Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

Episode Date: December 7, 2024

This week, Jim Gaffigan joins panelists Adam Felber, Adam Burke, and Negin Farsad to talk about being the Pope's favorite comedian.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Support for this podcast and the following message comes from Autograph Collection Hotels, with over 300 independent hotels around the world, each exactly like nothing else. Autograph Collection is part of the Marriott Bonvoy portfolio of hotel brands. Find the unforgettable at autographcollection.com. Hey, it's Peter. So we love all you podcast listeners, and we've always wanted to get you a Christmas present, but we couldn't figure out, you know, what? Socks? Nice pair of candlesticks? Then we figured, get you the one thing we know you like. This show.

You can get a 25% discount on tickets to Wait Wait at Carnegie Hall in New York City on December 12th, with Paula Poundstone, Mo Rocca, Joyeux Nicole Johnson, and a special guest I can't tell you about but really want to. To get your discount, go to NPRpresents.org and enter the special code just for podcast listeners. NPR49394. That's NPR49394. As to how you get to Carnegie Hall, I really have no idea. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is, wait, wait, don't tell me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Frosty the Anchorman, Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studenbaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois,

Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. It's good to see you again. We have got a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Jim Gaffigan, one of the most successful and prolific comedians in the world. And he has done it two decades now without ever swearing. It's

true. Our mission, provoke him enough so that ends today. Sadly, you will have to obey NPR standards when you call in to play our games. The number to call of course is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant this week. Hi, you're on, wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, Peter. This is Lynn calling from Minnetonka, Minnesota. Minnetonka, Minnesota. Minnetonka, I know, is a beautiful western suburb right there on Lake Minnetonka.

It's gorgeous. What do you do there? I am a corporate lawyer just trying to stay warm. I understand. To warm your cold, cold lawyer's heart. Well, welcome to the show, Lin. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, he's a writer, performer, and co-host of the podcast, Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone,

which has a shiny new Patreon page. It's Adam Felber. Hi, Lin. Hi, Adam. Next, it's the comedian and host of the podcast, Fake the Nation, where you can hear the upcoming Godfather trilogy recaps featuring me. It's Nagin Farsad. Hello.

Hi, Nagin. And finally, a comedian who'll be bringing his cocktail comedy show, Shaking with Laughter to Gaelic Park at Oak Forest, Illinois on January 24th. It's Adam Burke. Hi, Lynn. Hi, Adam. So, Lynn, you're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I am ready. All right. Your first quote is from Parents Magazine, trying to explain the concept of, quote, brain rot. Skibbity Ohio Riz.

So they say that sentence is an example of brain rot, which is why the Oxford English Dictionary just named brain rot 2024's what? Word of the Year. Word of the Year. Yes. 2024 is what? Word of the Year. Word of the Year! Yes! This is big news for all of you people who play fantasy lexicography. If you drafted brain rot for the OED's Word of the Year, you won your league. Now brain rot describes the condition of absorbing so many online memes through constant scrolling that your brain just

doesn't work anymore. Rot though, that's harsh. Your brain isn't rotten, it's just fall off the bone tender. Is this an example of the fact that Brain Rot is taking hold, that the OED has made their word of the year two words? Yes. They don't just celebrate it, they have it. Well, when I first heard the term Brain Rot, I thought it was referring to the worms in

RFK's brain. Right. And then... No, no, Nadine... And then I realized that by thinking that, I myself have exhibited brain rot. That's true. And besides, if RFK's brain was rotten, the worm wouldn't have eaten it. It has standards.

Was that applause anti-RFK or pro-worm? You never know. Pro-worm, I think. Now this is fascinating. According to the OED, which does Word Origins, brain rot was used by Henry Thoreau in 1854. Hashtag Walden Pond, hashtag a different drummer, hashtag life of quiet desperation. He was such a lifestyle influencer. He really was. And why are you punctuating your text with all these little pictures? Obsessed with that Thoreau. By the way, in case you're wondering, a previous Oxford English Dictionary words of the year

include goblin mode, which won in 2022. In 2017, it was youthquake, a word that my brain rot prevents me even from remembering. And of course, back in 2 AD, it was thou. Wait, you're forgetting that last year it was Riz, which means this word is already over. Like, we shouldn't even be saying it right now. So Riz didn't have enough Riz to still be the word Riz. Exactly.

All right, Lynn, your next quote is from President Joe Biden back in June talking about his son Hunter. I will not pardon him. So what did Joe Biden do this week? He pardoned him. He did. He gave his son Hunter Barton a complete pardon. People say he was acting as a father, not as a president. I don't know.

