Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Judith Butler

Episode Date: April 20, 2024

This week, Judith Butler joins panelists Roy Blount, Jr., Maz Jobrani, and Faith Salie to talk about gender, performativity, and their dream of becoming a clown.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

In this country, some truths aren't self-evident. In NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of stories as wide-ranging and real as the people who tell them, we celebrate the Black experience for all its soul and richness. Search NPR Black Stories, Black Truths wherever you get podcasts. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Bill Curtis' voice may be heavenly, but get ready for hell, Helen Hong. And here's your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Helen.

Thank you, everybody. We have a great show for you lined up today. Later on, we're going to be talking to philosopher and gender theorist Judith Butler. But first, I want to thank Helen Hong for filling in for Bill Curtis. This is very exciting for us. Now, Helen, you have been a panelist with us for a while. But today, you've been promoted to judge and scorekeeper, which means, among other things, that today you do not have to suck up to me.

And the question is, how does that feel? Why didn't you tell me this sooner? I want my blood plasma back, Peter. I'm sorry I've used it. So you out there are also free to say anything you like to me today, but first you have to call us to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Alex from Hoboken, New Jersey. Hoboken?

I'm sorry. I am of an age where when somebody says Hoboken, I have to say it like Bugs Bunny. Hoboken! What do you do for fun, Hoboken being a rocking place? I like to go for big walks on the waterfront, hang out, I guess. All right, that's fine. That's how we roll in New Jersey. Alex, welcome to our show.

Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, he's a comedian you can see at the Addison Improv in Dallas and whose tour dates can all be found at Mazjobrani.com. It's Mazjobrani. Hi, Alex. Hi. Next, she's a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning and host of the podcast Health Matters, it's Faith Salie. Hi, Alex. And a writer whose sub stack is take another little piece of my heart now, it's Roy Blunt Jr.

So, Alex, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Helen this time. Helen Hong, filling in for Bill, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I am ready.

All right, Alex, here we go. Here is your first quote. Women are not paid their fair share. That was girl boss President Joe Biden joining in the growing chorus of people criticizing the low salaries that the athletes in what league are being paid. The WNBA. Yes, the WNBA. This week was the WNBA draft. Caitlin Clark, the biggest star in all of basketball, was drafted number one in the WNBA draft and will make, in her

rookie year for the Indiana Fever, brace yourself, $75,000, which is equal to the amount you could steal from the lowest paid player in the NBA without him noticing. And that, by the way, that $75,000, that is the top salary. The other players make even less. This is why when an WNBA game is all tied up, it's really exciting. You hear the players asking, so do we get overtime for overtime? But she's got an endorsement deal. She does, a little bit.

You know, give women some shoes. They're all right. Oh, boy. Come on, you know. I don't know where to put my shoe right now. $75,000, like she's going to have to go to all those practices. She could just be an accountant or something. What do they get, like an Uber job on the side or something? You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I know. Yeah. But for some of them, it's still a lot of money. They're going to be professional athletes who are like, whoa, I can finally buy my mom a house season one DVD. I think that as long as they can jump and as long as they can shoot and as long as they can dribble, they're okay by me. WNBA has its new tagline. That's the commercial that will take them.

There's a seven-year-old girl at home listening to you say that somewhere. Wow. That's like, now I know. Listen, it's not a good thing when you like feel like you got to start a GoFundMe for the player. You know what I'm saying? No, that's true. Yeah.

All right. Your next quote, Alex, your next quote is one of many potential jurors who entered a courtroom for a big trial in New York that finally started this week. Oh, he looks exactly like he does on TV. That person was not selected for the jury, but who were they talking about? Would that be Donald Trump? It would be Donald Trump. This week saw the beginning of Donald Trump's first criminal trial.

Now, if you missed it, don't worry, there will be more. So this week was all jury selection which was difficult because they needed to find 12 people who can be neutral about Donald Trump. Difficult. Eventually they got six people who just woke up from comas, five Five bootleg Elmo's they grabbed from Times Square. And this one guy who just quit NPR and says he's the only person who knows who isn't biased. Good that we could put him right to work. I'm glad he's got, well he has free time now. You know, since there's no TVs allowed in the courtroom, if you wanted any updates,

you just had to read like reporters. They were updating every minute. And it felt like someone being in labor and like when they would find a juror, it's not like it's a girl. It's like, oh, it's a 42 year old dental hygienist. Congratulations. And, you know, and Trump was there because you have to be there. And well, he was sort of there because he kept falling asleep

