Was I In A Cult? - Atypicult: “Mental Parental”

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

This is not your typical cult. But for comedian, Ariel, it was all she knew. Filled with isolation and abuse, it would take her years to break free.    Ariel's Insta: @Arielsnotamermaid Please support Was I In A Cult? Through Patreon

Please note this episode contains details of abuse that some listeners may find disturbing. Yeah, it's probably not an episode to share with your little ones on the way to school. Most definitely not. My parents have drugged me before. This is a pattern in their extended family. People drug each other. Like, they'll put something in your drink. They'll find a way their extended family. People drug each other. Like, they'll put something in your drink. They'll find a way to sedate you. That's how they were able to abuse me later

in life, when I was old enough to understand I and a Cult. I'm your host Liz Ayakusy. And I'm also your host, Tyler Miesom. So you're my co-host, Liz. Oh, of course, White Man. My apologies. That's a good girl. I kindly submit to the White Man.

Please. Everybody knows who wears the pants in this co-hosting relationship. It's Chandler, our magical editor. Mm-hmm. Who makes us sound smart? Yeah. Me anyways. Okay, Liz.

Today we're talking to whom? Her name is Ariel Koshanchi. Okay, and what cult was she in? Well, Tyler, I'm going to let you figure that one out for yourself. Tell us your story, Ariel. Don't spare my life. Crucify me. I am a crucify me. My name is Aryl Kachanchi. I am a stand-up comedian and writer in Los Angeles.

I'm very funny. I'm funny because of my trauma. My parents really, they gave me all the tools I needed to be successful in entertainment. They gave me a terrible back story that's interesting. It was almost like growing up in a reality show. My family is Persian Jewish. I was born in Iran between 1978 to 82.

I don't have a birth certificate, and legally I have two different birthdays. Different years, different months. I actually think that I may be living under someone else's identity. Okay, so she's the female Jason Bourne. Great. Ariaela's already way cooler than the both of us. Yeah, well, the bar isn't set very high on that one. Oh, please. I come through dripping. What? Where did you learn that? I I I I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi 't set very high on that one. Oh, please, I come through dripping. What?

Where did you learn that? I come through dripping. Like you're out of the pool? And I'm just like dripping and cool. There are pictures of me the day that I was born, but there are two different babies that don't look the same. Two completely different babies. I wonder if maybe I had a twin brother who died. I don't know

the truth. Ariel is not even my real name. I re-name myself. My first name is Ozida which means freedom, which is kind of ironic because I never had any. Okay so she was in some kind of Persian Jewish cult in Iran. Patience, ti, patience cult in Iran. Patience, Tyler. Patience. In Iran, my grandfather was second in command to the Communist Party. And we had to leave the country. And so we escaped Iran in the middle of the night, on horseback. Three days on horseback through ravines.

I was 18 months old when we left. I was a baby. That's how everything started for me. I'm a political refugee. Ah, so it was a communist cult, like the Persian equivalent of a Stalin regime. You don't know what the word patience means, do you? You just don't really get it, do you? I just tell me.

Tyler, let's just say it's not your typical cult. I was two years old, my mother would take cotton balls, dip them in hydrogen peroxide, run it through my hair, put me in the sun for hours. So I had this waist-length curly hair That was being bleached this weird orange color I hated it and it was just like that was part of life. I had to suck it up and go lay in the sun with the peroxide Let my eyes burn let my scalp burn until my hair was sufficiently blonde I think that my mother saw me more that my theat. I think that my mother saw me th th th me the the the the the the the the the the the the thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thrown thrown thu thu the the the the the the thrown. thrown. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thrown thrown thrown the thrown the the the the the the the the the thee the the the the the the the th scalp burn until my hair was sufficiently blonde. I think that my mother saw me more as a toy that was given to her as opposed to a human

life that she was responsible for. And like many fake blondes before her, present company included, Ariel and her family moved to Los Angeles when she was still a child. Ah, so it's an LA-based cult. I guess you could say that. At this point Ariel had a little sister as well. There's four of us living in one bedroom. My parents would sleep on a bed and my sister and I would sleep on the floor in their bedroom. Ooh, so her entire family shared one bedroom. In Van Nuys, California, no less.