If I was convicted of federal crimes, my father would just say, you know, a little prison builds character. Why some might see this as a little unfair, right? To other people who've been convicted and don't have fathers who happen to be presidents. It's not like Hunter is avoiding punishment. He is currently grounded at the White House with no screen time and no crack time. I only think it's fair to say this because Joe Biden likes to bring up his Catholic faith a lot in his secular job. But I was raised Catholic and we're supposed to follow Christ's example.

And Jesus asked his dad to get him off of his little legal contry car. And even Jesus's dad was like, trust the process. Yeah, sorry. There's something fun about like this Biden's attitude. Well, screw it all, you know, of his last month or so in office, we'd call it his senior slide, but in his case, that sounds like a diagnosis. So he's having fun, all, you know, of his last month or so in office. We'd call it his senior slide, but in his case, that sounds like a diagnosis. So he's having fun, Biden.

You know, it's really sweet how he brought back Commander the Dog and said, just eat whoever you want. Go. It's my staff, it's your smorgasbord. Go. I know. It's not, he could be having so much more fun. Which is kind of why isn't he like going nuts?

He could. He is never running for anything Why isn't he going nuts? He could. He's never running for anything again. Why not enjoy himself? Start an OnlyFans. What are we doing? I'd subscribe. Would you? Come on.

Come on. Of course. Is him doing car noises in his underwear? Eating ice cream. All right, Lynn. Your last quote is someone talking about a theme restaurant that was big in the 90s that suddenly all the rage again. The fear that a mechanical elephant might glitch out while you're halfway through your

entree. It's the thrill, the drama. That was somebody describing why they really like to go to this eco-themed restaurant chain. Which one is it? I believe it's the Rainforest Cafe. It is, yes! This is great news, such a relief. A new report finds that after years of just being decimated, the rainforests are coming back. No wait, it's the Rainforest Cafe. Sorry.

Oh, next best thing. Yeah, I know. People say it's the lungs of the otherwise dead mall. In a year that has seen red red lobster, applebees, and TGI Fridays all go bankrupt. The surprising survivor is of all things Rainforest Cafe. It's known for serving traditional rainforest cuisine like Creole mac and cheese. It's surging in popularity with both millennials who are enjoying 90s nostalgia and Gen Z who enjoy making fun of millennials. This is true. One of the reasons Rainforest Cafe is surging in popularity is because a couple of YouTubers

decided to travel into every remaining Rainforest Cafe in the entire country. They posted a video about it. It went viral. Another bunch, trying to repeat the success, tried to do the same thing with waffle houses, but they died before they even made it out of Georgia. There aren't that many rainforest cafes left. Yeah, there's about a dozen or maybe 16 or so. Yeah, there was like a massive deforestation.

Exactly, as it were. The Brazilian government did not want those cafes to stand. Many of them are now palm oil plantation cafes. I've never been to one. Is it just... I've never been to one. I've never been to one. This is like a great panel for the subject.

It's our fault. This is actually... The story of Rainforest Cafe is great. Now, if you've never been to one, and apparently you haven't, I went to one many years ago with my then young children, and the idea is that it's like inside a rainforest, and it's got like these incredibly elaborate displays of animatronic animals and foliage, and every 20 minutes or so, the rain starts and the thunder and the animals start moving. It's all very creepy and strange, and actually, at least to my children, terrifying, which

is why we never went back. My question is, is the Hard Rock Cafe so mad right now? Nobody apparently has the same nostalgia for eating next to one of Slash's guitars as they do for eating next to it. An animatronic gorilla. Exactly. Like Slash. Yeah. For example.

Because Slash would actually hang out at the Hard Rock Cafe. It wasn't even an animatronic, it was just him reaching over and grabbing your fries. Bill, how did Lin do in our quiz? He is very good, he got them all right. Congratulations Lin. And try to stay warm. Take care. Thank you. Bye bye. Right now panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Nagin, a convenience store in Japan is getting mixed reviews for the new beverage that they're offering their customers. It's drinkable what?

It's drinkable bread. No, although it is something that is normally spread on bread. Oh, drinkable cream cheese. You spread cream cheese on bread. Also, all cream cheese is drinkable if it's warm enough. True. Butter, drinkable butter. No, something else you spread on bread.

Peanut butter? Often on sandwiches. What? Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise! Drinkable mayonnaise. Although, you know, all credit to them, but all mayonnaise is drinkable if you just suck on the straw hard enough.

Where was this? Japan. You really think white people would have come up with this? Yeah. As a white person, I'm a little embarrassed. Okay, you may think comu mayo, that's what they call their drinkable mayonnaise, sounds gross, but it also tastes gross. And it looks gross, and for all I know, feels gross, but I'm not going to touch it.

