Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Charlamagne tha God
Episode Date: June 8, 2024This week, Charlamagne the God talks his new book, growing up a nerd, and loving Judy Blume. Plus panelists, Shane O'Neill, Alzo Slade, and Karen Chee rub your back.Learn more about sponsor message ch...oices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy
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Hey, it's Peter. Before this week's show, I want to tell you about next week's show,
which we are recording outside at Chicago's Millennium Park on the lake, and it is free.
That's a free performance of Wait Wait in the magnificent Frank Gehry designed Pritzker
Pavilion, Thursday, June 13th in downtown Chicago. Bring your family, have a picnic
on the Great Lawn, or bring somebody else's family, live in the edge. That's Wait, Wait Free and Outside on June 13th.
The show starts at 7.30, gates open at 4.30,
so if you're going to be walking to Chicago, start now.
From NPR in WBEC, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait,
Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.
It's officially Hot Bill Summer.
I am Bill Curtis and here is your host at the Studer Baker Theatre at the Fine Arts
Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill.
Thank you, everybody.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
It's so good to be back with you all. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you.
It's so good to be back with you all.
I have missed you and we have brought a great show for you today.
Later on, we're going to be talking to Charlemagne the God,
who started as a radio host and is now a media tycoon and global superstar.
And I'm just going to say, I would have done that too,
but nobody told me you could. So maybe I'll
get some tips from him but in the meantime you can get something out of a
moment on the air give us a call the number is 1-888-wait-wait that's 1-888-924-8924
it's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi you are on wait wait don't tell me.
Hi this is Veronica Doons Green from North Reading, Massachusetts.
I know North. About 20 minutes north. Oh you don't need to tell me that girlfriend. I know
I know where North Reading is and I know it's not North reading. What do you do there?
When I'm not spending time with my two little girls and my rescue pity
I am I work in marketing and I'm a professional makeup artist. Oh you are well
What kind of work is there for professional makeup artists. Oh, you are. Well, what kind of work is there for professional makeup
artists in North Reading, which again, I know well,
is not a media capital?
No, a lot of bridal work.
Bridal.
You must have seen, working all these weddings,
just a lot of trauma, dysfunction, and horror.
Is what I'm thinking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You did some interesting things. that's very distinct characters, but everyone's just happy
that you're there to make them look good.
Well welcome to the show, Veronica.
Let me introduce you to our panel this week.
First up is a reporter who now writes the style memo for the Washington Post.
It's Shane O'Neill.
Hi Veronica. Next, he's an Emmy and Peabody Award-winning journalist and comedian, it's Alzo Slade.
Hey, what's up, Veronica?
And finally, a comedian and writer you can follow on Instagram at Karen Chi to find out
where you can see her live, it's Karen Chi.
Hey, Veronica.
So, Veronica, I bet you know this, but you're going to start us off with who's Bill.
This time Bill Curtis is going to read or perform for you three quotations we found
in the week's news.
Your job, correctly identify or explain just two of them, just two, and we will give you
our prize, the voice of anyone you might want from our show on your voicemail.
You ready to go?
Do this.
Let's do it.
Your first quote is someone downplaying
the suppositive negative side effects of a new drug.
I've only experienced increased libido.
That person was talking about the first ever birth control
that might soon be available to whom?
Men.
Yes, men.
I think I was going to explain how hard it is to get men to use birth control, but just
from the way you said the word men, I think you already know.
A new gel developed by the NIH is the most promising birth control for men yet found.
We may finally have a replacement for the current most effective method.
Want to watch me play video games?
So it's a hormonal gel that men will be able to rub into their shoulders once a day.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Woman's birth control is a surgically implanted paper clip,
and the men get a back rub.
Wait, so it's a gel that's really rubbed on the shoulder?
You really rub it on your shoulders?
I'm going to let some other dudes try that first.
I'm not trusting that right away.
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
Again, men, famously not interested in birth control, but you're like a shoulder rub?
No way.
No, it's not the shoulder rub.
I just don't trust that it works.
This is the first time I've heard about this.
So let me get this straight.
This is, you rub it on your shoulders and then you turn gay?
That would be an effective form of birth control.
I mean, it's the most effective one I've ever used.
I think, Shane, it really depends on who rubs your shoulders, if you know what I mean.
Well, Peter, I have very strong hands.
Okay.
But as a woman, you have to really trust that this man is rubbing his own shoulders every
morning, right?
Yeah.
That's the trust issue for me is not the science.
It's that men are not even washing their bed sheets.
Yeah, sure.
No, yeah. It's a lot to ask.
Now, the medication, it's very promising, but it does have some flaws.
For instance, it requires men to do something.
No other technology has worked because studies show time and time again men refuse to do
anything even mildly inconvenient.
