Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Senator Tim Kaine

Episode Date: November 16, 2019

U.S. Senator Tim Kaine joins us, along with panelists Maeve Higgins, Tom Bodett, and Luke Burbank.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Move over, Virginia. Bill is for lovers. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Altria Theater in Richmond, Virginia, Peter Sago. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. It is an absolute thrill for us here to be making our debut in Richmond. It's wonderful to visit this city. We have all come to understand the old stereotype of Richmond, the former Confederate capital,

home to a nest of self-righteous subversives who had wanted to overthrow the U.S. government. But it is 2019, 21st century. Modern Richmond is now filled with educated, sophisticated liberals that is a nest of self-righteous subversives who want to overthrow the U.S. government. That, I presume, was the rebel yell I've heard so much about. You've come a long way, baby. You really have. Later on, we're going to be talking to the former mayor of Richmond who went on to be, oh yes, the U.S. Senator from Virginia, Mr. Tim Kaine.

But first, we want to hear from you. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, I'm Megan DelBianto calling from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I love Philly. What do you do there? I'm currently Del Vianco calling from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I love Philly. What do you do there? I'm currently a tax accountant. A tax accountant. How exciting.

That is exciting. Most exciting job. It is. Tax accounting is a job that sadly has the stereotype of being rather dull. Can you argue with us? Can you let America know that it's actually an exciting, vibrant line of work? Yeah. I never get an excited reaction from somebody, but when you put a lot of nerds

together, it can be a lot of fun. That's true. That is, in fact, the basis for this entire show. Well, welcome to the show, Megan. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, it's the host of the daily podcast, Too Beautiful to Live, and the public radio variety show, Live Wire, which will be live in Seattle at the Neptune Theater on December 14th. It's Luke Burbank. Hey there, Megan. Next, it's a contributing writer for the New York Times and creator of the Audible series, Aliens of Extraordinary Ability, it's Ms. Maeve Higgins. Hi. And finally, it's a humorist and woodworker who is raffling off a handmade live-edge maple bench,

whatever that is, to benefit the Hatchspace Woodworking School in Brattleboro, Vermont. Tickets available at hatchspace.org. Mr. Tom Beaudet. Thank you. Thank you. Well, welcome to theboro, Vermont. Tickets available at hatchspace.org. Mr. Tom Beaudet. Thank you. Well, welcome to the show, Megan. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read for you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show that you might choose

on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes, let's do it. Let's do it. Yes. Here is your first quote. It like pizzazz. That was NBC News giving a poor review to the first episode of a new daytime reality TV show that debuted on Wednesday on all the cable networks. What was it? That was the impeachment hearing. Yes, the impeachment hearings. works. What was it? It was the impeachment hearing. Yes, the impeachment hearings. Try to imagine the disappointment of the Democrats after their earlier version of their show, the Robert Mueller Comedy Hour, totally bombed. They completely rebooted the series. They relaunched it as a streaming service, Impeachment Plus. It's got a brand new committee, a new chairman, a new cast of star witnesses,

and totally new grounds for impeachment. But NBC News still panned it. Come on, guys, didn't you see that one witness was wearing a bow tie? It was just like a Chippendale dancer. There actually was a major revelation. I'm sure you guys saw this. Apparently, the president called Gordon Sondland when Sondland was in a restaurant to ask if he was, you know, getting the investigations they wanted. And he was bellowing so loudly that several people in the restaurant heard him, including one of Ambassador Taylor's aides. Mr. President, we know you're excited about crimes, but please use your the statute of limitations hasn't yet expired voice.

And then on Thursday, it came out that another diplomat had overheard the same conversation. Right. Did he have him on speaker? No, you know what? It was Gordon Sondland, right, was the other end of this call. And like between Trump and Sondland, you know, they other end of this call. And, like, between Trump and Sondland, you know they're the kind of people that have people on FaceTime without headphones, which are, like, the worst living humans at this point.

But it's a real boon for, like, nosy people and people who like to listen in on each other, I think. Because you remember as well, the lawyers, like, do you remember the guy with the big mustache, like the Santa guy, was having a big steak, and he was like what are we gonna do he keeps committing crimes and then there was a journalist sitting behind them who was like record like it's just like a really nice time if you're a sneaky listener i'm sorry i'm just

thrilled to finally hear your mob lawyer impression it's like somewhere joe pesci just felt a chill because that was great. I do Al Pacino as well. I don't know if you want to hear that. Oh, please. Oh, no, no, no. Okay. You smell lovely.

