Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Samantha Bee

Episode Date: May 9, 2020

Samantha Bee, host of Full Frontal, joins us along with panelists Mo Rocca, Helen Hong, and Adam Burke.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Thanks for listening to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. We'd like to better understand who's listening and how you're using podcasts. Please help us out by completing a short anonymous survey at npr.org slash podcast survey. That's one word. It takes less than 10 minutes and really helps support the show. That's npr.org slash podcast survey. org slash podcast survey. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I am the Eggman. I am the Curtis, Bill Curtis. And here's your host, recording in his closet like some kind of godforsaken podcaster, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill, and thank you. Well, nobody you all, that applause you heard was actually the passengers on a Southwest Airlines flight clapping for a pilot because he landed the plane. Thank you, Producer Mike, for that sound effect reminding us of one of the advantages of not being able to go anywhere. Later on, we're going to be talking to Samantha Bee, who's been doing her weekly show on TBS Full Frontal from somewhere in the woods. But first, we hope you can come out of hiding and give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Time to welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Noah from Colorado Springs. Colorado Springs, one of the more beautiful places I've been. What do you do there? I am a middle school history and English teacher. Wow, that's tough under any circumstances. How has it been doing it remotely? You know, it's been good. I would say the novelty has worn off, definitely. That took five, seven minutes? Yeah. I will say this, and I say this with all due respect for the middle school students I know. For all the difficulties you have, at least you don't have to smell them.

Yeah, that's fair. Well, Noah, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian whose microphone broke right before the show. You can check out his stand-up on his YouTube channel. It's Adam Burke. Hello, how are you? Hello. Next up is a comedian who stars in the Asian-American coming-of-age comedy Becoming Eddie at BecomingEddieFilm.com and is performing May 13th at NowhereComedyClub.com. It's Helen Hong. Hi, Noah. Hi, everybody. Hello.

And a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and author of the New York Times bestselling Moe Bituary's Great Lives Worth Reliving, it's Moe Rocca. Hi, Noah. When I went to Colorado Springs, my head almost exploded from the altitude. Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Noah. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Sure am. Okay. Here is your first quote. I had no idea how popular it was. That was the president putting the best possible spin in the outrage that came

when he announced earlier in the week that he was going to disband what? The coronavirus task force. Exactly right, Noah. It was exciting at first, you know, the task force, the meetings, but apparently the president decided people were losing interest. In fact, according to his aides, as many as 3,000 people stop watching the briefings every day. So he decided the crisis is over. As Trump said, mission accomplished.

No, wait, I'm sorry. That was the virus. It even had a little tiny banner behind it. You know, when I was little, my teeth were so out of line that my parents insisted that I get braces when I was eight. And then predictably, my entire face and head changed. So then I had to get braces again, and then after that set of braces, I lost my little retainer thing. So then I had to get Invisalign again in my 30s,

and that's how I feel canceling this coronavirus task force is right now. It's giving your kid braces when they're eight. They will need to get them again. Why am I suddenly imagining the president now on a tricycle just going around the driveway in front of the White House with braces? You know, the president never liked the task force anyway, mainly because it involved his least favorite thing, tasks. I'm surprised he just hasn't started wearing lots of scarves. Like Dr. Birx? Yeah, like Trump will show up in lots of scarves and Eileen Fisher just trying to steal Dr.

Birx's thunder. Or just start wearing a stethoscope around his neck so people think he's some sort of medical professional. What's weird, of course, is we don't really know what's been going on with these meetings, this task force behind the scenes. So everybody's looking forward to decades from now when we get a last dance style documentary about the whole thing with Dr. Fauci as Michael Jordan, telling us all how much he hated every single person he worked with.

Yeah, back then the task force was basically a cocaine circus. You know what I think the problem with the task force was? No uniforms. They all need like a, they all need to coordinate, you know, like have a big TF on the front. Because coronavirus task force, it already sounds like a Saturday morning cartoon. It sounds like they need like a theme song. Yeah, coronavirus task force. Yeah. They need a handshake and a salute. I mean, Adam, because this president runs the country like a network executive, you realize that he's going to take that idea and do an animated task force and shoot them into outer space. Because that's what they did with Josie and the Pussycats. Right.