Then and and while it is embarrassing I guess for him to have fallen asleep in the middle of his own criminal trial Even the haters have to admit he looked so beautiful You know he complained about the temperature in the courtroom that he was freezing He actually asked the judge to turn the temperature up one degree and he was still falling asleep freezing did he ask for an afghan or something I need a sweater no no he would not ask for an afghan he asked him for a rug from one of the good countries, come on. He doesn't even want cashmere. No, no. There's got to be a, somebody's got to have a pool going

for the first drool. You're saying there'll be a drool pool. Well, all right. Alex, here is your last quote. Choose three shrimp to start, and when you're ready we'll bring more. That was a promotion for an endless shrimp deal that was so successful it apparently has bankrupted the restaurant chain that offered it. What's the restaurant? Red Lobster. Yes it is Red Lobster. The Red Lobster chain

is considering filing chapter 11 bankruptcy after losing 11 million dollars because seriously all of you ate too many shrimp you know what what they they should have held back they should have been more shellfish sorry I am sorry you know what you know what happened? They got Robbstered. Ouch. I support you. Okay. I just want to say, Roy, I appreciate your dignified silence. Thank you.

Here's what happened. The company had lost a lot of money and they needed to get more customers in the door, so they started this endless shrimp deal and it worked too well. It worked so well, they raised the price and we still ate so many shrimp, they needed to get more customers in the door, so they started this endless shrimp deal, and it worked too well. It worked so well, they raised the price, and we still ate so many shrimp, they had to change the name to the endless mercury poisoning deal. This is absolutely true that like they committed to endless shrimp. You could go to red lobster and not stop eating shrimp. You wonder what the record is. Somebody must have eaten how many shrimp? How many shrimp do you think I could eat?

30, 40 shrimp. Really? Have you counted, Roy? I believe that. Does anybody want to like bid over that? This is like a game of shrimp grid. Or they should have had like a shrimp bartender who's like, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to cut you off.

Well, they couldn't. That was against the rules. So they just trained their serving staff to just silently judge people. Can I have some more shrimp? Really. Or what you got to do, again, like you're right, you've got to discourage them somehow.

So if you see they're eating too much shrimp, you get one of your employees that pretends to be a customer just starts choking on the shrimp. And then the Heimlich shrimp comes out, people are like, I've had enough shrimp, and they leave. Or you take them and leave the head on and write a little smiling face. And little tears come out of that eye. I'll have three more, but that's all.

We're not endless, we end. Alright, Helen, how did Alex do on her quiz? Alex, you don't have to take a long walk, you can dance on the pier in Hoboken because you got all three right. Yay, Alex. Thank you so much for playing and thank you for the good work that you do. All right, panel, some questions now for you from the week's news. Faith, next month a new airline, just for whom will make its initial flights? Well, because you said whom, I think, for the grammatically punctilious.

Mm. Mm. Ha ha ha ha. Um, just for whom. Is it for children? It is not for children. Well, it is for something that some very, very, very, I'll just say, interesting people

think of as their children. Oh my gosh Fur babies for animals for animals. Yes, I don't have a fur baby. So I call my children skin dogs The answer is this is a new airline for dogs Yeah, bark air is the first ever airline for dogs and man they'd better be careful, really, with the safety. Don't fly Boeing. Nobody wants to hear today.

Shortly after takeoff there was a serious malfunction and the plane was rerouted to a farm upstate. It crossed over the rainbow bridge. It did. There are blankets on the flight and pillows scented with dog pheromones to make dogs happy, special snacks, even a chicken broth, quote, dog champagne. But the thing that the dogs love best,

according to the initial flights, is that their humans have to ride in a freezing crate in the cargo hold. You know, I'm thinking that the mile high club on this plane is not in the bathroom, but is just everywhere. Coming up, our panelists find a surprising use for a common product. Take to the sky just you and me, oh girl Coming up, our panelists find a surprising use for a common product. It's our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAITWAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR sponsor Grammarly.

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come from the Walton Family Foundation, working to create access to opportunity for people and communities by tackling tough social and environmental problems. More information is at waltonfamilyfoundation.org. familyfoundation.org. From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Helen Hong. Filling in for Bill Curtis.

