Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Diane Lane
Episode Date: August 24, 2024This week, Emmy-nominee Diane Lane joins Dulcé Sloan, Adam Burke, and Adam Felber to talk therapy, tortoises, and Capote vs. The SwansLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adch...oicesNPR Privacy Policy
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is, wait, wait, don't tell me, the NPR News Quiz.
Hey there, Chicago, forget about the DNC.
I'm your BNC, Bill Newscaster.
And here is your host at the Ster-Baker Theater at the Fine
Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Good to see you again. As everybody knows, the
Democratic National Convention was here in Chicago this week, and it was amazing. But
we are glad that everybody from the coast has now left and those of us who live here
can all stop pretending we eat that terrible deep dish pizza.
Guys, they fell for it again.
Later on, actress Diane Lane is going to play our game, but first it's your turn.
If you'd like to play our games, the number is 1-888-8-WAITWAIT that's 1-888-924-8924
let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait Wait Don't
Tell Me. Hi everyone my name is Christine Price I'm from Mapleton, Illinois. Hi
Christine what did you just call you said everyone okay I thought you called
me Obi-Wan which was weird. Good to have you with us, Christine. So what do you do there in Mapleton?
Well, after 25 years of working in corporate,
I'm on my second week of a career pause.
The second week of a career pause.
You didn't say retirement.
So do you know what you're going to do next?
I think I'm just thinking about it, mulling it over.
You're mulling.
Mulling is a fine occupation.
I've been doing it for years.
Well, Christine, welcome to our show.
Let me introduce you to our panel.
First, a writer-comedian whose dad band, Super Spreader, will be playing the UCLA tailgate
party at the Rose Bowl.
And he's so very proud.
On Saturday, September 14th, it's Adam Felber.
Hi, Christine.
Hi.
Yeah, he's so cute.
Next, he's a correspondent for realcitizenkate.com and will be appearing at the venue in Janesville
on October 26th.
It's another Adam.
It's Adam Burke.
Hi, Christine.
Hi, Adam.
And a comedian and actor you might know as Honeybee on the Great North.
She's also the author of Hello Friends, which could be a best seller if y'all bless her.
It's Dulce Sloan.
Christine, welcome to the show.
You're going to play Who's Bill this time.
Bill Curtis is now going to read for you three quotations from this week's news.
If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you
might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to go?
I am.
All right. Here is your first quote. Party people, come on! Roll call! Party people,
come on!
That was DJ Cassidy pumping up the crowd at what surprisingly energetic event this week?
That would be the Democratic National Convention.
Yes, the DNC.
Yeah, that's pretty much what it sounded like, guys.
Good imitation.
Everyone is talking about the incredibly positive vibe at the Democratic National Convention
in Chicago this week.
Pretty much every speaker talked about joy.
There were surprise celebrity and musician appearances. And and yes the roll call had a DJ. It was the most fun
America has had falling asleep to news coverage in years. Can I get whatever B12
slash math combination they gave Joe Biden on Monday? Maybe he had the energy of somebody who quit a job but the job don't know yet.
My last day is Friday.
They don't know my last day is Friday, but my last day is Friday.
Oh, he's stealing all the pens.
I'm telling you, watch him when he leaves.
He's got a box that's going to be heavy as hell.
They can frisk him for this silverware.
Now, it wasn't all just fun and joy.
The Democrats made a very intentional effort to demonstrate diversity of all kinds.
So for example, there were people in same-sex marriages featured.
There were blended families like Doug Emhoff and Kamala Harris herself, and polyamorous
marriages like the Clintons.
Wow.
Some things don't change.
Some things, you know.
That's none of my business.
It's a golden rule.
Mind your own business.
That's none of my business.
Exactly.
And what was fun about the roll call, and they were like, hey, but DJ for the roll call,
it was the greatest roll call ever because among other things, it featured a different
song selected for every state. And you you know DJ Cassidy, you know
It's it's easy. There's like two packs California love for California. There's Empire State of
Tupac there you go
You said it like it was two political action committees
It was fun to edit. Amen.
You said it like it was two political action committees.
Or like how I buy my Twinkies.
Listen, I did it so black Twitter don't find you.
Appreciate it.
But, you know, they brought out all the stars.
They had the Clintons, of course.
They had the Obamas speak.
They had the Oprah. and I noticed this, you did too, I bet, we saw a really different side
of Michelle Obama this time, did we not? Because it has been eight long and
difficult years since she said, when they go low, we go high.
This time she just came out and shouted, sweep the leg.
All right, your next quote is from the New York Times.
NASA has been reluctant to use the word stuck.
That was about two astronauts who are definitely stuck.
Where?
I know it's out in space.
I'm going to say Mars, but...
Not as far as Mars.
You said space.
