Was I In A Cult? - S-Factor Pole Dancing - PT2: “Emotional Roadkill”

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

Welcome to PART 2 of Jessica Hopper’s journey into and out of a pole dancing cult. This episode takes us to the peak of the cult, including protégés, unpaid labor, surreal bookclubs, emotional bre...akdowns, and coercion retreats. The leader, Sheila, is quite “pole"-arizing, to say the least. Jessica’s breaking point, comes at an unexpected but important time in history, and leads to her eventually breaking free. A wonderfully articulate soul who shares her story with a no-holds-bar type of attitude, Jessica’s wit and vulnerability shine through in her retelling. Thank you again for showing us, Jessica, that cults can live literally anywhere.  Support us and our show on Patreon  Follow us: instagram/TikTok @wasiinacult Follow Jessica: instagram: @jesshopperpole Have your own story and want to be on our show? Email us: info@wasiinacult.com

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The views, information, or opinions expressed by the guest appearing in this episode solely belong to the guest and do not represent or reflect the views or positions of the hosts, the show, podcast one, this network, or any of their respective affiliates. And we walked into the big studio and there were three dudes sitting in the lap dance chairs. Each of us was in front of a guy in a chair and she's like, these are A men, these are evolved men, they celebrate the feminine. We had no idea what their credentials were and I sat there and I didn't know what I was gonna do sitting in front of this dude I've never seen before and we were supposed to dance
Starting point is 00:00:41 for them. Welcome back to Was I in a Cult, question mark. Hello, everyone. That's Liz. I'm Tyler Miesim. I'm Lizzy. She's back. I'm back. I'm toxin' a today. I'm Lizzy.
Starting point is 00:00:55 I'm Lizzy. She's back. I'm so excited to be back. I'm so excited to be back to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be the to be to be to be the to be the to be the the the the the the the the the to be back. I missed you all very much last week and I'm so excited to be back for the second part of Jessica's story. You know, she and I had a ton of fun together in the studio because she's in LA. I was able to interview her in person, which is always a treat. Now if you have not listened to episode one, obviously go back and listen to it because it'll make a whole lot more sense than if you just jump to episode two. And for the rest of you who did already listen to part one, just a little recap, okay? So Jessica was a young model turned to actress who had a job at a casting office.
Starting point is 00:01:36 One day she was introduced to a pole dancing class by an associate and tried it out. It was at a studio called S-factor right. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. thu-oom-oom-o, to to the their, tho, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. the. thean. to. toda. today, to. to. today, toe. toe. to the. the the it out. It was at a studio called S-Factor right here in Sunny, Los Angeles, California. What was meant to just be a fun workout, turned into an all-consuming cult that took about 13 years to break free of. And today is the second half of her incredible story. Even though you just kind of told the story of that it's a cult and she was in it for 13 years, but that's okay, a little spoiler alert. I guess I just gave it all away. So...
Starting point is 00:02:07 But you should still listen because there's some good jokes in there. Now we left off at the end of last episode with the retreats that shea, the studio owner, had started to implement. Whole dancing retreats. Where the retreat goers were pushed to emotional brinks, that for a few of them resulted in psychotic breakdowns. And so with that, you have the pole, Jessica. The floor? No, I mean the pole.
Starting point is 00:02:33 You guys, you should see her in her element. It is pretty incredible. So aside from the big high-priced-my, don't spare my life, crucify me. So aside from the big high-priced on the teats, that they put on, she did a much smaller event. She called it SK Live, which, which, the name of which I always just thought, who the... big high-priced tag retreats that they put on. She did a much smaller event. She called it SK Live, which, the name of which, I always just thought, who the fuck are you? Nobody knows who you are. Like, what do you mean no one knows her?
Starting point is 00:03:14 She's Adele from Mortal Pashions, duh? Oh, so good. You know when she just hit her mark and just set her lines? Yeah. Yeah, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was, it was, it was, it was, it, it was, it, it was, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. tho, tho, thi. thathe tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tha, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. th yeah, right when she didn't bump her head into the boom Mike or trip over a sea stand So good. It was just I don't know like the Academy and I think you missed the mark on that one guys They may want to go back and revisit especially that title mortal passions I think I saw that on Cinemax one night in 1994 at 2 in the morning.
Starting point is 00:03:47 But anyway, it was like just a Saturday Sunday, much shorter, much lower cost. I only went to the first one because it was like for 200 bucks, I'll go blow some smoke up my boss's ass for a weekend and try to get her to like me. Yeah, I went to this one in Palm Springs and it opens up with Sheila doing the big talk to the hotel ballroom full of people. She's doing this complicated math problem where she's asking you questions like, okay, you know, how many hours a week do you spend doing your favorite hobby? And then she had you like figure out how many hours a week that was and then divided by the actual number of hours in a week and give her a percentage, and that was your quote-unquote bliss percentage.
Starting point is 00:04:28 And it's like people are calling out like 11, 18. And she's like, my bliss number is 85% of my waking hours. I spend feeding my bliss. It makes me a better wife and mother and it changes how I am in the world. It changes how I walk through the grocery store. And I'm sitting there on my little purple yoga mat going, bitch, you have a personal assistant and a nanny and a housekeeper. You haven't been to the grocery store since probably 1998. Just so we're clear, if I did my math correctly, and I did, that would be about 13 hours a day
Starting point is 00:05:05 that Sheila spends doing her favorite hobby. Which until now, I thought I was the only person in the world who played tennis every day for 13 hours and still had a family and a career and a life. Welcome to the Bliss Club, Sheila. I don't like her even through you. I don't like that you channeled her. So she was absolutely holding herself up as this perfect avatar of what she was selling when I knew for a fact I'd seen behind
Starting point is 00:05:35 the curtain. I was like, oh it's just her stick. It's like the voice, it's the overly sensualized. Everything must be so dramatic. And the best window I have into this is a movie that came out in 2020 called Stripped Down Rise Up on Netflix, which is an awful movie. I recommend watching it with like, be ready to like peek through your fingers and cringe and also have a stiff drink next to you. But you can see it in the film. Hey listeners, if you're on the lookout for True Crime Stories told from a fresh perspective
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Starting point is 00:06:46 focus on humanizing the victims and the effects their deaths had on their families, friends, and community. We'll always leave with the knowledge of why their stories need to be heard. There's a story behind every murder. But is there an ending? New episodes of murder true crime stories release every Tuesday. Just search for Murder, True Crime Stories on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Brett. And I'm Alice.
