Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Tim Gunn

Episode Date: March 28, 2020

Tim Gunn, fashion icon, joins us along with panelists Peter Grosz, Negin Farsad, and Adam Burke.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR at WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Stimulus Bill? I'm a stimulating Bill. Bill Curtis, and here's your host from exactly six feet away from me, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. And thanks to Mike, our producer, who is taking the place of an audience this week. We are back in the studio with some of our panelists in their homes.

And I gotta say, we're getting a little lonely, so Mike has promised me he'll make us feel just as loved and appreciated as we always are with you, thanks to his trusty soundboard. Thank you, Mike. Yeah, I got it. Later on, we're going to be talking to fashion guru Tim Gunn, but first, it's your turn to call in with the news. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's

1-888-924-8924. Now, let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Tracy. I'm calling from Rochester, Minnesota. Oh, Rochester. I know it well. What do you do there? I am a medical writer and editor. Oh, do you work at the Mayo Clinic, the famed institution there in Rochester? Right, yes. How are things at the Mayo Clinic? They're a little busy right now, yeah.

Well, what's going on? I can't imagine why you'd be busy. How are you coping with social distancing? Well, I've been doing some virtual happy hours with some friends, and that seems to be going pretty well. Oh, does it go better as it goes along, Tracy? Absolutely, yes, definitely. Well, welcome to the show, Tracy. It's great to talk to you. Let me introduce you to our panel this week, welcome to the show, Tracy. It's great to talk to you. Let me introduce you to our panel this week, joining us from around the country. First up, a comedian who can be seen losing his mind on Twitter,

like the rest of us, at ATP Burke, and on his YouTube channel, Adam Burke. It is, of course, Adam Burke. Hello, Tracy. That's going to age well, the sound effects. Next, a columnist for the Progressive magazine and host of the podcast Fake the Nation, which you should subscribe to because what else are you doing with your time right now?

It's Nagin Farsad. Hey, I feel like I'm on an episode of The Breakfast Club. And an actor and writer who directed the upcoming Audible original series, Escape from Virtual Island, featuring Paul Rudd. It comes out April 2nd. Say hello to Peter Gross. Hello. Hello.

Ooh, was that a whistle and a fart? That sound effect? Well, welcome to the show, Tracy. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you may choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

I'm ready. Thank you. Here we go. Your first quote is from USA wrestler Jordan Burroughs. You're going to cry about it or boss up? I'm gonna do both. Mr. Burroughs is one of many athletes who's got mixed emotions about the postponement of what? The Summer Olympics.

Exactly right, the Olympics. They will not be happening in Tokyo in August as scheduled, which is such a shame because flights to Japan are so cheap right now. At first, organizers tried to figure out a way to let the games go forward. You know, for example, do wrestling on an honor system. If one guy does a really good move, the other agrees to fall down. The relay races could go forward with each runner dropping the baton onto a porch and the next coming out of the house to get it.

And they actually tried to stage Corona-ready events, but it was a disaster when they moved the parallel bars six feet apart and the dressage horses were really not into being ridden by video chat. What are the events they could have done? They could have, like, everybody could have, like, run the running races individually or swam the swimming races individually. And then at the end, they'd be like, all right, we tallied all the numbers. This is the person who won.

The problem is all the pools are closed. People would have to do it in their bathtubs and say, yeah, that felt fast. Oh, I think Rand Paul found a way to go swimming while he was getting tested for the coronavirus. I feel like everybody could get in on that. Although I feel like I'm really disappointed. I feel like there's a missed opportunity. Although I feel like I'm really disappointed. I feel like there's a missed opportunity.

Like we could see a lot of these hard body athletes competing totally covered in saran wrap. That's something I want to see, you know? Nagin, I didn't know that sort of thing about you and I'm not sure if I wanted to. It's good they canceled it because even if they tried to pull it off, nobody's in the mood. I mean, prizes would have had to be bronze, silver, and a roll of toilet paper. Can we just do the games that we're all playing in our house? Like what? Just trying to get popcorn into the dog's mouth, you know?

Oh, yes. Well, the 2021 Olympics, they're going to try to do them. We'll be different in some ways, but Team USA will, as always, win basketball. They'll just send the Utah Jazz. Nobody will come near them. Yeah, there you go, soundy. All right. Here, Tracy, is your next quote.

