Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Tina Charles

Episode Date: September 14, 2019

Tina Charles, WNBA star, joins us along with panelists Adam Felber, Helen Hong, and Peter Grosz.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey there, Jersey. Bada-boom, bada-bill! I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center in Newark, New Jersey, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. It is great to be back in New Jersey where I grew up. In fact, we are about 10 miles from where I was born. So if I want to measure my progress in life, now I know two miles per decade. Later today, we're going to be talking to Tina Charles, star player

for the New York Liberty of the WNBA. We've got a lot of questions for her, including if she played the Knicks, how much would she beat them by? And would she need the rest of her team to do it? We want to be a part of your highlight reel. Give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi.

My name's Rachel Salston. I'm calling from East Brunswick, New Jersey. East Brunswick? So what do you do here in New Jersey? I am a rabbi, and I work at a hospital. Oh, really? I don't know if this goes for Jews, but I've always imagined that if you were in a hospital room

and, say, a priest walked in, you'd panic. Yeah, a lot of people scream. Well, welcome to the show, Rachel. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, it's the co-host of Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. It's Adam Felber. How you doing, Rachel? I'm doing good. Next up, a comedian who'll

be performing at the Charles Krug Winery in Napa Valley, September 28th, and at Hyena's Comedy Club in Fort Worth, Texas, October 17th through the 19th. It's Helen Hong. Hi. Hi, Rachel. And a writer for the upcoming season of At Home with Amy Sedaris, it's

Peter Gross. Hi. So, Rachel, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Of course you know this. Bill Curtis is going to read for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job, simply explain or identify two of them. Do that, you will win the finest prize in public radio, the voice of anyone you might like on this show, on your voicemail. You ready to go? I am ready. All right. Your first quote is a tweet from John Bolton.

I offered to resign last night, and President Trump said, let's talk about it tomorrow. Minutes before he tweeted that tweet, what happened to John Bolton? He was fired as National Security Advisor. That's exactly right. Very good. Either President Trump fired National Security Advisor John Bolton this week

or Bolton quit. They're each saying something different and with these two, the only thing we can say is that whoever is telling the truth is doing it for the first time. The president hired Bolton 18 months ago, even though he disagreed with him on everything. Bolton's sole qualification was that the president saw him a lot when he turned on his TV. That is not a joke. That's why he got the job. It's also why the new national security advisor

is mesothelioma. Nice. You know, this could just be the second act of that romantic comedy. Oh, yeah. What do you mean? Bolton could be heading for the airport in Washington, heading back to, and Trump will run on the plane and go,

John, I decided to let you nuke somebody. Is it raining? I didn't even notice. What's weird is that the most implausible thing about that scenario you just laid out was Trump running. Yeah. You know, some liberals are giving Trump credit, like he finally did something rational by firing Bolton, but he hired Bolton in the first place.

Right, exactly. You know, it's like, if you stick your tongue in an electrical socket, I'm not giving you credit when you decide to take it out. All right, very good. Your next quote is about a new product that debuted with some fanfare this week. Seeing pics of it makes me want to set everything on fire. That was somebody commenting on the controversial new design of a new phone announced by what big tech company at their event this week? The new Apple iPhone.

You're exactly right, the new iPhone. Now, the new iPhone, iPhone 11, I think, has three very large camera lenses on the back and this is all true, it is triggering people's trypophobia, which is a fear of things with lots of holes. This is a real thing, scientists say it may have to do with prehistoric dangers to early humans, things like poisonous toads or croc shoes. First of all, why is the fear of holes not called holophobia? Why is it called tripophobia?

That makes me think that I'm afraid of tripping. Well, it's actually true, because when we're thinking about this, it's like, oh, wow, people are scared of this phone, because it has three circles that look like holes. Remember phones? Remember the actual phones we used to have? Hundreds of holes. Hundreds of holes in each piece.

Does this mean that for generations, people would pick up the phone and go, hello? Ah! Well, the 1950s and 60s were known as a very paranoiac time. It's true. This is how you know that tech companies are run by mostly men, because it's just like more holes. They're just adding more holes. Wow.

Grow up, guys. Grow up. You know what it is? They're in there designing and one puts like one hole up and the other guy's like, put another hole up there. And they close the door

and they're like, we can put as many holes on this thing as we want. Dude, put one more. All right, Rachel. Dude, put one more. Alright, Rachel, here is your last quote. It's the first game where women make more than men. That was from a

Hasbro press release about a new version of what classic board game? It's the game of life. No, it's not the game of life. I'm sorry, women are still screwed in life. Sorry. Sorry. It was Ms. Monopoly. I'm sorry, say that again, Rachel.

