Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Brad Paisley

Episode Date: April 29, 2023

Brad Paisley joins us live in Nashville to talk about getting recognized for insurance commercials, his skill at writing impromptu jingles for chili, and whether his kids think he's cool.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Who's got a hankerman for some anchorman? I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Tennessee Performing Arts Center in Nashville, Tennessee. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. It is so great to be back here in Nashville. This is a place where wearing boots and a cowboy hat doesn't mean you're trying to cover up the fact you're short and bald.

It just means you're a tourist who just dropped $600 at Boot Barn. Later on, we are going to be joined by country music superstar Brad Paisley. But first, yeah. But first, it's your turn to call in and play our games. Dial 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now, let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, this is Allison Doolittle from Orlando. Hey, how are things in Orlando? Stormy at the moment. Right. What do you do there? Are you part of the tourism industry? Actually, I work for a tech company doing marketing, and I do some stand-up comedy on the side.

Of course you do. You're in Orlando. You have to entertain. It's like, it's what people do there. Well, welcome to our show, Alison. Let me introduce you to our panel. Thank you. First, you can see her hosting Butterboy Comedy every Monday night in Brooklyn, New York.

It's Maeve Higgins. Next, it's a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning and host of the podcasts Real Good and Health Matters. It's Faith Saley. Hey, Allison. And her podcast is Fake the Nation, where they're now doing succession recaps. And you can see her at the Asia Society in New York on May 5th. It's Nagin Farsad.

Hey, Allison. Hi. So, Allison, you are going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. Your job correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose for

your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Now, your first quote happens to be the number one comment that was posted on a big announcement video on YouTube that appeared this week. That's the most times I've seen Kamala Harris ever. Which was surprising because the video was actually President Biden announcing what? Announcing his bid for reelection.

Exactly right. President Biden's reelection was announced this week. He's going to be running for president again in 2024. This is completely unfair to those of us who have simply run out of ideas for new jokes about his age. Yes, and he will be 86 at the end of a second term, but when you average that with his approval rating, it's like 50. And it is true that this video featured kamala harris an awful lot biden's team has been doing their best to promote her as part of their case for a biden second term which is a lot like selling an airplane by talking about the parachutes You know, in that video, he spends a lot of time asking America for its vote.

Yes. I think he should be asking God for four more years. I know. That's where you start. Exactly. They shout four more years at him. He turns and shouts it up. Exactly.

Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, I'm so into it, though. He's just like a weighted blanket, you know? And that's what I... I want to, like, look at a president and just fall asleep. Like, that's all I want. And it's been great having that

these last few years, guys. You know what's weird is Biden, according to the polls, is deeply unpopular, but he is still, also according to the polls, favored for re-election. So what it basically is, is Biden is the spouse you can't stand anymore. But let's face it, America, the way you've let yourself go, you're just not going to do any better. Too expensive to do any better. Too expensive to divorce.

Fully a quarter of their audience is going, yeah, no. Or it's like Biden, Trump, and the American electorate is like the worst threesome. Biden will end up on top. Trump is going to feel isolated

and sad and then the American electorate is just like let's pretend like this never happens the nightmare throuple the nightmare throuple Nadine I don't know whether to laugh or vomit alright

your next quote is from someone who's had time to reflect after leaving Fox News. When you take a little time off, you notice how unbelievably stupid most of the debates on television are. So who suddenly had time off from his job on Fox News? Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson. Carlson that's right on Monday morning a Fox News suddenly fired Tucker Carlson the only person in history to look worse once he stopped wearing bow ties

the same day Don Lemon was fired from CNN which we only mentioned because of our commitment to cover both sides so Tucker Carlson I don't know if you saw this he has been fired from CNN, which we only mentioned because of our commitment to cover both sides. So Tucker Carlson, I don't know if you saw this, he has been fired from Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC. This is the egot of being unlikeable. So, you know that

very performative, confused look he always has? Yeah, he's famous for it. Right? I think it's always been constipation. And I think this break is going to give him time to take the biggest dump of his life. And he's going to walk out of the bathroom and he's just going to be like, Woo!

Immigration makes America great. Women deserve equal rights. Men don't need to tan their testicles. I think he's going to be a new man. Can I share my favorite detail about these firings? Is that both Don Lemon and Tucker Carlson hired the same lawyer? They did.