So we are just a few short years away from men saying,
no baby, it just feels better without shoulder gel. Veronica, your next quote is a description
of a brand new spaceship that launched into orbit this week.
It's got inadequate software testing, corroded valves, flammable tape, a weak parachute system, and a helium
leak.
That was from the New York Times cataloging just some of the problems with the new rocket
that was built by what company?
Boeing.
Boeing, yes!
When you are about to launch into space, you want to hear inspiring words like, we are
go for launch, or to infinity and beyond, you do not want to hear, well, fingers crossed.
On the other hand, Boeing has finally built an aircraft that is supposed to land in the
middle of the ocean.
So, this is like they've been having all these trouble with their airplanes.
Yes.
And now they're like, well, we're going to build a spaceship.
Well, yeah, this has been going on.
Of course, I mean, you don't just build a spaceship in a day.
Maybe you don't.
Well, okay.
They've had this contract in a while to build this particular rocket ship and it was plagued
by a lot of problems, right?
Isn't this sort of the equivalent of like, well, we had a bad first date, let's get married.
Yeah, pretty much.
Boeing says this mission is that the spaceship was supposed to go up and dock with the ISS,
deliver some much needed supplies, and then safely land on earth directly on top of a
Boeing whistleblower.
Oh, no.
Why do they keep building these rockets?
They're really trying to send regular folks to space?
Yeah.
I'm not going.
I don't want to back rub you.
Don't want to rocket ship you.
What do you want?
Because you know, they're trying to put people on Mars, but we fell for that trick already
because they're going to take us there, then they're going to make us, the black and brown
people build it up, and then they're going to live there.
We should warn the aliens. By the way, Bill was quoting from an article that was published last weekend before the
launch on Wednesday, and afterwards as they were going up into space, they found two more
helium leaks.
And that's why astronaut Suni Williams had to call NASA and say, Houston, we have a problem.
But they made it.
I want everybody to know they made it.
They made it to the space station.
They docked and delivered their cargo which was important parts to repair the astronauts'
urine processor.
That's amazing.
I'm genuinely impressed that they were able to get all the supplies there because everybody
knows you can't bring more than three fluid ounces on to a moe.
That's true.
All right.
Veronica, your last quote is what people are asking about a rising star in the soft drink
business.
Does it contain prune juice?
Was there an actual doctor? So after
decades of Coke versus Pepsi for the first time ever another soda has
overtaken Pepsi and become the second most popular soda in America. Which one?
Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper, yes! Oh, we've just got fans here, apparently they're everywhere. After spending years deep down in the rankings, in the minor leagues, if you will, Dr. Pepper
has now passed Pepsi for the number two spot just behind Coke.
This is huge news for fans of Dr. Pepper and anybody placing bets in the weirdest section
of DraftKings.
I just know Dr. Pepper's parents are just like, finally, that PhD paid off.
Wait a minute.
You think Dr. Pepper is one of those incredibly annoying PhDs who insists on being referred
to as doctors?
And it's like got it in literature.
You're like, you shouldn't be called a doctor.
Okay, this isn't a joke.
This is just a fact.
Okay.
I have a very good friend.
Her name is Allison Pepper.
Her father is a surgeon named Dr. Pepper.
Yes.
And he's number two in the country.
But he also had another child named Elizabeth who also became a doctor.
And I have never forgiven her for not becoming a dietitian because then it could have been
Dr. Pepper and Diet Dr. Pepper in the same time.
Bill, how did Veronica do in our quiz? Diet Dr. Pepper in the same time. Oh! Ha ha ha!
Bill, how did Veronica
do in our quiz? Veronica is a
Pepper person.
And she got three in a row.
Congratulations Veronica!
Bye bye! Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.
Shane, there are registries, of course, for baby showers and bridal showers and weddings,
but the newest trend is making a registry so people can buy you gifts to celebrate your
what?
Divorce. Exactly right.
According to the Washington Post, divorce registries are becoming more and more common.
Just like wedding registries, you fill out a list of things you need
and then your friends and family can shop for them as presents.
You know, how adorable to get that monogrammed hand towel that just says, his.
I think there needs to be a time period though.
So how long is it between the wedding and
the divorce?
Because I'm not buying you two gifts if you just got married two years ago.
Right.
Like I want the gift that I gave you back at that point.
I don't plan on getting married, which means I also don't plan on getting divorced.
You're missing out on all the gifts, bro.
Well, this is...
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Where's my...
You're just kind of slutty, Registry.
Yeah, I know.
Well, I'll give you some shoulder cream.
I don't really need it.
You don't need it.
I don't really need it.
Who's that hot girl who don't give a...
Get on the floor, girl.
I got what you want, want, want.
I got what you want, want, want.
I got what you want, want, want.
I got what you want, want, want.
I got what you want, want, want.