The bill should include funds to buy bored people Nintendo Switches. That was writer Libby Watson commenting on what bill Congress finally agreed to this week. The relief package. Exactly right. It was a relief bill. Congress this week passed a $2 trillion relief bill. That's trillion with a T. That stands for you're tucking, kidding me. It took some doing. The first version of the bill would have created a $500 billion fund that the administration could

have handed out as they liked. They wouldn't even have had to reveal what they did with it till the end of the year. When asked who would oversee the program, the president said, quote, I'll be the oversight, unquote, as in he'll take all the money so he can look it over. So they put in some safeguards. There will be an oversight committee. And they even wrote in a rule that money can't go to any company owned by the president or his family. And they wrote this in specifically his son-in-law. It's weird.

They have a bill out of Congress, hundreds of pages in technical language. And on page eight, somebody scrawls, not you, Jared. It's weird. You have a bill out of Congress, hundreds of pages in technical language, and on page eight, somebody scrawls, not you, Jared. It's nice. On the one hand, it's good that it's helping people. On the other hand, it kind of feels like a mafia boss just tucking wads of cash into your shirt and going, don't worry about it, kid. Just look the other way. No, it's like when somebody crashes your car and destroys it. You're like, you ruined my car, and they just pull out a sheaf of bills. They're like, how much is it going to take?

$200? You look like a guy. Yeah. You could use a new car anyway. But I know this is really hard on a lot of people, and I'm not trying to minimize that. But we are sort of uniquely prepared for this. We've all kind of been self-isolating anyway. It's true.

We had Netflix. Can you imagine if this happened in the early 80s? We'd have nothing. How screwed we would be. I wonder if the coronavirus was like sentient. It would be like,

but I thought this is what you all wanted. You were all staying at home anyway and ordering everything to be delivered and keeping apart from each other. You didn't. I'm so sorry. That's true. All right, Tracy, we have one more quote for you. Here it is. I'm married to a let's circle back guy. Who knew? That was a woman named Lauren Norkin who learned

that her husband says that phrase all the time because he, like a lot of us, have to do what? Telework. Exactly right. He has to work from home. like a lot of us, have to do what? Telework. Exactly right. He has to work from home. We need virtual assistants. Those of us who are lucky enough to still have jobs have now learned how tricky it is

to do all of your meetings remotely from home. For one thing, you have to pretend to pay attention. There will be an Oscar category this year for best hiding that you're actually reading Twitter in another window. Won by a white person. Most likely, yes. People, of course, are constantly being interrupted at their meetings by kids or pets

or the hostage escaping from the basement. And even worse, people's partners are finding out what they are like at work, like you heard. You've been together 15 years, and all of a sudden you find out you live with someone who likes to start business meetings with emotional check-ins. You also have, everyone also looks really ridiculous because they're business on top and like horrible beltless pant on the bottom. I've been doing this the wrong way around. I've been going shirtless and then just pressed pants. I love that this has turned parents into the monster in the closet.

That's true. There's somebody in the closet and he's talking about third quarter projections. One fun thing is we're all getting to see what news anchors homes look like. Anderson Cooper, for example, apparently lives in Downton Abbey. Who knew? And Wolf Blitzer lives in an actual wolf den. But the best part is they all have to do— Wolf Blitzer lives in the studio.

I have not seen Wolf Blitzer at home. There are a few people who are at home, and then a few people that are, like, I guess forced at gunpoint or something to go into the regular studios. It's a little crazy. I don't know. Actually, I made that up. It's a joke. I don't know if Wolf Blitzer has a home. I think when he's done, they just stand him in the corner,

and he stays there silently until it's his next show. Yeah. Bill, how did Tracy do in our quiz? Tracy did well enough to put it on the closed circuit at Mayo. What a pleasure to watch, Tracy. You got everyone right. Thank you, Tracy, for playing. And thank you for the work you do up there at the Mayo Clinic.

It's important. Thanks so much. All right, panel, some more questions for you from the rest of the week's news. Peter, someone put out what they called, quote, the ultimate stay-at-home playlist this week. Featuring such recordings is Dr. Dre's album, The Chronic, The Village People's YMCA, and the theme song from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Who put out the list? That sounds like an Obama joint.

No, although there is a government connection. Oh, you know what? The Chronic, it was Mike Pence. Sorry, that was very obvious. Somebody who is currently in the higher status of our government. An institution that is in the government. They're preserving our nation's most important literature and apparently our hottest jams. Oh, the Library of Congress?

That's exactly right. The Library of Congress added 25 new recordings to its national recording registry that will now be preserved for all time. And they're calling this year's list, quote, the ultimate stay-at-home playlist, which is especially true if you love to dance alone in your bedroom, to the radio play-by-play of the 1951 Brooklyn Dodgers-New York Giants playoff game. Who's dancing to the Mr. Rogers theme song? What is that dance like?