Who decided we needed this? Don't have time to eat that BLT before you go? Here, just take along this can of the worst thing about it. I really want to see the television commercials for this. I want to see a bunch of people on the beach playing volleyball. Like, man, I worked up a sweat. Hand me the mail. Lord, I'm gonna drink myself to death if it kills me Coming up, our panelists pick up a prescription in our bluff the listener game called One, Triple Eight, Wait, Wait to Play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

Hey, it's Peter Segel. Before we get back to the show, we want to say a big thank you to our listeners. It's because of you that we get to bring on famous people and ask them about very silly subjects. Just this year alone, we've questioned Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen about Antiques Roadshow. Can I phone a friend? You have armed security. You can do whatever you want. Stumped chef and TV host Kristin Kish

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I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Nagin Farsad, Adam Felber and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segel. Thank you, Bill. Right now, of course, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-triple-8-wait-wait to play our games in the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page, at Wait, Wait, NPR. Hi, you're on WaitWait, don't tell me. Hi Peter, this is Amy Dunham calling from Atlanta. Oh, so what do you do there in Atlanta? I work for Habitat for Humanity. You do? Wow. Now that of course is the nonprofit that builds homes for the

people who need them, which is wonderful, and of course it's famous because Jimmy Carter used to volunteer for them all the time. Did you ever run into him on one of your projects? No, unfortunately, he had retired from public life by the time I started. You know, knowing him, I know he's in a hospice right now, but he still might show up. He is unstoppable.

We have not rolled it out. Well, welcome to the show Amy. It's nice to have you here. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Amy's topic? Well I wasn't expecting that from my drug. Ah, drug side effects, which we all know as those things that make commercials really long.

This week though we heard about a unique side effect of a pharmaceutical. Our panel is going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight-waiter's voice of your choice and your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. All right, let's do it. Let's first hear from Adam Burke.

Sebu Satiki, starting flanker for New Zealand's All Blacks national rugby team, was one of the side's most devastating defensive players, shutting down opponents and once making 85 tackles in one game. That is until he started taking a homeopathic recipe for a shoulder injury. As teammate Bodhi Akosta explains, it made his shoulder better, but he started to play a little differently. His teammates noted Sebu wasn't as aggressive in defense. Then he'd strike up conversations with the other side in the scrum, says Acosta, referring to those big eight-man rugby huddles that looked like rattan made of meat.

When team medics took a closer look at the remedy Satake had been taking, they learned it had been linked to huge increases in empathy and compassion as a side effect. By the time we figured out the issue, he was stopping us from stepping on ladybugs on the pitch, says Acosta. I mean, empathy is great, but not when France is thwacking you 21 to nothing. And herbal drug makes a member of New Zealand's much feared rugby team not very fearsome at all.

Your next story of a little something on the side comes from Nagin Farsa. When kids across Spain were sprouting huge tufts of hair all over their bodies in what is scientifically called hypertrichinosis but is funnifically called werewolf syndrome, their parents were concerned and jealous because these weren't just a bunch of random kids, they were the children of parents who suffer from baldness. After extensive analysis, and don't worry, the analysis came with the celebrated

two o'clock Spanish siesta, they found that a parent in each case had been taking minoxidil, the popular hair regrowth drug. That's right, the bushy crown dreams of a bunch of balding Spanish dudes led to an uptick in werewolf syndrome, an affliction so rare that it's only been documented 100 times since the Middle Ages. A spokesperson for minoxidil probably said, hey, we told you the drug works. We didn't say where it works.

Parents and caregivers who are taking minoxidil accidentally make their own babies hairy. Your last unexpected effect comes from Adam Felber. As wildlife levels drop across this great land of ours, one ecosystem that's been bucking the trend is the population of fish, frogs, and waterfowl in the area surrounding Florida's massive The Villages retirement community. And now, thanks to a new study, we know why.

No, it's not reduced pollution from those newfangled Tesla mobility scooters, and it's not from all those oldsters feeding the ducks. Now, according to the research, the cause for the burgeoning wildlife population is runoff from all that Viagra and Cialis in the wastewater. The sunfish are fun fish, the horny toads are hornier, and the ducks... well, you get the idea.

This unexpectedly virtuous and virile chemical spill is already causing ecologists to stand up and take notice. A proposed senior center near an important headwaters in Washington state now has the full support of the Audubon Society as a means of saving the salmon population. They've even got a slogan to promote senior sex. If you've got game, so will we. All right. So this week we heard a story about a drug that had an unexpected side effect. Was it from Adam Burke, an herbal medicine taken by a rugby player that made him just

too nice and pacifist to play rugby? From Nagin Farsad, caregivers using minoxidil or Rogaine to grow their own hair ended up growing it on their babies because they kept touching them. Or from Adam Felber, the ED medicines used by the senior citizens of the villages in Florida leading to a burst of wildlife in the neighborhood. Which of these is the real interesting side effect we heard about in the week's news. I'm going to say something I never thought I'd say out loud, which is I'm going to go with the Spanish werewolf babies. I'm ashamed to admit how often I've uttered that. Alright, you are choosing then Nagin's story of the Spanish werewolf babies. To see if you're correct, we spoke to a reporter covering this real

phenomenon. It's known as werewolf syndrome and it was connected to illness medication. That was Hattie Wilmoth. She is a food and nutrition reporter at Newsweek who reported on the real story of the Spanish werewolf babies. Congratulations Amy you got it right. And if you ever start a band, now you have the perfect name for it. You're in the point for Nagin and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice and your voicemail.