It was Ms. or Ms. Monopoly. You're right, it's Ms. Monopoly. A new version of Monopoly called Ms. Monopoly has all sorts of features that are supposed to make up for the disadvantages women have in the real world and make it easier for women to win the game. So, if you're frustrated by the vast inequities inherent

in the institutional patriarchy, the fact that you still make less than men and command less power, well, can't do anything about that. But here is a pretend railroad. I don't understand how this is supposed to make you feel better. I'm going to ask the one woman who's sitting here, do you feel better about a change in the real world

or about a board game that, like, maybe it takes as long as an actual lifetime to play, but that it's just confined to the rules of the game? This is the dumbest thing. This is as dumb as when they came out with lady pens. Do you remember that? Lady pens, yeah. Do you remember when Bic was like,

ladies, have we got a pen for your tiny little hands? We were like, what are you talking about? I'd love to write something down, but who can hold these giant pens? So does Ms. Monopoly have smaller dice? No. It has different tokens, feminine-oriented things. I have no idea what. You mean like the little player pieces?

Yeah. Like there's a tampon. Exactly. There's a bra. There's a shoe, but it's like slightly smaller. Yeah. The hat is much nicer. I want to be the pump.

I want to be the pump. There's a dollar, but it's actually 73 cents. No, actually. That's a thing, but it's actually 73 cents. No, actually. That's a thing. Well, hold on. Because that actually is the point of the game. They are addressing inequity in pay in the real world by reversing it in the game. This is true.

Women, you know, when I play Monopoly, you get money to start. Well, female players get more money than the men. And when you pass go, the men get $200, like always. The women get $240. Oh, that's such a fun game for the whole family to play. Also, like, yeah, that would work in my house. What guy is going to be like,

I would like to play that game now. And I'm just going to just eat it for as long as you want to play, honey. These were dumb changes. What they should have done is they should have changed Broadway to as you want to play, honey. These were dumb changes. What they should have done is they should have changed Broadway to Strong Women Way. Oh, nice. You've got a few of these.

We'll send back. And now in the middle of the board is a pile of cards. It's called Stop Looking at My Community Chest. What about Not As Good at Parking Place? I mean, just in terms of, you know, like a general stereotype, not something I believe in. Bill, how did Rachel do in our quiz?

She's a rabbi. What do you expect? Perfect score. Well done, rabbi. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you. Take care. Bringing everybody out, it's a ladies' night Couple bad women, but we actin' ladylike We deserve to have some fun working day and night Thank you so much for playing. Thank you. Take care.

We want to remind everybody they can join us most weeks back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Illinois. For tickets and more information, go to wbez.org or you can find a link at our website, waitwait.npr.org. Right now, panel,

it is, of course, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Adam, the New York Times let us know this week that the next big thing in women's skin care will be products

for your what? Tread lightly. I'm going to go with wrists. Nope. Foreheads. No. This is the most diplomatic I have ever seen, Adam. Internal organs.

Internal organs. No, not your internal organs. This is skin care. Give me a hint, because I can think my way around an entire woman here. You don't need an SPF skin toner because it's going where the sun doesn't shine. For your butt. Yes, for your butt, as the Times put it.

Well, what gentleman would have answered that at first blush? So apparently the beauty companies have exhausted all the ways to convince people to waste money on their faces, so now they're acting like a handsy date and grabbing for your butt. New products include something called Tush which will quote reshape the contours

of the buttocks area while restoring firmness, suppleness and bounce for a more visually sculpted tush. This is not exercise this is cream that you rub on your butt. The directions do say apply, then run 24

miles. The Times does quote a woman named Silvia Weisenberg, that's Silvia with a W, who calls herself a quote, fairy butt mother, and sells a quote. Wow, I rented that. One, two, and three.

Back in the days of VHS. And you know, Fairy Buttmother 4 answered so many unanswered questions in the first three. Coming up, it's nothing but lies in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

When you think of country music, you probably have a particular image in mind. But as you can imagine, the history is way more complicated. This week on ThruLine, we sit down with filmmaker Ken Burns to talk about his new documentary about the origins of country music. ThruLine from NPR, the podcast where we go back in time to understand the present. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We're playing this week with Peter Gross, Helen Hong, and Adam Felber. And here again is your host at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center in Newark, Peter Sagal. Thank you so much. Thank you, everybody, right now. It is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name's Emily and I'm calling from New York, New York. Hey, how are things in New York?