We're playing this week with Roy Blunt Jr., Fates Salie, and Maz Gibranie. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segal. Thank you, Helen. Thank you so much, everybody. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Bluff the Listener game call, one triple eight, wait, wait to play our game in the air. Or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page that's at Wait Wait NPR you'll find all the info there. Hi you're on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. Hi my name is Addison and I'm calling from Cincinnati Ohio. Addison from Cincinnati? What do you do there? I am a

medical student. I see. Okay what kind of doctor what kind of a doctor do you hope to be? I hope an ophthalmologist. You hope an ophthalmologist. My Korean mother would be so proud of you. Helen might propose marriage. Seriously. Well, welcome to the show Addison. You're gonna play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. What is the topic Helen? Use not as directed. So we all know things you can pick up at the local drug store can be used off label. Osempic, for example, a diabetes drug can be used for weight loss. Toilet paper can be used to decorate

your vice principal's house. This week we heard about something being used outside its intended purpose. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one and you'll win the weight-weighter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to apply? Of course. All right. Well, then let's first hear from Faith Salie. When U Penn Professor Murray Goldring entered his accounting classroom to give midterms

last month, he was greeted by a minty fresh odor and dozens of undergrad foreheads covered in white goop. His students had taken the toothpaste tonic, a TikTok craze that prescribes applying toothpaste as close to your brain as possible to stimulate focus. According to believers, fluoride applied to the skin can not only cure zits, but when absorbed in large amounts it also mimics the psychotropic effects of Adderall for about 90 minutes. And while TikTok says it's foolproof, Dr. Benjamin Alexander, a real doctor,

dismisses the trend as nonsense. There is still only one way to get the effects of Adderall, by buying it from your roommate. I mean, with a prescription. Still, Professor Goldring has seen an improvement in class performance and smell. I don't care if it's a placebo, he says. As we say in accounting, if the numbers add up and it's not illegal, do it. Kids using toothpaste as a kind of Adderall substitute by smearing it on their foreheads, your next off-label fable comes from Roy Blunt Jr. Why has Pepto-Bismol been disappearing from drugstore shelves around the country?

One theory is simply pinkness, but not just any pink, deep resonant, authoritative pink. And the most iconic pink readily available today is Pepto. It doesn't just look really, really pink, it tastes really, really pink. But are people actually hoarding Pepto? A viral rumor that Procter & Gamble was planning to change the color didn't help. The company this week announced a firm commitment, Pepto Bismol will always be pink. Unfortunately, the announcement came too late for Easter week. It seems that the best thing for colorizing stuffed bunnies and hard boiled eggs is a good pink soak in Pepto Bismol. Pepto, Pepto, Pepto.

Pepto Bismol being taken to dye things pink because people just, you know, love the pink. Your last story of an undirected use comes from Maz Jobrani. Did you know the female version of a shepherd is a shepardess? Neither did I. But that didn't stop English shepardess Sam Bryce, who is a member of the Facebook group Ladies Who Lamb, from discovering the perfect way to calm down her aggressive lambs, Axe Body Spray. And it's not just any flavor of Axe,

you have to buy the strongest flavor, Axe Africa. When sprayed on the rams, Axe Africa masks the hormones that get the rams budding heads. So rather than fighting like a couple of meatheads outside a bar, the rams calm the hell down and become peaceful. 43-year-old shepherd Toby Williams of New Zealand explains, Animals can see each other, but smell is what lets them know it's one of their friends. It's triggering rams to say, this is my mite. I don't need to fight them.

Send your letters to Peter Segel. Axe Africa is the most popular fragrance in the UK. So if you ever catch a whiff, there might be a ram nearby, a friendly ram. So spray some on yourself and snuggle with the little guy. Results not guaranteed by the legal team at Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. All right. Somebody somewhere is using something from the drugstore down in the corner to do something not usually recommended. Is it from Faith Saley?

College kids are using toothpaste to smear on their forehead to help with their focus. From Roy Blunt Jr., people are taking Pepto Bismol to turn everything in their life pink. Or from Mazdo Brani, shepherds in the UK are using Axe body spray, specifically Axe Africa, to calm down the angry rams. Which of these is a real story of an off-label use that we found in the news? As much as I would want number one to be true for my exams. Just blacken it on there. Number three just sounds great. You're going to go for Maz's story of the Axe body spray.

All right, well, we spoke actually to the reporter who broke this important story. When it comes to the Rams, it seems like Axe Africa is the way to go. And that's just because it is the strongest of the dear ones. That was Sabra Chowdhury, a consumer goods reporter for the Wall Street Journal, talking about Axe's Body Sprays alternate use. Congratulations, Addison.