They put them into outer space. I would watch that. I'm not going to lie. I would totally watch an animated Dr. Fauci. Fauci and the task force. I think Brooks and Fauci would be fine with being shot into space right now. As far away from this guy as possible. Totally fine. Noah, your next quote is about a new staple in all of our wardrobes.

Ready for the Gucci? Louis Vuitton? Armani? Ready for the Gucci? Louis Vuitton? Armani? That was a tweet from someone excited that high fashion designers are now making what newly essential fashion accessory? Face masks. Face masks. Exactly right, Noah. Very well done. Major fashion houses are now making masks, so now you don't only have to worry about looking silly, You have to worry about looking cheap. And it's one more thing that they'll be able to do on the red carpet with all the stars who'll be wearing, you know, designer face masks.

First, who are you wearing? And second, who are you? I want a face mask from Jean-Paul Gaultier, the guy who did Madonna's, used to do Madonna's costume. So there'd just be a long cone sticking right out from my mouth. Because then it would accomplish social distancing at the same time. With no end in sight, it looks like we'll

be wearing masks for the indefinite future. We're all looking forward to the craze of this summer, the three-piece bathing suit. I think that fashion designers need to pour their creativity into something since the only thing that any of us are going to be wearing on the bottoms is a half-tied bathrobe. That's true. But bottoms make good masks. I mean, that sounds really dirty. But anyway, bottoms make great masks like briefs. You could fashion old briefs into masks. And every time I bring this up, people are like, that's gross.

I don't get it. It will definitely keep people six feet away from you. Noah, here is your last quote. Ah, ooh, searing pain. That was a man named Coyote Peterson after he willingly, willingly got stung by a new pest invading the U.S. What is it? Murder wasps, or murder bees. Close enough. Murder hornets is what they're called.

The murder hornet sounds just like another podcast, but it's actually a name for the Asian giant hornet. And they've been spotted in the Pacific Northwest. Have you seen them? I mean, they're terrifying. They're these giant hornets about two inches long, and they can decimate an entire beehive in minutes. They also sting people, as you heard, and it is extremely painful, but don't worry, they only attack when you provoke them by doing things like running or seeming scared, breathing, or

existing. And by the way, of course, NPR insists that we call it the alleged murder hornet. Did you see the praying mantis though, take it on? Yeah. That video of the praying mantis eating the head of the murder hornet it was it was

so i didn't care that the murder hornet had not been brought to trial yet i just loved that kind of i love that the praying mantis just went for it why are they asian murder hornets can't we have a non-racial murder hornet i mean cannot we judge our murder hornets by the content of their character and not the color of their skin? I mean, come on. Like, Asians have had such a beating this year. Whoever is doing PR for Asians lately, we got to fire them and hire the person who's doing PR for Harvey Weinstein. Come on. Helen, do you feel pressure to disavow the crimes of the murder hornet?

I do. Ellen, do you feel pressure to disavow the crimes of the murder hornet? I do. I mean, if you think the murder hornet is big, have you seen the vehicular homicide hornet? That thing is huge. Bill, how did Noah do in our quiz? Noah did great. And if you see that hornet, please call us Noah. Thank you for playing, Noah.

Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Mo, this week saw the first ever live broadcast of Supreme Court oral arguments. It was done over teleconference, and that means for the first time in the history of this country, in addition to hearing the justices in real time, the nation also heard what? The ultimate dissent, a toilet flush. That's exactly right, Moe. On Wednesday, during the live broadcast of the oral arguments, everybody on the call, which was all of us,

could clearly hear a toilet flushing as a lawyer was speaking. Now, the fact that everybody heard it, but nobody said anything, means it was absolutely a Supreme Court justice who did it. And they say that Justice Thomas never reacts from the bench. It's true. Even more alarming than the toilet flushing is what we did not hear, which was the sound of someone then washing their hands. Oh, right. That's right.

That's right. That's what the robes are for. Now, my question is, was this a sitting Supreme Court justice or a standing Supreme Court justice? If people are wondering, if we're like, wait a minute, did we make this up? We actually have the tape. This is what the nation heard as they listened to the highest court in the land. And what the FCC has said is that when the subject matter of the call ranges to the topic, then the call is transformed.