Starting point is 00:07:12 And together we host a weekly true crime podcast called The Prosecutors. In every episode, we bring our unique perspective as full-time prosecutors to the most famous and debated true crime mysteries. Whether it's Maura Murray, Scott Peterson, or the Delphi murders, Brett and I dig deep to bring you details you won't hear anywhere else. Our podcast is about more than just a story. We will walk you through the legal problems lurking behind every case, breaking down the complexities of the criminal justice system with humor and a personal touch. And it's not just true crime. We bring the same training and approach. We've learned as prosecutors to classic mysteries like the Dietlov past
Starting point is 00:07:52 incident and the ghost ship marries the list. So if you're looking for a true crime podcast with a different point of view, the prosecutors is the one for you. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so documentaries. I love documentaries. So I watched this one. And I can't say I loved it. In fact, I won't say I loved it. I will say I watched it and I recorded some of it. And it's stories of different pole dancing groups and different pole dancers. And S Factor is featured and Sheila is all over it. She's in it all the time. And she comes in and she helps these women who desperately need help. And she kind of coaches them through their trauma by pole dancing.
Starting point is 00:08:42 I will say that if there's one thing that it is of note of this film, there is a lot of crying. There is a lot, a lot of crying. I would, I swear to God I would say 25% of the film is women crying. Yeah, and she's just re-traumatizing these poor people and o'clock. Yeah, I showed some scenes to this. It's very triggering, to be honest. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. toeea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toe. toe. th. toe. th. th. th. to some scenes to this. It's very triggering, to be honest. Yeah, it is. And it honestly, it's mislabeled because I know that there are a lot of cult documentaries on Netflix. This should be listed as a cult documentary instead of a pole dancing documentary. This particular scene is Sheila introducing herself to a new class, and it is culty right from the onset. I'm Sheila, and it's my life mission to help bring women back into their wholeness. So we're about to embark on a six-month journey where we'll reconnect with our bodies through
Starting point is 00:09:34 sensual movement. You're going to hold each other accountable to not giving up. Emotion is going to come up, fear is going to come up, judgment is going to come up. You have to fight through it. I'll tell you all you all you all you all you all you all you all you all you all you all you all you all you all you all you all tell tel to to to to to to to to to thi all to to thi up, judgment is going to come up, you have to fight through it. I'll tell you all right now, you're all going to want to quit. You're all going to go, this is too fucking intimate. This is scary. And then if you are brave enough, you'll continue forward and reclain yourself completely. If you give into it, you will drift off and you will, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you will, you will, you will, you will, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to, to. She uses this film as like her selling point and I'm like,
Starting point is 00:10:06 you think that made you look good? It made you look crazy and abusive. And she deals with everything from a woman in the class who was a survivor of Larry Nasser. Larry Nasser, as an ex-gymist, I, ooh, this guy is a fucking monster who for 18 years was the team doctor of the United States women's national gymnastics team where he used his position to exploit and sexually assault hundreds of young athletes starting in Michigan, which was, if I had grown up just
Starting point is 00:10:39 a little bit over, I could have been one of those victims. And one of the victims of Larry Nassar is a woman who's in the S-Vactor class and Sheila tries to help her through pole dancing like this. You know, I don't know who I am. You're put on this earth to be a life force and this culture we live in, just robs it, and I'm no longer okay with it. So thank you for joining me on this crazy, crazy, amazing journey of reclamation. We'll get there, okay?
Starting point is 00:11:12 Where I am just like, you have no business, going anywhere near that girls' drama. No business. There was one girl that ends up being painted as failing to pass the test and she ended up dropping out because she was literally like I came here to learn pole like why are we sitting in a circle and crying? I really wanted to learn poll tricks. Well I came in pretty open-minded I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what I was getting into.
Starting point is 00:11:48 We spent two hours basically with women just crying and sobbing. I just didn't feel empowered. I felt like I was watching a soap opera. This wasn't the way my tribe and I empower each other. Sheila was like, oh, Amber, you're just, you're being so masculine, you really need to just let go of these preconceived notions that you have. Now from those particular clips, one could believe or assume that Sheila is somewhat smart, or at least well-spoken.
Starting point is 00:12:18 But Jessica doesn't really have that notion. I personally do not think Sheila Kelly is a particularly intelligent woman in the broadest sense, but she has a very particular kind of intelligence. And it is spotting people who are going to somehow feed what it is that she needs and is going to take by any means necessary from whoever gets close enough for her to grab it from. In between the first retreat and the one I went on, and Sheila had started her protege program, because the company is growing, and so the company is growing.. th, and so th, and th, and th, and the the th, and Sheila had started her protégé program because the company is growing and so she's going to train up people to do press events and so she's going to pick five
Starting point is 00:12:55 people to work with her super closely and be her protégé's. You're going to shadow her for two years. She's going to pour all of her knowledge into you. We told you shit gets culty guys. Sheila and her apprentices and I'm like who are you fucking Merlin? Why do you have apprentices? Are you a wizard? No, but did you know that in some legends Merlin is said to have had a hand in the construction of Stone Eng-Stonege? By using his magical powers to help giants build it? So Jessica got this special invite. By using his magical powers to help giants build it. So Jessica got this special invite, a special invite for a very special person.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Why is everybody in cult so special? Special, special. Because the rest of us aren't. If anybody calls you special, run! I still have the invitation letter inviting us to apply. I fucking applied. I applied twice. I was denied and I still kept working for her. Oh, my misspent youth. But if you went through the hell of the protege program,
Starting point is 00:13:56 which my husband and I used to jokingly call S-org, because we thought it was like C-org for Scientology. Huh, you were under something. Oh, honey, on some level, I knew. I just found a million ways to justify it. But even if you made it through that program, you're still supposed to keep dancing. And if you missed a single meeting, you were instantly kicked out of the program. And how much is she going to pay you to do that?
