Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Sarah Paulson

Episode Date: November 21, 2020

Sarah Paulson, actor, joins us along with panelists Paula Poundstone, Mo Rocca, and Negin Farsad.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WPEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. You know what's longer than a mile? A bill-o-meter! I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, who would like Pfizer to know he's a frontline health care worker over age 65. Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. And thank you once again to our fake audience, which this week are the voices inside Rudolph Giuliani's head telling him he is doing a great job. Later on, we're going to be talking to the amazing actress Sarah Paulson

of American Horror Story, which, by the way, is not a documentary. But first, it's your turn. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Emily from Alexandria, Virginia,

and I'm here with my kids. Abigail. And Fenway. Fenway? Yes. That's Peter's favorite. You were named after Fenway Park? Yes.

Are your parents either or both Red Sox fans? My dad's a big Red Sox fan, and his mother is very patient. Apparently. So, Fenway, are you a Boston Red Sox fan yourself? Yes. You kind of have to be. You know what's going to happen, Fenway, and I hate to say this, you're going to get to be around 15, 16, and you're going to rebel and become a Yankees fan.

It'll just be a phase. We have thought that through. Just in case he decides to rebel, then he can fall back on one of his other names, maybe. Well, it is great to have the whole family. Thank you all for joining us. Now, let me first introduce you to our panel this week. First, a comedian and host of the podcast Fake the Nation. You can read her latest piece on being a global citizen in Afar magazine. It's Nagin Farsad. Oh, hello. Hello. Next up, a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and author of the New York Times bestselling

Mobituaries, Great Lives Worth Reliving. It's Mo Rocca. Hi, Emily. And to the host of Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone, the comedy podcast at paulapoundstone.com or wherever you might get your podcasts, it's Paula Poundstone. Hey, you guys. Well, Emily and family, welcome to the show. You all are going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? All right. Let's do it. All right. Here we go, family. Here's your first quote.

I'm a very proud girl. That was Dolly Parton, as you could tell from Bill's perfect, perfect imitation, responding to the news that a medication that she provided funding for has worked. What's the medication? The COVID vaccine. Exactly right, Emily, the COVID vaccine. Just last week, you heard about a COVID vaccine from Pfizer that was 90% effective. That's pretty great. And then this week, a company called Moderna announced their vaccine, which was 94.5% effective, and it worked across all age groups, and it doesn't need extreme refrigeration, and it baked some cookies just for you. Damn brown-nosing vaccine. Then seriously, Pfizer came back, and then they said, well,

oh, yours is 94.5%. Well, ours is, it turns out, we just found out, 95% effective. And then Moderna said, well, ours is infinity plus one effective. God, these vaccines are like undergraduate guys. I mean, right? Sharing a dorm room and, you know, comparing, right? Did I reveal too much? Yeah, a little bit, Mo. But, you know, I could argue that you haven't revealed enough.

Go on. This is the great thing. Because just as you heard Bill say, the Moderna vaccine, the new, even more effective one that came out this week, the research into it was funded in part by Dolly Parton. She donated a million dollars, plus, of course, a sample of her own blood, which can heal any problem from COVID to your truck breaking down or your dog dying. And it's such a great story. We should be thankful that we live in America, which funds its health care system by making life so miserable for so many people that some of them grow up to become country music superstars who sing about their problems and then donate that money to help make vaccines.

Beat that, Bernie Sanders. I can't wait for Loretta Lynn to solve global warming. Yes, why not? No, she'll become the clean coal miner's daughter. I'm not taking anything for COVID unless it's a chewable tablet. Yes, you're going to hold out for the gummies? Yeah, and I want it to be shaped like Fauci. Then I'll trust it. Yes, you're going to hold out for the gummies? Yeah, and I want it to be shaped like Fauci.

Then I'll trust it. You mean like little Flintstones, but instead of Fred Flintstone, it's little Tony Fauci? Yeah. Then you'll trust it. Wouldn't you trust that? Yeah, I know. All right. Emily and family, your next quote is from somebody trying to impress a girl.

I read Foucault and Wolfe for the ethereal bisexual who wore mostly black. That was an excerpt from the new instant bestseller memoir that went on sale this week. Whose book is it? Oh, I think we're going to need a hint. You need a hint? Well, some people, historians have pointed out this is the first time the phrase ethereal bisexual has ever appeared in a presidential memoir. Presidential memoir? Presidential memoir. No.

They are very confused. How about this? When he tried to hit on the ethereal bisexual, and by the way, I know, Emily, we're giving you lots of phrases. You'll have to explain to your children later when you get off the phone. When he tried to hit on the ethereal bisexual, she responded, no, we can't. Oh, well, it's going to be Barack Obama then. It is Barack Obama, of course. On Tuesday, President Barack Obama released his memoir, A Promised Land.