And it's... I think it's pretty telling. I think we know why they always rule against environmentalists because that's definitely not a low-flow toilet. Coming up, our panelists are not amused in our bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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Listen and subscribe to Shortwave from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Mo Rocca, Helen Hong, and Adam Burke. And here again is your host, who thankfully just muted his microphone when he went to the bathroom, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me bluff listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait,

Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Carrie. I am calling from Vergennes, Vermont. Vergennes, okay. And what do you do there? I read people's brains. I am an EEG technologist. Oh, okay. I was afraid you took them out of their heads first. That would be bad. Not during it, no. Well, welcome to our show, Carrie. You're going to play the game in which you must tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Carrie's topic? Paint me like one of your French girls. Ah, the artist's muse, the person you paint in order to get them to sleep with you. This week, we read about a rather unlikely muse. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the true story out of the three of them, and you will win our prize,

the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Sure am. All right, let's hear first from Adam Burke. The remote Scottish island of Col in the Inner Hebrides has received a striking new tourist attraction in recent months. Visitors to the picturesque yet remote isle will now be greeted by an imposing eight-foot sculpture of a powerful Scandinavian warrior, but while the composition seems to be a nod to the storied Nordic history of the area, rather peculiarly the name of the composition is none other than Bill Curtis.

It's probably the first piece I've done where the inspiration was purely audio, explains the creator of the piece, local sculptor Connor McNair. One day I heard this great, booming, authoritative voice emanating from the speaker, and it somehow seemed to match with the vision of this powerful Viking figure I had in mind. Though McNair has no idea what Bill Curtis actually looks like, he did add some homages to the venerable broadcaster with the composition. You'll notice the pommel of the broadsword is a microphone, said McNair, and those runes on his belt buckle spell out Lightning Round in Old Norse. As for the figure's

granite jaw, dense flowing locks, and quite frankly, Schwarzeneggerian physique, well, that's just what comes to mind when I hear that voice, says McNair. And if you're listening, Mr. McNair, the likeness is uncanny. A heroic statue rippling with muscles based solely on the voice of one William Curtis. Your next story of someone's inspo comes from Helen Hong. Being tall is a lofty dream for many men, but not for English actor Stephen Merchant. The lanky star of Extras and Hello Ladies is a towering 6'7", and has the general air of a very skinny, hairless Bigfoot,

which makes any sudden movements on his part absolutely mesmerizing. That's what Grace J. Kim, a mechanical engineer, discovered last year when she found herself in the same car repair shop as the gangly actor. the same car repair shop as the gangly actor. Waiting in the lobby while her Prius was being serviced, Miss Kim watched another Prius pull up with a very tall driver hunched behind the wheel. At first, Miss Kim didn't recognize Stephen Merchant, but when he finally managed to unfold himself out of the diminutive vehicle, she thought, wow, that's the hilarious Nazi from Jojo Rabbit. She kept her eyes on him as he managed to take two steps away from his Prius, only to trip on a wayward tire iron and go flailing across the mechanic shop floor. The image was surreal and beautiful. There were miles of arms and legs flying everywhere, and I could feel the airflow from his limbs whipping against me.

She ran home, jumped onto her mechanical engineering software, and thus a new windmill design was born. It turns out random desperate flailing creates powerful eddies in the atmospheric vortex, she says. The design is currently being tested in Southern California. The very tall and gangly actor Stephen Merchant inspires a new design for a windmill. And finally, let's hear an amusing story from Mo Rocca. The brain was the true erogenous zone, said the First Lady. No, not the current First Lady, but fictional First Lady Sadie Gray, the lead character in the 1991 best-selling potboiler Happy Endings. Written by Washington

Doyen Sally Quinn, the book's lead character falls madly for a dashing NIH scientist based on none other than Anthony Fauci. Yes, the same Anthony Fauci who has seen his face plastered on dolls, alcoholic beverages, even socks, and who sounds strikingly like Jimmy Durante. And indeed, soon after meeting, the novel's two lovers are inka-dinka-doing it. Nope, she's not waiting 18 months for his vaccine. You are like a tumor in my brain,

which is getting larger and larger each day, the fictional Dr. Michael Lanzer coos to an insatiable Sadie. Sally Quinn met the real Fauci at a Washington dinner party. I just fell in love with him, she said. The novel, in parts, seems prophetic. The fictional doctor captivates the Capitol with his decency and candor. He's gobsmacked by the incompetence of administration officials. Meanwhile, an incapacitated president leaves the nation feeling rudderless. Readers who are wise to Dr. Lanzer's real identity will find themselves picturing a very naked Anthony Fauci. Antibody test? More like hot body fest.