You're a woman. I do all those old Italian guys. Let's move on. Here, Megan, here is your next quote. This program is presented as originally created. It may contain outdated cultural detections. That was a warning in front of some of the thousands of movies and TV shows that became available this week on what new streaming service?

Disney Plus. Disney Plus. Exactly right, Megan. service? Disney Plus. Disney Plus. Exactly right, Megan. Walt Disney Corporation was concerned that while they had most of our money, they did not have all of it. So they launched Disney Plus, their new streaming service. It's got all of the Disney entertainment they've made, plus all the stuff they bought from Fox and Star Wars and Marvel. Basically, everything ever put on film, they own. Scroll around long enough on the site, you will find your own sex tapes. And the sad thing is, when you do find it, Disney has rated it PG. But as you heard from Bill, some of their films from the old days

were not quite, shall we say, modern in their outlook, so they had to add that disclaimer about outdated cultural depictions. That's the legal equivalent of, I'm not racist, really. Seven of my best friends are dwarves. Those movies live in my heart, because I have a 26-year-old daughter, and so when she

was between the age of like three... You have a 26-year-old daughter? I do. Babyface, Burbank. I had her when I was between the age of, like, three. You have a 26-year-old daughter? I do. Baby face, Burbank. I had her when I was 17, you know? I felt like it was time. You just get to a point where you've done the whole junior year of high school thing, and you're ready. I mean, we're in Virginia.

I can't be the only one who had a kid at 17. I was just going to say, my daughter, between age three and six, all these movies were in permanent rotation in my life. So, I mean, look at this stuff. Isn't it neat? But I think my collection's complete. I don't need to watch any of these movies anymore. They are burned in my brain. Yes, they're part of your world.

Indeed. To me, they're a whole new world, but I still haven't signed up. That's from Aladdin, everyone. That's very good, Meg. Very good. All right. Here, Megan, is your very last quote. You can trust us with the medical data you didn't know we already had. That was the website Ars

Technica, and they were summarizing the news that a particular search giant now has the medical records of millions of Americans. What's the company? The Google? The Google, yes. So the news came out that Google partnered with this nationwide chain of healthcare clinics that has treated millions of people, and in this partnership, they got access to all of these people's medical data, names, diagnoses, everything. So Google not only now knows what you Googled the other night, they know that if you keep it up, you're going to give yourself a heart attack.

Why doesn't that bother me anymore? I mean, as a man of a certain age and I hang around with men of a certain age, it's all we talk about. And so it's like it's all out there, right? My private medical history is now dinner conversation. Exactly right. And as you point out, for some of us who are sort of deeply engaged in our medical lives every day, it's actually convenient. Instead of going in for a procedure under anesthesia, you can just go to Google colon view.

Yeah. See right in there. They've got that info. I mean, if they could put the reminders in the calendar, it would be helpful too. You know, it's time for the prostate check. You know, the things that are easy to forget. I just want to say,

I don't want to see that particular Google doodle Should I be seeing this many coffin ads Around Facebook Bill how did Megan do in our quiz? Thank them got a ball. Congratulations. Thank you so much for playing Take care. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about the week's news. Maeve, we all know manspreading is a public no-no. But according to the New York Daily News, who also manspreads?

Oh, I've seen old ladies grandspreading. True. Old ladies, I live in New York. I know you do. I get old ladies are the worst. They have those big trolleys that they carry around with all presents for their grandchildren and you know, cabbages and whatever else they're collecting and stones and things. And then they put the big trolley in between their legs and they take up half the carriage. You are right.

The answer is women. And not only is the answer women, but according to the New York Daily News, or one writer for the New York Daily News, one writer, he writes an article and it's headlined, can we talk about women spreading? To a resounding answer, God no, but he did it anyway. And his complaint is exactly what you described.