My parents told me that they changed my birthday so that I could start school sooner. It's the only existence that I know, being a child that's lying about their age. All right, so she was forced to share a bedroom with her parents. She doesn't know her real birthday, thinks perhaps she's been living under someone else's identity or whole life, and also she's forced to lie about her age. So, when exactly does she get sucked into this cult? A watched pot never boils, Tyler?

I don't know if that cliche is actually true. I think if you watch it, it never boils. No, it does. Science says it actually will boil at some point, so that doesn't really work. Stop mansplaining me. My mother was a liar. She used to do this thing.

My sister and I would be playing with our toys and all of a sudden my mother would pretend to drop dead. She would literally pretend to fall, close her eyes, not speak, hold her breath, and wouldn't move. We knew how to call 911. She waited till we got on the phone and then she would open her eyes and say I was just taking a nap. Ooh, a little sociopathic wouldn't you say? And her father wasn't much better. He's really dumb. He's not articulate. He's openly a pervert. You would ogle women in front of us. It was disgusting.

All right, enough backstory and set up, please, Liz. Can we get to the cult part already? Oh, but Tyler, we're already there. I had to follow the rules, and the rules were obey, obey, obey, always be obedient. I always thought that following every rule precisely, rules that my mother gave me, not rules from the outside world, that would make me lovable.

If I'm not following the rules, I'm not going to receive love. It was conditional. I was taught that the outside world was a scary place, and that everybody was beneath us. I was always in fear. I never felt safe. There was a lot of gas lighting.

So I just learned to not trust myself. I learned to not trust my memories. I learned to just only believe what my mother said, even though I knew she was a liar. She always wanted me to feel guilty. So I grew up with that guilt. And then I was always looking for validation from her. No way.

The cult was her actual family. And her mother, the leader. That was my cult leader. Colts are not limited to religious movements or political groups or self-help organizations. And once you understand the psychology of what constitutes the making of a cult, you'd realize that cults are way more ubiquitous than we ever imagined. They're everywhere. There's one behind you now. You open your underwear drawer and you may be joining a fucking cult, okay?

Don't pick up the mail because you will be in a cult. It wasn't a traditional cult, but there was brainwashing, there was isolation, there was manipulation and mind games. My mother was the leader of the cult. My father was like, he was her like right-hand man, another cult member that would go along with it. And what exactly he would just go along with? Well, it leaves you at a loss for words. You know Liz, all parents are a little bit strange, right? to their own.

You know, Liz, all parents are a little bit strange, right? For sure, I mean my dad wears earplugs to dinner and pronounces vegetable phonetically and comfortable phonetically. He also says, at any rate, whenever he tells a story. So yes. It's pedestrian strange, that's probably C minus strange for parents, but Ariel's parents weren't just odd. They were dangerous. I went through life being raised by two people

that I could not trust. And that mistrust followed her straight into adulthood. I don't trust anyone. With every interaction, with everyone I meet, I'm trying to figure out what the agenda is. It's exhausting. And being in the entertainment industry, that really makes it even worse. It really attracts a lot of narcissists and just gross people overall.

Like us, Tyler. Guilty. Well, less the narcissistic part and more just the gross part. Oh. Well, you, anyway. Thanks, Liz. Hey, do you think our audience knows that we just hate each other? Yes. Yes. Yes. We would sometimes have family that moved just... Hate each other? Yes. Yes.

We would sometimes have family that moved from Israel and they would stay with us for months at a time. So it was a lot of people in a one-bedroom apartment and Van Nuys. When other people were there, it was fun. My parents had to behave. When they weren't behaving, they would abuse us. Every form of abuse. Physical, sexual, emotional, everything.

Wow. Yeah. So fucked. The physical abuse got really bad. They had a horse whip. And when one of us would misbehave, it was the horse whip. And at one point, one of us went to school and there were waltz all over the body and a social worker was called.