All right, Carrie, these are your choices. From Adam Burke, a statue of the one and only Bill Curtis, inspired just by his voice. From Helen Hong, the actor Stephen Merchant and his flailing arms, inspiring a new windmill design. or from Mo Rocca, how Anthony Fauci inspired a very sexy character in a romantic potboiler. Which of these is the real story? I'm thinking Helen's story number two. You're going to go for Helen's story of how the actor Stephen Merchant, all almost seven feet of him flailing around, inspired an engineer to create a new windmill? I just hope so. All right, you're going to go for that. Well, we actually were able to speak to the very person who was so inspired. I've been looking for the perfect prototype for

the lover, and Tony was unbelievably smart. And I found him quite sexy. That was Sally Quinn. She's the author of the Washington set romances Regrets Only and Happy Endings featuring the character based on Dr. Anthony Fauci. Oh, I'm sorry, Carrie. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm afraid you didn't win, but you earned a point for Helen. And, you know, I think if Stephen Merchant is out there, he's probably very flattered as well. Thank you so much for playing, Carrie. Thank you.

And now the game where we ask interesting people about things they're probably not interested in. Samantha Bee was a breakout star on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and she then became the first woman to host a late-night comedy show, Full Frontal, on TBS. She was also the first host to completely get rid of the time-honored desk on the set, which was smart because now she hasn't had to move a desk out to the woods behind her house where she's been filming her show for the last two months. Samantha Bee, welcome to Wait, Wait.

Yes, thank you. I'm so excited to be here. We're so excited to have you. And I know we've been trying to get you for a while and I'm just thankful that something, an incident happened where you had nowhere else to go so we could get you. Well, then you're responsible for this whole cataclysm. You did this.

We did it. How are you doing? How are you handling the quarantine? I mean, we are fine. I feel lucky to be working and lucky to be able to make the show in the forest. This is interesting because the other people on TV, your peers like Seth Meyers and Stephen Colbert, they're in their homes. You are doing your show outside. We are. Is it woods behind your house? It's the woods behind my house. And we really made the choice simply because we didn't have any lights.

And we were like, well, sunshine is a good, it's the best natural light for us so to be even more lo-fi we just decided that the light of day was actually the best lighting that we could get and so it just was a very organic kind of function of us not knowing what we were doing and not having a lot of equipment it also makes you the first late night host to ever have to worry about a rain delay. Absolutely. And it does. We definitely have to watch. We watch the weather scrupulously. We have our backup plan is terrible. It's we figure we could shoot in the gazebo in the backyard, but it's noisy back there

because there's a creek that runs by. So we don't really have any plan B if there's bad weather. We just kind of tape earlier. Can I ask, do woodland creatures ever take part? Woodland creatures take part. We have hawks that go by overhead. Sometimes you can hear turkeys in the background. There's a lot of screeching wildlife. And we've had a couple of episodes where we have had, like as the earth is quite moist and the gnats come out. So we've had a couple of episodes where we have had like as the the earth is quite moist and the gnats come out so we've had a lot of gnat activity and it was like buzzing around my face

it's really amazing i did love that little moment i saw where all these chipmunks came on and touched up your makeup that's right it's so beautiful it was adorable of them they fix the ribbons in my hair how have you been dealing with what I guess we've all been dealing with, which is going from having a nice audience that lets you know how well you're doing to not having that? I think it speaks to how familiar I am to not having reactions to the things that I say, but I feel perfectly fine. I feel actually, it's not a problem for me not to have an audience. It's more a problem that I deliver every joke into my husband's eyes because he's holding the iPhone that we record the whole show on. It's basically just an iPhone 11. And so if

something doesn't land, it just really thuds. Are your kids helping out as well? Kids are helping out as well. When they don't, because I have three school-age kids, so they're all doing remote learning right now. So when they finish their lessons for the day, which they usually finish kind of around three o'clock, and that's around the time that we like to shoot the show. And my eldest daughter is actually very good. We have this thing called a flex fill, which is just this little aluminum pan basically that goes under your chin and just shine some, like reflect some nice

light into your face. And she's very good at holding the flex fill. She really understands how beneficial it is to put a little golden light on mommy's face. She has a real instinct for it. And I'm glad. But you can tell there are some episodes, actually, if you look closely, she's gotten bored of holding the Flexville. And so the light just drops off my face. She's just sat down on a stump.