Which is so fun because it's like, what does a misogynist white nationalist anti-immigrant anchor and a black gay anchor have in common? Wait, you forgot misogynist for the black gay anchor. That's true. That's how they bond. That's how they bond

in the pilot. It's what brought them to Venn Diagram. It's misogyny. Yeah, yeah. It's really weird. Well, now Tucker has time to focus on his hobbies like installing lead water pipes in minority neighborhoods. Can I also float another theory? Yeah. Which is that Rupert broke up with his girlfriend a couple weeks ago.

That's true. And then he fires his best anchor. Yeah. Is there some hanky-panky? Like Tucker before me, I'm just asking questions. Yes. We don't know. Why aren't you allowed to ask questions?

I'm just a truth teller. I love how you stepped up into that role. And this obviously went really well. You know, Nagin, they are looking for a replacement. And an Iranian-American Muslim is just the first place they would go. Absolutely. Allison, here is your last quote. Yes.

If they allow a small shivering chihuahua onto their patio, they also have to welcome a large, drooling Great Dan. That was the New York Post talking about a new FDA guideline that officially allows dogs where? Ooh. Can I get a hint? Sure. Well, imagine, you know, somebody coming up and saying, well, have you been with us before? Well, okay.

Our chef special is kibble. Oh, restaurants? Yes, restaurants. You can bring your dogs to restaurants, according to the FDA. They issued a new guidance this week. They gave their okay as long, you can bring your dog to a restaurant as long as you stay in the outdoor seating area. But it's legal now.

Wait, your dog can go in, but you have to stay outside? Yeah, exactly. Okay. The joke's on you, person who just spent 40 bucks on a fake service animal vest. It's just dogs now. Just dogs. No cats, because you know cats would always send their meals back. It's just dogs now.

Just dogs. No cats, because you know cats would always send their meals back. This entire panel lives in New York City. Yes, you do. And I think I could speak for all of us that there are a lot of rats that just think this is hilarious. Because they have been dining outside with us for a long time. Pet rats. And they're bigger than some of those dogs. Yeah.

But what's amazing is, like, the FDA chose, like, to make their feelings known about this now. They've had such a tough few weeks. They're like, enough with this Mifit-Pristone stuff. Can we just send dogs to restaurants? And, of course, at the restaurant with dogs, the wine list is just, hmm, hmm, hmm. Bill, how did Allison do in our quiz?

Three in a row, and Allison, that's a win. Congratulations, Allison. Thank you so much. Thank you, Allison. Take care. Thank you, Alison. Take care. Thank you. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Maeve, a lot of airline passengers don't know the appropriate situations to use the flight attendant call button. So this week, flight attendants shared with the Washington Post some helpful

advice. When is a good time to use the flight attendant call button? If you want a light for your cigarette. If you're just a bit lonely and you want to finish the story that your friend you know wasn't listening to earlier. Oh, I know what happened.

When you should do it. If you find the person next to you has slid their hand down your pants at the back, you should absolutely ding that thing. I think everyone needs me. I think everyone

wants me to ask, has that happened to you, Maeve? Well, it's happened to the person beside me, yeah. A very polite young man, and he really didn't know what to do. And I had to say to him, listen, if you're not happy with this, ding that thing.

Ding the thing. And we got through it together. No, the right answer is never. You should never press it. No, no, no. You should never press it. It's apparently is what they say. What if you just open the window?

It's a bit of fresh air. Yeah, well. No, the idea is that that is supposed to be used just for emergencies. Just for emergencies. As one of them said, quote, it's not the vodka tonic button, unquote. And by the way, do I now have a great idea for something they should have on airplanes? Coming up, it's one, two, three strikes you're out in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-triple-8 Wait, Wait to Play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Maeve Higgins, Faith Saley, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host at the Tennessee Performing Arts Center in Nashville, Tennessee. It's Peter Sagal. Thanks, everybody. It's Peter Sagal. Thanks, everybody. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Blastal Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air.

Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, this is Natalia, and I'm calling from Gaithersburg, Maryland. Gaithersburg, Maryland. I know that place. Suburb of Washington, D.C. What do you do there? Well, I'm a mother to three beautiful children, and also I'm a school nurse.

