Was I In A Cult? - Teen Challenge: “444 Days Without Love”

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

Our youngest guest to-date, Aliya Kasabian recounts her chilling involuntary initiation into the Boise Girls Academy, an institution that masquerades as a haven for troubled teens. From controlling communication with families to enforced silence and the denial of basic necessities like tampons, Aliya’s story exposes the depths of manipulation and coercion wielded by the program’s directors. But resistance only extends your time at this prison-like “healing facility.” So, eventually, Aliya discovers that if she is ever to be free, the only way out is to become… a true believer.  LINKS: Follow Us: Instagram/Tik Tok: @wasiinacult Support Us: https://www.patreon.com/wasiinacult Have a story to share on our show? Email Us: [e-mail] Follow Aliya: Instagram/Tik Tok : @sandb0xb0y Try VIIA Hemp! https://bit.ly/viiainacult and use code INACULT! (15% off)

The views, information, or opinions expressed by the guest appearing in this episode solely belong to the guest and do not represent or reflect the views or positions of the hosts, the show, podcast one, this network, or any of their respective affiliates. I entered the troubled teen industry when I was freshly 16 years old and left when I was almost 18. I was a minor when I was in this facility and a lot of my friends now are still minors and unable to talk the way that I am able to talk now. And so when I found your guys a show I really wanted to see if I could get the word out there for not only me but all of my

sisters that I lived out this hell with. Hey everybody, welcome to Was I Ina Cult. I'm Liz Ayakuzzi. Me, I'm Tyler Miesom. And today's episode, you guys Ina Cult. I'm Liz Ayakuzi. Me, I'm Tyler Miesum. And today's episode, you guys, is pretty incredible. I will say, she's the youngest guest that we've had on our show. But when I interviewed her, she had the poison strength of someone well beyond her 19 years. Or actually 20 now, she just had a birthday, I think so.

Happy belated birthday. I loved digging in and editing this episode. She's a wonderful storyteller with a wonderful story. So I'm hoping this one, it draws in more of those coveted Gen Z listeners. To combat your Gen Xness. I am a proud, a card-carrying member of Generation X. Generation X. Complainers. Mouaze. Back aches and all.

Just be glad you're not a millennial wearing skinny jeans and a French talk, Tyler. The Gen Z's would eat it for breakfast. Yeah, I'm happy about that. I've never really been able to keep up with fashion trends myself. Shocking. The good part of your mission days were off on you. You basically wear a uniform without having the... You're like, I don't have to think about getting dressed in the morning. One day I'm gonna dress really nice. I'm gonna show up just in a really sharp suit.

Just blow everyone away. I mean, I can't talk. I'm wearing, I'm wearing a sandal slippers. You look like I should give you a dollar. You should give me a fucking dollar. I should earn it. I want to, every dollar you make I should get one dollar more. We should, because that's basically what we're making on this podcast about a dollar. We have trended way too far away from the topic at hand. A very important topic.

Sure. And a very important topic. Sure. And a very important episode. Well, as the millennial Gen Z Wars Ray John on Tick-Tock, today we bring together three generations to show the world that we can all work together in peace, harmony, and vintage wide-leg jeans. Amen to that, sie Stitch the skinny jeans, they are so out on God. Done, no worries about that. Now, today's episode dives into the dark side of the TTI,

also known as the troubled teen industry. Right, now, with this episode, it must be said that we are not calling every teen te, there are many licensed and bona fidee, toe, toe, toe, toe, tie, tie, toe, tie, tie, toe, t. thea, t. t. t. t. t. t. thea, thea, thea, the, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, the, the, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, today, today, today, today, today, today's, today's, today's, today's, today's, today's, today's, today's, today, today, today cult, there are many licensed and bona fide entities actually helping teens. Yes, of course, but there is a cultic abuse epidemic happening within part of this particular industry that must be exposed. So when Alia emailed us her story, I knew we had to help her get it out there. And so just exactly what was her group? Let's let her tell you everything. My name is Alia but I like to go by Lee. I was born in 2004.

I grew up in a pretty perfect family by the world's standards. My mom and dad are still together. My two siblings are wonderful. We're all a year and a half apart and I'm the youngest. So I grew up in the suburbs of Folsom which is near Sacramento area, California, type of neighborhood where everybody like brings each other cookies. And we were raised super-super Christian. Church every Sunday, youth group every Wednesday. My parents did a really good job growing up of reminding us and ingraining into us that love is the most important thing in

the world and treating other people how you want to be treated. As a child I had two things I was really afraid of. One was being kidnapped from the age of probably three or four. I would cry myself to sleep every single night Because I was convinced somebody was going to come and take me the other one. I guess it's not like a fear But it was just that guilt the guilt feeling the fear of not being good or not telling the truth fear and guilt were my two demons I was this perfect kid that everybody loved I did nothing wrong through grade school and middle school? I the school and middle school just just, the, the, the, the, the, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th thi thi thi thi th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thee the the the the the the the th everybody loved. I did nothing wrong through grade school and middle school just like the nicest girl. And I think the start to my change from this sweet girl to this troubled teen per se, it started slowly.

Because let's face it, when you're young the last thing you want to be is teen per se. It started slowly. Because let's face it, when you're young the last thing you want to be is the nice girl. No one wants to be Katie Heron. Oh, totally. Regina George all the way. Do you even know the reference? I don't. I just read what you just put on the page. So you're more like Karen Smith then? I mean I'm kind of psychic. I don't know. I have a fifth sense. I don't know what I'm reading. I'm kind of psychic. I have a fifth sense. She's, um, Amanda Cypree's character in the movie. Just tell me what the hell I'm reading and the audience. 90% of the audience. It's mean girls. It's mean girls. Okay, got it. So Alia, in an effort not to be pigeonholed as the nice girl, I started dyeing my hair and I started getting some piercings.