It's not so much that women are sitting there with, you know, their legs spread like men do, but they've got so much stuff piled on the seats, there's no place for anyone else to sit. Yeah, like toddlers stacked up and... Just because he put a hat and a coat on them, it's still four children. He says, and I'm not kidding,

that he says, he said, for example, I'll prove it, on a recent trip to a cafe, there was no chair for me and I tried to take a chair, but this woman said no, she had to put her bag and her coat on the chair so he couldn't sit there. And he says he knows it's like, you know, a widespread phenomenon because he went up to all the other women in the cafe and as he approached them, they all put their coats and bags on the empty seat. Coming up, it's hashtag bluff the listener.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Tom Bodette, Luke Burbank, and Maeve Higgins. And here again is your host at the Altria Theater in Richmond, Virginia, Peter Sagal. Thank you so much, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. It's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. This is Marie calling from Reedville, North Carolina. Hello, Marie. How are you? I'm so well. How are you? Apparently, you have some fans here.

I don't know where Reedsville is. Where is it? It's about 30 minutes west of Greensboro. Greensboro, of course. What do you do there? I work at a 4-H educational center. Oh, wow. The 4-H. This is the group that teaches kids animal husbandry and stuff.

Yep, environmental education and team building is what I primarily do. Yeah, okay, because animal husbandry just sounds kind of creepy, so it's better. Well, welcome to our show, Marie. You, of course, are going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Marie's topic? Hashtag free quilty. This week, we saw the hashtag free quilty appear in the social media networks, and it really started a movement. Our panelists are each going to tell you what hashtag free quilty means.

Of course, only one of them is telling the truth. Pick that person and you will win our prize. The voice of anyone you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I'm ready. All right. First, let's hear from Luke Burbank. Mitch Love, head coach of the Saskatoon Blades hockey team, held what must have been the weirdest press conference of his career this week.

As he officially distanced himself and the organization from the team's troubled mascot, Quilty the Toilet Paper Roll, who remains in a Saskatchewan jail on charges of disorderly conduct. As you all probably know, the forests surrounding Saskatoon are where most of Canada's toilet paper comes from, hence the city's nickname, the town that gets stuck under your shoe. And so it seemed only fitting that the local junior hockey team would honor that tradition with Quilty, a six-foot-three roll of toilet paper with huge googly eyes and a somewhat unsettling smile. Not surprisingly, Quilty has been a big hit on social media with fans posting his various

antics. But things got weird last week during all the Molson you can drink night, sponsored by Molson, please drink responsibly, when Quilty, or more accurately Fred Northup Jr., the college kid who plays Quilty, decided to see how much he could drink, which it turns out is a lot. That led Quilty to commandeering the Zamboni, which is that thing they use to clean the ice, and leading security on a slow speed chase around the rink for over two hours. Security and fans tried to reason with Quilty that the ice was clean enough, but Northup just kept drunkenly yelling, let me do one more pass, you know, to make sure everything's clean down there.

The incident has been viewed millions of times online, has even generated the hashtag Free Quilty on Twitter. For their part, the hockey team is considering switching mascots to maybe like a wet wipe or maybe even a bidet. Free Quilty being tweeted in support of a hockey team's toilet paper roll mascot from Saskatchewan. Your next story of free quilty

comes from Maeve Higgins. Picture this. It's the middle of summer and you're fast asleep beside your handsome husband who's exhausted from his job as a firefighter and a human rights lawyer and also from his job as a firefighter and a human rights lawyer.

And also from his hobby as a swimmer, which gives him an enviable triangle-shaped torso with really fabulous shoulders and a neat little waist. Then you wake up and you're freezing cold. So you lie there shivering. You don't forget for a second how lucky you are to be so skinny and have such a good, tired, handsome husband and such wonderful and also very thin children. But sadly, you contract pneumonia and you die. That is the true story of Megan Fields of Astley Village, Lancashire in England.

The hashtag Free Quilty has been set up in her name and in the name of every scrawny woman who gets cold at night all year round. This is actually really sad. According to the president of this quilt awareness campaign, Vegan White, little tiny women need quilts year round. That's why we invented the hashtag free quilty. In fact, I'm speaking to you through a quilt right now, even though it's 90 degrees outside because I'm just so little. Every type of scientist, including astrologists,

of scientists, including astrologists, are predicting that more and more women will need quilts year round. Let's give the last word to Hunk Fields. In memory of my beautiful thin wife, Megan, as a fireman and a human rights lawyer, I want to say, free quilting. I believe every cold, thin woman should have access to quilts all year round. In fact, I just bought my new wife, Tegan, a brand new quilt. Really sad. It is sad. But I'm glad that he found somebody.