Now, this is just a blatant middle finger to Trump because, get this, the promised land, it's Kenya. The former president finally published his new memoir three years late. It's only half done. Great. He's just as bad as George R.R. Martin. And instead of fire breathing dragons, he has Mitch McConnell molting. And it's and it's I think it's nine hundred and some pages. Yes. And of course, Barack Obama is not a fast talker. I mean, that audio book is going to be like 200 hours long. I know. No, but I think of the 900 pages, like 400 of them are just like the words, ah, look, ah, ah. Now, as you guys said, it is 900 pages long, but it is only the first volume of his projected memoirs. It begins with his early life and ends with the raid on Osama bin Laden. So if you want to find out what happened to bin Laden, you have to wait for the next book. You know, it's weird.

If people have accused you across your career of thinking you're the Messiah, you probably shouldn't write your memoirs as an Old Testament and New Testament. Can I say as the Muslim on the panel that I'll be reading the book and looking for all those secret Muslim messages that are meant for us. So really, I mean, like you feel like if you read down like the first letters of the on one page, it'll be like praise Allah. I mean, you know, because he's a he's a secret Muslim, as we all know. And so that's there's going to be messages in there for me. That's what you are. Secret Muslim. Now, all the reviews of the book note that Obama is loathe to admit any real mistakes.

But at the same time, he has this tone of constant self-examination. So it's sort of like, you know, did I do a good job? Well, on reflection, yes, I did. And while he doesn't admit any real mistakes as president, he did have the book delivered by drone. Ooh, Peter Sagal, you went there. Well, you know. All right, Emily and kids, here is your last quote. It's going to be hilarious and noisy. I'm sure the kids will love it.

That was somebody trying to put a brave face on the fact that we'll be celebrating what holiday over Zoom this year? Oh, Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Yes, Thanksgiving. I'm sorry, guys. You're right. This week, the CDC issued their official guidance. Please, for the love of God, do not travel home for Thanksgiving this year.

People are furious, right? They love their families, and this may be the only chance this year to see their cousin Steve, I think, and his wife. God, God, I want to say Brenda. But while getting together for Thanksgiving is dangerous for your loved ones, keep in mind it also could be dangerous for your hated ones. This could be the Thanksgiving that finally rids the world of weird Uncle Tim. Uncle Tim's the worst. He's always talking about how he's on the keto diet. Oh, I hate that. Can't eat that.

You know what I really hate? What, Mo? Blankets with smallpox. Because that was right. That was part of the first Thanksgiving. Oh, Mo, you had to bring down the mood. Don't go home empty-handed, the pilgrims said. Now, if you're really desperate.

By the way, what I love, by the way, is you know that the very, this is, okay, look, I just have to tell you as a history pop. The very first Thanksgiving, right, the first Thanksgiving, the first November that the pilgrims were in America, they were docked off of the coast of Provincetown. It was after that that they went to Plymouth, right? So the very first Thanksgiving was actually in Provincetown, and I bet it was super fun. I bet there were like really muscular pilgrims that just wore the hat, right, and the buckle, but no shirt. Yeah, they were like Yaz muscular pilgrims that just wore the hat, right, and the buckle, but no shirt. Yeah, they were like Yaz queening the entire time. Oh, yeah.

You're telling me the first Thanksgiving was a circuit party? The first Thanksgiving was a circuit party. And there's house music. Everybody gobble now. That went in a different direction than I expected, but okay. Bill, how did Emily do in our quiz? Emily got a perfect score, but she couldn't have done it without that family. That's awesome.

It's a family win, so you'll have to decide now who you want to record your voice. But congratulations. Thank you. Bye-bye, guys. Bye. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Paula, in an experiment that I'm sure will have no horrifying repercussions, scientists recently injected genes into monkeys to increase the size of their what?

Um, oh, feet? That would be funny. This is more slightly terrifying. Oh, brains? Mm-hmm, brains. Why didn't I think of brains first? Well, maybe you need an injection. The researchers from Germany's Max Planck Institute for Terrible Ideas

implanted a human gene into marmoset fetuses, resulting in rapid brain growth that mirrors that of human beings. That's actually really fascinating, and if you want to know more, you can check out any of the eight movies in the Planet of the Apes franchise. I thought when you said, if you want to learn more about it, I thought you were going to say, you can just read one of the eight books that the marmosets recently wrote. So not only do they have bigger brains,

but they're disciplined. They are, yeah. They sat down and they banged out the complete works of Shakespeare right away, and now what? Yeah, now they're looking for a publisher. Coming up, we delve into the great mysteries of our past

in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message comes from Best Fiends, the five-star rated mobile puzzle game. You're a great multitasker, but message comes from Best Fiends, the five-star rated mobile puzzle game. You're a great multitasker, but be careful. Playing Best Fiends while making lunch can lead to unfortunate sandwiches. Peanut butter and mayo, anyone? So when lunchtime is at stake, maybe the next level can wait.