Yay, Addison. You got it right. Thank you so much. You have won our prize and a point from Mazdo Bani just for telling the truth. Thank you so much, Addison. Congratulations, Addison. Take truth. Thank you so much, Addison. Congratulations, Addison. Take care. Thank you so much. And now the game we call Not My Job. In 1990, Professor Judith Butler published their seminal

work Gender Trouble, which many credit with creating the modern field of gender studies and proof that you can make a living as a philosophy major. Professor Butler has now published Who's Afraid of Gender? A Guide to What Both Gender Is, and Despite What You Might Have Heard Is Not. Professor Judith Butler, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. So first things first, I want to get your origin story, if you will. So I've read that you were sent to your first philosophy class as a punishment by your Hebrew

school teacher. Is that right? that I had a fight with my rabbi in the synagogue because I made a face during a film that was very serious and he didn't understand that I was having a struggle with a classmate. So he said, well, I'm not putting you back into the classroom. What do you want to do? You need a tutorial. So I gave him three philosophical books that I wanted to read and he lit up and was super happy We read those books together and we stayed friends until for the rest of his life

So I was pretty lucky in that way. How old how old were you when this happened? I think I was about 14 or 13 and what were the books may ask? Really? You want to know? Sure. OK, so Martin Buber, I Am Thou, Spinoza's Ethics, and then a book on German idealism. Oh, yeah. I was reading Sweet Valley High when I was 13. That's.

So yeah, so you started slow. So, yeah, so you started slow. Were you aware that that was not the typical interests of a 13, 14-year-old at that time? Well, I had other interests as well. I was listening to AM radio at night and riding my bike and having fun with friends, so I wasn't like a total nerd. I was just, you know, when I was nerdy, I was very nerdy. Yeah. You rode your bike over to your friend's house like, hey, guys,

let's talk about Spinoza. You have said, and I love this, that if you were not a philosopher, you would be a clown. Yeah. And so many of them. I think it's getting a little late to that. Yeah, a little late. Trust me.

Like a legit clown with the nose and the big shoes? Yeah, or maybe just causing mischief wherever I go. Yeah, something like that. Really? Did you have that streak as a youngster, that you were a mischief-singer? I did have that streak. I think that when I wasn't being very serious,

I was making trouble in school and making a lot of jokes. So those seem to be my two modalities. I don't know. Did you ever squirt someone in the face with a flower? Mm-hmm. That is such a good question. Don't show me up, Helen. You're really thinking.

Answer it like in a philosophical way. Yeah. The truth is I think I sprayed my words, you know, like I have these words and I just sprayed them everywhere. That's a good metaphor. Do you consider, are you one of those professors who tries to get laughs from your students in your lectures? Only when things get too serious, yeah. And how often does that happen, Professor Butler?

Every 20 minutes. Yes, exactly. That's what I was about to say. And I think, and again, correct me if I'm wrong, but you were credited with this notion that gender is performative. Gender isn't something inherent to us, like you're not born this or born that way, but it's something that we choose to perform in the world, right? Putting on a suit is performing your gender.

Driving a truck is performing your gender. Putting on truck nuts is over performing a gender, right? I love my truck nuts. Yeah, for sure. I mean, you know, I remember being a kid and my mother would say things like, oh, I have to go put my face on before I can see anybody in public.

And I was really confused by that. Well, you have to put your face on. I thought you already had a face. Did you wear a dress when you were a child? I think I had to wear a dress until about fourth grade and then I rebelled and I have not won one since. Yes. Did your parents give you grief because this was, I shall say, yes they did.

This was a less enlightened time. It was a life or death struggle, yeah. Right. And did you come out of that struggle both wearing pants and determined to destroy the patriarchy? Look, I wanted to be the patriarch. This is the answer. You are, I will say this, I think this is true, you are, for a philosopher, pretty famous.

Did you catch your cameo in The White Lotus? Certainly did. Oh, yes! I mean, I hope, rather than somebody who's telling you about it, that you were, you know, doing the rest of it like hanging out in sweats with your partner at home watching The White Lotus and you noticed Sydney Sweeney reading your book. Well, not all lesbians wear sweats, as you know. Peter.

But I did watch all of White Lotus, of course. Really? I just hope this happened, that you were just watching it because it was a good show, and you enjoyed good television, just like the rest of us. Yes, I watch a lot of television and I enjoy it a lot. Did you arrive at that scene where Sydney Sweeney, who is now very famous of course, was sitting there reading your book, By the Pool, as her relaxation vacation reading?