They're in space.
I'll give it to you.
They're on the International Space Station.
They've already been stuck up there for three months after serious issues were detected on their Boeing Starliner spacecraft.
Wait, something went wrong with a Boeing product?
That was the issue they detected.
It was made by Boeing.
Who knew?
They should have checked the label.
Oh, we didn't read the side of the thing.
And it was a Spirit flight, so they're screwed.
So, like, the Russians just can't go get them? Well, that's an the thing. And it was a spirit flight, so they're screwed. Yeah, I know. So, like, the Russians just can't go get them?
Well, that's an interesting thing.
Didn't they used to?
Yeah, we used, what the way it used to work is the Russians would provide basically a
lift to and from the spaceship.
And now we don't do that.
We have SpaceX doing it.
Thank you, Elon.
And the SpaceX spaceships work fine, and I think there's even one up there, but here's
the problem.
Their spacesuits do not fit into the SpaceX.
Do they clash?
Is it like a fashion thing?
So the Boeing spacesuits do not plug into the SpaceX spacesuits.
So you're saying this is USB, USB-C issues?
Basically, yes.
You just get an adapter.
I know.
You get an adapter.
But they left the dongle on Earth.
Oh.
It's so frustrating.
They should have.
They've got to have to send the SpaceX thing back to get the dongle.
Yeah, I know.
There's an interesting connection to us.
One of the astronauts who was stuck, Sonny Williams, appeared on our show when we went
to Houston in 2015.
So we are pretty pleased to know that we are no longer the most interminable experience
she's ever endured.
Your last quote is from a woman who took Harry Potter broomstick riding lessons in England.
My husband was literally mortified.
That woman was talking to the Wall Street Journal in a new piece that found the key
to happiness may be being a what?
Hmm, I'm not sure.
You listen in PR, what do you think you are?
What kind of, I'll just, one more, what kind of person would be driven to go actually take Harry Potter broomstick riding lessons?
How would you describe them?
I'd be fearwit.
Well since you've already won, I'll give it to you. The answer is super fans. Uber fans. Like total nerds for something, right?
The journal says that people who are super fans, and it could be anything from Harry Potter or Taylor Swift,
anything, they all may be much happier than the rest of us in the long run.
See, honey, my $700 collectible figure of Boba Fett isn't worthless after all.
This was originally published in the American Journal of Hopeful Dweebs.
Here's the thing, we all know this, that people need a sense of community and
belonging to be happy, and this is something that people used to get from, like, church
and religious communities, but people don't do that anymore. Now they're getting into
fandom, which means that the churches maybe should get into it, maybe, like, have cosplay,
right? Oh, your costume is amazing.
You're the healed leper from Luke 512, right?
Also, the church absolutely has cosplay.
Have you seen the pope?
That's actually true.
Do you know how long it took him to make that outfit?
I don't know if that's cosplay if you actually are the character.
He is the character.
Bill, how did Christine do in our quiz?
Two out of three, so she is a winner.
Thank you, Christine.
Congratulations on your wonderful life change.
And I hope you end up being whatever you want to be.
Take care.
Thank you. You as well.
Thank you.
Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.
Adam Burke, a new report says that more and more divorce lawyers are being asked to not
only help people split up people's cash and their property, they're also trying to help
determine who might get what in divorce cases.
Is it like the friends, like friend groups?
No, not friends, no.
Can I get a clue?
Sure.
I mean, how can you start a new life as a single person if you lose your status on United?
Oh, like, oh, so like points, like...
Yeah, frequent flyer miles, airline points, yes.
According to the Washington Post, more and more couples are fighting over their airline miles
and the status that comes with it in their divorces.
Does that mean that couples are gonna have
an awkward conversation with an airline pilot?
Like, we love you very much,
and we're still both gonna see you.
I don't understand why you both can't fly on my plane
like you always did.
And apparently, if you call up an airline to ask them,
well, can you just take all those points
and just split them into two accounts, they can't do it.
It's incredibly complicated.
Delta charges a penny a mile and a $30 processing
for you to do it.
So you pay real money for the fake money
you got by spending real money.
And this is why those astronauts are
stuck on the space station.
Because they're at a miles. Oh. I mean, I will say, I will say there is a delicious irony if you lost all
those miles you accrued while cheating on your wife. Or your husband women can cheat
too. Coming up, it's not delivery, it's DeBluff the listener.
Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY.
We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
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Hey, I'm Robert Smith from Planet Money. And this summer we
are bringing you the entire history of the world, at least
the economics part. It's Planet Money Summer School. Every
week we'll invite in a brilliant professor and play classic
episodes about the birth of money, banks and finance. There
will be rogues and revolutionaries and a lot of
panics. Summer School every Wednesday till Labor Day on the Planet Money Podcast from NPR.