I remember the social worker called on a Friday. They said, we're going to come on Monday morning to talk to you because we heard that there's been abuse with a horse whip. A horse whip. Jesus, that's intense. Mm-hmm. Did you know Liz that corporal punishment, such as spanking. It is still a socially normative and legal punishment method in over 130 countries still today?

We must have read the same article, Tyler. Yeah, I skimmed it. I just read the headline. Yeah, well, there are only 62 countries, not including the US, with a ban on corporal punishment. And about half of Americans reported to spanking their children in the past year and one-third in the past week. Despite the research linking the method of mental health issues and complications. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, the the thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi. I, thi. thi. thi. thi.the past week. Despite the research linking the method to mental health issues and complications in a child's development, kids who have been spanked are more likely to develop anxiety or depression disorders. And a recent study

showed that physical punishment alters children's brain response in a similar way to more severe forms of maltreatment. But when you're just a kid, you're pretty much powerless to the will of your parents. And over the weekend, Ariel's parents threatened her and her sister by telling them they would be sent to an orphanage if they don't lie to the social worker come Monday. So when the social worker came... We had to protect our parents. I remember I said, no they don't abuse it. Just to make it sound more the the to the to the to the the to their their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their threathea. threaten. threaten. threat. threathea. threaten. threaten. their their their their their their threat. threat. threat. threat. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their their their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. threat. I. I. threathea. threaten. treaten. te. te. te. te. te. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. remember I said no they don't abuse it. Just to make it sound more realistic I had to like throw a joke in there I said no they don't they don't physically abuse me but they lecture me a lot. Can you take them

away for lecturing me? But the abuse kept happening and it wasn't just physical. Understandably, Ariel was intentionally vague about the sexual abuse she endured from her dad, and I didn't dare push for details. But having to suffer, that type of abuse is something no child should ever, ever, ever have to endure. And as with a lot of abuse, sexual or otherwise, Ariel discovered her own coping mechanism, so she could survive it. I learned to put myself sleep when things would happen. Whenever there was abuse, I would fall asleep, I would pass out.

I would disassociate. And that's followed me into adulthood. Whenever I feel trapped, I fall asleep I would pass out, I would disassociate. And that's followed me into adulthood. Whenever I feel trapped, I fall asleep, completely involuntary. It's embarrassing. People think I'm a drug addict. But it's not. It's just a symptom of PTSD. I wanted to have Ariel tell her story because it's obviously not your typical cult.

In fact, some might just call this a fucked up childhood. But part of the purpose of our show is to expand our limited view of what constitutes a cult, or a cultic relationship. Because here, her mom was exercising the same tactics used by traditional cult leaders, and therefore the same lessons and red flags apply. Only, it's hard to leave the cult when the cult is your home, when it's your actual family. Hard to leave, Tyler, it's near impossible. So in the context of her upbringing being a cult and her mother, the cult leader, how did her mom exert power and control?

There was a lot of isolation. I wasn't allowed to play with other kids. Whenever my mother didn't like another woman, she would call her a whore. She hated single moms, hated them. They were all whores. And I had a friend who had a single mom, she lived in the same building as me, and I would go play with her all the time. And my mother say, her mother's a whore. Eventually, we were not allowed to play with each other anymore. I thought that everybody's mother would scream

at them and throw things at them. I thought that every parent would toucest their kids inappropriately. I just thought that that's what parents did. Things just continued to get worse, and Ariel thought there was no way out. The only way out in her mind was the one she had the power to create. When I was a kid, like, 11, 12 years old, I didn't know. I don't know what I was doing, but I wrote a suicide note. And then I took a bottle of Tylenol, like a whole, you know, 30 pills. And then I told my parents, I just took all these pills and I'm going to die.

Here's my suicide note. And... I, obviously, I just wanted my parents to hug me and tell me everything was gonna be okay and that they loved me. Let me guess, they didn't do that. They made me vomit all the pills, and then they told me what a fuck up and loser I was,

and how I ruined their sleep. Because it was like in the middle of the night, and what just a terrible kid I was. You know, I didn't deserve great parents like them. That was their answer to me wanting to die. It always goes back to the fact that the people who were supposed to protect me were the people I needed protection from. Ariel's mother's mental state is a very good indicator of her cult-leading abilities.