Oh, wow, you're a school nurse. That's tough work. It's demanding. Actually, the kids are very nice when they come to me. They're always very thankful. Oh, that's so sweet. That's really great. And how about your own kids come to you for that sort of thing?

I was going to say that, you know, I don't always get a thank you at home. Oh, I know. You have to go to work to get a little gratitude. I understand. I'm the same way. Thank you, Peter. You're welcome. Natalia, welcome to the show.

You're going to play our game on which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Natalia's topic? Big changes in Little League. Who doesn't love Little League baseball? The roar of the crowd, the crack of the bat, the cry of the shortstop because you forgot to bring his fruit snacks. We read about something really new in kids' baseball this week. Our panelists are going to tell you about it.

Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize, the weight weighter of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to play? Yep. All right, here we go. First up, let's hear from Nagin Farsad. Two years ago, on a typical Saturday afternoon, local Little League team, the Malvern Mosquitoes, were set to take on the Bethlehem Blue Jays at Paoli Park in Malvern, Pennsylvania. But when the teams arrived, they were greeted by a group of 18th century-looking, be-pantalooned men carrying fake weapons and wearing glue-on beards. You see, Paoli Park is one of the lesser-known revolutionary battlefields, and the 6th Regiment reenactment group had reserved the field for their little war play acting. To solve the confusion, the Little

League parents decided there should be a game between the children and the weird colonial obsessed adults. That game is now an annual tradition because who doesn't love seeing 55 year old accountants in tri-cornered hats slowly running, and secretly wishing their midlife crisis had taken the form of a sports car. The Little Leaguers outrun them, outbat them, and outbreathe them. There's a lot of wheezing from the Colonials. And the Royal Chemise with ruffled neckwear does not help.

A annual game between Little Leaguers and revolutionary reenactors arising over a double-booked field. Your next story of a pastime permutation comes from Faith Saley. Baseball may be known as a slow game, but no parent wants her little leaguer to be known as a slow child. That's why Priya Singh-Levine created the Little Ivy League for baseball players aged 6 to 8 in her hometown of Raleigh, North Carolina. My son Sebastian was wasting so much time just standing in the outfield. These kids never hit the ball that far, and I thought, how can I optimize his downtime out there? So Priya put a math tutor out in left field with Sebastian, who helps the first grader calculate batting averages and the arcs of fly balls in real time.

Other parents, of course, wanted in, and the Little Ivy League was born with its goal of teach-a-ball moments. When the kids join, they not only receive a leather baseball glove, they also receive little leather elbow patches for their uniform. Umpires give calls in Latin. Coaches encourage the kids not to steal bases, but to abscond and or pilfer. And there is a waiting list for the league. It helps to apply early decision to the team you want. Teams include the Oxford commas, the executive Functions, and the Phi Beta Catchers, whose mascot is Malcolm Gladwell. The Little Ivy League, in which players learn as well as play.

Your last story of a Little League leap comes from Maeve Higgins. If New York has an empire state of mind, her shabby neighbor New Jersey has an umpire state of mind. It's Little League season. If you're not sure what that is, it's a baseball tournament for unemployed children. The owners of these children, also known as parents, often go along to shout at their children in a nice way. The problem is they also shout at referees and umpires, but in a mean way. They say things like, you silly goose, can't you see that was a goal or a dunk? The umpires are sick of being yelled at, so one New Jersey town, nobody cares what the name is, has introduced a new rule for naughty parents.

If they yell at an umpire, they have to become an umpire for three games. at an umpire. They have to become an umpire for three games. It's a perfect circle. Kind of like a baseball when you think about it. Or any ball. The hunter becomes the hunted. Alright.

Here are your three choices. We read one of these stories about an interesting thing in Little League this week. Was it from De Geen how an annual game of Little League players versus revolutionary reenactors started when a field was double booked? From Faith, the Little Ivy League in which the players learn as well as play so they can get into the college of their choice. Or from Maeve Higgins how one Little League in New Jersey has instituted a rule, if a parent yells at an ump, that parent must become an ump themselves.

Which of these is the real story of Little League? I'm not sure. All three sound kind of incredible, but my son is saying number three. All right, your choice is the third. That would be Maeve's story of the Little League that punishes parents who yell at the umpires. To bring you the correct answer, let's listen to this.