Congratulations. And thank you. Thank you so much. Well done, Amy. Take care. And now the game we call Not My Job. Jim Gaffigan has been one of the most successful comedians in the country for more than two decades. He's routinely called, he's often called America's most prolific comedian, which I think is good, yes. His latest special is called The Skinny. It's out on Hulu now. Jim Gaffigan, welcome back to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Good to see you. And speaking of seeing you, congratulations on the new special, The Skinny and the reason for its title, which is that you have lost a lot of weight as you open up the show with by demonstrating and talking about. Yes. Has that been a positive experience? Do you like it when people congratulate you on having lost a lot of weight or is it like a mixed experience? Well, I feel there's a certain imposter syndrome because I use an appetite suppressant.

So it's not like I put any effort or changed any behavior. In other words, I'm kind of like, it's the ultimate nepo baby. Right. Are you having like a thin like me experience walking around the world being thin and finding out what it's like for those people? Well, I joke in the special that I used to be a fat guy,

and now I'm just thin, therefore arrogant. Because I always viewed thin people as arrogant. But I do feel like, I mean, I love it. My knees don't hurt. With the appetites present, I'm just kind of, it's not like I don't eat. I just eat like a normal human. I'm less consuming like a dog.

Did you have worry because, I mean, I know, know for example that there are people who feel like that if they stop drinking or if they start taking antidepressants, they won't be creative anymore. Did you worry that if you weren't fat you couldn't be funny anymore? You know in my 20s, I was thin and granted I wasn't very successful at stand-up. And, granted, I wasn't very successful at stand-up. So, the special comes out at the end of what I understand has been a pretty remarkable year for you. For example, earlier, you went with about 200 other comedians to the Vatican to meet the Pope.

Is that right? Yeah. I mean, that shows you the position that the Catholic Church is in right now. They're like, okay, time to call in the comedians. Yeah. What do we got? We got nothing. Nobody else will come see us.

The comedians might. Why, I mean, why in the world did Pope Francis, why did he want to have 200 comedians come to the Vatican? Well, there was a really intellectually sound reason, which he believes that humor is a really important part of dealing with everyday life. And so he wanted to articulate that. But the reality of sitting in a room in the Vatican with Jimmy Fallon, Chris Rock, and Romet Yudzeth, you

feel like it was just a gathering of every kid who couldn't behave in church. Right. I don't know if the nun can do it for these guys. We better go to the pope. You said in your Instagram post about it that the pope told you, Pope Francis told you, Jim Gaffigan, that you were to the Pope. You said in your Instagram post about it that the Pope told you, Pope Francis told you, Jim Gaffigan, that you were his favorite comedian. Is that

true? That is not true at all. That was me trying to be funny. Making one of your little jokes. But I posted it and I was like, you know what, are people going to think that I'm serious? But would have been funnier from a fat guy. It was, yeah, because you know, some of it is, you know, English is probably the fourth language that Pope Francis knows. So I didn't really bother to say anything. I just kind of like nodded and kind of, you know, just kind of was polite and move along. Cause that's what's so amazing about religion and politics. It's like the entertainment industry, but there's, they don't get paid anything. It's brutal.

I actually read that you once opened for the Pope in a way. Is that when he came to the United States a few years ago, is that right? Yeah. Well, I opened for the Pope Mobile and I essentially did 10 minutes of stand up outside in Philly. I followed a team of dancers and then I went out and I was sarcastic. I essentially bombed for 10 minutes and then the Pope Mobile drove in. So it wasn't as glamorous as it sounds, really. So another accomplishment that happened this year, you got the chance to play Tim Walz on Saturday Night Live.

Now, when you saw the announcement that he was going to be the vice presidential candidate, did you just start hovering by the phone, waiting for Lorne Michaels to call? Maybe I've just been kicking around long enough where I had, you know, I'd been burned so many times that I didn't want to emotionally invest in it. And so when, you know, the internet kind of after Steve Martin turned it down, they kind of identified every Midwestern doughy guy.