I remember when I was at the club and someone grinded up on me to the theme of Mr. Rogers. Sunny day, girl. Come on. Take those clouds away. Come on, baby. He just wanted to be your neighbor, like your really close neighbor. I was just thinking of the Sesame Street theme song. Yes, you were. I didn't want to correct you there.

Oh, that's even more. Would you be mine? Would you be mine? Would you be my neighbor? It's really creepy when they change their shoes right before they grind on you, too. Coming up, we tear down some walls in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR, WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Peter Gross, Adam Burke, and Nagin Forsad.

And here again is your host, wearing a full-body rubber glove, it's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Jen and my daughter Rachel. Oh, wait, wait to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Jen and my daughter, Rachel.

Oh, hello, Jen. Hello, Rachel. Where are you two calling from? St. Pete, Florida. St. Pete's, okay. And Rachel, how old are you? Ten. You're ten, okay.

And Rachel, how is it going for you? I'm assuming that you guys have been stuck in your house for a while like everybody else. It's weird because we have to do school online. Oh, is that better or worse than actually going to class? Well, you get to stay in your pajamas all day. That's a plus. And I don't really know how it works, though. Yeah, you know, I'm going to say, if you like being in your pajamas all day,

consider a career in radio. Well, welcome to the show, both of you. It's great to talk to you. Now, I guess you two are going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's their topic? I love what you've done with the plays. It's a great time to take on those home improvement projects you've been thinking about because you're not just improving your home, you're improving the only place you're allowed to go.

This week we heard about a home fix-up gone wrong. Our panelists are going to tell you and your daughter all about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Absolutely. Okay. First, let's hear from Adam Burke. Can I suggest that we get some earmuffs for Rachel for this one?

You were warned. Nothing revitalizes familiar surroundings like a fresh coat of paint. And one woman in England was so excited about her impending redecoration that she decided to add some fun graffiti to her wall for a bit of a lark, safe in the knowledge that this silly act of auto-vandalism would soon be covered up. And so she took a sharpie and scrawled a large image of a body part that is generally particular to the male anatomy right on her living room wall. That is to say, she drew a large picture of, to use a quaint English euphemism, the devil's own croquet mallet in permanent marker. Imagine her shock and dismay then, when even after an application of some beige matte Sherwin

Williams, her doodled pool noodle was still visible. Panicked, she added several more coats of paint over the old Orban scepter, only to find each layer made the bangers and mash even more prominent and visible. In desperation, she enlisted her boyfriend to apply a belt sander, ironically also English slang for the appendage in question, but alas, it merely created a huge concrete mark in the shape of a Boris's Johnson. Although her Facebook post was mainly met with the amusement of thousands, some did helpfully suggest that she cover the offending area with a framed photo of a famous landmark. Big Ben, perhaps. Or Nelson's Column, depending on the weather.

A woman's attempt at some amusing self-home vandalism goes very wrong when she can't get rid of it. Your next story of a Renault gone wrong comes from Nagin Farsad. rid of it. Your next story of a Renault gone wrong comes from Nagin Farsad. The Van Damme family, no relation to Jean-Claude Van Damme, decided to remodel their beautiful mid-century modern home in Denver, Colorado. They wanted

their old Italian marble replaced with new Italian marble. New Japanese smart toilets that heat your buns and squirt freshener in your nether regions. And they obviously needed a custom-built entertainment console made of imported Moroccan soapstone. I mean, they're not peasants.

Anyway, the Van Dams left it to the contractors and went to the Grand Cayman Islands. It was mostly a vacation, but they managed to get a little light banking in. When they returned, they found that the contractors had left a bunch of garbage from the remodel. Old toilets, old marble slabs, various pieces of furniture by the curb.

And someone had arranged all of it into a massive stonehenge-like monument. The problem for the Van Dams is not the monument itself, though, but the throngs of people who are lining up, six feet apart, of course, to see it. When the Van Dams asked the city to remove the garbage, the city council deemed it a public art landmark and refused. The Van Dams are currently suing the city of Denver. In the meantime, Denhenge is only growing in popularity. The latest trend, visitors leaving toilet paper fashioned into roses.

Denhenge, a public artwork made from the garbage left from someone's reno project. And your last story of home improvement with room for improvement comes from Peter Gross. There are three things you need to know about Brad and Marnie Janis. One, they had long dreamed of renovating their modest three-bedroom craftsman home.