Starting point is 00:14:19 Zero. Zero. And you would do activities for the program like design your perfect retreat. And then the person's reward who won was their retreat. Programming was put on. But they weren't paid for their labor to come up with the retreat programming. Your reward was that you were the chosen one. I was like, oh my God, this woman, she thinks so much more of herself than anyone in the world thinks of her. Are you, uh, you sensing the the the the the the the the th world thinks of her. Are you sensing the Sheila personality type yet? Charismatic with a hint of bullshit. Yeah, also need for attention.
Starting point is 00:14:51 What is it about these cult leaders who did not get enough attention? Did she not get enough people watching her in mortal passions? I mean, God, I actually gave up my Amazon Prime account just so I wouldn't be tempted to watch Mortal Passions. Yeah, that's true. You have other things to do. You can't watch it every day. What's the synopsis for mortal passions Rob? A scheming woman seeks to kill her husband for money and is willing to seduce anyone she can to do it, including her husband's brother. Next on Cinemax. I know you're married to my husband, but would you like to do me up the butt for a
Starting point is 00:15:25 minute because I'm going to kill him in the next scene. It writes itself. By the way, I'm a feminist and I'm going to solve the patriarchy one day. And so there were going to be protégés, and their protégers were going to have their apprentices. And if you did a good enough job, you could work your way up to being a protégé. And so it literally became a situation where whatever she came up with for them to do. They were not allowed to tell her no. They had to be open to whatever she was manifesting for them. Can you fucking imagine? They had to do weekly book reports, where she would assign them like a 400-page book report.
Starting point is 00:16:04 They had to write a 20-page book report, because then you would have Friday meeting at Sheila's house where you would all talk about the book reports. I talked to some of my friends who were in the protege class, and it sounded like she was just pulling shit out of her ass. Like they would dress up as famous feminists and read their book reports. And I'm like, how, how, how, how, how, how, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thrownea, thr-s, throwne, thr-s, throoo', thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, teaching you like what the fuck is this? Absolutely mind bending. Tyler next week I expect a full book report on men who hate women by Laura Bates.
Starting point is 00:16:34 You have to also dress as Susan B. Anthony which I think you could do. You could pull off the low bond. Probably good. Yeah. And I have the female shoulders to pull that off. But you haven't, you haven't read that book. I have not read that book. I just looked that up on the internet. Yeah. But I did just read lessons and chemistry, which is a great book that deals with majeanee. So now you have two books to read. Oh, I get it. So I started a book club and now Liz wants to start a book club. FOMO. Right. And what's yours going to be called? Liz's boring book club, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:17:08 Liz is less boring book club than Tyler's boring book club. That's nice and concise. Liz's literature is lit. We'll link the books in case you want to read more exciting literature. Lizerature. Lizerature case you want to read more exciting literature. Lyserature. Lyserature. So back to Sheila's book reports. And she would tell everyone that their interpretations were wrong and everyone would sit there for eight
Starting point is 00:17:33 to ten hours afraid to say what they really thought. Because if you contradicted Sheila, you're going to get yelled at or whatever. So much fun, a book club where you're not allowed to to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say what you thought of the book. Well, it wasn't a book club, it was indoctrination. Ding, ding, ding. People in the program, I didn't see them for a year. Because she kept them so busy, right? It's the kind of thing where you just overwhelm them to the point where the sense of camaraderie amongst the teachers and all of a sudden there was this weird division amongst the teachers of people who were or had been in the protege program who were either the inner circle or they had touched the magic somehow and
Starting point is 00:18:17 then the rest of us who were the great unwashed outside shivering in the cold, knowing we would never be invited in. But remember guys, they're dismantling the patriarchy, okay, trust me, it's all going to make sense soon. It's never going to make sense. Lie to them. Lie to the people. Fine, you'll figure it out. I teach women to move into the fullest integrity of their feminine. Slow.
Starting point is 00:18:40 Why you get slow? Randall, slow. Starting with their curves, their sensuality, their movement. Stay right there. Is it burning? Do you feel it? Is it pissing you off? Yeah? Is it? Stay there. And when they get full-voiced in their body,
Starting point is 00:18:57 apparently that's extraordinarily distracting to certain people. The patriarchy. Can't control that body. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's 't control that body. That's a dangerous body. Unless I can own it, unless it's for me. So a year into it, she decided she was going to open the program up again and we could apply. And she brought us in for interviews in groups of three, which is so hilarious because everyone's given the same question.
Starting point is 00:19:24 And I don't remember what the question, some asinite shit, like, you know, yeah. And I was the third person. So I'm literally just, like, I had something into mind, and the first woman said it. And then I was still scrambling, and the second woman said something else. And I was like, oh, that was good. Fuck what am I going to say? And I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just pulling, I just pulling, I just just, I just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, like, I'm just, like, like, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I'm just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the third.. you're literally putting us against each other three at a time. But then a year after that, she decided that she was going to open the program up to as many people as wanted to be in it. And she was like, anybody can join. And I had, again, a brief little glimmer of clarityactor was to get away from the constant negativity
Starting point is 00:20:05 of being told no when I go on my acting auditions and I have recreated that situation for myself here at S-Factor where I keep applying to be told I am worthy and she keeps telling me no so I'm just not going to apply this time I'm just not going to join. So before it became about all these other things if you guys the initial intent to to to to the intent to to if you guys recall, the initial intent of best factor was, of course, pole dancing. Yeah, pole dancing. And pole dancing is also a competition, a worldwide sport, like cricket or table tennis or chess boxing.