This summer on Planet Money, we're bringing you the entire history of the world.
At least the economics part.
It's Planet Money Summer School.
Every week we'll invite in a brilliant professor and play classic episodes about the birth of money, banks and finance.
There will be rogues and revolutionaries and a lot of panics.
Summer School, every Wednesday till Labor Day on the Planet Money Podcast from NPR.
Truth, independence, fairness, transparency, respect, excellence.
This is NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is, wait, wait, don't tell me, the NPR News Quiz.
I'm Bill Curtis.
We're playing this week with Adam Felber, Adam Burke, and Dulce Sloan.
And hearing it is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segel.
Thank you, everybody.
Ladies and gentlemen, right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Bluff the Listener game.
Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air,
or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page.
That's at Wait, Wait, NPR.
Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Hey, this is Eric from Superior, Colorado.
And I always ask, you're Colorado,
do you do all the Colorado things?
Are you outside, are you hiking, are you skiing,
are you risking your life in amusing ways?
Yes, actually in the most amusing way, I'm a paraglider.
A paraglider? Wow. What is the difference'm a paraglider. A paraglider?
Wow.
What is the difference between a paraglider and a hang glider?
I've always wondered.
Yeah, absolutely.
Hang gliders are like more of a stiffer wing, whereas the paraglider is kind of like a big
canopy parachute type of thing.
That sounds thrilling.
Well then you'll have no problem, I think, taking this daring risk of playing the game
in which you must try to tell truth from fiction.
Bill, what is Eric's topic?
Drama at Roman's Pizzeria.
So something crazy happened quite recently at Roman's Pizzeria in Miami Springs, Florida,
and the craziest thing is it doesn't even involve an alligator.
Our panelists are going to tell you all about this hubbub at Roman's Pizzeria.
Pick the real one.
You'll win the weight-weighter of your choice and your voicemail.
Are you ready to play?
Sounds good.
Let's do it.
All right.
First, let's hear from Adam Felber.
Forty years of serving up delicious pizza to the good people of Miami Springs, and suddenly
Jesus Roman found himself a pariah.
Horrible reviews of Roman Pizzeria were starting to appear on Yelp as people complained about bad pizza, gross pizza, uncooked pizza. What was going on? Was he
cursed? And then someone showed him a Roman pizzeria flyer which looked legit
until he noticed it had the wrong phone number on it and that's when Jesus Roman
called the police. It turned out that a 55-year-old grifter named Jose Marti Alvarez had printed up the bogus
flyers with the bogus number, dropping them off at the local hotels and was taking bogus
orders and distributing bogus disgusting pizzas to tourists if he delivered them at all.
Although the fraudulent pizza maker is now behind bars, Roman isn't holding a grudge against the crime, only against the pizza.
He says, quote, at least if you're going to do something, do it right.
A imposter starts ruining the reputation of the pizzeria by actually selling bad pizzas in their name.
Your next story of a doughy drama comes from Dulce Sloan.
Gianni Yaya Giamello has been making pizza at Roman's Pizzeria for 18 years.
Yaya prides himself on being an old school Italian.
So when customers started asking for gluten free pies because they have Celiac's disease,
he truly had no idea what they were talking about.
Customers were coming in here talking about they have Similex.
What's family formula got to do with my pizza pies?
Gianni's son Gio explained Celiac to his father
and how lucrative having gluten-free pies could be.
It's a scam.
They just need to toughen up.
Gianni learned very quickly that it indeed was not a scam,
and so did the plumbing of his restaurant.
Customer after customer had embarrassing moments
because the gluten-free pizzas were, in fact, full of gluten.
All the gluten.
Gluten with cheese on top.
After a $5,000 plumbing bill and numerous bad yelp reviews,
Gianni had to face the truth.
Come on, I'm supposed to believe a grown adult can't have regular old flour?
What kind of hippie-dippie BS is that?
They tried to sell gluten-free pizza, but they decided it really shouldn't be gluten-free,
and they thus suffered the results.
Your last saucy gossip comes from Adam Burke.
Pineapple on pizza is divisive most places, perhaps nowhere as much as Miami Springs,
Florida.
There, Roman Gatso of Roman's Pizza was serving his famous Pina Pinata pizza, a cheese pizza
with extra pineapple, when
he found himself confronted with a cease and desist order from the Department of Health.
I thought it was a joke, says Gatso.
As it turns out, he was half right.
As Florida Legislature Marcia Arulo explains, as a state senator, I noticed that people
were slipping all sorts of bizarre amendments into bills, and I suspected none of my colleagues were actually reading the laws they were voting for.
So when the SB1945C health bill came up, I added some verbiage that made it illegal to
add pineapple to pizza to see if anyone would notice.