And did you freak out? Yes, I was told about it in advance and there it was. But I wondered about that scene because she's kind of mean and she's kind of brainy and maybe I thought, oh, maybe this is what happens to your kid when you send them to some expensive East Coast school. They read the trans menal and they read Judith Baller and they come out like killers or something.

So yeah. And since you don't wear sweats, you're watching them wearing tweed suits, I assume. I wear sweats. Does that make me a lesbian? Yes. Yes, it does. It's all performative mods. It's whatever you want. Well, Professor Butler, we are delighted to talk to you, and we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling... Who's Not Afraid of Gender? So we thought we'd ask you three questions about something that's supposed to be really

scary horror movies. Answer two or three questions correctly and you'll win our prize. One of our listeners, the voice of any of us, they might choose. Helen, who is Professor Judith Butler playing for? Jay Collins of Memphis, Tennessee. Here is your first question. The government of China does not care for horror films, so they've instituted what policy? A, each horror movie has to be watched by a special minister of fear who decides if

it's too scary to release. B, the cinema has to put up a poster with a complete synopsis of the movie outside the theater including all the jump scares. Or C, every horror movie with a supernatural angle has to end with a scene in which one of the characters wakes up and realizes it was all a dream. I guess I would say the third. You are extraordinarily intelligent. That is correct. Yes. That is the right one.

The Chinese people apparently love horror movies as much as anybody else, but the government does not. All right. Next question. One of the horror movies claimed as the worst of all time is Jaws 4, The Revenge, a 1987 sequel to the famous 1974 original. Somewhat surprisingly, that movie starred genuine movie star Michael Caine, who later said what about his experience with that movie. A, quote, cocaine makes you do strange things, but happily it also makes it hard to remember them. B, quote, I have never seen it, but by all accounts, it is terrible.

However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific. Or C, quote, I think this improves on the original, because the original had a distinct lack of me. This improves on the original because the original had a distinct lack of me. Oh, I'm going to say the second. That is correct. You truly have an eclectic mind, professor. All right, let's even get this last one.

I'm very impressed. Time Magazine published their list once of the top 25 horror movies of all time, and one pick on this list stood out. What was it? A, Jaws 4, The Revenge, B, Disney's Bambi, or C, a home video of the author's middle school prom. I guess it has to be Bambi. It is Bambi. Bambi is the scariest damn movie I ever saw. The mother died. Yeah there you go. More than that I need not say. Well the author of this agreed with you. Time said Bambi has quote primal shocks that still haunt people who saw it 65 years ago, specifically that part where Bambi hunts down all those kids with a machete and a hockey bat.

Helen, how did Professor Judith Butler do in our quiz? They deserve a flower with all the water spraying out of it because they got all three right. Congratulations. Dr. Judith Butler is a philosopher, professor, and author. Their new book, Who's Afraid of Gender, is out now. Professor Butler, thank you so much for joining us. Take care. Bye-bye. Thank you so much. In just a minute, Helen gets fed up with our silly games and the listener limerick challenge

call one triple eight wait wait to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR. Do you ever wish you could get your stories in three hours rather than three minutes? Or maybe you're sick of doom-scrolling, getting your news in bits and pieces. That is where Embedded comes in. We bring you documentary series that will change the way you think about things. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. With NPR+, there's more to hear, like extended interviews with some of the experts we talk

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With original documentary storytelling. Listen to NPR's Embedded wherever you get your podcasts. from NPR in WBEZ Chicago this is Wait Wait Don't Tell Me the NPR News Quiz. I'm Helen Hong in for Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Faith Salie, Roy Blunt Jr., and Maz Gibranie. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Helen. Thank you so much. In just a minute, Helen buys limericks with nickels and rhymes in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-wait-wait.

That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Roy, in a sign of things to come for major cities around the world, citizens of Bogota, Colombia have been advised to do what, to cope with the severe water shortage there. Suck it up. No, that's how they got the shortage. Everybody was sucking up the water. Stay indoors. Don't sweat. No, actually, interestingly enough, one of the advice of the mayor was if you're not leaving the house, you don't have to bathe.

Just stay inside and don't bathe. Who knew you could help the climate by just being depressed? But if you do bathe, he suggests that people do what? Bathe with sand. Bathe with tequila. No. No, it's more of a cooperative thing. They bathe each other. Everybody getting their time. More or less to shower together. Is his suggestion. Shower as a couple, said the mayor of Bogota, referring to that sexy thing you do where one of you gets cold.