Tegan. Tegan, glad that we found somebody. Tegan. Tegan, yeah, his new wife. Replacing Megan. Like Megan with a T. Yeah, yeah. Also very slight, I would imagine. She's absolutely tiny. Yeah.

Free Quilty, a campaign to provide poor, cold, skinny, slender women with quilts. Your last story about freeing Quilty, whatever that might mean, comes from Tom Baudet. A cat named Quilty has been sentenced to solitary confinement for continually letting other cats out of their enclosures at his Houston shelter. Multiple warnings failed to curb the problem. Weird, considering how famously compliant cats are to verbal command. Quilty, with the cold-eyed stare of a serial con, was caught by staff at Friends

for Life Animal Rescue and Adoption Organization jailbreaking other cats out of the senior room several times a day. The shelter's staff grew weary of the morning cat roundups caused by Quilty's escapades and were forced to isolate him. When word broke of this, a hashtag free Quilty online campaign was launched to rescue the clever cat. Of course, Quilty had freed himself from solitary before he could be released, but is still hoping for a forever home, or at least the shelter staff is. So, if you're looking for a cat you can't protect, won't listen, and will leave your house vulnerable to intruders, consider hashtag Quilty free to a good home. So, the one thing that is absolutely true is that there was a hashtag Free Quilty that went viral this week. The question is, what did it mean? Was it from Luke Burbank, a campaign

to free Quilty, the toilet paper roll mascot of a Saskatchewan hockey team? From Maeve, a movement to provide skinny women with quilts to protect their skinny selves on cold nights. Or from Tom Bodette, a campaign to free a cat that escaped more often than Steve McQueen in The Great Escape. Which is the real story of Free Quilty in the news? I followed this story closely, and I'm proud to say I know that free quilting was in reference to the cat. The cat is your choice. You speak a seam from knowledge, so you've chosen Tom's story. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone involved with a real campaign.

Quilting, he would open the door, all the other cats would leave, and he would go back to bed. That was Salise Shuttlesworth. She's the founder and executive director of the Friends for Life shelter talking about Quilty the cat who cannot be kept locked up. Congratulations. You were right. Tom wins a point for telling the truth.

You've won our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose on your voicemail. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for playing. I can see your precious love for me. I'm free. And now the game where notable people are asked questions about things they never bothered to notice because they were doing something important.

Tim Kaine has represented Virginia in the U.S. Senate since 2013, and he was, prior to that, governor of the Commonwealth, and you may remember he came pretty close to being vice president of the United States a couple years ago. He got his start, though, in politics here in Richmond, first in the city council, then as mayor. We are glad to have him in his old stomping grounds today. Tim Kaine, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. So good to be on the show. Thanks, Peter. Thanks, Richmond. This is great.

We're going to get to your background, which I find amazing, but I have to ask, as everybody knows, you were the vice presidential candidate in 2016. You almost, almost got there. I'm an electoral college dropout. You are. Yeah. Right.

When you think about it, you came in second, which is great. Right, there you go. I was surprised to know, because as long as I've known, you've been a central part of Virginia politics, but you're not from around here. I am a Kansas City kid with a wife who's a Virginian who's a much better negotiator than me. So that's why you ended up here. We loved Richmond from the beginning because my wife knew that what I love is the outdoors. And so I was trying to convince her she would love pro baseball and jazz music. And she was trying to convince me, I don't have to convince you.