Ah, well, the city never sleeps. What do you do there? I'm in my first year at NYU Law School. Oh, how are you? That's great. How are you enjoying the city? Oh, I'm liking it, but not as good as Boston. There you are.

Whoa, them fighting words. Ooh. The thing that you're encountering that you've never seen before that's a little scary is the letter R. All right, it won't hurt you. Emily, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Emily's topic? You don't have to do this. So the phrase, you don't have to do this, shows up on a lot of places. Weirdly not, when Joe Biden told somebody he wanted to run for president again.

Our panelists are going to tell you about the phrase being used that we saw in a pretty unusual circumstance in the news this week. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You will win our prize, the voice of the wait-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes, let's go. Let's go. First, let's hear from Mr. Adam Felbert. In an evening that will go down in the already legendary history of Sunshine State crime, Brian Frank of Oklahoma, Florida, last Wednesday went through a series of mishaps already being

called the most Florida night in state history. It all started at around 9 p.m. when Mr. Frank, already inebriated and shirtless, set off some high-potency fireworks, blew off his left pinky, and set his girlfriend's house on fire. He then retrieved the pinky, put it in a small baggie, and made the unfortunate decision to drive himself to the hospital. Twenty minutes later, Mr. Frank drove off the road into the swamp where he promptly encountered an alligator, and although he escaped, his remaining clothing did not. And so, Mr. Frank arrived naked at the Circle K convenience store, which he then robbed for basic medical supplies, a roll of paper towels, a six-pack of beer, a can of Red Bull, and some beef jerky. Mr. Frank fashioned himself a crude loincloth out of the paper towels and fled. Approximately 30 minutes later, having finished four beers, Mr. Frank commandeered a riding lawnmower and resumed his journey. It was there,

riding 10 miles per hour northbound on the southbound side of Interstate 75, that he was pulled over by Officer Julie Larson, whom he led on a foot chase on the medium and into the woods, and when finally cornered by backup officers, Mr. Frank, bloody and sweating, wearing only scraps of paper towels, raised two hands over his head, one holding the two remaining beers, the other holding his severed pinky, and shouted at the arresting officers, You don't have to do this. The most Florida man ever to Florida says you don't have to do this to the cops who finally cornered him. Your next story of someone who did have to say you don't have to do this comes from Helen Hong. A new dieting app is causing unusually strong responses to its gentle nudging approach.

The app, which is questionably named You Don't Have to Do This, senses when crumbs, dairy products, or bacon grease touches the phone's keypad. It then gently voices an encouraging slash discouraging phrase. Carol, is that a donut? You don't have to do this. Other phrases dropped by the shade-filled voice include,

Hey, Jeff, I believe in you, but you know what doesn't? That double cheeseburger. And also, Tracy, we're on your side. But if you put that pizza in your mouth, it will be on both your sides. The passive-aggressive commentary has been prompting enraged responses from offended dieters. The app's creators are considering retooling the system after more than 20 users demanded the company replace their phones after they were thrown across the room in a rage.

You don't have to do this, the dieting app. Your next story of the phrase, you don't have to do this, having to appear in the news, comes from Peter Gross. Quick, what would you do if you were attacked by a bear? You don't have time to think. Do you run? Do you throw a stick at it?

Do you jangle your keys in its general direction? Or do you do something more, shall we say, unconventional? Brandon Laddy, a 27-year-old man from Prince George, British Columbia, is safe and sound after he and a friend had a harrowing encounter with a black bear at the Ferguson Lake Nature Preserve. They immediately ran away, but the bear gave chase, and when they split up, the bear ignored his friend and was right on top of Laddie, who presumably smells more like food. I almost got stuck in the swampy area, Laddie told the website BC Local News, and the bear was on my back. I jumped into the water with no game plan, but he sure came up with a game plan when the bear caught up with him and was holding him under the water.