I was like, I was, yeah, I mean, I definitely wanted to do it, but... The irony would have been, ah, Jim, we wanted you to play Tim Walz, but you've lost too much weight. Right. You're not doughy enough. It's a shame. Well, that's the good thing about being a Midwestern doughy guy is like you can lose the weight, but you still look out of shape.

That's true. Well, Jim Gaffigan, it's great to talk to you again. And this time we have invited you here to play a game we're calling... Your Wait Wait Gift Guide. Now, the holidays are right around the corner, so we're going to ask you three questions about gifts you can buy for your loved ones. Answer two questions correctly and you'll win a present for one of our listeners, the voices of anyone from our show they might like. Bill, who is Jim Gaffigan playing for?

Liz Wilder of Phoenix, Arizona. All right, first question. There are lots of high-tech products you can buy including a whole category just meant to improve your sleep including which of these? A, a smart pillow which uses AI and motors to nudge you when you start snoring. B, a smart mattress that flings you out of bed if you hit snooze one too many times, or see a smart fitted sheet with a speaker that tells you step by step how to fold it correctly? Well, it can't be the fitted sheet.

Wouldn't that be great, though? I feel like it's got to be the smart pillow. It is. It's the smart pillow, The DiRucci smart pillow. Consense, it says, if you're snoring and then uses these motors in the pillow to nudge your head, which will either make you stop snoring because you've moved or you'll just learn not to snore to avoid that punishment. All right.

Second question. It wouldn't be Christmas without the Goop gift guide. And this year in the sexy holiday section of the gift guide, Gwyneth Paltrow suggests that what might be just the thing to spice up your love life? A. A pet parrot so they can repeat your pillow talk back to you. B. A replica of the 1995 Batman costume, you know, the one with the nipples, or see a printed photograph of a classic 1951 Ferrari 212 sports car. Wow.

Yeah, I know. They're all so hot, it's hard to choose. I think it's the third one. It's the photo. It's the picture of the Ferrari. You're right. Wow. Why did you think it was that one?

Because there is something about the, not that I understand goop logic, but I think there's the nostalgia of the beauty of the past that is timeless, right? Yeah. So that would be my reasoning. But is it erotic? What was the word of the year again? Yeah. All right.

Here's a third question. See if you can be perfect. Of course, if you want a gift for the person who has everything, you always turn to Neiman Marcus. And this year, in their holiday gift guide, they are offering a $48,000 Moet Chandon vending machine which lets you have 35 bottles of champagne available to your friends and family at the touch of a button. There's a catch though, and what is it?

A, the $48,000 price does not include the champagne. B, the machine only holds those single serving mini bottles of champagne. Or C, it'll cost you an extra $1,000 to have it delivered. Oh, I think it's the $1,000 delivered. It is. It's the first one. It is both the first one and the last one they're all true So for $48,000 You get basically an empty vending machine that says Moe Chandon in it you which I kind of want

But there's nothing worse than when like the champagne gets jammed and then the next person comes along gets to Good break of my champagne. It's the worst. Why, you know, why insert, whatever happened to the days of refrigerators? I know. You know what else is frustrating? You're trying to get your champagne and you keep trying to get your $100 bill in and it keeps rejecting it. It's just the worst. Bill, how did Jim Gaffigan do in our quiz?

Three in a row. Perfect. Excellent. Jim, congratulations. I mean, it's not being the Pope's favorite comedian, but it's something, so congratulations. Thank you so much. Jim Gaffigan is a comedian and actor whose latest special, The Skinny, is on Hulu now. It's fabulous, check it out. Jim Gaffigan, thank you so much for joining us again.

We'll see you next time, I hope. Take care. In just a minute, Bill brings you the most disgusting drink We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message come from Autograph Collection Hotels, offering over 300 independent hotels around the world, each exactly like nothing else. Hand selected for their inherent craft, each hotel tells its own unique story through distinctive design and immersive experiences, from medieval falconry to volcanic wine tasting. Autograph Collection is part of the Marriott Bonvoy portfolio

of over 30 hotel brands around the world. Find the unforgettable at autographcollection.com. This is Eric Glass. On This American Life, we specialize in compelling stories from everyday life. I was like, wow, you literally just died and came back. And the first thing you ask is, do you need any money? Real life stories, really good ones,

in your podcast feed, This American life. From NPR at WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Adam Felber, Nagin Farsad, and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the Stududebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill reads his limericks just in the nick of rhyme in our listener limerick challenge game. Yes, that's right. We've reset those jokes back to the beginning. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-888-888-924-8924.

Right now, I'll panel some more questions for you from the week's news. Adam Felber, there's something new to complain about at the airport. According to the Washington Post, getting to Watt has become a time-consuming nightmare just about everywhere. The bathroom. No. The Rainforest Cafe. Technically, it's usually outside the airport, increasingly far away from the...