I know you love the outdoors and you can canoe in the heart of downtown and you can mountain bike. And it's just this city. You can canoe? Yeah. There's a whitewater rafting right in the heart of downtown. canoe? Yeah, there's a white water rafting right in the heart of downtown. Wow. It's beautiful. Were you one of those

people who always wanted to go into politics? Were you delivering your acceptance speeches into mirrors when you were in junior high school? No, I ran for sixth grade class president and lost. I ran for ninth grade class president. Well, that was the electoral college, too. Yeah, that was. Then I had no interest in politics. I was a civil rights lawyer, but, you know,

maybe it's a Richmond thing, but I just got mad at city council one day. I mean, I... You were like, I can't even canoe in this town. Yeah, it's ridiculous. I'd been practicing law here for 10 years and just ran a race and won a landslide by 92 votes. And I can't say I'm undefeated, but I can still say I've never lost

either the popular vote or the Virginia vote in any election. Well, there you go. That's impressive. And you then, quite as is well known, went on to become governor of Virginia. And I understand there's like a tradition as you hand over the mansion.

What is that tradition? The tradition is when you hand it off the key to your successor, you play a prank on them. I have to ask, what prank was played on you? Well, funny you should have asked that question. I believe this is the ur-prank. I don't think it can ever be exceeded. We were giving a tour to the newly elected governor, Bob McDonnell, and his wife and his children in 2010. And we told them about the ghost at the mansion. There is a ghost at the mansion that has appeared over the decades. We could tell that some of his children actually were scared by these stories. So, we bought a burner phone. We changed

the ring so that it was a woman screaming that got progressively louder. We got a great battery for it, and we put it in a place up in the residence that would be nearly impossible to find. And then about every 10 or 11 days at weird times of the day, we would call it. And we would let it ring and get louder and louder, and then we would hang up before anyone answered. And eventually, because there's kind of a network,

we started to hear there's some things going on down at the mansion. Because we only live two miles away. There's some concerns about phenomenon. The children are so frightened. And then we eventually heard from the McDonald family, and we laughed about it. It ended up with a lot of the kids all jumping into one bed together one night when this thing was going too crazy. So I just don't think that can ever be topped. You know, it's funny because

I had a question here about how such a nice guy should succeed in politics, I'm not going to ask you that anymore. Well, Senator Tim Kaine, it is a delight to talk to you, but we... I've been filibustering to avoid... Oh, no, it was coming. Senator Kaine, we've invited you to play a game we're calling... T. Kaine meet T. Payne. That's right. T. Kaine, we're going to ask you three questions Meet T-Pain. That's right. T-Cain. We're going to ask you three questions about the Grammy and Masked Singer winning musician T-Pain.

Answer two out of three right, you'll win our prize, the voice of anyone. I thought it was Thomas Paine. Well, well. Really? Well, the game is called Not My Job, and at least we're not asking you about being vice president. So give us...

All right. Okay. We wouldn't do that. You wouldn't? We'd mention it, but we wouldn't do it. Bill, who is Senator Tim Kaine playing for? Greg Jones of Richmond, Virginia. He's out there somewhere waiting for you.

Greg, if I lose, I could make it up to you because we live near each other. He doesn't get a voicemail, but he gets a huge government contract. How did that happen? All right, here's your first question. So T-Pain, the musician, his real name is Fashim Najim, but he adopted T-Pain as his rap name early on. What does T-Pain stand for?

A, Thomas Paine, Mr. Name's favorite of the early American intelligentsia. B, it rhymes with knee pain, something that's bothered him since his days playing lacrosse. Or C, it stands for Tallahassee pain because that's where he grew up and he really, really did not like it. I'm going with C. You're right. That's exactly right. He did not like Tallahassee, Mr. Nodgin. So, you did very well. Here's your next question. T-Pain has performed everywhere for many decades, but in only one place that he described later on as, quote, weird as hell. What was this venue that was weird as hell?

A, in the penguin enclosure at the San Diego Aquarium. B, entertaining at a rave at the Mormon Tabernacle. Or C, at NPR headquarters. C. You're right. Absolutely. I won't set foot there. No.

No, I'm not going. Den of iniquity. Yeah. T-Pain did a Tiny Desk concert that quite recently was the most downloaded and watched Tiny Desk concert ever. So there you are.

Wow. There you go. All right, here's your last question. T-Pain, if you know him, and I'm sure you do, is known for having many, many tattoos, including which of these? A, a two-scale portrait of Rachel Maddow's head

on the center of his back. B, a neck tattoo that is just the word tattoo. Or C, on his elbow, the Chinese symbol meaning auto-tune. B. B, you're going to go for the neck tattoo, that's just the word tattoo? You're right.