My mother has narcissistic personality disorder. Everything revolved around her. Everyone had to make her happy, and she never was happy. So my childhood was me trying to please my mother. So I had this guilt that I was always disappointing her. I was just a fuck up and a loser. But despite the psychological mind-fuckery she endured, Ariel still had hopes for a better life. My dream as a little girl was to be a singer and I would sing all the time and my mother said absolutely not.

Everyone who's in entertainment is a whore. Do you want to become a whore and a drug addict? People are going to toucest you and the things that were happening at home. Ariel was taught to be afraid of the outside world, creating a mentality of us versus them. And according to Ariel's mother, everyone and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, and the outside, the outside, the outside, the outside, their, their, their, their, their, thoe, the, the is the is the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their of the outside world, creating a mentality of us versus them. And according to Ariel's mother, everyone and the outside, all the themes, well they were all hoars and drug addicts. Cult leader, fear tactics 101. You're a hore, tiole.

You're a hore, tiole. What a weird word. Who says whore? My mom likes a horror. But intuition is sacred, Tyler. Even through the intense mind control and abuse, deep down Ariel's gut sensed something was a miss. I would get a glimpse of what the real world looked like and know that what I was living was not the real world, but I was so scared. I was so afraid of what was out there because it's all horrors and drug addicts.

So I had to stay home. They really aren't. Thanks very much, you're getting something? One of the things that really gave me a taste of the outside world was watching TV. General Hospital. I deserve to marry Alan. I think that you deserve this. Stop it. Leave me alone. I am telling me. I am marrying Alan so let go.

I love Lucy. My mother really loved watching I love Lucy to this day whenever I hear anything related to that show I want to just punch someone in the throat. Lucia, you're going to pick my breakfast or not? What do you want me to do? Starve to death? Would you please? But I would watch these sitcom parents how they would parent their children. And I thought, oh, this is only in sitcoms, but I would listen to their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, I, I, I, to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the, I the, I. I th. I th. I, I, I. I, I, I, I, I. I, I. I, I, I, th.. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I'm, to, to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. in sitcoms, but I would listen to their advice. Like Danny Tanner from Full House, how he would parent his kids. It was the opposite of how my mother would behave. Dejj, you got such a good heart.

You care about people. And that's why people care about you. And everybody who knows the real DJ, thinks she's pretty terrific. I think, Dad, I love you. I love you too. That's why I want you to take care of yourself. I want you to promise me that you're going to eat healthy and exercise the right way. I promise, no more crash diets. Anything else you want to talk about?

Yeah. Is dinner ready? I doubt Bob Saggett ever imagined that playing DJ's dad would help someone like Ariel see the light. You know what we should ask him? Agreed. Can we get Bob on this show? Come on, Iheart. Someone's got to know Bob Sagitt. Who knows Bob Sagitt? We need Bob Sagitt? Oh my god I just got a text from Bob Sagitt. That was so fast. That's that. that. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. I. the the the the th. I. I the the the th. I th. I the th. I the the the the the the the the th. I the the the the the the th. I the th. I the the the th. I to to that. I that. I that. I' that. I' that. I' that. I' that. I' that. I' that's. I' that's. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. Bob Saggett. Who knows Bob Saggett? We need Bob Sagget now! Oh my god, I just got a text from Bob Saget. That was so fast. Oh my god, hi Bob, how are you? He said no, we won't be on the show. Yeah, he hates us.