And it felt so good to be known as something other than the nice girl. I was becoming the cool girl, you know. And then I smoked weed for the first time and it released me from this need to be so perfect. It made me feel calm and silly and fun and then also since I was doing it made me even more of that cool girl that other girls came to and were like, you're so cool, you're so this and this and this. I just ended up finding this community of young girls who were angry and I got angry too, you know. The problems with my parents started when I started smoking weed, of course,

because I'm 15, I shouldn't be smoking weed. They find out they're super upset and I'm angry that you're not letting me smoke weed. I was mad at them and I was mad at the world and I didn't like life anymore. It wasn't fun. The only time I felt like I was having fun was when I was in the school bathroom smoking with my friends. I had these two friends at the time. And, you know, I I super th th th the the the the the the tho the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho I super tho thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the thi thi the the the the the the that that that that you that you that you that you that you that that that you that you that you that you that that you that you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thee theeeee the th friends. I had these two friends at the time. And you know, I super got into expressing myself visually. And one day we get this silly little idea. We're like, what have we all just shave our heads? So little 15 year old us, my parents aren't home. We run into my bathroom, get my dad's clippers and just like hair gone. And so now I was the bald girl and you know people either

made fun of that or they were like, holy shit she's so cool. She shaved her head and she's rocking that because I did rock it. I felt like I was having like real teenage fun for the first time, you know. But that was not okay in in my religious family. This was like, okay, something's really wrong with her. And so now is the cool GI Jane, pot smoking teen, in an uber religious family, you can imagine how her relationship with her parents progressed. Be careful with that. Will Smith might come out and slap the shit. Yeah, that's right. It was a GI-Jange of. It just got horrible and I was yelling at them all the time but I can look back now and see that it was this

whole buildup of all this depression and anxiety in my life. I have no pride in the way that I acted at the age of 15. And all this anger that I don't know where it's coming from because I don't know how to pinpoint it yet. I needed evidence to support this anger that I had inside of me. So I started driving that point home super hard. I was like, you guys just, you don't approve of me because of my shaved head. And you don't like the way that I dress. Me and my parents were arguing more and more and more, it's clear.

I need a different environment. You know, I knew something needed to change. So we started researching together, me and my mom, just some place I could be for a little while. I could get some therapy, be with other people that are like me. So we end up finding this place in Analope, California, which was advertised as having group therapy and family therapy. I said, this sounds good to me. You know, it's just 30 days, you can do this. Let's give it a try, right? Because nothing else is working. And my mom drives me down to Anelope. So I walk in my little bald self. Correction, little bald badass self.

I signed some papers, my mom signed some papers, she leaves, and now I am in my first ever residential place. I had never been away from home before like that. I made a few friends that were good. We had like baking and art therapy. It was honestly like an enjoyable experience. I was allowed to laugh and make jokes and color and I journaled constantly. I drew pictures and you know, it was a nice little break. I did feel like I had grown a little bit. There's something about being away from home that obviously makes you way more grateful

for what you did have. But unfortunately, Alia's story doesn't end there. In fact, this is kind of where the cult begins. It was the day before I was supposed to leave. I could not wait to see my friends. I just want to go home and feel comfortable. And I had a phone call with my mom that morning. She was like, I'm so excited to pick to too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too to do to do to do to do to do toea. toea. to do to do to do to do to do to to to to to to to to to to toe. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do. I. I. I. I's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. toea. toea. toea. thea. thea. thea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. to go home and feel comfortable. And I had a phone call with my mom that morning. She was like, I'm so excited to pick you up. And I was like, I'm so excited too, like I can't wait.

So the night time rolls around and they tell me that I'm not going to have a roommate that night. And nothing weird crossed my mind. I was just like, oh sweet, like last day privilege, I get the room to myself. So I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th to to th to to th to to that, to that, to that, to that, to to to tho, I'm to to to to to to to that, I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, I'm th, I th, I th, I th. I thi, I thi, I thi, I'm thi, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the the the the the the the the the the thean thean thean to that to to to to to that to myself. So I go to bed and I fall asleep. And then at 12 in the morning, my lights flick on. And there's this huge man standing there in a mask. And then this shorter stout woman standing there also in a mask. And then there's like a few of the night staff standing behind them. He says hello I'm Mike and this is Laura and we're here to take you to your next program and like I genuinely thought they woke up the wrong person so I like kind of laughed a little bit and I was like no I'm going home

tomorrow and they said no you're coming with us to Boise. Like where what? and they're they're th. And th. And th. And th. And the the th. And their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they th. they they're they're they're they're thi. they're they're their thi. thi. their. th. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their they. I their their the. I theeei. I they're they're they're they're they're they're thea. I they're thea. I they're the. I th're coming with us to Boise. Like, where, what? And I start crying because I start to kind of understand what's going on. And I'm shaking and I'm having a panic attack. The man says, your parents have signed over custody to us for the next 24 hours and we can do whatever we need to do to get you to Boise by tomorrow. As I said before, my biggest fear as a kid was being kidnapped, was being taken out of my safety by people I didn't know.

And that is exactly what was happening to me right now. I'm backed into the corner of my bed clinging onto my sheets, and that's when the lady steps forward. And she's like, you know, everything's going to be okay. Like, you're just going to come with us. And all I said was, can I use the bathroom? Can I just use the bathroom real quick? I sat down and I am sobbing. I remember my tears dropping onto the

toilet seat and I get up and I just look at myself in the mirror and I that moment was just so breaking for me because I'm looking at myself and my lack of femininity, this bald, skinny girl, and I have no idea where I'm about to go or what is going on. My worst fear is happening right now, and I can't even wrap my head around it.

When I got out of the bathroom, there was this overnight staff named Ron. Sweetest old man I've ever met, and I see Ron Ron and I just cling to him. I'm hugging him and I'm sobbing and I'm saying please don't let them take me wrong. Please don't let them take me away and he was just like I'm sorry like there's nothing I can do right now. And so Mike and Laura they both grab my jacket and they start walking me out, and they have all of my journals and all of my things in a bag.

That is all of my most secretive and therapeutic information, and I'm saying, please don't give those to my parents. Promise me that you're going to send those with me. And they were just like, I'm sorry, like we can't promise anything. So they walked me out the door and I see a big black van and behind it is my parents in a car and they were just parked and they said, do you want to say goodbye to your parents or say anything to them and I said nope I don't want to. I was say anything to them? And I said, nope, I don't want to. I was angry and confused.