Wow. And I knew none of those. That was pretty sharp. The trifecta. All right, you get no government contract, Greg. You're getting a voicemail. No, seriously, T-Pain gets tattoos like other people get novelty T-shirts. He's just like, that seems fun.

Put it on my skin. That's how he rolls. Bill, how did Senator Cain do in our quiz? He got the trifecta. All three right. A rare achievement. Senator Tim Kaine represents the great Commonwealth of Virginia. Senator Tim Kaine,

thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thanks, Peter. In just a minute, we are forever young in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We're playing this week with Maeve Higgins, Luke Burbank, and Tom Bodette. And here again is your host at the Altria Theater in Richmond, Virginia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, like a true Virginian, Bill says, give me Limerick or give me death. It's our listener Limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, though, it is time

for you to answer some questions about the week's news. Tom, people are always looking at predictors for kids to see how they're going to fare later in life. Well, one new study out of the UK shows that a surprisingly reliable predictor is what your child did,

what role they had in what common childhood activity. I mean, it's not a singular, it's an activity. It's an activity that a lot of kids do. So it's not like nose picking. If that were the case, I'd be president. I know, well, that's why I have high hopes for my children. I'll give you one hint. When I say play a role, I mean that quite literally.

Oh God, the class plays? Yeah, but specifically what kind of play? Done every year around Christmas. Maybe the nativity play? Exactly, the nativity play. According to this study, a child's role in a nativity play as a child is a predictor of their fate later in life. Is this why we haven't had a Jewish president? That's exactly why. It's true. It's sad. But back to the study. So, to help promote their annual Christmas pageant, Virgin Media in the UK asked... Wow. Yeah, I know. That's a coincidence. I know. They asked 2,000 adults what role they had played in their childhood nativity pageants and then asked them about their jobs and their income and their hobbies and correlated it.

And it turns out former Josephs and Marys, the leads, tended to be later in life the highest earners. And specifically, Marys were the most likely to claim there was still a virgin even though they were pregnant. Marys were the most likely to claim there was still a virgin even though they were pregnant. I was Joseph in I remember it was the third grade play. I was Joseph.

I had no lines. They didn't give Joseph any lines? He doesn't have any lines anywhere. I would not know, quite literally. He's the least important character in the entire thing. He's not the dad. He barely has a job. Can't get a hotel room In total, I mean, can't get a hotel room.

But I'm just wondering, Peter, is there anything there about, say, if you play the donkey? As a matter of fact, there is. Because it turns out that kids who played the donkeys did better, and I'm not kidding, than kids who played the lambs. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. That checks out with the person better, and I'm not kidding, than kids who played the lambs. Oh, yeah? In life. Yeah. That checks out with the person I knew who played the donkey. And this person you knew, how did she feel about playing the donkey? Were you the front half or the back half? I was the entire donkey. I was the entire donkey. And I emphasize, I didn't have any lines either.

I just had to roar every now and then. Well, wait a minute. If you were a donkey and you were roaring, no wonder you're a failure. Because seriously, it's more of a bray, Mae. Did you know that? No, the asses roar. That's in the actual Bible, I think. The asses roar?

Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's the first time that, I think. The asses roar? Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's the first time that hasn't been bleeped out on NPR. I know. Can you do your ass roar?

You're gracious with your Al Pacino. Okay, can we also give Tom a line so that he can feel vindicated? Absolutely. You can do a line too.

We're going to make up for childhood trauma. You're driving the donkey in Tibetlam, and I'm the donkey. Giddy up. Your income just went up 10%. Away in a manger, no crib or a manger, no crib or a bed. The little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head.

Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And if you want more Wait, Wait in your week, and who doesn't,

check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions. You've never heard a smart speaker be so dumb. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Andrea from San Luis Obispo.

San Luis Obispo. I happen to know and love San Luis Obispo, California, and the Central Coast. What do you do there? I am a faculty member in the Communication Studies Department at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. Oh, Cal Poly. I know it. What do you teach there? I teach Communication Studies classes. All right. Actually, there's something I've always wanted to ask a Communication Studies professor. What is Communication Studies?