And Roman Gatzo has an idea as to who might have narc'd on him.
I'm pretty sure it was those jerks over at Napoli Pizza who reported me. They love reading health bills almost as much as they hate pineapple
on pizza. While Gatso fights the ordinance, Arullo adds, thing is, it's not even the stupidest
law on the books in Florida.
All right. So, something bad happened at Roman's Pizzeria in Miami Springs, Florida.
Was it from Adam Felber that somebody delivered imposter pizzas to tourists all over the neighborhood
until he was finally nabbed?
Was it from Dulce Sloan, Roman's Pizza decided to serve gluten-free pizza according to the
man, but then decided, you know, not to?
Or from Adam Burke, did they get closed down
because they unknowingly violated a real law
prohibiting the serving of pineapple on pizza?
Which of these things happened in the news?
It had to be Florida, where anything's possible.
It's true.
It's almost not fair, is it?
I know.
I think I'm gonna go with the impersonator.
You're gonna choose Adam's story about the guy who impersonated for quite a while,
Roman's Pizzeria. Well, here's some evidence of the real story.
Tourists say their food showed up undercooked, missing items, and sometimes the charges felt unfair.
That was Larry Seward from CBS News Miami who
reported on the real story of one man's pizza scam. Congratulations Eric you got
it right. You earned a point for Adam just for telling the truth. And of course you have won our prize, the voice of anyone you may choose.
And before we move on I just want to give a shout out to this imposter who
decided that even though he was pretending to be pizzeria he was not he
still delivered pizzas because they had paid for the pizzas honest man you gotta
love it thank you so much for giving us a call and playing our games take care And now the game where we ask people about things they know nothing about.
We call it not my job.
Diane Lane was just 13 years old when she was cast as the lead in her first movie opposite
Sir Lawrence Olivier, but she had already been acting professionally since the age of six.
Since then, she's had almost 80 roles in film and TV, most recently in FX's Feud, Capote
versus the Swans, which got her an Emmy nomination for Best Supporting Actress in a Limited Series.
Diane Lane, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
So great to have you here.
You started in the experimental theater in downtown New York in the early 70s at the
age of six, which is both unexpected, impressive, and weird.
How does a six-year-old get involved in the theater at La Mama, et cetera, this legendary experimental theater
company downtown?
Yes, yes.
And Ellen Stewart was basically, I called her,
the Ellis Island of global theater.
I mean, she imported, she exported.
We traveled the world.
And my parents weren't even there.
I mean, they weren't part of the tours.
And nobody could really believe that a seven-year-old was just part of the circus.
Yeah. Well, what did your parents think of that, and what did you think of that at the age of seven?
Was it like normal? Well, of course you'd tour Europe and go to Amsterdam with...
Without your parents.
Yes.
Yeah, Amsterdam was on the map for sure. you know, I'm still in therapy about it.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm just kidding.
The world was a different place then.
It was, you know, I wound,
there was no airport security.
We didn't need it.
I remember getting off the plane
and running into my mother's arms
and around my neck could have been anything but
it was a five pound, well maybe a two pound tortoise and I had brought it on the river
Seine in Paris because back in the day they sold animals by the river in Paris, don't
ask.
So you came off the plane, you're seven years old, you're just coming back from a tour of Europe, doing experimental theater, you give your
mother a tortoise, you hold the tortoise up to your mother, and your mother says
what? She shrieked. And I had that turtle for years, his name was George, and he was,
yes, turned out George was female. Did you know that the bottom side of a tortoise
will reveal the gender? Because the male have a slight indentation curve so that they can mount the female.
Oh.
So we're going to put you on the...
That tortoise lied to me.
I love the idea of you being on the set of your first big movie, A Little Romance, with
Sir Lawrence Olivier and you telling him stories like this and Laurence Olivier
then in his own 70s was probably sitting there going whoa this lady's been around.
Adorable. I was much more two ears one mouth around Lord Larry. I can imagine
you as apparently every actor is now contractually obligated, have played a comic book character.
In your case, more comic book character adjacent, but you played the mother of Superman.
Martha Kent, yes.
Martha Kent, famously. And this was in the, there's been so many Supermans.
This was the Henry Cavill Superman.
Okay, yes. Yes, you're like, okay, was that his name? Okay. Yes.
So how have you found after all the other things you've done after being a well-known person,
you had your Brat Pack period and all these other periods, to be like a star at Comic-Con?
Oh gosh, I have, I am such an introvert. I don't know how I would handle that.
So you've never been, you didn't have to do that, you didn't have to go to Comic Con and all the Superman fans were like...
No, it was like having an epidural. I just...
You slept through it?
I dodged it. I did, I chickened out. I was just... those crowds, they make me... I have adjada, as my friends say. Adjada, you have adjada, as they say in New York.