I got what you want, want, want.
I got what you want, want, want.
I got what you want, want, want.
I got what you want, want, want.
I got what you want, want, want. I got what you want, want, want. I got what you want, want, want. I got what you want, want, want. I got what know. Who's that hot girl who don't give a uh, uh, uh.
Get on the floor girl, I got what you want, want, want.
Coming up, our panelists are in the dog house.
It's our bluff the listener game called 1-triple-8-wait-wait-to-play.
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From NPR in WBEZ, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me,
the NPR News Quiz.
I'm Bill Curtis.
We are playing this week with Shane O'Neill,
Alzo Slade, and Karen Shee.
And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois,
Peter Segel.
Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody.
Right now, look at the clock.
It's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Bluff the Listener game.
You can call 1-888-WAITWAIT to play any of our games on the air,
or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page
at Wait Wait NPR to learn how to get in touch.
Hi, you are on Wait Wait, don't tell me.
Hi Peter, my name is Karen Fink
and I'm calling from San Diego, California.
Beautiful San Diego, I do love it there.
What do you do there?
I'm a director of accounting for a local hotel group.
Okay, so you're like, none of these big chain hotels,
one of these quirky hotels.
No, it's a small family-owned company. Right, because you don't have
like the blandness, you have like little things like, you know, beautiful little
personal touches and blood stains on the walls. It's great. Absolutely, they're
beautiful, very unique, lovely hotels. Okay, well welcome to the show Karen.
You're gonna play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill,
what is Karen's topic? Hey dog, you're fired. Now dogs game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Karen's topic?
Hey, dog, you're fired.
Now dogs, of course, are man's best friend, but with all the things dogs can do, they
are also man's best coworker.
Like this is Fluffy, she's my pet, also my work wife.
Well this week we heard about a dog who somehow managed to lose its job.
Our panelists are going to tell you about that.
Pick the real story.
You will win the weight weighter of your choice in your voicemail.
You ready to go?
Absolutely.
First, let's hear from Alzo Slade.
Silas Claiborne of Quincy, Florida went viral in a TikTok video ranting about how his new
hunting dog, quote, ain't worth the hill of beans.
The wealthy rancher had bragged to his hunting buddies about his new English springer spaniel named Peter, bred for his ability to find, flush out, and
retrieve game birds. But from the moment he arrived at the ranch, Peter started acting
weird. He wouldn't wear a leather collar. He growled at people wearing fur. And the
last straw was when, finally, on a hunting trip, Peter ran into the bush to retrieve
his master's prey and came back with a mouth full of berries and leaves.
Silas' buddies bursting with laughter
gave him the dreaded news.
Silas' buddy, you got a vegan dog.
That's why he turned his snout up
and started barking lectures at our dogs.
It was only then that Silas found out
the dog was bred in Portland, Oregon
by a new age couple who raised Peter as a vegan.
He also found out that he was mispronouncing his name, which
was actually Peter.
A bird dog turns out to be a vegan
and not interested in hunting birds.
Your next dog tale comes from Shane O'Neill.
A prison in Brazil has had it with its demanding and entitled guard dogs.
Marco Souza, the prison director of the Sao Pedro de Alcantara prison in southeastern
Brazil says he was spending a fortune on vet bills and fancy food for the facility's Belgian
shepherds which cost $7,000 a piece.
They also took several naps a day.
The solution?
Fire the dogs and hire a flock of geese.
The idea came during a barbecue
when an aggressive flock of geese charged prison officials.
The territorial birds are loud enough to alert guards
and scary enough to deter escapes. The geese are happy with rice and they never get sick, Susa said of his new hires. Even better, they can't be bought off.
They hate everyone, said Susa.
They have zero loyalty, even to the people who feed them every single day.
When asked for comment, one of the goose guards replied, oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh!
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Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! comes from Karen Chu. Hi, Karen. My name is also Karen, so I think you should pick me.
OK, here we go.
News channel France 24 led their broadcast on Monday
with the story of Pepito, a nine-year-old farm dog
in Provence who is fired for neglecting his herding duties
and instead acting like a chicken.
Video shows Pepito, who lives on a chicken farm
howling at sunrise alongside the rooster crowing
and attempting to peck at feed along with the chickens
and bumping his snout.
Most unfortunately, Pepito also keeps sitting on the eggs
and breaking all of them.
This is actually a rare but documented phenomenon
where if you put an animal, usually as a baby,
around another species, they will take on the habits of said species.
Dr. Violette Feline is a veterinary researcher at the Ecole de Ferme and she told the station,
this isn't that abnormal, it's only surprising because it happened to Pepito as a middle-aged
dog.
It turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks.
Whoa.
All right.
Here are your choices.
Which of these is the real story of a dog or dogs that lost their jobs?