We study human communication, and it's near and dear. You communicated that very well. Welcome to the show, Andrea. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

Sure. Here is your first limerick. Because of jelly, my belly has rolls. And for cream centers, I lose control. But now I can go nuts on these local doughnuts. For diets, they've added a... Roll? No.

It rhymes with that, though. A-ho! A-ho, yes! Oh, yes! The British bakery chain Gregg's is famous for their particular filled pastries, but they have decided to innovate and make it healthier. They literally cut a hole in it. Congratulations, Gregg's, you have invented the donut again.

Right. And I have found that's not a diet food. Well, here's the bizarre thing. They say it is. This is a totally straight-faced, healthy eating campaign. They say, by putting a hole in our donut, we have removed this number of calories. And so, they are recommending, and I'm not kidding, the donut diet. It's a great idea. It makes all your food healthy. Cut a hole in a double cheeseburger. Cut a hole in the middle of the pizza. Do you like Fruit Loops? Good news, they're already a diet food. All right, here is your next limerick. With coffee and juice as our drinkies, we spoon in this stuff with raised pinkies with snack cakes by Hostess.

Our breakfast is toastless. We're having a bowl full of Twinkies. Yes! Twinkies! Very good! The newest thing in the cereal aisle will be Twinkies cereal.

As they say, it's part of a complete breakfast, especially the part that makes you feel terrible. The cereal will be available in late December, just in time for your New Year's resolution to gain more weight. The company is already developing a low-calorie version of the breakfast cereal where each little Twinkie has a teeny tiny hole cut in it. Okay, Andrea, here is your last limerick. Rod Stewart's not drinking champagne yet.

He's rocked out and worked up a drained sweat. He's back in his room with Toot Toot and Zoom Zoom because he tours with his big model. I'm having such a hard time. It is true. I'll just give it to you, and you're going to know it because he tours with his big models. I'm having such a hard time. It is true. I'll just give it to you, and you're going to know it as soon as I say it. It's train set.

Oh, a train set. A train set. So we're talking about Rod Stewart, the now 70-year-old rocker. There was a time when Rod Stewart wanted to know if you thought he was sexy. These days, the sexiest thing to Rod Stewart is Thomas the Tank Engine.

It turns out I had no idea that for many, many years, Rod Stewart has built model train layouts. According to an exclusive report by Railway Modeler Magazine, this is all true, he does this even when out on tour. He books an extra hotel room just to have workspace. Instead of hooking up with groupies, he's now hooking up train cars. The morning sun when it hits your train really shows your age. Something like that, yeah. Bill, how did Andrea do in our quiz?

Two for three. Andrea, you still won. Congratulations, Andrea. Well done. Thank you so much. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points.

Bill, can you give us the scores? Luke and Maeve each have three. Tom has four. All right, we have flipped a coin. Luke has elected to go second, so Maeve, you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill-in-the-blank, after serving 14 terms, New York Representative Blank became the 20th House Republican to decide against seeking re-election. What?

Tell me the name. It's Peter Cain. Peter Cain. If I tell you, it doesn't. Oh, okay. Okay. This week, former Massachusetts Governor Blank announced he was running for president. Indeed he did.

Former Massachusetts Governor Blank announced he was running for president. Indeed he did. It's like Peter. No. It's Deval Patrick. On Tuesday, record-breaking cold weather blanketed 30% of the continental U.S. in blank. Florida. No. Well.

Snow is what we were looking for. Oh, oh. After libraries in Chicago announced they were eliminating blanks, book returns jumped 240%. Borrowing. No, they eliminated late fees. On Wednesday, People magazine named blank the sexiest man alive. Micah B. Jordan. No.

Oh. It was John Legend. Bill Curtis was robbed again. After being told that his cat was too fat to ride with him in the passenger cabin of an airliner, a man in Russia blanked. My guess is he sued the airline. No.

But he should have. No, this is what he did. Morally. He found a lighter cat, tricked the airline into weighing that cat, then swapped the lighter cat out for his fat cat and brought it onto the plane. So complicated. Victor the cat weighs 22 pounds. That's well above Aeroflot's weight limit for pets in the cabin.