If a parent or other spectator fights with an umpire, they've got to suit up and officiate the game themselves. That was Will Reeve on Good Morning America talking about the new Berate an Umpire Become an Empire rule in the Deptford, New Jersey Little League because, Maeve, some of us care about the town's name. Congratulations, Natalia.

You and your son got it right. You've earned a point for Maeve. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today. Thank you. I'm a big fan. Thank you. Oh, we're fans of yours. Take care. Bye. you. I'm a big fan. Thank you. Oh, we're fans of yours. Take care.

And now the game where we talk to big stars about very little things. In a business where there are a lot of pretenders, Brad Paisley is the real deal. He's a country music star who really grew up in the country, in West Virginia. He came out to Nashville as a young man with a guitar. He still lives here. And we can only assume the white cowboy hat he always wears was stolen from an actual cowboy.

Brad Paisley, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Thank you very much. Now, like I said, unlike some other big stars I could name but won't, you actually still live here in Nashville, right? Yeah, I do. I live south of town, and that's as specific as I'm going to be. Well, I was wondering, you've become a big star. Can you walk down the street in Nashville and not be bothered? Depends on the street.

Yeah. Broadway? Yeah. Well, I haven't done that in a while. I'd like to think I'd be bothered, but who knows? At some point, when it's bad is when they stop. When they do stop, do they sing Whiskey Lullaby, or do they sing the nationwide jingle uh nationwide jingle these days really that's yeah it's like that that's brad paisley he wrote that jingle for nationwide that's the most humbling thing is it my kids school when when their friends go oh your dad does that nationwide thing. And it's like, I've done other stuff.

Okay. You're right. You took the money. That's what's going to lead your opiate. There's nothing you can do about it. You're right. You're right. But I've got great insurance on it.

That's important. I was going to mention that you not only live here, you raised your family here. And your kids are how old now? 16 and 14. 16 and 14. So they're teenagers. I got to ask, are they at all impressed with you? I would say they have their moments. Like they drove around in the last few years, they've gone on a deep dive in my Apple Music catalog. And my wife said, hey, I don't know if you know, but every time we're driving to and from school or anything they are going back on the old albums and listening to every track and the other day we had

a, there was a song they weren't familiar with and they went back and listened to it. They said what's that one about? I said I don't know, go listen to it. So we listened to it in the kitchen and Huck, my oldest, said well they can't all be gems. So no, they're not impressed So no, they're not impressed. No, they're not impressed.

You're also married, and your kids believe, I'm sure, that all of your love songs, of which you have some great ones, were all about their mother, right? So does she. But many of them are, right? And is that like, I mean, it's weird, right? Because you're writing songs that in many cases become top 10 hits and billboard country chart toppers about the person you live with.

And is she cool with that? Does she like them? She was in the beginning. And then after a while, I started to get a little more realistic with some of the lyrics. And, you know, I had a big, I had a hit on a song I wrote about her recently that I came to find out swear to god last night she does not care for really yeah how did you find out yeah yeah well we were in the kitchen and and she was joking around about

these songs that that some of them like lately I've written some funny ones about arguments and you know leaving her to go fishing and whatever and um there's elements of truth in these and then I had one that's a very touching love song and she's like yeah I never cared for that and I said why she's like it's not true there's no way that she's like, it's not true. There's no way that... She's like, you just wanted a hit song on that. So she's probably right. But still, it's like... One of the things I love about your songs is I find them genuinely funny. Tix is a great, funny song. Well, it's a public service announcement is what it is.

Lyme disease is real. Yeah. I think for people who don't know it, can you do the chorus of ticks? Yeah. I'd like to see you out in the moonlight. I'd like to, I don't even know. I'm remembering. I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks. I'd like to walk you through a field of wild flowers and I'd like to check you for ticks. Hey Brad. Hey, Brad. Well, and my wife has a story about that.

She's like, and that's another one that's BS. Because the other day, when we do have a tick problem on the farm, and they're everywhere. The other day, she's like, you think I have any? I'm like, just check between your toes. You'll be fine. Really? Really? She tells that story. Aw.

You have a lot of fans. I mean, Taylor Swift has Swifties. Lady Gaga, Little Monsters. Is there a nickname for your fans? Let's come up with one. All right. What about Tix? The Tix?