Laddie, scared that he was going to die, was able to get his head above water for just a moment, and then he turned to the bear, looked him square in the eye, and said, you don't have to do this. Now, while they do keep records for most home runs, touchdowns, and shortest time as White House Communications Director, no one has definitively determined the stupidest thing ever said to a bear, but this has got to be in the top ten. Miraculously, though, the bear backed off. Maybe it was Batty's dramatic scolding, or maybe it was the fact that a woman showed

up just at that moment with her dog who barked and scared the bear off. But honestly, I feel bad for the bear, which is a more embarrassing story to tell your buddies. I was about to eat this guy, and a dog scared me off. Or I was about to eat this guy, but then he looked me in the eyes and told me I didn't have to do it, and that really made me think. All right, I'm like, think. All right, I'm like, these are your choices. The phrase, you don't have to do this, showed up in the news this week. Was it from Adam Felber, what the most Florida man ever to go on a Florida man caper said to the police when they got him? Audience likes that. Was it from Helen Hong, a diet app called You Don't Have to Do This, which tries to shame people into not eating and just makes them mad?

Or from Peter Gross, a guy who, being attacked by a bear, looked the bear in the eye and said, You don't have to do this. And it may or may not have actually worked. Which of these is the real story from the week's news? Well, I really like the Florida, I'm sorry, Florida answer. I'm going to have to go with the bear. You're going to go with the bear.

You like Peter's story about the guy. I like Peter. The guy who fended off the bear with Talmudic reasoning. All right. Well, to bring you the real answer, we spoke to someone very central to the real story. The bear was holding me underwater like an armored plane.

I don't know why I said it, but I think that you don't have to do this. That was Brandon Laddy, the man himself, talking about how he told a bear, which you may not have been able to hear, was holding him underwater. He sort of put his head out of the water and said, you don't have to do this

to the bear. And he survived. You got it right. Peter was telling the truth. He gets a point. You win our prize. Anybody you like in the show, leave on your voicemail saying, leave a message for Emily, but you don't have to do this.

So exciting. Well, that is exciting. Congratulations, Emily. Thank you don't have to do this. So exciting. Well, that is exciting. Congratulations, Emily. Thank you. Bye-bye, Emily. And now the game where we ask people who've gone a long way to make a short little detour. Tina Charles grew up across the river in a little town called Queens and was already a legend in high school for her basketball skills.

She went on to star at UConn, then went number one in the WNBA draft. She's got two Olympic gold medals. She won WNBA Rookie of the Year and the MVP Award, and she's now the starting center for the New York Liberty. Tina Charles, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. So I always ask this of elite athletes when I get to meet them. How young were you when you knew you were really good at this? That took a while.

Really? I feel like every time I felt that I was getting better, there was a reason why I wasn't. There was a coach, there was a person to remind me to stay humble. So I want to say around the time high school, graduating high school, I was one of the top players. And then I got to UConn where there's other top players. I had to learn what it took to play hard. Really? I feel like nothing came easy for me. I was going to the parks in New York. I was the last one picked.

Really? There was different teams that I tried out for that I didn't make. I had to hone in on my skill. I had to be in the gym early. Before class, I would try to go to the park early. So I had humble beginnings for myself. Okay, because here's like, there are many differences between you and myself. But other than the foot in height. And one of them is, is that when I was a kid and I tried

to play sports and didn't get picked, I was like, this is dumb. And I went to the library and stayed there. Until like a week ago. Exactly, yeah. You just got out of the library. But you said you were like not picked. You, the WNBA MVP, were not picked for the teams when they were like picking players. Yes, exactly. And your reaction to that was go, well, I just need to practice more to get better, so they pick me next time? Yeah, exactly. I just stayed on the court until I did get picked, yeah.

That's amazing. Peter, this doesn't mean that if you had stuck with it, you'd have been good. I understand that. Or taller. The roles would have been reversed. She would have been interviewing you. I have to ask you this.

Now that you're a star, I mean, a very successful athlete as well, do you go back to the playgrounds where you grew up and go, hey, anybody want a game? Hey, remember when you didn't pick me? Hey, just you and me. Of course. I'll spot you four.

I hope the people who didn't pick you are still on that playground. Yeah, exactly. They're not moved on. The only thing that I still do that I did as a kid is just, I'm always on the subway. I'm always taking the train. I refuse to drive.

I'm your average New Yorker. Really? I hate traffic, so if there's anything that I still do, I'm still always either on the E line, C, A, you name it. What time? You want to catch it together? I'm just imagining you standing in the subway reaching down to hold the strap.

I have to say, I mean, there are a lot of differences between the two styles of play in the NBA and the WNBA. Is the best thing about playing in the WNBA the fact that Drake doesn't show up at your games? You know, and it's actually a shame because Kia Nurse, who's a fantastic player, all-star starter, she's in her second year. She's from Canada.