Water levels in that country are in fact dangerously low, and it is great to hear a mayor taking action, but why did he add, and send pics? If you rearrange the letters of Bogota just a little bit, you get, I think, you get B-O goat. And thus the need for a shower. Yeah. Maz, the Wall Street Journal this week reported on a situation that has been leading to increased

conflict, anger, calls to beliefs, fights all across the country. Where are people constantly at each other's throats? Where are people constantly at each other's throats? I mean, probably airport type of thing? No, not an airport type of thing. I'll give you a hint. It tends to happen, these conflicts at around 8.30 in the morning and then again around 3.30 in the afternoon.

Schools! Schools, yes! Oh my gosh. School pick up and drop off. The problem is hundreds of parents drive up to the school at the same time. They're driving off road to get to the door, they're yelling at each other, it's bedlam. And parents are like, bye sweetie, see you later, mommy's about to cut a bitch. What happened to school buses? parents are like, bye sweetie, see you later, mommy's about to cut a bitch.

What happened to school buses? Well that's the thing. That's the thing. Apparently for reasons that even the Wall Street Journal couldn't quite figure out, nobody takes the school bus anymore. They're all get driven by their parents and their parents all show up at the same time. It's crazy. One Florida police department issued guidelines to local parents saying, quote, don't throw your kid out

of a moving vehicle. What? Unquote. And this is real. Quote, remember, you have to pick your kids back up. So this is not an excuse for day drinking. You know who you are. Unquote.

Hello, Florida. I only pick them up if they do well. My kids take the bus. They take the bus. I drop them off they go. You just don't want to be the driver, I don't think. A bus driver with all those kids back there who don't want to be on the bus and are making it as bad as possible. I think we ought to pause a moment every morning and every afternoon

to thank the bus drivers of America. Have you driven, it sounds like you've driven a bus. I have talked to bus drivers up in the country. Who are you, Studs Terkel? Over here? I don't know. Maybe if I talked a while about buses, I would think of something to say. Ha ha ha. Ah.

["LIGHTNING BELLS"] Coming up, it's Lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most

weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, or come see us on the road. We'll be at the Mann Center in Philadelphia on June 27th. And come see the Wait Wait Stand Up Tour with shows in Syracuse, Baltimore, and Hershey, Pennsylvania, coming up April 26th through the 28th. For tickets and more information, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. This is Sydney Iverson calling from Portland Oregon hey Sydney how are things in Portland fans I'm a Portland fan how are things there um it's great we're on our third or fourth fake spring so we have a little bit of

sunshine that's great everybody get outside and tan you won't have much time and what do you learn and what do you do there? Or burn. And what do you do there? I'm a GIS technician for a public works department. I'm sorry, you said GIS? I do some mapping stuff for public works. Okay. Do you ever do maps and like vellum and then burn the corners to make them look ancient like pirate maps?

And then you write Darby dragons in the corners? Yeah, like I did when I was a kid, because that'd be fun. I mean, I will after this. Oh, absolutely. Well, Sydney, welcome to the show. You of course are going to play or listen to a limerick challenge. Helen Hong here, filling in for Bill, is going to perform for you. Three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.

If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to go? I think so. Well, I know so, because we're starting. Here is your first limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to go? I think so. Well, I know so because we're starting. Here is your first limerick. Tiny needles my doctor will jam in. Wrinkles fade, youth returns, please examine.

An essence of fish has granted my wish. We inject DNA from a? Salmon. Salmon, yes! The newest beauty trend sweeping the nation is injecting salmon into your face. No, not salmon meat. That would be gross. It's salmon sperm. What? Yes, no, it's true. Even celebrities like Jennifer Aniston are getting into this procedure. Of course, this means Miss Aniston will soon swim upstream to release her roe and die.

How did I? How did I? I cannot keep up. I seriously just bought this kind of snail mucus from Korea to put on my face. And now there's, I'm supposed to get injected with salmon sperm? Yes. I've been using monkey mucus on my head. And it's not working, Peter.

Apparently, if you- And it's not? Yeah. Yeah. Apparently, the salmon injections make your skin plump by stimulating collagen production. You will look younger, but on the other hand,

you will also be eaten by a bear All right Here is your next limerick though chess has a dignified pomp Our world is a bit of a swamp I got up and I paced then a scolding I faced cuz I walk with a bit of a Dom yes stomp. Scandal has once again rocked the professional chess world as French Grandmaster Alreza Ferruzia has been accused of cheating by stomping too loud.