So you're married to another comedian and performer, Jason Jones. And I wonder, do you guys compete to be the funnier parent? Jason strives to be the funnier parent, but I think I do a better job of it. It's more natural for me. He's trying too hard all the time. No.

You should have a system in place. The parent who gets fewer laughs has to clean up after dinner. That sounds very fair. That is a very interesting approach. Have you and your family developed any quarantine rituals or new hobbies? Have you all taken up a craft together or had a like, oh, every Friday we're going to dress up for dinner, various things that people are doing? I'm so jealous of people who are productive during quarantine. We're working our way through television shows.

Is that considered productive now? Absolutely. We're very dedicated to watching the show Lost. So that's the one thing that we're doing. That is the one thing that we're doing is gathering at the end of the day and all watching Lost together. The family that gets confused by Lost together stays together. Fair enough so. And I have to ask, how are you finding it doing comedy,

specifically news-related comedy, current events comedy, at the current moment? Well, we've always tackled really difficult stuff on the show, so I think it's different kind of the context of being in the forest, delivering tough material is a little more challenging. And I would say that we are making a genuine effort now to find joy wherever we can, or to find points of lightness or to find things that are... Yeah, for example, have you heard about the murder hornets? They're hilarious.

Do you know what could take on the murder hornet? What? A Samantha Bee. What? Oh. Next week's cold open right there. Well, Samantha Bee, it is a pleasure to finally talk to you. I'm sorry it took a national emergency to make it happen, but we did what we had to do. Now, Sam Bee, you are the host of Full Frontal,

so we have invited you here to play a game that this time we're calling... Full Bactle. That's right. Full Bactle. We're going to ask you three questions about butt doubles. Those are the people who stand in for actors when a shot showing the posterior is required and the actor is either

unwilling or unqualified to do it. Answer two out of three questions about butt doubles and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice in your voicemail. Let's do this. I'm ready. Here we go. Bill, who is Samantha Bee playing for? Julio Salazar of Nashville, Tennessee. Alright. I don't want to disappoint you. Bill, who is Samantha Bee playing for? Julio Salazar of Nashville, Tennessee.

All right. I don't want to disappoint you. I don't want to disappoint you. Okay. Here's your first question. Famously, Dakota Johnson gave way to a butt double for her S&M scenes in the movie Fifty Shades of Grey. It wasn't that she was shy. Was it A, her mother, Melanie Griffith, once told her, quote,

never show them your bank account or your moneymaker? Was it B, the first time and only time actor Jamie Dornan spanked her, she reflexively leapt up and decked him? Or C, too many butt tattoos? I think it was C. And you're right, Sam, it was. Dakota Johnson has too many butt tattoos. She says that that may have been a mistake. All right, Sam, here's your next question. Sandra Bullock needed a butt double in the film Our Brand is Crisis, so filmmakers came up with a creative solution. What was it?

A, they used an extreme close-up of two cantaloupes. B, they used one cheek each from two different actors making the first composite ass in film history. Or C, producer George Clooney got on set and did it himself. I think it's B. You think it's B, they used one cheek from two different actors making a composite ass? I'm afraid it was George Clooney's butt.

What? Wow. He just walked on set and dropped trow and it worked. different actors making a composite ass i'm afraid it was george clooney's butt what wow he just he just walked on set and dropped trow and it worked bullock said he was surprisingly non-hairy and it did the job nicely so he has a gender neutral butt basically he's gonna have to come over here and show me right now because i don't buy that for one second you sir you come over to my house. Show us what you've got. Here's your last question, Sam. How did Liam Neeson explain why he used a butt double for the movie A Million Ways to Die in the West? Was it A, body doubles need to feed their families too,

B, my pants don't drop if I'm working for scale, or C, I hate my Irish butt? I think it's C, I hate my Irish butt. You're exactly right. No, you're right, Sam. That's what it was. Oh, thank God. Bill, how did Samantha Bee do in our quiz?