So I'm actually expecting to see Drake at the games. And so Drake, and he always listens, Drake, we're expecting you at the next Liberty game. Show on up. Take the subway, Drake. You'll get there faster. What is the dumbest question that people ask you about playing in the WNBA?

The dumbest question... And is it one that you've heard in the last five minutes? Because I have a list of more questions here, and I'm going to knock them off if I mention them. Man, I can't. I don't know. I think every question is a good question. There are really some individuals who don't know

that women play basketball, that there is a professional league. So I'm very, I like to enlighten them. I don't take it as a joke. I like to tell them yes. Wow, you're so diplomatic. You have been probably the nicest, most sort of friendly and diplomatic person

I've ever interviewed. We have not been able to entice you to say a bad thing about anyone, which I admire because we've tried very hard. On the court, is that what you're like? I wouldn't say so. No? Oh, okay. So put Tina Charles on the court.

Another side of you comes out. Do you, in fact, trash talk? No, I'm not a trash talker, no. I just let my game speak for itself. I just try to get it done. But, yeah. Oh. That's even better.

You're like a silent flexer. Yeah. You're like a silent flexor. Yeah. You're like, fuck that. So your attitude, what you're saying is your attitude when you get on the court

is not, these are all valuable people who are pursuing their careers and I respect every single one of them. That's not what you're thinking. So I wanted to ask, we're here in Newark.

As someone who grew up in Queens, did you have an impression of New Jersey? I did. I did. And that's why I stayed there in my way. And keeping in mind, you're somebody who can stand there in the paint and just take it from the opposition. Are you willing to say what you thought of New Jersey to an audience of New Jersey? Probably not. Okay. Wise.

You didn't get this far in life by being rash. I admire that too. Well, Tina Charles, we are delighted to talk to you. We have invited you here to play a game that this time we're calling... Mush. Hike. All right. Let's go. All right.

As an alumni of UConn, you are, of course, a proud husky. But what do you know, we wondered, about real huskies, that is, sled dogs? We're going to ask you three questions about those noble beasts of the far north. Get two out of three right. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Tina Charles playing for? Linda Dunn of Ramsey, New Jersey. All right.

Ready to do this? Yes, I'm ready. Okay. All right, your game. Here's your first question. The rules now require sleds to be pulled by huskies or malamute dogs. That wasn't enacted until 1988 when one team used what to pull their sleds in the Iditarod? Was it A, 400 hamsters, B, 14 standard poodles, or C, a John Deere lawn tractor?

Is this real? One of those things is real. B. B. You want to go with B? Yes. B is right. It was, in fact, a standard poodle. Turns out, by the way, just so you know,

helpful tip, poodles are bad at slug dog racing. Don't do it. All right, next question. Who would have seen that coming, huh? You might find some interesting competitors in today's sled dog racing scene. It's very varied and interesting, such as which of these? A, the mystery musher, a man who always races wearing a big dog mask. B, the Jamaican national sled dog team.

Or C, extreme athlete Laird Hamilton, who says, quote, I'm already the best at everything else. A. You're going to go for A? Yes. Mystery musher? No, it was actually B. Oh!

Way to go, audience. My mom is going to kill me. I know. It was inspired, of course, by the famous Jamaican bobsled team. That's why it sounded fake. Exactly. But in fact, they said,

well, we'll have a sled dog team here in Jamaica. All right, now that's okay because we require two out of three and you have one to go. Here we go. Jujiro Wada was one of the greatest mushers ever. And he once went to what extreme measures to keep his dogs going in a tough race?

A, he got off the sled, tied himself to the front, and ran on all fours as lead dog. B, running low on food, he fed the dogs his pants. Or C, he surreptitiously attached a female dog in heat to the back of a faster sled.

What? B. B. What? B. B. B it is. Yes, very good, everybody. How do you like Jersey now? I should say, this was 100 years ago. His pants were made of seal skin.

The dogs loved it. Well, we missed that part. The unspoken ending to this story is him crossing the finish line without pants. I know. Bill, how did Tina Charles do in her quiz? Two out of three is a win. Congratulations.

Thank you. Tina Charles is the starting center of the New York Liberty. Thank you. She's the founder of the Hopi's Heart Foundation. Her new documentary, Charlie's Records, debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival this year. Tina Charles, thank you so much for being on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. In just a minute, we practice tolerance.

That would be lactose tolerance in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. I can't believe that summer is basically over. I know. And you know what that means. The 2020 presidential race is only going to heat up. It's a good thing we spent all summer sitting down with the Democratic candidates for president.