How can a shy person be constantly on screen?
Isn't that weird?
Yes, I told you, my therapist is rich.
So the latest project you're in, it's a TV show.
It is remarkable.
It is called Feud.
It's about a very real situation in New York society in the 60s and 70s when Truman Capote,
who was a big guy in New York society, wrote a book that enraged his society friends, of
whom you are one.
Slim Keith, I portrayed Slim Keith.
Slim Keith, who was a real person.
Yes, socialite, sordinaire, a real maven, a real connector of other people.
I don't know, I think of them as sort of sassy pants.
Sassy pants people.
Sassy pants people.
Sassy pants people.
That's what Trim and Capote called them and that's what made them so mad.
You've been promoting this TV show all week and you've been asked about it and answering
questions as you've done for us. Before we move to the game is there anything else you'd
like to talk about? I don't feel safe suddenly. Oh this is a safe space.
This is totally safe space. If there is anything on your mind Diane Lane. Would
you like to talk about more about the underside of turtles? For example, you
seem energized and excited if you would like to tell us more about the underside of turtles? For example, you seem to energize and excited
if you would like to tell us more about the sex life of turtles. Sex life of turtles,
that's not my expertise. No, I'm open to talking pretty much about anything.
I'm starting to sweat now, but that's okay. All right, well we actually have
something for you to talk about because we have invited you here to play a game that we're calling
Swan versus swan
So as we've established in the TV series you play one of these society ladies that Truman Capote called swan
So we thought we'd ask you about actual swans
the water
The bird answer two to three questions about swans correctly.
You'll win our prize for one of our listeners.
Any voice they might choose on their voicemail.
So Bill, who is Diane Lane playing for?
Ryan McGee of Prescott, Arizona.
Are you ready to do this?
Sure.
Okay.
Here's your first question.
Swans are notoriously temperamental, but one pair of swans had to be forcibly removed
from a lake in Austria because they kept doing what?
A, hunking the melody of Abba's Dancing Queen.
B, pooping on every single couple that were trying to take engagement photos at the lake.
Or C, attacking anyone who got near their nest which didn't have any eggs, just a bunch of red solo cups.
Oh, it's gotta be C. It is C. These swans apparently had mistaken these
cups for their eggs and would attack anyone ferociously who dared to approach them.
That was very good.
And I liked your instincts.
You know your animals, As we have established.
Here's your next. Now, probably the most famous one is of course the ugly duckling, right? From the beloved children's story.
Spoiler alert! I'm sorry.
Wow, just cut right to the end there. That's the story, of course, that teaches kids that everyone is beautiful in their own way.
You shouldn't accept the judgment of others. In the original version of the story, the ugly duckling is finally approached. This story of course that teaches kids that everyone is beautiful in their own way and
you shouldn't accept the judgment of others.
In the original version of the story, the ugly duckling is finally approached by a group
of regal swans ready to claim him as their own.
What is the first thing the ugly duckling says to them?
A. Quote, finally a family of my own.
B. Quote, and this is why no one should ever be judged in their appearance alone.
Or C, quote, kill me.
Aww.
Well, I believe it's A, but B is fun too.
Let's go with A.
It was actually C.
Yeah.
Thankfully, the swans did not exceed to the duckling's request, which is shocking, given what we
know about swans.
All right, you've gotten one right.
You have one to go.
If you get this right, you win.
Yours is not the only TV show that we have had with swans in the title.
Back in 2004, Fox broadcast a show called The Swan.
What was that show's premise?
A, it was just a remake of Everybody Loves Raymond, but replaced Ray Romano with a live
swan.
A reality competition in which self-proclaimed ugly ducklings are given lots of plastic surgery
until at the end, one is judged the most beautiful.
Or see a documentary
show that just shows the daily life of Bucky, a swan that lives in a pond in New Rochelle,
New York.
Wow.
I want C to be true, but I'm going to go with B anyway.
Because that's the world we live in.
Yes, that's what it was. The Swan, which apparently was very popular, still only lasted one season because it was
kind of gross.
Bill, how did Diane Lane do in our quiz?
Two out of three, Diane, that is a win in our game.
Congratulations.
And let me say, since you have an Emmy nomination for your show, Swans, may I say I hope this
is not the last thing you win this year.
Thank you.
Diane Lane is an Emmy nominee for her role as Slim Keith in FX's feud Capote vs. the
Swans.
You can stream the whole series on Hulu now.
It is remarkable.
Diane Lane, thank you so much for joining us
on Broadway.com.
Yay!
Yay!
Well, good luck.
And, you know, we'll see you around.
Take care.
Bye-bye. In just a minute, a listener limerick challenge that's as far from Ohio as you can get.
Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to join us on the air.