Two, they plan to attend a 12-week silent Buddhist meditation retreat near Bend, Oregon starting January 1st. And three, they are very, very efficient multitaskers. Said a proud Brad, we thought, hey, we're already gonna be away for three months, so why not just do our reno at the same time? They drew up their blueprints and gave them to their contractor, Sean McGinnis, with strict instructions that he follow the plans to a T and set off for their retreat. But there's a fourth thing you need to know about Brad and Marnie. They were too cheap to hire a professional

architect, so they drew up their reno plans themselves and made numerous errors. And finally, there's a fifth thing that you need to know. They were really annoying to deal with. I caught their mistakes pretty early, said McGinnis, but they were such condescending jerks about me following their plans exactly to the letter, so I figured, hey, they hired me to do a job, so I'll guess I'm just going to do the job. Brad and Marnie mixed up the one hash for feet, two hashes for inches designation, so McGinnis built them an 18-foot wide fireplace, which takes up a whole wall in their living room. They didn't measure things correctly, so the kitchen features an island so large it prevents the refrigerator door from opening. And since

they forgot to include it on the plans, there is no front door. So when the Januses returned home from their peaceful, restorative retreat, their first words upon seeing their new home were, unable to be uttered on NPR. Alright, here are

your choices, Jennifer and Rachel. From Adam Burke, a willy on the wall, stays no matter what they try to do to it. From Nagin Denhenge, a public artwork made out of somebody's garbage that got thrown out of their house after their renovation. Or from Peter Gross, a very, very bad reno job done because of the very, very bad designs left by the very, very confident owners. Which of these is a real story of a home renovation problem? Okay, so Rachel says the first one. Okay.

Neither one of us think it's the garbage. I think it's the third one. Wait a minute. I think it's the third one. Wait a minute. So you think it's the third one, but your daughter, who is 10, chose Adam's story about the person who did a very rude drawing on their own wall and cannot get rid of it no matter what they do. Right, right, right.

But you, the mother, the sensible one, you are overruling your immature daughter who picked the silly story about the naughty picture. And you were picking the much more sensible one. I don't know about immature. We'll try innocent. Let's go innocent. All right. Well, we spoke to someone familiar with the real story.

Sharpie will always bleed through paint. You need to do a lot of priming afterwards or else remove the drywall. That was Sean Rutledge, owner of All-in-One Project Management, a remodeling and construction company, talking about the wall that got shafted. Now, Jennifer, I'm going to tell you that I would have tried harder

to talk you back to the right one, but I so wanted your daughter to be able to lord it over you for the rest of your natural life. Tell you what, she wins our prize. She can choose whatever voice she likes. You're out of luck. But however, you, because of your generosity,

won a point for Peter for fooling you. So thank you so much to both of you for playing. Oh, good. Yay, Peter. Good luck. Bye-bye, guys.ing you. So thank you so much to both of you for playing. Oh, good. Yay, Peter. Good luck. Bye-bye, guys. Thank you. I will always be there for you Always be there for you Yeah

Through the good and bad You stuck with me like an old tattoo I'll always be there for you And now the game where we ask people who now have nothing better to do to do something worse. It's called Not My Job. Tim Gunn is known for his style, his sharp opinions on fashion, his catchphrase, make it work, but mostly for always, always being impeccably dressed.

He's joining us now from his home, and we assume even his sweatpants are perfectly creased. Tim Gunn, welcome back to Wait, Wait. Oh, thank you, Peter. I'm thrilled to be with you. I'm always thrilled to talk to you. So first question, how are you doing with all this? How are you enjoying, you know, being stuck in your apartment all day? I am happy as a clam. I love being alone at home. This is a dream for me. Really? I can't go anywhere. In some ways, it's a dream. I mean, it's a horrible thing to say, given the crisis that we're in. Yes.

But I have a beautiful view out of my kitchen window of Amsterdam Avenue. Yeah. I couldn't be more content, and I feel, to be honest, I feel very spoiled. Maybe coronavirus is a fan. Who knows? I have a question, though, Tim. You live, obviously, in a New York apartment. I live in a house, so I don't know what it's like.

So is everybody locked in their apartments? Do you, like, bang on the walls to communicate like people do in prison cells? I'm on a floor in my apartment with eight other or seven other apartments. Everyone is gone. They're in their second homes. I'm the only one on this floor. They're in their second homes. I'm the only one on this floor who doesn't have a second home. And frankly, if I had a second home,

I wouldn't go to it. I want to be in New York. I want to be here feeling the pulse of what's happening. And I want to be supportive. So I'm not going anywhere, but I am alone. It would also be a good time

to break into their apartments and make fun of their clothing. I have no desire to do that. Now, I know you're busy. You have a new show. I'm assuming that means that you, like everybody else, are doing, like, remote video meetings. Oh, many. And I'm really bad at it.