Starting point is 00:20:34 Chest boxing. It's a real sport where rounds of chess alternate with rounds of boxing. And you win by either checkmate or thoom. One of the other, either checkmate or knockout. So in between rounds, they take their gloves off and then they start the chess board for four minutes. I'll put my rook over here and put your jaugn. And then they go inside and they box. And you try to make good chessug to the noggin. Or you do a good Queens gambit or something.
Starting point is 00:21:05 And disorientate them. Yeah, exactly. Ponder, or that's... You're only saying that because it was a TV show. No, I know all about chess. No, you don't. I could probably do neither. I'd get my ass kicked in the happen all over the world where people compete
Starting point is 00:21:26 at different levels. You put together a piece choreographed and you compete against other people at your level and they score you and you know. At the pro level you can start to win money. But S Factor wasn't really in that business because they didn't do choreography. It was all a free dance. I used to describe the S Factor Studio as like Sheila dug a moat around.. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You, the the the the th. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th, you th, you th, you the the th. You th. You th, you th, you th, you thi, you the the the the the thi. You the the the th, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. You. You. You, you, you, you. You. You, you, you, you. You, you, you. You. You, you. You, you. You, the the the the the th. I. You. I th. You. You. You. You. You to th. You to to to to tog, tog, tog, tog, tog, tog, tog, toge. toge. toge. toge. tog a free dance. I used to describe the S-Factor studio as, like, Sheila, dug a moat around the studio,
Starting point is 00:21:50 created this island, and we were told, oh, the people on the other side of the water, they're mean, and they're scary, and don't go there. And then one day, a few of us, myself included, we're like, I'm really curious and also we need supplies. So we built a canoe and we paddled across the water. And then months later, we paddled back and we were like, I have news of the outside world. The people are nice there. And then the response was, aren't we good enough?
Starting point is 00:22:16 Why do you want to talk to them? Aren't we good enough? It was such a culty, isolating mindset. So people started talking about Is Sheila making a cult inside of S-Factor as she spun off more and more into doing stuff that had nothing to do with dancing, I became really hyper-aware that this is not what I signed up for. It was more being sold a bill of goods that kept shifting underneath my feet.
Starting point is 00:22:54 Like it's a ship of Theseus question, once you replace all the boards, but you don't rebuild the same ship in the same shape. You build a culty little rowboat. Like this is not the ship I boarded. All right Tyler, give it to us. Thank you, Liz. The stage is mine for a moment. The ship of Theseus is an ancient thought experiment that traces its origins back to classical
Starting point is 00:23:15 Greece. The story is centered around the legendary hero, Theseus, who, according to myth, sailed to Crete to defeat the Minotaur, and he later became the king of Athens. Dunn. Do you think he was a cult leader? No, he was just a kick-ass regular leader. Ruble leader. Dude killed the Minotaur, man, there's something to be said for that. True that. To honor Theseeasius, the Atheans preserved his ship in the harbor, but as years past, the wooden parts of the ship began to decay and gradually were replaced with new identical materials to maintain its structure and appearance.
Starting point is 00:23:56 This led to the philosophical conundrum. If all the original components of the ship have been replaced, does it remain the same ship? Or has it become a fundamentally different vessel? It's the same ship. But it's different parts. Look, every cell in your body has been regenerated. You are no longer the person you were 25 years ago. Thank God. But are you the same person? Are you the same vessel? Yeah, the vessel's the same. My human spaceship. That's not a culty phrase.
Starting point is 00:24:29 What do you think? I'm going to pass it on to Aristotle? He believed that the ship is the same because it has the same purpose. Who cares? Who cares? Like, who cares if it's the same ship or not? If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a noise? That's the same kind of philosophical question.
Starting point is 00:24:48 Well, it's the same ship but upgraded. It's like, when you get a new muffler, is it the same car? Yeah? But it's a better muffler. If I replace every single part on my car, it would cease to be the same Ferrari, I drive a Ferrari for those who don't know, Magnum P. I version, it would cease to be the same car. It would have the same license plate and VIN number though. Okay. Exactly and you're still gonna like if you replace every part of your body, right? Let's say you needed like a full inner body transplant. I hope insurance covers that. I would still, you know, unfortunately I'd still be the same person. I'd probably probably, I'd th, I'd the the the the the same, I'd the same, I'd to the same, I'd to the same, I'd to to the same, to the same, the same, the same, to the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same, the same the same the same, the same the same the same, the same the same, the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same, the same the same, the same th. It's th. I'd the tase tase tas. I'd tas. I'd tas. I tea. I tea. It's tea. tea. It's tea. tease tease the same the same the same this. I would still, you know, unfortunately I'd still be the same person.
Starting point is 00:25:25 I'd probably get a few different things done, but still. So yes, wonderful debate. So I guess yes, I go back. It is the same ship. Yeah. I'm glad Jessica brought it up. I was going to ask, is there a recruiting process? Just class, really. I mean, they would do like, they're the, the, they, they, they, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to get, to get, to get, to get, to get, to get, to get, to get, the, the. their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to, to, to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. together a street team, we're working to go around the neighborhood and hand out flyers to local businesses.
Starting point is 00:25:47 That's great, but the girl working at the Boba Tea Shop downstairs, I seriously doubt she's making enough at the Boba T-Shop to take class here. Like, where the recruitment really took off is after that first retreat when she was working with Tony Robbins. The Tony Robbins' sex scandal continues to grow. More women have come forward to accuse the self-help guru of inappropriate behavior. Because again, here's this nice, fat, juicy target full of very wealthy clients. I mean, the money that those people put into S-factor probably felt like pocket change compared to what he charges for him of his shit. A lot of them didn't live in LA. She would meet them at wherever Tony Robbins' event was that was happening, but they would come to the retreats and so ciching. And I think that's when she eventually
Starting point is 00:26:38 started putting on the even smaller, even more specialized retreats. No, if you want to work directly with me, well I'm going to put together a much more exclusive group. It's going to be called Tredici, which is mispronouncing the Italian word for 13. It's Tredici, not Tredici, dumb fucking potato. And I'm going to take 16 of you, because I can get the extra fee out of three people and you'll all work directly with me, but that's $12,000. Okay, hold on, hold on. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but I need that on repeat. You dumb fucking potato. Thank you. Okay, that will be used indefinitely here on Wazanical. Thank you. The credit is all yours. If you need like a kickback, let us know, but we are definitely stealing your catchphrase.