So the last thing I wanted to do was see my parents. Like, I didn't even look at them. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very important issue that we must discuss. Yes, we need your undivided attention for this very grave matter. It appears that in these challenging times times t rapid decline in one essential aspect of human existence. And that is having a good time. As you can see from this corresponding pie chart, the amount spent on having a good time has vastly decreased over the past few years. And now ranks behind taking out the trash and yelling at referees on the TV.

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Have a good time. Support our show and tell them we sent you. Happy Hamping. The Hagen women seemed to have it all. We were blessed. My mom was amazing. But detectives would soon discover. Inside the house there were the bodies of two women. A story of betrayal you would struggle to believe if it wasn't true. I am just praying to God. This is a sick joke. From 48 hours, this is Blood is Thicker, the Hargan Family Killings.

Listen to Blood is Thicker, the Hagen Family Killings, wherever you get your podcasts. Now it's worth mentioning that Mike and Laura are the Mike and Laura that regularly work with none other than Dr. Phil. I have some words about Dr. Phil. We'll leave that off. Their company is called Safe Interventions. It says, safe interventions, formerly known as Youth Assist, was founded in 1995 and established as a nationwide company that specializes in secure adolescent transportation services and crisis interventions. Yeah, their insane website, you guys, is definitely worth checking out.

So they get me into the back seat of this big black vehicle and they hand me a little iPod and they they're like you can listen to this music because it's going to be like a 12-13-hour drive. I'm flipping through like the 100 tracks on there. Twelve out of the like a hundred tracks are just like different versions of the little drummer boy. And I'm like, oh my god. So finally I find Mr. Brightside by the killers and I listened to that song on repeat for 13 hours on this drive. And so almost immediately, once I get in the car, I'm asking them questions. I'm like, why am I going to Idaho?

And they tell me, they're like, we actually know nothing about the program that we're taking you to. Our job is just to get you there. Mike and Laura sound sketch as hell. Or I mean, Sess. They are ten kinds of sess. If I ever met them, I would tell them to take several seats. I'd be like, catch these hands, I dare you. I just remember, I was trying to take naps in the back of the car. And you know, I have Mr. Brightside on repeat in my headphones,

and I kind of half fall asleep, and after a few ththey hand me two letters from my parents. And you know the letters were like, we know that you're angry but this is what's best for you. We hope and pray that one day you see that this was all out of good intention. You always said that you wished you could go somewhere but you didn't want to have to go through the whole process. So this is like our gift to you. It was heartbreaking. Me and my family had always been, even in our fights and everything, we had always been a really close-knit good family.

And I was so angry. I ripped the pictures and the letters up because I was like, are you kidding me? What is wrong with me to where I deserve this? Nothing is wrong with you, Leah. But something is definitely wrong with the way this whole endeavor was orchestrated. And we start driving more and more, the sun is coming out, and I am in a whole new world. We're driving through crops and farm fields. Because Idaho. No, Udahoe. Nice.

Finally, they pull up to this huge facility, and then there's a farm in the back of it, and I am petrified. And the first state of getting dropped somewhere like this is how do I get out? How do I show them that I do not need this? How do I talk to my parents? Because now I want to talk to them. So I get there and this big bald guy steps out and greets us and a couple of girls in uniform walk out and grab my bags. I walk in the building. and there's two really long

hallways with four bedrooms, two on each side of the hallway and this lady comes out, Heather, to greet me and she fronts with this very caring and understanding attitude. She gives me a hug and she's like, I know you're so scared. You can just talk with me, come and talk with me. So she sits me down and she's like, you know, really lets me just pour my heart out. I'm crying, I'm like, I don't need to be here.

This is a huge misunderstanding. I need to be at my house. I need to be home. And she's just just She just kind of giggles and she smiles and it's a smile that says you don't even know that this is going to be what's best for you but I do and I love Jesus and he is guiding me and I just know that I'm right. And then she brings me into what we called the med room and her and another lady tell me to take my clothes off because they want to check me. So I, you know, I'm super scared, I'm sleep deprived. I don't know

these people. I'm 16. I'm very self-conscious about my body. And I'm getting strip search, so they have me take my pants off. I take my shirt off. They hand me a pair of khakis and a bright red t-shirt. And they say, this is called being on red, and the other girls in red t-shirts either did something wrong or they're also new. You're not allowed to look at them, you're not allowed to talk to them. And once you're ready, you'll get to be a different color t-sh-a-a-a-a-a-s, tfn't-s, tfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, and th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, thea. And, theea. And, thea. And, thea. And, thea. And, thea. And, the. And, the. And, to be a different color t-shirt but that's that's a ways away from now. I'm completely shell-shocked right now. I have no clue what the fuck is going on. And this lady, she walks up to me and I'm like in the hallway right outside the classroom and I just I asked her out of curiosity like how long is this program and she says typical stay is 15 months. And I was like, what?

I could not fathom being there for over a year. And then right when I get that information, she pulls out a camera. And she says, stand against this wall and smile because we're taking your intake photo. And somebody comes up behind her, one of the staff and says, you know, I actually look a little bit sadder because we need to see a big difference between your intake photo and th....... th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. thi. their, thi. their, their, their, thi. thi. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I, their. their. I, their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, the. I, the. I thateateateateate. I'm ta. I'm ta. I'm ta. I'm ta. I'm thea. I'm thea. I'm the. I their, the staff and says, you know, I actually look a little bit sadder because we need to see a big difference between your intake photo and your exit photo. All I know is this place ain't it, Chief. I'm still slightly in shock about her parents orchestrating this kidnapping. Yeah, we'll get to her parents' own brainwashing in a bit.