But real talk, Tyler. Liz. Shows like Full House, they jump started All hail Uncle Jesse. And so I started to see the pattern. I thought, okay, whatever my mother does, I should do the opposite. And so as I started to get a little older, I knew that my mother would keep secrets. So I became very transparent. I would be very unfiltered. When something good would happen to someone, and I would be happy for them,

she would say, no, you need to be jealous. You should take that away from them. That was the opposite of what I learned from TV. One of the reasons cult leaders like to limit access to entertainment and media is that it depicts societal norms. The same reason they tend to isolate their followers from people on the outside. I was in junior high and my friend came over

and my mother was in a bad mood. She threw one of her fits. She would go into these histrionics and scream. I wish she were not my daughter. I wish I never had you, things like that. So she was throwing things. Me and my friend were hiding in my bedroom from her. I was crying and I remember she said to me, I know you told me how bad it was here, but this is really bad. I'm so sorry that you said to me, I know you told me how bad it was here, but this is really bad. I'm so sorry that you have to live with these people.

I thought, okay, something's not right. Now I'm starting to see that what she's doing is different from other parents. I started to see what a terrible person she was. It was just so gradual. It's all about control when it comes to cults. Control how you think, how you behave, how you relate. And for reasons we can explore another time, there tends to be a lot of control over sexuality. Some cults like children of God go to the extreme and tout free love, having sex with each other and each other's kids.

But many other cults go in the opposite direction and limit sex. Well, Ariel's mother was no different. I was raised to think that you save your virginity for marriage to the point where your mother-in-law gives you a sheet on your wedding night and you have to bleed on it and present it to her. That was going to be my future. I would have to bleed on a sheet and present it to my mother-in-law. I was raised to be the ideal. I had to be pretty, I had to be meek, I had to be good at keeping secrets and then eventually some rich man would come and make me his wife.

Q any Disney theme song here. I was raised to be a trophy wife, to be subservient. I needed to be pretty and be quiet and be presentable. I should not be funny around men. I should not be intelligent around men. For so much of my life, I would speak in a baby voice to men. I have a 160 IQ. Tyler, why is baby voice still a thing? It's so weird, are men really that threatened by a strong, to threatened by a strong, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be toe. I to be toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I voice still a thing? It's so weird. Are men really that threatened by a strong, smart woman that women feel the need to

speak like a toddler to keep themselves subservient? I don't understand. I don't know Liz. You might have to ask the Kardashians. So despite Ariel's efforts to please her mother, shockingly her mother wasn't satisfied and went above and beyond to ensure men would notice her daughter. My mother would dress me in the most provocative, inappropriate clothes. I remember I was starting to develop breasts. And she had me wear this very short dress with side boob and I was like slut-shamed and bullied. It's kind of weird that she wanted

her to be a whore, but then... warned her against horse. That is some really conflicting speak right there. Guys used to throw pennies at me, they would call me a whore and throw pennies at me. Meanwhile, her parents would drug Ariel and continue the abuse. And when she would try to discuss the sexual abuse that her father committed, her mother would have nothing to do with it. When I would bring it up, she would convince me that I was dreaming, that I had imagined

it. She was an accessory to the crime. She wasn't just complicit. She participated in the abuse. But for many years, despite everything she endured, Ariel still held out hope that one day her mom would just... be a mom. I had an abortion when I was 21. It was devastating. It was terrible. You know, I already hated myself, and this made me hate myself even more.

And so I thought, okay, my mother will maybe comfort me. So I told her about it, crying. And she was like, you are a fuck up and you ruined my life. At this point I had the wherewithal to say, no you idiot, you're supposed to act like a mother. I am coming to you because I'm in pain and I need you to be a mother. The only person I ever had to turn to was the person who was destroying my life. And despite her realizing all the problems with her upbringing, she still didn't know how to escape the cult of her mother.

So once again around 35 years old she turned to the only solution she could think of. At the time, it felt like her only true way out. I tried to to to to to thied thied to the mother thied to thured thured thured thuuuuuuuu. I to to to to the to th. I thu. I to to to to to be to to be to be to be to be to you to be to be to be to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you. I. I. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I, and I, and I, and I the. I the. I the. I the. I thr. I thr. I throooooooooooooooooooefficient the. I was. I was. I wasue way out. I tried to kill myself. I called my mother and I said, I can't do this anymore. If you don't come and take me to the hospital right now, I'm going to kill myself. So my mother came over. Even when she hugged me, it felt so weird, it felt so wrong. And then she started talking about herself. And I said to her, I was like, I need you to be a mother right now.