Starting point is 00:27:29 And you saying it, because actually you say it the best. You dumb, fucking potato. Come on, it's too good. It's so good. It's so good. It's an instant classic. No, dumb fucking potato. There's a little bit of an MLM component to it, right? It was absolute fucking madness. It was absolute fucking madness.
Starting point is 00:27:52 But it's funny you mentioned MLMs. By the time the studio closed it was lousy with MLMs, and it was coming from the staff. The biggest one was Rodanin Fields, the skin care one, and it got to the point where there were flyers in the bathroom on the inside of the stall door. So you talk about your captive audience. Several of our instructors have become independent sales reps for Rodan and Fields, so
Starting point is 00:28:16 contact your favorite teacher today. I hated being called a teacher creature so much. Like I know it was a spin-off of the concept of the erotic creature, but I just, every time I heard it, I was just like, I am creature. We do have to address this. What is an erotic creature? You should know, you dump fucking potato. Oh.
Starting point is 00:28:39 Eventually, she came up with this idea of the erotic creature icons, but they're each based on an emotion. So sadness was the deep, soulful siren. She started tossing these icons out there at retreats. I could never quite figure out how that worked. What I do know is that when they did rule out, like a PowerPoint presentation for all the teachers to learn about what the icons were, all of the imagery for each of these emotional core icons was a skinny white woman with big boobs. And boy did she get in trouble for that, and boy did she get pissed off the people
Starting point is 00:29:19 pointed that out to her. She did not like that very much at all. What was your erotic creature? Um, emotional road kill is how I used to describe it. So yeah, whatever the emotional truth of your body was, my shorthand for mine was emotional roadkill. I was very sad, very sad. I would play the saddest songs I could find and just roll around and cry.
Starting point is 00:29:42 Here if we labeled this episode emotional roadkill. No, absolutely not. Here, since I came up with that phrase, I'd be quite flattered, actually. Now, the big joke of this group is that the pitch or the intent was to solve the patriarchy via pole dancing. And I guess she gets there somehow by, you know, saying pole dancing is an empowering experience, brings you into your body, thus growing confidence, etc. Which can all be true for sure. But personally, I still don't see how that destroys the patriarchy. But then this
Starting point is 00:30:18 happens. She talks a lot about the female gaze, which I came to find out from the idea of the male gaze is a term coined by a feminist a lot about the female gaze, which I came to find out from the idea of the male gaze is a term coined by a feminist film critic in the 1970s. The film critic in question is Laura Molvey, who wrote about it in 1975. Not to be confused with Laura Movie. This famous TV critic that Rob just made up. Be a great name for a film critic. And I'm Richard Television, the film critic, also known as
Starting point is 00:30:45 Dick TV. And so the idea of flipping it to the female gaze was presented as she was going to give, I guess, us Hoy Poloy, the benefit of the wisdom she was imparting to the people in her protégé, an apprentice program. Merlin was going to cast his spell on the Great Unwashed. And she was like, I'm going to work with you in a way that I work with these girls, and you're all going to get to benefit from it so you can see what they're doing. And she didn't explain it beyond that. And we walked into the big studio, and there were three of the different walls of the room sitting in
Starting point is 00:31:25 the lap dance chairs. Each of us was in front of a guy in a chair and she's like, these are a men, these are evolved men, they celebrate the feminine. We had no idea what their credentials were and I sat there and I didn't know what I was going to do sitting in front of this dude I've never seen before and we were supposed to dance for them. She looked the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their th of th of th of th. thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus. Each of thus thus. Each of us thus. Each of thoes. Each of thoes. Each of thoes. Each of thusususususususus. Each thue. Each thua. Each thu. Each thu. Each thu. Each thu. Each thu. Each thu. Each th. Each th. Each th. Each th. Each th. Each th. Each th. Each th. Each th. Each th. Each the. Each the. Each of the. Each of us the. Each of us was theeeeea. Each of us was, I was, I was thea. Each of us. Each of us was thea. Each of us was. Each of us was thea. Each of us. I was thea. I know what I was gonna do, sitting in front of this dude, I've never seen before, and we were supposed to dance for them. And she looked at the three of us, and she's like, I don't know any of you right now well enough to know what kind of music you're dancing to. Hi, because she never paid us any fucking attention.
Starting point is 00:31:56 So she's like, I'm to fuck you like an animal. And I tried to move because my boss was watching. And again, we're not doing this for the male gaze, but now we're doing it in front of dudes. Like, are they not male or do they not gaze? I don't understand. But it's, it was just about her pushing the boundaries further and further and further. So that was a horrifically uncomfortable experience for me that she threw at me when I had
Starting point is 00:32:33 been on staff for about 12 years. Okay, so in the Netflix documentary on S Factor, there is a scene where this actual thing occurs, and I have to say it is insanely cringy to watch. It's cringy and it's actually really hurtful in some ways. I'm going to play a little bit of the clip. It's really hard to watch and it's these women who are brought into this room and there's three dudes and they're just sitting there and the women are dancing in front of them.
Starting point is 00:33:06 You all know that I've invited some masculine energy here. I think it would be really, really helpful for you to confront a male presence. These are heightened conscious men. They cultivate that ability to hold the space for the feminine, and whatever comes up, that, the space for the feminine and whatever comes up emotionally is what comes up. Thank you for coming. One of the things I love, what you bring masculine presence is for you you to hold their gaze with not just love but the feeling of I would kill for you.
Starting point is 00:33:39 Their one goal is to make you feel loved, seen, and protected. Whatever you need, they are holding of masculine presence. These men do exist. Feel what it feels like to truly be seen in all your feminine splendor. This is him. Can you miss him? I miss him. Can you ask him to show you love? Yeah. Okay, so Jessica had been teaching pole dancing for many years now, working alongside and revering Sheila, the great and powerful aws.