From Alzo, a bird dog that turned out to be a vegan.
From Shane, a Brazilian prison replaced all of its expensive and lazy guard dogs with
cheap and vicious geese.
Or from Karen Chee, a farm dog in France that lost its job because it seemed to think it
was a chicken.
Well, you know, we Karens really should be sticking together, but I think I'm going to
have to go with Shane's story.
You're going to go with Shane's story of a Brazilian prison that fired all of its guard
dogs and replaced them with geese.
Well, all right.
To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone who knows all about this story.
At a prison in southern Brazil, they're now using geese as guards instead of dogs.
That was Sanantha Pearson,
the Brazilian correspondent for the Wall Street Journal who actually broke the story on the guard
geese. Congratulations Karen. You were wise not to trust someone named Karen.
And pick Shane because you have won our prize.
You've won a point for him.
And you get the voicemail of anyone you might like.
Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Take care.
You're just a dog on diggity dog on diggity dog.
You're just a dog on diggity dog on diggity dog.
Bow wow.
And now the game we call Not My Job.
When Leonard McKelvey got his first big job in radio back around 2006, he decided to use
the street name he came up with when he was a teenager, Charlemagne the God.
18 years later, he is the host of the Breakfast Club National Morning Show.
He's a podcaster, a producer, a publisher, the author of three books.
His latest Get Honest or Die Lying is out now.
Charlamagne the God, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Yes, sir.
All right.
It's actually Leonard McKelvey and I've been doing radio for 26 years.
Well, there you are, man.
You just nailed me, you see. This actually, this gets right to my first concern, because you are an extremely well-known
and expert interviewer, and you pride yourself on your preparation, which I clearly did not,
but you are also known for having that great first question that gets right to the heart
of the most important issue.
So what should I ask you right now?
Well, if you would have asked me this question 20 years ago,
my answer might have been different.
But I think the most important question
that you can ask people first nowadays is, how are you?
All right, I'll go with that.
How are you?
Well, today has been a very rough day, man.
I've been having panic attack after panic attack.
And, you know, right now I'm a little gassy and I'm trying to get, you know, home stuff
to use the bathroom.
See, I, by the way, I made all of that up just now, but what I was trying to teach you
is that when you ask somebody how they are, you have to be ready for a real answer.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, we would.
I might.
I mean, this is a cultural thing, Charlemagne. I'm Jewish, I know.
I wanted to go, I've been reading your new book, which is your third book. You do mention though
that when you were growing up, you were really a nerd, right? That's what you had to become when
you were on the street, Charlemagne the God. So define nerdy for me.
Fantastic question.
Back then I was the guy wearing glasses
and I had the fanny pack and like, you know.
I was like, were you like so nerdy you were into NPR?
That's what I was getting at.
No, I mean, I'll put it like this.
I was in fifth grade.
I loved Judy Blume and Beverly, clearly. Yeah, I'll put it like this, I was in fifth grade.
I loved Judy Blume in Beverly, clearly.
Yeah, I love that.
That's one of my favorite stories about you is that you loved Judy Blume as a kid.
Well, that's right there a good sign.
And that one of your dreams come true is when you got to actually interview Judy Blume in
your show.
Yes, man.
Well, you know, it started out a little bit before that
because I speak about Judy Bloom so much
because to me, Judy Bloom is just an amazing storyteller.
I look at Judy Bloom the same way I look at Jay-Z.
She actually sent me an autograph.
She sent me and my oldest daughter
autographed copies of All You Their God is Me, Margaret,
maybe like five years ago.
And I really thought my team was playing a trick on me.
I was like, this is not real.
Like I don't believe that she really autographed these books.
One of y'all did it.
Let me look at your fingers so I can see the marker on it.
But she asked to meet me in New York.
And you know, it's like one of those things
where you grow up reading so much of a person's work
and reading so much about a person,
you feel like you already know them when you meet them.
And it was like me and her just had an instant connection.
That's awesome.
I know you know him, so have you ever said to Jay-Z, you know, you're a storyteller just
like Judy Blume.
No, I never did.
Give that a try.
He's got kids now.
He might go for it.
No, he should tell Judy Blume she's a storyteller like Jay-Z.
Well, that's what he did. I never did. Give him that a try. He's got kids now. He might go for it.
No, he should tell Judy Blume she's a storyteller like Jay-Z.
Well, that's what he did.
I have, though.
That I've done.
I think he's done.
All right, yeah.
That's the easier one, right?
I've definitely done that.
Yeah.
So in your new book, Get Honest or Die Lying, you tell a story about your early days in
morning radio.
And is it really true that a rival show
sent over three guys to jump you?
The funny thing, that wasn't even a morning radio show
that sent that.
That was a evening show, a late night show.
But I want the record to show I almost got jumped.