So they take my picture. I'm in this horrid uniform. Andthen she brings me into this big classroom at the end of one of the halls. It's all gray in the classroom and there's like 30 like little, I guess cubicles is the best way to describe it. It's like a desk but it has big panels on each side so you can't see like the person next to you. And there's about 25, 30 girls all all in khakis and colored t-shirts. And they're all like looking at me, peeking around. So this is when they put a huge packet on my desk that says,

Boise Girls Academy rulebook. And they're like, read through this, these are the rules. So it starts out, and it just has like their mission statement. We believe that God, our creator, has a unique plan for each girl at teen challenge. Through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, discipleship, and training provided, each girl will find the hope and freedom that delivers them from life-controlling circumstances and equips them to make better decisions for themselves. So, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have better decisions for themselves. So, they have the general guidelines and procedures laid out, some highlights from this one. We reserve the right to inspect a student's

personal belongings at any time for any reason. Students will show respect to the staff and other students. Students are not allowed to keep a chart, record of their time or time remaining in their enrollment other students. Students are not allowed to keep a chart, record of their time, or time remaining in their enrollment. If they find you keeping a tally mark chart or anything, you get in trouble. All students must be properly groomed with hair and body, neat and clean before they come to class. Keep your eyes at your own desk and mind your own business. Okay, this is a good one. Conversation rules. Students will not talk tak tak tak tak tak to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their. their their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their their their their their te. te. te. te. Iuu. Iu. Iu. Iu. Iu. Iu. Iu. Iu. Ia. I will. I will. I. I will. I. I will. I. I will this is a good one. Conversation rules. Students will not talk about drugs, partying, sex, or use curse words. No negative conversation, no whining, no complaining, no showing your dissatisfaction, which is bullshit because all any human would do in

this environment is complain. Students are not allowed to ask why. So anybody who's telling you not to ask why is fucking hiding something. So yeah, the rest of the rules pretty much outline. You can't listen to secular music, it outlines makeup and jewelry and journals. Journals are something that you earn and you have to turn them in every week for getting looked over, so so people are reading your journals, and you're not allowed to write anything bad about the program in your journals. And speaking of the program, what exactly is this place? So Teen Challenge started out as a program that David Wilkerson started

and the program originally started as a way for kids to get out of gang violence and abusive households. Slowly over the years that as a way for kids to get out of gang violence and abusive households. Slowly over the years that has changed into this loose rehabilitation center, but rehabilitation to Christians means you're doing drugs or you're gay or you're disrespecting your parents. It's such a loose term now, and it is a worldwide organization. Matthew and Heather are the owners and directors of that branch of Teen Challenge. Everybody when they get to the program starts on red. It's like a preliminary stage to being in the program. Like you're not quite a real student,

yet you're being watched. And your t-shirt is brighter than everybody else's because everybody else's dull colors. I mean the forethought or no thought that went into coming up with this stupid fucking concept is remarkable. The people on red are not allowed to talk to each other. They're not allowed to look at each other. Because if they did, they would be able to say this place is fucked let's get out of here. And then the other way to get on red is if you do something that is Decided by staff to be bad enough to just put you back in this training stage They pull you out of class put you in a red t-shirt and you just walk back in class and everybody's like Oh my god. Like it was the worst punishment

Basically if you do something wrong, or you break a rule, they give you a verse or a book of the Bible or a chapter to write and over and over again. Those were the most mild of the punishments. Other ones include silence. So being on silent means that you're not allowed to talk ever at all. And everybody has to pretend that you're not there. They're not allowed to look at you.

If you're on silence and you break the silence, you are just punished more. Loss of privileges is the next one. Loss of privileges means two upper classmen come into your room, unannounced with a big trash bag. They take all of your things, your makeup, your makeup, your pillows, your blankets, fucking everything except for your BGA given quilt, which is like a quilt that's half a centimeter thin. And then we get to program extension, so I'll just read this section. A student's program can be extended or started over for violations such as but not limited to,

continued disrespect to staff and others, threatening behavior, lack of progress, okay I'm just going to stop at lack of progress. The whole thing with this program is you need to complete 12 contracts to graduate. Contracts are like these huge pieces of paper that you get every month and you have to do like a bunch of biblical work basically and book reports and you have to do like a bunch of biblical work basically and book reports and prayer journals to complete a contract but those 12 contracts that's not what determines your graduation. The way that you get to leave is if you quote had a heart change. So they tell you in the

beginning you don't need to be a Christian to graduate this program but if you're not a Christian at the end, they're going to say you didn't have a quote, heart change. So you need to stay longer. So yeah, first day there, I am bombarded with all of that information. I'm just kind of taking it all in, you know. We get it. It's a lot of insane nonsense to keep track of. And I remember my first night there, how the fuck do you sleep after that? There's two bunk beds in each room, so four people.

I have never felt that sad in my whole entire life. I'm sobbing, I can't breathe, I can't move. So I eventually fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up and I found one of the teachers and I said, what's the punishment for staying in bed? I said, I'm willing to take it. And she was like, I'm not sure, you know, I'll talk to the social worker. And I was like, okay, well, I'm going to be in bed because I can't do this shit.

I stayed in bed and that was like paralyzing, the, the, the, the, the, thine, th. Like I was sobbing, shaking, like I literally could not move my body if I wanted to. And the social worker walks in and she starts grabbing my blankets off of me, she takes all my pillows and she starts yelling at me. You need to stop this. I'm pleading with her. I'm like, I'm so depressed. I literally cannot move. And then eventually she says, okay, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. You neither get out now or I can call the cops and they can forcibly remove you.

Which would you like better? And I did not want to be touched by officers and harassed, so I got out of bed and I just went into this robot mode. I am beyond my limit for hurt and for pain and I have to keep going. I have to, I have no option. Damn, I wish he had called the cops. So my everyday in the beginning of program looked pretty much like this. You wake up, make your bed with army corners, go eat breakfast if you wanted to, shower if you had to shower, brush your teeth, get in uniform.