Hello. It is great to be with you. Oh, thanks for having me. I'm delighted to be here. My pleasure. Appreciate it. Check out the NPR Politics Podcast feed for exclusive interviews with all the candidates on the debate stage. Subscribe. Okay.

Subscribe. Okay. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Peter Gross, Helen Hong, and Adam Felber. And here again is your host at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center in Newark, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill gets with the program in our Listener Limerick Challenge.

If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Adam, a New York City delivery driver, has been convicted for a heist in which he stole $90,000 worth of what? Cakes. Cakes. Yes, cakes. Exactly right.

He stole the cakes from Lady M. Sounds like a dominatrix. It's actually a high-end bakery in New York City. I had never heard of it. Can it be both? Well, it'd be a dominatrix and a high-end bakery. Turns out they do whip their customers, so, you know. Anyway, their cakes retail for $ bucks for a nine-inch cake. And the thief stole more than a thousand of them from company freezers

and resold them on the black market. It was brilliant how he stole the cakes. He snuck them out, hidden inside a nail file. I don't think I would buy a cake on the black market. Well, we were wondering about that. I was about to say, what is the black market for cakes? Like, I see, like, human organs or something like that, or, like, drugs. Like, can you imagine being on the subway and some guy's like,

psst, want some cake? Yeah, I got a cake and it fell off a truck, you know. I like how Peter asked, like, who would buy a black market cake? And half this Jersey audience went silent. Nobody, that's who, shut up. Peter, according to a new survey, most people say they get their best and most creative ideas where?

I'm going to go with on the toilet, Peter. No, surprisingly no. I flipped over my card. I had written the same thing. They get their most creative ideas in the shower. No, that was not number one. While running, during sex. Wow, no.

Sleeping. Yes, in bed. I'll give it to you, in bed. In bed, okay. That's the answer. Crawl into bed, cozy up with a new idea, or maybe just stare at your phone for 45 minutes, reading where the cast of Gilmore Girls is now.

That's up to you. Bad news on that front. Yeah, according to a new survey, people think they come up with their best ideas before, after, or even during sleep. So technically, that means that hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep is always a good idea. Wait, during sleep. So technically, that means that hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep is always a good idea. Wait, during sleep?

So, like, one of my best ideas is, like, I'm in a play, but I don't know my lines. Exactly. And I walk out on stage, and I'm naked. Right. And everyone's looking at me, and Martin Luther King is there for some reason. That's a good idea.

That's my best idea. That's your best work. That's a good idea. That's my best idea. We could try half of it right now. Yeah, okay. This is great, though. Sleeping all day doesn't mean you're depressed.

It means you're brainstorming. Yeah, but I could see a couple getting into bed, and one's like, you know, wants to get a little randy, and the other one's like, no, I'm thinking. I'm having a bunch of good ideas. Oh, God. Another excuse. Yeah.

God, another excuse. Yeah. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago

and our upcoming 1,000th show, October 24th, in Salt Lake City. That's where we did our first live show back in 2000. And also, you can attend our 1,001st show. That's October 25th in Salt Lake City. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, Peter, it's Paul Belachik from Nashville, Tennessee. Hey, Paul, how are you?

I'm doing pretty good. I'm glad to hear it. What do you do in Nashville? So my brother and I are both fantasy artists, and along with my sister Sarah, we own a company called Aridani Studios, which is best known for making hand-painted prosthetic elf ears.

What? You know, I'm going to have to have a conversation with my screeners, because you're like the fifth guy like that in my life. Quite seriously, who buys these things? Everyone. I'm going to tell you, there's about 3,000 people in front of me, and none of them are wearing elf ears. Are you saying that you keep them for more formal occasions? I don't understand. I mean, when I went to see you guys in Nashville, I didn't wear my elf ears for the live taping.

I appreciate that. That might have been interesting. Well, Paul, welcome to the show. Thank you. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a winner. Ready to play? I am. All right.

Here is your first limerick. It went down on one root, not a knee, and said, you're the dryad for me. I know it seems sappy. I'm nestled and happy because I just married a... Tree. Yes, a tree. I thought no one would get that. A woman in England has married a tree in a ceremony this week.

The 34-year-old woman invited her friends and family to the ceremony, and this is true, even her supportive boyfriend was present, eagerly awaiting his first threesome. Oh, God, Peter. Worth it. Worth it. In addition to expressing her desire to be legally wedded to a woody plant, the nuptials were a way to bring awareness to the local green space that's under threat from development.