Oh, getting to the lot. Getting to the lot where you pick up a... Uber or taxi. Yes, exactly. That is absolutely a problem at LAX. It really is. According to the Washington Post, calling a rideshare at most airports have become an absolute obstacle course.

It's like entering the Labyrinth, but instead of a minotaur at the center, it's a Hyundai Elantra with way too much air freshener. If only I could take a lift to get to the Uber lot. There you go. You know, they should do what cabs do. They're in a line, and then you just have to get into the first Uber you see. Right. And then you go to wherever that person paid for. I feel like that's the solution.

It would be great. You'd see new things, meet new people. Yeah. Adam Burke, the entire downtown of Springfield, Tennessee lost power last week after the mayor drove into a telephone pole. Now the mayor insisted it wasn't his fault and instead he blamed his what? His chauffeur, who is a dog. No? His death wish. I'll who is a dog. No? His death wish.

I'll give you a hint. It wasn't as far as we know a McMuffin. He wouldn't have stooped to the store brands. Oh, was he eating? Was he eating his breakfast? He was eating, I'll tell you, he blamed his sausage biscuit. Oh, because the biscuit was on the steering wheel? Apparently, yes.

Like he was driving. Yeah, he was drunk, so he had the biscuit drive. No. Or in the mayor's words, he, quote, leaned over to grab my sausage biscuit, and before I knew it, the pole was in front of me. Now, you might be asking. I'm asking a lot of questions. Well, one of the things you might be asking, and I'll anticipate this question, is did

the accident, which hit the telephone pole, also cause a bunch of live wires to fall into a funeral home, setting it ablaze? Yes, it did. That was my first question. I know. Yeah, far to save some time. Wait, I feel like this story would be more respectable if he was just texting like the rest of us.

Yes. Texting, I would like a sausage biscuit. Is the city now suing the sausage biscuit or are they holding on criminal charges? They'll take it in for questioning where it's going to be grilled. Hey! Go have a mayonnaise drink. You've earned it. Now it's time for a new game that we're calling...

That's disrespectful. So this week we saw the word Disrespectful pop up a lot in the news So we decided to ask you about some of the instances we saw rapid-fire true false style get your question Right, you get a point ready to play sure. All right, Adam Burke We'll start with you true or false this week The city of Glasgow was called disrespectful for putting safety warnings directly on people's Christmas decorations. True.

No, it's false. They were called disrespectful for placing safety warnings directly on people's gravestones. It's a little late. A little late, yeah. This might hurt you, sir. True or false, Nagin, last week a man was called out online for being disrespectful after he showed up just two minutes late to his cousin's Thanksgiving dinner. False. That is false. He was called disrespectful after insisting on reviewing each dish out loud to the table immediately after tasting it, and his reviews

were not positive. Adam Burke, true or false, this week a wedding guest called a bride and groom, quote, disrespectful for not having a vegan wedding cake at their reception. Oh, gotta be true. No, it's false. He called them disrespectful for only having a vegan wedding cake. To quote, trick people into eating vegan food. And finally, for Unigene, the story that inspired this game, true or false, an MMA fighter said of her opponent that it was, quote, disrespectful to elbow my anus.

True. Of course true. That's not respectful. What body part should she have used? That's a good question. That's it for the first ever edition of That's Disrespectful. We'll have to do it again unless you people start being nice. Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to

listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, Carla, leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studer Baker Theater in downtown Chicago, Illinois. Or come see us on the road. We'll be back at the legendary Carnegie Hall in New York City on December 12th.

Next week, for tickets and info, go to nprpresents.org. Also, you can check out our sister podcast, How to Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian get a question so complicated, they have to call in the United States Army. Hi, Ron, wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Morgan Shalhoub from Boston, Massachusetts. Hey, Boston, Massachusetts. I'm going to ask you, being a part-time Bostonian for much of my life, when people say they're

from Boston, they usually don't mean Boston, they mean someplace near Boston. Do you mean Boston? I'm in Boston proper, the neighborhood of Jamaica Plain. Oh, there you go, Jamaica Plain, JP. I know it well. What do you do there? Monday through Friday I am a fundraiser at an independent school and on Sundays I direct music at a local church. Do you? I sure do. Yes. I was just coming up with something interesting to say about that and not. Well, Morgan, welcome to the show.

Bill Curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a winner. You ready to go? Ready to go. Here's your first limerick. Electronic flexor supports.

