Des Moines.

What do you do here in this fabulous Midwestern capital? I am a job coach for a local non-profit. Oh really? So you're coaching people on how to do their job or how to get a job? How to maintain employment. I work with people that have been in employment necessarily and i help them keep those jobs well that's good so what kind of like if i wanted to keep this job for example what what advice might you give me uh get along with your employer get along with well monica welcome to our show you know what's going to happen bill curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.

If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly and do the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play? You bet. All right, here's your first limerick. Over every new tech, we are lords. So why is it that everyone hoards? We're awaiting the hour.

Our tape decks need power. We all have a box of old... Cords. Yes, cords. The Wall Street Journal reported that more and more Americans keep a box of useless old cords in their homes. You know, wires and chargers for gadgets that are utterly useless now. VCRs, Palm Pilots, the iPhone you bought three months ago. Look, we get why you think you might need those someday again,

but why is your umbilical cord still in there? Experts say people believe that the moment they throw the cords away, they'll need them while others hang on to their cords in case they'll fit into them again one day. I have five VCRs. Wow. I bought them recently. I can understand why you should have one

because people have a library of tapes. I do have a library of tapes. Sure. But the thing is, no, I have hundreds of videotapes. And so I have to have more than one VCR because that VCR is going to break someday. Right. And then where are you? Exactly. Right. But, you know, I'm, you know,

by some definition, middle-aged and I think five VCRs should keep me. All right. Monica, here is your next limit. We can't love each single life stage, and the bad ones are easy to gauge. 47.2 is when we feel most blue. Oh, yes. That's when people hit peak middle age. Yes, middle age. According to new research from Dartmouth,

people who were just a few months past their 47th birthday, precisely 47.2 years old, are likely experiencing the very worst moment of their lives. The study drew conclusions by charting a, quote, happiness curve over time and finding the lowest point. Also, a, quote, happiness curve is what normal people call a smile. So the research shows in people a decrease in happiness starting at age 18, and it goes steadily sloping downwards to 47.2, at which point they say people start to feel better.

Well, of course you do, because that's when you start to forget things. What's really weird is that the age is so specific. It's not like your late 40s. It's 47.2. You can do the math. Figure it out. Sorry, honey, I can't go to your work thing on Tuesday. That's going to be the worst day of my life. Monica, are you past your 47.2? Oh, no. I don't know if I should say. That's a yes. Okay, Monica. She's about to turn 47.2

while she's waiting for us to stop talking. Wouldn't it be terrible if this was her day? We're just piling on. I remember when I was on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. It was literally the worst day of my life. All right, Monica, you do have one more limerick. Here is your last limerick.

My dumb cat never comes up to greet me. He just glares at my chair to unseat me. And if I should die, not long would I lie, for that jerk would just come up and eat me. Yes, cats, it turns out, really do love people for dinner. We've suspected this for years just because cats are evil, but researchers figured out an ingenious way to test this theory. They fed the cats human corpses. Seriously, that's what they do. There's this research lab

at Mesa University in Colorado. It's quite well known. They have this walled garden where they put out bodies that have been donated, and then they do studies of how bodies decompose and various other things like that.

And some cats got into the garden, and they're like, buffet! This is a **** story. I've had 16 cats at one time. And that's why you don't have a foot. They're just nibbling away. That fancy feast of Paula's foot. No, they never, you know, every now and then Theo will give me a little love bite.

That's all. Oh, really? Okay. It wasn't a love bite, Paula. He was testing to see if you were right. He's doing a taste test there. I have to say, I would have loved the movie Cat so much more if Judi Dench had eaten someone at the end. Bill.

Bill, how did Monica do on our quiz? Monica got a perfect score. Congratulations. Thank you so much for playing. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

I can. McGee has four. Mo and Paula each have two. All right. How did that happen? Oh, that's weird. I'm like, tell me what you guys have. Wow.

Oh. All right, we have flipped a coin, and Mo has elected to go second. So, Paula, you are up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the Trump administration announced it was removing environmental protections for blanks. Rivers and streams. Right, streams and wetlands. On Monday, the governor of blank fired two top officials claiming they'd stockpiled emergency

aid from Hurricane Maria. Puerto Rico. Right. In the new national poll from CNN, Blank edged out longtime frontrunner Joe Biden. Bernie Sanders. Yes. According to a new report, Blank's cell phone was hacked by the Saudi crown prince himself. Oh, Jeff Bezos. Yes. Very good. Weeks after one of their prisoners escaped, guards at a facility in Belgium

received Blank. Flowers. No, a postcard from him with the message greetings from Thailand. On Thursday, scientists moved the blank one minute closer to midnight. The doomsday clock. Right. On Wednesday, Terry Jones, best known as one of the founding members of blank, passed away at the age of

77. Monty Python. Right. A dentist in Alaska has been found guilty for extracting a patient's tooth while blanking. Uh, riding on a hoverboard. You are so right. Wow. The judge threw the book at him, saying, this is Alaska.