Not only does heavy clomping around the room make it hard for his opponent to concentrate, but on the floor below you, it can knock the chess pieces off the ceiling that a drug-addled prodigy uses to practice. The French player, that's Mr. Ferruzia, got up to stretch his legs during a match against Russia's Ian Napognaci, which people do all the time, but his quote, very heavy footfall made the judges think he was intentionally trying to distract Nepomniachi, and it worked. Just thinking about those heavy footsteps makes it impossible for me to correctly pronounce Nepomniachi.

Was he stomping on purpose? That's the accusation that was distracting. This only works in chess, because if you stomp rhythmically on the floor in any other sport, all that happens is people start singing, we will rock you. If you stomp just right, it'll move the pieces. Right. Move them to where you want them to be. All right. Here then is your last limerick. My tinnitus I'm trying to block. I hear ringing when anyone talks. See my doc has a trick like a 9 volt you lick. I am giving my tongue a quick shock. Yes shock. Over 25 million Americans suffer from

tinnitus or chronic ringing of the ears but there's a new treatment for the condition. All you have to do is shock your tongue every day. It's really simple. This device is called Lenire. Couldn't be easier. You just pop it in your mouth and relax. It's the therapeutic power of electricity coursing through your tongue for 60 straight minutes. Does its work. Cures your tinnitus. You only have to do it every day for 12 weeks. One hour? You got to have your tongue be shocked for an hour? Yes, you do. How do they come up with it? Is that one of those things like they put an ad

like you know we need we're doing an experiment, come in, and then they shock you? They're like, let's try four hours. You're like, ehh. Helen, how did Sydney do in our quiz? Sydney did great. All three correct. Congratulations.

Oh, thank you all so much. Thank you. Take care, Sydney. Thanks, y'all. Have a good one. Bye-bye. On It's Been a Minute, we're keeping you in the know when it comes to culture. I break down the latest trends and the forces behind them and introduce you to the creatives who think deeply about how we live today. Come for some good old cultural analysis and have a few laughs with me. Listen to the It's Been A Minute podcast from NPR.

Listen to Embedded for moments that stay with you. I could smell the smoke. I could smell the dust. Voices that resonate. Stories that change the way you think about your life. How did we get here? The Embedded podcast is NPR's home for original documentary series. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

With NPR+, you get bonus content from behind the scenes of your favorite shows, like the NPR Politics podcast. A friend of mine who worked at the Associated Press came into the courtroom and said, step to it, Michael Cohen is flipped on Trump. And with NPR+, you'll be supporting public media. Learn more at plus.npr.org. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players left 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Okay, Helen, this is your moment. Can you give us the scores? Moz has three, Faith has two, and Roy has three.

Oh my gosh. So Moz has three and Roy has three and Faith has two. Okay. So that means Faith, amazingly enough, you're in second place. Okay. So you're going to go first. The clock will start when they begin your first question, fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Senate rejected articles of impeachment against Alejandro Mayorkas,

the secretary of blank. Homeland Security. Right. On Thursday, China accused the U.S. of holding up talks for a lasting ceasefire in Blank. Gaza. Right. This week, House Speaker Mike Johnson advanced a $95 billion blank bill. Ukraine aid.

Well, foreign aid, right. On Wednesday, Indonesia issued a tsunami alert following a multiple blank eruptions. Volcano. Yes. This week, the owner of a $250,000 Ferrari in London is investigating why each night he sees blank on his security camera. A ghost in his Ferrari. No, a fox jumping onto the car and pooping on the windshield.

Obviously, a communist fox. On Thursday, the World Health Organization said they were concerned about blank flu spreading to humans. Bird flu? Right. On Wednesday, John T. Porter was given a lifetime ban from the blank for sports betting. NBA. Right. This week, a woman in Brazil was arrested after she brought her uncle to a bank to sign

a loan for her, even though that uncle had blanked. Died. Yes. The woman loaded her recently deceased uncle into a wheelchair, took him to the bank, and pretended to talk to him throughout the loan application process while also not very subtly keeping his head upright. She even put a pen in his hands. Yes.

I wondered, like, sir, are you ready to co-sign this loan? And she nodded his head. Yes, thank you. Bank tellers caught on right away and they called the police, but they released the woman after she revealed that her uncle's dying words were, use my body to commit fraud. It's hard to fool bank tellers. They caught on right away. They did, absolutely. Helen, how did Faith do on our quiz?