But if you can't help yourself, well, hopefully PB&M is an acquired taste. Download Best Fiends free today in the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the R, Best Fiends. This is Terry Gross, the host of Fresh Air. I just interviewed former President Barack Obama about dealing with falsehoods like birtherism, facing obstruction in Congress, and why he's still hopeful about American democracy. The episode is now in the Fresh Air feed. The episode is now in the Fresh Air feed. Go Rocka! And here again is your host, whose jokes have, so far, been 24% effective. Peter Sagan.

Thank you, Bill. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Bryce Mayo from Gillette, Wyoming. Oh, Gillette, I've been there. It's really beautiful. What do you do there?

I'm a school nurse at a local elementary. Oh, wow. Now, we've talked to a lot of teachers recently who are dealing with doing everything through Zoom. How do school nurses do their work through Zoom? We are in class right now. Oh. I'm looking on the positive side. I have a drastic reduction in my cases of lice this year from all the social distancing. Oh, well, that's good news.

Good news, yeah. Well, Bryce, it's a pleasure to talk to you. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Bryce's topic? Let sleeping dogs lie. Sometimes what's unearthed should be re-earthed as soon as possible. This week we heard about someone unlocking a mystery from history. And maybe they shouldn't have.

Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes. All right. First, let's hear from Mo Rocca. Tomorrow morning, when you wipe the sleep from your eyes,

consider this. That sticky stuff you're wiping away is the reason you have a roof over your head. In a report commissioned by Home Depot, a group of evolutionary biologists have concluded that the world's very first houses were made from stones bonded by a mortar made from eye boogers. Ironically, these ancient eye boogers were produced by early Bedouins, a nomadic people. These desert dwellers roamed the Sinai, which is of course the root of the word sinus. Indeed, it was in the nasal cavities of these

Bedouins where particles of sand inhaled during the day would at night churn with even finer bits of lime and camel milk reflux to produce a thick construction-grade eye booger sludge, which each morning was siphoned off into desiccated goat bladders, the knapsacks of their day, and carried on the backs of Jews to the nearest service area on the Silk Road, where they were sold to Mongol contractors on their way to Europe to build the cathedral at Chartres and Buckingham Palace. Meanwhile, in the Americas, the ancient Pueblo Indians of what is today New Mexico spent their days sucking in red clay dust and discharging super muddy eye boogers. And that's who we have to blame for the architecture of Santa Fe. Mo Rocca talking about the surprising discovery that the earliest buildings were made from what he calls eye boogers.

Your next story of why the past should stay there comes from Paula Poundstone. You may recall the late Professor William L. Rothja's 1992 archaeological dig through a landfill that yielded, among other things, the discovery of intact 40-year-old hot dogs. other things, the discovery of intact 40-year-old hot dogs. Soon thereafter, many communities found what they thought was a solution in collective composting. Current student members of the Tucson Garbage Project at the University of Arizona have continued the project by doing deep dives into compost. The only thing they found that didn't break down was sauerkraut. It wasn't really gross until I found this kind of string thing. Everything else broke down into dark, rich mulch, but I found this stuff that looked like an animal's intestine or something, and it smelled.

Just thinking about it makes me gag, says student Riley Byrne. We can be together for outdoor excavating, but we make our presentations over Zoom because of the virus, of course. So I took some of our find, I rinsed it off, and it looked just fine. The only thing we didn't know was how did it taste after what was likely 20 years. So on Zoom, in front of my class and professor, I took a big old forkful, chewed it up, and swallowed it. At first I thought there was something wrong with her zoom, like it froze or something, says Professor Frank Delano. She just fell right out of her box. She was there, took a bite, and then she wasn't.

Of course, we got the EMTs over there as quickly as we could. She was fine. She just fainted. I tried some of the 20-year-old sauerkraut myself. Of course it tastes awful, but there's nothing wrong with it. Sauerkraut just tastes awful. Turns out Riley Burns just doesn't even like sauerkraut. She's smart. The discovery that sauerkraut that's been rotting in the ground for decades tastes just like sauerkraut. And your last history mystery comes from Nagin Farsad. If you're like me, you sometimes find yourself wondering, what did a sewage grate smell like in 1723 Vienna? Or maybe you ask yourself, what odor did the Great Plague have? Did it smell like regular plague, or was it actually great? Wonder no more. A new project

will be cataloging and recreating the scents of Europe from the 16th to the early 20th century. The Odoropa Project, as it's called, will identify and categorize the most common sense of daily life. Sense like that kid in London with the soot on his face selling newspapers. Or like the aristocratic ladies of Dusseldorf with powder on their face on their way to buy more powder to put on their face. Or perhaps more commonly, the smell of horse crap filling the streets of Scotland mixed in with spilt pints of lager and discarded haggis. Luckily for most of us, the Odoropa study stops before the current pandemic, which mostly smells like the thing I ate this morning being pumped back into my nostrils by my mask. And no olfactory historian should be subjected to that.