Really bad. How could you be bad at it? You were born to be on camera. Well, I bought a tripod, and I put my phone on it, and I look awful. I can't get a correct view of what I want. But at the same time, compared to everything else, who cares? Yes, there is always that. But I think I'm going to ask a question that has been on my mind since this whole thing began, and I bet it's true of most people in the country.

What does Tim Gunn wear to a video meeting? Well, I'm owning the fact that I'm in my apartment and I'm not going anywhere. I wear a turtleneck and a pair of jeans. Really? Yeah. Which is like so much better than what everybody else does. Peter, I will confess to you right now, in our conversation, I'm wearing my pajamas. Are you?

I am. Are they? I'm imagining that your pajamas would be excellent. No, not at all. I mean, honestly, they're wool, they're J. Crew, I have a bathrobe on. And, of course, the little pocket square. But that's fine. I think you...

You... Does it bother you that you haven't been able to have an occasion to wear a suit, which is how we all know you? Well, yeah. Yeah. Can I make a suggestion, Tim? Yeah. If you have a full-length mirror, just paint a suit onto it,

and then you can kind of step in, and then it looks like you're kind of step in and then it looks like you're wearing a suit and you don't have to go all to the trouble of putting one on. That's a fabulous idea! Adam has been spending a lot of time by himself as well. Yes, let's talk about the new show it's called Making the Cut and you're reunited with Heidi Klum from... I am, my dear, absolutely fabulous Heidi Klum. You're traveling all over the world for this show. How do you handle all the travel?

Is it something you enjoy? Well, we didn't have that many destinations, but, yeah, packing is a pain. Yes, especially for you, because you, of course, have to bring along, like, you know, a look, right? Well, I'm responsible for my own wardrobe,. So yes, I brought everything that I needed to wear. I had four suitcases that were big. But I'm very meticulous about everything. And everything needs to be in a place because otherwise my brain gets completely muddled. Well, I was just wondering, because obviously you have to do that. You're Tim Gunn, you have to show up, especially on camera, you have to do that. You're Tim Gunn. You have to show up, especially on camera,

looking great every time. Do you ever wish, given that, that you could be someone like me who could just show up wearing the same stained schmata I had on yesterday and nobody blinks an eye because they don't expect anything? If you were here, you could see. I have to tell you this. I regret that I don't have someone to tell me that my tie is crooked because ties migrate. They do. We can't see them. Do you think people are afraid to tell you that your tie is crooked because they think that's how they're wearing them in Paris this year? Who would ever come up to you and correct you? I'm sorry, no. If you can't change it, don't tell them. But if you have spinach in your teeth, tell me. If you walked out and had spinach in your teeth,

the next day people all over this country and world would be putting spinach in their teeth. They say, well, Tim Gunn had it. It must be cool. And Tim Gunn didn't want it. Well, Tim, it is always such a pleasure to talk to you. But this time we have invited you here to play a game we're calling... Making the Putt. You host this new show. It's called Making the Cut. We thought we'd ask you about making the putt.

That is three questions about golf. Oh, no. Really? I should say, yes, we didn't know for certain that you're not a golfer, but we were certain you would never, ever dress like one. Bill, who is Tim Gunn playing for? Leslie Burns of San Diego, California. All right. Ready to go, Tim? Excellent.

Here we go. First question. If you're looking to add a bit of excitement to your golf game, head to Brisbane, Australia, where a local golf course includes which of these unique obstacles? Is it A, the water hazards are filled with killer sharks, B, the land is shared with a hunting preserve, so wear even oranger pants, or C, it is on alternate weekends bombed by the Australian Air Force? I will say B. B, that the land is shared with a hunting preserve, so wear even oranger pants?

Yes. No, I'm afraid it was A, killer sharks. You're kidding. It's right on the seacoast, and the water hazards are like inlets and tidal pools, and they do, in fact, have sharks in there looking around. So if you hit a ball into one of these, do not go get it. Who in their right mind would golf there? Who knows at that point?

All right, you have two more chances. Here we go. Here's your next question. Some people love golf. Some people really do not. Movie director John Huston really did not like golf, but he once did what? A, he flew over a celebrity golf tournament and dropped 5,000 golf balls onto the course. B, he introduced combat golf, a sport in which you hit the ball directly at your opponent.