Starting point is 00:34:35 But there was one moment that allowed her a peek behind the curtain. I was in New York for teacher training. I was going to be the trainer. And this was just after they had some huge storm in New York, where the subway had flooded and like, the whole city was shut down for three days. We were three days behind just because of the weather. And I had just come into town, and I was overlapping with an event that Sheila was coming to t to do and beforehand. She wanted to come in and meet the train
Starting point is 00:35:08 needs and she came in and she has this way of disrupting the setting in a way that gives her power but also like just again totally disrupts the day. Sheila walks into the room and right away she goes, oh I don't like the way this is set up. Oh let's move those the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the and right away she goes, Oh, I don't like the way this is set up. Oh, let's move those chairs into a circle. And so we push all the tables out of the way. People are now trying to write with their notebooks on their knees because they no longer have a fucking table to write on. And because we've lost three meet everybody and talk to everybody. Three hours later, bitch is still talking.
Starting point is 00:35:46 And she'd just been talking to the students in her breathy, sexy baby voice. And she's introducing the EC icons, which again, I didn't know what they were at this point, right? She's like, does anybody know a book editor? This is the topic of my next book. And so I'm I'm sitting, I I I I I I I I'm sitting, I'm sitting, I'm sitting, I'm sitting, I'm the thi, I'm thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. to to theee. to thea. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. my next book. And so I'm sitting there watching the clock tick by. Eventually she took like a 15-minute break or something and she was like when they come back from break we'll keep going. She went back into the manager's office when I followed her back there and I was like Sheila, we're three days
Starting point is 00:36:17 behind and we only blocked out a half an hour for you and I'm really concerned that we're not going to be able to cover all the material that we physically need to cover. And I was so scared because I was alone with her in this office. I was like I had this moment of what she's gonna do? She's gonna fire me? She didn't know what was going to happen. And she turned to me and her eyes went almost black. She hissed at me, I go over. And it's my name on the door, and you just have to sit there and fucking figure it out. When I tell you her eyes went black, she has very light green eyes and the color drained out of them. And if she could have bored a hole through my forehead, she would have. And she spun on her heel, and she left.
Starting point is 00:37:03 And I took my cell phone down the elevator and I called the senior teacher in LA and I'm just sobbing into my phone. I'm like convinced me to go back upstairs and I was walking around the block, sobbing. But I'm like, fuck it, it's New York. People don't cry on the street. I don't know. And I went
Starting point is 00:37:26 back upstairs and acted like everything was fine and eventually Sheila left however long it took her and I never from that day forgot that she let the mask drop with me and I'm pretty sure even if she didn't remember that moment because like why would she why am I I'm not significant enough to remember. But how I interacted with her changed from that moment forward, and I know that she knew. How many more years were you there after that? Ten? I think this was 2009.
Starting point is 00:37:58 Just 11 short years. From that moment, I started curtailing my interaction with her, right? Because I was like, everybody else is so nice. Justification, on top of justification. My husband, bless him, he's like, you can quit. He's like, I'm making decent money now. If you are out of work for a month or two, that is not going to sink us financially. Like, you can quit. And I had such a, I've always had such a grind set, like the idea of not working was like, oh yeah, and then I'll just stop breathing too, because who needs basic human function?
Starting point is 00:38:28 I couldn't groc that, I couldn't wrap my brain around. I'm like, what are you talking about? Not work? But I also had no idea that I could take my skill set and reach out to other studios in town, and I could have gotten another job. I kind of felt like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like likeFactor, I can't teach anywhere else. But then, 2020 hits. As we all know, everything went online, and well, pole dancing online doesn't quite solve the patriarchy in the same way as it does in person, guys, apparently.
Starting point is 00:38:59 And then, right as COVID was happening, and the studio went into remote mode. We were basically online just teaching people like stretches and like the rolling around on the floor a bit. So the studio was kind of bumbling along as best as it could, like we all were in those early days of COVID. And then George Floyd was murdered. And there had already been rumblings about all kinds of cultural appropriation going on at the studio. There was one particular retreat that the title of the
Starting point is 00:39:33 retreat was exotically sexy, and the imagery in the pitch deck was like a gaysha and a belly dancer and black women with various kinds of body paint on their body. And the only black teacher who was picked to staff that retreat said, this is problematic as fuck. You have to rethink this. And there were other things that had come up like the weekly assignments that came from the studio because it was always written in this florid, breathy, my darling warrior women goddess kind of flowery bullshit verbiage that I just couldn't stomach. There was an assignment email that went out
Starting point is 00:40:14 for Latin lover week. The email started with something like, ay ay ay y-y mommy! So there's lots of energy at the studio about racial insensitivity, cultural appropriation, white women privilege, that Sheila was a thousand percent rejecting. George Floyd is murdered, they post their black square, and they put up a message saying, you know, dear S. sisters, we understand that some of you are feeling the turmoil in our times right now, and we're going to be coming out with a statement soon, but please know in the meantime that we see you and we hear you and we love you." And in response to that post on Facebook, a teacher who is a person of color,
Starting point is 00:40:57 replied, Black women don't need your empty words, black women need you to do some looking inside and for you to figure out your privilege and the racism and the racism and th, and the racism and th, and th, and the racism th, and the racism th, and the racism th, and the th, and th. the thi thi thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to be to, to, to, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thin, thin, their, thin, their, tomorrow, together, together, together, together, together, together, thoomorrow, together, thoomorrow, the.a you to do some looking inside and for you to figure out your privilege and the racism that's embedded in how the studio functions from Sheila on down. It was very directly worded, but it was also very professionally worded, like she didn't swear, she didn't do any ad hominem attacks, she ended with Black Lives Matter, and in their first act of solidarity with women of color, the studio deleted that comment and blocked that former employee. So, apparently this former teacher, she reposted it on her page and was like, let's have this conversation over here.