We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR. The candidates for November are set between now and Election Day, a campaign season unfolding
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So make your world more perfect.
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From NPR and ODB-EZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.
I'm Bill Curtis, who are playing this week with Adam Burke, Adam Felber, and Dulce Sloan.
And here we get as your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segel.
Thank you, Bill.
In just a minute.
Bill's pet snail leaves a trail of rhyme.
If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-888-924-8924.
Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news.
Mr. Adam Felber.
That's me.
That is you.
The Conservative Party of Canada recently put out a video called Canada, Our Home, with
a narrator describing the wonderful images of Canada that you get to see.
But there's a small problem with the video.
What was it?
It wasn't Canada.
Exactly right.
Almost none of it was in fact Canada.
It's a video tour, like I said, of the glories of Canada.
Oh, no, wait.
It's actually a video tour of all the places that were apparently better looking than Canada.
Oh, they're just looking for stuff to apologize for.
They really are.
All of this is true.
The suburban Canadian dad featured in it, North Dakotan dad. The Canadian farmers,
Ukrainian farmers. The Canadian-built homes were being built in Slovenia. The
Canadian fighter jets were Russian and most amazingly, and this is true, a shot
of the majestic foothills of the Canadian Rockies was filmed in Indonesia. Why? Because they got conned, bro.
That's what happened.
We don't know how it happened.
The Conservative Party guy who did this didn't notice.
He was like, oh, wow, I never knew
the Eiffel Tower was in Ottawa.
Well, what the heck?
Press, post.
Those aren't Canadian dinosaurs.
Wait a minute.
I know a Canadian dinosaur when I see one.
And that is not a maple-saurus.
Adam Felber, as the cost of planning a wedding keeps climbing, couples are turning to a new strategy to pay for them. What is that strategy?
Having their guests pay for them.
That's exactly right. Charging guests to come to their wedding.
Couples apparently all over the country are asking their guests to pay to attend their
wedding and not just in the, well you have to buy a plane ticket and a hotel room and
a dress way, but in a, there's a $300 cover charge way.
It seems tacky, okay, it's less tacky than a cash bar.
It's way tackier than a cash bar.
Well how about a cash bar with a three drink minimum?
Tell me.
That's tackier.
Listen, if I'm paying $450 for you to get married.
Yes.
You can't get divorced.
That would be true.
You owe me a refund.
Exactly.
Wouldn't that be?
If you get divorced, I want my money back.
It's all up to you. You owe me a refund. Exactly. Wouldn't that be... If you get divorced, I want my money back.
It's only fair.
I think you're right. There should be a contract to that effect.
Absolutely. If I pay to sit in here and eat this weird chicken breast, then there's no way.
J'adorey chicken.
How about if they don't give you a refund, because I don't have the cash,
but they give you some airline miles that they don't give you a refund, because they don't have the cash, but they give you some airline miles
that they don't know what else to do.
They never had the cash, that's why I'm paying 450
for these goofy monkeys to get married. Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first is the game where you have to listen
for the rhyme.
If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.
That's 1-888-924-8924.
You can see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago.
And come see the Wait Wait Stand-Up Tour.
That will be in Fort Lauderdale, Orlando, Tampa, and Atlanta, September 5th through the 8th.
For tickets and more information, go to nprpresents.org.
And this is great.
You can find Wait Wait's dispatches, daily dispatches from behind the scenes at the DNC in the
Wait Wait podcast feed. Seriously, they gave us press credentials. Wow. It's true.
Hi, you're on Wait Wait, don't tell me. Hi Peter. Hi, who's this? This is Laverne
Council in Great Falls, Virginia. Great Falls, Virginia. That's awesome. And what do you do there? I am, like, really cool and I'm 100% woman-owned, small,
petite consulting firm.
That's awesome.
I like the fact that you are.
I just like the fact that you just
led with the important part.
You're 100% cool.
Well, Laverne, it is great to have you here.
Bill Curtis is going to read you
three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase
missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will
be a winner.
Here is your first limerick.
If you want a lower Hansel and Gretzel, this new scent is as good as it getsel.
Yes, try Auntie Anne's in a lovely spray can.
It's a perfume that smells like a...
Pretzel. Pretzel, yes that smells like a... Pretzel.
Pretzel, yes. Auntie Anne's Pretzels is making its very own fragrance so wherever you go,
you can evoke the feeling of being stuck at an airport. We are told the perfume has notes
of baking dough, butter, and teenage employee.
Girl, ugh.
Really?
Yes. Listen, first of all, I'm a plus-size human being, so I always make sure I don't teenage employee
I'm a plus-size human being so I always make sure I don't smell like food. That's just low-hanging fruit You're not gonna get me like that. You see what I'm saying?
Also, anti-anxious ain't even good. You don't think so?