All right. Somebody made a discovery or is attempting to make a discovery that maybe they shouldn't have. Is it from Mo Rocca, the terrible discovery that the earliest buildings in the Sinai were made from eye bookers? From Paula Poundstone, somebody who dug up and ate ancient sauerkraut to discover it really didn't taste any worse than it normally does. Or from Nagin Farsad, an attempt to recreate the smells of medieval Europe, which is the real project in the news. I think it is Nagin's story of the Oda Ropa. Okay, so your choice is Nagin's story. Well, we talked to someone on the inside of this study? I'm going to be putting together an online historical encyclopedia of smell,

outlining the sort of smells that were key to the European past. That was Dr. Willem Tollett, who's a lecturer in history for Anglia Ruskin University and a researcher in the Odoropa Project. Congratulations, Bryce. Yes, of course, you got it right. You've won a point for Nagin, and you've earned our incredibly valuable prize for you, a voice of your choice in your voicemail. Congratulations. Thanks, it was great.

Thank you. Thank you, Bryce. Take care, Bryce. Bye. And now the game where people who have paid their dues wonder what it was they paid for. It's called Not My Job. Sarah Paulson starred as Marcia Clark in American Crime Story, while starring in

nine seasons of American Horror Story, during which she had terrible things done to her. Now she's starring in a movie called Run, where finally she gets to do some terrible things to someone else. Sarah Paulson, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello! Thank you for having me. I'm excited.

It's very nice to have you. I am an enormous fan. And I'll tell you, I became one instantly because of your performance as Marcia Clark in American Crime Story, The People vs. O.J. Simpson, which was awesome. And you were great. Thank you. As Marcia Clark. So thank you.

Thank you. I appreciate that. I haven't seen it. Still haven't seen it. Do you not watch your own stuff? I try not to because there's actually nothing more horrifying than watching your face melting on screen. You hate watching your face

melt on screen? I feel like as I get older, I just feel like it's a runny egg on a wall sliding down. Have you seen Giuliani recently? Like a runny egg sliding down a wall, yes. I just want to tell the listeners that we're on a Zoom so we can see each other.

So I can see Sarah Paulson. She looks fantastic. Luminous. She really does. Oh, luminous. It's all this top light we all like to have. She's got like a little hair mascara like running down her face. But otherwise, luminous.

What I wouldn't give to be your ring light i kind of get you not wanting to watch yourself perform because i'm watching american horror story asylum right now and good lord they really put you through the ringer it's true so how did it work like every year they came to you said oh sarah you're gonna love this year this year you're going to be committed to an insane asylum against your will and then kidnapped by a serial murderer. And I'm like, sign me right up. Sign me right up. Listen, all I ever wanted was like a black tooth and a peg leg. And so like, if that's the truth about me, then the more, you know, you want to have me be a conjoined twin. I'm, you know, doing all kinds of wackadoo, running froms screaming crying mostly it's a lot of screaming

and crying they put this stuff on zip recruiter and they can't get anybody i i think the fans tend to like it even though they apparently they've made a bunch of horrifying tiktoks of me crying and screaming where i literally sound like the Cowardly Lion. It's like, it's just really embarrassing. Does being, well, frankly, tortured, fictionally, that much actually start to have an effect on your psyche? For me, it does.

I've almost passed out a couple of times. They've thrown some salt tablets at me a couple of times. It's like, all right, everybody cut, break for lunch. Somebody revive Sarah, please. Yeah, exactly. Pick Sarah up, get some smelling salts.

If you just want to throw her an electrolyte little tablet, I think it'll be good to go. And, you know, and I still keep showing up every season. I don't know what's wrong with me. I remember reading, and this happened to be a scene in Game of Thrones, and it was just some of the villains being villainous. And the actors were like,

we were so insanely villainous to each other during the scene that as soon as they called cut, we all broke into laughter because it was just so over the top cruelty. And did you ever, was it ever like that on the set of that show? I mean, so many awful things are being done to each other by each of you that when they call cut,

you're like, oh my God, that was great. Oh, and you stabbed me. I love that. Some other people on our set are doing that, i'm over there like that really hurt you know it's like i just take it too far but there are plenty of pranksters on our sets who you know in my opinion just don't take the word very seriously and if they did take it more seriously and were more dedicated to their craft they might too need to visit a psychiatric institution. I want to know, and I'm not, believe me,