Starting point is 00:41:38 And shit hit the fan. And it was a mix of mostly students of color saying I've been so uncomfortable for so long, but I felt like I couldn't say anything. To the rider die bitches for Sheila coming in and being like you're just jealous because you're a shit teacher and you've always been a shit teacher. I mean it got ugly fast. And they kept saying, you know, Sheila's listening, she's going to make a statement. She was listening, she's going to make a statement. She was listening, she's going to make a statement. And then three weeks later, people are like, where the fuck is she? And so they called an emergency, all-hands-deck Zoom meeting. There were 30 odd people on the meeting. It was a lot of teachers.
Starting point is 00:42:12 The management was there. Let's see, Sheila was there, their, their te. like what do we do as a company? And people are battering around ideas. There has to be an apology. Is it going to be a written apology? Is shea going to record a video? Is it going to be to this former teacher specifically? Is it going to be to the community at large? And so after about 20 minutes, Sheila speaks up and just I want to thank everybody for all these great ideas, but I just need to remind you that what that former teacher said was so violent and so personally hurtful to me and she made herself out to be the victim of this entire exchange and eventually I raised my hand because again that was my job at these meetings was to be the one that spoke up and said the fucking thing that no one wanted to say and I said Sheila if you can't take that that that these great th th th the th th the the th th the th th th th the the th th the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that all that that that that that that. the the the the the the the the the the the that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that that that that the the the that the that the that that that. that. that. that that. that that. that the the that. that. the. the that th one that spoke up and said the fucking thing that no one wanted to say and I said Sheila, if you
Starting point is 00:43:07 can't take that level of professionally worded but direct pushback on an issue as important as this one, I honestly don't know what any of us are doing here if you're not willing to at least meet this person where they are with that kind of statement that they made. At which point, Sheila lost her shit at me to a degree that six people texted me to see if I was okay. Including the moderator of said Zoom meeting, to which I replied to all of them, yeah, that's just how she talks to me. What do you tell? I'm fine. When the meeting ended, I took off my headphones. My husband's in the next room and he's like, how is the meeting?
Starting point is 00:43:45 And I was like, I think I just quit. And so after that meeting, when it became very clear that nothing would be changing, 14 of her teachers resigned, and I was one of them. A lot of us wrote very extensive, pointed letters of resignation, and sent them not only to the company the company the company the company the company the company the company the company the company to the company to the company to to thethem not only to the company but to the community at large. That's in the Hollywood Reporter article. It's a nice
Starting point is 00:44:11 long article. I'm a source for that article I'm quoted in it. So the week that article came out it got quite a response. It was part of what led to the studio imploding. On June 3rd, 2021, the Hollywood reporter dropped an article titled, Stripdown, the undoing of Hollywood's favorite pole dancing studio. Funny enough, Tyler, one of the reporters on that piece, Gary Baum, wrote an article about my cult leader about a couple months prior to that, titled, Acolytes Alleged, a Hollywood acting coach became a false profit. And I've been meaning to read that, but you know what, I'm just going to wait for the podcast.
Starting point is 00:44:51 Like everyone else has been doing, waiting for Liz's episode, and we will get to that soon. I promise we will. We've just been doing so many other kickass stories that we're pushing you down the line. Yes, I know I keep keep th. I th. I keep th. I th. I keep th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the thi. the the the the to to to to to to to to to to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to read to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the the the the the thi. the theea. thi. thi. toea. toea. thea. I keep getting pushed because guys, I do the interviews and I might, my schedules just get, just booked, Tyler, you gotta book me into the schedule. You're the headliner, Liz, you know, and we'll let everyone else come out first and give their set and you come on. So shortly after the article dropped, as factor, well, it closed. And so she likes to say that the studios closed because of COVID.
Starting point is 00:45:26 That is not true. It closed because of her behavior in relation to the Black Lives Matter movement specifically but with a lot of history dragging behind it. Getting back to that metaphor about the moat and the island that S-Factor was on. It's like I got back in the canoe and I just paddled away. It's like, see ya, I'm heading for the sunset. You get in that rebuild ship of Theseus and paddle away, Jessica. Paddle fast, paddle strong.
Starting point is 00:45:52 In fact, paddle as if you're solving the patriarchy. Bliss, you're just a dumb, fucking potato. You're dumb, fucking potato. You still say it better than I do. Leaving a cult is always difficult in the beginning, but as we've heard, countless times before, it's the people you meet in the cult and the life you've built that makes leaving the hardest. To be honest, a lot of them are people who were harmed by Sheila much more directly and profoundly than I was. I think I mentally started my separation so far in advance of my actually leaving that in some ways it diminished the upheaval of that.
Starting point is 00:46:37 But during COVID, I also felt myself sliding into a major depressive episode that I'm sure was partially due to COVID and was also partially due to the loss. I mean this had been my community. So I started just for my own sanity. I ended up ordering a poll, started teaching some virtual poll classes just for students I knew from S-Factor who happened to have a poll at home. I did the stretch classes on Instagram for free because it was COVID and it went out a job. And then slowly as the world started to open back up I got approached by a studio in Pasadena so I've been teaching there for August of this year will be two years now. I got my Expo certification. I've moved much more to work choreography and technical poll tricks. I do coaching for a toaci. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi tho- tho-s. And tho-s. And tho-fo-fe, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, the world the world the world tho-a tho-a. And tho-a. And tho-a. And tho-s. And tho-s. And tho-s. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And thi, thi, thi-fe, thi-fe, the world the world thi-fe, thi-fe, thi-fe, thi-fo-fo-fa-fa'-fa'-fa'-fa'-s'-s'-s'-s'-s'-s'-s'-s'-fo-fo-fo-fo-f moved much more to work choreography and technical poll tricks. I do coaching for individuals that want to do competitions and things like that.