Instead of chaining herself to the tree, as other activists might, the bride is making the tree her ball and chain. You see? So she's got to move in with him, huh? Because he's rooted. He can't move in with her. Yeah, yeah.

Well, a lot of us are transplants. Yeah. The tree used to only date other plants, but it's branching out. Stump. Sorry. Here's your next limerick. Loch Ness has a scary reveal.

So I let out a shriek and a squeal. I prefer giant creatures with less slimy features. They tell me that Nessie's an... Eel? Yes, eel! We can all breathe a sigh of relief now that a group of researchers have concluded, they say, that the legendary Loch Ness monster

is likely just a massive swarm of monster eels. Go to sleep, Billy, no monster here, just a nest of giant water snakes. Scientists testing the water of Loch Ness, they found no traces of like a prehistoric animal, but instead they claimed to find, quote, eel DNA at pretty much every location sampled, unquote, including, they say, right behind you. I mean, it's kind of sad if this is true, because if you're like me, you grew up your entire life hearing about, you know, Nessie is this monster, or maybe it's a dinosaur.

Turns out it's eels. It turns out we've been catfished by an eel. So remember that famous picture of what looks like the neck of, like, a plesaur or whatever it is coming out of the water? That was just an eel going, guys, watch this! Do you think that they're all, like, working together to be like, I'll be the neck, and then some of you get like slightly above

and we'll look like a hump. And then there's like an eel who sneaks on shore, and then he comes back and he's like, hey, hey, get some lobster. It's working. Here is your last limerick. Some more wedges and slices here, please. This conveyor belt moves them with ease.

It's like a toy train. Here's the Gouda again. It's a sushi bar only with cheese. Yes, cheese! The opposite of sushi. Exactly. In a lot of ways. If you like the idea of conveyor belt sushi but wish it was

worse for your health, then you will love the world's first endless cheese conveyor belt restaurant in London. It's like a factory assembly line with the final product being clogged arteries. The restaurant is called Pickin' Cheese. Not my lame joke, theirs. You know, the first time I heard of conveyor belt sushi,

I thought, what a cool idea. And then I actually went to one and I was like, gross. This is the first time that I'm hearing of either, and I think they're both horrifying. You've never been to conveyor belt sushi? What would make you feel less like a human being than just sitting there and then like a slow thing of food comes by? Also, you don't know how long it's been around. What if it goes around once and you're like, I remember that cheese.

Wait a minute. I can't believe this thing started in London and not Wisconsin. You'd think. It's fancy gourmet cheese. In Wisconsin, the belt would lead directly into your mouth. Bill, how did Paul do in our quiz? Paul heard every clue, he was all ears for a perfect score

congratulations Paul well done, thanks Paul so much for playing thanks so much, bye Peter bye bye now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds of which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions he or she can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

I can. Paul and Adam each have three. Helen has one. Okay, Helen, you're in third place, so you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Supreme Court ruled that the White House could temporarily enforce new restrictions on blank seekers. Asylum. Right. This week, Republican Dan Bishop narrowly won a special election in blank.

North Carolina. Right. On Monday, California announced a new program to erase old blank convictions. Marijuana. Yes. Police in Ohio say they're on the lookout for a man who broke into a local fairground and stole blank. Conveyor belt cheese. No, an entire roller coaster.

What? It was a small one. Towed it away. On Wednesday, Purdue Pharma reached a tentative settlement over their role in the blank crisis. Opioid. Right. This week, the U.S. Trademark and Patent Office rejected Ohio State University's request to trademark the word blank. The.

Yes. I heard this one. For decades, Ohio State University has demanded to be referred to as the Ohio State University, which is short for the incredibly pretentious Ohio State University. which is short for the incredibly pretentious Ohio State University. Recently, they went so far as to try to trademark the word the for exclusive use on T-shirts, hats, and sweatpants. After the application was rejected, the university said they would appeal, taking it all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary,

or as they'll be known if OSU gets their way, a Supreme Court. Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz? Five right, ten more points, total of 11 for the lead. Very well done. All right. You got the lead. All right, we flipped a coin. Adam has elected to go next. Adam, please fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the White House announced a proposal to block the sale of flavored blanks. E-cigarettes. Right. To mark the 18th anniversary of blank, officials unveiled a new memorial honoring first responders at Ground Zero. The September 11th attacks. Yes. This week, the Trump administration said they would not grant temporary protected status to hurricane

refugees from blank. The Bahamas. Right. On Tuesday, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu vowed to annex settlements in the West blank. Bank. Yes. This week, a pro-Putin rapper in Russia broke YouTube records when his new music video became blank. The worst selling YouTube video of all time. So close.