Or C, he tried to cast golf great Sam Snead in the Humphrey Bogart role in The African Queen. Oh, my gosh. I guess I'll say A. You're right. That's what he did. Oh, good. Our crowd is so excited for you. Yes, he did that.

He flew over a celebrity golf tournament, dropped 5,000 balls. Hilarity ensued. Okay. Last question. If you get this, you did that. He flew over a celebrity golf tournament, dropped 5,000 balls. Hilarity ensued. Okay. Last question. If you get this, you win again. Last question. Hardcore golfers will famously play anywhere they can, which is why you can golf on a course in which of these places? A, on the slopes of an active volcano in Indonesia, B, on the actual grounds of the Louisiana State Penitentiary, or C, on the inside of the oval at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway? Oh, dear. I think it has to be A. A, on the slopes of an active volcano in Indonesia?

You're right. How good. But they were all correct. You could play golf in any one of those places. Oh, they were all correct? Yes, they are. You can go play golf. You know, that's insane. I don't understand the culture of golfing. I don't think I want to. That volcano one, wouldn't it be really easy to get it into the hole?

Bill, how did Tim Gunn do in our quiz? Tim Gunn won, and he did it in his pajamas. Hey! Congratulations, Tim. Tim Gunn's new Amazon show is called Making the Cut. Tim Gunn, thank you so much for joining us again on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Peter. Thank you.

Stay well. Bye-bye. Bye, Tim. Bye-bye. Fashion. We're in fashion. In just a minute, yes we can of beans in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Adam Burke, Peter Gross, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host from a doomsday bunker full of NPR hosts, Peter Sagal. Thanks, Bill. In just a minute, Bill goes all the shining in our listener limerick challenge, Red Rhyme. Red Rhyme. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But first, it is time for another installment of our new segment, Wash Your Hands With Me, Bill Curtis. Everyone head to your sinks. Now, we all know that hand washing is most effective

when you use soap and water for at least 20 seconds. So, once again, as a public service for our listeners, we're going to wash our hands together while Bill Curtis sings one of his favorite hand washing songs. Hit it, Bill. Turn on that water. You are the washing queen. Young and sweet, hands are super clean.

Washing queen. Feel the beat from the tambourine. Oh, yeah. You can dance. You can jive. Having the time of your life. Ooh, see that girl? Hands so clean.

Digging the washing queen. That is, you know what that is? What is that? That is a gift. That is a gift to every OCD person from now until the end of time who will listen to that while they obsessively wash their hands. They will never stop. All right, panel, some more questions for you from the rest of the week's news.

Adam, phones give us a lot. We get calls, texts, and anxiety from them. Now we learn that phones can also give us what? Phone calls? No. I'll give you a hint. If you give one of these to your Labrador puppy,

it'll turn into a Sharpay. Wait. I don't know. It's an overwhelming sense of entitlement. I don't know. Wrinkles. Oh, wrinkles.

All right, right. Wrinkles. Wrinkles. Oh, there you go. Wrinkles. Wrinkles is the answer. If you were worried self-isolation meant missing out on sun damage on your skin, we got you covered.

Dermatologists have found that the so-called blue light exposure from screens is doing extra damage to our skin, which is bad news for everyone listening to this show while also watching Netflix and playing Animal Crossing, and I know there's at least one of you. Wait, I don't buy it. They're saying it's the screen that's giving you the wrinkles. Surely it's exposure to all of the content on the screen that's making you age prematurely. Well, a lot of people have Samsung phones or iPhones.

I have an oil of Olay phone, so I don't have to worry about that. Nagin, the Navy's two newest aircraft carriers are having problems. One important piece of equipment is not working, and every time it fails, it has to be repaired at $400,000 a pop. What is not working? The engine? Not the engine. What? Can I get a hint? Yeah, it's tough when these things don't work because then they have to sort of bring the whole aircraft carrier up to the nearest Starbucks.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, the poopers, the bathrooms. The toilets don't work. If you were wondering what a worse boat to be on than a cruise ship would be, now you know. Well, you know, toilet systems on the two newest U.S. Navy carriers, the USS George H.W. Bush and the USS Gerald Ford, have been backing up, which is particularly bad. You know, they should have known they'd have toilet problems going to the bathroom when they named the boats after two old men. The really crazy thing about this is this is actually the plot to the new Top Gun movie. Sit down on the danger zone. I have a need, a need to pee.

It's very different in this movie when they buzz the tower. But isn't an aircraft carrier just one giant ledge that's over the water? I think I see a solution here. I mean, I know I'm going to save the planet and all, but... Coming up, it's lightning fill-in-the-blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org.