Yes, you can watch the video.
I didn't get jumped because I skedaddled.
Yeah, you're pretty spry, I thought.
But again, that kind of street cred you cannot buy.
So how do I get Steve Inskeep to send his boys after me?
I would hope you could woof any of Steve Inskey's people. So, for people that don't know, your show, which you co-host, The Breakfast Club, has
become an absolute must-stop for anybody on any kind of publicity tour, if you're selling
an album, if you're selling a film, if you're selling yourself as a candidate.
And do you know how you achieve that to be the guy
that everybody has to be interviewed by?
I don't know if I'm the guy that everybody
has to be interviewed by, but I do know
that the reason I'm able to interview so many diverse people
is because of my mother, and the one piece of advice
that she gave me when I was a kid was read things
that don't pertain to you.
So that just makes me a very naturally curious person.
And being that I'm a naturally curious person, I have a fantastic job that just allows me to
you know, have conversations with a lot of these people that I've either read about
or you know, a lot of these people that I would like to, you know, learn more from.
I'm gonna ask you a very sincere question, because I've been interviewing people for a long time,
but there's one thing I always struggle with.
I don't know if you do.
I'm always worried about offending the person
I'm talking to, making them angry.
And sometimes that keeps me from like,
maybe asking the right question.
How do you deal with that?
Security, making sure that there's security in the building.
Okay, all right.
Alright. Well, Charlemagne the God, it is great talking to you and we have invited you here to play
a game we're calling...
Charlemagne the God, meet these other gods.
Since you're a god, we figured out we should ask you about some other gods you may have
met in the pantheon, the obscure lesser known ones from around the world.
Answer two out of three questions correctly, you will win our prize for one of our listeners.
Bill, who is Charlemagne the god playing for?
Larry Wood of Tampa, Florida.
All right, you get two out of three right and he wins a voice for his voicemail.
That's what's at stake.
Here we go.
In the Norse Pantheon, Charlemagne, the god Særemnir had a specific role to play for the other gods there in Asgard.
What was it? A. He provided them with unlimited amounts of bacon.
B. He had to clean up after all the orgies.
Or C. He was the god's accountant.
Særemnere.
Okay.
I know Loki.
I know Thor.
I'm just going to say, I'm just going to say this one has not shown up in the MCU, but
it would be pretty cool if it did in my opinion.
Okay.
I don't believe any of those choices are true, but I'm just going to jump out there on the
limb and say janitorial services.
No, it was actually bacon.
Yeah.
Really?
This god was the holy boar, and every night at their feast, the other gods would eat him,
and then the next morning, he'd wake up alive again to do it all over.
Don't make me a god if that's the case.
Yeah.
This is not one of the better gods. Oh, you's still too much chances too much chances here and we are fans
So the next question the Greeks had a god for everything they you know Aries for war, you know
Athena for knowledge, etc
But they had one lesser known God whose specialty was guarding over what a first dates
His specialty was guarding over what? A, first dates, B, take out food, or C, anything the other gods didn't cover.
Yo, this really does sound like Marvel characters that just got left on the cutting board.
I know, I know.
Like, I'm going to say the Greek god of things that the other gods didn't cover.
That's right
He was known as like he was like he was known as the unknown God and the Greeks would pray to this God whenever there wasn't
Appropriate God whatever their problem was it was like when you do your expenses you have a little amount of
Miscellaneous he was the god of that. All right, one more question, you get this
right, you're a big winner. Here we go. The Roman goddess Cloacina was the god in
charge of what? A, weight loss and dieting, B, the sewers, or C, stand-up comedians?
Oh, I actually know this one. She was the god of the sewers because she was the goddess of filth.
That is exactly right, Sera.
She was.
She was, she was, the Romans of course had very advanced sewers and they were very proud
of them and Cloacina was, as you say, the goddess of filth and beauty together.
That was really impressive. Did you like into her in the god clubhouse?
I don't know how you knew that.
No, you know what's so funny?
Because of the Marvel universe, I look up stuff like that.
I've always, I'm not going to say always,
I'm some Greek god expert.
I would lose on Jeopardy bad.
But there's just certain ones that just stick out.
And I just remember, you know, Chloe Lucina being the goddess of silver.
That is absolutely impressive. Bill, how did Charlemagne the God do on our quiz?
Two out of three means that Charlemagne is a god.
Absolutely well done. Charlemagne, your gentleman and the master of your art.
Charlemagne the God is one of the hosts of The Breakfast Club and his new book, Get Honest
or Die Lying is out now.
A lot of things to learn in it.
Charlemagne the God, thank you so much for joining us.
I'm Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Music.
Music.
In just a minute, Bill says it's his duty
to tell you about his favorite museum
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When you hear Birmingham, Alabama, you might think about the civil rights movement, but
maybe not about baseball.