Starting point is 00:47:34 And I've just continued to find my way forward and engage with the greater poll community at large. Now it must be said, Jessica is an incredible poll dancer. And if you you want to see more we will link to her Instagram in the show notes. And she wanted me to add this. While it's absolutely true that the tradition of poll goes back to the very old practices of India and China, what we know as poll dancing today comes from the creativity and labor of women who danced in strip clubs. There's been a lot of people who use the older examples to erase these women and that really sucks.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Um, so, were you in a cult? I think I was definitely in a pole dancing cult. I still don't know how that happened. I mean, we've been talking for several hours. But like, I don't have a succinct explanation for it. But then people used to ask what is S factor, and I never had a succinct explanation for that either, so I think they dovetailed quite nicely. I was in denial for a long time,
Starting point is 00:48:31 but once you hear specifically that a lot of the things that you'd been putting up with that you through. There were a lot of things that slowly came together and I can't call it anything but what it was, which was a super culty experience. Actually, the last time I was at Polkon, which was two years ago, I choreographed a piece to the In Living color song cult of personality and That was immensely cathartic. It was immensely cathartic. It actually starts out with
Starting point is 00:49:14 I don't identify who it is but with Sheila's voice from the Oprah show and I clipped it to where it sounds like she's yelling at me to the point where I just fall on the ground screaming. The people that were in the room that didto the point where I just fall on the ground, screaming. The people that were in the room that did know the story behind it were like, holy shit, I can't believe you did that. I was always a pain in her ass. You can take it for a little while longer. So all the studios are closed.
Starting point is 00:49:39 She left LA during COVID. She does the Tony Robbins thing. She's gotten in with some other wellness type seminar people where she travels around teaching her bullshit to conference rooms full of people. Sign me up. I hope the chairs are extra stiff. I do love a dry conference room, motivational speaking event.
Starting point is 00:50:04 As much as you love the patriarchy? Yeah exactly, which is a lot. Especially if the event is led by a dumb fucking potato. It's never going away is it? Speaking of dumb fucking potatoes in the Netflix film Stripped Down Rise Up which we've heard a little bit here in this particular episode. It ends with the class graduation on the beach. Now all of them are walking down on the beach. They're clad fully in white, they're holding colorful flowers. It looks like a cult. It looks like a mockumentary of a cult. Right. It's absolutely the cliche of a cult. And over this imagery, Sheila drones on in her own flowery voiceover.
Starting point is 00:50:48 The biggest obstacle is the male gaze. How do you change it? It's battle. It is a fight for the feminine body. This is the only body we're going to get. We're not going to get. We're not going to let them own it. We're not going to be silent anymore. That's what I hope women do.
Starting point is 00:51:14 Did your acting and modeling start to fall away a bit? It fell away over the years just because I got older, which it turns out you're not allowed to do. I'm pretty sure after I turned 40 that I was legally prohibited from acting in the state of California........ th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th th thi to to to to to to to to to be to be thi to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th, we th, we th th th th th th th thi thi, we thi thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi turns out you're not allowed to do. I'm pretty sure after I turned 40 that I was legally prohibited from acting in the state of California. I sum up my career as, you know, like I said, I started out as just like a sight gag, tits on a stick. Then I went from like hot girling club to cute mom and coffee shop to now I'm in the district attorney phase of my career. I think think th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi th thi thi thi thi thi thi the over I the over I the over I the over the over tho tho- tho-a tho-a tho-a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean. thean thean theeeeean theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the th in the district attorney phase of my career. I think that nobody goes through life following the plan that you laid out. I mean there was no like grand plan to my life bringing myself to where I'm at but if you look at
Starting point is 00:51:54 it you know there is a through line and I'm so much happier and better off today than I was at any of the points that we discussed in the past and nothing's perfect but I kind tho the th of th of th of th of th of th of th of th of th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the of the of theeanananananan. today today today today today today today the toe the the the the toe the toeay than I was at any of the points that we discussed in the past and nothing's perfect, but I kind of don't believe that such a state exists. I am married to the world's most patient man. I gave birth to who turned out to be my favorite person, and I now work for a really awesome pole studio. If there's the through line, what's the theme? My instinct is stumbling toward competence, but that that, but that that, but that that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's thiiiiiiiiiole I I I'm thiole, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I th, I th, I I I I I th, I I I th, I I I I th, I I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi, I thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thin, I'm thin, thin, today today today today today today today today today today today thin, thin,'s the through line, what's the theme? My instinct is stumbling toward competence, but that seems like I'm selling myself short.
Starting point is 00:52:30 Continual pursuit of a goal that is dogged and easily distracted. Let's face it, easily distracted. Well, one thing you don't lack is a sense of humor. This has been super fun and thank you for sharing your platform with me. Last question. Hit me. What is the coolest pole trick you can do? And what is it called? And what does it look like?
Starting point is 00:52:52 Probably right now the what Mo'u and I can do consistently enough is called the bird of paradise. It is an inverted split where you trap one leg behind your head, and then you have the pole in the crook of your elbow and the top leg releases. Oh, shit. It is my profile pick on my Instagram. Which you can find in our show notes. Thank you again, Jessica, for sharing your time and story with us and showing us that yes, cults can be hiding literally anywhere.
Starting point is 00:53:25 Yep, thank you, Jessica, for your impeccable storytelling skills and for enlightening all of us today. We'll be back next week with a story of a woman who was in the armed forces. Like, you are so tired all the time, and you're told, you don't get paid to think for yourself. You're told that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from that from thi one thi one thi o're told you don't get paid to think for yourself. You're told that from day one. Then everything you do is done together. You shower together, you eat together, you sleep together, you do your physical exercise together, you do your classes together, you study together, you take a shit together, like you do it
Starting point is 00:54:00 together. They didn't want individual, they wanted all the view to follow. Thank you for listening and thank you for sharing and for caring. Especially for caring. If you have a story you can always email us at info at was Ina colt. As to today, and for caring. If you have a story you can always email us at info at wasaic occult.com. As always, was I and a cold is written, produced and edited by the dumb fucking potato, Tyler Missom. And me, the dumb fucking potato Liz Ayacuzzi. Sound design and edit by the
Starting point is 00:54:35 dumb fucking carrot, Rob Perra. Our executive producer is the dumb, fucking celery stock stock Stephen Abram. Grab it up! Dump fucking potato. Crucify me. Don't spare my life. Crucify me.

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