Sam Bee knows her butts. Two out of three, a winner. Yay. Ring-a-ding-ding. Exactly. There you go. Samantha Bee is the host of Full Frontal with Samantha Bee. New episodes air Wednesdays on TBS.

Thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Sam. We are huge fans and delighted to make your acquaintance. I love the show. Thank you so much. Thank you, Sam. And take care, and we'll see you when this is all over. Thank you. In just a minute, choose chicken or fish in our listener limerick challenge.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. The NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Adam Burke, Mo Rocca, and Helen Hong. And here again is your host from a tiny Chase Bank auditorium he shaped out of mashed potatoes. Honestly, we're a little bit worried about him.

Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. honestly we're a little bit worried about him peter segal thank you bill in just a minute bill says it feels like the first rhyme in our listener limerick challenge game if you'd like to play give us a call at one triple eight wait wait that's one eight eight eight nine two four eight nine two four but right now panel it's time for that game we like to call The Viral Load. This is when we shine a light on all the coronavirus news out there, much like the UV bulb you all should be

inserting right now into your bodies. So, we're going to throw questions at you, true-false, rapid-fire style. Get your question right, you get a point. You guys ready to go? Yep. Alright, here we go. Mo, true or false, a Florida church announced they'd be suspending all weddings until the coronavirus crisis is over. False.

Right. They began conducting drive-thru weddings from the pay booth in the parking lot. Helen, true or false, a news anchorman in Spain is apologizing to viewers after his wife was seen walking by naked in the background of a video call. False. Yes, he was apologizing after a woman who was not his wife was seen naked in the background of a video call. False. Yes, he was apologizing after a woman who was not his wife was seen naked in the background. Adam, true or false, police in India have suspended foot chases of suspects because of social distancing concerns.

False. Yes, they're still chasing them, but they're using giant tongs to grab them. Mo, true or false, a Maryland congressman said the best way to avoid coronavirus is to never leave your home again. True. False. He said the best way to avoid it is to not be born in the first place. Adam, true or false, the pandemic has caused officials in Portland to cancel their annual naked bike ride on June 27th.

False. Right. The organizers are encouraging everyone to ride their bikes naked on their own that day. Mo, true or false, a city in Wisconsin is advising residents who share a bed to stop the transmission of coronavirus by sleeping head to toe. False. No, it's true. Helen, true or false, while President Trump toured that mask factory in Arizona, speakers played Live and Let Die by the band Wings.

True. Yes, that's our latest edition of Viral Load. If the models are correct, we'll be increasing the questions exponentially in the coming weeks. All right, guys, now some more questions for you from the rest of the week's news. Adam, one outcome of the pandemic is it's revealed a new subset of people out there, people who like to do what when they wash their hands? Um, I have no idea. Can I get a clue? Yes. Usually this is what happens by accident when you don't roll them up. Oh, wait, like wash their shirt at the same time?

Yes, they like to wash their sleeves along with their hands. The global obsession with frequent hand washing has revealed a new population that before kept to themselves. Weirdos that try to get their sleeves wet while washing their hands or doing the dishes or we assume while murdering hobos because obviously these people are sociopaths. What? So they purposely are like, hey, while I'm here.

Yeah, just imagine somebody washing their hands and they worked their way up their wrists and right under their sleeves and now they're washing their sleeves. But then they got to walk around the rest of the day with wet sleeves. They say they like it. This is more disturbing than the murder hornets.

What is wrong with these people? I only do this when I wear a T-shirt. Get them really up there. I like to get down in there. Some researchers are weighing in on why a fraction of the population seems to enjoy soaking their sleeves, while other social scientists say, no way am I talking to those people. I mean, why would you stop at the sleeves? If you're going to be that nuts, wouldn't you just keep going?

Yeah, then it's hygiene and laundry day at the same time. What's the problem? Yeah, if a guy has wet sleeves, does anyone else? My mind goes, oh, you just helped birth the cat. Yeah, if you're going to have wet sleeves, it better be from after birth. Exactly. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the

contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And if you want more Wait, Wait in your week, check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions all in the comfort of your home. Because really, do you want to do another puzzle? Hi, Aaron. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hello, this is Cynthia Gardner. Hi, where are you calling from? From Marblehead, Massachusetts. Marblehead, Massachusetts.