I'm not putting you on the spot here, but I just want to know, Drew Barrymore has a talk show now. Have you been a guest on it yet? I haven't, but she's asked me. Well, that is a really random question. No, it's because he's not random. He's actually asking an informed question because I do an impression of Drew Barrymore and have done it publicly. And, it's because he's not random. He's actually asking an informed question because I do an impression

of Drew Barrymore and have done it publicly and so he's asking because he knows it. All right. Until this very moment, I did not know that a Drew Barrymore impression

was even possible because I was not aware that Drew Barrymore spoke in such a distinctive way. What? What are you talking about? There's like one very, very defining

characteristic about her and that's her lisp lisp i'm all right show me yeah okay um hi it's so nice to meet you guys i'm so excited to be here thank you thank you all right i am proved wrong thank you you guys i've loved being here. This is so wonderful. We understand that you actually had a role. It was on Studio 60 in the Sunset Strip, that Aaron Sorkin show that came and went, in which you played an actor, a performer, whose great skill was imitating a whale. A dolphin.

A dolphin, excuse me. So you presumably can, in fact, imitate dolphins. I can try. It's been a long time. Hold on. Okay, you're going to win an award from Greenpeace for that, their version of the Oscar. Do Drew Barrymore talking to the dolphin. I just, I'mmore talking to the dolphin. I just

am so excited to meet you. Actually, didn't she do a movie where she was rescuing a whale from underneath the crash? I think she did. Yes, I think she did. I think she did too. It's called Big Miracle. And it was with Drew Barrymore and John Krasinski.

Thank you. Did you just google that no Sarah I just know that who doesn't so it has been a delight to talk to you but well you starred in

American Horror Story so we have asked you here to play a game we're calling Canadian Horror Story so horror is a little different in Canada we're going to ask you

about three terrible awful bad things that happened to our neighbors to the north. Brr. Get two right, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose in their home answering machine. Bill, who is Sarah Paulson playing for? Paul Brown of Cincinnati, Ohio. All right. You ready to do this?

I'm a competitive person. Hit me. Go. All right. Here we go. This is your first Canadian horror story. One of the worst scandals in Canadian political history happened in 1971 when Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau was accused of doing what? Was it A, parking in such a way that he took up two spaces?

B, possibly mouthing a dirty word on the house floor? Or C, cutting in line at a buffet saying he didn't have to stand in line again because he was just getting more bread? I'm going to go with three. You're going to go with the fact that you believe there's a scandal because Pierre Trudeau, the father of the current prime minister, cut in line at a buffet saying, I don't got to stand in line. I'm just getting more bread. Correct.

No, I'm afraid it was B. I thought that was too obvious. Can I do another one? No, sir. You don't understand. We're very obvious. Yes. Okay. Good to know. I'll make sure to keep that in mind going forward. What happened was, is yes, this whole scandal, and it was a scandal, is known as the Fuddle Duddle scandal because he maintains that's what he was mouthing.

Fuddle Duddle? Fuddle Duddle. He said, yes, I was just mouthing something like Fuddle Duddle. No, no. Fuddle Duddle. That's pretty sure that's not what he was mouthing. Yeah, the Canadians weren't buying it either. Let me tell you.

You have two more chances. Don't worry about it. Another terrible thing horrified uncounted numbers of Canadians in 1985, when what happened to them? A, they purchased canned tuna that may have turned bad. B, they paid for a pay-per-view curling event that ended up being about hair curling. Or C, they saw Back to the Future and believed falsely that somebody had overdubbed Michael J. Fox's Canadian accent with an American one. Oh, God, C is so good.

I want it to be C so badly. I do, too. But I suspect it's A? And you're right, Sarah. It was, in fact, A. This, again, was another huge scandal. People lost their jobs because this tuna that did not pass inspection was canned and sold anyway.

And as far as anybody knows, nobody was affected by the bad tuna in any way. That's the real horror story. That's the real. Your last question. Yes. A Canadian named David Stupich was convicted for running a criminal enterprise that involved what sinister plot? A. Selling grade B maple syrup that was falsely labeled as grade A, B, diverting the income from a charity bingo game for his own use,

or C, fixing minor league hockey games by slightly melting the ice on one side. It's not B, though. B is just too grim. It's funny because I was going to say B. Don't listen to Mo. Don't listen to Mo. B. Yes, it's b see my instincts are good mo you're certainly better than yours you are you're leading me the wrong way sir absolutely no it was b it was known as bingo gate and uh he was convicted of this crime and sentenced to two years of having to live with his daughter i don't know why that was a punishment

but that was his sentence wow bill how did sarah paulson do in our quiz two years of having to live with his daughter. I don't know why that was a punishment, but that was his sentence. Wow. Bill, how did Sarah Paulson do in our quiz? Two out of three, Sarah. That's a win. Thank you. Yes, indeed. I love to win.

I like to win. I like to win. I like winning. Inside the house too long. This is the first time our guest has sung her reaction to winning. Inside the house too. This is the first time our guest has sung her reaction to winning. Sarah Paulson is an Emmy-winning actress you can see in the new movie Run, streaming on Hulu. Sarah Paulson, thank you so much for joining us. You were just delightful.