And then after that, we would have a devotional time. And th, and this th, and this th, and this th, and th, and th, th, th, th, th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be, to be, toe, toe, to to to to to to to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toeck.a, toeckecke.a, toe.ecke.e, their, their, their, their, their, get in uniform. And then after that we would have a devotional time and this either looked like doing some worship songs or one of the staff just like talking to us about like God and all that. After that we started school probably two or three hours of school in the morning and this schooling was bullshit. It's these packets that you just have to finish and get signed off. Not to mention the teachers there, some were like quote trained teachers but some were just like hired people. I'm telling you this place is straight-suss. The sussiest. So we would go eat lunch and then we had a 30-minute free time and and then we came back inside, did school for three or four more hours, but then the last two hours we would have like PSNLs.

Oh how nice, they gave them personal space nap leisure time. PS&L. Oh they gave them pumpkin spice non-fat lattes. Not even close. Oh shoot. Personal Studies for a new life in Christ. PSNL. Bible versus memorization, character qualities, and book reports you had to do for that month. And we had an hour and a half of rec time, which is basically just like PE, volleyball, basketball, soccer, just physical exercise,

which honestly was like one of my favorite parts of the day, because when you're really angry, you can just like beast mode exercise, and it feels good. Then we would go to dinner in our uniforms, and then for the last like two or three hours of the night, we would break off into groups based on our shirt color. So every night of the week, your short color would do a different thing during this time, like we would like rotate. So there was one PSNL night, there was a free-time night and then there was an art night where we would get to do like a craft or like color. Movie was the other one. But the movies had to be PG or under. So Alia had been alienated from the rest of the world and completely out of touch touch to to to touch. And the the toe. And their. And their. And. And. And. And. And. And, the the the the the the the the the the the the their, the toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, their, toe, toe, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the the the the th. Soe, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thean, togu.e, togu.e, togu.e, togu.e, togu.e, togu. Soe, their, their, their, the world and completely out of touch with her family,

but the school did have a carrot dangling for her. Okay, so yeah, you get a phone call with your parents for 10 or 15 minutes once a week after you've been there for a month. So I was like, okay, if I can just last a month, then I can talk to my parents on the phone and explain everything and get out of here. You were allowed to write them as soon as you got there. I actually have, I'm going to read a little bit of, this is my first letter that I ever sent my parents. I say, I am so dissociative, my mind is trying to protect my body. I don't feel like myself anymore. I'm being respectful here, but I need you to hear this tho th tho th th th th the next the next the next tho the next the next to hear tho tho tho thi to hear the next tho thi to hear tho tho tho tho as soon as tho trying to protect my body. I don't feel like myself anymore. I'm being respectful here, but I need you to hear this next part. If I'm going to be away from love in a program,

I'm going to be depressed, anxious. And so I need therapy, help, and attention. I need therapy and help to process the trauma just from this past week, but there is no therapy here. I never had thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. I their their their thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I'm thu. I'm thr-a to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be toe. toe. toe. thr-aau. thr-au. thr-au. thro. thro. thro. tro. tro. tro. tr-au. tr-au. thro. thro. throoooo. thr-au. thr-au no therapy here. I never had one therapy session. There was none of that. I said, I get therapeutic help at the other place I was at. I don't hear. I said, I've developed a fear of sleep. Who knows when I will go to sleep and be waken up and take into a different state again. I don't. And yet I'm so homesick. And I said, if I have to be here 15 months, my AP art plans will be ruined. I'll miss prom, so much, but most of all I just don't feel safe. But the plea to her parents failed. And the conditions, well, they worsened. We had two bathrooms right next to the classroom.

Eventually, we lost the privilege of using both bathrooms. So we only had one bathroom available to all 30 girls, and there would be a bathroom list every day. And if you couldn't hold it until your turn and you just ran to the bathroom to go, or if you peed your pants, you get in trouble. So we would ask them, like, you know, what if we're on our period or what if we really have to pee? And they'd thi the the the the, the, th.. And the, the, th. th. And, the, th. And, th. And, thi, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and, tho, and, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, and tho, and tho, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the th... And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thr, thr, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, toea. And, toea. And, toea. And, thup. You're going to get in trouble. And then this is the one that like really is the kicker for me. I was sitting at my desk and I went to the bathroom

and I came back and I went to take a sip of my water and my water bottle is stuffed full of unused tampons. So thoaun't to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I I th thr-I I thr-I th thr-I. I thr-I is thr-I is thr-I is th-I is th-I is th-I is th. th. th. thu. thu. thu. thu. th. th. th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is thi. I is thi. I is thi. I is thi. I is thr-s. thr-s. thr-s. tmccc-s. ttmc-s. ttmc-s. tmau. tttttttmooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo all down and say, tampons are a privilege that you need to learn how to be grateful for. So until a point that we're not going to tell you, tampons are banned. You're not allowed to use them. So this ended up being a three-month span of a no-tampon ban, and that was like probably the hardest three months of me being there. Like feminine hygiene is not a privilege. It's something that frankly should be free for all women and should be available to all women. So moving a little further into my program when I got my first phone call. Yeah so in your phone call a staff member goes in with you. It's on speaker phone and they also write down everything that is said.

It is fully monitored. So they told us, on your first phone call, that is the only time you're allowed to beg them to take you home, and then no more. So I'm like begging. I'm like, please take me home, like, you don't understand, I'm sobbing, and my parents have always been, you know, they taught us, love is the most important thing, and I don't feel loved right now. They were just like, we miss you, you know, like, I couldn't get through it to them. So I got off red probably between one and two months after I got there, and this is where the Stockholm Syndrome part kind of comes in, because these people are what took everything from me.

They stole my joy, they stole my life, they stole my relationship with my family for so long. And then when you get a glimpse of them telling you, you're doing something right. It feels like you just found a fucking pirate's treasure. It's like, oh my God, like I'm doing it. So when I got off red, everybody was so proud of me. They were like, Alia, like you're doing so good. We're so proud of you. Like, being praised for doing well,

really like fed my fire to keep going. I'm very good at knowing what people want from me and acting in that sense, especially when it comes to authority. So I really played up the kissing ass. Like I kissed ass hard. And her ass kissing extended towards her parents. I wrote them another letter, about a week after that, I think, that I recently found. Oh, let me find it actually.