The most disliked video of all time. Yes. On Monday, the NRA sued San Francisco over a citywide resolution naming the group a blank. Terrorist organization. Right. On Sunday, tennis great blank claimed his 19th career Grand Slam championship. Rafael Nadal. Right.

After sweeping through Florida, Hurricane Dorian left thousands without power and also left blank on the shores of a beach. Old cannonballs. No, a kilo of cocaine. I believe if you check the news, the cannonball answer is also correct. It might well be, but I was asking for the kilo of cocaine. I believe if you check the news, the cannonball answer is also correct. It might well be, but I was asking for the kilo of cocaine. All right. Either way.

A brick of cocaine was discovered on Paradise Beach in Melbourne, Florida, by a man who was walking on the shore after the hurricane. Then he was running on the shore. Then he was dancing on the shore. Then he was crying on the shore. And then finally he was asking the shore if then he was crying on the shore, and then finally he was asking the shore if he knew where he could find more cocaine. Bill, how did Adam do on our quiz?

Adam, you did okay. Six right, 12 more points. 15 puts you in the lead. All right. How many then? Does Peter Gross need to win? Six to tie, seven to win. All right, Grossy, this is for the game.

Please fill in the blank. On Wednesday, President Trump said he would delay a tariff increase on goods from blank. China. Right. On Monday, a majority of U.S. states launched a joint antitrust investigation into online search giant blank. Google. Right. Democratic candidates sparred over health care, immigration, and gun

violence in a 10-candidate blank this week. Debate. Right. On Wednesday, a Scottish court ruled that Boris Johnson's suspension of UK's blank was unlawful. Suspension of the parliament. Yes. Organizers of a soccer game between France and Albania accidentally blanked. Organizers of a soccer game between Spain and Morocco. No. The organizers of this match between France and Albania accidentally played the national anthem for Andorra.

And then they got really embarrassed, so they apologized to the nation of Armenia. Wow. Rough. My second choice. On Wednesday, scientists announced they'd discovered a planet with blank 110 light years from our solar system. A Starbucks.

No, a planet... How'd they do it again? a planet with blank 110 light years from our solar system. A Starbucks. No. How'd they do it again? A planet with water. On Tuesday, the husband of former vice presidential candidate blank filed for divorce. Oh, Palin. Yeah. After causing thousands of dollars in damages to a small town in Vermont, 250 pigs were lured back to their farm with blank.

A kilo of cocaine. No. It worked for Adam's thing. A trail of hot dog buns. The loose pigs, or as they're more commonly known, pre-hot dogs, has caused almost $100,000 of damage across the town of Orange, Vermont. Fortunately, they were eventually led back to their enclosure thanks to a trail of hot dog buns.

Oh. The pigs just found the hot dog buns weirdly warm and welcoming. Oh. That is cool. That is not right. Come here, chickens. Here's some toasted buns and a pickle and some mayonnaise. Oh, that's dark.

Cayenne peppers. Bill, did Peter Gross do well enough to win? Five right, ten more points, total of 13 And that means he is too short of Adam's 15 Congratulations, Adam Oh, thank you very much Well done Thank you, Newark

Wait, wait, don't tell me It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago In association with Urgent Haircut Productions Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord Philip Godeka, Right Side of the Lemrex Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman Our house manager is Gianna Capodona Our intern is Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Doreba Khan.

Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced every week by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager, that's Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog.

The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danf. Now, panel, we're going to ask you what will be on the next special edition of Monopoly. What will it be about? Adam Felber. For Biden fans, it's Jonopoly, the endearingly inaccurate property trading game with cards like, pass, go, collect $4,000 What am I saying? It's 20 bucks Reminds me of a story that always makes me cry

Helen Hong Non-binary, gender non-conforming monopoly Because it's all the same as regular monopolies So just shut up already And Peter Goats They're going to slightly go back to their roots With New Jersey monopoly Everything's pretty much the same so just shut up already. And Peter Gross. They're going to slightly go back to their roots with New Jersey Monopoly. Everything's pretty much the same

except the railroads are run by New Jersey Transit, so if you land on one of those spaces, you get delayed for four and a half hours. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Peter Gross, Adam Felber, and Helen Hong. Thanks to everybody at WNYC.

Thanks to all my homies at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. Thank you. This is NPR.