Soon I'll wear on pickleballed courts and then I'll go dance in that pair of E-pants. I'll be wearing some mechanized shorts. Yes, yes. Engineers have finally invented what we've all been waiting for, robot shorts. They're called walk-ons, and you can wear them over your everyday clothes to help you expend less energy while you walk. All right, thanks guys, but I'm not going gonna buy these until they can pull out their own wedgie How can those work? Am I walking wrong? I can't think of anything

Well, it shorts covers that would help well I mean if you think about it, you know Sort of those tendons and muscles at the top of your legs, uh-huh, and they sort of help you move I've been doing it all with the feet. Yeah, are they like cargo? as you walk along. I've been doing it all with the feet. Are they like cargo robot shorts where they have extra pockets? Is that what you're concerned of? I was worried about that for a second.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've got sort of like braces that go around your midsection and then they reach down into your thighs. Can I get them in a variety of colors or just one? No, it's just Madras. Wait, this is turning into QVC. We only have 15 pairs left call it now All right. Here is your next limerick with this pencil. I'm flexing my noodle tried a cow, but it looks like a poodle

Though critics may quibble that I merely scribble. I'm training my brain when I Doodle yes drawing has long been known to be good for your mental health. Now one expert's saying that if you can't draw, you should do it anyway, because bad drawing has the same positive effect. You may think of yourself as a terrible artist, but you spend a few minutes every day drawing whatever comes to your mind, and then you'll have proof that you are. LAUGHTER

Artist Darren Fisher says pointless scribbles can help you enter a flow state which can help you become less self-conscious and overcome mental blocks. These random lines sharpen your drawing skills, sharpen your focus, and give you something to draw mustaches and boobs on for your next doodles. So the idea is if you can't draw, draw. If you're a bad driver, get out there anyway. Who was med school to tell you you can't do surgery? All right, here's your last limerick.

If Santa won't answer your wish, leave this milk with a stale cookie dish. Make a malt or a shake with what swims in the lake. We made milk by just grinding up... Fish? Fish, yes! A non-profit foundation in Indonesia is developing a new alternative to cow's milk, fish milk. It contains all nine essential amino acids and tastes just like normal milk, according to that foundation's production manager, who is lying.

How is that still less gross than drinking mayonnaise? That's true. Well, you know, if you combine them, you're almost at a drinkable tuna milk. That's true. It's great. No, it has so many uses. First of all, for all of you people who never knew what beverage to pair with fish. And of course, I should say, they're not literally milking fish, right? You can't milk fish. The fish are caught. You can try. Yeah.

Wait, you would pair a glass of fish milk with fish? What better? It's like pairing a cheeseburger with a glass of cheeseburger. Yeah. I'm listening What I find hilarious is like of all the things I've mentioned so far that's the one you object to You pair a nice dry white with fish Peter. What are you talking about? Bill how did Morgan do in our quiz? God bless him Morgan got him all right

Thank you so much for playing a Morgan and say hello to that great ice cream store down there in JP. I sure will. Thanks so much. Take care. Hi, I'm Laurel Wamsley, and I cover personal finance for NPR. That means I report on some of the questions that might keep you or your loved ones up at night. Like, will I ever be able to buy a home? What about retirement? As interest rates drop, where should I put my money?

Economic headlines can be confusing, but NPR is here to help you make sense of them. To support this coverage, please give today at donate.npr.org. From the online trends that dominated 2024. On the spectrum of Brat to Demure. Where are you right now? To spicy TikTok viral reads. These romance fantasy books about dragons. NPR kept you up to speed on pop culture all year long.

Give back to the new source that just hits different by donating today at donate.npr.org and thank you. Hi, it's Mariel Cigarra from LifeKid. There's a first time for everything, including giving to NPR. Whether you're a brand new listener or a longtime fan, please join the community of NPR network supporters today. Make your gift at donate.npr.org. And thank you. Now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank

questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Adam has two, the other Adam has two, and Nagin has five. What? Whoa. Since both Adams are tied, I will choose Adam Felber to go first. Fill in the blank.

On Thursday, lawmakers passed a no-confidence vote against the government in blank. France. Right. After being hit with the 7.0 earthquake, residents in California were then warned of a possible blank. Tsunami. Right. On Monday, Donald Trump announced plans to visit Paris for the reopening of the blank. Notre Dame Cathedral.

Right. This week, a church in Switzerland said that congregants could now give their confessions to blank. Their computers. No, to an AI Jesus that is affixed to the confessional wall. On Tuesday, Budget Airline Blank announced it was adding first class seats to some planes. Spirit. No, frontier. According to a new study, eating small amounts of Blank daily could reduce your risk of diabetes.

Dark chocolate. Right. This week, a man was arrested at LAX after he was caught trying to smuggle 70 pounds of meth by blanking. Waddling. No, by converting it into a liquid and soaking all his clothes in it. What? According to TSA agents, the man was caught trying to check a suitcase that contained

70 pounds of meth-soaked clothes. It's a rookie mistake. Everybody knows the way to get your meth onto an airplane is in dozens of little three-ounce containers. Bill, how did Adam Felber do on our quiz? Four right, eight more points and ten gives him the lead. All right. Not much of a lead.