And if you want more Wait, Wait in Your Week, check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions as if we were right there in your home with you, which, of course, we can't be. But it is pretty to think so. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, everyone. This is Cole Forge from Towson, Maryland.

Hey, how are things in Towson? Things are going well here. How are things over there in Chicago? Things over here in Chicago are probably, and this is just a guess, exactly the same as they are in Towson. No one's leaving their house. Do you have one of those essential jobs that lets you get out of the house? Actually, I am, yeah. So I work in a fast food place, actually Chick-fil-A.

Oh, my gosh. So I just love working there. And do you feel pride in being an essential worker, providing your local fellow citizens with fried chicken sandwiches? Oh, yes, absolutely. I feel nothing but pride. Well, welcome to the show, Cole. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. You know what to do. If you fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner.

Ready to play? I'm ready. Here is onto the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play? I'm ready. Here is your first limerick. When crows count one less in our numeral, we don't hold an inquest, tribunal. The flock goes airborne to squawk and to mourn, because we're holding a solemn crow funeral. Yes, funeral call. Very good. While not doing chores for Satan,

crows carefully plan funerals for members of their flock. New research into the brain activity of the doom birds shows that when they are confronted by a loved one's death, they immediately launch into a sequence of complex thoughts, more complex than their usual, does this smell bad enough for me to eat? Crow-bituraries would be really interesting. Shrieky died doing what he loved, having sex with the corpse of a dead crow,

which is another thing this article tells us that crows do to honor their dead. Wow. All right, here, Cole, is your next limerick. Our opera season's begun. Our large gatherings we have to shun. Our audience can't boo, because we know it's just you. We perform for a crowd of just... Is it one?

Yes, it's one! There we go. Live entertainment has taken a real hit lately, so an opera company in Russia announced their new one-on-one program this week, and already thousands of people have applied for the chance to be the one person who gets to fall asleep during a private performance of The Marriage of Figaro. Is it the whole company? Yeah, the whole company is putting on the show.

Well, obviously, like everybody else, they can't have an audience, but they decided they would just invite one person so they'd have at least someone to play to, which I guess is nice. That's every improv show I've ever done. So I don't know why everyone should be inflicted with the same thing that I spent the first 20 years of my post-college life doing. I would still use the lorgnettes. I would still have the little glasses.

Everybody's right up front. You know, of all the people I know, I would not have pegged Adam Burke as the person who knows the right name for all my glasses. The whole thing sounds like my worst nightmare. Pretty much. All right. Here, Cole, is your nightmare. Pretty much. All right. Here, Cole, is your last limerick. While we're all stuck at home with our screens, we're expanding our range of cuisines. We are locked in our rooms eating lots of legumes because we've learned to love dried or canned.

Beans? Yes, beans. to love dried or canned beans yes beans lockdowns across the country are sending bean sales skyrocketing giving everyone good nutrients and a reason to use up all the toilet paper like pasta and rice beans last a long time can be purchased in bulk and their side effects help with social distancing my son years ago who's 11, just had a developed a taste for red kidney beans. And it is has it has been his lunch at school every single day for like five years. And for a while when he was really younger, he liked trains. So he loved trains and ate beans.

And at some point my wife was like, I think we're raising a hobo. From like the 1930s. Bill, how did Cole do in our quiz? Cole got all the beans. 3-0. Congratulations, Cole. Thank you so much. Now it's time to go on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.

Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Peter has three. Nagin and Adam Burke each have two. All right. Well, that means that Nagin and Adam are in second place. I'm going to arbitrarily pick Nagin because why not? Nagin, you're going to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question.

Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the chairman of the Fed said the U.S. may well be in a blank. Recession. Right. This week, President Trump tweeted that automakers have been given approval to make much-needed blanks. Ventilators? Yes.

This week, Blank confirmed that he was the first member of the Senate to contract coronavirus. Rand Paul. Right. On Thursday, a communications satellite marked the first flight for Blank, the U.S.'s newest military branch.

Space. Space what? Flight. Travel. No, Space Force! On Tuesday. Space what? Flight. Travel. No, Space Force! On Tuesday... Space Force, damn it! On Tuesday, online giant Blank announced they were delaying shipping

of non-essential items by up to a month. Amazon. Right. This week, a nursing home in England helped pass the time by creating a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos using Blank. Uh, using cats. No, using cats. No, using their residents.