The airline has a strict no thick boys policy. But instead, following those restrictions, Victor's owner delayed the flight, found a cat that looked like a thinner version of Victor, had them weigh that at the front desk, got the approval, swapped that cat out for Victor again, and got to enjoy a flight in business class with the added perk of having his cat's butt in his face the whole time.

Bill, how did Maeve do on our quiz? Maeve made history. She got zero points for zero right. All right, Luke, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Supreme Court heard oral arguments on whether to terminate the Obama-era blank program. Oh, DACA.

Right. After undergoing brain surgery, former President Blank is now recovering in Atlanta. Jimmy Carter. Right. This week, the Pentagon announced it would leave 600 U.S. troops in blank despite Trump's pullout order. Syria. Right. On Tuesday, former South Carolina Governor Blank dropped his GOP presidential primary challenge.

Mark Sanford. That's his name. Trail name Sneaky Dog. Yeah. This week, the Financial Times issued a correction to say the Salt Lake City Tribune does not have a full-time jazz music reporter, but does have two full-time blank reporters. Beehive. No.

They don't have full-time jazz music reporters, but they do have full-time Utah jazz basketball team reporters. On Monday, Blank announced the 737 Max would resume commercial service in January. Boeing. Right. A town in the UK is preparing for their annual festival in honor of Charles Dickens, or as the locals call it, Blankfest. Dickfest. Yes.

The headline in the Oliverston, England paper reads, quote, Dickfest set to return. It's not a warning to fire Ireland residents. Dickfest is short for Charles Dickens Christmas Festival, which celebrates all things Dick, which again is short for Charles Dickens. Bill, how did Luke do? Well, six right, 12 more points, total of 15. That's how you do it, Maeve. Oh, Bill, how many then does Tom need to win?

Six to win. All right, here we go, Tom. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. According to a new memoir, former U.N. Ambassador Blank said that she was pressured by Rex Tillerson and John Kelly to undermine the president. Nikki Haley. Right. On Wednesday, the White House hosted Turkish leader Blank, despite protests from lawmakers. Erdogan. Nicky Haley.

Erdogan. Erdogan. Hong Kong. Right. Bolivia. Right. This week, Disneyland had to close its Tarzan's Treehouse attraction after a rope bridge broke when a dad blanked. Tried to swing like Tarzan. No, he jumped on the bridge

to show his kids how safe it was. This week, two patients in China were diagnosed with blank. Oh, the black fever, the plague. Yeah, the black plague. Thanks to a lot of hard work, anthropologists have perfectly reconstructed the face of a Scottish man who lived 600 years ago

and discovered that he was blank. He was short, round, and bald. I'll give it to you. He was ugly. He was a funny looking guy. Scientists used skeletal remains and high-tech computers to reconstruct the medieval man's face, and after posting the results online,

the Internet responded with a resounding, Oh, God, unreconstruct him, unreconstruct him. The man has this large face with very crowded together features right in the middle. His teeth are in bad shape, but anthropologists say he might actually be beautiful if only he'd take off those glasses and let his hair down. Bill did Tom do well enough to win.

He got six right, 12 more points. By one point, Tom Bodette wins! Congratulations! Well done, Tom. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, now that Disney Plus is launched, what will Disney do next? Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Emma Day. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King.

Our technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager, that's Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will be Disney's next big move? Luke Burbank.

Disney Minus. A separate channel, streaming 24 hours a day, just listing the Disney characters we now deem problematic. Tom Bodette. Tempting to cash in on our post-fact news world, they will launch a 24-hour news streaming service where all the

stories go our way and it's called the happiest place on earth and may have Higgins and Disney plus time and that's set in the retirement home for cartoons and they all get really wild The Bratz dolls are always looking for their glasses And you have to cut up the chipmunks food, and I'm not sure who is a Disney character. Yeah, I can tell. Yeah, that was obvious. Well, if Disney does any of that panel, we'll ask you about it

on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Luke Burbank, Tom Bodette, Maeve Higgins. Thanks to all of you for listening. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Altria Theatre in beautiful downtown Richmond, Virginia. Thanks to Bill Miller and crew at the Altria Theatre in beautiful downtown Richmond, Virginia. Thanks to Bill Miller

and Jamie Swain and everybody at VPM. Thanks to all of you here in the audience. I'm Peter Sagal. We will see you next week. This is NPR.