She made fun of me. She was like, what do you think I'm being a dad? What am I doing? And I said, you're talking about yourself, I want to die. And then she got bored. She was like, oh, let's go to lunch. And I was like, I want to die. And then she just left because she was bored.

But then a friend called. But then a friend called. Right at the perfect moment and talked Ariel off the ledge. Fortunately, this disillusioned experience created a shift for Ariel, as the scene of the crime one last time, just to make sure the body is actually dead. Sometimes we have to go back to the scene of the crime one last time, just to make sure the body is actually dead. Well, I don't, that is not, what is that? That's not a thing, Liz. That's, you just try to invent a cliche, a parable.

You can't invent a cliche. Yes, you can't. But the very definition of what a cliche is, something that's used often, you can't invent a cliche. You can't not a cliche. That's a metaphor, Liz. Whatever you do, you're a whore and drug addict? Moving on, back to Ariel.

After years of abuse and torment, I started to realize how fucked up things were for me. So she turned to a professional. I started to really dive deeper into therapy. Over several sessions she regaled her therapist with her cult-like childhood tales. My therapist said, okay this is a lot and when I started working with her was when my repressed memories started to come up. I was like, oh, I have a, I have a sick imagination.

Her parents had convinced her that everything that had occurred, the abuse, the manipulation, the brainwashing, none of it had ever happened. That is gas lighting at its very finest. Bingo! I actually tried to convince myself that they were not the monsters that they were, and that I was the problem. A common reaction when being gaslit by the cult leader. Yeah, you start to think you're crazy and it's you who has the issue. Kind of like the other day when you were making fun of me and you said that you weren't making fun of me. Because I never made fun of you.

Yeah you did. Tyler whatever feelings that were coming up for you belong to you not me okay so if you're feeling them they have everything to do with you and nothing to do with me. Therefore I'm completely off the hook from taking responsibility for anything ever. Oh that's a great example of gas lighting. What th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the thi, th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. that's a great example of gaslighting. What do you mean? I'm not gaslighting. We get it, Liz. Get what? Who's Liz? Geez, it really does make you feel like a crazy person. I don't know what you're talking about.

When these things started to come up, I realized how terrible my parents were. I could see how much I had been brainwashed and to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to started to come up, I realized how terrible my parents were. I could see how much I had been brainwashed and how the self-hate was all a result of the manipulation. And I started to realize that that was, there was never any love. There was never any guidance. There was never any parenting, any nurturing. So one random fall day she was paying them a visit. Nothing special, she can't even recall initially why she went over there. But some are amissed their habitual verbal bombardment. Something clicked.

Then I was like, I never need to see them again. I'm done. In that moment, she realized that her happiness, her freedom, was worth losing her parents, the only people on earth who's job was to love and protect her. The last time I went to their house, I grabbed my childhood photo albums and then I took one of their Persian rugs and started rolling it up just because I knew it was valuable. And then I turn around, I'm like, I never want to see you again. And my father runs after me. He's like, what's wrong with you?

You're crazy. And I said, no, I'm not crazy. I know what you did to me. You are a disgusting piece of shit. You ruined your child's lives. And I never want to see you again. I expected him to deny it. And really calmly, smiling. He says to me, what did I do? It. that. that. It. It. It that. It that. It th. It th. It was, it. It was, it th. It was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, and I th. th. th. thi. thoes. thoes. And I thi. And, and I thoes, and I tho, and I tho, and I tho, and I tho, and I was, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I was, and I was. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the the to to to to thean to to thean to to to thean to thean to thean th th to to th th th to th th th to smiling. He says to me, what did I do? It was, it was so

jarring and I'm like, you are a sick fuck. I'm not going to say it. And then I'm leaving and he gives me a box. Filled with Ariel's personal items that her father claimed he had thrown away over the years. It felt like every movie I've ever seen or TV. personal items that her father claimed he had thrown away over the years. It felt like every movie I've ever seen or TV show when someone's getting out at prison and they're checking out and then they give them a box of all their things. That's what it felt like. I drive off and leave.