Thank you so much for having me. Take care. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. In just a minute, our panelists LOL out loud in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. This message comes from NPR sponsor BetterHelp, a truly affordable online counseling service. Fill out a questionnaire online and get matched

with a licensed counselor best suited to your mental health needs. Whether it's depression, anxiety, or trauma, BetterHelp will help you overcome what stands in the way of your happiness. Learn more at BetterHelp.com and get 10% off your first month with promo code WAITBETTERHELP. Get help anytime, anywhere. The news moves fast. Listen to the NPR News Now podcast to keep up. We update stories as they evolve every hour. podcast to keep up. We update stories as they evolve every hour, so no matter when you listen,

you get the news as close to live as possible on your schedule. Subscribe to or follow the NPR News Now podcast. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Nagin Farsad, and Mo Rocca. And here again is your host. Put your sanitized hands together for

Peter Sago. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill plays the role of Cato Kaelin in American Rhyme Story. It's our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, though, some more questions for you about the week's news.

Nagin, this week, a new study found that meetings are good for what? Meetings are good for your soul? Oh, far from it. Meetings are good for your soul? Oh, far from it. Meetings are good for the devil? Not exactly. Meetings are good for making things worse? Yes, I'll give it to you. Meetings are good for nothing. Wow.

Who knew? A new study from Stanford proves that having more meetings does not actually generate any new ideas. And not just that, the more meetings you have, the fewer ideas you come up with. So a great idea is no more meetings. Unfortunately, at this point, your boss has held so many meetings, they have no ideas left. So they will never have the great idea of having no more meetings in order to generate more ideas. You know where good ideas come from? Are those like moments where you're just the serendipitous, like, you know, you cross paths with someone at the studio,

you're both going to get a coffee or whatever, and they're like, oh, you know what would be really funny? Oh, that is really funny. And then there's like a great idea. I feel like that's what you need. But it sounds like you're describing more of a meet cute than a meeting. Well, first of all, you can, yes, you can find very many romantic partners in that fashion,

which I, in fact, did in my early days. Well, that's a great idea. Let's replace all meetings with meet cutes. Yeah. Peter, was that a part of the study? You mean just randomly drive buses around to splash guys on the street with water so the woman next to them laughs

and they start talking? And I know that human resources will be great with this idea. Exactly. Right now, panel, it is time for a new game we're calling the wait wait gift gift guide guide yes the holidays have all been canceled but don't worry you can still stress out about holiday shopping so panelists we're going to ask you about gifts that made the news this week we're

going to do a rapid fire style there are no hints you just got to guess get it right you get a point ready to play yes all right moe gwyneth paltrow's lifestyle brand Goop has a gift idea for the person who loves shopping for fruit. What is it? Send them peach pits and they can put them in a pot and grow peaches themselves. No, it is a custom-made leather carrying case for your watermelon. It's a leather bag crafted by hand in Japan to fit exactly one watermelon. It sounds actually kind of beautiful. It's the latest instance of Gwyneth just putting something in a thing where that something should not go.

Nagin, the hottest gift this year, of course, is the Sony PlayStation 5. It's so hot it's almost impossible to get. No worries, though, if you can't get one. You can give what as the second best thing? Um, like the gift of laughter to your family as you gather around the table? Who wants that? No, you can give them a game where you can pretend to get a PS5. It's called PlayStation 5 Simulator. It's a video game where you go through the experience of opening the box for your new PlayStation 5

and untangling the cords before plugging them in. Barring that, your next best bet if you can't get a PS5 is to get two PS2s and a PS1. Oh, math jokes. Paula, if you're still stuck for gift ideas, steal an idea from George Clooney, who revealed this week that he once gave what to 14 of his closest friends? Million dollars in cash. You're exactly right, Paula. Wow.

According to an interview in GQ, Clooney made so much money unexpectedly from the movie Gravity that he decided to literally give it away, so he gave a million dollars each to 14 of his friends. It's an amazing and heartwarming story unless you're George Clooney's 15th closest friend. By the way, I gave 14 of my friends each $5 and nobody cared. Wasn't trending on Twitter. George Clooney isn't the only generous one out there, guys. That's it for our Wait, Wait, Gift, Gift Guide Guide. Happy shopping to everybody, except Gwyneth Paltrow, to whom we say, you have too many things.

Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the Contact Us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. You can check out the Wait Wait podcast feed to hear our new bonus podcast, Letter from the Editors, where you can hear bits from our cutting room floor.

It's almost good enough to broadcast. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Nolan Parker calling from Los Angeles, California. Hey, Nolan, what do you do in L.A.? I just moved here about a month ago, so I'm really just discovering every nook and cranny of the inside of my house. Right, yeah. I mean, and there's the ocean and the mountains and the desert all somewhere outside your house. Exactly. And why did you move to LA?