Not only do I know Marblehead, I spent every summer of my growing up in Marblehead in Swampscott, the town next door. What do you do there in that beautiful place? Well, it's my home, but I work as a wardrobe stylist. So I don't do much of that up here, but I work in Boston and New York and Los Angeles. Oh, wow. You don't want to see what we're wearing right now.

Well, Cynthia, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to play? All righty. I'm ready. Here is your first limerick. In Kentucky, we're facing new hurdles. But this hard-shelled solution feels fertile.

We know you're aware. They'll outrace any hair. We're replacing the horses with... Turtles. Yes, turtles! The Kentucky Derby was canceled this week, but don't worry, because the Kentucky Turtle Derby replaced it. Sure, turtles are slower and smaller than horses, but it's still a good excuse to bet money on something while wearing ridiculous hats.

Wait, are there jockeys riding the turtles? Oh, I hope so. You know the unfortunate thing about that? Haven't you known who the jockeys are? Murder hornets. Oh, no. Damn it. All right, here is your next limerick.

Since no one's permitted to roam in flight meals, we don't get to bemoan. To encourage more whining about airline dining, they'll deliver their food to your... Home. Yes! Ural Airlines in Russia is offering delivery of the part of flying you miss the most, that is, in-flight meals. They'll bring airplane food on an authentic plastic tray right to your home. To complete the experience, they will run over your foot with a cart.

Do they force you to wear it while your knees are up to your chest? Exactly. And just for authenticity, they give you a half-filled-out crossword to put in front of you. Will they supply other things to complete my recreation? Like, will they deliver a crying child to my house? I'd like to have some salesman from Dubuque fart on me for eight hours. Because those are also things I miss. All at a price. All right, Cynthia, here is your last limerick.

Our restaurant has a low yield. All its workings are strictly concealed. It's under a plum tree, way out in the country. One table set out in a... Field. Right. A new restaurant is opening this week in Sweden that promises to follow social distancing guidelines

by only seating one person at a time. So it's a great place to suggest to meet up with a date if you're not that into them. Here's how it works. Patrons are seated at a single table with one chair in the middle of a field outside the chef and owner's house. It will never feel empty what

with all the ants and to make it seem familiar and comforting every five minutes they will shout everything tasting okay at you with a bullhorn did anyone else as soon as you heard a restaurant in the field did anyone else start going horse waiters horse wait. Just a stallion with a tux and like a thing over its back. May I bring you more wine or nay? Wait, you can't even bring a friend? It just has to be you alone? You alone in a field. Solo at the restaurant in the field?

And they'll send you the food out on a pulley in like a clothesline type arrangement with a basket. Is this some dream that you had, Peter? It sounds like you're describing a fascinating dream. Now that you mention it, I was naked. I don't know why. I'm pretty sure this is a restaurant that Bugs Bunny went to in a cartoon. Bill, how did Cynthia do on our quiz?

Cynthia has style. She got them all right. Three and O, Cynthia. Congratulations, Cynthia. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you, and my pleasure. And come back to the North Shore anytime, Peter. We'll welcome you anytime.

Now it's on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? I sure can. Mo has four, Adam has five, and Helen has seven points. Well done, Helen. All right, Mo, you're in third place with four points.

You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill-in-the-blank, Mo. On Monday, Pfizer launched human trials for a potential blank vaccine. Coronavirus. Right. On Sunday, intelligence officials in South Korea said that blank did not have surgery during his disappearance from public view. Kim Jong-un.

Right. This week, lawmakers named Mustafa al-Kadhimi as the new prime minister of blank. Oh, gosh. Iraq? Yes. very good. On Wednesday, the Washington Post reported that President Trump was pushing a $500 million plan to paint blank. To paint a $500 million plan to paint the town red. No, to paint his border wall black.

This week, Tesla's stock plummeted after Blank tweeted, quote, Tesla stock price is too high, IMO. Elon Musk. Yes. On Thursday, the U.S. reported three and a half million new Blank claims, bringing the seven-week total to 33 million. Unemployment. Right. This week, a man in South Dakota was arrested for driving under the influence after he Blanked. After he drove into a liquor store.