But as the oldest pro ballpark in America, Rickwood Field saw the struggle for freedom
play out right there on the dirt and grass.
I'm Roy Wood Jr.
I grew up in Birmingham, and I'm going to tell you this whole story.
Listen to Road to Rickwood from WWNO and WRKF, part of the NPR network.
["WRKF Newsreel"]
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is,
wait, wait, don't tell me, the NPR News Quiz.
I'm Bill Curtis.
We are playing this week with Alzo Slade,
Shane O'Neill and Karen Chi.
And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre, Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segel. Thank you, Bill.
In just a minute, Bill's punishment fits the rhyme. It's our Listener Limber
Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.
Right now, we'll panel some more questions for you from the week's news.
Alzo, there's a new debate erupting online whether or not people are required to do what
while at the grocery store.
Buy something.
You know, most people believe that if you go to the grocery store, you should be buying
something while it's gone.
I just look around, you know.
Really?
Yeah.
Just like wandering up and down the aisles.
You know, smelling the bread, seeing if it's fresh.
Licking the fruit, seeing if it's fresh.
Exactly.
Can I have a hint, please?
Yeah.
Well, you know, sometimes it's hard because one of the wheels is broken.
Oh.
Put the grocery cart back in the little corral. Exactly, to return the shopping cart.
Yes.
It's a fierce debate going on.
Thank you.
It's a fierce debate raging between those who believe you should always return the cart
to the store or the corral and those who will spend eternity having their flesh torn from
them by demons.
So one woman on TikTok made a pretty reasonable argument
why she doesn't do it.
She said, quote, I'm not getting my groceries into my car,
getting my children into the car,
and leaving them in the car to go return the cart.
But here's the thing, and I'm being serious,
I do that all the time.
And in the extremely unlikely chance
that somebody leaps into the car and drives off with my kids during the 90 seconds I'm away,
well, Teddy gets two naps a day and Elliot will not eat anything but french fries. Enjoy yourself.
Now, the exception to the rule is the Costco parking lot.
Everybody knows, at the Costco parking lot, you are parked so far away from the store that it's actually just as easy to push the cart back to your house. No, I was gonna say the Costco parking lot is one of the
only places that puts corrals all around the parking lot. It's very thoughtful
Costco, they're a very good company. And if they're listening I'd love to be
sponsored.
No, no, Costco. I've got jokes in bulk.
No, I was about to say Costco wouldn't sponsor a comedian.
They'd sponsor 50 comedians.
And you'd have to go see them all.
Yeah.
Shane, last week a researcher in the UK revealed the key to long life in men.
All you have to do is what? Listen to your wife. Sucker! No, that's not it.
Can I have a hand, please? I will. You live longer and maybe you'll end up with a
beautiful soprano voice. Oh, castrate yourself? Yes, castration is the secret. Oh, no, sir
Peter you don't have to say anything else. There's no don't even explain it Peter
The researcher said to an audience of men slowly crossing their legs
And then the member like, uh, do you have anything we could just rub on our shoulders, please? And the evidence about this is so convincing that this researcher refers to testicles,
and this is true, as too little death nuggets.
Well, give me the barbecue sauce.
So the way it works is...
Oh, we know how it works.
Get a rubber band and some kitchen scissors. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to
listen for the rhyme.
If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-888-924-8924.
You can catch us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago.
But next week, be sure to join us Thursday, June 13th in Millennium Park for a free show outdoors,
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And later this month, if you don't want to come all the way to Chicago, you can see us
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For tickets and information for all of our live shows, go to nprpresents.org.
Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Hi.
Hi, who's this? This is Jennifer from Greens Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this?
This is Jennifer from Greensboro, North Carolina.
Oh, beautiful Greensboro.
I love it by proxy.
What do you do there?
I am a lawyer.
Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's too easy.
It's too easy.
It's too easy.
Although I will tell you a story.
I once told somebody about my brother.
I said he's a lawyer, and the guy gave me a face.
And I said, no, no, no, he's one of the good ones.
And the guy said, oh, when did he pass away?
He was like, can I quickly, what kind of law do you do,
Jennifer?
Well, actually, my kids call me a death lawyer.
Oh, God.
I do estate planning and estate administration.
Oh, so yeah, so yeah, that's great.
What's great for you is like if you have a client
and the client dies, your business with them is not over.
That's great.
Indeed.
Well Jennifer, welcome to the show.
Bill Curtis is gonna read you three news related limericks
with the last word or phrase missing from each.
If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly
on just two of the limericks, you'll be a winner.
You ready to play?
I am.
You are. Here is your first limerick.
Many dogs will just lurk out of sight.
They jump out and give mailmen a fright.
Now the USPS has quantified stress.
They've ranked zip codes by dogs and their bite.