I actually married my high school sweetheart and she lives down here. So here we are. Good for you. So you married her and you moved to be with her and now you're locked in together. Exactly. Well, good luck to you both, Nolan, and welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a winner.

You ready to play? Yes, sir. All right. Here is your first limerick. These gulls work on more than a hunch. First there's none, then at noon there's a bunch. They are marking their time by

the school's warning chime. They all know when the kids break for lunch. Right, an ornithologist in the UK determined that seagulls who live near a school actually plan their feeding times around school lunch periods. That is a surprisingly smart tactic from a bird who clearly doesn't know what the sea is. You're a seagull, not a recess gull. Apparently, the seagulls observe schools. They watch kids who are outside for lunch. And while that sounds a little creepy, the birds adjust their feeding times to match lunchtime. They gather in rooftops and they swoop in and get anything the kids aren't holding onto. So if you're a kid at the school,

you need to protect your french fries. But we all know that it is great for that one kid who's like sitting there drenched in bird poop is like, I'm not sitting alone. I'm not sitting alone. I'm just glad to see that there's like a seagull lunch program

because I thought that we would have cut that from the budget. Yeah, I know. A lot of seagulls don't get hot meals back in their... I don't know where seagulls live. Caves! Yeah, and they're seagull caves. Alright, here is your next limerick. I know this may come as a shock. That device where you comment and block. There is also a choice to connect with a voice.

Yeah, your phone can be used to just... Talk? Yeah! You sound young, you may not know this, but you can do that on your phone. A new study says the best way to make lasting, deep connections with people is to talk to them, rather than texting or emailing. These findings were so shocking that researchers made the surprised emoji with their real faces. the researchers made the surprised emoji with their real faces. So apparently, according to this study,

talking creates a more intimate connection to other people than typing or swiping. That makes sense. Trauma bonds people, you know, like the trauma of having to talk to a person on a phone. But if you're used to texting, you can adapt. Just say a sentence, hang up, and then call back the next day when you remember they exist. Nolan, are you a texter or a talker?

I'm a texter more than a caller for sure. I can tell by the long pause before you talk. And I find myself now when I call people kind of apologizing at the start. Like, hey, I'm so sorry. This is kind of crazy calling you out of the blue. I know. Mom. Nolan, here is your last limerick. The new fragrance we're trying to cook is of paper and snugness and nooks.

Soon, Powell's allows you to feel like you've browsed just one spritz and you'll smell like our books yes very good powell's bookstore how this world of books to its fans love it uh in portland they released a book scented perfume it's the perfect smell if you want to make people think did an old carpet just walk by? It's called Powell's by Powell's and it has notes of quote, violet, wood, and cat dander. The perfume is about 25 bucks and it's great for when your arms get tired, showing everyone what book you're reading on the subway. The scent is already sold out, but there's plenty of other ways to show people. You read books, there's tote bags, tiny mustaches, a dumb hat. The list is endless.

Bill, how did Nolan do in our quiz? Super cum laude, Nolan. Got them all right. Perfect score. Congratulations. Thank you guys so much. Take care, Nolan. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. This message comes from NPR's sponsor, Headspace. Life can be stressful, but 2020 has challenged even the most difficult times of life. You need stress relief that goes beyond quick fixes. That's Headspace. Life can be stressful, but 2020 has challenged even the most difficult times of life. You need stress relief that goes beyond quick fixes. That's Headspace. Headspace is your daily

dose of mindfulness in the form of guided meditations in an easy-to-use app. Overwhelmed? Headspace has a three-minute SOS meditation for you. Go to headspace.com slash wait for a free month trial with access to Headspace's full library of meditations for every situation. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Oh, we have a trifecta here.

Mo has three, Paula with three, and Nagin has three. Oh, that's great. All right, in that case, I'm going to arbitrarily choose Nagin to go first. Nagin, the clock will start when they begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Blank named nine more members to his White House staff. Biden. Yes.

On Wednesday, the death toll from Blank surpassed 250,000. COVID-19. Right. This week, Blank was re-elected to her position as Speaker of the House. Nancy Pelosi. Right. On Tuesday, two Republican senators joined Democrats to block Judy Shelton, Trump's nominee for the Blank. Um, Federal Reserve?

Very good. Just in time for the holidays, Pepsi announced they'll be releasing Blank-flavored Pepsi. Peppermint. No, apple pie-flavored Pepsi. According to reports, Lara Trump, the president's daughter-in-law, is considering a blank run in 2022. Governor? Senate run. On Monday, the White House began auctioning off drilling contracts for blank's National Wildlife Refuge. Alaska? Right, after complaining about a light in their house that

never turned off, a woman in California was embarrassed when she was told blank. She kept leaning against it. No, that it was a skylight. The woman's husband filmed her as she went through the house, flicking every switch on and off, trying to find which one was connected to the light in their entryway that was always on, up on the ceiling. After watching her for a minute, the husband pointed out that that was their skylight

and the light coming down from it was the sun, to which the woman asked, well, okay, then, where's the switch for that? Bill, how did Nagin do on our quiz? Very well. She had five right for ten more points. Cheetah has 13 and the lead. Oh, my gosh. Okay, Paula, you're up next.

Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump fired the cybersecurity chief, who said the elections were completely free of blank. Cheating. Yeah, fraud. As infections rise, New York City announced they would be suspending in-person blank. Classrooms. Right, school.

This week, the White House chief of staff said he couldn't guarantee a budget deal that would avoid a blank. A shutdown. Yeah. On Tuesday, senior Republican Senator Blank announced he had tested positive for coronavirus. Grassley. Right. In a record-setting sale, a man in China purchased Blank at auction for 1.9 million dollars. I don't know if I know. Was it a meteorite? No, it was a pigeon. It was a racing pigeon. After launching on Sunday, SpaceX's Falcon 9 rocket arrived at the Blank without incident. Space station. Yes, the ISS.

After three decades as a late-night host, blank announced he was stepping down and shifting to a variety show format. Conan O'Brien. Exactly right. This week, a man in California attempted to evade arrest by the FBI by blanking. By running into a police station. No, by diving into a lake and using an underwater sea scooter to try to escape. Damn it, that was my next answer.

I know. It was just like out of James Bond, except in this case it was a lake. And the sea scooter has this top speed of four miles per hour. He pulled up. He's being chased by the FBI, wanted for this Ponzi scheme. He jumps out of his van. He reaches into the back of the van, pulls out this electric scooter that scuba divers use, and jumps into the lake of the van, pulls out this electric scooter that scuba divers use, jumps into the lake, and swims away underwater.

Perfect plan, except that the FBI agents just watched the string of bubbles going across the lake. They walked around and waited for him to come out the other side. It sounds less James Bond and more SpongeBob. A little bit. Okay, Bill, how did Paula do in our quiz? Paula got six right for 12 more points and a total of 15, which puts her in the lead. Whoa, that is impressive, Paula. So how many then does Mo need to win? Mo needs six to tie. That means seven to win. Okay, here we go, Mo. This is for the game. On Monday, Georgia's Secretary of

State said that Senator Blank had pressured him to throw out legal ballots. Nosy neighbor Lindsey Graham. Yes. The Mrs. Kravitz of electoral politics. Yoo-hoo, what's going on in your state over there? After Moderna announced the success rate of their vaccine, the Blank hit a record high. Dow. Yes.

This week, another 740,000 Americans filed for Blank above expected numbers. Unemploy Dow. Yes. This week, another 740,000 Americans filed for blank above expected numbers. Unemployment. Yes. This week, a restaurant in Minnesota unveiled a new burger they say can blank. Oh, can kill the coronavirus. No, can induce labor. On Wednesday, Apple agreed to a $113 million settlement over accusations they intentionally slowed down old blanks.

iPhones. Yes, iPhones. iPhones. On Tuesday, the FDA approved the first at-home rapid blank test. Coronavirus. Yes. This week, Radio France apologized after a series of reports saying that Brigitte Bardot, Clint Eastwood, Queen Elizabeth Pele,

and 90 other people had blanked. Died. Yes. As people may know, news outlets prepare obituaries ahead of time for notable people, and this week, Radio France accidentally published all of them in their files on the website. They killed everyone off. They killed everyone off. It was the crime of the century.

They're helping Mo with his sequel. It was like using a time machine to see next year's Oscar memorial read. And strangely enough, they brought Hugo Chavez back to life. Some of the people were flattered to read their own obituary. Some were terrified by the openings of them and started furiously trying to do something nice for once. Bill, did Mo do well enough to win?

Well, stand back. He had six right for 12 more points. He now has 15, which means he and Paula are co-champions. Oh, my gosh. Paula, I feel so close to you. I think I'm going to call you on the phone. Oh, I would love that.

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the big surprise in book two of President Obama's memoir. But first, let me tell you. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona.

Our intern is Darius Cook. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Normboss, and Lillian King. Lillian King's understudy is Peter Gwynn. Special thanks this week to Ismael Lutfi. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller.

Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the big surprise in book two of President Obama's memoir? Paula Poundstone. He voted for Trump. McGeean Farsal. There's going to be an entire chapter about that one huge scandal where he wore a tan suit.

He will disclose that during his first term in the White House, he received letters from Don Jr. and Eric Trump asking him to adopt them. Well, if any of that happens, you can bet we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Paula Poundstone, Nagin Farsad, and Mo Rocca. Thanks to all of you for listening. Hey, next week, let's be thankful we made it this far together. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.