What's Tix? Brad's Tix. Show me your Tix. Let's do that. Show me my tics. There we are. Well, Brad Paisley, I can't tell you what a thrill

it is to talk to you here in Nashville. I can't quite believe I got to do it. I can't believe I'm on this show. Something you and I have in common. But we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling Welcome to Paisley Park, Paisley, Brad. Okay. So Paisley Park, as I'm sure you know, was the studio that the musician Prince built for himself. Right. In Minnesota. Today, it's a popular tourist attraction there. We're going to ask you three questions about Paisley Park. If you answer two of them correctly, you'll win our prize

for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Brad Paisley playing for? Jonathan Craig of Nashville, Tennessee. He's out there somewhere. I guess I have to ask because it's more than likely. Did you ever meet Prince in your travels? I never did, no. That seems a shame. It is a shame.

I would have loved to have served him papers on the name of that studio. Yeah, I know. All right, here is your first question. Prince, of course, no longer in residence, but a visitor who was there in 2018 was lucky enough to meet one of his artistic collaborators at the venue. He was living there. Was it A, the valet whose sole job was to lift Prince in and off his platform shoes, B, a pair of doves who are credited musicians on one of his albums, or C, the lighting technician whose job was to match the color of Prince's aura of the moment. All three of those are compelling.

They really are. I think it's the lighting technician. But what about those doves? The doves could be, that could be true, but were there real doves on it? There were? Oh, shoot. This is so important.

A lot riding in this. I'm going to listen to the brain trust to my left here and go with Doves. That's right. Yes. The Doves were named Divine and Majesty That's right. The Dubs. Okay. We're named Divine and Majesty and are credited musicians on the album One Night. Wow. Okay. All right.

Okay, next question. For the ticket price, visitors get a hands-on experience at Paisley Park when they are allowed to do what? A, play ping pong in the very ping pong table on which Prince once humiliated Michael Jackson in a game. B. Use Prince's own hot iron to brand yourself with his famous glyph. Or C. Use the microwave where he himself used to heat up his frozen pizza.

I think we're going to, yeah, let's go with the Michael Jackson ping pong table. That's right. That's right. Same ping pong table. That's right. Yeah. Same ping pong table. Apparently Michael Jackson visited once. Prince insisted on playing ping pong, even though Michael Jackson had never played, and Prince just beat him.

Yeah. Here's your last question. All right. Prince was not the only person to record at Paisley Park, remarkable recording studio. Other artists used it, like R.E.M., the Bee Gees, and once who? A, Rob Zombie, B, the Morbin Tabernacle Choir, or C, the Hormel Chili Company. C?

They're shouting C. So that's Hormel? Hormel Chili? Yeah. Are they based in Minneapolis? They are. I will tell you, Hormel? Hormel Chili? Yeah. Are they based in Minneapolis? They are. I mean, every time. I will tell you, Hormel is based in Minnesota.

Then I bet it is, because I could see the ad exec right now saying, we've got a princess studio on. It's going to be the best chili jingle anyone's ever done. It's purple chili. I don't know how, but you have a remarkable insight into the process of making television ads because you're right.

Yes! How about that? Amazing. I'm excited to hear what your prize is. Three for three. Speaking of television commercials in which I've seen you sing jingles, could you do a good jingle for like chili?

Chili? Sure, absolutely. It's, if you're going to eat tonight, you know what you need to do. Get yourself a spoon and eat the musical soup. There could, I could, I could go on. Yeah. I could go on, but let's not. Musical soup. Bill, how did Brad Paisley do on our quiz? Perfect!

Wow! Of course he did! In that and in all things, Brad Paisley's new single, Same Here, featuring President Zelensky of Ukraine, is out now. Brad Paisley's new single Same Here featuring President Zelensky of Ukraine is out now Brad Paisley thank you so much for being with us here in Nashville on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me

in just a minute we reveal a surefire cure for the Mondays in our listener limerick challenge call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Maeve Higgins, Nagin Farsad, and Faith Saley. And here again is your host at the Tennessee Performing Arts Center in Nashville, Tennessee. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

In just a minute, Bill gives in to his Rhymal Urges and our listener challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, it is time to play a game that we are calling the Rat Scurry. New York City's new Rat Czar has finally taken office and to celebrate her coronation, the New York Times collected New Yorkers best and worst rat stories

into one handy never move to New York guy. Now, since all three of you are New Yorkers, we figured we'd ask you about these stories rapid fire, true false style. You guys ready? about these stories rapid fire, true, false, style. You guys ready? Here we go.