Yes, bite.
According to a new survey released by the US Post
Office of the city with the most incidents of dogs biting mail carriers
is the rumble please Los Angeles congratulations now San Francisco is
way down the list because they're the dogs bite email servers and at the
bottom of the list is Portland Oregon Oregon, because as you heard earlier, there
the dogs are vegan.
The post office did this because they want us to know that there were 5,000 incidents
of postal carriers getting bit last year and they want us to take steps to reduce them.
Okay, fine, post office, we'll keep the dogs inside.
But have you ever considered making your employees less delicious?
Los Angeles is the winner?
Los Angeles is the winner.
I'm sorry, if my post carrier tried to pitch me on a screenplay, I'd bite them too.
That's probably what's going on.
All right, here is your next limerick.
In my pink fluffy skirt and my new shoes, my gym buddies all say, you do you.
Not just for ballet, but for squats on leg day.
In the weight room, I'm wearing a...
Tutu?
Yes, you did.
I thought so.
Very good. Women at the gym are ditching boring old leggings for frilly skirts and tutus.
As one Atlanta woman put it, quote, all of a sudden I'm a fairy princess running through
a forest and not this out of shape mess on a treadmill, unquote.
As a bonus, wearing a tutu to the gym, ladies, gives men something to comment on beside the
ways your form is wrong.
I've been doing this for years.
Wearing a tutu?
Yeah, I just don't go to the gym.
No, you're ahead of the curve.
Here is your last limerick.
Ancient dinosaur scat I have scooped.
Some survived as a brown swirly swoop, I am spreading the word in my great hall of turds.
My museum of fossilized poop.
Poop!
Yes, poop!
The owner of the world's largest private collection of fossilized poop has opened a museum.
Come on, Peter.
Are you feeling pity for me?
Yes.
It's a living.
He's opening the museum as the result of a long campaign by his wife to get that crap
out of the garage. And it is called, as I probably need not tell you, the Poo-Zium.
It contains over 8,000 pieces of fossilized poop, or to use the scientific name, coprolites.
As in, well sir, I need this bank loan to open a museum of coprolites.
It's economical to run, unlike other museums that's not necessary to put up don't
touch the exhibit signs, right? This is one of those things I'm okay with just seeing
the picture. I don't need to see the real life thing. Yeah. I don't even know if I want
to see a picture. It sounds like a good place to take someone on a first date if you never
want to see them again. Bill, how did Jennifer do in our quiz?
I have never failed to be amazed at how smart our people are.
She got three in a row, making her an excellent winner.
Congratulations.
Well done.
Thanks so much for playing.
Take care.
Thank you.
Bye-bye. Thank you. Bye bye. On the TED Radio Hour, linguist Ann Curzan says she gets a lot of complaints about people
using the pronoun they to refer to one person.
I sometimes get into arguments with people where they will say to me,
but it can't be singular.
And I will say, but it is.
The history behind words causing a lot of debate.
That's on the Ted Radio Hour from NPR.
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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank.
Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank
questions as they can.
Each correct answer now worth two points.
Bill, can you give us the score?
Karen and Shane each have three.
Alzo has two.
What?
Okay, that means, Alzo, you are in, well, let's say second place behind Karen and Shane.
So you're up first.
The clock will start when I begin your first question.
Fill in the blank.
On Tuesday, the White House announced new restrictions
on blank seekers from Mexico.
Asylum.
Right.
On Thursday, the World Health Organization
confirmed the first human death from the H5N2 variant
of the blank flu.
Bird.
Right.
This week, President Biden traveled to France
to commemorate the 80th anniversary of blank.
D-Day.
Right.
On Wednesday, NASA rejected a billionaire's proposal to fix the blank telescope.
Hubbard?
Almost right.
I'll give it to you.
The Hubble.
Hubble.
This week, a hiker climbed to the top of China's highest waterfall and took a picture of blank.
A turd fossil.
No.
Oh, all of a sudden you're interested.
I thought about it for a while.
I was like, oh, that might be cool.
No, he found the water pipe that was pumping water over the waterfall to make it look more
impressive.
On Thursday, the Mavericks faced the Celtics in the first game of the Blank Finals.
NBA.
Yes.
On Tuesday, Google said they would scale back on displaying search results generated by blank. AI. Right. This week a candidate running against the
mayor of a small town in Italy won a major victory when he got the endorsement
of blank. A donkey. No he got the endorsement of the current mayor's mother.
You go boy. Igor De Santis is the name of the current mayor, and he was shocked when his opponent announced
that he had secured the political support of De Santis' mother in the election.
And all this guy had to do was to win the mother's support, was say, oh, you must be
the mayor's sister.
Bill, how did Alzo do in our quiz?
I think he did quite well.
Quite well.
Six right, 12 more points, a total of 15 puts him in the lead.