It should be right here. So, I said, and I think this wasn't completely true, at least the first part, but I just, I needed to get out of there. I said, honestly, you can disregard all of my other letters. Today I've had a change of heart. I told them, I just took everything for granted. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the toll my actions have taken on both of you. I feel ready to come home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home home church at home because I need to work on faith. That was like a little sprinkle of sugar for them. But I ask you please to

seriously pray about this. If you have any doubts about my intentions, God knows my heart. He knows I'm ready. I pray that you can be shown that by him and that I can see you soon. I love you both and miss you so much but I truly hate it here. You are my only only tho tho tho tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. I th. I th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. thi. the. I the. te. te. te. teee. te. toge. te. toge. te. toge. te. te. te I truly hate it here. You are my only hope, but I understand if you leave me here, this is what I deserve. Who, that one gets me tear-eyed. So at that point, the anger had definitely subsided and I was realizing what a horrible situation I was in. I really didn't even believe in God, but I would pray and I would say, I would say, God, you know, if you're there,

please, like, tell my parents what's going on here, and please, please let them know that my intentions are pure to come home. I remember I would just cry in the bathroom because every night, every single staff member would write an end of shift report, just talking about all the girls about the day, and then they would send them to Heather. The thing with Heather is like, she was like, God there.

She had the power to graduate you, you know? And if multiple staff saw that you were crying and wrote that, you're not making progress. So I learned to cry where other people couldn't see it. There were many days. We were underfed. I remember like a BLT day, and it was like two pieces of bread, one piece of bacon, one tomato, one slice of

lettuce, and a slice of American cheese. And it's like, who the hell is that going to feed? Most days after dinner and after lunch I would cry because I didn't have enough food and I was a really thin girl. And our parents are paying so much money that like we should be getting fucking five course meals at this point like Michelin Star Chef walking through the door.... the the the their. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, so, so, and it, so, and it, and it, so th. So, and it, and it, and it, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, th. And it's, th. And it's, the the the the the the th. And it's like, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, this point, like Michelin Star Chef walking through the door. So just how much is so much? Moneywise, I read the paper that they gave to my parents.

Let me, I'm pulling it up right now. So it says $84,000 a year, and that's for a typical stay. I was there with girls who had been there for three or four years My mom sent me a document. They had to pay $250 for our rec uniform Our rec uniform is reused basketball shorts from girls before and our t-shirt. Well, I'm sure the 84,000 was going towards their first class living right. I have no idea what the money went towards. We cleaned the whole entire facility ourselves. This is a ginormous facility. We did all of the yard work.

Like, I was chopping down trees with chainsaws. We built them an entire new chicken coop, and the weird thing is, they disguised this as like, fun. I always wondered why my parents didn't listen to my letters when I first got there. I poured my fucking heart into them. Come and get me, please. And I was just so confused. I was like, why are they not listening to me? So there was this chicken that we were eating in our sandwiches, just like deli chicken. And it had been expired for like two months, and they were still feeding it to us. So I wrote my parents another letter, and I was like, if nothing else,

they're feeding us expired food here. I'm going to get sick. I was like, they have to listen to this. And still, they didn't listen to me. And I was just so confused. I was like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, theea. And, thea. And, thea. And, thea. And, thea. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi, thi. And, they didn't listen to me and I was just so confused. I was like, this is not my parents. I know my parents and I know that they're good people and I know that they would not want me somewhere like this. So I was just so confused why I wasn't getting through to them. I have a sneaking suspicion as to why.

So you get your phone call after the first month and then you get one phone call every week. I'm about to go into my phone call and a staff member pulls me aside and she says, hey, your phone call logs have been looking really negative, so I need you to sound happier because it's just it's not looking good for your progress. And me, not being brainwashed yet, I'm like, you can't tell me what to say to my mom and dad. So I go into my phone call and I'd say, mom, dad, they're not treating us like real people here. The next day, I'm pulled aside by the director and she says, you're not getting your phone call next week because you lied on this week's phone call. And I was like, what did I lie about? And she was like, you told your parents that we're not treating you like real people. And I was like, you're not. And she was like, nope, you're lying, so we're taking your next phone call.

And that's where the brainwashing starts because they're testing you. They're seeing how much punishment can you handle before you're going to break and you're going to listen. So yeah, I honestly, like, I don't remember what my like breaking point was, but eventually I like, I just totally broke down. I think it's just the point when you realize that you're not going to get out of there. You're going to stay the full 15 months. But the fear-mongering was intense and resulted in some pretty insane journal entries. This is from May 31st, it says,

Today Jet yelled some more. I felt upset but I didn't cry. Then I was taking the trash out and the trash bag broke and the alfredo saw spilled all over me and the ground outside. So that was the straw that broke my back. I the Alfredo saw spilled all over me and the ground outside. So that was the straw that broke my back. I collapsed on the pavement and I wept. Some of my friends hosed me off and helped me clean. God is reminding me it is okay for me to be weak, so he can be strong in me. His power is perfected in weakness. I'm holding on to that truth.

And then I've drawn a picture of me laying on the pavement with the busted trash bag of Alfredo. I've drawn my pool of tears next to me. And then, um, underneath I've drawn a picture and it says, at the top, there is a sun, and it says, the sun trying to scorch me in parentheses, trials, so everything bad happening. Then I have drawn on the left side of the paper a worm frantically squirming and it says me as a worm and at the end of the worm is like a burnt part and it says me rapidly burning to a shrivel and then far across on the other side of the paper there's some abstract water and it says puddle of water quote parent weekend so that was when I would get to see my parents next which really this picture paints

beautifully how I felt all the time it's just this rapid scorching and constantly trying to just get to the next little bit of water to revive myself but yeah I drew a lot of pictures that are really cryptic and telling all that drawing helped me get through a really hard time. And Alia has generously shared with us the visual element of this particular diary entry, so we will be posting that on our socials so you can see it too. So we're given this book called Character Qualities. I believe I have the book here.