I never saw them again. And I never will unless it's on their deathbed. Just to tell them that they never deserve to live, they never deserve to have children. I got my freedom. I was able to leave the cult of my mother. So in her late 30s she was finally able to leave the cult and stay alive while doing so. And that's late 30s because we still don't technically know her age. I know that I've come a long way. I will continue to work on myself for the rest of my life. I still have a hard time trusting people, but I'm able to catch myself. It's a muscle. The more I analyze,

the more I realize that that's my mother trying to make her way in, the more I can push her out. And through healing myself and sharing my story, I hope to help other people who are in pain. If I can leave this cult, if I can reprogram my brain, if I can live a happy life, anyone can, I really believe that. Somebody had said to me, isn't it hard to be estranged from your family? And I said, no. I look at my family as having a giant melanoma in the middle of your forehead. You know that it's slowly killing you you and you know that you have to

remove it, but when you remove it, there will be a scar forever. The scar is just starting to fade more and more over time. Thank you Ariel for sharing your story so vulnerably with us. Yes, thank you Ariel. And if you or anyone you know has experienced a cultic environment or relationship, please email us at Colts at Iheart Media.com. That's Colts at Iheart Media.com. Or you can call us because we have a hotline at 1,800 cultish. That's 1,800.com. That's cults at iHeartmedia.com. Or you can call us because we have a hotline at 1-800-CULT-I-S-H or 1,80285-8474. If you're into numbers, more than letters. And we'd love to hear from you.

And if you're interested in helping make corporal punishment illegal in the United States, visit end corporal punishment illegal in the United States, visit end corporal punishment.org, or end hitting.org, or end-dash violence.org, to learn more. That folks is our show. Thank you so much for listening. Stay tuned for next week's episode. For all you people obsessed with astrology, this one's for you. Yeah, astrology. There's also spaceships and a badass music history soundtrack. All led by a self-proclaimed world savior. They just saw him as, you know, the Lord, kind of like a magical

creature, like a Christ figure. The path that he thought everyone should take is you need to go through hell to reach enlightenment. It was a mix of Buddhism, like a little Christianity thrown in, a little total gibber-sick makes no sense, and this apocalyptic vision that the world was going to end and that we were all going to be taken in a spaceship to live on Venus. And until next week, from this hore and this drug addict, trust your gut. Always. Hey, it's a stick up. Hey, it's a stick up. Give me all your fucking money and giving you back, your hairy little dog. Is that your British voice? Is it some kind of British gangster voice you're playing?

It's like my bad guy British voice. It's very bad. That's the operative word. Hey, hey everybody, it's a stick-up. I stick up, right? Give me all your fucking- No, it's more like I'm from that mood. I'm from like I'm drunk or just left the pub. And I'm really broke. Hey, it's a stick-up. Give me all your fucking money. I ain't giving you back, airy little dog. Hey, that's not bad, Liz. Thanks. Well, look, not all your money, but some would be nice.

Yeah, some would be all right. I mean, instead of popping down for that weekly dime bag. Consider contributing to our show. To keep it at this high level of comedy. Seriously, visit was I Anacult.com for more information. Thank you. Was I Anacold's story produced and written by me, Tyler Mesen. And me, LasayaCosy.

Are you mocking my announcer voice? I think so. Executive producer is Maya Cole Howard. Supervising producers, Catherine Bert Canton. Audio editor number 15. Chandler Mays. An additional story producer coming to the base? No, batting, additional story producer.

Now batting, additional story producer is Ari Basile. Your radio, whatever. It was my initial what I wanted to do more than anything. To be a baseball broadcaster. Well, you just got to live out your dream in the credits that no one gives a fuck about. Somewhere there's someone out there who's listening and going like, let's give this fucking guy a shot. He did pretty good credits. I think he's ready to be the Cleveland Indians. They're not the Indians anymore.

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