Faith, true or false? An Upper West Side mother reported seeing her daughter run over a dead rat with a rolling backpack on the way to school. False. It was a mostly dead rat. Oh, come on. Maeve, true or false? A Bronx man said he, quote, screamed like a schoolgirl after he fell through the sidewalk 15 feet down into a sinkhole filled with rats. True.

No, false. He said he chose not to scream because he was afraid if he did, the rats would go in his mouth. Nagin. Oh, my God. True or false, a man in Manhattan said he dealt with a rat crawling out of his toilet by flushing it down, pouring cleaning products in after it, and praying. True. False. He flushed it down, poured the cleaning products in, and then moved away. Faith, true or false, a woman who had a rat climb over her foot while riding the subway said the worst part was, quote, the cool teenagers in the train who laughed at her. False. No, I'm sorry. True.

Oh, come on. Sorry. Maeve, true or false, a Queens man said he discovered a great way to stop rats from getting into his apartment when he read George Orwell's memoir of living on the streets. True. No, false. He used George Orwell's memoir to weigh down his toilet seat so they couldn't climb in. And that does it for this week's Rapscory. Very sobering. Can I share one fun detail about the new Ratzar? Please, tell us about the Ratzar. He is a former elementary school teacher, which says a lot about children.

Okay, panel, time for some more questions for you about the rest of the week's news. Nagin, as proof that young people these days are not spending enough time interacting face to face, the Guardian newspaper just published a beginner's guide to what? Oh, to, like, have a chat. No.

Oh, okay, so people aren't spending enough time face to face. Which is key here, face-to-face. Face-to-face. A kiss? Yes, it's a how-to guide on kissing. The Guardian asked a so-called somatic sexologist to give some kissing do's and don'ts for beginners, which is really helpful.

Sure, kissing seems easy at first. Just push your mouths together until they touch. But then what, right? Do you close your eyes? Do you hold your mouths together until they touch, but then what? Right? Do you close your eyes? Do you hold your breath? When are you supposed to say, mwah? I just, as a rule, I just always apologize straight away. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry. Sorry. Or I say thank you. You say both. Sorry, thank you. Sorry, thank you. Whichever you prefer, I'm leaving. I just, my general rule of thumb is like, don't get out of there until you feel like you've cleaned their gums. That's kind of where

the gentle hydratist approach. You're like one of those little fish that lives in shark's mouths. You're up there, you know. Or like those fish they put in like pedicure tanks and you put your foot in and they get rid of yours. Yes, that's what I am. am that's what i do is the idea that young people today they don't kiss well i don't i mean maybe it's one of those things where it's like nobody ever tells you how to do it

because everybody's assumed you know how right and everybody's afraid to ask yeah so maybe a guide is necessary and in fact there are some useful tips for example, like don't use your tongue on first contact. Okay, obvious to us, but maybe not to a first timer. Do follow your partner's lead. Don't open your eyes. Don't scream into your partner's mouth. Don't, don't, this is definitely a don't. And believe me, I know this.

Don't tell your partner about the bird that lives in your mouth. But kids, remember, do follow each kiss by saying, mmm, mmm, yum, yum, yum. Give me a kiss. Just a kiss. Give me a kiss. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank,

but first it's the game where you have to listen to the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. You can see us live most weeks back at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago or in New Orleans on May 25th and Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts on June 22nd. Tickets and more info at nprpresents.org. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi there. This is Elise calling from Durham, North Carolina. Hi. Okay. Durham, the Research Triangle, their university there.

What do you do there? That's right. I am a project associate for a non-profit in international education. Oh, cool. All right. Yeah. I'm confused, but I'll pretend to be impressed. Totally fair. Elise, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play? I'm ready to play. Here is yourrelated limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly and two of the limericks will be a winner.