All right.
Karen, I'm going to arbitrarily choose you to go next.
Here we go.
Fill in the blank.
On Wednesday, a Georgia appeals court indefinitely halted Blank's election interference trial.
Trump.
Right. On Tuesday, election results showed that Indian Prime Minister blank
has failed to secure a majority in Parliament. Modi. Yes. On Thursday the
National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration warned that blank levels
are surging faster than ever. Climate change, temperature, water, sea level.
You named everything with the right one carbon dioxide. On Tuesday the UK began
circulation of new banknotes featuring blanks image. The king. Which king? Charles. Yes.
This week a man in Pennsylvania won a spot in the state legislature despite blanking.
Losing. No, despite being dead. On Monday, a player for the San Diego Padres was banned for life for blanking.
Oh, um, betting, betting.
Betting on baseball games.
After injuring his knee, tennis star Blank pulled out of the French Open.
Jokovic?
Yes, Jokovic.
This week, a YouTube influencer in California is facing charges for filming himself blanking.
Using the bathroom. No, he filmed himself shooting fireworks from a helicopter at a Lamborghini doing donuts
while on federal land.
Wait, wait.
Say that again.
Well, hang on.
So Alex Choi is a YouTuber and he is expected to plead not guilty, but he's going to have
a hard time once the judge sees the first piece of evidence, a YouTube video titled, Watch Me Shoot Off Illegal Fireworks from
a Helicopter at a Lamborghini that's doing donuts on Federal Land.
Bill, how did Karen do in our quiz?
Five right, ten more points, thirteen, one behind Alzo.
Okay, so how many, whoa, that's impressive, so how many then does Shane need to overtake
Alzo and win? Six to win. Here we go, whoa, that's impressive. So how many then does Shane need to overtake also and win?
Six to win.
Here we go, Shane.
We got this.
On Tuesday, testimony in blanks,
gun possession trial began.
The Biden, Hunter.
Hunter Biden.
On Thursday, 27 countries began parliamentary elections
for the blank.
For the win.
No.
For the...
For the European Union, this week an FDA panel advised pharmaceutical companies to update
their blank vaccines.
COVID?
Yeah, I guess.
On Wednesday, Governor Kathy Hochul delayed a plan to charge people for blanking in New
York City.
Oh, the congested for driving.
Yeah, for driving.
This week, officials in Iowa warned residents not to disturb the nests of turkey vultures
who blank when they are threatened.
Kill people.
No, they vomit acid.
On Monday, soccer star Blank announced he was releasing a new energy drink.
Oh, Messi?
Yes.
This week, a man in Montana had to immediately return to the restaurant where he had just
picked up his pizza when he realized he had blanked.
Already had pizza that day.
No, he returned to the restaurant when he realized that he had driven away from the
restaurant with his pizza in someone else's car.
He was hungry. He was focusing on getting home with the pizza. He didn't stop to wonder
why his car that he got into already had keys in the ignition or why there was a dog in
the back seat or why those strange kids back there with the dog were saying, great, we get a
new dad.
Once he realized his mistake, he returned the car, right, turned around, and gave the
kids back, gave the dog back, gave the car back, and he drove his own car home so he
could enjoy his, wait, I didn't order a pepperoni pizza.
Bill did Shane do well enough to win?
Not quite.
Four right, eight more points, total of 11 means Alzo is our champion.
Well done.
Alzo.
Alzo.
In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will Pepsi do to get back
into second place in the Great Cola War.
But first, let me tell you all that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR
and WBEZ Chicago in association with urgent haircut productions Doug Berman, Benevolent
Overlord, Philip Godekar, Rezar Lemmerichs, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.
Our tour manager is Shane Adonald, thanks to Gary Yech this this week as well as the staff and crew at the Studio Baker Theatre. B.J.
Ziedermann composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills,
Miles Dornbas, and Lillian Godaburn King. Special thanks this week to Monica
Hickey and Shantira Jackson. Our Watermelon Gusher is Peter Gwyn. Emma Choi is
our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chwynn. And my choice our vibe curator, technical directionist from Lorna White, our CFO is Colin Miller,
our production manager is Robert Newhouse, our senior producer is Ian Chilag, and the executive producer of
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will Pepsi do to get its second place mojo back?
Shane O'Neil.
Mix it with Coke.
Karen Chi.
Ask people really nicely.
And Alzo Slade.
Since Mike Tyson can't do it, just volunteer to fight Jake Paul.
Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Karen Chi, Alzo Slade, Jane O'Neill.
Thanks for a fabulous morning. It's here at the Cedar Bay Cathedral.
And thanks to all of you for listening out wherever you may be.
I'm Peter Sadel. We'll see you next week live from Millennium Park in Chicago.
This is NPR.
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