Listen, it's a trap because they it smells like butter and you get it and it tastes like nothing
Yeah, but what if it smelled like butter and you get it and it's a person?
What?
That's why I'm against this perfume.
Oh, they woke up. I hear you. Okay, I got it.
Who asked for this?
If it was Cinnabon.
There you go. Now we're talking.
Hey, you're cooking with gas. Now!
Very good. Here is your next limerick. You did well with that one. Try this one.
When I've had my last go round the sun,
and my toils and troubles are done,
I won't be a sad quitter.
I'll have bright lights and glitter.
I'm making my funeral.
It rhymes.
It's a simple rhyme.
It rhymes with sun and done.
It's also in the word funeral.
That's true.
It's in the word fun.
Fun, yes.
Hip and modern funeral homes are popping up in Britain for people who wouldn't be caught
dead having a funeral.
That's not on trend.
There's one...
Wow, you got 1980s slow clap on that one.
I know.
One franchise called Exit Here...
offers colorful urns and coffins because who doesn't want to be the it girl in the graveyard?
I just want a second line.
That's all I want.
Yeah, everyone's having a good time at my funeral until they find out I'm charging them
$350.
Somebody's got to pay for all this Irish food.
You know you're in trouble when you say, I'm thinking of charging Peony $50 for my funeral Somebody's got to pay for all this Irish food.
You know you're in trouble when you say, I'm thinking of charging Peony $50 for my funeral
and somebody says, I'll pay $400.
Here is your last limerick.
Online memes put some shame in our game because Ohio is a blameworthy name.
Just think Florida Man with more cringe if you can.
Ohio means rizzless and...
DANG!
Say, say, no, you know what? You've already won. I will give it to you. It is lame.
Ohio means rizzless and lame.
If somebody has ever told you, yeah, this is true, if somebody's ever told you,
wow, you look so Ohio., bad news buddy, that sucks.
According to the Wall Street Journal, to which we always turn to explain youth.
Ohio is the current slang term to mean, quote, weird, cringy, or random.
Which is rude.
To Ohio, have they never seen, for example, the majestic Cuyahoga
River Valley or the other wonderful parts of Ohio that I am certain exist?
People are using phrases like only in Ohio, which means something is uncool, or
and this phrase actually appeared in the Wall Street Journal skibbity Ohio Riz a term that here means I can't believe I got the Wall Street
Journal to print skibbity Ohio Riz. Somebody lied to their dad. Indiana's got to feel like they dodged a bullet. bullets. And he had a real quiet, yeah, those lame guys over there in Ohio.
Bill, Bill, how did Laverne do on our quiz? Laverne, you still won with two out of three.
Laverne! That's not Ohio at all. Congratulations Laverne, and you're right right now you are 110% cool. Take care.
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Every weekday, NPR's best political reporters come to you on the NPR Politics Podcast to
explain the big news coming out of Washington, the campaign trail and beyond.
We don't just want to tell you what happened, we tell you why it matters.
Join the NPR Politics Podcast every single afternoon to understand
the world through political eyes. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank.
Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank
questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score?
I can. Adam Burke and Dulce each have two, and Adam Felber has three.
All right, so Adam and Dulce are tied for second.
I'm going to say, Adam, why don't you go first?
Here we go.
The clock will start when they begin your first question.
Fill in the blank.
On Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled
that Arizona could enforce their proof of citizenship
law for blank registration.
Voting.
Right.
On Wednesday, Russia accused Ukraine
of launching the largest ever blank strike on Moscow.
Drone?
Yes.
Monday, the WHO confirmed the first case of a dangerous strain of blank outside of Africa.
Ebola?
No, M-pox.
This week, police in New Jersey say they're looking for a woman who went to her local
zoo and scaled the fence so she could blank.
Like pet a gorilla?
So close.
A Bengal tiger.
And she was black!
It was crazy!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
On Tuesday, Ford announced it was scrapping plans
for an all blank line of SUVs.
Electric?
Right.
On Thursday, the FDA announced plans for a new blank booster
to be released as soon.
Vaccine.
Like a COVID booster.
Yeah, COVID booster.
Yes.
This week a man in Spain is being investigated after he damaged a six thousand year old cave painting in an effort to blank
Make it look better. Yes, so you could post it on Facebook
Facebook Facebook Facebook. He was an older guy
That's so Ohio. Yeah.
I mean, come on.
If it was on Facebook, he could have been the original artist, am I right?
Authorities are accusing the man of potentially causing irreparable harm to the cave paintings
while trying to make them look better for the Facebook photo he wanted to post.
And while everybody agrees that you should not be desecrating millennia-old art, you
gotta admit the racing stripes he drew on the horses look cool as hell.
Bill, how did Adam Burke do on our quiz?