You ready to play? I'm ready to play. Here is your first limerick. Saturday is one truly fun day. It's all downhill once that is a done day. On Sunday, I'm scared. No time to prepare. So I'll work the bare minimum. Monday? Yes, Monday. The latest work-life trend we have had so many post-pandemic. Now we have bare minimum Mondays. Okay? People like it already. The idea is to ease into the work week, right? Meaning no Monday meetings, no deadlines, just do the bare minimum on Monday. Not only do Mondays become great, Sundays will be delightful because there's less anxiety. The next workplace trend, of course, will be absolute nightmare Tuesdays. All right, here is your next limerick. You might say we are retro car snobs.

We think touchscreens aren't doing their jobs. They are too hard to read and distract at high speeds. So we're bringing back buttons and... KNOBS. That's right, knobs! Car makers have developed a fantastic new interface technology for the latest cars. It's tactile haptic bidirectional orbital levers, or as laymen call them, knobs. You know, like we used to have in cars. It turns out that just when America started cracking down on people using their phones while driving,

carmakers decided to put a big phone screen right in the middle of the dashboard. One study found that these infotainment touch screens we now all have can distract a driver for up to 40 seconds, which is long enough to drive half a mile, swerve off the road, crash through a fruit cart, go up over a jump, and land back on the highway while still trying to turn on the air conditioner. So they're bringing back knobs and levers, which are much simpler and don't distract you. I hope this trend continues and we get back the cigarette lighter, the window crank, and a cassette player with an ACDC mixtape permanently stuck in it.

I just want a hole where, on the ground, so that I can do, you know, Flintstone style. I can just walk myself in a car. All right. You have one limerick to go. Here it is. This old statue has got too much gray on. It will now have a rainbow display on. I am doing my part

because this toddler knows art. I am marking it up with my crayon. Crayon, yes! Staff at the historic Croom Court Mansion and Gardens in England, home to many sculptures and other works of art, decided to hand out crayons to all the

children who came to their Easter event which the kids used to politely draw and color things on the provided paper. Just kidding. They drew all over everything, including a 200-year-old marble Roman nymph, which ended up with blue scribbles all over it. Even her eyes had been colored in, and boy, did she look mad. 200 isn't that old, is it? It's not as old as... It's not like Joe Biden old. Yeah, I know.

Enjoy that. We can't do those in the second term. I mean, it's just a rule now. Bill, how did Elise do on our quiz? Perfect score. Good going, Elise. Congratulations. Wow.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for playing. Take care. Thank you very much. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Now it's time for our final game,

Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as Many fill in the blank questions as they can each correct answer now worth two points bill. Can you give us the scores? Oh sweet. Everybody has two. Oh my god. Wow What are we gonna do? I know what we're gonna do. I'm gonna arbitrarily pick Maeve to go first. Okay, here we go Charlie, pick Maeve to go first. Okay. Here we go. Maeve? Yeah. Fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, House Republicans narrowly passed a bill raising the blank. Roof. So close. Debt ceiling. On Tuesday, Chief Justice John Roberts declined to testify. Supreme Court. Yes. Okay, a little too quick. We're going to get it right this time. This week, Joe Biden met with the President of blank at the White House.

South Korea. Yes. This week, Joe Biden met with the president of blank at the White House. South Korea. Yes. On Tuesday, singer, actor, and civil rights activist blank passed away at the age of 96. Harry Belafonte. Yes, Harry Belafonte. Yes. This week, two passengers were banned from their carnival cruise after they were caught blanking from their room's balcony. Escaping.

No, although that might have been a good idea. No, they were caught fishing. The couple was given a lifetime ban from Carnival Cruises after they were caught dropping fishing lines into the ocean from their balcony. That's a big no-no on your average cruise where you're supposed to just do fun, normal activities like drinking so many Mai Tais you throw up into the hot tub.

So you're not allowed to fish off a cruise? You are not allowed to fish off cruise ships. I would imagine, and I could be wrong, there's a lot of fish in the sea. You know? That's true. That's a place to do it. That's true. In some ways.

It's the ultimate place to do it, you know? There's a lot more fish in the sea. There's a lot of fish in the sea, but you're not allowed to catch them from a cruise ship. Bill, how did Maeve do in our quiz? Got three right, six more points, total of eight. She's in the lead. I'm winning. Good luck, you two.