Faith did very well. She got seven right for 14 more points with a total of 16 and the lead. Well done. Well done, well done. All right. Ma's just randomly I'm picking you to go next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday the Senate held hearings on the safety of airplanes made by blank. Boeing.

Right. On Tuesday federal authorities launched a criminal investigation to the boat accident that destroyed the bridge in blank. Baltimore. Right. On Wednesday a new report found that $6 billion in damages remained to be fixed from the blank that hit Maui in 2023. The fire.

Right. And what is definitely not a sign of something bad, the University of Oxford closed its long-running blank institute this week. Fart. No, it closed its Future of Humanity Institute. According to a new report, fresh and frozen strawberries carry a high risk of blank contamination. Like an E. coli kind of thing? No, pesticide this time. On Wednesday, the Ingenuity helicopter sent NASA its final message from blank.

Mars. Right. This week, a woman in California sued Disneyland after blank fell on her during her visit. Mitty? No, Goofy. The woman is suing for injuries as well as emotional pain and suffering after Goofy walked directly into her trip and then fell on her with his full body weight. When he was served with a lawsuit, Goofy pretended that he was the one who couldn't talk and pointed frantically at Pluto. Helen, how did Maz do on our quiz?

Maz got four right for eight points and a total of 11 points, which means Faith still has the lead. Alright. So how many then does Roy Blount need to win? Roy, you need seven to win. Seven. Alright, Roy, this need seven to win. Seven. All right, Roy, this is for the game. Please fill in the blank. In an email to employees, Elon Musk revealed that blank was planning to cut 10% of its staff.

Tesla. Yes. This week, the Arizona House of Representatives failed to repeal the state's recently revived 160-year-old blank law. Borson. Right. After getting a full year's worth of rainfall in 12 hours, Blank experienced massive flooding. Ireland.

No, Dubai. This week police in Canada confirmed that a suspicious package found in Queen's Park was blank. Was nothing to worry about. Because it was gravy. On Friday the tortured poet's department, the newest album from Blank was released. From Tyler. Yes, Tailor album from Blank, was released. From Tyler. Yes, Tail Tyler, as they say.

Tyler Swift. On Monday, the armorer of the film Blank was sentenced to 18 months for involuntary manslaughter. Rust. Right. This week, Jason Kelsey, the brother of Travis and the Super Bowl winner himself, revealed that he had lost his Super Bowl ring in Blank.

A suspicious package of gravy. No. Close. In an inflatable pool full of chili. Oh. According to Kelsey, he was participating in something with this sort of contest with a pool full of chili. When all was said and done, he realized

he had lost his ring somewhere in the pool. And while that's embarrassing for Jason, it's even worse for his brother Travis, who somehow lost Taylor Swift in there. Oh yeah. Helen did Roy do well enough to win. He did not. He got four points for an additional eight.

Total of 11 points, which means Faith wins at 16. I still owe you, Helen. Yep, yeah you do. I'm waiting for that hundo backstage. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict, after their endless shrimp deal failed, what will Red Lobster do next to try to bring in customers. But first, let me tell you that, wait, wait, don't tell me, is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman benevolent overlord Philip gotica writes our limericks our public address announcer is Paul Friedman our tour Manager is Shana Donald thanks to the staff and crew at the studio Baker theater BJ leader been composed our theme our program is produced by Jennifer Mills miles Dernbos and Lillian King special thanks to Monica Hickey and Vinnie Thomas this week's special is endless Peter Gwinn's

Emma Choi is our vibe curator technical direction is from Lorna White our. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilag. And the executive producer of Way Way Down. Tommy, that's Mike Danforth. Now panel, what will Red Lobster do next? Mazdo Brani. In an effort to bring in some patriotic customers, Red Lobster is going to change its name to Red, White and Blue Lobster, where each lobster comes with a hot dog, apple pie and an AR-15. Faith Salie. Lobster, where each lobster comes with a hot dog, apple pie, and an AR-15. Faith Salie. They're going to start catering bar and bot mitzvahs

with their theme of ultimate endless trief. And Roy Blunt Jr. Want to see a lobster find an eel? And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Helen Hawn. Thanks also to Mosco Brownie, Faith Salie, and Roy Blunt Jr. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Student Bakers Theater, our home in Chicago. Thanks to all of you out there for listening. We'll see you next week. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Student Bakers Theater, our home in Chicago. Thanks to all of you out there for listening.

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