You got five right, ten more points, total to 12, and Adam, you enjoy the lead.
Okay.
Dulce, you're up next.
Fill in the blank.
On Thursday, the White House emphasized the urgency of a ceasefire deal in blank.
Gaza.
Right.
On Monday, it was confirmed that a hacker group had
stolen almost three billion blank numbers.
Social Security.
That's right.
This week, divers continued to look for the victims of a
blank wreck off the coast of Sicily.
Yacht.
Yeah, yacht wreck.
A super yacht, in fact.
According to a new study, reducing red meat intake
lowers the risk of type two blank.
Davites.
Yes, an apartment complex in Texas charged a woman $15,000
claiming she broke her lease by blanking.
Living her life?
No, quite the opposite, she broke her lease by dying.
On Thursday it was announced that Olympian
and pommel horse specialist Stephen Nedroschek
would appear in the next season of Blank.
Some reality show?
That's correct, but it's Dancing with the Stars, specifically after two years of marriage Blank filed for divorce again from Ben Affleck.
Aw, Jennifer Lopez.
Yes, this week a Minnesota man was arrested after his attempted armed robbery of a liquor store was foiled by Blank.
A good guy with a gun?
No.
No.
By the owner's eight-year-old daughter hitting him in the crotch with a baseball bat.
This robbery directed by John Hughes.
Right.
Wait, so this little girl went full America's Funniest Home video for this man?
Exactly.
That, my friends, is Minnesota nice.
The store's owner is praising his daughter for her heroism after she defended him from
the would-be robber using a baseball bat hidden behind the counter.
It's a great story and marks the first time in baseball history that getting two balls
is also considered a home run. So, Bill, how did Dulce do on our quiz?
She got five right, ten more points, total of 12, tied for the lead.
So how many then does Adam Felber need to win?
Five to win.
Here we go Adam, This is for the game.
On Monday, the governor of Connecticut declared a state of emergency after storms brought
dangerous blanks to that area.
Winds?
Floods.
This week, the U.S. increased its military presence in the Middle East, citing a potential
attack by blank.
Iran.
Yes.
This week, Florida's official tourism website removed their entire blank travel section.
Coastal.
LGBTQ.
This week, a woman was arrested at an Indian Applebee's because she thought that their
$15.99 all-you-can-eat deal blanked.
Applied to her whole group.
That's exactly right.
According to a new study, two-thirds of blank food sold in the U.S. does not meet nutritional
standards.
Two-thirds of kids'. Yeah baby food. For the first
time ever Starbucks brought their beloved blank latte back to the menu in August.
Pumpkin. Yes pumpkin spice. After falling during a Shakespearean performance Ian
McKellen credits blank for protecting him from more significant injuries. His
fat suit. That's right Adam. Sir Ian was playing Falstaff, the Shakespeare character known for being
zaftig, as Shakespeare put it. And the extra padding that McKellen was wearing protected
his ribs and torso when he fell into the audience, even though he's okay with the injuries
he endured. McKellen had to drop out of the show, but says he'll return to the stage just
as soon as someone writes a play about a man completely encased in bubble wrap
Bill did Adam Felber do well enough to win at first. It looks like he came to a tie
Five right ten more points, but with a few already racked up. He has 13 and the win
13 and the win this week. In just a minute we're gonna ask our panelists to predict what will the janitors find in the corners of the United Center in Chicago when they clean up after the DNC. But
first let me tell you that wait wait don't tell me it's a production of NPR on WBEZ Chicago in
association with urgent haircut Haircut Productions,
Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godica, Reza and Limerick's.
Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.
Our tour manager is Shayna Dombul.
Thanks to the staff at Cooth at the Studebaker Theater.
BJ Lederbund, composer at Theum.
Our programs are produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dombos, and Lillian King.
Special thanks this week to Monica Hickey.
Peter Gwynn is stuck in space.
Emma Choi is our vibe curator.
Technical direction is Lorna White. Special thanks this week to Gary Yack who stepped in heroically. Our CFO is
Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is
Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of What We Don't Tell Me is Typhoid
Mikey Danforth. Now panel, what will the janitors at the DNC find now that
everybody has gone away? Adam Felber. They're gonna find in the corner the
political hopes and dreams of JD Vance.
Dulce Sloan. Jimmy Hoffa. That's where he was. And all the people that get in. Adam Burke.
They're gonna find Joe Biden because when the Democratic Party moves on, they move on.
Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it.
Wait, wait, don't tell me.
Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Dulcé Sloan, Adam Burke, and Adam Felber.
All of the audience. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theatre who came out to see us.
Thanks to everybody who's listening wherever you may be.
I am Peter Segel.
We'll see you next week.
Minneapolis, Minnesota.
This is NPR.
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