In Alaska, we pull teeth while riding dog sleds. The dentist, whose defense attorney referred to him as a, quote, idiot, had posted a video of himself rolling on a hoverboard into the exam room, extracting the tooth from a sedated patient, then rolling out of the room with his arms raised in victory. So the authorities charged him with 46 counts of, and I am not kidding,

unlawful dental acts. Bill, how did Paula do? Well, let's celebrate. She got seven right, 14 more points, with an almost unstoppable 16 total. All right. Mo, you're up next. Fill in the blank. In an interview released this week, Hillary Clinton said that, quote, nobody likes blank.

Bernie Sanders. Right. On Tuesday, the Supreme Court ruled that lawsuits over the water crisis in blank can move forward. Is it Flint? Yes, Flint, Michigan. This week, the Attorney General of Washington, D.C. filed a lawsuit against blank's inaugural committee. Donald Trump's. Yes, President Trump's.

On Thursday, the longtime anchor of the PBS NewsHour Blank passed away at the age of 85. Jim Lehrer. Yes, indeed. On Tuesday, Derek Jeter and Larry Walker were elected to the blank. Baseball Hall of Fame. Right, officials in Florida are warning that thanks to unseasonably cold temperatures, residents should be on the lookout for a blank.

Not snowmen. A human-eating cat. No, Mo. It's frozen iguanas falling from trees. Temperatures in Florida are the lowest they've been in a decade, and with freezing temperatures comes a 30% chance of snow and a 100% chance of frozen lizards falling out of trees. People are being advised that the lizards are not dead.

They're just asleep because of the cold, and the only thing that can wake them up is true love's kiss. Bill, how did Mo do on our quiz? Mo got five right, ten more points, a total of 12 still trailing Paula. How many then does Nagin need to win? Well, six to tie, she needs seven to win. All right, Nagin, this is for the game.

Fold a blank. On Thursday, Chinese authorities closed off the city of Wuhan in an attempt to contain an outbreak of blank. Coronavirus. Very good. On Tuesday, President Trump took credit for low unemployment and a strong stock market at the annual World Economic Forum in blank. Davos.

Yes. This week, the UN's top court ruled that blank must enact new policies to protect Rohingya Muslims. China. No, Myanmar. On Wednesday, presidential hopeful Tulsi Gabbard filed a defamation lawsuit against blank. Hillary Clinton. Yes, according to a new study, anyone looking to achieve the American dream should blank. Move to Iceland. So close. Move to Canada. After winning the AFC championship on Sunday, the Kansas City Chiefs will face the San Francisco 49ers at the 54th blank.

Super Bowl. Yes. This week, scientists announced they discovered why stress turns your hair blank. Gray. Yes. A bank robbery in Scotland almost fell apart completely when the thief put on a pillowcase as a mask and discovered that blank. That he can operate a gun with his foot.

No. He forgot to put holes in it. That's right, Paula. Despite the slip-up, the man still managed to escape with over $2,000. And though you'd expect him to be in a hurry to avoid the police, witnesses say, and this is totally true,

he took a few minutes to pet a cute dog that was sitting outside the bank. Then it got even more delayed when someone with a clipboard asked him if he had a second to talk about the environment and how can you say no to that? Bill, did Nagin do well enough to win? Well, she did well.

She got five right, a total of 14. But that means Paula is our winner! Paula! In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, after chopping our books in half, what will be the next big trend in reading? Wait, wait, don't tell me.

It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug, where were you? Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Cappadona. Our intern is Emma Day.

Our web guru is Beth Novy. Special thanks to Mike Draper and everyone at Raygun here in Des Moines. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Our contributing writers this month are Fumi Abe and Mike Nguyen, technical directors from Lorna White.

Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilag, and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next big thing in reading? Paula Poundstone. They will take the pages of the book and chop them up really small with a razor blade and snort them. McGee and Farsad.

We're going to take our cues from Post Malone and start tattooing our faces with books. And Mo Rocca. People will start doing it. Reading books. Well, depending on how that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to

Paula Pazzo and Yigit Farsad and Mo Raka. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Des Moines Civic Center. Special thanks to Amy O'Shaughnessy and everyone at Iowa Public Radio. And thanks to everybody here at the beautiful Civic Center. You were great. Thanks to all of you at home for listening. I'm Peter Sagal.

We'll see you next week. This is NPR.