Let me see. It has 46, 49 character qualities in it. And each character quality comes with a Bible verse. And then each one has all these questions underneath. So just some crazy ones, one of the questions beneath it says, does your family see you making sacrifices to obey God? Do you quickly obey the prompting of the Holy Spirit? Are you violating traffic laws? Are you following God? And then it asked questions like, have you ever tried to be a Christian before? What things went wrong in your life when you stopped following Christ. And then we have Chapter 3, the big choice, so you have to circle an option.

Yes, I want to become a Christian, or no I'm not ready, or I'm not sure if I'm a Christian. How about D? None of the above. But like every cult, eventually the indoctrination starts to work? There was one day when I felt like I really got it. I felt like I had heard from God and I was really starting to change. I feel like I finally believe in Jesus and like good things are coming for me. I mean I got really into my Bible and found things that I related to and that gave me hope in that program. in June. We had a parent weekend, 2021 and I spotted my parents and that gave me hope in that program in June. We had a parent weekend 2021 and I spotted my parents and I got super excited. I was like oh my

god my parents are here and then later I'm pulled into a room with them and Heather is sitting there and a social worker and a contract worker is sitting there and I'm like really nervous and they're like we feel like your progress is going really good. We have been thinking about letting you graduate in August instead of October. And I, oh, I broke down, like overjoyed. I was like, I'm leaving, like, and I was just so happy. I mean, my parents were thanking God, and I was extremely brainwashed. I was thankful for the program at this point in time. I thi th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi. I th. I thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi and I th and I th and I thi and I thi and I'm th and I'm th and I'm th and I'm th and I'm th and I'm th and I'm th and I'm thing and I'm thing and I'm thi, and I'm thi, and I thi, and I thi and I thi and I thi and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I that parents were thanking God and I was extremely brainwashed.

I was thankful for the program at this point in time. I thought they had saved me. My family came down for my graduation. They did a small worship session and they gave me my certificate and then they were like, and you can go. And then we started our drive home. I finally was allowed to listen to my music.. to, to, to to to th. th. th. to th. th. th. I th th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thoomoomoom. I was thus thused thused thused thused thused thuu. I th th th th th th th th th th th th. I th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the to the an to to the an toe an thean. I was thean. I was thanan. I was thanananananananneeanneeanneeannea then we started our drive home. I finally was allowed to listen to my music. So I asked my mom to put on Sagured by Frank Ocean in the car.

The mickins on your surface. Your speckled face. And I bawled my eyes out. I had forgotten how good music was. That song like hits different. Yeah, it's a total bop. I was so happy. I was so joyful. And that joy of getting out of the program and that freedom kind of

kind of masks any bad feelings that I had about it still left. When I got home, it took me a long time to start to snap out of it. You know, coming home is actually just the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thit, thit, thit, thit, th hits, th hits, th is th, th, th is th, th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi, thook me a long time to start to snap out of it. You know, coming home is actually just the start of it because coming home is almost harder than being there. I was closer to ending my life after program than I ever was before. I got home and we weren't allowed to toucest to tou-sse e'-a-touch for 444 days. I'd to the toe. to't allowed to toucest each other there. So I had gone without physical touch for 444 days. I jumped when my mom touched me or tried to hold my hand because I wasn't used to it.

They made up a rule halfway through when I was there, and they said, you guys are not allowed to say the words, I loved. So I went 444 days without being told that I was loved by a person. I had really intense culture shock. Hearing people cuss was like ear rape to me. Seeing people in their clothes was odd to me. I constantly asked my mom to go to the bathroom, and she would say, you don't need to ask me to go to the bathroom, and I would say, I'm so sorry.

You know, I constantly apologized for everything I did because that's what I was used to, because everything was my fault. One of the biggest feelings when I got out was just that I had been robbed. I had been robbed of a normal childhood. I eventually was able to convince my parents to let me go back to my public school. I wanted to be a normal girl with a normal life and going back to school was hard. A lot of people told me that they thought I was dead or pregnant. They didn't know what happened to me. All my friends looked different. Everybody had boyfriends and girlfriends and everybody had gone through and they had no idea what I had

gone through. The first person that really helped me start to feel my anger again and stand up for myself was my friend Danny. I met her in school. She had the cutest freckles all over her face. And she always wanted to hear more about my experience. And she constantly told me, none of this is your fault. You didn't deserve any of this at all. She introduced me to her family and her parents were super kind to me.

They said, how could anybody do that to you? You know, they helped me not play the victim, but realize that I was a victim. Around Christmas time is when I started to break out of my program brain. I was sitting in my living room and my whole family was there, my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister, and I started crying and stuff just started coming out. I was like, this and this, and they would take our blankets and our pillows, and we didn't have enough food, and they were making fun our blankets and our pillows and we didn't have enough food and they were making fun of me and yelling at me and I just kept going and going and one of my siblings stopped

and they were like, Alia, that's child abuse. And then I just started crying more and then my whole family was crying and that was just kind of the start of everything coming out. Eventually, my mom started to see that I wasn't doing well, so she got me a therapist. I was explaining to her how trapped I felt when I was there because I couldn't talk to the outside world. And I had all this pent-up emotion that I didn't know where it was coming from, and she just looked at me and she almost laughed, and she was like, that sounds like a colt. And then I did some research and it all just kind of like clicked together and I was like,

huh, yeah, I wasn't a cult. I was. I never thought at the ripe age of 19 almost 20, that would be something that I had gone through. And my therapist after a few sessions told me that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that that that that that that that that I that I that I that I that I that I that I didn't that I didn't that I didn't that I didn't that I didn't that I didn't that I didn't that I didn't that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that that that that that that therapist, after a few sessions, told me that she wanted me to take a test. I answered all the questions, honestly, and I didn't really understand what it was for. And she looked at my paper, my results, and she told me that that was an official PTSD, and that I had scored a 70 and the average score for an army veteran is 30 to 40 and I didn't really understand it. I was like I can't have that I'm 18. It took a long time for me and my parents' relationship to

get better because for a while there was just a lot of anger. I was angry at them for sending me there and I was angry at them for sending me there and I was angry at them for not understanding and admitting what I had been through. They were angry with me for not understanding their side of things. Eventually I got to a point where I realized that if I wanted people to change I also needed to, I really was and have been able to put myself in my parents' shoes. First of all, the advertising to parents is extremely messed up. Their website does not entail what the program is made of at all.