The nursing home staff used wheelchairs, broomsticks, and four excited seniors to create this life-sized version of the classic kids game, and the residents loved it. That said, the competition did get a little heated, and the nursing home had to follow hungry, hungryppos up with a life-sized version of Operation. That's a nice thing. That's the best nursing home story I've heard in a long time. It's a lovely video, if you can find it, Nursing Home, Hungry Hungry Hippos. The people are having a lovely time. Bill, how did Nagin do in our quiz? She got four right, eight more points. That gives her a total of ten and the lead. Congratulations, Nagin.

Well done. All right. Adam, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Chinese government announced it would soon lift the mandatory lockdown of blank. Wuhan. Right. On Tuesday, the blank marked its biggest one-day gain since 1933.

The stock exchange. Yes. This week, Joe Biden rejected the idea of holding another blank with Bernie Sanders. Debate. Right. On Thursday, newly released numbers showed U.S. blank claims at a 50-year high. Unemployment. Right.

This week, a man quarantined in Mexico who wanted Cheetos blanked to satisfy his craving. Ate a Cheetah. No, he sent his dog out with a shopping list and $20 attached to its collar, and it came back with Cheetos. After losing its original publishers, Blank's memoir was released on Monday. Woody Allen. Right. Despite very little contact between humans, the Blank car race announced it was postponing until August. The Indy 500?

Right. Australia's Pro Rugby League was still playing games this week, though they removed the audience and added a designated Blank. Drinker. No, a designated ball washer. The new ball washer is equipped with a cooler filled with soapy water, and after every play, he runs onto the field to give the ball a quick scrub. This is to help put players' minds at ease so they can focus on piling on top of each other, covered in sweat, without having to worry about catching coronavirus.

Bill, how did Adam do in our quiz? Adam got six right, 12 more points. He is in the lead with 14. Congratulations. That was really well done. So how many, then, does Peter Gross need to win? A cool six. All right, Peter, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the White House accused Blank's president of narco-terrorism.

Venezuela. Right. On Tuesday, the Prime Minister of Blank ordered a 21-day lockdown of his country for 1.3 billion people. India. Right. This week, Blank, the heir to the British throne, tested positive for COVID-19. Prince Charles. Right.

A couple in Kentucky had to be escorted from a local grocery store after being told they couldn't buy Blank... A gun. 552 cans of Mountain Dew. On Thursday, Full House actress Lori Loughlin petitioned a judge to toss out charges related to the blank scandal. Bribery, college cheating. Right. Varsity Blues. Best known for his hits The Gambler and Don't Take Your Love to Town. Blank passed away at the age of 81.

Kenny Rogers. Right. This week we found out an unexpected side effect of coronavirus when a dog had to go to the vet because blank. The dog had to go to the vet? Yes, because? Because his owner got coronavirus and tied a Cheetos to his neck and said, go out and get me $20. No, the dog had to go to the vet because he sprained his tail

from wagging it too much because his owner was home. Rolo the wiener dog was so thrilled that his owner was working from home that he wagged his tail until he literally could not wag it anymore. Don't worry, the vet says Rolo will be completely healed in about a week, but he will be forever shamed as the only dog who has to wear one of those cones on his butt. Bill, did Peter Gross do well enough to win? He came so close. Five right, ten more points. Total to 13, but that means Adam Burke is our winner this week. Congratulations, Adam.

Oh, you know what, Adam? This is the one week they said the winner of the show. There actually is a prize. You get shoved out into the middle of a busy street full of people. I'm so sorry. They should have told you that beforehand. Wearing a shirt that says free hugs. Kiss me, I'm Irish, right?

Wouldn't that work for you? Yeah. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to tell us what others learned about them from seeing them on video meetings this week. But first, let me tell you, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with the Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeker, Redside Limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Emma Day. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbosom, Lillian King. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by

Jennifer Mills, Miles Durnbosom, Lillian King. Our designated survivor is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. And our senior producer, that's Ian Chilog. The executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, is Mr. Michael Danforth Now, panel, what did we learn about you on video meetings this week? Adam Burke. Well, no one teleconferences with me, so I just pre-record a bunch of videos of me in different costumes so they would learn that I don't really work well as a team.

Nagin Farsad. They learned that I've held on to a three-hole punch from 2004 and that the clock behind me has needed new batteries for like eight months now. And Peter Gross. That strange sound that they hear every time they're on the phone with me, they can't quite tell what it is. It's actually ice clinking around a bourbon glass. Well, if any of that happens in the background, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Adam Burke, Nagin Farsad, and Peter Gross. Thanks to everybody at WBEZ in Chicago for hosting us again. And thanks to all of you for, you know, choosing to stay home and listen to this radio show.

We appreciate it. I'm Peter Sagal, and we'll see you next week. This is NPR.