It should be said, but thank you. Thank you very much, audience. All right. Adam Burke, you're up next. Please fill in the blank. After his declaration of martial law was overturned, six different political parties filed impeachment articles against the president of blank. South Korea.

Right. On Monday, a judge once again rejected blanks, now $100 billion dollar pay package from Tesla. Elon Musk. Right. This week the Supreme Court heard arguments in a case regarding gender affirming care for blank. Miners. Right.

On Thursday, opposition forces in blank recaptured the city of Hama. In Syria. Right. After falling into a well in Thailand, it took a Chinese tourist three days to be rescued because blank. Um, he hadn't gone to the souvenir shop. No, because everyone confused his cries for help

for a ghost wailing. This week, a man who tried to rob a church in California was foiled because the pastor was blank. Oh, just, just armed to the teeth. No, he was a trained mixed martial arts fighter. The robber, thinking the church would be empty, broke in and was leaving with an armload of valuables when he was met by the pastor who greeted him with the Holy Spirit of Jiu-Jitsu. Bill, how did Adam Burke do on our quiz?

Well we have a very close game. He got four right, eight more points. His total of ten ties Adam Feldberg. There you go. All right. So how many then does Nagin Farsad need to win? Three to win, Nagin. How few to blow it.

All right, Nagin, How few to blow it. Oh, okay. All right, Nagin, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. After questions were raised about Trump's pick for defense secretary, blank's name was then floated as a replacement. DeSantis. Right. According to a new report, the Atlantic Ocean could lose all its blank by the end of this

decade. Fish? Icebergs. Ice, yeah. This week, NASA engineers successfully restored contact with the blank probe. Mars. No, Voyager, way out there. On Wednesday cryptocurrency blank broke $100,000 for the first time.

Bitcoin. Right. This week a man in Wales says he has a solid plan for recovering the blank that his wife accidentally threw away. The engagement ring. No, the hard drive containing $500 million in Bitcoin. On Monday, Elton John revealed that he had lost his blank. Vision? Yes, eyesight.

On Thursday, Pantone announced that Mocha Moose was their blank of the year. Color. Right. This week, a Minnesota woman was busted for stealing a car after she blanked. Wait, busted for stealing a car after she blanked. Wait, busted for stealing a car after she blanked? After she started doing car karaoke. No, after she wrote in her journal, quote, totally stole a car today. The investigators had already suspected the woman when they found the incriminating diary entry and arrested her.

It didn't help that her next entry after that was, and if the police come looking for me, I'll hide down in the laundry room. Bill, did Nagin do well enough to win? Well, coming up on the outside, she got five right, 10 more points. Her total of 15 wins. Yeah! Thank you so much. It was a pleasure beating you. Pleasure being beaten by you. Coming up, our panelists predict now that Rainforest Café has made a comeback, what would be the next big concept restaurant to take the nation by storm?

But first, let me tell you all that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPRW BEC Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeker, Riza Limerick, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studio Baker Theater, BJ Liederman composed our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King.

Special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey. Our skimity toilet? Well, that's Peter Gwynn. Emma Choi is our vibe curator, technical direction from Lorna White, our CFO is Colin Miller, our production manager is Robert Newhouse,

our senior producer is Ian Chilog, and the executive producer of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. She's a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer,

a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, a great writer, comes with every meal. Adam Felber. In keeping with the endangered species theme, you could travel back to another era when you visit the Cafe Congressional Democrat. And Adam Burke. A shell oil themed restaurant which will move in on and tear down all of the rainforest cafes. Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis.

Thanks also to Adam Burke, Adam Felber, McGinn Farsad. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Sudabaker Theater, each and every one of them. And thanks to all of you, each and every one of you, wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagan. We'll see you next week at Carnegie Hall. This is NPR. Ho, ho, ho. Santa here. Coming to you from the North Pole,

we're the elves in our podcast division of just completed work on this season's best gift for public radio lovers, NPR+. Give the gift of sponsored free listening and even bonus episodes from your favorite NPR podcasts, all while supporting public media. Learn more at plus.npr.org. Ha ha, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Lately on the NPR Politics podcast, we're talking about a big question. How much can one guy change? They want change. What will change look like for energy? Drill, baby drill. School. Take the department of education, close it.

Healthcare. Better and less expensive. Follow coverage of a changing country. Promises made, promises kept. We're going to keep our promises. On the NPR Politics Podcast. What are the best albums of 2024? Find out on the latest episode of NPR's All Songs Considered.

There's a lot of people who could sing that exact line and I would be like, you're under arrest. But she pulls it off. Download new episodes of all songs considered every Tuesday wherever you get podcasts.