All right, we'll just move down the table. Faith, you're up next. Here we go. In an escalation of their ongoing battle, Disney filed a lawsuit against blank on Wednesday. DeSantis. Yes. On Thursday, Mike Pence testified before the federal grand jury investigating blank. The January Trump insurrection.

Yes, January 6th. January Trump, January 6th. Well, they might name the day. This week, former Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson announced he was the latest person running for blank. President. Yes. Despite strong opposition from the governor, Delaware officially legalized blank this week. Marijuana.

Yeah. Workers repainting a school zone on a road in Wales are being criticized this week after they blanked. Oh, well, in Wales, they put up signs where there are potholes that say, hold your nuts and adjust your bras. That's a true story, but I don't think it's what you're looking for. No, it isn't. In fact, people who painted the school zone are being criticized for misspelling school twice, once in English and once in Welsh.

According to a new report, the amount of U.S. adults who blank had dropped to an all-time low. Smoke. Yes. On Wednesday, the New York Jets introduced former Green Bay Packer blank as their new quarterback. Aaron Rodgers.

Yes. This week, someone scrolling through Google Street View found a series of images showing a motorcyclist blanking. A motorcyclist jumping Evel Knievel style over e-bikes. No, getting hit by the Street View camera car. So you know Street View, right? You can go and you can click on these images and you click on this one image that was taken in Africa,

a small town in Senegal, and there's a motorcyclist and then in the next frame he's getting closer and in the next frame he is flying through the air. The street where the photos were taken on Google Street View is now renamed Exhibit A Avenue. Well congratulations Faith, you did very well there. Let's find out. It's not official until Bill says it. Bill, how did Faith do on the quiz? Oh thank you babe. A six right, 12 more points Total of fourteen, and she did well.

All right, I think I can do this math by myself, since they started at the same place, but how many does Nagin need to win? Six to tie, seven to win. Oh my gosh, here we go, Nagin. Oh god, oh god. Here we go, Nagin. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. For the first time since Russia's invasion of Ukraine, Chinese President Xi Jinping talked with blank. Zelensky? Yes. During a tense three-day ceasefire, foreign aid workers and civilians were evacuated from blank. Sudan?

Yes. This week, E. Jean Carroll testified finally in her civil trial against blank. Oh, Trump. That's right. On Wednesday, the Pope approved a change allowing blanks to vote at the Synod of Bishops. Oh, ladies. The ladies, yes. This week, an electronic sign warning residents of a rash of thefts in Holland stopped working because somebody blanked. Stole it.

No, they stole the battery. I'll give it to you, yes. On Thursday, talk show host and the former mayor of Cincinnati, blank, died at the age of 79. Jerry Springer. Yes. This week, a town treasurer in Ohio was arrested after it was revealed he had embezzled over $300,000 to buy, blank. Potatoes. No, he had stolen $300,000 to buy two snowy owls, a gazebo, video games, five hot tubs, a snow cone machine, and a wildebeest.

I was so close. You were. The man, as far as authorities know, apparently wanted to build a personal zoo. And while he hasn't said why he wanted one, the wildebeest, who was found by authorities sitting in a hot tub, eating a snow cone, playing video games, said he was cool with it.

That's on my bucket list. You bet. Bill, did Nagin do well enough to win? Six right. 12 more points. Total is 14. We have a tie. Yay, Nagin do well enough to win? Six, right. 12 more points. Total is 14. We have a tie. Yay, Nagin.

I'm sorry, Faith. I know you really wanted this one. It's okay. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict, now that we can bring our dogs, what will be allowed at restaurants next. But first, let me tell you. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEC,

Chicago in association with Urgent Aircraft Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. BJ Lederman composed our theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Peter Gwynn is our somatic sexologist. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Schillag. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Nudy Danforth. Now, panel,

what will we now be allowed to do at restaurants? Nagin Farsad. In between courses, we're going to start doing air squats to keep it tight. Faith Saley. We'll finally be allowed to bring our pedicurist, as long as they fit under the table. And Maeve Higgins. We're going to allow children in, but only if they can do tricks.

Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it here on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Nadine Farsad, Faith Saley, Maeve Higgins. Thanks to the staff and crew here at the Tennessee Performing Arts Center. Everybody

at WPLN and our fabulous audience in Nashville. Thanks everybody at home for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.