No, after he ran himself over. It was 1130 in the morning when witnesses saw the man tumble out of the front door of his truck, which was still in drive, and run himself over. Police arrived in the scene and quickly determined the man was intoxicated, in part because his blood alcohol level was well above the legal limit, and in part because the first thing the relatively unharmed man asked officers was, did anybody get the license plate number on that truck? Is that what's known as a self-own? I believe it is. I believe it is, Mo. Bill, how did Mo do in our quiz? He had five points, racking up 10 for a total of 14. Adam, you're up next.

Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the Justice Department announced it was dropping the case against former National Security Advisor Blank. Flynn? Yes. For the first time in its history, New York City deliberately shut down its Blank system on Wednesday. Subway. Right. This week, police in Louisiana issued a warning

that anyone visiting a local bank's ATM should be on the lookout for blanks. Raccoons that steal your money. So close. Overly aggressive chickens. On Thursday, high-end department store blank filed for bankruptcy. Neiman Marcus.

Yes. On Monday, Colson Whitehead became the fourth author in history to win two blank prizes for fiction. Pulitzer? Yes, according to Google searches, a surprising number of people tried to find out what date blank fell on this year. Oh, uh, Christmas? No, Cinco de Mayo.

Seems a lot of us wonder when exactly Cinco de Mayo was this year. If you're one of those people that happened on the same day it did last year on the Cinco of Mayo. I mean, how dumb are these people? Don't they know the great Mexican general Cinco de Mayo's birthday was on the 5th of May? Bill, how did Adam do in our quiz? Adam had four right. For eight more points, he now has 13-0, so close. All right, then. So how many, then, does Helen here need to win? Four. Count them.

Four. Okay, Helen, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Monday, U.S. Allied intelligence said it was highly unlikely the coronavirus originated from a lab in blank. Wuhan. Right. After undergoing treatment for a gallbladder infection, Supreme Court Justice Blank was released from the hospital. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Right. This week, Secretary of Education Blank unveiled new regulations for reporting sexual assault on campus.

Betsy DeVos. Right. This week, Canada announced plans to ban blanks. Fighting moose. Canada announced plans to ban blanks. Fighting moose. Assault weapons. A landlord in Australia says he's having trouble renting one of his fully furnished apartments because the bathroom is blank. Um, non-existent?

Because the bathroom is in the middle of the kitchen and has clear glass walls. On Tuesday, entertainment giant Blank reported that coronavirus had cost the company $1.4 billion. Disney. Right. On Monday, Don Shula, the winningest coach in the history of the blank, passed away at the age of 90. NFL? Yes. This week, Highway Patrol in Utah pulled over a car that was weaving in and out of traffic

and discovered that the driver was blank. A fighting moose? No, they discovered that the driver was a five-year-old boy who stole his parents' car and was headed to California to buy a Lamborghini. Police pulled over the SUV after it was spotted going 30 miles under the speed limit and driving erratically. They assumed the driver was drunk, but didn't expect that he'd be drunk from a juice box. Even though the five-year-old could barely reach the petals, he still made it over a mile from his house. Police called his parents to come pick him up and charged the adorable little felon

with one count of grand theft auto. Yeah, he was on high C. He was. Bill, did Helen do well enough to win? Let us all bow before Helen, who had five right for ten more points, a total of 17, and the win! She really is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me's murder hornet. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists, now we've had the murder hornet, what will be the next scourge we have to face?

But first, let me tell you. we have to face. But first, let me tell you. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeker writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capadona. Our intern is Emma Day. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills,

Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Our murder producer is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilag. And the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, that's Michael Danforth. Now panel, what would be the next scourge to come after us once we're done with a murder hornet? Adam Burke. We'll be invaded by the Elon Muskrat, an eccentric rodent who tanks your company's value by tweeting that the stock price is too high. Helen Hong. Whatever it is, please, for the love of God, don't let them be Asian.

And Mo Rocca. The Earth will split open and swallow us all whole. Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Adam Burke, Helen Hong, and Mo Rocca. Thanks to all of you for listening, and congratulations for getting through another week. I'm Peter Sagal, and we will see you next week. This is NPR. Don't forget the short survey we'd love for you to take at npr.org slash podcast survey. Thank you.