And then they are also sent this document before you get into program. And it's called the Emotions Overview. And it outlines every quote stage that their kid will go through while in program. It says things like it is very normal for your kid to make up sob stories and big staff allegations but know that this is just them testing you to see if you're really going to keep them in the program. So they manipulate the parents before they even manipulate us so that when we tell them things are true they prepare the parents.. p. the parents. the parents. the parents. the parents. the parents. the parents. the parents. the parents. the parents. the parents. the parents. their the parents. the parents. their the parents their their their the parents their the parents their their their their their their. thi. their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. their, their, the. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. their, their, their, their, their, the parents before they even manipulate us, so that when we tell them things are true, they prepare the parents for it so that they will not listen.

Not only that, but like I said in the beginning, I always wondered, why did my parents not listen to my letters? Why did they not hear me crying through my letters? When I got home, and this wasn't until like six or seven months after I got back.... And, do you have the letters that I sent you? I just kind of want to go through some old memories. She handed me a stack of my letters and I start reading through the ones in the beginning and I look at the one that says, you know, they're feeding us expired food. And there's a sticky note from Heather on it and it says no expired food here. th-in, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and it, and it, and it, thi, thin, the thi, and it, thi, thi, tho, their their their their their their their their their their their their the, their th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, thean, thean, thean, to thean, to thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, my parents didn't listen to me. I can't imagine the pain that they felt when I got home and when I started talking about how horrible

things were, I can't imagine the guilt that comes with that. So my parents, which I am very thankful, I have a really loving family and we have a really good relationship now. They have done and are doing everything everything that I could ask of them to help repair what I lost. Even today, like my mom sent me a text this morning and she was like, happy podcast day. I'm super proud of you. And like, I just feel like I am the poster child for the fact that families can change and family dynamics can change. And also that healing takes a lot of th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th fact that like families can change and family dynamics can change and also that healing takes a lot of work and a lot of humility and it has to be from everybody's side. I still have nightmares almost every single

night about that place and it's always like me trying to talk to the outside world and I just can't. So the PTSD definitely still affects me. I've been doing a lot better. I have an amazing psychiatrist and the whole thing that I've gained from this program experience is that I never want to make anybody feel the way that they made me feel. And I want to live a life truly reflecting love and peace and acceptance. And that is what I will continue to work on, because to me, love is the only thing that matters. And even to people that hate me and that are rude to me, that is what I will choose to stand by. Being there and becoming a true

Christian by the book and by what they said following all of the rules, all of the doctrine, I was the perfect Christian, and I was so unhappy, and so broken, and now I feel at peace with my soul, and I am content with myself for the first time like ever. I still struggle a whole lot. But I can finally believe myself when I say that I'm a good person. And I don't need anybody else to tell me that because I feel it in my heart, you know. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow, Alia, you are such a wonderful soul. It was such a pleasure to talk with you.

Yeah, thank you for your candor, your vulnerability and your spirit. Now it's worth mentioning there are over 1,500 Teen Challenge facilities worldwide worldwide today and sadly Alia's tales of abuse and horror do not stand alone. So please use this as an opportunity to spread the word and help get these abusive cults posing as treatment facilities taken down. And today Alia is putting her art and doodling skills to something besides her journals. She's working in the tattoo industry. you all for your support. If you haven't given us an Apple podcast review yet and you like the show, please take a moment to rate and review.

Yeah, it's a simple two minutes out of your very long humdrum, mundane, boring, middle-class existence. Referencing myself when I say that. HASHTX Life. Put your phone down, or actually pick it back up to rate and review us. Let's all be Gen Zers for the moment. Get out our phones, aka our best friends. A simple two minutes out of your day, but it does make a big difference for us and allows us to keep making this show at the level we want and need to. And a special shout out today to two very special listeners. Rebecca. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to their their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. Or. Or. Or. Or. Or. Or their. Or. Or. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. to the. their. their their their their their their their their their their the level we want and need to. And a special shout-out today to two very special listeners Rebecca and Rick Messina. And to our newest Patreon members Jenna Griffith and Holly Frazier Hurley you can sign up for Patrion too. Join us next week for a great episode from a woman with a very cool

accent. It's a very cool, it's like a British Jamaican kind of thing. It's very, I like it a lot. I don't want to go into it because it's not. Now you just sound like, oh, I don't like Ringo. I interviewed Ringo this last week. Peace and love. We talked about Brussels. You did? I went out.

I was like, hey, we were chatting.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. to. th. to. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to. I, to. I, to. I, to. I, to. I, to. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th................................................................................................................................ hey, we were chatting and I said, you look great. Ringo, and he goes, oh, I've been eating lots of vegetables. My mom told me to eat vegetables when I was young and I didn't. But now I love them. My son loves them as well. That was my meaningful conversation with a beetle. Thank you everyone. We love you all and stay slaying. Yeah, bless up and stay litty. By the way, Tyler had no idea what any of the Gen Z words were any red. We'll have to come and look these up. Wazanakult is written, produced and hosted by me, the skinny, geneed, millennial Lizzie. And me, the boat shoe wearing Gen X, or, or... Tyler Mesa, the thiii and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thine, thine, thine, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the thi, the the the thi, the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, ti, ty.e, ty-li. ty-li. ty-li. ty-li. ty-a. tie-a, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, the boat shoe wearing Gen X, or Tyler Miesom. Sound editing and designed by Little Drummer Boy, Rob Parra.

Studio engineer by the Gen X Rated. Ho! Stacey Parra. And our generation hopping, executive producer, Stephen Labram. Our social media maven is Shannon Payton. Don't put a generation label on her. And our video engineer is the not so elder millennial, Gabby Rap. Which means you say, Wrap it up.

Hold, oh, that's enough. Bitches. life purify me don't spare my life crucify